1
00:00:21,668 --> 00:00:23,543
‪好了 该说要紧事了

2
00:00:23,543 --> 00:00:26,001
‪你们到底是谁?这是什么情况?

3
00:00:26,001 --> 00:00:28,418
‪你有很多疑问 这也在情理之中

4
00:00:28,418 --> 00:00:31,501
‪是的 第一个疑问是
‪“TCB”到底是什么?

5
00:00:31,501 --> 00:00:32,793
‪时机对后 你就会知道了

6
00:00:33,376 --> 00:00:35,459
‪好巧不巧 就是这一刻了

7
00:00:36,959 --> 00:00:38,376
‪-先生 请坐
‪-这是谁啊?

8
00:00:38,376 --> 00:00:41,626
‪把野生动物当宠物养的
‪你并不是第一人

9
00:00:41,626 --> 00:00:43,959
‪他就是我的宠物 他叫多尔

10
00:00:43,959 --> 00:00:47,709
‪-我其实是哥伦比亚法学院毕业生
‪-如今沦落到替我领取干洗好的衣物

11
00:00:47,709 --> 00:00:49,584
‪对啊 我活该受罪

12
00:00:49,584 --> 00:00:50,834
‪对 没错

13
00:00:50,834 --> 00:00:51,793
‪可以说了吗?

14
00:00:51,793 --> 00:00:55,293
‪有人要烧脑吗?

15
00:00:55,293 --> 00:00:58,334
‪-不是说好别穿浴袍了吗?
‪-我懂 你们就依了我吧

16
00:00:58,334 --> 00:01:02,959
‪我身边有多少人是因为
‪穿着跟我尺码相同的衣服而死去的?

17
00:01:02,959 --> 00:01:05,793
‪天啊 等等 这到底是什么玩意?

18
00:01:05,793 --> 00:01:09,709
‪我管这小玩意叫“身临其境技术”

19
00:01:09,709 --> 00:01:12,334
‪不是说好取名叫
‪“虚拟现实技术”了吗?

20
00:01:12,834 --> 00:01:16,459
‪“虚拟现实技术”?意思完全反了

21
00:01:16,459 --> 00:01:19,043
‪别耍白痴 好吗?

22
00:01:20,709 --> 00:01:22,834
‪好了 放松

23
00:01:23,459 --> 00:01:26,126
‪片名:特务猫王

24
00:01:38,543 --> 00:01:41,334
{\an8}‪(TCB 新晋特务前导片 1962年)

25
00:01:41,918 --> 00:01:42,834
‪搞什么鬼?

26
00:01:42,834 --> 00:01:45,043
‪你好 欢迎加入TCB

27
00:01:46,084 --> 00:01:46,959
‪什么是TCB?

28
00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:49,209
‪“TCB”就是指“中央局”

29
00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:53,584
‪早在你们这些小孩出生以前
‪TCB就扛起了保卫美国的重任

30
00:01:54,584 --> 00:01:55,418
‪怎么说呢?

31
00:01:55,418 --> 00:01:56,834
‪这么说吧

32
00:01:56,834 --> 00:01:58,793
‪要不是TCB的存在

33
00:01:58,793 --> 00:02:01,793
‪你们有一半的人
‪现在要么在日本的盐矿当奴隶

34
00:02:01,793 --> 00:02:04,584
‪要么为了填饱肚子
‪跑到苏联工人的红灯区

35
00:02:04,584 --> 00:02:06,626
‪满足后者的性癖

36
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:08,959
‪什么是性癖?

37
00:02:10,209 --> 00:02:11,543
‪小朋友都好蠢

38
00:02:12,293 --> 00:02:14,293
‪请容我自我介绍一下

39
00:02:14,293 --> 00:02:18,834
‪我就是TCB的指挥官
‪TCB指挥官一职历史悠长

40
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:23,168
‪我们负责暗中塑造历史
‪将世界打造成今天的形貌

41
00:02:23,168 --> 00:02:25,834
‪这一切都是通过
‪TCB这个神秘势力完成

42
00:02:27,293 --> 00:02:31,043
‪1952年 我们发明了氢弹

43
00:02:31,043 --> 00:02:33,084
‪立下了汗马功劳

44
00:02:33,084 --> 00:02:35,084
‪当时很多人问:“为什么?”

45
00:02:35,084 --> 00:02:37,668
‪但我们TCB的特务会反问

46
00:02:37,668 --> 00:02:39,209
‪“何乐不为?”

47
00:02:40,376 --> 00:02:43,751
‪但如果没有旗下特务加持
‪这些科技都不算什么

48
00:02:43,751 --> 00:02:46,043
‪于是就有了你

49
00:02:46,043 --> 00:02:47,459
‪(好莱坞)

50
00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:50,793
‪如果你正在看这部影片
‪说明你很可能是名人

51
00:02:50,793 --> 00:02:52,418
‪可喜可贺

52
00:02:52,418 --> 00:02:57,334
‪你们被选中不仅是因为名人的身份
‪也是因为你们有追求成功的意志力

53
00:02:57,918 --> 00:03:00,168
‪这种铁一般的意志力

54
00:03:00,168 --> 00:03:04,751
‪让你们不惜在受困雪山时杀害挚爱
‪吃他们的肉 只为了存活下来

55
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:09,043
‪因为只有这种态度才能在美国成名

56
00:03:10,376 --> 00:03:14,084
‪像梦露这种特务就无孔不入
‪你们这些名人也是

57
00:03:15,001 --> 00:03:19,251
‪因此过去百年以来 TCB一直选用名人

58
00:03:19,251 --> 00:03:22,376
‪去渗透组织、煽动事端和矫正史实

59
00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:24,626
‪如果在布拉格进行的实验成功

60
00:03:24,626 --> 00:03:26,834
‪我们为美国消灾除难

61
00:03:32,126 --> 00:03:33,043
‪本杰明·富兰克林?

62
00:03:34,876 --> 00:03:36,626
‪那个家伙可邪恶了

63
00:03:37,209 --> 00:03:40,293
‪就跟他一样 你们既是名人
‪也是有影响力的人

64
00:03:40,293 --> 00:03:42,543
‪这个世界重视你们的想法

65
00:03:42,543 --> 00:03:44,709
‪这也TCB暗地里塑造

66
00:03:44,709 --> 00:03:48,418
‪当今世界局势的手法之一

67
00:03:48,418 --> 00:03:49,876
‪不用感谢我们

68
00:03:49,876 --> 00:03:55,334
‪但请记住 依造TCB的议程
‪去改变人类文明不是我们唯一的宗旨

69
00:03:55,334 --> 00:03:56,959
‪我们也重视享乐

70
00:03:57,501 --> 00:03:59,584
‪我们公司每年都办公费旅游

71
00:04:00,126 --> 00:04:01,584
‪但现在已经不能在海滩办了

72
00:04:01,584 --> 00:04:05,751
‪上次我们在海滩办公费旅游
‪结果引发了猪湾事件

73
00:04:05,751 --> 00:04:08,001
‪我们从中吸取了教训

74
00:04:08,001 --> 00:04:09,668
‪欢迎加入这个团队

75
00:04:09,668 --> 00:04:12,834
‪记住 你再也不是个单纯的名人

76
00:04:12,834 --> 00:04:16,209
‪你是美国这个泱泱大国的勇士

77
00:04:18,501 --> 00:04:21,459
‪天啊 这腹肌也太紧致了

78
00:04:23,918 --> 00:04:26,209
‪你真以为我会相信这些鬼话吗?

79
00:04:26,751 --> 00:04:29,668
‪我相信我们都知道你已经买账了

80
00:04:29,668 --> 00:04:31,126
‪怎么样?

81
00:04:32,459 --> 00:04:33,959
‪能使用牛掰的间谍装备 是吗?

82
00:04:33,959 --> 00:04:35,251
‪这好像才是你的重点

83
00:04:35,251 --> 00:04:36,626
‪拯救美国 是吗?

84
00:04:36,626 --> 00:04:38,001
‪拯救美国是每日例行公事

85
00:04:38,001 --> 00:04:39,084
‪危险得要命 是吗?

86
00:04:39,084 --> 00:04:43,501
‪我保证很黄、很暴力

87
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:47,376
‪马上开始接受训练 准备好

88
00:04:48,251 --> 00:04:50,918
‪看来我们以后会经常见面了
‪茜茜 “茜草”的“茜”

89
00:04:50,918 --> 00:04:52,876
‪等一下 太空服留下来

90
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:53,918
‪请交出来

91
00:04:53,918 --> 00:04:56,501
‪我都穿着它往返月球和地球了

92
00:04:57,043 --> 00:04:58,501
‪我认为这是我应得的

93
00:04:58,501 --> 00:05:01,001
‪(太阳谷)

94
00:05:11,584 --> 00:05:14,626
‪对不起 内斯比特小姐 你出局了

95
00:05:14,626 --> 00:05:15,918
‪狗娘养的

96
00:05:20,001 --> 00:05:21,501
‪拉倒吧

97
00:05:21,501 --> 00:05:23,418
‪试问有谁不喜欢猫王呢?

98
00:05:23,418 --> 00:05:25,251
‪那个家伙不是好人

99
00:05:25,251 --> 00:05:28,043
‪看起来活像个卖肉的理发师

100
00:05:29,376 --> 00:05:31,043
‪好在他颜值高

101
00:05:39,043 --> 00:05:41,001
‪更不用提他那迷人的翘臀

102
00:05:41,001 --> 00:05:43,709
‪那个男人的臀部
‪就跟一头美洲狮一样猛

103
00:05:56,751 --> 00:05:59,209
‪成效比我们预计中还要理想

104
00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:01,626
‪有效率多高?

105
00:06:01,626 --> 00:06:03,209
‪超过50%

106
00:06:03,793 --> 00:06:05,376
‪稍等一下

107
00:06:10,709 --> 00:06:12,501
‪少尉 你没事吧?

108
00:06:13,251 --> 00:06:15,459
‪这个女人的造型也太夸张了吧

109
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:19,001
‪有人穿成那样在宇宙中穿梭来去吗?

110
00:06:20,209 --> 00:06:24,376
{\an8}‪原来嫉妒看起来
‪就像一个穿着豹纹连身裤的...

111
00:06:24,376 --> 00:06:25,459
{\an8}‪我从不嫉妒别人

112
00:06:25,459 --> 00:06:28,209
{\an8}‪我到现在还无法相信
‪你和柯克舰长好上了

113
00:06:28,209 --> 00:06:29,876
{\an8}‪这个嘛

114
00:06:29,876 --> 00:06:33,126
{\an8}‪其实我们并没有在交往

115
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:36,043
{\an8}‪只是那晚我让他给...

116
00:06:36,043 --> 00:06:38,418
{\an8}‪-够了!
‪-我不想听 谢了!

117
00:06:38,418 --> 00:06:40,584
{\an8}‪谢了 我不想听

118
00:06:40,584 --> 00:06:42,876
{\an8}‪你们怎么了?成熟点

119
00:06:42,876 --> 00:06:47,043
{\an8}‪我不介意成熟点
‪但我不希望脑海中浮现那个画面

120
00:06:47,043 --> 00:06:50,043
{\an8}‪可不是吗?
‪感觉就像撞见爸妈光着屁股

121
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:52,668
{\an8}‪只是他们俩正在跟柯克舰长啪啪

122
00:06:52,668 --> 00:06:54,334
{\an8}‪没人需要这种阴影

123
00:06:55,084 --> 00:06:56,251
{\an8}‪这只是你们片面之词

124
00:06:56,793 --> 00:06:57,751
{\an8}‪抱歉 打扰了

125
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,959
{\an8}‪什么?搞什么鬼?

126
00:06:59,959 --> 00:07:01,959
{\an8}‪你应该是贝蒂小姐吧?

127
00:07:01,959 --> 00:07:03,543
{\an8}‪让我猜猜看

128
00:07:03,543 --> 00:07:06,834
{\an8}‪你就是那个烂俗秘密组织的傻逼头目

129
00:07:06,834 --> 00:07:10,626
{\an8}‪差点让我的宝贝埃尔维斯
‪被核炸弹炸死了

130
00:07:10,626 --> 00:07:12,209
{\an8}‪天啊 我好喜欢你的气场

131
00:07:12,209 --> 00:07:15,293
{\an8}‪况且他也没有差点炸死

132
00:07:15,959 --> 00:07:18,001
{\an8}‪严格说来 只是稍微被烧伤

133
00:07:18,001 --> 00:07:19,793
{\an8}‪-按照辐射的...
‪-霍华德!

134
00:07:20,584 --> 00:07:23,543
{\an8}‪准备好了吗?训练马上开始

135
00:07:23,543 --> 00:07:25,334
{\an8}‪训练?什么训练?

136
00:07:25,334 --> 00:07:27,084
{\an8}‪我们要派你去执行第一个任务

137
00:07:27,084 --> 00:07:29,251
{\an8}‪什么?傻逼 先别切断通讯

138
00:07:29,251 --> 00:07:34,043
{\an8}‪派他去执行第一个任务
‪跟受训是两码子事

139
00:07:34,043 --> 00:07:37,168
‪在TCB服务 特务都是边干边训练

140
00:07:37,168 --> 00:07:40,043
‪你觉得你说的话合理吗?

141
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:44,126
‪我们通过实际任务来训练特务
‪就像把人抛进深水区让他们学习生存

142
00:07:44,126 --> 00:07:46,501
‪以前维京人也是用这种方法
‪教宝宝学游泳的

143
00:07:46,501 --> 00:07:48,209
‪宝宝大部分都能活下来

144
00:07:48,209 --> 00:07:51,751
‪你以为你可以随便拦截我的电视屏幕

145
00:07:51,751 --> 00:07:55,751
‪打断贝蒂看《星际迷航》
‪派遣我去执行任务吗?

146
00:07:55,751 --> 00:07:58,168
‪我说过会给你一个喷气背包吧?

147
00:07:58,168 --> 00:08:00,043
‪-地点在哪里?
‪-知道阿尔塔蒙特吗?

148
00:08:00,043 --> 00:08:01,626
‪什么?是一款别克跑车吗?

149
00:08:01,626 --> 00:08:05,418
‪不是 那个地方在旧金山
‪好比如西岸的伍德斯托克音乐节

150
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:08,418
‪今年的主题又是“爱之夏”

151
00:08:08,418 --> 00:08:10,168
‪好的 我懂了

152
00:08:10,168 --> 00:08:13,334
‪类似给嬉皮士群交的狂欢演唱会
‪知道了

153
00:08:13,334 --> 00:08:16,001
‪没错 到时会向你透露更多详情

154
00:08:16,001 --> 00:08:18,918
‪最好打扮得少点个人风格

155
00:08:18,918 --> 00:08:20,334
‪说话小心点

156
00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:21,876
‪那边有人在拍摄纪录片

157
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:25,168
‪现场肯定有摄影机
‪最好不要打扮得太显眼

158
00:08:30,834 --> 00:08:31,918
‪听好

159
00:08:31,918 --> 00:08:34,584
‪这种装扮穿在我身上一点都不俗气

160
00:08:34,584 --> 00:08:36,501
‪对啊 还用说吗?

161
00:08:36,501 --> 00:08:39,876
‪彼得·方达还时不时打来问
‪我们什么时候把摩托车还给他

162
00:08:39,876 --> 00:08:40,959
‪你怎么跟他说?

163
00:08:40,959 --> 00:08:42,459
‪“什么摩托车?”

164
00:08:42,459 --> 00:08:43,418
‪好样的

165
00:08:45,751 --> 00:08:47,709
‪等一下 埃尔维斯

166
00:08:47,709 --> 00:08:52,001
‪我还以为
‪这是专属我们俩的骑车沿岸行

167
00:08:52,001 --> 00:08:54,668
‪类似那种专属好兄弟的旅行 不用...

168
00:08:55,751 --> 00:08:59,126
‪不用载着一只
‪威胁要用三种手段干掉我的猩猩

169
00:09:00,126 --> 00:09:02,501
‪你才是傻逼 你这个毛茸茸的傻逼!

170
00:09:07,126 --> 00:09:07,959
‪我又回来了

171
00:09:07,959 --> 00:09:09,418
‪我的天啊

172
00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:10,793
‪你刚刚骂我是“傻逼”

173
00:09:10,793 --> 00:09:16,793
‪我想要好好跟你解释一下
‪为什么我不是傻逼

174
00:09:16,793 --> 00:09:19,543
‪我也想的 亲爱的 可惜不行啊

175
00:09:19,543 --> 00:09:21,168
‪因为我不想知道原因

176
00:09:23,001 --> 00:09:26,168
‪这不是最明智的行为吧?

177
00:09:26,168 --> 00:09:29,709
‪斯波克 今年万圣节
‪能不能借你的耳朵一用?

178
00:09:29,709 --> 00:09:32,626
‪今年我想装扮成
‪一个遭人嫌弃的平民百姓

179
00:09:51,334 --> 00:09:52,584
‪(阿尔塔蒙特赛车场)

180
00:09:55,959 --> 00:09:59,293
‪这一切始于一个绰号叫“猫王”的小子

181
00:09:59,293 --> 00:10:02,084
‪用七块钱在图珀洛五金店
‪买了一把吉他开始

182
00:10:02,084 --> 00:10:05,043
‪很好 看来你的形象挺健康的

183
00:10:05,043 --> 00:10:08,168
‪很好 又是你

184
00:10:08,168 --> 00:10:09,334
‪这装扮挺有趣的

185
00:10:09,334 --> 00:10:11,168
‪我想要融入群众

186
00:10:14,834 --> 00:10:16,834
‪你是来跟我说我在这里的任务吗?

187
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:21,709
‪因为我越来越觉得这是在浪费时间了

188
00:10:23,126 --> 00:10:26,459
‪就像我和威利·纳尔逊的对话一样

189
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,043
‪话说他还活着吗?

190
00:10:31,918 --> 00:10:33,376
‪-还活着
‪-好吧 是这样的

191
00:10:33,376 --> 00:10:35,834
‪TCB的科技
‪被某个身份不明的坏人偷走了

192
00:10:35,834 --> 00:10:38,751
‪对方搞不好已经
‪把那个科技改造成某种声波武器

193
00:10:38,751 --> 00:10:41,459
‪指挥官怀疑那个武器就藏在这里
‪而且可能有危险

194
00:10:41,459 --> 00:10:44,043
‪-什么危险?
‪-不知道 我们得到的情报就这么多

195
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:45,293
‪这个指令也太模糊了

196
00:10:45,876 --> 00:10:47,001
‪这才是乐趣啊!

197
00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:49,168
‪另一个乐趣是你家猴子
‪一直给我递大麻烟

198
00:10:49,168 --> 00:10:51,959
‪-只要注意有什么不对劲就对了
‪-我的喷气背包呢?

199
00:10:53,459 --> 00:10:55,168
‪就知道你会为了喷气背包加入我们

200
00:10:55,168 --> 00:10:56,501
‪喷气背包是骗你的

201
00:10:56,501 --> 00:10:59,001
‪但我们会给你这玩意 保持联系

202
00:10:59,584 --> 00:11:01,126
‪好好享受演唱会吧

203
00:11:01,126 --> 00:11:05,334
‪话说我很难忽略你没受邀演出这事

204
00:11:05,334 --> 00:11:06,334
‪你可以滚了

205
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:09,793
‪你竟然放在尿片里?

206
00:11:11,751 --> 00:11:14,084
‪不打算擦干净吗?擦一下不行吗?

207
00:11:33,959 --> 00:11:37,168
‪看情况应该不会出事

208
00:11:45,793 --> 00:11:49,334
‪活像个走进烂俗糖果店的孩子

209
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:53,001
‪你就不能假装明白“克制”的意思吗?

210
00:11:53,001 --> 00:11:53,918
‪看来不行

211
00:11:53,918 --> 00:11:56,209
‪传送器失灵了

212
00:11:56,209 --> 00:11:58,876
‪都是被这个苏格兰酒鬼拖垮的

213
00:11:58,876 --> 00:12:00,168
‪我们可能有点误会

214
00:12:00,168 --> 00:12:02,668
‪老妨碍我追剧!

215
00:12:02,668 --> 00:12:04,751
‪我们没有误会 只有差距

216
00:12:04,751 --> 00:12:06,876
‪不如我请你喝一杯吧

217
00:12:06,876 --> 00:12:09,209
‪我懂了

218
00:12:09,209 --> 00:12:10,418
‪怎么说?

219
00:12:10,418 --> 00:12:12,709
‪-你跟其他男人没两样
‪-什么意思?

220
00:12:12,709 --> 00:12:16,209
‪像你这种有权有势的人
‪想得到的东西从来不会得不到

221
00:12:16,834 --> 00:12:20,251
‪所以你私底下很容易
‪被那种奚落你的女人吸引

222
00:12:20,251 --> 00:12:21,501
‪我绝对没有那个意思

223
00:12:21,501 --> 00:12:23,126
‪那就好

224
00:12:23,126 --> 00:12:25,876
‪麻烦把你这个走形的光头
‪从我的电视荧幕上移开

225
00:12:26,918 --> 00:12:28,126
‪好有劲儿

226
00:12:29,126 --> 00:12:30,334
‪其实我的确对你有意思

227
00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:32,126
‪你就答应吧 一起去吃顿饭如何?

228
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:34,834
‪去喝一杯、到油站吃爆米花都可以

229
00:12:36,626 --> 00:12:39,001
‪歌颂性和毒品不是重点

230
00:12:39,001 --> 00:12:42,168
‪重点是歌颂自由 懂吗?

231
00:12:42,168 --> 00:12:45,168
‪我要强调“自由”这个词

232
00:12:45,876 --> 00:12:47,084
‪再聊吧 道格

233
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:49,334
‪融入得如何?

234
00:12:49,834 --> 00:12:53,668
‪太棒了 今天是最美好的一天!

235
00:12:55,543 --> 00:12:58,126
‪很好 我的好朋友道格问候你

236
00:12:58,126 --> 00:12:59,168
‪有什么要报告吗?

237
00:12:59,168 --> 00:13:02,126
‪有 你对“地狱天使摩托党”
‪理解多少

238
00:13:02,126 --> 00:13:05,459
‪我19岁跟其中一个成员交往过
‪谁叫我妈是个骚浪贱

239
00:13:05,459 --> 00:13:08,876
‪站在舞台旁的地狱天使成员
‪都是为了喝免费啤酒来充当保安的

240
00:13:08,876 --> 00:13:11,668
‪类似义工什么的
‪只是他们都是无药可救的酒鬼

241
00:13:11,668 --> 00:13:14,626
‪-不是指他们 是指那些假的成员
‪-什么?

242
00:13:14,626 --> 00:13:17,209
‪那两个待在货车旁的家伙
‪装扮成地狱天使成员

243
00:13:17,209 --> 00:13:20,043
‪但他们绝对不是地狱天使的成员

244
00:13:20,043 --> 00:13:21,001
‪你怎么知道的?

245
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,043
‪他们的外套露馅了

246
00:13:22,043 --> 00:13:24,459
‪上面没有党徽 他们是伪装的

247
00:13:25,626 --> 00:13:28,126
‪-我的妈啊
‪-没错

248
00:13:28,126 --> 00:13:29,834
‪死之华乐队刚抵达现场

249
00:13:29,834 --> 00:13:30,959
‪我去去就回来

250
00:13:31,751 --> 00:13:33,209
‪多久?

251
00:13:33,209 --> 00:13:36,876
‪不知道 直到我见到杰瑞·加西亚
‪甚至为他口完为止 你说呢?

252
00:13:36,876 --> 00:13:39,043
‪不骗你 我有约了

253
00:13:39,043 --> 00:13:40,418
‪你的意思是我在骗你吗?

254
00:13:40,418 --> 00:13:44,876
‪当然不是 但我确实有一部
‪能够测试你是不是说谎的仪器

255
00:13:44,876 --> 00:13:47,501
‪甚至还有一部能够测出
‪你是不是在考虑说谎

256
00:13:47,501 --> 00:13:49,959
‪只是看到仪器造型太可怕
‪而决定不说谎的仪器

257
00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:54,251
‪还有一部会骗自己是一部仪器的仪器

258
00:13:54,251 --> 00:13:57,084
‪-但它已经自杀了
‪-霍华德!

259
00:13:57,084 --> 00:13:58,584
‪(死之华乐队)

260
00:14:01,709 --> 00:14:03,209
‪小丫头 这不是你能来的地方

261
00:14:03,209 --> 00:14:04,126
‪谁说的?

262
00:14:04,126 --> 00:14:05,168
‪我说的

263
00:14:05,709 --> 00:14:06,543
‪刚刚说的

264
00:14:06,543 --> 00:14:08,751
‪白痴 我并不是真想知道是谁说的

265
00:14:08,751 --> 00:14:11,543
‪“谁说的”是一种反诘句
‪就像我说“别看那边哦” 可是...

266
00:14:13,918 --> 00:14:16,584
‪等一下 你是怎么通过保安的?

267
00:14:16,584 --> 00:14:18,293
‪我动作够快啊 乐队死去哪了?

268
00:14:18,293 --> 00:14:20,584
‪-还没到
‪-我看到他们的直升机已经着陆了

269
00:14:20,584 --> 00:14:23,793
‪没错 他们还在那架直升机上嗑药

270
00:14:25,126 --> 00:14:27,043
‪天啊 早知道我就组乐队了

271
00:14:28,876 --> 00:14:31,376
‪老兄 抱歉 后面是禁区

272
00:14:31,376 --> 00:14:32,876
‪再说一遍看看

273
00:14:32,876 --> 00:14:34,334
‪我的妈啊 你...

274
00:14:34,334 --> 00:14:37,376
‪你是猫王埃尔维斯·普雷斯利!

275
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:38,459
‪很多人都这么称呼我

276
00:14:39,709 --> 00:14:41,459
‪丫头 这不是你该待的地方

277
00:14:41,459 --> 00:14:43,584
‪别紧张 我和杰瑞是老朋友

278
00:14:43,584 --> 00:14:45,334
‪如果在春梦里见过多次也算的话

279
00:14:45,334 --> 00:14:47,084
‪-什么?
‪-天啊 太棒了

280
00:14:47,084 --> 00:14:50,334
‪在梦里 他打扮成圣诞老人
‪三更半夜潜入我家

281
00:14:50,334 --> 00:14:53,001
‪趁我洗澡时用很撩人的手法
‪掐住我的脖子

282
00:14:53,001 --> 00:14:56,126
‪你不是他喜欢的类型 滚吧

283
00:14:56,126 --> 00:14:58,709
‪难道他喜欢男人?
‪不要紧的 我不介意

284
00:14:59,293 --> 00:15:01,168
‪不行 休想

285
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:03,626
‪但如果你想跟其他乐队上床

286
00:15:03,626 --> 00:15:05,501
‪-大可挂号排队
‪-你说什么?

287
00:15:05,501 --> 00:15:07,709
‪不骗你 请去隔壁面包车

288
00:15:07,709 --> 00:15:10,626
‪第一页是免责声明书 请仔细参阅

289
00:15:10,626 --> 00:15:12,959
‪“在胸口前拉屎”?不会吧?

290
00:15:13,709 --> 00:15:14,834
‪好吧

291
00:15:14,834 --> 00:15:15,918
‪休想

292
00:15:15,918 --> 00:15:18,001
‪抱歉 丫头 规则不能坏

293
00:15:18,001 --> 00:15:21,084
‪我是个独立自主、女权至上的女人

294
00:15:21,084 --> 00:15:24,834
‪这意味着我只会按自己的意愿
‪决定要不要在面包车里胡搞

295
00:15:24,834 --> 00:15:27,501
‪我不明白“女权”是什么意思

296
00:15:28,876 --> 00:15:31,209
‪嗨 猫王!

297
00:15:31,209 --> 00:15:34,001
‪知道我最喜欢你哪一首歌吗?

298
00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:35,501
‪什么?只有一首?

299
00:15:37,459 --> 00:15:38,459
‪只有...

300
00:15:39,459 --> 00:15:41,376
‪-老兄 你真风趣
‪-搞什么?

301
00:15:47,876 --> 00:15:53,168
‪顾雷特!

302
00:15:53,168 --> 00:15:55,418
‪斯盖特 干掉那个光头老!

303
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:26,793
‪希望你们还是我的铁粉吧

304
00:16:31,043 --> 00:16:33,126
‪斯盖特 赶紧摧毁那玩意!

305
00:16:45,918 --> 00:16:46,751
‪知道了

306
00:16:46,751 --> 00:16:48,668
‪乐队来了 请你离开

307
00:16:48,668 --> 00:16:50,959
‪-我这不就滚了吗?
‪-面包车就在右边

308
00:16:50,959 --> 00:16:54,293
‪-玩得开心点 去快活吧
‪-我宁可同时口几个肉棒

309
00:16:54,293 --> 00:16:56,834
{\an8}‪这点免责声明书上也有提到

310
00:16:59,501 --> 00:17:01,209
‪-这是什么情况?
‪-搞什么鬼?

311
00:17:11,168 --> 00:17:13,418
‪那个家伙太扫兴了

312
00:17:13,418 --> 00:17:15,084
‪这可不合适

313
00:17:15,084 --> 00:17:17,543
‪虽然你和你那几个朋友神志不清的

314
00:17:17,543 --> 00:17:20,376
‪也没有裤子 但你们干得好

315
00:17:26,043 --> 00:17:28,251
‪有没有人跟你说过
‪你长得有点像猫王吗?

316
00:17:39,543 --> 00:17:41,084
‪你干吗?

317
00:17:41,084 --> 00:17:43,209
‪为这场演唱会拍摄纪录片啊

318
00:17:43,209 --> 00:17:45,626
‪不是 白痴
‪我是指你为什么要拍我难看的一面?

319
00:17:47,918 --> 00:17:50,584
‪天啊 某人看起来活像一坨屎

320
00:17:50,584 --> 00:17:51,959
‪那个老家伙呢?

321
00:18:03,126 --> 00:18:04,001
‪你在干什么?

322
00:18:04,001 --> 00:18:06,334
‪边用有斯盖特老二骚味的电话通话

323
00:18:06,334 --> 00:18:08,126
‪边完成我们俩的任务

324
00:18:08,126 --> 00:18:09,126
‪抱歉 我要挂了

325
00:18:09,959 --> 00:18:10,793
‪该死的

326
00:18:10,793 --> 00:18:11,709
‪喂!

327
00:18:12,293 --> 00:18:13,626
‪鲍比·雷 醒醒

328
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:14,834
‪快醒醒

329
00:18:16,126 --> 00:18:18,043
‪天啊 这一定很好玩的

330
00:18:21,376 --> 00:18:22,959
‪搞什么?

331
00:18:22,959 --> 00:18:27,751
‪你要不要解释一下
‪为什么我额头上会插着一把忍者剑?

332
00:18:28,876 --> 00:18:29,959
‪不太想

333
00:18:30,668 --> 00:18:31,876
‪开过这款直升机吗?

334
00:18:31,876 --> 00:18:35,334
‪但这玩意就跟割草机倒过来一样

335
00:18:35,334 --> 00:18:36,293
‪交给我吧

336
00:18:40,168 --> 00:18:41,001
‪怎么称呼来着?

337
00:18:41,001 --> 00:18:42,459
‪我是乔治 乔治·卢卡斯

338
00:18:42,459 --> 00:18:44,543
‪好吧 你怎么会出现在这里?

339
00:18:44,543 --> 00:18:48,293
‪外面彻底失控了 我决定藏在这里

340
00:18:49,376 --> 00:18:53,668
‪乔治 躲在这里
‪你的人身安全并没有好多少

341
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:57,626
‪没错 这位女士说得有道理

342
00:19:02,209 --> 00:19:03,418
‪(犹大街 第26大道)

343
00:19:07,876 --> 00:19:08,709
{\an8}‪(停)

344
00:19:12,668 --> 00:19:14,626
‪是时候割草了

345
00:19:16,959 --> 00:19:18,959
‪瞄准目标

346
00:19:36,751 --> 00:19:38,209
‪埃尔维斯 拿去!

347
00:19:51,209 --> 00:19:52,209
‪瞧那玩意

348
00:19:52,209 --> 00:19:54,168
‪好像某种激光剑

349
00:19:54,168 --> 00:19:55,751
‪说像光剑更贴切点

350
00:19:55,751 --> 00:19:57,376
‪“光剑”这个说法也不错

351
00:20:02,001 --> 00:20:02,834
‪该死的

352
00:20:03,501 --> 00:20:04,459
‪拿住

353
00:20:21,584 --> 00:20:23,001
‪任务都这么要命吗?

354
00:20:23,501 --> 00:20:24,793
‪只是好玩的任务是这样的

355
00:20:25,876 --> 00:20:29,043
‪总之希望你今晚玩得开心点

356
00:20:29,043 --> 00:20:30,626
‪我会的

357
00:20:30,626 --> 00:20:33,959
‪是吗?但我总觉得你的晚餐约会对象

358
00:20:33,959 --> 00:20:37,459
‪不如我这般有权有势、帅气逼人

359
00:20:38,543 --> 00:20:39,584
‪要打赌吗?

360
00:20:43,001 --> 00:20:44,918
‪开什么玩笑?

361
00:20:44,918 --> 00:20:46,376
‪还真是柯克舰长!

362
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:53,043
‪埃尔维斯 最近好吗?

363
00:20:53,043 --> 00:20:54,209
‪我现在不想说话 柯克

364
00:20:56,709 --> 00:20:58,501
‪-什么事?
‪-有人心情不好

365
00:20:58,501 --> 00:21:00,543
‪-该死的柯克
‪-你说什么呢?

366
00:21:00,543 --> 00:21:03,084
‪-任务顺利吗?
‪-埃尔维斯找到了那个声波武器

367
00:21:03,084 --> 00:21:05,584
‪话说那玩意足以让人变得丧心病狂

368
00:21:05,584 --> 00:21:06,834
‪武器装置呢?

369
00:21:06,834 --> 00:21:07,834
‪沉入海底了

370
00:21:08,626 --> 00:21:11,334
‪今天倒霉事接二连三都来了 对吗?

371
00:21:11,918 --> 00:21:13,501
‪多尔 过来挨打!

372
00:21:14,001 --> 00:21:15,126
‪头儿 这是我的荣幸

373
00:22:08,918 --> 00:22:12,168
‪字幕翻译:张庆龄