1
00:00:14,001 --> 00:00:16,001
[mellow acoustic music playing]
2
00:00:21,668 --> 00:00:23,543
Okay, it's bottom-line time.
3
00:00:23,543 --> 00:00:26,001
Who are you people, and what is all this?
4
00:00:26,001 --> 00:00:28,418
[The Commander] You've got questions.
That's understandable.
5
00:00:28,418 --> 00:00:31,501
Yeah, starting with,
"What the hell's TCB?"
6
00:00:31,501 --> 00:00:32,793
All in good time.
7
00:00:33,376 --> 00:00:35,459
Which happens to be right now. [chuckles]
8
00:00:36,959 --> 00:00:38,376
- Have a seat, sir.
- Who's this?
9
00:00:38,376 --> 00:00:41,626
Oh, you're not the only connoisseur
of exotic pets.
10
00:00:41,626 --> 00:00:43,959
This is mine. His name's Doyle.
11
00:00:43,959 --> 00:00:47,709
- I actually went to Columbia Law School.
- And now he picks up my dry cleaning.
12
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So, yeah, joke's on me.
13
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[The Commander] Yes, it is.
14
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Shall we?
15
00:00:51,793 --> 00:00:55,293
Did somebody order a total mindfuck?
16
00:00:55,293 --> 00:00:58,334
- I thought we told you no more robes.
- Yeah, but come on!
17
00:00:58,334 --> 00:01:02,959
How many times does a neighbor die
who wears the exact same size as me?
18
00:01:02,959 --> 00:01:05,793
Whoa, now, hang on.
What the hell is that thing?
19
00:01:05,793 --> 00:01:09,709
A little something I call
"enhanced being-there-ness."
20
00:01:09,709 --> 00:01:12,334
I thought we were calling it
"virtual reality."
21
00:01:12,834 --> 00:01:16,459
"Virtual reality"?
That's literally an oxymoron.
22
00:01:16,459 --> 00:01:19,043
Maybe try not being that stupid?
23
00:01:19,043 --> 00:01:20,626
[laughs]
24
00:01:20,626 --> 00:01:22,834
Now, just relax.
25
00:01:23,459 --> 00:01:25,959
[ominous music playing]
26
00:01:29,418 --> 00:01:31,376
{\an8}[feedback squeals]
27
00:01:31,376 --> 00:01:33,459
[film projector whirring]
28
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{\an8}[gentle angelic music playing]
29
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[Elvis] What the hell?
30
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Hi there. Welcome to TCB.
31
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What's TCB?
32
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Well, it stands for "The Central Bureau,"
33
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and it's been keeping America safe
since long before you kids were even born.
34
00:01:53,584 --> 00:01:55,418
Huh? How so?
35
00:01:55,418 --> 00:01:56,834
Put it this way.
36
00:01:56,834 --> 00:01:58,793
If it wasn't for TCB,
37
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half of you'd be toiling
in a Japanese salt mine right now,
38
00:02:01,793 --> 00:02:04,584
and the other half
would be selling fetish sex for food
39
00:02:04,584 --> 00:02:06,626
in a Soviet worker's paradise.
40
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,959
What's fetish sex?
41
00:02:08,959 --> 00:02:10,168
[laughs]
42
00:02:10,168 --> 00:02:11,543
Kids are so stupid.
43
00:02:12,293 --> 00:02:13,876
Allow me to introduce myself.
44
00:02:14,376 --> 00:02:18,834
I am the Commander, the latest in a long,
illustrious line of TCB commanders
45
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:22,751
who have quietly shaped history
into the very world you live in today.
46
00:02:23,251 --> 00:02:25,834
All through the secret power of TCB.
47
00:02:27,293 --> 00:02:31,043
1952. World's first hydrogen bomb.
48
00:02:31,043 --> 00:02:33,084
We checked a big box with that one.
49
00:02:33,084 --> 00:02:35,084
At the time, many asked, "Why?"
50
00:02:35,084 --> 00:02:37,168
But at TCB, we ask,
51
00:02:37,834 --> 00:02:39,209
"Why the hell not?"
52
00:02:39,209 --> 00:02:40,293
[chuckles]
53
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:43,751
But our technology is nothing
without the secret agents to use it.
54
00:02:43,751 --> 00:02:46,043
And that's where you come in.
55
00:02:47,543 --> 00:02:50,793
Now, if you're watching this,
that means you're probably pretty famous.
56
00:02:50,793 --> 00:02:52,418
Congrats on that, by the way.
57
00:02:52,418 --> 00:02:54,001
And not just for the fame,
58
00:02:54,001 --> 00:02:57,334
but more importantly,
for the will to succeed.
59
00:02:57,918 --> 00:03:00,168
The kind of iron will that says
60
00:03:00,168 --> 00:03:04,751
you'll kill what you love and eat it
in a snow cave just to stay alive.
61
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:09,043
Because that's what it takes
to be a celebrity in America.
62
00:03:10,376 --> 00:03:12,959
Oh, doors opened wide
for people like Marilyn,
63
00:03:12,959 --> 00:03:14,918
just like they do for you.
64
00:03:14,918 --> 00:03:19,251
And that's why for over 100 years,
TCB has utilized celebrities
65
00:03:19,251 --> 00:03:24,626
to infiltrate, instigate, appropriate,
and if this thing in Prague works out,
66
00:03:24,626 --> 00:03:26,834
fumigate to keep America safe.
67
00:03:32,126 --> 00:03:33,043
Ben Franklin?
68
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- [electricity crackles]
- [screams]
69
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That guy was fucking dark.
70
00:03:37,209 --> 00:03:40,293
And like him, as a celebrity,
you're an influencer.
71
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What you think matters to the world,
72
00:03:42,543 --> 00:03:44,709
which is just one of the many ways
73
00:03:44,709 --> 00:03:48,418
TCB has quietly shaped the world
into what it is today.
74
00:03:48,418 --> 00:03:49,876
You're welcome.
75
00:03:49,876 --> 00:03:54,959
But remember, at TCB, we don't
just bend civilization to our will,
76
00:03:55,459 --> 00:03:56,709
we also like to have fun!
77
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We even have an annual company retreat.
78
00:04:00,126 --> 00:04:01,584
But not at the beach anymore.
79
00:04:01,584 --> 00:04:05,751
The last time we tried that, it turned
into what you know as the Bay of Pigs.
80
00:04:05,751 --> 00:04:08,001
- [gunfire]
- So, lesson learned.
81
00:04:08,001 --> 00:04:09,668
So, welcome to the team.
82
00:04:09,668 --> 00:04:12,834
And remember,
you're not just a celebrity anymore.
83
00:04:12,834 --> 00:04:16,209
You're a gladiator for American greatness.
84
00:04:17,251 --> 00:04:18,459
[laughs]
85
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Dear God, their abs are like
a basket of snakes.
86
00:04:22,501 --> 00:04:23,834
[heroic music playing]
87
00:04:23,834 --> 00:04:26,168
And, what, you expect me
to believe all that?
88
00:04:26,751 --> 00:04:29,251
I think you and I both know
you already do.
89
00:04:29,751 --> 00:04:31,126
So, what do you think?
90
00:04:32,918 --> 00:04:33,959
Kick-ass spy gadgets?
91
00:04:33,959 --> 00:04:35,251
Kind of the whole point.
92
00:04:35,251 --> 00:04:36,626
Saving America?
93
00:04:36,626 --> 00:04:38,001
Practically every day.
94
00:04:38,001 --> 00:04:39,084
Insanely dangerous?
95
00:04:39,084 --> 00:04:43,501
I can almost guarantee
a very abrupt, violent death.
96
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:47,376
Your training starts soon. Be ready.
97
00:04:48,251 --> 00:04:50,918
Guess I'll be seeing you around,
CeCe with an "E."
98
00:04:50,918 --> 00:04:52,876
Uh, hang on.
You can't leave with that suit.
99
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:53,918
Need that back.
100
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:56,501
I've been to the moon and back
in this thing.
101
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Pretty sure I earned it.
102
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♪ This was gonna be the night tonight ♪
103
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♪ I was gonna get to hold you tight ♪
104
00:05:07,209 --> 00:05:09,918
♪ But I guess we didn't plan it right-- ♪
105
00:05:10,918 --> 00:05:14,126
[man]
Oh! Sorry, Miss Nesbit. You are out.
106
00:05:14,126 --> 00:05:15,918
- [man chuckles]
- Motherfucker.
107
00:05:16,709 --> 00:05:19,918
♪ ...to rhumba in a sports car... ♪
108
00:05:19,918 --> 00:05:21,501
Oh come on.
109
00:05:21,501 --> 00:05:23,418
Who doesn't love Elvis?
110
00:05:23,418 --> 00:05:25,251
That man's a menace.
111
00:05:25,251 --> 00:05:28,043
He looks like
a male prostitute hairdresser.
112
00:05:28,043 --> 00:05:29,293
[ chuckles]
113
00:05:29,293 --> 00:05:31,043
But not too hard to look at.
114
00:05:32,876 --> 00:05:35,918
♪ When a little kiss I want to steal ♪
115
00:05:36,584 --> 00:05:38,293
♪ I hit my head
Against the steering wheel... ♪
116
00:05:38,293 --> 00:05:41,001
Ooh, and don't even
get me started on his butt.
117
00:05:41,001 --> 00:05:43,626
That man's got an ass
like a mountain lion.
118
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[high-pitched squeal]
119
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[screams]
120
00:05:48,001 --> 00:05:49,584
[shrieks]
121
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[roars]
122
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[screaming]
123
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,709
♪ You can't move forward or back ♪
124
00:05:56,709 --> 00:05:59,209
It's working even better
than we anticipated.
125
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[screaming]
126
00:06:00,543 --> 00:06:01,793
[man, on phone] Response rate?
127
00:06:01,793 --> 00:06:03,209
Over 50%.
128
00:06:03,793 --> 00:06:05,376
Hold on a second.
129
00:06:06,001 --> 00:06:07,168
[howling]
130
00:06:10,709 --> 00:06:12,501
[Captain Kirk] Ensign. Are you okay?
131
00:06:13,251 --> 00:06:15,459
[Bertie] That woman looks ridiculous.
132
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:19,001
Who even dresses like that
flying around the galaxy?
133
00:06:19,584 --> 00:06:24,376
{\an8}Ooh, looks like jealousy wears
a jungle cat-themed pantsuit in... Ow!
134
00:06:24,376 --> 00:06:25,459
{\an8}I don't do jealous.
135
00:06:25,459 --> 00:06:28,209
{\an8}I still can't believe
you and Captain Kirk are a thing.
136
00:06:28,209 --> 00:06:29,876
{\an8}Well...
137
00:06:29,876 --> 00:06:33,126
{\an8}Okay, we're not really dating.
138
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:36,043
{\an8}Although the other night, I did let him--
139
00:06:36,043 --> 00:06:38,418
{\an8}- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- No, thank you.
140
00:06:38,418 --> 00:06:40,584
{\an8}No, thanks. [laughs] I'm good.
141
00:06:40,584 --> 00:06:42,876
{\an8}What is wrong with you? Grow up.
142
00:06:42,876 --> 00:06:47,043
{\an8}Which I'd like to continue to do
without images like that in my head.
143
00:06:47,043 --> 00:06:50,043
{\an8}Yeah, that's like
walking in on your parents butt-naked,
144
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:52,668
{\an8}but they're both
getting boned by Captain Kirk.
145
00:06:52,668 --> 00:06:55,001
{\an8}- And nobody needs that.
- [chuckles]
146
00:06:55,001 --> 00:06:56,251
{\an8}[Bertie] Speak for yourself.
147
00:06:56,793 --> 00:06:57,751
{\an8}Sorry to interrupt.
148
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,959
{\an8}What? What in the hell is this?
149
00:06:59,959 --> 00:07:01,959
{\an8}Ah, Miss Bertie, I presume.
150
00:07:01,959 --> 00:07:03,543
{\an8}Let me guess.
151
00:07:03,543 --> 00:07:06,834
{\an8}You're the jackass
who runs the stupid little secret club
152
00:07:06,834 --> 00:07:10,626
{\an8}that almost got my precious Elvis
killed in a nuclear fireball.
153
00:07:10,626 --> 00:07:12,209
{\an8}God, I love your strength.
154
00:07:12,209 --> 00:07:15,293
{\an8}And he wasn't almost killed.
155
00:07:15,293 --> 00:07:18,001
{\an8}[laughs]
Technically, he was slightly killed.
156
00:07:18,001 --> 00:07:19,793
{\an8}- Based on radiation--
- Howard!
157
00:07:20,584 --> 00:07:23,543
{\an8}Are you ready?
Because your training starts now.
158
00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,334
{\an8}Training? What are you talking about?
159
00:07:25,334 --> 00:07:27,084
{\an8}We're sending you on your first mission.
160
00:07:27,084 --> 00:07:29,251
{\an8}What? Hold the phone, jackass.
161
00:07:29,251 --> 00:07:34,043
{\an8}Sending him on his first mission is,
by definition, not training.
162
00:07:34,043 --> 00:07:37,168
Well, at TCB, we train by not training.
163
00:07:37,168 --> 00:07:40,043
You actually think those words make sense?
164
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:44,001
We train by doing.
By throwing you in the deep end.
165
00:07:44,001 --> 00:07:46,501
Same way Vikings
taught their babies how to swim.
166
00:07:46,501 --> 00:07:48,209
And most of them probably did fine.
167
00:07:48,209 --> 00:07:51,751
Oh, so you think
you can just waltz right into my TV,
168
00:07:51,751 --> 00:07:55,751
interrupting Bertie's Star Trek,
and send me out on some mission?
169
00:07:55,751 --> 00:07:58,168
Did I mention a jetpack may be involved?
170
00:07:58,168 --> 00:08:00,043
- Where are we headed?
- Familiar with Altamont?
171
00:08:00,043 --> 00:08:02,543
- What's that? Some kind of Buick?
- No, man.
172
00:08:02,543 --> 00:08:05,418
It's like the Woodstock of the West,
up in San Fran.
173
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:08,418
They're calling it
the Summer of Love all over again.
174
00:08:08,418 --> 00:08:10,168
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it.
175
00:08:10,168 --> 00:08:13,334
Hippie orgy concert kind of shindig.
Got it.
176
00:08:13,334 --> 00:08:16,001
Indeed. And you'll get briefed
when you get to it.
177
00:08:16,001 --> 00:08:18,918
Oh, and maybe wear something
a little less... you.
178
00:08:18,918 --> 00:08:20,334
Watch your speed.
179
00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:21,918
They're filming a documentary up there.
180
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:25,168
Gonna be cameras around,
so just make sure you blend.
181
00:08:26,168 --> 00:08:28,168
[bluesy rock music playing]
182
00:08:30,834 --> 00:08:31,918
You know what?
183
00:08:31,918 --> 00:08:34,584
I actually make this look not ridiculous.
184
00:08:34,584 --> 00:08:36,501
Yep, and not for nothing.
185
00:08:36,501 --> 00:08:37,876
Pete Fonda's still calling,
186
00:08:37,876 --> 00:08:39,959
asking when he's getting
these motorcycles back.
187
00:08:39,959 --> 00:08:40,959
What'd you tell him?
188
00:08:40,959 --> 00:08:42,459
"What motorcycles?"
189
00:08:42,459 --> 00:08:43,418
Good man.
190
00:08:43,418 --> 00:08:45,584
[laughs]
191
00:08:45,584 --> 00:08:47,709
Whoa. Hang on, E.
192
00:08:47,709 --> 00:08:52,001
I thought this was gonna be, you know,
just you and me cruising up the coast.
193
00:08:52,001 --> 00:08:54,668
Kind of a guy's trip, as in not the...
194
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:55,751
[growling]
195
00:08:55,751 --> 00:08:59,126
...chimp who just threatened to kill me
in three different fucking ways.
196
00:08:59,126 --> 00:09:00,209
[gibbers]
197
00:09:00,209 --> 00:09:02,501
Yeah, well, right back at you,
you furry little fuck!
198
00:09:07,126 --> 00:09:07,959
Me again.
199
00:09:07,959 --> 00:09:09,418
Oh dear Lord.
200
00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:10,834
I'd like to circle back real quick
201
00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:14,084
on something from earlier
vis-à-vis you calling me a jackass,
202
00:09:14,084 --> 00:09:16,793
and maybe walk you through
why that doesn't happen.
203
00:09:16,793 --> 00:09:19,543
Oh, I would, sweetie, but I can't
204
00:09:19,543 --> 00:09:21,168
because I don't want to.
205
00:09:23,001 --> 00:09:26,168
That probably was not
the wisest course of action.
206
00:09:26,168 --> 00:09:29,709
Spock, can I borrow your ears
for Halloween?
207
00:09:29,709 --> 00:09:32,626
This year I wanna go
as an asshole in the peanut gallery.
208
00:09:33,959 --> 00:09:35,959
[rock music]
209
00:09:40,959 --> 00:09:42,584
- Oh!
- [cackles]
210
00:09:55,959 --> 00:09:59,293
[Elvis] And to think this all started
with a kid named yours truly
211
00:09:59,293 --> 00:10:02,084
buying a seven-dollar guitar
at Tupelo Hardware.
212
00:10:02,084 --> 00:10:05,043
Good God. Guess we can go ahead
and check the healthy self-image box.
213
00:10:05,043 --> 00:10:08,168
Oh good. It's, uh... you.
214
00:10:08,168 --> 00:10:09,334
Fun outfit.
215
00:10:09,334 --> 00:10:11,168
I'm trying to blend.
216
00:10:14,834 --> 00:10:16,501
So, you're gonna tell me why I'm here?
217
00:10:16,501 --> 00:10:17,709
[CeCe inhales]
218
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:21,709
'Cause this is starting
to feel like a waste of my time.
219
00:10:23,126 --> 00:10:26,459
And like every conversation
I've ever had with Willie Nelson.
220
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,043
By the way, is he dead?
221
00:10:29,584 --> 00:10:30,793
[groans]
222
00:10:31,918 --> 00:10:33,376
- Nope.
- Okay, here's the deal.
223
00:10:33,376 --> 00:10:35,834
Some unknown bad guys
stole some TCB technology
224
00:10:35,834 --> 00:10:38,751
and may have turned it
into a sort of sonic weapon.
225
00:10:38,751 --> 00:10:41,459
The Commander thinks it might be here.
Could be dangerous.
226
00:10:41,459 --> 00:10:44,043
- Dangerous how?
- I don't know. That's all we got so far.
227
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,293
That's pretty damn vague.
228
00:10:45,876 --> 00:10:47,126
Which is half the fun!
229
00:10:47,126 --> 00:10:49,168
That and the monkey
who keeps giving me pot.
230
00:10:49,168 --> 00:10:51,834
- Keep your eyes out for anything weird.
- And the jetpack?
231
00:10:51,834 --> 00:10:53,626
[laughs]
232
00:10:53,626 --> 00:10:55,168
I so knew you'd fall for that.
233
00:10:55,168 --> 00:10:56,501
Uh, yeah, there's no jetpack,
234
00:10:56,501 --> 00:10:59,001
but you do get one of these,
to stay in touch.
235
00:10:59,584 --> 00:11:01,126
Well, enjoy the show,
236
00:11:01,126 --> 00:11:05,334
which I couldn't help but notice
you were not invited to play, by the way.
237
00:11:05,334 --> 00:11:06,334
You can go now.
238
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,793
The fucking diaper? Seriously?
239
00:11:11,751 --> 00:11:14,084
Not gonna wipe it off? Not even a little?
240
00:11:14,876 --> 00:11:16,793
[band playing "White Rabbit"]
241
00:11:19,293 --> 00:11:22,584
♪ One pill makes you larger ♪
242
00:11:22,584 --> 00:11:27,001
♪ And one pill makes you small ♪
243
00:11:27,001 --> 00:11:31,626
♪ And the ones that mother gives you ♪
244
00:11:31,626 --> 00:11:34,376
♪ Don't do anything at all ♪
245
00:11:34,376 --> 00:11:37,168
Yeah, no way this ends badly.
246
00:11:37,168 --> 00:11:38,376
♪ Go ask Alice ♪
247
00:11:39,876 --> 00:11:42,793
♪ When she's ten feet tall... ♪
248
00:11:42,793 --> 00:11:44,626
[gibbers]
249
00:11:45,293 --> 00:11:49,001
[sighs] Like a kid in the world's
most fucked-up candy store.
250
00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:53,001
Can you at least pretend to know
what "pacing yourself" means?
251
00:11:53,001 --> 00:11:55,793
I'm afraid not.
The transporter's inoperative,
252
00:11:56,293 --> 00:11:58,626
thanks to this drunk Scottish bastard.
253
00:11:58,626 --> 00:12:00,168
I think we got off on the wrong foot.
254
00:12:00,168 --> 00:12:02,668
Keep interrupting my damn stories!
255
00:12:02,668 --> 00:12:04,751
Man, all you got are wrong feet.
256
00:12:04,751 --> 00:12:06,876
How about this? Let me buy you a drink.
257
00:12:06,876 --> 00:12:09,209
Oh, I get it.
258
00:12:09,209 --> 00:12:10,418
- What?
- Ha!
259
00:12:10,418 --> 00:12:12,709
- You're one of those.
- Excuse me?
260
00:12:12,709 --> 00:12:16,209
A powerful man like you,
used to getting what you want.
261
00:12:16,876 --> 00:12:20,251
So you're secretly drawn
to women who crap all over you.
262
00:12:20,251 --> 00:12:21,501
I'm really not.
263
00:12:21,501 --> 00:12:22,584
Good for you, then.
264
00:12:23,251 --> 00:12:25,876
Now get your oddly-shaped head off my TV.
265
00:12:25,876 --> 00:12:26,834
[inhales sharply]
266
00:12:26,834 --> 00:12:28,126
That was hot.
267
00:12:28,126 --> 00:12:29,043
[laughs]
268
00:12:29,043 --> 00:12:30,334
Turns out I am.
269
00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:32,126
Come on. How about dinner?
270
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:34,834
Drink, gas station popcorn. Something.
271
00:12:36,626 --> 00:12:39,001
It's about more
than just sex and drugs, man.
272
00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:42,168
You know, this whole thing, man,
it's about being free, right?
273
00:12:42,168 --> 00:12:44,959
And I mean, like, with a capital "E."
274
00:12:44,959 --> 00:12:45,876
[phone rings]
275
00:12:45,876 --> 00:12:47,084
Hold that thought, Doug.
276
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:49,334
How's the blending going?
277
00:12:49,834 --> 00:12:52,001
[cackling] Yeah!
278
00:12:52,001 --> 00:12:53,626
- Best day ever--
- [beer bottle shatters]
279
00:12:53,626 --> 00:12:54,668
[retches]
280
00:12:55,543 --> 00:12:58,126
Yeah, my boy Doug says hi.
281
00:12:58,126 --> 00:12:59,084
Anything to report?
282
00:12:59,084 --> 00:13:02,126
[Elvis on phone] Yeah, what do you know
about the Hells Angels?
283
00:13:02,126 --> 00:13:05,459
I know I dated one when I was 19
because my mom's a dick.
284
00:13:05,459 --> 00:13:08,876
And the ones by the stage,
they're working security for free beer,
285
00:13:08,876 --> 00:13:11,668
sort of pro bono
but for raging alcoholics.
286
00:13:11,668 --> 00:13:14,626
- Not them. The fake ones.
- [CeCe] What?
287
00:13:14,626 --> 00:13:17,209
Those guys by the van
who are dressed like,
288
00:13:17,209 --> 00:13:20,001
but definitely are not, Hells Angels.
289
00:13:20,001 --> 00:13:22,043
- [CeCe] How do you know that?
- [Elvis] The jackets.
290
00:13:22,043 --> 00:13:24,459
They don't have chapter patches.
They're fake.
291
00:13:24,459 --> 00:13:25,543
[gasps]
292
00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:28,126
- Oh my God.
- [Elvis] Yeah.
293
00:13:28,126 --> 00:13:29,834
[CeCe] The Grateful Dead just got here.
294
00:13:29,834 --> 00:13:30,959
Back in a jiff.
295
00:13:31,751 --> 00:13:33,209
[Elvis] What the hell's a jiff?
296
00:13:33,209 --> 00:13:36,876
I don't know. How long it takes to meet/
maybe blow Jerry Garcia. You tell me.
297
00:13:36,876 --> 00:13:39,043
Seriously, I got plans.
298
00:13:39,043 --> 00:13:40,418
Are you calling me a liar?
299
00:13:40,418 --> 00:13:42,293
No, no. Of course not.
300
00:13:42,834 --> 00:13:44,876
Though I have machines
that can tell if you're lying.
301
00:13:44,876 --> 00:13:47,501
Even a machine that can tell
if you're thinking about lying
302
00:13:47,501 --> 00:13:49,959
but are afraid to
because it's so scary-looking.
303
00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:54,251
And one that lies to itself
about being a machine.
304
00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:57,084
- But it committed suicide.
- Howard!
305
00:13:57,084 --> 00:13:58,584
[suspenseful music playing]
306
00:14:00,043 --> 00:14:01,209
[grunts]
307
00:14:01,709 --> 00:14:03,209
Can't be back here, little lady.
308
00:14:03,209 --> 00:14:04,126
Says who?
309
00:14:04,126 --> 00:14:05,584
Me. [chuckles]
310
00:14:05,584 --> 00:14:06,543
Just now.
311
00:14:06,543 --> 00:14:08,751
Yeah, I didn't mean it literally, dumbass.
312
00:14:08,751 --> 00:14:11,543
It's a cliché.
You know, like, don't look now, but...
313
00:14:11,543 --> 00:14:12,668
[grunts]
314
00:14:13,918 --> 00:14:16,584
Whoa, whoa, hang on.
How'd you get past security?
315
00:14:16,584 --> 00:14:18,293
Uh, quickly. Where the hell's the band?
316
00:14:18,293 --> 00:14:20,584
- Not here yet.
- But I saw their helicopter land outside.
317
00:14:20,584 --> 00:14:23,793
Yeah, which they're currently
getting high inside of.
318
00:14:23,793 --> 00:14:25,084
- [men giggling]
- [CeCe sighs]
319
00:14:25,084 --> 00:14:27,043
[CeCe]
God, I should have been in a band.
320
00:14:28,876 --> 00:14:31,376
Sorry, pal. Off-limits back here.
321
00:14:31,376 --> 00:14:32,876
You want to try that again?
322
00:14:32,876 --> 00:14:34,334
Holy shit. Hey...
323
00:14:34,334 --> 00:14:37,543
Hey! Hey, you're Elvis Presley.
324
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:38,459
So they tell me.
325
00:14:39,626 --> 00:14:41,459
[Mick]
All right, lady, look, you need to leave.
326
00:14:41,459 --> 00:14:43,584
Relax. Jerry and I go way back.
327
00:14:43,584 --> 00:14:45,334
Assuming recurring sex dreams count.
328
00:14:45,334 --> 00:14:47,084
- What?
- Oh my God. It's so amazing.
329
00:14:47,084 --> 00:14:50,334
Middle of the night, he breaks into
my house, he's dressed as Santa Claus.
330
00:14:50,334 --> 00:14:53,001
And then he chokes me out in my shower,
but it's in a hot way.
331
00:14:53,001 --> 00:14:56,126
You know what? You're not his type, okay?
Come on, let's go.
332
00:14:56,126 --> 00:14:58,543
Oh, he's into dudes?
That's cool. I can work with that.
333
00:14:58,543 --> 00:15:01,168
Nope. Nope. Not gonna happen.
334
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:03,626
But if you're interested in sex
with any of the other bands,
335
00:15:03,626 --> 00:15:05,501
- you can take a number.
- Excuse me?
336
00:15:05,501 --> 00:15:07,709
I mean literally,
in the groupie trailer next door.
337
00:15:07,709 --> 00:15:10,626
[woman] The first page is a waiver.
Read it carefully.
338
00:15:10,626 --> 00:15:13,251
A "Cleveland Steamer"? Seriously?
339
00:15:13,251 --> 00:15:14,834
[laughs] Yeah.
340
00:15:14,834 --> 00:15:15,918
Not a fucking chance.
341
00:15:15,918 --> 00:15:18,001
[Mick] Sorry, lady. Rules are rules.
342
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:21,084
I am an independent,
empowered feminist woman,
343
00:15:21,084 --> 00:15:24,834
which means I have meaningless sex
in trailers on my own terms all the time.
344
00:15:24,834 --> 00:15:27,501
I'm not sure that's what "feminist" means.
345
00:15:28,876 --> 00:15:30,584
Hey. Hey, Elvis.
346
00:15:30,584 --> 00:15:34,001
Hey, do you know
what my favorite Elvis song is?
347
00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:35,501
What? You only have one?
348
00:15:35,501 --> 00:15:37,418
[guards cackle]
349
00:15:37,418 --> 00:15:38,459
[man 1] Do I only...
350
00:15:39,459 --> 00:15:41,376
- Buddy, you're beautiful.
- What the...
351
00:15:41,376 --> 00:15:43,376
[suspenseful music playing]
352
00:15:44,918 --> 00:15:46,043
[screams]
353
00:15:47,876 --> 00:15:51,376
[Robert Goulet] ♪ Goulet, Goulet ♪
354
00:15:51,376 --> 00:15:53,168
[screams]
355
00:15:53,168 --> 00:15:55,418
Scatter, 86 that bald prick!
356
00:15:55,418 --> 00:15:56,543
[both grunt]
357
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:01,751
[rock music playing]
358
00:16:04,043 --> 00:16:05,418
[feedback squeals]
359
00:16:06,168 --> 00:16:07,668
[all scream]
360
00:16:07,668 --> 00:16:08,959
[cheering]
361
00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:10,751
[feedback droning]
362
00:16:12,709 --> 00:16:13,584
[Scatter shrieks]
363
00:16:15,584 --> 00:16:16,668
[grunts]
364
00:16:21,418 --> 00:16:22,293
[growls]
365
00:16:22,293 --> 00:16:24,126
[all howling]
366
00:16:24,126 --> 00:16:25,334
[snarling]
367
00:16:25,334 --> 00:16:26,793
Still a big fan, I hope.
368
00:16:31,043 --> 00:16:33,126
Destroy that damn thing, Scatter!
369
00:16:35,876 --> 00:16:37,293
[grunts]
370
00:16:41,709 --> 00:16:42,668
[Scatter groans]
371
00:16:44,043 --> 00:16:45,834
- [indistinct radio chatter]
- Uh-huh.
372
00:16:45,834 --> 00:16:46,751
Okay.
373
00:16:46,751 --> 00:16:48,709
All right, the band's on their way.
You gotta go.
374
00:16:48,709 --> 00:16:50,959
- Way ahead of you, loser.
- Groupie trailer to the right.
375
00:16:50,959 --> 00:16:54,293
- Have a good time. Knock yourself out.
- I'd rather choke on a pile of dicks.
376
00:16:54,293 --> 00:16:56,834
{\an8}That's actually in the waiver, by the way.
377
00:16:58,001 --> 00:16:59,376
[man screams]
378
00:16:59,376 --> 00:17:01,209
- What...
- The hell?
379
00:17:01,209 --> 00:17:03,501
[moaning]
380
00:17:03,501 --> 00:17:04,709
[motorcycle engines revving]
381
00:17:06,584 --> 00:17:07,918
[tires squealing]
382
00:17:11,168 --> 00:17:13,418
That dude was harshing the vibe here, man.
383
00:17:13,418 --> 00:17:15,084
And that's not cool.
384
00:17:15,084 --> 00:17:17,543
You know, you and your buddies
may not have a fucking clue,
385
00:17:17,543 --> 00:17:20,376
or own pants, apparently,
but you're all right.
386
00:17:21,168 --> 00:17:22,376
[groans softly]
387
00:17:26,043 --> 00:17:28,251
Anyone ever tell you
you kind of look like Elvis...
388
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:32,876
[snarling]
389
00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:34,834
[woman screams]
390
00:17:39,543 --> 00:17:41,084
What do you think you're doing?
391
00:17:41,084 --> 00:17:43,209
Oh, we're making
a documentary about the show.
392
00:17:43,209 --> 00:17:45,626
No, idiot. I mean,
catching me on my bad side.
393
00:17:45,626 --> 00:17:47,834
[Scatter whimpering]
394
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:50,584
Whoa, someone looks like absolute shit.
395
00:17:50,584 --> 00:17:51,959
Where's the old man?
396
00:17:51,959 --> 00:17:53,501
[gunfire]
397
00:17:55,084 --> 00:17:56,709
- [woman shrieking]
- Huh.
398
00:18:00,293 --> 00:18:01,543
[rings]
399
00:18:03,126 --> 00:18:04,001
What are you doing?
400
00:18:04,001 --> 00:18:06,334
Talking on a phone
that smells like Scatter's junk
401
00:18:06,334 --> 00:18:08,126
and trying to do both our jobs.
402
00:18:08,126 --> 00:18:09,126
Now, you mind?
403
00:18:09,126 --> 00:18:10,793
- [dial tone buzzing]
- Shit.
404
00:18:10,793 --> 00:18:12,168
- Hey.
- [snoring]
405
00:18:12,168 --> 00:18:13,626
Hey, Bobby Ray. Wake up.
406
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:14,834
Wake up!
407
00:18:16,126 --> 00:18:18,043
Oh man, this is gonna be so cool.
408
00:18:19,834 --> 00:18:21,293
Ah! Ah!
409
00:18:21,293 --> 00:18:22,959
What the fuck? What the fuck?
410
00:18:22,959 --> 00:18:26,543
You want to tell me why there's a needle
the size of a fucking ninja sword
411
00:18:26,543 --> 00:18:27,751
sticking out of my head?
412
00:18:28,876 --> 00:18:29,959
Not really.
413
00:18:30,668 --> 00:18:31,876
You flown one of these before?
414
00:18:31,876 --> 00:18:35,334
No, but this thing's just
an upside-down riding lawn mower.
415
00:18:35,334 --> 00:18:36,293
I got this.
416
00:18:37,793 --> 00:18:39,043
[door slides closed]
417
00:18:40,168 --> 00:18:41,001
Who are you again?
418
00:18:41,001 --> 00:18:42,459
I'm George. George Lucas.
419
00:18:42,459 --> 00:18:44,543
Okay. What are you doing?
420
00:18:44,543 --> 00:18:48,209
It's gone full-on insane out there,
so I'm hiding out here.
421
00:18:48,209 --> 00:18:49,293
Uh-huh.
422
00:18:49,293 --> 00:18:53,668
Well, George, from a safety standpoint,
I'm not sure you improved your lot.
423
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,626
Yeah. Yeah. The lady may have a point.
424
00:19:01,001 --> 00:19:01,918
[tires screech]
425
00:19:12,668 --> 00:19:14,418
Time to mow the fucking lawn.
426
00:19:14,418 --> 00:19:15,334
Woo-hoo!
427
00:19:16,959 --> 00:19:18,959
Stay on target.
428
00:19:19,543 --> 00:19:21,043
- [blades slicing]
- [men screaming]
429
00:19:21,834 --> 00:19:22,793
[grunts]
430
00:19:27,709 --> 00:19:29,709
[car horns honking]
431
00:19:30,668 --> 00:19:32,584
[truck horn blares]
432
00:19:35,501 --> 00:19:36,626
- [gunshot]
- Ah!
433
00:19:36,626 --> 00:19:38,334
[Bobby Ray] Hey, E! Here you go!
434
00:19:45,209 --> 00:19:47,334
- [electricity crackles]
- [man screams]
435
00:19:50,501 --> 00:19:52,209
Huh. Look at that.
436
00:19:52,209 --> 00:19:54,251
Looks like some kind of laser sword.
437
00:19:54,251 --> 00:19:55,751
More like a lightsaber.
438
00:19:55,751 --> 00:19:57,376
Yeah, that works too.
439
00:19:57,376 --> 00:19:58,918
[car horn blares]
440
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:02,834
[sighs] Damn it.
441
00:20:03,501 --> 00:20:04,459
Here, hold this.
442
00:20:09,418 --> 00:20:10,959
[both scream]
443
00:20:12,751 --> 00:20:14,751
[yells]
444
00:20:20,584 --> 00:20:21,543
[panting]
445
00:20:21,543 --> 00:20:23,168
The missions always like this?
446
00:20:23,668 --> 00:20:24,709
Only the good ones.
447
00:20:25,251 --> 00:20:26,876
[The Commander, scoffing]
You know, well,
448
00:20:26,876 --> 00:20:29,043
hey, either way,
hope you have a good time tonight.
449
00:20:29,043 --> 00:20:30,626
Oh, I plan to.
450
00:20:30,626 --> 00:20:33,959
Okay, yeah. Well, but somehow
I doubt your dinner date will have
451
00:20:33,959 --> 00:20:37,459
the commanding and compelling
presence of, you know, yours truly.
452
00:20:37,459 --> 00:20:38,459
[doorbell rings]
453
00:20:38,459 --> 00:20:39,626
[chuckles] Wanna bet?
454
00:20:43,001 --> 00:20:44,918
Oh, you gotta be fucking kidding me.
455
00:20:44,918 --> 00:20:46,376
Captain Kirk? For real?
456
00:20:49,793 --> 00:20:51,376
[Scatter gibbering]
457
00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:53,043
[Captain Kirk]
Hey, Elvis. How you doing?
458
00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:54,043
Not now, Kirk.
459
00:20:54,918 --> 00:20:56,293
[phone line ringing]
460
00:20:56,293 --> 00:20:58,626
- [The Commander, on phone] What?
- Well, you're in a mood.
461
00:20:58,626 --> 00:21:00,543
- Fucking Kirk.
- What are you talking about?
462
00:21:00,543 --> 00:21:03,084
- How'd it go?
- Elvis tracked down that sonic weapon,
463
00:21:03,084 --> 00:21:05,584
which makes people go fucking insane,
by the way.
464
00:21:05,584 --> 00:21:06,834
Where's the device?
465
00:21:06,834 --> 00:21:08,543
- Bottom of the ocean.
- [sighs]
466
00:21:08,543 --> 00:21:11,334
Well, this day just keeps
turning to shit, doesn't it?
467
00:21:11,918 --> 00:21:13,501
Doyle! Come get a beating.
468
00:21:14,001 --> 00:21:15,126
[Doyle] My pleasure, sir.
469
00:21:16,251 --> 00:21:18,959
[upbeat rockabilly music playing]