1
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:38,520
Fire!

2
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:46,400
Fire!

3
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:01,400
Do you give up yet?

4
00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:03,520
Do you give up yet?

5
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,680
Look at the place!
You can't take it anymore.

6
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,640
You can't take it anymore.

7
00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:11,640
Stop saying the same things as me
and using a different emphasis!

8
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:15,080
Stop saying the same things as me
but with a different... Oh dammit!

9
00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:19,200
Right! Back to war!

10
00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:40,080
Just to be clear on this one,

11
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:41,640
Tory started it.

12
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:45,800
That lunatic used my distress flares

13
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,000
for fireworks

14
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,080
for his stupid 4th of July party.
I was furious!

15
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:13,600
What! Oh come on!

16
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:14,840
The flares!

17
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,080
You shoot off the flares!

18
00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,600
You knew how long
those took me to make.

19
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:21,440
That was our only chance
to get off this island!

20
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,600
Tory, I was just trying to give you

21
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:26,440
the best 4th of July possi...
Oh, really?

22
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:30,280
Ow! Are you kicking me out?

23
00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:31,360
I've had it.

24
00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:32,600
I'm over this.

25
00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:34,160
You're so selfish.

26
00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:37,840
You make me sleep in the hammock while
you have the best bedroom in the world.

27
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,440
You can't kick me out.
I'm leaving!

28
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:43,320
Leave!

29
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:46,720
Find somebody else to put up with
your precious ways. "I'm missing home,

30
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:49,000
soda pops
and Mickey Mouse and burgers."

31
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:50,920
- I'm precious?
- Oh yeah.

32
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:52,560
Oh, I'm precious?

33
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,920
You don't know how much time
I spend thinking about you,

34
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,560
worrying about how you feel.

35
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,360
And your precious...
Oh no!

36
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:01,200
- Come on!
- Are these precious?

37
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:02,200
Oh!

38
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:09,320
Good! I want all my memories wiped,
because one of them includes you!

39
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,360
Precious.
I know what's precious.

40
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,720
There is no such thing as Hammondland!

41
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:17,560
Oh! No!

42
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,160
I've nursed that for 18 months!

43
00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:24,720
It burns the eyes!

44
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:27,040
That is a step too far, my friend!

45
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,120
This is war!

46
00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:50,120
Clarkson, get in here.

47
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,160
Right, our mission:

48
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,200
cut off supplies to that treehouse.

49
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:01,480
Our target?

50
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:02,680
It's his water supply.

51
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,680
If we cut it off,
this thing could soon be over.

52
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:09,520
Right. First job, we gotta talk weapons.
What are we gonna use?

53
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:11,800
Oh yes!

54
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,280
That is clever!

55
00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:18,240
He won't know what's hit him.

56
00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:31,920
Right...

57
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,040
Clarkson!

58
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,640
We are going to build
ourselves an air cannon.

59
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:42,640
This fire extinguisher will be
the pressure vessel of our cannon.

60
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,320
That has within it enough pressure
to fire a pineapple projectile

61
00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,240
at least a 100 feet, which is
the kind of firepower we need

62
00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:52,360
to take out his water supply
from this range.

63
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:55,480
The problem we have
is that when pressurized,

64
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:58,720
the release valve here
is designed to choke the air

65
00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:02,200
as it escapes and slow it down,
so it bleeds out gradually.

66
00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:03,640
I want it to come out
all in one go!

67
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:07,760
So we need a new valve on here.
First part of my plan.

68
00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:09,920
Because around here...

69
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:12,920
This, private, is a ball valve.

70
00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,600
You'll see it opens quickly
and cleanly. Boosh!

71
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,480
Air in. Bang! Air out.

72
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,880
And if the air is pressurized, it could
escape that at supersonic speeds.

73
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:25,880
That's the kind
of firepower we need!

74
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,960
Now, we need a barrel.

75
00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:37,160
Stand down, private. I'll get it.

76
00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:39,440
Here's our barrel.

77
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,960
This was the heat exchanger
off the boat.

78
00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,320
These are the inlet and outlet pipes.
I'm gonna cut them off.

79
00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:47,240
Safety first.

80
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,000
Yeah, I know,
but you'll thank me for it later.

81
00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:57,480
All right, in we go,

82
00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:58,680
like a surgeon.

83
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,240
Don't tell me this is your first
grinder experience.

84
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,120
Gotta be careful here,
I don't wanna cross thread this.

85
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:14,280
Yep.

86
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:15,920
Oh yep, that's biting.

87
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:21,800
Okay.

88
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:24,520
Oh yeah.

89
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,320
Now, private Clarkson,
you are wondering...

90
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,920
How are we gonna pressurize
the vessel?

91
00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,200
Here's the answer.

92
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,840
I'm gonna use...

93
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:37,800
this.

94
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:42,640
Now, next problem.

95
00:06:42,840 --> 00:06:43,720
The trigger.

96
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:47,000
This was the latch

97
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,320
of the main hatch on our boat,

98
00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:51,920
but now it's a trigger.

99
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,320
And it goes here.

100
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,760
And there it is, primed and ready.
So, Clarkson...

101
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:11,000
Human effort puts five bar
of pressure

102
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,320
into this pressurized vessel.

103
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:16,040
That's contained by this valve here.

104
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,800
When released, that should
put about 900 pounds of force

105
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:23,600
behind the pineapple, it's enough
to put it straight through you,

106
00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:27,000
throw it a 100 feet and take out
the American's water supply.

107
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:30,200
That'll only work if I can get
this pressure out of here

108
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,680
through the valve
and into there quickly.

109
00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:34,120
That's where this trigger comes in.

110
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:38,200
Thanks to this potential energy
I've stored in this rope.

111
00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:41,200
If I pull this trigger,
that will be released in one go,

112
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:45,080
snapping open the valve, throwing out
the air and boom, off we go.

113
00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:46,520
Are you ready?

114
00:07:47,880 --> 00:07:49,080
Testing...

115
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:50,520
Ah-ha!

116
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,720
An important final lesson for you:
know thine enemy.

117
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:04,560
And here it is!

118
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,160
That is Tory Belleci.

119
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:07,400
Remember that face.

120
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,320
Take a close look.

121
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:10,920
Bite him, Clarkson, bite him!

122
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:14,040
Where's my shovel?
Right, I'm gonna bury him.

123
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,080
Here you go, Tory.

124
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:23,480
Mr "I want to go home".

125
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:27,480
Mr "I can't see the huge fun
we could have on our desert island".

126
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,400
Mr "I want to spoil it for everybody".

127
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:32,680
Just stare down that barrel.

128
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,720
How do you feel, American boy, huh?

129
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,000
Right, next job...

130
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,000
Load projectile.

131
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:53,520
The snugger the fit,
the better the blast.

132
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,200
Oh yeah!

133
00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:01,280
I can hear air hissing out
from around it as I push it in,

134
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,320
which means it's a good seal.

135
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:17,760
I like the fact that I'm gonna take
his head off with my own arm power.

136
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,640
It's also extraordinarily heavy.

137
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,160
God, I feel butch, Clarkson, right now.

138
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:32,360
I'm just a man like you
but I'm a man holding a massive cannon,

139
00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,320
about to blow Tory's head off.

140
00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,840
It's why you'll follow me
forever, soldier.

141
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,400
I'll give you a countdown.

142
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,760
In three, two, one!

143
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:45,240
I missed quite badly Clarkson, but...

144
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:47,440
if there'd been a whale advancing,
I'd have killed it.

145
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:48,840
I need to load it up again.

146
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,120
Stand by, Clarkson.

147
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,120
Firing in three, two, one.

148
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,760
Clarkson, this unit is battle ready.

149
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,360
Let's go to war!

150
00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,000
What's up with the outfit?
You look like Rambo.

151
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,960
I'm getting ready to kill you.
I've got stuff to do. Shut up.

152
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:52,640
Wow!

153
00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:55,440
- What's with the pineapples?
- Ammunition.

154
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:57,280
Quick load.
Toink, dead.

155
00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:00,840
You made a pineapple cannon.
That's productive!

156
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:02,440
- It's not bad, is it?
- Yeah!

157
00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,760
The extinguisher
is the pressure vessel.

158
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,200
- And the valve?
- That's from the plumbing.

159
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:09,600
And the exchanger is the barrel?
I love it.

160
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,000
How do you charge it?

161
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:12,640
-  With the pump?
- Yes.

162
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:13,880
How long does it take?

163
00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:14,880
Quite a while.

164
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,440
That's not very convenient
in a combat situation!

165
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:20,080
It's not
a close quarter weapon.

166
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,080
So go back to the treehouse

167
00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:25,040
and I can kill you effectively
with these, in that.

168
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:26,640
Go.

169
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:34,640
Unit's ready. Okay.

170
00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:36,360
Commence firing when ready.

171
00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:37,840
Three, two, one,

172
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:39,120
incoming!

173
00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,160
Holy hell!

174
00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,160
That was close.
That wasn't bad.

175
00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:46,680
Richard, you almost hit
the water trough!

176
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,680
That's what I'm going for.
Thank you!

177
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:49,720
What are you thinking?

178
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,840
- Have you lost your mind?
- Incoming!

179
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:57,960
- Richard!

180
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,080
You actually broke
the water trough.

181
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:02,920
That was the idea!

182
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:05,400
Let's see how long you last, now!

183
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:14,120
That's just great.

184
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:17,280
You took out the power
and the running water to the house.

185
00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,080
Nice job!

186
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,360
Incoming!

187
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,560
Oh, close!

188
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:23,920
It almost hit me!

189
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:25,840
Yeah, I know.
I'm getting close.

190
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:27,160
Coming at you!

191
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,440
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

192
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:34,360
Take one minute and think
about what you're doing.

193
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:37,520
You're firing pineapples
at your friend

194
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:39,440
and the house that you built!

195
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:40,920
I know. It's so cool.

196
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,440
I couldn't believe
this so-called friend of mine

197
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,240
would use pineapples
as lethal weapons against me.

198
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,040
You're saying he was
trying to kill you?

199
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:50,720
That's exactly what I'm saying.

200
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,200
Brace!

201
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:55,800
Boom!

202
00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,920
Richard!
You smashed the wheelhouse!

203
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,400
- Oh yeah!
- You've gone too far!

204
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:03,680
- You want war?
- Yeah.

205
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,000
I'll give you a war you'll never forget!

206
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:13,200
I wanted to hit

207
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:16,360
Richard where it hurt. Normally,
that'd be straight to the balls.

208
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,440
But I thought of something
even more precious to him.

209
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,000
Clarkson!

210
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:39,920
There you are, Clarkson!

211
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,000
We're out-weaponed.
We gotta build something.

212
00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:46,240
The only problem is all we have
is wood and bamboo.

213
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,720
We do have the advantage
of being up here.

214
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:50,440
If only we had bungee cords,

215
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:53,800
I could make a giant slingshot
and we'd destroy him.

216
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,240
But I did have rope.

217
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:57,760
And that meant...

218
00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:02,040
Well, I don't have to explain to you
about Greco-Roman artillery!

219
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,360
Or maybe I do.

220
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,760
I could make a torsion weapon
called a ballista with it.

221
00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,520
It gets its power
by twisting rope tightly,

222
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:16,320
then releasing it.

223
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,360
The best thing about a ballista is,
it throws stuff for miles.

224
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,480
Work...

225
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:37,800
Yeah, it works!

226
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,920
So let's have a look
at what you're doing in there,

227
00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:42,720
my erstwhile American friend.

228
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:44,000
Oh, hang on!

229
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,960
Oh, he's building something...

230
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:48,760
It's a weapon.

231
00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:50,120
But it looks like...

232
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:53,920
I don't know,
a giant... slingshot maybe?

233
00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:58,960
But how's that going to be possible?
I mean, he hasn't got any...

234
00:15:59,120 --> 00:15:59,960
... anything stretchy in there.

235
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:03,960
Clarkson, did you leave any
of your old tights up there?

236
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:06,840
Clarkson, have you...
Clark...

237
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:07,800
Clarkson?

238
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:08,840
Clarkson!

239
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:12,560
Clarkson!

240
00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,040
You've taken Clarkson!

241
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:16,920
Oh, that is low!

242
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,480
Good!
I'm coming for both of you!

243
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,640
Welcome back to Hammondland TV.
I'm Richard Hammond

244
00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:30,360
and today I want to show you

245
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:33,560
how I go to the toilet on the island.
First of all...

246
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:37,320
Hey guys, Tory Belleci here.

247
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:42,680
I'm filling in for the living nightmare
that is Richard of Hammondland.

248
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,960
Now he built a weapon
because we're at war,

249
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:48,560
and if he's got a weapon,
I should have a weapon.

250
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,240
So I give to you, the Belleci Ballista!

251
00:16:56,360 --> 00:16:58,760
Now I bet you want
to see this thing fire!

252
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,280
But hold on!
I want to show you how I built it.

253
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,880
Okay, so to build my ballista,
I had to use parts from the house.

254
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:11,240
Err... I pulled up floorboards.

255
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:13,320
I took down hand railings.

256
00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:19,200
Now, the heart of our torsion weapon
is our torsion bundle.

257
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:20,560
All this is, is rope.

258
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,920
And you twist it and you twist it,

259
00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:26,560
and then you release it.
Futchtwing!

260
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:30,720
And it will allow my ballista
to fire for miles.

261
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:34,240
Now I have a ratchet here
at the bottom of the stock.

262
00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,640
Let me show you what I did.
I've taken this.

263
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,040
It's a...

264
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,400
... it's a gear from the ship.

265
00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,040
And then I've attached
this wrench here.

266
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,800
This wrench

267
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:49,680
keeps it locked.

268
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:55,520
Okay, let me show you
how to lock and load the ballista.

269
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:58,640
Right here is my sling.

270
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,320
This is my quick release.

271
00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:02,400
I push my slide up...

272
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,240
Capture my sling.

273
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:06,560
Can you see that?

274
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:07,760
So now I will start

275
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,960
pulling back the sling,

276
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,080
tensioning the arms,
getting it ready to fire.

277
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:20,880
As those arms are bending back,

278
00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:25,000
the ropes that are holding it
are twisting and twisting,

279
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,680
just like Richard's soul.

280
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:32,760
It's that time that you've been
waiting for: to see it fire.

281
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,760
I had to change the angle
on the ballista,

282
00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:37,680
so I can get the perfect trajectory
to go up and over,

283
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:40,640
so that it lands directly
on top of Richard's head,

284
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,640
who's hiding just over there,
inside of a foxhole.

285
00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:06,480
No sign of the enemy, Clarkson.

286
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,480
He's hiding like a rat.

287
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,960
That's what rats do.

288
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:14,920
Loading!

289
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,080
It's about to rain down on you, Richard.

290
00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:23,080
In three, two, one... Fire!

291
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,880
Ow! What was that?

292
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:30,880
Yes! Direct hit.

293
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:33,320
I knew it!

294
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,640
- You built yourself a slingshot!
- Nope.

295
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:36,640
Not a slingshot.

296
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:37,960
What is it?

297
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,040
A ballista.

298
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,080
- You've got a blister?
- No.

299
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,520
It's a ballista,
but it does give me blisters.

300
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:46,320
It gives me all the firing power I need

301
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,680
to rain down fruit on you.

302
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:50,320
- Who invented those?
- You know,

303
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,560
the Greeks invented it,
but the Romans dominated with it.

304
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,280
- I'm loading now.
- It's not rapid fire?

305
00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:59,720
No, it's a bit clunky,
but it's just a prototype.

306
00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:01,520
Just before you do fire,

307
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:04,400
it's been really nice talking.
Good to catch up.

308
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:07,200
It's good talking to you too.
All right, are we back at it?

309
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,560
Yeah! Rain down death.

310
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:09,880
Here we go. In three...

311
00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:11,480
- Wait a minute!
- ... two, one, fire!

312
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:18,560
Take cover! Hiding!

313
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,320
Fire!

314
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,520
I don't wanna die
in a fruit salad!

315
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:29,720
Run away!

316
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,480
Combat zigzags! Oh, ow!

317
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:33,800
Right up the arse.

318
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:36,320
Fire!

319
00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:40,440
Ow! Death from the skies!

320
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:41,560
Fruity death!

321
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:43,760
Fire!

322
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:48,040
Oh!

323
00:20:48,760 --> 00:20:49,760
Are you done yet?

324
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:50,760
Fire!

325
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:55,240
Oh! I've had more than my five a day.

326
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:56,560
U-S-A!

327
00:20:56,720 --> 00:20:57,560
U-S-A!

328
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:00,560
Sorry.

329
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,400
So, the ballista worked
way better than I thought.

330
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,520
But I should've guessed it,

331
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:09,320
Richard would take it badly
and then go do something stupid.

332
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,560
Wow, he really drones on.

333
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,320
How does he get so many book deals?

334
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,800
This doesn't help me
figure him out at all...

335
00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:54,160
Who is Richard Hammond?

336
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:03,920
Not my tank!

337
00:22:04,120 --> 00:22:05,800
- Not my tank!

338
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,120
My tank now!

339
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:11,120
Oh yeah!

340
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:16,520
Yeah, he stole my tank.

341
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:18,600
It was low on gas,
so he wasn't going far.

342
00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:20,080
And truthfully...

343
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,240
I had bigger things to worry about.

344
00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,680
What's he doing over there?

345
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:44,120
I can't tell.

346
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:50,240
He's hiding like a little scared animal,
that's for sure.

347
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,840
The last of the fresh drinking water.

348
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,120
I didn't want it to come to this, but...

349
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:03,760
It's a good thing I made this.

350
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,040
It's my crude urine distillery.

351
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:08,720
How does it work?

352
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:09,880
I'll tell you.

353
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,640
So what I've been doing is collecting

354
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,080
my own piss in this metal bucket.

355
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:18,000
Underneath it, I've built a fire.
It's going to keep the urine boiling.

356
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,240
I put a lid on top of that
and attach that to a hose.

357
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:25,320
Now, all that steam
starts travelling up that hose

358
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,320
and goes around
and around the hose

359
00:23:27,520 --> 00:23:29,320
and as it's travelling through it,

360
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:31,080
it's condensing back into liquid.

361
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,280
I know it's not gonna taste
like regular water!

362
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:38,320
But it's gonna be a better flavour
than drinking straight piss.

363
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:39,880
As it gets to the bottom,

364
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:44,000
I have another container
that is collecting that fluid.

365
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:49,480
So what I'm gonna do now...

366
00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:54,160
is take a little of my own urine

367
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,080
and get this cloth wet.

368
00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:58,200
What's that gonna do?

369
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:01,360
The evaporative cooling

370
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:05,480
will allow the steam inside the tube
to condense faster,

371
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:07,800
so I can get more drinking water.

372
00:24:12,240 --> 00:24:13,200
Yes, I'm gonna test it.

373
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,680
If I'd known he was drinking
his own urine,

374
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,120
I'd have strung it out for weeks.

375
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:39,720
What is wrong with you people?

376
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:42,040
I wasn't the one downing cups of wee!

377
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:46,080
And I didn't string it out.
I decided it was time to get straight on

378
00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:48,760
with my massive treehouse attack plan.

379
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,600
Enemy approaching.
What did he do?

380
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:07,880
He's armoured the tank!

381
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,240
I'm coming at you now, my friend.

382
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,840
This is the heavy armoured division.

383
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:24,920
All right. In three, two, one!

384
00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:26,440
Fire!

385
00:25:29,040 --> 00:25:29,920
Yes!

386
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,760
The fruits are not getting through.

387
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:42,080
Oh, looks like
you added armour to the tank.

388
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:44,240
Oh, I got a proper tank,
British invention.

389
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,240
We know what we're doing with these.

390
00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,160
-  Is somebody scared?
- Yes, I can smell fear.

391
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:51,080
It's from over there because you are

392
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:53,760
staring down
a four pineapple-shot magazine,

393
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,320
heavy artillery piece
in the back of this.

394
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:57,760
The breech comes out,

395
00:25:57,920 --> 00:25:59,520
lifts a handle
and the breech rolls across,

396
00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:02,480
next fresh breech rolls in
with the next pineapple.

397
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:04,240
You're gonna die,
my friend!

398
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,840
Oh. Well done!
You mounted the pineapple cannon

399
00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:09,440
to the tank.

400
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,720
-  My tank!
- Hang on a second.

401
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:13,880
- Let me aim this...
- Hey, Richard.

402
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:15,640
- Yes?
- I have a question.

403
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:19,360
What?

404
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,720
How are you running it?
Is it running on your hooch?

405
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,160
It's running on the tiny bit
of petrol I'd saved.

406
00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:28,840
Let me get on with it now.
I'm bringing about your destruction.

407
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,760
Oh, and by the way, it's aluminium!

408
00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:35,000
You mean "aloominum"?
Is that what you covered the tank in?

409
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,480
And it's called a car bonnet.
Have this!

410
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:44,560
You missed!
Nice cannon!

411
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:46,520
You should learn how to aim it!

412
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:47,640
Incoming!

413
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,320
That was close!

414
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,440
I'm just re-loading.
Ow, I'm cutting my thumb off!

415
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:01,440
Ow!

416
00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,000
Incoming!

417
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:08,040
Whoa!

418
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:11,400
This just got real!
Richard, that was really close.

419
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,600
- Oh!

420
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:19,160
Right in the lavatory!

421
00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:22,160
Boom! Bang!
What an opening salvo!

422
00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:24,880
But then I had to go back to base
for more pineapples.

423
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:27,440
Ammo.

424
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,240
And that's when Tory had
his annoyingly good idea.

425
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:35,360
He's retreating?

426
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:37,600
Where is he going?

427
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:48,040
I don't have a good feeling about this.

428
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,280
What did they do
in the old days against tanks?

429
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:55,640
That's it, Clarkson!
We'll gas him out!

430
00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:00,720
So it was Clarkson's idea?

431
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:02,080
I know, I know.

432
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:05,000
It was a dirty trick,
but a classic anti-tank move.

433
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:08,520
And that's why I started building
the vortex cannon.

434
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:18,960
All right, once I get the cone shape,
I can make my vortex cannon.

435
00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:22,360
Now what I'm thinking,
is taking some hot chilli peppers.

436
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:24,520
Grind them up, dry them out,

437
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:26,600
and make a chilli smoke.

438
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,520
Then I'll load it into my cannon
and fire a giant,

439
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:32,800
hot burning ring
towards Richard's face!

440
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:36,200
I'll need some kind of fuel

441
00:28:36,360 --> 00:28:39,880
to make the explosion inside
the cannon for this to work.

442
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:42,080
Huh?

443
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:43,880
You know what?

444
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,680
Richard probably
has something in his room.

445
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,640
There's gotta be something
flammable in here.

446
00:29:12,720 --> 00:29:14,560
Where did he get that?

447
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:15,720
Hello!

448
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:18,000
Ah!

449
00:29:19,600 --> 00:29:20,800
Hairspray!

450
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:22,360
That's flammable.

451
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:26,520
His vanity is going to be his downfall.

452
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:29,600
No wonder his hair looks so good.

453
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,760
Please explain to me
this vortex cannon.

454
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:36,440
Now a vortex is
a super stable ring of spinning air.

455
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:39,360
I knew it was going to be strong enough
to hold bits of chilli.

456
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:44,880
A big push from something flammable,
I could aim it, and fire at him.

457
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:55,720
Hey guys, it's Tory Belleci again,
taking over for Richard Hammond,

458
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,200
on Hammondland TV.

459
00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,000
He's still hiding in his foxhole.

460
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,800
But he has stolen my tank
and armoured it, so...

461
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:05,440
he's pushed me to fight dirty,
so I have built this.

462
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:10,240
It's my vortex cannon!
Let me show you how it works.

463
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:11,600
I took a car battery,

464
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:14,480
attached the car battery
to a sparkplug.

465
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:16,520
That's gonna give me my ignition.

466
00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:20,400
My fuel is his own hairspray.
How fitting is that?

467
00:30:20,600 --> 00:30:22,560
It will get mixed with the oxygen.

468
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:24,720
All I need to do is push this button

469
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:27,880
and it'll explode the gases
inside the tank.

470
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:29,440
And all those hot gases

471
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:32,680
will come firing out
the muzzle of my cannon.

472
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:34,560
Now look at its shape.

473
00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:36,440
It is shaped like a cone,

474
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:39,560
and that cone
is going to create a vortex.

475
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:41,840
What's a vortex, you ask?
Well, in this case,

476
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:45,520
it's gonna be
a chilli smoke ring of doom,

477
00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:47,600
headed straight for Richard's face.

478
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:50,120
Let's work on the ammunition.

479
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:53,440
I have some hot red chillies.
I'm going to put them in this pot,

480
00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:55,120
cook them and create smoke

481
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:59,560
and that's the smoke I'm gonna put
in my cannon to fire at Richard.

482
00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:01,920
Ready for this? Here we go.

483
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:03,640
All right.

484
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,600
My chillies are cooked.
It's time to test the smoke.

485
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:13,160
I think that's going to work.

486
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:50,640
Tory, I'm back. You coming out to play?

487
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:52,480
Welcome back, Hammond.

488
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:54,560
Hello, what's that?

489
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:57,360
I got rid of the ballista
and made a vortex cannon.

490
00:31:58,040 --> 00:31:59,640
They're the ones that blow
like a puff of air?

491
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:02,480
- Yup.
- Argh, he's gonna hit me with air!

492
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:05,880
And I'm in a tank.
Right, advancing. Prepare to die!

493
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:07,520
Bring it!

494
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,320
Get ready
for my smoking ring of fire!

495
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:18,360
In three, two, one!

496
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,000
Ow! What was that!

497
00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:25,240
Oh hello?
Oh! Oh! That is horrible.

498
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:35,440
I can't breathe!

499
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:41,240
Oh no! Or see.
I can't see a thing!

500
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:44,320
Kind of hard to drive a tank
when you can't see, huh?

501
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:49,000
Stop doing that, Tory!

502
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:51,120
Choke on this, Hammond!

503
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:54,960
Ow! Stop firing that thing!

504
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:56,920
I can't see where I'm going!

505
00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:58,520
You want some more?

506
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:02,240
Feel the burn, Hammond!

507
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:07,400
Ow! Stop doing that!

508
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:13,440
I can't see where I'm going.

509
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,240
Richard, watch out!
You're gonna hit the waterwheel.

510
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:21,840
- Oh, hang on! What was that? Oh god!

511
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:25,440
Richard!

512
00:33:27,440 --> 00:33:28,920
Oh my god!

513
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:40,160
Richard?

514
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,280
You okay, little buddy?

515
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,200
Say something!

516
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:51,040
I think we've gone too far...

517
00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:55,360
Maybe I used too much chilli powder.

518
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:57,320
Yeah, um, that's how

519
00:33:57,520 --> 00:33:59,640
we smashed up our own beach.

520
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:39,520
Oh god!

521
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:41,600
What have we done?

522
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:50,480
Richard!

523
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:53,160
- You're alive!
- Yeah.

524
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:56,320
- I thought you were dead.
- So did I... What happened?

525
00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:59,160
You crashed into the waterwheel,
it fell on you.

526
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:01,920
- I thought you were dead.
- No, before that.

527
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:04,880
Oh, I hit you
with the burning chilli pepper smoke.

528
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:06,360
That's why you couldn't see.

529
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:08,480
- What, that gas?
- Yeah.

530
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:09,960
- You gassed me?
- Yeah.

531
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:11,520
That was chemical warfare!

532
00:35:11,640 --> 00:35:14,160
Technically, they were organic peppers,
so it was like...

533
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:17,600
- ... organic warfare?
- I was blind. I couldn't breathe.

534
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:20,000
That's chemical warfare.
That's illegal in most countries!

535
00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:22,760
- You very nearly killed me!
- But you're alive!

536
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:26,040
- You were gonna kill me!
- What are you doing?

537
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:29,800
We shouldn't be fighting!

538
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,640
You basically tried to kill me!

539
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:47,520
Wait, wait a minute.
I got a stitch.

540
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:51,680
- I'm getting too old for this.
- Yeah.

541
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:56,840
Richard, this is your fault.

542
00:35:57,040 --> 00:36:00,680
- You shouldn't have shot the flares.
- It's your fault.

543
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:03,080
You shouldn't have stolen Clarkson.

544
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:05,280
- Speaking of which...
- Where is Clarkson?

545
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:14,440
-  You are not...
- Yes I am!

546
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:16,120
-  No, you are not!
- Yes, I am.

547
00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:17,480
You are so not!

548
00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:21,440
Oh no!

549
00:36:34,480 --> 00:36:36,880
Oh, brilliant. Brilliant!

550
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:38,320
That is incredible.

551
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:41,520
You've actually managed
to make things worse.

552
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,360
This is awesome.
We're going to die like this.

553
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:47,760
I don't care!

554
00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:56,280
This is exactly how I wanted to go.

555
00:36:57,160 --> 00:36:58,920
Stuck next to you.

556
00:36:59,120 --> 00:37:00,640
Starving to death.

557
00:37:00,840 --> 00:37:02,600
Eaten by buzzards.

558
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:03,840
Vultures.

559
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:13,080
Oh my god!
This is torture!

560
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,160
Subtitling: ECLAIR