1 00:00:02,578 --> 00:00:05,579 Wow, we are getting a lot of love on Yelp lately. 2 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:08,582 "Kat's Café makes the best keto smoothies in town. 3 00:00:08,734 --> 00:00:10,843 "Special shout-out to Randi, great service, 4 00:00:10,994 --> 00:00:13,012 hot enough to be a basketball wife." 5 00:00:13,163 --> 00:00:15,072 Yeah. I wrote that. 6 00:00:15,090 --> 00:00:17,499 I got high last night and posted a bunch of 'em. 7 00:00:17,576 --> 00:00:19,426 I was gonna write that I could have been a lady Avenger, 8 00:00:19,578 --> 00:00:21,428 but that just felt like bragging. 9 00:00:21,580 --> 00:00:24,639 "Three stars. Nice café, but avoid the lady with glasses 10 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:27,751 if you're tight on time. She doesn't know when to stop." 11 00:00:27,844 --> 00:00:30,178 Posted by LadyAvenger. 12 00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:34,015 You know, it's so lame how people hide behind a keyboard, 13 00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:36,201 but it is something to think about. 14 00:00:37,446 --> 00:00:39,096 KAT: Oh, hey, what are you doing down here? 15 00:00:39,114 --> 00:00:41,856 Getting Martin Scatsese away from me. 16 00:00:41,876 --> 00:00:43,600 I woke up, he's staring at me. 17 00:00:43,602 --> 00:00:45,360 Got out of the shower, he's staring at me. 18 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:49,273 Danced like nobody's watching, guess who's staring at me. 19 00:00:49,366 --> 00:00:50,549 He just got fixed yesterday, 20 00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:52,200 so he can't be down here with the other cats. 21 00:00:52,294 --> 00:00:54,219 He might have caught something at the vet. 22 00:00:54,371 --> 00:00:56,871 And when you dance, remember that our window is visible 23 00:00:56,965 --> 00:00:58,223 from the Chipotle across the street, 24 00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:00,117 so maybe dance like Garret's watching. 25 00:01:00,135 --> 00:01:03,136 That explains why he's always giving me free chips. 26 00:01:04,381 --> 00:01:06,473 Are you sure Marty can't stay down here with you? 27 00:01:06,625 --> 00:01:08,125 Yes, please take him back up there 28 00:01:08,127 --> 00:01:11,320 and remind him that BDE comes from within. 29 00:01:12,573 --> 00:01:14,131 -Hello, all. -KAT: Hello. 30 00:01:14,149 --> 00:01:15,407 -RANDI: Oh, hey, Sheila. -MAX: Hey, Sheila. 31 00:01:15,559 --> 00:01:17,984 Katharine, don't you look cute today. 32 00:01:18,137 --> 00:01:20,562 Really? 33 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,063 What do you like? 34 00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:24,658 Well, there's your, um... 35 00:01:24,810 --> 00:01:26,919 Randi, help me out. 36 00:01:27,070 --> 00:01:28,378 How 'bout her shirt? 37 00:01:29,498 --> 00:01:31,256 -She's not gonna buy that. -(chuckles) 38 00:01:31,408 --> 00:01:32,983 Mother, what do you want? 39 00:01:33,152 --> 00:01:35,577 I've been applying for jobs, so if anyone calls 40 00:01:35,671 --> 00:01:39,414 and asks about my time as a flight attendant in 1974, 41 00:01:39,491 --> 00:01:43,251 tell them I'm why they called it "the friendly skies." 42 00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,753 Why are you looking for a job? 43 00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,272 Valley Hills is turning out to be 44 00:01:47,499 --> 00:01:49,424 more expensive than I thought. 45 00:01:49,518 --> 00:01:51,610 Apparently, the "all you can drink" package 46 00:01:51,761 --> 00:01:53,670 doesn't mean "all I can drink." 47 00:01:53,689 --> 00:01:55,839 Well, that's why Carter and I like Red Lobster. 48 00:01:55,932 --> 00:01:57,282 "Unlimited Cheddar Bay Biscuits" means 49 00:01:57,509 --> 00:02:00,160 unlimited Cheddar Bay Biscuits, bitch. 50 00:02:02,364 --> 00:02:05,198 I'm confused. I thought you had plenty of money. 51 00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,458 Yes, but with inflation, 52 00:02:06,610 --> 00:02:08,518 it makes it harder to maintain my lifestyle. 53 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:12,189 My financial advisor says I should give up my country club. 54 00:02:12,207 --> 00:02:14,449 That's the problem with your generation. 55 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:17,377 You kids want everyone to be as poor as you are. 56 00:02:17,529 --> 00:02:19,621 Well, what kind of job are you looking for? 57 00:02:19,715 --> 00:02:23,142 I know there are life coaches, are there life critics? 58 00:02:23,369 --> 00:02:26,311 Well, I'm looking for something... 59 00:02:26,463 --> 00:02:28,722 entry-level, maybe in retail. 60 00:02:28,874 --> 00:02:30,298 And if it doesn't work out, 61 00:02:30,317 --> 00:02:33,635 I can always sleep with my boss and make him buy my silence. 62 00:02:33,729 --> 00:02:37,114 The same advice you gave at my sixth grade career day. 63 00:02:38,066 --> 00:02:39,716 ♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪ 64 00:02:39,735 --> 00:02:42,736 ♪ Nothin' wrong with you but I'd rather be me. ♪ 65 00:02:42,812 --> 00:02:45,313 -Mmm, looks good. -Yeah. 66 00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,499 Now, I know you're skeptical about vegetarianism, 67 00:02:47,726 --> 00:02:49,226 so I have made two sauces, 68 00:02:49,319 --> 00:02:51,670 one with meat and the other with meat substitute. 69 00:02:51,821 --> 00:02:53,154 See if you can tell 70 00:02:53,248 --> 00:02:54,581 -which one... -This one. This one has meat. 71 00:02:54,733 --> 00:02:56,400 Bu-But you didn't even taste the other one... 72 00:02:56,493 --> 00:02:58,735 Don't need to. This one has meat. 73 00:02:58,828 --> 00:03:00,262 Meat is good. 74 00:03:04,167 --> 00:03:05,425 He's doing it again. 75 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:09,079 Oh. Give him a break. He just had surgery. 76 00:03:09,097 --> 00:03:10,672 Imagine if someone hacked the ornaments 77 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,274 off your Christmas tree. 78 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,268 -Hello. -MAX: Hey, Sheila. 79 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,178 (groans) Mother, can you please stop 80 00:03:17,272 --> 00:03:18,680 entering our apartment without knocking? 81 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:22,534 We could be doing the, you know, electric boogaloo. 82 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,871 Until you're mature enough to use the word "sex," 83 00:03:26,022 --> 00:03:27,948 you shouldn't be allowed to do it. 84 00:03:28,100 --> 00:03:29,933 You want to join us? This sauce has meat. 85 00:03:30,102 --> 00:03:32,711 It's really good. Because of the meat. 86 00:03:32,862 --> 00:03:34,604 No, I don't want to interrupt. 87 00:03:34,606 --> 00:03:36,298 We can talk after. 88 00:03:40,295 --> 00:03:42,295 Okay, this is freaking me out. 89 00:03:42,448 --> 00:03:44,306 I'm gonna eat in the bedroom. 90 00:03:48,787 --> 00:03:50,044 Seriously, Marty? 91 00:03:50,064 --> 00:03:52,689 Now I can't eat in my underwear. 92 00:03:56,462 --> 00:03:58,111 (sighs heavily) 93 00:03:59,389 --> 00:04:00,722 What do you want, Mother? 94 00:04:00,816 --> 00:04:04,317 Oh, no, no, please, finish your trough of simple carbs. 95 00:04:04,470 --> 00:04:07,228 It's fine. They'll be better cold. 96 00:04:07,322 --> 00:04:11,825 I applied for over a dozen jobs, didn't even get an interview. 97 00:04:11,977 --> 00:04:14,978 It's a sad day in America when no one will hire a woman 98 00:04:15,071 --> 00:04:17,905 just because she's in her late 40s. 99 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,165 (sighs) 100 00:04:19,318 --> 00:04:21,501 Well, maybe your financial advisor's right. 101 00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:24,078 Maybe it's time to give up the country club. 102 00:04:24,098 --> 00:04:26,098 It's really just you eating lunch with other women 103 00:04:26,249 --> 00:04:27,340 whose faces don't move. 104 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,101 Oh, honey, these are trophy wives. 105 00:04:29,252 --> 00:04:32,329 We're not eating lunch, we're drinking it. 106 00:04:33,089 --> 00:04:36,090 And that club is where I met your father. 107 00:04:36,184 --> 00:04:38,110 We got married there. 108 00:04:38,854 --> 00:04:39,927 And now that he's gone, 109 00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:42,948 it's where I feel closest to him. 110 00:04:43,175 --> 00:04:45,266 I had no idea. 111 00:04:45,435 --> 00:04:46,860 That's so sweet. 112 00:04:47,012 --> 00:04:48,620 I can't believe no one will 113 00:04:48,847 --> 00:04:51,105 even give me a chance. 114 00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:53,441 -(sighs) -Okay. 115 00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:56,778 I've got an idea, and it's probably stupid. 116 00:04:56,872 --> 00:05:00,281 MAX: If it's what I think it is, it's definitely stupid. 117 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:03,043 What if you worked at the café? 118 00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:04,878 MAX: And there it is. 119 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,138 Really? 120 00:05:06,456 --> 00:05:09,641 Hang on a second, let me swallow this feeling of dread. 121 00:05:10,886 --> 00:05:12,552 Yeah, it could be fun. 122 00:05:12,704 --> 00:05:15,230 MAX: That's what Lincoln said about the play. 123 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:19,634 Ooh. 124 00:05:19,711 --> 00:05:23,363 -It is about to get real. -(chuckles) 125 00:05:26,234 --> 00:05:28,552 Uh-oh, no condoms. 126 00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:29,719 Are you serious? 127 00:05:29,721 --> 00:05:31,204 Let me check under my Bible. 128 00:05:32,649 --> 00:05:35,667 Oh, come on, Lord, do me a solid. 129 00:05:35,819 --> 00:05:37,243 Dang it! (scoffs) 130 00:05:37,396 --> 00:05:38,578 You can turned water into wine, 131 00:05:38,747 --> 00:05:41,081 but you can't turn this ChapStick into a condom? 132 00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:44,067 How are we out? You love buying 'em. 133 00:05:44,127 --> 00:05:46,236 You even peel the sticker off and demand they do 134 00:05:46,254 --> 00:05:47,921 a price check over the speaker. 135 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,514 Well, what's the point of having sex 136 00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:51,741 if you can't let all your friends at ValuMarket know? 137 00:05:51,835 --> 00:05:54,168 (sighs) I'm sorry, baby. 138 00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:57,522 I know how much you wanted all of this. 139 00:05:57,749 --> 00:06:00,600 Why are we still messing around with condoms, anyway? 140 00:06:00,677 --> 00:06:02,602 Maybe I should just get back on the pill. 141 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,087 You hated that. 142 00:06:04,180 --> 00:06:06,514 It messed with your hormones, made you gain weight. 143 00:06:06,592 --> 00:06:09,426 Although that extra junk was perfectly arranged 144 00:06:09,444 --> 00:06:10,560 in your trunk. 145 00:06:11,763 --> 00:06:14,447 Maybe we should talk about getting a vasectomy. 146 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,375 Wow, that's a huge step. 147 00:06:16,602 --> 00:06:18,877 Well, I know I don't want another kid. 148 00:06:19,104 --> 00:06:20,695 I mean, you haven't changed your mind, have you? 149 00:06:20,789 --> 00:06:22,864 No. I mean, I like kids, 150 00:06:22,958 --> 00:06:24,532 but I'm happy with the way things are. 151 00:06:24,626 --> 00:06:26,367 Plus, I already have a child in my life. 152 00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:28,870 Don't call me a child just because I like cartoons, 153 00:06:28,964 --> 00:06:30,780 water balloon fights, baby shampoo, 154 00:06:30,799 --> 00:06:32,707 the circus and SpaghettiOs. 155 00:06:32,801 --> 00:06:34,467 I was talking about CJ, 156 00:06:34,620 --> 00:06:37,345 but you do still clap whenever you see a train going by. 157 00:06:37,456 --> 00:06:38,788 (chuckles) Yeah. 158 00:06:38,807 --> 00:06:40,715 Little man is the best thing that ever happened to me. 159 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,976 It'd just be tough to do it again at my age. 160 00:06:43,128 --> 00:06:46,571 I mean, I can't learn the slang of another generation. 161 00:06:46,798 --> 00:06:48,965 I just learned "skrrt!" 162 00:06:49,801 --> 00:06:52,577 So, it sounds like we're doing the vasectomy. 163 00:06:52,804 --> 00:06:54,320 All right, cool. 164 00:06:54,415 --> 00:06:57,666 Now we just got to figure out which one of us is gonna get it. 165 00:06:59,661 --> 00:07:01,586 (imitates fanfare) 166 00:07:01,738 --> 00:07:04,330 Sheila Silver, it is my great honor to bestow upon you 167 00:07:04,483 --> 00:07:06,967 -this Kat's Café apron. -(sighs heavily) 168 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,819 Wear it in good health, machine wash cold 169 00:07:09,838 --> 00:07:13,006 and don't try and sell it on eBay-- it's watermarked. 170 00:07:13,158 --> 00:07:15,492 An apron? 171 00:07:15,510 --> 00:07:17,661 When God gives you a Lamborghini, 172 00:07:17,679 --> 00:07:19,587 you don't put it under a tarp. 173 00:07:19,665 --> 00:07:21,848 Yes, I like the way you think, Sheila. 174 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:24,517 Lady Avenger is gonna love you. 175 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,611 Uh... F-Fine. Fine. 176 00:07:26,763 --> 00:07:29,948 Well, I-I have just declared today Apron-Free Friday. 177 00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:33,100 -So, thank you both for complying with my policy. -(chuckles) 178 00:07:34,196 --> 00:07:36,288 All right, Mother, I have thrown a lot at you this morning, 179 00:07:36,439 --> 00:07:38,682 but let's have some fun with the... 180 00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,959 Kat's Cat Café employee manual. 181 00:07:41,110 --> 00:07:42,352 I'm not reading that. 182 00:07:42,445 --> 00:07:43,703 Oh, you don't have to read it. 183 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:44,946 I also recorded it as an audiobook. 184 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:46,539 I do all the voices of the cats. 185 00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,541 (Russian accent): Like a-a famous Russian Anna Cat-nokova. 186 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,785 She explains sick day policy. 187 00:07:51,546 --> 00:07:52,804 I can't help but feel you're wildly 188 00:07:52,956 --> 00:07:54,547 overcomplicating this job. 189 00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:56,549 Oh, really? Oh, so you think it's easy 190 00:07:56,702 --> 00:07:59,627 to make a medium flat white, half oat milk, half two percent, 191 00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,371 with an extra shot and a Splenda, finished off 192 00:08:01,464 --> 00:08:03,648 with a signature foam cat face? 193 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,709 Gordon Ramsay, if you ever want to do a show about coffee, 194 00:08:05,727 --> 00:08:08,561 I'm on Fox, you're on Fox, let's make it happen. 195 00:08:09,548 --> 00:08:11,381 I can make cocktails in my sleep. 196 00:08:11,399 --> 00:08:13,216 -I think I can handle this. -(scoffs) 197 00:08:13,309 --> 00:08:14,734 Seriously, I have woken up 198 00:08:14,903 --> 00:08:16,995 with a perfect martini in my hand. 199 00:08:17,222 --> 00:08:19,389 That's when the doctor cut off my Ambien. 200 00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:21,983 Hey, I have to duck out a little early today 201 00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:23,818 to go to the doctor with Carter. 202 00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:25,912 (Russian accent): Mm, use personal day, does not count as sick day. 203 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,339 (normal voice): Is everything okay? 204 00:08:27,566 --> 00:08:29,082 Yeah, it's just a consultation for a vasectomy. 205 00:08:29,158 --> 00:08:30,542 I just want to be there so I can see his face 206 00:08:30,694 --> 00:08:33,069 when he finds out exactly what that is. 207 00:08:33,088 --> 00:08:35,514 Wow, pulling the trigger on a vasectomy. 208 00:08:35,741 --> 00:08:37,240 Well, I guess not pulling the trigger so much 209 00:08:37,259 --> 00:08:38,683 -as, like, unloading the gun. -(chuckles) 210 00:08:38,835 --> 00:08:41,094 Yeah, Carter doesn't really want to have any more kids. 211 00:08:41,263 --> 00:08:42,579 And what do you want? 212 00:08:42,672 --> 00:08:45,415 Well, I guess I always thought I would have kids, 213 00:08:45,433 --> 00:08:46,933 but my life just turned out different, 214 00:08:47,085 --> 00:08:48,918 and Carter and I have a good thing going. 215 00:08:49,012 --> 00:08:50,195 Good for you. 216 00:08:50,346 --> 00:08:51,604 Children add nothing to your life 217 00:08:51,757 --> 00:08:54,199 you can't get from a good magazine subscription. 218 00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:58,261 Mmm. This is really good. 219 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:01,540 But, uh, the foam art doesn't look anything like a cat. 220 00:09:01,691 --> 00:09:04,626 That's because it's a middle finger, boss. 221 00:09:10,366 --> 00:09:11,532 Excuse me, could I get a straw? 222 00:09:11,701 --> 00:09:12,776 Oh, you don't want one. 223 00:09:12,794 --> 00:09:14,035 They're all paper. 224 00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:15,628 My daughter thinks she's saving the planet 225 00:09:15,781 --> 00:09:17,947 by ruining your drinking experience. 226 00:09:18,708 --> 00:09:20,892 Feel good knowing that you are protecting 227 00:09:21,044 --> 00:09:23,044 the delicate ecosystem of the ocean. 228 00:09:23,212 --> 00:09:25,972 But she's right-- suck fast, they turn to mush like that. 229 00:09:26,141 --> 00:09:28,308 What up, Kat? I grabbed your mail. 230 00:09:28,460 --> 00:09:31,052 If your ValuPak is missing the Souplantation coupon, 231 00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:33,697 I hear that's been happening a lot. 232 00:09:34,891 --> 00:09:35,890 Oh, hey. 233 00:09:35,984 --> 00:09:38,026 Postcard from Phil. Max, your turn. 234 00:09:39,062 --> 00:09:41,580 -Oh, look, they're in Australia. -(gasps) 235 00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,306 (imitating Phil): "G'day, y'all!" 236 00:09:43,325 --> 00:09:45,232 (normal voice): "Jalen and I made friends with the fellas 237 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:48,978 "from Thunder Down Under, so we decided to visit. 238 00:09:48,997 --> 00:09:51,405 "Max, we showed 'em your picture, and you have a job 239 00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:54,241 -if you ever want one." -(laughter) 240 00:09:54,336 --> 00:09:55,652 Ooh, Thunder Down Under. 241 00:09:55,670 --> 00:09:58,079 I'd like to get a look at their didgeridoos. 242 00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:02,175 (imitating Phil): "Tell Sheila their didgeridoos do not disappoint. 243 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:05,252 (normal voice): Send my love to Carter and Randi." 244 00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,754 Aw, I miss Phil. 245 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,774 -He said my name first, he likes me more. -(chuckles) 246 00:10:10,001 --> 00:10:11,759 -Did he say anything about me? -Uh, yeah, take a look. 247 00:10:11,853 --> 00:10:14,112 Oh. Uh, "Kat, send my last paycheck. 248 00:10:14,339 --> 00:10:15,930 "These boys from down under don't want to see me 249 00:10:16,024 --> 00:10:18,191 -in the same thong every night." -(laughs) 250 00:10:18,267 --> 00:10:19,342 Oh, babe, we should get going. 251 00:10:19,361 --> 00:10:20,526 -Oh. Good luck. -Ooh, yeah. 252 00:10:20,695 --> 00:10:22,028 And after, I was thinking we can grab dinner 253 00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:23,513 from Souplantation. 254 00:10:24,366 --> 00:10:29,169 Sadly, I do not have a coupon, so it will cost us full price. 255 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,781 Aw. Who's this new guy? 256 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,693 Uh, I have no idea, he's not one of ours. 257 00:10:36,695 --> 00:10:39,304 Oh, I saw him wandering around out back, 258 00:10:39,531 --> 00:10:40,805 and he looked kind of pathetic, 259 00:10:41,032 --> 00:10:42,866 so I figured he'd fit right in. 260 00:10:42,884 --> 00:10:44,643 Wait, you just found a stray cat 261 00:10:44,794 --> 00:10:46,536 and threw him in with gen pop? 262 00:10:46,554 --> 00:10:48,721 You can't do that. We have quarantine protocols. 263 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,464 Well, how am I supposed to know that? 264 00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:52,817 It's page one of the employee manual, also track one. 265 00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,878 Whiskers McGee, the Irish cat, sings: 266 00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:57,304 ♪ Don't take in a stray, until they get a spray ♪ 267 00:10:57,399 --> 00:10:59,215 ♪ They've got bugs and germs and sometimes worms ♪ 268 00:10:59,234 --> 00:11:02,035 ♪ So give it three or four days, meow. ♪ 269 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:07,724 Oh, man. They should have these at Souplantation. 270 00:11:07,817 --> 00:11:09,334 Boom, got my turkey chili. 271 00:11:09,561 --> 00:11:12,078 Boom, hitting the garlic bread station. 272 00:11:12,230 --> 00:11:14,747 Boom, back at the table. 273 00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:16,675 And then boom, eating alone. 274 00:11:18,161 --> 00:11:21,662 Hello, Carter, Randi. Good to see you again. 275 00:11:21,756 --> 00:11:23,089 Hi, Dr. Colman. 276 00:11:23,241 --> 00:11:25,499 Uh, can you tell him what a vasectomy is 277 00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:26,592 and who has to get it? 278 00:11:26,745 --> 00:11:27,593 Wait, hold on. 279 00:11:27,670 --> 00:11:29,670 All right, we good. 280 00:11:29,764 --> 00:11:31,414 Well, actually, 281 00:11:31,433 --> 00:11:33,191 before I refer you to a urologist, 282 00:11:33,342 --> 00:11:34,567 I'd recommend one more test. 283 00:11:34,677 --> 00:11:37,420 -Okay, here comes the upselling. -Mm-hmm. 284 00:11:37,439 --> 00:11:38,863 You are worse than my weed guy. 285 00:11:39,015 --> 00:11:42,367 If it's half-off, neither one of us wants it, Reggie. 286 00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:45,370 No, I noticed your father had colon cancer 287 00:11:45,597 --> 00:11:47,263 and your blood work came back with some things 288 00:11:47,356 --> 00:11:48,540 that I want to follow up on. 289 00:11:48,767 --> 00:11:50,542 Oh, Lord, is this how I go? 290 00:11:50,693 --> 00:11:52,435 I'm too young to die! 291 00:11:52,454 --> 00:11:54,454 Randi, you better not fall in love again. 292 00:11:54,622 --> 00:11:56,105 I don't want that for you. 293 00:11:56,199 --> 00:11:58,550 Okay, relax, you're not gonna die. 294 00:11:58,626 --> 00:12:01,386 Oh, I swear to God, I will haunt your fine ass. 295 00:12:01,613 --> 00:12:04,447 Doctor, what's going on? Is it serious? 296 00:12:04,466 --> 00:12:06,040 We just want to be on the safe side. 297 00:12:06,134 --> 00:12:08,375 I'm referring you to Dr. Monroe for a colonoscopy. 298 00:12:08,453 --> 00:12:09,635 Aw, hell no. 299 00:12:09,804 --> 00:12:11,429 I don't even like getting my regular picture taken. 300 00:12:11,656 --> 00:12:13,639 I understand your concern, but this is a simple, 301 00:12:13,734 --> 00:12:15,066 outpatient procedure. 302 00:12:15,218 --> 00:12:18,385 And I'm sure Reggie can help with your recovery. 303 00:12:18,405 --> 00:12:19,963 Easy for you to say. 304 00:12:20,056 --> 00:12:22,056 You're not the one getting the camera shoved down his throat. 305 00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:24,650 -Actually the camera goes... -No, no, no. 306 00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:27,203 Don't ruin the surprise. 307 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,232 Excuse me, I've been waiting 20 minutes 308 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,642 for a vanilla latte. 309 00:12:32,735 --> 00:12:33,826 Right, sorry. I'm not ignoring you. 310 00:12:33,979 --> 00:12:35,086 You are a very valuable customer. 311 00:12:35,238 --> 00:12:37,480 I just, I completely forgot all about you. 312 00:12:37,573 --> 00:12:39,591 Hey, you feel like Mexican for dinner? 313 00:12:39,742 --> 00:12:42,001 I think I can twerk my way into a family pack. 314 00:12:42,153 --> 00:12:44,654 Um, I'd really rather you clean some tables, 315 00:12:44,656 --> 00:12:46,672 maybe change the litter, and I have seen you twerk, 316 00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:49,175 -it's, like, worth maybe a veggie taco at best. -(scoffs) 317 00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:50,584 Well, where's Sheila and Randi? 318 00:12:50,678 --> 00:12:53,679 Uh, Randi's with Carter and my mother is MIA. 319 00:12:53,832 --> 00:12:56,090 Fine. But for the record, 320 00:12:56,184 --> 00:12:59,527 my milkshake brings all the girls to the yard. 321 00:13:01,189 --> 00:13:03,615 Ooh, I'm just in time. 322 00:13:03,842 --> 00:13:05,024 Mother, where have you been? 323 00:13:05,176 --> 00:13:06,600 You left for lunch over two hours ago. 324 00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:09,362 I was working. Your coffee vendor, Arturo, 325 00:13:09,514 --> 00:13:10,955 came in earlier and I took him to lunch, 326 00:13:11,107 --> 00:13:13,958 lunch turned into drinks, and drinks turned into 327 00:13:14,110 --> 00:13:16,110 he's taking me salsa dancing next weekend. 328 00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:18,521 Uh, how is that "working?" 329 00:13:18,614 --> 00:13:20,690 It's called the art of the schmooze, darling. 330 00:13:20,708 --> 00:13:24,469 If I tickle his beans, you'll get a discount on yours. 331 00:13:24,696 --> 00:13:27,472 I did not hire you to date the coffee vendor. 332 00:13:27,699 --> 00:13:29,140 How much of a discount? 333 00:13:29,367 --> 00:13:30,533 Where do you want these? 334 00:13:30,552 --> 00:13:31,976 Um, you can just put 'em... Uh, wait... 335 00:13:32,203 --> 00:13:33,961 Why are you itch... Why am I itching? 336 00:13:34,055 --> 00:13:35,705 BRANDI: Oh, my God, is that a flea? 337 00:13:35,798 --> 00:13:36,889 KAT: A flea?! 338 00:13:37,042 --> 00:13:39,300 W-We don't have fleas, Brandi. 339 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,985 'Cause if we had fleas I'd be itching 340 00:13:41,137 --> 00:13:42,895 my leg and my arm and the back of my neck, 341 00:13:43,048 --> 00:13:45,990 but look, it's... I'm fine. Nothing. 342 00:13:49,237 --> 00:13:50,662 And then there's your latte. There you go. 343 00:13:50,813 --> 00:13:53,239 It's on the house. (laughs) 344 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,165 Oh, God. 345 00:13:54,317 --> 00:13:55,533 How are you not itching? 346 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:59,212 Between the gin and the Botox, I can't feel a thing. 347 00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:06,919 Look at this. I was reading this article. It says 348 00:14:07,072 --> 00:14:08,346 one of the signs of colon cancer 349 00:14:08,423 --> 00:14:10,998 is passing excessive amounts of gas. 350 00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:13,242 I think I had this since I was a kid. 351 00:14:13,336 --> 00:14:15,186 Okay, you got to stay off WebMD. 352 00:14:15,413 --> 00:14:17,171 This is like the time you had a cyst on your shoulder 353 00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,916 and convinced yourself you were growing a second head. 354 00:14:20,009 --> 00:14:22,268 Yeah, but when it popped, I felt like I lost a brother. 355 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,770 Carter Two never got to see the ocean. 356 00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:26,731 You're worrying about bad news 357 00:14:26,883 --> 00:14:28,274 that you're probably never gonna get. 358 00:14:28,426 --> 00:14:30,109 Yeah, but you don't know that, Randi. 359 00:14:30,261 --> 00:14:31,870 I mean, it runs in my family, 360 00:14:31,946 --> 00:14:35,189 like great hair and a smile that makes people want to hug me. 361 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,024 Just because something runs in your family 362 00:14:37,043 --> 00:14:38,543 doesn't mean you're gonna get it, too. 363 00:14:38,694 --> 00:14:41,604 I mean, look at my sister-- she ugly and I'm hot. 364 00:14:41,697 --> 00:14:43,956 I just can't stop thinking about my dad 365 00:14:44,109 --> 00:14:45,216 and everything that he went through. 366 00:14:45,326 --> 00:14:47,719 I can't get sick, Randi. 367 00:14:47,870 --> 00:14:49,779 I got too much I want to do. 368 00:14:49,797 --> 00:14:51,890 Teach CJ how to drive. 369 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,391 Dance with you at our wedding. 370 00:14:53,618 --> 00:14:56,285 We're supposed to grow old with each other. 371 00:14:56,379 --> 00:14:59,455 And we will because they're not gonna find anything. 372 00:14:59,515 --> 00:15:00,899 And if they do, we're gonna deal with it 373 00:15:01,126 --> 00:15:04,310 like we deal with everything else: together. 374 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,129 Yeah, I guess. 375 00:15:06,147 --> 00:15:07,688 No, look at me. 376 00:15:07,741 --> 00:15:09,407 I love you. 377 00:15:09,634 --> 00:15:12,468 And I'm gonna take care of you no matter what. 378 00:15:12,487 --> 00:15:14,162 Thank you, baby. 379 00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:16,063 Uh-oh. 380 00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:17,081 What's going on? 381 00:15:17,233 --> 00:15:18,491 Laxative's kicking in. 382 00:15:18,643 --> 00:15:22,128 Hey phone, play ocean sounds really loud. 383 00:15:27,410 --> 00:15:30,002 Do we really have to do all of this just 'cause of some fleas? 384 00:15:30,155 --> 00:15:32,764 Yes, we have a very strict protocol. 385 00:15:32,915 --> 00:15:34,933 This is a Code Meow. 386 00:15:35,084 --> 00:15:36,917 We're gonna disinfect everything, 387 00:15:37,086 --> 00:15:38,585 deflea and isolate Kitten Kaboodle-- 388 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:40,830 that's right, I named him. 389 00:15:40,848 --> 00:15:43,349 Do we have any more garbage bags for these pillows? 390 00:15:43,501 --> 00:15:45,184 Oh, no, those are fine, I already vacuumed them. 391 00:15:45,336 --> 00:15:48,721 Oh, this is not flea-related. They're just ugly. 392 00:15:48,873 --> 00:15:53,509 So far, I have found a dozen fleas and a cigarette butt. 393 00:15:53,602 --> 00:15:56,362 This cat has seen some things. 394 00:15:56,514 --> 00:15:58,848 Don't blame K.K. for all of this. 395 00:15:58,866 --> 00:16:00,983 It's not his fault. Is it, Mother? 396 00:16:01,035 --> 00:16:03,461 Mm. I'd say the fault lies with 397 00:16:03,538 --> 00:16:05,946 whoever had the brilliant idea to combine a café 398 00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:08,524 with America's least favorite pet. 399 00:16:08,543 --> 00:16:10,969 (laughs) Mm-mmm. 400 00:16:11,863 --> 00:16:14,547 For your information, there are 58 million pet cats 401 00:16:14,716 --> 00:16:17,291 in America, and that number is probably underreported 402 00:16:17,418 --> 00:16:19,702 because some very normal ladies are ashamed to admit 403 00:16:19,795 --> 00:16:20,886 how many they have. 404 00:16:21,039 --> 00:16:22,205 That's a good point. 405 00:16:22,373 --> 00:16:24,798 Sometimes I'm ashamed to admit I have a daughter. 406 00:16:24,892 --> 00:16:26,133 Oh, yeah? 407 00:16:26,302 --> 00:16:28,894 Dad said Marci Connor's boobs were nicer than yours. 408 00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:31,397 All right, let's-let's all calm down. 409 00:16:31,549 --> 00:16:33,992 -Let's take a deep breath... -No! 410 00:16:34,143 --> 00:16:35,568 I've had it up to here with your attitude. 411 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:37,644 Ever since I hired you, you've been undermining me 412 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,313 and insulting me nonstop. 413 00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:42,149 I thought that was our thing. 414 00:16:42,243 --> 00:16:43,559 What am I not getting? 415 00:16:43,578 --> 00:16:45,561 What you're not getting is that when you're here 416 00:16:45,580 --> 00:16:48,006 I'm not just your daughter, I'm your boss. 417 00:16:48,233 --> 00:16:50,399 I would appreciate you treating me with respect. 418 00:16:50,418 --> 00:16:51,509 I'll treat you with respect 419 00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:53,011 when you've done something to earn it. 420 00:16:53,238 --> 00:16:55,996 You know I hired you as a favor, right? 421 00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:57,682 How am I supposed to take you seriously? 422 00:16:57,851 --> 00:17:00,259 You're literally dressed as garbage. 423 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,669 Okay, that does it. You're fired. 424 00:17:02,764 --> 00:17:04,838 -What? -That's right! 425 00:17:04,932 --> 00:17:06,265 And no exit interview. 426 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,084 You'll never know what pluses and minuses 427 00:17:08,177 --> 00:17:10,194 you brought to this team. 428 00:17:15,610 --> 00:17:17,610 What are you looking at? You're next. 429 00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,111 I don't even work here. 430 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,205 That's it! You're gone! 431 00:17:24,693 --> 00:17:26,527 Carter. 432 00:17:26,621 --> 00:17:28,379 Baby, wake up. 433 00:17:29,607 --> 00:17:32,625 We only have 15 more minutes left on free parking. 434 00:17:32,777 --> 00:17:35,035 If you don't get up, it's gonna be four dollars. 435 00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:37,889 -Oh. I'm up. I'm up. -(chuckles) 436 00:17:38,116 --> 00:17:40,116 Well, I have good news for you. 437 00:17:40,209 --> 00:17:41,559 The doctor didn't find anything. 438 00:17:41,710 --> 00:17:43,603 Oh. So, no cancer? 439 00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:46,305 (sighs) Thank God. 440 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,232 Yep, you have a clean bill of health. 441 00:17:48,384 --> 00:17:50,735 So looks like I'm stuck with you forever. (laughs) 442 00:17:50,962 --> 00:17:53,571 You're so good to me. 443 00:17:53,722 --> 00:17:54,980 I don't deserve you. 444 00:17:55,133 --> 00:17:57,316 Oh, so the anesthesia is wearing off. 445 00:17:57,468 --> 00:17:59,635 You're thinking straight. 446 00:17:59,654 --> 00:18:01,913 I never met anyone like you. 447 00:18:02,064 --> 00:18:03,623 Aw. 448 00:18:04,733 --> 00:18:07,293 Maybe this is gonna sound crazy... 449 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:11,297 What would you think if we did start a family? 450 00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:13,740 What? 451 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,334 I thought you didn't want to. 452 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,411 I know. 453 00:18:17,505 --> 00:18:21,415 But after going through all this, 454 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:25,561 seeing how sweet, caring and loving you are... 455 00:18:27,089 --> 00:18:30,608 ...it made me think how lucky a kid would be 456 00:18:30,759 --> 00:18:32,985 to get to call you Mom. 457 00:18:33,688 --> 00:18:35,171 Carter. 458 00:18:35,264 --> 00:18:38,116 But only if you want to. 459 00:18:39,935 --> 00:18:41,119 Okay. 460 00:18:41,270 --> 00:18:42,769 We'll talk about it. 461 00:18:42,864 --> 00:18:44,122 Great. 462 00:18:44,349 --> 00:18:45,939 So, postpone the vasectomy? 463 00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,183 Aw, damn, too late. 464 00:18:47,201 --> 00:18:49,018 I told them to do it while you were under. 465 00:18:49,111 --> 00:18:51,203 What? But we didn't agree 466 00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,214 which one of us was gonna get it! 467 00:19:02,791 --> 00:19:04,142 What are you doing? 468 00:19:04,369 --> 00:19:05,384 I'm working. 469 00:19:05,553 --> 00:19:07,219 The cats are fed, the pastries are stocked, 470 00:19:07,296 --> 00:19:09,555 and Arturo is one tasteful nude away 471 00:19:09,707 --> 00:19:12,299 from giving you ten percent off your next coffee order. 472 00:19:12,468 --> 00:19:14,727 Uh, I'm pretty sure I fired you, 473 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:17,046 and based on the number of times that I listened to 474 00:19:17,139 --> 00:19:18,381 "Boss Bitch" afterwards, 475 00:19:18,399 --> 00:19:20,324 I was feeling really good about it. 476 00:19:20,476 --> 00:19:21,676 After I went home, 477 00:19:21,678 --> 00:19:24,645 I got a call from one of the jobs I applied for. 478 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,481 They asked me what kind of employee I was. 479 00:19:27,575 --> 00:19:30,317 I said I was reliable, punctual, 480 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,411 a team player, hardworking. 481 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,672 Were you applying for a job at the firm of 482 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:37,466 Liar, Liar and Pants on Fire? 483 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:39,493 That's just it. 484 00:19:39,587 --> 00:19:41,345 When I was younger, I was all those things. 485 00:19:41,497 --> 00:19:43,205 I mean, I was a working woman 486 00:19:43,257 --> 00:19:45,999 in a time when it was very hard to be taken seriously. 487 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:47,501 And I took pride in showing the world 488 00:19:47,670 --> 00:19:50,837 that pretty girls could contribute, too. 489 00:19:50,932 --> 00:19:54,007 I was just as good as any of those uggos. 490 00:19:54,101 --> 00:19:57,420 Yeah, life certainly is stacked against the beautiful. 491 00:19:57,588 --> 00:19:58,604 Thank you. 492 00:19:58,756 --> 00:20:00,439 But the point is 493 00:20:00,591 --> 00:20:05,094 I realized I hadn't been that kind of employee for you. 494 00:20:05,263 --> 00:20:08,080 And that made me feel... 495 00:20:10,935 --> 00:20:11,934 Guilty? 496 00:20:12,027 --> 00:20:15,880 Ah, I'm not sure. This is all so new. 497 00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:21,126 You did do me a favor, and I didn't treat you very well. 498 00:20:21,796 --> 00:20:25,205 You started this cat café 499 00:20:25,299 --> 00:20:26,949 and made it last three years, 500 00:20:26,951 --> 00:20:30,786 which seems both impossible 501 00:20:30,805 --> 00:20:33,380 and worthy of my respect. 502 00:20:33,474 --> 00:20:35,650 I'm proud of you. 503 00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:38,794 Thank you. 504 00:20:38,813 --> 00:20:42,114 You're not just my daughter, you're a business owner. 505 00:20:43,058 --> 00:20:45,985 And, dare I say it, 506 00:20:46,153 --> 00:20:48,329 a boss bitch. 507 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:52,500 Well, in that case... 508 00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:56,495 Welcome back. 509 00:20:56,647 --> 00:20:59,148 I already called you a boss bitch. 510 00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:01,333 Don't make me call you a bitch, boss. 511 00:21:01,486 --> 00:21:02,985 ("Pharmacist" by 504icygirl playing) 512 00:21:02,987 --> 00:21:05,154 ♪ All these little ... need to stay up out my mix ♪ 513 00:21:05,172 --> 00:21:06,580 ♪ Every time they see me out ♪ 514 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,491 ♪ All my diamonds make 'em sick ♪ 515 00:21:08,584 --> 00:21:10,601 ♪ Yeah, I'm still serving, they know I'm a pharmacist ♪ 516 00:21:10,753 --> 00:21:12,678 ♪ All these people wanna be me, tryna study my technique ♪ 517 00:21:12,830 --> 00:21:15,106 ♪ I don't gotta flex on these ..., they go notice ♪ 518 00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:18,276 ♪ I ain't choose this life, lil' ..., I was chosen ♪ 519 00:21:18,503 --> 00:21:20,336 ♪ In and out the bank, now they think my money stolen ♪ 520 00:21:20,354 --> 00:21:22,596 ♪ And I'm weighing so much pack got the ... scale broken ♪ 521 00:21:22,690 --> 00:21:24,615 ♪ Big boss ... so the opps be so jealous ♪ 522 00:21:24,767 --> 00:21:27,343 ♪ I'm-a keep eating, that why these ... anorexic ♪ 523 00:21:27,361 --> 00:21:29,345 ♪ Ain't no falling off 'cause I'm way too connected ♪ 524 00:21:29,438 --> 00:21:32,123 ♪ What I spent on my necklace is what I made before breakfast. ♪ 525 00:21:32,350 --> 00:21:35,367 Captioning sponsored by WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 526 00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:39,171 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org