- Life on the campaign trail isn't exactly glamorous.
Why are we still sitting here?
Yeah, why haven't we left yet?
- Being away from home for months at a time,
living out of a suitcase, chasing sources,
and writing stories
half the country won't believe anyway--
it can be a grind.
But there are some days
that make it all worthwhile.
Because just when you think you know the whole story,
it changes.
Holy...
shit.
- What is she doing? - Oh, my God.
Look what was holding up traffic.
Is that Felicity Walker?
Felicity Walker.
What the hell is she doing here?
- Felicity Walker?
Oh, my God.
Felicity Walker--
the woman who haunted my past
and would ultimately derail my entire future.
Of course, I didn't know that yet.
♪ I am the passenger ♪
It was three years ago when my editor
asked me to cover the first woman
with a real shot at the White House...
I'm an only child raised by a single mom...
A respected senator who reached
across the aisle to pass paid family leave
and a sweeping climate change bill.
She was scrappy and blunt
and made curtain bangs look good.
Now, as a reporter,
my job is to remain objective, detached.
But somewhere along the way,
I found myself rooting for Walker.
Yeah!
And I wasn't alone.
Everywhere we went,
she seemed to be capturing hearts and minds.
crowd: Walker, Walker, Walker!
According to Nate Silver's statistical needle,
she was a shoo-in to become the first woman president
and my career-defining front-page story.
See, that's the thing about being a campaign reporter.
Pick the right horse, and you can ride that baby
all the way to the White House,
TV, book deals, Pulitzers.
But then...
she lost.
No one saw it coming.
In the end, it didn't matter how it happened or why.
It happened, and I was devastated.
That's the end of the era of...
I woke up the next morning
to find that my meltdown
went viral,
thanks to Liberty Direct News.
- ♪ Somebody tell me ♪
- At the time, I thought it was
the worst thing to happen
to a political reporter.
What a difference three years can make.
♪ Too naughty, no die ♪
♪ You're my ride or die ♪
And remember...
Yes, I know she was at the hotel.
The whole world saw her show up at the hotel.
But why? Why is she here?
Where's Walker now? What--
Oh, hang on.
That's--that's my editor. I'll call you back in five.
Bruce, I got three minutes. What do you need?
Your latest on Caroline feels like a clip job.
I mean, it's all sex, no substance.
Just the way our readers like it.
- No, dig deeper, dig deeper. - Uh-huh.
How many donors has she lost?
Is her party pressuring her to drop out before the caucuses?
- Yeah. - Do we know who
her super PAC is now gonna get behind?
- Yeah. - Are you even listening to me?
Of course I'm listening.
You're obsessing about Walker being in Iowa, aren't you?
I'm not obsessing.
I am investigating, which is my job.
No, your job is to follow Caroline Bennett.
Now, you begged me to put you on her bus.
I mean, you chose her. - I--
I--to be fair, I chose her before we found out
she starred in "Eyes Wide Shut" the docuseries.
The fact that Felicity Walker is in Iowa--
Is not the story on your beat.
You have a sex scandal involving produce.
Walker is still the better story.
What is the story?
Why is she in town?
I--
I don't know.
She's taken you down once, Sadie.
Do not let her do it again.
You know, I'm gonna find out why Walker's in Iowa,
and when I do, you're gonna front that shit on page one.
Bye.
- It's so good having you here, Senator.
And since we've known each other for a long time,
let's just cut to the chase.
Now that Caroline Bennett's all but out of the race,
who are you planning to endorse?
Don't answer him, Haskin.
You're better than that.
Look at you,
watching two old white guys like they matter anymore.
You're right.
The Supreme Court is clearly swayed by social media,
which is why everything
is going so well for us in this country.
Yeah, they'll die off soon enough.
Who's that guy? - Tim Haskin, Iowa senator.
He decides who wins the caucus.
What do you mean Haskin decides?
The caucus is tomorrow night.
Before it starts, Senator Haskin will go on TV
and shake hands with one of the Democratic candidates.
That's his way of signaling to his constituents
who he wants to win.
The sheep will follow.
My job is to find out whose hand he's shaking
before he shakes it.
That's what you think
your job is as a journalist? - Mm-hmm.
That's so sad.
Breaking news, yes.
Also, voters are not sheep.
And--and you know that why?
Because of your many years of experience
on the campaign trail?
I'm sorry that you had to wear Spanx
just to be taken seriously.
I'd be pressed, too, if my insides
had been cinched for a century.
But I have news for you.
The establishment no longer decides for us.
Young people are engaged.
The world is changing.
You wanna bet?
Folks, I'm gonna ask you
to pray with me in just a minute.
Unbelievable.
This is unbelievable. Gary, are you seeing this?
Sorry, one second, just confirming
you prefer orchids to petunias.
Is Eric's mother still bothering you
with wedding stuff?
I told her you are not my assistant;
you're my embed.
But orchids. - Yeah, uh, not sure
she's fully grasping that distinction.
I will call Eric and tell him to try to wrangle his mother.
But I need you to put your phone down and look at this.
That's right, Rick.
In response to the sickening revelations
inside the Bennett campaign, the president...
- How many is that? - Three.
Three in the last 12 hours,
and it's always the same statement.
He's disgusted. She's disgusting.
Variations on a theme.
This is supposed to be our story, Gary.
We're the ones on Caroline's bus.
We should be the ones covering her scandal.
Caroline is talking right now,
and we're not filming it, so--
The woman inserted a mango
into her own nether regions
and allowed a man to eat it out of her in public.
And mangoes can be so stringy.
They're calling this a sex club,
but there's gotta be more to the story.
Does it need more?
Maybe not, but if this is gonna be the thing
that takes her out of the race,
let's make sure it's for a good reason.
Like you getting on TV instead of Nellie Creamsicle?
Exactly.
Okay, grab your gear. - All right.
Accountability and atonement are my responsibility...
Hey. Did I miss anything good?
If you did, do you think I'd tell you?
And I know some of you folks thought,
well, she's just gonna run away.
She's just gonna go home after that vicious attack.
crowd: No! - Well, no, no, to be perfectly
honest with you, that thought did cross my mind
more than once last night.
But then I got a call from a friend,
a friend who believes in what it is
I'm trying to do here,
a friend who reminded me
that when the going gets tough...
The tough stay put!
- Felicity Walker!
♪ You keep saying you've got something for me ♪
Surprise!
My good friend Caroline Bennett.
- We love you, Felicity!
♪ These boots are made for walkin' ♪
♪ And that's just what they'll do ♪
♪ One of these days, these boots ♪
♪ Are gonna walk all over you ♪
- Yeah. - Walker is throwing
her support behind Bennett.
Of course it makes sense.
I told you she was a better story.
I mean, yes, they do seem close,
but I don't think we can call them lovers.
Yeah, lube, that's totally fine.
My manager.
I have to find a way to work SlippyDippy Intimacy Gel
into American workers getting fucked,
which I think is a cute collab. - I'm sorry. Sorry.
- Mm-hmm, yeah.
I think that's...
Branded content is the future of journalism.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, Bennett's meeting with the "Register's"
editorial board later today.
Okay, bye.
I am gonna punch the perky right out of you
if you don't calm down. - Oh, come on.
Even you have to admit that this is cool.
Walker showing up to support another female candidate
just proves that she is exactly who we thought she was.
Exactly who you thought she was.
I still have no idea why...
You are so obsessed with her.
I'm not obsessed.
I'm inspired.
She's inspiring.
She is power-hungry, like every other politician.
The only reason Walker is here
is because she is desperate to remain relevant.
That's a darker take. But if she'd won--
- She didn't. - And that's on us.
The--us--not--
not us the media.
Like, us, the general--
like, the voters, us.
Sadie McCarthy.
Don't look at me like that.
I had no idea you were so--
What, stupid, naive, gullible, what?
Hopeful.
If I ever see you in a pussy hat...
I am kicking your pussy off the bus.
Of all the midrange hotel buffets in all the towns...
- Uh-uh, no, not doing this. - What's your problem?
You should be measuring your office in the West Wing.
Your candidate was dead. Carlos Danger dead.
But what--what-- what is that I hear?
Do I hear a--
Oh, God damn it,
how can they be out of Swiss cheese already?
That's a heartbeat, baby. Caroline Bennett in the house.
Vital signs are looking good.
Mm. Sadie.
Look, I am very unhappy,
and now there is no cheese.
Can you take all this way down to, like, a two?
I need you at a two.
- Walker's gonna save Bennett. - That's the plan.
Not that I had any say in the plan.
You know, you'd think I would, seeing as it's,
I don't know, my job, but as it turns out,
Bennett doesn't give a shit what I think, so...
So here's what I'm thinking.
I'm thinking a Q&A with me, Bennett, and Walker--
simple, straight to the point.
Huh. How's this for simple?
Hey, hey.
Caroline doesn't care what you think because...
because that's actually not your job.
Are you her campaign manager, her chief strategist?
Are you her best friend who was with her in the sixth grade
when she got her first period?
No, you're her press secretary.
That is your job.
Only a man would think he should have influence
over what a 62-year-old female presidential candidate
should be doing to stay in the race.
She lied to you. That sucks.
She lied to me, too, but I'm still here.
So why don't we pull up our big-kid pants
and win this thing, shall we?
Hmm.
I'll take that as a yes.
The Iowa Main Street Parade.
One last opportunity for presidential hopefuls
to rub elbows with the Iowans before the caucus.
It might look innocent, but it's actually a bloodbath.
And by the end of tomorrow,
one of these candidates won't be left standing.
Senator Walker!
Senator Walker, it's "The Sentinal"!
Same goes for the reporters covering them.
We love you, Felicity.
And I love Caroline Bennett.
This woman here is the real deal.
Make sure to come out for her on Tuesday.
Senator Walker!
Okay. Lube.
Butter.
Lube.
Butter.
There's gotta be something here.
I know.
Not only that, I ate mac and cheese on a stick.
I had peanut butter and jelly on a stick.
I had catfish on a stick.
Okay, we can do a few questions,
but let's keep it brief, please.
Governor has a tight schedule.
Yes. Right here.
Kimberlyn Kendrick, Liberty Direct News.
Governor, in light of recent revelations
about your involvement with a fringe sex group,
what would you say to Iowans
concerned that your values don't align with theirs?
I think Iowans know, as most Americans do,
that the Resolute Desk isn't in the president's bedroom
for good reason.
The government shouldn't be involved
in the private lives of consenting adults.
Is that the same thing you would say to your daughter?
Okay. That's it for now.
Thank you, everyone. - Hey, hey.
You said a few questions.
- Thank you. - Governor Bennett!
Governor Bennett. You said a few.
Hey.
So you kind of ruined it for the rest of us back there.
And I know we answer to different people
who want very different things, but--
No, I'm pretty sure we answer
to the same people: the American public.
And all they want is the truth.
Nice try, but Liberty Direct News
doesn't give a shit about the truth.
You care, though, which is why I'm appealing to you--
If you say as a woman, this conversation is over.
As a journalist
who's in the same spot as I am,
trying to remain objective with a story
that is fundamentally not objective.
If Bennett were a man, we would--
I would be going after him in the exact same way.
Oh, yeah? You'd be asking him how his children feel?
Really? That's bullshit.
Walker's support is going to give Bennett a second chance,
which means we get to stay on the trail.
Fuck the trail.
She lied.
And I think that once you've lied,
it is a journalist's job to make sure
there aren't other, bigger lies hiding.
That's what I'm doing, and that's what you
should be doing, too, but instead you're spinning.
You might think that what Caroline did
was just embarrassing, but a lot of voters
would call lust and gluttony two of the seven deadly sins
and would expect more from their president.
Maybe you should too.
Hi. Do we know who Haskin is endorsing yet?
Because I feel like with Walker here,
he might have changed his mind.
And if he is, throwing his support behind Bennett--
- It's not gonna be Bennett.
Then why do you even care?
'Cause if she goes down, we're off the trail.
So be it. I miss my Pratesi sheets.
And why the shit does this girl have
900 posts of her eyebrows?
Who's Lauren H?
Lauren H is Senator Haskin's granddaughter,
who is cockblocking my very important standing date
with Senator Haskin's wife,
which means that I now have to--
Kill her?
Or find something better for her to do.
If I can get her grandmother alone,
I can pry Haskin's choice out of her.
Ask Lola. She'll know what to do.
Or better yet, ask Lola to hang out with her.
I can't ask Lola.
We made a bet.
She thinks what I'm doing is irrelevant,
that the world has changed.
What did you bet?
If Haskin's pick wins Iowa,
Lola has to read Janet Malcolm.
- Maybe learn something
about what we're doing here. - Malcolm?
And if they don't?
Haskin's pick always wins.
I just have to find out who it's gonna be
before my father does.
Mm-hmm.
Senator Walker.
It is--it's quite a thing, you being here, Senator.
Your support of Governor Bennett
is very meaningful.
If you wanted to give me a quote--
I don't. Thank you.
Ah. It doesn't have to be now.
You must be exhausted.
You don't look exhausted.
You always manage to look so well-rested.
How do you do that?
But I was thinking maybe a Q&A, or, you know,
maybe we could do a sit-down.
I'd love for the "Sentinal"--
Sadie McCarthy.
Still as bumbling as ever, I see.
- I'm sorry? - You should be.
You and your newspaper ruined my life.
You cost me the presidency
with your snark and your sarcasm
disguised as wit and whimsy.
And that viral meltdown that set women back 100 years,
that was embarrassing.
You wanna give Bennett a shot at the White House?
Stay the fuck away from her.
Hmm.
♪ Just how cool could a cool thing hit ♪
♪ If a cool thing got more cool, real cool ♪
♪ Yeah, do your thing with a bang, bang, bang ♪
♪ And it goes like boom, boom, boom ♪
♪ If a cool thing got more cool, real cool ♪
♪ Yeah, do your thing with a bang, bang, bang ♪
♪ And it goes like boom, boom, boom ♪
I need a favor.
You want free lube, don't you?
It's not a problem; they gave me, like, a whole case.
A friend of mine would love to pick your brain.
If you agreed to meet with her tomorrow morning,
it would really help me out.
Wow.
This must be giving you, like, actual hives.
Sure, no problem.
I love an opportunity to speak to my base.
Journalists don't have bases.
It's possible we have a different definition
of the word "journalist." - There's only one definition.
Do you want my help or not?
- Yes. - Cool.
Oh, when I win the bet,
you don't just have to download TikTok.
You have to dance on it for my page.
Bye.
Okay, bad news.
They were out of Ding Dongs. - Shh, shh, shh.
Yes, of course.
Whatever time works best for your mom,
I'm gonna be there.
Okay. Sounds good, Delia.
No, you get some rest.
Okay, who's Delia?
Delia Brown is the daughter of Amanda Brown,
who was a participant in Caroline Bennett's sex club
and is willing to give me an exclusive interview.
Kimberlyn, that is a very big deal.
So let's go over your last batch of questions,
and then we can compare notes.
Okay, yes. About that.
I actually haven't had a chance to work on those yet.
Your future mother-in-law has gone from texting to calling,
and let's just say the woman is a talker.
I need you to focus.
This moment is not just about beating Nellie.
We have an opportunity to prove to everyone on that bus
that what we do at Liberty Direct
matters just as much as what they do.
I won't let you down.
And I will call Eric and deal with all of that
after the interview.
Pulling an all-nighter to prep for the caucus.
I like it. - Mm. Mm-mm.
I'm going over some of the features on Walker
from the last cycle.
I always thought they were delightful, but maybe--
maybe I'm wrong.
Like--like this story where I--
I mention her favorite snacks.
- Three sliced avocados? - Exactly. Yes.
I thought that was a fun detail.
But maybe Walker didn't want the world
to know what she eats.
A lot of people can't afford avocados.
Maybe I made her seem out of touch.
You know, you're a journalist, not a publicist.
And the fact that I even remember that detail
proves it was a good piece.
Oh, God, and then there's--
there's this one where I-- I said she was exhausting.
I didn't mean she was exhausting.
I meant that being on the trail was exhausting.
Ugh.
- Sadie, Sadie.
Your style of journalism, it's observational.
Now, you hold a mirror up to the candidate,
and if they don't like what they see,
that's not your fault.
Maybe I'm just not good at this, Bruce.
Maybe I should stick to writing about Chinese mallards and--
and not interfere with the state of American democracy.
You wanna go back to writing obits?
What the fuck is going on out there?
Mm, that's room service. Gotta go.
Wait. Did I order room service?
You're not a cheeseburger.
I got you the Q&A with Bennett.
Oh.
Okay.
That's what you wanted.
What? It is. I did.
Yeah, thank you.
So are there any, like, questions you--
specific questions?
You wanna brief me
on what I should ask? - Oh--oh.
Oh, yeah, that. No.
That--mm. That won't be necessary.
I mean, I don't really care. I don't--
I don't work for Caroline anymore.
What?
I quit.
What?
No! - Yeah, yeah.
Oh, my God.
What happened? - I just--
- What happened?
What happened?
Honestly...
you had something to do with it.
- No. - No, no, no, no.
Not like this was your fault or anything.
More like...
The way you were talking about her this morning,
all that--that energy and that enthusiasm.
I don't have it, not for her, not anymore.
You know, this job, it's--
it's hard enough when you believe in the person
you're working for, but when you don't--
Why don't you?
- I don't know. I just don't. - But why?
Sadie, can you not be a journalist right now?
Just be my friend.
Yes.
Yeah, of course.
Sorry. - Thank you.
This is a dumb business we're in.
Mm-hmm. This is true.
♪ A thousand useless moving parts ♪
♪ Sometimes you spend your night ♪
♪ Too scared of getting closer ♪
♪ Hiding out in the back seat of your ♪
All right, so let me just clarify something.
♪ You tell yourself it's raining ♪
So you no longer work for--
for Caroline Bennett.
Thus, you are no longer a conflict at all.
♪ You tell yourself it's better ♪
Correct.
♪ To jump before you fall again ♪
♪ Before you lose it all again ♪
Interesting.
♪ Look up, do you see the sunlight ♪
Interesting.
♪ There's flowers in your hair ♪
♪ Hold on ♪
Interesting.
♪ 'Cause somebody loves you ♪
♪ You know trouble's always gonna be there ♪
♪ Don't let it bring you to your knees ♪
♪ Look up ♪
Mm.
♪ Don't let it bring you to your knees, look up ♪
Sasha, I will need two Bloody Marys on the table
before my guest arrives.
Oh, they're already here. You're the third.
- The third? - Mm-hmm.
Is Senator Haskin joining us?
Gracie.
Dad... huh.
What a treat.
Your father's been hollering to get together.
So when Lauren canceled on me last minute,
I figured I'd kill two birds with one stone.
Well, what have I missed?
Catch me up.
Oh, you know your father only likes to talk shop.
- Let me guess.
The Walker bump has everyone second-guessing
Bennett's chances. - Polls are bullshit.
But now that you're here,
we can discuss more important matters.
How's my granddaughter doing at school?
Annie's in college already?
I'm gonna need to see pictures.
Did I wake you?
Shit. Sorry.
What time is it?
Time for me to go, unfortunately.
Are you going back to D.C.?
No, not--not right this second, no.
Why do I suddenly feel weird?
Mm-mm. Don't--don't feel weird.
I mean, hey, last night--
last night was amazing.
This is not me running away from you.
No, this is just me late.
Late? For what?
Sadie, I'll call you later, okay?
You took a shower.
Where are you going? Why--
You smell fancy.
What's happening?
I used your shower gel.
Didn't realize you were saving it for a special occasion.
Good luck with the interview today.
Oh, God. I forgot about that.
Do you know if Walker's...
gonna-- - No, no, no.
It's just gonna be you and Bennett.
Her choice, not mine.
12:15, room 204, okay?
Sadie? - Mm-hmm?
Don't be late.
All right, I love you.
- That-- Fuck.
Yeah, it's--it's okay.
That's okay.
I mean thank--thank you.
Okay...
bye.
Bye.
What the fuck?
Oh, God.
- Can we tuck this guy in? - Yeah.
Is that comfortable?
It's fine.
- Okay, you're all set.
- Ready? - I really wanna--
to thank you so much for taking the time to talk to us.
Not everyone would be so brave.
Well, it was my daughter who encouraged me to speak out.
This new generation...
I envy them. - Don't we all?
Honestly, I never would have said a word to anyone
if Caroline Bennett had been honest in the first place.
She made it sound like it was some kind
of hippie free love thing.
It wasn't like that.
I mean, maybe it was for people like her
but not for me.
What do you mean, people like her?
The ones who paid.
Paid?
To eat the fruit.
- Mm-hmm. - Let's start.
Great.
Who's ready for another glass?
Sadly, I have to get back to work.
The caucuses are opening soon. - Look at you,
hustling like you're still 25 with something to prove.
If I were you, I'd be done. - Oh, you would not.
You know how it is.
We don't get older. We just get better.
I have more energy now than I did when I was 30.
- Bullshit. - No, really.
In fact, if anyone should be retiring, it's you, Dad.
But then who would break the story about Tim's pick?
I suppose it's different for men.
Their sense of self-worth is tied to their careers,
which makes sense.
Why does that make sense?
Because they can't have children.
I'm sorry, but...
that kind of thinking is a little old-fashioned, no?
I mean, the world has changed.
The world hasn't changed, Gracie,
just your news algorithm.
Tessy, now, when you leave here
a little later on...
- All right.
I'm so glad we get another shot at this.
- I owe you an apology.
Last time you were here, you asked me
how I was gonna break America's heart.
- Right.
And I totally missed the mark on that one, didn't I?
Well, I mean--
But now it's out in the open,
and I'm hoping that we can all just...
move on.
So you and me, we get a do-over.
So let's do this over, shall we?
Yes, we shall.
Sorry.
Sorry, can I use your bathroom really quickly?
Yeah, sure. Of course.
Governor, we have a situation.
- What? - Well...
Oh, God.
Which outlet?
We believe it was Liberty Direct News
who broke the story first, but it's everywhere now, so--
What are you doing? - No, it wasn--
Are you recording this?
Well, we are on the record. This--
No. This interview's over. Get out.
Out. Get out! - Excuse me.
Who doesn't wanna be reborn, right?
But I didn't have enough money to join.
That's when the man in charge
said there was another way I could pay.
They had to eat the fruit off someone, you know?
What happened your face?
Lauren H happened to my face,
thank you very much.
Pretty sure she used a fucking Sharpie.
I want dancing and singing when you lose this bet, okay?
Dancing and singing--all of it.
Valid.
Yo, I'm gonna need you to give me, like,
all the alcohol right now, please.
Tessy, hi. I am so glad you called.
I wanted to apologize.
I'm the one who owes you the apology.
I never should have let your father hijack our breakfast.
Do you believe that man kept me there two more hours,
thinking I would spill the beans?
Didn't even pick up the damn check.
I believe it.
Screw that.
Women do get better with age.
And more than that, we have to stick together.
You got a pen on you, sweetheart?
Always.
Yeah.
Tessy, you are a gem.
Talk soon.
I nailed down Haskin's endorsement.
Get the news alert ready.
I need ten to file.
The Iowa caucus.
Unlike primaries, where voters show up
at their polling stations and fill out secret ballots,
Iowans declare their support by huddling together
over homemade signs and apple pies
at various schools, churches, and community centers.
Here, folks vote with their feet,
standing together in different groups around the room
as organizers count heads.
It's a little like musical chairs,
except without the music... or chairs.
But the biggest fan club walks away with the cake
and the delegates.
Hello, Mike. So glad to be here with you
live from Des Moines, Iowa,
where the Democratic caucuses
just started a few minutes ago.
And we're here with Nellie Carmichael,
our White House correspondent.
They finally let you out of the briefing room, huh?
I asked nicely.
It's good to see ya.
I mean, nobody should be talking
about the president tonight.
How could he compete with a human breakfast buffet?
Exactly. That was quite an interview, Kimberlyn.
Thank you, Nellie.
I was really interested in getting down to the bottom--
And yet somehow
it seems like you missed the most important part.
Are we talking passion fruit, coconut,
or is this how they pawned off the honeydew
everybody picked off the fruit salad?
Well, when I sat down with Amanda Brown,
one of the women involved, we learned that--
Wait, stop, Kimberlyn. Let's be real.
Caroline Bennett is not settling for honeydew
anytime in the near future.
Well, what this organization really did
was exploit these vulnerable young women
and turn them into indentured sex servants
for the whims of paying customers.
Basically, it was an all-you-can-eat
fruit salad for $500.
Yeah, I'd hate to know what they did
with the watermelon.
Oh, God, Kimberlyn, you kill us.
- What was that? - All right, everybody.
It's time to caucus up.
Go to the corner of your candidate,
and let's vote with our feet.
I don't know.
Geriatrics' corner's getting pretty crowded.
Whatever. It's only one caucus.
They're happening all over the state.
And the median age in Iowa is under 40.
Yep, and I'm pretty sure
they're all at home right now watching TikTok
or buying lube.
Hey, fam, your girl is back
because it is caucus night here in Des Moines,
and this middle school gym is honestly, like, kind of lit.
But I have been hearing in the past couple days
that this entire caucus is a foregone conclusion,
that--that some old white guy
is gonna win because some other old white guy decided so.
And you know what I think that is?
Some boomer fucking bullshit.
If we've learned anything from the people
that came before us, it's that we don't need to listen
and give in to a broken system.
I don't think we should be having it, y'all.
I don't. No.
Because Cesar Chavez and Dolores Huerta
were not having it.
Because Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera
weren't having it.
Because Sharifa Alkhateeb
and--and Shirley Chisholm and Masih Alinejad--
none of those people--they aren't and weren't having it.
The best things that ever happened in this country
were because of people who didn't listen
to old white men.
So today, Iowa,
I hope that's all of you.
Hey.
Nice scoop today.
Your producers must be thrilled.
Not really.
Didn't seem to move the conversation.
Maybe not with your viewers,
but they were never voting for Bennett anyway.
But you changed my mind, and that's no small feat.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
Be honest.
You were never really all in for Bennett.
Why do you say that?
Because you're not stupid.
You don't want just any woman to be president.
You want the right woman,
and Bennett was never as good as Walker,
not in your eyes, anyway.
You, Sadie McCarthy, are a true believer.
God help you.
Motherfucker.
Sadie, hey. I was gonna call you.
You said you didn't believe in Bennett anymore.
So who do you believe in?
Wait. What?
Is Felicity Walker running again?
Is that why she came to Iowa?
Let me rephrase the question.
Are you working for Felicity Walker?
Sa--Sadie. Sa--Sadie, come on.
With caucus results being tallied,
Iowans rejected scandal-ridden Caroline Bennett
in favor of Secretary Fergal P. Richards,
thanks to an endorsement from Senator Tim Haskin.
Bless you, Sam.
So there's no movie of that book you're making me read.
There's an audio version, though,
so might have to do that.
No need. I'm not gonna quiz you on it.
A bet's a bet.
I keep my word.
Although I do maintain that if you tried TikTok,
you would love it.
You know, I know your whole shtick is
to make it seem like everything you say is off the cuff,
but you clearly did your research.
I always do. It's part of the job, right?
Want a drink?
Nah, I'm gonna call my folks,
pop a gummy, say a little prayer.
Now that Bennett's out of the race,
maybe my girl will get her own bus.
Mm. Your girl barely got 5% tonight.
She is not long for this trail.
Wanna bet?
What, are you following me now?
We spent over 150 days together in Iowa, Senator.
I know this is your favorite restaurant.
I know everything about you,
including the fact that you're running again.
Just wanted to give you a chance to go on the record.
Nice try, but we already covered this, Sadie.
Your reporting-- - You're not a fan. I got that.
But you also said if I stayed away from Bennett,
that would help her chances.
Well, I stayed away.
I'm not the problem, Senator.
Maybe not this time, but--
No, I am--I'm not saying
that I haven't made my fair share of mistakes,
and I'm sure I'm going to make many more.
I am not perfect, but neither are you.
Which is kind of heartbreaking but also--
also really liberating,
because now I can just focus on doing my job.
Now, I have it on good authority
that you've hired a new press secretary,
you're having dinner with a top Democratic strategist,
and I just confirmed with a realtor in New York
that the office space previously occupied
by your campaign HQ
was just leased to an LLC titled
Our Tomorrow Begins Today.
So I'm gonna ask you one more time...
Would you care to go on the record?
If not, I can just say you declined to comment.
Our readers love that.
Take a seat.
Let's make it quick.
Mm.
Uh-oh.
What's wrong?
Nothing. I'm fine.
What? Was Terry not happy with the segment?
Look, for what it's worth, I thought you were fantastic.
No, he really liked it.
He might even wanna make it a regular thing.
What? That's great!
So then why are you--
I asked Eric's mother to stop bugging you,
and she sent me a care package.
Except it feels more like a "fuck you" package.
I can help.
It's fine.
It's my wedding.
I just don't know how I'm gonna do it all.
I really thought that I could, but everything just feels
so much more intense than I thought it would be.
It's gonna be okay.
But those flowers have to go.
They're so ugly.
They're hideous.
Okay, let's talk color palettes.
♪ I'm broke, but I'm happy ♪
- Actually, no, neither.
Neither.
"The Journalist and the Murderer,"
by Janet Malcolm.
Chapter one.
♪ I'm sane, but I'm overwhelmed ♪
Oh, Melon does not like what she be smelling.
♪ And what it all comes down to ♪
- Now Finn will get a sniff.
Finn disapproves of the pickle.
♪ Is that everything's gonna be fine, fine, fine ♪
Mm.
This is Annie. Leave a message.
Or better yet, text me.
- Hi, Annie.
It's your mom.
I'm just--I'm watching this thing on TikTok,
and I have no idea why, but it is cracking me up.
It's--it's this cat, and she looks like Norton.
Do you remember Norton?
Ah, maybe you were too little.
Anyway, I'm just calling to say hi and--
If you'd like to send this message, press 1.
If you'd like to rerecord your message, press 2.
♪ Is that I haven't got it all ♪
♪ Figured out just yet ♪
Hey, it's me.
Call me back, or I'm not paying for your phone anymore.
♪ And the other one is giving a peace sign ♪
♪ And what it all comes down to ♪
♪ Is that everything's gonna be ♪
- Room service.
Yes, finally.
♪ 'Cause I've got one hand in my pocket ♪
♪ And the other one is flicking a cigarette ♪
♪ I'm free, but I'm focused ♪
♪ I'm green, but I'm wise ♪
♪ I'm hard, but I'm friendly, baby ♪
♪ I'm sad, but I'm laughing ♪
You're not a cheeseburger.
♪ I'm brave, but I'm chicken shit ♪
♪ I'm sick, but I'm pretty, baby ♪
♪ And what it all boils down to ♪
♪ Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet ♪
Greg, move your head.
Bye.