1 00:00:02,819 --> 00:00:04,561 I need to leave early today. 2 00:00:04,654 --> 00:00:05,653 Family emergency. 3 00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:06,747 Why? What happened? 4 00:00:06,841 --> 00:00:08,065 My grandfather died. 5 00:00:08,234 --> 00:00:10,825 Yeah, in 1983. 6 00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:14,722 Sorry I can't grieve on your timeline. 7 00:00:15,999 --> 00:00:17,924 -Come on, it's just one more person. -No! 8 00:00:18,019 --> 00:00:19,576 Our wedding is too big already. 9 00:00:19,669 --> 00:00:22,354 We have to do the Electric Slide in three shifts. 10 00:00:22,506 --> 00:00:24,639 I got to invite my boy Chad Bracket. 11 00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:26,083 Who the hell is Chad Bracket, 12 00:00:26,101 --> 00:00:28,802 other than the whitest-sounding guy in America? 13 00:00:28,954 --> 00:00:29,920 From Call of Duty. 14 00:00:29,938 --> 00:00:32,531 You know him as ChadGrabs80085. 15 00:00:32,682 --> 00:00:34,015 It's funny 'cause on screen, it looks like 16 00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:36,443 "Chad grabs boobs." He's 11. 17 00:00:36,595 --> 00:00:38,111 You know I wanted a small wedding. 18 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,781 It's my favorite thing to not invite people to stuff. 19 00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:42,266 And you know I wanted a big one. 20 00:00:42,359 --> 00:00:44,434 Besides, Chad Bracket doesn't take up much space. 21 00:00:44,453 --> 00:00:46,027 But we do have to invite his mom. 22 00:00:46,196 --> 00:00:48,029 No! No Chad, no Chad's mama, 23 00:00:48,198 --> 00:00:51,550 no flower girl that's a robot, no donut wall. 24 00:00:51,777 --> 00:00:52,943 (gasps) No donut wall? 25 00:00:53,112 --> 00:00:54,720 Well, where are people gonna take photos 26 00:00:54,947 --> 00:00:57,556 of the flower girl that's a robot? 27 00:00:57,707 --> 00:00:58,949 Where are you going? 28 00:00:58,967 --> 00:01:00,467 To talk to a man about a white horse 29 00:01:00,619 --> 00:01:02,119 that we no longer need. 30 00:01:02,212 --> 00:01:03,896 -Oh. -Oh, good morning, Randi. 31 00:01:04,123 --> 00:01:05,597 When did you get here? 32 00:01:05,824 --> 00:01:08,067 Carter is just making everything so difficult. 33 00:01:08,218 --> 00:01:11,070 He wants the invitations to be a puzzle box. 34 00:01:11,297 --> 00:01:14,406 That is a terrible idea that I definitely did not give him. 35 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:17,651 You are not gonna believe this. You know Russell Dickerson? 36 00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:20,320 Oh, who is that-- Chad Bracket's whiter brother? 37 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,973 No, he's a country singer. You've heard his stuff. 38 00:01:23,066 --> 00:01:24,566 Uh, "Every Little Thing," "Yours." 39 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:27,419 Oh, "Come to Jesus" was so good they played it at my synagogue. 40 00:01:27,571 --> 00:01:30,330 He's in town shooting a video and my manager convinced him 41 00:01:30,482 --> 00:01:31,906 to come to my show tonight. 42 00:01:32,075 --> 00:01:35,168 Are you serious? Rabbi Goldberg is gonna flip. 43 00:01:35,321 --> 00:01:36,595 -This could be huge. -SHEILA: Oh, Max, 44 00:01:36,822 --> 00:01:38,913 that's such wonderful news. 45 00:01:39,007 --> 00:01:41,158 My grandfather would be so happy for you. 46 00:01:41,176 --> 00:01:43,343 God rest his soul. 47 00:01:43,420 --> 00:01:45,587 I'm gonna take the rest of the week off. 48 00:01:45,606 --> 00:01:48,273 Grandpapa would have wanted it that way. 49 00:01:49,835 --> 00:01:51,426 ♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪ 50 00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,261 ♪ Nothin' wrong with you but I'd rather be me. ♪ 51 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,948 ♪ But we both know ♪ 52 00:01:56,099 --> 00:01:58,600 ♪ Had to let you go... ♪ 53 00:01:58,619 --> 00:01:59,952 What's Russell doing now? 54 00:02:00,179 --> 00:02:03,455 Oh, he's moving a bit, seems like he's feeling it. Oh. 55 00:02:03,607 --> 00:02:07,367 Now he's fixing a wedgie. They are just like us. 56 00:02:07,519 --> 00:02:08,943 ♪ There's the door. ♪ 57 00:02:08,963 --> 00:02:11,964 (cheering) 58 00:02:15,861 --> 00:02:18,286 Thanks, everyone. (laughs) 59 00:02:18,364 --> 00:02:20,305 Thanks, everyone. We're gonna take a break. 60 00:02:20,457 --> 00:02:22,215 And don't forget to try the jalapeño poppers. 61 00:02:22,368 --> 00:02:24,201 They're half price because they're good, 62 00:02:24,219 --> 00:02:27,037 not because they're past their expiration date. 63 00:02:27,055 --> 00:02:28,814 My man! 64 00:02:30,225 --> 00:02:33,043 Hi, I'm Max Kingbird. Thank you so much for coming. 65 00:02:33,136 --> 00:02:35,228 And I'm Zoey Monroe. We are huge fans. 66 00:02:35,397 --> 00:02:38,473 Oh, thank you. I absolutely love the show. 67 00:02:38,567 --> 00:02:40,475 I saw you at Stagecoach. I-I yelled your name 68 00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,736 and then I screamed because I got hit by a flying beer. 69 00:02:42,888 --> 00:02:46,556 Wait, you're "Sweet God, I think I need stitches"? 70 00:02:46,575 --> 00:02:48,500 Yes! And I did. 71 00:02:48,652 --> 00:02:50,894 Oh, uh, Russell, this is my friend Kat. 72 00:02:50,913 --> 00:02:53,005 Hi, nice to meet you. I'm a huge fan, 73 00:02:53,232 --> 00:02:54,915 and Rabbi Goldberg says mazel tov. 74 00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:56,658 MAX: Funny story, uh, 75 00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,418 this song is actually about our breakup. 76 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,495 And you're okay with him telling people that? 77 00:03:00,589 --> 00:03:02,255 Because you come off kind of bad. 78 00:03:02,408 --> 00:03:05,258 Oh, oh, I-I don't mind. I'm-I'm kind of an open book. 79 00:03:05,411 --> 00:03:07,260 For example, I once had a sex dream 80 00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:10,147 about Beaker from the Muppets. 81 00:03:11,417 --> 00:03:12,708 Anyways, uh, 82 00:03:12,710 --> 00:03:14,918 my band and I are getting ready for our summer tour, 83 00:03:15,011 --> 00:03:16,695 and we need a opener. 84 00:03:16,922 --> 00:03:18,989 Would you guys be interested? 85 00:03:20,350 --> 00:03:23,351 Are you serious? Because that would be amazing. 86 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,853 I'm so excited, I don't even know what to say. 87 00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:29,541 I love you. No, that is not right. 88 00:03:29,693 --> 00:03:32,619 ♪ I'm a cowboy ♪ 89 00:03:32,771 --> 00:03:35,697 ♪ On a steel horse I ride ♪ 90 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,382 ♪ I'm wanted ♪ 91 00:03:37,534 --> 00:03:38,942 ♪ Wanted ♪ 92 00:03:39,035 --> 00:03:42,279 ♪ Dead or alive. ♪ 93 00:03:42,372 --> 00:03:44,973 That's if you need, like, an opener for the opener. 94 00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:48,018 She's not coming on the tour. 95 00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:52,456 Welcome to the season one finale of Hot Lots. 96 00:03:52,474 --> 00:03:55,234 -'Cause I'm hot. -And I'm also hot. 97 00:03:55,461 --> 00:03:57,461 W-What are you doing? I'm the one that's hot. 98 00:03:57,554 --> 00:03:59,905 You're the one that's a lot. Which you're proving right now. 99 00:04:00,056 --> 00:04:01,740 But can't I be hot just once? 100 00:04:01,891 --> 00:04:04,576 I mean, if you won't do it for me, do it for my fans. 101 00:04:04,728 --> 00:04:07,412 You know, give the Carter-Heads a thrill. 102 00:04:07,564 --> 00:04:08,822 (laughs) 103 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,898 Okay, baby, you can be hot. 104 00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:13,585 So, I was thinking we reveal the living room first, 105 00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,313 then the kitchen because that's the showstopper. 106 00:04:16,406 --> 00:04:19,165 Plus, it's fun to see you get scared by the garbage disposal. 107 00:04:19,318 --> 00:04:21,151 Actually, I have an idea. 108 00:04:21,169 --> 00:04:23,336 Oh, Lord, here comes the "a lot" part. 109 00:04:23,489 --> 00:04:24,504 Follow me. 110 00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:28,600 I'll go first so you can see why I am hot. 111 00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:30,602 -(imitates sizzling) -Wh... 112 00:04:40,764 --> 00:04:42,764 Oh, my God. 113 00:04:42,841 --> 00:04:44,691 Look at this place. 114 00:04:44,843 --> 00:04:46,192 Y-You did this for me? 115 00:04:46,345 --> 00:04:47,786 See? YouTube is wrong. 116 00:04:48,013 --> 00:04:50,330 I am good enough for you. 117 00:04:51,683 --> 00:04:54,367 I have one more thing to show you. 118 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:55,794 Oh. All right. 119 00:04:56,021 --> 00:04:57,129 Well, let me turn these guys around 120 00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:58,946 -so they don't get jealous. -Uh-uh, not that. 121 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:03,318 But rain check. You know, on the sex. 122 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:05,012 (laughs) 123 00:05:05,881 --> 00:05:07,288 Wait, why are you so dressed up? 124 00:05:07,382 --> 00:05:10,100 'Cause we're going down to the courthouse to get married. 125 00:05:11,036 --> 00:05:12,369 Uh, are you for real right now? 126 00:05:12,387 --> 00:05:13,478 Yeah. 127 00:05:13,705 --> 00:05:16,389 All this fighting about the wedding is stupid. 128 00:05:16,542 --> 00:05:17,816 At the end of the day, the only thing 129 00:05:17,967 --> 00:05:20,134 that matters to me is making you happy. 130 00:05:20,228 --> 00:05:22,654 But what about your fairy-tale wedding? 131 00:05:22,731 --> 00:05:25,699 You are my fairy tale. 132 00:05:26,902 --> 00:05:28,660 You already kissed this frog. 133 00:05:28,887 --> 00:05:31,054 Aw, Carter. 134 00:05:31,147 --> 00:05:32,998 -Well, I'll-I'll go get dressed. -All right. 135 00:05:33,225 --> 00:05:34,315 Hold up, hold up. 136 00:05:34,335 --> 00:05:36,418 Cashing in on that rain check. 137 00:05:38,822 --> 00:05:40,672 -Oh... -Yeah... (laughs) 138 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,849 Hey, I know you two. 139 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:52,834 Uh-uh. Those charges were dropped. 140 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:56,429 No. You Randi and Carter from Hot Lots. 141 00:05:56,598 --> 00:05:57,839 You are hot. 142 00:05:57,916 --> 00:05:58,857 BOTH: Thank you. 143 00:05:59,008 --> 00:06:00,934 BOTH: He meant me. 144 00:06:01,086 --> 00:06:02,194 I loved that episode where you pretended 145 00:06:02,345 --> 00:06:04,988 to superglue your hands to your head. 146 00:06:05,849 --> 00:06:07,532 (laughs): Pretended. Yeah. 147 00:06:07,725 --> 00:06:09,442 Yeah, we sure have fun. 148 00:06:09,595 --> 00:06:11,595 Uh, so where do we go to get married? 149 00:06:11,688 --> 00:06:13,430 Oh, you get your license right over there. 150 00:06:13,448 --> 00:06:14,539 Appreciate you, bro. 151 00:06:14,691 --> 00:06:17,267 Always good to meet a fellow Carter-Head. 152 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:18,418 Hey. 153 00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:20,695 Okay, so I got the check, 154 00:06:20,864 --> 00:06:22,547 you have the rings, what are we missing? 155 00:06:22,774 --> 00:06:24,758 Uh, nothing. We are good... 156 00:06:26,294 --> 00:06:27,110 ...to go. 157 00:06:27,129 --> 00:06:29,554 Um, excuse me for a sec. 158 00:06:29,706 --> 00:06:31,798 -Wait, where you going? -Um, I got to pee. 159 00:06:31,950 --> 00:06:33,133 Really, right now? 160 00:06:33,285 --> 00:06:34,709 You peed five times during Avatar. 161 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:35,969 -I can't pee once? -The movie 162 00:06:36,063 --> 00:06:37,729 is over three hours and set in water. 163 00:06:37,881 --> 00:06:40,232 Of course I peed a lot. 164 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,128 A caramel macchiato, please. 165 00:06:45,147 --> 00:06:48,073 Sorry, I-I couldn't hear you over your hat. 166 00:06:48,224 --> 00:06:50,442 Well, now that I'm single, I'm trying out new looks. 167 00:06:50,594 --> 00:06:53,136 Is this one called "single forever"? 168 00:06:53,229 --> 00:06:55,396 Hey, I think it's very sharp. 169 00:06:55,416 --> 00:06:57,490 Reminds me of an old-time gangster. 170 00:06:57,643 --> 00:06:59,066 Or an old-time newspaperman, like, 171 00:06:59,161 --> 00:07:02,087 "Extry, extry, Jeff is single and ready to mingle." 172 00:07:03,165 --> 00:07:04,965 Believe it or not, she's single, too. 173 00:07:05,074 --> 00:07:07,317 -(phone rings) -Oh. (short chuckle) 174 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,411 Yo, yo, yo. Tell me what you know. 175 00:07:10,505 --> 00:07:13,673 I know you need to stop answering the phone like that. 176 00:07:13,825 --> 00:07:14,841 Can you do me a favor? 177 00:07:14,993 --> 00:07:16,101 Me and Randi are at the courthouse 178 00:07:16,328 --> 00:07:18,586 -about to get married. -What? Right now? 179 00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,939 Yeah, don't tell anybody. We're keeping it on the low. 180 00:07:21,166 --> 00:07:23,108 Carter, this is crazy. Not to mention, 181 00:07:23,335 --> 00:07:24,926 I'm only on draft seven of the wedding toast 182 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,427 and half my limericks don't rhyme. 183 00:07:26,447 --> 00:07:28,505 -I guess I could cut them. -Listen, 184 00:07:28,523 --> 00:07:30,782 I forgot the rings. Randi's gonna kill me. 185 00:07:31,009 --> 00:07:32,358 Can you go get them from the apartment? 186 00:07:32,511 --> 00:07:34,511 Also, don't cut the limericks. 187 00:07:34,529 --> 00:07:36,012 They're like Irish rap. 188 00:07:36,031 --> 00:07:38,198 I-I don't have a key to your condo. 189 00:07:38,350 --> 00:07:40,183 I know that the pressure is on, though. 190 00:07:40,185 --> 00:07:42,610 I don't want to break in, because it's a sin. 191 00:07:42,704 --> 00:07:45,130 I could ask your super Fernando. 192 00:07:45,281 --> 00:07:46,965 All right, cut the limericks. 193 00:07:47,042 --> 00:07:48,282 Look, 194 00:07:48,376 --> 00:07:49,709 there's a key under the mat. 195 00:07:49,861 --> 00:07:52,119 -Okay, uh, where are the rings? -In the fridge. 196 00:07:52,214 --> 00:07:53,713 -You better hurry. -I'll get there 197 00:07:53,865 --> 00:07:56,791 as soon as I'm able. Right now I'm passing a table. 198 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,292 Hello? Carter? 199 00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,979 (scoffs) You know what? I'm not cutting the limericks. 200 00:08:01,130 --> 00:08:03,373 Max, Randi and Carter are getting married 201 00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:04,632 at the courthouse right now. 202 00:08:04,726 --> 00:08:05,875 -What? -Yeah, we've got to 203 00:08:05,894 --> 00:08:07,134 go to the condo and get the rings. 204 00:08:07,303 --> 00:08:08,970 So I got ordained online for nothing? 205 00:08:09,064 --> 00:08:10,563 That's 20 bucks I'll never get back. 206 00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:13,550 Uh, Jeff, tell my mother to watch the café. 207 00:08:13,568 --> 00:08:15,160 You got it, sweetheart. 208 00:08:15,311 --> 00:08:19,039 Wow. That's even cooler than I thought it'd be. 209 00:08:20,483 --> 00:08:23,409 Whoa. Look how this place came together. 210 00:08:23,562 --> 00:08:25,562 They took none of my ideas. 211 00:08:25,580 --> 00:08:27,413 Yeah, it's awesome. 212 00:08:27,566 --> 00:08:28,823 Ah, check out the feature wall. 213 00:08:28,917 --> 00:08:30,324 The open floor plan. 214 00:08:30,418 --> 00:08:34,179 Backsplash, shiplap and other words I've heard on HGTV. 215 00:08:34,406 --> 00:08:36,072 Okay, Carter said the rings are in the fridge. 216 00:08:36,074 --> 00:08:38,258 Oh, which, PS, is the same fridge 217 00:08:38,410 --> 00:08:39,684 that Neil deGrasse Tyson has. 218 00:08:39,761 --> 00:08:41,261 I saw his Cribs. 219 00:08:41,413 --> 00:08:43,188 You know, they never told us that they finished the reno. 220 00:08:43,339 --> 00:08:46,007 Or that they're getting married. 221 00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,767 Are they breaking up with us? 222 00:08:47,919 --> 00:08:48,935 I did see them talking 223 00:08:49,104 --> 00:08:51,604 to another white couple the other day. 224 00:08:51,757 --> 00:08:53,106 Oh. Hey, found the rings. 225 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,367 -Uh, found their weed. -Oh, where was that hidden? 226 00:08:55,594 --> 00:08:58,203 -Big jar labeled "not weed." -(laughs) 227 00:08:59,447 --> 00:09:00,688 Hmm. Thank you. 228 00:09:00,782 --> 00:09:02,189 What... What, are you taking their weed? 229 00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:05,026 I don't know what you're talking about. It's not weed. 230 00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:06,286 (chuckles) 231 00:09:06,438 --> 00:09:09,122 Wow. Wow, this is, that's... 232 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:12,175 -that's really beautiful. -Oh, yeah. That really is. 233 00:09:14,462 --> 00:09:16,054 What? 234 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,890 Nothing. Nothing. 235 00:09:19,042 --> 00:09:21,226 I just thought that might be us someday. 236 00:09:21,377 --> 00:09:25,063 Yeah, I guess I kind of thought about that, too. 237 00:09:25,214 --> 00:09:27,882 -We should get-get going. Yeah. -Yeah. 238 00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,550 -Uh-oh. -What's wrong? 239 00:09:29,570 --> 00:09:30,885 I just put a ring on my finger and said "uh-oh." 240 00:09:31,054 --> 00:09:32,654 What do you think is wrong? 241 00:09:34,149 --> 00:09:37,075 All right, address, phone number. 242 00:09:37,302 --> 00:09:38,802 Ooh, for "sex," put "yes, please." 243 00:09:38,895 --> 00:09:40,996 That way they know I'm funny. 244 00:09:41,898 --> 00:09:44,416 Okay, Social Security number. 245 00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:47,127 Damn. 246 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:48,903 Hold up. 247 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,147 Do you not know your Social? 248 00:09:51,166 --> 00:09:52,239 Of course I do. 249 00:09:52,408 --> 00:09:54,909 Every responsible adult knows their Social. 250 00:09:54,986 --> 00:09:57,137 Just give me a second. 251 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,156 Does it start with a one? 252 00:10:00,249 --> 00:10:01,916 I said give me a second. 253 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:03,435 All right. 254 00:10:03,586 --> 00:10:05,604 What about a two? 255 00:10:06,832 --> 00:10:07,847 Maybe three? 256 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,499 -Stop it. -Just trying to help. 257 00:10:09,501 --> 00:10:11,893 That's what I'm here... four? 258 00:10:12,687 --> 00:10:13,686 I'm just gonna call the café. 259 00:10:13,839 --> 00:10:14,946 I know it's on my W-2. 260 00:10:15,098 --> 00:10:16,506 You sure you know that number? 261 00:10:16,524 --> 00:10:19,034 Yep, it's "5-0-2 shut the hell up." 262 00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:22,287 (phone rings) 263 00:10:22,438 --> 00:10:24,364 Kat's Cat Café, Jeff speaking. 264 00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:26,607 Jeff? You don't work there. 265 00:10:26,776 --> 00:10:27,867 Oh, no, it's okay. Zoey's here. 266 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:31,187 Hey! I made a smoothie. (chuckles) 267 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:34,174 Oh, and that blender was already broken. 268 00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,376 Where's Kat? 269 00:10:36,528 --> 00:10:37,952 Oh, she left Sheila in charge. 270 00:10:38,004 --> 00:10:39,804 -Okay, where's Sheila? -Uh, she's at the bar. 271 00:10:39,956 --> 00:10:42,790 You know what? That's on me for asking a stupid question. 272 00:10:42,884 --> 00:10:46,478 But Jeff is in the "hiz-ouse." How can I... hello? 273 00:10:46,705 --> 00:10:47,962 (phone rings) 274 00:10:48,131 --> 00:10:50,556 Hello. For the Middle C, press one. 275 00:10:50,651 --> 00:10:53,559 For Darren's Paddleboat Adventures, press two. 276 00:10:53,712 --> 00:10:56,946 Darren, it's Randi. Put Sheila on the phone. 277 00:10:57,732 --> 00:10:59,306 Randi want to talk to you. 278 00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,234 Randi? 279 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,661 Uh-oh. 280 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:07,207 Kat's Cat Café. How may I help you? 281 00:11:15,066 --> 00:11:17,491 This thing is not coming off. 282 00:11:17,511 --> 00:11:18,902 I know what we could do. 283 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:20,920 Smoke this bad boy. 284 00:11:21,072 --> 00:11:22,997 How is that gonna help get the ring off? 285 00:11:23,166 --> 00:11:24,165 Are you kidding? 286 00:11:24,259 --> 00:11:26,926 There's a world of new ideas in here. 287 00:11:27,095 --> 00:11:28,395 (phone chimes) 288 00:11:30,081 --> 00:11:32,081 -Oh, my God. -What? 289 00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:33,599 They just added dates to the tour. 290 00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:35,527 Now I have to leave tomorrow. 291 00:11:35,754 --> 00:11:37,178 Tomorrow? That's so soon. 292 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,180 It's the soonest you can get without being today. 293 00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:42,033 And if you don't include today, tomorrow is today. 294 00:11:42,185 --> 00:11:44,351 -Yeah, you do not need this. -(exhales) 295 00:11:44,446 --> 00:11:45,595 Tomorrow? 296 00:11:45,613 --> 00:11:47,188 Damn it. I have to pack. 297 00:11:47,282 --> 00:11:48,522 I just bought groceries. 298 00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,600 I have to eat a 12-egg omelet for dinner. 299 00:11:50,693 --> 00:11:52,359 -Max, it's gonna be okay. -No, it's not! 300 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,379 You're not the one who has to choke down a dozen eggs 301 00:11:54,606 --> 00:11:55,788 and a bunch of bananas. 302 00:11:55,941 --> 00:11:56,881 I'm talking, like, seven. 303 00:11:57,033 --> 00:11:59,609 Oh, my God, and I just bought a ficus. 304 00:11:59,702 --> 00:12:00,960 Let's relax. 305 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,887 It's just a-a little sooner than we thought. 306 00:12:03,039 --> 00:12:04,630 I can't relax. There's so much to do. 307 00:12:04,783 --> 00:12:06,540 We barely rehearsed. We have to make a set list. 308 00:12:06,634 --> 00:12:08,968 Oh, God, what-what are the lyrics to my song? 309 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,970 -What? -My hit song. I'm blanking on the lyrics. 310 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,972 It's the one, the one where you dump me 311 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,548 and I tell you to leave the house through 312 00:12:14,642 --> 00:12:16,401 the swingy thing that you go in and out of. 313 00:12:16,628 --> 00:12:18,219 ♪ You can walk, you can run ♪ 314 00:12:18,296 --> 00:12:20,646 ♪ Tell yourself I'm not the one ♪ 315 00:12:20,799 --> 00:12:22,982 Come on. ♪ We both know ♪ 316 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,893 -♪ Had to let you go ♪ -Ugh. 317 00:12:25,987 --> 00:12:28,079 ♪ Can't you see, can't believe ♪ 318 00:12:28,306 --> 00:12:30,807 ♪ Told the world you set me free ♪ 319 00:12:30,825 --> 00:12:32,809 ♪ But we both know ♪ 320 00:12:32,827 --> 00:12:34,978 -♪ Had to let you go ♪ -Here it is. 321 00:12:34,996 --> 00:12:36,646 ♪ Say there's the door. ♪ 322 00:12:36,664 --> 00:12:37,738 (both chuckle) 323 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:38,982 -You've got this. -Thank you. 324 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,667 (sighs) God, you always have my back. 325 00:12:41,762 --> 00:12:44,337 -Okay, now I need you to do me a favor. -Anything. 326 00:12:44,489 --> 00:12:46,747 Take the wheel. I'm gonna chew my finger off. 327 00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:49,017 Oh. Oh, God. 328 00:12:51,754 --> 00:12:53,438 (sighs) Oh, in a few minutes, 329 00:12:53,665 --> 00:12:55,774 that'll be us heading down the aisle. 330 00:12:56,001 --> 00:12:57,333 Ooh, do you think they'll let me use 331 00:12:57,426 --> 00:12:59,760 Lizzo's "About Damn Time" as my walk-up song? 332 00:13:00,596 --> 00:13:02,113 Why do you keep looking at your phone? 333 00:13:02,190 --> 00:13:05,432 Oh, uh, Chad Bracket just failed his math test. 334 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:08,361 Uh, I got to call his mom and use my best teacher voice. 335 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:11,438 (awkward voice): "I'm willing to let Chad pass if he can 336 00:13:11,533 --> 00:13:15,442 kill six times four Nazis tonight." 337 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,962 Tonight? It's our wedding night. 338 00:13:18,189 --> 00:13:20,114 Kat, we're next. Where are you? 339 00:13:20,208 --> 00:13:22,692 Almost there. There was no parking so I had to valet. 340 00:13:22,785 --> 00:13:24,285 There is no valet. 341 00:13:24,379 --> 00:13:27,288 Oh, then I just paid a guy ten bucks to steal my car. 342 00:13:27,382 --> 00:13:29,140 But you have the rings, right? 343 00:13:29,959 --> 00:13:31,551 Haven't left my hand. 344 00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:33,127 Oh. There you are. 345 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,537 What, you stopped to get churros? 346 00:13:34,630 --> 00:13:36,205 It took ten seconds. And how could I not? 347 00:13:36,224 --> 00:13:38,316 It's a deep-fried cinnamon sword. 348 00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,226 Aw. 349 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,378 Well, that's why you get two. 350 00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:43,229 (beep) 351 00:13:43,381 --> 00:13:45,139 Okay, sir, I'm gonna need you 352 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:48,234 to check your pockets and walk back through for me. 353 00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:51,145 Keys? How do you forget your keys at a metal detector? 354 00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,147 That's like forgetting your TI-83 scientific calculator 355 00:13:53,241 --> 00:13:55,058 at the AP Calculus exam. 356 00:13:55,151 --> 00:13:57,335 (laughs) Totes. 357 00:13:57,562 --> 00:13:59,078 (beep) 358 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,580 Do you have anything else in your pockets? 359 00:14:00,732 --> 00:14:02,748 Ugh. Great. Our best friends are about to get married 360 00:14:02,901 --> 00:14:04,750 and we're stuck behind Mr. Bean Goes to the Airport. 361 00:14:04,903 --> 00:14:06,493 Sir, can we go ahead of you, please? 362 00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:08,087 I'm-a need you to wait your turn. 363 00:14:08,239 --> 00:14:10,998 Oh, Carter's freaking out. They're up any second. 364 00:14:11,167 --> 00:14:14,001 Damn it, I got confused and ate my floor churro. 365 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,353 (beep) 366 00:14:16,414 --> 00:14:17,747 What, do you got a metal hip? 367 00:14:17,765 --> 00:14:19,265 Two of them. Why? 368 00:14:19,417 --> 00:14:20,917 Okay, let me just get the wand. 369 00:14:21,010 --> 00:14:23,269 Know what? That's it. Out of my way, Tin Man. 370 00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,696 Ma'am, I need you to stop. 371 00:14:24,847 --> 00:14:27,256 -I am not gonna stop. -This is your final warning. 372 00:14:27,350 --> 00:14:29,158 My friends are getting married in there and I am going in. 373 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,703 Kat! 374 00:14:35,358 --> 00:14:36,541 Did I pee? 375 00:14:36,692 --> 00:14:38,084 Wait, don't tell me. 376 00:14:41,530 --> 00:14:42,714 Aw, what a cute couple. 377 00:14:42,865 --> 00:14:46,301 I mean, not as cute as us, but that's a high bar. 378 00:14:47,128 --> 00:14:48,778 Cute flower girl. 379 00:14:48,871 --> 00:14:50,537 For a human. 380 00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,298 (chuckles): Hey, hey, hey. Get back in there. 381 00:14:52,450 --> 00:14:53,966 Come on, take more photos with grandma. 382 00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:55,785 She's not gonna be around forever. 383 00:14:55,803 --> 00:14:57,970 Not that you old. Uh... 384 00:14:58,123 --> 00:15:00,273 -You could die in a horrific accident. -What... 385 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,550 All right, next up is Charles Cook 386 00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:05,403 and Miranda Hamilton. 387 00:15:06,798 --> 00:15:08,147 Charles and Miranda? 388 00:15:08,299 --> 00:15:10,408 -Oh, crap, that's our real names. -Oh. 389 00:15:12,654 --> 00:15:14,561 -Okay. -We made it. 390 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:15,805 We made it. 391 00:15:15,823 --> 00:15:16,989 Ignore the smell of burnt hair. 392 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,250 Wait, what are you two doing here? 393 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:20,977 -Baby, did you tell them? -Oh, y-yeah, yeah. 394 00:15:20,995 --> 00:15:22,145 That's why I was stalling. 395 00:15:22,313 --> 00:15:23,755 To make sure our friends was here, 396 00:15:23,906 --> 00:15:25,924 and no other reason than that. 397 00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:29,652 I, um, I got tased and peed, but it's no big deal. 398 00:15:29,654 --> 00:15:31,320 This day is all about you. 399 00:15:31,339 --> 00:15:34,766 Oh, getting tased at a wedding is a Hamilton family tradition. 400 00:15:34,993 --> 00:15:36,935 I'm so glad you guys are here! 401 00:15:37,162 --> 00:15:38,752 Ah. So are we. 402 00:15:38,921 --> 00:15:40,087 And since no one else is here, 403 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,588 I guess that makes me your best man. 404 00:15:41,608 --> 00:15:42,848 Suck it, Darren. 405 00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:44,317 (laughs) 406 00:15:45,170 --> 00:15:46,260 Hi, Your Honor. Uh... 407 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,262 We are Charles Cook and Miranda Hamilton. 408 00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:51,598 Nice to see a brother in a robe. You know Judge Mathis? 409 00:15:51,693 --> 00:15:55,436 Yes, all the Black judges are in one group text chain. 410 00:15:55,604 --> 00:15:56,746 (laughs): Yeah. 411 00:15:58,032 --> 00:15:59,682 Okay. 412 00:15:59,775 --> 00:16:01,459 Your license looks good. 413 00:16:01,610 --> 00:16:03,202 We have our witnesses. 414 00:16:03,354 --> 00:16:05,612 -Do you have the rings? -Of course I do. 415 00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,706 I mean, I don't. 416 00:16:06,858 --> 00:16:08,466 Uh, Kat has them. 417 00:16:08,693 --> 00:16:12,553 Which was a long-term plan and not a mistake at all. 418 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,306 Here's Carter's and, uh... 419 00:16:15,533 --> 00:16:17,049 here's Randi's. 420 00:16:17,869 --> 00:16:19,202 Why is my ring on your finger? 421 00:16:19,220 --> 00:16:22,647 Because the butter, mayonnaise and WD-40 didn't work. 422 00:16:22,798 --> 00:16:25,516 On the bright side, my finger could be your something blue. 423 00:16:25,668 --> 00:16:27,727 (chuckles) Oh, I don't think it's... 424 00:16:27,879 --> 00:16:29,378 Oh, ow! Oh! 425 00:16:29,472 --> 00:16:31,990 My skin could be your something borrowed. 426 00:16:33,051 --> 00:16:35,735 All right. Let's get this started. 427 00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:38,645 Do you, Charles Cook, take this woman 428 00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:41,057 to be your lawfully wedded wife? 429 00:16:41,150 --> 00:16:44,002 I mean, look at her. Of course I do. 430 00:16:44,229 --> 00:16:45,652 JUDGE: And do you, Miranda Hamilton, 431 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:49,257 take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? 432 00:16:54,663 --> 00:16:56,222 Baby? 433 00:16:57,666 --> 00:16:58,683 I can't do this. 434 00:16:58,834 --> 00:16:59,925 What? 435 00:17:00,094 --> 00:17:03,670 I want to get married like the couple before us. 436 00:17:03,765 --> 00:17:06,098 In Spanish? 437 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,526 No, with all of our friends and family around. 438 00:17:08,753 --> 00:17:11,254 And I so appreciate you wanted to do this for me, 439 00:17:11,272 --> 00:17:13,606 but baby, you were right. 440 00:17:13,758 --> 00:17:15,682 I want the first dance, 441 00:17:15,777 --> 00:17:17,593 I want my dad to walk me down the aisle, 442 00:17:17,686 --> 00:17:19,762 I want Sheila to bag a groomsman young enough 443 00:17:19,781 --> 00:17:21,614 to make things weird. 444 00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,333 Oh, she's gonna get that. 445 00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:26,544 I want the whole thing. 446 00:17:26,695 --> 00:17:28,713 I want to stand up in front of all those people 447 00:17:28,864 --> 00:17:31,174 and tell them how much I love you. 448 00:17:32,293 --> 00:17:33,593 Baby. 449 00:17:35,797 --> 00:17:37,371 KAT: Aw. 450 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:38,723 I love y'all. 451 00:17:38,950 --> 00:17:40,616 Yes. This means I get to use my license 452 00:17:40,635 --> 00:17:42,393 from FiveMinuteMinister.net. 453 00:17:42,545 --> 00:17:44,878 Oh. The limericks are coming fast and furious. 454 00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:45,971 Someone got a pencil? 455 00:17:46,124 --> 00:17:48,357 I need a pencil. You got a pencil? 456 00:17:55,967 --> 00:17:57,817 -Well, here we are. -Yeah. 457 00:17:57,969 --> 00:17:59,652 Good luck going through security. 458 00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:03,164 You've seen what can go wrong at a metal detector. 459 00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:08,586 Um, before you go, I, um... 460 00:18:08,663 --> 00:18:11,172 I got you something. 461 00:18:15,837 --> 00:18:17,244 A guitar pick? 462 00:18:17,322 --> 00:18:19,505 It's from the first show I saw you perform in 463 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:23,184 in college. That's the pick you used. 464 00:18:24,495 --> 00:18:26,145 You saved it? 465 00:18:27,665 --> 00:18:29,014 Yeah. 466 00:18:29,167 --> 00:18:31,776 I just knew you were gonna make it. 467 00:18:31,927 --> 00:18:36,072 And I thought it might bring you luck on your tour. 468 00:18:38,025 --> 00:18:41,177 This is the most thoughtful gift I've ever gotten. 469 00:18:41,270 --> 00:18:42,678 (chuckles) 470 00:18:42,697 --> 00:18:46,207 And only a minute ago, I thought it was literal garbage. 471 00:18:48,703 --> 00:18:50,711 Thank you. 472 00:18:51,614 --> 00:18:54,757 Okay, better get in there. 473 00:18:57,695 --> 00:18:59,971 Max? 474 00:19:01,032 --> 00:19:02,598 No. 475 00:19:03,626 --> 00:19:04,958 No, I'm not going. 476 00:19:04,978 --> 00:19:06,978 What are you talking about? 477 00:19:07,129 --> 00:19:09,480 Why am I leaving when everything I've ever wanted 478 00:19:09,707 --> 00:19:11,223 is right here? 479 00:19:11,392 --> 00:19:14,043 You're getting on that plane 480 00:19:14,136 --> 00:19:15,060 and you're going. 481 00:19:15,213 --> 00:19:17,321 -You can't park here, ma'am. -Oh. 482 00:19:17,548 --> 00:19:21,050 Sorry. Sorry, he's-he's just getting out. (chuckles) 483 00:19:21,068 --> 00:19:24,069 You heard him, you got to go. And I cannot get tased again. 484 00:19:24,164 --> 00:19:26,313 I'm still seeing sounds. 485 00:19:26,407 --> 00:19:28,332 Our relationship was really working 486 00:19:28,451 --> 00:19:31,894 until I screwed it up by putting my career ahead of you. 487 00:19:32,063 --> 00:19:34,154 I am not gonna do that again. 488 00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:36,990 -Let's go! -Hey, listen, buddy, 489 00:19:37,084 --> 00:19:38,492 I'm a self-appointed Junior Fire Marshal, 490 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,404 so we're on the same side here, okay? 491 00:19:41,422 --> 00:19:44,240 Look, I-I cannot be the reason that you don't do this. 492 00:19:44,258 --> 00:19:46,575 -Kat... -No, Max, we'll figure everything out 493 00:19:46,594 --> 00:19:49,245 when you come back, just... You've got to go. 494 00:19:49,338 --> 00:19:50,605 (sighs) 495 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,859 Okay. Okay. 496 00:19:55,010 --> 00:19:56,602 Max? 497 00:19:56,754 --> 00:19:59,030 Yeah? 498 00:19:59,774 --> 00:20:01,699 I love you. 499 00:20:04,186 --> 00:20:06,454 I love you, too. 500 00:20:23,372 --> 00:20:26,057 Love is a complicated thing. 501 00:20:26,208 --> 00:20:28,375 It can lift you up high as an airplane 502 00:20:28,469 --> 00:20:30,043 -Lady. -or... All right, already! 503 00:20:30,063 --> 00:20:32,396 I'll break the fourth wall on the road. 504 00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:37,318 ("Every Little Thing" by Russell Dickerson playing) 505 00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,579 ♪ My baby, she's Alabama ♪ 506 00:20:48,731 --> 00:20:50,990 ♪ A Dixieland delight ♪ 507 00:20:51,158 --> 00:20:53,084 ♪ Kissing me like molasses ♪ 508 00:20:53,311 --> 00:20:55,494 ♪ Slow and sweet, mm-hmm, just right ♪ 509 00:20:55,646 --> 00:20:58,739 ♪ She's an endless August summer ♪ 510 00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,907 ♪ Yeah, sunshine 3-6-5 ♪ 511 00:21:00,927 --> 00:21:03,243 ♪ When she forgets the punch line ♪ 512 00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,746 ♪ It still gets me every time ♪ 513 00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,491 ♪ 'Cause I love every little ♪ 514 00:21:08,584 --> 00:21:12,828 ♪ Every little, every little thing about her love ♪ 515 00:21:12,921 --> 00:21:14,680 ♪ Just a little, just a little ♪ 516 00:21:14,832 --> 00:21:17,775 ♪ Just a little ain't enough ♪ 517 00:21:17,926 --> 00:21:19,835 ♪ Got to get a, got to get a ♪ 518 00:21:19,928 --> 00:21:23,339 ♪ Get a little more of all she does ♪ 519 00:21:23,357 --> 00:21:25,783 ♪ I'm all hung up ♪ 520 00:21:25,934 --> 00:21:27,952 ♪ 'Cause I love ♪ 521 00:21:28,179 --> 00:21:30,029 ♪ Every little, every little ♪ 522 00:21:30,123 --> 00:21:33,291 ♪ Every little thing about her love. ♪ 523 00:21:34,777 --> 00:21:37,295 Captioning sponsored by WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 524 00:21:37,446 --> 00:21:40,298 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org