1 00:00:01,415 --> 00:00:03,841 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 2 00:00:03,992 --> 00:00:06,343 ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ 3 00:00:06,495 --> 00:00:10,906 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Max ♪ 4 00:00:10,924 --> 00:00:15,911 ♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪ 5 00:00:16,004 --> 00:00:17,429 CARTER: Yeah! 6 00:00:17,523 --> 00:00:19,414 Wait, wait! Remix! ♪ Birthday ♪ 7 00:00:19,433 --> 00:00:21,266 -♪ What? ♪ -♪ Birthday ♪ 8 00:00:21,418 --> 00:00:22,417 -♪ What? ♪ -♪ Time to get spanked ♪ 9 00:00:22,436 --> 00:00:23,602 ♪ On your birthday butt ♪ 10 00:00:23,771 --> 00:00:25,254 ♪ Wicka-wicka-wicka ♪ 11 00:00:25,272 --> 00:00:26,363 -♪ What? ♪ -♪ What? ♪ 12 00:00:27,366 --> 00:00:28,957 Just be grateful they decided not to twerk. 13 00:00:28,959 --> 00:00:31,660 Three hours of rehearsal, down the drain. 14 00:00:33,614 --> 00:00:35,039 I just really want to thank you guys. 15 00:00:35,266 --> 00:00:36,689 You know, it's... 16 00:00:36,784 --> 00:00:38,283 it's times like this that you realize what really matters is-- 17 00:00:38,435 --> 00:00:39,601 CARTER: Come on, man. 18 00:00:39,694 --> 00:00:40,693 It's ice-cream cake. 19 00:00:40,788 --> 00:00:42,629 Just blow out the damn candles. 20 00:00:43,532 --> 00:00:44,439 Yay! 21 00:00:44,533 --> 00:00:45,883 (cheering) 22 00:00:46,110 --> 00:00:49,127 All right, let the spanking begin. 23 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,430 Wait, wait, wait. Not so fast. 24 00:00:52,633 --> 00:00:54,541 -Ooh! -(screaming) 25 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:56,477 Demon cake! 26 00:00:57,638 --> 00:01:00,880 Yeah. Probably should've seen that coming. 27 00:01:00,900 --> 00:01:02,066 What are you doing? 28 00:01:02,217 --> 00:01:04,485 Uh, tying my shoe. 29 00:01:05,237 --> 00:01:07,237 Max, I'm really sorry. 30 00:01:07,464 --> 00:01:09,239 Ah, it's all right, I don't need any cake 31 00:01:09,466 --> 00:01:11,983 as long as I've got good friends, my health, 32 00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:13,135 and presents. 33 00:01:13,153 --> 00:01:14,394 Presents, presents, presents! 34 00:01:14,488 --> 00:01:16,896 Uh, well, this year I had 35 00:01:16,974 --> 00:01:18,231 everyone chip in-- 36 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,808 So I'm only getting one present? 37 00:01:19,827 --> 00:01:22,327 Yeah, but you're getting one really awesome present, 38 00:01:22,479 --> 00:01:23,979 one that you'll never forget. 39 00:01:24,148 --> 00:01:25,497 Oh, great, 40 00:01:25,649 --> 00:01:27,482 like the time you took me on a "behind-the-scenes tour" 41 00:01:27,501 --> 00:01:30,076 of the aquarium and gave me a quiz afterward? 42 00:01:30,170 --> 00:01:31,744 (car horn honks outside) 43 00:01:31,839 --> 00:01:32,671 What's that? 44 00:01:32,823 --> 00:01:33,913 -What? -Did somebody's 45 00:01:34,082 --> 00:01:35,340 birthday gift arrive? 46 00:01:35,492 --> 00:01:36,583 Oh, my God. 47 00:01:36,602 --> 00:01:38,435 You guys bought me a car? 48 00:01:38,587 --> 00:01:39,845 You're the best! 49 00:01:39,997 --> 00:01:42,422 Oh, uh, we didn't get you a car, we rented you an RV 50 00:01:42,474 --> 00:01:44,257 so we can take a tour of the Smoky Mountains 51 00:01:44,276 --> 00:01:46,259 like you always wanted to! 52 00:01:47,187 --> 00:01:49,187 I think he's still really gonna like it. 53 00:01:50,023 --> 00:01:51,857 ♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪ 54 00:01:52,009 --> 00:01:54,509 ♪ Nothin' wrong with you but I'd rather be me. ♪ 55 00:01:54,603 --> 00:01:55,935 CARTER: Hey, babe, what do you think I should pack? 56 00:01:55,955 --> 00:01:58,288 Katana blade or nunchucks? 57 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,040 (clattering) 58 00:02:02,870 --> 00:02:05,111 Uh, we're going camping in an RV. 59 00:02:05,205 --> 00:02:07,022 Yeah, I'm being silly. 60 00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:08,799 I'll leave Wesley Slice at home. 61 00:02:08,950 --> 00:02:11,969 But I'm definitely taking Nunchuck Norris. 62 00:02:12,196 --> 00:02:16,047 Hey, um, I know we haven't set a date for the wedding yet, 63 00:02:16,142 --> 00:02:20,218 but my lease is up and I wasn't sure if I should renew, or... 64 00:02:20,312 --> 00:02:22,295 Well, why would you renew? We getting married. 65 00:02:22,314 --> 00:02:24,373 Oh, I was hoping you'd say that. 66 00:02:24,391 --> 00:02:25,983 Yeah, I can't wait to live with you. 67 00:02:26,134 --> 00:02:28,226 And all your candles and tiny little soaps 68 00:02:28,379 --> 00:02:29,544 that I'm not allowed to touch. 69 00:02:29,638 --> 00:02:31,137 Mm. Okay, great. 70 00:02:31,157 --> 00:02:32,547 Well, I'll just tell Max, 71 00:02:32,566 --> 00:02:34,216 and then we can go look for our place. 72 00:02:34,234 --> 00:02:36,976 Oh, good news. Found it. 73 00:02:36,996 --> 00:02:39,721 Wait, what? Your place? 74 00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:42,908 The one with the basketball hoop and the Star Wars poster? 75 00:02:43,002 --> 00:02:44,668 No, our place. 76 00:02:44,745 --> 00:02:46,411 And that's a limited edition print 77 00:02:46,563 --> 00:02:48,397 signed by the little guy inside the robot. 78 00:02:48,415 --> 00:02:52,050 So, that's basically an R2-D2 401K. 79 00:02:52,236 --> 00:02:53,902 Yeah, I want to live somewhere 80 00:02:54,071 --> 00:02:55,587 that's a little more us 81 00:02:55,739 --> 00:02:57,497 and a lot less... you. 82 00:02:57,516 --> 00:02:59,408 Yeah, but this is a great neighborhood, 83 00:02:59,426 --> 00:03:00,909 and it's right near my son's school. 84 00:03:00,928 --> 00:03:03,002 Well, we can find another place in this area. 85 00:03:03,022 --> 00:03:04,337 I like this place. 86 00:03:04,464 --> 00:03:06,097 I spilled syrup down the floor vent 87 00:03:06,174 --> 00:03:09,418 so when the heat comes on, it smells delicious. 88 00:03:09,511 --> 00:03:12,178 Come on, we're supposed to be starting our lives together. 89 00:03:12,272 --> 00:03:14,198 Look at that little bitty kitchen. 90 00:03:14,349 --> 00:03:15,199 We need a kitchen big enough 91 00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:17,016 for someone who has an ass. 92 00:03:17,036 --> 00:03:18,351 Do not insult my ass. 93 00:03:18,445 --> 00:03:20,595 You can bounce a damn quarter off this thing. 94 00:03:20,689 --> 00:03:22,597 It's thicker than a Snicker. 95 00:03:22,691 --> 00:03:23,949 No, we can't, 96 00:03:24,101 --> 00:03:25,617 because we have to save our quarters 97 00:03:25,769 --> 00:03:27,118 for the Laundromat because this stupid place 98 00:03:27,271 --> 00:03:28,528 doesn't have a washing machine. 99 00:03:28,547 --> 00:03:30,214 Oh, if you calling this condo stupid, 100 00:03:30,365 --> 00:03:31,623 you calling me stupid. 101 00:03:31,717 --> 00:03:33,533 Well, if the katana fits! 102 00:03:33,552 --> 00:03:35,385 ♪ ♪ 103 00:03:35,537 --> 00:03:37,203 Thank you so much for watching the cats. 104 00:03:37,297 --> 00:03:39,890 I've been criticizing their life choices the past few days 105 00:03:40,117 --> 00:03:42,709 to get them used to your type of affection. 106 00:03:42,803 --> 00:03:44,119 -You're welcome. -(Kat laughs) 107 00:03:44,137 --> 00:03:45,878 Though when you said "take care of the cats," 108 00:03:45,973 --> 00:03:48,473 I thought you meant something far more permanent. 109 00:03:48,625 --> 00:03:50,734 Well, it'll be a breeze. 110 00:03:50,885 --> 00:03:52,644 And I jotted down a few helpful hints 111 00:03:52,738 --> 00:03:54,905 in case anything comes up. 112 00:03:56,057 --> 00:03:57,983 This is the binder for Cat-am Sandler. 113 00:03:58,135 --> 00:04:00,318 You'll find the other 14 in the storage room, 114 00:04:00,471 --> 00:04:02,246 right next to Mr. Mittens' diapers 115 00:04:02,473 --> 00:04:03,730 and depression medication. 116 00:04:03,824 --> 00:04:07,501 I have to think the hospital gave me the wrong baby. 117 00:04:08,403 --> 00:04:10,570 Okay, who's ready to go rough it 118 00:04:10,589 --> 00:04:12,405 in a 400-square-foot rolling apartment 119 00:04:12,424 --> 00:04:15,408 with a microwave, a shower, and an Xbox? 120 00:04:15,427 --> 00:04:16,260 This guy. 121 00:04:16,336 --> 00:04:17,744 (laughs) Well, I'm ready. 122 00:04:17,838 --> 00:04:20,489 I was up all night making homemade mosquito repellant. 123 00:04:20,582 --> 00:04:21,490 Really? That's a thing? 124 00:04:21,583 --> 00:04:23,600 Oh, yeah. Lemongrass, citronella, 125 00:04:23,769 --> 00:04:25,752 and just a kiss of urine. 126 00:04:26,530 --> 00:04:28,997 There was a cute little red-headed baby there 127 00:04:29,090 --> 00:04:30,732 that I quite liked. 128 00:04:32,611 --> 00:04:33,760 Uh, Gideon? 129 00:04:34,004 --> 00:04:37,114 I can't believe I'm going on my first road trip. 130 00:04:37,265 --> 00:04:39,449 Good news, I found my harmonica. 131 00:04:39,676 --> 00:04:42,035 (playing melody) 132 00:04:42,937 --> 00:04:43,862 That's great. 133 00:04:44,031 --> 00:04:45,530 Yeah, we didn't know you wanted to come... 134 00:04:45,624 --> 00:04:47,374 on a couples' trip... 135 00:04:48,276 --> 00:04:50,502 in an RV that only has two beds. 136 00:04:51,463 --> 00:04:53,630 They don't want you to go, kid. 137 00:04:54,967 --> 00:04:56,550 I see. 138 00:04:57,528 --> 00:04:59,094 (plays sad note) 139 00:05:00,047 --> 00:05:01,138 You-you know what? 140 00:05:01,214 --> 00:05:02,547 The more the merrier. 141 00:05:02,699 --> 00:05:04,215 Yeah, sure, why not? 142 00:05:04,368 --> 00:05:06,626 But you owe me a present. No donation in my name, 143 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:10,205 no star named after me, no tree planted in my honor. 144 00:05:10,298 --> 00:05:12,707 I want a cool toy that I can play with. 145 00:05:12,726 --> 00:05:13,892 You know what, Gideon? 146 00:05:13,968 --> 00:05:15,152 Since you're bringing your harmonica, 147 00:05:15,303 --> 00:05:16,728 I'm gonna bring my castanets. 148 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:19,656 I mean, I don't want to oversell it, but check this out. 149 00:05:24,237 --> 00:05:27,456 It sounds a lot better with the actual castanets. 150 00:05:29,059 --> 00:05:32,210 She knows she smells like pee, right? 151 00:05:33,914 --> 00:05:36,131 (playing sad melody) 152 00:05:44,183 --> 00:05:48,518 All right, that was "From Depths of Woe I Cry to Thee." 153 00:05:48,745 --> 00:05:50,687 Anybody else have a favorite hymn they'd like to hear? 154 00:05:50,839 --> 00:05:52,522 How about "On the Road Again"? 155 00:05:52,674 --> 00:05:55,525 Don't know that one, but here's a little ditty called 156 00:05:55,677 --> 00:05:58,269 "There Is a Fountain Filled With Blood." 157 00:05:58,422 --> 00:06:00,197 Carter, if you ever want to see me naked again, 158 00:06:00,348 --> 00:06:01,923 you better take that harmonica from him. 159 00:06:02,016 --> 00:06:04,926 Sorry, man. I'm not anti-harmonica, 160 00:06:04,945 --> 00:06:06,703 but I am pro-nudity. 161 00:06:07,689 --> 00:06:10,356 I just flossed my teeth at 70 miles per hour, 162 00:06:10,376 --> 00:06:12,951 so I'm basically an astronaut. (laughs) 163 00:06:13,045 --> 00:06:14,193 Oh, Gideon, no more harmonica? 164 00:06:14,213 --> 00:06:16,955 Guess I'll have to do a solo jam. 165 00:06:17,049 --> 00:06:18,957 (castanets clacking) 166 00:06:19,109 --> 00:06:19,958 Carter! 167 00:06:20,110 --> 00:06:21,033 Yeah, I'm on it. 168 00:06:21,053 --> 00:06:22,368 Give me these. 169 00:06:23,204 --> 00:06:25,538 Uh, Kat, about this binder you made for the trip? 170 00:06:25,707 --> 00:06:28,450 Oh, you mean "Max's Smokin' Birthday Weekend 171 00:06:28,543 --> 00:06:31,895 in the Smoky Mountains, asterisk: A Smoke-Free Weekend"? 172 00:06:32,046 --> 00:06:33,063 Yeah. 173 00:06:33,214 --> 00:06:34,564 There's a lot of stuff in here 174 00:06:34,716 --> 00:06:36,048 about things that will kill us: 175 00:06:36,068 --> 00:06:37,884 like bears, killer bees, 176 00:06:37,978 --> 00:06:39,628 and-and eventually climate change? 177 00:06:39,646 --> 00:06:41,053 Well, our greatest weapon is education. 178 00:06:41,148 --> 00:06:43,131 Except against killer bees. 179 00:06:43,224 --> 00:06:45,634 Because, ironically, that one's climate change. 180 00:06:45,727 --> 00:06:49,971 Okay, "Step one, identify if a bear is a black bear 181 00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:51,139 "or a brown bear. 182 00:06:51,232 --> 00:06:54,084 Step one-A, black bears can also be brown." 183 00:06:54,311 --> 00:06:56,736 Why does everything got to be about color? 184 00:06:56,830 --> 00:06:58,755 Here's the thing. If you're attacked by a brown bear, 185 00:06:58,982 --> 00:06:59,981 play dead. 186 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,425 If you're attacked by a black bear, 187 00:07:01,576 --> 00:07:03,151 don't play dead. 188 00:07:03,170 --> 00:07:05,745 But black bears can be brown, brown bears cannot be black, 189 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:08,339 and if we see a polar bear, we're on a magical island 190 00:07:08,492 --> 00:07:10,825 where nothing will ever make sense. 191 00:07:10,844 --> 00:07:14,496 We can also fight back with the most powerful weapon of all. 192 00:07:14,514 --> 00:07:15,588 Prayer. 193 00:07:15,607 --> 00:07:17,499 Or a razor-sharp katana. 194 00:07:17,592 --> 00:07:20,168 Oh, wait. Someone told me not to bring that. 195 00:07:20,261 --> 00:07:22,446 You know what someone should've told you not to bring? 196 00:07:22,673 --> 00:07:24,506 Your dumb ass. 197 00:07:24,524 --> 00:07:26,174 -Oh. Here. -Oh. 198 00:07:26,193 --> 00:07:27,451 Oh, you're gonna regret that. 199 00:07:27,527 --> 00:07:29,453 Uh, is everything okay between you two? 200 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,955 Well, I haven't had a chance to talk to Max about this yet, 201 00:07:32,106 --> 00:07:33,623 but since our lease is up, 202 00:07:33,792 --> 00:07:36,609 -me and this cinderblock-head decided to move in together. -What? 203 00:07:36,703 --> 00:07:39,629 Assuming we can agree on where, or anything. 204 00:07:39,798 --> 00:07:41,690 Oh, I can't wait. 205 00:07:41,708 --> 00:07:44,192 Wait, this fight isn't gonna break you up, right? 206 00:07:44,285 --> 00:07:45,284 'Cause I already started 207 00:07:45,378 --> 00:07:46,786 a Pinterest board for your wedding. 208 00:07:46,805 --> 00:07:48,863 Your colors are green and mustard. 209 00:07:48,882 --> 00:07:50,198 Mustard? 210 00:07:50,291 --> 00:07:52,050 So, I either got to find a new place 211 00:07:52,202 --> 00:07:53,793 or get another roommate? 212 00:07:53,887 --> 00:07:54,978 This is the same thing that happened 213 00:07:55,129 --> 00:07:57,647 when my mom married Stan. 214 00:07:58,633 --> 00:07:59,557 Don't worry, Max. 215 00:07:59,651 --> 00:08:00,299 When God closes a door, 216 00:08:00,393 --> 00:08:01,710 He opens a window. 217 00:08:01,803 --> 00:08:04,488 And guess who's climbing through that window, roomie? 218 00:08:04,564 --> 00:08:06,472 -(playing upbeat melody) -Oh, my God. 219 00:08:06,566 --> 00:08:07,974 (clacking) 220 00:08:07,993 --> 00:08:09,701 ♪ ♪ 221 00:08:13,999 --> 00:08:15,240 -Can I get y'all anything else? -Nah. 222 00:08:15,316 --> 00:08:16,224 -No, thank you. -We're good. 223 00:08:16,317 --> 00:08:17,817 How about you, sugar? 224 00:08:17,911 --> 00:08:19,151 "Sugar." 225 00:08:19,213 --> 00:08:21,838 That's my first nickname. 226 00:08:21,990 --> 00:08:23,598 I'll give you one. 227 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:25,583 Martha. 228 00:08:25,736 --> 00:08:27,493 That's my mother's name. 229 00:08:27,587 --> 00:08:29,996 You're cute and funny. 230 00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:31,330 Here's your check. 231 00:08:31,350 --> 00:08:32,741 (laughs) 232 00:08:32,759 --> 00:08:33,683 Gideon. 233 00:08:33,835 --> 00:08:35,927 My name is Sugar. 234 00:08:36,004 --> 00:08:38,096 Okay, Sugar, I think she likes you. 235 00:08:38,248 --> 00:08:39,505 Go talk to her. 236 00:08:39,525 --> 00:08:41,007 But take the olives off your fingers first. 237 00:08:41,101 --> 00:08:43,068 Aw. Okay. 238 00:08:44,512 --> 00:08:46,938 I'll go see if she needs help washing dishes. 239 00:08:47,107 --> 00:08:48,014 (chuckles) 240 00:08:48,182 --> 00:08:50,534 Excuse me, Martha... 241 00:08:51,370 --> 00:08:53,185 That boy need practice talking to women. 242 00:08:53,205 --> 00:08:54,612 Hey, maybe we should take him to a strip club. 243 00:08:54,706 --> 00:08:57,023 Oh, well, why don't you just take him to your bathroom? 244 00:08:57,117 --> 00:08:58,208 It looks like a strip club. 245 00:08:58,359 --> 00:09:00,769 Black tile and those tacky gold faucets. 246 00:09:00,862 --> 00:09:02,212 Oh! So gold is tacky? 247 00:09:02,363 --> 00:09:03,955 You want to call the Olympics and tell them 248 00:09:04,107 --> 00:09:05,364 that their best prize is tacky? 249 00:09:05,384 --> 00:09:06,699 No, I'm gonna call my cousin 250 00:09:06,718 --> 00:09:07,609 and tell her I'm marrying 251 00:09:07,627 --> 00:09:09,219 the manager of the Bada Bing! 252 00:09:09,370 --> 00:09:11,054 Oh! 253 00:09:12,891 --> 00:09:14,616 (laughter) 254 00:09:15,302 --> 00:09:17,619 You know, I think they staged that fight 255 00:09:17,712 --> 00:09:19,137 because they don't want to pay for lunch. 256 00:09:19,306 --> 00:09:21,047 Yeah, I think you're probably right. 257 00:09:21,066 --> 00:09:22,307 But it is my birthday, so... 258 00:09:22,401 --> 00:09:24,475 Okay, all right, I got you. 259 00:09:24,552 --> 00:09:25,885 And, uh, I hope you saved some room. 260 00:09:25,904 --> 00:09:27,386 There's a really cool place up ahead 261 00:09:27,406 --> 00:09:29,739 that sells cheese in the shape of presidents. 262 00:09:29,891 --> 00:09:32,634 Kind of itching for some Pepper Jack Kennedy. 263 00:09:32,727 --> 00:09:35,453 Ich bin ein delicious. 264 00:09:36,731 --> 00:09:37,747 What are you doing? 265 00:09:37,899 --> 00:09:39,307 I'm taking the ketchup packets. 266 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:40,417 -Why? -Well, we can use them 267 00:09:40,568 --> 00:09:42,419 on our burgers tonight and, uh... 268 00:09:42,570 --> 00:09:44,145 I don't want to brag, but this is how 269 00:09:44,147 --> 00:09:47,239 I've managed to not buy a bottle of ketchup in six years. 270 00:09:47,334 --> 00:09:49,150 Uh, first of all, weird flex. 271 00:09:49,243 --> 00:09:51,577 Uh, and I have had the same bottle of ketchup for six years. 272 00:09:51,597 --> 00:09:53,412 You know, you've actually saved like $1.40. 273 00:09:53,506 --> 00:09:57,058 Oh, I'm not who's about to be homeless, Max. 274 00:09:57,994 --> 00:09:59,177 Speaking of which, 275 00:09:59,329 --> 00:10:01,104 ever since Gideon said he wanted to be my roommate 276 00:10:01,273 --> 00:10:03,440 I've been thinking about... 277 00:10:03,667 --> 00:10:05,333 how much I don't want that to happen. 278 00:10:05,352 --> 00:10:07,259 -Oh. -And, uh, I don't know, 279 00:10:07,279 --> 00:10:10,780 I had this crazy idea that maybe we could... 280 00:10:10,932 --> 00:10:12,699 Maybe we could what? 281 00:10:13,677 --> 00:10:15,009 Actually, forget it, it's... 282 00:10:15,103 --> 00:10:16,194 No, I-I want to know what were you gonna say. 283 00:10:16,288 --> 00:10:17,454 I don't know. 284 00:10:17,605 --> 00:10:19,438 You... You probably... You might not like it. 285 00:10:19,532 --> 00:10:21,866 Well, I might think it's, like, the greatest idea in the world. 286 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:23,184 (sighs) 287 00:10:23,186 --> 00:10:24,294 -Okay, let me guess. -Okay. 288 00:10:24,445 --> 00:10:26,871 Might it have something to do with... 289 00:10:26,965 --> 00:10:29,874 Mi casa es su casa? 290 00:10:30,026 --> 00:10:31,259 Yes. 291 00:10:32,195 --> 00:10:34,028 Do you want to live together? 292 00:10:34,047 --> 00:10:35,472 ¡Sí, señor! 293 00:10:35,623 --> 00:10:37,699 And I know it's quick, but it just feels right. 294 00:10:37,701 --> 00:10:39,458 It totally feels right. That was so easy. 295 00:10:39,552 --> 00:10:41,035 -Do you see how easy that was? -Yeah. 296 00:10:41,129 --> 00:10:42,979 Why are Carter and Randi fighting so much about it? 297 00:10:43,131 --> 00:10:45,373 Because not every couple is as awesome as we are. 298 00:10:45,466 --> 00:10:47,542 Truth. Suck it, Randi and Carter. 299 00:10:47,635 --> 00:10:49,653 Bada bing and bada boom. 300 00:10:49,804 --> 00:10:51,321 I mean, if this were the... 301 00:10:51,472 --> 00:10:53,398 the Olympics of couples, we would take the gold. 302 00:10:53,492 --> 00:10:56,034 How are we gonna pose when we get on the Wheaties box? 303 00:10:59,389 --> 00:11:01,414 ♪ ♪ 304 00:11:04,077 --> 00:11:05,818 So, you'll never guess what happened. 305 00:11:05,837 --> 00:11:08,154 If this has anything to do with The Commander in Cheese, 306 00:11:08,173 --> 00:11:09,247 I don't want to know. 307 00:11:09,341 --> 00:11:11,716 But how good was that Burrata Obama? 308 00:11:12,844 --> 00:11:14,085 With you and Carter moving in together, 309 00:11:14,237 --> 00:11:15,345 I had a great idea. 310 00:11:15,455 --> 00:11:17,681 Max and I are gonna move in together! 311 00:11:17,832 --> 00:11:20,100 Mm. 312 00:11:21,502 --> 00:11:23,002 What's "mm"? 313 00:11:23,096 --> 00:11:24,688 Nothing. 314 00:11:24,764 --> 00:11:27,173 No, that's the same "mm" you used 315 00:11:27,267 --> 00:11:28,841 when I told you I wanted to get jeggings. 316 00:11:28,935 --> 00:11:30,919 Well, nobody looks good in jeggings. 317 00:11:31,087 --> 00:11:32,195 Well, I do. 318 00:11:32,422 --> 00:11:33,771 What, you don't think it's a good idea? 319 00:11:33,924 --> 00:11:36,199 Honestly, I've lived with you both 320 00:11:36,426 --> 00:11:37,608 and he's gonna drive you crazy. 321 00:11:37,703 --> 00:11:39,777 Well, we're practically living together already. 322 00:11:39,930 --> 00:11:42,430 We're around each other all the time and it's going great. 323 00:11:42,523 --> 00:11:44,073 RANDI: No, this is different. 324 00:11:44,226 --> 00:11:45,616 Max doesn't think anything through. 325 00:11:45,769 --> 00:11:48,360 He's a child. I can't tell you the number of times 326 00:11:48,455 --> 00:11:49,713 he's left the house for groceries 327 00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:51,773 and came back with water balloons. 328 00:11:51,791 --> 00:11:53,274 It's 12. 329 00:11:53,443 --> 00:11:56,035 That's called being spontaneous and fun. 330 00:11:56,129 --> 00:11:57,536 It's why we get along. 331 00:11:57,556 --> 00:11:59,280 Yeah, but you like things a certain way 332 00:11:59,299 --> 00:12:01,057 and you're kind of an overthinker. 333 00:12:01,226 --> 00:12:03,226 (laughing): I am not. 334 00:12:03,453 --> 00:12:05,544 Well, I-I guess sometimes I can be. 335 00:12:05,638 --> 00:12:07,397 But, you know, sometimes you have to be. 336 00:12:07,548 --> 00:12:09,548 Hold on, wait; give me a second and let me think about it. 337 00:12:09,568 --> 00:12:11,383 No, I'm not. Right? 338 00:12:12,553 --> 00:12:14,512 Look, if you want to move in with Max, go right ahead. 339 00:12:14,664 --> 00:12:15,813 I'm just saying 340 00:12:15,907 --> 00:12:17,556 Carter and I have been together for a while 341 00:12:17,650 --> 00:12:18,983 and even we're struggling with it. 342 00:12:19,135 --> 00:12:20,635 Well, he's struggling to see that I'm right, 343 00:12:20,728 --> 00:12:22,228 but I'll get him there. 344 00:12:22,305 --> 00:12:24,914 (laughing): Well, Max and I are a very different couple 345 00:12:25,066 --> 00:12:26,416 than you and Carter. 346 00:12:26,643 --> 00:12:28,901 Different like how? 347 00:12:28,995 --> 00:12:30,420 Different like better? 348 00:12:31,147 --> 00:12:33,147 N-No. Pfft. No. 349 00:12:33,241 --> 00:12:34,983 Different like... Like, uh... 350 00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:36,985 equal but separate... 351 00:12:37,003 --> 00:12:39,245 like separate but equal. 352 00:12:39,264 --> 00:12:40,655 I'm just... 353 00:12:40,673 --> 00:12:43,099 I'm gonna take a left turn off this cliff over here. 354 00:12:43,251 --> 00:12:44,601 That's what I'm gonna do. 355 00:12:44,828 --> 00:12:47,495 All right, you've got two zombies on your six. 356 00:12:47,514 --> 00:12:48,846 -I'll cover you with the shotgun -(shotgun racking) 357 00:12:48,999 --> 00:12:50,106 then take a flamethrower to the door. 358 00:12:50,333 --> 00:12:51,332 (flamethrower whooshing) 359 00:12:51,351 --> 00:12:52,925 Aw, look, a little zombie girl. 360 00:12:53,019 --> 00:12:54,593 -(zombie girl growling) -That's cute. 361 00:12:54,613 --> 00:12:56,095 You're gonna bite me? 362 00:12:56,114 --> 00:12:57,263 Chainsawed! 363 00:12:57,340 --> 00:12:58,856 (chain saw revving) 364 00:12:59,009 --> 00:13:00,358 This is so much fun. 365 00:13:00,510 --> 00:13:04,178 Are we having what you fellas call "bro time"? 366 00:13:04,180 --> 00:13:05,680 Well, we've got beer, video games, 367 00:13:05,698 --> 00:13:09,275 and I'm farting when I want to, so, yeah. 368 00:13:09,369 --> 00:13:12,036 Hey, did you ask out that waitress? 369 00:13:12,130 --> 00:13:13,521 Well, I left behind 370 00:13:13,540 --> 00:13:16,207 a wicker doll that looked like the prophet Isaiah, 371 00:13:16,376 --> 00:13:18,709 so I definitely made the first move. 372 00:13:19,620 --> 00:13:21,453 Gideon, you're not on the farm anymore. 373 00:13:21,473 --> 00:13:23,698 When you like a girl, ask for her phone number, 374 00:13:23,791 --> 00:13:26,367 slide into her DMs, have sex with her best friend 375 00:13:26,502 --> 00:13:29,128 so she gets jealous, then make the move over. 376 00:13:29,147 --> 00:13:30,963 Yeah, you got to be romantic. 377 00:13:31,057 --> 00:13:32,148 Women dig that stuff. 378 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:33,799 Ah, fire in the hole! 379 00:13:33,819 --> 00:13:35,376 (farts) Ah. 380 00:13:35,395 --> 00:13:36,152 Uh, by the way, 381 00:13:36,304 --> 00:13:38,546 Randi and I call the other bed. 382 00:13:38,565 --> 00:13:40,139 You sure she's gonna want to sleep with you? 383 00:13:40,158 --> 00:13:41,640 She seems pretty pissed. 384 00:13:41,660 --> 00:13:43,326 I don't know why she doesn't want to move into my place. 385 00:13:43,477 --> 00:13:44,886 My first wife loved it. 386 00:13:44,904 --> 00:13:47,980 Losing that condo was harder for her than losing me. 387 00:13:47,999 --> 00:13:49,407 That's probably why Randi doesn't want to live there. 388 00:13:49,501 --> 00:13:51,184 -You bought it with your ex-wife. -So? 389 00:13:51,186 --> 00:13:53,911 I also bought the bed that we sleep in with my ex-wife. 390 00:13:54,064 --> 00:13:55,580 Do not tell her that. 391 00:13:55,732 --> 00:13:57,006 Even I know that. 392 00:13:57,158 --> 00:13:58,341 And the only woman I've ever kissed 393 00:13:58,492 --> 00:14:01,719 was my Nana, right before we buried her. 394 00:14:08,002 --> 00:14:10,353 ♪ ♪ 395 00:14:13,507 --> 00:14:15,859 I have made... 396 00:14:16,086 --> 00:14:19,087 fire! 397 00:14:19,180 --> 00:14:21,089 You just turned on the propane. 398 00:14:21,182 --> 00:14:23,199 But I made fire. 399 00:14:24,202 --> 00:14:26,852 Oh, thanks for letting me chop the wood. 400 00:14:26,872 --> 00:14:28,705 Usually that honor goes to the elder 401 00:14:28,932 --> 00:14:30,615 with the season's highest corn yield, 402 00:14:30,709 --> 00:14:32,375 but I won't tell if you won't. 403 00:14:32,526 --> 00:14:33,692 Oh, you're welcome, 404 00:14:33,753 --> 00:14:36,028 but you are letting me wash the dishes tonight. 405 00:14:36,122 --> 00:14:37,547 Aw, really? 406 00:14:37,774 --> 00:14:40,108 Oh, okay, you can do them. 407 00:14:40,126 --> 00:14:41,109 But you owe me. 408 00:14:41,127 --> 00:14:43,469 You are the best. 409 00:14:45,131 --> 00:14:48,224 Are you not gonna tell him that we don't need firewood? 410 00:14:48,376 --> 00:14:49,875 Girl, I'm just trying to tucker him out. 411 00:14:49,895 --> 00:14:52,211 I got bored playing fetch with him. 412 00:14:52,305 --> 00:14:53,980 (laughs) 413 00:14:55,233 --> 00:14:58,234 Ugh, what is that smell? 414 00:14:58,427 --> 00:14:59,385 Nature? 415 00:14:59,404 --> 00:15:00,461 Gross. 416 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:01,629 (hissing) 417 00:15:01,648 --> 00:15:02,906 (sniffs) 418 00:15:03,133 --> 00:15:05,408 Ooh, nice. Pine-scented. 419 00:15:06,486 --> 00:15:07,301 KAT: Uh-oh. 420 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:09,395 What's going on over here? 421 00:15:09,414 --> 00:15:10,914 Making burgers. 422 00:15:11,141 --> 00:15:13,474 But they're not all the same thickness. 423 00:15:13,567 --> 00:15:15,493 Like, look, fatty patty. 424 00:15:15,645 --> 00:15:16,586 Who cares? 425 00:15:16,755 --> 00:15:19,814 Uh, everyone, when they don't cook evenly. 426 00:15:19,816 --> 00:15:21,149 -It's fine. -Yeah, well... 427 00:15:21,317 --> 00:15:22,950 It's gonna be. (chuckles) 428 00:15:23,002 --> 00:15:24,485 Okay, okay. All right. Yeah. 429 00:15:24,504 --> 00:15:26,654 -Thank you. -Oh, you're welcome. 430 00:15:26,673 --> 00:15:28,506 Um, hey, where'd you put the ketchup packets? 431 00:15:28,658 --> 00:15:30,916 Oh, right, so I stuck them under the seat of the toilet 432 00:15:30,936 --> 00:15:33,937 and when Gideon sat down, it squirted in his underwear. 433 00:15:34,088 --> 00:15:36,588 You used my ketchup packets for a prank? 434 00:15:36,683 --> 00:15:40,401 Yeah, he thought he was dying, it was hilarious. 435 00:15:41,262 --> 00:15:43,504 Great. Thanks a lot, Max. 436 00:15:43,523 --> 00:15:44,596 Are you mad? 437 00:15:44,691 --> 00:15:46,857 Well, you knew I wanted them for our burgers 438 00:15:46,952 --> 00:15:49,510 and you wasted them on a stupid prank. 439 00:15:49,529 --> 00:15:51,270 Mm, awesome prank. 440 00:15:51,439 --> 00:15:53,014 Oh, my gosh, you are a child. 441 00:15:53,032 --> 00:15:56,626 And you're an adult yelling at me over ketchup packets. 442 00:15:56,777 --> 00:15:58,277 I'm not yelling. And, you know, it's not even 443 00:15:58,296 --> 00:15:59,704 about the ketchup packets. 444 00:15:59,798 --> 00:16:01,798 We now all have to eat dry burgers 445 00:16:01,949 --> 00:16:03,299 because you didn't think this through 446 00:16:03,451 --> 00:16:05,209 or consider anyone else and you know what? 447 00:16:05,361 --> 00:16:06,452 Yeah, now I guess I am yelling! 448 00:16:06,471 --> 00:16:08,304 MAX: Oh, my God, would you relax? 449 00:16:08,531 --> 00:16:10,198 You know what would help me relax? 450 00:16:10,216 --> 00:16:12,091 The zesty tang of ketchup! 451 00:16:12,143 --> 00:16:13,625 MAX: You are being ridiculous. 452 00:16:13,720 --> 00:16:15,553 Is this what you're gonna be like when we move in together? 453 00:16:15,647 --> 00:16:16,962 You know, maybe it is. 454 00:16:17,056 --> 00:16:17,888 Is this what you're gonna be like 455 00:16:17,983 --> 00:16:18,889 when we move in together? 456 00:16:18,984 --> 00:16:19,983 Yeah, probably, 457 00:16:20,134 --> 00:16:21,150 'cause this is who I am. 458 00:16:21,302 --> 00:16:22,318 Oh, and one more thing. 459 00:16:22,470 --> 00:16:26,114 I liked who you were, fatty patty. 460 00:16:27,233 --> 00:16:28,491 -Give me that! -No! 461 00:16:28,642 --> 00:16:30,142 -You give me that fatty patty! -No, stop it. 462 00:16:30,236 --> 00:16:31,552 -KAT: Give it! -(Randi chuckles) 463 00:16:31,645 --> 00:16:33,162 Better couple, my ass. 464 00:16:33,314 --> 00:16:34,889 -Give it! -Ow, it's hot. 465 00:16:35,725 --> 00:16:38,317 ♪ Oh, you can't ride in the little red wagon ♪ 466 00:16:38,411 --> 00:16:40,411 ♪ Wheel is broke and the axle's saggin' ♪ 467 00:16:40,505 --> 00:16:42,413 ♪ Chug-chug, chug-chug-chug ♪ 468 00:16:42,507 --> 00:16:44,415 ♪ Next verse, same as the first ♪ 469 00:16:44,567 --> 00:16:46,917 ♪ Little bit louder and a whole lot worse. ♪ 470 00:16:47,070 --> 00:16:48,236 Everybody! 471 00:16:48,329 --> 00:16:50,071 I'm gonna hit him with my walking stick. 472 00:16:50,164 --> 00:16:51,255 This hike is taking forever. 473 00:16:51,407 --> 00:16:52,515 Why are we even doing this? 474 00:16:52,666 --> 00:16:54,166 Look, I want to go home. 475 00:16:54,260 --> 00:16:56,001 To my fantastic home. 476 00:16:56,021 --> 00:16:57,428 No one is going home! 477 00:16:57,522 --> 00:16:59,914 Okay? We're gonna see a gorgeous fricking lake 478 00:17:00,007 --> 00:17:01,582 in 4.81 miles. 479 00:17:01,675 --> 00:17:03,526 And we're gonna take pictures and we're gonna smile 480 00:17:03,753 --> 00:17:05,385 and we're gonna post those pictures online 481 00:17:05,387 --> 00:17:07,530 so that everybody can see how great our lives are. 482 00:17:07,699 --> 00:17:09,848 #Max'sSmokingBirthday, 483 00:17:09,868 --> 00:17:10,849 #SmokyMountains, 484 00:17:10,869 --> 00:17:13,018 #BinderLife. 485 00:17:13,038 --> 00:17:14,037 Stop talking. 486 00:17:14,188 --> 00:17:15,763 Damn, you beat me to it. 487 00:17:15,782 --> 00:17:17,022 (growling) 488 00:17:17,116 --> 00:17:18,708 -KAT: Holy crap. -RANDI: Oh, Lord. 489 00:17:18,859 --> 00:17:20,209 Mommy. 490 00:17:20,436 --> 00:17:22,045 -(growling) -What do we do? 491 00:17:22,272 --> 00:17:24,213 Yeah. What do we do? 492 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:25,773 (growling) 493 00:17:25,866 --> 00:17:26,957 Oh. 494 00:17:27,052 --> 00:17:29,719 I'll pray for you! 495 00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:32,463 Okay, that's a black bear. 496 00:17:32,615 --> 00:17:34,615 So that means that it's either a black bear... 497 00:17:34,617 --> 00:17:36,117 or not a black bear. 498 00:17:36,135 --> 00:17:38,636 Well, your binder said to make yourself as big as possible 499 00:17:38,788 --> 00:17:40,288 and then slowly back away. 500 00:17:40,306 --> 00:17:41,622 Oh, you read my binder? 501 00:17:41,715 --> 00:17:43,624 There was a lot of good pictures of me in there. 502 00:17:43,643 --> 00:17:44,625 Did the binder say anything 503 00:17:44,718 --> 00:17:45,960 about marking your territory 504 00:17:46,053 --> 00:17:47,219 with your own pee? 505 00:17:47,313 --> 00:17:49,906 'Cause... we now have that covered. 506 00:17:49,982 --> 00:17:51,074 MAX: Okay. 507 00:17:51,225 --> 00:17:53,801 Everybody, as big as possible. 508 00:17:53,894 --> 00:17:55,653 (bear snarling) 509 00:17:55,805 --> 00:17:57,305 (roaring) 510 00:17:57,323 --> 00:17:58,081 Uh... 511 00:17:58,232 --> 00:17:59,248 ♪ You can't ride ♪ 512 00:17:59,475 --> 00:18:00,658 ♪ In my little red wagon ♪ 513 00:18:00,810 --> 00:18:01,751 ♪ Wheel is broke ♪ 514 00:18:01,902 --> 00:18:03,160 ♪ And the axle's saggin' ♪ 515 00:18:03,254 --> 00:18:04,236 What are you doing? 516 00:18:04,255 --> 00:18:05,588 I am not dying to that song. 517 00:18:05,739 --> 00:18:07,739 We're supposed to make noise that's non-threatening. 518 00:18:07,834 --> 00:18:08,907 Uh... 519 00:18:09,001 --> 00:18:10,484 ♪ Chug-chug, chug-chug-chug ♪ 520 00:18:10,503 --> 00:18:13,504 ♪ You can't ride in my little red wagon ♪ 521 00:18:13,656 --> 00:18:15,747 ♪ Wheel is broke and the axle's saggin'. ♪ 522 00:18:15,767 --> 00:18:18,159 -RANDI: He's turning around! -KAT: Yeah. 523 00:18:18,177 --> 00:18:20,252 Yeah, that's right, walk away, Yogi. 524 00:18:20,271 --> 00:18:22,588 -(roaring) -(screaming) 525 00:18:22,682 --> 00:18:25,066 (gasping, grunting) 526 00:18:29,339 --> 00:18:31,188 A lot of things came into focus 527 00:18:31,341 --> 00:18:33,007 when I was protecting you from that bear. 528 00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:34,433 You were standing behind me. 529 00:18:34,452 --> 00:18:35,475 Wha...? 530 00:18:35,528 --> 00:18:37,178 I didn't want it to sneak up on you. 531 00:18:37,271 --> 00:18:39,347 It's called having your back, Randi. 532 00:18:39,365 --> 00:18:40,606 I don't want to fight anymore. 533 00:18:40,625 --> 00:18:42,199 We went camping with a bunch of white people 534 00:18:42,352 --> 00:18:44,852 and almost got killed. That's on us. 535 00:18:44,945 --> 00:18:47,371 Look, I get you don't want to move into my condo 536 00:18:47,523 --> 00:18:49,039 because I lived there with my ex-wife. 537 00:18:49,134 --> 00:18:50,616 You did? I didn't know that! 538 00:18:50,635 --> 00:18:54,545 Well, then I didn't, and you still don't know that. 539 00:18:55,381 --> 00:18:57,715 Well, I was thinking maybe we can change a few things 540 00:18:57,867 --> 00:19:01,202 about your place to make it feel more like our place. 541 00:19:01,204 --> 00:19:03,387 Really? Thank you, baby. 542 00:19:03,556 --> 00:19:05,314 But now that I know that Stephanie lived there with you, 543 00:19:05,466 --> 00:19:08,818 we are ripping that sucker down to the studs. 544 00:19:08,969 --> 00:19:10,486 We could do that. 545 00:19:10,713 --> 00:19:14,732 You know, uh, Stephanie was there when I bought my old Xbox. 546 00:19:14,826 --> 00:19:16,993 So, we gonna need to get the new one. 547 00:19:17,144 --> 00:19:18,411 (Randi chuckles) 548 00:19:19,572 --> 00:19:22,556 Sorry your birthday was kind of a bust. 549 00:19:22,558 --> 00:19:25,226 Are you kidding? I punched out a bear. 550 00:19:26,153 --> 00:19:27,503 And you're gonna back me up when I tell people that, 551 00:19:27,730 --> 00:19:30,089 -that's your birthday gift to me. -(sighs) 552 00:19:32,402 --> 00:19:35,236 I have never been so terrified. 553 00:19:35,254 --> 00:19:36,253 Yeah. 554 00:19:36,406 --> 00:19:39,182 I'm really glad you were there with me. 555 00:19:39,333 --> 00:19:40,741 Yeah, the whole thing just made 556 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,186 what we were fighting about seem so stupid. 557 00:19:43,413 --> 00:19:46,338 I shouldn't have called you a child. 558 00:19:46,357 --> 00:19:48,691 I shouldn't have called you a control freak. 559 00:19:48,918 --> 00:19:50,693 You didn't. 560 00:19:50,844 --> 00:19:52,770 Right, that was with Carter. 561 00:19:53,589 --> 00:19:57,425 So even though I'm a bit of a micromanager... 562 00:19:57,443 --> 00:20:00,444 you still want to move in together? 563 00:20:00,596 --> 00:20:02,288 Sí, señor. 564 00:20:03,374 --> 00:20:04,690 Yeah, and if you think it's too quick, 565 00:20:04,709 --> 00:20:05,649 I can totally find 566 00:20:05,710 --> 00:20:08,211 (whispering): another roommate. 567 00:20:08,362 --> 00:20:10,713 I said that low in case Gideon's around. 568 00:20:11,624 --> 00:20:13,290 If the two of us can get through that, 569 00:20:13,443 --> 00:20:15,033 we can get through anything. 570 00:20:15,127 --> 00:20:17,053 Except climate change, that's really gonna require 571 00:20:17,204 --> 00:20:19,430 more of a group effort. 572 00:20:20,207 --> 00:20:21,949 -Max. -(chuckling) 573 00:20:22,042 --> 00:20:23,951 -We're gonna move in together! -(grunts) 574 00:20:24,044 --> 00:20:25,519 (Kat laughs) 575 00:20:28,048 --> 00:20:29,214 Wait, is that the RV? 576 00:20:29,234 --> 00:20:31,216 KAT: Hey, is that Gideon driving? 577 00:20:31,236 --> 00:20:32,884 Does Gideon know how to drive? 578 00:20:32,904 --> 00:20:34,570 I'm sure he does. 579 00:20:35,314 --> 00:20:36,981 I'm gonna ask the waitress out on a date! 580 00:20:37,075 --> 00:20:38,282 Life is too short! 581 00:20:38,409 --> 00:20:40,058 No, stop the RV! 582 00:20:40,078 --> 00:20:42,578 Don't know how! Bye! 583 00:20:48,995 --> 00:20:49,994 Hello, Mother. 584 00:20:50,088 --> 00:20:51,069 SHEILA: Oh, hello, sweetheart. 585 00:20:51,163 --> 00:20:52,329 Just wanted to let you know 586 00:20:52,423 --> 00:20:53,439 we are headed back 587 00:20:53,499 --> 00:20:55,258 and we should be home in a few hours. 588 00:20:55,334 --> 00:20:56,742 Wonderful. Drive safe. 589 00:20:56,761 --> 00:20:58,094 KAT: We will. And, uh... 590 00:20:58,245 --> 00:21:00,321 thanks again for taking care of the cats. 591 00:21:00,339 --> 00:21:02,556 Oh, yes, of course. They were little angels. 592 00:21:03,326 --> 00:21:04,508 Oh, crap. 593 00:21:04,602 --> 00:21:07,061 ("You Can't Ride in My Little Red Wagon" playing) 594 00:21:14,003 --> 00:21:16,404 ♪ ♪ 595 00:21:34,524 --> 00:21:36,465 Captioning sponsored by WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 596 00:21:36,542 --> 00:21:39,010 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org