-[insects chirping] -[birds tweeting]
[host] Bonobo apes,
humankind's closest relatives with many fascinating similarities…
except for one thing.
Bonobos are extremely promiscuous,
while humans form lifelong and monogamous relationships.
Or do we?
Seventy percent of all relationships experience infidelity,
and globally, as many as 60% end up in divorce.
Yet, the societal norm continues to revolve around
having one lifelong love.
Why?
When our forefathers started walking on two legs
in order to find more food,
the females had to carry their children in their arms,
instead of on their backs as when we walked on all fours.
With the children on their backs, the females could defend themselves.
But from this point in history,
the male had to defend both the woman and child.
And according to some,
this was the beginning of humans forming monogamous partnerships.
[" Symphony No. 5" by Beethoven plays]
Then came religion.
Around 350 years after Christ's death,
Augustine of Hippo described man's sexuality and lust
as moral decadence that should be punished by eternal expulsion from paradise.
Poor Augustine worried a lot about human urges,
and defined marriage as an institution that would regulate them.
Marriage is acceptable for reproduction, faith and sacrament.
Without lust or passion, though, or you would burn in hell.
[man screaming]
[sighs]
[bells tolling]
But the threat of God's punishment didn't seem to stop the human urges.
Yoo-hoo! [flirtatious laughter]
Or should we say, "man's"?
[sighs disapprovingly]
[bird tweeting]
Up until 18th century Romanticism,
when emotions were finally allowed to breathe somewhat.
Marriage now became a twosome.
A lifelong and monogamous ideal.
[man coos]
[both giggling]
But the extramarital lust would not be tamed.
[door closes]
[sighs]
Up until…
the beginning of the 1900s,
when the women's rights movement finally demanded equal rights…
and equal sexual freedom.
This was a problem for the Christian church.
Would they have to handle brothels for women as well now?
-[protestors clamour] -[sighs]
Well, we know how that went.
[knocking]
But luckily,
the women's liberation struggle continued
throughout the entire 1900s.
[sitar music plays]
From the sexual revolution in the '60s,
people could sleep and live with whatever partner they wanted.
The modern couple relationship was expected to have it all.
People expected safety and adventure,
friendship and sex,
all under one roof in a lifelong partnership.
So, why were people getting divorced more than ever?
[funky, upbeat music playing]
[party laughing]
Are there any good children here?
Santa is here!
Look what he brought here! Huh?
[Frida laughs] Yes, please. Another one.
[man] Now we're keeping our fingers crossed,
and, well, she's in the fourth month, so it should be all right.
So, wow, it's fantastic that you are going to do this for real.
And just a few years of changing nappies, sleep deprivation and no money.
That's nothing to fight about, huh?
Says the man who got a divorce after three years.
Exactly. I know what I'm talking about. Right?
Teun and I have no illusion it will be easy to be a parent at any age.
What are you gonna call yourselves? Daddy One and Daddy Two?
No, Daddy and Daddy's Boyfriend.
It's Tom's sperm, and this is the future, Robin. Just accept it.
Think about how you know what you'll be doing
for the next ten years of your life.
[man 2] I don't want to grow up.
-I don't want to be an adult. -Adam!
I don't think there is any risk that you'll ever grow up.
I think that it is pretty grown-up of you to move in together.
Now, we're just waiting for a couple of kids to come.
We're practicing a lot. We're practicing all the time.
[Frida] Okay, yeah.
[overlapping chatter, laughter]
-[Teun] Cheers to you. -[Frida] Cheers to the new apartment.
Cheers, cheers, congratulations. It's fun to celebrate Christmas in summer.
[cheering, whooping]
Yeah, yeah, merry Christmas!
Hello, can we start the drugs soon?
I'm already getting really wasted.
Frida, do you have a plate?
I think we have a plate. We have a plate.
We have a plate in the, uh, drawer.
[funky music continues]
[breathing heavily]
[music trails off]
I love you.
["Forever and a Day" by Stephin Merritt plays]
♪ Forever and a day ♪
♪ We'll dream our lives away ♪
♪ Our love is here to stay ♪
♪ Marry me ♪
♪ I'll give you… ♪
PAIR BONDING
[host] When field mice have sex,
their brains release dopamine, the reward hormone.
It makes them happy and want more of their partner,
and it is the same for humans.
Sex produces dopamine, which creates attachment,
which is the basis of pair bonding.
-[bed creaks] -[man, woman sigh and moan]
[Frida] Hang on. Hang on, I'll just…
-What? -[Frida grunts] There.
[man] How about that?
-Yes, that… Mmm. -[man moans]
Damn, it feels as if it was two months since we did this last.
[Frida sighs] No, we screwed last Saturday.
Have you forgotten that?
-[man] Huh? Did we do that? -[Frida] Yes, we did.
[man laughing] It couldn't have been with me.
[thud]
-[Frida] Ugh. -[man] No, did she fall out of bed?
[Frida] She probably just hit her head on the bed. It's okay.
[both moaning, panting]
[Frida] God, maybe we should get a sleep therapist or something.
[man] What? What?
Well, I mean, she still wakes up, every night.
None of the others were like that.
I don't get it.
We haven't slept alone since forever.
Is that… Is that normal?
Do we have to talk about this right now?
[Frida] No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was…
As soon as my head hits the pillow…
the thoughts appear. I'm sorry.
[man] Please, could you just be quiet for a while?
[Frida] Ah, come here, honey.
Come here.
-[Frida moans] -[man] Oh, yeah.
[Frida] Hold on, hold on, hold on, condom.
-[man] Oh, no, please. -Oh, stop whining.
-[man] Stop. -Just put the condom on please.
[man] Well, can't we just…
-Please. -[Frida] Please, just put it on.
-How hard can it be? -[man] No, it's not that hard.
I just want to feel you for real. It's not that strange, is it?
[Frida] I either stuff myself full of hormones or metal pieces
or I get pregnant again, which none of us want.
We can't let that happen. Just put it on.
[man] Yeah, yeah, I will, I will.
[Frida] We have this discussion every freaking time.
-[condom snapping into place] -[man] There's a helmet on the soldier.
-Spread your legs a bit. There. -[Frida moans]
Okay.
[man] Wait.
[man moans]
[Frida] Focus!
[Frida] Harder.
[man] What did you say?
-Harder? Harder. -[Frida moans]
Do you want it harder?
[Frida laughing]
[man] Why do you want it harder?
Would you like it… You wish I was bigger?
-[Frida] No. Come on, stop it. -[man laughs] My God, how rude.
[Frida] Don't ask me that after three kids in ten years.
[man] You'll walk sideways when I'm done with you.
[both moaning]
[man] God, I love being inside you.
[both moan]
[child] Mummy?
[both continue moaning]
-[Frida] No, keep going! -[man] Okay.
[child] Mummy!
-[man] Damn it… -[Frida] Just keep going!
-[man] Stay in bed. Stay in bed! -[child] Mummy!
[Frida] Damn it.
[Frida] Ugh.
[door opening]
[Frida sighs]
God…
[Frida] Okay, five minutes till we have to leave!
[child 1] Daddy? Do you think I'll get a dog for Christmas?
What's that?
Why do you…? No, no.
We can't have a dog in here in our apartment.
It wouldn't be right.
[Frida] Anna? Anna!
Stop stressing me out. You don't have to nag all the time.
Yeah, I do. It's 7:30. Come on.
Yeah, but stress is bad for your health.
-You say that. Right? -It's half past seven. Hold on.
Brush your teeth.
Dad, I asked you something. You didn't answer.
No, what did you say?
You are both so annoying. You don't listen.
-Anna, please. Sorry. -Let's get going, please.
-I know, I'm sorry, honey. -Stress is bad.
-Take these. -Yeah, good.
[Frida] Mmm.
There, good.
Yeah, chop-chop, put your overall on now.
-Anna, please… -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bloody hell!
-[Frida] Come on. -Mummy, no. I want the comfy socks.
[Frida] It's cold outside. You have to wear socks.
-[child 2] I want comfy socks. -Let me help.
Stop it. Don't do that.
-[man] I saw that. -Mummy, I want the comfy socks.
They're dirty. You have to have clean socks.
Have you seen my water bottle?
I've taken your bottle, darling.
So say that.
Okay, I don't want to fight with you, Louie.
-[Frida] Right. Okay. -These socks are good.
I love these socks.
-[child 3] Do you have it? My… -[man] Yes? What do you…?
2 DECILITRE SUGAR 2 EGGS - 2 DECILITRE FLOUR
50 GRAMS BUTTER 1 TESKEDAR BAKING SODA
20 MINUTES
What is that?
Do all of you know what this is?
Huh?
A cake.
Ah!
But not just yet, right?
Yes, Liam.
It's a recipe.
[Frida] Exactly. It is.
And why do we need recipes?
Uh, for baking cakes, for example.
Exactly. Yeah, we need it.
If we didn't have a recipe, the cake might be too hard or runny,
or we might get a lasagne instead.
[children laugh]
That's not what we wanted.
-[children] No. -Right?
So, a recipe is an instruction.
We use the recipe as an instruction,
and it's the same thing with computers.
It's so good.
But let's not get too comfortable, eh?
The Christmas bonus won't create itself. No. You want that new car, right?
-Don't you? Don't you? -[employee] Right.
Yes, you do. [laughs] Good.
Now get back to work. Come on. Get out of here. Scram.
Go, go, go, go.
Stefan, thank you for the presentation. It was awesome.
Monica, I have to speak with you for a second.
[man sighs]
Yeah. it's easy for her to work around the clock
when she doesn't have anything to come home to.
What? Have you been to her place?
-No, stop it. -Have you slept with her?
No, but she says that she doesn't want to have a family.
-Ah. -Just wants to live her life.
Yeah, yeah. I could relate to that, but look here.
Who would want a car if you could get one of those guys?
-Wow. -Huh?
-Where did you find it? -Bangkok.
It was pretty cheap as well.
I've been mailing the guy who owns the store.
He seems really cool.
Looks like it's in good nick.
With that one, we could go all the way to Nepal.
[laughing] I can hardly wait.
Me neither.
You know…
Shit, are you going home?
Uh, no. I'm gonna work a couple more hours.
Child-free week.
Oh, right. Good for you.
Have fun, yeah?
Yep.
[man] Hello, hello. Hey.
Shh, he's reading.
"Then the snake said…
that she… stu…"
[man] You can't even say hey?
[child] "…eat the apple… but…"
[man] ♪ You are my little darling ♪
No, what the hell are you doing?
-[man] What? -[Frida] I almost dropped that one.
[man] I saw. I just wanted to give you a hug.
Yeah, it's just that Leo has been looking forward to reading that to us.
Did you buy detergent?
Uh…
What, what book are you reading, Leo?
-Hey, Daddy. -Hey?
We are… We are reading… reading er…
Alex and Eve in school.
Adam and Eve, honey.
-Did you? -Alex and Eve sounds pretty nice.
-Did you? -No, sorry, I forgot that.
But I bought some wine. Want a glass?
[Frida] No, thank you.
Daddy, do you want to hear it?
-I would love to hear it. Okay. -Listen.
"One day, when Eve was in the Garden…"
[Frida] Anna, it's time to eat.
Come on!
Hi, honey.
Are you hungry?
-Mmm. -Yes, good.
We had a little accident in school today.
-[man] I got that. -[Frida] So I need detergent.
Yes, I understand, but I forgot to buy it, okay?
[Sighs]
-Seriously, pasta again? -Anna…
If you don't like it, you can go to bed without dinner.
So, I'll take this one. End of story.
You can't just take it like that.
Yes, actually I can, because now we are going to have dinner together.
Come on, let's eat.
But when you study, I'm not interrupting you,
but now, why do you do that to me?
Mummy, tell him. He took my book.
Why did you have to take the book right now?
But honey, he didn't mean to just take it, okay?
Let's eat first, and then we'll read the rest. Okay, honey?
I'm angry!
Yes, that's enough!
That's enough, okay? We've heard that you are angry.
Hey.
The faster you eat,
the sooner we can cuddle up on the sofa and read it afterwards, okay?
Okay, honey?
[man] Hey, take it easy.
Huh?
Come, come sit down. I'm gonna show you something.
Oh, wow.
Wow. So you're really gonna go?
My God, yeah.
-For real? -Of cou… Yeah, for real. Of course.
Oh.
Uh… it's cool.
-Yeah, really? -Mmm.
Uh, Louie needs a bath.
Anna has homework, so I was just thinking, can you bathe her?
Do that.
[TV presenter 1] …know about our genes, says something about our brains,
and the brain we can shape.
[presenter 2] You know, think of who you're sitting here. You…
Björn?
Björn.
Go to bed, yeah?
[water running]
[sighs]
[grunts]
Fuck.
Björn?
[clock chimes]
BOREDOM
[man] I think we had sex six times an hour in the beginning.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, back then, then we were at it., Yes we were.
Then it became once a month. Yeah, and now it's so…
Well, what is it now? Now it's, um…
[inhales, sighs]
Well, the testosterone levels drop like mad after the honeymoon.
[sniffles] Yeah, it is…
We guys use to joke about it.
Whee-hoo.
Wait, what was that?
Your testosterone level! [chuckles]
On top of that, you have to admit
you don't have to show off your muscles in order to catch her, so to speak…
Well, we have each other now.
And that's good too.
You know?
Right? Right, darling?
We have each other?
Come on…
Clothes, biscuits, water flask.
We've got it all.
We're going now.
-Huh? -Yeah, I told you an hour ago.
You even responded.
[sighs]
What did you say? Isn't it Saturday today?
They've been awake for hours.
I have to get them out before they strangle each other.
[Björn] Yeah, okay.
Can you vacuum while we're out?
What's new with you?
Nothing new at all.
Nothing new. It's just, work, kids, kids, work.
How's the new apartment?
-It's nice. Yeah. -Yeah?
-I wanna visit. -Yes, of course you should.
Olli seems happy, yeah?
Ah, I hope so.
I mean, it's very small, but it's enough for the two of us.
And you?
All good.
Have you met someone?
[laughing] What? No, absolutely not.
Not met somebody…
-But…? -…but there is
a young, little, well-trained thing
who comes around for a little tea now and then.
Oh my God!
Um, how well-trained are we talking?
-Very well-trained. -Okay. [laughing] Is it true?
Well, sorry, but I'm almost ashamed
because I feel like my life is totally perfect just now.
Yeah, really. I get the best of both worlds.
I get one week when I can be with Olli and be 100% present and be his mummy,
and get one week when I, uh, can binge-watch TV series,
not have to eat gross child-friendly food, and recharge my batteries.
I miss Olli a lot when he stays with Adam.
Of course. I can't even think about it.
But I really couldn't have stayed anymore in what we had.
I know.
[Björn] It was a nightmare putting them to bed.
Goodnight.
Are you happy with our life?
Yeah, really happy, darling.
What are you thinking of?
I don't think you are.
Or I am.
No..
Do you ever miss being on your own?
Huh?
Well, not as in being single, but…
Just do something for yourself,
or be yourself, or ourselves?
Well, of course there are things that I miss doing,
but… but I can still get to do them.
It's just that the days are fucking packed right now…
But are you really happy?
-[grunts] -Feels like we're just living a routine.
-You and me. -Mm-hmm.
Maybe you should start thinking a bit more about yourself
and take it easy and chill a little.
[laughs] Uh, yeah.
But it's not that easy with three kids and a full-time job, right?
Yeah, it actually is.
-You just have to do it. -[scoffs]
That's just pure bullshit.
It's not realistic.
How are we supposed to take it easy with homework, activities and cooking…
Why do you think I'm planning my motorcycle trip?
[sigh] That's precisely what I mean.
It's like you're escaping from our life instead of taking part in it.
Hang on. You just said that you were missing doing things on your own.
You said that. Then you can do things on your own too, right?
Ah, it's not that easy.
-That's what I'm saying. -Yeah, it is easy.
You're making it so damn complicated all the time.
You don't have to wake up at 6:30 every morning.
You don't have to cook a warm meal every night.
We could solve it somehow.
You don't have to wash clothes all the time.
-Uh, yeah. -The clothes are not that dirty.
You know I have to do it.
-No, you don't. -What do you mean?
-You could relax in our day-to-day life. -Who the hell is gonna do it all?
Well, I'll sleep on the sofa. I can't handle you right now.
Yeah, that's great.
-Yeah. -That's perfect.
Wonderful problem solving.
I'm just saying that I'm not like you.
-No. -No. I can't just turn off my family.
I can't sleep in every Saturday.
I can't do that.
And I'm not dreaming of travelling through Europe
on some damn motorcycle
or travelling with my friends.
I don't do it.
I'm here, here and now, in my life, in the life I've chosen.
It feels like you always dream about being somewhere else than here.
Okay, then that's how you feel, but…
Fuck. What do you want me to say?
I want you to talk to me.
We have to talk about it.
We're always tired.
It's never the right time.
As soon as I try and to talk to you, I feel you want to escape and walk away.
Right?
[scoffs]
Maybe we should talk to someone, like a couples therapist.
I feel good, Frida. I feel great. I don't know about you. But go to therapy.
Well, that's really unfair, Mr Anal Porn.
I know that you want more in life
than fucking Friday tacos and everyday sex,
so why don't we talk about it?
Maybe do something about it.
Like, I don't know, take a break,
or try involving a third person, or…
Huh?
Maybe not, I don't know.
What?
But I know that there are things that we could do.
We just need help.
[grunts] Oh God.
I mean, everybody goes to therapy, so why not us?
Hey, wait a bit now. Listen to me.
We're not gonna have any break, you and me. Not gonna happen. Forget it.
And about a third person, I don't know. You been smoking something tonight.
Huh? And listen, therapy is not the solution to everything.
At least not for me.
Okay, so what are we gonna do?
-Maybe we go out and enjoy ourselves. -[scoffs]
[bell tolling]
RE-IGNITION
Oh my god, yeah.
It was the same for us, yeah?
When our oxytocin levels crashed away,
well, we became like brother and sister.
And god, I was feeling far hornier.
[laughs] But you know,
you don't ever want to sleep with your brother.
Ugh.
As well, the zookeepers were trying to boost our hormone levels again, yeah?
They thought we were getting too passive. Yeah.
So they gave us some new toys.
Well, at first, I found it particularly ridiculous.
I mean, was he supposed to try and get a sixpack?
[straining]
[lion chuckles]
But then I saw…
What can I say?
See, the abs and bottom…
Boom! [lion growling] Boom!
Boom!
Mwah! Mwah!
-Mwah! -Oh!
…sent me wild
It really boosted our chemistry.
-Yeah, baby! -[both growling]
-Is she sleeping?
-Like a little bear. -Great.
-Damn, you're hot. Yeah… -Stop messing around.
I'll just put it in there.
Stop. I just feel really tired.
Yeah.
-So I guess I'll leave now. -Mmm.
Or should I… should I wait for you?
No, no, no need. Mum'll be here soon.
Okay.
[clears throat] We can, uh…
We can meet later if you'd like.
No, unless I fall asleep at dinner.
I'm pretty sure that your friends at the party
will have something that'll keep you up all night.
[scoffs]
Yeah, just like in puberty.
Nobody's done drugs for a hundred years.
And who'd take care of the kids tomorrow?
Come on, excuse me. They do have a daddy also.
Huh? I can take care of the kids in the morning, so you go have some fun.
I think you need that.
[scoffs]
Okay.
Fun.
Okay. Have a nice time.
-See ya. -Bye.
[upbeat music playing]
[Frida] Hello!
[Frida laughing] Hi!
[friends laughing]
Oh, I can't take it anymore. Hi!
Mwah! So long!
Oh, that sounds fantastic.
-Yeah. -Just the two of you?
Yeah, yeah, sure. It's, uh… Thanks.
-We're talking about the trip. -[Björn] Yeah, yeah, sure.
It's gonna be the best. Just me and Martin. Endless dirt roads.
We've been doing these kind of trips since we were, like, 20.
Twenty, yeah? And what are you now? Twenty-one?
-[both laughing] -You two!
-Cheers. -Cheers.
Oh, I love riding a motorcycle.
-Love it. Love it. -What? Are you a biker?
-Do I ride? -Yeah?
[laughs] Are you kidding me?
Love it.
Really? How cool.
Yeah, it's the best way to get around and see the world, if you're asking me.
-Me too. -It's just the best.
What a clod.
-What? -I just dropped it. [laughs]
-[laughs] -[Björn] What did you say?
See you…
Hello, do you need some help?
[Frida] No, I think I'll manage.
-[Martin] Come look. -That… That's my…
Yeah. It's cool.
Hey, guess what I, um… I have?
-What? -I thought we should party a bit, yeah?
-No! -Sure. Yeah. Come on.
-Yeah? -Go do it now.
-What, now? -Yeah.
-[woman] What's up? -No, it's cool, cool. [grunts excitedly]
Ah. You gonna go?
Be right back. I'm just gonna get some ice.
-Karl Johan. -The naming.
The last party we went to was a big christening.
Oh my God. Cheers.
That's not cool, is it?
I'm so passé.
[friend] Honey, stop it. You look fantastic.
The party doesn't stop in the suburbs.
-No, it's just a bit different. -Yeah, he's right.
Yeah, I've never seen so many swingers and drugs.
-It's like a circus. -Are you kidding me?
What suburb are you living in?
-No, for real? -No, it's…
-No, but how does that work? -Let's talk later.
-No, I want to know. -Let's talk that later.
We'll talk later.
Speaking of swingers and drugs, Mummy has a little present here.
I've heard that people have started using MDMA for therapeutic reasons.
I have so many traumas that I have to work through,
and you obviously need to relax,
-We have said yes now… -…so cheers to being out-of-date.
…and we have to meet more often.
-Here we go. -We will. Cheers to that.
Everybody should be more open to new adventures.
[friend 2] But I always am!
Okay. Björn's with the kids tomorrow.
[friend 3] The kids will carry Björn.
And I love you, Björn.
[all] Cheers to Björn!
[sniffs] Mmm.
Oh, fuck it..
Ow.
After all of the PowerPoint presentations,
I think the boss needs to get laid and take it easy.
What?
You're not allowed to say that.
It's politically incorrect to say that.
But then you can screw her if you know what a woman needs. Can't you?
Oh, fuck. No, no, no.
So what about you, Bjørn? What do you need?
I need a drink. What do you want?
-[Björn] Mmm… -Sex on the Beach? Can we have that?
Sex on the Beach.
-Two of them? -Sex on the Beach.
[Martin] Coming right up.
Please. [chuckles]
What…?
-[Björn] Hello. -[laughs]
-I can't. -You can't?
-Are you sure? -Yeah. Don't do that. I'm sure.
I'm married. I'm not, you know, that kind of guy. You know?
No worries. It's good.
It won't end well.
-Sorry. I'm just playing. -Okay.
I wasn't being serious.
But listen, you need to know that I will suck your cock anytime.
I really mean anytime.
Just tell me.
Okay.
-Okay? -Okay.
One word.
[Martin] Okay, cheers.
-[woman] Cheers! -Bottoms up!
THE COOLIDGE EFFECT
An important visitor came to the farm.
Yeah, President Calvin Coolidge was here.
[clucks]
And his wife Grace asked,
"How often does the rooster mate?"
"Well, a dozen times a day," the farmer replied.
"Oh," said Grace. "Just tell my husband that."
And then the president asked,
"Is it with the same hen every single time?"
"No," said the farmer.
"It's a new hen every time."
"Ah," the president said.
"Say that to my wife."
[hens clucking]
["In the Bush" by Musique playing]
Ooh!
You have to take control of your own narrative.
Just take me and Teun, huh?
We got a grip of our problem.
We, uh… We threw the screen out.
In with the family therapist.
-In with the therapist. -And the potter's wheel.
I mean, damn it, it isn't easy to live.
No.
You actually have a choice how you want to live your life.
You can live it any way you want.
Okay, ours isn't Instagram-perfect, but… but at least it's ours. Right?
-Yes, it's really… You look great. -[Frida] I mean it.
I only mean that talking to a psychologist and meditation might not be
the solution for everybody.
-I'm totally ready to admit it. -Not everybody is built for kids' yoga.
But I think that you have to read about the consequences
that come from those damn screens.
-[Tom] Okay. -Yes. Yes. Have you read Sherry Turkle?
Sherry who?
Uh, Conversation… Uh, anyway, she's written since forever
about how too much screen time
affects children's brains and empathetic abilities.
I agree. Oliver can become like a zombie when I put him in front of his iPad.
[Tom] It's like that.
Ten minutes, and then I can't feel anything.
Now I can't feel anything.
[laughter]
You are my idols. You are. I love you.
Me and Björn really need some ceramics and a couples therapist right now.
[friend 3] What?
Oh my God!
-[man] Blast from the past. -It's been ages!
-[party] Hi. -[man] Hi.
[friend 3] But it has been ages.
-Hey. -May I join you?
-[party agreeing] -So good to see you.
["In the Bush" playing]
♪ Are you ready for this? ♪
♪ Do you like it like this? ♪
♪ Are you ready for this? ♪
♪ Do you like it like this? ♪
♪ Are you ready for this? ♪
♪ Do you like it like this? ♪
♪ Push, push in the bush ♪
And I stank like a fucking pub.
You fell out instead and landed horizontally.
So they called the police.
[friend 3] Uh-uh!
No, I think that's right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I had to come up with some story that you had an allergy or something,
and I said, "Sure, I'll get him home."
Well, did you?
-I did. -No, you didn't.
No, I put you in a taxi.
After that night, we didn't see each other for years.
I couldn't go back. Too embarrassing.
Now you understand why she chose Björn.
[friend 3] You did.
You're here now, honey. Cheers.
[all cheering]
[Teun] Cheers to a lot of embarrassing memories.
I have to get back to my party. But maybe we can join up other later?
[overlapping agreement]
-Cheers. -[party] Bye!
[friend 3] It was great seeing you.
-See ya. -[Tom] Great to see you.
-Linda! -Oh, wow.
Linda, just cut it out.
It must have been… It must have been strange to see him.
It was ages ago.
[Linda] Didn't feel like a long time ago.
I have three kids now.
-Stop it. -Oh! Oh! I'm sorry.
-But you could laugh about it, right? -[Linda] "I have three kids!"
-Hey. -Hi.
Hi.
Um, how are you doing?
Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
You look amazing, you know?
Yeah. You too.
And the family. Are you all happy?
-Yeah. -Yeah?
Everyone's fine.
-That's good. -Mmm. And you?
Yeah, yeah. Really well. Uh, we… we had number two.
-A year ago, so… -Oh.
-We, uh… We're separated. -Oh no.
-That's sad. -No, calm down. It's great.
You should congratulate me. The best thing that could happen to us.
-Okay. -Yeah.
Yeah? But…
Are you going to be moving back here?
Yes. Yeah. We're moving back soon.
-Yeah? -Mmm.
-Ah. -Yeah.
-Okay. -Mm-hmm.
But maybe we'll… we'll see each other.
Yeah, or we could find a time to have a cup of coffee together.
If you feel like it.
["In the Bush" resumes]
♪ In the bush, bush ♪
♪ Get down, get down ♪
♪ In the bush, bush ♪
-♪ Oh, get down, get down ♪ -♪ In the bush, bush ♪
♪ Some of the time means part of the time And part of the time means none at all ♪
♪ Some of the time Means part of the time ♪
[snorting]
-Oh, hi, hey! -[laughing] Hey.
-Okay. -Hello.
[laughing] There you are.
Yeah. Oh!
[lock clicks]
[record scratches]
PAIR BONDING PATTERNS
The results from a study
showed that that prairie voles,
just like rats and chickens,
they are being motivated
to attach with their partner during the mating phase…
KATARINA GOSPIC - BRAIN RESEARCHER
…because of increased dopamine levels.
But if you give them a dopamine blocker,
then they no longer preferred the partner they mate with.
But if they then received dopamine,
well, then any other partner would be best.
That reminds me of a study that is pretty well-known.
ÅKE PÅLSHAMMAR
SENIOR UNIVERSITY LECTURER, NEUROPSYCHOLOGIST
It was all based around t-shirts that women get to smell,
full of the sweat of men.
They preferred some over others,
and those t-shirts had a gene variant
that was very different from the women's own,
when it comes to the immune system.
That's important.
Women who had a partner with the same kinds of gene variants…
Because the others were different, right?
And this was the same gene variant as themselves, those women…
So they were more often betrayed by their partners,
and they… they got to experience more unfaithfulness, so to speak.
I find that fascinating.
In one study, we have studied…
HÅKAN FISCHER PROFESSOR IN HUMANBIOLOGICAL PSYCHOLOGY
552 fraternal twins living in relationships,
and found the ones carrying
one or more gene variants in the AVPR system,
they were lacking, or having a problem with,
attachment to their partners.
But, when it comes to women…
So, as they do not have these alleles in the AVPR system,
we instead looked for the DRD4,
or gene called allele,
also known as the kick-seeking dopamine gene,
and we found that the ones with this variant
also had a higher frequency of one-night stands
and unfaithfulness fantasies.
So both of the systems seem to contribute to patterns in unfaithfulness.
[vacuum whirring]
Björn! They're coming in a couple of hours. Can you join us?
[Björn grunts, mumbles]
[sighs]
The fuck?
[phone message alert chimes]
Yes, and that leads us to a very important question,
and that is whether monogamy is inherited or environmental.
MONOGAMY - HERITAGE OR ENVIRONMENT?
Teresa, are you sitting here with a beer?
-Do you want some more wine? -Yes, please.
Björn, can you set up of the table?
No, I can't. I have to serve our guest of honour some wine.
In there!
Where's Dad gone to?
You know what he's like.
What? Ah-ha.
He's sitting on the chair watching while the rest of us do the hard work.
We have to excuse Jon.
We know it's too much for him with so many people.
Oh, it looks lovely, Frida.
You make Mummy proud by sticking to our tradition.
[laughs] What tradition's that?
[laughing] But, honey, don't you remember?
No, of course not. You were so young, both of you.
But I had to keep my mother-in-law happy
and struggle with that darn French duck every Christmas.
Mum, we never had duck in Norway.
-No, we didn't. -Now you're being ridiculous, Joanna.
I remember what I did and didn't do.
Why would you say that?
Okay, okay. Take it easy.
We just don't remember the duck.
Mmm, it's great.
-That's great. -That sounds wonderful, Teresa.
Yes, but I actually remember something about a duck the same year
that your father died.
That's right.
Has someone died in here?
[laughs] Huh?
Maybe you should help setting the table, Jon.
This one is really good, Frida.
We're gonna try it, you and me.
Yes, we are.
-Marianne, do you want a glass too? -Yes, we are.
But Teresa, you are absolutely right.
It was that Christmas
when we had the entire French part of the family visiting us.
Yes, that's right,
and that wasn't the only time, just to let you know.
Okay, Mum, it doesn't matter.
But hey, uh, I thought I heard Louie yell. Could you check on the kids?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. It's fine. -Thank you.
And by the way, I was the one who cooked that duck.
Now I have done it again.
Mmm, voilà.
-Food will be served in just two hours. -Bravo.
What do you say?
Wow.
[man 1] Cheers.
[man 2] Cheers.
-Happy Christmas to you. -Merry Christmas to you.
["Must Be Santa" by Bob Dylan plays]
♪ Who's got a beard That's long and white? ♪
♪ Santa's got a beard ♪
♪ Who comes around on a special night? ♪
♪ Santa comes around on a special night ♪
♪ Special night, beard that's white ♪
♪ Must be Santa, must be Santa ♪
♪ Must be Santa, Santa Claus ♪
♪ Who wears boots and a suit of red? ♪
♪ Santa wears boots and a suit of red ♪
♪ Who wears a long cap on his head? ♪
♪ Santa wears a long cap on his head ♪
♪ Cap on head, suit that's red Special night, beard that's white ♪
♪ Must be Santa, must be Santa Must be Santa, Santa Claus ♪
♪ Who's got a big red cherry nose? ♪
♪ Santa's got a big red cherry nose ♪
♪ Who laughs this way, ho-ho-ho Santa laughs this way ♪
Yes, and finally we also performed a study on a group of women,
and in it we gave half of them
a nasal spray containing the cuddle hormone, oxytocin.
And the other half then received a placebo spray.
That is, a spray without any effect.
And it turned out that the women given the oxytocin spray,
we found that they were far more prone to bond than those who weren't given it.
So to conclude, finally I'd say that monogamy in humans,
like the vole's,
to a very large extent still very much depends on our genetic make-up.
Hmm. Yes, I believe a minor hormonal adjustment
could actually change an awful lot in our world,
both at the micro and the macro level.
["D-I-V-O-R-C-E" by Tammy Wynette plays]
♪ Our little boy is four years old ♪
♪ And quite a little man ♪
♪ So we spell out the words We don't want him to understand ♪
But I really thought that we were gonna be able to work through this.
But, does it have to be so definitive?
I really hope that it doesn't.
♪ But the words We're hiding from him now ♪
♪ Tear the heart right out of me ♪
♪ Our D-I-V-O-R-C-E ♪
♪ Becomes final today ♪
♪ Me and little… ♪
[crash in distance]
What the fuck was that?
[grunts]
Ah, there you are, you fucking cunt! Fuck you!
Fuck you! And you, you fucking…
Your disgusting girlfriends!
You know what? You can burn in hell!
Fucking cunts, I hate you!
Fuck you!
[yelling]
I don't want this fucking car!
I don't want that fucking apartment!
I don't want a fucking thing from you!
Get that?
Do you understand what you've done?
Huh? What were you thinking? Were you thinking about the kids?!
Did you for a second think about the children,
when you spread your legs like a fucking field mattress
for the fucking town?
Fuck you! Go back home to Norway!
-Do me that favour, okay? -[Frida] Are you mentally disturbed?
What the hell is wrong with you, you fucking psycho?!
Don't you fucking think I know about your fucking texts?
Do you think I'm a fucking moron, huh!?
I know what you've been up to!
I know everything, you fucking hypocrite!
You are just as complicit! You are!
This is just as much your fault!
And don't try making this about the children!
Because it's about you, you fucking dick, and how goddamn self-centred are you!
You're a fucking cunt too far up your own fucking asshole,
that's what you are!
Yeah, so I fucking slept with him!
Who the fucking hell cares?
Who the fuck cares about that!?
But I wanted to be with you!
Be with you!
But you didn't give a fucking shit about our family!
You didn’t give a shit about me! Because you're such a dickhead!
So, fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
Go to hell!
["Just idag är jag stark" by Kenta plays]
[Kenta singing in Swedish]
BEER RESTAURANT
This isn't very smart, brother.
This won't look good if you are really gonna push this custody thing.
I mean, you have to get a grip!
To get some control over your life.
Like hell I will. I couldn't care less about how it looks.
She's destroyed everything!
Every single thing. She's destroyed my entire life.
I really hate her!
No, I… I don't think that you actually hate her.
Well, anyway, you can't go around being this miserable all the time.
-Yeah, I can actually. -No.
-I can. -No, you can't.
-I'm sitting here now. -No, you can't.
-It's easy to be miserable. -You've been like this for months.
Hi .What's up?
-Hey, long time no see. -Hi.
-Good to see you. How are you doing? -Good, yeah.
Same, same.
I quit drinking a while ago,
but it got so damn boring that I started drinking.
But Oliver is good. Linda is good.
We… we are still separated, but she's easy to get along with.
-Uh-huh. -And how are you?
-Well, you know… -Well, yeah, hey.
We're, like celebrating that Björn has got rid of his car today.
-You sell it? -Uh…
No, I… I didn't sell it. But I, uh…
I took the keys
and drove right smack into a house on the street where we live.
-For real? Is it true? -Yeah, just now.
[laughing]
Wow, okay, we have to have a toast to that.
Excuse me. Could we get three golden slammers, please?
-So now she doesn't have a car. -Wow. What a story.
Yeah, so now I'm a family father one week and the kids are home,
and every second week, at Martin's on his sofa.
And you're doing that bird nest thing?
She wanted that.
Bird nest?
Ah, so, mmm, the kids stay.
The parents move in and out.
Ah. Ah, yeah. People didn't do that when I divorced.
Yeah, Linda and me did that at first.
It may be good for the kids, but goddamn it, it's very shit.
Yeah.
Incredibly painful.
But, uh, you… you're looking for an apartment then, yeah?
Yeah, sure. I can't do it.
I will not live in the same house as that cow, I can tell you that,
but I have to find something.
No, because my sister is moving in with her boyfriend.
She has to rent her apartment.
-Really? -A small apartment.
The city centre.
Yeah. Well, normal. Cheap, so to say. Shall I check with her?
-Yeah. Absolutely. -I'll check with her.
-All right. -Cool.
-Okay. Cheers. -Cheers to that.
-Cheers. -Cheers.
Yeah, whatever.
Okay, darling.
Mummy, is it your turn to pick me up?
No, Daddy will pick you up today. Do you remember that?
Mmm, but I'm gonna miss you, Mummy.
Oh, darling.
Oh, I miss you too.
-Mmm. -Okay? I always miss you.
-Hmm? -Mmm.
You know what? You know that it's good that you miss me.
It's good.
Because otherwise it wouldn't be so great to see each other again.
No.
So, it is good that you miss me.
-Mmm. -Hmm?
Okay.
-Mm-hmm. -Hmm.
-Okay? -Mmm.
Look what I have.
Here.
-Ta-da. [laughs] -Yay!
Always have a piece of chocolate in your jacket pocket.
Yeah.
Mummy loves you. Okay?
Let's go in, yeah?
Come on.
[Frida chuckles, sniffles]
[Frida] And he doesn't see how it affects them.
He wants to punish me of course,
but right now it's the kids he's hurting the most.
And he is serious about us going to court.
He even said that he doesn't care
if the kids have to be evaluated by a psychiatrist.
[sighs]
[inhales shakily] I can't even think about how traumatic that would be for them.
Mmm. It must be really hard for you.
I know that I, um,
was the one who started it all.
And that's something that I have to live with.
But I hoped that he would wake up…
so that we could work on our problems and…
So that everything would be good again.
So, you felt that
he didn't communicate and wasn't attentive,
even before you separated,
and that he didn't want to admit his part in this?
Is that correct?
He didn't want to deal with anything, no.
And what would happen if he wouldn't deal with things?
It feels like you have an internal anxiety,
that something would happen if he didn't act.
I don't know if anything would happen.
Well, the thing was that nothing happened.
That we stagnated and…
Yeah, that it ended between us.
You were afraid to lose him.
Mmm.
And I kind of felt like I had already lost…
both myself and him.
And I just hoped that he would see that,
Uh… at least see me, you know?
And work on us instead of running away.
In a way, you ran away yourself first.
Frida, let's separate things a bit.
It wasn't part of his personality
to deal with things in the same way you did,
even before you separated.
That's the way he was then and that's the way he is now.
You can't do anything about it.
Only he himself can change, if he wants that.
It's not your job. It's not your responsibility.
It is… You can't keep control of it.
And the same is true for you.
Now you've separated,
and he doesn't want to have any contact with you.
You have to accept that
and learn to handle the situation instead of waiting for him to change,
or be in constant conflict with him.
And this is not about really whether somebody loves or not.
This is who he is.
He is very different from you.
[Björn] Okay, come here.
You can dance more when we get home. And, switch…
No, you can't hold the monkey in your hand.
-Yes. -No, Lou. Don't do that.
It'll just be… It'll just go bad.
Good, now you have…
So, take off… Come on.
Stop it.
Ow, Daddy. That hurt!
Okay, sorry. I'm sorry.
-No, I want Mummy! -Come here. Come.
Here, but that is…
-No, don't touch me! -Well, I have to touch you.
Don't touch me!
-Hey, darling. Darling, Louie… -No!
I don't want to.
No, but Anna picks Leo up, okay, and we have to hurry home to them.
So we can't…
I'm doing the best I can, damn it.
Can't you give it a rest now?
-Stop! -Please, love.
-I don't want to! -[teacher] Hi, Björn.
Huh? Hi, hi.
So… Okay, we'll leave it like that.
We took a long walk today, so she's probably a bit tired.
Okay.
-[Louie] This is how it should be. -Is it…? Okay, so let's go.
You'll have to be cold then.
Can we…? Let's go.
Don't forget your bag.
No, no.
Here is your… Here is your ba… Here is my bag.
Damn it.
Thank you for today. See you tomorrow.
-[Louie] See you tomorrow. -[Björn] See you tomorrow.
-Thank you. -Bye.
[Frida] Ah, thanks for being here.
I was nervous, but it's just furniture.
[Linda] It'll be fine. I think that he has been nice.
I mean, half of it is yours.
What can I say to the children?
Wha… What the hell do you say?
I don't know.
I'm trying.
I'm really trying to do everything right.
-I know. -It is our damn duty to the kids!
And he's just pissing on me, you see? He pisses on me every chance he gets.
Because he's an arsehole!
I don't know why he's doing this.
Okay, I'm gonna get you some coffee.
You need some coffee.
But he's taken my fucking kettle.
I can't even make a fucking cup of coffee.
And I got it… I got it from his mum
as a birthday present. You see?
Okay, then I'll boil water
on the stove in a pot.
You…
You don't have to build a perfect home.
There are no perfect homes, and the kids will adapt to this.
Buy an air mattress.
Build a castle.
It'll be all right.
[Frida groans, cries]
Mummy, Mummy, come and jump!
Mummy, come on!
No, I don't think that I'm allowed to.
The bed will break.
[Anna] Come here, stop! Read the sign.
-They want you to jump. -[Louie] Please, come on.
-Come on. It won't break. -You can do it.
-Come. -Come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on. Get up here.
-[Louie] You can do it. -[Leo] It won't break.
-We promise you. -Come.
[kids cheering]
["Can't Put Your Arms Around a Memory" by Johnny Thunders plays]
♪ Feel so cold and all alone ♪
♪ 'Cause baby, you're not at home ♪
♪ And when I'm home ♪
♪ Big deal, I'm still alone ♪
♪ You can't put your arms Around a memory ♪
♪ Don't try, don't try ♪
[song trails off]
[teacher] She fits in very well with the rest of the kids
and gets along with most of them.
She is popular and radiates a great energy.
In general,
we really see no problems with Louie.
None at all.
[sighs] It's really good to hear that.
Well, we are…
Or at least I'm always worried
that she… doesn't express herself well,
or communicates with others and so on,
so yeah, it's really such a relief to hear.
Yeah, as you know, Frida chose to split our family a while ago,
and it has been very, very tough.
And the kids are very, well, miserable,
traumatized.
It's no fun at home right now, but that's…
How do you put it? That's what happens when one person in a family
choses to think about their own needs, or how is it?
-Um… -[clears throat]
We are, of course, used to this type of situation,
and the majority of the kids here
actually live in modern family constellations.
And that doesn't have to mean a trauma per se,
for the children, that is,
as long as the parents can work together.
As, um… Well, as Mona said,
Louie is fine and expresses herself well.
Mmm. Yeah.
We used to say that as long as the kids are extroverted,
that's a good sign.
It's only when they get quiet, that we get worried,
and to act out is both normal and healthy.
So, you know, Louie gets sad or angry during this period, that is really okay.
And as Bo said, we are all in agreement that she is doing great.
[Frida] Thanks.
Yeah, or… or tell us if anything changes,
or if there is something we can focus on.
Well, I don't want to communicate with this person,
so that we could, well, um…
If we could stay in contact with you separately, that would be great.
-Um, yes. -Absolutely.
We will of course inform you if there is something wrong.
And you can always come talk to us
if… if there is…
Yeah, if you have any thought or worries.
That's great. Bye.
-Bye. Thank you. -Thank you, Mona.
-Bye, then. -Yeah.
[door opens]
Björn?
Björn, wait up.
Please, can't we talk about this?
Can't we just talk?
Please, Björn, couldn't we stop this custody thing? Please?
Well, you should have thought about that before you chose to split up our family,
and no, I won't stop "this custody thing," as you call it.
Please, Björn, we are in this together.
Do we really want to subject the children to those damn psychological tests
just so that you can be right?
Do you want that?
I apologize.
I do. For real.
-I am sorry for… for everything. -Okay.
-I am. -Right.
But don't do this to our children.
They are gonna be scarred for life.
Am I doing this to the children?
Wasn't it you who thought psychologists were the solution?
It is you who made them scarred for life when you chose to leave us.
You wanted the divorce. I wasn't the one who wanted it.
Also, this isn't just about all of your selfish needs,
or about all the children's bloody needs, for that matter.
This is about all of my fucking rights,
and I will have them,
because you are not fit to be the mother of my kids.
You are completely reckless.
And you are destroying the children's lives,
destroying the children's dreams, and destroying the children's futures,
so now we will do this my way!
Come on, get a grip!
Björn! Oh, to hell will you!
None of us were happy!
We had a crisis.
You didn't even want to admit that. You didn't even want to talk about it.
That is such fucking bullshit, and you know that too.
You don't have to discuss everything to death.
Some things solve themselves!
You wanted a divorce,
And now this means you're not getting your way anymore.
That is enough!
Did you see me dream about some fucking backpacking trip in Asia?
Did you? No, because I was busy with our life, Björn!
I wanted to live our life, Björn! Do you get that?
And I didn't just suggest therapy.
I was ready to do anything.
A break, a threesome, for fuck's sake!
But you did not care!
And you know what? We were always sad!
Both of us. We were fucking, fucking always sad.
-I'm sure that is… -And you did nothing about it.
You did nothing!
Yeah, that's… that's probably your explanation, Frida.
That's probably yours,
but if you want to hear mine, it's just a bit different.
Frida, this is about that you wanted to be alone,
and now you're gonna fucking feel how it is to be alone.
You will not take my children from me!
They'll live with me!
Listen to me! We're both their parents!
The kids, they need both of us!
So we have to… we have to communicate.
This is not communicating!
No, exactly! I don't want to communicate with you!
Are you stupid?
I don't want to communicate with you,
and there won't be any goddamn hippie Christmas.
This is what's gonna happen this year.
-I take the kids with me up to my parents… -No. No.
…and then you will have them over New Year's Eve.
No. No.
End of discussion.
But…
[sighs]
[phone buzzing]
Hey, happy Christmas!
You're not coming up?
Well, the kids need to get their presents.
I thought we were gonna have coffee.
Yeah.
Hi, my darlings!
-Hi, Mummy! -Hi!
Oh, don't you look great!
Mmm, we are going to Grandma's,
and then we'll get a surprise.
Yes, I know. It's gonna be so cool!
Here, I've got some more surprises.
It's some treats for the journey. Mmm, and Leo, your teddy. Here.
Okay, now I want you to have the best Christmas ever. Okay?
Ring me if you want something, or if you just feel like it, okay?
-Mmm. -What are you going to do, Mum?
And your Christmas?
Oh, yeah, sure.
I… I have masses of tests to grade.
And then I'll probably go to Aunt Joanna.
But first, I have to call Santa Claus,
so he's got the right address for Grandma.
Mmm!
Yeah, we have to go now.
All right, let me say goodbye.
You really can't go without giving Mummy a kiss. Come here.
Oh, I love you, little man, okay?
-Bye. -Oh, come here. Give me a hug.
Mwah!
I love you. I love you.
I love you so much.
-Okay? -[Louie] Bye, Mum.
-[kids] Bye, Mummy! -See you.
[kids] I love you.
I love you. Bye.
[kids] Bye, Mummy.
Bye, Mummy. I love you.
Bye.
[Louie, Leo] Bye!
Bye!
[cries]
["Yes I Do" by Monika plays]
♪ 27 of December is arrived ♪
♪ And I think it's Saturday ♪
♪ Greece is turning into white And it's cold ♪
♪ We don't really care ♪
-Now it's a snake. Now an elephant. -Yeah, that's enough magic.
Now you have to take your costume off.
No, I don't want to.
It has been a really cosy Christmas, but it'll be too warm.
-You have to take it off. -But I want to show it to Mummy!
Yeah, you can show it to Mummy when you see her, okay?
[cries] But I want Mummy!
[Leo] I want Mummy too.
[Louie cries]
Oh, no.
I want Mummy too. Come and sit here.
There, there. There, there.
Come.
♪ You're my immortality ♪
♪ You're my pretty world, world ♪
♪ Spins inside My little mind, little mind ♪
SEPARATION TRAUMA
[mouse] Separation anxiety, or depression.
It is comparable to drug withdrawal.
Yes, you even have a reduced immune defence.
[sighs]
Well, if you were a man, I could recommend a glass of wine or two.
But the female body's dopamine system
isn't triggered by alcohol in the same way.
I could give you an oxytocin shot
in order to start your own dopamine flow.
Or antidepressants.
No, I think that you just have to get through it.
Try to look forward.
Do the things that make you happy.
Mmm?
No, I'm not gonna start using Tinder.
I won't do it. I'd rather die than subject myself to that.
So damn pretentious!
And it's such a disgusting form of societal dehumanization.
You know, what for?
I mean, Why don't we have something like that SCRUFF app that you're on?
Just get to have sex
without having to talk and get bored before you get to the dirty stuff, right?
Yes, isn't it wonderful?
Yeah, because that entire love thing,
I'm done with it.
And it wouldn't happen anyway if I shared my GPS coordinates in some damn app.
-You know that too. -Girl, it's 2021!
It's how Tinder works.
I mean, imagine that you are at a buffet and you are starving.
Now you can choose the best pieces.
You can get exactly what you want.
But who would want me?
But I mean, at some point you just have to move on.
So I went into therapy and I looked inwards.
And the entire…
And now… well I have it…
I feel like it's over. That chapter has been closed.
It's such great work.
-And so fast! -Yeah. Of course it is, yeah.
Just half a year.
-No, it's, not. -You're crazy.
I mean, we only live once, huh?
I couldn't spend any more time on trying to figure out
why we couldn't make it work.
It was no good.
And it's complicated, and…
now it's over,
and we have established some routines,
and it's working.
There's no drama.
Time to live a little.
Wish I could say the same.
Hmm. Is it so bad?
Yeah, yeah, but… I was unfaithful, so I asked for it.
But it's usually about something else, isn't it?
I mean, I'm speaking from personal experience.
-Did I tell you? -No.
Um…
My ex met someone else. I mean…
It forced me to…
think about whether I could have done anything different. I mean…
You are two people in a relationship, right?
Yeah.
That's also a way of looking at it.
Are you sad it didn't work out?
Yeah.
-Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. -Mmm.
Okay.
I think there's lots I could've done differently.
I could have been a lot better at…
communicating and addressing what was wrong,
instead of subjecting us to what I did.
Well, I think it's mostly that feeling of betrayal which is tough.
And if you can't have a discussion about it, then…
For us it became an opening to talk about whether or not
we might… be happier away from each other.
-Yeah. -Mmm.
I just don't think that our relationship would have withstood that form of honesty,
And that's why it's… over.
That's not the sort of relationship you want.
Hmm.
What kind of a relationship do you want?
[both grunting, moaning]
-Okay, bye. -Bye.
[panting, moaning]
-[Björn] Hey, could I take these off? -[woman] Sure, do it.
[woman] Yeah.
Fuck…
Hold on.
-It's no problem. -I'm sorry.
-No. -Oh, how annoying.
[sigh]
-Damn it. -No, it's okay.
Yeah, damn it. I'm sorry.
-No. -I'm really sorry.
-It's okay. -This has never…
Well, I'm really sorry. I am really horny.
Never happened to me before. It's never…
No, I understand.
We were also getting divorced,
so I understand.
Oh, all right. That's shit.
No, it didn't suck at all, really.
No?
Well, we knew right from the wedding that it wouldn't last forever.
But, y… you… you have kids.
Yeah. We have.
Mm.
You have different relationships for different needs.
I got a daughter from him, so I'm happy about that.
Really.
Don't stress about this.
-No. -It's alright.
It's no big thing. It happens all the time.
You can just take a blue pill if you need to.
-Right? -Yeah.
[laughing] It doesn't have to be that complicated.
No, no. It might…
But you…
Rain check?
-Of course. I'd love to. -Mmm.
Okay.
Goodbye. Take care.
[woman laughs]
Bye.
[sigh] What the fuck…
[door closes]
SURVIVAL
[female vole] So you've just lost the love of life?
[male vole] Yes. But I survived.
[male vole] I tried to find someone new.
I didn't want to live alone.
You could say this isn't the best time of my life.
-No, definitely not. -But I've stayed away from drugs.
I have.
You, uh…
It's just that I don't know how I'm gonna… how I'm gonna get over it.
[thud]
Oh, what? What happened here?
Yeah, yeah…
I went and joined a scientific study.
[chuckles]
Well, the scientists call it a forced swim test.
-That's what you see behind us. -But this is interesting.
Voles who have gone through a separation…
-Hmm. -…will just sink.
-Straight down. -They all sink.
-So, they don't swim then? -No, they just… they just sank.
The others, the ones who are in a relationship,
they swim for dear life.
Keep paddling.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Just keep swimming, you know?
They have something to live for.
So the conclusion is relationships keep us alive…
and that's why we seek "twosomeness."
All the time.
[emotional jazz piano playing]
Over and over again.
[Linda] Björn!
Hey!
Hey. What…?
[Linda laughing]
[Adam] Yeah, hi!
-Hi! -Hello!
-How are you? -Fine, thank you.
-Hi. Wow. -Good to see you.
Long time no see.
-Definitely. -What? Huh?
Hold on, what are you doing here?
-Are you gonna…? -We're gonna see the principal here.
Well, Oliver, he didn't feel good in his old school, so he might start here.
Well, okay… that's nice.
Leo's theatre group is gonna perform.
-Oh? -Cool.
Well, it's great seeing you.
Yeah, the same.
I heard about that whole… custody thing.
Great that that's solved.
Oh yeah.
Well, now I have… I'm in therapy now and all.
-Oh. -Yeah.
-That's good. -Mmm.
Mmm. That's really good.
Not having all that anxiety and bitterness and…
-Oh yeah. -That's great.
Well, I think that you might just have to make a decision, in a way.
What you want, and there is no right and wrong in that, but…
-Nah. -Just make a decision.
What is it? No, are you…?
You're not together again, are you?
Sorry.
Uh, we are.
-We're not moving in together again, but… -No, never.
…we are trying something new.
Yeah, we have each other,
with a little more freedom.
Okay, that's good for you.
You could say that we date others now,
but together.
-Yes. -Mmm.
[laughs] Wow.
Great. Congrats. Uh…
Thank you.
Well, we, we must go, but it was great seeing you.
Yeah, yeah. Likewise.
Okay, good luck.
-Be seeing you. -Yeah, see you.
-Hi from me. -Yeah, I will.
[student 1] Now it's time to bring in the animals.
So, who are you?
I'm a rooster. Hear my song.
♪ Cock-a-doodle-doo! ♪
I am a hen. I lay eggs that you can eat.
Four voles.
Who are you?
[student 2] I'm a unicorn.
[student 1] Isn't it too much?
Aren't we too many?
We could remove one.
[students] Take care of the animals, the environment, and each other.
[applause, cheering]
[whistles]
-Can you hold this one? -Yes, of course.
Can you take mine too?
-Do you have Leo's jacket? -I have Leo's jacket, but no teddy.
Okay. No.
-Hi, Christine! -Hi, how are you?
-Good to see you. How are you doing? -How have you been?
Well, you know.
How are things?
We…?
[Christine] Yeah, no…
Yeah, uh, brill.
Divorced, happy, good.
Chilled out. Um…
Uh, I was just about to look for my little one, so…
-[Björn] Yeah. Do that. -See you around.
-Yeah. Or, you know, maybe…
Come on, really?
The neighbour?
[Björn] Mmm. Yeah, but it was…
It was convenient, okay?
Ah, okay.
Mmm.
[Anna] Dad, we've baked a cake. Could you please eat with us?
Yes, but, darling, it's not…
Please, Daddy?
-It's a bit… -[Anna] Come on, Dad.
Maybe best to ask Mummy if it's okay.
-[Anna] Please, Mum. -You'd be the best Mummy in the world.
I don't have anything in the fridge.
-Please, can't Dad come eat cake with us? -No, but we were gonna have leftovers…
But if you think it's okay with cake for dinner…
So nothing in the fridge? Um…
Uh, no.
[laughing]
I'm trying to relax a bit with musts now.
Yes.
And Ben's coming.
Okay.
So if you want to bring Christine,
then do it.
It… It's okay.
Okay, let's do that.
-Cake for dinner. -[Anna, Louie] Yes!
[chuckles]
[host] Yes, it is confusing,
but the architecture of the brain
can give us clues to our relationship problems,
through three interrelated brain systems
that have evolved for pairing, reproduction and parenting.
[Frida] Shall we cut this masterpiece, then?
[kids] Yes!
But these systems are not always directly connected.
It's possible to love one person,
be smitten by another, and attracted sexually to a third one,
all at the same time.
It might be a neurological explanation
for why Augustinian relationship norms don't work for everybody.
But, despite all our differences,
we still judge ourselves by old norms and standards,
maybe in an attempt to find some order in the chaos of love.
That way, we can both have our cake and eat it.
-[Leo] What are you doing to our pet? -[Anna] I'm doing this.
[kids exclaiming]
[Anna] What are you doing?
[Leo] I don't understand why we can't live together, all of us.
[Anna] I need a place of my own too, just like you kids have your own rooms.
But we grown-ups don't have that, right?
Yeah, but I think that it's much better like this,
because I hate moving back and forth.
Well, they were the ones who broke up,
so it's fair they move back and forth, right?
But I like having two homes.
Do you think they will get back together again,
like normal parents?
But, Leo, this is normal too.
I mean, half of your classmates have parents who are divorced.
They just don't talk about it.
And, well, I think that they are together sometimes.
I mean, physically.
And Ben and Christine?
That makes them sad?
No, before Ben and Christine got involved with them.
I think, but I don't know.
Up on the roof? No, that's too dangerous.
-Come down. -[Leo] Ah!
Okay, my little monkeys…
-[giggles] -What is… What are you giggling about?
Grown-ups. You're monkeys.
Are we? Okay, yeah.
Okay, yes, that's probably right, but now we're gonna go in and be frogs.
-Okay. -Okay? Come on.
Now, now, let's start. You ready?
Let's sing "Little Frogs."
[in Swedish] ♪The little frogs The little frogs are funny to behold ♪
♪ The little frogs, the little frogs Are funny to behold ♪
♪ No ears to be seen there And tails are missing too ♪
♪ Cro-ac-ac-ac, cro-ac-ac-ac Croac-ac-ac-aca ♪
[host] So the question is,
are we humans biological creatures
who live according to our pre-programmed genes,
or does free will regulate everything
when we make detours from the monogamous norm?
So, yes or no,
or maybe both of them.
We are both biological and also intellectual creatures,
imprinted by everything from religion to heredity and environment.
Regardless of sexual, religious, and political orientation,
we humans are, after all, a fantastic mix of biology and intellect.
And that is just being human.
So the question still remains:
How will you live your life?
[jaunty music plays]
That's all we have for this week.
Next week in Late Night Diorama,
we will keep on examining our human behaviour
looking at different perspectives.
So next, we'll examine violence.
Is violence biological,
and can it be learned?
So please welcome us back then.
Be seeing you. I hope so.
-["Do Your Thing" by Moondog plays] -♪ Do your thing ♪
♪ Be fancy-free To call the tune you sing ♪
♪ Don't give up! ♪
♪ That's not the way to win a Loving Cup ♪
♪ Do your best ♪
♪ And opportunity will do the rest ♪
♪ Don't give in ♪
♪ Capitulation is the greatest sin ♪
♪ Do what's right ♪
♪ What's right for you To do with all your might ♪
♪ Don't regret ♪
♪ What might have been You might as well forget ♪
♪ Stand your ground ♪
♪ And while you're standing there ♪
♪ Be duty-bound ♪
♪ Learn to wait ♪
♪ And while you're waiting Learn to concentrate ♪
♪ Make amends ♪
♪ All enemies I call potential friends ♪
♪ Calm your fears ♪
♪ And hope to cope At least a hundred years ♪
♪ Make your mark ♪
♪ If need be, even make it in the dark ♪
♪ Mum's the word ♪
♪ My sage advice Pretend you haven't heard ♪
[song ends]