[loud scraping]
[soft music playing]
-Thought about renting? -I think this just makes more sense.
-Milk? -Got any soya?
-No, we don't. -Oh, okay.
-Do you want me to start buying soya milk? -No, it's all right.
-I can make it. -Oh, okay.
So just some yellow organic soya beans and some vanilla extract, please.
And a small muslin cheesecloth.
So, um...
they give you a kid at this panel?
-No. -Oh, it's a shame.
Yeah, no. They have to approve us before we can start looking.
[Nikki sighs]
-How long does it take? -A while.
So, you won't be needing your spare room super soon then?
Well, I told you. You shouldn't get involved in other people's relationships.
-Jason, I had no choice. -You've gotta fight the urge, man.
It's like if, um, uh, Attenborough sees an elephant who's hurt or dying or whatever,
he cannot intervene.
No matter how much he wants to, he's gotta leave it.
-He doesn't leave it. -Oh, yeah, he does.
-No, I don't believe that. You're lying. -I'm not.
You're telling me that if he sees an elephant and it's hurt,
-he doesn't help it? -No.
-All right. What about a baby elephant? -Definitely not.
-He just-- He ignores a baby elephant? -He has to.
-No. You're winding me up. -I'm not.
-A baby elephant? -Yes.
-Well, that's really upset me. -[TV, indistinct]
Oh, oi, oi. Have you done your panel prep?
Yeah, yeah. More or less, yeah.
Jase, I don't like having him here.
-He's a bad influence on you. -I'll do it later, all right?
-Jason! -Yeah?
-Fi-Fi-Fi-Fi-Fifa! -Bruv, I'm not being Chelsea.
That's why I already put you in as Bolton.
[Nikki grunts]
Lauren, you have got that all over your face.
-Can you pass me the... -Yeah. This?
Yeah. Thank you. Give this to you.
-Did you give him that? -[Nikki] No.
Great, so he's just picked that up off the--
Fantastic, my six-month-old is self-medicating.
-Here, darling. Here. -[baby fussing]
[Erica sighs]
-How's Freddy? -Says he misses you.
-What are you gonna do? -I don't know.
Right now I've only got the energy to be a parent to two children,
so he's gonna have to sort himself out.
He wants to see the kids.
-When? -Weekends and two weekday nights.
Okay. So more than when he lived with us then?
-Anyway, how are you? -Yeah, I'm fine.
Oh, say if no, but, um, would I be able to borrow your dress,
the one that you bought a couple of weeks ago?
-Oh, yeah. Why? -No, no reason.
No, it's-- We've got the panel.
-Oh, God, Nikki. I completely forgot. -Oh, no, it's okay.
Sorry, I just keep going on about-- Shit, sorry, yeah.
No, of course you can. Um, how do you feel about it?
Yeah, I mean, it's basically just a job interview.
But instead of a job, it's for everything I've ever wanted, so yeah.
Oh, look, fudge. Let me just-- Yeah.
Okay. We ready?
-[sighs] Yeah. I think so. -[alarm rings]
-Oh. -[alarm off]
You set an alarm just in case we forgot the--
-Just in case. -Right. Right, okay.
-[alarm rings] -Oh.
-Oh, my God. -[alarm off]
[panting]
What? My phone could've died, couldn't it?
Come on.
[alarm rings]
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
[alarm off]
[door closes]
Can we go through what we're gonna say?
Okay, but I don't want it to sound rehearsed.
I just wanna make sure that we're on the same page.
All right.
All right, I'm gonna try and connect with Melanie.
-All right. -She's from child services.
-She goes kayaking and she likes crafting. -How'd you know that?
Doesn't matter. I'm gonna tell her I make my own candles.
It's crafting, but it's not too on the nose.
-But you don't make your own candles. -See, Jason.
This is one of the many things that we need to be on the same page about.
Right.
[sighs]
What?
-You have thought about your answers? -Oh, yeah.
It's just that I know you.
And when you make mistakes, you panic and you do your jokes.
-Yeah, but I'm better if I'm loose. -I want them to like you as much as I do.
Hey. Don't worry about me, all right? I'll be fine. Okay?
Okay.
Whatever happens, don't get angry, 'cause anger won't help.
Right, okay. "Don't shout at the people."
Right, I'll try and remember that, yeah.
[footsteps approaching]
Oh, you're already here. How annoying.
I'm so sorry I'm late.
The bus timetable is largely a work of fiction at this point.
Bloody stairs! At least we're not the Benefit Office. They're on the top floor.
No wonder they're all in tracksuits. [exhales]
Ah, no, I need the-- Um--
-[sucks teeth] Right, can you read that? -Um...
-No. -No.
Oh, don't-- No, it's okay. Okay. It's probably fine. It's probably fine.
Right, okay. Now, first thing,
the Melanie woman from child services isn't here,
so we've got a Michael Grafton.
And he is a local councillor and chair of the finance subcommittee.
-How terribly dull. -Okay, why isn't she here?
Maternity leave. Salt in the wounds, I know, but there we go.
Uh, second thing. Do you have a-- Oh, crap.
What's the thing? What is... [mumbling]
-Social media presence? -Why?
Deep dive. They would shove a probe up your bottom if they could.
[Penny sighs]
-All right? -Yeah.
[Jason grunts]
-Did you delete everything? -Yeah.
-Your whole account? -All of it, yeah.
Gone dark. North Korea'd the lot.
-Yeah. -[Penny] Oh, goodness.
-[Penny breathes deeply] -All right?
-Got bit of a cramp actually. -Oh.
-Oh, yeah. -[buzzer buzzes]
-Jason, Nikki? -Yes.
-Would you like to come through? -Oh, yes.
Thank you, Your Honor.
-It's okay. It's not a court. -Oh, okay. Sorry.
It's okay.
-Is it the door on the right? Okay. -Yes, that's...
Okay, so welcome.
This is the panel review for Nikki Newman and Jason Ross,
who are seeking approval as prospective adopters.
So, I'm Sam. I'll be chairing today.
And just to let you know a little bit about me,
I've spent around 13 years working in social care,
mainly with children in the care system.
-Oh, well done. -Oh, thank you.
-Sorry. -So before we begin,
I'm just gonna let everyone introduce themselves. So, can we? Yes.
Hi, I'm Simon Davis. I work in adolescent mental health services.
-Hi, Simon. -Hi, Simon.
Julie Okolo, educational professional and play therapist.
-Hi, Julie. -Hello, Julie.
Another Julie. Julie Farnby. I'm an adoptive parent of two.
-Hi, Julie. -Hello, another Julie.
Michael Grafton, member of the council and chairman of the finance subcommittee.
-Hello, Michael. -Hi, Michael.
Nina Malik, lawyer in family court.
-Hi, Nina. -Hi, Nina.
Jeanette Hale. My background is in children and family social work.
-Hi, Jeanette. -Hi, Jeanette.
Caoimhín Óg Ó hEachthighearna, social worker in youth welfare.
-Hi. -Hi.
Okay, well, that's our hour. Thanks for coming in.
-[Nikki laughs] -That went well. Did we--
I should say that Nikki is very nervous.
So I've assured her you're all going to be lovely to her.
It's all right, I'm just imagining you all naked, so...
Yeah. I enjoy a bit of that, even when I'm not nervous.
[all laugh]
Okay, well, let's start by summarizing the report.
[Nikki sighs]
[pounds on bottle]
I think we'd really love it if you could tell us a little bit about yourselves.
-Yeah, um... -Okay, great.
Well, we've been together for three blissfully happy years,
-two average ones. -[Nikki laughs]
And, uh, in terms of hobbies, we like, uh, TV, talking...
seeing people that we like.
You know, um, we're both white, obviously--
I don't know what-- Yeah, go on.
-We like keeping active. -Yeah.
-I do yoga. Jason's a keen runner. -Yeah. I love running.
-We're both really into our cooking. -Oh, lovely.
-Badminton. Both big badminton fans. -What?
Oh. Where do you play?
Oh, anywhere. We just love the game.
-It's addictive, isn't it? -Yes. He has to drag me off the pitch.
-Court. -Court.
Um, we just both like generally keeping ourselves busy.
[Jason] Mm.
So, Jason...
-you teach English to foreign students. -I do, Michael, yes.
-And how long you been doing that? -Oh, too long.
-Oh, you don't like it? -No, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-It can be frustrating at times, but-- -Do you get frustrated a lot?
With younger people?
-Oh, no. God, no. No, no, no, I don't. -No.
Okay.
And, Nikki, you work at a car rental firm. How's that?
Oh, it's really great. I really love it.
It's really satisfying matching people to... cars. So, yeah.
It's fair to say that these are not highly paid jobs.
-Well... -Yeah, that's fair.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-So, where does that leave you? -Scruffy end of Camden.
-[Nikki laughs] -Nothing wrong with that.
The last thing we need is rich people's kids.
That's why the country's in a mess, isn't it? Rich people's kids.
[Nikki chuckles]
But if your child needed extra care or tuition,
or, I don't know, a disability ramp, you could manage that?
-Yeah. I think we'd cope. -Mm.
But it might be a struggle?
Well, I've actually just taken a promotion at work, uh, to be a manager.
So I'll be a lot more...
managerial, which will involve some extra cash.
There you go.
-Ramps for everyone! -[Nikki laughs]
And you're not married?
No, no. We've never really felt the need, have we?
-No. -There's not an issue with commitment?
No, no issue with commitment.
I think we just feel that a bit of paper from the government
doesn't prove anything.
I mean, your one does. We do need that, obviously.
-We're totally committed. -Yeah.
Um, we know a lot of married couples,
and it's no guarantee that a relationship will last.
Exhibit A.
[all laugh]
[no audible dialogue]
Yeah, but no-- Obviously honesty is important.
But it sort of goes into, again,
what I was saying earlier about communication, right?
So if you've got like a, um...
-What's those? -Pyramid.
Pyramid or tri-- Then communication will be at the top, right?
Then you've got honesty underneath there.
But the communication sort of encompasses both of them.
-So, if what you're-- -[snaps fingers]
I've... been talking so long now, I've forgotten what your question was.
What do you think a child would mean to you?
Exactly, right. Okay.
Communication. Below that, honesty, and below that--
-What would you-- Yeah, yeah. -Sorry, Jase.
I think that we started this process thinking about what a child could give us,
but now, honestly, we're just so excited about what we can give a child.
-Well said that, woman. -Yeah, man.
I want to ask about something in the medical report.
If it's about his smoking, he's quitting.
-He's doing really well actually. -I've not had one in ages now, Michael.
Actually, it's your report.
Oh, okay.
-So, I see you're taking Citalopram. -[Nikki mumbles]
Oh, okay. Yeah.
And that's for?
It's, uh, it's anxiety. It's not the highest dose though.
I see.
And why do you think you have anxiety?
Don't you watch the news?
[chuckles] Well, it's hard to say, um...
I don't know.
And how do you think parenting might affect it?
Well, I-I think that everyone has to work hard at being a parent...
-Mm. -...irregardless of anxi--
-regardless of anxiety. -Mm. Mm.
You started taking it around a year ago.
Why was that?
So, this was one round of IVF and then you stopped.
Is that correct?
Well, we-we were told, um, it was very unlikely to work.
And they only fund one round, don't they?
So quite recently then that you stopped trying?
Well, uh, no, not that recent.
We tend to advise people to wait a little longer.
It just-- it really feels right now.
It absolutely does, yeah.
I think what my colleagues are getting at is,
adoption can't be seen as a replacement for a birth child.
-These kids are no one's plan B. -Oh, no. Yeah, no. We know.
People are reluctant to put all their eggs in one basket
and often try and pursue pregnancy at the same time.
She hasn't got any eggs. I mean, that's why we're here.
We're not even thinking about getting pregnant now.
Quite right. Why would you? Awful business.
Thirty-two hours, my first one.
They had to prize that boy out of me with a hot spoon.
I said, "Listen, you have got half an hour,
and whatever's not out of me by then, you can bloody well push back in."
I think it's fair to say that there are concerns here.
In our experience, it takes time to deal with a failure to conceive.
Yeah, we've all got something that we're dealing with though, haven't we?
I mean, God, no one's perfect.
-But for you to be good adoptive parents-- -Sorry to interrupt you, Julie,
but no one knows who's going to be good parents, do they?
I mean, look at, um, uh...
Hitler, right?
Hitler's son ran a medical supply business.
He was a nice fellow, apparently.
-And he had Hitler as a dad. -Can you stop talking?
I'm not comparing us to Hitler, obviously. I'm just saying it's basically random.
-Could you please stop? -Okay.
-We do have a responsi-- -Actually, I think it was his nephew...
that did the medical-- Sorry, go on.
We do have a responsibility to the children and to you
to make sure that you're in a position that you can cope
with what could be a challenging situation.
And for someone like yourself with a history of anxiety and depression--
I think you're making this sound much worse than it actually is.
My experience with mental health is it's the ones who don't ask for help
you got to worry about.
They are the ones you see in the post office in their pants
trying to post their hair to Elton John.
We know how hard a transition this must be.
You're bound to still be feeling a degree of pain.
Can people please stop telling me how I feel?
I know how I feel because I'm the one feeling it.
[Nikki sighs]
I am absolutely ready for this.
And I can't prove it to you because how could I?
But I just-- I-I know.
[inhales deeply, sighs]
Sorry.
-I actually just feel a bit sick. -Would you like some water?
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, let's take a short break. Shall we, yeah?
-Yes. -Sorry. Thanks.
[buzzer buzzes]
[Nikki quivering]
-You okay? -Yep.
[Nikki quivering]
-You sure? -Yeah, I'm fine. Just leave me.
We're doing our job.
Isn't this what we need? Good, committed people?
Look, concerns were raised. It's due diligence.
Bloody balls to that. I've got kids who need homes.
-Suitable homes. -They are sui--
They are suitable.
Christ, if they're not suitable, we may as well all pack up and go home.
I've got kids in bloody war zones out there.
Kids half starved to death two miles from where we are standing.
Kids whose muscles are wasting away because no one ever lifts them out of bed.
And in this city, that is happening.
Look, we're all aware it's a challenging environment.
I vouch for them.
I've been doing this for 30 years, and I am vouching for them.
[footsteps departing]
People really need to stop telling me that I can't have children
'cause it is seriously just starting to piss me off.
Okay. They are being beastly to you.
And if it carries on, I'm gonna climb over that table
and hit them about the head ever such a lot of times.
I know, I know, I know, I know I'm supposed to just take it,
but all I've had is doctors, consultants,
and now local bloody councillors looking over their glasses at me going,
"Nope, not quite good enough. Sorry."
Yeah, it's not fair. None of it is fair.
I do feel over it. I do feel ready. I want this.
But then as soon as I want something,
-I just-- -Okay, just listen to me.
You are neither a dog with wheels for back legs, nor married to my sister,
so I have no pity for you.
So, you pick yourself up and slap on a smile,
because it is not over until it is over.
-Okay? -Yeah. [sighs]
Right. Come on.
-[breathing heavily] -[door opens]
-It's all right. -[buzzer buzzes]
-Hitler? -Badminton?
Thank you.
So, Julie, I think you wanted to pursue this idea of loss.
I'm sorry. Can we stop, plea-- Objection. I have an objection.
-Again, not a court. -Okay, sorry. I just, um--
Before we carry on, there's just something I have to say.
-I can't let you talk about her like this. -Jase.
-No, it's fine. -No, I'm sorry, I can't.
I cannot. Because if they knew you, they would not speak to you like this.
-Do you know how amazing she is? -Jason.
Do you know how much of a better person I am since I met her?
It's not even like she really does anything.
It's just being near her.
You sort of get cured in it, like bacon.
Seriously.
Okay, so, um, a while ago we hired a car, right?
And she cleaned it before she gave it back
because she wanted it to be nice for the next people.
I mean, who does that?
Who cleans a rental car?
So for you to say that we're not the kind of people
who should be doing this because of what we've been through, that's not true.
Because, uh...
we keep hearing that these children's journeys
have started with trauma... and loss.
Well, so did ours.
So we are the kind of people that you need because...
we know pain.
'Cause we've been through it.
And we know the way out.
That's it.
Okay. Shall we move to the home study report?
[Nikki sighs]
You know I cleaned that car 'cause I borrowed it from work without asking?
Oh, shit. I better go and tell them then, hey?
[laughs] Oh, stop it.
I'm really sorry.
-What do you mean? For what? -Ju--
For everything, for all the trouble I cause you.
What are you talking about?
Well, if you were with someone else, you wouldn't be having to do this,
-would you? -Don't wanna be with someone else.
-Yeah. -I wanna be with you.
Say that now 'cause you're with me and you love me.
But if you were with someone else,
you'd love them and that love would be easier.
Nikki.
I feel sorry for anyone not going out with you.
Honestly.
I don't know how they get up in the morning.
I'm not saying that they won't approve us,
but, you know, I almost burst into tears and you compared us to Hitler, so...
I just want you to know that, if this doesn't happen...
you're enough.
-[door closes] -Okay. [sniffles]
So, they want you to do some counseling
just because it's not been long since you stopped trying, but...
But?
You've been approved.
[chortles]
-We're getting a baby. -Yeah.
-I mean, at some point. -Not now.
-No, and not a baby necessarily. -Not necessarily a baby, but, I mean...
[both laugh]
[sighs]
-[Penny mumbles] -[Nikki] Sorry.
[all laugh]
Yay!
So, what happens now then?
Well, now is the fun part. Now we meet some kids.
-Just ideally not-- -Not a Chelsea fan.
I know that's a redline for you.
That's a bit more of a blue line, isn't it?
[all laugh]
-[soft music playing] -[chattering]
That's a nice jumper.
Oh, thank you.
I just tell it like it is.
You, uh, much of a football man yourself, Vic?
No, not really. I watch it on the telly. Do you know how to play golf?
-Oh, golf. No. -Karen.
-[Jilly] Karen, hello! -Hey.
-I'm really sorry. -I'm really sorry.
-I don't know why I said that. -I know you don't like him. I've chosen--
[Karen tuts, sighs]
Oh, my God. Karen, that's huge. That must have cost a fortune.
Yeah. That's what Scott said.
[Karen laughs] Come on. What are you having then?
So you just swipe right if you like him, like that.
Okay. Oh, this is a game changer for me.
Yeah. I was single last weekend. It was tough.
-How long has it been for you? -Um, I had a bloke a while back,
but the dog took against him and he's right more times than he's not.
-[Jen laughs] -Oh, he's nice.
-Oh. Do you want to have a go? -What do you mean?
-Just swipe right. -Shall I?
-Yeah, do it. Right. -Okay.
-[Jen gasps] -Ooh, I like him too.
-Get me another one. -Okay.
Just get me another one.
I know he's not Brad Pitt, but...
You know, you start off dreaming of this perfect love
that's gonna lift you up and make your heart beat and your head hurt.
And then...
you end up just wanting someone to go to lunch with.
It's compromise.
And at this stage, it's either him,
a handsome racist or someone amazing in a coma.
I didn't realize you were so lonely.
I used to send you texts at 2:00 a.m.
Yeah. I thought you were just being annoying, Karen.
Yeah, well, that too. [chuckles]
Mate.
Stuff can still be good, you know?
Even when it's not planned.
Yeah.
So, you're a manager now?
-Yeah. -When were you gonna tell me that?
I should probably tell someone at work first,
-to be fair. -[Nikki laughs]
We have to grow up now. For real. No excuses.
-We'll have to start saving. -And get a pension.
And eat pâté.
And read proper books, not ones from supermarkets.
And I'm gonna tell my dad to stop sending me money on my birthday.
-[Nikki laughs] -All right? I'm gonna do it.
Oh, we should get place mats and special cutlery.
-And guest towels. -And an ironing board.
-And an iron. [laughs] -And an iron.
You know, we should probably knock through.
God, yeah. Definitely knock through.
An excellent way to maximize space in your property.
-[Nikki laughs] -And we're going to need the extra space.