It's so weird.
- It was here. - What does it… What does it look like?
It looks like a carrot cake.
- Has it got cream in it or… - No.
What color was the icing?
I'll tell you what, any carrot cake you find, why don't you just run it by me?
It was literally here.
No, I don't know what could've…
Hi.
Look, just don't antagonize her.
What? I didn't.
What? Is she ever gonna forgive me?
I know
I didn't tell her that I found her mum,
and I know that that is not great, but, really, how bad is that?
I mean, Hitler's here. Yeah? Amal Clooney's here. Where am I?
Go on.
Seriously? Past Ellen?
All right, we're sailing past Lance Armstrong now.
Yeah.
Here's Prince Andrew. No. Really?
Caitlin from Jazzercise?
- Yeah. - Are you for real?
Worse than Caitlin from Ja…
Okay, no, sorry, you are not taking this seriously.
Look, you just need to give it time.
And, by the way, for future reference,
the next time that you covertly trail someone,
don't let them take a selfie on your phone.
Once again, Jase, I didn't know that she was doing that.
How could you not know? Honestly, Nik.
Because I'm not constantly scrolling through my photos.
I'm not 23.
I take them, and I never look at them again like an adult…
Do you guys really have to come today?
- Yeah. - Yeah,
yeah, we agreed with Noah that all visits need to be supervised.
How am I gonna get to know my mum at a theme park with you all hanging around?
And why do you get to decide everything?
Because we're the adults
- and you're the child, I'm afraid. - Yeah.
And the theme park's a bit of a treat before Jason's first day at college.
Yeah.
Listen, in a few months, if things go well, then, gosh,
of course you can spend some time alone with her. I promise.
- You promise? - Yeah.
How do I know you're not lying again?
- Once again, it was a lie to be nice. - To be nice.
And I am sorry.
No! When we were little and being moved around all the time,
everyone lied to protect me, telling me, "Everything's gonna be fine now.
This is definitely the last move."
All the worst things anyone ever said to me were by nice people trying to be nice.
I am sorry. Truly.
Okay, look, look.
From now on, all of us are gonna move forward together
- with honesty and trust. Yeah? - Yeah. Yeah.
You're currently pretending to help her
look for a carrot cake you ate three days ago.
- Shut up. - In one go.
He threw the box in the bin on the street outside.
Twenty minutes we've been looking for that.
"What color's the icing?"
Well, this is nice, isn't it?
Just the two of us.
For the next nine weeks.
Until Daddy has rowed the Atlantic.
Which was a really important thing that he obviously really needed to do, but…
Shall we call him? On the boat.
Yeah!
Right. Here we go.
Can you see?
Oh, hello.
- Hello. - Hi, Daddy.
- Hi. - How's it going?
Is it peaceful out there?
No, it's busiest shipping lane in the world.
I… Oh. There's a tanker.
Sorry, just blow the whistle.
Oh, my…
I've run out of flares too, which is a bit of a concern.
You've only been out there two weeks.
Yeah, I know, I just…
lost my patience with a seagull. It's fine. I think I've seen the last of him.
She wants to know, can you see the Statue of Liberty?
Yeah, I do wonder if maybe we could filter these questions before the call.
I have, very limited battery with this satellite phone.
Stevie, do you want to go and get ready for the party?
Go on.
Yeah, I love you, darling. I'm doing all this for you, remember!
How long is this going to go on for?
You know, I am spinning a lot of plates here.
What plates, my love?
Stevie.
Sorry, I think you cut out. I just heard "Stevie."
Could you maybe ask friends for help?
I don't have any friends.
The other mums don't like me 'cause my face is too symmetrical.
I mean, we've been through this. Can you just pick up the pace?
I am doing my very best.
And… don't tell Stevie that you're doing it for her.
'Cause if you die, she's gonna carry that guilt.
Right, understood. I…
Oh, he's back. The seagull's back.
Off!
- Scott. Scott, you're breaking up. I ca… - This is not your property!
- You have the sky! - What…
Get off!
You will leave this boat!
Vic Ross, handyman. Sorry I'm late first day on the job.
You're five minutes early.
Leaky tap, is it?
You've left your engine running.
All done. No charge for the labor. 25p for the washer.
Bank transfer is fine. Have a nice day.
Thank you!
Nik, Nik, Nik, I think I've worked out a way, fingers crossed,
that we can get a second go on Pharaoh's Fury.
Great. Are our lives really not scary enough already?
You're gonna love it, trust me.
You okay? Yeah?
Do you think it's weird that he's not showing any interest in Kat?
I think he's fine. I think he's just dealing with it in his own way.
There's a tiny bit of me hopes that he stays so weird
that he never builds proper relationships and he has to live with us forever.
- It's just a tiny part. - Is it?
It's, like, so tiny. It's barely even worth mentioning, actually.
Sure.
- She's late. - She's only ten minutes late, doll.
- Go on, give her a chance, eh? - I don't trust her.
Listen, you need to let Princess figure this out on her own.
She needs protecting.
Jase, she's not as brave as her eye makeup makes you think.
See, today, yeah, if you get anxious,
- I want you to do something. - Okay.
Take a deep breath, ground yourself,
and then take a big sip of water, okay?
It's gonna be all right. I promise you.
- Hi! - Oy 'up, there she is. Come on.
Hi, Princess.
Ten minutes late, carrying a coffee.
- Oh, my God. Your hair. - Hi. Yeah.
- Hi. Sorry, I'm late. - Oh, no.
That's all right. Don't worry about it.
I wanted to get some things for… Well, for the train.
Just as a thank you for welcoming me to your family.
It's great to be a mum again.
- That's very kind. - That's nice.
Okay, shall we? Yeah, let's have it.
Come on, you. Train leaves in five minutes.
- Hello. - Hiya.
There we are.
- This is a family ticket. - Yes.
You've got three adults.
- Yeah. Sorry. - Yes.
I… God, that's loud.
Sorry, what it is, is that us two here are the legal parents of these two kids here.
- Hello. - Hello.
And then this lady over here.
Yeah, Kat, who we've recently reconnected with,
she is their biological mother.
Now, we're together, you know? We're a family, aren't we? Yeah, we are.
Do we know what that looks like yet? No. No, we don't.
Will it present some issues going forward?
Almost certainly.
But I think we're together, you know? We--
- All right, thanks very much. - Just go in.
- Oy oy! - Thank you. Have a good day. Bye.
Where do you wanna start? We're, like, over here. So if you wanna go on…
Okay, so we can't leave Princess unsupervised with Kat.
Will you go on all the roller coaster rides with them?
I would, but you know I get dizzy,
and I used up a lot of my motion sickness tablets on the train.
Yeah, fine. Yeah, I mean, I can't wait,
but Tyler wants to have a word with me about something.
Okay, will you come and rescue me as soon as you can?
Yeah. Why don't you just come with us? They'll be fine.
Jase, you don't know her. She's a bad influence.
We leave them alone and they'll be running around robbing banks,
all whacked up on the Scooby Snacks.
- That's just a line from that song, Nik. - Doesn't mean it can't happen, Jase.
- Hiya. - Okay. Me and Mum are gonna go on Rage.
Oh, yes. Yeah, no, I'm up for that.
- Really? - Yes.
- You get dizzy getting out of the bath-- - No. No. No, it's fine.
This is what all those baths have been in preparation for.
Okay, fine. Let's go on Rage.
- Are you sure? - Yep.
I mean, how motiony can it be?
- Hello. - Oh, hi. Here she is.
She's got an itchy scalp so it could be lice.
Oh, well, no, she's in now.
How are you? How are you coping?
With Scott being away? We've all been thinking about you.
Yeah. Yeah, no, no, we're fine. Thanks.
Right, well, I will see you at 2:00.
It's such an incredible thing that he's doing.
It's so important to raise awareness of climate change.
Well, I do wonder who hasn't heard about it by now, but, you know.
Would you like to come in?
Are you asking me to stay?
Yeah. If you like.
Well, I didn't even know parents could stay.
Yeah, yeah, they can. Come in.
Oh, my God.
That was fun.
Yeah!
You know we'll be fine on our own.
You could just go and get a tea or something.
- What? And miss this? - Come on.
Okay, well, the queue's still short, so let's go on again then.
- Yeah. - Yeah?
Yeah, no, that is an option.
Or is there a petting zoo, or an information kiosk, maybe?
There you are, mate. Pop yourself down here for a sec.
Right then.
What's the problem? Is it about your mum?
'Cause you know if you're having feelings, you can always talk to us.
I'm not. I know I should be, but I don't really remember her. Is that okay?
Of course it is, mate. Yeah, course it is.
- So, what's up? - It's about a girl.
Okay, all right.
Her friend said she likes me and then she texted me.
And now I don't know what to text back.
Well, do you like her?
Yeah, but the thing is, I lied. I've never had a girlfriend before.
What do you mean? What about Anastasia?
- Beyoncé's backing dancer. - I made her up.
Did ya?
Well, that has come as a surprise.
Well, look, it seems like she likes you, mate.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Girls like nice guys now because of all the things your generation did.
Well. You're welcome. Yeah.
Do you mind if I take a little tea break?
Yeah, sure. You've been working for ages.
Thanks. Apologies for the delay.
Oh, that's such a cool tattoo.
- Head back, please. - Oh, thanks.
Sorry. Who did it?
I don't remember actually. Oh, hang on.
He did his name at the same time.
- Did he? - Nah, can't get to it.
We can go see him, if you want?
- Oh, my God. Yeah. - Oh, whoa.
Hey, that's… Let's just…
How is everybody? Okay?
Good? Good?
- All good. - Sit down.
- Please. - Yeah, sorry.
Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
What do women like?
I listened to some podcasts and started a list.
Have ya? Okay, what you got?
Wow.
"Little dogs."
- "Dry shampoo." - Well, yeah, that's true.
"Asking for the gluten-free menu."
Okay, mate, I'm just gonna stop you there 'cause one thing women don't like
is being studied like you're reporting back on them to your home planet, yeah?
You don't need to write that down. All right?
What did she write? Let's have a look.
"Barbara?"
Her name's Barbara?
- Yeah. - How old is she, mate?
Same age as me.
Right. Okay, well, that's wild.
Let's see what she said then.
"Hey." Why must they play these mind games, huh?
What do I say? Teach me to be funny like you.
Don't be silly, Tyler. You can't teach that.
You're one of the funniest people in the world.
Well, yes, I do like to take a wry, sideways look at life,
but my bedrock's funny voices,
and that doesn't really translate in a text message.
Listen, mate.
There's a common mistake that men make, right?
As soon as they know that someone likes them,
they immediately try to be someone else.
Just be yourself, mate. All right?
If you're in doubt, ever, just ask yourself, "What would Tyler do?"
Okay.
Sounds like Nikki's having a great time.
Oh, it must be so hard knowing he's out there somewhere all alone.
Oh, you haven't met him. It's harder when he's here.
Why haven't we run into each other before?
That's 'cause normally I just sit in my car and read my book.
Oh, that is nice.
Oh, my God.
I need the toilet.
There's one right there. We'll be all right on our own.
No, I don't want to break the team up.
- It'll pass. - All right.
It'll pass.
So, have you thought any more what your plans might be?
Do you know it takes seven minutes for the light from the sun to reach the Earth?
If the sun explodes, we wouldn't know for seven minutes.
We might have minutes to live, Nikki. And no one would know.
So I just take things as they come.
Yeah, it's just, it… it's taken a long time to get her settled,
so I just would quite like to see if we can--
Well, she can't have been that settled or she wouldn't have looked for me.
I know that I need to wait until Tyler's older to reconnect with him,
but Princess is old enough to decide.
- And she wants me back in her life, so… - Yeah.
You're thirsty today.
Hey, let's go on The Reckoning.
Okay.
Unless you wanna sit this one out?
No! No! I am loving it.
I love that feeling when your stomach just completely drops.
Yeah, come on.
Yeah, that feels great.
Anyone else need the toilet?
No? Okay.
Oh, sorry, I would actually prefer it if you used the downstairs toilet.
The pipes under your sink echoed in a way
that suggested to me your shower was losing pressure.
No extra charge, it's all guaranteed.
Any drop off in the next 25 years, I'll pop back.
As long as I'm still alive.
How are ya getting on?
I dunno what to write.
- Okay. - Yeah?
- I wrote it. - What's it say? "Hey."
That's perfect, mate. Fire it off. Go on, send it.
- I'm scared. - I know you are, mate. Be brave.
- Come on, breathe. - Okay.
- Go on. - Sent.
- Oh, my God. - Okay, that's it.
- That was crazy. - Okay, head between your knees.
- Oh, God. - There you go. Keep breathing, good lad.
- It's terrifying, right? - Yes, mate. Every time.
That's it. Okay then, let's hit the rides.
- Oh, my God. - What?
- She replied. - She's replied?
She replied!
- Come on, mate. Yes! Fantastic. - Yeah!
- Oh, my God. - That's that then. Come on.
But I want to send another one.
Do ya?
Come on then, Romeo. What you got?
Yeah, yeah, so we ring every day just so Stevie can hear his voice.
Oh, amazing.
Your face is so symmetrical.
Oh, well, thank you.
She should join the book group.
We go to Salvos and pretend to talk about a book we haven't read,
but actually just talk trash about people in the playground.
Oh, I would love that.
- And, actually, I do have some thoughts. - What is your number?
I'm gonna add you to the parents group.
Oh, no. I'm already in that, I think.
No, I mean the proper one.
Mummy, I'm bored.
Can we go now?
Can you just give me ten more minutes? Please? Go on.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Choc-ices.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
I'll just get some serviettes.
You all right?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
No, no, no, no, no, absolutely not.
Well, I've refilled your water.
Thank you.
You know you're only supposed to take four of those a day, don't you?
Yeah, well, this isn't a normal day, is it, Jase?
I can't leave them on their own.
We're just going to have to trust her, I think, Nik.
You're talking about inviting someone into our lives,
someone we don't know,
who could have all sorts of problems and with no idea how any of it will end.
Well, I mean, it worked out the last time we did it. Didn't it?
The scariest thing is going down.
She's trying, Nik.
It's just maybe her trying doesn't look like our trying. That's all.
Do you know,
it's times like this where I really wish I hadn't changed you
into a more rounded person,
'cause that has really come back to bite me.
Been so fun.
Oh, okay, come on guys, our train's leaving soon.
Come on, let's get packed up.
Come on, let's have it.
You okay?
Yeah.
Look, I promise you'll get some time alone together soon,
but it's just, Princess, it has to be the right time.
When we think you're ready. Yeah?
Yeah.
Do you want me to put your wrapper in the bin?
No, it's all right. I'll do it.
Okay.
Oh, one minute. I can't not get the photo.
- Hurry up. Come on, quick. - …Platform One.
Get your tickets ready, please.
- …Platform One. - That's it, get through.
- Come on, Princess. - Yeah, I am.
Come on, mate. There you go.
It won't work.
- What? - It won't work.
- Well, co… The train… - No, Jason. Tyler.
- Don't leave me! - Train's gonna leave!
- Don't leave! It's not working! - Well, hurry up then, please!
Oh, brilliant. Fantastic.
Yeah, that's absolute…
You can go.
I can't…
Let's have a look at your ticket.
Yeah. That's not a ticket, is it?
That's your membership card for the zoo.
Oh, yeah.
Must still be feeling a bit woozy.
- Oh, there we go. Yeah. - Found it? Okay.
Whoop. There we are.
You know, we could have just sat on another carriage, don't you?
Next train's not for another hour.
- Tickets please. - Hey,
- they said… - What?
- …they're gonna get the next one. - Okay, cool.
- Do you… - So, do…
- Sorry. No, no, you go. You go. - No. It doesn't matter. You go.
- Really? No, no, no, it's fine. - Yeah. You go. You go.
- Okay. - Tickets then, please?
These aren't valid in first class.
This is first class.
You can't sit here.
There's a fine you'll have to pay.
What's she saying?
Shakira?
- What? - Shakira,
Dua Lipa. Santana.
Aguilera con Paco Rabanne.
Lin-Manuel Miranda, sí?
- Eva Longoria, Eva, sí, sí. - Eva Longoria! Eva Longoria. Sí, sí, sí.
That was fun.
- Oh, God. - What?
- He's coming back. Go. - Oh, no.
- Go, go, go, go. Go. - Oi, don't move!
Wait, oi! Now, oi!
Excuse me.
I know you're not Spanish.