1
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{\an8}‪(1971年1月15日
‪越南 德浪河谷)

2
00:00:21,668 --> 00:00:24,001
‪真他妈的 这也太扯了

3
00:00:24,001 --> 00:00:27,834
‪后勤部队糊涂了
‪竟然只给我一只袜子

4
00:00:28,418 --> 00:00:31,918
‪糊涂?美军是不会搞错的

5
00:00:33,001 --> 00:00:35,709
‪是吗?那你告诉我一只袜子能干吗?

6
00:00:35,709 --> 00:00:38,626
‪借我你妹的照片 我让你见识见识

7
00:00:38,626 --> 00:00:39,918
‪去你妈的

8
00:00:56,501 --> 00:00:59,293
‪你对这次代表美国劳军组织演出
‪有什么看法?

9
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,376
‪能为美军演出是我的荣幸

10
00:01:01,376 --> 00:01:03,959
‪你对这场战争有什么看法?

11
00:01:03,959 --> 00:01:08,043
‪恕我无可奉告

12
00:01:08,043 --> 00:01:10,709
‪我只是个艺人 还是保留意见较好

13
00:01:12,043 --> 00:01:12,918
‪我们出去走走

14
00:01:12,918 --> 00:01:15,668
‪-为什么不让我回答?
‪-你是指越战的问题吗?

15
00:01:15,668 --> 00:01:18,501
‪原因有几个
‪最大原因是不关我们的事

16
00:01:18,501 --> 00:01:21,668
‪别这样嘛 你是大人物
‪大伙儿自然想知道你的想法

17
00:01:21,668 --> 00:01:23,418
‪这点我到现在还是想不通

18
00:01:23,418 --> 00:01:26,126
‪我大可替你想个合适的回应
‪怎么样?

19
00:01:26,126 --> 00:01:27,834
‪说来说去还是你做主嘛

20
00:01:27,834 --> 00:01:29,459
‪考虑看看

21
00:01:30,001 --> 00:01:30,834
‪考虑好了

22
00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:34,959
‪我还是不想让你替我回答
‪不过如果记者想知道演出内容...

23
00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:38,584
‪说到演出内容
‪你说她们是不是很棒呢?

24
00:01:39,168 --> 00:01:40,418
‪谁啊?这些脱衣舞娘吗?

25
00:01:40,418 --> 00:01:42,418
‪她们是舞蹈员

26
00:01:42,418 --> 00:01:45,043
‪是这场演出的舞者
‪服装是我亲手设计的

27
00:01:45,043 --> 00:01:49,001
‪你真认为安排这些美女
‪在一群兵哥面前搔首弄姿是合适的?

28
00:01:49,001 --> 00:01:52,501
‪他们在森林里相依为命才多久?
‪一年 对吧?

29
00:01:52,501 --> 00:01:54,584
‪这叫表演艺术

30
00:01:54,584 --> 00:01:57,251
‪不是 这叫自娱自乐

31
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‪希望没有打扰到你们

32
00:01:59,959 --> 00:02:02,168
‪罗伯特·顾雷特怎么也来了?

33
00:02:02,168 --> 00:02:04,209
‪他没跟你说过吗?

34
00:02:04,209 --> 00:02:06,418
‪我也是这场演出的嘉宾

35
00:02:06,418 --> 00:02:08,293
‪也有人说最令人期待的嘉宾

36
00:02:08,293 --> 00:02:10,793
‪你嫌兵哥们还没受够吗?

37
00:02:10,793 --> 00:02:15,126
‪我认为博士是想邀请
‪一个托尼奖百老汇音乐剧演员来演出

38
00:02:15,126 --> 00:02:17,084
‪那要看是哪门子的博士了

39
00:02:17,084 --> 00:02:20,876
‪我认识一个年轻的割草工人
‪他的脑残程度可不一般

40
00:02:20,876 --> 00:02:23,959
‪到现在还没六年级毕业
‪他是你的铁粉

41
00:02:23,959 --> 00:02:27,334
‪那天他的收音机放着你那首摇滚曲

42
00:02:27,334 --> 00:02:28,709
‪有几个段落挺朗朗上口的

43
00:02:28,709 --> 00:02:32,543
‪没想到你竟然对
‪我18首冠军曲中的其中一首有印象

44
00:02:32,543 --> 00:02:36,626
‪其实还好
‪歌词里好像提到狗、监狱什么的

45
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{\an8}‪好乱

46
00:02:38,668 --> 00:02:40,251
‪-谢了
‪-不客气

47
00:02:40,251 --> 00:02:45,251
‪我想起为什么老对你反感了

48
00:02:45,251 --> 00:02:50,293
‪嫉妒是一种奇妙的情绪 不是吗?

49
00:02:50,293 --> 00:02:51,918
‪趁我还记得

50
00:02:51,918 --> 00:02:55,834
‪欢迎加入TCB 很高兴有你这位新成员

51
00:02:55,834 --> 00:02:56,918
‪等等 不会吧?

52
00:02:56,918 --> 00:02:59,876
‪绝不是你想的那回事
‪是有人叫我这么说的

53
00:03:01,168 --> 00:03:02,668
‪我才不不管呢

54
00:03:04,293 --> 00:03:05,668
‪该死的顾雷特

55
00:03:05,668 --> 00:03:08,001
‪这是什么三流任务?

56
00:03:08,001 --> 00:03:10,251
‪三流?总算进步了

57
00:03:10,251 --> 00:03:11,751
‪话说我特爱这群脱衣舞娘

58
00:03:11,751 --> 00:03:14,001
‪她们不是脱衣舞娘 该死的

59
00:03:14,001 --> 00:03:16,793
‪抱歉 我误会了 她们是“医学生”

60
00:03:16,793 --> 00:03:19,501
‪片名:特务猫王

61
00:03:25,376 --> 00:03:26,584
‪这是德浪河谷

62
00:03:26,584 --> 00:03:29,418
{\an8}‪上周 这里发生一起
‪不寻常的拔枪内讧事件

63
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{\an8}‪几个兵哥因此受伤

64
00:03:31,543 --> 00:03:33,043
{\an8}‪非常不寻常

65
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{\an8}‪我说话时不准打岔
‪当初我是怎么吩咐的?

66
00:03:37,543 --> 00:03:39,293
{\an8}‪你叫我千万不要打岔

67
00:03:39,293 --> 00:03:40,293
{\an8}‪还有呢?

68
00:03:40,293 --> 00:03:43,251
{\an8}‪除非我对左侧睾丸不满意

69
00:03:43,251 --> 00:03:45,626
{\an8}‪看来你有自知之明嘛

70
00:03:45,626 --> 00:03:47,001
{\an8}‪也说得十分仔细

71
00:03:47,001 --> 00:03:49,418
{\an8}‪好了 我说到哪了?
‪对了 拔枪内讧事件

72
00:03:49,418 --> 00:03:51,709
{\an8}‪拔枪内讧事件发生时
‪信号也收到干扰

73
00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:52,834
{\an8}‪因此我们有理由相信

74
00:03:52,834 --> 00:03:55,834
{\an8}‪你们在阿尔塔蒙特看到的武器
‪就在这里

75
00:03:55,834 --> 00:03:57,793
{\an8}‪到底是什么武器?

76
00:03:57,793 --> 00:04:00,376
{\an8}‪一种声波武器 能够把人变成...

77
00:04:00,376 --> 00:04:02,084
{\an8}‪-野兽
‪-野兽?

78
00:04:02,084 --> 00:04:03,626
{\an8}‪意志力不够坚定就会变成野兽

79
00:04:03,626 --> 00:04:06,168
{\an8}‪好消息是
‪这种武器不是对每个人都有效

80
00:04:06,168 --> 00:04:08,001
{\an8}‪效率达50%

81
00:04:08,001 --> 00:04:09,793
{\an8}‪只有对半数人有效

82
00:04:09,793 --> 00:04:12,168
{\an8}‪大概是这样 这是计算出来的结果

83
00:04:12,168 --> 00:04:14,543
{\an8}‪你挺理解这个武器的嘛

84
00:04:14,543 --> 00:04:18,126
{\an8}‪几年前 我们用过这项科技做实验

85
00:04:18,126 --> 00:04:20,918
{\an8}‪利用声波穿过理性层面

86
00:04:20,918 --> 00:04:22,834
{\an8}‪对潜意识进行操控

87
00:04:22,834 --> 00:04:25,043
{\an8}‪等等 你是指精神操控吗?

88
00:04:25,043 --> 00:04:27,293
{\an8}‪是啊 好牛逼的概念

89
00:04:27,293 --> 00:04:29,168
{\an8}‪可不是吗?

90
00:04:29,168 --> 00:04:31,959
{\an8}‪但试验期间发生状况
‪不得不终止整个项目

91
00:04:31,959 --> 00:04:34,793
{\an8}‪后来这小玩意被人偷走
‪然后改造成武器 对吧?

92
00:04:34,793 --> 00:04:37,709
{\an8}‪没错 你们的任务就是把武器弄到手

93
00:04:37,709 --> 00:04:41,001
{\an8}‪乘船到上游跟一个TCB的线人会合
‪他会到你们潜入敌营

94
00:04:41,001 --> 00:04:41,918
{\an8}‪那个线人是谁?

95
00:04:41,918 --> 00:04:44,543
{\an8}‪你们想不到的

96
00:04:44,543 --> 00:04:48,918
{\an8}‪多尔 你显然不太满意你的左侧睾丸
‪话说回来 他说得对

97
00:04:49,418 --> 00:04:50,543
{\an8}‪到时你们就知道了

98
00:04:50,543 --> 00:04:53,251
{\an8}‪只要赶得及回去参加JC大会就行了

99
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,668
{\an8}‪什么是“JC大会”?

100
00:04:54,668 --> 00:04:58,293
{\an8}‪青年商会大会 简称“JC”

101
00:04:58,293 --> 00:05:00,834
{\an8}‪他们决定
‪把“年度最佳青年大奖”颁给我

102
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:03,126
{\an8}‪你们懂的 原因不用我多说

103
00:05:03,126 --> 00:05:04,834
{\an8}‪我们会尽量准时送你去到现场

104
00:05:04,834 --> 00:05:08,251
{\an8}‪那就好 只许出席 不许缺席 能干哥

105
00:05:08,251 --> 00:05:09,668
‪奇怪了

106
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:13,168
‪感觉上是你在吩咐我做事

107
00:05:13,168 --> 00:05:14,751
‪好在我们想法一致

108
00:05:15,751 --> 00:05:17,001
‪让我把话说清楚

109
00:05:17,001 --> 00:05:18,834
‪这里发号施令的人是我

110
00:05:18,834 --> 00:05:20,584
‪你是我的手下 猫王

111
00:05:20,584 --> 00:05:23,376
‪我看你把我和那个家伙搞混了

112
00:05:23,376 --> 00:05:25,376
‪你可是对他的睾丸念兹在兹啊

113
00:05:25,876 --> 00:05:28,293
‪这种事的确有点变态

114
00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:35,251
‪太爽了!

115
00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:36,876
‪(天生杀人狂)

116
00:05:36,876 --> 00:05:41,584
‪天啊 听过“别害死人”这句话吗?

117
00:05:41,584 --> 00:05:42,501
‪别紧张

118
00:05:42,501 --> 00:05:45,584
‪让鲍比·雷尽情地玩吧
‪他不会害死任何人的

119
00:05:45,584 --> 00:05:48,959
‪也对 反正等他耍完花招后
‪我们已经死了

120
00:05:50,043 --> 00:05:51,834
‪你另一半打来了

121
00:05:56,209 --> 00:05:57,918
‪亲爱的 最近好吗?

122
00:05:57,918 --> 00:05:59,043
‪不太好

123
00:05:59,043 --> 00:06:01,334
‪在给小宝贝做菜

124
00:06:01,334 --> 00:06:04,709
‪对不起 我最近都不在家

125
00:06:04,709 --> 00:06:06,751
‪忙完后一定找时间陪陪你

126
00:06:06,751 --> 00:06:08,543
‪我记住你说的话了

127
00:06:08,543 --> 00:06:09,459
‪好啊

128
00:06:13,001 --> 00:06:14,418
‪我的妈啊 斯盖特!

129
00:06:14,418 --> 00:06:16,459
‪赶紧结束它的痛苦吧

130
00:06:18,501 --> 00:06:21,084
‪-玩得开心点吧
‪-我会的 宝贝

131
00:06:22,126 --> 00:06:23,918
‪可惜一开始不太顺利

132
00:06:23,918 --> 00:06:25,126
‪小心

133
00:06:29,126 --> 00:06:30,251
‪谢谢你救了我一命

134
00:06:30,251 --> 00:06:31,751
‪多尔 老实说

135
00:06:31,751 --> 00:06:33,793
‪就你从事的工作和所在领域看来

136
00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:37,251
{\an8}‪你惨死的机率高出天际

137
00:06:37,251 --> 00:06:39,168
‪但绝对不是今天 今天不是你的死期

138
00:06:39,168 --> 00:06:41,709
‪说到这份工作

139
00:06:41,709 --> 00:06:44,293
‪你有没有考虑把我...

140
00:06:44,293 --> 00:06:46,793
‪-多尔 这事我们谈过了
‪-没错 可是我...

141
00:06:46,793 --> 00:06:48,626
‪我知道你想当一线特工

142
00:06:48,626 --> 00:06:51,709
‪但我需要把你近乎病态的组织能力

143
00:06:51,709 --> 00:06:52,793
‪用在正确的地方

144
00:06:52,793 --> 00:06:56,626
‪夸奖了 头儿 可是当特工是我的梦想

145
00:06:57,459 --> 00:06:59,251
‪那就继续做梦 好好享受吧

146
00:06:59,251 --> 00:07:00,459
‪在现实中

147
00:07:00,459 --> 00:07:04,418
‪任何一个有理智的人都不会认为
‪你是当一线特工的材料

148
00:07:04,418 --> 00:07:06,126
‪-对不起 老兄
‪-头儿 请问我可以...

149
00:07:06,126 --> 00:07:08,793
‪原因不只是你的肌肉量跟小朋友一样

150
00:07:08,793 --> 00:07:11,459
‪也是因为你缺乏危机意识 多尔

151
00:07:11,459 --> 00:07:13,709
‪一线特工要随时备战

152
00:07:13,709 --> 00:07:16,459
‪假设有个飞碟着陆后
‪一条外星龙飞出来

153
00:07:16,459 --> 00:07:18,709
‪往你的方向冲过来
‪欲用假阳具把你打死

154
00:07:18,709 --> 00:07:21,251
‪你必须在它还没出现前就意识到危机

155
00:07:23,126 --> 00:07:25,626
‪说真的 头儿
‪搞不好你会对我刮目相看呢?

156
00:07:30,334 --> 00:07:32,459
‪可能性不太大

157
00:07:34,251 --> 00:07:37,043
‪知道这个线人是谁吗?

158
00:07:37,043 --> 00:07:39,501
‪不知道 希望对方是有脑袋的人吧

159
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:40,793
‪不会有事的

160
00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:41,709
‪是吗?

161
00:07:41,709 --> 00:07:44,834
‪看到周围的绿色丛林吗?
‪都是他妈的死亡陷阱

162
00:07:44,834 --> 00:07:49,001
‪别紧张 茜茜 “茜草”的“茜”
‪不过是森林 很久以前就存在了

163
00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:50,376
‪丛林斑疹伤寒也是

164
00:07:50,376 --> 00:07:53,751
‪相信周围有半数蚊子都携带这种病菌

165
00:07:53,751 --> 00:07:57,501
‪你知道那罐东西很可能是机油吧?

166
00:07:58,793 --> 00:08:01,709
‪让它喝吧 这艘船状态可好了

167
00:08:01,709 --> 00:08:04,626
‪如果当初知道军方
‪会给士兵这种好东西

168
00:08:04,626 --> 00:08:06,293
‪我就不会逃兵役了

169
00:08:06,293 --> 00:08:07,459
‪你说什么?

170
00:08:07,459 --> 00:08:09,501
‪只有我认为
‪那个家伙像个“大炮弹”吗?

171
00:08:09,501 --> 00:08:10,709
‪你逃兵役?

172
00:08:10,709 --> 00:08:12,543
‪你听我说

173
00:08:12,543 --> 00:08:16,293
‪我有三个表兄弟被征召入伍
‪最后只有两个半回来

174
00:08:16,293 --> 00:08:17,626
‪节哀顺便

175
00:08:17,626 --> 00:08:21,209
‪听好 我在淋病的格子上打勾后
‪军队就不要我了

176
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:22,793
‪你欺骗军方染上淋病?

177
00:08:22,793 --> 00:08:27,001
‪不是 我付钱叫小姐
‪操到我染上淋病为止

178
00:08:27,001 --> 00:08:28,543
‪原来要染上淋病没那么容易

179
00:08:28,543 --> 00:08:29,876
‪我对你很失望

180
00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:31,501
‪得了吧 能怪他吗?

181
00:08:31,501 --> 00:08:33,126
‪这场战争是个大错

182
00:08:33,126 --> 00:08:36,834
‪宣扬自由
‪从什么时候开始变成大错了?

183
00:08:36,834 --> 00:08:39,584
‪从战争不再是以宣扬自由主义
‪为目标开始

184
00:08:39,584 --> 00:08:41,876
‪如果美军都像
‪刚刚那个“大炮弹”一样猛的话

185
00:08:41,876 --> 00:08:44,251
‪那这场战争只是一群没用的政客

186
00:08:44,251 --> 00:08:46,709
‪把一群猛男送入鬼门关的手段

187
00:08:46,709 --> 00:08:48,918
‪我劝你还是搭下一班回国的航班

188
00:08:48,918 --> 00:08:53,084
‪找一份边嗑药边烧美国国旗的活儿吧

189
00:08:54,376 --> 00:08:56,834
‪不是 真他妈的
‪没有这种活儿 好吗?

190
00:08:57,959 --> 00:08:59,168
‪告诉我 你看到什么?

191
00:08:59,668 --> 00:09:03,876
‪第一眼我就发现
‪菜单上的低碳料理少得可怜

192
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:06,834
‪蠢货 我指的不是菜单
‪要有危机意识 你忘了吗?

193
00:09:06,834 --> 00:09:08,543
‪你在周围看到了什么?

194
00:09:08,543 --> 00:09:10,459
‪我知道了

195
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:13,418
‪有几个军人在喝酒 他们的位置在...

196
00:09:13,418 --> 00:09:15,959
‪-他们是海军
‪-是吗?看不出区别

197
00:09:15,959 --> 00:09:17,918
‪-这句话最好别对他们说
‪-知道了

198
00:09:18,501 --> 00:09:19,459
‪给我 白痴

199
00:09:20,501 --> 00:09:21,834
‪不准记录下来 有道理

200
00:09:21,834 --> 00:09:25,251
‪其中一个不是普通的海军

201
00:09:25,251 --> 00:09:26,209
‪没错

202
00:09:27,126 --> 00:09:28,126
‪等等 怎么说?

203
00:09:28,126 --> 00:09:30,084
‪其中一个是我们的线人

204
00:09:30,084 --> 00:09:31,626
‪好极了 哪一个?

205
00:09:31,626 --> 00:09:33,959
‪既然你想当特工

206
00:09:33,959 --> 00:09:35,001
‪那就你来告诉我吧

207
00:09:35,918 --> 00:09:38,084
‪-那个有胡须的大块头?
‪-没错

208
00:09:38,084 --> 00:09:39,876
‪天啊 我做到了

209
00:09:40,543 --> 00:09:41,376
‪等等

210
00:09:41,876 --> 00:09:44,126
‪我怎么突然呼吸困难起来?

211
00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:45,168
‪这样正常吗?

212
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:48,334
‪出门在外呼吸困难确实不正常
‪我劝你有空去看医生吧

213
00:09:51,209 --> 00:09:53,126
‪我的妈啊

214
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:56,168
‪看来老天
‪终于对老鲍比·雷刮目相看了

215
00:09:56,168 --> 00:09:59,043
‪开什么玩笑?

216
00:09:59,043 --> 00:10:01,584
‪-怎么了?
‪-她就是TCB的线人

217
00:10:01,584 --> 00:10:02,543
‪谁啊?她吗?

218
00:10:02,543 --> 00:10:05,668
‪没错 就是她
‪难怪指挥官不打算透露线人的身份

219
00:10:05,668 --> 00:10:07,126
‪-有意见吗?
‪-有好几个意见

220
00:10:07,126 --> 00:10:09,251
‪第一 她是我妈

221
00:10:10,501 --> 00:10:12,376
‪等等 不会吧?

222
00:10:12,376 --> 00:10:14,334
‪其他意见都围绕着这个意见

223
00:10:14,334 --> 00:10:16,626
‪总之我们隔着一条很大的鸿沟

224
00:10:19,334 --> 00:10:20,709
‪茜茜

225
00:10:20,709 --> 00:10:21,793
‪妈妈

226
00:10:21,793 --> 00:10:23,251
‪你看起来很精神嘛

227
00:10:24,001 --> 00:10:25,834
‪很少听你对我说这种赞美的话

228
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:27,876
‪这浏海挺令人摸不着头脑的

229
00:10:27,876 --> 00:10:29,418
‪这才对嘛

230
00:10:29,418 --> 00:10:31,168
‪我们多久没见了?一年了吧?

231
00:10:31,168 --> 00:10:32,209
‪有四年了吧?

232
00:10:32,209 --> 00:10:34,918
‪这就太夸张了

233
00:10:35,709 --> 00:10:40,126
‪不打算介绍这位高富帅吗?

234
00:10:40,126 --> 00:10:41,793
‪天啊

235
00:10:41,793 --> 00:10:43,251
‪-你没事吧?
‪-没事

236
00:10:43,251 --> 00:10:45,251
‪只是吐得激情四射

237
00:10:45,251 --> 00:10:47,293
‪你好 我叫埃尔维斯

238
00:10:47,293 --> 00:10:48,918
‪我是罗珊·莱德特工

239
00:10:48,918 --> 00:10:52,334
‪也有人叫我“茜茜的妈”
‪我会负责送你们回国

240
00:10:52,334 --> 00:10:53,751
‪茜茜的妈

241
00:10:53,751 --> 00:10:57,001
‪我还以为是茜茜的妹妹呢
‪但我选择相信你

242
00:10:57,001 --> 00:11:00,876
‪一双能看穿人心的蓝眼睛
‪加上帅气的面容

243
00:11:00,876 --> 00:11:03,209
‪这种组合我可以

244
00:11:03,209 --> 00:11:05,251
‪你就是不放过
‪任何撩汉的机会 对吧?

245
00:11:05,251 --> 00:11:08,876
‪你知道吗?我其实也有申请
‪成为你的搭档

246
00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:09,959
‪我还真受宠若惊啊

247
00:11:09,959 --> 00:11:14,376
‪可不是吗?
‪这就是后悔生下女儿的妈妈会做的事

248
00:11:14,376 --> 00:11:15,293
‪别理她

249
00:11:15,293 --> 00:11:18,168
‪这句话就是我童年的写照

250
00:11:19,501 --> 00:11:20,501
‪给我听好

251
00:11:22,043 --> 00:11:24,668
‪我要你静悄悄地把这张纸条
‪交给我们的线人

252
00:11:25,334 --> 00:11:27,834
‪这是你展现实力的时候

253
00:11:27,834 --> 00:11:29,376
‪头儿 我不会令你失望的

254
00:11:29,376 --> 00:11:30,918
‪凡事都有第一次

255
00:11:30,918 --> 00:11:31,876
‪我这就去

256
00:11:37,334 --> 00:11:39,084
‪需要帮忙吗?

257
00:11:40,334 --> 00:11:41,293
‪搞什么?

258
00:11:41,959 --> 00:11:43,543
‪你癫痫发作吗?

259
00:11:43,543 --> 00:11:45,376
‪打开纸条来看就对了

260
00:11:47,209 --> 00:11:52,251
‪“驴脑 请问拉丁语中的‘永远忠诚’
‪跟‘人渣’是同一个意思吗?”

261
00:11:53,834 --> 00:11:54,668
‪等等 什么?

262
00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:15,918
‪好样的 多尔

263
00:12:15,918 --> 00:12:17,418
‪站起来 士兵

264
00:12:24,168 --> 00:12:27,668
‪所以TCB有点像家族企业了?

265
00:12:27,668 --> 00:12:29,459
‪我们绝对不是家人

266
00:12:29,459 --> 00:12:31,043
‪不是传统意义上的家人

267
00:12:31,043 --> 00:12:32,501
‪也不是关系健康的家人

268
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:37,418
‪但我确实在大学毕业后
‪加入TCB不久就怀了茜茜

269
00:12:37,418 --> 00:12:40,293
‪那也是跟陌生人纵情滥交的结果

270
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:42,293
‪他不是陌生人

271
00:12:42,293 --> 00:12:44,543
‪如果孩子不知道父亲是谁
‪那对方就是陌生人

272
00:12:44,543 --> 00:12:47,168
‪那并不代表人家没有名字 布奇熊

273
00:12:48,709 --> 00:12:49,834
‪布奇熊?

274
00:12:49,834 --> 00:12:52,043
‪她小时候我给她取的乳名

275
00:12:52,043 --> 00:12:53,084
‪胡说八道

276
00:12:53,084 --> 00:12:56,251
‪你才没给我取过任何可爱的乳名
‪别假装我们是关系健康的母女

277
00:12:56,251 --> 00:12:57,793
‪你当时还小 不记得了

278
00:12:57,793 --> 00:12:58,751
‪对啊

279
00:12:58,751 --> 00:13:02,418
‪我记得你说我是
‪“体外射精的警示故事”

280
00:13:02,418 --> 00:13:07,834
‪上次跟那个某某一起吃饭时
‪我已经就这事向你道歉了

281
00:13:07,834 --> 00:13:09,751
‪-那个某某叫克雷格
‪-谁是克雷格?

282
00:13:09,751 --> 00:13:12,209
‪某个前男友 我带他回家吃过一次饭

283
00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:15,168
‪我还记得那晚妈妈也带了
‪她那个脾气随和的男朋友来

284
00:13:15,168 --> 00:13:16,751
‪他喝醉后可凶了

285
00:13:17,334 --> 00:13:18,918
‪-别说话
‪-你才别说话

286
00:13:19,709 --> 00:13:22,209
‪广播站就在草地另一端

287
00:13:22,209 --> 00:13:24,043
‪好极了 谢谢 你可以走了

288
00:13:24,043 --> 00:13:26,959
‪听好 我知道你不想见到我

289
00:13:26,959 --> 00:13:31,001
‪我知道我是失责的妈妈
‪你要我割腕自杀才开心吗?

290
00:13:31,001 --> 00:13:32,501
‪我没那个意思

291
00:13:32,501 --> 00:13:34,918
‪不过我不介意来个较轻微的版本

292
00:13:37,709 --> 00:13:38,793
‪别打草惊蛇

293
00:13:38,793 --> 00:13:42,543
‪慢慢来 我在享受美景呢

294
00:13:43,043 --> 00:13:43,959
‪够了 好吗?

295
00:13:43,959 --> 00:13:46,501
‪怎么?这个男人的美臀
‪可媲美法国年轻人

296
00:13:46,501 --> 00:13:50,043
‪那恕我要让你失望了 我结婚了

297
00:13:50,043 --> 00:13:54,334
‪是吗?听我说一句
‪她完全不介...该死的

298
00:13:57,168 --> 00:13:59,334
‪布奇熊 劝你还是趴下比较好

299
00:14:03,418 --> 00:14:06,209
‪-我可能不适合当特工吧
‪-开什么玩笑?

300
00:14:06,209 --> 00:14:08,001
‪-你表现得很好
‪-真的吗?

301
00:14:08,001 --> 00:14:10,459
‪当然是骗你的 你真的是白痴吗?

302
00:14:10,459 --> 00:14:11,376
‪对不起

303
00:14:11,376 --> 00:14:12,626
‪看着我

304
00:14:12,626 --> 00:14:15,126
‪当特工要遵守的第一条规则
‪就是千万别道歉

305
00:14:15,126 --> 00:14:16,043
‪知道了

306
00:14:16,043 --> 00:14:17,084
‪第二条规则是...

307
00:14:17,084 --> 00:14:19,251
‪看到对街
‪那个身穿白色正装的男人吗?

308
00:14:21,668 --> 00:14:23,793
‪没错 就是他 我要你干掉他

309
00:14:23,793 --> 00:14:25,084
‪马上干掉他

310
00:14:25,084 --> 00:14:26,584
‪什么?马上?

311
00:14:26,584 --> 00:14:28,918
‪劝你先穿好衣服再行动

312
00:14:29,501 --> 00:14:31,751
‪我无所谓
‪但大多数特工都会穿好衣服行动

313
00:14:37,459 --> 00:14:41,043
‪我希望鲍比·雷听到枪声后
‪会马上呼叫空中支援

314
00:14:44,459 --> 00:14:47,084
‪我似乎尝不到汽油弹的味道

315
00:14:55,501 --> 00:15:00,293
‪那些人说这里是鬼地方
‪也不是没来由的

316
00:15:08,626 --> 00:15:10,668
‪这些人是谁啊?

317
00:15:10,668 --> 00:15:14,418
‪但他们绝对不是本地人

318
00:15:15,459 --> 00:15:17,834
‪你们留在这里 我去去就回来

319
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:20,084
‪-掩护我
‪-好的

320
00:15:27,751 --> 00:15:31,001
‪那晚一起吃饭的男朋友怎么样了?
‪他叫克雷格 对吧?

321
00:15:31,001 --> 00:15:32,918
‪后来你们在浴室里搞上了

322
00:15:53,751 --> 00:15:57,751
‪我们内行人管这种情况叫“大功告成”

323
00:15:57,751 --> 00:15:58,959
‪哪一行?

324
00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:02,209
‪这句台词特牛逼 别过分分析

325
00:16:02,793 --> 00:16:04,751
‪那我们就要好好庆祝了

326
00:16:04,751 --> 00:16:06,209
‪谁想喝几杯?

327
00:16:06,209 --> 00:16:08,543
‪然后酒后乱性?

328
00:16:08,543 --> 00:16:12,043
‪天啊 老妈 你都情急拼命了

329
00:16:13,918 --> 00:16:15,709
‪-这是...
‪-捂住耳朵!

330
00:16:30,709 --> 00:16:32,584
‪天啊 你看见了吗?

331
00:16:32,584 --> 00:16:33,834
‪把人变成野兽

332
00:16:34,709 --> 00:16:36,293
‪赶紧追上去

333
00:16:37,084 --> 00:16:38,293
‪有必要吗?

334
00:16:39,793 --> 00:16:40,626
‪该死的

335
00:16:42,126 --> 00:16:44,209
‪这就是越共隧道

336
00:16:44,709 --> 00:16:45,709
‪跟紧点

337
00:16:55,918 --> 00:16:57,793
‪看见了吗?我都说她很弱了

338
00:16:57,793 --> 00:16:59,584
‪她被那个机器操控了

339
00:16:59,584 --> 00:17:02,751
‪但仍然不改她很弱的事实
‪这是摆在眼前的真相

340
00:17:06,876 --> 00:17:09,168
‪好了 好好先生 交给我吧

341
00:17:16,501 --> 00:17:17,334
‪这是...

342
00:17:18,001 --> 00:17:19,459
‪到底发生了什么事?

343
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,918
‪别乱动

344
00:17:25,918 --> 00:17:26,876
‪他说得对

345
00:17:28,501 --> 00:17:30,543
‪起码等我们走了以后才动
‪要走了吗?

346
00:17:30,543 --> 00:17:31,668
‪等等 搞什么?

347
00:17:31,668 --> 00:17:35,501
‪我们不能抛下你妈不管
‪她站在一个地雷上

348
00:17:35,501 --> 00:17:37,209
‪听你这位猛男同伴的话

349
00:17:37,209 --> 00:17:38,959
‪妈妈 你懂的 任务第一

350
00:17:38,959 --> 00:17:40,501
‪-这是你教我的
‪-是吗?

351
00:17:40,501 --> 00:17:43,251
‪当然不是 你什么也没教过我

352
00:17:43,251 --> 00:17:46,251
‪只教会我怎么嗑烟
‪以及用马桶酿造伏特加

353
00:17:46,251 --> 00:17:47,209
‪天啊

354
00:17:47,209 --> 00:17:49,668
‪但你总不能把我抛下啊 茜茜

355
00:17:49,668 --> 00:17:52,251
‪是吗?那给我一个充分的理由

356
00:17:52,251 --> 00:17:54,668
‪那你永远不知道你生父是谁

357
00:17:55,459 --> 00:17:57,251
‪-等等 你真知道他是谁?
‪-是啊

358
00:17:57,251 --> 00:17:59,334
‪那为什么不告诉我呢?

359
00:17:59,334 --> 00:18:01,501
‪我也说不上来 你要我怎么回应?

360
00:18:01,501 --> 00:18:03,793
‪要我承认
‪我不知道怎么当个称职的妈妈吗?

361
00:18:03,793 --> 00:18:05,543
‪休想 看着我

362
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:08,001
‪我无论哪方面都想跟我女儿竞争

363
00:18:08,001 --> 00:18:10,001
‪我自己都不知道为什么

364
00:18:10,001 --> 00:18:14,001
‪可能是因为我的存在在提醒你
‪你的美貌渐渐消退 终究难逃一死吧

365
00:18:15,168 --> 00:18:17,293
‪我都踩到地雷了 好吗?

366
00:18:17,293 --> 00:18:19,751
‪没必要对我落井下石

367
00:18:23,959 --> 00:18:25,126
‪小心点

368
00:18:28,918 --> 00:18:30,084
‪谢了

369
00:18:30,084 --> 00:18:32,584
‪恶心 别谢我 快说 爸爸是谁?

370
00:18:32,584 --> 00:18:35,959
‪你爸吗?其实我不知道

371
00:18:35,959 --> 00:18:38,376
‪你竟然骗我?

372
00:18:38,376 --> 00:18:41,584
‪从你裹着尿片起
‪我几乎都没跟你说过实话

373
00:18:42,626 --> 00:18:44,334
‪突然要我对你实话感觉怪怪的

374
00:18:56,751 --> 00:18:58,251
‪我不做到啊

375
00:18:58,251 --> 00:19:00,668
‪那个男人是美国领事馆里的间谍

376
00:19:00,668 --> 00:19:02,834
‪-你的任务是干掉他
‪-怎么干掉他?

377
00:19:02,834 --> 00:19:04,543
‪用我给你的武器啊

378
00:19:04,543 --> 00:19:05,543
‪武器?

379
00:19:06,209 --> 00:19:09,709
‪这是吃沙拉用的餐叉
‪质量特差的那种

380
00:19:09,709 --> 00:19:10,751
‪看着我

381
00:19:10,751 --> 00:19:15,043
‪我要你回想那些骂你是废物的人

382
00:19:15,043 --> 00:19:17,501
‪-骂你是窝囊废的人
‪-这方法可能没有效

383
00:19:17,501 --> 00:19:21,334
‪骂你性无能、只有一颗睾丸
‪注定成为人生输家的个

384
00:19:21,334 --> 00:19:25,251
‪利用这股愤怒
‪让他们知道他们的想法有多么扯

385
00:19:33,918 --> 00:19:34,918
‪安全词

386
00:19:42,543 --> 00:19:43,459
‪埃尔维斯!

387
00:19:43,459 --> 00:19:45,043
‪天啊 大哥 你没事吧?

388
00:19:45,043 --> 00:19:47,251
‪好多了 老兄

389
00:20:03,084 --> 00:20:05,168
‪听好 这可是天大的内幕消息

390
00:20:05,168 --> 00:20:07,543
‪报告题目很长

391
00:20:07,543 --> 00:20:10,751
‪就简称为《五角大楼文件》

392
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,168
‪这名字取得够牛 我喜欢

393
00:20:13,168 --> 00:20:15,584
‪兵哥们 爱你们 注意安全!

394
00:20:44,001 --> 00:20:46,376
‪真他妈的 你准备的脱衣舞演出好烂

395
00:20:49,043 --> 00:20:52,501
‪声波武器在后台 赶紧把它带走!

396
00:21:28,709 --> 00:21:32,918
‪各位 只有我觉得
‪我妈还在下面这事很好笑吗?

397
00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:36,543
‪好吧 只有我觉得好笑 懂了

398
00:21:38,293 --> 00:21:42,793
{\an8}‪(1971年1月16日 美国青年商会
‪年度最佳青年颁奖礼)

399
00:21:42,793 --> 00:21:44,168
‪你怎么来了?

400
00:21:44,168 --> 00:21:45,543
‪这种大事我能错过吗?

401
00:21:45,543 --> 00:21:48,168
‪是我确保你会拿到这个烂奖的

402
00:21:48,168 --> 00:21:50,084
‪什么?这是什么?

403
00:21:50,084 --> 00:21:53,376
‪我自作主张帮你写了几句感言
‪加了几句有力量的话

404
00:21:53,376 --> 00:21:55,001
‪还稍微提到越战

405
00:21:55,001 --> 00:21:57,126
‪我已经跟你说明立场了

406
00:21:57,126 --> 00:21:59,376
‪我知道 但这次就相信我吧

407
00:21:59,376 --> 00:22:02,334
‪-那天都说好了 不是吗?
‪-说好什么?

408
00:22:02,334 --> 00:22:04,918
‪休想我听从你的命令

409
00:22:14,918 --> 00:22:17,668
‪(终止任务)

410
00:22:17,668 --> 00:22:19,293
‪(新任务)

411
00:22:19,293 --> 00:22:22,959
‪(夏威夷行动)

412
00:23:18,043 --> 00:23:20,834
‪字幕翻译:张庆龄