[birds chirping, singing]
[panting]
[exhales]
-Whoo! -[door closes]
Oy, oy, oy.
[Jason] Mate.
-What's going on? -Been running.
-What? Why? What's happened? -Nothing's happened. Just been running.
-I don't understand. Someone chasing you? -No. [chuckling] No one's chasing me.
I've just been for a run. People run.
[Jason inhales]
-Okay. -Ah...
Went to the, uh, corner shop and back.
-Our corner shop? -Oh, yeah.
-On Ellerslie Road? -Yeah. Why?
No, no, no reason.
-Measured the distance, exactly a mile. -Oh.
So... beat my personal best.
What's your personal best?
-Half a mile. -[Nikki chuckles]
[Jason whistles]
I think it's difficult for me to shift weight on account of my head being so big.
-Head's half a stone. -Half a stone?
Look, it's extremely big.
Oh, yeah. That is pretty big.
Oh, yeah.
[shower running]
Hmm. I said, "Next time you tell someone you're taking their kids off them,
do it with respect.
You put on a shirt and some smart shoes with laces."
-I'm not having it, not on my team. -You're such a badass. [chuckles]
Excuse me. Sorry, could I trouble you for a glass of water?
Oh, sorry. I don't work here.
No, I know, but it's just over there.
Uh, okay.
-So, how are we doing with the family map? -Oh, yeah.
Mm.
-[woman] Here you go. -Lovely. Thanks so much.
-Thank you. -[woman] Yeah.
Mm. Goody. Lovely. Good old family map.
You'll need this lot. These are your troops.
Adoption panels love a strong family network.
And this lot? They a good bunch? Supportive?
Or is it a tramadol- to-get-through-Christmas situation?
Oh, no. They're great.
We couldn't have wished for a more supportive family.
-And how's Jason? -Yeah, he's great. He's perfect.
[stammers] He's working today, which is why he couldn't, you know, um--
Yeah, totally perfect. [giggles]
[Nikki clears throat]
It's rare to get through this process without some bumps.
You know, some doubts, some tension.
Honestly, it's all good. It's all good.
-It's all perfect. -Perfect.
Yeah, exactly.
Right, bear with me. Nature calls.
Oh, Christ, it is like running a bath with the bloody plug out.
-[Nikki chuckles] -Mm-hmm.
[Penny] Occupied.
-Penny, I can't use them. -What have I told you?
Yeah, I know. I just-- I thought it might count against us if we got,
I don't know, an Asian child or--
Okay, I tell you what...
let's call this whole session off the record.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
Could we get a fork?
-Sure. -Aw.
-She's nice. -Mm. [chuckles]
[siren wailing in distance]
[Jason] A party? With both of our families? Are you out of your mind?
[Nikki] Penny thought it might help.
-I just think it's a bad idea. -Yes, again, noted.
We've got a week till panel, and I've said our family are a great support network.
So basically we've got a week to make them into one.
Can't we just lie? Say we've done it. I mean, no one's gonna--
Jason. This stuff matters.
We're not gonna be able to do all this on our own.
We're gonna need their help.
[baby crying]
-Plus, Erica agrees with me, so... -Erica doesn't know 'em.
Yeah, well, I think she's got an idealized view of families
-'cause both her parents are dead. -Well, I'm sorry about that.
But both of our parents are still alive. And in many ways that's much harder.
[Freddy, indistinct]
-Mom, would you like some more? -Mm.
Thanks. Oh, that's-- Okay, thanks.
Sandra, would you like a top-up?
-Go and talk to Mum, please. -Why?
Because it's really quiet. It's not going how I hoped.
It's fine. It's going well.
No. Karen, there's no flow. Parties, they have to have flow.
Oh, it's a party?
[speakers: soft rock]
Oh, okay then. No, no, it's not going well.
Karen, will you just go and talk to her?
I am a 38-year-old woman with no children.
I have got nothing to talk to my parents about.
Please. For me.
Fine.
I'm taking this though.
And at the end of all of it, you're getting a very troubled child.
Seems like a lot of hoops to jump through to get something that's already damaged.
I don't think that's quite fair.
There are certain things you don't get secondhand.
Underwear, bed linen, children.
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. I just tell it like it is.
-You gonna take the job? -Oh, I don't know.
No, I don't think so. I'm a teacher. I'm not a manager.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, listen, I have a little saying for decisions like this.
"Follow your heart."
What line of work are you looking to get into, Scott?
Right. Um, I used to work in finance.
Uh, I think, at root, I'm a storyteller.
Right.
-Are you okay? -Yeah. No, yeah. I'm fine.
I'm just... [sighs] I just want everyone to get along.
Will you go and speak to Jason's dad?
He's just reading his iPad. He's not really engaging.
Yeah, okay. Where is he?
Vic, what are you doing?
Well, there's no point in being here if I'm not gonna be useful.
There are other reasons to be here.
Like spending time with your family. Come on.
Oh. I can fix that lock as well, if--
No, come on. Down--
Actually...
No, come on. Downstairs.
-[Vic] All right. -You take a seat over there, Vic.
I'll go grab you a drink.
[sighs]
What did you do for tea last night?
Uh... lasagna.
Just lasagna?
And salad.
That's nice.
-And you? -Sausages.
What, just sausages?
And a bit of mash.
Cool.
[Scott] There we are.
I know a fellow tech-head when I see one.
-It's Vic, isn't it? -[Vic] Yes.
-Has Scott had any luck work-wise? -No.
[Scott] Oh, what are we up to?
I just want him to find something before all of his self-confidence drains away.
[Scott] It's small talk, isn't it? That's the hard-- That's the icebreaker.
That's the hard thing, I think, is just to sort of come in, as I did then,
-and break the proverbial ice. -I think we've got a while.
[Scott] It's just-- It's small talk. It's language.
And we talk a lot about the contingency of language, don't we?
But, for me, the real wolf at the door, subjectivity-wise,
and apologies to Rousseau for saying this,
but none of us self-create.
Although I do feel very historically contingent. I don't know if you do.
[Nikki sighs]
All right. Go and have a drink with my dad.
That's much better.
[Nikki sighs]
Okay.
Good.
[whispering] Oh...
Good.
This is your dad's. Can you hide it?
-I want him to talk to people. -Why?
Because we need to be able to walk into that panel and say,
"Yes, our family are supportive and engaged."
-That's not really his sort of thing. -Don't know how your mum does it.
How can anyone be with someone that unavailable?
-Jason. -Yes, sorry. Go on.
I've got to go to the shop and get some posh wine for your mum.
She's doing her face again.
Have you got 8 quid?
Can't believe it's still light. I sort of thought it would be dark by now.
-We've only been in there two hours. -Yeah.
Two hours with Jason's mum feels like a week with anyone normal.
Oh, yeah.
-Hey, you really okay? -Yeah, why?
You just seem a bit on edge.
Something's going on with Jason. I don't really know what.
-The training thing? -Yeah.
Also...
What?
I saw a text he got from this woman called Sofia.
We don't know anyone called Sofia.
So, what did it say?
"We should do that again soon."
And then two kisses at the bottom.
Right.
-Still, though, Jason... -Also, he's running. He never runs.
Hmm.
So I'm thinking, who is he getting in shape for?
No, look. I'm sure it's completely fine.
You're probably just thinking the worst because,
you know, that's how you two got together.
And chili in everything.
I mean, in an omelet?
They'll be putting samosas in a full English breakfast next.
One thing I will say is, for the multiculturalism,
if you do want a plumber at Christmas...
I'll bet they charge you the earth, do they, at Christmas?
Obviously, your own child is preferable.
-They did try. -Oh, God, yeah.
I'd think to myself, "Christ, they're still trying."
They had to give it a shot.
But it is very modern, isn't it? To try and change things?
I think for our generation,
if you couldn't do something, you just did something else.
There are more options now.
But is that good?
I don't know.
We saw what it did to Nikki, emotionally.
I mean, you know what she's like. [giggles]
Would you like to try this wine, Sandra?
Oh.
There you go.
[sighs] It's worse.
The real question is, is it even moral to have a baby? You know?
Just to rip it out of nonexistence into a dying world?
Scott, would you mind taking some ice through to Sandra?
Yeah, sure. Where is it?
Where's what?
The ice.
-Where's the ice? -Yeah.
Well, it's in the freezer.
Right. Yeah. Yeah, I was thinking probably freezer.
Okay.
What?
[scraping]
[John] But, you know, that's the way the world looks at it.
Yeah. If you don't have competition, you never get any better, do ya?
If you want the family to get along, he's part of the family, all right?
I'm sorry, I just-- I don't get it.
She doesn't even want kids. She's got time to find someone proper.
Do you know he claims he's never heard of Beyoncé?
Beyoncé. I mean, why would you even boast about that?
[Vic] Yeah, yeah. Well, we invented cricket, didn't we?
And now we go over there, they hammer us.
[John chuckles]
-I think our dads are bonding over racism. -At this point, I'm glad they're talking.
-[dishes rattle] -[Nikki sighs]
[Vic] The thing is, you walk down the street...
-What? -[Vic, indistinct]
-Jase. -Hmm?
Nikki. Can I just have a word, please?
-Can I come and find you in a bit? -No, it's all right. You carry on.
I'm gonna go and break up the English Defence League
before they start printing pamphlets.
[John and Vic, indistinct]
[Nikki] What's up?
I think that we should just take it outside. Yeah?
[Vic, indistinct]
-[sighs] All right. What's the matter? -You got something to say about Scott?
What? No. What do you mean?
I just get the sense you're not happy for me.
Why? I think it's great. I'm glad that you found someone.
Just tell me what you think of him.
Well, I-- Yeah, I like him.
-Nikki. -I do.
You are so full of shit.
Oh, my God. What do you want me to say?
I want you to tell me the truth.
I want you to stop being so bloody nice.
It is not nice to be so nice all the time. It is oppressive.
Fine. Fine, I don't like him.
Look, I'm sure I'll come to like him. But currently, I'm sorry, I do not.
I knew it.
You just hate that I am getting my shit together, don't you?
[laughing] Oh, my God. Why would I hate that?
-'Cause you're insecure. -Oh, wow. I'm insecure.
You're the one marrying a man you barely like just for the company.
I am happy.
Please. If you were so happy about this, you wouldn't need me to be.
You do not know him.
I know him enough to know he's not good enough for you.
Karen-- Karen!
-You know, it's not like I'm the only one. -Oh, really?
-Yes. Yeah. -Right. Right.
More drama.
Okay. Well, let's just see what everyone else thinks then, shall we?
No. No, don't tell her. It's a trick. She doesn't really wanna know.
-She says she does, but she doesn't. -Hang on. Hang on. What's going on here?
Nikki's just getting herself
-all worked up. -Aw!
-This is what I'm talking about. -What did she say?
-Why is she always criticizing me? -Pipe down, Mum.
She's not always criticizing. Are you?
I just tell it like it is.
You ever notice no one says anything nice after that though?
I mean, no one ever says, "I tell it like it is. Them glasses really suit you."
He speaks. How long have you been plucking up courage to say that, John?
-Mum! -Well, he's a slow puncture, that one.
-It's called being nice. -Oh, the cavalry's arrived.
At least she's being honest, not like us.
It's not always good to be honest, Karen.
-Right. So, you don't like him either? -Who's that?
-We didn't say that. -Not to his face.
Everyone just calm down. Please.
We're supposed to be a family, not West Side bloody Story.
I don't think you, of all people, should be lecturing anyone.
-Erica. -What?
I think we've all just had a bit too much to drink.
I wish. Have you tasted this?
Oh, my God. Sandra, I am sorry that you don't like any of the wine.
Do you know what? There's some rum and raisin cake in the fridge.
Why don't you just suck the alcohol out of that?
-Oh! -[Scott] Yeah. You know,
I actually find that conflict can be quite useful.
-[Jason] Sit down, mate. Keep out of it. -[Nikki] Just shut up, Scott.
[Nikki sighs]
-[Karen groans] -Yeah, lovely.
-[Nikki sobs] -[footsteps approaching]
[muffled] Ahhh!
-[pants slowly] -[door closes]
I think it's going very well.
[Nikki sighs]
I think we need to talk.
Ah.
Our families are useless, so clearly all we have is each other.
So we just need to be totally honest.
Yeah. Okay.
It feels like there's something going on.
And I didn't wanna believe it. But then I spoke to Erica, and--
She's just-- She's made me think.
Is there another woman?
-There is? -Yeah.
[sighs]
-Oh, my God. -Yeah.
[panting]
-How long has it been going on? -Quite a while.
How could you lie to me? This is us.
-This is you and me. -I know. I just thought
that if it ended before anyone could find out, then it would just--
It would be a mistake and everything would just go back to normal.
No. Things don't go back to normal after something like this, Jason.
-You know that. -I know. I know.
-Bastard! -But, look.
Things haven't been right for a while, okay?
And I think if we're being honest, there's probably blame on both sides.
No. No. No, Jason. There is blame on one side.
When something like this happens,
it is usually a big sign there is something very wrong in the relationship.
[whispering] Oh, my God.
I know.
So, that's it then?
-It's over? -Honestly, I don't know.
I don't know.
But what I hope, right, [stammers] what I genuinely hope
-is that we can all stay friends. -What?
-The three of us. -Are you insane?
-I know it will be awkward at first-- -Why would I ever want to do that?
Because there's a whole shared history between us.
-What? -Look, he's important to me, all right?
-They both are. -Who are?
-Erica and Freddy. -What's it got to do with them?
-What do you mean? -What?
-Sorry, what are we talking about?
Freddy's affair. What are you talking about?
-I'm talking about your affair. -My affair? I'm not having an affair!
-What? -What?
-Freddy had the affair? -Yes!
Wha-- Then, who's Sofia?
-Who? -Sofia, Jason. Who's Sofia?
Some girl at the language school. What's she gotta do with it?
-Why has she been messaging you? -She-- Have you been reading my texts?
"We should do that again soon. Kiss, kiss."
My God, I've been giving her some extra tuition, all right?
Oh, right. And you only tutor cute girls called Sofia?
She asked for my help, so I gave her some help.
-Isn't that what this is all about, Nikki? -Out of the goodness of your heart?
Yeah, 'cause I'm not an arsehole or a child. Remember that?
Well, what about the gym? And all your running?
Fine. Fine! I--
The--
My medical's come through much sooner than I imagined,
and I've not been sticking to my regime at all!
-I've been smoking. -Yeah, no. I know you have.
-I smell it on your clothes. -And I just--
I've let you down.
And this could really mess things up.
And I've been running [stammers]
and doing everything I can to try and make it better.
What are you laughing at?
-Jason. -Yes?
You can't...
You can't cram for a medical. It's not a GCSE.
-I know now. -[Nikki laughs]
Come here.
-[Nikki laughing] -Not having a bloody affair.
Wait. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Freddy's having an affair?
-I feel like we've been through this. -But does Erica know?
-No. -Bastard!
Where are you going?
I've got a lot of anger that I was gonna use on you
that I now need to get rid of.
[Jason groaning]
-Oh, hey. Got any more of those-- -I want a word with you.
Ow. Wait. Why are you pushing me?
-Hey. All right. All right. -Get in there.
Ow! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Ow! Aw!
-Ow! What are you doing? -Now, you listen to me.
Do you know who future Freddy is without Erica?
-What? -I'll tell you who he is.
He's a creepy old man in a bad suit soaked in Paco Rabanne,
begging women who, by the way, are only talking to him ironically,
to come back to his sad, lonely, little apartment his children never visit.
This is your last warning.
End it.
[muffled] I just-- Look.
Okay, I just-- I will. I just need to find the right way and the right time.
The right way is with your mouth.
And the right time is now. Okay?
And if you ever do anything like this to my friend again, I will come for you,
and I will pop your head off your body like a bloody champagne cork. Understand?
Yes, yes. Please, just don't tell Erica.
Please.
[Nikki sighs]
[hand slaps leg]
[door rattles]
[door slams]
-What's the matter? You all right? -Yeah.
[Freddy sobs]
-You made him cry? -Oh, please. He's crying for himself.
Like OJ.
[sighs] So, this is our support network?
-Yeah. -I heard what she said.
Tell you what though. Everyone's still here.
-[snickers] That supposed to cheer me up? -Well, it's a shit party, innit?
No one here gets along, and no one's having fun.
-Well, Jason, that isn't really-- -But no one's left.
[Karen and Jilly, indistinct]
We want people that we can rely on.
-I am not sensitive. -You are. You are.
And who else would still be here?
-[Jilly] Well, sometimes you are. -[Karen] I am not!
Guys. Say if not. Any chance I could have a quick bath?
[Nikki] Just, you need to kinda-- You need to shift your body over.
-[Jason] I've shifted my body over... -[Nikki laughs]
...as far as I can.
-Yeah, drop your head onto it. -I'm not gonna drop it on it.
-It'll hurt, won't it? -Drop your head onto it.
-I'm gonna place it on nice and gently. -Okay. [laughs]
Now, what's the reading? What's the reading?
Well, you've gone up. You're a stone and a half.
-Stone and a half? -Yeah.
You see. Massive.
[chuckles]
Are we okay?
Yeah.
'Cause I meant what I said.
I need you with me.
I don't wanna turn into Erica and Freddy and their terrible, perfect lives.
-Well, we won't. -[sighs]
I was frightened, you know.
-Are you frightened now? -No.
No, I'm not.
[siren wailing in distance]
I don't wanna be the Paco Rabanne guy.
We've got the adoption panel coming up.
And we have to convince other people that we're a perfect couple.
Well, we will.
I'm just gonna tell them the truth.
That I can't imagine ever being apart from you.
Because I'm trapped in the orbit of your stupid, fat head.
Stone and a half.
[Nikki laughing]
[chattering]
-It's cold. -You cold?
Yeah.
There we go.
Gorgeous.
-[Jason, indistinct] -[Nikki laughs]