1
00:00:15,043 --> 00:00:18,126
[The Commander] Look, Howard.
I didn't ask you what I should name it.
2
00:00:18,126 --> 00:00:19,751
[Howard] Still loving "Rhinostradamus."
3
00:00:19,751 --> 00:00:22,293
I just need to know what it eats,
what to feed it.
4
00:00:22,293 --> 00:00:23,668
Oh, that's easy.
5
00:00:23,668 --> 00:00:25,459
Squirrels and small children, mostly.
6
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:26,418
Hey, what the...
7
00:00:26,418 --> 00:00:30,126
Uh, you know what happened to the last guy
who did that when I was on the phone?
8
00:00:30,126 --> 00:00:32,959
- No.
- Exactly. And nobody ever will.
9
00:00:32,959 --> 00:00:35,001
Industrial wood chippers
are handy that way.
10
00:00:35,001 --> 00:00:36,501
You and I need to talk.
11
00:00:36,501 --> 00:00:38,626
As in, you can go now.
12
00:00:38,626 --> 00:00:42,751
Is this about you taking acid
and destroying your own home? Classic!
13
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:45,959
Quick question: did you really drive
a little sports car through your gate?
14
00:00:45,959 --> 00:00:47,501
Little sports car?
15
00:00:47,501 --> 00:00:50,251
It's called a De Tomaso Pantera.
16
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:53,043
Which I believe is Italian
for "early midlife crisis."
17
00:00:53,043 --> 00:00:55,251
You should come over sometime
and check it out.
18
00:00:55,251 --> 00:00:58,001
Of course, you'll have to make your way
through the thousands of fans
19
00:00:58,001 --> 00:01:00,126
who camp out
in front of Graceland every day.
20
00:01:00,126 --> 00:01:03,793
You know, I almost named my house once,
and then I remembered,
21
00:01:04,376 --> 00:01:06,168
I'm not a fucking child.
22
00:01:07,293 --> 00:01:08,668
Ooh, burn!
23
00:01:08,668 --> 00:01:09,584
[laughs]
24
00:01:09,584 --> 00:01:12,168
Well, that was fun. You can go now.
25
00:01:12,168 --> 00:01:13,876
I got your boy Leary back for you.
26
00:01:13,876 --> 00:01:16,709
Great.
You want a thank-you hug or something?
27
00:01:16,709 --> 00:01:18,334
Hey, Doyle! Come hug Elvis!
28
00:01:18,334 --> 00:01:19,376
[Doyle] What? Really?
29
00:01:19,376 --> 00:01:21,084
Shut the fuck up, Doyle.
30
00:01:21,584 --> 00:01:23,543
Leary mentioned something
that got me thinking.
31
00:01:23,543 --> 00:01:24,668
Oh, that right?
32
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,501
Project Tupelo.
33
00:01:26,501 --> 00:01:27,751
"Dirty sandwich,"
34
00:01:27,751 --> 00:01:31,209
in case we're playing a new game
where we just say random words out loud.
35
00:01:31,209 --> 00:01:32,751
Project Tupelo.
36
00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:34,959
- You ever heard of it?
- Can't say I have.
37
00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:36,251
Which doesn't mean you haven't.
38
00:01:36,251 --> 00:01:40,209
Yeah, it's an idiom. Here's another one:
Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
39
00:01:40,209 --> 00:01:41,334
Look here.
40
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:44,001
I think there's a ton of shit
that you're not telling me.
41
00:01:44,001 --> 00:01:44,918
Know that.
42
00:01:48,501 --> 00:01:50,043
- Hang back for a sec.
- What's up?
43
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:52,084
You're good
at quietly stalking people, right?
44
00:01:52,084 --> 00:01:54,751
Allegedly stalking, to quote my lawyer.
45
00:01:54,751 --> 00:01:57,876
Keep an eye on Elvis for me.
Let me know if he gets up to anything.
46
00:01:57,876 --> 00:01:58,834
Will do.
47
00:01:59,668 --> 00:02:00,709
[laughs]
48
00:02:00,709 --> 00:02:03,043
Yeah, not a chance, little guy.
49
00:02:04,126 --> 00:02:05,501
I'm so gonna die alone.
50
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:08,376
You're seriously
just now figuring that out?
51
00:02:08,376 --> 00:02:10,668
[ominous music playing]
52
00:02:14,418 --> 00:02:16,376
{\an8}[feedback squeals]
53
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:20,793
[dramatic music playing]
54
00:02:20,793 --> 00:02:22,334
[typing]
55
00:02:24,918 --> 00:02:26,918
{\an8}- Nice setup, Howard.
- [laughs]
56
00:02:26,918 --> 00:02:28,334
{\an8}Fuck nice.
57
00:02:28,334 --> 00:02:30,793
{\an8}This little baby is state-of-the-art.
58
00:02:30,793 --> 00:02:35,501
{\an8}An entire database
that fits inside a single room.
59
00:02:35,501 --> 00:02:36,876
{\an8}Say, mind if I give it a whirl?
60
00:02:36,876 --> 00:02:38,168
{\an8}[laughs] Sorry.
61
00:02:38,168 --> 00:02:40,126
{\an8}Walt and I are kind of busy.
62
00:02:40,126 --> 00:02:42,834
{\an8}- Walt?
- Whoa! Where are my manners?
63
00:02:43,376 --> 00:02:46,668
{\an8}Say hello to Walt Disney.
64
00:02:46,668 --> 00:02:49,334
{\an8}- Well, a piece of him, anyway.
- What the hell?
65
00:02:49,334 --> 00:02:53,251
{\an8}He's my best friend/
business partner/murder victim.
66
00:02:53,251 --> 00:02:54,918
{\an8}Walt Disney wasn't murdered.
67
00:02:54,918 --> 00:02:55,876
{\an8}Says you.
68
00:02:55,876 --> 00:03:00,751
{\an8}But did you know Walt's dying words
were the name "Kurt Russell"?
69
00:03:00,751 --> 00:03:03,793
{\an8}- You don't find that a little suspicious?
- Look here, if I say yes,
70
00:03:03,793 --> 00:03:05,418
{\an8}can I borrow that computer a sec?
71
00:03:05,418 --> 00:03:07,418
{\an8}I don't think
I'm supposed to let you do that.
72
00:03:07,418 --> 00:03:09,793
{\an8}Well, Walt here says it's okay.
73
00:03:09,793 --> 00:03:12,001
{\an8}Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can hear him?
74
00:03:12,001 --> 00:03:12,918
{\an8}Why not?
75
00:03:12,918 --> 00:03:16,543
{\an8}Now that actually makes
a ton of sense to me.
76
00:03:16,543 --> 00:03:17,918
{\an8}[laughs]
77
00:03:17,918 --> 00:03:19,168
{\an8}Go right ahead.
78
00:03:19,168 --> 00:03:22,834
{\an8}What else did Walt say? Did he tell you
about the robot assassins I made for him
79
00:03:22,834 --> 00:03:24,501
{\an8}modeled after US presidents?
80
00:03:25,084 --> 00:03:28,293
{\an8}Turns out he wanted
something more vanilla.
81
00:03:28,293 --> 00:03:30,126
[typing]
82
00:03:34,959 --> 00:03:35,793
[beeps]
83
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:38,918
{\an8}What the hell is Sub-Level 7?
84
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:40,001
{\an8}[shushing]
85
00:03:40,001 --> 00:03:42,251
{\an8}Not what, where? Now...
86
00:03:42,251 --> 00:03:43,418
{\an8}[shushing]
87
00:03:43,418 --> 00:03:46,918
{\an8}It's an ultra-classified area.
88
00:03:46,918 --> 00:03:49,251
{\an8}- But shut the fuck up about it.
- Where is it?
89
00:03:49,251 --> 00:03:50,459
{\an8}[laughs] Oh!
90
00:03:50,459 --> 00:03:53,251
{\an8}No idea! Only the Commander knows.
91
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:57,459
{\an8}Wait, wait, wait!
Did Walt say anything about his murder?
92
00:03:57,459 --> 00:03:59,001
{\an8}Just...
93
00:03:59,001 --> 00:04:00,584
{\an8}that he wasn't murdered at all.
94
00:04:00,584 --> 00:04:01,918
{\an8}[cackles]
95
00:04:01,918 --> 00:04:05,251
{\an8}Classic Walt! The king of misdirection.
96
00:04:07,668 --> 00:04:09,709
{\an8}[muffled protest]
97
00:04:09,709 --> 00:04:12,793
{\an8}Guess it's up to me, then, right, Kurt?
98
00:04:14,126 --> 00:04:16,834
{\an8}[laid-back funky music playing]
99
00:04:18,668 --> 00:04:20,376
{\an8}- [static crackling]
- [Bobby Ray grunts]
100
00:04:20,376 --> 00:04:22,876
{\an8}And the Scatter Cam is up.
101
00:04:22,876 --> 00:04:25,876
{\an8}We got the front view, side view, and...
102
00:04:26,418 --> 00:04:27,959
{\an8}That's supposed to be a rear view.
103
00:04:27,959 --> 00:04:30,626
{\an8}Well, then, unfortunately, it is working.
104
00:04:30,626 --> 00:04:31,918
{\an8}Scatter, you read?
105
00:04:32,501 --> 00:04:35,418
{\an8}This is kids' stuff,
simple trail and tail, buddy.
106
00:04:36,293 --> 00:04:37,376
{\an8}[gibbering]
107
00:04:42,293 --> 00:04:43,834
{\an8}Oh, come on.
108
00:04:46,918 --> 00:04:48,376
Ah, come on!
109
00:04:51,418 --> 00:04:53,251
[gasps] Oh, come on.
110
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:55,876
{\an8}Huh. I always imagined
his days would be busier.
111
00:04:59,918 --> 00:05:01,501
{\an8}[zipper rasps]
112
00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:03,334
{\an8}[The Commander]
Oh come on. Come on. Come on.
113
00:05:04,751 --> 00:05:07,001
Come on. Come on. Come on.
114
00:05:08,084 --> 00:05:09,334
[zipper rasps]
115
00:05:12,293 --> 00:05:13,251
{\an8}Got him.
116
00:05:14,543 --> 00:05:15,543
{\an8}[phone line rings]
117
00:05:15,543 --> 00:05:18,834
{\an8}Bertie, how's my number-one person
in the world doing today?
118
00:05:20,043 --> 00:05:22,168
Buttering you up?
Come on now, that's nonsense.
119
00:05:22,168 --> 00:05:23,334
[chuckles]
120
00:05:23,334 --> 00:05:26,043
But yeah, I need a pretty big favor.
121
00:05:31,626 --> 00:05:32,959
[CeCe] Oh, is that a glory hole?
122
00:05:32,959 --> 00:05:35,584
Guess they're not just
for fun airport bathrooms anymore.
123
00:05:35,584 --> 00:05:37,793
- What are you doing here?
- Take it easy.
124
00:05:37,793 --> 00:05:39,209
Are you fucking stalking me?
125
00:05:39,209 --> 00:05:41,584
Hey, it's not stalking
if I don't think you're hot.
126
00:05:41,584 --> 00:05:42,876
To quote my lawyer.
127
00:05:43,501 --> 00:05:44,918
Who I do not think is very good.
128
00:05:44,918 --> 00:05:46,543
You still haven't answered my question.
129
00:05:46,543 --> 00:05:48,834
Look, it wasn't my idea.
The Commander asked me to.
130
00:05:48,834 --> 00:05:51,084
This right here. This right here.
131
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,501
This is why I am done trusting you people.
132
00:05:53,501 --> 00:05:55,293
[sighs] Are you also done
133
00:05:55,293 --> 00:05:56,918
being overly dramatic?
134
00:05:56,918 --> 00:06:00,626
I'm not going to rat you out, okay?
Now, what do you say we hit Sub-Level 7?
135
00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:02,334
This has nothing to do with you.
136
00:06:02,334 --> 00:06:05,584
Oh, come on. I've been dying
to see Sub-Level 7 for years.
137
00:06:05,584 --> 00:06:07,459
Not to mention,
I can maybe find out down there
138
00:06:07,459 --> 00:06:09,959
- if the Commander is secretly my dad.
- What?
139
00:06:09,959 --> 00:06:12,001
Well, I never met my real dad growing up,
140
00:06:12,001 --> 00:06:15,084
and the Commander got super weird
when I tried to seduce him.
141
00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:16,251
You do the math.
142
00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:17,418
[sighs]
143
00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:18,918
Just don't get in my way.
144
00:06:20,709 --> 00:06:22,001
[CeCe] Oh, uh,
145
00:06:22,001 --> 00:06:23,376
based on personal experience,
146
00:06:23,376 --> 00:06:26,501
it's a very bad idea to look
directly into a glory hole like that.
147
00:06:27,168 --> 00:06:29,584
[Elvis] Jesus,
there are vein lines in there.
148
00:06:30,168 --> 00:06:32,376
Ooh, custom-fit hole, huh?
149
00:06:32,376 --> 00:06:35,043
Okay, well, yours still might work.
Give it a shot.
150
00:06:36,709 --> 00:06:37,834
[sizzling]
151
00:06:41,793 --> 00:06:43,459
Maybe it's all out of acid now?
152
00:06:43,459 --> 00:06:45,418
More like we're totally screwed now.
153
00:06:45,418 --> 00:06:47,626
So you're gonna give up? Just like that?
154
00:06:47,626 --> 00:06:49,584
Wow, you would make a terrible stalker.
155
00:06:49,584 --> 00:06:53,293
Unless there's an exact copy of the guy's
schlong lying around somewhere--
156
00:06:53,293 --> 00:06:54,709
- Actually...
- What?
157
00:06:54,709 --> 00:06:58,084
The Commander was once
in a three-way with Marlon Brando.
158
00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,543
What exactly made you think
I wanted to know that?
159
00:07:00,543 --> 00:07:02,501
Ever heard of Penelope Penis Caster?
160
00:07:02,501 --> 00:07:05,126
So let me get this straight.
This woman just runs around
161
00:07:05,126 --> 00:07:07,876
making plaster casts
of famous people's private parts?
162
00:07:07,876 --> 00:07:09,084
Among other things.
163
00:07:09,084 --> 00:07:11,876
She's sort of
a Cynthia Plaster Caster wannabe.
164
00:07:11,876 --> 00:07:14,459
Hang on. You mean
there's more than one of these people?
165
00:07:14,459 --> 00:07:17,334
If by "people" you mean artists, then yes.
166
00:07:17,334 --> 00:07:20,251
- [Bobby Ray] Not sure this counts as art.
- This is a real skill.
167
00:07:20,251 --> 00:07:22,668
It takes years to master, okay?
168
00:07:22,668 --> 00:07:26,834
You can't just pull perfectly-sculpted
cocks out of thin air, you know,
169
00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:29,959
like some... some birthday party magician.
170
00:07:30,543 --> 00:07:34,001
What kind of fucked-up
birthday parties have you been going to?
171
00:07:34,001 --> 00:07:36,043
[funky upbeat music playing]
172
00:07:37,293 --> 00:07:38,543
[knocks]
173
00:07:43,084 --> 00:07:47,293
Elvis Presley, as I live and breathe.
174
00:07:47,293 --> 00:07:49,084
What brings you to my studio?
175
00:07:49,084 --> 00:07:50,834
Well, I just figured it was time
176
00:07:50,834 --> 00:07:55,459
to wrap my erect penis in plaster
in front of a total stranger.
177
00:07:55,459 --> 00:07:58,334
Well, then, you've definitely
come to the right place.
178
00:08:03,876 --> 00:08:07,584
So, how's the papier-mâché dick business?
179
00:08:07,584 --> 00:08:11,751
Belittling description aside,
it's going well. Thanks for asking.
180
00:08:13,084 --> 00:08:15,668
I've waited a long time for this.
181
00:08:15,668 --> 00:08:18,376
Well, you're gonna have to wait
just a bit longer, sweetie,
182
00:08:18,376 --> 00:08:21,084
because my buddy here, he's going first.
183
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:22,293
What?
184
00:08:22,293 --> 00:08:25,376
You know those folks who taste
your food to make sure it's not poisoned?
185
00:08:25,376 --> 00:08:27,668
It's basically that, but for erections.
186
00:08:28,584 --> 00:08:29,793
[gibbers]
187
00:08:30,376 --> 00:08:31,626
Don't worry, I got this.
188
00:08:31,626 --> 00:08:35,918
I can tell what any man's penis looks like
just by looking at him.
189
00:08:36,793 --> 00:08:38,334
It's a thing, trust me.
190
00:08:39,043 --> 00:08:41,043
[uplifting music playing]
191
00:08:52,168 --> 00:08:53,418
There it is.
192
00:08:54,168 --> 00:08:55,834
That is definitely the one.
193
00:08:58,043 --> 00:08:58,876
Huh?
194
00:09:00,418 --> 00:09:02,459
Oh yeah, well, also could be that one.
195
00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,084
[Bobby Ray] Ow! Damn it!
196
00:09:05,084 --> 00:09:07,418
- [Penelope] Just relax.
- How's it going in there?
197
00:09:07,418 --> 00:09:09,543
- [wet squishing]
- A little hot at first, but...
198
00:09:10,043 --> 00:09:10,876
Ooh!
199
00:09:10,876 --> 00:09:12,543
[Bobby Ray groaning]
200
00:09:13,126 --> 00:09:15,084
But then it's like a warm marshmallow
201
00:09:15,084 --> 00:09:18,084
trying to swallow you whole
from the groin up.
202
00:09:21,626 --> 00:09:24,001
[chuckles] Well, you're painting
quite a picture there, buddy,
203
00:09:24,001 --> 00:09:25,459
- but we gotta go.
- [snaps fingers]
204
00:09:27,043 --> 00:09:28,501
[dramatic music playing]
205
00:09:30,626 --> 00:09:31,918
[lock chimes]
206
00:09:34,126 --> 00:09:35,876
Wait, what if the Commander's down there?
207
00:09:35,876 --> 00:09:37,334
Bertie's got it covered.
208
00:09:40,251 --> 00:09:42,876
Gotta be honest, I was a little
surprised you invited me over.
209
00:09:42,876 --> 00:09:44,459
You and me both.
210
00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:45,876
- I'm sorry, what?
- Nothing.
211
00:09:45,876 --> 00:09:48,709
[laughs] I mean,
given how our last date ended.
212
00:09:48,709 --> 00:09:53,501
Oh, you mean the date where you murdered
a bunch of animal rights activists?
213
00:09:53,501 --> 00:09:54,751
Yeah, that's the one.
214
00:09:54,751 --> 00:09:57,834
Know what?
Let's not dwell on the ugly past.
215
00:09:57,834 --> 00:09:59,876
That's my motto. Word for word.
216
00:10:01,459 --> 00:10:04,876
Mind if I slip into something
a little more comfortable?
217
00:10:04,876 --> 00:10:05,834
Mm.
218
00:10:05,834 --> 00:10:07,084
By all means.
219
00:10:07,084 --> 00:10:09,251
[mellow adult contemporary music playing]
220
00:10:15,043 --> 00:10:16,043
Jesus!
221
00:10:16,043 --> 00:10:18,959
Christ almighty!
What the hell are you doing?
222
00:10:18,959 --> 00:10:21,543
Apparently, misreading the room. Fuck.
223
00:10:27,376 --> 00:10:28,293
[elevator dings]
224
00:10:29,668 --> 00:10:30,834
[CeCe] Wow.
225
00:10:30,834 --> 00:10:32,293
[Elvis] What is this place?
226
00:10:32,834 --> 00:10:36,543
Yeah, and how come he gets all this,
and I can't even get assigned parking?
227
00:10:38,626 --> 00:10:41,293
- Is that--
- [Elvis] A Beechcraft Bonanza.
228
00:10:41,293 --> 00:10:43,376
Just like the one that killed Buddy Holly.
229
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,293
Uh, more than "just like."
230
00:10:45,834 --> 00:10:47,043
"Project Cricket"?
231
00:10:49,876 --> 00:10:50,793
[Elvis] Is that
232
00:10:51,334 --> 00:10:52,668
the James Dean car?
233
00:10:53,376 --> 00:10:56,793
- There's the Caddy Hank Williams died in.
- Must have all been TCB agents.
234
00:10:56,793 --> 00:10:59,751
More like agents
that TCB got killed, apparently.
235
00:11:00,793 --> 00:11:02,751
Okay, what the hell's with the bathtub?
236
00:11:02,751 --> 00:11:03,709
[CeCe gasps]
237
00:11:03,709 --> 00:11:06,959
[CeCe] Holy shit! Is that the one
Jim Morrison died in?
238
00:11:06,959 --> 00:11:08,043
[Elvis] Looks like it.
239
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:09,834
- Goddamn it!
- What?
240
00:11:09,834 --> 00:11:13,043
I could've been hanging out
with Jim Morrison this whole fucking time?
241
00:11:13,043 --> 00:11:15,459
No offense taken,
in case you're wondering.
242
00:11:15,459 --> 00:11:18,334
Is it just me,
or is it creepy as shit down here?
243
00:11:18,334 --> 00:11:19,334
Yeah.
244
00:11:19,334 --> 00:11:22,126
Speaking of,
you know who'd love this place?
245
00:11:22,126 --> 00:11:23,168
Comfy?
246
00:11:23,168 --> 00:11:24,709
What the hell is this?
247
00:11:25,584 --> 00:11:26,751
Are you fucking insane?
248
00:11:26,751 --> 00:11:30,168
Don't play stupid, Kurt Russell.
You're not that good of an actor.
249
00:11:30,168 --> 00:11:31,084
[laughs]
250
00:11:31,084 --> 00:11:32,543
So you are insane, then.
251
00:11:32,543 --> 00:11:35,168
We both know you killed Walt Disney.
252
00:11:35,168 --> 00:11:37,293
Now you just need to admit it!
253
00:11:37,293 --> 00:11:38,293
Well, I can't.
254
00:11:38,834 --> 00:11:40,709
But only because
I didn't invent lung cancer.
255
00:11:40,709 --> 00:11:43,543
- [electricity crackles]
- Oh no, no, no, no! [screams]
256
00:11:45,001 --> 00:11:46,334
[footsteps]
257
00:11:47,501 --> 00:11:48,543
What's this?
258
00:11:48,543 --> 00:11:52,251
Kinda looks like the Hall of Presidents
at the World's Fair.
259
00:11:52,834 --> 00:11:55,126
Want some popcorn?
There's a machine in the corner.
260
00:11:55,126 --> 00:11:57,334
No. And stop touching things, would you?
261
00:11:57,334 --> 00:11:58,959
We don't know what's booby-trapped.
262
00:11:58,959 --> 00:12:02,501
Who booby-traps popcorn?
Hey, what do you think this button does?
263
00:12:03,626 --> 00:12:05,751
Hey, focus. We're looking for answers.
264
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:07,584
Care to be more specific?
265
00:12:07,584 --> 00:12:09,376
Project Tupelo. You ever heard of it?
266
00:12:09,376 --> 00:12:10,334
Uh, nope.
267
00:12:10,334 --> 00:12:13,209
But if I were you, then I'd check out
that creepy-ass tarp over there.
268
00:12:14,584 --> 00:12:16,459
[ominous music playing]
269
00:12:16,459 --> 00:12:18,584
- You sure you want to do that?
- What?
270
00:12:18,584 --> 00:12:21,168
I'm just saying,
sometimes ignorance is bliss.
271
00:12:21,168 --> 00:12:24,626
Like when you give herpes to an entire
lacrosse team without even knowing it.
272
00:12:25,251 --> 00:12:26,168
Hypothetically.
273
00:12:26,168 --> 00:12:27,584
[Bertie] You know what you need?
274
00:12:28,459 --> 00:12:30,126
A splash of vermouth would be nice.
275
00:12:30,126 --> 00:12:32,918
What you need is more Jesus in your life.
276
00:12:32,918 --> 00:12:33,834
Ooh.
277
00:12:33,834 --> 00:12:36,501
Afraid I'm gonna
have to pass on the Jesus, yeah.
278
00:12:36,501 --> 00:12:38,626
I'm more of an autotheistic nihilist.
279
00:12:38,626 --> 00:12:40,209
An auto-what now?
280
00:12:40,209 --> 00:12:42,668
It means if there's a God,
it's probably me,
281
00:12:42,668 --> 00:12:44,126
and I still don't give a shit.
282
00:12:44,126 --> 00:12:49,209
See? That right there is exactly why
you need to open your heart to the Lord.
283
00:12:49,209 --> 00:12:51,001
[laughs] Uh, why?
284
00:12:51,001 --> 00:12:53,709
Because then
maybe you wouldn't strip naked
285
00:12:53,709 --> 00:12:55,459
in the middle of the damn living room
286
00:12:55,459 --> 00:12:58,793
like some half-assed
home invasion porno star.
287
00:12:58,793 --> 00:13:01,084
Where does it say in the Bible
that Jesus never did that?
288
00:13:07,543 --> 00:13:08,834
[Elvis] That's my first guitar.
289
00:13:09,418 --> 00:13:11,376
And there's my old Army uniform.
290
00:13:11,376 --> 00:13:15,501
And that's me backstage at my first
concert at the Overton Park Shell.
291
00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:17,126
This is my whole life.
292
00:13:17,626 --> 00:13:18,709
What's this doing here?
293
00:13:18,709 --> 00:13:21,043
Yeah, real head-scratcher.
294
00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:22,709
I'm going for a refill.
295
00:13:28,668 --> 00:13:30,751
[ominous music playing]
296
00:13:33,334 --> 00:13:34,251
Again!
297
00:13:35,251 --> 00:13:37,584
Again!
298
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,334
- [screams]
- Again!
299
00:13:41,126 --> 00:13:43,376
[Elvis breathing heavily]
300
00:13:43,959 --> 00:13:44,959
[CeCe] Are you okay?
301
00:13:45,918 --> 00:13:46,876
What?
302
00:13:46,876 --> 00:13:49,459
You were mumbling,
like in a trance or something.
303
00:13:49,459 --> 00:13:51,126
Holy shit, I remember.
304
00:13:51,626 --> 00:13:53,793
I mean, not everything, but--
305
00:13:53,793 --> 00:13:56,959
Well, I bet this file
might fill in the gaps.
306
00:13:56,959 --> 00:13:59,126
[automated voice]
You fucked with the Commander's shit.
307
00:13:59,126 --> 00:14:00,876
Countermeasures deployed.
308
00:14:00,876 --> 00:14:03,459
Yeah, how about
we don't find out what those are?
309
00:14:03,459 --> 00:14:06,084
[ominous music playing]
310
00:14:09,126 --> 00:14:10,626
Fucking Howard.
311
00:14:12,626 --> 00:14:15,001
- [electricity crackling]
- [screaming]
312
00:14:15,501 --> 00:14:19,626
Oh hey, listen to me, listen to me.
I didn't fucking kill Walt Disney, okay?
313
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,168
I barely knew the guy.
314
00:14:21,168 --> 00:14:24,001
He was on set
for one day of Follow Me, Boys,
315
00:14:24,001 --> 00:14:25,084
and he was super nice.
316
00:14:25,084 --> 00:14:27,209
I mean, he gave all the kids cigarettes.
317
00:14:27,209 --> 00:14:29,043
Ah, you know what, Kurt?
318
00:14:29,043 --> 00:14:31,668
It kind of feels like
we're just going in circles here.
319
00:14:31,668 --> 00:14:33,918
Well, the important thing is we tried.
320
00:14:33,918 --> 00:14:35,168
Ahem, can I go now?
321
00:14:35,168 --> 00:14:36,293
Or...
322
00:14:36,293 --> 00:14:41,834
maybe instead, we should focus on how
you can pay Walt back for your treachery.
323
00:14:42,334 --> 00:14:44,501
Perhaps, and I'm just spitballing here,
324
00:14:44,501 --> 00:14:46,834
with your entire body.
325
00:14:46,834 --> 00:14:48,126
[chuckles]
326
00:14:48,126 --> 00:14:49,751
Actually, minus the head.
327
00:14:49,751 --> 00:14:51,418
The hell are you talking about?
328
00:14:51,418 --> 00:14:53,209
A head transplant, you moron.
329
00:14:53,209 --> 00:14:54,793
A head transplant?
330
00:14:54,793 --> 00:14:55,918
What the fuck?
331
00:14:55,918 --> 00:14:57,251
[Howard] Just picture it!
332
00:14:57,876 --> 00:15:02,251
Walt's beautiful head
on your just-okay body.
333
00:15:03,543 --> 00:15:04,376
Jesus!
334
00:15:04,376 --> 00:15:06,334
[ominous music playing]
335
00:15:06,334 --> 00:15:07,959
[gunfire]
336
00:15:09,501 --> 00:15:11,043
- [device beeping]
- What's that?
337
00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:11,959
Ugh.
338
00:15:14,418 --> 00:15:16,501
Shit. I gotta get back to the office.
339
00:15:16,501 --> 00:15:20,001
Oh, come on.
Can't you just stay a little bit longer?
340
00:15:20,001 --> 00:15:21,209
Really wish I could. Can't.
341
00:15:21,209 --> 00:15:22,668
Seriously, you can't go.
342
00:15:22,668 --> 00:15:24,459
Okay, wait,
what the hell is going on here?
343
00:15:24,459 --> 00:15:26,709
What? Nothing, I swear.
344
00:15:26,709 --> 00:15:28,043
I'm leaving.
345
00:15:29,209 --> 00:15:31,626
I'm sorry, but I can't let you do that.
346
00:15:32,459 --> 00:15:33,459
Fuck me.
347
00:15:34,709 --> 00:15:35,709
Oh shit.
348
00:15:35,709 --> 00:15:36,959
[gunfire]
349
00:15:38,918 --> 00:15:40,626
You thinking what I'm thinking?
350
00:15:40,626 --> 00:15:43,001
Doubt it. I'm still
kind of stuck on the popcorn.
351
00:15:47,293 --> 00:15:48,834
[explosion]
352
00:15:49,876 --> 00:15:50,751
[metal creaking]
353
00:15:50,751 --> 00:15:52,834
[suspense music playing]
354
00:15:57,543 --> 00:15:59,001
Shit! What now?
355
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:01,584
[Elvis] What are the chances
that thing's still got gas?
356
00:16:02,918 --> 00:16:03,834
How are we doing?
357
00:16:03,834 --> 00:16:06,543
Great! I'm having a wonderful time!
358
00:16:07,626 --> 00:16:09,709
Ah, ah. Not falling for that again.
359
00:16:09,709 --> 00:16:12,168
Oh good.
So they're invincible and annoying.
360
00:16:13,918 --> 00:16:15,251
No, wait!
361
00:16:15,751 --> 00:16:16,834
We gotta go back!
362
00:16:16,834 --> 00:16:19,376
Nah, what we gotta do
is find a way out of here.
363
00:16:19,376 --> 00:16:20,459
I need that file!
364
00:16:20,459 --> 00:16:22,751
Do you need it more than being alive?
365
00:16:27,293 --> 00:16:28,418
[both grunt]
366
00:16:28,418 --> 00:16:29,793
[tires squeal]
367
00:16:32,334 --> 00:16:33,334
[gunfire]
368
00:16:33,334 --> 00:16:34,584
[Elvis groaning]
369
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:43,126
[grunts]
370
00:16:47,751 --> 00:16:49,751
- [rumbling]
- [alarm blaring]
371
00:17:00,793 --> 00:17:01,959
[elevator dings]
372
00:17:08,751 --> 00:17:09,584
[pee tinkles]
373
00:17:10,793 --> 00:17:11,709
Close one, huh?
374
00:17:12,251 --> 00:17:13,334
So, where are we going?
375
00:17:13,959 --> 00:17:15,918
Maybe go grab a drink, shake it off?
376
00:17:16,418 --> 00:17:18,334
Okay, this is not a reassuring silence.
377
00:17:18,334 --> 00:17:19,459
[Howard panting]
378
00:17:19,459 --> 00:17:23,751
Say, have either of you seen a young man
with a dotted line across his neck?
379
00:17:24,459 --> 00:17:25,376
[Elvis] I'm going home.
380
00:17:25,376 --> 00:17:27,501
And don't fucking follow me.
381
00:17:28,043 --> 00:17:29,293
- [elevator dings]
- Fine.
382
00:17:30,001 --> 00:17:31,126
Nice tone, by the way.
383
00:17:31,793 --> 00:17:33,834
Met your fun little robot friends.
384
00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:35,168
George!
385
00:17:37,168 --> 00:17:38,876
Yep, looks dead to me.
386
00:17:38,876 --> 00:17:40,918
It wasn't my fault. I swear.
387
00:17:40,918 --> 00:17:43,793
I was just trying to keep him here
like Elvis told me to.
388
00:17:43,793 --> 00:17:46,168
Then look on the bright side:
mission accomplished.
389
00:17:46,168 --> 00:17:47,584
Will you shut the hell up?
390
00:17:47,584 --> 00:17:50,001
Just relax. It'll be fine.
391
00:17:50,001 --> 00:17:50,959
How?
392
00:17:50,959 --> 00:17:54,793
Because this, my friend,
is why God invented unmarked graves.
393
00:17:54,793 --> 00:17:56,043
[gibbering]
394
00:17:56,043 --> 00:17:57,668
- A chain saw?
- Well yeah!
395
00:17:57,668 --> 00:18:00,626
If you chop them up,
the body fits in a way smaller hole.
396
00:18:00,626 --> 00:18:02,293
We used to do it on the farm
all the time...
397
00:18:03,001 --> 00:18:04,001
with cows, mostly.
398
00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:05,709
[Scatter chuckling]
399
00:18:08,959 --> 00:18:09,793
Ah!
400
00:18:10,793 --> 00:18:12,668
Fuck! What the hell are you people doing?
401
00:18:12,668 --> 00:18:13,668
[Elvis] Sit down.
402
00:18:13,668 --> 00:18:15,459
[dramatic music playing]
403
00:18:16,751 --> 00:18:18,876
You sit down!
Your friends are about to fuck--
404
00:18:18,876 --> 00:18:20,334
- [gunshot]
- Oh!
405
00:18:20,334 --> 00:18:23,251
Did you seriously
just give me a warning shot?
406
00:18:24,876 --> 00:18:25,751
Nope.
407
00:18:26,334 --> 00:18:27,293
Ah! Fuck!
408
00:18:27,293 --> 00:18:29,168
That was a warning shot.
409
00:18:29,793 --> 00:18:30,626
Now sit.
410
00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:33,626
What the fuck do you want?
411
00:18:33,626 --> 00:18:37,334
I saw my little tribute wall
down on Sub-Level 7.
412
00:18:37,334 --> 00:18:39,251
Sub-Level 7? What's that?
413
00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:40,626
[screams]
414
00:18:40,626 --> 00:18:42,126
Goddamn it!
415
00:18:42,668 --> 00:18:45,918
Oh hell, yeah.
Now this is how you get shit done, King.
416
00:18:45,918 --> 00:18:46,834
Good for you.
417
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:48,001
Project Tupelo.
418
00:18:48,001 --> 00:18:50,209
[The Commander]
I told you before, never heard of it.
419
00:18:51,418 --> 00:18:54,126
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, you mean that Project Tupelo.
420
00:18:54,126 --> 00:18:55,126
Start talking.
421
00:18:55,126 --> 00:18:56,293
Okay.
422
00:18:57,126 --> 00:19:00,709
You know, I've been
a fan of yours for a long time.
423
00:19:00,709 --> 00:19:02,376
Mm-hmm. Get that a lot.
424
00:19:02,376 --> 00:19:04,293
Not of your music, sorry.
425
00:19:04,293 --> 00:19:05,626
But of your power.
426
00:19:05,626 --> 00:19:09,543
The way you controlled the audience.
Your legions of fans. It was hypnotic.
427
00:19:09,543 --> 00:19:12,251
Yeah, if you're done blowing me,
how about you get to the point?
428
00:19:12,251 --> 00:19:14,293
You were the cultural phenomenon.
429
00:19:14,293 --> 00:19:17,668
You started a revolution,
sonny boy, and that scared people.
430
00:19:17,668 --> 00:19:20,084
You had Hoover
and the FBI shitting themselves.
431
00:19:20,084 --> 00:19:22,043
- What?
- Oh yeah.
432
00:19:22,043 --> 00:19:25,293
But what they saw as a threat,
I saw as an opportunity.
433
00:19:25,293 --> 00:19:27,418
- For what?
- Oh, you're going to love this.
434
00:19:27,418 --> 00:19:28,751
Somehow I doubt that.
435
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:31,126
The chance to weaponize rock and roll.
436
00:19:31,126 --> 00:19:32,584
- Sorry?
- Imagine it,
437
00:19:33,126 --> 00:19:37,168
a device that could duplicate the power,
the control you had over people.
438
00:19:37,168 --> 00:19:39,709
But to do that, first we needed you.
439
00:19:39,709 --> 00:19:41,668
So I had you drafted into the Army.
440
00:19:41,668 --> 00:19:42,709
That was you?
441
00:19:44,793 --> 00:19:47,001
Exactly how long
have you been fucking with my life?
442
00:19:47,001 --> 00:19:48,501
[The Commander]
We had to study you,
443
00:19:48,501 --> 00:19:51,043
to see what makes you tick,
and that's where Leary comes in.
444
00:19:51,043 --> 00:19:52,793
- [Elvis] Oh shit.
- [The Commander] Oh yeah.
445
00:19:52,793 --> 00:19:55,168
He pumped you full
of all kinds of psychedelic crap
446
00:19:55,168 --> 00:19:57,584
that frankly,
I don't even wanna understand.
447
00:19:57,584 --> 00:19:59,793
How come I don't remember any of this?
448
00:19:59,793 --> 00:20:02,918
Well, probably
the exploratory brain surgery.
449
00:20:02,918 --> 00:20:06,418
That, or the mind-erasing chemicals
Leary injected into your eyeball.
450
00:20:06,418 --> 00:20:07,418
It's hard to say which.
451
00:20:07,418 --> 00:20:11,168
The fuck? What, you went inside my head?
452
00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:12,834
Hey, we had to.
453
00:20:12,834 --> 00:20:15,209
That's science. I don't make the rules.
454
00:20:15,209 --> 00:20:18,584
But the good news is
we eventually had a prototype ready,
455
00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:20,459
and we put my idea to the test,
456
00:20:20,459 --> 00:20:24,501
harnessing your essence,
your very DNA, in an actual device.
457
00:20:24,501 --> 00:20:28,126
I mean, if Elvis can send
an audience into a sex-crazed delirium,
458
00:20:28,126 --> 00:20:29,501
what else could it do?
459
00:20:29,501 --> 00:20:31,959
Could it make you punch?
Could it make you kick?
460
00:20:32,834 --> 00:20:34,668
Could it make you kill?
461
00:20:35,251 --> 00:20:36,709
[chuckles] And it worked.
462
00:20:37,251 --> 00:20:38,543
- But--
- But what?
463
00:20:38,543 --> 00:20:40,251
But we couldn't control it.
464
00:20:40,251 --> 00:20:42,918
It turns you into an animal,
a homicidal maniac,
465
00:20:42,918 --> 00:20:44,334
and not in a good way.
466
00:20:44,334 --> 00:20:46,126
You son of a bitch.
467
00:20:46,126 --> 00:20:48,084
Yeah, so we had
to shut the whole thing down.
468
00:20:48,084 --> 00:20:49,918
But hey, you're better now though, right?
469
00:20:49,918 --> 00:20:51,959
[chuckles]
So what do you say? Bygones?
470
00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:55,209
You know, I was glad
I destroyed your fucked-up Sub-Level 7,
471
00:20:55,209 --> 00:20:58,001
but now you know
what makes me even more happy?
472
00:20:58,001 --> 00:21:00,001
The fact that I shot you twice.
473
00:21:00,001 --> 00:21:01,126
[scoffs] Please.
474
00:21:01,126 --> 00:21:03,168
The real stuff's on Sub-Level 8.
475
00:21:03,168 --> 00:21:06,918
Sub-Level 7 was just a decoy in case
someone ever stole a copy of my penis.
476
00:21:06,918 --> 00:21:07,876
[sighs] Look,
477
00:21:07,876 --> 00:21:10,626
I performed
horrifying experiments on your brain,
478
00:21:10,626 --> 00:21:12,126
you shot me a couple of times.
479
00:21:12,126 --> 00:21:13,918
Point is, things happened.
480
00:21:13,918 --> 00:21:15,293
It doesn't matter anymore,
481
00:21:15,293 --> 00:21:17,084
because you're in TCB now.
482
00:21:17,584 --> 00:21:19,209
I've been watching you for years,
483
00:21:19,209 --> 00:21:22,626
and when your '68 comeback special
put you on top of the world,
484
00:21:22,626 --> 00:21:24,001
I knew it was time.
485
00:21:24,001 --> 00:21:27,459
Time for Elvis Presley
to become Agent King,
486
00:21:27,459 --> 00:21:28,918
my greatest triumph!
487
00:21:29,668 --> 00:21:31,751
You really want to throw all that away?
488
00:21:32,543 --> 00:21:34,209
Okay, I really thought I sold that better.
489
00:21:34,209 --> 00:21:36,334
Elvis, look at me.
490
00:21:36,334 --> 00:21:38,001
That won't solve anything.
491
00:21:38,001 --> 00:21:39,584
[CeCe] This probably will though.
492
00:21:40,418 --> 00:21:41,459
[screeches]
493
00:21:43,626 --> 00:21:46,251
[The Commander]
Wow! Wow. Solid entrance.
494
00:21:46,251 --> 00:21:47,459
Picking sides, are you?
495
00:21:47,459 --> 00:21:50,209
Look, I know he can be
a complete and total dick sometimes...
496
00:21:50,209 --> 00:21:51,793
Standing right here.
497
00:21:51,793 --> 00:21:53,043
...but you can't kill him.
498
00:21:53,043 --> 00:21:54,793
TCB is the only family I've got.
499
00:21:54,793 --> 00:21:56,876
Sad but true.
I mean, you've met her mother, right?
500
00:21:56,876 --> 00:21:59,751
Look, asshole, I put up
with all your secret agent bullshit
501
00:21:59,751 --> 00:22:01,626
because I thought I could do some good.
502
00:22:01,626 --> 00:22:04,709
Maybe make a difference.
Maybe make tomorrow a little bit better.
503
00:22:04,709 --> 00:22:07,043
Yay. Nice speech. You feeling better now?
504
00:22:07,043 --> 00:22:08,251
You used me.
505
00:22:08,251 --> 00:22:11,709
You used me to create
some kind of rock-and-roll terror weapon.
506
00:22:11,709 --> 00:22:14,084
So no, I'm not exactly feeling better.
507
00:22:14,084 --> 00:22:15,209
[inhales sharply]
508
00:22:15,709 --> 00:22:16,834
But this might help.
509
00:22:23,001 --> 00:22:24,668
[dramatic music playing]
510
00:22:35,001 --> 00:22:35,834
I quit.
511
00:22:36,334 --> 00:22:38,626
Now get the fuck out of my house.
512
00:22:38,626 --> 00:22:41,334
[upbeat rockabilly music playing]