1
00:00:02,244 --> 00:00:04,411
-How was yoga, Sheila?
-Oh, terrible.
2
00:00:04,563 --> 00:00:06,396
The guy in front of me
wasn't wearing underwear,
3
00:00:06,415 --> 00:00:09,174
and his downward dog
wasn't neutered.
4
00:00:09,326 --> 00:00:12,368
Really?
Maybe I should take up yoga.
5
00:00:12,370 --> 00:00:15,264
I'm feeling a little stiff.
6
00:00:16,333 --> 00:00:18,500
(singsongy):
Happy Saturday!
7
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:19,852
What are you wearing?
8
00:00:20,003 --> 00:00:21,720
Oh, this?
9
00:00:21,872 --> 00:00:25,916
Just the coolest shirt
of the last 65 million years.
10
00:00:26,009 --> 00:00:29,844
And my chances of being
a grandmother have gone extinct.
11
00:00:29,938 --> 00:00:32,680
Max is taking me to the
natural history museum today.
12
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:35,016
And I'm her date.
13
00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:36,443
How the hell are you in my life?
14
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:39,429
Even I would've
picked on you in school.
15
00:00:39,523 --> 00:00:40,781
You're gonna stand there
16
00:00:40,933 --> 00:00:42,766
and tell something cold-blooded
that it's not cool?
17
00:00:42,785 --> 00:00:46,628
Boom! Joke and a science fact.
Take that, haters.
18
00:00:48,031 --> 00:00:50,624
Hey, guys.
19
00:00:50,776 --> 00:00:52,943
Hey. Why do you have a baby?
20
00:00:52,961 --> 00:00:55,112
Yeah, I don't remember
getting an Amber Alert.
21
00:00:55,130 --> 00:00:57,723
Oh, look at him.
22
00:00:57,874 --> 00:01:01,968
Oh, he's so much cuter than
you were as a baby, Katharine.
23
00:01:02,971 --> 00:01:06,047
No. This is my nephew, Thor.
I'm watching him for my sister.
24
00:01:06,067 --> 00:01:07,307
Thor? His name is Thor?
25
00:01:07,459 --> 00:01:10,051
Damn. Now I got
to rename my vibrator.
26
00:01:10,129 --> 00:01:11,812
Same.
27
00:01:11,964 --> 00:01:14,147
My sister married
a comic book nerd.
28
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:15,966
Their vows were in Klingon.
29
00:01:16,059 --> 00:01:17,559
Klingon?
30
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:19,745
What a couple of dorks.
31
00:01:19,896 --> 00:01:22,397
He's so adorable.
32
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,641
Do you feel
any maternal stirrings,
33
00:01:24,660 --> 00:01:27,811
or have your ovaries turned
to stone?
34
00:01:27,904 --> 00:01:29,479
I am fine with babies.
35
00:01:29,498 --> 00:01:31,315
I just prefer the kind
that are covered in fur
36
00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:33,074
and fall on their feet
when you drop 'em.
37
00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:34,676
Do not hand her that baby.
38
00:01:35,579 --> 00:01:37,096
I like this getup.
39
00:01:37,247 --> 00:01:38,305
You want to take him for a ride?
40
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,748
I want you
to take me for a ride.
41
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,269
-When's your sister
picking him up?
-Tomorrow morning.
42
00:01:44,496 --> 00:01:46,012
But we're going
to the museum today.
43
00:01:46,165 --> 00:01:47,606
Dinosaurs, rocks,
stuffed animals.
44
00:01:47,833 --> 00:01:49,015
There's nothing there for a kid.
45
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:51,017
Come on. We'll take him with us.
46
00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:53,337
What if he embarrasses us?
47
00:01:53,430 --> 00:01:55,930
He'll love it. Right, Thor?
48
00:01:56,008 --> 00:01:57,783
(with accent):
The God of Thunder says
49
00:01:57,934 --> 00:02:00,476
that sounds bitchin'!
50
00:02:01,196 --> 00:02:02,846
All right, I'll give it a try.
51
00:02:02,981 --> 00:02:04,514
I've got my eye on you.
52
00:02:04,533 --> 00:02:07,000
-(babbling)
-Don't you ruin this for me.
53
00:02:13,283 --> 00:02:15,491
I'm lovin' this kid.
54
00:02:16,362 --> 00:02:18,028
♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪
55
00:02:18,121 --> 00:02:20,030
♪ Nothin' wrong with you
but I'd rather be me. ♪
56
00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:21,715
Now, Thor, some of the exhibits
57
00:02:21,867 --> 00:02:25,202
on early humans will feature
some tasteful nudity.
58
00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:27,053
-So try not to stare.
-(laughs)
59
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:29,039
And definitely no touching.
60
00:02:29,057 --> 00:02:30,482
Learned that the hard way.
61
00:02:30,592 --> 00:02:32,042
Grade school field trip?
62
00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:33,543
Last month.
63
00:02:33,562 --> 00:02:36,989
So that's why the security guard
keeps following us.
64
00:02:37,140 --> 00:02:39,883
-(Thor cries)
-Oh.
65
00:02:39,976 --> 00:02:42,569
-(Max hums)
-Oh.
66
00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,070
(humming)
67
00:02:44,223 --> 00:02:45,647
Look at you.
Good with babies.
68
00:02:45,741 --> 00:02:49,226
To be fair, I do the same thing
with Carter when he's cranky.
69
00:02:49,244 --> 00:02:50,669
You want to hold him?
70
00:02:50,820 --> 00:02:54,414
Oh, no thanks. The only tiny,
whiny thing I like is Phil.
71
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,825
Come on. Don't you just want
to eat him up?
72
00:02:57,994 --> 00:02:59,178
Like a little baby kebab?
73
00:02:59,254 --> 00:03:01,496
Mmm. (munching playfully)
74
00:03:01,590 --> 00:03:04,257
Yeah, that hand was down
his diaper five minutes ago.
75
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:07,168
(laughs) I never realized
you're not into babies.
76
00:03:07,188 --> 00:03:09,262
Stop saying that.
I can be good with babies.
77
00:03:09,415 --> 00:03:11,356
Look, I'm here.
(gasps) I'm gone.
78
00:03:11,583 --> 00:03:13,934
I'm here, I'm gone.
79
00:03:14,086 --> 00:03:15,435
And it's fun
80
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,696
because you haven't learned
the permanence of objects yet.
81
00:03:17,847 --> 00:03:19,089
See?
82
00:03:19,182 --> 00:03:21,033
(laughs)
I'm sorry. I was wrong.
83
00:03:21,184 --> 00:03:22,943
You totally get kids.
84
00:03:23,095 --> 00:03:24,352
I'm gonna go to the restroom
85
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,929
before we hit
the gem and mineral exhibit
86
00:03:25,948 --> 00:03:28,040
because we are going
to be there a long time.
87
00:03:28,267 --> 00:03:30,100
I get very fired up
about igneous rocks.
88
00:03:30,118 --> 00:03:31,859
-Lava, fire.
-Mm. Yeah.
89
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,119
But when you see the plaque,
90
00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:34,379
you're going
to erupt with laughter.
91
00:03:34,531 --> 00:03:36,440
-Stop it. Oy.
-Okay, that was the last one.
92
00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:38,124
-I pumice.
-Oy.
93
00:03:38,277 --> 00:03:41,628
You three are such
a cute family.
94
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:44,205
-Oh, we're actually not...
-Thank you.
95
00:03:44,299 --> 00:03:45,949
He looks just like you.
96
00:03:45,951 --> 00:03:47,117
Oh, that's so sweet.
97
00:03:47,119 --> 00:03:48,468
He's bald and has three chins.
98
00:03:48,620 --> 00:03:50,787
How does she think
that's a compliment?
99
00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:54,291
You should see her do "Baby
Shark." It's a showstopper.
100
00:03:54,309 --> 00:03:55,550
You have a great day.
101
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,602
-(Thor babbles)
-(Kat laughs softly)
102
00:03:57,755 --> 00:03:59,479
Why did you let her think
we're a family?
103
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,799
Because I get looks if I say,
"Oh, this isn't my baby."
104
00:04:02,818 --> 00:04:04,801
Oh, that never stopped my mom
from saying it.
105
00:04:04,820 --> 00:04:08,038
-(Max laughs)
-(phone rings)
106
00:04:08,991 --> 00:04:10,082
This is my manager.
107
00:04:10,309 --> 00:04:11,250
-Here? Please. Yeah?
-Yeah. No.
108
00:04:11,401 --> 00:04:12,325
-Yeah, yeah.
-No, I just told you,
109
00:04:12,478 --> 00:04:13,568
-I have to... Oh.
-Hello?
110
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:15,587
Yeah, now's a great time.
111
00:04:17,499 --> 00:04:18,982
What's with that face?
112
00:04:19,001 --> 00:04:20,484
Can you smell my fear?
113
00:04:20,502 --> 00:04:22,076
-(crying)
-Oh.
114
00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:24,412
Oh. Okay, uh, okay.
115
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,173
We're gonna bounce?
We're bouncing. We're bouncing.
116
00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:29,250
Okay.
Is this bouncing helping you?
117
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:30,918
It's making
my pee situation worse.
118
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:35,999
-(Thor quiets)
-Oh. Oh. Oh, okay.
119
00:04:36,092 --> 00:04:37,183
That is helping.
120
00:04:37,352 --> 00:04:38,926
Yeah, that's a good Thor.
121
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:40,946
You know what, Thor?
That's a dumb name.
122
00:04:41,097 --> 00:04:43,765
I'm gonna call you...
123
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,600
Carl.
124
00:04:45,694 --> 00:04:47,344
That was my dad's middle name.
125
00:04:47,362 --> 00:04:49,604
He's a really great guy.
He's up there now.
126
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:52,349
Yeah. Yeah, not up there with
that pterodactyl in the rafters,
127
00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:54,442
but, like, the big "up there."
(laughs)
128
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,036
You know, I don't know
if I'm the one
129
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:58,355
to be teaching you about death.
130
00:04:58,448 --> 00:05:00,132
However, do you remember
our conversation
131
00:05:00,208 --> 00:05:02,617
about object permanence?
132
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:03,710
(Thor farts)
133
00:05:03,862 --> 00:05:06,120
Ooh. Ooh, a little baby toot.
134
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:08,048
Oh, wow. That is pungent.
135
00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:09,474
Yeah, that was not me. (coughs)
136
00:05:09,626 --> 00:05:10,700
That was the baby.
137
00:05:10,794 --> 00:05:12,552
(laughing):
Whew. Carl.
138
00:05:12,704 --> 00:05:14,629
You know what?
This dam's about to break,
139
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,524
and only one of us
is wearing a diaper. Let's go.
140
00:05:18,635 --> 00:05:20,710
-It's slow today.
-Yeah.
141
00:05:20,804 --> 00:05:22,821
Good day for Kat to take off.
142
00:05:22,972 --> 00:05:24,548
Uh-huh.
143
00:05:24,566 --> 00:05:26,399
But we're not gonna tell her
that, though, right?
144
00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:27,734
Hell no.
145
00:05:28,053 --> 00:05:30,162
I guess we could restock
the shelves in the storeroom.
146
00:05:30,313 --> 00:05:31,555
Yeah, we probably should.
147
00:05:31,573 --> 00:05:33,890
All right, well,
give me a hand with these boxes.
148
00:05:33,909 --> 00:05:35,625
I'm on my break.
149
00:05:37,062 --> 00:05:37,911
Hey, baby.
150
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:39,320
-Hi.
-Hi.
151
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:41,398
I'm pretty sure
he was talking to me.
152
00:05:41,491 --> 00:05:43,842
-Well, bless your heart.
-(laughs)
153
00:05:43,993 --> 00:05:45,326
You pick a movie for tonight?
154
00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:47,904
Ooh. So, I've narrowed it down
to Bride of Chucky,
155
00:05:47,997 --> 00:05:49,239
Seed of Chucky,
156
00:05:49,257 --> 00:05:51,408
-or Cult of Chucky.
-Mm.
157
00:05:51,426 --> 00:05:53,000
Ah, yes. Chucky.
158
00:05:53,095 --> 00:05:55,095
-Like a Murder-Me Elmo.
-(Randi laughs)
159
00:05:55,247 --> 00:05:56,355
And, Phil, you are helping me
160
00:05:56,540 --> 00:05:57,914
when you're done
with your break.
161
00:05:57,933 --> 00:06:02,102
Of course. I just hope you don't
finish before I'm back.
162
00:06:02,196 --> 00:06:05,364
I can't wait to watch the movie
with you tonight, baby.
163
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,091
Smart move
watching a horror movie
164
00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:10,035
so your girl snuggles up
all close to you
165
00:06:10,186 --> 00:06:12,095
during the scary bits.
166
00:06:12,114 --> 00:06:17,434
Scary bits is also what I call
a woman's private parts.
167
00:06:17,452 --> 00:06:21,271
Phil, you ever told a lie
on a first date?
168
00:06:21,289 --> 00:06:24,883
I don't think I've ever told
the truth on a first date.
169
00:06:25,034 --> 00:06:27,034
Between you and me,
I hate horror movies.
170
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:29,036
But Randi said she loved them
on our first date,
171
00:06:29,114 --> 00:06:32,115
and I wanted
to see her scary bits, so...
172
00:06:32,134 --> 00:06:33,633
Well, why not
just tell her the truth?
173
00:06:33,785 --> 00:06:35,560
Because that woman has
crazy trust issues.
174
00:06:35,712 --> 00:06:37,378
I mean, if she knew
I lied about one thing,
175
00:06:37,472 --> 00:06:39,046
she'll think I lied
about a lot of things.
176
00:06:39,141 --> 00:06:40,640
Did you lie
about a lot of things?
177
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:41,883
Of course I did.
178
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:43,476
I mean, "I like scary movies"
led to
179
00:06:43,629 --> 00:06:45,812
"I like Milk Duds
just like you" led to
180
00:06:45,964 --> 00:06:48,407
"Yeah, I like camping."
Camping, Phil.
181
00:06:48,634 --> 00:06:50,467
Do you know what happens
to people who go camping?
182
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,744
I do, because I've seen
every damn horror movie.
183
00:06:52,896 --> 00:06:54,821
And you know
who they kill first?
184
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,416
The handsome, funny Black guy.
185
00:06:58,310 --> 00:07:00,401
You know what candy I like?
186
00:07:00,495 --> 00:07:02,087
Sour Patch Kids.
187
00:07:02,314 --> 00:07:04,330
They're my body shape,
and I feel seen.
188
00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:06,741
Maybe I should be
dating you, Phil.
189
00:07:06,835 --> 00:07:09,386
I knew you'd come around, baby.
190
00:07:12,582 --> 00:07:15,917
Okay, Carl,
welcome to the ladies' room,
191
00:07:15,994 --> 00:07:17,177
where the seats are always down,
192
00:07:17,329 --> 00:07:19,086
and toilet paper is the currency
of the realm.
193
00:07:19,181 --> 00:07:20,847
Uh, pardon moi.
194
00:07:20,999 --> 00:07:23,183
Would you mind holding
this tiny humanoid
195
00:07:23,335 --> 00:07:25,944
whilst I relieve myself?
(laughs)
196
00:07:26,095 --> 00:07:27,520
Actually, wait.
Are you a weirdo?
197
00:07:27,673 --> 00:07:31,032
Yes, I'm the weirdo.
198
00:07:32,936 --> 00:07:34,344
When you're a little older,
I'll tell you
199
00:07:34,362 --> 00:07:35,954
what your middle finger's for.
200
00:07:36,105 --> 00:07:38,665
All right, Carl,
let's do this.
201
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:43,353
(panting)
202
00:07:44,189 --> 00:07:47,549
There's no shelf?
Why is there no baby shelf?
203
00:07:48,451 --> 00:07:50,802
Okay.
204
00:07:51,029 --> 00:07:52,345
Hmm.
205
00:07:53,957 --> 00:07:58,643
I don't think that's a very good
idea at all, but it's very cute!
206
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:02,630
All right. (panting)
207
00:08:03,709 --> 00:08:06,651
I'm like a teenage boy trying
to get to third base.
208
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:10,304
Oh, I have an idea.
209
00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:12,882
(gasps)
I'll make you a little nest.
210
00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:17,478
Fun fact-- my mother calls these
"cootie catchers." (laughs)
211
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:20,223
And she calls this sweater...
(laughs)
212
00:08:20,242 --> 00:08:23,393
a "loneliness catcher."
213
00:08:23,486 --> 00:08:27,747
(gasps)
Here we go. Here we go.
214
00:08:27,899 --> 00:08:29,399
Okay. All right.
215
00:08:29,568 --> 00:08:32,677
Now, Carl, here's the thing.
I'm a little pee shy, so...
216
00:08:32,829 --> 00:08:35,405
Carl? Carl?
217
00:08:35,423 --> 00:08:37,164
Oh, yeah. Hi.
218
00:08:37,333 --> 00:08:40,001
Um, can you roll that baby
back to me?
219
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,604
Also, I like your shoes.
220
00:08:47,919 --> 00:08:49,677
Okay, if Uncle Max asks
if I put you
221
00:08:49,771 --> 00:08:52,605
on the filthy, pee-pee
bathroom floor, what do you say?
222
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,274
Exactly. Perfect.
223
00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,426
Okay. Sorry about that.
Everything go okay?
224
00:08:56,444 --> 00:08:59,371
Yeah. Easy-breezy,
no trouble, double-bubble.
225
00:08:59,522 --> 00:09:02,541
Well, I don't know if this
is your pee or floor pee,
226
00:09:02,692 --> 00:09:05,502
but it doesn't matter.
It's still pee.
227
00:09:07,939 --> 00:09:09,714
Oh, damn it.
228
00:09:09,941 --> 00:09:11,967
Hmm.
229
00:09:14,796 --> 00:09:16,721
Ready?
230
00:09:16,873 --> 00:09:19,616
(whirring)
231
00:09:19,634 --> 00:09:22,561
(laughing)
232
00:09:24,639 --> 00:09:26,398
(laughing)
233
00:09:26,549 --> 00:09:28,416
Yeah, so, Carl and I have
just been hanging out.
234
00:09:28,493 --> 00:09:31,552
Oh, by the way,
Thor goes by "Carl" now.
235
00:09:31,646 --> 00:09:35,240
And what if I told you, you
never had to buy a towel again?
236
00:09:35,317 --> 00:09:36,966
We got to get out of here.
237
00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:38,151
What do you mean?
238
00:09:38,303 --> 00:09:40,245
Did you steal a moon rock?
I did, too!
239
00:09:40,472 --> 00:09:42,472
If we get caught,
blame the baby.
240
00:09:42,565 --> 00:09:44,824
My manager's shopping
a song around,
241
00:09:44,976 --> 00:09:46,826
and Miranda Lambert
might be interested.
242
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,253
Oh, that's big.
243
00:09:48,404 --> 00:09:51,773
Not unlike the moon rock
that Carl hid in his diaper bag.
244
00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:53,333
I need to change the lyrics
by the end of the day.
245
00:09:53,501 --> 00:09:54,575
It was about a truck,
246
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,577
and now, it needs
to be about infertility.
247
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,412
But what are you gonna do
with Carl?
248
00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:00,840
I was thinking
maybe you could help?
249
00:10:00,992 --> 00:10:02,008
Oh, I don't know, Max.
250
00:10:02,177 --> 00:10:03,493
No. Like you just said--
251
00:10:03,586 --> 00:10:06,179
easy-breezy,
no trouble, double-bubble.
252
00:10:06,331 --> 00:10:08,514
Don't use my love
of wordplay against me.
253
00:10:08,667 --> 00:10:11,276
Please. Really need you.
254
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,020
Oh, don't look at me like that.
255
00:10:14,172 --> 00:10:15,280
What do you mean?
256
00:10:15,431 --> 00:10:17,741
Carl, do you know
what she means?
257
00:10:19,102 --> 00:10:21,010
Okay, fine. I'll do it.
258
00:10:21,029 --> 00:10:23,029
Great. You mean babysit, right?
259
00:10:23,181 --> 00:10:25,181
Not drop him off
at the fire station?
260
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,142
Max, what kind of person
do you think I am?
261
00:10:27,144 --> 00:10:30,503
I'm gonna need a verbal "yes."
262
00:10:32,357 --> 00:10:35,800
-Ooh, popcorn.
-Not just popcorn.
263
00:10:35,952 --> 00:10:38,053
Great. The Duds.
264
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,880
All right.
265
00:10:41,032 --> 00:10:42,456
It is Chucky time.
266
00:10:42,550 --> 00:10:44,809
Are you ready
to get your stabbing on?
267
00:10:44,961 --> 00:10:46,369
(laughing):
You know it.
268
00:10:46,462 --> 00:10:49,389
But if you want
to get really freaky,
269
00:10:49,465 --> 00:10:52,317
there's a new movie
featuring Dame Judi Dench.
270
00:10:52,468 --> 00:10:53,376
Wait. Who?
271
00:10:53,378 --> 00:10:55,211
You know, Dame Judi Dench.
272
00:10:55,230 --> 00:10:58,731
Shakespeare in Love,
Pride and Prejudice, Chocolat.
273
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:01,734
Anyway, it's a rom-com.
274
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,052
Well, is it scary?
275
00:11:03,071 --> 00:11:05,555
Ah, there is a fear
of commitment.
276
00:11:05,573 --> 00:11:06,814
That sounds boring.
277
00:11:06,908 --> 00:11:09,392
Might as well read a book.
Come on, let's watch.
278
00:11:09,411 --> 00:11:11,744
-Okay. Yeah, let's do it.
-(laughs)
279
00:11:11,897 --> 00:11:14,080
You know, I know
I love horror movies
280
00:11:14,232 --> 00:11:15,732
because I said
I love horror movies,
281
00:11:15,825 --> 00:11:19,402
and why would I lie about that,
but what do you love about them?
282
00:11:19,495 --> 00:11:20,995
-(movie music playing)
-Oh, everything.
283
00:11:21,089 --> 00:11:24,590
The jump scares, the blood, not
being able to sleep at night.
284
00:11:24,743 --> 00:11:26,592
-Ooh. (laughs)
-Uh-huh.
285
00:11:26,669 --> 00:11:28,594
Uh-huh.
286
00:11:28,671 --> 00:11:30,337
Ditto.
287
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:33,174
I guess I really got into them
when I was a teenager,
288
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,508
which makes sense
because that's when
289
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:36,586
I started dealing
with depression.
290
00:11:36,604 --> 00:11:38,345
I guess it kind of helped me
feel something
291
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,907
instead of being numb
all the time.
292
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,202
Hmm. That does make sense.
293
00:11:44,429 --> 00:11:47,447
Plus, I cannot get enough
of screaming white people.
294
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:50,458
Oh. Here comes your Dud.
295
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,503
Yay.
296
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,959
I have a PhD in mathematics.
297
00:12:00,111 --> 00:12:01,702
How am I losing
to a baby cage?
298
00:12:01,796 --> 00:12:05,890
You know, it would be nice
if I had another person to help.
299
00:12:06,117 --> 00:12:07,559
Hello?
300
00:12:07,635 --> 00:12:09,135
Noise-canceling.
301
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,878
Oh, so you can hear me?
302
00:12:11,047 --> 00:12:12,731
Not a word.
303
00:12:17,220 --> 00:12:19,053
Stay 'n Play, my ass.
304
00:12:19,147 --> 00:12:22,298
Should be called
the Sweat 'n Cry.
305
00:12:22,317 --> 00:12:24,325
(crying)
306
00:12:25,153 --> 00:12:26,302
If you can't keep him quiet,
307
00:12:26,321 --> 00:12:27,728
I'm gonna go work
in the other room.
308
00:12:27,748 --> 00:12:29,655
Oh. Yeah, that's just great.
I mean, you can't even
309
00:12:29,808 --> 00:12:32,475
pitch in for, like, two minutes?
This baby was your idea.
310
00:12:32,494 --> 00:12:33,977
I'm sorry, Kat.
311
00:12:33,995 --> 00:12:35,587
You know I have a deadline.
312
00:12:35,738 --> 00:12:37,163
KAT:
Oh, well, you know what?
313
00:12:37,332 --> 00:12:38,982
Why don't you at least
show your face to Carl
314
00:12:39,075 --> 00:12:41,593
before you leave so he doesn't
forget what you look like!
315
00:12:41,820 --> 00:12:43,669
Why are you always so dramatic?
316
00:12:43,822 --> 00:12:45,096
-(crying continues)
-Oh, I'm the dramatic one?
317
00:12:45,248 --> 00:12:47,323
That is ridiculous. Just go!
318
00:12:47,342 --> 00:12:48,825
Don't have to tell me twice.
319
00:12:48,918 --> 00:12:50,343
I need a drink.
320
00:12:50,495 --> 00:12:53,420
You know what?
We don't need him.
321
00:12:53,515 --> 00:12:56,924
-(crying continues)
-(grunting)
322
00:12:56,943 --> 00:13:01,029
Oh. Ah. Okay.
323
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:07,285
Oh, yeah. Oh, oh!
324
00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:10,696
(laughing softly)
325
00:13:10,849 --> 00:13:14,501
Remember earlier we talked
about the middle finger?
326
00:13:20,358 --> 00:13:21,448
(crying)
327
00:13:21,543 --> 00:13:24,544
Okay, Carl.
You ate, you burped, you farted.
328
00:13:24,696 --> 00:13:27,305
That's all I need to do
before I go to sleep.
329
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:29,565
You leave me no choice.
330
00:13:29,625 --> 00:13:32,051
I'm really sorry
for what I'm about to do.
331
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,562
(crying continues)
332
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:37,223
Hello, Mother?
333
00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:39,150
Oh, Katharine,
I'm so glad you called.
334
00:13:39,302 --> 00:13:41,302
You've never said that before.
What's going on?
335
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,988
I'm organizing a clothing drive
for the needy.
336
00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:47,308
Where do you keep
your mannish suits?
337
00:13:47,402 --> 00:13:49,052
Wait. Are you in my apartment?
338
00:13:49,145 --> 00:13:50,570
Why would you give me a key
339
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:52,055
if you didn't want me
to go through your things?
340
00:13:52,148 --> 00:13:53,647
I didn't give you a key.
341
00:13:53,667 --> 00:13:55,608
Katharine, why are you calling?
342
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,186
I need help. How do I stop
a baby from crying?
343
00:13:58,188 --> 00:13:59,838
I used to put you in the car.
344
00:13:59,989 --> 00:14:01,155
Oh. And drive around?
345
00:14:01,249 --> 00:14:03,675
No, and go back inside.
346
00:14:03,826 --> 00:14:05,326
Seriously?
347
00:14:05,420 --> 00:14:07,904
I cracked a window, snowflake.
348
00:14:07,922 --> 00:14:09,013
This is my fault for calling.
349
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:10,331
Yes, it is, dear.
350
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,408
All right. Goodbye, Mother.
351
00:14:12,427 --> 00:14:15,836
Oh. Oh, please stop crying.
352
00:14:15,930 --> 00:14:18,857
I'll give you 20 bucks
if you stop crying.
353
00:14:19,751 --> 00:14:24,845
Oh. Oh. I've got a five
and a wrinkled cat toy.
354
00:14:24,865 --> 00:14:27,699
Oh. Do you like that?
355
00:14:27,850 --> 00:14:29,108
Yeah, you do.
356
00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:31,035
I got a laser pointer,
we got a Roomba.
357
00:14:31,187 --> 00:14:32,762
We could go all night.
358
00:14:32,780 --> 00:14:35,615
Look at that. Yes!
359
00:14:36,451 --> 00:14:38,543
CARTER:
Why am I afraid of that movie?
360
00:14:38,694 --> 00:14:42,029
He's just a doll.
A stupid pretend doll.
361
00:14:42,123 --> 00:14:45,592
With the knife skills
of a psychotic Benihana chef.
362
00:14:46,535 --> 00:14:48,202
Think happy thoughts.
363
00:14:48,296 --> 00:14:50,371
Benihana,
shrimp tossed in my mouth,
364
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,539
making friends
with my table mates.
365
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:55,042
"Well, hi, Jeff and Eileen
from Maryland.
366
00:14:55,136 --> 00:14:56,969
And who is this cute little...?"
367
00:14:57,122 --> 00:14:59,230
Ah! It's Chucky!
368
00:14:59,457 --> 00:15:01,733
I got to man up and tell her
I hate these movies.
369
00:15:07,390 --> 00:15:08,698
Randi?
370
00:15:09,801 --> 00:15:11,300
What's going on?
371
00:15:11,394 --> 00:15:12,410
(sighs)
372
00:15:12,637 --> 00:15:14,412
I hate horror movies.
373
00:15:14,639 --> 00:15:17,490
Wha-What? You-you told me
you loved them.
374
00:15:17,642 --> 00:15:18,824
You-you lied to me?
375
00:15:18,977 --> 00:15:20,585
I'm sorry.
376
00:15:20,812 --> 00:15:22,420
Well,
377
00:15:22,571 --> 00:15:24,830
I guess I'm just going
to have to cut you off.
378
00:15:24,983 --> 00:15:25,757
What?
379
00:15:26,575 --> 00:15:29,093
-(chainsaw buzzing)
-(Carter screaming)
380
00:15:29,245 --> 00:15:31,596
(Carter pants loudly)
381
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:34,265
I'm never gonna sleep.
382
00:15:34,417 --> 00:15:36,976
I wonder what time
Benihana opens.
383
00:15:43,351 --> 00:15:45,485
Hmm.
384
00:15:49,007 --> 00:15:50,990
Oh, hey.
385
00:15:52,268 --> 00:15:53,952
You two look pretty adorable.
386
00:15:54,103 --> 00:15:55,954
Oh. Thanks.
387
00:15:56,105 --> 00:15:57,956
He's a sweet little guy.
388
00:15:58,107 --> 00:16:00,607
If you wake him,
I'll kill you.
389
00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:03,686
Also, the entire left side
of my body's asleep.
390
00:16:03,705 --> 00:16:06,205
-Don't worry. I got him.
-Ooh.
391
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:09,450
Drop a baby one time,
you never do it again.
392
00:16:09,527 --> 00:16:12,453
Ah. Oh, man, he's really out.
393
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,363
Yeah, I read to him.
394
00:16:14,365 --> 00:16:16,140
He liked Goodnight Moon,
395
00:16:16,367 --> 00:16:17,809
but he really liked
Murray Spiegel's
396
00:16:18,036 --> 00:16:20,395
Advanced Mathematics
for Engineers and Scientists.
397
00:16:22,373 --> 00:16:23,481
Oh.
398
00:16:25,877 --> 00:16:28,211
I never understood why parents
like to watch their baby sleep,
399
00:16:28,229 --> 00:16:31,322
but now I get it.
400
00:16:32,826 --> 00:16:34,066
It's like I won,
401
00:16:34,219 --> 00:16:36,552
and you lost, Carl.
In your face.
402
00:16:36,571 --> 00:16:38,162
Thanks for your help.
403
00:16:38,314 --> 00:16:39,497
Did you finish your song?
404
00:16:39,724 --> 00:16:41,390
Yeah. And not to brag,
405
00:16:41,484 --> 00:16:43,242
but it might be the best
country song ever written
406
00:16:43,394 --> 00:16:45,920
-about polycystic
ovary syndrome.
-(laughs)
407
00:16:46,748 --> 00:16:49,156
Sorry I was so stressed earlier.
408
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,825
Oh, stop.
We make a pretty good team.
409
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:54,303
Yeah, we do.
410
00:16:56,424 --> 00:16:58,257
Yikes.
411
00:16:58,409 --> 00:16:59,909
(sniffs)
That is not sweat.
412
00:16:59,927 --> 00:17:01,911
No, it's not.
413
00:17:01,929 --> 00:17:03,187
Is... is this a cat toy?
414
00:17:03,339 --> 00:17:05,023
-Don't criticize me.
-I'm not crit...
415
00:17:05,174 --> 00:17:06,691
It's your tone.
416
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,109
Carter?
417
00:17:17,278 --> 00:17:19,262
-Yeah? (screams)
-(screams)
418
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:20,705
What are you doing?!
419
00:17:20,782 --> 00:17:21,873
Definitely not looking
420
00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:23,708
for a tiny, redheaded maniac.
421
00:17:23,859 --> 00:17:27,119
Wait. Did that movie
give you bad dreams?
422
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:29,213
It did not because...
423
00:17:29,365 --> 00:17:31,716
I have not been asleep yet.
424
00:17:31,867 --> 00:17:33,867
Oh, I'm sorry.
425
00:17:34,036 --> 00:17:35,778
Sorry you're so soft.
426
00:17:35,797 --> 00:17:37,446
Soft? Please.
427
00:17:37,540 --> 00:17:40,783
I don't even wear a glove
when I play golf.
428
00:17:40,952 --> 00:17:42,618
We've watched
so many horror movies.
429
00:17:42,711 --> 00:17:44,620
I'm surprised
that's the one that got you.
430
00:17:44,713 --> 00:17:46,564
What about Candyman?
You weren't afraid of Candyman.
431
00:17:46,791 --> 00:17:49,734
I will jump out that window
if you say "Candyman" again!
432
00:17:49,961 --> 00:17:51,127
Oh, God. I just said it!
433
00:17:51,145 --> 00:17:53,312
Okay, what the hell is going on?
434
00:17:53,464 --> 00:17:54,980
(sighs)
435
00:17:55,133 --> 00:17:57,391
I don't like horror movies.
436
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,409
What?
437
00:17:58,561 --> 00:18:00,303
If you're gonna get me
with a chainsaw,
438
00:18:00,321 --> 00:18:02,896
please spare the hair.
439
00:18:02,990 --> 00:18:04,582
But you told me you liked them.
440
00:18:04,733 --> 00:18:06,918
We watched all nine Saw movies
in one day.
441
00:18:07,145 --> 00:18:09,754
It was the most romantic
Valentine's ever.
442
00:18:09,905 --> 00:18:11,314
And I was terrified.
443
00:18:11,332 --> 00:18:13,091
That's why we did it
with the lights on.
444
00:18:13,242 --> 00:18:15,409
Plus, we had just
started dating,
445
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:19,305
and you told me you loved 'em,
and I wanted you to like me.
446
00:18:20,174 --> 00:18:22,082
What else have you lied about?
447
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:23,676
-Nothing.
-Nothing?
448
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,086
Milk Duds. I mean,
I just swallow 'em like pills.
449
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:28,331
But that's it. And camping.
450
00:18:28,349 --> 00:18:31,350
I mean, I know bears crap in
the woods, but why do I have to?
451
00:18:31,502 --> 00:18:34,170
Carter, we have been dating
for more than a year.
452
00:18:34,263 --> 00:18:35,688
I thought I knew you.
453
00:18:35,764 --> 00:18:39,283
Baby, I'm the same Carter
you said you loved yesterday.
454
00:18:39,510 --> 00:18:43,679
Except my real name isn't
Carter. It's Charles.
455
00:18:43,698 --> 00:18:44,605
Charles?!
456
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,015
My grandma was hard of hearing.
457
00:18:46,033 --> 00:18:50,035
Nobody wanted to correct her,
so here we are.
458
00:18:50,188 --> 00:18:52,538
You are not making this better,
Charles.
459
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,858
Come on. I'm a guy
who would do something he hates
460
00:18:55,951 --> 00:18:57,301
just to make you happy.
461
00:18:57,453 --> 00:19:00,346
Well, I want a guy
who tells me the truth.
462
00:19:01,048 --> 00:19:02,640
This is the truth.
463
00:19:02,791 --> 00:19:05,534
It took a long time
for you to take down your walls,
464
00:19:05,628 --> 00:19:09,689
and I was afraid if I said
anything, you'd put 'em back up.
465
00:19:13,969 --> 00:19:15,820
I don't like Prince.
466
00:19:15,897 --> 00:19:18,564
Excuse me?!
467
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:22,551
He's tiny, and he's weird,
and his music ain't all that.
468
00:19:22,645 --> 00:19:24,978
(high-pitched gasp)
469
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,481
But I know that he's your
favorite, and that's why
470
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,651
I just smile and nod
whenever you put his songs on.
471
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:33,171
I don't know what
to say except...
472
00:19:33,398 --> 00:19:37,249
this is what it sounds like
when Carter cries.
473
00:19:37,326 --> 00:19:40,586
-Baby, I did...
-Mm.
474
00:19:40,738 --> 00:19:42,054
But I'm sor...
475
00:19:48,170 --> 00:19:50,170
(yawning):
One latte coming right up.
476
00:19:50,264 --> 00:19:52,598
(yawning):
Why are you so tired?
477
00:19:52,750 --> 00:19:54,174
Baby. Why are you so tired?
478
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,009
Dame Judi Dench marathon.
479
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:58,087
We found a movie
where she stabs someone.
480
00:19:58,105 --> 00:19:59,614
It was a win for everybody.
481
00:20:00,867 --> 00:20:02,107
(yawning)
482
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:03,275
Oh, are you tired, too?
483
00:20:03,428 --> 00:20:05,352
No, y'all are just boring.
484
00:20:05,446 --> 00:20:07,371
I never have
a bad night of sleep.
485
00:20:07,448 --> 00:20:10,616
The key is light stretching,
a warm bath
486
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,118
and a handful
of cheap Canadian sedatives
487
00:20:13,271 --> 00:20:15,546
washed down with vodka.
488
00:20:15,698 --> 00:20:17,882
Hey, guys. Can I get a coffee?
489
00:20:18,109 --> 00:20:19,050
Oh, sure. Phil?
490
00:20:19,201 --> 00:20:21,427
Sorry. I just started my break.
491
00:20:23,114 --> 00:20:24,964
How'd the drop-off go with Carl?
492
00:20:25,116 --> 00:20:26,540
Did he say anything about me?
493
00:20:26,634 --> 00:20:28,467
Just a toot and a smile.
494
00:20:28,619 --> 00:20:29,894
Oh, that's so Carl.
495
00:20:30,045 --> 00:20:32,137
-Who's Carl?
-Oh, Carl's Thor.
496
00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:36,025
-Who's Thor?
-The tastiest Hemsworth.
497
00:20:36,961 --> 00:20:38,069
You really were great with him.
498
00:20:38,296 --> 00:20:40,554
Well, she learned from the best.
499
00:20:40,631 --> 00:20:43,557
That's right, Mother, I did.
My nanny Adela.
500
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:46,244
It was kind of nice being
a little family yesterday.
501
00:20:46,395 --> 00:20:48,228
Yeah, I liked playing dad.
502
00:20:48,322 --> 00:20:49,472
I even went to the Home Depot
503
00:20:49,565 --> 00:20:51,064
and learned the name
of the paint guy.
504
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:52,808
It was Carl.
505
00:20:52,901 --> 00:20:54,543
Oh.
506
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:57,813
I think I want to have a baby.
507
00:20:57,982 --> 00:21:00,332
It's gonna make my mother
really happy,
508
00:21:00,485 --> 00:21:03,261
but I'm gonna do it anyway.
509
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:08,099
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, oh ♪
510
00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:11,435
♪ Keep pushing to the top ♪
511
00:21:11,587 --> 00:21:14,830
♪ Got to work on it,
no time to stop ♪
512
00:21:14,923 --> 00:21:17,275
♪ Let nobody tell me
what to do ♪
513
00:21:17,502 --> 00:21:21,195
♪ Do your best thing,
best thing, ooh ♪
514
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:31,247
♪ ♪
515
00:21:34,368 --> 00:21:36,035
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516
00:21:36,187 --> 00:21:38,671
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