1
00:00:14,209 --> 00:00:15,084
‪我有在聽

2
00:00:16,709 --> 00:00:17,543
‪很好

3
00:00:17,543 --> 00:00:20,043
‪30分鐘後到格里斐斯天文台碰面

4
00:00:20,043 --> 00:00:21,543
‪一個人來

5
00:00:24,918 --> 00:00:26,751
‪(好萊塢)

6
00:00:31,834 --> 00:00:33,668
‪(格里斐斯天文台)

7
00:00:33,668 --> 00:00:38,501
‪去禮物店、買雪花球
‪鑰匙圈、泡泡棒棒糖

8
00:00:38,501 --> 00:00:39,709
‪泡泡棒棒糖?

9
00:00:39,709 --> 00:00:41,251
‪照做就對了

10
00:00:41,251 --> 00:00:44,501
‪接著搭最左邊的電梯去地下室

11
00:00:45,084 --> 00:00:46,376
‪建議你們搭下一班

12
00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:52,959
‪歡迎,普里斯萊先生

13
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:01,293
‪你遲到了,普里斯萊

14
00:01:01,293 --> 00:01:03,293
‪通勤有夠麻煩的

15
00:01:03,293 --> 00:01:05,209
‪雪花球要八元?

16
00:01:05,209 --> 00:01:07,668
‪對,我們靠這東西賺得盆滿缽滿

17
00:01:07,668 --> 00:01:11,834
‪對了,總部和我想像的不一樣

18
00:01:11,834 --> 00:01:14,001
‪你說這個?不,這房間

19
00:01:14,001 --> 00:01:17,376
‪是我們用來殺死闖入總部的人的地方

20
00:01:17,376 --> 00:01:20,126
‪特務王,你對我們的方法有意見嗎?

21
00:01:21,626 --> 00:01:24,918
‪信不信由你,我不喜歡被稱為“王”

22
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,876
‪現在才說有點太晚了

23
00:01:27,876 --> 00:01:29,959
‪因為我已經做了這個

24
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:30,918
‪(特務貓王)

25
00:01:31,376 --> 00:01:34,376
‪我愛莫能助,貼紙都做好了

26
00:01:42,293 --> 00:01:44,751
‪驚訝到啞口無言,這就對了

27
00:01:46,209 --> 00:01:48,293
‪歡迎光臨TCB總部

28
00:01:48,293 --> 00:01:51,043
‪特務貓王

29
00:01:58,459 --> 00:02:01,543
{\an8}‪這就是TCB的營運中心

30
00:02:01,543 --> 00:02:03,959
{\an8}‪我們在這裡暗中行動

31
00:02:05,918 --> 00:02:07,793
{\an8}‪這地方挺大的

32
00:02:07,793 --> 00:02:09,959
{\an8}‪對,這裡美極了

33
00:02:09,959 --> 00:02:13,043
{\an8}‪位於好萊塢標誌底下十層樓
‪不受核子武器影響

34
00:02:13,043 --> 00:02:15,584
{\an8}‪多虧有了石棉,這裡完全防火

35
00:02:15,584 --> 00:02:18,709
{\an8}‪我們最近才發現那是糟糕的決定

36
00:02:18,709 --> 00:02:19,626
{\an8}‪有問題嗎?

37
00:02:19,626 --> 00:02:22,501
{\an8}‪四十年後再煩惱,到時你都70多歲了

38
00:02:22,501 --> 00:02:24,626
{\an8}‪誰想長生不老?你說是不是?

39
00:02:24,626 --> 00:02:26,668
{\an8}‪我們稱這裡為“天眼”

40
00:02:26,668 --> 00:02:28,751
{\an8}‪我們在這裡觀看全世界

41
00:02:28,751 --> 00:02:30,709
{\an8}‪就在昨天,我看著胡志明

42
00:02:30,709 --> 00:02:33,626
{\an8}‪在河內一家小酒館
‪點了不在菜單上的私房魚料理

43
00:02:33,626 --> 00:02:35,751
{\an8}‪觀察得很具體

44
00:02:35,751 --> 00:02:37,168
{\an8}‪跟他不相上下

45
00:02:38,668 --> 00:02:40,876
{\an8}‪這是我們的武器測試區

46
00:02:41,418 --> 00:02:44,209
{\an8}‪說到這,小心這些防爆門

47
00:02:44,209 --> 00:02:46,084
{\an8}‪它們會把腳趾切斷

48
00:02:46,084 --> 00:02:48,334
{\an8}‪葛雷哥萊畢克有慘痛的教訓

49
00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,626
{\an8}‪而且還是兩次

50
00:02:50,168 --> 00:02:52,168
{\an8}‪後來發現他是個白痴

51
00:02:53,001 --> 00:02:54,001
{\an8}‪那是什麼?

52
00:02:54,001 --> 00:02:55,459
{\an8}‪好眼力,牛仔

53
00:02:55,459 --> 00:02:57,084
{\an8}‪我們稱它為深淵

54
00:02:57,084 --> 00:02:58,918
{\an8}‪不准在那附近打鬥

55
00:02:58,918 --> 00:03:00,626
{\an8}‪上個月損失了幾名員工

56
00:03:00,626 --> 00:03:02,293
{\an8}‪你們可以封起來

57
00:03:02,876 --> 00:03:04,876
{\an8}‪封起來?

58
00:03:04,876 --> 00:03:06,418
{\an8}‪那深淵的意義何在?

59
00:03:10,043 --> 00:03:11,334
{\an8}‪那是什麼?

60
00:03:12,751 --> 00:03:14,168
{\an8}‪該死的羅伯特

61
00:03:14,668 --> 00:03:19,126
{\an8}‪我想這裡有我的辦公室吧,指揮官?

62
00:03:19,126 --> 00:03:20,084
{\an8}‪還沒

63
00:03:20,084 --> 00:03:22,834
{\an8}‪很好,那我們能一次到位

64
00:03:23,459 --> 00:03:24,959
{\an8}‪我需要寬敞的空間

65
00:03:24,959 --> 00:03:26,543
{\an8}‪你的辦公室大概堪用

66
00:03:26,543 --> 00:03:28,584
{\an8}‪我也需要電視預算

67
00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:30,626
{\an8}‪我的電視經常被槍打爛

68
00:03:30,626 --> 00:03:32,418
{\an8}‪-說到槍...
‪-你知道嗎?

69
00:03:32,418 --> 00:03:35,834
{\an8}‪這些條件你應該跟你的上司討論一下

70
00:03:38,209 --> 00:03:39,043
{\an8}‪我的什麼?

71
00:03:39,043 --> 00:03:40,793
{\an8}‪你有帶泡泡棒棒糖嗎?

72
00:03:42,001 --> 00:03:43,209
‪很好

73
00:03:43,876 --> 00:03:45,459
‪聽起來很可怕吧?

74
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:49,209
‪普里斯萊先生,和你的特務上司問好

75
00:03:50,334 --> 00:03:51,293
‪這下有意思了

76
00:03:51,293 --> 00:03:54,251
‪好喔...不可能的

77
00:03:55,751 --> 00:03:56,793
‪人家會難過

78
00:03:56,793 --> 00:03:59,209
‪她當我的上司?

79
00:04:00,209 --> 00:04:01,793
‪我會假裝沒聽到這句話

80
00:04:02,293 --> 00:04:03,959
‪這招不錯,我也常用

81
00:04:05,543 --> 00:04:07,126
‪你要坐下來聽簡報嗎?

82
00:04:07,126 --> 00:04:09,001
{\an8}‪不是我的風格

83
00:04:09,001 --> 00:04:10,209
{\an8}‪更方便記筆記

84
00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:11,834
{\an8}‪那也不是我的風格

85
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:14,501
‪你的風格似乎很固執

86
00:04:14,501 --> 00:04:15,668
‪妳終於懂了

87
00:04:15,668 --> 00:04:17,501
‪我不喜歡公眾演說

88
00:04:17,501 --> 00:04:21,168
‪但聽說想像觀眾裸體會有幫助

89
00:04:21,668 --> 00:04:22,959
‪所以...

90
00:04:29,084 --> 00:04:30,209
‪有問題嗎?

91
00:04:30,209 --> 00:04:31,459
‪再也沒有了

92
00:04:31,459 --> 00:04:33,168
‪來說正事

93
00:04:33,168 --> 00:04:36,251
‪我們要談談阿爾塔蒙特的鬧劇嗎?

94
00:04:36,251 --> 00:04:38,793
‪-待會再說
‪-因為你派我們去找的裝置

95
00:04:38,793 --> 00:04:40,668
‪讓演唱會變成流血慘案

96
00:04:40,668 --> 00:04:43,709
‪天啊,每個人都會流血好嗎?
‪現在沒時間聊那件事

97
00:04:43,709 --> 00:04:45,168
‪我們有緊急狀況

98
00:04:45,168 --> 00:04:48,251
‪一份威脅要揭露TCB的文件

99
00:04:48,251 --> 00:04:50,209
‪落入敵方手中

100
00:04:50,209 --> 00:04:51,668
‪你們兩個要去拿回來

101
00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:54,543
‪小菜一碟,不錯耶,給我來一份

102
00:04:54,543 --> 00:04:57,668
‪我們得在這混蛋看到內容前取回文件

103
00:04:58,668 --> 00:05:01,168
‪好吧,沒那麼簡單了

104
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:04,793
‪我要假設你們的簡報有問題

105
00:05:04,793 --> 00:05:09,168
‪你們沒有侮辱世上最偉大國家的總統

106
00:05:09,168 --> 00:05:10,126
‪哥斯大黎加?

107
00:05:10,126 --> 00:05:11,793
‪我偏愛葡萄牙

108
00:05:11,793 --> 00:05:15,043
‪無論如何,下午4點32分

109
00:05:15,043 --> 00:05:18,501
‪那份文件就會在尼克森私人官邸桌上

110
00:05:18,501 --> 00:05:20,751
‪你們要比他更早拿到

111
00:05:22,876 --> 00:05:25,334
‪你的意思是要我們闖入白宮?

112
00:05:25,334 --> 00:05:28,751
‪對啊,闖入、爆炸、冷凍
‪自行討論細節

113
00:05:28,751 --> 00:05:30,209
‪這是不可能的,大哥

114
00:05:30,793 --> 00:05:33,459
‪你瞪著我看不會讓我改變心意

115
00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:35,501
‪不是的,抱歉

116
00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:38,168
‪我在回想你裸體的樣子跟誰很像

117
00:05:38,168 --> 00:05:40,709
‪-什麼?
‪-我好愛你們的尷尬局面

118
00:05:41,251 --> 00:05:43,084
‪長官,出狀況了

119
00:05:43,084 --> 00:05:44,334
‪有話快說

120
00:05:45,001 --> 00:05:47,918
‪說不定裡面有一小段手指

121
00:05:47,918 --> 00:05:49,043
‪所以你要...

122
00:05:49,043 --> 00:05:52,459
‪我哪知道熔岩巧克力怎麼會滿出來?

123
00:05:52,459 --> 00:05:54,126
‪應該要有防手指功能!

124
00:05:54,126 --> 00:05:59,334
‪我又沒有熔岩巧克力博士學位

125
00:05:59,334 --> 00:06:01,334
‪是嗎?你知道嗎?

126
00:06:01,334 --> 00:06:03,418
‪我要去把你的老二扯下來

127
00:06:03,418 --> 00:06:05,043
‪塞進熔岩巧克力裡

128
00:06:05,043 --> 00:06:07,084
‪然後我們再看看這玩意...

129
00:06:07,084 --> 00:06:08,001
‪等一下

130
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:10,751
‪你們怎麼還在這?
‪拜託去完成我指派的任務

131
00:06:10,751 --> 00:06:13,918
‪聽好,指揮官,我不會偷總統的東西

132
00:06:13,918 --> 00:06:16,001
‪如果不是他的東西就不算偷

133
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:19,084
‪同樣的道理
‪你閉著眼睛殺人就不算謀殺

134
00:06:19,084 --> 00:06:20,168
‪快出發

135
00:06:21,084 --> 00:06:25,126
‪辛納屈,裸體的辛納屈
‪想到了,你的脖子以下是辛納屈

136
00:06:29,168 --> 00:06:30,418
‪找我有什麼事嗎?

137
00:06:31,126 --> 00:06:32,209
‪來得不是時候嗎?

138
00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:36,834
‪除非你們的肺部不會受到
‪改變DNA的奈米機器人影響

139
00:06:36,834 --> 00:06:38,293
‪就假裝是這樣吧

140
00:06:38,293 --> 00:06:42,459
‪那我就假裝速戰速決,直言不諱

141
00:06:42,459 --> 00:06:44,709
‪總之,有個任務,能幫忙嗎?

142
00:06:46,001 --> 00:06:49,584
‪要什麼?射擊?熔爐?爆炸物?

143
00:06:49,584 --> 00:06:53,793
‪我們有新的噪音武器,還是要來點...

144
00:06:55,959 --> 00:06:56,959
‪實用的?

145
00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,751
‪這是非致命任務,霍華

146
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:02,459
‪幹嘛不早說?這樣我就不用聽妳廢話

147
00:07:02,459 --> 00:07:04,251
‪我可以把耳朵關掉喔

148
00:07:04,251 --> 00:07:07,251
‪實驗失敗,或許...成功

149
00:07:07,251 --> 00:07:08,376
‪霍華...

150
00:07:08,376 --> 00:07:11,168
‪好吧,等一下,新點子

151
00:07:11,168 --> 00:07:12,751
‪看到新的鎮靜劑槍了嗎?

152
00:07:13,334 --> 00:07:17,334
‪金屬探測器偵測不到
‪它會造成記憶喪失

153
00:07:17,334 --> 00:07:18,793
‪痛啊,媽的!

154
00:07:19,376 --> 00:07:20,959
‪可惡!

155
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,459
‪找我有什麼事?

156
00:07:24,626 --> 00:07:26,959
‪好,看來我們要去華盛頓特區了

157
00:07:26,959 --> 00:07:30,376
‪對,你的班機
‪一小時後從洛杉磯機場出發

158
00:07:30,959 --> 00:07:33,043
‪等一下

159
00:07:33,043 --> 00:07:36,751
‪難道妳沒有
‪我們能搭的超屌間諜飛機嗎?

160
00:07:36,751 --> 00:07:38,793
‪當然,別傻了,那是給我坐的

161
00:07:38,793 --> 00:07:42,501
‪但指揮官要我們保持形象
‪所以你會坐...

162
00:07:48,751 --> 00:07:49,876
‪(沃爾夫世界通訊社)

163
00:07:49,876 --> 00:07:51,251
{\an8}‪(要迷幻藥,不要炸彈)

164
00:07:52,793 --> 00:07:53,626
‪等一下

165
00:07:53,626 --> 00:07:58,459
‪妳要我幫妳闖進美國第二豪華的房子

166
00:07:58,459 --> 00:08:00,959
‪我卻沒有像樣的間諜裝置?

167
00:08:00,959 --> 00:08:02,126
‪別這樣,西西

168
00:08:02,126 --> 00:08:03,876
‪聽著,我借出鎮靜劑槍

169
00:08:03,876 --> 00:08:06,793
‪處理檔案的人很愛吹毛求疵,超怪的

170
00:08:07,543 --> 00:08:08,709
‪好吧

171
00:08:08,709 --> 00:08:09,751
‪來,拿去

172
00:08:09,751 --> 00:08:12,876
‪好極了...

173
00:08:14,709 --> 00:08:17,251
‪這才像話嘛,西西,東西的西
‪有什麼功能?

174
00:08:17,251 --> 00:08:19,001
‪我怎麼知道?又不是我做的

175
00:08:19,001 --> 00:08:20,168
‪笑一個

176
00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:25,501
‪好吧,少拍幾張秘密間諜任務照片

177
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,626
‪那兩個傢伙不准跟來

178
00:08:28,626 --> 00:08:30,459
‪巴比雷是我的得力助手

179
00:08:30,459 --> 00:08:33,043
‪史卡特是我的手榴彈

180
00:08:33,043 --> 00:08:35,834
‪如果我要出任務,他們也要

181
00:08:35,834 --> 00:08:39,584
‪好,拖住尼克森
‪我要假裝參加導覽,拿走文件

182
00:08:39,584 --> 00:08:41,543
‪等一下,導覽?我可以去嗎?

183
00:08:41,543 --> 00:08:43,751
‪不行,但這也很讚喔

184
00:08:44,251 --> 00:08:47,293
‪霍華聽到我們要來這
‪就把那鬼東西塞進我背包裡

185
00:08:47,293 --> 00:08:49,043
‪讚啦,這也是有聲書

186
00:08:49,043 --> 00:08:51,209
‪對,他說這會讓你感到震撼

187
00:08:51,209 --> 00:08:54,876
‪以我對霍華的了解
‪這可能有別的意思,建議你小心點

188
00:08:55,543 --> 00:08:56,418
‪你自尋死路

189
00:08:56,418 --> 00:08:58,168
‪你確定你能找到尼克森嗎?

190
00:08:58,168 --> 00:09:00,376
‪有幾個想法,類似...

191
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:04,459
‪我是艾維斯普里斯萊,來拜會總統

192
00:09:06,501 --> 00:09:07,751
‪好吧,那很酷

193
00:09:08,251 --> 00:09:09,459
‪抱歉,貓王

194
00:09:09,459 --> 00:09:12,001
‪我是超級粉絲,真的

195
00:09:12,001 --> 00:09:13,459
‪但這不能帶進來

196
00:09:13,459 --> 00:09:15,876
‪這可是送給總統的禮物

197
00:09:15,876 --> 00:09:17,084
‪送總統?真的嗎?

198
00:09:17,084 --> 00:09:20,251
‪等你幫我找來好看的盒子就是了

199
00:09:20,251 --> 00:09:24,251
‪等等,我知道
‪林肯臥室有個很酷的盒子

200
00:09:24,251 --> 00:09:25,293
‪麻煩你了,朋友

201
00:09:25,293 --> 00:09:26,668
‪是的,先生

202
00:09:28,751 --> 00:09:31,168
‪開什麼玩笑?那招真的有用?

203
00:09:32,043 --> 00:09:33,959
‪妳來到我的世界了

204
00:09:33,959 --> 00:09:37,543
‪顯然包括一位非常愚蠢的特勤局探員

205
00:09:39,626 --> 00:09:41,834
‪你好,歡迎來到白宮

206
00:09:41,834 --> 00:09:45,459
‪此建築一磚一瓦皆從法國偷來

207
00:09:45,459 --> 00:09:49,043
‪接著重新顛倒組裝,好不讓人發現

208
00:09:49,043 --> 00:09:50,293
‪什麼?

209
00:09:50,293 --> 00:09:53,418
‪現在你應該經過羅斯福廳

210
00:09:53,418 --> 00:09:55,709
‪取名自老羅斯福總統

211
00:09:55,709 --> 00:10:00,209
‪他本人則是取名自吃掉他母親
‪將他養育成人的熊

212
00:10:00,209 --> 00:10:03,293
‪順便說一下,這個廳以熊命名

213
00:10:03,293 --> 00:10:06,793
‪我明白你想讓他參與任務
‪但有必要給他通訊器嗎?

214
00:10:06,793 --> 00:10:08,501
‪是妳給他那本書的

215
00:10:08,501 --> 00:10:09,709
‪把他的耳機拿下

216
00:10:09,709 --> 00:10:11,168
‪不要

217
00:10:11,168 --> 00:10:13,459
‪由不得你決定,我是你的特務上司

218
00:10:13,459 --> 00:10:15,668
‪那就過來自己處理

219
00:10:15,668 --> 00:10:17,668
‪我要請你專心執行任務

220
00:10:17,668 --> 00:10:18,959
‪妳的還是我的?

221
00:10:18,959 --> 00:10:20,626
‪明明是同一個任務

222
00:10:20,626 --> 00:10:22,084
‪妳錯了

223
00:10:22,084 --> 00:10:23,876
‪想想看,妳是來偷東西的

224
00:10:23,876 --> 00:10:27,668
‪我是來證明尼克森和我本人一樣

225
00:10:27,668 --> 00:10:29,668
‪是全世界最偉大的美國人

226
00:10:29,668 --> 00:10:33,126
‪偷偷洩漏一下,那傢伙其實爛透了

227
00:10:33,126 --> 00:10:35,834
‪準備好再錯一次

228
00:10:35,834 --> 00:10:37,251
‪普里斯萊先生

229
00:10:38,168 --> 00:10:40,501
‪能見到你非常榮幸,先生

230
00:10:41,293 --> 00:10:43,043
‪-噁心
‪-總統先生

231
00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:45,001
‪這是我的榮幸,先生

232
00:10:45,001 --> 00:10:47,001
‪您真的是偉大的美國人

233
00:10:47,001 --> 00:10:48,001
‪謝謝

234
00:10:48,001 --> 00:10:50,459
‪沒聽到最後一段,但我很好奇

235
00:10:50,459 --> 00:10:53,084
‪拍他馬屁的滋味如何?

236
00:10:56,209 --> 00:10:58,168
‪橢圓形辦公室於1909年完工

237
00:10:58,168 --> 00:11:01,668
‪設計師名叫布萊恩

238
00:11:01,668 --> 00:11:05,168
‪他相信直角象徵世界末日

239
00:11:05,168 --> 00:11:06,459
‪確實如此

240
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:11,043
‪他媽的白痴,完全是胡說八道

241
00:11:12,418 --> 00:11:14,751
‪因此這叫東廳

242
00:11:16,334 --> 00:11:18,168
‪請問廁所在哪裡?

243
00:11:18,168 --> 00:11:20,293
‪導覽結束才能去廁所

244
00:11:21,709 --> 00:11:26,584
‪我的早餐是別人吃剩的墨西哥捲餅
‪我在旅館外面撿來的

245
00:11:26,584 --> 00:11:28,418
‪好噁心

246
00:11:28,418 --> 00:11:32,668
‪等著瞧吧
‪妳不告訴我廁所在哪裡就能見識到

247
00:11:32,668 --> 00:11:34,084
‪走廊另一頭右邊

248
00:11:34,084 --> 00:11:35,459
‪好,馬上回來

249
00:11:44,209 --> 00:11:46,209
‪(保全週刊)

250
00:11:52,918 --> 00:11:54,209
‪天啊

251
00:11:54,209 --> 00:11:56,251
‪我真的不該吃那個墨西哥捲餅

252
00:12:10,084 --> 00:12:15,376
‪對,那些特勤局的白痴
‪居然讓他拿槍進來

253
00:12:15,918 --> 00:12:17,293
‪老大覺得他沒問題

254
00:12:19,834 --> 00:12:22,209
‪謝了,等等,你怎麼進來的?

255
00:12:35,084 --> 00:12:36,918
‪這真是太棒了

256
00:12:36,918 --> 00:12:39,293
‪我必須說這是我的榮幸,總統先生

257
00:12:39,293 --> 00:12:42,834
‪但不幸的是,我得回官邸看...

258
00:12:42,834 --> 00:12:44,084
‪且慢,還沒

259
00:12:44,626 --> 00:12:46,376
‪我是說我差點忘了

260
00:12:47,584 --> 00:12:49,918
‪這是要送給您的,先生

261
00:12:49,918 --> 00:12:50,959
‪(二戰紀念)

262
00:12:50,959 --> 00:12:52,168
‪太棒了

263
00:12:52,751 --> 00:12:55,709
‪我可以用這把槍
‪擊倒45公尺外的嬉皮毒販

264
00:12:55,709 --> 00:12:57,626
‪嚴格來說,您可以擊倒七個

265
00:12:58,584 --> 00:13:00,584
‪我夢寐以求,謝謝

266
00:13:00,584 --> 00:13:05,251
‪總統先生,您為了國家安全盡心盡力

267
00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:07,376
‪您當之無愧

268
00:13:07,376 --> 00:13:09,668
‪看這個,有槍!

269
00:13:16,543 --> 00:13:18,918
‪我只是在捉弄你們

270
00:13:23,376 --> 00:13:24,876
‪您真會開玩笑,總統先生

271
00:13:24,876 --> 00:13:26,709
‪對,真有魅力

272
00:13:27,418 --> 00:13:29,168
‪可惡,這走廊應該是空的

273
00:13:29,168 --> 00:13:32,293
‪但尼克森當然有人渣私人保鏢

274
00:13:32,293 --> 00:13:33,834
‪我們得通過那些人

275
00:13:33,834 --> 00:13:36,543
‪等等,你在做什麼?
‪你在偷東西嗎?

276
00:13:37,459 --> 00:13:39,459
‪別擔心,我也會,有機會就偷

277
00:13:39,459 --> 00:13:40,918
‪我稱之為“取紀念品”

278
00:13:40,918 --> 00:13:43,084
‪現今的重點是品牌包裝

279
00:13:43,084 --> 00:13:45,334
‪媽的,需要盡快想出B計畫

280
00:13:58,543 --> 00:14:01,501
‪咱們禮尚往來

281
00:14:01,501 --> 00:14:03,918
‪我知道你喜歡徽章

282
00:14:03,918 --> 00:14:05,126
‪(毒品管理局 貓王)

283
00:14:05,126 --> 00:14:07,626
‪聯邦緝毒官

284
00:14:07,626 --> 00:14:11,293
‪如果你在高速公路上被警察攔下來
‪秀出這個給他們看

285
00:14:11,293 --> 00:14:12,376
‪哇

286
00:14:12,376 --> 00:14:14,251
‪我很喜歡,先生

287
00:14:14,251 --> 00:14:18,709
‪總統先生,您真是慷慨、優秀、偉大

288
00:14:18,709 --> 00:14:22,418
‪這是非常不負責任的權力濫用
‪但好啊,有何不可?

289
00:14:22,418 --> 00:14:27,793
‪有些笨蛋不知道您有多麼了不起

290
00:14:27,793 --> 00:14:29,751
‪我在忙,若你能分散他注意力

291
00:14:29,751 --> 00:14:32,376
‪不要只想著幫他吹蕭,那就太好了

292
00:14:41,501 --> 00:14:46,293
‪是我的錯覺嗎?
‪還是有人聞起來像髒屁股和牛肉乾?

293
00:14:47,376 --> 00:14:49,376
‪看吧?我就知道,讚啦

294
00:14:50,043 --> 00:14:52,918
‪當然,徽章只是榮譽

295
00:14:52,918 --> 00:14:54,751
‪我會見機行事

296
00:14:54,751 --> 00:14:58,459
‪但這不表示你不能偶爾替我痛扁罪犯

297
00:14:58,459 --> 00:15:00,001
‪你說對不對?

298
00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:09,043
‪順便狂毆幾個猶太人

299
00:15:10,459 --> 00:15:11,501
‪你說什麼?

300
00:15:11,501 --> 00:15:12,418
‪情勢逆轉了

301
00:15:12,418 --> 00:15:13,793
‪抱歉,我有說猶太人嗎?

302
00:15:13,793 --> 00:15:14,959
‪我...

303
00:15:14,959 --> 00:15:19,251
‪我是指黑鬼
‪他們長得很像,我分不出來

304
00:15:21,709 --> 00:15:24,543
‪說到雜種人我就一肚子氣

305
00:15:25,751 --> 00:15:26,834
‪聽到了吧

306
00:15:26,834 --> 00:15:28,251
‪白痴

307
00:15:28,251 --> 00:15:29,543
‪匯報狀況

308
00:15:29,543 --> 00:15:31,501
‪和猴子在金屬管線裡爬行

309
00:15:31,501 --> 00:15:33,876
‪聽起來與任務無關

310
00:15:33,876 --> 00:15:35,126
‪別擔心,快好了

311
00:15:35,126 --> 00:15:37,418
‪隨時向我匯報,搞定這件事

312
00:15:38,001 --> 00:15:41,251
‪你也一樣,要是你五分鐘後沒搞定

313
00:15:41,251 --> 00:15:42,751
‪這些巧克力污漬

314
00:15:43,376 --> 00:15:44,918
‪就會變成血漬

315
00:15:45,626 --> 00:15:47,418
‪好,那是官邸,就在前方

316
00:15:48,834 --> 00:15:50,918
‪鎮靜劑槍?好吧

317
00:15:50,918 --> 00:15:53,834
‪嘿,看著我,只限緊急情況

318
00:15:54,459 --> 00:15:55,834
‪多的作為娛樂用

319
00:16:04,209 --> 00:16:06,376
‪你剛剛對第一夫人開槍?

320
00:16:06,376 --> 00:16:07,584
‪等等,語氣不對

321
00:16:07,584 --> 00:16:11,001
‪你剛剛對第一夫人開槍?

322
00:16:11,876 --> 00:16:14,709
‪太好笑了!看好門,好嗎?

323
00:16:17,418 --> 00:16:19,043
‪拜託,也太早了吧?

324
00:16:19,043 --> 00:16:20,584
‪還不到兩點

325
00:16:21,668 --> 00:16:25,376
‪服務貓王這種貴賓不代表我是追星族

326
00:16:27,834 --> 00:16:29,418
‪仔細想想

327
00:16:29,418 --> 00:16:31,959
‪越戰其實是上帝

328
00:16:31,959 --> 00:16:34,918
‪除掉蒙古人種的手段

329
00:16:34,918 --> 00:16:39,293
‪對,有個人種我很想除掉

330
00:16:39,834 --> 00:16:40,668
‪先生

331
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:42,626
‪這是肯定的

332
00:16:43,209 --> 00:16:46,709
‪你知道,耶穌很愛凝固汽油彈
‪《哥林多前書》有記載

333
00:16:46,709 --> 00:16:48,126
‪當然,他們稱之為...

334
00:16:48,126 --> 00:16:50,043
‪快聽不下去了

335
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:52,668
‪沒錯,就連那本怪書也比這好多了

336
00:16:52,668 --> 00:16:55,793
‪天啊,這麼晚了?抱歉,我得回官邸

337
00:16:55,793 --> 00:16:57,584
‪太好了!請回,好主意

338
00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:59,501
‪不!壞主意

339
00:16:59,501 --> 00:17:01,001
‪我們還在裡面

340
00:17:01,001 --> 00:17:02,918
‪拖延你的爛種族歧視英雄

341
00:17:02,918 --> 00:17:05,793
‪很高興認識志同道合的人

342
00:17:05,793 --> 00:17:08,376
‪不,這樣吧
‪能不能等一下,總統先生?

343
00:17:08,376 --> 00:17:09,709
‪我們一起拍張照

344
00:17:11,168 --> 00:17:13,043
‪我喜歡!但動作快

345
00:17:15,043 --> 00:17:16,709
‪動手吧,西西

346
00:17:16,709 --> 00:17:18,251
‪不好意思喔

347
00:17:18,251 --> 00:17:20,709
‪請別用這種語氣跟你的特務上司說話

348
00:17:20,709 --> 00:17:22,501
‪妳才不是

349
00:17:22,501 --> 00:17:24,709
‪去拿文件

350
00:17:25,251 --> 00:17:27,293
‪什麼文件?想起來了

351
00:17:28,418 --> 00:17:30,043
‪你好,真簡單

352
00:17:30,043 --> 00:17:31,918
‪手勁真有力,年輕人

353
00:17:32,959 --> 00:17:34,376
‪你可以鬆開了

354
00:17:34,876 --> 00:17:36,709
‪拍張照,巴比雷

355
00:17:36,709 --> 00:17:40,959
‪慢慢來

356
00:17:41,501 --> 00:17:43,376
‪哎呀!忘了取下鏡頭蓋

357
00:17:43,918 --> 00:17:46,084
‪真是的,請稍候

358
00:17:46,084 --> 00:17:48,126
‪天啊,沒開閃光燈

359
00:17:48,126 --> 00:17:49,834
‪糟糕,等一下

360
00:17:50,418 --> 00:17:53,293
‪這個按鈕有什麼用?

361
00:17:53,293 --> 00:17:56,918
‪糟糕,我好久沒用這個了

362
00:17:57,459 --> 00:17:58,334
‪我還有事要辦

363
00:17:58,334 --> 00:18:00,251
‪再一下下就好,狄克

364
00:18:00,251 --> 00:18:03,668
‪-你說什麼?
‪-不是,我叫您狄克沒有不敬的意思

365
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:08,293
‪不像我的靴子底下沒骨氣的卑鄙畜生

366
00:18:08,293 --> 00:18:12,168
‪和其他廢物一起被剷除的那種

367
00:18:12,168 --> 00:18:15,793
‪不,單純您的名字,總統先生,狄克

368
00:18:15,793 --> 00:18:18,876
‪-我比較喜歡總統先生
‪-我會記住

369
00:18:18,876 --> 00:18:20,376
‪好消息,我拿到文件了

370
00:18:20,376 --> 00:18:24,543
‪更棒的是他有兩把拆信刀,一人一把

371
00:18:26,126 --> 00:18:28,043
‪好喔,我錯過了什麼?

372
00:18:32,959 --> 00:18:35,626
‪有趣的想法,但狗不能當紀念品

373
00:18:35,626 --> 00:18:36,959
‪可惡

374
00:18:36,959 --> 00:18:40,084
‪好,開閃光、裝好底片、取下鏡頭蓋

375
00:18:40,084 --> 00:18:42,043
‪窗戶沒有可怕的小鳥

376
00:18:42,043 --> 00:18:44,543
‪準備好了嗎?

377
00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:48,751
‪手勁也太大了吧,我的手快斷了

378
00:18:48,751 --> 00:18:50,876
‪牛刀小試,請勿見怪

379
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:54,418
‪早該開槍射死那個種族歧視的混蛋

380
00:18:54,418 --> 00:18:58,376
‪這是TCB秘密任務,會引起轟動

381
00:18:58,376 --> 00:19:00,168
‪你們兩個在說什麼?

382
00:19:00,168 --> 00:19:02,918
‪拜託告訴我,你們沒有蠢到討論TCB

383
00:19:02,918 --> 00:19:05,959
‪這場任務是為了掩蓋TCB的存在

384
00:19:05,959 --> 00:19:08,459
‪別擔心,混蛋走了

385
00:19:08,459 --> 00:19:10,959
‪尼克森在竊聽橢圓形辦公室,蠢蛋

386
00:19:10,959 --> 00:19:13,543
‪我們完了,徹底完蛋了

387
00:19:14,126 --> 00:19:17,168
‪這就是妳不該當上司的原因

388
00:19:17,168 --> 00:19:18,584
‪犯下這樣的錯誤

389
00:19:23,709 --> 00:19:24,876
‪好,情況不妙

390
00:19:24,876 --> 00:19:26,834
‪嘿,至少我們拿到文件

391
00:19:26,834 --> 00:19:30,709
‪如果你們提到TCB被錄下來
‪文件便毫無意義,我們死定了

392
00:19:30,709 --> 00:19:33,543
‪為什麼黑猩猩可以吸古柯鹼慶祝?

393
00:19:35,543 --> 00:19:37,751
‪喂!贏家才能吸古柯鹼

394
00:19:37,751 --> 00:19:39,293
‪我們可以打給指揮官嗎?

395
00:19:39,293 --> 00:19:42,584
‪為什麼?要我告訴老大
‪我在忙著躲槍手

396
00:19:42,584 --> 00:19:45,543
‪爬通風管,聞猴子屁味的同時

397
00:19:45,543 --> 00:19:47,959
‪我的下屬毀了他的簡單任務

398
00:19:47,959 --> 00:19:50,334
‪讓種族歧視者開心,而且過程中

399
00:19:50,334 --> 00:19:52,251
‪還揭露了組織的存在

400
00:19:52,251 --> 00:19:55,126
‪躲在陰暗處好幾個世紀的組織?

401
00:19:55,918 --> 00:19:58,293
‪不,我不會這麼說

402
00:19:58,293 --> 00:20:00,709
‪我們得知道尼克森的竊聽器在哪裡

403
00:20:00,709 --> 00:20:04,584
‪拜託,這很簡單
‪就在保齡球館後面的密室裡

404
00:20:05,668 --> 00:20:07,751
‪怎樣?霍華的有聲書說的

405
00:20:07,751 --> 00:20:10,418
‪這是我們目前最好的線索,來吧

406
00:20:11,834 --> 00:20:12,959
‪等一下

407
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:17,626
‪他不配拿到這個

408
00:20:18,793 --> 00:20:21,126
‪但這是我應得的

409
00:20:24,043 --> 00:20:26,293
‪我們有時間打一局嗎?

410
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:28,543
‪仍在執行秘密任務,巴比雷

411
00:20:28,543 --> 00:20:29,876
‪應該在那裡

412
00:20:34,626 --> 00:20:37,376
‪不行,本姑娘不想再爬通風管

413
00:20:37,376 --> 00:20:38,418
‪史卡特

414
00:20:42,501 --> 00:20:44,043
‪好,那也行

415
00:20:45,334 --> 00:20:46,209
‪找到了

416
00:20:47,834 --> 00:20:52,876
‪“甘迺迪勒索信”
‪“詹森勒索信”、“阿諾帕瑪勒索信”

417
00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:54,293
‪“尼克森的...”

418
00:20:54,293 --> 00:20:56,126
‪“尼克森的性愛點子”?

419
00:20:56,126 --> 00:20:58,209
‪尼克森的性愛點子到底是什麼?

420
00:20:59,084 --> 00:21:02,959
‪我猜是憤怒的傳教士體位
‪同時觀看警察毆打青少年?

421
00:21:02,959 --> 00:21:04,584
‪聽起來很合理

422
00:21:05,334 --> 00:21:08,709
‪好,我這就把錄音剪掉17分鐘

423
00:21:08,709 --> 00:21:10,626
‪有關TCB的內容完全被刪除了

424
00:21:15,918 --> 00:21:17,751
‪嘿,各位,想來一局嗎?

425
00:21:31,751 --> 00:21:33,084
‪全倒!寶刀未老!

426
00:21:37,459 --> 00:21:39,751
‪我覺得這些人不是特勤局

427
00:21:39,751 --> 00:21:41,501
‪尼克森的手下,剛才遇過他們

428
00:21:41,501 --> 00:21:42,918
‪徹頭徹尾的人渣

429
00:21:47,376 --> 00:21:48,418
‪搞什麼...

430
00:21:49,043 --> 00:21:51,043
‪接下來是官邸

431
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:53,501
‪據說貝絲杜魯門在那裡

432
00:21:53,501 --> 00:21:56,709
‪赤手空拳殺死幾個外星人

433
00:21:57,334 --> 00:22:00,918
‪恭喜,啟動震撼模式

434
00:22:10,918 --> 00:22:12,126
‪這支筆要怎麼用?

435
00:22:12,126 --> 00:22:15,584
‪是這樣的,那或許是一支很高級的筆

436
00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:17,209
‪-什麼?
‪-我哪知道?

437
00:22:17,209 --> 00:22:18,584
‪霍華都不貼標籤的

438
00:22:18,584 --> 00:22:20,959
‪可惡,下次我要自己挑裝備

439
00:22:27,709 --> 00:22:29,626
‪對,只是一支筆而已

440
00:22:31,584 --> 00:22:33,459
‪好吧,或許該走了

441
00:22:39,334 --> 00:22:41,418
‪媽的,撤離點在哪裡?

442
00:22:42,168 --> 00:22:45,293
‪我們背後有幾個像特務的傢伙

443
00:22:46,501 --> 00:22:47,918
‪而且還有那個

444
00:22:47,918 --> 00:22:49,501
‪(美利堅合眾國)

445
00:22:49,501 --> 00:22:51,876
‪海軍陸戰隊一號?媽的,我們死定了

446
00:23:01,709 --> 00:23:04,418
‪-好了
‪-有拿到尼克森的性愛點子嗎?

447
00:23:04,418 --> 00:23:05,668
‪幫朋友問的

448
00:23:08,584 --> 00:23:10,793
‪從現在開始,你要參與所有的任務

449
00:23:10,793 --> 00:23:13,543
‪我拿了全家福照,你呢?

450
00:23:14,876 --> 00:23:16,251
‪“51區的真相”?

451
00:23:16,834 --> 00:23:18,209
‪我的爛透了

452
00:23:21,126 --> 00:23:22,209
‪按要求完成

453
00:23:23,584 --> 00:23:26,626
‪要不要告訴我裡面有什麼?

454
00:23:26,626 --> 00:23:28,626
‪年輕人,這你還不夠格知道

455
00:23:31,376 --> 00:23:34,418
‪你顯然不知道我有多少能耐

456
00:23:36,626 --> 00:23:38,834
‪等等,我們飛錯方向了嗎?

457
00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:40,876
‪你說對了

458
00:23:40,876 --> 00:23:44,834
‪我堅持每次任務結束都要飛向日落

459
00:23:45,543 --> 00:23:46,459
‪帥啦

460
00:23:46,459 --> 00:23:48,084
‪天啊,我的乳頭硬了

461
00:23:48,084 --> 00:23:49,709
‪最大密度

462
00:23:56,334 --> 00:23:59,418
‪好,伍德華,規矩如下

463
00:23:59,418 --> 00:24:00,418
‪很簡單

464
00:24:00,418 --> 00:24:02,584
‪我向你提供狡猾的狄克的資訊

465
00:24:02,584 --> 00:24:05,918
‪你能成為讓美國總統下台的記者

466
00:24:05,918 --> 00:24:08,459
‪你不打給我,我打給你

467
00:24:08,459 --> 00:24:10,376
‪千萬不准稱呼名字

468
00:24:10,918 --> 00:24:13,626
‪從現在起,叫我深喉嚨

469
00:24:14,334 --> 00:24:16,168
‪我和帕特尼克森之間的小綽號

470
00:24:17,168 --> 00:24:18,793
‪那女人貪得無厭

471
00:24:19,959 --> 00:24:24,293
‪嘿,有沒有人說過你很像勞勃瑞福...

472
00:24:24,959 --> 00:24:25,834
‪裸體的樣子?

473
00:25:18,751 --> 00:25:22,251
‪字幕翻譯:張瀛