1 00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:09,509 [loud scraping] 2 00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:18,271 [soft music playing] 3 00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,362 -Thought about renting? -I think this just makes more sense. 4 00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:26,610 -Milk? -Got any soya? 5 00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,698 -No, we don't. -Oh, okay. 6 00:00:31,406 --> 00:00:34,406 -Do you want me to start buying soya milk? -No, it's all right. 7 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:37,413 -I can make it. -Oh, okay. 8 00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:40,456 So just some yellow organic soya beans and some vanilla extract, please. 9 00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,665 And a small muslin cheesecloth. 10 00:00:57,099 --> 00:00:58,429 So, um... 11 00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:02,596 they give you a kid at this panel? 12 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,400 -No. -Oh, it's a shame. 13 00:01:05,482 --> 00:01:08,282 Yeah, no. They have to approve us before we can start looking. 14 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:09,360 [Nikki sighs] 15 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:12,034 -How long does it take? -A while. 16 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:16,452 So, you won't be needing your spare room super soon then? 17 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:29,380 Well, I told you. You shouldn't get involved in other people's relationships. 18 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:32,054 -Jason, I had no choice. -You've gotta fight the urge, man. 19 00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:36,264 It's like if, um, uh, Attenborough sees an elephant who's hurt or dying or whatever, 20 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,176 he cannot intervene. 21 00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,555 No matter how much he wants to, he's gotta leave it. 22 00:01:40,642 --> 00:01:42,602 -He doesn't leave it. -Oh, yeah, he does. 23 00:01:43,020 --> 00:01:45,270 -No, I don't believe that. You're lying. -I'm not. 24 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:49,395 You're telling me that if he sees an elephant and it's hurt, 25 00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:51,744 -he doesn't help it? -No. 26 00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:56,162 -All right. What about a baby elephant? -Definitely not. 27 00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:58,661 -He just-- He ignores a baby elephant? -He has to. 28 00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:00,124 -No. You're winding me up. -I'm not. 29 00:02:00,204 --> 00:02:02,374 -A baby elephant? -Yes. 30 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:05,456 -Well, that's really upset me. -[TV, indistinct] 31 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,712 Oh, oi, oi. Have you done your panel prep? 32 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:09,884 Yeah, yeah. More or less, yeah. 33 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,133 Jase, I don't like having him here. 34 00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:15,546 -He's a bad influence on you. -I'll do it later, all right? 35 00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:16,716 -Jason! -Yeah? 36 00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:20,023 -Fi-Fi-Fi-Fi-Fifa! -Bruv, I'm not being Chelsea. 37 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:21,638 That's why I already put you in as Bolton. 38 00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:25,645 [Nikki grunts] 39 00:02:50,420 --> 00:02:52,340 Lauren, you have got that all over your face. 40 00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,092 -Can you pass me the... -Yeah. This? 41 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:56,474 Yeah. Thank you. Give this to you. 42 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,144 -Did you give him that? -[Nikki] No. 43 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,431 Great, so he's just picked that up off the-- 44 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:04,635 Fantastic, my six-month-old is self-medicating. 45 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,396 -Here, darling. Here. -[baby fussing] 46 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,355 [Erica sighs] 47 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:13,609 -How's Freddy? -Says he misses you. 48 00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,449 -What are you gonna do? -I don't know. 49 00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:21,239 Right now I've only got the energy to be a parent to two children, 50 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,116 so he's gonna have to sort himself out. 51 00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:25,120 He wants to see the kids. 52 00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:29,173 -When? -Weekends and two weekday nights. 53 00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:31,251 Okay. So more than when he lived with us then? 54 00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:35,051 -Anyway, how are you? -Yeah, I'm fine. 55 00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:39,299 Oh, say if no, but, um, would I be able to borrow your dress, 56 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,176 the one that you bought a couple of weeks ago? 57 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,313 -Oh, yeah. Why? -No, no reason. 58 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:46,101 No, it's-- We've got the panel. 59 00:03:46,185 --> 00:03:48,725 -Oh, God, Nikki. I completely forgot. -Oh, no, it's okay. 60 00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:50,982 Sorry, I just keep going on about-- Shit, sorry, yeah. 61 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,654 No, of course you can. Um, how do you feel about it? 62 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,324 Yeah, I mean, it's basically just a job interview. 63 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:59,163 But instead of a job, it's for everything I've ever wanted, so yeah. 64 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,659 Oh, look, fudge. Let me just-- Yeah. 65 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:07,831 Okay. We ready? 66 00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:11,712 -[sighs] Yeah. I think so. -[alarm rings] 67 00:04:11,793 --> 00:04:12,963 -Oh. -[alarm off] 68 00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:15,545 You set an alarm just in case we forgot the-- 69 00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:17,721 -Just in case. -Right. Right, okay. 70 00:04:17,798 --> 00:04:18,798 -[alarm rings] -Oh. 71 00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:20,094 -Oh, my God. -[alarm off] 72 00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:23,007 [panting] 73 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:25,846 What? My phone could've died, couldn't it? 74 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:26,983 Come on. 75 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,233 [alarm rings] 76 00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:33,363 Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. 77 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,440 [alarm off] 78 00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:51,876 [door closes] 79 00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:01,592 Can we go through what we're gonna say? 80 00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:04,183 Okay, but I don't want it to sound rehearsed. 81 00:05:04,263 --> 00:05:05,853 I just wanna make sure that we're on the same page. 82 00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:06,931 All right. 83 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:10,481 All right, I'm gonna try and connect with Melanie. 84 00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:13,191 -All right. -She's from child services. 85 00:05:13,272 --> 00:05:16,022 -She goes kayaking and she likes crafting. -How'd you know that? 86 00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:19,738 Doesn't matter. I'm gonna tell her I make my own candles. 87 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,780 It's crafting, but it's not too on the nose. 88 00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:23,954 -But you don't make your own candles. -See, Jason. 89 00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:26,622 This is one of the many things that we need to be on the same page about. 90 00:05:26,702 --> 00:05:27,872 Right. 91 00:05:27,953 --> 00:05:28,953 [sighs] 92 00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:33,416 What? 93 00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:36,420 -You have thought about your answers? -Oh, yeah. 94 00:05:37,087 --> 00:05:38,167 It's just that I know you. 95 00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:40,755 And when you make mistakes, you panic and you do your jokes. 96 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,511 -Yeah, but I'm better if I'm loose. -I want them to like you as much as I do. 97 00:05:43,594 --> 00:05:47,354 Hey. Don't worry about me, all right? I'll be fine. Okay? 98 00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:48,431 Okay. 99 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,640 Whatever happens, don't get angry, 'cause anger won't help. 100 00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:56,268 Right, okay. "Don't shout at the people." 101 00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,106 Right, I'll try and remember that, yeah. 102 00:05:58,609 --> 00:06:00,069 [footsteps approaching] 103 00:06:00,152 --> 00:06:02,952 Oh, you're already here. How annoying. 104 00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,570 I'm so sorry I'm late. 105 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,236 The bus timetable is largely a work of fiction at this point. 106 00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:11,213 Bloody stairs! At least we're not the Benefit Office. They're on the top floor. 107 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,578 No wonder they're all in tracksuits. [exhales] 108 00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:15,125 Ah, no, I need the-- Um-- 109 00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:17,089 -[sucks teeth] Right, can you read that? -Um... 110 00:06:17,753 --> 00:06:18,753 -No. -No. 111 00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:20,957 Oh, don't-- No, it's okay. Okay. It's probably fine. It's probably fine. 112 00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,048 Right, okay. Now, first thing, 113 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:26,013 the Melanie woman from child services isn't here, 114 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:28,644 so we've got a Michael Grafton. 115 00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:33,732 And he is a local councillor and chair of the finance subcommittee. 116 00:06:33,810 --> 00:06:36,400 -How terribly dull. -Okay, why isn't she here? 117 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,980 Maternity leave. Salt in the wounds, I know, but there we go. 118 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:43,066 Uh, second thing. Do you have a-- Oh, crap. 119 00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:47,283 What's the thing? What is... [mumbling] 120 00:06:47,366 --> 00:06:49,866 -Social media presence? -Why? 121 00:06:49,952 --> 00:06:53,622 Deep dive. They would shove a probe up your bottom if they could. 122 00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:56,577 [Penny sighs] 123 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,166 -All right? -Yeah. 124 00:07:43,505 --> 00:07:45,215 [Jason grunts] 125 00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:46,879 -Did you delete everything? -Yeah. 126 00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,509 -Your whole account? -All of it, yeah. 127 00:07:49,595 --> 00:07:51,135 Gone dark. North Korea'd the lot. 128 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,721 -Yeah. -[Penny] Oh, goodness. 129 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:57,057 -[Penny breathes deeply] -All right? 130 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,274 -Got bit of a cramp actually. -Oh. 131 00:07:58,353 --> 00:07:59,523 -Oh, yeah. -[buzzer buzzes] 132 00:07:59,605 --> 00:08:00,895 -Jason, Nikki? -Yes. 133 00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:03,105 -Would you like to come through? -Oh, yes. 134 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,485 Thank you, Your Honor. 135 00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,860 -It's okay. It's not a court. -Oh, okay. Sorry. 136 00:08:08,947 --> 00:08:10,117 It's okay. 137 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:14,617 -Is it the door on the right? Okay. -Yes, that's... 138 00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:19,374 Okay, so welcome. 139 00:08:19,458 --> 00:08:22,418 This is the panel review for Nikki Newman and Jason Ross, 140 00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:25,463 who are seeking approval as prospective adopters. 141 00:08:25,881 --> 00:08:28,551 So, I'm Sam. I'll be chairing today. 142 00:08:28,634 --> 00:08:30,684 And just to let you know a little bit about me, 143 00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:34,011 I've spent around 13 years working in social care, 144 00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:36,017 mainly with children in the care system. 145 00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:38,519 -Oh, well done. -Oh, thank you. 146 00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,692 -Sorry. -So before we begin, 147 00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:44,270 I'm just gonna let everyone introduce themselves. So, can we? Yes. 148 00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:48,398 Hi, I'm Simon Davis. I work in adolescent mental health services. 149 00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:49,657 -Hi, Simon. -Hi, Simon. 150 00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:52,778 Julie Okolo, educational professional and play therapist. 151 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,196 -Hi, Julie. -Hello, Julie. 152 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:58,294 Another Julie. Julie Farnby. I'm an adoptive parent of two. 153 00:08:58,372 --> 00:08:59,872 -Hi, Julie. -Hello, another Julie. 154 00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:04,377 Michael Grafton, member of the council and chairman of the finance subcommittee. 155 00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:05,921 -Hello, Michael. -Hi, Michael. 156 00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:08,224 Nina Malik, lawyer in family court. 157 00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,338 -Hi, Nina. -Hi, Nina. 158 00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:12,474 Jeanette Hale. My background is in children and family social work. 159 00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,096 -Hi, Jeanette. -Hi, Jeanette. 160 00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:17,429 Caoimhín Óg Ó hEachthighearna, social worker in youth welfare. 161 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,059 -Hi. -Hi. 162 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,400 Okay, well, that's our hour. Thanks for coming in. 163 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,150 -[Nikki laughs] -That went well. Did we-- 164 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,494 I should say that Nikki is very nervous. 165 00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:31,700 So I've assured her you're all going to be lovely to her. 166 00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:34,240 It's all right, I'm just imagining you all naked, so... 167 00:09:36,118 --> 00:09:38,498 Yeah. I enjoy a bit of that, even when I'm not nervous. 168 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,369 [all laugh] 169 00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:43,495 Okay, well, let's start by summarizing the report. 170 00:09:45,377 --> 00:09:46,667 [Nikki sighs] 171 00:09:58,182 --> 00:09:59,432 [pounds on bottle] 172 00:10:00,434 --> 00:10:03,654 I think we'd really love it if you could tell us a little bit about yourselves. 173 00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:04,729 -Yeah, um... -Okay, great. 174 00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:08,693 Well, we've been together for three blissfully happy years, 175 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:09,985 -two average ones. -[Nikki laughs] 176 00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:18,043 And, uh, in terms of hobbies, we like, uh, TV, talking... 177 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:21,406 seeing people that we like. 178 00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:25,826 You know, um, we're both white, obviously-- 179 00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:27,208 I don't know what-- Yeah, go on. 180 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,004 -We like keeping active. -Yeah. 181 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:31,877 -I do yoga. Jason's a keen runner. -Yeah. I love running. 182 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,255 -We're both really into our cooking. -Oh, lovely. 183 00:10:34,343 --> 00:10:36,803 -Badminton. Both big badminton fans. -What? 184 00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,471 Oh. Where do you play? 185 00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:42,516 Oh, anywhere. We just love the game. 186 00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:46,021 -It's addictive, isn't it? -Yes. He has to drag me off the pitch. 187 00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,484 -Court. -Court. 188 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:51,485 Um, we just both like generally keeping ourselves busy. 189 00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:52,568 [Jason] Mm. 190 00:10:53,946 --> 00:10:56,106 So, Jason... 191 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,330 -you teach English to foreign students. -I do, Michael, yes. 192 00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:03,707 -And how long you been doing that? -Oh, too long. 193 00:11:03,789 --> 00:11:06,119 -Oh, you don't like it? -No, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 194 00:11:06,208 --> 00:11:09,208 -It can be frustrating at times, but-- -Do you get frustrated a lot? 195 00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:10,844 With younger people? 196 00:11:11,797 --> 00:11:14,507 -Oh, no. God, no. No, no, no, I don't. -No. 197 00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,144 Okay. 198 00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:22,388 And, Nikki, you work at a car rental firm. How's that? 199 00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:24,564 Oh, it's really great. I really love it. 200 00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:29,653 It's really satisfying matching people to... cars. So, yeah. 201 00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:32,031 It's fair to say that these are not highly paid jobs. 202 00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:33,439 -Well... -Yeah, that's fair. 203 00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:34,527 -Yeah. -Yeah. 204 00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:37,571 -So, where does that leave you? -Scruffy end of Camden. 205 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:39,736 -[Nikki laughs] -Nothing wrong with that. 206 00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:41,735 The last thing we need is rich people's kids. 207 00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:44,707 That's why the country's in a mess, isn't it? Rich people's kids. 208 00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:45,788 [Nikki chuckles] 209 00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:49,333 But if your child needed extra care or tuition, 210 00:11:49,418 --> 00:11:54,168 or, I don't know, a disability ramp, you could manage that? 211 00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:56,335 -Yeah. I think we'd cope. -Mm. 212 00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:57,625 But it might be a struggle? 213 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:03,680 Well, I've actually just taken a promotion at work, uh, to be a manager. 214 00:12:03,765 --> 00:12:05,175 So I'll be a lot more... 215 00:12:06,268 --> 00:12:08,938 managerial, which will involve some extra cash. 216 00:12:09,021 --> 00:12:10,111 There you go. 217 00:12:10,189 --> 00:12:12,399 -Ramps for everyone! -[Nikki laughs] 218 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:13,942 And you're not married? 219 00:12:14,026 --> 00:12:17,486 No, no. We've never really felt the need, have we? 220 00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:20,031 -No. -There's not an issue with commitment? 221 00:12:20,115 --> 00:12:21,655 No, no issue with commitment. 222 00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:25,162 I think we just feel that a bit of paper from the government 223 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:26,745 doesn't prove anything. 224 00:12:27,539 --> 00:12:30,829 I mean, your one does. We do need that, obviously. 225 00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:32,538 -We're totally committed. -Yeah. 226 00:12:32,628 --> 00:12:35,048 Um, we know a lot of married couples, 227 00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:37,420 and it's no guarantee that a relationship will last. 228 00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:39,088 Exhibit A. 229 00:12:39,176 --> 00:12:40,636 [all laugh] 230 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,556 [no audible dialogue] 231 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:55,860 Yeah, but no-- Obviously honesty is important. 232 00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:58,283 But it sort of goes into, again, 233 00:12:58,362 --> 00:13:00,572 what I was saying earlier about communication, right? 234 00:13:00,656 --> 00:13:03,236 So if you've got like a, um... 235 00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:04,575 -What's those? -Pyramid. 236 00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:07,040 Pyramid or tri-- Then communication will be at the top, right? 237 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,540 Then you've got honesty underneath there. 238 00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:11,382 But the communication sort of encompasses both of them. 239 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,918 -So, if what you're-- -[snaps fingers] 240 00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:17,342 I've... been talking so long now, I've forgotten what your question was. 241 00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:19,592 What do you think a child would mean to you? 242 00:13:19,675 --> 00:13:21,215 Exactly, right. Okay. 243 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:25,142 Communication. Below that, honesty, and below that-- 244 00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:26,892 -What would you-- Yeah, yeah. -Sorry, Jase. 245 00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:32,444 I think that we started this process thinking about what a child could give us, 246 00:13:32,521 --> 00:13:39,111 but now, honestly, we're just so excited about what we can give a child. 247 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:42,066 -Well said that, woman. -Yeah, man. 248 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:47,118 I want to ask about something in the medical report. 249 00:13:47,578 --> 00:13:50,158 If it's about his smoking, he's quitting. 250 00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:52,917 -He's doing really well actually. -I've not had one in ages now, Michael. 251 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,840 Actually, it's your report. 252 00:13:55,711 --> 00:13:56,881 Oh, okay. 253 00:13:57,671 --> 00:14:01,221 -So, I see you're taking Citalopram. -[Nikki mumbles] 254 00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,338 Oh, okay. Yeah. 255 00:14:05,888 --> 00:14:07,218 And that's for? 256 00:14:08,140 --> 00:14:13,100 It's, uh, it's anxiety. It's not the highest dose though. 257 00:14:13,187 --> 00:14:14,187 I see. 258 00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:18,190 And why do you think you have anxiety? 259 00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:19,525 Don't you watch the news? 260 00:14:20,194 --> 00:14:23,364 [chuckles] Well, it's hard to say, um... 261 00:14:24,615 --> 00:14:26,025 I don't know. 262 00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:29,829 And how do you think parenting might affect it? 263 00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:35,791 Well, I-I think that everyone has to work hard at being a parent... 264 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:37,126 -Mm. -...irregardless of anxi-- 265 00:14:37,211 --> 00:14:38,921 -regardless of anxiety. -Mm. Mm. 266 00:14:39,004 --> 00:14:42,474 You started taking it around a year ago. 267 00:14:44,218 --> 00:14:45,428 Why was that? 268 00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:56,691 So, this was one round of IVF and then you stopped. 269 00:14:56,772 --> 00:14:57,862 Is that correct? 270 00:14:58,482 --> 00:15:01,572 Well, we-we were told, um, it was very unlikely to work. 271 00:15:01,652 --> 00:15:03,862 And they only fund one round, don't they? 272 00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:06,156 So quite recently then that you stopped trying? 273 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,030 Well, uh, no, not that recent. 274 00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:11,907 We tend to advise people to wait a little longer. 275 00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:14,245 It just-- it really feels right now. 276 00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:15,711 It absolutely does, yeah. 277 00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:18,211 I think what my colleagues are getting at is, 278 00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:21,383 adoption can't be seen as a replacement for a birth child. 279 00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:25,053 -These kids are no one's plan B. -Oh, no. Yeah, no. We know. 280 00:15:25,133 --> 00:15:27,393 People are reluctant to put all their eggs in one basket 281 00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:30,179 and often try and pursue pregnancy at the same time. 282 00:15:30,264 --> 00:15:32,104 She hasn't got any eggs. I mean, that's why we're here. 283 00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:34,062 We're not even thinking about getting pregnant now. 284 00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:36,352 Quite right. Why would you? Awful business. 285 00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:37,856 Thirty-two hours, my first one. 286 00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:40,228 They had to prize that boy out of me with a hot spoon. 287 00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:41,975 I said, "Listen, you have got half an hour, 288 00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:44,737 and whatever's not out of me by then, you can bloody well push back in." 289 00:15:44,820 --> 00:15:47,200 I think it's fair to say that there are concerns here. 290 00:15:47,281 --> 00:15:51,031 In our experience, it takes time to deal with a failure to conceive. 291 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,448 Yeah, we've all got something that we're dealing with though, haven't we? 292 00:15:53,537 --> 00:15:54,997 I mean, God, no one's perfect. 293 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:58,460 -But for you to be good adoptive parents-- -Sorry to interrupt you, Julie, 294 00:15:58,542 --> 00:16:00,882 but no one knows who's going to be good parents, do they? 295 00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:03,091 I mean, look at, um, uh... 296 00:16:03,172 --> 00:16:04,262 Hitler, right? 297 00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:06,799 Hitler's son ran a medical supply business. 298 00:16:06,884 --> 00:16:09,094 He was a nice fellow, apparently. 299 00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:11,048 -And he had Hitler as a dad. -Can you stop talking? 300 00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:15,888 I'm not comparing us to Hitler, obviously. I'm just saying it's basically random. 301 00:16:15,976 --> 00:16:17,306 -Could you please stop? -Okay. 302 00:16:19,438 --> 00:16:22,188 -We do have a responsi-- -Actually, I think it was his nephew... 303 00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:24,991 that did the medical-- Sorry, go on. 304 00:16:25,068 --> 00:16:27,738 We do have a responsibility to the children and to you 305 00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,911 to make sure that you're in a position that you can cope 306 00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:32,410 with what could be a challenging situation. 307 00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:35,332 And for someone like yourself with a history of anxiety and depression-- 308 00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:37,622 I think you're making this sound much worse than it actually is. 309 00:16:37,706 --> 00:16:40,876 My experience with mental health is it's the ones who don't ask for help 310 00:16:40,959 --> 00:16:42,459 you got to worry about. 311 00:16:42,961 --> 00:16:45,761 They are the ones you see in the post office in their pants 312 00:16:45,839 --> 00:16:47,589 trying to post their hair to Elton John. 313 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:50,014 We know how hard a transition this must be. 314 00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:52,513 You're bound to still be feeling a degree of pain. 315 00:16:52,596 --> 00:16:54,886 Can people please stop telling me how I feel? 316 00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,143 I know how I feel because I'm the one feeling it. 317 00:17:00,312 --> 00:17:01,312 [Nikki sighs] 318 00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,651 I am absolutely ready for this. 319 00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:09,574 And I can't prove it to you because how could I? 320 00:17:09,655 --> 00:17:11,865 But I just-- I-I know. 321 00:17:11,949 --> 00:17:14,239 [inhales deeply, sighs] 322 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:18,874 Sorry. 323 00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,795 -I actually just feel a bit sick. -Would you like some water? 324 00:17:25,253 --> 00:17:26,303 Yeah. Yeah. 325 00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:31,512 Okay, let's take a short break. Shall we, yeah? 326 00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:33,013 -Yes. -Sorry. Thanks. 327 00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,069 [buzzer buzzes] 328 00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:52,865 [Nikki quivering] 329 00:17:52,948 --> 00:17:54,158 -You okay? -Yep. 330 00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:55,281 [Nikki quivering] 331 00:17:55,367 --> 00:17:58,407 -You sure? -Yeah, I'm fine. Just leave me. 332 00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:03,667 We're doing our job. 333 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,170 Isn't this what we need? Good, committed people? 334 00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:08,763 Look, concerns were raised. It's due diligence. 335 00:18:08,839 --> 00:18:10,629 Bloody balls to that. I've got kids who need homes. 336 00:18:10,716 --> 00:18:12,756 -Suitable homes. -They are sui-- 337 00:18:13,177 --> 00:18:14,217 They are suitable. 338 00:18:14,303 --> 00:18:17,103 Christ, if they're not suitable, we may as well all pack up and go home. 339 00:18:17,181 --> 00:18:19,311 I've got kids in bloody war zones out there. 340 00:18:19,391 --> 00:18:22,441 Kids half starved to death two miles from where we are standing. 341 00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:26,229 Kids whose muscles are wasting away because no one ever lifts them out of bed. 342 00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:28,855 And in this city, that is happening. 343 00:18:28,942 --> 00:18:32,322 Look, we're all aware it's a challenging environment. 344 00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:33,784 I vouch for them. 345 00:18:33,864 --> 00:18:38,124 I've been doing this for 30 years, and I am vouching for them. 346 00:18:39,369 --> 00:18:40,999 [footsteps departing] 347 00:18:48,170 --> 00:18:51,380 People really need to stop telling me that I can't have children 348 00:18:51,465 --> 00:18:54,005 'cause it is seriously just starting to piss me off. 349 00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:55,392 Okay. They are being beastly to you. 350 00:18:55,469 --> 00:18:57,389 And if it carries on, I'm gonna climb over that table 351 00:18:57,471 --> 00:18:59,261 and hit them about the head ever such a lot of times. 352 00:18:59,348 --> 00:19:01,848 I know, I know, I know, I know I'm supposed to just take it, 353 00:19:01,934 --> 00:19:04,904 but all I've had is doctors, consultants, 354 00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:09,018 and now local bloody councillors looking over their glasses at me going, 355 00:19:09,107 --> 00:19:11,397 "Nope, not quite good enough. Sorry." 356 00:19:11,485 --> 00:19:13,945 Yeah, it's not fair. None of it is fair. 357 00:19:14,029 --> 00:19:18,079 I do feel over it. I do feel ready. I want this. 358 00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,908 But then as soon as I want something, 359 00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:22,163 -I just-- -Okay, just listen to me. 360 00:19:22,246 --> 00:19:25,076 You are neither a dog with wheels for back legs, nor married to my sister, 361 00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:26,535 so I have no pity for you. 362 00:19:26,625 --> 00:19:28,955 So, you pick yourself up and slap on a smile, 363 00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:31,344 because it is not over until it is over. 364 00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:34,931 -Okay? -Yeah. [sighs] 365 00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:37,297 Right. Come on. 366 00:19:37,386 --> 00:19:40,676 -[breathing heavily] -[door opens] 367 00:19:46,937 --> 00:19:48,477 -It's all right. -[buzzer buzzes] 368 00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:51,320 -Hitler? -Badminton? 369 00:19:51,692 --> 00:19:52,822 Thank you. 370 00:19:58,824 --> 00:20:02,834 So, Julie, I think you wanted to pursue this idea of loss. 371 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:05,791 I'm sorry. Can we stop, plea-- Objection. I have an objection. 372 00:20:05,873 --> 00:20:08,463 -Again, not a court. -Okay, sorry. I just, um-- 373 00:20:08,542 --> 00:20:11,502 Before we carry on, there's just something I have to say. 374 00:20:11,587 --> 00:20:13,757 -I can't let you talk about her like this. -Jase. 375 00:20:13,839 --> 00:20:15,379 -No, it's fine. -No, I'm sorry, I can't. 376 00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:19,796 I cannot. Because if they knew you, they would not speak to you like this. 377 00:20:22,723 --> 00:20:25,353 -Do you know how amazing she is? -Jason. 378 00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:30,857 Do you know how much of a better person I am since I met her? 379 00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:35,862 It's not even like she really does anything. 380 00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:37,614 It's just being near her. 381 00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:43,242 You sort of get cured in it, like bacon. 382 00:20:43,744 --> 00:20:44,794 Seriously. 383 00:20:44,870 --> 00:20:49,290 Okay, so, um, a while ago we hired a car, right? 384 00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:52,884 And she cleaned it before she gave it back 385 00:20:52,961 --> 00:20:56,551 because she wanted it to be nice for the next people. 386 00:20:58,217 --> 00:20:59,427 I mean, who does that? 387 00:21:01,970 --> 00:21:03,310 Who cleans a rental car? 388 00:21:08,185 --> 00:21:11,055 So for you to say that we're not the kind of people 389 00:21:11,146 --> 00:21:14,146 who should be doing this because of what we've been through, that's not true. 390 00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:15,976 Because, uh... 391 00:21:17,653 --> 00:21:19,493 we keep hearing that these children's journeys 392 00:21:19,571 --> 00:21:22,661 have started with trauma... and loss. 393 00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:24,121 Well, so did ours. 394 00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:31,710 So we are the kind of people that you need because... 395 00:21:35,712 --> 00:21:37,132 we know pain. 396 00:21:38,340 --> 00:21:39,930 'Cause we've been through it. 397 00:21:42,135 --> 00:21:43,545 And we know the way out. 398 00:21:50,185 --> 00:21:51,345 That's it. 399 00:21:55,732 --> 00:21:59,072 Okay. Shall we move to the home study report? 400 00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:16,633 [Nikki sighs] 401 00:22:22,801 --> 00:22:25,681 You know I cleaned that car 'cause I borrowed it from work without asking? 402 00:22:26,263 --> 00:22:28,683 Oh, shit. I better go and tell them then, hey? 403 00:22:28,765 --> 00:22:30,305 [laughs] Oh, stop it. 404 00:22:36,815 --> 00:22:37,895 I'm really sorry. 405 00:22:39,234 --> 00:22:41,824 -What do you mean? For what? -Ju-- 406 00:22:41,904 --> 00:22:44,414 For everything, for all the trouble I cause you. 407 00:22:44,489 --> 00:22:45,489 What are you talking about? 408 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,040 Well, if you were with someone else, you wouldn't be having to do this, 409 00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:51,119 -would you? -Don't wanna be with someone else. 410 00:22:51,205 --> 00:22:53,165 -Yeah. -I wanna be with you. 411 00:22:53,248 --> 00:22:56,418 Say that now 'cause you're with me and you love me. 412 00:22:56,502 --> 00:22:57,752 But if you were with someone else, 413 00:22:57,836 --> 00:23:00,166 you'd love them and that love would be easier. 414 00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:03,382 Nikki. 415 00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:08,100 I feel sorry for anyone not going out with you. 416 00:23:11,975 --> 00:23:12,975 Honestly. 417 00:23:14,811 --> 00:23:16,941 I don't know how they get up in the morning. 418 00:23:26,657 --> 00:23:28,827 I'm not saying that they won't approve us, 419 00:23:28,909 --> 00:23:32,749 but, you know, I almost burst into tears and you compared us to Hitler, so... 420 00:23:35,207 --> 00:23:39,877 I just want you to know that, if this doesn't happen... 421 00:23:42,548 --> 00:23:43,758 you're enough. 422 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,470 -[door closes] -Okay. [sniffles] 423 00:23:52,307 --> 00:23:55,137 So, they want you to do some counseling 424 00:23:55,227 --> 00:23:59,017 just because it's not been long since you stopped trying, but... 425 00:24:00,732 --> 00:24:01,732 But? 426 00:24:02,901 --> 00:24:04,031 You've been approved. 427 00:24:09,157 --> 00:24:10,407 [chortles] 428 00:24:13,287 --> 00:24:15,207 -We're getting a baby. -Yeah. 429 00:24:16,540 --> 00:24:19,000 -I mean, at some point. -Not now. 430 00:24:19,084 --> 00:24:22,254 -No, and not a baby necessarily. -Not necessarily a baby, but, I mean... 431 00:24:22,337 --> 00:24:24,837 [both laugh] 432 00:24:35,642 --> 00:24:37,142 [sighs] 433 00:24:40,397 --> 00:24:42,607 -[Penny mumbles] -[Nikki] Sorry. 434 00:24:42,691 --> 00:24:44,441 [all laugh] 435 00:24:52,284 --> 00:24:53,834 Yay! 436 00:24:55,704 --> 00:24:56,914 So, what happens now then? 437 00:24:56,997 --> 00:24:59,457 Well, now is the fun part. Now we meet some kids. 438 00:25:00,501 --> 00:25:02,671 -Just ideally not-- -Not a Chelsea fan. 439 00:25:02,753 --> 00:25:04,173 I know that's a redline for you. 440 00:25:04,254 --> 00:25:05,714 That's a bit more of a blue line, isn't it? 441 00:25:05,797 --> 00:25:07,717 [all laugh] 442 00:25:07,799 --> 00:25:09,839 -[soft music playing] -[chattering] 443 00:25:13,639 --> 00:25:14,849 That's a nice jumper. 444 00:25:16,517 --> 00:25:17,557 Oh, thank you. 445 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:20,060 I just tell it like it is. 446 00:25:21,980 --> 00:25:25,150 You, uh, much of a football man yourself, Vic? 447 00:25:25,234 --> 00:25:27,994 No, not really. I watch it on the telly. Do you know how to play golf? 448 00:25:28,070 --> 00:25:29,360 -Oh, golf. No. -Karen. 449 00:25:30,906 --> 00:25:32,526 -[Jilly] Karen, hello! -Hey. 450 00:25:35,077 --> 00:25:36,117 -I'm really sorry. -I'm really sorry. 451 00:25:36,203 --> 00:25:38,543 -I don't know why I said that. -I know you don't like him. I've chosen-- 452 00:25:40,999 --> 00:25:42,919 [Karen tuts, sighs] 453 00:25:47,756 --> 00:25:52,256 Oh, my God. Karen, that's huge. That must have cost a fortune. 454 00:25:52,344 --> 00:25:54,224 Yeah. That's what Scott said. 455 00:25:55,639 --> 00:25:58,889 [Karen laughs] Come on. What are you having then? 456 00:26:02,479 --> 00:26:05,399 So you just swipe right if you like him, like that. 457 00:26:05,482 --> 00:26:08,572 Okay. Oh, this is a game changer for me. 458 00:26:08,652 --> 00:26:12,162 Yeah. I was single last weekend. It was tough. 459 00:26:12,739 --> 00:26:15,659 -How long has it been for you? -Um, I had a bloke a while back, 460 00:26:15,742 --> 00:26:18,792 but the dog took against him and he's right more times than he's not. 461 00:26:18,871 --> 00:26:20,041 -[Jen laughs] -Oh, he's nice. 462 00:26:20,122 --> 00:26:21,922 -Oh. Do you want to have a go? -What do you mean? 463 00:26:21,999 --> 00:26:23,289 -Just swipe right. -Shall I? 464 00:26:23,375 --> 00:26:24,535 -Yeah, do it. Right. -Okay. 465 00:26:24,626 --> 00:26:26,456 -[Jen gasps] -Ooh, I like him too. 466 00:26:26,545 --> 00:26:27,915 -Get me another one. -Okay. 467 00:26:28,005 --> 00:26:29,045 Just get me another one. 468 00:26:30,215 --> 00:26:32,375 I know he's not Brad Pitt, but... 469 00:26:32,467 --> 00:26:35,427 You know, you start off dreaming of this perfect love 470 00:26:35,512 --> 00:26:38,682 that's gonna lift you up and make your heart beat and your head hurt. 471 00:26:38,765 --> 00:26:40,015 And then... 472 00:26:41,226 --> 00:26:44,096 you end up just wanting someone to go to lunch with. 473 00:26:45,856 --> 00:26:47,066 It's compromise. 474 00:26:47,649 --> 00:26:50,689 And at this stage, it's either him, 475 00:26:50,777 --> 00:26:53,817 a handsome racist or someone amazing in a coma. 476 00:26:57,326 --> 00:26:59,196 I didn't realize you were so lonely. 477 00:26:59,286 --> 00:27:01,406 I used to send you texts at 2:00 a.m. 478 00:27:01,496 --> 00:27:03,706 Yeah. I thought you were just being annoying, Karen. 479 00:27:03,790 --> 00:27:05,710 Yeah, well, that too. [chuckles] 480 00:27:05,792 --> 00:27:06,792 Mate. 481 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:09,920 Stuff can still be good, you know? 482 00:27:12,090 --> 00:27:13,800 Even when it's not planned. 483 00:27:21,183 --> 00:27:22,183 Yeah. 484 00:27:39,284 --> 00:27:40,744 So, you're a manager now? 485 00:27:40,827 --> 00:27:43,367 -Yeah. -When were you gonna tell me that? 486 00:27:43,455 --> 00:27:44,745 I should probably tell someone at work first, 487 00:27:44,831 --> 00:27:46,541 -to be fair. -[Nikki laughs] 488 00:27:48,836 --> 00:27:52,706 We have to grow up now. For real. No excuses. 489 00:27:52,798 --> 00:27:55,428 -We'll have to start saving. -And get a pension. 490 00:27:55,509 --> 00:27:56,639 And eat pâté. 491 00:27:56,718 --> 00:27:59,508 And read proper books, not ones from supermarkets. 492 00:27:59,596 --> 00:28:01,966 And I'm gonna tell my dad to stop sending me money on my birthday. 493 00:28:02,057 --> 00:28:03,807 -[Nikki laughs] -All right? I'm gonna do it. 494 00:28:05,269 --> 00:28:07,899 Oh, we should get place mats and special cutlery. 495 00:28:08,397 --> 00:28:10,937 -And guest towels. -And an ironing board. 496 00:28:11,984 --> 00:28:13,534 -And an iron. [laughs] -And an iron. 497 00:28:15,028 --> 00:28:16,698 You know, we should probably knock through. 498 00:28:16,780 --> 00:28:18,200 God, yeah. Definitely knock through. 499 00:28:18,282 --> 00:28:20,532 An excellent way to maximize space in your property. 500 00:28:20,617 --> 00:28:23,037 -[Nikki laughs] -And we're going to need the extra space.