1 00:00:02,244 --> 00:00:04,411 -How was yoga, Sheila? -Oh, terrible. 2 00:00:04,563 --> 00:00:06,396 The guy in front of me wasn't wearing underwear, 3 00:00:06,415 --> 00:00:09,174 and his downward dog wasn't neutered. 4 00:00:09,326 --> 00:00:12,368 Really? Maybe I should take up yoga. 5 00:00:12,370 --> 00:00:15,264 I'm feeling a little stiff. 6 00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:18,500 (singsongy): Happy Saturday! 7 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:19,852 What are you wearing? 8 00:00:20,003 --> 00:00:21,720 Oh, this? 9 00:00:21,872 --> 00:00:25,916 Just the coolest shirt of the last 65 million years. 10 00:00:26,009 --> 00:00:29,844 And my chances of being a grandmother have gone extinct. 11 00:00:29,938 --> 00:00:32,680 Max is taking me to the natural history museum today. 12 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,016 And I'm her date. 13 00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,443 How the hell are you in my life? 14 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,429 Even I would've picked on you in school. 15 00:00:39,523 --> 00:00:40,781 You're gonna stand there 16 00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:42,766 and tell something cold-blooded that it's not cool? 17 00:00:42,785 --> 00:00:46,628 Boom! Joke and a science fact. Take that, haters. 18 00:00:48,031 --> 00:00:50,624 Hey, guys. 19 00:00:50,776 --> 00:00:52,943 Hey. Why do you have a baby? 20 00:00:52,961 --> 00:00:55,112 Yeah, I don't remember getting an Amber Alert. 21 00:00:55,130 --> 00:00:57,723 Oh, look at him. 22 00:00:57,874 --> 00:01:01,968 Oh, he's so much cuter than you were as a baby, Katharine. 23 00:01:02,971 --> 00:01:06,047 No. This is my nephew, Thor. I'm watching him for my sister. 24 00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:07,307 Thor? His name is Thor? 25 00:01:07,459 --> 00:01:10,051 Damn. Now I got to rename my vibrator. 26 00:01:10,129 --> 00:01:11,812 Same. 27 00:01:11,964 --> 00:01:14,147 My sister married a comic book nerd. 28 00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:15,966 Their vows were in Klingon. 29 00:01:16,059 --> 00:01:17,559 Klingon? 30 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,745 What a couple of dorks. 31 00:01:19,896 --> 00:01:22,397 He's so adorable. 32 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,641 Do you feel any maternal stirrings, 33 00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:27,811 or have your ovaries turned to stone? 34 00:01:27,904 --> 00:01:29,479 I am fine with babies. 35 00:01:29,498 --> 00:01:31,315 I just prefer the kind that are covered in fur 36 00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:33,074 and fall on their feet when you drop 'em. 37 00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:34,676 Do not hand her that baby. 38 00:01:35,579 --> 00:01:37,096 I like this getup. 39 00:01:37,247 --> 00:01:38,305 You want to take him for a ride? 40 00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,748 I want you to take me for a ride. 41 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,269 -When's your sister picking him up? -Tomorrow morning. 42 00:01:44,496 --> 00:01:46,012 But we're going to the museum today. 43 00:01:46,165 --> 00:01:47,606 Dinosaurs, rocks, stuffed animals. 44 00:01:47,833 --> 00:01:49,015 There's nothing there for a kid. 45 00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:51,017 Come on. We'll take him with us. 46 00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:53,337 What if he embarrasses us? 47 00:01:53,430 --> 00:01:55,930 He'll love it. Right, Thor? 48 00:01:56,008 --> 00:01:57,783 (with accent): The God of Thunder says 49 00:01:57,934 --> 00:02:00,476 that sounds bitchin'! 50 00:02:01,196 --> 00:02:02,846 All right, I'll give it a try. 51 00:02:02,981 --> 00:02:04,514 I've got my eye on you. 52 00:02:04,533 --> 00:02:07,000 -(babbling) -Don't you ruin this for me. 53 00:02:13,283 --> 00:02:15,491 I'm lovin' this kid. 54 00:02:16,362 --> 00:02:18,028 ♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪ 55 00:02:18,121 --> 00:02:20,030 ♪ Nothin' wrong with you but I'd rather be me. ♪ 56 00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:21,715 Now, Thor, some of the exhibits 57 00:02:21,867 --> 00:02:25,202 on early humans will feature some tasteful nudity. 58 00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:27,053 -So try not to stare. -(laughs) 59 00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:29,039 And definitely no touching. 60 00:02:29,057 --> 00:02:30,482 Learned that the hard way. 61 00:02:30,592 --> 00:02:32,042 Grade school field trip? 62 00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:33,543 Last month. 63 00:02:33,562 --> 00:02:36,989 So that's why the security guard keeps following us. 64 00:02:37,140 --> 00:02:39,883 -(Thor cries) -Oh. 65 00:02:39,976 --> 00:02:42,569 -(Max hums) -Oh. 66 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,070 (humming) 67 00:02:44,223 --> 00:02:45,647 Look at you. Good with babies. 68 00:02:45,741 --> 00:02:49,226 To be fair, I do the same thing with Carter when he's cranky. 69 00:02:49,244 --> 00:02:50,669 You want to hold him? 70 00:02:50,820 --> 00:02:54,414 Oh, no thanks. The only tiny, whiny thing I like is Phil. 71 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,825 Come on. Don't you just want to eat him up? 72 00:02:57,994 --> 00:02:59,178 Like a little baby kebab? 73 00:02:59,254 --> 00:03:01,496 Mmm. (munching playfully) 74 00:03:01,590 --> 00:03:04,257 Yeah, that hand was down his diaper five minutes ago. 75 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:07,168 (laughs) I never realized you're not into babies. 76 00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:09,262 Stop saying that. I can be good with babies. 77 00:03:09,415 --> 00:03:11,356 Look, I'm here. (gasps) I'm gone. 78 00:03:11,583 --> 00:03:13,934 I'm here, I'm gone. 79 00:03:14,086 --> 00:03:15,435 And it's fun 80 00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,696 because you haven't learned the permanence of objects yet. 81 00:03:17,847 --> 00:03:19,089 See? 82 00:03:19,182 --> 00:03:21,033 (laughs) I'm sorry. I was wrong. 83 00:03:21,184 --> 00:03:22,943 You totally get kids. 84 00:03:23,095 --> 00:03:24,352 I'm gonna go to the restroom 85 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,929 before we hit the gem and mineral exhibit 86 00:03:25,948 --> 00:03:28,040 because we are going to be there a long time. 87 00:03:28,267 --> 00:03:30,100 I get very fired up about igneous rocks. 88 00:03:30,118 --> 00:03:31,859 -Lava, fire. -Mm. Yeah. 89 00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,119 But when you see the plaque, 90 00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:34,379 you're going to erupt with laughter. 91 00:03:34,531 --> 00:03:36,440 -Stop it. Oy. -Okay, that was the last one. 92 00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:38,124 -I pumice. -Oy. 93 00:03:38,277 --> 00:03:41,628 You three are such a cute family. 94 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:44,205 -Oh, we're actually not... -Thank you. 95 00:03:44,299 --> 00:03:45,949 He looks just like you. 96 00:03:45,951 --> 00:03:47,117 Oh, that's so sweet. 97 00:03:47,119 --> 00:03:48,468 He's bald and has three chins. 98 00:03:48,620 --> 00:03:50,787 How does she think that's a compliment? 99 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:54,291 You should see her do "Baby Shark." It's a showstopper. 100 00:03:54,309 --> 00:03:55,550 You have a great day. 101 00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,602 -(Thor babbles) -(Kat laughs softly) 102 00:03:57,755 --> 00:03:59,479 Why did you let her think we're a family? 103 00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,799 Because I get looks if I say, "Oh, this isn't my baby." 104 00:04:02,818 --> 00:04:04,801 Oh, that never stopped my mom from saying it. 105 00:04:04,820 --> 00:04:08,038 -(Max laughs) -(phone rings) 106 00:04:08,991 --> 00:04:10,082 This is my manager. 107 00:04:10,309 --> 00:04:11,250 -Here? Please. Yeah? -Yeah. No. 108 00:04:11,401 --> 00:04:12,325 -Yeah, yeah. -No, I just told you, 109 00:04:12,478 --> 00:04:13,568 -I have to... Oh. -Hello? 110 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,587 Yeah, now's a great time. 111 00:04:17,499 --> 00:04:18,982 What's with that face? 112 00:04:19,001 --> 00:04:20,484 Can you smell my fear? 113 00:04:20,502 --> 00:04:22,076 -(crying) -Oh. 114 00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:24,412 Oh. Okay, uh, okay. 115 00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,173 We're gonna bounce? We're bouncing. We're bouncing. 116 00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:29,250 Okay. Is this bouncing helping you? 117 00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:30,918 It's making my pee situation worse. 118 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:35,999 -(Thor quiets) -Oh. Oh. Oh, okay. 119 00:04:36,092 --> 00:04:37,183 That is helping. 120 00:04:37,352 --> 00:04:38,926 Yeah, that's a good Thor. 121 00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:40,946 You know what, Thor? That's a dumb name. 122 00:04:41,097 --> 00:04:43,765 I'm gonna call you... 123 00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,600 Carl. 124 00:04:45,694 --> 00:04:47,344 That was my dad's middle name. 125 00:04:47,362 --> 00:04:49,604 He's a really great guy. He's up there now. 126 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:52,349 Yeah. Yeah, not up there with that pterodactyl in the rafters, 127 00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:54,442 but, like, the big "up there." (laughs) 128 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,036 You know, I don't know if I'm the one 129 00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,355 to be teaching you about death. 130 00:04:58,448 --> 00:05:00,132 However, do you remember our conversation 131 00:05:00,208 --> 00:05:02,617 about object permanence? 132 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:03,710 (Thor farts) 133 00:05:03,862 --> 00:05:06,120 Ooh. Ooh, a little baby toot. 134 00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:08,048 Oh, wow. That is pungent. 135 00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:09,474 Yeah, that was not me. (coughs) 136 00:05:09,626 --> 00:05:10,700 That was the baby. 137 00:05:10,794 --> 00:05:12,552 (laughing): Whew. Carl. 138 00:05:12,704 --> 00:05:14,629 You know what? This dam's about to break, 139 00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,524 and only one of us is wearing a diaper. Let's go. 140 00:05:18,635 --> 00:05:20,710 -It's slow today. -Yeah. 141 00:05:20,804 --> 00:05:22,821 Good day for Kat to take off. 142 00:05:22,972 --> 00:05:24,548 Uh-huh. 143 00:05:24,566 --> 00:05:26,399 But we're not gonna tell her that, though, right? 144 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:27,734 Hell no. 145 00:05:28,053 --> 00:05:30,162 I guess we could restock the shelves in the storeroom. 146 00:05:30,313 --> 00:05:31,555 Yeah, we probably should. 147 00:05:31,573 --> 00:05:33,890 All right, well, give me a hand with these boxes. 148 00:05:33,909 --> 00:05:35,625 I'm on my break. 149 00:05:37,062 --> 00:05:37,911 Hey, baby. 150 00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,320 -Hi. -Hi. 151 00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:41,398 I'm pretty sure he was talking to me. 152 00:05:41,491 --> 00:05:43,842 -Well, bless your heart. -(laughs) 153 00:05:43,993 --> 00:05:45,326 You pick a movie for tonight? 154 00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:47,904 Ooh. So, I've narrowed it down to Bride of Chucky, 155 00:05:47,997 --> 00:05:49,239 Seed of Chucky, 156 00:05:49,257 --> 00:05:51,408 -or Cult of Chucky. -Mm. 157 00:05:51,426 --> 00:05:53,000 Ah, yes. Chucky. 158 00:05:53,095 --> 00:05:55,095 -Like a Murder-Me Elmo. -(Randi laughs) 159 00:05:55,247 --> 00:05:56,355 And, Phil, you are helping me 160 00:05:56,540 --> 00:05:57,914 when you're done with your break. 161 00:05:57,933 --> 00:06:02,102 Of course. I just hope you don't finish before I'm back. 162 00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:05,364 I can't wait to watch the movie with you tonight, baby. 163 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,091 Smart move watching a horror movie 164 00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:10,035 so your girl snuggles up all close to you 165 00:06:10,186 --> 00:06:12,095 during the scary bits. 166 00:06:12,114 --> 00:06:17,434 Scary bits is also what I call a woman's private parts. 167 00:06:17,452 --> 00:06:21,271 Phil, you ever told a lie on a first date? 168 00:06:21,289 --> 00:06:24,883 I don't think I've ever told the truth on a first date. 169 00:06:25,034 --> 00:06:27,034 Between you and me, I hate horror movies. 170 00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,036 But Randi said she loved them on our first date, 171 00:06:29,114 --> 00:06:32,115 and I wanted to see her scary bits, so... 172 00:06:32,134 --> 00:06:33,633 Well, why not just tell her the truth? 173 00:06:33,785 --> 00:06:35,560 Because that woman has crazy trust issues. 174 00:06:35,712 --> 00:06:37,378 I mean, if she knew I lied about one thing, 175 00:06:37,472 --> 00:06:39,046 she'll think I lied about a lot of things. 176 00:06:39,141 --> 00:06:40,640 Did you lie about a lot of things? 177 00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:41,883 Of course I did. 178 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,476 I mean, "I like scary movies" led to 179 00:06:43,629 --> 00:06:45,812 "I like Milk Duds just like you" led to 180 00:06:45,964 --> 00:06:48,407 "Yeah, I like camping." Camping, Phil. 181 00:06:48,634 --> 00:06:50,467 Do you know what happens to people who go camping? 182 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,744 I do, because I've seen every damn horror movie. 183 00:06:52,896 --> 00:06:54,821 And you know who they kill first? 184 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,416 The handsome, funny Black guy. 185 00:06:58,310 --> 00:07:00,401 You know what candy I like? 186 00:07:00,495 --> 00:07:02,087 Sour Patch Kids. 187 00:07:02,314 --> 00:07:04,330 They're my body shape, and I feel seen. 188 00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:06,741 Maybe I should be dating you, Phil. 189 00:07:06,835 --> 00:07:09,386 I knew you'd come around, baby. 190 00:07:12,582 --> 00:07:15,917 Okay, Carl, welcome to the ladies' room, 191 00:07:15,994 --> 00:07:17,177 where the seats are always down, 192 00:07:17,329 --> 00:07:19,086 and toilet paper is the currency of the realm. 193 00:07:19,181 --> 00:07:20,847 Uh, pardon moi. 194 00:07:20,999 --> 00:07:23,183 Would you mind holding this tiny humanoid 195 00:07:23,335 --> 00:07:25,944 whilst I relieve myself? (laughs) 196 00:07:26,095 --> 00:07:27,520 Actually, wait. Are you a weirdo? 197 00:07:27,673 --> 00:07:31,032 Yes, I'm the weirdo. 198 00:07:32,936 --> 00:07:34,344 When you're a little older, I'll tell you 199 00:07:34,362 --> 00:07:35,954 what your middle finger's for. 200 00:07:36,105 --> 00:07:38,665 All right, Carl, let's do this. 201 00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:43,353 (panting) 202 00:07:44,189 --> 00:07:47,549 There's no shelf? Why is there no baby shelf? 203 00:07:48,451 --> 00:07:50,802 Okay. 204 00:07:51,029 --> 00:07:52,345 Hmm. 205 00:07:53,957 --> 00:07:58,643 I don't think that's a very good idea at all, but it's very cute! 206 00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:02,630 All right. (panting) 207 00:08:03,709 --> 00:08:06,651 I'm like a teenage boy trying to get to third base. 208 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,304 Oh, I have an idea. 209 00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:12,882 (gasps) I'll make you a little nest. 210 00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:17,478 Fun fact-- my mother calls these "cootie catchers." (laughs) 211 00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:20,223 And she calls this sweater... (laughs) 212 00:08:20,242 --> 00:08:23,393 a "loneliness catcher." 213 00:08:23,486 --> 00:08:27,747 (gasps) Here we go. Here we go. 214 00:08:27,899 --> 00:08:29,399 Okay. All right. 215 00:08:29,568 --> 00:08:32,677 Now, Carl, here's the thing. I'm a little pee shy, so... 216 00:08:32,829 --> 00:08:35,405 Carl? Carl? 217 00:08:35,423 --> 00:08:37,164 Oh, yeah. Hi. 218 00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:40,001 Um, can you roll that baby back to me? 219 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,604 Also, I like your shoes. 220 00:08:47,919 --> 00:08:49,677 Okay, if Uncle Max asks if I put you 221 00:08:49,771 --> 00:08:52,605 on the filthy, pee-pee bathroom floor, what do you say? 222 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,274 Exactly. Perfect. 223 00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,426 Okay. Sorry about that. Everything go okay? 224 00:08:56,444 --> 00:08:59,371 Yeah. Easy-breezy, no trouble, double-bubble. 225 00:08:59,522 --> 00:09:02,541 Well, I don't know if this is your pee or floor pee, 226 00:09:02,692 --> 00:09:05,502 but it doesn't matter. It's still pee. 227 00:09:07,939 --> 00:09:09,714 Oh, damn it. 228 00:09:09,941 --> 00:09:11,967 Hmm. 229 00:09:14,796 --> 00:09:16,721 Ready? 230 00:09:16,873 --> 00:09:19,616 (whirring) 231 00:09:19,634 --> 00:09:22,561 (laughing) 232 00:09:24,639 --> 00:09:26,398 (laughing) 233 00:09:26,549 --> 00:09:28,416 Yeah, so, Carl and I have just been hanging out. 234 00:09:28,493 --> 00:09:31,552 Oh, by the way, Thor goes by "Carl" now. 235 00:09:31,646 --> 00:09:35,240 And what if I told you, you never had to buy a towel again? 236 00:09:35,317 --> 00:09:36,966 We got to get out of here. 237 00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:38,151 What do you mean? 238 00:09:38,303 --> 00:09:40,245 Did you steal a moon rock? I did, too! 239 00:09:40,472 --> 00:09:42,472 If we get caught, blame the baby. 240 00:09:42,565 --> 00:09:44,824 My manager's shopping a song around, 241 00:09:44,976 --> 00:09:46,826 and Miranda Lambert might be interested. 242 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,253 Oh, that's big. 243 00:09:48,404 --> 00:09:51,773 Not unlike the moon rock that Carl hid in his diaper bag. 244 00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:53,333 I need to change the lyrics by the end of the day. 245 00:09:53,501 --> 00:09:54,575 It was about a truck, 246 00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,577 and now, it needs to be about infertility. 247 00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,412 But what are you gonna do with Carl? 248 00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:00,840 I was thinking maybe you could help? 249 00:10:00,992 --> 00:10:02,008 Oh, I don't know, Max. 250 00:10:02,177 --> 00:10:03,493 No. Like you just said-- 251 00:10:03,586 --> 00:10:06,179 easy-breezy, no trouble, double-bubble. 252 00:10:06,331 --> 00:10:08,514 Don't use my love of wordplay against me. 253 00:10:08,667 --> 00:10:11,276 Please. Really need you. 254 00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,020 Oh, don't look at me like that. 255 00:10:14,172 --> 00:10:15,280 What do you mean? 256 00:10:15,431 --> 00:10:17,741 Carl, do you know what she means? 257 00:10:19,102 --> 00:10:21,010 Okay, fine. I'll do it. 258 00:10:21,029 --> 00:10:23,029 Great. You mean babysit, right? 259 00:10:23,181 --> 00:10:25,181 Not drop him off at the fire station? 260 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,142 Max, what kind of person do you think I am? 261 00:10:27,144 --> 00:10:30,503 I'm gonna need a verbal "yes." 262 00:10:32,357 --> 00:10:35,800 -Ooh, popcorn. -Not just popcorn. 263 00:10:35,952 --> 00:10:38,053 Great. The Duds. 264 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,880 All right. 265 00:10:41,032 --> 00:10:42,456 It is Chucky time. 266 00:10:42,550 --> 00:10:44,809 Are you ready to get your stabbing on? 267 00:10:44,961 --> 00:10:46,369 (laughing): You know it. 268 00:10:46,462 --> 00:10:49,389 But if you want to get really freaky, 269 00:10:49,465 --> 00:10:52,317 there's a new movie featuring Dame Judi Dench. 270 00:10:52,468 --> 00:10:53,376 Wait. Who? 271 00:10:53,378 --> 00:10:55,211 You know, Dame Judi Dench. 272 00:10:55,230 --> 00:10:58,731 Shakespeare in Love, Pride and Prejudice, Chocolat. 273 00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:01,734 Anyway, it's a rom-com. 274 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,052 Well, is it scary? 275 00:11:03,071 --> 00:11:05,555 Ah, there is a fear of commitment. 276 00:11:05,573 --> 00:11:06,814 That sounds boring. 277 00:11:06,908 --> 00:11:09,392 Might as well read a book. Come on, let's watch. 278 00:11:09,411 --> 00:11:11,744 -Okay. Yeah, let's do it. -(laughs) 279 00:11:11,897 --> 00:11:14,080 You know, I know I love horror movies 280 00:11:14,232 --> 00:11:15,732 because I said I love horror movies, 281 00:11:15,825 --> 00:11:19,402 and why would I lie about that, but what do you love about them? 282 00:11:19,495 --> 00:11:20,995 -(movie music playing) -Oh, everything. 283 00:11:21,089 --> 00:11:24,590 The jump scares, the blood, not being able to sleep at night. 284 00:11:24,743 --> 00:11:26,592 -Ooh. (laughs) -Uh-huh. 285 00:11:26,669 --> 00:11:28,594 Uh-huh. 286 00:11:28,671 --> 00:11:30,337 Ditto. 287 00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:33,174 I guess I really got into them when I was a teenager, 288 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,508 which makes sense because that's when 289 00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:36,586 I started dealing with depression. 290 00:11:36,604 --> 00:11:38,345 I guess it kind of helped me feel something 291 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,907 instead of being numb all the time. 292 00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,202 Hmm. That does make sense. 293 00:11:44,429 --> 00:11:47,447 Plus, I cannot get enough of screaming white people. 294 00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:50,458 Oh. Here comes your Dud. 295 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,503 Yay. 296 00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,959 I have a PhD in mathematics. 297 00:12:00,111 --> 00:12:01,702 How am I losing to a baby cage? 298 00:12:01,796 --> 00:12:05,890 You know, it would be nice if I had another person to help. 299 00:12:06,117 --> 00:12:07,559 Hello? 300 00:12:07,635 --> 00:12:09,135 Noise-canceling. 301 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,878 Oh, so you can hear me? 302 00:12:11,047 --> 00:12:12,731 Not a word. 303 00:12:17,220 --> 00:12:19,053 Stay 'n Play, my ass. 304 00:12:19,147 --> 00:12:22,298 Should be called the Sweat 'n Cry. 305 00:12:22,317 --> 00:12:24,325 (crying) 306 00:12:25,153 --> 00:12:26,302 If you can't keep him quiet, 307 00:12:26,321 --> 00:12:27,728 I'm gonna go work in the other room. 308 00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,655 Oh. Yeah, that's just great. I mean, you can't even 309 00:12:29,808 --> 00:12:32,475 pitch in for, like, two minutes? This baby was your idea. 310 00:12:32,494 --> 00:12:33,977 I'm sorry, Kat. 311 00:12:33,995 --> 00:12:35,587 You know I have a deadline. 312 00:12:35,738 --> 00:12:37,163 KAT: Oh, well, you know what? 313 00:12:37,332 --> 00:12:38,982 Why don't you at least show your face to Carl 314 00:12:39,075 --> 00:12:41,593 before you leave so he doesn't forget what you look like! 315 00:12:41,820 --> 00:12:43,669 Why are you always so dramatic? 316 00:12:43,822 --> 00:12:45,096 -(crying continues) -Oh, I'm the dramatic one? 317 00:12:45,248 --> 00:12:47,323 That is ridiculous. Just go! 318 00:12:47,342 --> 00:12:48,825 Don't have to tell me twice. 319 00:12:48,918 --> 00:12:50,343 I need a drink. 320 00:12:50,495 --> 00:12:53,420 You know what? We don't need him. 321 00:12:53,515 --> 00:12:56,924 -(crying continues) -(grunting) 322 00:12:56,943 --> 00:13:01,029 Oh. Ah. Okay. 323 00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:07,285 Oh, yeah. Oh, oh! 324 00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:10,696 (laughing softly) 325 00:13:10,849 --> 00:13:14,501 Remember earlier we talked about the middle finger? 326 00:13:20,358 --> 00:13:21,448 (crying) 327 00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:24,544 Okay, Carl. You ate, you burped, you farted. 328 00:13:24,696 --> 00:13:27,305 That's all I need to do before I go to sleep. 329 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,565 You leave me no choice. 330 00:13:29,625 --> 00:13:32,051 I'm really sorry for what I'm about to do. 331 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,562 (crying continues) 332 00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,223 Hello, Mother? 333 00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:39,150 Oh, Katharine, I'm so glad you called. 334 00:13:39,302 --> 00:13:41,302 You've never said that before. What's going on? 335 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,988 I'm organizing a clothing drive for the needy. 336 00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:47,308 Where do you keep your mannish suits? 337 00:13:47,402 --> 00:13:49,052 Wait. Are you in my apartment? 338 00:13:49,145 --> 00:13:50,570 Why would you give me a key 339 00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:52,055 if you didn't want me to go through your things? 340 00:13:52,148 --> 00:13:53,647 I didn't give you a key. 341 00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,608 Katharine, why are you calling? 342 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,186 I need help. How do I stop a baby from crying? 343 00:13:58,188 --> 00:13:59,838 I used to put you in the car. 344 00:13:59,989 --> 00:14:01,155 Oh. And drive around? 345 00:14:01,249 --> 00:14:03,675 No, and go back inside. 346 00:14:03,826 --> 00:14:05,326 Seriously? 347 00:14:05,420 --> 00:14:07,904 I cracked a window, snowflake. 348 00:14:07,922 --> 00:14:09,013 This is my fault for calling. 349 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:10,331 Yes, it is, dear. 350 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,408 All right. Goodbye, Mother. 351 00:14:12,427 --> 00:14:15,836 Oh. Oh, please stop crying. 352 00:14:15,930 --> 00:14:18,857 I'll give you 20 bucks if you stop crying. 353 00:14:19,751 --> 00:14:24,845 Oh. Oh. I've got a five and a wrinkled cat toy. 354 00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:27,699 Oh. Do you like that? 355 00:14:27,850 --> 00:14:29,108 Yeah, you do. 356 00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:31,035 I got a laser pointer, we got a Roomba. 357 00:14:31,187 --> 00:14:32,762 We could go all night. 358 00:14:32,780 --> 00:14:35,615 Look at that. Yes! 359 00:14:36,451 --> 00:14:38,543 CARTER: Why am I afraid of that movie? 360 00:14:38,694 --> 00:14:42,029 He's just a doll. A stupid pretend doll. 361 00:14:42,123 --> 00:14:45,592 With the knife skills of a psychotic Benihana chef. 362 00:14:46,535 --> 00:14:48,202 Think happy thoughts. 363 00:14:48,296 --> 00:14:50,371 Benihana, shrimp tossed in my mouth, 364 00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,539 making friends with my table mates. 365 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:55,042 "Well, hi, Jeff and Eileen from Maryland. 366 00:14:55,136 --> 00:14:56,969 And who is this cute little...?" 367 00:14:57,122 --> 00:14:59,230 Ah! It's Chucky! 368 00:14:59,457 --> 00:15:01,733 I got to man up and tell her I hate these movies. 369 00:15:07,390 --> 00:15:08,698 Randi? 370 00:15:09,801 --> 00:15:11,300 What's going on? 371 00:15:11,394 --> 00:15:12,410 (sighs) 372 00:15:12,637 --> 00:15:14,412 I hate horror movies. 373 00:15:14,639 --> 00:15:17,490 Wha-What? You-you told me you loved them. 374 00:15:17,642 --> 00:15:18,824 You-you lied to me? 375 00:15:18,977 --> 00:15:20,585 I'm sorry. 376 00:15:20,812 --> 00:15:22,420 Well, 377 00:15:22,571 --> 00:15:24,830 I guess I'm just going to have to cut you off. 378 00:15:24,983 --> 00:15:25,757 What? 379 00:15:26,575 --> 00:15:29,093 -(chainsaw buzzing) -(Carter screaming) 380 00:15:29,245 --> 00:15:31,596 (Carter pants loudly) 381 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:34,265 I'm never gonna sleep. 382 00:15:34,417 --> 00:15:36,976 I wonder what time Benihana opens. 383 00:15:43,351 --> 00:15:45,485 Hmm. 384 00:15:49,007 --> 00:15:50,990 Oh, hey. 385 00:15:52,268 --> 00:15:53,952 You two look pretty adorable. 386 00:15:54,103 --> 00:15:55,954 Oh. Thanks. 387 00:15:56,105 --> 00:15:57,956 He's a sweet little guy. 388 00:15:58,107 --> 00:16:00,607 If you wake him, I'll kill you. 389 00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:03,686 Also, the entire left side of my body's asleep. 390 00:16:03,705 --> 00:16:06,205 -Don't worry. I got him. -Ooh. 391 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:09,450 Drop a baby one time, you never do it again. 392 00:16:09,527 --> 00:16:12,453 Ah. Oh, man, he's really out. 393 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,363 Yeah, I read to him. 394 00:16:14,365 --> 00:16:16,140 He liked Goodnight Moon, 395 00:16:16,367 --> 00:16:17,809 but he really liked Murray Spiegel's 396 00:16:18,036 --> 00:16:20,395 Advanced Mathematics for Engineers and Scientists. 397 00:16:22,373 --> 00:16:23,481 Oh. 398 00:16:25,877 --> 00:16:28,211 I never understood why parents like to watch their baby sleep, 399 00:16:28,229 --> 00:16:31,322 but now I get it. 400 00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,066 It's like I won, 401 00:16:34,219 --> 00:16:36,552 and you lost, Carl. In your face. 402 00:16:36,571 --> 00:16:38,162 Thanks for your help. 403 00:16:38,314 --> 00:16:39,497 Did you finish your song? 404 00:16:39,724 --> 00:16:41,390 Yeah. And not to brag, 405 00:16:41,484 --> 00:16:43,242 but it might be the best country song ever written 406 00:16:43,394 --> 00:16:45,920 -about polycystic ovary syndrome. -(laughs) 407 00:16:46,748 --> 00:16:49,156 Sorry I was so stressed earlier. 408 00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,825 Oh, stop. We make a pretty good team. 409 00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:54,303 Yeah, we do. 410 00:16:56,424 --> 00:16:58,257 Yikes. 411 00:16:58,409 --> 00:16:59,909 (sniffs) That is not sweat. 412 00:16:59,927 --> 00:17:01,911 No, it's not. 413 00:17:01,929 --> 00:17:03,187 Is... is this a cat toy? 414 00:17:03,339 --> 00:17:05,023 -Don't criticize me. -I'm not crit... 415 00:17:05,174 --> 00:17:06,691 It's your tone. 416 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,109 Carter? 417 00:17:17,278 --> 00:17:19,262 -Yeah? (screams) -(screams) 418 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:20,705 What are you doing?! 419 00:17:20,782 --> 00:17:21,873 Definitely not looking 420 00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:23,708 for a tiny, redheaded maniac. 421 00:17:23,859 --> 00:17:27,119 Wait. Did that movie give you bad dreams? 422 00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:29,213 It did not because... 423 00:17:29,365 --> 00:17:31,716 I have not been asleep yet. 424 00:17:31,867 --> 00:17:33,867 Oh, I'm sorry. 425 00:17:34,036 --> 00:17:35,778 Sorry you're so soft. 426 00:17:35,797 --> 00:17:37,446 Soft? Please. 427 00:17:37,540 --> 00:17:40,783 I don't even wear a glove when I play golf. 428 00:17:40,952 --> 00:17:42,618 We've watched so many horror movies. 429 00:17:42,711 --> 00:17:44,620 I'm surprised that's the one that got you. 430 00:17:44,713 --> 00:17:46,564 What about Candyman? You weren't afraid of Candyman. 431 00:17:46,791 --> 00:17:49,734 I will jump out that window if you say "Candyman" again! 432 00:17:49,961 --> 00:17:51,127 Oh, God. I just said it! 433 00:17:51,145 --> 00:17:53,312 Okay, what the hell is going on? 434 00:17:53,464 --> 00:17:54,980 (sighs) 435 00:17:55,133 --> 00:17:57,391 I don't like horror movies. 436 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,409 What? 437 00:17:58,561 --> 00:18:00,303 If you're gonna get me with a chainsaw, 438 00:18:00,321 --> 00:18:02,896 please spare the hair. 439 00:18:02,990 --> 00:18:04,582 But you told me you liked them. 440 00:18:04,733 --> 00:18:06,918 We watched all nine Saw movies in one day. 441 00:18:07,145 --> 00:18:09,754 It was the most romantic Valentine's ever. 442 00:18:09,905 --> 00:18:11,314 And I was terrified. 443 00:18:11,332 --> 00:18:13,091 That's why we did it with the lights on. 444 00:18:13,242 --> 00:18:15,409 Plus, we had just started dating, 445 00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:19,305 and you told me you loved 'em, and I wanted you to like me. 446 00:18:20,174 --> 00:18:22,082 What else have you lied about? 447 00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,676 -Nothing. -Nothing? 448 00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,086 Milk Duds. I mean, I just swallow 'em like pills. 449 00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,331 But that's it. And camping. 450 00:18:28,349 --> 00:18:31,350 I mean, I know bears crap in the woods, but why do I have to? 451 00:18:31,502 --> 00:18:34,170 Carter, we have been dating for more than a year. 452 00:18:34,263 --> 00:18:35,688 I thought I knew you. 453 00:18:35,764 --> 00:18:39,283 Baby, I'm the same Carter you said you loved yesterday. 454 00:18:39,510 --> 00:18:43,679 Except my real name isn't Carter. It's Charles. 455 00:18:43,698 --> 00:18:44,605 Charles?! 456 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,015 My grandma was hard of hearing. 457 00:18:46,033 --> 00:18:50,035 Nobody wanted to correct her, so here we are. 458 00:18:50,188 --> 00:18:52,538 You are not making this better, Charles. 459 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,858 Come on. I'm a guy who would do something he hates 460 00:18:55,951 --> 00:18:57,301 just to make you happy. 461 00:18:57,453 --> 00:19:00,346 Well, I want a guy who tells me the truth. 462 00:19:01,048 --> 00:19:02,640 This is the truth. 463 00:19:02,791 --> 00:19:05,534 It took a long time for you to take down your walls, 464 00:19:05,628 --> 00:19:09,689 and I was afraid if I said anything, you'd put 'em back up. 465 00:19:13,969 --> 00:19:15,820 I don't like Prince. 466 00:19:15,897 --> 00:19:18,564 Excuse me?! 467 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:22,551 He's tiny, and he's weird, and his music ain't all that. 468 00:19:22,645 --> 00:19:24,978 (high-pitched gasp) 469 00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,481 But I know that he's your favorite, and that's why 470 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,651 I just smile and nod whenever you put his songs on. 471 00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:33,171 I don't know what to say except... 472 00:19:33,398 --> 00:19:37,249 this is what it sounds like when Carter cries. 473 00:19:37,326 --> 00:19:40,586 -Baby, I did... -Mm. 474 00:19:40,738 --> 00:19:42,054 But I'm sor... 475 00:19:48,170 --> 00:19:50,170 (yawning): One latte coming right up. 476 00:19:50,264 --> 00:19:52,598 (yawning): Why are you so tired? 477 00:19:52,750 --> 00:19:54,174 Baby. Why are you so tired? 478 00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,009 Dame Judi Dench marathon. 479 00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:58,087 We found a movie where she stabs someone. 480 00:19:58,105 --> 00:19:59,614 It was a win for everybody. 481 00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,107 (yawning) 482 00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:03,275 Oh, are you tired, too? 483 00:20:03,428 --> 00:20:05,352 No, y'all are just boring. 484 00:20:05,446 --> 00:20:07,371 I never have a bad night of sleep. 485 00:20:07,448 --> 00:20:10,616 The key is light stretching, a warm bath 486 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,118 and a handful of cheap Canadian sedatives 487 00:20:13,271 --> 00:20:15,546 washed down with vodka. 488 00:20:15,698 --> 00:20:17,882 Hey, guys. Can I get a coffee? 489 00:20:18,109 --> 00:20:19,050 Oh, sure. Phil? 490 00:20:19,201 --> 00:20:21,427 Sorry. I just started my break. 491 00:20:23,114 --> 00:20:24,964 How'd the drop-off go with Carl? 492 00:20:25,116 --> 00:20:26,540 Did he say anything about me? 493 00:20:26,634 --> 00:20:28,467 Just a toot and a smile. 494 00:20:28,619 --> 00:20:29,894 Oh, that's so Carl. 495 00:20:30,045 --> 00:20:32,137 -Who's Carl? -Oh, Carl's Thor. 496 00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:36,025 -Who's Thor? -The tastiest Hemsworth. 497 00:20:36,961 --> 00:20:38,069 You really were great with him. 498 00:20:38,296 --> 00:20:40,554 Well, she learned from the best. 499 00:20:40,631 --> 00:20:43,557 That's right, Mother, I did. My nanny Adela. 500 00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:46,244 It was kind of nice being a little family yesterday. 501 00:20:46,395 --> 00:20:48,228 Yeah, I liked playing dad. 502 00:20:48,322 --> 00:20:49,472 I even went to the Home Depot 503 00:20:49,565 --> 00:20:51,064 and learned the name of the paint guy. 504 00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:52,808 It was Carl. 505 00:20:52,901 --> 00:20:54,543 Oh. 506 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,813 I think I want to have a baby. 507 00:20:57,982 --> 00:21:00,332 It's gonna make my mother really happy, 508 00:21:00,485 --> 00:21:03,261 but I'm gonna do it anyway. 509 00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:08,099 ♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, oh ♪ 510 00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:11,435 ♪ Keep pushing to the top ♪ 511 00:21:11,587 --> 00:21:14,830 ♪ Got to work on it, no time to stop ♪ 512 00:21:14,923 --> 00:21:17,275 ♪ Let nobody tell me what to do ♪ 513 00:21:17,502 --> 00:21:21,195 ♪ Do your best thing, best thing, ooh ♪ 514 00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:31,247 ♪ ♪ 515 00:21:34,368 --> 00:21:36,035 Captioning sponsored by WARNER BROS. TELEVISION 516 00:21:36,187 --> 00:21:38,671 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org