1
00:00:02,745 --> 00:00:03,894
Hi.
2
00:00:03,987 --> 00:00:05,746
I've really enjoyed
our intimate talks.
3
00:00:05,898 --> 00:00:08,841
So I thought you wouldn't mind
joining me here.
4
00:00:09,068 --> 00:00:11,176
That's Dr. Marshall.
5
00:00:11,328 --> 00:00:12,736
She's my new gyno.
6
00:00:12,905 --> 00:00:14,346
But I like to call her
my "gy-yes."
7
00:00:14,498 --> 00:00:16,831
Because she is so positive.
8
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:17,908
So, how are you?
9
00:00:18,001 --> 00:00:20,093
Physically?
Well, I could tell you,
10
00:00:20,262 --> 00:00:21,669
but you went to school for this.
11
00:00:21,764 --> 00:00:23,838
No, I mean
how are you generally?
12
00:00:23,932 --> 00:00:25,524
I just like to get
to know my patients
13
00:00:25,751 --> 00:00:27,359
before I glove up and clock in.
14
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,770
(chuckles)
Oh, uh, well, in that case,
15
00:00:29,864 --> 00:00:32,531
I'm pretty good-- I own
the cat café in the Highlands.
16
00:00:32,758 --> 00:00:34,533
Uh, I said goodbye
to Mr. Mousekers this morning,
17
00:00:34,684 --> 00:00:36,702
and I swear he responded
with a meow that sounded like,
18
00:00:36,853 --> 00:00:38,871
(high-pitched voice):
"I love you."
19
00:00:39,098 --> 00:00:41,098
Uh, and you're 39?
20
00:00:41,191 --> 00:00:42,708
Well, I've started
telling people I'm 42,
21
00:00:42,859 --> 00:00:44,376
so they'll tell me
how good I look.
22
00:00:44,528 --> 00:00:46,027
You look good for 39.
23
00:00:46,121 --> 00:00:47,880
-Well, thank you.
-Single?
24
00:00:48,049 --> 00:00:49,364
Let's see how this goes.
25
00:00:49,458 --> 00:00:51,533
-And kids?
-Not yet.
26
00:00:51,627 --> 00:00:52,943
Oh, have you frozen your eggs?
27
00:00:53,036 --> 00:00:53,886
Uh, no.
28
00:00:54,055 --> 00:00:55,112
Want to?
29
00:00:55,130 --> 00:00:56,722
Uh...
30
00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:58,724
well...
31
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:00,951
I'm only asking
because as we age,
32
00:01:01,044 --> 00:01:02,728
our egg reserve decreases
33
00:01:02,955 --> 00:01:04,288
and then there's perimenopause
right around the corner
34
00:01:04,381 --> 00:01:05,472
in your 40s.
35
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,791
I'm getting a little dry
in the mouth.
36
00:01:07,810 --> 00:01:09,476
I know it's a lot,
but if you're thinking
37
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:11,128
you might want to have kids
at some point,
38
00:01:11,297 --> 00:01:12,905
freezing your eggs is something
you'll want to do now.
39
00:01:13,132 --> 00:01:14,448
Now?
40
00:01:15,301 --> 00:01:16,983
Like now now?
41
00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:18,969
Now?
42
00:01:19,062 --> 00:01:21,205
♪ ♪
43
00:01:24,993 --> 00:01:26,977
(indistinct chatter)
44
00:01:27,830 --> 00:01:29,646
Wow, so you're gonna freeze
your eggs?
45
00:01:29,665 --> 00:01:30,664
Maybe.
46
00:01:30,816 --> 00:01:32,073
Dr. Marshall ran some tests
47
00:01:32,167 --> 00:01:34,501
to see if I even have any eggs
to freeze at my age.
48
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:37,154
Uh, I'd be optimistic.
49
00:01:37,323 --> 00:01:38,672
You're pretty immature.
50
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:40,582
Well, sure, on the outside.
51
00:01:40,676 --> 00:01:42,467
You know, but on the inside,
maybe I'm like that,
52
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,252
that one banana
that's so far gone,
53
00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,604
you can't even use it
in banana bread.
54
00:01:45,831 --> 00:01:47,497
Yeah, that's
why you're supposed to freeze
55
00:01:47,516 --> 00:01:49,257
your bananas
before they go that bad.
56
00:01:49,426 --> 00:01:50,943
Do you want kids?
57
00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:53,112
Well, I hated being
an only child.
58
00:01:53,339 --> 00:01:55,930
And I always imagined I'd have
a bunch of kids one day.
59
00:01:56,099 --> 00:01:57,599
You know, they-they'd
all be musical
60
00:01:57,693 --> 00:01:59,451
and-and start a band.
61
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:00,786
And I'd be, like, the mom-ager,
62
00:02:01,013 --> 00:02:02,437
who made sure
they weren't oversexualized
63
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,105
at too young an age.
64
00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,773
I had a fantasy as a kid, too.
65
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,017
I killed
all my brothers and sisters
66
00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:08,368
so I could have my own room.
67
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,020
(laughs) Well,
when my friends started having
68
00:02:10,113 --> 00:02:11,855
their first babies,
I was in grad school.
69
00:02:11,948 --> 00:02:13,874
And when they had
their second babies,
70
00:02:13,968 --> 00:02:15,450
I was trying to get tenure.
71
00:02:15,544 --> 00:02:16,526
And then when their babies
started having babies,
72
00:02:16,620 --> 00:02:17,878
I was giving birth to this café.
73
00:02:18,030 --> 00:02:20,472
And your post-café bod
looks great, by the way.
74
00:02:20,699 --> 00:02:22,957
Thank you, you're pretty
smoking yourself.
75
00:02:23,126 --> 00:02:24,217
So I've been told.
76
00:02:24,370 --> 00:02:25,886
Kat?
77
00:02:26,038 --> 00:02:28,372
I overheard your conversation
and I just want you to know
78
00:02:28,465 --> 00:02:30,056
that if you need any help,
79
00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:31,875
I'll do it.
80
00:02:32,044 --> 00:02:34,302
Do what, Wyatt?
81
00:02:34,396 --> 00:02:36,697
Sire your children.
82
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,217
Yeah, no-no siring needed here.
83
00:02:40,310 --> 00:02:41,218
Thanks so much.
84
00:02:41,311 --> 00:02:42,644
Okay, but I think I've got
85
00:02:42,738 --> 00:02:44,329
what you're looking for.
86
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,665
Virility, masculinity
87
00:02:46,892 --> 00:02:48,834
and a strong hairline
that's been
88
00:02:49,061 --> 00:02:50,961
passed down for generations.
89
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:54,414
I'll give it some thought.
90
00:02:54,583 --> 00:02:56,400
And just so you know, I'm cool
91
00:02:56,493 --> 00:02:58,802
with however you want
to be inseminated.
92
00:03:00,406 --> 00:03:01,663
All right, little man,
93
00:03:01,757 --> 00:03:03,423
you download the app
I told you about?
94
00:03:03,592 --> 00:03:05,017
I did, but I'm so anxious,
I'm sweating
95
00:03:05,168 --> 00:03:07,427
through
my Dolly Parton long johns.
96
00:03:07,596 --> 00:03:09,170
Oh, is it that neighborhood app?
97
00:03:09,264 --> 00:03:11,005
Oh, that stresses me out, too.
98
00:03:11,099 --> 00:03:14,359
Is it a million raccoons or are
we all seeing the same raccoon?
99
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:17,529
No, I'm helping Phil put
all his bills on autopay.
100
00:03:17,681 --> 00:03:20,240
This bitch is going digital!
101
00:03:21,443 --> 00:03:23,035
All right, Phil,
102
00:03:23,186 --> 00:03:25,429
you press here, you'll see all
your charges from last month.
103
00:03:25,522 --> 00:03:28,540
Damn, Phil, $3,500
on hearing aids?!
104
00:03:28,767 --> 00:03:30,267
Can't you just be,
like, old-fashioned
105
00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:31,859
and hold up a funnel
to your ear?
106
00:03:31,954 --> 00:03:34,104
Well, I didn't buy 'em for me.
I bought 'em for Henry.
107
00:03:34,197 --> 00:03:35,622
Who's Henry?
108
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:38,124
He's a gentleman
I met on Silver Shepherds.
109
00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:42,112
It's a dating app
for gay Christian seniors.
110
00:03:42,205 --> 00:03:43,871
Aw, good for you, Phil.
111
00:03:43,966 --> 00:03:45,707
It warms my heart
to know you're out there
112
00:03:45,875 --> 00:03:47,617
rustling up
some hot shepherd tail.
113
00:03:47,636 --> 00:03:50,120
Well, we haven't actually
met in person.
114
00:03:50,213 --> 00:03:51,563
We just chat on the phone.
115
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,232
Oh, so just a little phone sex?
116
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,276
You better walk
that dirty mind back.
117
00:03:57,220 --> 00:03:58,979
Maybe a little.
118
00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:00,572
Phil!
119
00:04:00,799 --> 00:04:02,574
You do not give thousands
of dollars to a guy
120
00:04:02,801 --> 00:04:04,301
you've only talked to
on the phone.
121
00:04:04,394 --> 00:04:05,577
You could be getting catfished.
122
00:04:05,804 --> 00:04:08,080
Well, that can't be bad--
that's my favorite fish.
123
00:04:08,307 --> 00:04:11,232
No, man, "catfished" is
when a con artist pretends
124
00:04:11,326 --> 00:04:13,252
to be somebody else
to take advantage
125
00:04:13,479 --> 00:04:15,236
of a nice,
innocent person like you.
126
00:04:15,330 --> 00:04:16,313
Carter's right.
He might've sold
127
00:04:16,482 --> 00:04:17,831
those hearing aids for cash.
128
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,316
Henry wouldn't do that.
129
00:04:19,485 --> 00:04:21,242
See, that's what I'm saying.
130
00:04:21,262 --> 00:04:23,095
Henry might not be Henry.
131
00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:25,822
He could be a 25-year-old gamer
living in his mama's basement.
132
00:04:25,991 --> 00:04:29,309
Oh, it's a shame to lose
your hearing that young.
133
00:04:31,663 --> 00:04:33,438
-Bye.
-Bye-bye. Randi?
134
00:04:33,665 --> 00:04:36,591
Randi, Randi, Randi,
that woman wants to adopt Nelly.
135
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,944
Really? Nelly's been here
since we opened.
136
00:04:39,095 --> 00:04:40,261
I thought she was a lifer.
137
00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:42,114
Oh, not me. I always knew
138
00:04:42,341 --> 00:04:43,840
someone would see
how special she is.
139
00:04:43,933 --> 00:04:46,009
I write "Nelly gets adopted"
and put it
140
00:04:46,102 --> 00:04:47,769
in my wish jar every night.
141
00:04:47,937 --> 00:04:49,679
Okay, but did you tell them
that she's blind
142
00:04:49,773 --> 00:04:51,348
in one eye
and she walks into walls?
143
00:04:51,441 --> 00:04:53,625
I did.
144
00:04:54,853 --> 00:04:55,943
Hey, Kat.
145
00:04:56,112 --> 00:04:58,355
-Hey.
-Do you want these in the back?
146
00:04:58,448 --> 00:05:00,799
Um, no, Steve, that's okay, you
can just leave them right here.
147
00:05:01,026 --> 00:05:02,801
You know, uh, I was just
reading on Reddit
148
00:05:03,028 --> 00:05:05,804
how coffee beans can
be toxic to cats.
149
00:05:06,031 --> 00:05:09,232
(chuckles) Yes, Steve, I opened
a cat café, so I knew that.
150
00:05:09,292 --> 00:05:10,884
Did you also know
that I've been wanting
151
00:05:11,036 --> 00:05:12,627
to ask you out on a date
for a while?
152
00:05:12,796 --> 00:05:14,054
I mean, that's actually
why I have a coffee safe--
153
00:05:14,206 --> 00:05:16,206
so I can keep the beans
away from the cats.
154
00:05:16,299 --> 00:05:18,542
Did you not hear him, Grandma?
155
00:05:18,635 --> 00:05:20,226
He just asked you out.
156
00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:22,395
-What happened now?
-Uh...
157
00:05:22,548 --> 00:05:24,972
maybe like dinner
this weekend or something?
158
00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:27,826
Did you know that the word
dinner comes from the old French
159
00:05:28,053 --> 00:05:30,070
word disner, which
actually means breakfast?
160
00:05:30,222 --> 00:05:32,572
-Girl, if you don't
just say yes.
-Okay, yes.
161
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,666
Yes. Um, this weekend.
162
00:05:34,893 --> 00:05:36,743
-That would be lover-ly.
-Great.
163
00:05:36,912 --> 00:05:38,895
Uh, I got your number here,
so, uh...
164
00:05:38,988 --> 00:05:40,822
I'll call you.
165
00:05:40,916 --> 00:05:43,008
Well, well, well.
166
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,678
My insemination options
are stacking up nicely.
167
00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:48,922
(phone rings)
168
00:05:49,091 --> 00:05:50,682
Unknown caller, ooh.
169
00:05:50,909 --> 00:05:53,852
Hey, Steve, aren't you a little
eager beaver with the Kat fever?
170
00:05:54,079 --> 00:05:56,246
-Hey, it's Dr. Marshall.
-Oh, sorry.
171
00:05:56,339 --> 00:05:59,006
Uh, yeah, hi,
Dr. Marshall, this is she.
172
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:01,693
It's my doctor with the test
results-- Randi, hold me.
173
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:04,104
(Marshall speaking indistinctly
on phone)
174
00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:06,865
Boundaries, Wyatt.
175
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:16,190
"Somewhat viable." She said
I was "somewhat viable."
176
00:06:16,284 --> 00:06:18,268
I was hoping for a "Go for it!"
Or "Nope, too late."
177
00:06:18,361 --> 00:06:21,287
Or "Hey, want to grab a glass of
white zin and talk about boys?"
178
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,940
But, no, I got
"somewhat viable."
179
00:06:24,109 --> 00:06:26,033
I once ate some oysters
that were somewhat viable.
180
00:06:26,128 --> 00:06:27,293
I ended up in the ER.
181
00:06:27,429 --> 00:06:29,054
They had to cut my jeans off.
182
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,799
Well, Kat, what does your doctor
think you should do?
183
00:06:32,951 --> 00:06:35,060
She said it's my decision
and there are no guarantees.
184
00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:37,971
So as far as my friendship with
her goes, I'm less enamored.
185
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,806
Well, why don't you make
a pros and cons list?
186
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,625
That's how I decided
whether or not to tell Daniel
187
00:06:41,793 --> 00:06:43,627
I did not care
for his night kimono.
188
00:06:43,795 --> 00:06:45,629
I decided not to,
and that was a big mistake,
189
00:06:45,722 --> 00:06:47,239
because then
he gave me a matching one.
190
00:06:47,466 --> 00:06:48,907
And now we look
like back-up singers.
191
00:06:50,469 --> 00:06:52,226
Okay, uh, pros and cons list.
192
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,304
That's a good idea. Uh, okay.
193
00:06:54,473 --> 00:06:57,307
Uh, first of all, I'd have
to give myself hormone shots.
194
00:06:57,476 --> 00:06:59,142
(all groan)
195
00:06:59,161 --> 00:07:01,068
Okay, that sounds like a con.
196
00:07:01,163 --> 00:07:02,662
I can help you
with the hormone shots.
197
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,497
Ooh, more quality time
with Phil.
198
00:07:04,666 --> 00:07:05,590
That's a pro.
199
00:07:05,817 --> 00:07:07,317
I used to give Mama her insulin.
200
00:07:07,486 --> 00:07:09,911
I'd grab her by the neck fat
to distract her,
201
00:07:10,005 --> 00:07:12,472
and then shoot her in the belly!
202
00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,600
Okay, so maybe a wash
on that one.
203
00:07:15,827 --> 00:07:18,270
Look, I can't think of anything
204
00:07:18,497 --> 00:07:19,754
cuter and weirder than having
205
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,331
a tiny, little you
running around.
206
00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:23,275
I know. Pro, pro, pro.
207
00:07:23,502 --> 00:07:25,277
But freezing
your eggs is expensive.
208
00:07:25,504 --> 00:07:26,945
I know. Con, con, con.
209
00:07:27,172 --> 00:07:30,674
It's, like, $15,000
for one retrieval attempt.
210
00:07:30,767 --> 00:07:33,434
Reminds me of those arcade
claw games that I never win.
211
00:07:33,528 --> 00:07:35,345
Like, get the egg,
get the egg, get the--
212
00:07:35,438 --> 00:07:37,347
Aw, you got the fuzzy dice.
213
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:39,624
If you want a kid that bad,
take mine.
214
00:07:39,851 --> 00:07:42,276
CJ's been riding my ass all week
about getting a tattoo.
215
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,704
Of what you ask?
His video game controller.
216
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,856
You know what that looks like
when it's sketched out?
217
00:07:46,950 --> 00:07:49,042
A penis with buttons.
218
00:07:49,194 --> 00:07:51,953
That's funny, I wanted a tattoo
of a penis with buttons,
219
00:07:52,121 --> 00:07:55,031
but it looked too much
like a video game controller.
220
00:07:55,124 --> 00:07:57,200
(men cheering, clamoring)
221
00:07:57,293 --> 00:07:59,202
Sorry, it's just,
this conversation
222
00:07:59,295 --> 00:08:00,704
makes me uncomfortable.
223
00:08:00,797 --> 00:08:02,889
Oh, 'cause you don't like
discussing female problems?
224
00:08:03,041 --> 00:08:05,800
No, because I'm your friend
and it just seems
225
00:08:05,969 --> 00:08:08,695
like a really tough thing
to put your body through.
226
00:08:09,931 --> 00:08:12,549
All right, new strategy.
Let's take a vote.
227
00:08:12,642 --> 00:08:15,235
No voting-- it's not
our decision to make.
228
00:08:15,329 --> 00:08:16,811
Uh, I have a question.
229
00:08:16,905 --> 00:08:19,739
Once they get 'em out of you,
where do they put 'em?
230
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,334
In a freezer somewhere, and then
every time the power goes out,
231
00:08:22,561 --> 00:08:23,985
I'm gonna be all worried
about them.
232
00:08:24,079 --> 00:08:26,838
Like how when it goes out now,
I worry about my popsicles.
233
00:08:26,990 --> 00:08:29,549
But these are not popsicles,
they're people-sicles.
234
00:08:32,328 --> 00:08:34,587
Hey, Carter, is my phone ready?
235
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:37,924
Yep, got the rest of your
utilities synced up on autopay.
236
00:08:38,093 --> 00:08:40,668
You just keep making that dough
by baking that dough,
237
00:08:40,762 --> 00:08:42,521
and you're good to go, bro.
238
00:08:42,748 --> 00:08:44,356
Thanks for looking out
for me, Carter.
239
00:08:44,507 --> 00:08:47,692
Although I'm gonna miss Bonnie,
my favorite teller at the bank.
240
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:50,511
She has the most beautiful,
long fingernails.
241
00:08:50,605 --> 00:08:52,531
I've seen her scratch off
242
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:55,850
five lottery tickets
at the same time.
243
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,685
Well, speaking of looking out
for you,
244
00:08:57,779 --> 00:08:59,612
your boyfriend Henry texted
while I had your phone.
245
00:08:59,781 --> 00:09:01,039
Now, don't freak out, but I took
246
00:09:01,266 --> 00:09:03,190
the liberty of texting him back
and asking him
247
00:09:03,285 --> 00:09:04,709
to meet you here tonight.
248
00:09:04,861 --> 00:09:06,286
-You did what?
-Look, I know,
249
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:08,213
but I can't just let you
keep handing out money
250
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:09,956
to a guy you don't know exists.
251
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,700
This way, if a little old guy
with a couple of hearing aids
252
00:09:12,794 --> 00:09:15,536
shows up, I'll text you,
you come by and say hi.
253
00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:17,463
But I'm not ready to say hi!
254
00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:19,891
Then I'll say you went
to a funeral or something.
255
00:09:20,118 --> 00:09:21,785
But if nobody shows up,
256
00:09:21,803 --> 00:09:24,287
I'm calling the cops,
we gonna find that catfish,
257
00:09:24,380 --> 00:09:27,682
get your money back,
and throw his ass in jail.
258
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,734
Okay.
259
00:09:33,890 --> 00:09:35,465
BOTH (singsongy):
Knock, knock.
260
00:09:35,634 --> 00:09:36,966
You know, people usually
knock before they enter.
261
00:09:36,985 --> 00:09:38,635
What if I had
a gentleman caller?
262
00:09:38,653 --> 00:09:41,137
We took our chances.
263
00:09:41,230 --> 00:09:42,581
Is there a reason you're here?
264
00:09:42,808 --> 00:09:45,308
Yes, because I can't believe
that my Kitty Kats
265
00:09:45,477 --> 00:09:46,585
is gonna have kittens!
266
00:09:46,812 --> 00:09:48,328
Mother, I told you
not to say anything.
267
00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:49,921
I don't even know
what I'm gonna do yet.
268
00:09:50,148 --> 00:09:52,090
I couldn't help it, we were
getting a couples massage.
269
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:53,741
How can I not tell her?
270
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:56,744
The daughter she always wanted.
271
00:09:56,838 --> 00:09:58,412
I have a present.
272
00:09:58,506 --> 00:09:59,989
My favorite maternity clothes.
273
00:10:00,158 --> 00:10:02,267
I have been saving them
for just such an occasion.
274
00:10:02,494 --> 00:10:03,751
All right, slow down,
275
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,328
you're putting the clothes
before the horse.
276
00:10:05,421 --> 00:10:06,754
There's a lot of unknowns here.
277
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,865
I don't even know if I want
to do it and I don't even
278
00:10:08,925 --> 00:10:11,167
know if it's gonna be successful
if I do try and do it.
279
00:10:11,260 --> 00:10:13,111
Don't be such a Gloomy Gus.
280
00:10:13,262 --> 00:10:14,838
I feel it in my gut
281
00:10:14,931 --> 00:10:17,857
that this process
is gonna bring me a grandchild.
282
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:20,434
Yeah, but it's in my gut
that it needs to happen.
283
00:10:20,603 --> 00:10:23,012
And it's an awful lot of money
for a big gamble.
284
00:10:23,106 --> 00:10:24,623
Oh, don't worry about the money.
285
00:10:24,850 --> 00:10:25,957
I'll help you.
286
00:10:26,201 --> 00:10:27,775
Well, that's interesting
since you didn't help me
287
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,944
when the café needed
a new generator.
288
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,021
Can I push a generator
on a swing
289
00:10:32,115 --> 00:10:34,782
or get it into beauty pageants?
290
00:10:34,951 --> 00:10:37,360
No, but it can keep your lights
on during a power outage.
291
00:10:37,453 --> 00:10:38,953
Can a baby do that?
292
00:10:39,122 --> 00:10:42,198
(chuckles) Baby's sounding
pretty useless right now, huh?
293
00:10:42,291 --> 00:10:44,384
(gasps)
This was my favorite
294
00:10:44,536 --> 00:10:47,370
when I was pregnant with Hailey.
295
00:10:47,463 --> 00:10:50,373
You know, if I had all the
options available today,
296
00:10:50,466 --> 00:10:51,724
you'd have a brother
or sister.
297
00:10:51,877 --> 00:10:54,152
Wait, you told me you didn't
want to have more kids
298
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,562
-because being pregnant
gave you back acne.
-No.
299
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,806
You were too young
to get the whole story.
300
00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:01,642
We just couldn't get pregnant.
I'd given up
301
00:11:01,736 --> 00:11:03,553
on having kids at all
when we finally found out
302
00:11:03,646 --> 00:11:04,812
you were on the way.
303
00:11:04,906 --> 00:11:07,740
Then, when I had you,
304
00:11:07,893 --> 00:11:11,911
oh, I felt my life's purpose
was fulfilled.
305
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:15,489
You look so cute, Sheila.
306
00:11:15,583 --> 00:11:16,916
Please, she looks like
she should be
307
00:11:17,085 --> 00:11:18,927
in the Guinness Book
of World Records.
308
00:11:20,663 --> 00:11:23,515
Can you believe that
Carter used my phone
309
00:11:23,666 --> 00:11:25,332
to contact Henry like that?
310
00:11:25,427 --> 00:11:27,501
It's my phone.
311
00:11:27,595 --> 00:11:29,595
Yes, that was pretty ballsy,
312
00:11:29,764 --> 00:11:31,690
but I'm gonna have to take
Carter's side on this one.
313
00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:33,692
That was a lot of money
that you gave a stranger,
314
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,695
and this online dating stuff
is a cesspool of deceit.
315
00:11:36,846 --> 00:11:40,365
I know. I'm the biggest turd
in the pool.
316
00:11:40,592 --> 00:11:42,183
I got to come clean.
317
00:11:42,277 --> 00:11:45,537
Randi, I told Henry that
I'm six-foot-two
318
00:11:45,764 --> 00:11:47,947
and used to model for Dillard's.
319
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:51,358
Wait. So that would make you
the catfisher.
320
00:11:51,527 --> 00:11:54,120
Yes. But I can't tell Carter
because he thinks
321
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,047
catfishers should be in jail.
322
00:11:56,199 --> 00:11:57,941
But you're a weird kind
of catfisher.
323
00:11:58,034 --> 00:11:59,250
You're giving money away.
324
00:11:59,477 --> 00:12:00,793
That's like breaking into
someone's house
325
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,220
and leaving a TV.
326
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:03,888
I feel terrible.
327
00:12:04,115 --> 00:12:06,783
Sweet Henry's gonna show up
hoping to meet me,
328
00:12:06,876 --> 00:12:09,786
and I didn't even use
my real picture.
329
00:12:09,879 --> 00:12:11,730
Well, whose picture
did you use?
330
00:12:13,049 --> 00:12:14,482
Hello.
331
00:12:15,569 --> 00:12:19,237
Well, aren't you a sight
for sore eyes.
332
00:12:21,316 --> 00:12:23,366
Here you go.
333
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,749
Uh, where the heck are you going
looking like that?
334
00:12:30,976 --> 00:12:34,252
Well, I'm just trying
to figure this out.
335
00:12:34,479 --> 00:12:35,903
My mother and Tara were
talking about
336
00:12:36,113 --> 00:12:37,922
how being pregnant was
such a magical time
337
00:12:38,149 --> 00:12:39,240
and gave them purpose.
338
00:12:39,334 --> 00:12:41,092
So I just thought
that maybe if I
339
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,577
experienced life as a pregnant
woman for a little bit,
340
00:12:43,671 --> 00:12:45,579
it might give me some clarity
about whether I ever
341
00:12:45,599 --> 00:12:47,432
want to do this for real.
342
00:12:47,659 --> 00:12:50,827
Okay, but this just puts me
in an awkward situation
343
00:12:50,996 --> 00:12:52,545
about whether I should
let you leave
344
00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:54,439
or stage an intervention.
345
00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:01,929
-Oh, congratulations.
-Thank you.
346
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,431
It's a very special time.
347
00:13:04,526 --> 00:13:05,784
Let me get that for you.
348
00:13:06,011 --> 00:13:07,844
Oh. Thanks so much.
349
00:13:07,937 --> 00:13:09,362
It's my pleasure.
350
00:13:09,531 --> 00:13:11,873
It is my pleasure to be
pleasured by you.
351
00:13:13,368 --> 00:13:15,126
That came out wrong.
352
00:13:15,353 --> 00:13:18,112
Oh, little line.
353
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,947
Oh, does anyone mind
if we let the pregnant woman
354
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:20,948
cut to the front?
355
00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:24,710
(laughing):
Oh...
356
00:13:24,863 --> 00:13:26,471
Strawberry on a sugar cone,
please.
357
00:13:26,698 --> 00:13:28,881
Do you mind if I guess?
I'm pretty good at this.
358
00:13:29,034 --> 00:13:31,959
-My weight?
-Oh, no, no.
Uh, the sex of the baby.
359
00:13:32,128 --> 00:13:34,795
Oh. (laughs) Right, yeah.
360
00:13:34,964 --> 00:13:36,556
Um, guess away.
361
00:13:36,708 --> 00:13:39,225
Uh, by the way you're carrying,
I would say it's a boy.
362
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:40,893
Nope, it's a girl.
363
00:13:41,046 --> 00:13:43,563
I could have made him right,
but I decided to make him wrong.
364
00:13:43,731 --> 00:13:45,731
I feel really powerful
right now.
365
00:13:45,884 --> 00:13:47,141
There you go.
366
00:13:47,310 --> 00:13:49,402
I gave you an extra scoop
because you're eating for two.
367
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,554
Oh, thank you so much.
What do I owe you?
368
00:13:51,647 --> 00:13:53,072
Oh, it's on the house.
369
00:13:53,224 --> 00:13:54,999
(laughing):
Yum!
370
00:13:55,226 --> 00:13:57,743
Oh, tastes better
when it's free.
371
00:13:57,896 --> 00:13:59,170
Oh, sorry.
372
00:13:59,397 --> 00:14:00,897
Kat?
373
00:14:00,990 --> 00:14:03,566
Steve. Hi.
374
00:14:03,659 --> 00:14:04,901
Maybe he won't notice
that I'm...
375
00:14:04,994 --> 00:14:08,162
-Are you pregnant?
-He noticed.
376
00:14:08,256 --> 00:14:10,181
(chuckles nervously)
377
00:14:14,503 --> 00:14:16,095
Wait, you're really pregnant?
378
00:14:16,264 --> 00:14:18,022
-It's a girl.
-Very helpful.
379
00:14:18,249 --> 00:14:19,432
Thank you.
380
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,359
But I just saw you
at your café yesterday
381
00:14:21,510 --> 00:14:23,528
and you didn't look pregnant.
382
00:14:25,181 --> 00:14:27,681
Uh, th-the reason
that you didn't notice
383
00:14:27,775 --> 00:14:31,035
is that I-I popped overnight.
384
00:14:31,187 --> 00:14:32,871
Which, as a man,
you may not know
385
00:14:33,098 --> 00:14:34,188
it's an actual thing.
386
00:14:34,282 --> 00:14:35,373
It's a real thing.
387
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,542
Don't you have ice cream
to scoop?
388
00:14:37,693 --> 00:14:39,360
Look, uh, I don't know
that I'm ready
389
00:14:39,454 --> 00:14:40,545
to go on a date
with someone who's...
390
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:42,271
-(whispering): I'm not pregnant.
-What?
391
00:14:42,365 --> 00:14:43,798
I have to tell you something.
392
00:14:48,463 --> 00:14:50,113
I'm sorry, I didn't want
to say anything
393
00:14:50,206 --> 00:14:52,115
in front of all those people,
but you can relax.
394
00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:54,784
This is all a misunderstanding.
I'm not really pregnant.
395
00:14:54,802 --> 00:14:58,304
-You look really pregnant.
-I'm just doing an experiment.
396
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,957
A little personal,
social experiment.
397
00:15:01,050 --> 00:15:02,625
Okay, full disclosure,
398
00:15:02,794 --> 00:15:03,902
I'm thinking about
freezing my eggs
399
00:15:04,129 --> 00:15:05,978
because I might want
to get pregnant someday,
400
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:08,464
but I'm not quite sure.
I could also adopt.
401
00:15:08,633 --> 00:15:10,241
I'm super pro-adoption.
402
00:15:10,468 --> 00:15:11,968
Maybe things will
work out between us
403
00:15:12,137 --> 00:15:14,470
and we'll do things
the old-fashioned way.
404
00:15:14,489 --> 00:15:16,139
Or not. No, but seriously,
405
00:15:16,307 --> 00:15:18,641
it's just a pillow under there--
go ahead, pinch it.
406
00:15:18,810 --> 00:15:20,309
I'm not pinching your baby.
407
00:15:20,478 --> 00:15:21,644
Then put your hand
up my shirt.
408
00:15:21,813 --> 00:15:24,422
Um, that's more of
an after-date thing.
409
00:15:24,649 --> 00:15:27,817
Steve, it's just a pillow
from my couch. Here.
410
00:15:27,986 --> 00:15:28,834
Hold this.
411
00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:31,245
Look. See?
I don't feel anything.
412
00:15:31,339 --> 00:15:32,913
Oh. Okay, fine.
413
00:15:33,007 --> 00:15:34,173
Say "push."
414
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,325
-Push.
-(mock screaming)
415
00:15:36,494 --> 00:15:37,418
See?
416
00:15:37,512 --> 00:15:38,919
Pillow baby!
417
00:15:38,939 --> 00:15:41,814
Easy birth.
Hey, I can drink again.
418
00:15:43,426 --> 00:15:45,835
(laughing)
419
00:15:45,928 --> 00:15:47,336
"Wah!" Ooh.
420
00:15:47,430 --> 00:15:50,323
(chuckling):
Burp the baby.
421
00:15:56,105 --> 00:15:57,956
What the hell, Phil?
422
00:15:58,183 --> 00:15:59,849
Here I was, worried about you,
423
00:15:59,942 --> 00:16:01,867
only to find out that
you stole Max's identity.
424
00:16:01,962 --> 00:16:03,853
I'm sorry, Max.
425
00:16:03,946 --> 00:16:05,538
But in my defense...
426
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:08,466
I never thought you'd find out.
427
00:16:08,693 --> 00:16:10,468
-Well, I found out.
-He had to break up
428
00:16:10,695 --> 00:16:12,470
with an old man wearing
hearing aids.
429
00:16:12,697 --> 00:16:14,997
Do you know how many times
Max had to repeat hisself?
430
00:16:15,049 --> 00:16:17,892
Everybody at the bar had a tear
in their eye.
431
00:16:19,204 --> 00:16:20,886
I pulled out some
of my go-to breakup phrases.
432
00:16:21,039 --> 00:16:22,888
"The timing's off."
"You deserve better."
433
00:16:23,041 --> 00:16:24,890
"I think I'm just scared
of being happy."
434
00:16:25,043 --> 00:16:27,543
And then, ultimately,
"I'm not Phil!"
435
00:16:27,712 --> 00:16:30,396
I'm sorry I put you
in that position,
436
00:16:30,565 --> 00:16:32,898
but I have never
online-dated before,
437
00:16:33,051 --> 00:16:35,309
and I didn't think
anybody'd pay any attention
438
00:16:35,445 --> 00:16:37,570
if they saw the real me.
439
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,071
Well, someday, Phil,
you're gonna have
440
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:41,165
to start seeing yourself
the way everyone else does.
441
00:16:41,392 --> 00:16:43,501
You know what? Repeat after me.
442
00:16:43,694 --> 00:16:47,338
I am Phil Crumpler,
and I am hot as hell!
443
00:16:47,565 --> 00:16:49,899
I'm not gonna say that.
444
00:16:49,992 --> 00:16:51,751
Okay, then try this:
I am Phil Crumpler,
445
00:16:51,903 --> 00:16:54,846
and I make the most delicious
pies and tell great stories.
446
00:16:55,073 --> 00:16:57,406
And I am cute as a button.
447
00:16:57,458 --> 00:16:59,166
(chanting):
Say it! Say it!
448
00:16:59,260 --> 00:17:02,669
RANDI, MAX AND CARTER:
Say it! Say it! Say it! Say it!
449
00:17:02,764 --> 00:17:06,006
-Say it!
-I'm Phil Crumpler,
and I'm hot as hell!
450
00:17:06,100 --> 00:17:07,191
(cheering)
451
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:10,194
Oh, I'm getting my mojo back.
452
00:17:10,421 --> 00:17:11,863
Do you think
I should text Henry?
453
00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:14,365
Yeah, I think he'd like that.
When I walked him to his car,
454
00:17:14,592 --> 00:17:16,701
his lip was kind of trembling,
so I gave him a hug.
455
00:17:16,928 --> 00:17:18,870
And then he grabbed a cheek.
456
00:17:19,097 --> 00:17:22,623
Well, turns out
lying is a bad idea.
457
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:25,710
See?
458
00:17:25,879 --> 00:17:27,628
♪ ♪
459
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,277
You know, I can see how
giving birth to a throw pillow
460
00:17:34,370 --> 00:17:36,112
on the sidewalk
in front of a group of onlookers
461
00:17:36,205 --> 00:17:38,222
might be a little bit nuts,
but I feel like
462
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,224
I was driven nuts
trying to make a decision
463
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,118
that Steve
will never even have to make.
464
00:17:42,136 --> 00:17:43,619
So screw you, Steve.
465
00:17:43,638 --> 00:17:45,137
Well, let's not be too hard
on Steve.
466
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,306
Sounds like a lot of things
were coming at him at once.
467
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,960
(chuckles): Yeah, screw you,
Max, for taking Steve's side.
468
00:17:51,053 --> 00:17:53,237
You know, you guys have
all the time in the world
469
00:17:53,464 --> 00:17:55,131
to make decisions
about procreation.
470
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:57,133
You know who else has
all the time in the world?
471
00:17:57,302 --> 00:17:59,819
Cats. They can have kittens
up until the day they die.
472
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:01,245
But not this Kat.
473
00:18:01,472 --> 00:18:03,081
Hey, there's still
kind of a clock with guys.
474
00:18:03,308 --> 00:18:05,941
I mean, I wouldn't want me
and my kid to both be in diapers
475
00:18:05,993 --> 00:18:07,543
at the same time.
476
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:12,481
Wow.
477
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:15,576
Even in a diaper,
he's still hot.
478
00:18:15,670 --> 00:18:19,263
So, wait,
do you want to have kids?
479
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:21,599
Mm, not really.
480
00:18:21,826 --> 00:18:25,269
I mean, I love roughhousing
with my nieces and nephews,
481
00:18:25,496 --> 00:18:27,421
and I loved teaching, but...
482
00:18:27,515 --> 00:18:29,256
I don't like thinking
about my own future,
483
00:18:29,350 --> 00:18:31,350
and worrying
about someone else's
484
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,336
-might make my head explode.
-Hmm.
485
00:18:33,429 --> 00:18:34,946
You'd be a fun dad, though.
486
00:18:35,097 --> 00:18:36,114
Oh, I acknowledge that.
487
00:18:36,341 --> 00:18:37,598
You'd be a fun mom.
488
00:18:37,692 --> 00:18:39,766
Oh, I acknowledge that.
489
00:18:39,861 --> 00:18:42,102
But you still have time
to change your mind.
490
00:18:42,271 --> 00:18:44,438
I don't.
This might be my last chance
491
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,440
to have biological children.
492
00:18:46,609 --> 00:18:49,443
Which I may not even want,
or maybe I do, I...
493
00:18:49,612 --> 00:18:51,612
There I go, Max,
back on the hamster wheel:
494
00:18:51,780 --> 00:18:53,297
circular thoughts,
circular thoughts.
495
00:18:53,524 --> 00:18:55,782
What does your gut tell you?
496
00:18:55,951 --> 00:18:58,544
My gut?
Tells me that I have no idea
497
00:18:58,696 --> 00:19:00,546
what the rest of my life's
gonna look like,
498
00:19:00,698 --> 00:19:02,789
much less what I'm gonna want
or need in a year.
499
00:19:02,958 --> 00:19:05,626
I-I never thought I'd quit
my job and open a cat café.
500
00:19:05,794 --> 00:19:07,870
I never thought I'd become
a One Direction fan
501
00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:09,296
four years after they broke up.
502
00:19:09,465 --> 00:19:10,706
They didn't actually break up.
503
00:19:10,799 --> 00:19:12,892
-It's just a hiatus.
-They're in a hiatus.
504
00:19:13,060 --> 00:19:15,802
Look, I may be
turning 40 soon, but...
505
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:20,533
I still feel like my future is
full of unknown possibilities.
506
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:23,977
Kat...
507
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:27,665
I may not know math like you do,
but I know this:
508
00:19:27,858 --> 00:19:31,076
if freezing your eggs isn't
a hundred percent no,
509
00:19:31,229 --> 00:19:33,579
it's a yes.
510
00:19:34,582 --> 00:19:36,749
That's not really math at all,
but I like it.
511
00:19:36,918 --> 00:19:38,509
(chuckles)
512
00:19:38,736 --> 00:19:40,511
And like you said,
it's expensive,
513
00:19:40,738 --> 00:19:41,846
it may not work...
514
00:19:41,997 --> 00:19:44,831
but in the spirit
of possibilities...
515
00:19:44,926 --> 00:19:46,976
let that be one of them.
516
00:19:48,837 --> 00:19:51,171
You voted.
You said you weren't gonna vote,
517
00:19:51,265 --> 00:19:52,673
but you voted.
518
00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:55,693
I just... I want for you
what you want for you.
519
00:19:55,844 --> 00:19:58,362
I think that's what you want.
520
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:01,365
I think that is what I want.
521
00:20:01,517 --> 00:20:03,492
I want possibilities.
522
00:20:05,096 --> 00:20:08,706
Or what if I tell my mother
I'm freezing my eggs,
523
00:20:08,857 --> 00:20:11,876
take her money, and we go
on a badass cruise to Alaska?
524
00:20:12,027 --> 00:20:12,910
I support that as well.
525
00:20:13,062 --> 00:20:13,936
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
526
00:20:14,029 --> 00:20:15,963
♪ ♪
527
00:20:18,125 --> 00:20:19,775
Phil?
528
00:20:19,944 --> 00:20:20,943
Henry?
529
00:20:20,962 --> 00:20:23,446
Well, aren't you
a sight for sore eyes.
530
00:20:23,539 --> 00:20:26,724
(laughing):
Oh, you're gonna make me blush!
531
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,893
Sit down, handsome.
532
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,288
HENRY:
Nice to meet you.
533
00:20:32,306 --> 00:20:35,291
We call her Nelly, but you
can name her whatever you want.
534
00:20:35,460 --> 00:20:36,792
I like Nelly.
535
00:20:36,885 --> 00:20:38,627
She's an only child,
and this is her first pet,
536
00:20:38,646 --> 00:20:40,129
so it's a big deal for her.
537
00:20:40,222 --> 00:20:41,313
I get it.
538
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,491
Okay, now you get to flip
the number.
539
00:20:46,304 --> 00:20:47,912
Good job.
All right, well,
540
00:20:48,139 --> 00:20:50,473
take good care of Nelly.
541
00:20:50,641 --> 00:20:52,733
Here are all her eye patches.
542
00:20:53,811 --> 00:20:56,145
She's probably gonna want to
sleep under the covers with you.
543
00:20:56,163 --> 00:20:57,813
-(meows)
-(sobbing)
544
00:20:57,832 --> 00:21:00,574
Sorry I'm crying, it's just
that she's one of my favorites
545
00:21:00,668 --> 00:21:01,575
and...
546
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,719
and I'm taking hormone shots.
547
00:21:05,323 --> 00:21:06,989
Oh. Her favorite song is
548
00:21:07,158 --> 00:21:08,415
Nelly's "Hot in Herre."
549
00:21:08,509 --> 00:21:11,102
Is it me, or is it
really getting hot in here?
550
00:21:11,329 --> 00:21:12,919
All right, well, goodbye.
551
00:21:13,014 --> 00:21:15,564
Goodbye to you, Nelly. Oh...
552
00:21:16,459 --> 00:21:17,608
And goodbye to you.
553
00:21:17,835 --> 00:21:19,610
♪ Whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
554
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,445
♪ We know how to work it
and we work it real good ♪
555
00:21:21,672 --> 00:21:25,098
♪ Bright lights are shining,
they like the way we look ♪
556
00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:27,100
♪ I ain't got no shoes but got
a whole lot of soul ♪
557
00:21:27,269 --> 00:21:28,844
♪ Watch me now ♪
558
00:21:28,937 --> 00:21:32,773
♪ Watch me now,
whoo-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
559
00:21:32,941 --> 00:21:34,517
♪ Watch me, watch me now. ♪
560
00:21:34,610 --> 00:21:36,276
Captioning sponsored by
WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
561
00:21:36,445 --> 00:21:38,754
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org