1
00:00:02,745 --> 00:00:04,728
♪ Kentucky bourbon flight ♪
2
00:00:04,747 --> 00:00:06,246
-♪ Kentuck... Kentuck... ♪
-(yawns) Hey.
3
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,248
Oh, hey, sorry, did I wake you?
4
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,159
(yawns) No. Snowball
either puked up her dinner,
5
00:00:11,178 --> 00:00:13,754
or she's going through
a Jackson Pollock phase.
6
00:00:13,906 --> 00:00:16,164
Well, at least it wasn't
in my slippers this time.
7
00:00:16,258 --> 00:00:19,576
That was a squishy 2:00 a.m.
trip to the bathroom.
8
00:00:19,595 --> 00:00:21,169
What were you playing?
9
00:00:21,263 --> 00:00:22,412
Oh, a song I'm working on.
10
00:00:22,431 --> 00:00:24,097
I want something new
for when that producer
11
00:00:24,174 --> 00:00:25,415
comes to see me play.
12
00:00:25,434 --> 00:00:26,600
Well, if you need a beatboxer,
13
00:00:26,752 --> 00:00:28,435
I just finished
Doug E. Fresh's MasterClass.
14
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:30,587
-(beatboxing)
-Oh.
15
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,180
That was on there? (groans)
16
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:35,092
And I wasted three hours
listening to Melinda Gates
17
00:00:35,110 --> 00:00:37,369
teach me about impactful giving.
18
00:00:37,596 --> 00:00:39,020
Play your song for me.
19
00:00:39,114 --> 00:00:41,431
-It's not done. I don't...
-Oh, come on.
20
00:00:41,450 --> 00:00:42,857
I mean, if you get stuck
on a rhyme,
21
00:00:42,951 --> 00:00:44,268
I'm pretty good.
22
00:00:44,436 --> 00:00:45,786
Salad, valid.
23
00:00:45,938 --> 00:00:48,288
I was saving it for a birthday
card, but you can have it.
24
00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:49,790
(laughs)
25
00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:52,885
Okay, all right. (stammers)
It's a work in progress, though.
26
00:00:53,112 --> 00:00:54,553
(clears throat)
27
00:00:59,118 --> 00:01:02,286
♪ A friend from way back when ♪
28
00:01:02,304 --> 00:01:04,971
♪ Who came around again ♪
29
00:01:05,124 --> 00:01:08,216
♪ I can't believe
it took so long ♪
30
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:11,070
♪ But you were worth ♪
31
00:01:11,297 --> 00:01:12,629
♪ The wait.... ♪
32
00:01:12,722 --> 00:01:16,316
I'm a friend from way back when.
Is this song about me?
33
00:01:16,468 --> 00:01:18,059
My mother says
I wasn't worth the wait,
34
00:01:18,153 --> 00:01:19,820
but maybe Max disagrees.
35
00:01:19,972 --> 00:01:22,915
♪ Tousled hair
and shining eyes ♪
36
00:01:23,066 --> 00:01:25,918
♪ Couldn't lose me
if you tried ♪
37
00:01:26,111 --> 00:01:29,313
♪ I look at you,
and I'm at home ♪
38
00:01:29,331 --> 00:01:32,332
♪ 'Cause you were worth ♪
39
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:33,650
♪ The wait ♪
40
00:01:33,743 --> 00:01:35,502
My hair's always tousled.
41
00:01:35,654 --> 00:01:38,839
I haven't gotten a comb
through this thing in years.
42
00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:41,249
♪ Karaoke nights ♪
43
00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:44,103
♪ Kentucky bourbon flights ♪
44
00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:46,163
♪ Singin' Billy Joel ♪
45
00:01:46,181 --> 00:01:49,775
♪ Until we saw the dawn ♪
46
00:01:49,926 --> 00:01:53,170
♪ 'Cause you were worth ♪
47
00:01:53,263 --> 00:01:54,446
♪ The wait. ♪
48
00:01:54,598 --> 00:01:57,432
Okay, that's me
because that happened.
49
00:01:57,526 --> 00:01:59,618
Move over, "Layla"
and "Billie Jean,"
50
00:01:59,769 --> 00:02:02,529
I just got my own song.
51
00:02:03,682 --> 00:02:05,849
(sighs) That's as far
as I've gotten so far.
52
00:02:05,868 --> 00:02:07,459
-That is amazing.
-Mm-hmm.
53
00:02:07,611 --> 00:02:09,461
You painted
such a vivid picture,
54
00:02:09,688 --> 00:02:11,463
I felt like I was there.
55
00:02:11,615 --> 00:02:13,507
Because I was.
56
00:02:14,376 --> 00:02:16,193
Well, it's got a long way to go,
57
00:02:16,286 --> 00:02:18,362
but I'm glad you like it.
58
00:02:18,380 --> 00:02:20,097
I love it.
59
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:26,794
-Hey, um...
-Mm?
60
00:02:26,889 --> 00:02:28,205
Since we're both up, you, uh,
61
00:02:28,223 --> 00:02:29,481
want to have a little fun
on the couch?
62
00:02:29,633 --> 00:02:32,058
Oh, fun on the couch,
I like the sound of that.
63
00:02:32,135 --> 00:02:33,801
Yeah? Do you like
the sound of this?
64
00:02:33,896 --> 00:02:36,638
-(beatboxing)
-Oh.
65
00:02:36,732 --> 00:02:38,139
♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪
66
00:02:38,233 --> 00:02:40,617
♪ Nothin' wrong with you
but I'd rather be me. ♪
67
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,494
-Hi.
-Hi.
68
00:02:42,646 --> 00:02:45,313
I can't help but notice
you've bonded
69
00:02:45,407 --> 00:02:46,981
with Meow-im Bialik. (laughs)
70
00:02:47,001 --> 00:02:50,294
What can I say,
I lost a bet to the writers.
71
00:02:51,079 --> 00:02:52,654
Just so you know,
72
00:02:52,748 --> 00:02:55,156
all of our cats
are available for rescue.
73
00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:57,158
If you're interested,
74
00:02:57,252 --> 00:02:58,677
just fill out this application
75
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:00,679
and answer
a few simple questions.
76
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,406
Great, I'd love to.
77
00:03:02,499 --> 00:03:04,666
Your cat spends the morning on
a carefree frolic in the garden.
78
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:05,759
Later, you notice red hives
79
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:07,427
on its belly. What do you do?
80
00:03:07,579 --> 00:03:09,229
What do you do?!
81
00:03:10,098 --> 00:03:11,264
Take her to the vet?
82
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:12,249
Good answer.
83
00:03:12,267 --> 00:03:13,934
Sorry I got all up in your face.
84
00:03:14,010 --> 00:03:16,195
I just wanted to simulate
the high-intensity experience
85
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:17,921
of cat ownership. You did great.
86
00:03:17,923 --> 00:03:19,606
There's a box you can check for
87
00:03:19,683 --> 00:03:21,849
"don't want to talk
to this one again."
88
00:03:22,761 --> 00:03:25,186
Go ahead and try
and bring me down, but, uh,
89
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:27,522
my boyfriend
is writing a song about me.
90
00:03:27,616 --> 00:03:30,617
Really? What did he rhyme
with "settling"?
91
00:03:30,694 --> 00:03:33,045
Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.
92
00:03:33,196 --> 00:03:34,862
Carter's son is coming over
for the weekend,
93
00:03:34,957 --> 00:03:36,289
so I went out and bought
a bunch of things
94
00:03:36,442 --> 00:03:37,941
I thought a 14-year-old boy
might like.
95
00:03:38,034 --> 00:03:39,626
I didn't know
the grocery store sold
96
00:03:39,778 --> 00:03:41,703
marijuana and boobs.
97
00:03:41,797 --> 00:03:43,388
I'm gonna be his stepmom soon,
98
00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:45,206
so I want him to come over
and have fun,
99
00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:47,300
and then go home and tell
his mom that he likes me more
100
00:03:47,453 --> 00:03:48,952
and that I'm prettier.
101
00:03:48,971 --> 00:03:52,456
Well, if you want, I can help
you put the "step" in stepmom.
102
00:03:52,474 --> 00:03:54,691
(grunting)
103
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,128
(grunts)
104
00:03:59,131 --> 00:04:02,241
February was Black History Month
on MasterClass.
105
00:04:02,392 --> 00:04:03,992
(grunts)
106
00:04:06,822 --> 00:04:08,472
-Hey, Randi.
-Hey, baby.
107
00:04:08,490 --> 00:04:10,307
Little man.
108
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,567
All right, I'm loving this.
109
00:04:12,644 --> 00:04:14,327
Wow, okay, still going.
110
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:15,645
Yeah, okay,
111
00:04:15,664 --> 00:04:16,813
not feeling left out at all.
112
00:04:16,832 --> 00:04:19,675
Starting to feel
a little left out.
113
00:04:20,986 --> 00:04:22,577
CJ, I got all
your favorite foods.
114
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,488
I got chicken nuggets,
chicken fingers,
115
00:04:24,581 --> 00:04:25,747
chicken patties,
116
00:04:25,841 --> 00:04:27,248
and something
called Beyond Chicken
117
00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:28,658
that they said
tastes like real chicken,
118
00:04:28,677 --> 00:04:30,385
but it really doesn't
taste like chicken.
119
00:04:30,512 --> 00:04:33,105
Just eat your broccoli
and be sad, vegans.
120
00:04:33,332 --> 00:04:34,998
I was kind of feeling Taco Bell.
121
00:04:35,017 --> 00:04:36,683
Oh, tacos are cool, too.
Let's go.
122
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:39,594
Uh, hold up. Now, I love Taco
Bell just as much as anyone.
123
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:42,430
In fact, I'm the one who got the
Mexican Pizza back on the menu.
124
00:04:42,524 --> 00:04:44,190
My grandfather
marched on Washington,
125
00:04:44,343 --> 00:04:45,600
I marched on Chalupa Boulevard.
126
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:48,954
But Randi bought 200 bucks
worth of groceries,
127
00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:50,938
so we're eating here.
128
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,775
-Fine.
-Buzzkill.
He always buzzkilling.
129
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,295
Oh, no, no,
I'm a part of this one.
130
00:04:56,522 --> 00:04:58,297
(laughs)
131
00:04:58,524 --> 00:05:00,373
Yeah. Uh-uh-uh.
132
00:05:00,526 --> 00:05:02,526
Okay, which one's the producer?
133
00:05:02,544 --> 00:05:04,377
Oh, it's the guy
in the cowboy hat, isn't it?
134
00:05:04,454 --> 00:05:06,046
(country accent):
Sure do like your songs, Max.
135
00:05:06,198 --> 00:05:08,031
I understand
your pretty little filly here
136
00:05:08,050 --> 00:05:09,549
does a mean beatbox. (laughs)
137
00:05:09,718 --> 00:05:11,217
It's actually Kelsey Morgan,
138
00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:13,053
the woman in the pantsuit.
139
00:05:13,205 --> 00:05:14,704
Ugh, damn the patriarchy.
140
00:05:14,723 --> 00:05:17,574
-I've got so much to unlearn.
-(chuckles)
141
00:05:17,576 --> 00:05:18,984
I'm gonna take my seat.
142
00:05:19,135 --> 00:05:21,061
-Wish me luck.
-Break a leg.
And if you get nervous,
143
00:05:21,229 --> 00:05:22,487
just picture the audience naked,
144
00:05:22,639 --> 00:05:24,990
except Randi,
I can't compete with that.
145
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:27,475
You got this, brother.
146
00:05:27,569 --> 00:05:29,745
(laughs) Yes.
147
00:05:32,148 --> 00:05:34,407
Everyone has one but me.
148
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:36,668
Thanks for coming out.
Where's CJ?
149
00:05:36,895 --> 00:05:38,228
At a movie with a friend.
150
00:05:38,230 --> 00:05:40,413
It's rated R, but I taught him
how to buy a ticket
151
00:05:40,566 --> 00:05:41,915
for another movie and sneak in.
152
00:05:42,067 --> 00:05:44,992
Who's the best stepmom now,
Gabrielle Union?
153
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,178
(laughs)
154
00:05:46,405 --> 00:05:48,088
Hey, everybody,
I'm Max Kingbird.
155
00:05:48,215 --> 00:05:49,831
Uh, so glad to be here.
156
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,999
I'm gonna start
with something new.
157
00:05:52,094 --> 00:05:55,354
Uh, it's a little different,
but very personal to me.
158
00:05:55,581 --> 00:05:57,171
-This is it. This is my song.
-(guitar playing)
159
00:05:57,265 --> 00:05:59,524
I'm the "person" in "personal."
160
00:06:01,420 --> 00:06:04,846
♪ A friend from way back when ♪
161
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,257
♪ Who came around again ♪
162
00:06:07,275 --> 00:06:10,443
♪ I can't believe
it took so long ♪
163
00:06:10,596 --> 00:06:14,539
♪ But you were worth
the wait... ♪
164
00:06:14,766 --> 00:06:16,449
Wow, this is beautiful.
165
00:06:16,526 --> 00:06:17,784
Don't be jealous.
166
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,436
Just kidding,
be totally jealous.
167
00:06:19,529 --> 00:06:22,363
♪ Up all night
we drank champagne ♪
168
00:06:22,457 --> 00:06:25,458
♪ Dancin' in the Paris rain ♪
169
00:06:25,627 --> 00:06:28,703
♪ You're the reason, ma cherie ♪
170
00:06:28,797 --> 00:06:32,206
♪ But you were worth the wait ♪
171
00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:34,134
When did you guys go to Paris?
172
00:06:34,286 --> 00:06:35,619
Uh, we didn't, but,
173
00:06:35,637 --> 00:06:36,970
you know, uh...
174
00:06:37,139 --> 00:06:39,806
(French accent):
Louisville is the "Par-ee"
of Kentucky.
175
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:40,882
(laughs)
176
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,293
♪ I want to hold you near ♪
177
00:06:43,386 --> 00:06:45,887
♪ Whisper "je t'aime"
in your ear... ♪
178
00:06:45,981 --> 00:06:48,407
You don't speak French. I know
179
00:06:48,558 --> 00:06:50,634
because in high school
you insisted
180
00:06:50,636 --> 00:06:53,161
on taking Klingon instead.
181
00:06:55,991 --> 00:06:57,307
♪ Takin' off our clothes ♪
182
00:06:57,400 --> 00:07:00,660
♪ In Fontaine Saint-Michel ♪
183
00:07:00,829 --> 00:07:04,756
♪ My sexy mademoiselle... ♪
184
00:07:04,908 --> 00:07:06,240
Huh...
185
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,168
We never went skinny-dipping.
186
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:11,012
It's because this song
is about me.
187
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:12,597
Brigitte?
188
00:07:12,824 --> 00:07:13,506
Oui.
189
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,175
When Max and I were together,
190
00:07:15,343 --> 00:07:16,843
we skinny-dipped all the time.
191
00:07:16,995 --> 00:07:19,679
In Saint-Tropez,
in Rome, at Normandy.
192
00:07:19,831 --> 00:07:22,649
It was a different kind
of D-Day.
193
00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,514
I eat lots of ice cream,
194
00:07:37,532 --> 00:07:40,292
but I'm still very thin.
195
00:07:40,443 --> 00:07:42,610
Yeah, well, I don't gain weight
from it either
196
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:44,445
'cause I'm lactose intolerant.
197
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:45,780
(door opens)
198
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,467
You're not gonna believe it.
I talked to Kelsey,
199
00:07:48,618 --> 00:07:51,970
and she wants to record
with me. (laughs)
200
00:07:52,121 --> 00:07:53,713
Why aren't you jumping
up and down with me?
201
00:07:53,865 --> 00:07:56,975
It's weird for a grown man to be
jumping up and down by himself.
202
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,720
Max, why did you change
the song you wrote about me
203
00:08:00,872 --> 00:08:01,813
to be about Brigitte?
204
00:08:01,965 --> 00:08:04,374
Oh, Kat, I think
we both know why.
205
00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:08,010
The song's not about anyone
specifically. I just made it up.
206
00:08:08,137 --> 00:08:10,213
Oh, so you didn't go
skinny-dipping with Brigitte
207
00:08:10,232 --> 00:08:11,973
in La Fontaine Saint-Michel?
208
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:14,400
I think you're focusing
on the wrong thing here.
209
00:08:14,553 --> 00:08:16,495
Kelsey Morgan
is working on songs
210
00:08:16,646 --> 00:08:18,479
for Chris Stapleton's
next album.
211
00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:20,499
Can't you just
be excited for me?
212
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:21,983
Well, it's kind of hard
to be excited
213
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,409
when you started writing
a song about me
214
00:08:23,562 --> 00:08:26,153
and ran out of things to say
20 seconds in.
215
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,580
And what would he say?
216
00:08:27,733 --> 00:08:31,343
"Oh, Kat, I love your fruit
with the googly eyes"?
217
00:08:31,494 --> 00:08:33,086
I was so excited to tell you
my good news,
218
00:08:33,238 --> 00:08:35,680
and you're kind of
crapping all over it.
219
00:08:35,907 --> 00:08:38,475
It is because she ate ice cream.
220
00:08:41,504 --> 00:08:44,748
Yes! Winner, winner,
chicken dinner.
221
00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:46,249
And breakfast and lunch.
222
00:08:46,268 --> 00:08:47,859
Seriously, y'all, I bought
a buttload of chicken.
223
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,679
All right, Junior, time for bed.
It's a school night.
224
00:08:51,773 --> 00:08:53,198
Aw, give him a break.
225
00:08:53,349 --> 00:08:55,942
I've been taking him to school
these last six games.
226
00:08:56,094 --> 00:08:57,869
Oh, it's on.
227
00:08:58,021 --> 00:09:00,021
No, it's off.
228
00:09:00,115 --> 00:09:02,115
-Aw, man.
-Boo.
229
00:09:02,267 --> 00:09:03,375
Night, little man.
230
00:09:03,526 --> 00:09:04,859
You might want
to sleep on your stomach
231
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,103
after that spanking
I just gave you.
232
00:09:07,122 --> 00:09:08,454
What are you doing?
233
00:09:08,607 --> 00:09:11,198
-What are you talking about?
-Last night with dinner,
234
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,458
tonight with video games,
235
00:09:12,611 --> 00:09:14,127
you keep making me
the bad cop with CJ.
236
00:09:14,279 --> 00:09:16,112
I'm trying to be
Chris Tucker in Rush Hour,
237
00:09:16,131 --> 00:09:18,782
you got me looking like
Denzel in Training Day.
238
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,800
Well, what's the big deal
if I want to spoil him a little?
239
00:09:20,952 --> 00:09:23,469
I want him to know that
he's gonna have a cool stepmom.
240
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:25,397
But that means
I have to be the hard-ass,
241
00:09:25,473 --> 00:09:27,974
and that's his mom's job.
She's Denzel.
242
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:32,529
Trust me, King Kong
ain't got nothing on her!
243
00:09:33,723 --> 00:09:35,481
SHEILA:
Hello, dear.
244
00:09:35,634 --> 00:09:37,576
What are you doing here?
245
00:09:37,761 --> 00:09:39,411
You can't get rid
of any more of my clothes.
246
00:09:39,562 --> 00:09:41,580
I never even got to wear
those orange Crocs.
247
00:09:41,807 --> 00:09:44,657
I know you had a rough night,
so I brought some Chardonnay.
248
00:09:44,826 --> 00:09:47,234
You do realize it's noon?
249
00:09:47,312 --> 00:09:50,404
I know, I'm sorry.
I slept in this morning.
250
00:09:50,498 --> 00:09:52,165
How you doing?
251
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,666
Oh, great.
252
00:09:53,819 --> 00:09:56,744
My boyfriend wrote a song
about his perfect ex-girlfriend,
253
00:09:56,838 --> 00:09:57,912
and I'm having full-fledged
254
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,747
imaginary conversations
with her.
255
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,341
It is torturous for me, too.
256
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:04,102
I look this good,
and no one else can see me.
257
00:10:04,329 --> 00:10:07,997
As you know, I've had a tune
or two written about me.
258
00:10:08,016 --> 00:10:09,999
I was there the morning
Lionel Richie
259
00:10:10,093 --> 00:10:11,276
wrote "All Night Long."
260
00:10:11,353 --> 00:10:12,777
And...?
261
00:10:12,929 --> 00:10:16,097
And nothing. It's just hard
to work that into conversations.
262
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:19,100
Max says this is just
the way he writes,
263
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,285
but I can't shake the feeling
264
00:10:20,436 --> 00:10:22,120
that he'd rather
be with Brigitte.
265
00:10:22,271 --> 00:10:23,529
How can you blame him?
266
00:10:23,698 --> 00:10:27,241
He's riding the tea cups
after le Splash Mountain.
267
00:10:28,203 --> 00:10:30,629
Sweetheart,
he's lucky to have you.
268
00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:32,538
You're generous and thoughtful
269
00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:34,115
and loving.
270
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,541
But that's boring.
271
00:10:35,694 --> 00:10:38,378
I want to be sexy
and fun and adventurous.
272
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:41,547
Well, if you want
to inspire him,
273
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,475
lean into your wild side.
274
00:10:43,668 --> 00:10:44,959
Do something daring
275
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,536
and a little reckless.
276
00:10:46,554 --> 00:10:49,630
Ooh, like Olivia Newton-John
at the end of Grease.
277
00:10:49,724 --> 00:10:52,466
She got a perm, put on
those tight leather pants,
278
00:10:52,544 --> 00:10:54,043
and rode off in a convertible.
279
00:10:54,062 --> 00:10:55,636
That's a wild girl car.
280
00:10:55,805 --> 00:10:59,549
I was thinking a drug-fueled
weekend in Vegas with you, Max,
281
00:10:59,567 --> 00:11:03,403
and an open-minded
Cirque du Soleil acrobat,
282
00:11:03,555 --> 00:11:04,996
but you do you.
283
00:11:08,818 --> 00:11:10,076
Ooh, grab a controller.
284
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,745
Can't. I'm meeting a friend
at the library to study.
285
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,506
How are you supposed to get
better at video games
286
00:11:14,733 --> 00:11:17,233
if you keep going to the library
on a Saturday?
287
00:11:17,252 --> 00:11:19,678
See, this is why China
is kicking our ass.
288
00:11:19,829 --> 00:11:21,680
I've got a project.
289
00:11:21,831 --> 00:11:22,588
Okay.
290
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:23,831
(bottles clinking)
291
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:26,351
Wait, what's clinking around
in your backpack?
292
00:11:26,502 --> 00:11:27,668
Nothing.
293
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:29,262
Boy, I'm from Detroit,
294
00:11:29,414 --> 00:11:32,524
smuggling beer in a backpack
is called a Motown Special.
295
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:34,359
Wh...
296
00:11:34,510 --> 00:11:35,768
What is wrong with you?
297
00:11:35,921 --> 00:11:37,937
They weren't for me.
My friend Preston wanted them,
298
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,106
but if he's
pressuring me to drink,
299
00:11:40,258 --> 00:11:42,258
I see now he's not
a real friend at all.
300
00:11:42,351 --> 00:11:44,610
Save that weak-ass line
for your dad.
301
00:11:44,763 --> 00:11:47,280
-Oh, what?
You're gonna tell him?
-Of course I am.
302
00:11:47,432 --> 00:11:49,098
If I told him
that Drake slid into my DMs,
303
00:11:49,233 --> 00:11:50,283
I'm gonna tell him this.
304
00:11:50,452 --> 00:11:51,859
-But Randi...
-Uh-uh, go to your room
305
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,528
or time-out or whatever
that crap is that parents say.
306
00:11:54,622 --> 00:11:56,606
If you tell my dad,
then he's gonna tell my mom,
307
00:11:56,624 --> 00:11:57,549
and she's gonna go nuts.
308
00:11:57,700 --> 00:11:58,775
(sighs)
309
00:11:58,868 --> 00:12:00,944
I guess you're not as cool
as I thought.
310
00:12:00,962 --> 00:12:01,886
CJ...
311
00:12:02,113 --> 00:12:03,555
Whatever.
312
00:12:06,042 --> 00:12:08,709
Okay, fine, fine.
I won't tell him.
313
00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,286
Seriously? You're the best.
314
00:12:10,379 --> 00:12:12,972
I know. I know. Just make sure
your mom knows, too.
315
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,807
And if you could somehow work
into the conversation
316
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,793
that I know Drake, even better.
317
00:12:16,811 --> 00:12:19,904
I will. Thank you so much.
318
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:24,617
And just so you know, you wrap
the bottles in a towel, fool.
319
00:12:27,305 --> 00:12:30,064
Is it hot in here
or is it just me?
320
00:12:30,158 --> 00:12:32,417
Trick question, it's both.
321
00:12:33,828 --> 00:12:35,754
Hey. Whoa, you look amazing.
322
00:12:35,905 --> 00:12:37,146
Ooh,
323
00:12:37,165 --> 00:12:38,998
sex candles. Race you to naked.
324
00:12:39,150 --> 00:12:40,500
This counts as foreplay.
325
00:12:40,652 --> 00:12:43,152
-No, no, no, no. Not yet.
We'll get there.
-Oh. Oh...
326
00:12:43,171 --> 00:12:45,004
Because it's our anniversary
327
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:47,599
that I did not forget.
328
00:12:47,750 --> 00:12:50,417
I ordered your gift,
but, you know, supply chain.
329
00:12:50,495 --> 00:12:53,087
Well, it's not our anniversary.
330
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,515
I wanted to do something
to celebrate your good news
331
00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,275
about the producer
with a romantic night
332
00:12:57,426 --> 00:12:59,018
of spontaneous adventure where
333
00:12:59,170 --> 00:13:01,279
-anything can happen.
-Aw, cool.
334
00:13:01,430 --> 00:13:03,281
-Well, we could go b...
-No, no, no, no,
335
00:13:03,508 --> 00:13:05,008
a romantic night
of spontaneous adventure
336
00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:06,451
that I have
completely planned out.
337
00:13:06,602 --> 00:13:09,195
A real adventure
or a Kat adventure?
338
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:10,847
Because a Kat adventure
always means
339
00:13:10,849 --> 00:13:14,017
I have to look up words
I don't know, like ornithology.
340
00:13:14,110 --> 00:13:15,943
Just say we're going
bird-watching,
341
00:13:15,962 --> 00:13:17,444
so I can get high first.
342
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:20,023
Well, tonight,
we're gonna get high
343
00:13:20,116 --> 00:13:22,634
on excitement and temerity.
344
00:13:23,878 --> 00:13:25,211
It means recklessness.
345
00:13:25,363 --> 00:13:28,765
Now, go put on some clothes
for getting cr-azy.
346
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:32,385
You really think
you can compete with me?
347
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:36,481
After tonight,
Max will be so inspired by me,
348
00:13:36,708 --> 00:13:38,708
he will never
think of you again.
349
00:13:38,801 --> 00:13:40,109
So...
350
00:13:43,898 --> 00:13:46,074
Step off.
351
00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:56,576
Okay, here we are.
352
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,169
Okay, get ready.
353
00:13:58,362 --> 00:14:00,730
One...
354
00:14:00,748 --> 00:14:02,081
-two. I did it on two.
-Whoa.
355
00:14:02,250 --> 00:14:04,250
Temerity. (laughs)
356
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,902
Water tower?
357
00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:08,495
-You gonna whack me?
-No.
358
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:11,257
We're gonna sneak in
this locked gate.
359
00:14:11,409 --> 00:14:14,243
Uh, whoa, rebellious much?
360
00:14:14,262 --> 00:14:17,430
Climb this bad boy,
take in a spectacular view,
361
00:14:17,582 --> 00:14:19,582
and then write our names
on a little heart
362
00:14:19,601 --> 00:14:20,841
for all the world to see.
363
00:14:20,935 --> 00:14:23,119
You're not exactly dressed
for climbing.
364
00:14:23,179 --> 00:14:25,846
Hey, if my mother can do
a 5K walk in heels
365
00:14:25,940 --> 00:14:27,699
to support
bringing back quaaludes,
366
00:14:27,926 --> 00:14:29,442
I can climb this water tower.
367
00:14:29,594 --> 00:14:31,761
Right.
368
00:14:31,854 --> 00:14:34,188
Just get in here like this.
369
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,190
-Here we go. Oh!
-Oh.
370
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:38,376
Uh-oh. Ow. Uh, my hair's caught.
371
00:14:38,527 --> 00:14:40,712
Well, not my hair,
my extensions.
372
00:14:40,863 --> 00:14:42,363
They're polyester like my dress.
373
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,531
I guess my theme tonight
is "flammable." (laughs)
374
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,051
-I got you. Ready?
-(stammers) Ow! Ow. No. Ow.
375
00:14:47,278 --> 00:14:48,945
That's actually making it worse.
Let me just-- I got it.
376
00:14:48,963 --> 00:14:51,280
-Okay? Just let me get it.
-Okay.
377
00:14:51,299 --> 00:14:52,298
Ow. Ah.
378
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,725
(screams)
379
00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:57,896
Oh, my God, are you okay?
380
00:14:58,047 --> 00:14:59,305
I'm good.
381
00:14:59,457 --> 00:15:02,025
What a spontaneous moment.
382
00:15:02,961 --> 00:15:05,128
All right, let me just, uh,
383
00:15:05,146 --> 00:15:07,554
let me just wipe my hands off
on this garbage
384
00:15:07,723 --> 00:15:08,648
and then the, uh,
385
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,200
the fun will begin. (laughs)
386
00:15:13,729 --> 00:15:14,987
-Hey, baby.
-Hey.
387
00:15:15,140 --> 00:15:18,324
Guess who ate 76 olives
in under a minute?
388
00:15:18,476 --> 00:15:20,309
I don't know,
but he sounds like an idiot.
389
00:15:20,403 --> 00:15:22,645
Yeah, yeah, that Darren.
(laughs)
390
00:15:22,664 --> 00:15:24,313
He sure is stupid.
391
00:15:24,407 --> 00:15:26,090
Hey, I was thinking,
uh, tomorrow,
392
00:15:26,317 --> 00:15:27,442
we take CJ to Dave & Buster's.
393
00:15:27,444 --> 00:15:29,576
Seal the deal that
you the coolest stepmom.
394
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:32,488
S-So, listen,
something happened earlier,
395
00:15:32,548 --> 00:15:35,099
and I felt like I did
the right thing at the time,
396
00:15:35,326 --> 00:15:38,752
but... now I kind of feel like
I should tell you about it.
397
00:15:38,846 --> 00:15:41,013
Damn it,
is Drake's light-skinned ass
398
00:15:41,166 --> 00:15:42,589
texting you again?
399
00:15:42,684 --> 00:15:44,943
It's not that.
400
00:15:45,094 --> 00:15:47,928
-I caught CJ stealing beer.
-What?
401
00:15:47,948 --> 00:15:49,280
But I promised him
that I wouldn't tell,
402
00:15:49,507 --> 00:15:50,281
so you can't
do anything about it.
403
00:15:50,508 --> 00:15:51,932
He stole a bottle of my beer,
404
00:15:52,026 --> 00:15:54,010
I'm gonna open up a can
of my whoop-ass.
405
00:15:54,028 --> 00:15:55,678
But if you snitch on me
being a snitch
406
00:15:55,697 --> 00:15:57,146
then we both gonna get stitches,
407
00:15:57,148 --> 00:15:59,348
and it's a new year,
so I know you're not even close
408
00:15:59,367 --> 00:16:00,700
to fulfilling your deductible.
409
00:16:00,852 --> 00:16:02,443
Look, drinking is different
410
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,704
than fast food for dinner
or video games.
411
00:16:04,856 --> 00:16:06,355
If you let him slide on this,
412
00:16:06,449 --> 00:16:07,690
he's gonna think he can
get away with anything.
413
00:16:07,709 --> 00:16:10,259
Yeah, Drake said the same thing.
414
00:16:11,454 --> 00:16:13,454
I just don't want him
to hate me.
415
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:14,955
I get it.
416
00:16:15,049 --> 00:16:17,458
You're about to be a stepmom
to a teenager, that isn't easy.
417
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,702
This is the hardest part
about being a parent.
418
00:16:19,721 --> 00:16:21,754
If they don't hate you
every now and then,
419
00:16:21,889 --> 00:16:24,190
it means
you're not doing it right.
420
00:16:25,393 --> 00:16:26,709
Okay.
421
00:16:26,802 --> 00:16:28,544
I guess we should
just go talk to him.
422
00:16:28,637 --> 00:16:31,155
I'll do it by myself,
take the heat off of you.
423
00:16:31,382 --> 00:16:33,640
No, no, I want to be there.
424
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,702
So, do we use your belt or mine?
425
00:16:36,645 --> 00:16:38,538
Kidding. Right?
426
00:16:41,893 --> 00:16:43,909
-(wind whistling)
-Oh, wow.
427
00:16:44,062 --> 00:16:45,411
This is incredible.
428
00:16:45,563 --> 00:16:47,321
I've never seen the city
from up here.
429
00:16:47,415 --> 00:16:50,233
Yeah, and this high up,
you can barely smell the sulfur
430
00:16:50,251 --> 00:16:52,401
from the tire factory.
431
00:16:52,495 --> 00:16:55,829
This is, this is our home town.
(laughs)
432
00:16:55,998 --> 00:16:58,182
Wow! (spits)
433
00:16:58,409 --> 00:17:01,185
I feel like Beyoncé
in "Crazy In Love."
434
00:17:01,337 --> 00:17:02,687
I, uh,
435
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:06,507
wrote you a poem for tonight.
436
00:17:06,675 --> 00:17:08,026
Just... Oh!
437
00:17:08,253 --> 00:17:11,587
Oh! Crap. There it goes.
438
00:17:11,606 --> 00:17:13,680
You'll have to trust me,
it was really good.
439
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,034
I rhymed "salad" and "valid."
440
00:17:16,185 --> 00:17:19,445
I don't need a poem. Come here.
441
00:17:19,597 --> 00:17:21,205
Oh...
442
00:17:21,357 --> 00:17:24,709
My heel's caught.
(stammers, shrieks)
443
00:17:24,860 --> 00:17:26,285
Oh.
444
00:17:26,437 --> 00:17:27,937
(sighs)
445
00:17:27,955 --> 00:17:29,772
You okay?
446
00:17:29,865 --> 00:17:31,440
I've never been better.
447
00:17:31,459 --> 00:17:33,959
-(siren chirps)
-OFFICER: This is the
Louisville Police.
448
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,386
You are trespassing.
449
00:17:35,496 --> 00:17:37,055
(screams)
450
00:17:37,206 --> 00:17:38,372
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
451
00:17:38,466 --> 00:17:41,951
Oh, it's okay.
Just another memory.
452
00:17:41,969 --> 00:17:44,937
We'll be right down.
453
00:17:45,973 --> 00:17:48,291
Our night ended
in handcuffs, too,
454
00:17:48,309 --> 00:17:51,152
but not in the same way.
455
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,641
Sorry tonight was such a fail.
456
00:18:05,734 --> 00:18:09,662
Only song you could write
about this would be "Womp Womp."
457
00:18:10,815 --> 00:18:13,925
I kind of thought
that's what this was about.
458
00:18:14,152 --> 00:18:16,485
Why are you trying
to compete with a song?
459
00:18:16,504 --> 00:18:20,156
Because your relationship
with Brigitte was so passionate
460
00:18:20,174 --> 00:18:24,251
and exciting and chock-full
of public nudity.
461
00:18:24,329 --> 00:18:26,086
Well, so is a night on ecstasy,
462
00:18:26,164 --> 00:18:28,255
but when you wake up naked
under an overpass,
463
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:30,516
you wish you'd never done it.
464
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,193
I have heard.
465
00:18:33,521 --> 00:18:36,531
I'm not with Brigitte
for a reason.
466
00:18:38,267 --> 00:18:41,160
I just want to be
exciting for you.
467
00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:44,513
You are.
468
00:18:44,532 --> 00:18:47,625
And if what you really need
is a song
469
00:18:47,776 --> 00:18:50,369
that's all about you,
470
00:18:50,521 --> 00:18:53,464
I can't think of anything
easier to write.
471
00:18:56,861 --> 00:18:59,971
Would it help if I laid down
a fresh funky beat?
472
00:19:01,215 --> 00:19:03,516
-It would not.
-(laughs)
473
00:19:05,536 --> 00:19:07,294
(sighs)
474
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,372
♪ I've been different people ♪
475
00:19:09,465 --> 00:19:11,874
♪ As years have passed ♪
476
00:19:11,893 --> 00:19:13,800
♪ Didn't know who I was ♪
477
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,862
♪ So nothing could last ♪
478
00:19:16,731 --> 00:19:18,230
♪ But you fit in my arms ♪
479
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:20,807
♪ Like you fit in my heart ♪
480
00:19:20,885 --> 00:19:23,219
♪ There was never a doubt ♪
481
00:19:23,237 --> 00:19:26,555
♪ You were always you
from the start ♪
482
00:19:26,574 --> 00:19:28,224
♪ I didn't know me ♪
483
00:19:28,242 --> 00:19:31,252
♪ Till I met you. ♪
484
00:19:36,067 --> 00:19:38,734
♪ When you didn't sing
about me ♪
485
00:19:38,827 --> 00:19:40,903
♪ It made me a little bitchy ♪
486
00:19:40,922 --> 00:19:42,405
(laughs)
487
00:19:42,423 --> 00:19:44,164
♪ I think it's 'cause my mom ♪
488
00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:47,576
♪ Had sex all night
with Lionel Richie ♪
489
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:51,672
♪ She's beautiful
in every sense ♪
490
00:19:51,766 --> 00:19:55,526
♪ And her hair's still hanging
from that fence ♪
491
00:19:57,012 --> 00:20:00,105
♪ When we finally
reached the top ♪
492
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:04,260
♪ I felt the wind
on my new bald spot ♪
493
00:20:04,278 --> 00:20:07,688
♪ And every time I see her ♪
494
00:20:07,782 --> 00:20:11,358
♪ There's always something new ♪
495
00:20:11,436 --> 00:20:13,285
♪ But the one thing ♪
496
00:20:13,438 --> 00:20:16,272
♪ That stays the same ♪
497
00:20:16,290 --> 00:20:18,716
♪ My everything ♪
498
00:20:20,611 --> 00:20:23,638
♪ I love you. ♪
499
00:20:26,583 --> 00:20:28,517
You love me?
500
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:32,396
You need me to sing it again?
501
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:35,149
Every day.
502
00:20:38,629 --> 00:20:41,197
I love you, too.
503
00:20:42,725 --> 00:20:44,575
(chuckles)
504
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:49,580
(both moaning)
505
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:53,542
-Hey.
-(sighs)
506
00:20:54,479 --> 00:20:57,313
You ever done it in a cop car?
507
00:20:57,331 --> 00:20:59,164
Uh...
508
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:00,833
No?
509
00:21:00,985 --> 00:21:02,635
(laughs)
510
00:21:07,008 --> 00:21:08,099
(applause)
511
00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:10,434
(marching band playing)
512
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,691
♪ ♪
513
00:21:27,269 --> 00:21:30,362
Captioning sponsored by
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514
00:21:30,439 --> 00:21:33,749
Captioned by
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