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NETFLIX PRESENTS
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Bonobo apes,
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humankind's closest relatives
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with many fascinating similarities.
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Except for one thing.
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Bonobos are extremely promiscuous,
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while humans form lifelong
and monogamous relationships.
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Or do we?
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Seventy percent of all relationships
experience infidelity,
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and globally,
as many as sixty percent divorce.
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Still, the standard norm
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continues to revolve
around the one lifelong love.
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Why?
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When our ancestors
started walking on two legs
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in order to find more food,
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the females had to carry their children
in their arms instead of on their backs,
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like when we walked on all fours.
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With children on their backs,
the females could defend themselves.
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But from this point in history,
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the male had to defend
both woman and child.
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According to some, this was the foundation
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of humankind's monogamous pair bonding.
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Then came religion.
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Around 350 AD,
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Augustine of Hippo
described man's sexuality and lust
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as, "Moral decadence
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that should be punished
by eternal expulsion from Paradise."
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Poor Augustine worried a lot
about human urges
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and defined marriage as
an institution that would regulate them.
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Marriage is acceptable for reproduction,
faith and sacrament.
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Without lust or passion, though.
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Otherwise, you would have to burn in hell.
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But the threat of God's punishment
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didn't seem to stop the human urges.
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Or should we say "male urges"?
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Up until 18th-century Romanticism,
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when emotions
were finally allowed some space.
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Marriage then became a twosome,
a lifelong and monogamous ideal.
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But the extramarital lusts
would not be tamed.
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Up until…
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the beginning of the 1900s,
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when the women's rights movement
finally demanded equal rights
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and equal sexual freedom.
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This was a problem
for the Christian church.
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Would they have to handle brothels
for women as well now?
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Well, we know how that went.
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But luckily,
the women's liberation struggle continued
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throughout the entire 1900s.
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From the sexual revolution in the '60s,
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people could sleep and live with a partner
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they had picked.
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The modern couple's relationship
was expected to have it all.
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People expected safety
and adventure, friendship and sex
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all under one roof
in a lifelong partnership.
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So why were people
getting divorced more than ever?
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Are there any good kids here?
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Look what he brought! Huh?
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Well, now we're keeping
our fingers crossed.
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She's in the fourth month
so it should be all right.
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Wow, it's amazing
that you are really doing this.
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A few years of changing diapers,
sleep deprivation and bad finances,
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that's nothing to fight about.
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You got a divorce after three years.
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I know what I'm talking about.
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Teun and I don't trick ourselves into
believing that it will be easy at any age.
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Are you going to be Daddy One
and Daddy Two?
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No, Daddy and Daddy's boyfriend.
It's Tom's sperm, so this is the future.
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You know what you'll be doing
for the next ten years.
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Damn it, I don't want to grow up.
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Adam, I don't think there is any risk
that you'll ever grow up.
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I think it's pretty grown up of you
to move in together.
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And now we are just waiting
for a couple of kids too.
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Yeah, we're practicing a lot.
All the time.
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Okay, yeah…
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Cheers to you.
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Cheers to the new apartment.
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Cheers, congratulations.
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It's fun to celebrate Christmas in summer.
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-Cheers!
-Cheers!
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Cheers.
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Yeah, Merry Christmas!
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Hey, can we do the drugs soon?
I'm getting really wasted.
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Frida, do you have a small plate?
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I think we have a plate.
We have plates in the plate...
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drawer.
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I love you.
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I love you.
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PAIR BONDING
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When field voles have sex,
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their brains release dopamine,
the reward hormone.
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It makes them happy
and they want more of their partner.
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And it's the same for humans.
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Sex produces dopamine
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which creates attachment,
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which is the basis of pair bonding.
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Hang on. I'll just…
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There.
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Mm, there.
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Yes, that…
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Ah!
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Damn, it feels as if
it's been two months since we did this.
102
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No, we screwed last Saturday.
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Don't you remember?
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What? Did we?
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Yes we did.
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It couldn't have been with me.
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No, did she fall out of bed?
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Maybe she hit her head
on the edge of the bed.
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It's all right.
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God, maybe we should get
a sleep therapist or something.
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What?
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Well, I mean,
she still wakes up every night.
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None of the others were like that.
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I don't get it.
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We haven't slept alone since forever.
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Is that… Is that normal?
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Do we have to talk about this now?
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No, I'm sorry.
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It's just…
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As soon as my head hits the pillow
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the thoughts appear. I'm sorry.
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-Could you just be quiet for a while?
-Yes, I'm sorry.
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Come here, honey.
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Come here.
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Hold on, hold on. Condom.
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Oh no, please.
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Stop whining.
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Just put on the condom, please.
129
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Can't we just…
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No, just put it on. How hard can it be?
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I just want to feel you for real.
That's not so strange, is it?
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But I either stuff myself
full of hormones or pieces of metal
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or I'll get pregnant again,
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and none of that can happen,
so just put it on.
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Yes, all right.
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We have this discussion
every fucking time.
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-Spread your legs a bit.
-Yeah.
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There.
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Okay.
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Wait.
141
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Now focus.
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Harder.
143
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What did you say?
144
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Harder?
145
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You want it harder?
146
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Why do you want it harder?
147
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Please…
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Do you wish I was bigger?
149
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No.
150
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Stop it.
151
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Don't ask that
after three kids and ten years.
152
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You'll walk sideways
when I'm done with you.
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I love being inside you.
154
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Mommy?
155
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-No, keep going.
-Okay.
156
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Mommy!
157
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Just keep going! Keep going!
158
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Stay in bed.
159
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Mommy!
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For fuck's sake.
161
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God!
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Okay, we're leaving in five minutes.
163
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Daddy? Will I get a dog for Christmas?
164
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What?
165
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What did you…? No, we can't have a dog.
166
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Not in the flat.
It's not right for the animal.
167
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-Anna? Anna!
-Stop stressing. You don't need to nag.
168
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Yes, I do. It's 7:30. Come on.
169
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Stress is bad for your health.
170
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-You say that yourself. Right, Dad?
-Yeah, hold on.
171
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-Brush your teeth.
-Dad, you're not answering.
172
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What did you say?
173
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You're so annoying, you don't listen.
174
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You're stressing me out. It's not healthy.
175
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I know. I'm sorry, honey.
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-Take these.
-Okay.
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-Good.
-Chop-chop. Put your overall on.
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-Anna, please…
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Damn it!
180
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-Come on.
-But I want the comfy socks.
181
00:11:55,668 --> 00:11:58,334
Yes, but it's cold outside,
so you need those.
182
00:11:58,418 --> 00:12:00,043
But I want the comfy ones…
183
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-No, stop that!
-She pulled me.
184
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-Yes, I saw that. Don't do that.
-But I want the comfy socks.
185
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They're dirty.
186
00:12:07,001 --> 00:12:08,668
You have to have clean socks.
187
00:12:08,751 --> 00:12:12,043
-Who's taken my water bottle?
-I have your water bottle.
188
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Say that then.
189
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I don't want to fight with you, Louie.
190
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All right.
191
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These socks are good.
I love these socks, Mommy.
192
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-Do you have…?
-Yeah, what?
193
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2 DL SUGAR, 2 EGGS, 2 DL FLOUR
194
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50 G BUTTER, 1 TSP BAKING SODA
195
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20 MINUTES
196
00:12:32,084 --> 00:12:33,251
What's this?
197
00:12:35,584 --> 00:12:37,209
Do all of you know what that is?
198
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Yes?
199
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A cake.
200
00:12:39,376 --> 00:12:40,459
Yes.
201
00:12:40,543 --> 00:12:42,293
But not just yet, right?
202
00:12:43,209 --> 00:12:44,043
Yes, Liam.
203
00:12:44,126 --> 00:12:45,334
It's a recipe.
204
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Exactly. It is.
205
00:12:47,376 --> 00:12:49,751
And what do we need recipes for?
206
00:12:50,501 --> 00:12:52,334
For baking cakes, for example.
207
00:12:52,418 --> 00:12:53,418
Exactly.
208
00:12:53,501 --> 00:12:55,084
Yes, we do.
209
00:12:55,168 --> 00:12:56,834
And if we didn't have a recipe,
210
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the cake might be too hard or soggy.
211
00:13:01,168 --> 00:13:03,626
Or we might get a lasagna instead.
212
00:13:04,543 --> 00:13:07,043
-That's not what we wanted.
-No.
213
00:13:07,126 --> 00:13:10,459
Right? So, a recipe is an instruction.
214
00:13:10,543 --> 00:13:12,834
We use the recipe as an instruction.
215
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:16,001
And it's the same thing with computers.
216
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It's so good.
217
00:13:18,501 --> 00:13:21,168
But dear friends,
let's not get too comfortable, okay?
218
00:13:21,251 --> 00:13:23,251
The Christmas bonus doesn't create itself.
219
00:13:23,334 --> 00:13:25,001
And you want that new car, right?
220
00:13:25,084 --> 00:13:26,834
Don't you? Don't you?
221
00:13:26,918 --> 00:13:28,084
Yes, you do.
222
00:13:29,084 --> 00:13:31,668
Now back to work.
Come on. Get out of here.
223
00:13:31,751 --> 00:13:33,334
Scram, scram, scram.
224
00:13:34,251 --> 00:13:36,334
Stefan, the presentation was awesome.
225
00:13:36,418 --> 00:13:38,709
And Monica, let's talk for a second.
226
00:13:52,459 --> 00:13:57,584
Easy for her to work 24/7 when she
doesn't have anything to come home to.
227
00:13:58,459 --> 00:14:00,834
-What? Have you been to her place?
-Stop it.
228
00:14:00,918 --> 00:14:02,459
-Have you slept with her?
-No.
229
00:14:02,543 --> 00:14:05,626
No, but she says it herself.
She doesn't want a family.
230
00:14:05,709 --> 00:14:07,918
She just wants to live life.
231
00:14:08,459 --> 00:14:11,043
Yeah, well, I can relate to that.
232
00:14:11,126 --> 00:14:12,501
But check this out.
233
00:14:12,584 --> 00:14:15,168
Who wants a car
when you can get one of these?
234
00:14:16,001 --> 00:14:17,668
-Whoa.
-Right?
235
00:14:17,751 --> 00:14:18,959
Where did you find it?
236
00:14:19,043 --> 00:14:21,543
Bangkok. It was pretty cheap as well.
237
00:14:21,626 --> 00:14:24,626
I've been emailing the store owner.
He seems really cool.
238
00:14:24,709 --> 00:14:26,168
It looks good.
239
00:14:26,251 --> 00:14:29,043
With that one…
We'll get all the way to Nepal in it.
240
00:14:30,668 --> 00:14:31,793
I can hardly wait.
241
00:14:31,876 --> 00:14:33,126
Me neither.
242
00:14:33,209 --> 00:14:34,168
You know…
243
00:14:35,126 --> 00:14:36,543
Shit, are you going home?
244
00:14:37,084 --> 00:14:39,251
No, I'm working another couple of hours.
245
00:14:39,334 --> 00:14:40,584
Child-free week.
246
00:14:40,668 --> 00:14:42,501
Right, good for you.
247
00:14:45,168 --> 00:14:46,543
Have fun.
248
00:14:46,626 --> 00:14:47,459
Yep.
249
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,376
Hello, hello. Hi.
250
00:15:11,459 --> 00:15:13,168
-He's reading.
-"Then
251
00:15:13,251 --> 00:15:15,376
the snake said
252
00:15:16,084 --> 00:15:18,334
that she…"
253
00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:20,459
So you can't even say hi?
254
00:15:21,043 --> 00:15:24,418
"…eat the apple, but…"
255
00:15:25,209 --> 00:15:27,668
You are my little honey.
256
00:15:27,751 --> 00:15:30,209
-No, goddamn it!
-What did I do? What happened?
257
00:15:30,293 --> 00:15:33,376
-I almost dropped it.
-I just wanted to give you a hug.
258
00:15:33,459 --> 00:15:37,793
It's just that Leo's been looking forward
to reading that book to us.
259
00:15:37,876 --> 00:15:39,209
Did you buy detergent?
260
00:15:40,376 --> 00:15:42,209
What book are you reading, Leo?
261
00:15:42,293 --> 00:15:43,543
-Hi, dad.
-Hi.
262
00:15:43,626 --> 00:15:48,751
We're reading Alex and Eve at school.
263
00:15:48,834 --> 00:15:50,293
Adam and Eve, honey.
264
00:15:50,376 --> 00:15:52,918
Alex and Eve sounds nice.
265
00:15:53,001 --> 00:15:55,293
-Did you?
-No, I'm afraid I forgot.
266
00:15:55,376 --> 00:15:58,084
-But I got wine. Would you like some?
-No, thanks.
267
00:15:58,168 --> 00:16:00,251
-No…
-Daddy, do you want to hear it?
268
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,168
-I'd love to hear it.
-Listen.
269
00:16:02,251 --> 00:16:05,751
-Okay.
-"One day when Eve was in…"
270
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:08,668
Anna, we're eating. Come on
271
00:16:09,209 --> 00:16:11,459
Hi, sweetheart. Are you hungry?
272
00:16:11,543 --> 00:16:12,626
Good.
273
00:16:12,709 --> 00:16:15,626
We had a little accident at school today.
274
00:16:16,751 --> 00:16:19,043
-Yeah, I get it.
-So I need to wash.
275
00:16:19,126 --> 00:16:21,959
I get it, but I forgot to buy it, okay?
276
00:16:22,043 --> 00:16:24,543
-Right…
-Seriously, pasta today again?
277
00:16:24,626 --> 00:16:27,918
If you don't like it,
you can go to bed without dinner.
278
00:16:28,001 --> 00:16:30,668
And I'll take this one. The end.
279
00:16:30,751 --> 00:16:32,709
You can't just take it like that.
280
00:16:32,793 --> 00:16:34,293
Yes, actually, I can
281
00:16:34,376 --> 00:16:36,918
because now we're going to
have dinner together.
282
00:16:37,001 --> 00:16:38,209
Come on, let's eat.
283
00:16:38,293 --> 00:16:41,376
When you study,
I don't interrupt you, but now…
284
00:16:41,459 --> 00:16:43,543
Why do you do that to me?
285
00:16:44,126 --> 00:16:47,001
Mommy, tell him. He took my book.
286
00:16:47,084 --> 00:16:49,543
Why did you
have to take the book right now?
287
00:16:49,626 --> 00:16:52,959
But, honey,
he didn't mean to just take it, okay?
288
00:16:53,043 --> 00:16:56,376
Let's eat first and then
we'll read the rest. Okay, sweetie?
289
00:16:57,501 --> 00:17:00,001
-I'm angry!
-Yes, that's enough!
290
00:17:00,626 --> 00:17:02,959
Enough. We've heard that you're angry.
291
00:17:07,251 --> 00:17:08,376
Hey.
292
00:17:08,459 --> 00:17:10,334
The faster you eat,
293
00:17:10,418 --> 00:17:14,584
the sooner we can cuddle up
on the sofa and read it later, okay?
294
00:17:14,668 --> 00:17:15,918
Okay, sweetie?
295
00:17:31,709 --> 00:17:34,334
Hey, take it easy, okay?
296
00:17:35,501 --> 00:17:37,584
Come and sit down, let me show you.
297
00:17:44,209 --> 00:17:45,251
Wow.
298
00:17:46,584 --> 00:17:49,126
Wow… So you are really going?
299
00:17:49,751 --> 00:17:50,834
My God, yes.
300
00:17:50,918 --> 00:17:53,668
-For real?
-Of course-- Yes, for real. Of course.
301
00:17:56,459 --> 00:17:57,334
Yeah.
302
00:17:57,918 --> 00:18:00,334
It's so cool.
303
00:18:00,834 --> 00:18:01,793
Yes, it really is.
304
00:18:07,293 --> 00:18:10,209
Louie needs a bath.
Anna had homework, so I was thinking…
305
00:18:10,293 --> 00:18:12,543
Could you do bath time? Thanks.
306
00:18:27,584 --> 00:18:28,418
Björn?
307
00:18:29,793 --> 00:18:32,168
Björn. Go to bed.
308
00:20:01,543 --> 00:20:02,459
Björn?
309
00:20:43,918 --> 00:20:48,126
BOREDOM
310
00:20:48,209 --> 00:20:50,209
I think we had sex
311
00:20:50,751 --> 00:20:53,626
six times an hour in the beginning.
312
00:20:53,709 --> 00:20:57,709
Yeah, back then…
We went at it. Yeah, we did.
313
00:20:57,793 --> 00:20:59,584
Then it became once a month
314
00:20:59,668 --> 00:21:00,918
and now it's…
315
00:21:01,584 --> 00:21:02,876
Well, what is it now?
316
00:21:02,959 --> 00:21:03,793
Now it's…
317
00:21:07,251 --> 00:21:10,751
The testosterone levels
drop like crazy after the honeymoon.
318
00:21:11,376 --> 00:21:12,418
Yeah, it's…
319
00:21:13,001 --> 00:21:14,626
We men often joke about it.
320
00:21:15,918 --> 00:21:17,293
"What was that?"
321
00:21:17,376 --> 00:21:19,251
"The testosterone level!"
322
00:21:20,209 --> 00:21:23,459
On top of that,
you have to admit that it's…
323
00:21:23,543 --> 00:21:27,251
You don't have to flex your muscles
in order to catch her.
324
00:21:29,626 --> 00:21:31,418
Yeah, we have each other.
325
00:21:32,293 --> 00:21:33,334
And that's good too.
326
00:21:36,293 --> 00:21:37,293
I think.
327
00:21:38,251 --> 00:21:39,376
Right, honey?
328
00:21:40,418 --> 00:21:41,293
Don't we?
329
00:21:43,209 --> 00:21:44,043
Right.
330
00:21:45,043 --> 00:21:46,876
Spare clothes, cookies, water.
331
00:21:47,668 --> 00:21:48,876
We have everything.
332
00:21:54,668 --> 00:21:55,626
We're off now.
333
00:21:57,584 --> 00:22:00,084
-What?
-Yeah, I told you an hour ago.
334
00:22:00,668 --> 00:22:01,959
You even replied.
335
00:22:07,501 --> 00:22:08,418
What did you say?
336
00:22:08,501 --> 00:22:09,876
Isn't today Saturday?
337
00:22:10,418 --> 00:22:14,209
They've been up for hours and need to
get out before they strangle each other.
338
00:22:14,293 --> 00:22:15,418
Okay.
339
00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,334
Can you vacuum while we're gone?
340
00:22:21,376 --> 00:22:22,376
How are you?
341
00:22:22,459 --> 00:22:24,376
There is nothing new at all. Nothing.
342
00:22:24,459 --> 00:22:26,543
It's just work, kids, kids, work.
343
00:22:26,626 --> 00:22:28,543
-How's your new apartment?
-It's nice.
344
00:22:28,626 --> 00:22:30,001
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
345
00:22:30,084 --> 00:22:32,251
-I want to visit.
-Yes, of course.
346
00:22:32,876 --> 00:22:34,626
Olli seems happy.
347
00:22:34,709 --> 00:22:35,668
Yeah.
348
00:22:35,751 --> 00:22:38,126
I hope so. I mean, it's very small.
349
00:22:38,209 --> 00:22:40,626
But it's enough for the two of us.
350
00:22:41,334 --> 00:22:42,168
And you?
351
00:22:42,668 --> 00:22:43,584
It's all good.
352
00:22:44,543 --> 00:22:45,751
Have you met someone?
353
00:22:46,834 --> 00:22:47,709
What?
354
00:22:47,793 --> 00:22:49,459
No, absolutely not.
355
00:22:50,001 --> 00:22:51,293
Not met somebody,
356
00:22:51,376 --> 00:22:55,959
but there's a young, fit little thing
357
00:22:56,043 --> 00:22:58,918
who comes over for tea now and then.
358
00:23:08,293 --> 00:23:10,543
-Is that so?
-I'm almost ashamed.
359
00:23:10,626 --> 00:23:15,168
Because I feel like my life
is totally perfect right now.
360
00:23:15,793 --> 00:23:19,043
For real. I get the best of both worlds.
361
00:23:19,126 --> 00:23:21,459
I get one entire week
when I can be with Olli
362
00:23:21,543 --> 00:23:25,376
and be 100% present as his mom.
363
00:23:25,459 --> 00:23:29,834
And then I get one week
when I can binge-watch TV shows,
364
00:23:29,918 --> 00:23:32,043
not eat gross kid's food,
365
00:23:32,126 --> 00:23:34,418
and recharge my batteries.
366
00:23:35,793 --> 00:23:39,168
Of course, I miss Olli a lot
when he stays with Adam.
367
00:23:39,251 --> 00:23:43,418
I can't even think about it.
But I couldn't stay in what we had.
368
00:23:44,334 --> 00:23:45,334
I know.
369
00:23:47,793 --> 00:23:50,209
It was a nightmare putting them to bed.
370
00:23:53,084 --> 00:23:54,209
Goodnight.
371
00:24:05,459 --> 00:24:07,834
Are you happy? With our life?
372
00:24:11,251 --> 00:24:13,126
Yes, really happy, honey.
373
00:24:14,501 --> 00:24:15,459
Why do you ask?
374
00:24:15,543 --> 00:24:18,459
I don't think you are. Or that I am.
375
00:24:23,876 --> 00:24:24,959
I see.
376
00:24:27,001 --> 00:24:28,543
Do you miss being on your own?
377
00:24:31,126 --> 00:24:31,959
What?
378
00:24:32,043 --> 00:24:34,751
Not as in being single, but…
379
00:24:36,293 --> 00:24:38,626
Just doing something for you,
380
00:24:38,709 --> 00:24:42,959
being yourself, being ourselves.
381
00:24:44,834 --> 00:24:48,293
Well, of course there are things
that I miss doing,
382
00:24:48,376 --> 00:24:50,959
but I can still do them.
383
00:24:51,043 --> 00:24:54,084
It's just that the days
are so packed right now…
384
00:24:54,168 --> 00:24:56,834
-But are you really happy?
-Well…
385
00:24:56,918 --> 00:25:00,168
Because it feels like
we're just living a routine,
386
00:25:00,251 --> 00:25:01,084
you and I.
387
00:25:03,126 --> 00:25:05,709
Maybe you should think more
about yourself,
388
00:25:05,793 --> 00:25:08,251
take it easy, chill a little.
389
00:25:10,668 --> 00:25:11,501
Yeah.
390
00:25:12,751 --> 00:25:14,418
But it's not that easy
391
00:25:14,501 --> 00:25:16,918
with three kids and a full-time job.
392
00:25:17,001 --> 00:25:18,418
Yes, it actually is.
393
00:25:22,001 --> 00:25:23,168
You just have to do it.
394
00:25:24,418 --> 00:25:26,334
That's just bullshit.
395
00:25:27,043 --> 00:25:28,626
It's not realistic.
396
00:25:29,126 --> 00:25:33,584
How are we supposed to take it easy
with homework, clubs and cooking--
397
00:25:33,668 --> 00:25:36,959
Why do you think
I'm planning this motorbike trip?
398
00:25:37,043 --> 00:25:39,334
That's exactly my point.
399
00:25:40,001 --> 00:25:43,126
It feels as if you're escaping
from our life.
400
00:25:43,209 --> 00:25:46,584
Hang on. You just said
that we should do things on our own.
401
00:25:47,251 --> 00:25:50,584
You said that. Then you can do things
on your own too, right?
402
00:25:50,668 --> 00:25:52,959
It's not that easy.
That's what I'm saying.
403
00:25:53,043 --> 00:25:55,793
Yes, it is easy,
but you're complicating it.
404
00:25:55,876 --> 00:25:59,334
You don't have to get up
at 6:30 every fucking day.
405
00:25:59,418 --> 00:26:02,001
You don't have to cook every night.
406
00:26:02,084 --> 00:26:03,459
We could solve it.
407
00:26:03,543 --> 00:26:07,918
You don't have to wash clothes
all the time. They're not that dirty.
408
00:26:08,001 --> 00:26:10,418
Yes, I do. What the hell do you mean?
409
00:26:10,501 --> 00:26:12,418
I mean that you can relax a bit.
410
00:26:12,501 --> 00:26:14,251
Who will do everything then?
411
00:26:15,751 --> 00:26:18,501
I'll sleep on the couch.
I can't handle you right now.
412
00:26:18,584 --> 00:26:20,084
Yeah, that's great.
413
00:26:20,168 --> 00:26:21,709
That's just perfect.
414
00:26:21,793 --> 00:26:23,168
Great problem-solving.
415
00:26:24,418 --> 00:26:26,918
I'm just saying that I'm not like you.
416
00:26:27,001 --> 00:26:28,251
-No.
-No.
417
00:26:28,334 --> 00:26:30,376
I can't just turn off my family.
418
00:26:30,459 --> 00:26:32,668
I can't sleep in every Saturday.
419
00:26:32,751 --> 00:26:34,084
I can't.
420
00:26:34,668 --> 00:26:36,918
And I'm not dreaming
of traveling through Europe
421
00:26:37,001 --> 00:26:39,501
on some motorbike trip with my friends.
422
00:26:39,584 --> 00:26:41,043
I'm not.
423
00:26:41,918 --> 00:26:44,793
I'm here and now in my life,
424
00:26:44,876 --> 00:26:46,584
and I've chosen that.
425
00:26:48,084 --> 00:26:50,043
It feels like you're always dreaming
426
00:26:50,126 --> 00:26:52,584
about being somewhere else, not here.
427
00:26:52,668 --> 00:26:56,543
Okay, that's how you feel, but I…
What do you want me to say?
428
00:26:56,626 --> 00:26:59,959
I want you to talk to me.
We have to talk this through.
429
00:27:00,543 --> 00:27:03,501
We're always tired
and it's never the right time,
430
00:27:03,584 --> 00:27:06,834
but when I try to talk to you,
you want to walk away.
431
00:27:10,751 --> 00:27:11,668
Right?
432
00:27:15,751 --> 00:27:17,501
Maybe we should talk to someone.
433
00:27:17,584 --> 00:27:19,501
Like a couples therapist.
434
00:27:19,584 --> 00:27:22,501
Well, I feel good, Frida.
But maybe you need therapy.
435
00:27:22,584 --> 00:27:26,168
Well, that's fucking unfair,
Mr. Anal Porn.
436
00:27:26,251 --> 00:27:29,251
I know you want more in life
437
00:27:29,334 --> 00:27:32,668
than fucking Friday tacos
and everyday sex.
438
00:27:32,751 --> 00:27:34,251
Why can't we talk about it?
439
00:27:35,293 --> 00:27:36,626
Do something about it.
440
00:27:37,459 --> 00:27:38,918
Like, I don't know…
441
00:27:39,543 --> 00:27:41,126
Take a break,
442
00:27:41,959 --> 00:27:44,918
or maybe try involving a third person, or…
443
00:27:45,626 --> 00:27:47,459
-Or maybe not.
-No.
444
00:27:47,543 --> 00:27:50,293
But I know there are things
that we could do.
445
00:27:51,043 --> 00:27:52,293
We just need help.
446
00:27:54,876 --> 00:27:56,751
Everyone goes to therapy, why not us?
447
00:27:56,834 --> 00:27:59,376
Hang on. Listen to me.
448
00:27:59,459 --> 00:28:02,543
We're not going to take a break.
Forget that.
449
00:28:02,626 --> 00:28:07,043
And the thing with a third person…
Have you been smoking something?
450
00:28:07,126 --> 00:28:10,209
And therapy isn't always the answer.
451
00:28:11,376 --> 00:28:12,834
At least not for me.
452
00:28:14,126 --> 00:28:15,793
So what should we do?
453
00:28:19,209 --> 00:28:21,334
Maybe go out and have some fun?
454
00:28:25,209 --> 00:28:29,626
REIGNITION
455
00:28:29,709 --> 00:28:31,834
Oh my God, yes.
456
00:28:31,918 --> 00:28:34,001
It was the same thing for us.
457
00:28:34,626 --> 00:28:37,834
When our oxytocin levels plummeted,
458
00:28:38,418 --> 00:28:41,709
we became like brother and sister.
459
00:28:42,584 --> 00:28:45,501
Well, I was as horny as always,
460
00:28:46,209 --> 00:28:47,459
but you know,
461
00:28:47,543 --> 00:28:49,918
you don't sleep with your brother.
462
00:28:57,168 --> 00:29:02,626
So the zoo tried to boost
our hormone levels again.
463
00:29:03,459 --> 00:29:05,876
They thought we were getting too passive.
464
00:29:05,959 --> 00:29:06,793
Yep.
465
00:29:08,793 --> 00:29:11,459
So they gave us some new toys.
466
00:29:13,459 --> 00:29:18,584
At first I found it ridiculous.
467
00:29:18,668 --> 00:29:22,376
I mean, was he supposed to try
and get a six-pack?
468
00:29:47,543 --> 00:29:51,209
But then…
469
00:29:57,126 --> 00:29:58,834
What can I say?
470
00:30:00,334 --> 00:30:03,209
Just check out those abs.
471
00:30:16,501 --> 00:30:21,209
It really boosted our chemistry.
472
00:30:26,043 --> 00:30:27,126
Is she asleep?
473
00:30:27,209 --> 00:30:29,168
-Like a little bear.
-Good.
474
00:30:29,834 --> 00:30:31,793
-Damn, you're hot.
-Stop it
475
00:30:31,876 --> 00:30:33,751
I'll just put it in there.
476
00:30:33,834 --> 00:30:36,459
Stop it. I only feel tired.
477
00:30:39,043 --> 00:30:40,668
I guess I'll leave then.
478
00:30:40,751 --> 00:30:42,543
Or should I wait for you?
479
00:30:42,626 --> 00:30:45,126
-No, don't worry. Mom will be here soon.
-Okay.
480
00:30:48,918 --> 00:30:52,251
We could meet up later if you want.
481
00:30:52,334 --> 00:30:54,751
Unless I fall asleep at dinner.
482
00:30:54,834 --> 00:30:58,001
I'm pretty sure that your party friends
483
00:30:58,084 --> 00:31:00,543
will have something
to keep you up all night.
484
00:31:02,209 --> 00:31:04,459
That feels fucking adolescent.
485
00:31:04,543 --> 00:31:07,418
Nobody has taken drugs
for like a hundred years.
486
00:31:07,501 --> 00:31:09,793
And who would
take care of the kids tomorrow?
487
00:31:10,751 --> 00:31:14,418
Well, excuse me.
They do have a dad as well.
488
00:31:14,501 --> 00:31:17,751
I can take the kids first thing,
so go out and have fun.
489
00:31:18,959 --> 00:31:20,168
I think you need it.
490
00:31:25,626 --> 00:31:26,501
Okay.
491
00:31:29,584 --> 00:31:30,543
Have a good time.
492
00:31:31,793 --> 00:31:33,459
-Bye.
-Bye.
493
00:31:48,668 --> 00:31:50,543
-Hello!
-Hi!
494
00:31:50,626 --> 00:31:51,501
Hi!
495
00:31:52,084 --> 00:31:53,168
Hello.
496
00:31:54,251 --> 00:31:56,501
-My turn.
-I can't take it anymore.
497
00:31:58,334 --> 00:32:00,001
Ouch!
498
00:32:01,959 --> 00:32:04,084
That sounds fantastic. Just you two?
499
00:32:04,168 --> 00:32:06,584
Yeah, sure. It's… Thank you.
500
00:32:06,668 --> 00:32:09,043
-We're talking about the trip.
-Right.
501
00:32:09,126 --> 00:32:12,209
It's going to be awesome.
Martin and I, endless dirt roads.
502
00:32:12,293 --> 00:32:15,293
We've been doing these trips
since we were, like, 20.
503
00:32:15,376 --> 00:32:16,459
Like, 20?
504
00:32:16,543 --> 00:32:18,543
And now you're, like, 21?
505
00:32:19,751 --> 00:32:20,959
You two…
506
00:32:21,834 --> 00:32:23,043
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
507
00:32:23,126 --> 00:32:26,376
I love motorbike trips. Love it.
508
00:32:26,459 --> 00:32:27,668
What, do you ride a bike?
509
00:32:28,251 --> 00:32:30,626
Do I ride a bike?
Are you kidding me? Love it.
510
00:32:31,584 --> 00:32:32,459
Awesome. Great.
511
00:32:32,543 --> 00:32:34,876
It's the best way to see the world,
512
00:32:34,959 --> 00:32:36,001
if you ask me.
513
00:32:36,084 --> 00:32:37,709
-I agree.
-It's wonderful.
514
00:32:39,876 --> 00:32:42,126
-Butterfingers.
-What?
515
00:32:42,209 --> 00:32:43,043
Dropped it.
516
00:32:43,876 --> 00:32:45,084
What did you say?
517
00:32:45,668 --> 00:32:46,918
What did you drop?
518
00:32:47,001 --> 00:32:48,543
Hello. Do you need help?
519
00:32:48,626 --> 00:32:50,668
No, I think I'll manage. Thanks.
520
00:32:51,418 --> 00:32:52,459
Damn.
521
00:32:53,959 --> 00:32:55,418
It's great.
522
00:32:56,209 --> 00:32:58,126
Listen, guess what I've got.
523
00:32:58,209 --> 00:33:01,084
-What?
-I thought we should party.
524
00:33:01,584 --> 00:33:03,293
-No…
-Yeah, come on.
525
00:33:03,376 --> 00:33:05,043
-Here?
-Yes.
526
00:33:06,084 --> 00:33:07,001
Now?
527
00:33:08,918 --> 00:33:11,918
-What's up?
-No, fun. Fun!
528
00:33:12,876 --> 00:33:16,209
-What, are you leaving?
-I'll be right back. I'm getting ice.
529
00:33:16,293 --> 00:33:21,543
-The naming.
-No, our last party was a christening.
530
00:33:21,626 --> 00:33:24,543
-Cheers.
-My God, I'm so passé.
531
00:33:24,626 --> 00:33:26,918
Honey, stop it. You look fantastic.
532
00:33:27,001 --> 00:33:30,459
The party doesn't stop in the suburbs.
It's just a bit different.
533
00:33:30,543 --> 00:33:33,918
He's right. I've never seen
so many swingers, so many drugs.
534
00:33:34,001 --> 00:33:35,293
It's a circus out there.
535
00:33:35,376 --> 00:33:37,668
Are you kidding?
What suburb are you living in?
536
00:33:37,751 --> 00:33:39,209
For real?
537
00:33:39,293 --> 00:33:42,084
-How does that work for you?
-Let's take that later.
538
00:33:42,168 --> 00:33:43,668
-I want to know.
-Later…
539
00:33:43,751 --> 00:33:45,376
Hey, guys.
540
00:33:45,459 --> 00:33:48,043
Speaking of swingers and drugs,
541
00:33:48,126 --> 00:33:51,376
Mommy has a present for you!
542
00:33:51,459 --> 00:33:55,084
People have started using MDMA
for therapeutic reasons.
543
00:33:55,168 --> 00:33:58,751
I have a lot of traumas
that I need to work through,
544
00:33:58,834 --> 00:34:01,376
and you obviously need to relax,
545
00:34:01,459 --> 00:34:04,334
so here's to being out-of-date
and less serious.
546
00:34:04,418 --> 00:34:06,043
And to meeting more often?
547
00:34:06,126 --> 00:34:07,334
We will.
548
00:34:07,418 --> 00:34:11,501
Here's to everybody being more open
to new adventures.
549
00:34:11,584 --> 00:34:13,293
-Which I am.
-Cheers.
550
00:34:13,376 --> 00:34:16,543
-Björn will see to the kids tomorrow.
-They'll look after Björn.
551
00:34:18,126 --> 00:34:20,168
-God, I love Björn.
-Here's to Björn.
552
00:34:20,251 --> 00:34:21,543
Here's to Björn.
553
00:34:24,376 --> 00:34:25,626
Oh, damn it.
554
00:34:29,293 --> 00:34:31,543
After all the PowerPoint presentations,
555
00:34:31,626 --> 00:34:34,334
the boss needs to get laid
and take it easy, so…
556
00:34:34,418 --> 00:34:36,626
What? You can't say that.
557
00:34:36,709 --> 00:34:38,876
That's politically incorrect.
558
00:34:38,959 --> 00:34:41,918
But you can screw her
if you know what women need.
559
00:34:42,001 --> 00:34:43,543
Oh, yuck. No, no, no.
560
00:34:43,626 --> 00:34:46,084
What about you, Björn? What do you need?
561
00:34:46,168 --> 00:34:49,168
-I need a drink. What would you like?
-I…
562
00:34:50,376 --> 00:34:53,126
-Sex on the beach, please?
-Sex on the beach…
563
00:34:53,209 --> 00:34:54,876
Two sex on the beach, please.
564
00:34:54,959 --> 00:34:57,043
Sex on the beach? Yes, please.
565
00:34:59,959 --> 00:35:00,876
Hey.
566
00:35:02,251 --> 00:35:03,418
-I can't.
-No?
567
00:35:03,501 --> 00:35:05,168
-It won't end well.
-Are you sure?
568
00:35:05,251 --> 00:35:06,209
I'm sure.
569
00:35:06,293 --> 00:35:09,376
I'm married.
I'm not, you know, that kind of guy.
570
00:35:10,126 --> 00:35:12,418
-What?
-No worries. Sorry.
571
00:35:12,501 --> 00:35:13,668
It won't end well.
572
00:35:13,751 --> 00:35:16,334
I'm just teasing. I wasn't being serious.
573
00:35:16,418 --> 00:35:17,918
No, your feet are flirting.
574
00:35:18,001 --> 00:35:21,709
But listen, you need to know
that I will suck your cock anytime.
575
00:35:22,293 --> 00:35:25,543
And I mean anytime. Let me know.
576
00:35:28,751 --> 00:35:29,668
Okay.
577
00:35:30,168 --> 00:35:32,751
-Okay?
-Okay. Thank you.
578
00:35:32,834 --> 00:35:33,709
One word.
579
00:35:34,959 --> 00:35:36,584
-Okay, cheers.
-Cheers.
580
00:35:38,834 --> 00:35:42,626
THE COOLIDGE EFFECT
581
00:35:42,709 --> 00:35:44,918
We had an important visitor on the farm.
582
00:35:45,001 --> 00:35:47,376
President Calvin Coolidge was here.
583
00:35:48,293 --> 00:35:50,876
And his wife Grace asked,
584
00:35:50,959 --> 00:35:52,793
"How often does the rooster mate?"
585
00:35:52,876 --> 00:35:56,793
"Dozens of times a day,"
the farmer replied.
586
00:35:56,876 --> 00:35:58,376
"I see," Grace said.
587
00:35:58,459 --> 00:36:00,376
"Tell my husband."
588
00:36:00,459 --> 00:36:02,334
Then the President asked,
589
00:36:02,418 --> 00:36:06,126
"Is it with the same hen every time"?
590
00:36:06,209 --> 00:36:07,459
"No," the farmer said.
591
00:36:07,543 --> 00:36:10,459
"It's a new hen every time."
592
00:36:10,543 --> 00:36:13,334
"Oh," the President said.
593
00:36:14,126 --> 00:36:16,126
"Tell that to my wife."
594
00:36:27,834 --> 00:36:30,001
You have to control your own narrative.
595
00:36:31,001 --> 00:36:33,918
Look at me and Teun.
We handled our problem.
596
00:36:34,001 --> 00:36:36,751
-We threw the screen out.
-Out with the screen!
597
00:36:36,834 --> 00:36:39,793
-In with the family therapist.
-And the potter's wheel.
598
00:36:39,876 --> 00:36:41,793
Damn, it isn't easy to live.
599
00:36:41,876 --> 00:36:42,709
No.
600
00:36:42,793 --> 00:36:45,084
You actually do have a choice in life.
601
00:36:45,168 --> 00:36:47,043
Live it any way you want.
602
00:36:47,126 --> 00:36:49,626
I mean, ours isn't Instagram perfect,
603
00:36:49,709 --> 00:36:51,876
but at least it's ours.
604
00:36:51,959 --> 00:36:52,793
Right?
605
00:36:53,376 --> 00:36:55,751
-It's really… You're lovely.
-I mean it!
606
00:36:55,834 --> 00:37:00,251
I only mean that a psychologist
and meditation isn't always the solution.
607
00:37:00,334 --> 00:37:01,918
But screwing is nice.
608
00:37:02,001 --> 00:37:04,126
Not everybody is built for kid's yoga,
609
00:37:04,209 --> 00:37:07,876
but read about the consequences
of these fucking screens.
610
00:37:07,959 --> 00:37:11,626
-Good.
-Yes. Have you read Sherry Turkle?
611
00:37:11,709 --> 00:37:12,709
-Sherry who?
-No.
612
00:37:13,501 --> 00:37:16,334
The conversation of…
She's been writing for forever about
613
00:37:16,418 --> 00:37:20,834
how too much screen time affects
children's brains and empathic abilities.
614
00:37:20,918 --> 00:37:25,209
I agree. Oliver can become almost
like a zombie in front of his iPad.
615
00:37:25,293 --> 00:37:28,084
After ten minutes it's like,
"I feel nothing."
616
00:37:28,168 --> 00:37:30,209
Now I can't… I can't feel anything.
617
00:37:30,293 --> 00:37:31,668
You're my idols.
618
00:37:31,751 --> 00:37:33,501
You are. I love you.
619
00:37:33,584 --> 00:37:35,584
Björn and I really need
620
00:37:35,668 --> 00:37:39,876
some ceramics
and a couples therapist right now.
621
00:37:39,959 --> 00:37:42,668
-Linda!
-What? Oh my God!
622
00:37:43,293 --> 00:37:45,001
Shit, it's been ages.
623
00:37:45,084 --> 00:37:47,418
-Hello.
-Hello.
624
00:37:47,501 --> 00:37:50,626
-Yes.
-But… It's been ages!
625
00:37:50,709 --> 00:37:52,084
-May I join you?
-Yes.
626
00:37:52,168 --> 00:37:53,751
Oh, nice!
627
00:38:09,876 --> 00:38:11,376
I stank like a fucking pub.
628
00:38:11,459 --> 00:38:15,126
You fell out of that place
and landed horizontally.
629
00:38:15,209 --> 00:38:17,334
-They called the police.
-No.
630
00:38:17,418 --> 00:38:19,084
-Yes.
-Yeah, they did.
631
00:38:19,168 --> 00:38:23,959
I had to come up with a story
that you had an allergy or something.
632
00:38:24,043 --> 00:38:26,709
And I said, "I'll try to get him home."
633
00:38:26,793 --> 00:38:28,043
Well, did you?
634
00:38:29,834 --> 00:38:31,709
-Did I?
-No!
635
00:38:31,793 --> 00:38:33,584
-I put you in a taxi.
-Yes.
636
00:38:34,376 --> 00:38:36,876
-Epic.
-We didn't see each other for years.
637
00:38:36,959 --> 00:38:39,126
It was too embarrassing.
638
00:38:39,209 --> 00:38:42,543
-Now you understand why she chose Björn.
-Yes, you do.
639
00:38:42,626 --> 00:38:44,334
But you're here now, honey. Cheers!
640
00:38:44,418 --> 00:38:47,709
-Cheers.
-Cheers!
641
00:38:47,793 --> 00:38:49,959
Here's to many embarrassing memories.
642
00:38:50,043 --> 00:38:53,459
I have to get back to my party.
See you later?
643
00:38:53,543 --> 00:38:54,918
Yes, of course.
644
00:38:55,001 --> 00:38:56,459
-See you.
-Bye, Ben.
645
00:38:56,543 --> 00:38:58,334
It was great seeing you.
646
00:38:58,418 --> 00:38:59,793
-Yes. Good to see you.
-Bye.
647
00:39:00,876 --> 00:39:02,168
Wow, what a…
648
00:39:02,251 --> 00:39:03,293
Linda, stop it.
649
00:39:03,876 --> 00:39:06,376
It must be strange to see him.
650
00:39:06,459 --> 00:39:09,084
-It was a long time ago.
-It didn't feel like it.
651
00:39:09,168 --> 00:39:11,209
I have three kids. Stop it.
652
00:39:13,626 --> 00:39:16,293
-Can't you laugh about it?
-Wow, so sensitive.
653
00:39:16,376 --> 00:39:18,209
"I have three children!"
654
00:39:23,959 --> 00:39:25,626
-Hi.
-Hi.
655
00:39:30,501 --> 00:39:31,709
Are you okay?
656
00:39:31,793 --> 00:39:34,709
Yeah, I'm great.
657
00:39:35,293 --> 00:39:36,793
You look amazing.
658
00:39:39,334 --> 00:39:40,626
You too.
659
00:39:42,918 --> 00:39:46,418
-And how's the family?
-Everybody's fine.
660
00:39:46,501 --> 00:39:48,793
-That's great.
-And you?
661
00:39:48,876 --> 00:39:50,168
Yeah, I'm doing great.
662
00:39:50,251 --> 00:39:54,334
We… We had our second a year ago.
663
00:39:54,418 --> 00:39:55,793
We're separated…
664
00:39:55,876 --> 00:39:57,793
Oh no! How sad.
665
00:39:57,876 --> 00:39:59,584
No, calm down. It's super.
666
00:39:59,668 --> 00:40:02,501
It was the best thing
that could have happened to us.
667
00:40:03,543 --> 00:40:04,626
-Okay.
-Yes.
668
00:40:04,709 --> 00:40:05,751
Yeah.
669
00:40:05,834 --> 00:40:08,751
But will you move back here, then?
670
00:40:08,834 --> 00:40:10,709
Yes, we're moving back here.
671
00:40:10,793 --> 00:40:13,251
-Right.
-Yes.
672
00:40:14,709 --> 00:40:15,543
Okay.
673
00:40:16,168 --> 00:40:18,751
But hey, maybe we'll see each other later.
674
00:40:18,834 --> 00:40:20,209
Yes, or we could have
675
00:40:21,834 --> 00:40:25,001
a cup of coffee together, if you like?
676
00:40:48,709 --> 00:40:51,168
-Oh, hello. Hi.
-Hi.
677
00:40:52,209 --> 00:40:53,501
-Okay.
-Hello.
678
00:40:54,001 --> 00:40:55,626
-There you are.
-I…
679
00:40:57,251 --> 00:40:58,084
Whoops!
680
00:41:01,418 --> 00:41:05,168
PAIR BONDING PATTERNS
681
00:41:05,251 --> 00:41:06,834
The results from a study
682
00:41:06,918 --> 00:41:09,418
showed that prairie voles,
683
00:41:09,501 --> 00:41:11,709
just like rats and hens,
684
00:41:11,793 --> 00:41:17,418
are motivated to bond with their partner
during the mating phase
685
00:41:17,501 --> 00:41:20,209
because of increased dopamine levels.
686
00:41:20,293 --> 00:41:23,876
But if you give them a dopamine blocker,
687
00:41:23,959 --> 00:41:27,876
they no longer preferred
the partner they mated with.
688
00:41:27,959 --> 00:41:30,876
But if they were given dopamine,
689
00:41:30,959 --> 00:41:33,626
they preferred any partner.
690
00:41:33,709 --> 00:41:38,626
That reminds me of a study
that is pretty well-known.
691
00:41:38,709 --> 00:41:44,084
It is about T-shirts
that women get to smell,
692
00:41:44,168 --> 00:41:47,251
full of sweat from men.
693
00:41:47,334 --> 00:41:51,543
They preferred some over others.
694
00:41:51,626 --> 00:41:53,668
And those T-shirts
695
00:41:53,751 --> 00:41:55,834
had a gene variant
696
00:41:55,918 --> 00:42:00,043
that was very different
from the woman's own variant,
697
00:42:00,876 --> 00:42:03,001
when it comes to the immune system.
698
00:42:03,084 --> 00:42:04,168
That is important.
699
00:42:04,251 --> 00:42:09,043
Women who had a partner
with the same kind of gene variants,
700
00:42:09,126 --> 00:42:10,751
the others were different,
701
00:42:10,834 --> 00:42:13,834
but this was the same variants
as they themselves had…
702
00:42:13,918 --> 00:42:19,251
Those women were more often
deceived by their partners.
703
00:42:19,334 --> 00:42:23,668
They got to experience
more unfaithfulness.
704
00:42:23,751 --> 00:42:26,376
I find that fascinating.
705
00:42:26,459 --> 00:42:32,459
We did a study with 552 male twins
living in relationships.
706
00:42:32,543 --> 00:42:35,626
We found that the ones
carrying one or more gene variants
707
00:42:35,709 --> 00:42:37,376
in the attachment system,
708
00:42:37,459 --> 00:42:39,959
they were lacking,
or having a problem with
709
00:42:40,043 --> 00:42:42,376
bonding with their partners.
710
00:42:42,459 --> 00:42:44,126
But when it comes to women,
711
00:42:44,209 --> 00:42:49,584
since they lack those alleles
in the attachment system,
712
00:42:49,668 --> 00:42:54,168
we instead studied the DRD4-gene,
713
00:42:54,251 --> 00:43:00,001
or allele, also known as
the kick-seeking dopamine gene.
714
00:43:00,084 --> 00:43:03,293
And we found that
the ones with this variant
715
00:43:03,376 --> 00:43:06,501
also had a higher frequency
of one-night stands
716
00:43:06,584 --> 00:43:08,126
and fantasies of infidelity.
717
00:43:08,876 --> 00:43:13,043
So both of the systems seem
to contribute to patterns of infidelity.
718
00:43:28,709 --> 00:43:31,418
Björn! They're here in a couple of hours.
719
00:43:31,501 --> 00:43:33,418
Can you join us?
720
00:44:09,501 --> 00:44:13,834
Yes, and that leads
to a very important question.
721
00:44:13,918 --> 00:44:18,293
Is monogamy based
on inheritance or environment?
722
00:44:23,209 --> 00:44:26,001
Teresa, are you sitting here?
723
00:44:26,084 --> 00:44:28,418
-Do you want some more wine?
-Yes, please.
724
00:44:28,501 --> 00:44:30,709
-Björn, can you set the table?
-Not now.
725
00:44:30,793 --> 00:44:33,293
I have to serve
our guest of honor some wine.
726
00:44:33,376 --> 00:44:34,209
Yes.
727
00:44:34,293 --> 00:44:36,084
Where is Dad?
728
00:44:36,834 --> 00:44:38,001
You know what he's like.
729
00:44:39,668 --> 00:44:43,876
He's lying on the couch watching us
while we do the dirty work.
730
00:44:44,501 --> 00:44:46,668
We have to excuse Jon.
731
00:44:46,751 --> 00:44:49,376
It's too much for him with so many people.
732
00:44:49,459 --> 00:44:51,168
Oh, it looks lovely, Frida.
733
00:44:51,251 --> 00:44:54,876
You make Mommy proud
by sticking to our tradition.
734
00:44:54,959 --> 00:44:56,293
What tradition?
735
00:44:56,376 --> 00:44:59,209
Sweetheart, don't you remember?
736
00:44:59,293 --> 00:45:02,876
No, of course not.
You were so little back then.
737
00:45:02,959 --> 00:45:05,959
But I had to keep my mother-in-law happy
738
00:45:06,043 --> 00:45:09,459
and struggle with
that darn French duck every Christmas.
739
00:45:09,543 --> 00:45:12,543
-Mom, we never had duck in Norway.
-No, we didn't.
740
00:45:12,626 --> 00:45:16,501
Don't be ridiculous, Joanna.
I remember what I did and didn't do.
741
00:45:16,584 --> 00:45:17,918
Why would you say that?
742
00:45:18,001 --> 00:45:21,084
Okay, take it easy.
We just can't remember the duck.
743
00:45:21,168 --> 00:45:22,751
That's great.
744
00:45:22,834 --> 00:45:26,043
-That's great.
-It sounds wonderful, Teresa.
745
00:45:26,126 --> 00:45:30,126
But I remember something
about a duck the year your dad died.
746
00:45:30,209 --> 00:45:31,709
-That's right.
-Exactly.
747
00:45:31,793 --> 00:45:33,668
Did someone die, or what?
748
00:45:34,751 --> 00:45:37,168
Maybe you should help set the table, Jon.
749
00:45:37,251 --> 00:45:38,334
Yes.
750
00:45:38,418 --> 00:45:40,793
This one is wonderful, Frida.
751
00:45:40,876 --> 00:45:43,459
-We're going to try it, you and I.
-Yes, we are.
752
00:45:43,543 --> 00:45:45,918
Marianne, would you like a glass?
753
00:45:47,251 --> 00:45:48,793
But Teresa, you're right.
754
00:45:48,876 --> 00:45:53,501
It was the Christmas when we had
the entire French side of the family over.
755
00:45:53,584 --> 00:45:54,709
Yes, that's right,
756
00:45:54,793 --> 00:45:58,043
and that wasn't the only time,
just to let you know.
757
00:45:58,126 --> 00:45:59,793
Okay, Mom. It doesn't matter.
758
00:45:59,876 --> 00:46:02,709
But hey, I thought I heard Louie shout.
759
00:46:02,793 --> 00:46:05,001
-Could you check on the kids?
-Sure.
760
00:46:05,084 --> 00:46:06,376
Thank you.
761
00:46:06,459 --> 00:46:09,293
And I was the one who cooked the duck.
762
00:46:09,376 --> 00:46:12,709
And now I've done it again. Voilà!
763
00:46:12,793 --> 00:46:16,209
-Bravo.
-Dinner is served in two hours. Okay?
764
00:46:16,293 --> 00:46:17,876
Wow.
765
00:46:17,959 --> 00:46:20,001
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
766
00:46:20,084 --> 00:46:23,001
-And merry Christmas!
-Merry Christmas!
767
00:47:19,543 --> 00:47:25,334
Yes, and finally,
we performed a study on a group of women.
768
00:47:25,418 --> 00:47:31,584
We gave half of them a nasal spray
containing the cuddle hormone, oxytocin.
769
00:47:31,668 --> 00:47:33,584
And the other half
770
00:47:33,668 --> 00:47:35,209
received a placebo spray,
771
00:47:35,293 --> 00:47:37,751
that is, a spray without any effect.
772
00:47:37,834 --> 00:47:42,001
And it turned out that the women
who received the oxytocin spray
773
00:47:42,084 --> 00:47:44,918
were more likely to bond
774
00:47:45,001 --> 00:47:47,459
than the ones who didn't get it.
775
00:47:47,543 --> 00:47:53,293
So to conclude,
I would claim that human monogamy
776
00:47:53,376 --> 00:47:54,543
and infidelity,
777
00:47:54,626 --> 00:47:56,834
just like with the voles,
778
00:47:56,918 --> 00:48:00,334
to a large extent
depends on our genetic make-up.
779
00:48:01,209 --> 00:48:05,751
Yes, a minor hormonal adjustment
could change a lot in our world,
780
00:48:05,834 --> 00:48:08,501
both at the micro and the macro level.
781
00:48:34,709 --> 00:48:39,251
I really thought that we were going to
be able to work through this.
782
00:48:42,793 --> 00:48:45,168
But does it have to be so definitive?
783
00:48:49,459 --> 00:48:51,459
I really hope not.
784
00:49:13,084 --> 00:49:14,626
What the hell was that?
785
00:49:26,584 --> 00:49:28,543
There you are, you fucking cunt!
786
00:49:30,501 --> 00:49:31,918
And you, fucking…
787
00:49:32,001 --> 00:49:36,668
Your disgusting girlfriends…
You know what? Burn in hell!
788
00:49:36,751 --> 00:49:39,876
Fucking cunts. I hate you!
789
00:49:44,001 --> 00:49:46,293
I don't want this car!
790
00:49:46,376 --> 00:49:48,793
I don't want that flat!
791
00:49:48,876 --> 00:49:51,543
I don't want anything from you!
792
00:49:51,626 --> 00:49:53,209
Get that?
793
00:49:53,293 --> 00:49:55,209
Do you get what you've done?
794
00:49:55,293 --> 00:49:57,751
Were you thinking about the kids?
795
00:49:57,834 --> 00:50:00,418
Were you thinking at all about the kids
796
00:50:00,501 --> 00:50:05,334
when you spread your legs
like some fucking slut all over town?
797
00:50:05,959 --> 00:50:08,751
Fuck you! Go home to Norway.
798
00:50:08,834 --> 00:50:10,126
Do me that favor.
799
00:50:10,209 --> 00:50:11,834
Are you insane?
800
00:50:12,418 --> 00:50:14,793
What's wrong with you, you fucking psycho?
801
00:50:14,876 --> 00:50:18,459
Don't you think I know
about your fucking text messages?
802
00:50:18,543 --> 00:50:20,418
Do you think I'm a fucking idiot?
803
00:50:20,501 --> 00:50:25,043
Don't you think I know what you've done?
I know everything, fucking hypocrite!
804
00:50:25,126 --> 00:50:27,418
You're just as complicit!
805
00:50:27,501 --> 00:50:30,751
You are. It's just as much your fault!
806
00:50:30,834 --> 00:50:33,709
And don't try to make this about the kids.
807
00:50:33,793 --> 00:50:36,626
Because it's about you, fucking dick,
808
00:50:36,709 --> 00:50:38,876
and about how bloody selfish you are!
809
00:50:38,959 --> 00:50:43,459
You're up your own fucking asshole,
that's what you are.
810
00:50:43,543 --> 00:50:45,793
Yes, I slept with him!
811
00:50:45,876 --> 00:50:47,668
Who the hell cares?
812
00:50:47,751 --> 00:50:49,376
Who the hell cares about that?
813
00:50:49,459 --> 00:50:53,251
I wanted to be with you!
It was you I wanted.
814
00:50:53,334 --> 00:50:55,459
But you ignored our family.
815
00:50:55,543 --> 00:50:57,876
You ignored me!
816
00:50:57,959 --> 00:51:00,543
Because you are a fucking dickhead!
817
00:51:00,626 --> 00:51:03,668
So fuck you!
818
00:51:03,751 --> 00:51:05,626
Go to hell!
819
00:51:20,918 --> 00:51:23,709
BEER
RESTAURANT
820
00:51:25,959 --> 00:51:27,584
This isn't very smart, bro.
821
00:51:28,626 --> 00:51:32,709
This won't look good
if you want to push the custody thing.
822
00:51:32,793 --> 00:51:36,459
I mean, you have to get a grip.
Get your life under control.
823
00:51:36,543 --> 00:51:37,584
Like hell I will.
824
00:51:37,668 --> 00:51:39,959
I don't give a shit how it looks.
825
00:51:40,043 --> 00:51:43,376
She has ruined everything.
She's destroyed my life.
826
00:51:43,459 --> 00:51:47,084
-I hate her.
-No, I don't think you hate her.
827
00:51:47,168 --> 00:51:50,959
Anyway, you can't walk around
moping like this the whole time.
828
00:51:51,043 --> 00:51:53,043
-Yes, I can.
-No.
829
00:51:53,126 --> 00:51:55,834
-Can too. I'm sitting here.
-No, you can't.
830
00:51:55,918 --> 00:51:58,043
-It's easy to mope.
-It's been months…
831
00:51:58,126 --> 00:51:59,709
Hi! How are you doing?
832
00:51:59,793 --> 00:52:01,334
-Hi.
-Long time, no see.
833
00:52:01,418 --> 00:52:03,959
-Good to see you. How are you?
-Good.
834
00:52:05,501 --> 00:52:07,251
I quit drinking a while back,
835
00:52:07,334 --> 00:52:10,126
but it got so fucking boring
that I started again.
836
00:52:10,709 --> 00:52:12,751
But Oliver is good, Linda is good.
837
00:52:12,834 --> 00:52:14,459
We're still separated,
838
00:52:14,543 --> 00:52:16,918
but she's easy to get along with, so…
839
00:52:17,001 --> 00:52:18,751
-Right.
-Yep. And you?
840
00:52:20,209 --> 00:52:21,959
-Yeah, it's…
-Well…
841
00:52:22,793 --> 00:52:26,876
We're celebrating
that Björn got rid of his car today.
842
00:52:26,959 --> 00:52:28,126
-You sold it?
-What?
843
00:52:29,668 --> 00:52:31,709
No, I didn't sell it, I…
844
00:52:32,543 --> 00:52:38,626
took the keys and crashed it into
a house on the street where we live.
845
00:52:39,709 --> 00:52:42,251
-Really? Is that true?
-Yeah, just now.
846
00:52:43,709 --> 00:52:46,543
Wow, okay. Let's toast to that. Excuse me?
847
00:52:46,626 --> 00:52:48,584
Three Golden Slammers, please?
848
00:52:49,793 --> 00:52:52,793
-So now she doesn't have a car.
-There's a thing.
849
00:52:52,876 --> 00:52:56,709
Yeah, so now I'm a dad every other week
at home with the kids,
850
00:52:56,793 --> 00:53:00,126
and every other week
I sleep on Martin's couch.
851
00:53:00,834 --> 00:53:03,959
-So you're doing birdnesting?
-That's what she wanted.
852
00:53:04,626 --> 00:53:05,626
Bird nest?
853
00:53:05,709 --> 00:53:07,043
Yeah, well…
854
00:53:07,626 --> 00:53:10,251
The kids stay,
the parents move in and out.
855
00:53:10,334 --> 00:53:13,793
I see.
People didn't do that when I separated.
856
00:53:13,876 --> 00:53:15,876
Linda and I did it in the beginning.
857
00:53:15,959 --> 00:53:19,668
It might be good for the kids,
but it's goddamn horrible. Horrible!
858
00:53:19,751 --> 00:53:22,168
Yeah, incredibly tough.
859
00:53:22,834 --> 00:53:25,959
-But, are you looking for a flat?
-Yeah.
860
00:53:27,168 --> 00:53:28,084
Yeah, sure.
861
00:53:28,168 --> 00:53:32,418
I will not live in the same house
as that fucking bitch.
862
00:53:32,501 --> 00:53:34,626
I promise you. I'll find something.
863
00:53:34,709 --> 00:53:38,501
My sister is moving in with her boyfriend
and has to rent out her flat.
864
00:53:38,584 --> 00:53:41,584
-Really?
-It's small, in town. Yeah.
865
00:53:42,084 --> 00:53:46,209
Really nice, ordinary.
Cheap, you know. Interested?
866
00:53:46,293 --> 00:53:47,126
Yeah.
867
00:53:47,209 --> 00:53:48,584
-I'll check it out.
-Sure.
868
00:53:49,459 --> 00:53:50,751
-All right.
-Cool.
869
00:53:50,834 --> 00:53:52,959
-Cheers, then.
-Cheers.
870
00:53:57,334 --> 00:53:58,418
Whatever.
871
00:54:00,459 --> 00:54:01,668
Okay, honey.
872
00:54:02,918 --> 00:54:06,793
-Mom, are you picking me up today?
-No, it's Dad's turn.
873
00:54:06,876 --> 00:54:08,376
Remember?
874
00:54:08,459 --> 00:54:11,584
But I'll miss you.
875
00:54:13,418 --> 00:54:15,001
Ah, honey.
876
00:54:16,501 --> 00:54:18,251
I'll miss you too.
877
00:54:18,334 --> 00:54:19,168
Okay?
878
00:54:19,751 --> 00:54:21,293
I'll miss you too.
879
00:54:24,084 --> 00:54:25,126
You know what?
880
00:54:25,959 --> 00:54:28,168
It's good to miss me, you know?
881
00:54:29,376 --> 00:54:30,418
It's good.
882
00:54:30,501 --> 00:54:34,543
Otherwise, it wouldn't be
so great to see each other again.
883
00:54:34,626 --> 00:54:35,626
No.
884
00:54:35,709 --> 00:54:37,584
So it's good that you miss me.
885
00:54:42,418 --> 00:54:43,251
Okay.
886
00:54:46,584 --> 00:54:47,459
Okay?
887
00:54:51,293 --> 00:54:53,459
Look what I have. Here.
888
00:54:55,168 --> 00:54:56,001
Ta-da!
889
00:54:57,709 --> 00:55:00,418
Always have a piece of chocolate
in your jacket pocket.
890
00:55:00,501 --> 00:55:01,668
Yeah.
891
00:55:01,751 --> 00:55:02,793
Mommy loves you.
892
00:55:03,418 --> 00:55:04,251
Okay?
893
00:55:07,334 --> 00:55:08,376
Shall we go in?
894
00:55:09,084 --> 00:55:10,168
Yes, come on.
895
00:55:25,584 --> 00:55:27,918
And he doesn't see how it affects them.
896
00:55:30,293 --> 00:55:34,376
He wants to punish me, but right now,
it's the children he is hurting.
897
00:55:35,793 --> 00:55:39,334
And he's serious about going to court.
898
00:55:40,626 --> 00:55:44,751
He doesn't care if the kids
have to be evaluated by a psychiatrist.
899
00:55:48,793 --> 00:55:51,876
I can't even think about
how traumatic that would be for them.
900
00:55:53,876 --> 00:55:56,209
That must be really hard for you.
901
00:55:58,001 --> 00:55:59,709
I know that I was the one who…
902
00:56:00,626 --> 00:56:02,876
That I was the one who started it all.
903
00:56:05,251 --> 00:56:06,793
And I have to live with that.
904
00:56:07,293 --> 00:56:09,584
But I hoped that he would…
905
00:56:09,668 --> 00:56:11,418
that he would wake up…
906
00:56:13,293 --> 00:56:14,334
So that we could
907
00:56:15,376 --> 00:56:17,418
work on our problems
908
00:56:19,001 --> 00:56:21,043
and everything would be good again.
909
00:56:22,418 --> 00:56:28,251
So you felt that
he didn't communicate and wasn't attentive
910
00:56:28,334 --> 00:56:32,668
even before you separated?
That he was shirking responsibility?
911
00:56:33,334 --> 00:56:36,418
-Is that right?
-He didn't want to engage.
912
00:56:36,501 --> 00:56:40,209
And what would happen
if he didn't deal with things?
913
00:56:44,126 --> 00:56:46,751
It feels like you're worried
914
00:56:46,834 --> 00:56:49,543
that something might happen
if he didn't act.
915
00:56:50,251 --> 00:56:53,001
I don't know if anything would happen,
916
00:56:53,584 --> 00:56:56,084
or if the thing was that nothing happened.
917
00:56:57,084 --> 00:56:58,751
That we stagnated and…
918
00:56:59,793 --> 00:57:02,626
Yeah, that we were over.
919
00:57:03,209 --> 00:57:05,168
You were afraid of losing him.
920
00:57:10,126 --> 00:57:13,293
And I felt like I had already lost
921
00:57:14,501 --> 00:57:16,751
both myself and him.
922
00:57:19,543 --> 00:57:21,834
And so then I hoped that he would
923
00:57:22,918 --> 00:57:24,001
see that.
924
00:57:26,043 --> 00:57:28,668
Or see me, kind of.
925
00:57:33,459 --> 00:57:35,876
And work on us instead of running away.
926
00:57:37,543 --> 00:57:40,668
In a way, you ran away first.
927
00:57:46,876 --> 00:57:49,209
Frida, let's separate things out a bit.
928
00:57:50,251 --> 00:57:52,251
It wasn't part of his personality
929
00:57:52,334 --> 00:57:54,876
to deal with things
in the same way you did,
930
00:57:54,959 --> 00:57:57,126
even before you separated.
931
00:57:57,709 --> 00:58:00,709
That's the way he was then,
and that's the way he is now.
932
00:58:01,918 --> 00:58:03,584
You can't do anything about that.
933
00:58:03,668 --> 00:58:06,918
Only he himself can change that,
if he wants to.
934
00:58:07,418 --> 00:58:09,918
It's not your job.
It's not your responsibility.
935
00:58:10,001 --> 00:58:12,918
You have no control over that.
936
00:58:13,668 --> 00:58:15,376
And the same is true for you.
937
00:58:16,293 --> 00:58:17,959
Now you've separated,
938
00:58:18,043 --> 00:58:20,584
and he doesn't want to have any contact.
939
00:58:20,668 --> 00:58:22,168
You need to accept that
940
00:58:22,793 --> 00:58:25,043
and learn to handle the situation,
941
00:58:25,126 --> 00:58:27,501
instead of waiting for him to change
942
00:58:27,584 --> 00:58:31,293
or be in constant conflict with him.
943
00:58:32,543 --> 00:58:38,876
And this isn't about
if somebody loves or not.
944
00:58:40,084 --> 00:58:41,293
That's who he is.
945
00:58:42,834 --> 00:58:45,876
He is very different from you.
946
00:58:47,376 --> 00:58:49,043
Okay, come here.
947
00:58:50,376 --> 00:58:52,543
You can dance more when we get home.
948
00:58:53,501 --> 00:58:55,626
And switch… No, you can't hold the monkey.
949
00:58:55,709 --> 00:58:58,251
-Yes.
-No, Lou… Don't do that.
950
00:58:58,334 --> 00:59:00,501
It'll just get silly.
951
00:59:00,584 --> 00:59:02,751
Good, let's see. Come on.
952
00:59:05,376 --> 00:59:07,459
-Stop it.
-Ow, Daddy. That hurt!
953
00:59:07,543 --> 00:59:10,334
-Okay, sorry.
-No, I want Mommy!
954
00:59:11,001 --> 00:59:12,584
-But…
-No, don't touch me!
955
00:59:12,668 --> 00:59:15,751
-I have to touch you.
-Don't touch me! No!
956
00:59:15,834 --> 00:59:17,876
Honey, Louie…
957
00:59:17,959 --> 00:59:20,876
-I don't want to!
-No, but Anna is picking up Leo.
958
00:59:20,959 --> 00:59:23,376
We have to hurry home to them. We can't…
959
00:59:23,459 --> 00:59:25,126
I'm doing my best, damn it.
960
00:59:25,209 --> 00:59:26,793
Can't you give it a rest?
961
00:59:26,876 --> 00:59:28,459
-Please?
-I don't want to!
962
00:59:28,543 --> 00:59:29,501
Hello, Björn.
963
00:59:30,001 --> 00:59:31,543
Right? Hello.
964
00:59:31,626 --> 00:59:33,501
There. Okay, we'll leave it.
965
00:59:34,334 --> 00:59:37,668
We took a long walk today,
so she's probably a bit tired.
966
00:59:39,084 --> 00:59:39,918
Okay.
967
00:59:40,626 --> 00:59:41,543
It's like that.
968
00:59:41,626 --> 00:59:43,876
Let's go. You'll have to be cold then.
969
00:59:45,709 --> 00:59:47,168
Can we…? Let's go.
970
00:59:47,251 --> 00:59:48,709
Don't forget your bag.
971
00:59:49,543 --> 00:59:50,543
No.
972
00:59:51,376 --> 00:59:53,709
Here's your… There's my bag, damn it.
973
00:59:58,834 --> 01:00:00,084
Thank you for today.
974
01:00:00,168 --> 01:00:01,251
See you tomorrow.
975
01:00:01,876 --> 01:00:03,584
-See you tomorrow.
-Thank you.
976
01:00:03,668 --> 01:00:04,751
Thank you.
977
01:00:05,251 --> 01:00:06,918
Thanks for being here.
978
01:00:07,001 --> 01:00:09,543
I was nervous, but it's just furniture.
979
01:00:09,626 --> 01:00:12,043
It'll be fine. He's probably been nice.
980
01:00:12,126 --> 01:00:14,626
I mean, you own half of it.
981
01:01:05,126 --> 01:01:06,459
What do I tell the kids?
982
01:01:08,293 --> 01:01:09,376
What do you say?
983
01:01:11,334 --> 01:01:12,334
I don't know.
984
01:01:16,126 --> 01:01:17,626
I'm really trying.
985
01:01:17,709 --> 01:01:20,751
-I'm trying to do everything right.
-I know.
986
01:01:20,834 --> 01:01:23,543
It's our fucking duty to the kids.
987
01:01:24,918 --> 01:01:28,834
And he's just pissing on me.
He pisses on me every chance he gets.
988
01:01:28,918 --> 01:01:30,584
Because he's a fucking dick.
989
01:01:33,668 --> 01:01:35,668
I don't know why he's doing this.
990
01:01:38,626 --> 01:01:42,001
Okay? I'll get you some coffee.
You need some coffee.
991
01:01:44,709 --> 01:01:46,501
But he's taken my kettle.
992
01:01:47,418 --> 01:01:49,626
I can't even make a fucking cup of coffee.
993
01:01:50,543 --> 01:01:51,501
And I got it.
994
01:01:52,334 --> 01:01:56,459
I got it from his mother
as a birthday present. You see?
995
01:01:57,918 --> 01:02:02,876
Okay, then I'll boil water
in a pot on the stove.
996
01:02:04,751 --> 01:02:05,668
Hey.
997
01:02:06,918 --> 01:02:09,168
You don't have to make a perfect home.
998
01:02:09,251 --> 01:02:11,168
There are no perfect homes
999
01:02:11,251 --> 01:02:13,459
and the kids will adapt.
1000
01:02:16,376 --> 01:02:17,626
Buy an air mattress.
1001
01:02:18,251 --> 01:02:19,376
Build a fort.
1002
01:02:19,459 --> 01:02:20,709
It'll be all right.
1003
01:02:26,543 --> 01:02:29,459
Mommy, come and jump!
1004
01:02:29,543 --> 01:02:30,543
Mommy, come on!
1005
01:02:30,626 --> 01:02:34,543
No, I don't think I'm allowed.
The bed will break.
1006
01:02:34,626 --> 01:02:36,001
-No.
-Stop.
1007
01:02:36,084 --> 01:02:39,126
-Read the sign. They want you to jump.
-Please, come on.
1008
01:02:39,209 --> 01:02:41,418
Come on, it won't break.
1009
01:02:41,501 --> 01:02:42,751
-Come here.
-Come on.
1010
01:02:42,834 --> 01:02:45,001
Come on, come on.
1011
01:02:45,084 --> 01:02:47,043
Up you get. You can do it.
1012
01:02:47,126 --> 01:02:48,709
It won't break.
1013
01:02:48,793 --> 01:02:50,084
-We promise.
-Come here.
1014
01:03:39,459 --> 01:03:42,751
She fits in very well
with the rest of the kids
1015
01:03:42,834 --> 01:03:44,876
and gets along with most of them.
1016
01:03:46,209 --> 01:03:50,334
She is popular
and radiates a lovely energy.
1017
01:03:50,418 --> 01:03:53,043
In general, we see no problems with Louie.
1018
01:03:53,126 --> 01:03:54,084
None whatsoever.
1019
01:03:54,793 --> 01:03:57,043
That's fantastic to hear.
1020
01:03:57,126 --> 01:03:58,209
Well, we are,
1021
01:03:58,293 --> 01:04:01,709
or I am, always worried that she doesn't
1022
01:04:02,668 --> 01:04:04,043
express herself well
1023
01:04:04,126 --> 01:04:07,334
or communicate with others.
1024
01:04:07,418 --> 01:04:11,918
So yeah, that's really
such a relief to hear.
1025
01:04:12,001 --> 01:04:16,084
Yes, as you know, Frida chose
to split our family a while ago,
1026
01:04:16,168 --> 01:04:18,501
and it's been damn hard.
1027
01:04:19,001 --> 01:04:24,334
And the kids are very miserable,
traumatized.
1028
01:04:24,418 --> 01:04:27,584
It's no fun and games at home, but it's…
1029
01:04:27,668 --> 01:04:31,418
How do you put it? That's what happens
when one person in a family
1030
01:04:31,501 --> 01:04:34,918
chooses to think about their own needs,
isn't that right?
1031
01:04:37,209 --> 01:04:41,459
Well, of course, we're used
to these types of situations.
1032
01:04:42,001 --> 01:04:46,834
And the majority of the kids here
live in modern family constellations.
1033
01:04:46,918 --> 01:04:50,293
And that doesn't have to mean
trauma for the kids, per se.
1034
01:04:50,376 --> 01:04:54,293
As long as the parents can work together.
1035
01:04:54,376 --> 01:04:57,209
As Mona said,
1036
01:04:57,293 --> 01:05:00,918
Louie is fine and expresses herself well.
1037
01:05:02,209 --> 01:05:04,959
As long as the kids are extroverted,
1038
01:05:05,043 --> 01:05:06,459
it's a good sign.
1039
01:05:06,543 --> 01:05:10,251
It's when they get quiet
that we get worried.
1040
01:05:10,334 --> 01:05:14,168
Acting out is both normal and healthy.
1041
01:05:14,751 --> 01:05:18,793
So if Louie gets sad or angry
during this period,
1042
01:05:18,876 --> 01:05:20,501
that's totally okay.
1043
01:05:21,209 --> 01:05:23,626
And as Bo said, we are all in agreement
1044
01:05:23,709 --> 01:05:26,543
that she is doing great.
1045
01:05:26,626 --> 01:05:27,584
Thank you.
1046
01:05:27,668 --> 01:05:30,418
Yeah, and tell us if anything changes,
1047
01:05:30,501 --> 01:05:33,959
or if there's something
that we should focus on.
1048
01:05:34,043 --> 01:05:37,876
Well, I don't want to communicate
with this person, so we could…
1049
01:05:37,959 --> 01:05:41,793
If we could stay in contact separately,
that would be great.
1050
01:05:42,959 --> 01:05:44,793
-Absolutely.
-Of course.
1051
01:05:44,876 --> 01:05:47,209
We'll let you know of any concerns.
1052
01:05:47,293 --> 01:05:49,709
And you can always grab us, if…
1053
01:05:50,626 --> 01:05:53,834
If you have any thoughts or worries.
1054
01:05:53,918 --> 01:05:55,709
Great. Bye.
1055
01:05:55,793 --> 01:05:57,418
-Thank you.
-Thank you, Mona.
1056
01:05:57,501 --> 01:05:58,543
-Bye.
-Bye.
1057
01:06:10,251 --> 01:06:11,126
Björn?
1058
01:06:11,209 --> 01:06:13,043
Björn. Please, wait.
1059
01:06:13,126 --> 01:06:15,668
Please, let's talk about this?
1060
01:06:15,751 --> 01:06:16,959
Can't we talk?
1061
01:06:18,168 --> 01:06:21,501
Please, Björn,
can't we stop this custody thing?
1062
01:06:21,584 --> 01:06:24,959
You should have thought of that
before you destroyed our family.
1063
01:06:25,043 --> 01:06:27,709
No, I'm not stopping "the custody thing."
1064
01:06:27,793 --> 01:06:30,043
Please, Björn, we're in this together.
1065
01:06:30,126 --> 01:06:33,334
Do you want to subject the kids
to the damn psychology tests
1066
01:06:33,418 --> 01:06:36,043
just to prove you're right?
Is that what you want?
1067
01:06:37,251 --> 01:06:38,584
I apologize to you.
1068
01:06:39,334 --> 01:06:40,209
I do.
1069
01:06:40,709 --> 01:06:41,876
For real.
1070
01:06:41,959 --> 01:06:45,293
-I'm sorry about… about everything.
-Okay.
1071
01:06:45,376 --> 01:06:46,834
-I am.
-Yeah…
1072
01:06:47,793 --> 01:06:49,834
But don't do this to the kids.
1073
01:06:49,918 --> 01:06:53,543
-They'll be scarred for life.
-Am I doing this to the kids?
1074
01:06:53,626 --> 01:06:56,334
You thought psychologists
was the answer to everything.
1075
01:06:56,418 --> 01:07:00,126
You're the one who scarred them
for life when you left us.
1076
01:07:00,209 --> 01:07:02,959
You were the one
who wanted a divorce, not me.
1077
01:07:03,043 --> 01:07:06,168
And this isn't about your fucking needs,
1078
01:07:06,251 --> 01:07:10,043
or about the kids' needs, for that matter.
It's about my rights.
1079
01:07:10,126 --> 01:07:14,459
And I will have them,
as you're not a fit mother to my kids.
1080
01:07:14,543 --> 01:07:16,209
You are totally reckless.
1081
01:07:16,293 --> 01:07:18,376
You're destroying the kids' lives,
1082
01:07:18,459 --> 01:07:19,959
destroying the kids' dreams,
1083
01:07:20,043 --> 01:07:21,584
destroying the kids' future,
1084
01:07:21,668 --> 01:07:23,293
so now we'll do this my way!
1085
01:07:24,168 --> 01:07:25,751
Come on, get a grip!
1086
01:07:25,834 --> 01:07:27,668
Björn, damn it!
1087
01:07:28,168 --> 01:07:29,918
None of us were happy!
1088
01:07:30,668 --> 01:07:31,834
We had a crisis
1089
01:07:31,918 --> 01:07:33,709
and you didn't admit that.
1090
01:07:33,793 --> 01:07:35,251
You couldn't talk about it.
1091
01:07:35,334 --> 01:07:38,501
That's such fucking bullshit,
and you know it.
1092
01:07:38,584 --> 01:07:40,876
You don't have to
talk everything to death.
1093
01:07:40,959 --> 01:07:44,043
Some things sort themselves out!
1094
01:07:44,126 --> 01:07:47,334
You wanted a divorce,
but you won't get your way anymore.
1095
01:07:47,418 --> 01:07:48,293
Enough is enough!
1096
01:07:48,376 --> 01:07:52,376
Did you see me dream about
some fucking backpacking trip in Asia?
1097
01:07:52,459 --> 01:07:55,501
No, because I was
too busy living our life, Björn!
1098
01:07:55,584 --> 01:07:58,584
I wanted to be in our life, Björn!
Do you get that?
1099
01:07:58,668 --> 01:08:01,918
And I didn't just suggest therapy.
I was open to anything.
1100
01:08:02,001 --> 01:08:04,751
A break, a threesome or whatever!
1101
01:08:04,834 --> 01:08:06,418
But you just didn't care!
1102
01:08:06,501 --> 01:08:09,043
But you know what? We were unhappy!
1103
01:08:09,793 --> 01:08:12,918
Both of us. We were so fucking unhappy.
1104
01:08:13,001 --> 01:08:14,751
And you did nothing about it.
1105
01:08:14,834 --> 01:08:16,001
You did nothing!
1106
01:08:16,543 --> 01:08:21,209
I'm sure that's your explanation, Frida.
That's yours.
1107
01:08:21,293 --> 01:08:24,501
But if you want to hear mine,
it's a little different.
1108
01:08:24,584 --> 01:08:29,418
Because you wanted to be alone,
and now you'll get a taste of it.
1109
01:08:29,501 --> 01:08:32,376
You're not taking my kids!
They'll live with me!
1110
01:08:34,918 --> 01:08:37,584
But we're their parents, both of us.
1111
01:08:38,501 --> 01:08:40,709
They need us both.
1112
01:08:40,793 --> 01:08:42,126
And then we have to…
1113
01:08:42,209 --> 01:08:45,168
We have to communicate.
This isn't communicating!
1114
01:08:45,251 --> 01:08:48,418
No, exactly.
I don't want to communicate with you!
1115
01:08:48,501 --> 01:08:50,168
Are you stupid?
1116
01:08:50,959 --> 01:08:52,918
I don't want to communicate with you.
1117
01:08:53,001 --> 01:08:57,001
And there'll be no hippie Christmas.
This is what's going to happen.
1118
01:08:57,084 --> 01:09:02,334
I'll take the kids to my parents
and you can have them New Year's Eve.
1119
01:09:05,876 --> 01:09:07,209
End of discussion.
1120
01:09:53,793 --> 01:09:55,626
Hello, and welcome.
1121
01:09:57,668 --> 01:09:59,001
Aren't you coming up?
1122
01:10:01,584 --> 01:10:03,668
The kids have to get their presents.
1123
01:10:04,668 --> 01:10:06,668
I thought we'd have coffee.
1124
01:10:11,876 --> 01:10:12,709
Yes.
1125
01:10:40,334 --> 01:10:42,126
Hello, my honeys!
1126
01:10:42,209 --> 01:10:43,251
Hi, Mom.
1127
01:10:43,334 --> 01:10:45,043
You look so smart!
1128
01:10:45,876 --> 01:10:47,126
We're going to Grandma's.
1129
01:10:47,209 --> 01:10:50,126
-And we'll get a surprise.
-I know.
1130
01:10:50,209 --> 01:10:52,126
It's going to be so much fun!
1131
01:10:52,209 --> 01:10:54,334
Here you have some more surprises.
1132
01:10:54,418 --> 01:10:55,918
Some candy for the journey.
1133
01:10:56,001 --> 01:10:58,126
And Leo, your teddy. Here.
1134
01:10:58,209 --> 01:11:02,084
Okay, have the best Christmas ever.
1135
01:11:02,168 --> 01:11:04,168
And call me if you want something.
1136
01:11:04,251 --> 01:11:05,709
Or if you feel like it.
1137
01:11:05,793 --> 01:11:08,959
-What are you going to do?
-Won't you celebrate?
1138
01:11:09,543 --> 01:11:11,543
Yes, for sure.
1139
01:11:11,626 --> 01:11:14,584
I have a lot of tests to grade.
1140
01:11:14,668 --> 01:11:17,043
And then I'll probably go
to Aunt Joanna's.
1141
01:11:17,126 --> 01:11:19,376
But first, I have to call Santa Claus,
1142
01:11:19,459 --> 01:11:21,668
so he has Grandma's address.
1143
01:11:22,168 --> 01:11:23,584
I think we have to go now.
1144
01:11:23,668 --> 01:11:25,126
But let's say goodbye.
1145
01:11:25,209 --> 01:11:28,334
You can't go without giving Mommy a kiss.
Come here.
1146
01:11:29,043 --> 01:11:30,584
Love you, sweetie. Okay?
1147
01:11:30,668 --> 01:11:31,793
Give me a hug.
1148
01:11:33,293 --> 01:11:35,251
I love you. Love you.
1149
01:11:35,334 --> 01:11:36,543
I love you so much.
1150
01:11:37,876 --> 01:11:39,668
-Okay?
-Bye, Mom.
1151
01:11:39,751 --> 01:11:40,959
-Bye, Mom.
-Bye.
1152
01:11:41,043 --> 01:11:43,918
-I love you.
-I love you. Bye.
1153
01:11:44,001 --> 01:11:45,251
-Bye.
-Bye.
1154
01:11:47,584 --> 01:11:49,418
-Bye.
-Bye.
1155
01:12:35,293 --> 01:12:39,959
-Now it's a snake and now an elephant!
-No more magic, little Louie.
1156
01:12:40,043 --> 01:12:42,584
-Take off the costume.
-I don't want to.
1157
01:12:42,668 --> 01:12:46,459
It's been a really cozy Christmas,
but it'll be too warm.
1158
01:12:46,543 --> 01:12:48,543
I want to show it to Mommy!
1159
01:12:49,418 --> 01:12:53,043
You can show it to Mommy
when you see her, okay
1160
01:12:53,126 --> 01:12:55,043
I want Mommy!
1161
01:12:55,126 --> 01:12:56,876
I want Mommy too.
1162
01:13:01,168 --> 01:13:02,251
Honey, come here.
1163
01:13:02,959 --> 01:13:05,543
Just like Mommy. Come and sit here.
1164
01:13:05,626 --> 01:13:06,459
There, there.
1165
01:13:07,876 --> 01:13:08,709
Come here.
1166
01:13:26,293 --> 01:13:30,793
SEPARATION TRAUMA
1167
01:13:30,876 --> 01:13:32,376
Separation anxiety,
1168
01:13:33,168 --> 01:13:34,334
or depression.
1169
01:13:37,168 --> 01:13:40,168
It's comparable to drug withdrawal.
1170
01:13:42,376 --> 01:13:45,876
You even have a reduced immune defense.
1171
01:13:48,751 --> 01:13:52,918
If you were a man,
I could recommend a glass of wine or two.
1172
01:13:53,459 --> 01:13:56,501
But the female body's dopamine system
1173
01:13:56,584 --> 01:13:59,376
isn't triggered
by alcohol in the same way.
1174
01:13:59,918 --> 01:14:02,584
I could give you an oxytocin shot
1175
01:14:03,293 --> 01:14:05,668
in order to start your own dopamine flow.
1176
01:14:08,376 --> 01:14:10,418
Or antidepressants.
1177
01:14:13,084 --> 01:14:15,709
I think you have to get through this.
1178
01:14:16,376 --> 01:14:17,959
Try to look forward.
1179
01:14:20,209 --> 01:14:22,626
Do things that make you happy.
1180
01:14:25,793 --> 01:14:29,334
No, I'm not going to start using Tinder.
I won't do it.
1181
01:14:29,418 --> 01:14:31,584
I'd rather die than subject myself to--
1182
01:14:31,668 --> 01:14:33,126
So damned pretentious!
1183
01:14:33,209 --> 01:14:37,459
It's such a disgusting,
dehumanizing way to socialize.
1184
01:14:38,043 --> 01:14:39,751
I mean, why…
1185
01:14:39,834 --> 01:14:44,168
Why don't we have
one of those SCRUFF apps?
1186
01:14:45,043 --> 01:14:49,293
Just for sex
without having to talk and be bored
1187
01:14:49,376 --> 01:14:51,168
before you go to bed.
1188
01:14:51,251 --> 01:14:52,418
Isn't that wonderful?
1189
01:14:52,501 --> 01:14:55,418
Yes, because I'm done with the love thing.
1190
01:14:56,376 --> 01:14:58,168
Nothing would happen anyway,
1191
01:14:58,251 --> 01:15:01,418
if I shared my GPS coordinates
on some damn app.
1192
01:15:01,501 --> 01:15:04,043
Girl, it's 2021!
1193
01:15:04,126 --> 01:15:05,876
That's how Tinder works.
1194
01:15:05,959 --> 01:15:08,626
Imagine that you're at a buffet
and you're starving.
1195
01:15:08,709 --> 01:15:11,001
Now you can choose the tastiest bits.
1196
01:15:11,084 --> 01:15:13,793
You can get exactly what you want.
1197
01:15:13,876 --> 01:15:16,084
But who would want me?
1198
01:15:25,376 --> 01:15:29,376
There comes a time
when you have to move on.
1199
01:15:29,459 --> 01:15:33,668
So I went to therapy and looked inward.
1200
01:15:33,751 --> 01:15:36,126
So now I have…
1201
01:15:36,209 --> 01:15:38,626
It's over. That chapter is finished.
1202
01:15:39,584 --> 01:15:41,209
-Well done.
-Yeah.
1203
01:15:41,293 --> 01:15:42,834
-And it happened fast.
-Yeah.
1204
01:15:42,918 --> 01:15:45,584
Just half a year. You're awesome!
1205
01:15:45,668 --> 01:15:46,626
What?
1206
01:15:46,709 --> 01:15:48,334
We only live once.
1207
01:15:49,126 --> 01:15:53,001
I couldn't waste any more time
on figuring out why it wasn't working.
1208
01:15:53,084 --> 01:15:56,168
It wasn't working. And it's complicated.
1209
01:15:56,918 --> 01:15:58,501
Now it's over.
1210
01:15:58,584 --> 01:16:01,918
We've got routines and it's working.
1211
01:16:02,001 --> 01:16:03,043
No drama.
1212
01:16:03,793 --> 01:16:05,168
Time to live a little.
1213
01:16:05,668 --> 01:16:08,001
I wish I could say the same.
1214
01:16:08,084 --> 01:16:09,001
Is it that bad?
1215
01:16:10,293 --> 01:16:11,709
Yeah, but…
1216
01:16:11,793 --> 01:16:13,709
I cheated, so I asked for it.
1217
01:16:16,709 --> 01:16:19,376
It's usually
about something else, isn't it?
1218
01:16:19,459 --> 01:16:21,293
Believe me, I know.
1219
01:16:22,459 --> 01:16:24,126
-Didn't I tell you?
-No.
1220
01:16:26,168 --> 01:16:28,501
My ex met somebody else, and so…
1221
01:16:30,751 --> 01:16:32,334
That forced me to…
1222
01:16:35,334 --> 01:16:37,876
wonder if I could have done
something different.
1223
01:16:39,376 --> 01:16:42,043
There's two of you in a relationship.
1224
01:16:51,293 --> 01:16:54,084
That's also a way of looking at it.
1225
01:16:58,001 --> 01:16:59,459
Are you sad that it didn't work out?
1226
01:17:02,876 --> 01:17:05,834
Yeah, I am.
1227
01:17:11,876 --> 01:17:14,334
I could have done
a lot of things differently.
1228
01:17:16,376 --> 01:17:18,334
I could have been quicker
1229
01:17:19,543 --> 01:17:23,709
in communicating and addressing
what went wrong,
1230
01:17:23,793 --> 01:17:27,626
instead of subjecting us to what I did.
1231
01:17:29,834 --> 01:17:33,126
I think mostly it's that feeling
of betrayal which is hard.
1232
01:17:33,626 --> 01:17:36,376
And if you can't discuss it, then…
1233
01:17:37,876 --> 01:17:42,126
For us, it became an opening
to have a talk about whether
1234
01:17:43,709 --> 01:17:45,418
we'd be happier apart.
1235
01:17:46,626 --> 01:17:47,501
Yeah.
1236
01:17:48,751 --> 01:17:54,501
I don't think our relationship
could withstand that sort of honesty.
1237
01:17:57,584 --> 01:18:00,001
And that's why it's over.
1238
01:18:02,793 --> 01:18:05,043
That's not a relationship you want.
1239
01:18:13,001 --> 01:18:14,918
What kind of relationship do you want?
1240
01:18:28,334 --> 01:18:30,043
Okay, bye.
1241
01:18:30,126 --> 01:18:30,959
Bye.
1242
01:19:07,334 --> 01:19:09,251
-Can I take this off?
-Yeah.
1243
01:19:12,084 --> 01:19:13,293
I'll do it.
1244
01:19:52,501 --> 01:19:54,126
What the hell.
1245
01:19:55,126 --> 01:19:56,001
Hang on.
1246
01:19:56,543 --> 01:19:57,709
-It's okay.
-Sorry.
1247
01:19:57,793 --> 01:20:00,293
-No.
-How annoying.
1248
01:20:00,876 --> 01:20:02,751
-Damn it.
-It doesn't matter.
1249
01:20:02,834 --> 01:20:04,543
Yeah, but what the hell.
1250
01:20:04,626 --> 01:20:06,543
I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
1251
01:20:06,626 --> 01:20:07,459
It's okay.
1252
01:20:07,543 --> 01:20:08,459
This has never...
1253
01:20:11,543 --> 01:20:14,168
I'm really sorry. I'm super horny.
1254
01:20:16,043 --> 01:20:18,043
It's never happened before. Never.
1255
01:20:18,543 --> 01:20:19,793
No, I get it.
1256
01:20:20,834 --> 01:20:22,959
We're also going through a divorce.
1257
01:20:23,043 --> 01:20:24,168
I get it.
1258
01:20:25,334 --> 01:20:27,418
I see. Difficult?
1259
01:20:27,501 --> 01:20:31,584
No, it's not particularly difficult
at all, actually.
1260
01:20:31,668 --> 01:20:32,501
No?
1261
01:20:32,584 --> 01:20:36,168
I knew at the wedding
that it wouldn't be forever.
1262
01:20:41,793 --> 01:20:43,168
But you have kids.
1263
01:20:44,209 --> 01:20:45,834
Yeah, we do.
1264
01:20:47,001 --> 01:20:49,751
You have different relationships
for different needs.
1265
01:20:51,709 --> 01:20:56,584
He gave me a daughter,
I'm happy about that.
1266
01:21:05,543 --> 01:21:08,459
But don't fret about this.
1267
01:21:08,543 --> 01:21:11,543
It's really no big thing.
I've seen it a lot of times.
1268
01:21:12,584 --> 01:21:15,376
Take a blue pill if you need to.
1269
01:21:16,043 --> 01:21:17,834
-Right?
-Yeah.
1270
01:21:17,918 --> 01:21:20,668
-It doesn't have to be that complicated.
-No, right.
1271
01:21:26,209 --> 01:21:28,543
But, hey…
1272
01:21:36,126 --> 01:21:37,418
I'd love to.
1273
01:21:42,626 --> 01:21:43,918
Bye. Take care.
1274
01:21:46,834 --> 01:21:47,709
Bye.
1275
01:23:07,209 --> 01:23:11,251
SURVIVAL
1276
01:23:11,334 --> 01:23:13,459
So you lost the spark in life?
1277
01:23:13,543 --> 01:23:16,001
Yes, but I survived.
1278
01:23:18,084 --> 01:23:19,709
I tried to find somebody new.
1279
01:23:21,543 --> 01:23:23,126
I didn't want to live alone.
1280
01:23:23,876 --> 01:23:26,584
This isn't the best time of my life.
1281
01:23:27,543 --> 01:23:30,668
-No, definitely not.
-But I've stayed clear of drugs.
1282
01:23:32,668 --> 01:23:33,584
It's…
1283
01:23:34,251 --> 01:23:38,043
It's just that I don't know
how I'm going to get over it.
1284
01:23:40,668 --> 01:23:41,834
What's going on?
1285
01:23:42,626 --> 01:23:43,501
Well,
1286
01:23:44,251 --> 01:23:47,126
I joined a scientific study.
1287
01:23:47,209 --> 01:23:50,584
The scientists call it a forced swim test.
1288
01:23:50,668 --> 01:23:52,918
-That's what you see behind us.
-Interesting.
1289
01:23:53,584 --> 01:23:56,584
Voles who have gone through a separation,
1290
01:23:57,793 --> 01:23:58,959
they just sink.
1291
01:23:59,043 --> 01:24:01,043
-Straight down.
-They just sink.
1292
01:24:01,126 --> 01:24:02,126
So they don't swim?
1293
01:24:02,209 --> 01:24:04,126
No, they just sink.
1294
01:24:04,209 --> 01:24:06,959
The others,
the ones who are in a relationship,
1295
01:24:07,043 --> 01:24:08,334
they swim for dear life.
1296
01:24:08,418 --> 01:24:09,501
They keep going.
1297
01:24:10,626 --> 01:24:11,918
Keep swimming.
1298
01:24:12,834 --> 01:24:14,459
They have something to live for.
1299
01:24:15,418 --> 01:24:18,126
So the conclusion
is that relationships keep us alive.
1300
01:24:19,168 --> 01:24:21,418
That's why we seek duality.
1301
01:24:22,751 --> 01:24:24,043
Over and over again.
1302
01:24:28,168 --> 01:24:30,168
Over and over again.
1303
01:26:01,209 --> 01:26:02,126
Björn!
1304
01:26:02,959 --> 01:26:03,793
Hi!
1305
01:26:04,751 --> 01:26:05,584
Hi!
1306
01:26:06,376 --> 01:26:07,209
But…
1307
01:26:07,876 --> 01:26:09,293
-What's up?
-Hi.
1308
01:26:09,959 --> 01:26:11,084
-Hi.
-How are you?
1309
01:26:11,168 --> 01:26:13,209
Good, thanks. Good to see you.
1310
01:26:13,293 --> 01:26:14,876
Wow. Long time no see.
1311
01:26:14,959 --> 01:26:16,293
Definitely. What…
1312
01:26:16,793 --> 01:26:18,584
But what are you doing here?
1313
01:26:18,668 --> 01:26:20,418
We're meeting the principal.
1314
01:26:21,084 --> 01:26:24,834
Oliver isn't happy in his old school,
so he might transfer here.
1315
01:26:24,918 --> 01:26:26,626
Okay, that's nice.
1316
01:26:27,293 --> 01:26:29,293
Leo's theater group has a show on…
1317
01:26:29,376 --> 01:26:30,626
-Really?
-Fun.
1318
01:26:30,709 --> 01:26:31,543
Yeah.
1319
01:26:32,918 --> 01:26:35,418
-It was really nice seeing you.
-Likewise.
1320
01:26:35,501 --> 01:26:38,793
I heard about the custody thing.
1321
01:26:38,876 --> 01:26:40,418
Great that's it's solved.
1322
01:26:40,501 --> 01:26:41,501
Yeah.
1323
01:26:41,584 --> 01:26:43,876
Well, I'm in therapy now.
1324
01:26:43,959 --> 01:26:44,834
-Wow.
-Yeah.
1325
01:26:45,834 --> 01:26:46,793
So that's good.
1326
01:26:47,751 --> 01:26:49,543
Awesome.
1327
01:26:50,459 --> 01:26:53,751
Not having
all that anxiety and bitterness…
1328
01:26:53,834 --> 01:26:55,709
-Yes.
-Fucking awesome.
1329
01:26:57,543 --> 01:27:00,626
I think that you just have to
make a decision, somehow.
1330
01:27:00,709 --> 01:27:04,168
About what you want
and there's no right and wrong, but…
1331
01:27:06,001 --> 01:27:07,584
-No.
-Just make a decision.
1332
01:27:08,168 --> 01:27:10,168
What? Are you…
1333
01:27:10,251 --> 01:27:11,334
Are you together again?
1334
01:27:11,418 --> 01:27:13,418
Sorry, I'm trying to…
1335
01:27:13,501 --> 01:27:16,126
We're not moving in together again…
1336
01:27:16,209 --> 01:27:17,043
No, never.
1337
01:27:17,126 --> 01:27:18,543
We're trying something new.
1338
01:27:18,626 --> 01:27:22,084
We have each other, but with more freedom.
1339
01:27:22,668 --> 01:27:24,418
Okay, good for you.
1340
01:27:24,501 --> 01:27:28,918
We're dating others, but together.
1341
01:27:30,126 --> 01:27:31,001
Yes.
1342
01:27:33,918 --> 01:27:36,168
Wow. Good. Congratulations.
1343
01:27:38,043 --> 01:27:38,918
-Thank you.
-Are…
1344
01:27:40,834 --> 01:27:43,418
We have to go,
but it was very nice to see you.
1345
01:27:43,501 --> 01:27:45,709
Likewise. Okay, good luck.
1346
01:27:45,793 --> 01:27:47,001
-See you.
-Yeah, sure.
1347
01:27:47,084 --> 01:27:48,793
-Say hello.
-I will.
1348
01:27:59,418 --> 01:28:02,209
It's time to call in the animals.
1349
01:28:03,709 --> 01:28:04,668
Who are you?
1350
01:28:04,751 --> 01:28:07,709
I'm a rooster. Hear my song.
Cock-a-doodle-doo!
1351
01:28:07,793 --> 01:28:11,001
I'm a hen. I lay eggs that you can eat.
1352
01:28:12,626 --> 01:28:14,168
Four voles.
1353
01:28:14,876 --> 01:28:18,043
-Who are you?
-I'm a unicorn.
1354
01:28:18,751 --> 01:28:19,918
Isn't it too much?
1355
01:28:20,001 --> 01:28:22,001
Aren't there too many of us?
1356
01:28:22,084 --> 01:28:23,418
We could remove one.
1357
01:28:43,376 --> 01:28:48,126
Look after the animals,
nature, and each other.
1358
01:29:03,793 --> 01:29:05,084
-Can you hold this?
-Yes.
1359
01:29:05,168 --> 01:29:06,876
-And mine too?
-Yes.
1360
01:29:06,959 --> 01:29:10,334
-Do you have Leo's jacket?
-I have the jacket, but no teddy.
1361
01:29:13,251 --> 01:29:16,793
-Hi, Christine! How are you?
-Hi, nice to see you.
1362
01:29:16,876 --> 01:29:18,293
How are you? Hello!
1363
01:29:18,376 --> 01:29:20,418
You know. How are you?
1364
01:29:22,293 --> 01:29:23,168
We?
1365
01:29:26,168 --> 01:29:28,251
Well, no… Oh, you mean…
1366
01:29:28,334 --> 01:29:29,209
We're good.
1367
01:29:29,293 --> 01:29:31,001
Divorced, happy, good.
1368
01:29:31,084 --> 01:29:32,543
Nice to be here.
1369
01:29:33,334 --> 01:29:36,418
I was looking
for my little cutie, so I'll…
1370
01:29:36,501 --> 01:29:37,626
-Go ahead.
-I'll see you.
1371
01:29:37,709 --> 01:29:39,668
-Yeah.
-Or…
1372
01:29:43,043 --> 01:29:44,668
Seriously.
1373
01:29:45,626 --> 01:29:46,501
The neighbor?
1374
01:29:48,626 --> 01:29:49,501
Yeah, but it was…
1375
01:29:50,001 --> 01:29:52,251
-It was comfortable, okay?
-Right.
1376
01:29:57,751 --> 01:30:00,668
Dad, we made a cake.
Can you have cake with us?
1377
01:30:00,751 --> 01:30:02,043
Yes, honey…
1378
01:30:02,126 --> 01:30:03,168
Please, Daddy?
1379
01:30:03,251 --> 01:30:04,709
Come on, Dad.
1380
01:30:04,793 --> 01:30:07,209
You'd better ask Mom if it's okay.
1381
01:30:07,293 --> 01:30:10,084
Please, Mommy.
You'd be the best Mommy in the world.
1382
01:30:10,168 --> 01:30:12,751
-Please, Mommy?
-I don't have anything in the fridge.
1383
01:30:12,834 --> 01:30:14,668
Can't Daddy have cake with us?
1384
01:30:14,751 --> 01:30:16,834
We're having leftovers…
1385
01:30:20,959 --> 01:30:23,876
But if you're okay
with having cake for dinner…
1386
01:30:24,876 --> 01:30:26,459
You have nothing in the fridge?
1387
01:30:26,959 --> 01:30:27,959
No.
1388
01:30:29,793 --> 01:30:32,584
I'm trying to relax all the "musts."
1389
01:30:36,459 --> 01:30:37,293
Yes.
1390
01:30:40,251 --> 01:30:41,209
Ben's coming.
1391
01:30:42,793 --> 01:30:43,751
I see.
1392
01:30:45,418 --> 01:30:47,793
So if you want to bring Christine,
1393
01:30:48,834 --> 01:30:49,834
then do.
1394
01:30:51,709 --> 01:30:52,543
That's okay.
1395
01:30:59,001 --> 01:31:02,001
-Okay, let's do that. Cake for dinner.
-Yes!
1396
01:31:13,459 --> 01:31:15,293
Yes, it's confusing,
1397
01:31:15,376 --> 01:31:17,334
but the architecture of the brain
1398
01:31:17,418 --> 01:31:20,251
can give us clues
to our relationship problems,
1399
01:31:20,334 --> 01:31:23,251
through three inter-related brain systems,
1400
01:31:23,334 --> 01:31:27,126
that have evolved for pairing,
reproduction and parenting.
1401
01:31:27,209 --> 01:31:30,084
-Shall we crush the perfection?
-Yes!
1402
01:31:30,168 --> 01:31:31,001
Yes.
1403
01:31:31,084 --> 01:31:34,918
But these systems
aren't always directly connected.
1404
01:31:35,001 --> 01:31:37,459
It's possible to love a person,
1405
01:31:37,543 --> 01:31:39,126
be in love with somebody else,
1406
01:31:39,209 --> 01:31:41,459
and sexually attracted to a third,
1407
01:31:41,543 --> 01:31:43,626
all at the same time.
1408
01:31:43,709 --> 01:31:46,001
It might be a neurological explanation
1409
01:31:46,084 --> 01:31:49,584
for why Augustinian relationship norms,
1410
01:31:49,668 --> 01:31:51,543
don't work for everybody.
1411
01:31:51,626 --> 01:31:53,293
But despite all our differences,
1412
01:31:53,376 --> 01:31:57,001
we still judge ourselves
by old norms and standards,
1413
01:31:57,084 --> 01:32:02,001
maybe in an attempt
to find some order in the chaos of love.
1414
01:32:02,084 --> 01:32:05,251
That way, we can
both have our cake and eat it.
1415
01:32:06,918 --> 01:32:10,251
-What are you doing to our pet?
-I'm doing this.
1416
01:32:12,959 --> 01:32:14,168
What are you doing?
1417
01:32:14,251 --> 01:32:18,209
I don't understand
why we can't live together, all of us.
1418
01:32:18,293 --> 01:32:21,709
I need a place of my own too,
just like you kids have your own rooms.
1419
01:32:21,793 --> 01:32:23,793
But we grown-ups don't have that, right?
1420
01:32:25,584 --> 01:32:29,168
Yes, but I think
that it's much better like this,
1421
01:32:29,751 --> 01:32:31,876
because I hate moving back and forth.
1422
01:32:31,959 --> 01:32:34,918
Well, they were the ones who broke up,
1423
01:32:35,001 --> 01:32:37,751
so it's only fair that they
move back and forth, right?
1424
01:32:38,334 --> 01:32:40,918
But I still like having two homes.
1425
01:32:44,918 --> 01:32:47,918
Do you think
they'll get back together again,
1426
01:32:48,001 --> 01:32:49,626
like normal parents?
1427
01:32:51,751 --> 01:32:52,751
But Leo,
1428
01:32:52,834 --> 01:32:54,334
this is normal too.
1429
01:32:55,168 --> 01:32:58,501
I mean, half of your classmates
have parents who are divorced.
1430
01:32:59,293 --> 01:33:00,876
They just don't talk about it.
1431
01:33:02,334 --> 01:33:03,501
And, well,
1432
01:33:03,584 --> 01:33:08,793
I think they're together sometimes.
1433
01:33:08,876 --> 01:33:11,126
I mean, physically.
1434
01:33:15,543 --> 01:33:16,959
But Ben and Christine,
1435
01:33:17,626 --> 01:33:19,168
doesn't that make them sad?
1436
01:33:19,251 --> 01:33:23,626
No, before Ben and Christine
got involved with them, I think.
1437
01:33:24,501 --> 01:33:25,501
But I don't know.
1438
01:33:31,376 --> 01:33:33,543
Up on the roof?
It's too dangerous. Come down.
1439
01:33:35,084 --> 01:33:36,709
Okay, my little monkeys…
1440
01:33:37,918 --> 01:33:39,418
What are you giggling about?
1441
01:33:41,001 --> 01:33:43,293
Grown-ups, you're the monkeys.
1442
01:33:43,376 --> 01:33:44,334
Are we? Okay, yes.
1443
01:33:44,876 --> 01:33:48,334
That's probably right,
but now we're going to go in and be frogs.
1444
01:33:48,418 --> 01:33:49,626
Okay? Come on.
1445
01:33:51,709 --> 01:33:53,084
Let's start. Are you ready?
1446
01:33:53,168 --> 01:33:54,959
Let's sing "Little frogs".
1447
01:33:55,043 --> 01:34:01,126
The little frogs, the little frogs
Are funny to behold
1448
01:34:01,209 --> 01:34:05,251
The little frogs, the little frogs
Are funny to behold
1449
01:34:05,334 --> 01:34:09,209
No ears to be seen there
And tails are missing too
1450
01:34:09,293 --> 01:34:12,793
No ears to be seen there
And tails are missing too
1451
01:34:12,876 --> 01:34:16,251
Cro-ac-ac-ac, cro-ac-ac-ac
Croac-ac-ac-aca
1452
01:34:16,334 --> 01:34:18,709
So the question is…
1453
01:34:18,793 --> 01:34:22,459
Are we humans biological creatures
1454
01:34:22,543 --> 01:34:26,168
who live according to
our pre-programmed genes,
1455
01:34:26,668 --> 01:34:30,709
or does free will regulate everything
1456
01:34:30,793 --> 01:34:36,376
when we make detours
from the monogamous norm?
1457
01:34:36,876 --> 01:34:37,834
Yes.
1458
01:34:37,918 --> 01:34:40,043
No, or yes,
1459
01:34:40,126 --> 01:34:42,501
or maybe both.
1460
01:34:43,168 --> 01:34:47,751
We are both biological
and intellectual creatures,
1461
01:34:47,834 --> 01:34:51,709
imprinted by everything,
from religion to heredity and environment.
1462
01:34:52,709 --> 01:34:57,251
Regardless of sexual,
religious, and political orientation,
1463
01:34:57,334 --> 01:34:59,459
we humans are, after all,
1464
01:34:59,543 --> 01:35:03,793
a fantastic mix of biology and intellect.
1465
01:35:03,876 --> 01:35:06,668
And that is just human.
1466
01:35:06,751 --> 01:35:09,251
But the question remains:
1467
01:35:09,334 --> 01:35:12,209
How do you want to live your life?
1468
01:35:15,209 --> 01:35:17,543
That was all we had this week.
1469
01:35:17,626 --> 01:35:20,793
Next week in Late Night Diorama,
1470
01:35:20,876 --> 01:35:24,834
we'll keep examining human behavior
1471
01:35:24,918 --> 01:35:27,376
from different perspectives.
1472
01:35:27,459 --> 01:35:29,709
Next time, we will examine violence.
1473
01:35:29,793 --> 01:35:33,334
Is violence biological or taught?
1474
01:35:33,418 --> 01:35:35,376
Please join us then.
1475
01:35:35,459 --> 01:35:37,418
See you then, I hope.