1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:03,612 --> 00:00:05,788 [heart thumping] 3 00:00:05,831 --> 00:00:08,008 [heart monitor beeping] 4 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 5 00:00:17,626 --> 00:00:20,324 [gentle piano music] 6 00:00:44,827 --> 00:00:46,176 [lady squealing] 7 00:00:55,011 --> 00:00:56,795 [nurse muffled chattering] 8 00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:58,014 Push, push, push. 9 00:01:02,671 --> 00:01:04,194 [baby cries] 10 00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:21,255 I hadn't lived in Denver very long 11 00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:22,647 when Dylan was born. 12 00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:26,912 It's all right. 13 00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:27,913 He was precious, 14 00:01:27,957 --> 00:01:29,524 he was just so precious. 15 00:01:29,567 --> 00:01:30,742 I miss him. 16 00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:32,614 I miss him a lot. 17 00:01:47,324 --> 00:01:49,631 [Sue] I remember being in the hospital, 18 00:01:50,501 --> 00:01:54,418 I was holding him and I got this strange feeling. 19 00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:56,290 And the only thing I could describe it 20 00:01:56,333 --> 00:02:00,468 as was a feeling of... like a shadow went over me. 21 00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:02,426 It just was this strange feeling like 22 00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:04,472 something was passing over me. 23 00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:06,387 And at that moment, I had a sense 24 00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,563 that the child I was holding, 25 00:02:08,606 --> 00:02:10,391 there was either something wrong with him 26 00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,262 or that he would bring me sorrow. 27 00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:17,093 Very soon after that, Dylan became sick. 28 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,747 [baby cries] 29 00:02:23,012 --> 00:02:26,494 He had a health issue, pyloric stenosis. 30 00:02:26,537 --> 00:02:27,712 [baby cries] 31 00:02:31,977 --> 00:02:34,371 And I remember thinking when that happened 32 00:02:34,415 --> 00:02:36,199 that I must have been sensing 33 00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:37,635 that he had a health problem. 34 00:02:39,376 --> 00:02:43,075 After he died, I woke up remembering that day 35 00:02:43,119 --> 00:02:47,036 of how this child was going to bring me sorrow. 36 00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:50,648 [girl] ...we all got under the desk and, 37 00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:53,477 and then they just started coming in the library 38 00:02:53,521 --> 00:02:57,089 and opening fire and shooting out bombs. 39 00:02:57,133 --> 00:02:59,875 So many people. 40 00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:02,965 [somber music] 41 00:03:03,966 --> 00:03:05,228 [engine starting] 42 00:03:37,565 --> 00:03:39,697 [reporter 1] We are getting, we are getting word that 43 00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:41,830 Leewood Elementary School is locked down. 44 00:03:41,873 --> 00:03:43,745 [reporter 2] If you are just joining us, two young men 45 00:03:43,788 --> 00:03:45,660 apparently dressed in long black 46 00:03:45,703 --> 00:03:50,055 trench coats opened fire about an hour and a half ago 47 00:03:50,099 --> 00:03:51,883 at a high school just outside of Denver 48 00:03:51,927 --> 00:03:53,320 in Littleton, Colorado. 49 00:03:53,363 --> 00:03:55,278 At least three students have been injured 50 00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:58,281 and possibly as many as eight. 51 00:03:58,325 --> 00:04:00,718 We know that victims have been taken to area hospitals. 52 00:04:00,762 --> 00:04:03,808 One student has apparently been critically injured, 53 00:04:03,852 --> 00:04:05,201 and we know that one of the victims 54 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,377 may be an adult woman. 55 00:04:07,421 --> 00:04:09,249 [fading] There is a huge presence of... 56 00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:17,300 I was getting ready for a meeting, uh, 57 00:04:17,344 --> 00:04:21,435 I had to go from our downtown office to one of the colleges, 58 00:04:21,478 --> 00:04:23,393 and I was getting ready to go, and I got back 59 00:04:23,437 --> 00:04:25,308 to my desk, and I saw the message light 60 00:04:25,352 --> 00:04:26,788 flashing on my phone. 61 00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,181 [telephone ringing] 62 00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:33,621 [suspenseful music] 63 00:04:46,068 --> 00:04:47,461 [reporter playing in TV] Two young men apparently 64 00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:49,550 dressed in long black trench coats 65 00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:52,814 opened fire in a school shooting 66 00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:56,513 of what we believe to be up to eight people. 67 00:04:56,557 --> 00:04:57,688 Now there have also been reports 68 00:04:57,732 --> 00:04:59,429 of explosions in the school. 69 00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:01,431 [Sue] He said, "But listen to the television," 70 00:05:01,475 --> 00:05:04,391 and he put the phone apparently by the TV. 71 00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:06,697 And I thought, "What the heck is on television?" 72 00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:08,351 [reporter] Something like that. We're still getting 73 00:05:08,395 --> 00:05:10,005 information in constantly. 74 00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:13,835 [Sue] And I just said, "I'm coming home. 75 00:05:13,878 --> 00:05:15,489 I'm coming home right now." 76 00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:17,795 [dramatic music] 77 00:05:21,843 --> 00:05:23,845 And I could tell from the tone of his voice 78 00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:25,716 that something had happened to one of our kids. 79 00:05:31,679 --> 00:05:33,028 [elevator beeping] 80 00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:49,349 [gentle elevator music] 81 00:06:01,796 --> 00:06:04,233 [dramatic music resumes] 82 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:26,124 [dramatic music abruptly stops] 83 00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:38,093 And this is a journal that Dylan gave me, 84 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:42,706 and it's a... a strange irony 85 00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:44,882 that it's Edvard Munch's The Scream. 86 00:06:44,926 --> 00:06:47,363 But he knew I loved art and he saw this book, 87 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,712 and he got it for me. 88 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:53,717 And this is, uh, April, 21st, 1999. 89 00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:58,287 "Yesterday my life entered the most abhorrent 90 00:06:58,330 --> 00:07:00,811 nightmare anyone could imagine. 91 00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:02,683 I can't even write about it." 92 00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:06,687 And then three days later was the next thing I wrote. 93 00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:08,689 [reporter] Witnesses we talked to on the telephone described 94 00:07:08,732 --> 00:07:11,082 them as members of the trench coat mafia. 95 00:07:11,126 --> 00:07:13,302 These are kids they claim routinely dress 96 00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:14,825 in black trench coats, 97 00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:18,525 and have issued threats before to seek revenge 98 00:07:18,568 --> 00:07:20,701 on any other students that may have made 99 00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:22,137 fun of them along the way. 100 00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:23,965 And there was an exchange of gunfire 101 00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:27,795 a little over 25 minutes ago from the inside out. 102 00:07:27,838 --> 00:07:30,362 We believe that some 1800 students 103 00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:32,321 attend that school right now. 104 00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:35,411 The deputy sheriffs are saying that they believe 105 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,500 there is a good possibility that hostages 106 00:07:37,544 --> 00:07:39,197 are trapped inside. Police are 107 00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:40,634 seriously looking at a theory 108 00:07:40,677 --> 00:07:42,418 right now that the suspects 109 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,551 may actually be students of the school. 110 00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:47,423 [ominous music] 111 00:07:48,293 --> 00:07:49,730 [man] Sir, we're with the police department. 112 00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:51,601 -Are you Tom Klebold? -Yes. 113 00:07:51,645 --> 00:07:53,560 We're in the middle of an active investigation. 114 00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:55,649 Mrs. Klebold, we need you to both exit 115 00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:57,520 the house immediately. 116 00:07:57,564 --> 00:07:58,739 [fading] Step this way... 117 00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:00,305 [Sue] "I was in a major panic. 118 00:08:00,349 --> 00:08:02,264 I was in total disbelief that Dylan 119 00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:04,527 could do such a horrible thing. 120 00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:08,531 I was numb, tears came intermittently. 121 00:08:08,575 --> 00:08:10,490 But I was mostly in shock. 122 00:08:11,621 --> 00:08:15,538 During the siege as we learned of more and more deaths, 123 00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:17,409 I prayed that Dylan would die. 124 00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:24,242 I wanted someone to stop him before anyone else was hurt. 125 00:08:25,592 --> 00:08:27,985 I knew if he were brought out alive, 126 00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:30,640 I could not face the years of imprisonment, 127 00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:32,729 and possibly execution. 128 00:08:32,773 --> 00:08:35,776 I prayed that God would take... 129 00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:39,562 one of my two precious boys and end his life 130 00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:41,172 as quickly as possible." 131 00:08:42,086 --> 00:08:43,000 So. 132 00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:45,481 Yeah. 133 00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:48,266 [somber music] 134 00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:03,934 [Sue] That morning I heard him 135 00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:05,980 bounding down the stairs heavily, 136 00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:07,068 like he was in a hurry. 137 00:09:08,025 --> 00:09:10,288 And I ran to my bedroom door, 138 00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:11,986 I could hear him go past my door, 139 00:09:12,029 --> 00:09:15,032 I opened the door, and I said, "Dyl?" 140 00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:17,339 And at that point, he had gotten to the front door. 141 00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:21,865 When he sort of slammed the door and said, "Goodbye," 142 00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:24,955 I had no idea that I had just heard his voice 143 00:09:24,999 --> 00:09:26,957 for the last time. 144 00:09:27,001 --> 00:09:29,438 I thought something is bothering him, 145 00:09:29,481 --> 00:09:30,613 whatever it is. 146 00:09:30,657 --> 00:09:34,399 I had no concept of the magnitude 147 00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:36,097 of what was about to happen. 148 00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:39,013 [police officer] Jefferson County 911. 149 00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:41,450 Yes, I'm a teacher at Columbine High School. 150 00:09:41,493 --> 00:09:43,191 There is a student here with a gun. 151 00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:44,888 He has shot out a window. 152 00:09:44,932 --> 00:09:46,629 [police officer] Okay, has any been injured, ma'am? 153 00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:48,196 -[teacher] Yes. -[police officer] Okay. 154 00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:49,806 [teacher] And the school is in a panic, 155 00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:52,635 and I'm in the library. 156 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:55,333 Down under the tables, kids! 157 00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:56,596 Kids, under the tables! 158 00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:02,297 [Peter] So, the binders are where I keep important articles, 159 00:10:02,340 --> 00:10:04,473 documents, court records, journals, 160 00:10:04,516 --> 00:10:08,216 everything related to a particular shooter. 161 00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:10,218 And for some shooters, 162 00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:12,960 there's a massive binder, or even two binders. 163 00:10:13,003 --> 00:10:15,049 Others have multiple shooters within one 164 00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:17,529 if there's not a lot of information on them. 165 00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:20,837 Nine of these are relating to Columbine. 166 00:10:26,277 --> 00:10:28,192 You know, at the time that Columbine happened, 167 00:10:28,236 --> 00:10:32,849 I was working in a... psychiatric facility, 168 00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:35,809 a hospital for children and adolescents. 169 00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:39,116 Columbine was April 20th, 1999. 170 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,989 April 30th, just ten days later, 171 00:10:42,032 --> 00:10:44,644 a 16-year-old boy was admitted to the hospital 172 00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:47,821 because he was seen as a Columbine-type risk, 173 00:10:47,864 --> 00:10:50,650 and I was assigned the case to evaluate him. 174 00:10:52,477 --> 00:10:54,784 And not long after that, there was another one, 175 00:10:54,828 --> 00:10:56,307 and then another one. 176 00:10:56,351 --> 00:11:00,094 And I saw a steady trickle 177 00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:01,704 of potential school shooters 178 00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:03,184 coming through the hospital, 179 00:11:03,227 --> 00:11:05,447 and that's how I got into doing this research. 180 00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:08,319 Dylan was one of the most challenging shooters 181 00:11:08,363 --> 00:11:11,409 I've studied to try to understand. 182 00:11:11,453 --> 00:11:14,412 Well, there were people who spoke about Dylan 183 00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:17,415 as like the sweetest, cutest little boy 184 00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:18,852 you could ever meet. 185 00:11:18,895 --> 00:11:21,289 And one of his own friends described him as, 186 00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:23,813 "The least violent person I ever knew." 187 00:11:26,990 --> 00:11:28,688 [man 1] No, they actually were really nice people 188 00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,515 who just liked having a good time. 189 00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:31,952 [man 2] I really got to know the guys. 190 00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:35,390 They were pretty nice people. 191 00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:37,087 [woman] Guys, they gave us the image 192 00:11:37,131 --> 00:11:40,090 of being full of cotton fuzz. 193 00:11:40,134 --> 00:11:41,875 I mean, they were the sweetest guys 194 00:11:41,918 --> 00:11:43,354 on the face of the Earth. 195 00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:47,750 [Peter] So, the enigma was, "How does someone go 196 00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:50,187 from being the least violent person 197 00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:52,189 to committing mass murder?" 198 00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:54,583 [Lisa] Yeah, the first thing you want to know is, "Where were the parents? 199 00:11:54,626 --> 00:11:55,802 What were the parents doing, 200 00:11:55,845 --> 00:11:57,542 or how did they try to prevent this? 201 00:11:57,586 --> 00:11:59,849 How could your kid possibly be making a bomb 202 00:11:59,893 --> 00:12:01,764 in the garage and you don't know? 203 00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:03,766 How could they have access to that many guns, 204 00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,942 -and you didn't notice?" -[woman] They are in the garage 205 00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:08,379 making these things, where the hell were their parents? 206 00:12:08,423 --> 00:12:09,337 [man] How do you have 207 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:10,860 a 15-year-old son 208 00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:12,819 in your basement making bombs 209 00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:14,995 dressed in black trench coats, 210 00:12:15,038 --> 00:12:17,998 part of this subculture, and not know it? 211 00:12:22,654 --> 00:12:24,221 [Lisa] You want to be able to say, 212 00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:25,614 "Yes, it was your fault. 213 00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:28,312 If only you had punished them that day, 214 00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:30,314 not punished them that day." 215 00:12:30,358 --> 00:12:34,536 "They had this philosophy of television and the internet, 216 00:12:34,579 --> 00:12:37,147 or hadthat philosophy of television or the internet?" 217 00:12:39,236 --> 00:12:42,022 Sir, can we help you find what you're looking for? 218 00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:44,328 No, ma'am, you just got to wait here. 219 00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:51,771 [Lisa] So, if no one ever again does what you did, 220 00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:53,076 then it will never happen again, 221 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,774 and that will make me safe. 222 00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:56,471 That will make my children safe. 223 00:12:59,169 --> 00:13:01,476 [somber music] 224 00:13:03,565 --> 00:13:06,046 [Lisa] We need to blame. 225 00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:08,788 Blame makes things logical. 226 00:13:14,315 --> 00:13:16,491 [Sue] And I finally turned to somebody and said, 227 00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:19,624 "Is my son dead?" 228 00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:21,104 And he said, "Yes." 229 00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:27,632 And I said, "Can you tell me how he died?" 230 00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:29,809 And he said, "No, I can't." 231 00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:31,375 And I don't know if he didn't know 232 00:13:31,419 --> 00:13:33,551 or if he wasn't allowed to tell me. 233 00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:37,381 But that sort of... finally was confirmation 234 00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:39,601 that Dylan was gone. 235 00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:48,218 [dispatcher talking on radio] 236 00:13:56,139 --> 00:13:58,402 ...a few personal items, 237 00:13:58,446 --> 00:13:59,882 [inaudible] 238 00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:01,405 Just walk with me. 239 00:14:01,449 --> 00:14:03,407 [somber music] 240 00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:37,354 [alarm beeping] 241 00:14:39,052 --> 00:14:40,967 [gentle music] 242 00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:42,707 [Sue] It would take years for me 243 00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,796 to put all this together to understand 244 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,059 really what happened. 245 00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:47,887 I didn't even get a police report 246 00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:50,193 until six months after to know what had happened. 247 00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:52,065 Up until that point, 248 00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:53,718 all the things I was reading in the paper, 249 00:14:53,762 --> 00:14:55,590 there was so much that was false, 250 00:14:55,633 --> 00:14:58,158 I was clinging to the fact that maybe they were wrong 251 00:14:58,201 --> 00:14:59,333 about Dylan being there. 252 00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:01,465 I was really very much in denial. 253 00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:05,687 So, it began a long, long journey for me to, 254 00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,471 one layer at a time, 255 00:15:07,515 --> 00:15:11,040 to try to accept what had happened, 256 00:15:11,084 --> 00:15:14,609 have that knowledge and still go on living and, um, loving, 257 00:15:14,652 --> 00:15:17,699 and it just took a lot of work and a lot of time. 258 00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:24,097 I started writing about this because I thought, 259 00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:26,534 we all thought, that when you look back, 260 00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:28,057 when you really dig in, 261 00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:31,321 when you go through life in those houses 262 00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:33,715 that these kids grew up in, you'll find something, 263 00:15:33,758 --> 00:15:35,369 you'll find warning signs. 264 00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:41,810 People blamed the Harrises and the Klebolds 265 00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:45,988 because everyone believes 266 00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:50,036 that... you have to recognize a monster 267 00:15:50,079 --> 00:15:52,038 when it lives with you. 268 00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:55,606 I think one of the things we may have learned 269 00:15:55,650 --> 00:15:58,609 in the 20 years since then is that that's not true. 270 00:16:08,663 --> 00:16:10,882 [Sue] One of the hardest things I still do 271 00:16:10,926 --> 00:16:13,363 is visit the memorials. 272 00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,803 [birds chirping] 273 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,688 [Sue] It's hard enough to cope 274 00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:35,081 with the loss of your own child, 275 00:16:35,124 --> 00:16:36,821 but when you think of your own child 276 00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:39,520 doing as much harm, 277 00:16:39,563 --> 00:16:45,308 it's... almost too much to bear sometimes. 278 00:16:57,451 --> 00:16:59,235 And these children and this teacher, 279 00:16:59,279 --> 00:17:01,150 they didn't die, they were killed 280 00:17:01,194 --> 00:17:03,326 by my son and his friend, 281 00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:07,809 and that's... that's the horrible hard part to live with. 282 00:17:12,509 --> 00:17:15,556 There was always this sense of my own failure. 283 00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:18,211 I was thinking, I didn't listen well enough, 284 00:17:18,254 --> 00:17:19,473 I didn't teach, 285 00:17:19,516 --> 00:17:21,083 but Dylan was taught right and wrong 286 00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:23,955 in every conceivable way. 287 00:17:23,999 --> 00:17:26,088 And Dylan was the kind of person 288 00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:27,394 who helped his friends. 289 00:17:27,437 --> 00:17:29,700 He'd stop and run and go get a can of gas 290 00:17:29,744 --> 00:17:30,788 for a stranger. 291 00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:32,921 He was a nice person. 292 00:17:32,964 --> 00:17:36,751 We never had a bad teacher conference. 293 00:17:36,794 --> 00:17:40,320 He was always a good student and had friends 294 00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:44,454 and interests and, you know, he was just-- he was a pleasure. 295 00:17:44,498 --> 00:17:46,195 He was a joy. 296 00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:47,675 And a child like that makes you feel 297 00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:49,590 like a fabulous parent. 298 00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:52,027 I mean, I thought I was just the greatest thing 299 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,637 because look at this kid, 300 00:17:53,681 --> 00:17:55,552 does everything right. 301 00:17:55,596 --> 00:17:56,466 Yeah. 302 00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:58,773 [somber music] 303 00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,350 [thudding] 304 00:18:21,187 --> 00:18:22,840 [father] Get that in the center of the table, 305 00:18:22,884 --> 00:18:24,146 that'd be good. 306 00:18:26,975 --> 00:18:28,933 [muffled whirring] 307 00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:43,905 [father] I guess I'm the only one who wants to eat. 308 00:18:43,948 --> 00:18:45,428 [laughs] 309 00:18:55,221 --> 00:18:57,701 [spitting] 310 00:18:57,745 --> 00:18:59,268 [water splashing] 311 00:19:05,927 --> 00:19:09,931 [Sue] It's nice to remember him as a happy child, 312 00:19:09,974 --> 00:19:13,413 and such a busy, productive child. He wasn't a kind of a kid that would sit 313 00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:16,111 around and waste time and say, "I'm bored." 314 00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,157 He was always doing something. 315 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,159 He always was building something. 316 00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:22,378 He started doing origami in third grade. 317 00:19:22,422 --> 00:19:23,684 As fast as he could, 318 00:19:23,727 --> 00:19:25,555 he would make these little origami figures, 319 00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:28,428 and they would be wrinkled and crooked, 320 00:19:28,471 --> 00:19:32,214 but he would have memorized 60, 70 folds. 321 00:19:32,258 --> 00:19:33,476 And he'd remember how to do them 322 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,174 and could do them without the book nearby. 323 00:19:35,217 --> 00:19:37,176 I thought it was pretty remarkable. As usual, 324 00:19:37,219 --> 00:19:39,526 I was incredibly proud of everything he did. 325 00:19:46,794 --> 00:19:50,276 This was us going on a train at Georgetown, 326 00:19:50,319 --> 00:19:53,192 and it's just Dylan and me sitting together. 327 00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:55,455 And of course, I'm looking at him because I always was. 328 00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:56,630 I thought he was so adorable. 329 00:19:56,673 --> 00:19:58,327 And he was having a good time. 330 00:19:58,371 --> 00:20:00,938 This is a cute picture of Dylan. 331 00:20:00,982 --> 00:20:03,245 He was at his brother's birthday party. 332 00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:04,812 And here you could just see what a normal, 333 00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:06,335 goofy kid he was. He was 334 00:20:06,379 --> 00:20:08,207 yukking it up with the kids. 335 00:20:20,044 --> 00:20:21,394 [Sue] And here he is as a teenager. 336 00:20:21,437 --> 00:20:23,483 He was 15 in this picture playing cards 337 00:20:23,526 --> 00:20:25,093 with the family. 338 00:20:25,136 --> 00:20:27,226 And that was before he let his hair grow long. 339 00:20:27,269 --> 00:20:29,097 He was actually quite handsome with short hair, 340 00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:30,490 I wish he'd kept it short. 341 00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:33,493 Normal family stuff. 342 00:20:33,536 --> 00:20:36,235 And this was the last picture that was taken 343 00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:39,325 of our family, taken a few weeks before he died. 344 00:20:39,368 --> 00:20:40,630 We were at a restaurant. 345 00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,767 [Lisa] It's amazing how much people got wrong about Columbine. 346 00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:50,118 The first take on a shooting is almost 347 00:20:50,161 --> 00:20:51,946 never completely right. 348 00:20:51,989 --> 00:20:54,949 And in this case, the things we thought we knew 349 00:20:54,992 --> 00:21:00,476 had pretty much nothing to do with why these kids 350 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,261 went and shot up the school. 351 00:21:04,785 --> 00:21:05,916 [reporter 1] Students say they were members 352 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:07,570 of a small group of outcasts 353 00:21:07,614 --> 00:21:09,355 known as the Trench Coat Mafia. 354 00:21:09,398 --> 00:21:10,965 [reporter 2] So-called Trench Coat Mafia. 355 00:21:11,008 --> 00:21:12,314 [reporter 3] Trench Coat Mafia. 356 00:21:12,358 --> 00:21:14,011 [guy] They practiced satanic rituals. 357 00:21:15,143 --> 00:21:17,014 [rock music] 358 00:21:18,886 --> 00:21:21,280 [reporter 1] ...say the gunmen went after classmates who had made 359 00:21:21,323 --> 00:21:23,107 fun of them in the past. 360 00:21:23,151 --> 00:21:25,109 [reporter 2] And in this case, we see kids 361 00:21:25,153 --> 00:21:27,721 who don't have strong social ties. 362 00:21:27,764 --> 00:21:30,027 [reporter 3] These gunmen were going into the school 363 00:21:30,071 --> 00:21:32,639 to single out individuals. 364 00:21:32,682 --> 00:21:35,163 [reporter 4] The gunmen were described as Gothic freaks. 365 00:21:35,206 --> 00:21:36,817 [reporter 5] With police saying the boys may have been 366 00:21:36,860 --> 00:21:39,820 part of a dark underground national phenomenon 367 00:21:39,863 --> 00:21:42,692 known as the Gothic movement. 368 00:21:42,736 --> 00:21:46,087 The first assumption was Goth and, 369 00:21:46,130 --> 00:21:47,958 and that led to, "And how could their parents 370 00:21:48,002 --> 00:21:49,830 not have noticed?" Because all these things 371 00:21:49,873 --> 00:21:52,354 that, that everyone thought 372 00:21:52,398 --> 00:21:55,183 was happening to them and led to the shooting 373 00:21:55,226 --> 00:21:57,359 were things that should have been visual and obvious, 374 00:21:57,403 --> 00:21:59,448 and so, "How could the parents not have known?" 375 00:21:59,492 --> 00:22:01,885 Parents started suing each other. 376 00:22:01,929 --> 00:22:05,280 The parents of the victims in places 377 00:22:05,324 --> 00:22:08,414 like Columbine and Paducah and Jonesboro, 378 00:22:08,457 --> 00:22:11,504 all started bringing lawsuits against the parents 379 00:22:11,547 --> 00:22:12,679 of the shooters. 380 00:22:14,507 --> 00:22:16,726 Michael Carneal was accused of shooting 381 00:22:16,770 --> 00:22:18,380 at Paducah high school, 382 00:22:18,424 --> 00:22:23,298 and his parents and he both walked lawyers 383 00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:25,648 through almost every minute of every day 384 00:22:25,692 --> 00:22:27,128 before the shooting. 385 00:22:27,171 --> 00:22:30,174 And it was so banal. 386 00:22:30,218 --> 00:22:31,567 It was so mundane. 387 00:22:31,611 --> 00:22:33,526 You saw what the parents saw, 388 00:22:33,569 --> 00:22:35,919 and they thought they were having Thanksgiving. 389 00:22:35,963 --> 00:22:38,139 And then you saw it from Michael's point of view. 390 00:22:38,182 --> 00:22:40,228 And when the parents thought he was off riding 391 00:22:40,271 --> 00:22:41,534 his bike around the neighborhood, 392 00:22:41,577 --> 00:22:44,232 he was off stealing guns and hiding them. 393 00:22:44,275 --> 00:22:48,192 But there was nothing that a parent 394 00:22:48,236 --> 00:22:51,195 would have seen or might have done, 395 00:22:51,239 --> 00:22:52,675 and that was terrifying. 396 00:23:02,598 --> 00:23:04,165 If it were something you could identify 397 00:23:04,208 --> 00:23:05,862 about bad parenting, then yes, 398 00:23:05,906 --> 00:23:08,212 suing the parents and holding them responsible 399 00:23:08,256 --> 00:23:09,692 would keep other parents from doing it. 400 00:23:09,736 --> 00:23:13,000 But there wasn't anything that you could hold 401 00:23:13,043 --> 00:23:15,394 parents accountable for and make sure 402 00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:17,613 that no other parent ever did it. 403 00:23:17,657 --> 00:23:20,268 Yes, there are always questions for the parents, 404 00:23:20,311 --> 00:23:22,401 but sometimes there are also answers, 405 00:23:22,444 --> 00:23:25,491 and as a society, we, we can't handle them. 406 00:23:25,534 --> 00:23:27,493 We don't want to hear them. We don't want to hear that 407 00:23:27,536 --> 00:23:31,410 yes, your kid actually can make a bomb in the garage, 408 00:23:31,453 --> 00:23:33,803 and you might not notice. 409 00:23:33,847 --> 00:23:36,284 We don't want that to be true. 410 00:23:36,327 --> 00:23:38,460 [TV playing] 411 00:23:39,809 --> 00:23:41,376 [commentator] Injured Bronco on the play. 412 00:23:42,595 --> 00:23:44,335 Watch Jamal Anderson here. 413 00:23:44,379 --> 00:23:46,512 In fact, watch his left knee. 414 00:23:46,555 --> 00:23:48,862 [fading] It's very important... 415 00:23:48,905 --> 00:23:51,778 [somber music] 416 00:24:04,965 --> 00:24:08,098 Whoa! 417 00:24:11,145 --> 00:24:12,320 Woo! 418 00:24:17,194 --> 00:24:19,370 [muffled TV playing] 419 00:25:10,378 --> 00:25:13,163 [commentator] John Elway could play another ten years. 420 00:25:13,207 --> 00:25:16,689 Rod Smith being replaced by Eugene Robinson. 421 00:25:18,908 --> 00:25:21,998 [Lisa] You can be the best parent and your kid 422 00:25:22,042 --> 00:25:24,523 can still go off the rails, 423 00:25:24,566 --> 00:25:26,612 your kid can do terrible things. 424 00:25:26,655 --> 00:25:30,354 And you can't always predict them or prevent them, 425 00:25:30,398 --> 00:25:34,750 and that is a really, really scary thing as a parent, 426 00:25:34,794 --> 00:25:37,361 that you can do the best you can, 427 00:25:37,405 --> 00:25:40,321 and it could still go so completely wrong. 428 00:25:48,590 --> 00:25:53,247 [Sue] Dylan had a cluster of trouble in his junior year. 429 00:25:53,290 --> 00:25:55,292 There was some vandalism at school, 430 00:25:55,336 --> 00:25:56,598 he scratched a locker. 431 00:25:56,642 --> 00:25:57,947 Now years later, 432 00:25:57,991 --> 00:26:00,733 I read that he had written a swear word. 433 00:26:00,776 --> 00:26:02,082 I didn't know that at the time, 434 00:26:02,125 --> 00:26:03,910 we thought it was just a scratch. 435 00:26:05,128 --> 00:26:07,304 Another thing that occurred at about the same time 436 00:26:07,348 --> 00:26:09,655 was he and his friends hacked into the computer 437 00:26:09,698 --> 00:26:11,613 school system and figured out how to get 438 00:26:11,657 --> 00:26:13,876 to the locker combinations. 439 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:15,530 And then at about that same time, 440 00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:19,055 he and Eric, his friend, ended up stealing 441 00:26:19,099 --> 00:26:21,057 some equipment from a van that was parked 442 00:26:21,101 --> 00:26:24,452 on a country road down near where our house was. 443 00:26:26,236 --> 00:26:29,196 All those things happened in a cluster. 444 00:26:29,239 --> 00:26:33,113 And I was trying to keep the ship steered, 445 00:26:33,156 --> 00:26:35,028 figure out what was going wrong. 446 00:26:36,159 --> 00:26:38,771 I remember talking with other friends, 447 00:26:38,814 --> 00:26:41,556 family members, parents, and they said, 448 00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,079 "Oh, you should have seen the stuff I did 449 00:26:43,123 --> 00:26:44,472 when I was in high school," 450 00:26:44,515 --> 00:26:45,647 and, "Dylan's a good kid, 451 00:26:45,691 --> 00:26:47,823 he would never do anything wrong." 452 00:26:47,867 --> 00:26:50,304 And we talked about it, and at the time, 453 00:26:50,347 --> 00:26:52,698 I said, "Dylan, I'm worried, I don't know what this means. 454 00:26:52,741 --> 00:26:55,744 I think maybe you need to see a counselor." 455 00:26:55,788 --> 00:26:57,920 He said, "I don't want to go to a counselor, 456 00:26:57,964 --> 00:27:00,488 and I will prove to you that I'm okay." 457 00:27:00,531 --> 00:27:03,099 And I said, "Well, okay, you know, you prove to me, 458 00:27:03,143 --> 00:27:04,405 that sounds good." And he did. 459 00:27:04,448 --> 00:27:06,015 He didn't get in trouble anymore 460 00:27:06,059 --> 00:27:08,409 for the remaining 14 months of his life. 461 00:27:09,410 --> 00:27:11,542 People would say, "How could you not know, 462 00:27:11,586 --> 00:27:13,544 how could you not see this?" 463 00:27:13,588 --> 00:27:17,113 The behavior that I saw three days before his death 464 00:27:17,157 --> 00:27:19,333 was him going to a prom, 465 00:27:19,376 --> 00:27:22,118 six couples in a limousine going out to dinner, 466 00:27:22,162 --> 00:27:24,294 dancing, coming home and telling me 467 00:27:24,338 --> 00:27:27,080 he'd had the best time of his life, 468 00:27:27,123 --> 00:27:29,256 thanking me for making it possible. 469 00:27:30,518 --> 00:27:32,346 That was what I saw. 470 00:27:32,389 --> 00:27:36,002 And when he did what he did, 471 00:27:36,045 --> 00:27:39,353 everyone had the expectation that, that he would have 472 00:27:39,396 --> 00:27:43,313 been showing these behaviors to us as parents, but he wasn't. 473 00:27:43,357 --> 00:27:45,751 And I don't think there are people, to this day, 474 00:27:45,794 --> 00:27:47,448 who still really accept that. 475 00:27:51,931 --> 00:27:54,411 [Liza] Sue Klebold's experience with her son, 476 00:27:54,455 --> 00:27:56,631 if there were signs there, and we could say, "Oh, 477 00:27:56,675 --> 00:27:58,981 you know, in hindsight, in the post-mortem analysis, 478 00:27:59,025 --> 00:28:00,853 we can see all of these things." 479 00:28:00,896 --> 00:28:02,942 That's not the life that parents are living, right? 480 00:28:02,985 --> 00:28:05,074 That's not your day-to-day with your child. 481 00:28:05,118 --> 00:28:06,685 I see the same thing with Nancy Lanza. 482 00:28:06,728 --> 00:28:09,078 People say, "Well, how on earth could she have 483 00:28:09,122 --> 00:28:10,950 gone out and shot guns with him?" 484 00:28:12,168 --> 00:28:14,823 But Nancy's son hadn't shown violent behavior, 485 00:28:14,867 --> 00:28:17,130 and so how are you supposed to guess, right? 486 00:28:17,173 --> 00:28:18,914 You're not supposed to guess that your child 487 00:28:18,958 --> 00:28:21,047 is going to do something unspeakably violent. 488 00:28:21,090 --> 00:28:22,526 That's not what being a parent is. 489 00:28:23,527 --> 00:28:27,836 I was constantly aware that people were judging me, 490 00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,621 and I was afraid, I was afraid of facing the media, 491 00:28:30,665 --> 00:28:33,363 I was afraid of being attacked, I was afraid, 492 00:28:33,407 --> 00:28:36,627 I was afraid every day for years. 493 00:28:40,762 --> 00:28:44,070 [gentle music] 494 00:29:43,390 --> 00:29:46,219 [Sue] I stopped counting. 495 00:29:46,262 --> 00:29:48,482 [sniffs] It's 3600 letters. 496 00:29:49,962 --> 00:29:54,140 And letters were coming to me from all over the world, 497 00:29:54,183 --> 00:29:56,795 and have come to me from all over the world. 498 00:29:56,838 --> 00:29:59,536 I gave permission to anybody and everybody 499 00:29:59,580 --> 00:30:01,843 who knew me to protect me, 500 00:30:01,887 --> 00:30:04,933 "Please, if you don't mind opening these letters, 501 00:30:04,977 --> 00:30:08,632 I don't mind, please take out anything 502 00:30:08,676 --> 00:30:12,027 that is hateful because I can't bear 503 00:30:12,071 --> 00:30:14,203 to hear it anymore." 504 00:30:14,247 --> 00:30:16,684 [somber music] 505 00:30:34,528 --> 00:30:36,791 [Sue] And I won't even talk about what they said 506 00:30:36,835 --> 00:30:38,097 or what they sent, 507 00:30:38,140 --> 00:30:40,708 but they were so hurtful and destructive. 508 00:30:40,751 --> 00:30:45,408 But I kept them for many years. 509 00:30:45,452 --> 00:30:47,106 And when the time came to destroy them, 510 00:30:47,149 --> 00:30:48,324 I shredded them all. 511 00:30:48,368 --> 00:30:49,760 [whirring] 512 00:30:54,678 --> 00:30:57,899 I think the worst day I had post-Columbine 513 00:30:57,943 --> 00:31:02,251 was the day... that I finally got to see 514 00:31:02,295 --> 00:31:04,688 the Columbine police report. 515 00:31:04,732 --> 00:31:07,430 I had progressed in my grief up to a point, 516 00:31:07,474 --> 00:31:10,390 it's six months, where I was trying to manage 517 00:31:10,433 --> 00:31:12,914 just putting one foot in front of the other, 518 00:31:12,958 --> 00:31:16,439 try to get through each day, try to breathe, 519 00:31:16,483 --> 00:31:18,267 try to eat, try to sleep. 520 00:31:19,181 --> 00:31:21,227 And I had some kind of a construct 521 00:31:21,270 --> 00:31:22,837 for what had really happened. 522 00:31:22,881 --> 00:31:26,406 "Dylan was coerced into this, he was tricked," 523 00:31:26,449 --> 00:31:28,930 you know, "He was brainwashed," all these things, 524 00:31:28,974 --> 00:31:30,758 I had all these questions about that, 525 00:31:30,801 --> 00:31:33,892 and I remember, uh, one of the investigators just saying, 526 00:31:33,935 --> 00:31:36,895 "Hold your questions, let us do our presentation." 527 00:31:36,938 --> 00:31:39,419 That was the day where I saw the basement tapes 528 00:31:39,462 --> 00:31:41,769 and learned what really happened. 529 00:31:43,118 --> 00:31:47,557 That was the day when I had to face the fact 530 00:31:47,601 --> 00:31:50,778 that Dylan was not there accidentally. 531 00:31:51,779 --> 00:31:53,868 And when I saw Dylan on tape, 532 00:31:53,912 --> 00:31:56,523 I had to really face the decadence, 533 00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:58,481 the destruction, 534 00:32:00,483 --> 00:32:01,963 the hatred. 535 00:32:02,007 --> 00:32:05,184 It was so horrible to think of my son, 536 00:32:05,227 --> 00:32:08,535 to envision him really doing those things and saying those things. 537 00:32:08,578 --> 00:32:11,625 And an explosion had gone off and I'd been blown back 538 00:32:11,668 --> 00:32:13,888 into the past to have to re-grieve, 539 00:32:13,932 --> 00:32:17,413 reinvent my son, 540 00:32:17,457 --> 00:32:19,241 my relationship, myself. 541 00:32:19,285 --> 00:32:22,244 It was just horrible. 542 00:32:30,296 --> 00:32:32,776 And I was angry at Dylan after I saw those tapes. 543 00:32:32,820 --> 00:32:36,955 I was angry. I thought, you little, so-and-so, to-- 544 00:32:36,998 --> 00:32:40,001 after the life you have had and the love that you had 545 00:32:40,045 --> 00:32:42,830 to be so ungrateful and so cruel, 546 00:32:42,873 --> 00:32:45,789 so hateful, and so racist, and all these things. 547 00:32:45,833 --> 00:32:46,965 I was angry. 548 00:32:48,270 --> 00:32:51,099 But it was after that that I saw his writings. 549 00:32:51,143 --> 00:32:54,146 I knew I was going to be talking to Sue Klebold. 550 00:32:56,322 --> 00:32:59,325 The call was arranged through a, a third party. 551 00:33:00,891 --> 00:33:04,286 And it was a very difficult question to answer, 552 00:33:04,330 --> 00:33:06,941 because her first question to me was, 553 00:33:06,985 --> 00:33:08,856 "What happened to Dylan?" 554 00:33:10,466 --> 00:33:13,643 And I was very aware that here I was, 555 00:33:13,687 --> 00:33:16,385 someone who had never met Dylan, 556 00:33:16,429 --> 00:33:18,431 talking to the woman who gave birth to him 557 00:33:18,474 --> 00:33:20,607 and raised him and saw him every day, 558 00:33:21,651 --> 00:33:25,133 and she was asking me to explain her own son. 559 00:33:25,177 --> 00:33:27,570 And then when I talked to Sue, I talked about Dylan 560 00:33:27,614 --> 00:33:29,703 seeming to lose touch with reality. 561 00:33:30,747 --> 00:33:33,272 And I also phrased it in terms of, you know, 562 00:33:33,315 --> 00:33:35,013 when he did what he did, 563 00:33:35,056 --> 00:33:37,189 he was not really in his right mind. 564 00:33:37,232 --> 00:33:40,148 He was not the Dylan that she had known and raised. 565 00:33:41,584 --> 00:33:44,283 In Dylan's journal, he wrote about... 566 00:33:44,326 --> 00:33:48,026 having the worst existence in history, 567 00:33:48,069 --> 00:33:50,767 like suffering more than anyone has ever suffered. 568 00:33:55,250 --> 00:33:56,773 And he wrote about death as being 569 00:33:56,817 --> 00:33:59,124 some sort of a freeing experience, 570 00:33:59,167 --> 00:34:00,995 like he would break free, 571 00:34:01,039 --> 00:34:03,215 and that would be a good thing to escape 572 00:34:03,258 --> 00:34:05,391 this earthly existence. 573 00:34:05,434 --> 00:34:06,305 So, in this passage, 574 00:34:06,348 --> 00:34:07,958 you see some of Dylan's... 575 00:34:09,699 --> 00:34:14,182 um, anguish and sense of being isolated from others. 576 00:34:14,226 --> 00:34:15,923 He writes, "Everyone," underlined, 577 00:34:15,966 --> 00:34:18,926 "Knows everyone, I swear. 578 00:34:21,581 --> 00:34:22,886 Like I'm an outcast, and everyone 579 00:34:22,930 --> 00:34:25,367 is conspiring against me." 580 00:34:25,411 --> 00:34:27,717 So, he's not only feeling like an outcast, 581 00:34:28,849 --> 00:34:31,634 but there's a paranoid flavor to what he says. 582 00:34:33,114 --> 00:34:35,638 He was not always easy to make sense of. 583 00:34:37,858 --> 00:34:40,556 Up here he originally wrote, "Dylan Klebold." 584 00:34:41,601 --> 00:34:43,298 Then he crossed it out, wrote, 585 00:34:43,342 --> 00:34:46,127 "Fuck that," and wrote, "Me," 586 00:34:46,171 --> 00:34:49,304 underneath where he had written Dylan Klebold. 587 00:34:49,348 --> 00:34:50,784 So, it's one of those places where 588 00:34:50,827 --> 00:34:53,395 it's as if he's saying he's not Dylan, 589 00:34:53,439 --> 00:34:55,093 that Dylan is somebody else. 590 00:34:55,136 --> 00:34:58,487 He's me, but he's not Dylan Klebold anymore. 591 00:34:59,836 --> 00:35:01,534 I went through this journal for months. 592 00:35:05,494 --> 00:35:09,019 There's an intersection between suicide and homicide. 593 00:35:10,195 --> 00:35:12,936 Now most people who are suicidal are not homicidal, 594 00:35:12,980 --> 00:35:15,983 but a fairly high percentage of those who are homicidal 595 00:35:16,026 --> 00:35:18,116 are also suicidal. 596 00:35:18,159 --> 00:35:19,552 People who are willing to kill others 597 00:35:19,595 --> 00:35:23,773 are often willing and desire to die themselves. 598 00:35:29,388 --> 00:35:35,045 And when I saw his writings and I saw his longing, 599 00:35:35,089 --> 00:35:38,701 his talking about his agony and his pain, 600 00:35:39,789 --> 00:35:43,445 that's when things started to feel more 601 00:35:43,489 --> 00:35:46,709 like... a suicide picture 602 00:35:46,753 --> 00:35:48,320 than just a murderer. 603 00:35:50,670 --> 00:35:53,499 I came to the conclusion in my own mind 604 00:35:53,542 --> 00:35:57,764 that Dylan's wish to die was very much 605 00:35:57,807 --> 00:36:00,114 why he was taking part in this shooting 606 00:36:00,158 --> 00:36:01,420 in the first place. 607 00:36:02,899 --> 00:36:04,771 I'm sure there are some who would disagree with that, 608 00:36:04,814 --> 00:36:07,730 and who would just say Dylan was evil. 609 00:36:07,774 --> 00:36:10,820 But I, having known Dylan all of his life, 610 00:36:10,864 --> 00:36:13,301 from the time he was a little lad, 611 00:36:13,345 --> 00:36:16,086 no, I believe that something was operating 612 00:36:16,130 --> 00:36:19,307 that impaired his ability to access those tools 613 00:36:19,351 --> 00:36:23,572 that he had of empathy and judgment and hope, 614 00:36:23,616 --> 00:36:26,009 and all the things that, that we would rely on 615 00:36:26,053 --> 00:36:28,708 to get us out of a suicidal crisis. 616 00:36:28,751 --> 00:36:30,231 But he ended up there. 617 00:36:34,757 --> 00:36:37,282 [somber music] 618 00:37:11,316 --> 00:37:14,144 [priest muffled] I want you to feel the power of his love... 619 00:37:59,364 --> 00:38:01,322 [Lisa] I don't know how to fix it. 620 00:38:01,366 --> 00:38:03,150 I know that as a reporter, 621 00:38:03,193 --> 00:38:04,325 I've now been covering these things 622 00:38:04,369 --> 00:38:08,111 for 20-some odd years and... 623 00:38:08,155 --> 00:38:09,287 [sighs] 624 00:38:10,592 --> 00:38:11,680 ...there's a certain kind of grief that comes 625 00:38:11,724 --> 00:38:13,987 with covering it for 20-some odd years. 626 00:38:17,251 --> 00:38:19,427 It had gotten to the point for a while 627 00:38:19,471 --> 00:38:21,473 where it was like, "Oh, yeah, another one." 628 00:38:22,909 --> 00:38:25,955 Parkland's shook us out of that. 629 00:38:25,999 --> 00:38:29,655 [crowd murmuring and protesting] 630 00:38:37,358 --> 00:38:39,012 We immediately go to one of two things, 631 00:38:39,055 --> 00:38:40,448 we go to guns, we go to mental illness. 632 00:38:40,492 --> 00:38:42,450 We need to understand 633 00:38:42,494 --> 00:38:43,799 that you need to go to both. 634 00:38:43,843 --> 00:38:46,498 That... it might be 635 00:38:46,541 --> 00:38:48,500 one or the other in some cases, 636 00:38:48,543 --> 00:38:52,895 but I imagine we all agree that in order to take a gun 637 00:38:52,939 --> 00:38:54,680 and shoot up a school, 638 00:38:54,723 --> 00:39:00,381 you have to have something that's, that's gone wrong 639 00:39:00,425 --> 00:39:02,078 in your wiring. 640 00:39:02,905 --> 00:39:05,560 [Liza] Whatever lessons we should have learned from Columbine, 641 00:39:05,604 --> 00:39:07,388 I would say unfortunately we did not. 642 00:39:07,432 --> 00:39:09,869 And that's why we keep repeating 643 00:39:09,912 --> 00:39:13,220 this very uniquely American tragedy. 644 00:39:17,224 --> 00:39:18,704 I'm so opposed to violence, 645 00:39:18,747 --> 00:39:20,140 I can't stand violent movies, 646 00:39:20,183 --> 00:39:21,620 we never had guns in our home. 647 00:39:22,621 --> 00:39:26,015 I, I thought, what-- you know, what else could I have done? 648 00:39:28,496 --> 00:39:32,761 I began to have a real desire 649 00:39:32,805 --> 00:39:35,677 to do something about murder-suicide 650 00:39:35,721 --> 00:39:38,288 to try to educate people, to try to speak, 651 00:39:38,332 --> 00:39:40,290 to try to share what I'd learned. 652 00:39:41,553 --> 00:39:44,643 [ominous music] 653 00:39:51,258 --> 00:39:54,827 [Liza] 437 children died in 2013 from childhood leukemia. 654 00:39:54,870 --> 00:39:56,089 That's tragic. 655 00:39:56,132 --> 00:39:58,439 We wouldn't want a single child to die. 656 00:39:58,483 --> 00:40:01,181 And yet in that same year, 2013, 657 00:40:01,224 --> 00:40:05,098 4600 children died by suicide. 658 00:40:05,141 --> 00:40:06,839 Well, if we're looking at the National Institute 659 00:40:06,882 --> 00:40:09,015 of Mental Health for prevalence, their statistics, 660 00:40:09,058 --> 00:40:11,017 we're really talking about one in five children 661 00:40:11,060 --> 00:40:13,411 who will have a severe and debilitating 662 00:40:13,454 --> 00:40:16,196 mental disorder before the age of 18. 663 00:40:16,239 --> 00:40:18,154 So, that's one in five kids. 664 00:40:18,198 --> 00:40:19,721 I always tell this to parents, 665 00:40:19,765 --> 00:40:21,331 I say, "Even if it's not your child, 666 00:40:21,375 --> 00:40:24,683 it's definitely five children in your kid's class." 667 00:40:24,726 --> 00:40:25,988 So, this is an issue for you. 668 00:40:26,032 --> 00:40:27,512 This is an issue for all of us. 669 00:40:27,555 --> 00:40:29,644 And we're seeing those numbers actually 670 00:40:29,688 --> 00:40:32,038 kind of scarily rise. 671 00:40:32,081 --> 00:40:33,692 [woman] ...numbers showing that one 672 00:40:33,735 --> 00:40:36,477 in ten of us is on an antidepressant. 673 00:40:36,521 --> 00:40:38,914 [man] Girls are depressed ever earlier, 674 00:40:38,958 --> 00:40:41,221 are actively attempting suicide 675 00:40:41,264 --> 00:40:43,005 at much higher rates than a decade ago. 676 00:40:43,049 --> 00:40:44,920 [reporter] The CDC put out an alarming 677 00:40:44,964 --> 00:40:46,748 report today on suicide. 678 00:40:46,792 --> 00:40:49,838 fading] Nearly 45,000 Americans took their lives in... 679 00:40:49,882 --> 00:40:52,406 [Liza] My situation is really different from Sue Klebold's. 680 00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:54,190 I have to make that really clear. I had a child 681 00:40:54,234 --> 00:40:55,670 who I knew had a very serious 682 00:40:55,714 --> 00:40:58,891 brain issue from very, very young. 683 00:40:58,934 --> 00:41:04,374 December 14th, 2012 was a day that changed my life. 684 00:41:04,418 --> 00:41:06,725 [police officer] Newtown 911, what's the location of your emergency? 685 00:41:06,768 --> 00:41:08,378 [woman] Sandy Hook School. I think there's somebody 686 00:41:08,422 --> 00:41:10,076 that's shooting in here 687 00:41:10,119 --> 00:41:11,077 at Sandy Hook School. 688 00:41:12,948 --> 00:41:14,428 [Liza] And my first thought was, 689 00:41:15,342 --> 00:41:17,257 "What if that's my son someday?" 690 00:41:19,999 --> 00:41:22,262 So, I wrote that truth, I sent it out into the internet. 691 00:41:22,305 --> 00:41:25,526 I thought I was the only mother in America 692 00:41:25,570 --> 00:41:26,701 who felt that way, who wondered, 693 00:41:26,745 --> 00:41:28,877 "What if that's my son someday?" 694 00:41:34,492 --> 00:41:36,494 Even while it was anonymous, it started 695 00:41:36,537 --> 00:41:38,887 circulating virally, and people were saying, 696 00:41:38,931 --> 00:41:41,542 "Wow, I'm Adam Lanza's mother too. 697 00:41:41,586 --> 00:41:44,153 I'm his father, I'm his sister, I'm his brother, 698 00:41:44,197 --> 00:41:47,896 I'm his school bus driver, I'm his psychiatrist 699 00:41:47,940 --> 00:41:50,899 trying to get this child help, no services." 700 00:41:50,943 --> 00:41:53,293 I was overwhelmed by the response. 701 00:41:53,336 --> 00:41:54,729 For a blog posting by a mother 702 00:41:54,773 --> 00:41:56,644 in Boise, Idaho went viral. 703 00:41:56,688 --> 00:41:59,038 [reporter] But what she wrote about her experience 704 00:41:59,081 --> 00:42:00,909 on her blog reverberated around the country. 705 00:42:00,953 --> 00:42:03,521 Was seen by millions around the world. 706 00:42:04,739 --> 00:42:06,175 [Liza] I wish that I could say things 707 00:42:06,219 --> 00:42:07,655 are improving since Newtown. 708 00:42:07,699 --> 00:42:09,527 I know after Newtown when we talked 709 00:42:09,570 --> 00:42:11,616 about the state of mental health care, we thought, 710 00:42:11,659 --> 00:42:13,661 "Finally, people are going to pay attention. 711 00:42:13,705 --> 00:42:16,359 Finally we may have a chance to improve things for children 712 00:42:16,403 --> 00:42:19,798 and families because of the magnitude of that tragedy." 713 00:42:19,841 --> 00:42:22,235 Uh, so we had hope. We had this great hope. 714 00:42:22,278 --> 00:42:24,846 And now it's been so many years after Newtown, 715 00:42:24,890 --> 00:42:27,501 and we're seeing the same exact stories in the news. 716 00:42:27,545 --> 00:42:29,547 [reporter] Nikolas Cruz confessed to police 717 00:42:29,590 --> 00:42:31,636 that he was the gunman who shot up 718 00:42:31,679 --> 00:42:33,638 Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School here 719 00:42:33,681 --> 00:42:35,640 killing 17 people. 720 00:42:35,683 --> 00:42:37,467 And now questions are swirling... 721 00:42:37,511 --> 00:42:39,600 [fading] about whether warning signs were missed. 722 00:42:39,644 --> 00:42:42,864 [Liza] Numerous well-documented chances 723 00:42:42,908 --> 00:42:45,693 for the system to intervene in that young man's life, 724 00:42:45,737 --> 00:42:47,695 what looks like a pretty clear-cut case 725 00:42:47,739 --> 00:42:50,742 of some serious emotional and behavioral disturbance, 726 00:42:50,785 --> 00:42:52,961 right? That everyone knew about. 727 00:42:53,005 --> 00:42:54,397 The system fails. 728 00:42:54,441 --> 00:42:55,834 Even children who are 729 00:42:55,877 --> 00:42:58,227 identified, who have privilege, 730 00:42:58,271 --> 00:43:01,535 who have access, the system still fails our kids. 731 00:43:01,579 --> 00:43:04,494 And this is the state of mental health care 732 00:43:04,538 --> 00:43:07,410 in America today, it's, uh, failing all of us. 733 00:43:07,454 --> 00:43:10,588 It's failing our communities, our children, our families. 734 00:43:13,895 --> 00:43:17,377 [Tom] I come at this from having spent 13 years 735 00:43:17,420 --> 00:43:19,684 as the director of the National Institute of Mental Health, 736 00:43:19,727 --> 00:43:23,426 which is the federal agency for research 737 00:43:23,470 --> 00:43:24,645 on mental illness. 738 00:43:24,689 --> 00:43:27,648 And the whole mission of that agency 739 00:43:27,692 --> 00:43:30,738 is to improve diagnosis and therapeutics 740 00:43:30,782 --> 00:43:33,088 and to reduce the burden of mental illness. 741 00:43:33,132 --> 00:43:35,656 I would say that in the 13 years I was there, 742 00:43:35,700 --> 00:43:39,486 I spent about $20 billion of taxpayer money 743 00:43:39,529 --> 00:43:41,662 to try to deliver on that mission, 744 00:43:41,706 --> 00:43:43,446 and I think we failed. 745 00:43:46,145 --> 00:43:50,192 [Anthony] We spend more than $3 trillion a year 746 00:43:50,236 --> 00:43:51,977 on health care in this country. 747 00:43:52,020 --> 00:43:56,329 Seventeen percent of our GDP is spent on health care. 748 00:43:56,372 --> 00:44:00,115 And we have about 95% of that money 749 00:44:00,159 --> 00:44:02,030 is spent treating problems. 750 00:44:02,074 --> 00:44:04,337 There's very little spend on prevention. 751 00:44:04,380 --> 00:44:06,382 And most of the problems that we're treating 752 00:44:06,426 --> 00:44:07,949 could have been prevented. 753 00:44:07,993 --> 00:44:10,082 [Peter] And when it comes to prevention, 754 00:44:11,126 --> 00:44:13,172 there's a lot more we can do. 755 00:44:13,215 --> 00:44:14,695 All over the country for years now, 756 00:44:14,739 --> 00:44:17,350 schools have had things in place 757 00:44:17,393 --> 00:44:20,048 like lockdown drills, active shooter drills, 758 00:44:20,092 --> 00:44:21,615 how to survive an active shooter, 759 00:44:21,659 --> 00:44:24,618 run, hide, fight training and all of those things, 760 00:44:24,662 --> 00:44:27,142 and all of those things might save lives, 761 00:44:27,186 --> 00:44:29,536 but none of them are prevention. 762 00:44:29,579 --> 00:44:31,581 All of them are the things you do 763 00:44:31,625 --> 00:44:34,149 after there's an armed intruder in the building. 764 00:44:36,195 --> 00:44:39,067 The reduction in heart attacks and heart disease, 765 00:44:39,111 --> 00:44:43,071 we didn't do that by just training more doctors and, 766 00:44:43,115 --> 00:44:45,378 and more efficient heart surgery methods, 767 00:44:45,421 --> 00:44:47,772 or getting more people trained in CPR. 768 00:44:47,815 --> 00:44:49,687 We reduced heart disease and heart attacks 769 00:44:49,730 --> 00:44:51,471 by focusing on health, by focusing 770 00:44:51,514 --> 00:44:53,168 on jump rope for heart, 771 00:44:53,212 --> 00:44:56,606 and healthy diets, and eat less burgers and get outside. 772 00:44:56,650 --> 00:44:57,956 We focused on health. 773 00:44:57,999 --> 00:44:59,174 But we need to do the same 774 00:44:59,218 --> 00:45:00,523 thing in mental health. 775 00:45:00,567 --> 00:45:02,308 And I think a lot of times when we talk 776 00:45:02,351 --> 00:45:04,440 about that and we say, "Yeah, we need to get upstream," 777 00:45:04,484 --> 00:45:07,095 people will move upstream from here to here, 778 00:45:07,139 --> 00:45:09,358 but they are still just talking about risk factors and warning signs. 779 00:45:09,402 --> 00:45:10,795 And it's not that we shouldn't talk 780 00:45:10,838 --> 00:45:12,013 about risk factors and warning signs, 781 00:45:12,057 --> 00:45:13,754 but we have to have a bigger vision. 782 00:45:15,887 --> 00:45:17,758 One of the ways to think about this is 783 00:45:17,802 --> 00:45:21,806 if every 7th grader learned mindfulness 784 00:45:21,849 --> 00:45:25,113 and some aspects of, uh, reframing and cognitive 785 00:45:25,157 --> 00:45:28,334 behavioral therapy for managing mood 786 00:45:28,377 --> 00:45:30,162 in the same way that they learned soccer 787 00:45:30,205 --> 00:45:32,120 and football and basketball, 788 00:45:32,164 --> 00:45:33,861 I mean, is that something that we should just 789 00:45:33,905 --> 00:45:37,169 build into a fitness campaign? 790 00:45:37,212 --> 00:45:39,954 Now there is an attempt to do this in Australia. 791 00:45:39,998 --> 00:45:42,217 They are planning to do this literally 792 00:45:42,261 --> 00:45:45,830 with 7th graders at population scale. 793 00:45:45,873 --> 00:45:49,659 If you do this for 100,000 7th graders, 794 00:45:49,703 --> 00:45:51,879 what's the long-term impact? 795 00:45:53,576 --> 00:45:56,144 [woman] All children need to be educated about 796 00:45:56,188 --> 00:45:57,667 good mental health practices 797 00:45:57,711 --> 00:46:00,801 and how to maintain them throughout life, 798 00:46:00,845 --> 00:46:03,195 but this requires a willingness 799 00:46:03,238 --> 00:46:05,893 to embrace great social change. 800 00:46:07,373 --> 00:46:09,462 [Tom] I think there's a greater tolerance for this 801 00:46:09,505 --> 00:46:12,291 and a greater understanding of the importance 802 00:46:12,334 --> 00:46:14,075 of this in some other countries. 803 00:46:14,119 --> 00:46:15,729 It's been difficult for us in this country 804 00:46:15,773 --> 00:46:19,602 to understand the importance of mental fitness. 805 00:46:19,646 --> 00:46:22,301 We're very focused on physical fitness still. 806 00:46:22,344 --> 00:46:24,172 [reporter 1] But in America today, 807 00:46:24,216 --> 00:46:26,522 many normally healthy children cannot pass 808 00:46:26,566 --> 00:46:28,481 a simple fitness test. 809 00:46:28,524 --> 00:46:31,310 [reporter 2] Get into a good all-round sports program. 810 00:46:31,353 --> 00:46:33,486 -...right arm up. -Shake. 811 00:46:33,529 --> 00:46:35,227 One, two, three. 812 00:46:35,270 --> 00:46:37,446 [reporter] Speaking of the president and first lady, 813 00:46:37,490 --> 00:46:39,927 Beyoncé is now helping out with their Let's Move 814 00:46:39,971 --> 00:46:42,016 campaign that battles childhood obesity. 815 00:46:42,060 --> 00:46:43,670 ♪ Do, shuffle couple to the right ♪ 816 00:46:43,713 --> 00:46:44,845 ♪ To the left, let's move 817 00:46:44,889 --> 00:46:46,412 ♪ Hey 818 00:46:46,455 --> 00:46:48,544 [commentator] A showdown on stage four, 819 00:46:48,588 --> 00:46:52,635 and that's how you become an American Ninja Warrior. 820 00:46:52,679 --> 00:46:54,855 Just this is just a piece of our health 821 00:46:54,899 --> 00:46:56,770 that is kind of an unexplored territory. 822 00:46:56,814 --> 00:47:00,992 We have not really begun... to, uh, dig in 823 00:47:01,035 --> 00:47:04,038 to what it means to be mentally fit, 824 00:47:04,082 --> 00:47:06,911 and I think that's what we're really talking about here. 825 00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:13,091 So, I was on a local board with Dave Slater 826 00:47:13,134 --> 00:47:15,441 um, a number of years ago, 827 00:47:15,484 --> 00:47:18,618 and, uh, he works at the Dawson School now. 828 00:47:18,661 --> 00:47:20,402 We've been given permission to visit 829 00:47:20,446 --> 00:47:25,320 because they are incorporating a mindfulness program 830 00:47:25,364 --> 00:47:27,845 into their educational classrooms. 831 00:47:27,888 --> 00:47:30,151 And they even go down to the very young grades, 832 00:47:30,195 --> 00:47:32,371 and I'm curious to see how that's handled 833 00:47:32,414 --> 00:47:33,633 at the kindergarten level. 834 00:47:33,676 --> 00:47:35,722 We do mindfulness K-12, 835 00:47:35,765 --> 00:47:38,203 and, you know, we get kids as soon as we can, 836 00:47:38,246 --> 00:47:39,987 but there are huge benefits to doing it 837 00:47:40,031 --> 00:47:41,206 starting it from a young age. 838 00:47:42,250 --> 00:47:44,209 I think it's hard for a lot of people 839 00:47:44,252 --> 00:47:46,037 to recognize the need 840 00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:48,648 to attend to mental health until there's a crisis. 841 00:47:48,691 --> 00:47:49,649 I mean, that was my experience. 842 00:47:49,692 --> 00:47:52,565 Until I landed in the hospital, 843 00:47:52,608 --> 00:47:53,871 I don't think I really accepted 844 00:47:53,914 --> 00:47:55,394 that there was a problem. 845 00:47:55,437 --> 00:47:57,918 But we do this with everything else. 846 00:47:57,962 --> 00:48:00,355 We take our car to the shop for an oil change 847 00:48:00,399 --> 00:48:02,401 before the engine blows up, right? 848 00:48:02,444 --> 00:48:05,012 We rake the leaves in the fall so that, 849 00:48:05,056 --> 00:48:07,145 you know, we don't muck up our flowers or whatever. 850 00:48:07,188 --> 00:48:10,626 Preventative maintenance is an obvious part 851 00:48:10,670 --> 00:48:12,063 of every other part of our lives, 852 00:48:12,106 --> 00:48:14,761 so it should be part of our mental health. 853 00:48:14,804 --> 00:48:16,154 -Amy Criswell. -Hi, Sue Klebold. 854 00:48:16,197 --> 00:48:17,851 -Welcome to Dawson. -Thank you. 855 00:48:21,202 --> 00:48:22,987 [children chattering] 856 00:48:31,343 --> 00:48:33,823 [woman talking over speakers] 857 00:48:33,867 --> 00:48:36,478 Please join me in our Pledge of Allegiance. 858 00:48:39,525 --> 00:48:41,962 I pledge allegiance to the flag 859 00:48:42,006 --> 00:48:44,573 of the United States of America 860 00:48:44,617 --> 00:48:46,662 and to the Republic for which it stands, 861 00:48:46,706 --> 00:48:49,752 one nation under God, indivisible, 862 00:48:49,796 --> 00:48:51,754 with liberty and justice for all. 863 00:48:58,022 --> 00:49:02,504 Um, the first day of school, um, I was kind of scared. 864 00:49:02,548 --> 00:49:04,854 [teacher] Wiggle your thumb if you agree. 865 00:49:04,898 --> 00:49:05,899 [inaudible] 866 00:49:06,813 --> 00:49:08,119 Yeah, friends. 867 00:49:08,162 --> 00:49:10,556 When we try to help our body become calm, 868 00:49:10,599 --> 00:49:13,254 we've talked about ways that we sit, 869 00:49:13,298 --> 00:49:14,864 ways that we breathe. 870 00:49:14,908 --> 00:49:17,215 So, Ryan, what are you doing right now? 871 00:49:17,258 --> 00:49:19,695 -The starfish breathe. -[teacher] Starfish breathing. 872 00:49:19,739 --> 00:49:21,523 So, how do you do starfish breathing? 873 00:49:27,268 --> 00:49:30,793 When you go up, you breathe in. 874 00:49:30,837 --> 00:49:32,708 When you go down, you breathe out. 875 00:49:36,234 --> 00:49:38,279 Sometimes it would nice to take a deep breath and be like, 876 00:49:38,323 --> 00:49:40,064 "Okay, I feel a little nervous right now, 877 00:49:40,107 --> 00:49:41,326 but if I take some deep breaths, 878 00:49:41,369 --> 00:49:43,154 it helps me slow down the thinking." 879 00:49:44,633 --> 00:49:46,505 Does anyone else want to add to that? 880 00:49:46,548 --> 00:49:48,115 Peyton? 881 00:49:48,159 --> 00:49:50,596 So, Ms. Smith said one time 882 00:49:50,639 --> 00:49:52,424 when you're having a monkey mind, 883 00:49:52,467 --> 00:49:55,905 you can let the balloons flow out of your head. 884 00:49:55,949 --> 00:49:58,125 [teacher] And what do the balloons help do? 885 00:49:58,169 --> 00:50:00,736 They help to get rid of some of the thoughts 886 00:50:00,780 --> 00:50:03,565 -you don't need anymore. -[teacher] Yeah. 887 00:50:03,609 --> 00:50:06,699 It's like when you're having tons of thoughts 888 00:50:06,742 --> 00:50:08,005 in your mind. 889 00:50:09,702 --> 00:50:11,530 [teacher] Have you had tons of thoughts in your minds before? 890 00:50:11,573 --> 00:50:12,487 [all] Yeah. 891 00:50:12,531 --> 00:50:14,533 I would-- uh, 892 00:50:14,576 --> 00:50:18,058 somebody says monkey mind, I just get it. 893 00:50:18,102 --> 00:50:19,146 [teacher] You just get it? 894 00:50:20,365 --> 00:50:22,323 [Amy] Before I helped my friend Lena 895 00:50:22,367 --> 00:50:24,456 do the pledge this morning, before I keyed 896 00:50:24,499 --> 00:50:27,850 the mic, she knows to... [exhales] 897 00:50:27,894 --> 00:50:30,984 ...and then she looks at me and gives me a little head nod, and she's a fourth grader 898 00:50:31,028 --> 00:50:32,855 who's been with us since 1st grade. 899 00:50:37,556 --> 00:50:39,819 [gentle xylophone music] 900 00:50:54,964 --> 00:50:57,706 [Sarah] Mental illness, things like schizophrenia, 901 00:50:57,750 --> 00:51:01,014 bipolar, anxiety, are not directly 902 00:51:01,058 --> 00:51:03,408 correlated to violence. 903 00:51:03,451 --> 00:51:06,889 Whether or not somebody has mental wellness is. 904 00:51:11,459 --> 00:51:13,244 Our public health system in our schools 905 00:51:13,287 --> 00:51:16,203 are investing in physical health with things 906 00:51:16,247 --> 00:51:19,685 like recess and good, healthy school lunches, 907 00:51:19,728 --> 00:51:23,167 but how many schools have mental wellness programs? 908 00:51:23,210 --> 00:51:25,691 How many schools do things like mindfulness? 909 00:51:25,734 --> 00:51:27,432 Mindfulness is like the equivalent 910 00:51:27,475 --> 00:51:29,129 of eating a healthy breakfast. 911 00:51:29,173 --> 00:51:31,305 Yet, when we talk about making schools 912 00:51:31,349 --> 00:51:33,525 mentally healthier and mentally well 913 00:51:33,568 --> 00:51:35,614 places for students to be, 914 00:51:35,657 --> 00:51:37,181 there's still opposition to that. 915 00:51:37,224 --> 00:51:40,793 And I think we need to, as a society, get over it. 916 00:51:40,836 --> 00:51:45,537 I don't think we realize how critical mental health 917 00:51:45,580 --> 00:51:49,193 is to the foundation of children's brains. 918 00:51:49,236 --> 00:51:52,065 This is over the top off the scales important. 919 00:51:52,109 --> 00:51:54,937 [gentle music] 920 00:51:57,766 --> 00:51:59,942 [Sarah] So, there's a Nobel laureate economist 921 00:51:59,986 --> 00:52:01,553 named James Heckman, 922 00:52:01,596 --> 00:52:03,120 and Heckman has created something 923 00:52:03,163 --> 00:52:04,860 called the Heckman Equation. 924 00:52:04,904 --> 00:52:08,473 And essentially it's that if we invest a dollar 925 00:52:08,516 --> 00:52:10,953 in early intervention, in early childhood, 926 00:52:10,997 --> 00:52:13,652 in public health that supports young children, 927 00:52:13,695 --> 00:52:16,698 we've saved $13 in both the public 928 00:52:16,742 --> 00:52:19,614 and health care system later on. 929 00:52:19,658 --> 00:52:21,747 In a two-year-old, in a six-month-old, 930 00:52:21,790 --> 00:52:24,184 in a one-year-old, you have got like a million 931 00:52:24,228 --> 00:52:26,708 neurons a second developing, 932 00:52:26,752 --> 00:52:30,538 all of these m-- like millions of neural connections happening. 933 00:52:30,582 --> 00:52:31,974 That's not happening later on in life, 934 00:52:32,018 --> 00:52:33,715 that's not happening in my brain right now. 935 00:52:33,759 --> 00:52:36,501 Early investment needs to match up 936 00:52:36,544 --> 00:52:39,591 with this early brain development that's happening. 937 00:52:39,634 --> 00:52:41,984 And we know that social emotional learning 938 00:52:42,028 --> 00:52:43,812 when it's taught in kindergarten 939 00:52:43,856 --> 00:52:46,641 has an impact on future employment, 940 00:52:46,685 --> 00:52:48,556 has an impact on involvement 941 00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:50,167 in the juvenile justice system, 942 00:52:50,210 --> 00:52:52,473 involvement in the criminal justice system, 943 00:52:52,517 --> 00:52:55,346 in future relationships, in rates of divorce. 944 00:52:55,389 --> 00:52:56,869 I mean, there are so many things 945 00:52:56,912 --> 00:52:59,872 that studies have now shown can go back 946 00:52:59,915 --> 00:53:02,962 to mental wellness in kindergarten. 947 00:53:03,005 --> 00:53:05,573 [gentle music] 948 00:53:32,383 --> 00:53:36,474 [Sue] I tried everything I knew to help my children 949 00:53:36,517 --> 00:53:39,433 grow up so that they could care for themselves. 950 00:53:39,477 --> 00:53:42,523 We learned hygiene, and we learned 951 00:53:42,567 --> 00:53:45,657 sexually transmitted diseases, and speeding, 952 00:53:45,700 --> 00:53:47,180 and drinking and driving, 953 00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:48,660 and snake bite where I lived. 954 00:53:48,703 --> 00:53:50,488 I mean, it was everything I could think of 955 00:53:50,531 --> 00:53:52,403 to keep them safe. 956 00:53:52,446 --> 00:53:54,274 But I didn't think for a moment 957 00:53:54,318 --> 00:54:00,062 that the number two killer of youth was suicide. 958 00:54:00,106 --> 00:54:02,456 That was not on my radar screen. 959 00:54:02,500 --> 00:54:07,766 I never talked about that with my, with Dylan or with my kids. 960 00:54:07,809 --> 00:54:10,334 It wasn't something I thought about, 961 00:54:10,377 --> 00:54:12,901 it wasn't something I knew how to ask about 962 00:54:12,945 --> 00:54:15,730 or I knew how to dialogue about. 963 00:54:15,774 --> 00:54:19,430 And it just was not... there yet. 964 00:54:19,473 --> 00:54:22,998 It was probably the greatest threat that they had. 965 00:54:25,349 --> 00:54:28,047 I remember certainly going to health fairs, 966 00:54:28,090 --> 00:54:30,179 and I'd see a table, and they might have 967 00:54:30,223 --> 00:54:32,617 suicide prevention materials on there. 968 00:54:32,660 --> 00:54:34,140 I would walk right past it, 969 00:54:34,183 --> 00:54:37,186 because I'd say, "This doesn't apply to me. 970 00:54:37,230 --> 00:54:40,320 No one I love would ever die by suicide 971 00:54:40,364 --> 00:54:41,669 because I love them too much, 972 00:54:41,713 --> 00:54:43,671 and I wouldn't let that happen." 973 00:54:44,759 --> 00:54:47,849 I see now that many other people do that too. 974 00:54:47,893 --> 00:54:50,809 They look at my story and they say, 975 00:54:50,852 --> 00:54:52,680 "Well, my son would never do that. 976 00:54:52,724 --> 00:54:55,770 My child would never do something like this." 977 00:54:55,814 --> 00:54:58,686 And they kind of dismiss anything I might have to say 978 00:54:58,730 --> 00:55:02,081 because they think it doesn't apply to them. 979 00:55:02,124 --> 00:55:04,083 But unfortunately, one of the lessons 980 00:55:04,126 --> 00:55:08,783 I've learned was that... the rare, uh, 981 00:55:08,827 --> 00:55:10,872 certainly the rare event of murder side, 982 00:55:10,916 --> 00:55:13,875 and the far less rare event, rare event of suicide, 983 00:55:13,919 --> 00:55:16,487 it did apply to me, but I didn't have any way of-- 984 00:55:16,530 --> 00:55:18,445 I didn't know that. 985 00:55:18,489 --> 00:55:20,447 And so, I try to make people aware 986 00:55:20,491 --> 00:55:22,797 that it could happen to you. 987 00:55:34,026 --> 00:55:35,984 [muffled chattering] 988 00:55:38,596 --> 00:55:39,814 -I've been on those. -Yeah, 989 00:55:39,858 --> 00:55:41,512 and there's no bathroom, and the cock-- 990 00:55:41,555 --> 00:55:42,904 there's no door on the cockpit, 991 00:55:42,948 --> 00:55:45,559 so you feel like Jimmy Stewart's flying the plane. 992 00:55:45,603 --> 00:55:51,391 I met Sue in 2012 as a call went out for people 993 00:55:51,435 --> 00:55:53,915 who are interested in forming an American Foundation 994 00:55:53,959 --> 00:55:56,570 for Suicide Prevention Colorado Chapter, 995 00:55:56,614 --> 00:55:58,137 and Sue was one of probably like 996 00:55:58,180 --> 00:56:00,748 30 people that showed up. 997 00:56:00,792 --> 00:56:02,924 Once we all kind of started stepping 998 00:56:02,968 --> 00:56:04,273 back from the board, 999 00:56:04,317 --> 00:56:05,927 kind of doing a little bit of self-care, 1000 00:56:05,971 --> 00:56:08,843 we said, "We just want to be with these people. 1001 00:56:08,887 --> 00:56:12,194 They know kind of how we feel." 1002 00:56:14,371 --> 00:56:17,896 Seven years ago, April 2nd, 2010, 1003 00:56:17,939 --> 00:56:20,855 my 19-year-old son took his life. 1004 00:56:20,899 --> 00:56:24,163 He said he was going to go down to the basement 1005 00:56:24,206 --> 00:56:26,687 and just hang out, watch television. 1006 00:56:26,731 --> 00:56:30,952 Next thing we heard a loud bang, and he was gone. 1007 00:56:30,996 --> 00:56:33,215 I was totally taken by surprise. 1008 00:56:33,259 --> 00:56:36,828 You don't know everything that your children are doing. 1009 00:56:36,871 --> 00:56:38,264 You just don't. 1010 00:56:38,307 --> 00:56:40,222 This could be you, this could be you-- 1011 00:56:40,266 --> 00:56:42,094 You could be living my life. 1012 00:56:42,137 --> 00:56:45,010 To the ones that say it will not ever happen, 1013 00:56:46,185 --> 00:56:48,100 you're, you're blind. 1014 00:56:48,143 --> 00:56:51,886 You need to realize that it could happen to you. 1015 00:56:51,930 --> 00:56:55,194 I thought it couldn't happen to me, and it did. 1016 00:56:55,237 --> 00:56:58,197 Here, I will open mine from Christopher. 1017 00:56:58,240 --> 00:57:00,329 -[Christopher] You're going to love it. -I'm going to love it? 1018 00:57:00,373 --> 00:57:02,157 -Okay. -[man] You're going to love it. 1019 00:57:04,725 --> 00:57:07,119 [chattering softly] 1020 00:57:11,123 --> 00:57:14,518 Oh, Christopher, you're right, I do love it. 1021 00:57:17,346 --> 00:57:20,349 Souvenirs coloring book. 1022 00:57:20,393 --> 00:57:22,482 Look, it's a coloring book. 1023 00:57:22,526 --> 00:57:24,049 [Laurie] I loved my children. 1024 00:57:24,092 --> 00:57:25,616 I love them still. 1025 00:57:25,659 --> 00:57:27,095 I think about them every day. 1026 00:57:27,966 --> 00:57:33,406 I feel that if I had known more about mental health, 1027 00:57:33,450 --> 00:57:35,887 I could've gotten them the help that they needed. 1028 00:57:41,980 --> 00:57:44,373 [Lisa] If loving fiercely was all it took 1029 00:57:44,417 --> 00:57:48,334 to keep mental illness at bay, 1030 00:57:48,377 --> 00:57:51,555 then I know an awful lot of people 1031 00:57:51,598 --> 00:57:55,123 who would be completely immune and protected. 1032 00:57:55,167 --> 00:57:58,866 Just... caring enough about your kids 1033 00:57:58,910 --> 00:58:02,348 does not protect them from bad things happening. 1034 00:58:02,391 --> 00:58:05,917 Just caring about your kids doesn't keep them 1035 00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:07,962 from going astray. 1036 00:58:08,006 --> 00:58:13,925 Just caring about your kids is important to parenting, 1037 00:58:13,968 --> 00:58:17,058 but it's not enough to guarantee a happy ending 1038 00:58:17,102 --> 00:58:18,277 for everybody all the time. 1039 00:58:19,539 --> 00:58:21,193 Can I have a Christmas kiss? 1040 00:58:21,236 --> 00:58:22,847 [lips smacking] 1041 00:58:22,890 --> 00:58:24,283 Thanks, buddy. 1042 00:58:24,326 --> 00:58:26,546 [Sue] In the very last weeks of his life, 1043 00:58:26,590 --> 00:58:30,724 I grabbed him and, you know, held his face between my hands 1044 00:58:30,768 --> 00:58:32,421 and I said, "I love you so much, 1045 00:58:32,465 --> 00:58:34,989 and Dad and I are so proud of you." 1046 00:58:35,033 --> 00:58:37,862 He made a joke out of it and he went, "Oh, thank you." 1047 00:58:37,905 --> 00:58:39,994 And then I said, "No, I really mean it. 1048 00:58:40,038 --> 00:58:43,171 I love you and Dad and I are proud of you." 1049 00:58:43,215 --> 00:58:47,828 And then he kind of said kind of an "Aw, shucks, thanks." 1050 00:58:47,872 --> 00:58:49,743 I don't know how I could have shown him 1051 00:58:49,787 --> 00:58:52,050 any more than I did that I loved him. 1052 00:58:56,924 --> 00:58:59,057 It's good to know that someone loves you, 1053 00:58:59,100 --> 00:59:02,539 but it's not something that controls your behavior. 1054 00:59:04,279 --> 00:59:07,108 Knowing that you're loved isn't enough. 1055 00:59:07,152 --> 00:59:09,763 It takes knowing how to care, 1056 00:59:09,807 --> 00:59:11,460 knowing the right words to say, 1057 00:59:11,504 --> 00:59:13,985 knowing how to connect into resources. 1058 00:59:14,028 --> 00:59:15,856 I didn't have that awareness 1059 00:59:15,900 --> 00:59:18,990 that he was so deeply troubled, 1060 00:59:19,033 --> 00:59:20,992 and I didn't have the tools to use 1061 00:59:21,035 --> 00:59:23,995 to try to help him had I known. 1062 00:59:28,521 --> 00:59:33,308 [Lisa Neison] And he just had such a unique vision on things. 1063 00:59:39,314 --> 00:59:43,318 We didn't know, we didn't know how bad it was. 1064 00:59:46,104 --> 00:59:47,845 Adam called me when he was on his lunch break, 1065 00:59:47,888 --> 00:59:49,542 and he was at my house. 1066 00:59:52,371 --> 00:59:54,808 And I said, "We need to figure this out." 1067 00:59:54,852 --> 00:59:57,245 I said, "We'll talk about it when I get home." 1068 00:59:57,289 --> 00:59:59,508 And he said, "Okay," and I said, "I, I love you." 1069 00:59:59,552 --> 01:00:01,598 And he goes, "I love you too, Mom." 1070 01:00:01,641 --> 01:00:02,555 And that's... 1071 01:00:03,817 --> 01:00:05,558 [sighs] that was the last-- 1072 01:00:09,780 --> 01:00:10,868 [sobs] 1073 01:00:12,957 --> 01:00:14,959 That's the last time I heard from him. 1074 01:00:16,569 --> 01:00:17,614 [sighs] 1075 01:00:17,657 --> 01:00:19,659 It was the worst thing in my life. 1076 01:00:19,703 --> 01:00:21,835 [somber music] 1077 01:00:26,187 --> 01:00:27,275 [sighs] 1078 01:00:36,633 --> 01:00:37,677 Adam... 1079 01:00:37,721 --> 01:00:38,635 [sighs] 1080 01:00:44,292 --> 01:00:47,426 ...he was a huge gift to me. 1081 01:01:06,314 --> 01:01:11,058 If we had had what, what Dawson School has 1082 01:01:11,102 --> 01:01:14,105 for, you know, our sons at that age, 1083 01:01:15,628 --> 01:01:17,151 would the outcome be different? 1084 01:01:17,195 --> 01:01:18,326 Would they still be here? 1085 01:01:21,242 --> 01:01:23,331 [teacher] This will be last time, friends, okay? 1086 01:01:24,898 --> 01:01:28,423 -Hands at heart center. -[all] Hands at heart center. 1087 01:01:28,467 --> 01:01:31,339 -Reach for the sky. -[all] Reach for the sky. 1088 01:01:31,383 --> 01:01:34,342 -Reach for your toes. -[all] Reach for your toes. 1089 01:01:35,517 --> 01:01:37,389 [Lisa Neison] What I'm worried about in our society 1090 01:01:37,432 --> 01:01:40,653 is the increase in suicide, 1091 01:01:40,697 --> 01:01:43,612 and that it is an option, 1092 01:01:43,656 --> 01:01:46,050 and it's an option for so many people, 1093 01:01:46,093 --> 01:01:48,139 and that it's not being addressed 1094 01:01:48,182 --> 01:01:51,098 quickly enough or broadly enough. 1095 01:01:51,142 --> 01:01:53,753 I think we're at the point where we could show you 1096 01:01:53,797 --> 01:01:56,060 evidence of the effectiveness of preventive 1097 01:01:56,103 --> 01:01:58,584 interventions for virtually every psychological 1098 01:01:58,627 --> 01:02:00,673 and behavioral problem. 1099 01:02:00,717 --> 01:02:02,327 We can prove that prevention works, 1100 01:02:02,370 --> 01:02:04,372 we have tons of evidence on it. 1101 01:02:04,416 --> 01:02:06,897 Name a problem, depression, 1102 01:02:06,940 --> 01:02:09,464 we can prevent aggressive social behavior, 1103 01:02:09,508 --> 01:02:11,031 we can prevent anxiety, 1104 01:02:11,075 --> 01:02:13,512 we can prevent lots of problems. 1105 01:02:13,555 --> 01:02:14,948 Because if you look at the data 1106 01:02:14,992 --> 01:02:16,994 on effective preventive interventions, 1107 01:02:17,037 --> 01:02:19,126 they don't prevent just one problem. 1108 01:02:19,170 --> 01:02:21,912 [Scott] That it's not that we just have, "Here's the risk factors for suicide," 1109 01:02:21,955 --> 01:02:24,523 and then, "Here's the risk factors for substance abuse, 1110 01:02:24,566 --> 01:02:26,525 and over here are the risk factors for truancy, 1111 01:02:26,568 --> 01:02:28,440 and over here is violence, and over here is bullying." 1112 01:02:28,483 --> 01:02:30,311 That these things, they have shared risk factors 1113 01:02:30,355 --> 01:02:32,836 and they, they also have shared protective factors. 1114 01:02:32,879 --> 01:02:34,576 So, if we do our job well, and we do 1115 01:02:34,620 --> 01:02:37,188 upstream strength-based prevention well, 1116 01:02:37,231 --> 01:02:39,190 we're going to have an impact on suicide, but we're also 1117 01:02:39,233 --> 01:02:41,409 going to see an impact on substance abuse, 1118 01:02:41,453 --> 01:02:43,194 and on truancy, and on violence 1119 01:02:43,237 --> 01:02:44,456 and on grade point average. 1120 01:02:44,499 --> 01:02:46,458 It's a lot easier to focus on your science 1121 01:02:46,501 --> 01:02:47,938 when you're not constantly in crisis. 1122 01:02:47,981 --> 01:02:49,461 That really at its core, at its heart, 1123 01:02:49,504 --> 01:02:51,028 it's a wellness model. 1124 01:02:51,071 --> 01:02:52,681 That what we're after is we're not just trying 1125 01:02:52,725 --> 01:02:54,031 to keep people alive, 1126 01:02:54,074 --> 01:02:55,423 but we're trying to really help people 1127 01:02:55,467 --> 01:02:57,469 live healthy lives and really help people 1128 01:02:57,512 --> 01:02:58,775 and communities thrive. 1129 01:03:02,126 --> 01:03:05,303 [Jess] If you fall off the rails at 11 or 15, 1130 01:03:05,346 --> 01:03:07,000 and you don't get the learning support you need, 1131 01:03:07,044 --> 01:03:08,436 or you don't get the behavioral support 1132 01:03:08,480 --> 01:03:10,134 or emotional support you need, 1133 01:03:10,177 --> 01:03:12,963 you may end up not reaching anything near your potential. 1134 01:03:13,006 --> 01:03:15,530 And you're unlikely to be a school shooter 1135 01:03:15,574 --> 01:03:17,924 or anything else, but you're very likely to be depressed, 1136 01:03:17,968 --> 01:03:19,447 or to feel terribly anxious, 1137 01:03:19,491 --> 01:03:20,884 or to not lead a happy life. 1138 01:03:20,927 --> 01:03:22,886 And that's something we can avoid 1139 01:03:22,929 --> 01:03:24,670 I think almost all the time. 1140 01:03:24,713 --> 01:03:28,892 No one, including myself, could possibly 1141 01:03:28,935 --> 01:03:31,329 have believed that we would have changed 1142 01:03:31,372 --> 01:03:34,114 cigarette smoking as much as we have. 1143 01:03:34,158 --> 01:03:36,377 And I'm a court certified expert 1144 01:03:36,421 --> 01:03:39,641 on the marketing practices of the tobacco industry. 1145 01:03:39,685 --> 01:03:40,642 Coffee, Doctor? 1146 01:03:40,686 --> 01:03:42,601 Oh, fine. 1147 01:03:42,644 --> 01:03:45,386 -Have a Camel with your coffee. -Thanks. 1148 01:03:45,430 --> 01:03:46,997 [businessman] Yes, folks, the pleasing mildness 1149 01:03:47,040 --> 01:03:49,782 of a Camel is just as enjoyable to a doctor 1150 01:03:49,826 --> 01:03:51,349 as it is to you or me. 1151 01:03:51,392 --> 01:03:55,309 ♪ It's light up time 1152 01:03:56,876 --> 01:03:59,487 [Anthony] They spent hundreds of millions of dollars 1153 01:03:59,531 --> 01:04:01,881 to keep people believing, billions of dollars, 1154 01:04:01,925 --> 01:04:03,622 to keep people believing that smoking 1155 01:04:03,665 --> 01:04:05,450 was the coolest thing. 1156 01:04:05,493 --> 01:04:07,452 And yet we changed that, and we changed it 1157 01:04:07,495 --> 01:04:09,889 with a lot less than the billions they spent 1158 01:04:09,933 --> 01:04:11,891 marketing it. 1159 01:04:11,935 --> 01:04:13,937 It's possible to change society. 1160 01:04:13,980 --> 01:04:16,896 We can have historically lower levels 1161 01:04:16,940 --> 01:04:19,029 of all of the psychological behavioral 1162 01:04:19,072 --> 01:04:21,248 and health problems that we've been struggling 1163 01:04:21,292 --> 01:04:22,728 with for thousands of years. 1164 01:04:22,771 --> 01:04:24,382 It really can happen. 1165 01:04:24,425 --> 01:04:28,473 If we can all band together to work toward these things, 1166 01:04:28,516 --> 01:04:31,084 we can have a massively different society. 1167 01:04:32,781 --> 01:04:35,001 [Jess] If we can teach kids at three or four years of age 1168 01:04:35,045 --> 01:04:38,135 how to be calm breathers and how to slow down, 1169 01:04:38,178 --> 01:04:40,441 we can teach kids to start using emotional words 1170 01:04:40,485 --> 01:04:41,616 at a very early age. 1171 01:04:41,660 --> 01:04:43,140 That's when anything is possible. 1172 01:04:43,183 --> 01:04:44,924 [teacher] How do you feel right now, friends? 1173 01:04:44,968 --> 01:04:45,882 -Good. -Cool. 1174 01:04:45,925 --> 01:04:46,926 [teacher] Do you feel good? 1175 01:04:46,970 --> 01:04:47,927 Can you describe in words 1176 01:04:47,971 --> 01:04:49,711 how you feel right now? 1177 01:04:49,755 --> 01:04:51,191 Sophie, how do you feel right now? 1178 01:04:51,235 --> 01:04:52,192 I feel calm. 1179 01:04:52,236 --> 01:04:53,150 [teacher] You feel calm? 1180 01:04:53,193 --> 01:04:54,455 Tammy, how do you feel? 1181 01:04:54,499 --> 01:04:56,066 I feel calmer in class. 1182 01:04:56,109 --> 01:04:57,676 [teacher] You feel calmer in class? 1183 01:04:57,719 --> 01:04:59,286 [indistinct] how do you feel? 1184 01:04:59,330 --> 01:05:01,375 I feel really good. 1185 01:05:01,419 --> 01:05:02,637 [teacher] You feel really good? 1186 01:05:02,681 --> 01:05:04,335 You look like you feel really good. 1187 01:05:04,378 --> 01:05:05,553 [indistinct] how do you feel? 1188 01:05:05,597 --> 01:05:06,685 Awesome. 1189 01:05:06,728 --> 01:05:07,773 [teacher] Have any of you practiced 1190 01:05:07,816 --> 01:05:10,036 the mindful breathing at home? 1191 01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:11,298 -Yes. -[teacher] At home? 1192 01:05:11,342 --> 01:05:14,649 I practice it on Sunday. 1193 01:05:14,693 --> 01:05:15,999 [teacher] On Sunday? 1194 01:05:16,042 --> 01:05:17,478 Was there something that crossed your mind 1195 01:05:17,522 --> 01:05:19,480 that made you want to think about relaxing? 1196 01:05:19,524 --> 01:05:22,179 I, I was thinking about Christmas. 1197 01:05:22,222 --> 01:05:23,832 You were thinking about Christmas? 1198 01:05:23,876 --> 01:05:25,530 Yeah, yeah. 1199 01:05:25,573 --> 01:05:27,836 Anyone else practice mindfulness at home? 1200 01:05:27,880 --> 01:05:29,142 [indistinct] 1201 01:05:29,186 --> 01:05:33,190 Um, I did mindfulness with my mom. 1202 01:05:33,233 --> 01:05:35,061 [teacher] You did mindfulness with your mom? 1203 01:05:35,105 --> 01:05:37,107 What kind of mindfulness did you do with your mom? 1204 01:05:45,898 --> 01:05:48,901 [Tom] Do you know, if we're going to fix this problem, 1205 01:05:48,945 --> 01:05:51,817 it's going to be the love, caring, support 1206 01:05:51,860 --> 01:05:54,385 and the long-term commitment 1207 01:05:54,428 --> 01:05:57,997 from people who, who care about you most, 1208 01:05:58,041 --> 01:05:59,868 which tends to be your family. 1209 01:05:59,912 --> 01:06:01,958 [woman] Good job, what a big boy! 1210 01:06:03,655 --> 01:06:05,483 [man chuckles] Hey, I'll see you later. 1211 01:06:07,528 --> 01:06:09,356 [Lisa Neison] Kids younger and younger and younger 1212 01:06:09,400 --> 01:06:13,012 need to be introduced to mental health... 1213 01:06:13,056 --> 01:06:16,537 skills and resiliency and social-emotional training, 1214 01:06:16,581 --> 01:06:18,757 and parents need to know how to do that. 1215 01:06:23,675 --> 01:06:25,851 [Sue] There would have been many ways probably 1216 01:06:25,894 --> 01:06:29,681 to stop a tragedy such as Columbine from happening, 1217 01:06:29,724 --> 01:06:31,813 but my piece of this was the family system, 1218 01:06:31,857 --> 01:06:33,859 the mother-child relationship. 1219 01:06:40,387 --> 01:06:43,042 You know, when I see sunsets now, 1220 01:06:43,086 --> 01:06:46,393 I still kind of have flashbacks 1221 01:06:46,437 --> 01:06:51,181 to the summer after Dylan died, he died in April. 1222 01:06:51,224 --> 01:06:53,052 And that summer was the summer I began 1223 01:06:53,096 --> 01:06:57,013 taking walks with my friend in the evening. 1224 01:06:57,056 --> 01:06:58,884 And we would walk, 1225 01:06:58,927 --> 01:07:01,104 and I would try to get farther and farther, 1226 01:07:01,147 --> 01:07:02,975 because I was so weak, I couldn't walk. 1227 01:07:03,019 --> 01:07:05,978 But we would walk until sunset in the evening. 1228 01:07:20,645 --> 01:07:23,300 [Sue] I was extremely weak. 1229 01:07:23,343 --> 01:07:25,084 I was actually sort of depressed, 1230 01:07:25,128 --> 01:07:26,912 so it, it was very hard to move. 1231 01:07:26,955 --> 01:07:29,915 I remember times when I would just sit on a bed 1232 01:07:29,958 --> 01:07:34,180 and couldn't lift my foot to get a sock on, 1233 01:07:34,224 --> 01:07:36,182 and then I would get one sock on. 1234 01:07:38,576 --> 01:07:41,144 There were times where I really didn't know 1235 01:07:41,187 --> 01:07:42,536 if I would live through it. 1236 01:07:48,977 --> 01:07:52,329 It was enlightening to try to understand 1237 01:07:52,372 --> 01:07:55,114 that when our minds are in control, 1238 01:07:55,158 --> 01:07:58,074 it felt impossible to try to deal with it. 1239 01:07:58,117 --> 01:08:01,077 [somber music] 1240 01:08:24,491 --> 01:08:27,103 [cameras clicking] 1241 01:09:13,540 --> 01:09:16,500 [Sue] Having those experiences cemented for me. 1242 01:09:17,936 --> 01:09:20,504 Understanding the hell of what it is like 1243 01:09:20,547 --> 01:09:22,419 to live with a malfunctioning brain. 1244 01:09:22,462 --> 01:09:25,248 It was hell, that's all I can say. 1245 01:09:25,291 --> 01:09:27,293 There's no other way to describe it. 1246 01:09:31,036 --> 01:09:33,821 And to some degree, that helped me understand 1247 01:09:33,865 --> 01:09:36,128 what Dylan might have gone through. 1248 01:09:36,172 --> 01:09:38,739 I think he had an awful lot going on inside 1249 01:09:38,783 --> 01:09:40,959 that he was really struggling with, 1250 01:09:41,002 --> 01:09:43,657 and he was hurting and he was confused, 1251 01:09:43,701 --> 01:09:47,574 and I wish I had known that suffering 1252 01:09:47,618 --> 01:09:50,011 inner child that was there. 1253 01:09:50,055 --> 01:09:51,796 But I did ask him, "Are you okay?" 1254 01:09:51,839 --> 01:09:53,798 I remember asking him, "You seem so tired, 1255 01:09:53,841 --> 01:09:55,843 you seem so distant, are you okay?" 1256 01:09:55,887 --> 01:09:57,758 And he said, "Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine." 1257 01:09:57,802 --> 01:10:00,370 And he'd get up and he'd say, "I've got a lot of homework to do." 1258 01:10:00,413 --> 01:10:02,546 And I remember having those conversations, 1259 01:10:03,590 --> 01:10:05,810 but it wasn't enough. 1260 01:10:05,853 --> 01:10:07,420 It wasn't enough. 1261 01:10:07,464 --> 01:10:09,509 [somber music] 1262 01:10:18,257 --> 01:10:21,652 [Sue] When I speak to Dylan in my mind and in my heart, 1263 01:10:21,695 --> 01:10:25,438 the most frequent thing I say to him is, "I'm sorry. 1264 01:10:25,482 --> 01:10:27,179 I am sorry I didn't understand this, 1265 01:10:27,223 --> 01:10:30,095 I didn't get it, I didn't know how to help you. 1266 01:10:30,138 --> 01:10:32,532 I'm sorry that you had to go through this alone 1267 01:10:32,576 --> 01:10:36,232 without any help because I didn't have the knowledge 1268 01:10:36,275 --> 01:10:37,711 or the skills to help you." 1269 01:10:39,887 --> 01:10:41,367 -Dyl. -What's up? 1270 01:10:42,325 --> 01:10:44,805 Dyl! What's the matter with you? 1271 01:10:44,849 --> 01:10:48,809 [Sue] In the year before Dylan died on Mother's Day, 1272 01:10:48,853 --> 01:10:50,594 this was at a period of time 1273 01:10:50,637 --> 01:10:51,986 when he was having all those troubles. 1274 01:10:52,030 --> 01:10:53,161 That was when he got arrested, 1275 01:10:53,205 --> 01:10:55,033 and he had the trouble at school, 1276 01:10:55,076 --> 01:10:57,122 and my husband had had surgery, 1277 01:10:57,165 --> 01:10:58,906 and Dylan forgot to feed the cat 1278 01:10:58,950 --> 01:11:00,386 when he was home alone, and he would-- 1279 01:11:00,430 --> 01:11:02,867 and he slept one day and missed school, 1280 01:11:02,910 --> 01:11:04,695 and these things were piling up. 1281 01:11:04,738 --> 01:11:08,264 And as a mother, I finally lost it 1282 01:11:08,307 --> 01:11:10,527 on Mother's Day when he forgot Mother's Day, 1283 01:11:10,570 --> 01:11:12,050 and he didn't even get me a card 1284 01:11:12,093 --> 01:11:14,052 or a flower or anything. 1285 01:11:14,095 --> 01:11:17,011 And I remember getting angry at him, 1286 01:11:17,055 --> 01:11:18,883 and I pushed him against the refrigerator, 1287 01:11:18,926 --> 01:11:21,625 really pushed him, and I was lecturing him. 1288 01:11:21,668 --> 01:11:25,063 And I went through, "You are so selfish, 1289 01:11:25,106 --> 01:11:26,630 you're only thinking of yourself. 1290 01:11:26,673 --> 01:11:28,675 Why aren't you thinking of your family? 1291 01:11:28,719 --> 01:11:30,329 We need you to help us," 1292 01:11:30,373 --> 01:11:32,331 and just going on and on. 1293 01:11:32,375 --> 01:11:34,725 And if I have any regrets of any moments 1294 01:11:34,768 --> 01:11:37,075 I had with Dylan, it was that moment 1295 01:11:37,118 --> 01:11:40,774 when I was pushing and lecturing. 1296 01:11:40,818 --> 01:11:44,517 And my wish is at that moment that I had shut up 1297 01:11:44,561 --> 01:11:47,825 and just hugged him and pulled him close to me 1298 01:11:47,868 --> 01:11:50,393 and said, "Sit down with me, what is happening? 1299 01:11:50,436 --> 01:11:51,829 Tell me what's going on." 1300 01:11:52,699 --> 01:11:55,528 And that's the thing I regret so terribly. 1301 01:12:11,327 --> 01:12:15,635 [Sue] It's been over 18 years, almost 19 years. 1302 01:12:15,679 --> 01:12:19,770 There is still a large piece of me 1303 01:12:19,813 --> 01:12:21,772 that will never forgive myself 1304 01:12:21,815 --> 01:12:23,600 for not doing those things. 1305 01:12:23,643 --> 01:12:26,690 But my way of dealing with that lack of forgiveness 1306 01:12:26,733 --> 01:12:29,780 is to try to teach others and to share with others, 1307 01:12:29,823 --> 01:12:32,652 "This is what I wish I had done differently." 1308 01:12:32,696 --> 01:12:34,959 I'm always going to feel some sense of responsibility, 1309 01:12:35,002 --> 01:12:36,221 and I can't help that. 1310 01:12:46,144 --> 01:12:48,625 I see things changing, and I believe that things 1311 01:12:48,668 --> 01:12:50,888 are getting better, and we're getting more and more 1312 01:12:50,931 --> 01:12:53,281 aware of how to make a difference. 1313 01:12:53,325 --> 01:12:55,632 But every time we get a step further in that direction, 1314 01:12:55,675 --> 01:12:57,764 there's always a great sorrow 1315 01:12:57,808 --> 01:13:00,288 that I couldn't make that available for my son. 1316 01:13:06,469 --> 01:13:09,907 "I think often of watching Dylan do origami. 1317 01:13:09,950 --> 01:13:13,519 I loved to make a cup of tea and sit quietly beside him, 1318 01:13:13,563 --> 01:13:16,827 watching his hands moving as quickly as hummingbirds, 1319 01:13:16,870 --> 01:13:19,917 delighted to see Dylan turn a square of paper 1320 01:13:19,960 --> 01:13:23,311 into a frog or a bear or a lobster. 1321 01:13:23,355 --> 01:13:25,096 I'd always marvel at how something 1322 01:13:25,139 --> 01:13:27,577 as straightforward as a piece of paper 1323 01:13:27,620 --> 01:13:31,363 can be completely transformed with only a few creases 1324 01:13:31,407 --> 01:13:34,671 to become suddenly replete with new significance. 1325 01:13:34,714 --> 01:13:37,151 Then I'd marvel at the finished form, 1326 01:13:37,195 --> 01:13:40,590 the complex folds hidden and unknowable to me. 1327 01:13:41,504 --> 01:13:43,680 In many ways, that experience mirrored 1328 01:13:43,723 --> 01:13:46,247 the one I would have after Columbine. 1329 01:13:48,162 --> 01:13:50,164 I would have to turn what I thought I knew 1330 01:13:50,208 --> 01:13:53,951 about myself, my son, and my family 1331 01:13:53,994 --> 01:13:57,389 inside out and around watching as a boy 1332 01:13:57,433 --> 01:14:00,871 became a monster, and then a boy again. 1333 01:14:00,914 --> 01:14:02,916 Origami is not magic. 1334 01:14:02,960 --> 01:14:06,050 Even the most complex patterns are knowable, 1335 01:14:06,093 --> 01:14:09,401 something that can be mapped and understood. 1336 01:14:09,445 --> 01:14:12,404 So it is too with brain illness and violence, 1337 01:14:12,448 --> 01:14:15,233 and this mapping is the work we must now do. 1338 01:14:15,276 --> 01:14:18,149 Depression and other types of brain disorders 1339 01:14:18,192 --> 01:14:21,413 do not strip someone of a moral compass, 1340 01:14:21,457 --> 01:14:23,981 and yet these are potentially life threatening 1341 01:14:24,024 --> 01:14:26,070 diseases that can impair judgment 1342 01:14:26,113 --> 01:14:29,116 and distort a person's sense of reality. 1343 01:14:29,160 --> 01:14:31,902 We must turn our attention to researching 1344 01:14:31,945 --> 01:14:34,426 and raising awareness about these diseases. 1345 01:14:34,470 --> 01:14:37,168 and to dispelling the myths that prevent us 1346 01:14:37,211 --> 01:14:39,431 from helping those who need it most. 1347 01:14:39,475 --> 01:14:43,522 We must do so not only for the sake of the afflicted, 1348 01:14:43,566 --> 01:14:46,656 but also for the innocence who will continue 1349 01:14:46,699 --> 01:14:49,876 to register as their casualties if we do not. 1350 01:14:49,920 --> 01:14:51,574 One thing is certain, 1351 01:14:51,617 --> 01:14:54,315 when we can do a better job with helping people 1352 01:14:54,359 --> 01:14:56,840 before their lives are in crisis, 1353 01:14:56,883 --> 01:14:59,712 the world will become safer for all of us." 1354 01:14:59,756 --> 01:15:02,280 [solemn music] 1355 01:15:05,196 --> 01:15:07,241 [solemn music fading] 1356 01:15:07,285 --> 01:15:09,679 [somber music] 1357 01:15:34,007 --> 01:15:37,141 I knew that I had a responsibility 1358 01:15:37,184 --> 01:15:39,056 as, as a state senator, 1359 01:15:39,099 --> 01:15:42,929 and that's why I, I for one, am demanding 1360 01:15:42,973 --> 01:15:45,018 that we continue to work to reform 1361 01:15:45,062 --> 01:15:47,455 our system and our processes. 1362 01:15:47,499 --> 01:15:49,980 I want to create a system that I think 1363 01:15:50,023 --> 01:15:51,547 other states will want to emulate. 1364 01:15:51,590 --> 01:15:53,070 This time this year, 1365 01:15:53,113 --> 01:15:55,768 uh, I'm going to try to do a little something different. 1366 01:15:55,812 --> 01:15:59,424 Uh, I'm going to try to incorporate into my class, 1367 01:15:59,467 --> 01:16:03,167 uh, some wellness, stress coping strategies. 1368 01:16:03,210 --> 01:16:05,778 This idea that mental health only applies 1369 01:16:05,822 --> 01:16:06,953 to people who are sick, 1370 01:16:06,997 --> 01:16:08,651 that it's other people's issue, 1371 01:16:08,694 --> 01:16:11,567 that is a notion and a narrative that we need to let go. 1372 01:16:11,610 --> 01:16:13,612 Back in the day, because I've been in education, 1373 01:16:13,656 --> 01:16:15,353 you know, for 20-plus years, 1374 01:16:15,396 --> 01:16:17,181 we call them kind of soft skills. 1375 01:16:17,224 --> 01:16:19,313 But now there's so much research and data 1376 01:16:19,357 --> 01:16:21,141 to back up that when you address 1377 01:16:21,185 --> 01:16:22,839 their social-emotional needs, 1378 01:16:22,882 --> 01:16:25,537 then their academic scores go up, 1379 01:16:25,581 --> 01:16:27,670 their behavior issues in the classroom go down, 1380 01:16:27,713 --> 01:16:30,194 which is more time on task for the teachers. 1381 01:16:30,237 --> 01:16:33,719 And so why not teach these skills to everybody? 1382 01:16:33,763 --> 01:16:37,375 And, you know what, we all assume things that aren't true. 1383 01:16:37,418 --> 01:16:39,551 So, learning early to stop assuming 1384 01:16:39,595 --> 01:16:41,901 and stop believing our brains all the time. 1385 01:16:41,945 --> 01:16:43,642 It's not enough for kids to just learn it. 1386 01:16:43,686 --> 01:16:45,339 If they don't have opportunities to actually 1387 01:16:45,383 --> 01:16:47,472 practice it real time, then they are not going to integrate it, 1388 01:16:47,515 --> 01:16:49,953 and it's not going to become a part of who they are. 1389 01:16:49,996 --> 01:16:51,563 And so in order for that to happen, 1390 01:16:51,607 --> 01:16:53,173 it needs to be a partnership 1391 01:16:53,217 --> 01:16:54,958 across, you know, from the school 1392 01:16:55,001 --> 01:16:56,655 to families to community. 1393 01:16:56,699 --> 01:16:58,614 We really love our school system 1394 01:16:58,657 --> 01:17:00,790 and the teachers, and they are really great, 1395 01:17:00,833 --> 01:17:05,098 but he's one kid to them, you know, of 30. 1396 01:17:06,230 --> 01:17:09,015 We're the ones who have the greatest say in his life. 1397 01:17:09,059 --> 01:17:11,409 It has to start with us as parents. 1398 01:17:11,452 --> 01:17:14,020 These are all simple things that we can start doing 1399 01:17:14,064 --> 01:17:15,543 from the moment we bring our children 1400 01:17:15,587 --> 01:17:17,850 into this world, and they are all common things. 1401 01:17:17,894 --> 01:17:21,201 It doesn't take years and a degree to learn. 1402 01:17:21,245 --> 01:17:24,465 I've never met a parent, ever, 1403 01:17:24,509 --> 01:17:26,293 that didn't want to give their child the best. 1404 01:17:26,337 --> 01:17:29,688 Not even the parents I worked with, um, in Las Vegas 1405 01:17:29,732 --> 01:17:30,863 who were incarcerated. 1406 01:17:30,907 --> 01:17:32,735 My parents that worked three jobs, 1407 01:17:32,778 --> 01:17:34,606 that have latchkey kids, 1408 01:17:34,650 --> 01:17:38,262 all they want is to provide what's best for their kids. 1409 01:17:38,305 --> 01:17:42,614 And so I don't think our parents don't want to do this. 1410 01:17:42,658 --> 01:17:45,617 They need support, 1411 01:17:45,661 --> 01:17:49,795 training, and access to information 1412 01:17:49,839 --> 01:17:52,406 in a way in which is accessible to all of them, 1413 01:17:52,450 --> 01:17:53,973 languages, culture, 1414 01:17:54,017 --> 01:17:56,759 whatever it is, socioeconomic status, 1415 01:17:56,802 --> 01:17:59,326 and we would see this take off. 1416 01:17:59,370 --> 01:18:03,635 I would love to see some sort of national campaign. 1417 01:18:10,642 --> 01:18:12,818 [Jenette] We want to learn tools and options, 1418 01:18:12,862 --> 01:18:14,907 a way of thinking and looking at the world 1419 01:18:14,951 --> 01:18:17,562 at an early age so it becomes natural. 1420 01:18:17,605 --> 01:18:20,608 We become a coping and adjusting 1421 01:18:20,652 --> 01:18:23,176 and adaptive, resilient people. 1422 01:18:27,615 --> 01:18:30,444 [somber music]