[line ringing]
Lilac and Thorn.
Oh, hi there. Um, I wonder if you can help me.
I recently ordered some flowers for a funeral, but they never arrived.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Yes. Very disappointing.
Would you like us to send you some more?
What, in case she dies again?
No. Um, I'm actually wondering if the payment didn't go through.
I've recently moved. Can I check I gave you the right billing address?
Yes. Yes. Yes, of course.
What was the name?
Um, Kat. [breathes shakily] Kat Reid.
[gasps] Oh, here we are. I've got you.
Great. Um, wh-what address do you have?
Um, sorry, how do you spell that?
I-I mean, I know. Just to check that you've got it right.
[florist] C-A-R-T-O-I...
Mallorca?
[Tyler] It happened again.
The words "doll's house" needs to be right at the top of the listing.
I swear, they do it on purpose, Tyler.
[sighs] I'll get another refund.
[chuckles] So small.
- You can't fit anything in there. - [phone ringing]
Hello?
Well, something's not right. It's not getting a signal.
Have you been playing around with the thermostat?
No, I haven't been playing around with the thermostat.
Because I told you before
- that you're not supposed-- - Okay, yeah. You got me.
As soon as you leave, all I do is play with the thermostat.
I know it's wrong. It's just, the buzz. I can't get enough of it.
Sometimes I get friends over.
We just can't tear ourselves away from the thermostat.
Well, it's nice that they take an interest.
[Nikki] Jase and I will let you know. All right. Okay. Thank you.
Okay. Bye. Bye. Right. Uh, that was Noah.
He wants us to do a Q and A for people thinking about adopting.
- Oh. When? - Yeah.
- Well, later on this afternoon. - [Jason] Oh.
Another couple pulled out. I don't think we were his first choice.
[Jason] Why are you so negative?
Well, when I answered the phone, he said, "Hi, Emily."
- [chuckles] So-- - [Jason] Oh. Okay.
Yeah. Maybe you're right.
[Nikki] Just, I'm not sure I know enough to be lecturing other people.
You should do it. You'd be amazing.
- Really? [chuckles] - Totally.
You-- You guys are amazing parents. Your advice could really help someone.
Oh. [chuckles] Aw, thank you.
- Okay, bye. - Oh. Okay, bye.
[growls] I am getting whiplash from the mood swings.
- Well, that's 'cause you're too rigid. - What?
You need to relax with her.
Apparently, if you get, um, attacked by a bear...
- Yeah. - ...you're supposed to just go limp, right?
- Right. - Allow it to happen to you.
You need to do the same with her. Like this.
- Allow it to happen. - Hmm. Stop it.
[phone chimes]
Oh, please can you unblock Karen? She just sent me another message for you.
- Is she dying? - No, she's not dying.
Well, then I'm not interested. Unless she's dying, she's dead to me.
[groans] Okay.
All right, Vic?
Looking forward to your date? What have you got planned?
I think I might cancel.
What? No. Why?
Oh, it's not for me.
I'm not good at talking to people, and I'm even worse with women.
Listen, Vic, there is more to life than fixing our thermostat
and possibly our bathroom shelf if you have time.
You know what? Okay, right. What you gonna wear?
What do you mean?
Well, why don't you go and buy some new clothes?
Ooh, maybe some nice new shoes. Women notice shoes.
No, I don't buy new shoes.
I'm 77. I won't get the wear. I could go any minute.
Geez, Vic.
What kind of shoes does Jason like?
'Cause I could get a pair one size up and he could have 'em when I die.
Yeah. No, yeah. That would be of some comfort.
Yeah.
[clicks tongue] Right. See you later.
Let's hope so.
- Scott. Come on. Let's go, let's go. - [Scott grunting]
[panting]
Oh, God, this is-- [pants] One sec.
You can't be out of breath already. We haven't even started.
- There's a lot of steps. - Not really, buddy.
Not unless Dorothy here has been on the steroids.
I am actually having some serious doubts about whether I can do this.
I made a risotto last night, and my arm still aches.
I don't know if I can row across an ocean.
I think you might be right.
When did you realize?
These steps weren't part of the training.
They're just the steps up to the rowing center.
Why were you there with your watch, going all the, "Come on, buddy"?
Well, because you were a bit late.
[breathes deeply]
I think this is crazy.
This is crazy. I need to shut it down.
I-- I mean, I'm-- I'm-- I'm...
I could die.
I don't think there's any "could" about it, mate.
[phone ringing]
Hiya, Dad.
Black or brown shoes?
- Hey? - What shoes do you prefer?
Black or brown?
Uh, brown, I suppose.
And what collar size are you?
I don't know. Twenty?
That's very big.
What's this about?
Dad, what--
Dad?
I'll take these... [sighs] ...and, uh, one size bigger on the shirt.
Okay. For this Q and A, I want us to be completely honest about things.
We can only help other people if we admit our mistakes.
And I don't mean sometimes we love too much. I mean actual mistakes.
Oh. Like tell them about the time
we decided to let two kids with attachment issues watch Bambi.
Oh. Or when you forgot to pick Tyler up from a sleepover
and he thought he was being adopted again.
Okay. We're gonna talk about your mistakes as well?
Yeah, course.
- If there's time. - [Noah] Nikki, thanks for coming.
- [phone ringing] - [Nikki] Hi, Noah.
Hi, Dad.
Would you ever wear a waistcoat?
What? No. Why?
Oh, that's a shame.
Why are you asking me these things?
Dad? Why--
He's gone.
- So, it's a very relaxed format. - Mm-hmm.
Just wanna get the inside track from you. Don't pull any punches.
- They need to know it's no picnic. - Okay.
Well, Jase has a lot to share about his struggles, don't you?
- Well, we-- I mean-- - [Noah] Ah.
Here are the others.
I have paid.
Okay.
- Ben and Denise? - Oh, you know them?
Yes. Yes, we know them.
They are the most evil people in the whole entire world.
Nik. Princess and Tyler were placed with them before us.
There was a tree house. It was a whole thing.
Well, they always have very positive things to say about the process.
- Oh. - [Noah] Ex-- Excuse me.
Yeah. Nikki...
It is easier if you just give back the tricky ones.
Nikki, please don't.
[Nikki clears throat]
Ahoy-hoy, Jason. [chuckles]
Ben. Denise.
Jason. Nikki.
Denise. Ben.
Nikki.
Noah.
We were so glad when Noah said you'd be here too.
We were worried we wouldn't have enough to say, weren't we? [chuckles]
It's all gone so smoothly for us.
It's great they can hear the other side of it from you.
[chuckles]
Okay. So shall we get set up?
Yep. Yep, yep, yep, yep.
[clears throat, clicks tongue]
- Okay. - What?
We are not doing honest anymore. Not a single negative word about our kids.
They are gonna leave here knowing how amazing Princess and Tyler are.
Let's win this Q and A.
Nikki. Nik.
- Hello. [sighs] - Hi.
I'm Vic.
Your doorbell's buggered. [sighs]
[Noah] Welcome to our thinking of adoption Q and A.
Uh, Denise, shall we start with you?
So, uh, we adopted Lulu five years ago,
and I have to say, uh, we are absolutely smitten. [chuckles]
Yes, we are too.
We've been so lucky.
Yeah, us too. Yes. Yes, we feel-- we feel like that. [chuckles]
Uh, she has so many passions. Uh, music, writing, d-dancing.
Princess too. Mm-hmm.
Tyler loves fonts.
Uh, as in type-- typefaces.
Absolutely loves his fonts, although not too keen on Helvetica.
If you wanna see passion, Denise, show him a poster in Helvetica. [laughs]
[audience member] What is he talking about? Honestly.
And, uh, she's really come on academically.
Um, she's doing her GCSEs a year early. [chuckles]
Well, Princess has a Nissan Micra. [chuckles]
[Noah] Good to know.
I wonder if we could talk about some of the difficulties we've faced.
Jason, you mentioned it was hard early on, um, finding structure.
- [chuckles] Okay. - Yeah--
Did you? [inhales sharply]
Yeah. I mean...
[stammers] ...there were some tricky moments early on, you know,
for th-- for the first hour or two.
But after that, I have to say, pretty straightforward.
Right.
[date] This is very kind of you.
I'm afraid a few things have fallen through the cracks since Paul died.
- [sighs] - [chuckles]
Your shirt's a bit big.
Yeah. My son's got broad shoulders.
- It'll be his one day. - [chuckles]
- [doorbell rings] - Oh. [chuckles]
- Thanks. - Yeah. All fine now.
Right. I'll be heading off.
W-Would you like a cup of tea?
- You sure? - Mm-hmm. Well, you've been here an hour.
You should probably come in.
It would be a nice change.
I get fewer visitors these days.
Well, how would you know? Your doorbell's been knackered.
You might be a very popular woman with a broken doorbell.
[chuckles]
All right. Let's have a look at these jobs that are falling through the cracks.
[school bell rings]
Oh. Um, Mr. Filbert. Hi.
Um, would you mind popping in for a sec? I'd just like a quick word.
Is this about Karen's e-mail regarding the school-approach speed limit?
She really does regret her tone.
No. There's just some people who wanted to see you.
[cheering]
Uh, Stevie told us all about your Atlantic row,
and the parents have raised some money.
[stammers] Stevie told you?
Yes. She can't stop talking about you, and some just saw the article.
[sighs]
There you go, Daddy.
[sighs]
[cheering]
[whirring]
[shouting] So, what sort of things do you like to do in your spare time?
[shouting] What?
[shouting] I said, so what sort of things do you like to do...
- [whirring stops] - ...in your-- [normal] in your spare time?
[normal] Uh, I like to read.
[whirring continues]
Vic!
- Vic! [sighs] - [whirring stops]
Should we have a sit-down and get to know each other?
[documentary narrator] ...are not being cared for by their birth mothers.
Their older siblings have been left to look after the brood.
Once the young reach the age of three...
It is now the responsibility of the older birds
to protect the younger siblings...
I'm gonna be in my room.
Okay.
[narrator] This smaller-than-average brood has the odds stacked against them.
[inhales sharply]
Love you.
[narrator] ...alone leaves him vulnerable to attack.
It's learnt to take responsibility...
I think it's safe to take the face guard off now. [chuckles]
Okay.
[chuckles]
You got a nice face.
So...
well done.
Thanks.
[exhales shakily] Oh, it feels odd doing this all over again.
[chuckles]
Everything feels odd.
I keep busy by fixing things.
Because the one thing you can't fix is your broken heart?
No, I'm no good at tumble dryers neither.
[chuckles]
Right. Well, if I'm gonna re-felt that shed roof, I should--
[kisses]
I'll make a cup of tea. [sighs]
I mean, it's not all been plain sailing. [sighs]
The other day, we came down and found two open butters in the fridge.
- You know, we're not perfect. - [phone chimes]
[Noah] Okay. Well, we've got lots of audience questions here.
Nikki, first one here is about trust.
Uh, sorry. Uh, one sec.
Uh...
[knocking]
[Tyler] Princess, can you make me some popcorn?
Princess?
We tried for a long time to get Denise pregnant,
and, uh... [inhales sharply] ...it was a right old slog, truth be told.
Uh, no one was enjoying it, least of all me.
[stammers] And it was very hard on her.
She saw so many people but no joy.
[stutters] It's just such an uncomfortable position
for her to be in for that long that at some point, you just think,
"No, no, no, no, no. This is horrible.
I'm not gonna do this anymore."
And, uh, we haven't.
And that's nothing against Denise.
She's one of the very best people I've had--
Oh, hello. Yeah, I-I think someone's using my card to make a purchase.
Yes. Yeah, a flight to Mallorca.
[breathes deeply]
Well, the first clue is that I haven't booked a flight to Mallorca. [chuckles]
- [phone chimes] - Oh, sorry. It's a-- [grunts]
[Ben] And that's when we turned to Noah.
And... [stammers] ...to be fair, he-- he nailed it.
- We have to go. - What?
[stammers] We-We still have a few more questions.
Oh... [stammers] ...I think we covered it.
[stammers] Um, it's really not that hard.
Uh, seriously, the-- the stupidest person you know has got kids.
Um, just don't overthink it.
Cheers.
- Microphone. - [chuckles] Oh, sorry. Hmm.
[murmuring]
[Noah sighs] Well, I guess we're wrapping this up then.
Tell Vic we'll be there soon. Okay. Bye-bye.
I've just gone on Find My Phone,
and she's on the way to the airport now, Nik.
And the planes to Mallorca leave from terminal three.
Hang on a sec, Nik. That flight leaves at 7:20,
- we'll never make it on the tube. - Yeah. Well, we've got to stop her.
What are we gonna do?
Apparently, he's at a conference,
and he's saying that counts towards one of his days in the office.
Um, I don't think so, matey. [scoffs]
[chuckles]
Thank you so much for doing this.
Oh, not at all. It's halfway home for us.
- [chuckles] - [Denise] Where are you heading off to?
- Paris. - Belgium.
Belgium, with a stopover in Paris. [chuckles]
- Yeah. Lovely. - Never think of Belgium.
No. Yeah. Well, it's a-- [sighs] it's a bucket list thing for me. [chuckles]
I've always wanted to go.
I always wanted to see the, um... [clicks tongue] ...uh,
tiles...
and the sandwiches.
No luggage?
No, no, it was all a bit last minute dot-com.
- Yeah. [chuckles] - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When I get a hankering for waffles, Ben, no stopping me, mate.
[chuckles] Wh-Where are you staying?
- [Ben clears throat] - [Nikki] Hmm?
Where are you staying?
Um... [clicks tongue, stammers] ...Kerplunken.
- Kerplunken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah.
We're staying in Kerplunken. [chuckles]
[Jason] Yeah, gonna get ourselves down to Kerplunken.
Look at some tiles, eat some sandwiches.
Can't wait actually.
- [chuckles] - Hi, this is Princess. Leave a message--
[whispering] I mean, she's just ringing out.
Do we have a plan?
[whispering] Well, we bring her home, and we shut this down.
Yeah. But if we do that,
then she's never gonna tell us anything or trust us ever again.
Yeah, Jase. It would be terrible if we lost the trust
of that pile of pillows arranged in the shape of our daughter.
[normal] You okay?
Yeah. Yeah.
[whispering] Look, she just wants answers.
She's not going to find any.
Well, that is an answer.
[Ben] Okay.
Once more into the A406, dear friends.
Once more. [chuckles, clears throat]
[sighs] Thank you so much for this.
If there's ever anything we can do for you...
Ah. Well, they do do that beautiful Château Thivin Côte de Brouilly
- in a caviste on rue Montorgueil, if-- - Yes.
Well...
Shit, it's right over the other side.
- Hang on, Nik. - Huh?
We can't run in an airport. We'll get waterboarded.
Can't see her anywhere.
Oh, there she is! Princess!
- Sorry. Sorry. - Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
[gasps] Where did she go?
- [cries] - Oh, it's okay.
[sniffles]
- [cries] - Oh, it's okay.
What was the plan, sweetheart?
I just wanted to find my mum.
I have things I need to ask her.
But I went to the wrong check-in
'cause sometimes an up arrow means up and sometimes it means straight on,
which is honestly ridiculous.
And then I got in the wrong queue, and people were so mean to me.
[sighs]
Everything in life is so much more difficult than it looks on TV.
And then the security man kept staring at me.
So I started yawning so I looked relaxed and like I'm not planning anything,
but he just kept on watching me no matter how much I yawned.
More actually. [sighs]
So then I went and bought a giant Toblerone.
And then you came.
[sighs] Is Tyler okay?
Yeah, he's all right. He's with your granddad.
Okay. [sniffles]
[sighs, clicks tongue]
What is it that you, um, wanted to ask her?
I made a list.
It's double-sided.
I'll tell you what, why don't we write to her?
No. If I write, she might run away again. I have to go now.
Listen, I promise you that we will help you,
but you are not going to Spain on your own.
I'm sorry. It's not happening.
[Princess] I took your passports so you couldn't follow me
and I spent money on your card.
That's okay. [chuckles]
Stops me buying tiny furniture with it. [chuckles]
- Did it happen again? - Yes.
It's fine though, 'cause I've ordered a tiny skip to get rid of it.
[Nikki chuckles]
I'm really sorry.
It's all right. Maybe we can get the ticket refunded.
Okay.
Come here.
[employee] Thank you.
Hi. Can I help you?
Or like a chocolate bar.
[Jason] Where is she? I can't see her.
I don't know.
[line ringing]
Hiya. Where are you? I can't see you.
It was double-sided.
- What? - She deserves answers, Jase.
She's not gonna stop. We can't let her go.
I have to go for her.
So I booked a ticket.
Sorry, what are-- what are you talking about?
- Are you joking? - I need to go. They need my phone.
Nikki--
[breathes shakily]
I think I've made a big mistake.
Me too.
[inhales sharply] Sorry. [chuckles]
[exhales deeply]
[sighs]
- [attendant 1] Any drinks or snacks? - [attendant 2] Drinks or snacks?
Drinks or snacks, anyone? Any drinks or snacks?
[stammers] Um, what alcohol do you have?
We've got a red and white wine, um, some craft-distilled vodka,
Bombay Sapphire Dry Gin and tonic, and a range of craft beers.
Perfect.
I'll take all of those
and some nuts.