"So in conclusion, I do not believe that Nikki and Jason are the correct match
for Princess and Tyler."
Well, that was thorough.
Look, it's not that bad. It's…
Jase, it was dark when you started reading it.
-Is she really gonna say that in court? -Yep.
-Yeah. -I don't believe this.
-Yeah. -What does that even mean?
Does that mean we're gonna lose the kids?
Well, they're not ours to lose, are they? Not yet.
Let's see what happens at the hearing today.
Three months ago, I thought we were gonna get the kids.
I thought we were gonna get married. I thought we were gonna live in this flat.
-And now-- -Nothing is gonna stop us
from getting married. Okay? Even if we're homeless.
I actually quite like outdoor weddings, so…
I just really had a vision, you know? Just of the kids being there.
Well…
let's just hope we don't lose them then. Hey.
It's not a wedding without kids.
You're thinking of Christmas, but okay.
-You want a cup of tea? -I'd love a cup of tea.
Do you know what?
-Let's do it. -Do what?
Get married.
What?
Let's get married.
We've already been through this. I already said yes.
It's not a driver's license.
-You don't need to reapply. -No, I mean today.
-What are you talking about? -Let's get married.
Let's get married today while we've still got the kids.
Why not? I've still got the license from when I asked you three months ago.
Are you being serious?
Look, we want them to be there. Right?
And this might be the last day that-- Forget it. I'm being silly.
Forget it. It's all right.
Okay.
Really?
-Yeah. Let's do it. I wanna do it. -Yeah?
-Yeah? Okay. -I wanna do it!
But we've got a court hearing at 3:30.
How are we gonna arrange a wedding before 3:30?
Well, we've got two little helpers, haven't we?
Absolutely. Yeah, no. I'm happy to hold.
Wake up! Everybody, wake up!
So, guys, are you feeling a bit crazy?
-No. -No.
-Okay. -Yeah. Okay, understood.
-Yes. -It's 'cause we wanna get married today!
All right, yeah. Keep that. We'll take that. Thank you so much.
Brilliant. Listen, they've got a slot at 1:30
because Emily and Paul have broken up!
-Yes! -Yes!
So, who's in charge of what?
-Outfits! -And food!
Okay then.
So, you're doing outfits. You're doing food.
What are we waiting for? Let's go and get married!
Come on, kids. Let's go brush our teeth.
Outfits? I mean, outfits are the whole thing.
It'll be okay.
Okay. Your dad said he'll meet us.
All right. Great. Listen, in terms of rings,
don't think we've got the money,
or the time to be able to get anything that we--
No, I don't care about rings.
-That's not important. -Okay, good.
Here we are!
Don't tell them it's for a wedding. They double the price for weddings.
Okay. Come in, you.
-Hiya. -Hi.
Sadly, we have an unexpected funeral.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, so we need just some flowers quickly.
-Sure. Yeah. -I don't suppose you have anything
just like cheery and bright?
-It's what he would have wanted. -Sure. Yeah.
Ellie? Can you show this lady some hellebores, please?
-Thank you. -Okay.
You okay?
Yeah. Good. Thank you very much. Yeah. All good.
It was all quite quick, I hear.
Yeah. It was about an hour ago now, so…
-Was it peaceful, at least? -Not really. No. The kids were screaming.
To be honest, it's something we've been thinking about for a while,
so it does feel good to finally…
pull the trigger. You know?
Now stop talking to her, please.
-These are perfect. Thank you. Yeah. -Sure.
Okay, so, 45 for those ones.
Right. Any discounts for funerals?
I could do them for 40?
Oh, yeah. Great.
Okay, so, flowers are done.
Come on. Bring it in. There you go. All right, let's get going! Come on!
There he is. Hello!
-Hello! -Hi.
Thank you, Vic. It's just much easier if we split up, so we'll meet you there.
Okay, so these two are in charge of outfits and food.
-No, food and outfits! -No! Food and outfits!
I don't know what we're doing, but I suppose we'll get on and do it.
-Come on. -Yeah, you two. Okay.
-Bye! -All right then. So…
Okay, no. Jase, I really shouldn't be seeing you before we get married.
-It's bad luck. -What are you talking about?
We've been looking at each other all day.
No. Actually, I've been blurring my eyes since about 9:00,
but now I've got a headache, so we should split up.
I'm gonna go and find something blue,
something borrowed, something new and something old.
I've never heard it in that order, but good luck with it.
-Will you make sure you invite everyone? -Don't worry. I'm on it.
-Open your eyes. -I'm so sorry!
-No! -Open your eyes.
I'll meet you back here in an hour.
-Okay? -Okay. Bye!
The wedding's at 1:30, and the hearing's at 3:30.
I don't have that long, so literally anything borrowed is fine.
No, I'll find them.
-Mazel tov. -Thank you.
-I'm in a bit of a rush, Scott. -I've written you a poem.
Oh, please no. No way. That's amazing.
-Isn't it? Yes. -Yes.
And I have hung up my quill, so to speak. So this is my last one.
I want you to have it. Serving suggestion.
Pair it with Vivaldi and a nice glass of Cognac. Nothing after 2005.
And speaking of toasts.
I don't think there's anything more satisfying than a toast
from a glass you've blown yourself.
Scott, I did tell you I would work in that you've been to a glass-blowing class.
You don't need to do that.
Understood.
Right.
I found them.
-What are these? -My earrings. Something borrowed.
These are mine. You stole these.
-I did not! -Karen, how long have you had these for?
I can't believe you.
-I have been asking you-- -I want you to be godmother.
I know you only did that to change the subject, but I really don't care.
And don't read the poem out loud.
There's, like, five lines from Keats in there.
Fine. This can be my something borrowed then.
I just need something new.
Something new.
Yeah, no, I got that.
I hate this. I mean, they all look the same.
The rings are my favorite bit. I love a big gesture.
It was the little gestures I couldn't do.
What, like not having an affair?
If you're happy to spend a bit more, we do have some 18 karat.
Wow, they're lovely, aren't they? Yeah. Lovely sort of weight to 'em, you know.
Okay-- No. That's too much.
Yeah. No, you're right. Don't even get her a ring.
Just get her a book token and some bubble bath. She's worth it.
Yeah, she is. She's worth it. So, would I--
would I be able to pay this in installments?
-If I can make most of it now… -Sorry.
-…and then I pay the rest next month-- -I'm afraid not.
Okay. All right.
-Those are the ones, though. -I haven't got enough, have I?
-I'll stand you the difference. -What? No.
I've got to pay for them. That's what three weeks of surge pricing is all about,
to be able to afford four-fifths of these rings. I mean--
You are buying them yourself. You're gonna pay me back. Come on.
I can lend my best and only friend a few hundred quid for a month.
No, I can't do that. I can't do it. No.
Jason…
Say yes.
-No. No, mate. -Hey…
Say yes.
Yes.
-Have you got everything? -Hello.
Pretty much. Did you invite everyone?
Oh, yeah. I sent a group text out, so…
It took Karen eight months to do hers.
We've done this in a morning. And I stopped for coffee.
We should organize the next Olympics, babe.
I mean, I've got more writing on my hand than most brides.
-What about this one here? -Music. Yeah. No, but that's okay.
I mean, we were never gonna get music in a morning, were we?
No--
Yeah, sometimes
It's hard to lose control
This is crazy. My only son, and this is how you're doing it.
I'm sorry, Mom.
I haven't had a minute to get ready. I was at bridge club.
Sandra, you look amazing.
Yeah, well, I hate most of my friends, so I dress up to outdo them.
Come here, you two.
Welcome. Cheerio? Haribo? Regular. Tangy.
I'll have a tangy.
Good choice.
-Hi. Hiya -Hello, Jen.
-Yeah, we can do it. -Nikki.
Oh, my God! Jen!
I'm sorry. I'm quite sweaty. I came straight from yoga.
-But I can sit on my towel. -Stop it.
I brought Tinkle. Is that okay?
-Yeah, that's fine. -And her boyfriend.
Hey.
He's so nice. We all really get on.
Jen, I just-- I didn't think you were gonna come
considering I did fire you five days ago.
Yeah, I'd totally forgotten that.
No, it's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Tinkle and me have gone into business together.
-It's called Jinkle. -Oh, God, that's so cute.
-What's your business? -It's an on-site delivery service
for construction materials and roofing supplies.
Okay! That's great!
God, I'm so nervous.
Don't be.
I mean, it's definitely challenging given the lack of inventory data,
but we're outsourcing recruitment and scaling up slowly
depending on funding streams.
Right. Okay. Well, that is reassuring.
Bloody hell, where have you been? We're on in ten minutes.
What? Well, you let them choose the outfits. Here's yours.
We should never have let them read those old books that Mum gave us.
She crossed out all the racism bits
but then left in all the bloody sexism bits.
It's all right. We're just on the right side of quirky.
Just.
Thank you. What time is it?
1:30. We need to get a wiggle on.
Come on, you. Let's do this.
Paul was really into owls. Unfortunately, Emily wasn't.
Hence the cancellation.
Shall we?
Yeah.
-Hello. -Hello.
-Well, this is a bold choice, isn't it? -Isn't it?
Yeah.
-She misunderstood flower girl we think. -Right.
And we're not quite sure what the giraffe's about, but…
Hey, Dad! Come on!
-Right? -Yeah.
-Lovely. -Thank you.
-You okay? -I'm good.
These are for you.
I think we might have just tipped into quirky.
-I'm sorry. -No.
No, this is exactly how I'd always imagined it.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're here today to marry…
-Except quickly. -…to quickly marry Emily and Paul.
-Nikki and Jason. -Sorry.
Nikki and Jason. Before their friends and family.
I believe you have some words you'd like to say to each other.
Yes.
-I do, actually. Yeah. -Yeah, you go.
Nikki.
-From the moment that we met… -Yeah.
-…I knew I would always love your… -Right.
-Okay, smile… -Yep.
…your energy, your boundless joy, kindness, bravery,
empathy, understanding, sense of humor.
Goodness me.
Nikki, do you have words--
Dependable, romantic, decent, fun. The way you look when you laugh.
Face.
-Okay. -It's fine.
-We know how we feel about each other. -Yeah.
Jason, will you take Nikki to be your wedded wife,
to share your life with her,
to love, comfort and support her, whatever the future may bring?
I will.
And Nikki, will you take--
I will, yeah.
It is an ancient tradition for a bride and groom to exchange rings.
We're not doing rings.
Look out. Yeah.
-Jason! -Well done, mate.
There you are.
Are you sure it fits?
It fits.
-I don't know if that one does. -Okay.
Okay. So, if you'd like to sign the register, you're married.
No, wait. Sorry, I want to say something proper.
Oh, God. I'm not good at saying the right thing.
Whenever you talk about being happy, you always sound like a right idiot.
Don't you?
But maybe being happy is not caring whether people think you're an idiot.
So I'm just going to say it.
I am so in love.
And I'm so happy.
Have I ever told you
How good it feels to hold you
It isn't easy to explain
Okay.
You think we should tell them we're not Emily and Paul?
-No, I want a photo with the owl. -Okay. Careful.
And though I'm really trying I think I may start crying
There he is.
My heart can't wait another day
When you kiss me I just gotta Kiss me I just gotta
Kiss me I just gotta say Baby, I love you
Baby, I love, I love holding you
Give her a kiss.
All right, get a room.
-Congratulations. Fantastic. -Thank you.
FYI, I think I might have made you a bit of money.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.
Just shorted something.
Just a small publishing firm. But honestly, never felt so alive.
Lovely. Starving.
-Is that for the wedding? -No, that's a burger van.
Come on then, you.
Hey, kids. We're so pleased that you could be there to see that.
You're gonna go with John and Jilly for a little while, okay?
And we're gonna go see the judge. Okay?
We just want you to know that whatever happens, we love you.
-We love you so much. -So much.
-So much. Come on! -Come on.
Guys. Hi. Is this a good time?
Because I forgot to give you your wedding present.
So, I'll just leave it down here.
Okay, come on. Let's go.
-Mum, can you take these and the muffins? -Okay, sure.
Nikki. Come on, babe.
Yes. Sorry.
-What are you doing? -We're coming with you.
Here you go, mate. And what can I get you, mate?
Do you have any salmon terrine?
I'm afraid we've just sold the last one, mate.
Arancini balls?
Scott, what are you doing? Come on!
We okay for time?
You've got this.
I can't see her.
I don't think she's here.
Maybe she hasn't--
Okay. Well, maybe she's changed her mind.
No, I don't get that vibe.
-Hello. -Hello.
-I don't get it. Why does she hate us? -Well, we're about to find out.
This is it.
Yeah. Yeah, this is it.
-Come on. -Okay.
Okay, who do we have?
Jason Ross.
Yes, thank you, Your Honor.
I have been trying to figure out for a while
how I can best express what these kids mean to us.
And how much they've changed us.
And all I can think to say is, is that when I was a kid,
my dad used to wear pleated trousers and a button-down shirt on the beach.
And now, he's stood out there, and he's dressed as a wizard with a wand
that I know, for a fact, he went back and bought separately.
They've done that in 12 weeks.
Now, we got married today
because we couldn't imagine doing it without them.
And to be honest, we don't want to do anything without them anymore.
And that's all I wanted to say.
Right. Thank you for that. I was just confirming names, though.
Oh, right.
So, Jason Ross?
Yes, Your Honor. That was me talking, obviously. Thank you.
-Nikki Newman? -Yes.
And a Mrs. Beverly Reid.
Yes.
Okay. So, we are here for Princess and Tyler. Thank you all for coming.
I believe there's a family statement by Mrs. Reid. Is that correct?
-Yeah. -Mrs. Reid.
Bloody hell, she's brought dividers.
They have no flat, they have no money, and they have a gambling problem.
Sorry, that money was invested. It wasn't gambled.
It's an addiction, like his drinking.
He doesn't have a drinking problem.
If anything, he's the one that's always telling me to--
He doesn't have a drinking problem.
They don't dress Princess warmly enough. Her coat's always undone.
Objection, Your Honor. Her jumper's very thick.
Tyler never wears his mittens.
Sorry, no, he won't wear his mittens outside
because he doesn't want them to get cold.
He drives erratically. Like an Italian. Might be the drinking.
-Okay. Sorry-- -Sit down.
-This is not a rap battle. -But we're nice people.
They're too nice! They're not tough enough.
We are tough! I've got a tattoo.
Yes?
Sorry, I stood up there without knowing what I was going to say.
Well, this is going tremendously well.
-I don't want them to have them. -Why not?
I've already lost my daughter. I won't lose them too.
Is that what you think that we want?
I think we should take a little break and go back to our corners.
She doesn't hate us.
She just loves them.
Hey! There you go.
I'm headed to the toilet, babe, all right?
Now. Children!
I know what it's like to nearly lose these kids.
No one's losing anyone anymore.
They'll never be all ours.
We'd want you there.
Tyler! What did I tell you? What did I tell you, Tyler?
I mean, you'd still only be the second scariest grandmother.
It! You're it.
I have to think about what my daughter would want for them.
And I don't know. I don't--
-Nik, we should go back in there, babe. -Yeah.
I think you should go back in there, and you say whatever you want.
'Cause you're their grandmother, and you can do what you like.
Now.
What did I tell you? Be quiet.
Okay. I trust we've all taken a breath.
Mrs. Reid says she'd like to continue.
Yeah.
I think maybe she would want this.
My daughter.
I think that's why she called her Princess.
Because princesses get rescued.
Just look after them.
We should put our arms down.
It looks like we've had our convictions quashed.
Come on then!
Yay!
You.
Giraffes are heavy!
Look at you!
It was really touch and go for a while there. Yeah.
Bev.
-Come meet everyone. -I can't do that, darling.
-No, we really want you to. -No.
All right. Yeah, all right.
Great.
Thank you.
Everyone, this is Bev.
-Hello, Bev! -Hi, Bev.
-Bev, this is everyone. -Hello, everyone.
So, this is it.
-The end of the beginning. -Yeah.
I think that this is what everything looks like.
I'm sad not to do it all in this place.
-Where we gonna go? -I don't know.
I don't know, but I will be with you every step of the way. Okay?
Gotta start packing things up into boxes.
Okay.
-Best of luck with it. I'll see you later. -Fun. You're very fun.
-Jase. This is why you lose your keys. -They're not my keys.
-Mine are in my pocket. -They're not my keys.
-Did you get some cut? No? -No. Just check.
They work.
Weird.
We can talk about rent when you've got a moment.
I had some money from the house sale, and I need a revenue stream.
I mean, I will need you out by the time Lauren turns 21.
Freddy.
Look, I have this habit
of only realizing how much I love people after they leave.
So, I think the best thing is if you two just stay right where you are.
Bloody hell, mate.
See? Not an arsehole.
Rental rates have stayed stagnant for a while,
so you may see an above-inflation rise.
All right, this is getting weird.
Rent's due first of every month, yeah?
I mean…
Mum!
-Mum! -Mum!
Oh, God.
That's me.
Yep.
Okay, kids. I'm coming.