1
00:00:02,819 --> 00:00:04,670
(breathing heavily)
2
00:00:04,821 --> 00:00:06,063
Look who I'm kissing.
3
00:00:06,232 --> 00:00:07,581
-(door closes)
-It's Max. Can you believe it?
4
00:00:07,733 --> 00:00:09,399
(moaning, breathing heavily)
5
00:00:09,418 --> 00:00:10,417
Wait.
6
00:00:10,511 --> 00:00:12,011
Are you sure you're okay
with this?
7
00:00:12,162 --> 00:00:13,595
Take your shirt off.
8
00:00:15,090 --> 00:00:18,017
I am abs-olutely okay
with this.
9
00:00:18,168 --> 00:00:19,259
(both chuckle)
10
00:00:20,095 --> 00:00:21,854
I have wanted to do this
for so long.
11
00:00:22,005 --> 00:00:25,107
So, first round's for speed,
second round is for distance.
12
00:00:26,009 --> 00:00:27,842
Third round is for creativity.
13
00:00:27,862 --> 00:00:30,345
Three rounds? All right.
14
00:00:30,514 --> 00:00:31,864
All right, buddy,
I know we're 40,
15
00:00:31,940 --> 00:00:34,349
but it's time to rise
to the occasion.
16
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:35,425
Sex pun!
17
00:00:35,519 --> 00:00:37,119
-I've never been so turned on.
-Ah.
18
00:00:39,189 --> 00:00:40,614
You know,
19
00:00:40,766 --> 00:00:43,191
three generations of Silver
women have slept in this bed.
20
00:00:44,103 --> 00:00:46,962
I don't know why I thought
that would be hot.
21
00:00:47,940 --> 00:00:49,456
-Are you purring?
-(purring)
22
00:00:49,533 --> 00:00:53,277
(groans) Snowball,
get out of here.
23
00:00:53,295 --> 00:00:54,611
(yowls)
24
00:00:54,630 --> 00:00:55,870
(chuckles)
25
00:00:55,964 --> 00:00:57,556
♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪
26
00:00:57,783 --> 00:01:00,059
♪ Nothin' wrong with you
but I'd rather be me. ♪
27
00:01:01,303 --> 00:01:05,064
Oh, my gosh, Max is in my bed,
and we did it.
28
00:01:05,215 --> 00:01:08,141
That literally
cuts my bucket list in half.
29
00:01:08,294 --> 00:01:12,145
What do you know?
Three rounds with Kat Silver.
30
00:01:12,298 --> 00:01:14,239
Would've gotten to four
if that pervert cat
31
00:01:14,466 --> 00:01:16,575
wasn't licking himself
in the corner.
32
00:01:17,486 --> 00:01:19,745
I had an orgasm
with Max Kingbird,
33
00:01:19,972 --> 00:01:21,988
and he was actually here for it!
34
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,659
This is weird. I'm feeling...
35
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,144
What is this?
36
00:01:27,162 --> 00:01:29,663
I don't regret
what I did last night.
37
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,240
Why isn't he saying anything?
38
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:35,410
Does he regret this?
What is he thinking?
39
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,429
Don't fart.
40
00:01:37,581 --> 00:01:40,157
Don't. Fart.
41
00:01:40,175 --> 00:01:41,508
Okay, be cool.
42
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,269
Just roll over
and say good morning.
43
00:01:44,421 --> 00:01:47,514
It's only Max.
Your friend Max.
44
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,867
Who spun you like a dreidel
in Nana Silver's bed.
45
00:01:50,869 --> 00:01:55,021
All right, I think I can
hide this on the rollover.
46
00:01:55,116 --> 00:01:56,840
On three.
47
00:01:56,859 --> 00:01:59,618
One, two, three.
48
00:01:59,769 --> 00:02:02,454
-Ow!
-Ow, ow. (sputters)
49
00:02:02,606 --> 00:02:04,197
-You okay?
-Yep.
50
00:02:04,350 --> 00:02:05,532
(Max groans)
51
00:02:05,684 --> 00:02:07,960
Here, let me fan you
with these sheets a little.
52
00:02:12,691 --> 00:02:14,040
So...
53
00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:15,467
last night was fun,
54
00:02:15,694 --> 00:02:19,638
but also stuff that
friends don't normally do.
55
00:02:19,865 --> 00:02:22,099
Yeah. (laughs)
56
00:02:23,035 --> 00:02:24,534
Yeah.
57
00:02:24,553 --> 00:02:28,981
Are we friends who just had
a crazy night, or...
58
00:02:29,057 --> 00:02:31,600
or are we...?
59
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,377
Yeah.
60
00:02:33,395 --> 00:02:35,028
Are we...?
61
00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:38,806
That's right, Max. I may have
cut off a lock of your hair
62
00:02:38,884 --> 00:02:40,384
while you were sleeping,
63
00:02:40,402 --> 00:02:42,578
but I will not ask you
to be my boyfriend.
64
00:02:43,405 --> 00:02:44,997
Honestly...
65
00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:48,983
I'd like to see
if there's something here.
66
00:02:49,077 --> 00:02:51,336
I mean,
if-if that's what you want.
67
00:02:51,488 --> 00:02:53,747
It worked!
We're gonna do this!
68
00:02:53,899 --> 00:02:55,716
It's happening,
it's happening!
69
00:02:57,178 --> 00:02:59,011
Yeah, we can give it a shot.
70
00:02:59,238 --> 00:03:01,180
(Kat chuckles)
71
00:03:03,166 --> 00:03:06,593
You know,
Papa Silver died in this bed.
72
00:03:07,579 --> 00:03:09,079
Maybe you should just kiss me
so I shut up.
73
00:03:09,097 --> 00:03:11,106
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
74
00:03:12,784 --> 00:03:14,026
-Hey.
-Hey.
75
00:03:14,253 --> 00:03:15,510
Wait, why are you so sweaty?
76
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,771
Did somebody finally teach you
how to Dougie?
77
00:03:17,923 --> 00:03:19,847
I was training my son.
He's going out for track.
78
00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:22,868
I mean, it's not football,
but at least it's not band.
79
00:03:23,019 --> 00:03:24,261
Oh, well, I can work with CJ.
80
00:03:24,354 --> 00:03:25,687
I used to run the 100 meters.
81
00:03:25,764 --> 00:03:26,872
I was the fastest girl
in my school.
82
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,124
So was I.
83
00:03:29,859 --> 00:03:31,043
I appreciate the offer,
84
00:03:31,270 --> 00:03:34,104
but, you know,
men run different than women.
85
00:03:34,122 --> 00:03:37,716
I see,
and "different" meaning faster?
86
00:03:37,867 --> 00:03:39,960
Oh, good, you know.
87
00:03:40,054 --> 00:03:42,295
So, you think that
you can beat me in a race
88
00:03:42,448 --> 00:03:44,281
just because you have a penis?
89
00:03:44,299 --> 00:03:45,707
Well, I'm not a scientist,
90
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:48,802
so I don't know
where the speed is stored,
91
00:03:48,954 --> 00:03:50,211
but yes.
92
00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:51,788
You know what?
That's it.
93
00:03:51,807 --> 00:03:53,381
After work,
we are gonna race.
94
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,808
Put some lotion
on those ashy knees
95
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,050
and meet me in the park
96
00:03:56,144 --> 00:03:57,978
for a good
old-fashioned ass-kicking.
97
00:03:58,130 --> 00:03:59,312
Oh, you're on.
98
00:03:59,465 --> 00:04:00,722
And there won't be
any ass-kicking,
99
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,299
only ass-gazing.
100
00:04:02,392 --> 00:04:07,246
As in, your eyes watching my ass
leave your ass behind.
101
00:04:08,565 --> 00:04:09,581
Hey, everybody.
102
00:04:09,733 --> 00:04:11,333
Oh, my God, you've had sex.
103
00:04:12,327 --> 00:04:13,643
What are you talking about?
104
00:04:13,662 --> 00:04:16,255
Ugh, been so long,
she doesn't remember what it is.
105
00:04:16,331 --> 00:04:18,815
(singsongy):
Knowing when people had sex
is my superpower.
106
00:04:18,834 --> 00:04:19,925
Yeah, it's true.
107
00:04:20,076 --> 00:04:22,577
When she met my parents,
she called them out.
108
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,746
Made church so awkward.
109
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,657
Hold up, you've had sex
with Max.
110
00:04:27,751 --> 00:04:29,159
-(gasps)
-Max?
111
00:04:29,177 --> 00:04:31,011
Did my name come up?
112
00:04:31,163 --> 00:04:33,421
What happened between me and Max
is private.
113
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:36,608
We did it three times
last night.
114
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,535
Let's get this baby cooking.
115
00:04:38,562 --> 00:04:40,428
Go lie down
and put your feet in the air.
116
00:04:40,522 --> 00:04:41,613
You need to marinate.
117
00:04:41,765 --> 00:04:43,356
You know, like you do
with an old chicken.
118
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,342
We're putting the baby
on the backburner--
119
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,119
unfortunate choice of words.
120
00:04:47,270 --> 00:04:49,513
We just want to focus
on seeing where this goes.
121
00:04:49,606 --> 00:04:51,531
We have our first real date
tonight!
122
00:04:51,683 --> 00:04:54,609
Great, we're gonna gamble
my grandchild's existence
123
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,611
on your personality.
124
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,255
I need a drink.
125
00:05:02,861 --> 00:05:05,053
-Thank you.
-Thanks.
126
00:05:06,381 --> 00:05:07,364
Oh.
127
00:05:07,382 --> 00:05:08,307
(chuckles):
Oh, we're gonna sit
128
00:05:08,534 --> 00:05:09,866
on the same side
of the booth.
129
00:05:09,959 --> 00:05:12,060
That's the other
half of my bucket list.
130
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:14,204
Hello, I'm Greg.
131
00:05:14,222 --> 00:05:16,297
Is this your first time
dining with us?
132
00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:19,318
It's actually our first time
dining anywhere as a couple.
133
00:05:19,545 --> 00:05:21,878
We have been best friends
forever,
134
00:05:21,897 --> 00:05:24,305
no benefits, just really strong
feelings for each other.
135
00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:25,565
We're kind of
like Cagney and Lacey,
136
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,160
but we don't solve crimes
and he's not a lady.
137
00:05:28,387 --> 00:05:31,221
He was in a relationship,
and I was in a relationship.
138
00:05:31,239 --> 00:05:32,998
And then last night, Greg,
out of the blue,
139
00:05:33,149 --> 00:05:36,376
boom, bang,
Bonetown, population two.
140
00:05:37,412 --> 00:05:40,172
We did it three times,
and I'm 40.
141
00:05:41,233 --> 00:05:43,759
I'll get you some bread.
142
00:05:45,829 --> 00:05:48,071
He's not coming back, is he?
143
00:05:48,164 --> 00:05:50,057
(both chuckle)
144
00:05:50,909 --> 00:05:52,092
Why are you staring at me?
145
00:05:52,244 --> 00:05:54,186
-Oh, no, do I have a bat
in the cave?
-What?
146
00:05:54,337 --> 00:05:55,520
No.
147
00:05:55,747 --> 00:05:58,148
You just, you look great.
148
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:00,767
Thank you.
149
00:06:00,919 --> 00:06:01,843
Is that a new outfit?
150
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,770
Oh, no.
I-I've had it forever.
151
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,256
Uh, fire sale.
An estate sale.
152
00:06:06,274 --> 00:06:07,991
She died in a fire.
153
00:06:11,187 --> 00:06:12,537
You look really nice.
154
00:06:12,764 --> 00:06:14,873
Thanks. Shaved the ears.
155
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,627
Yeah, that was supposed to be
in my head.
156
00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:29,638
(chuckles nervously)
157
00:06:32,968 --> 00:06:35,452
-This is weird. Okay. Yeah.
-Yeah, I'm gonna sit
on that side. Yeah.
158
00:06:35,621 --> 00:06:37,229
-Okay.
-Yeah.
159
00:06:37,422 --> 00:06:38,880
Yeah, this is much better.
160
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,715
You know, now I got
a little elbow room.
161
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:44,127
Like the settlers moving west,
taking land from the natives.
162
00:06:44,296 --> 00:06:45,404
Why would I go there? I...
163
00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:47,406
You know what,
we both just need to relax.
164
00:06:47,482 --> 00:06:49,056
Let's just,
let's start this thing over.
165
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,635
That's a great idea.
That's a really great idea.
166
00:06:52,395 --> 00:06:55,247
Whoa. What the hell?! Is there
something under the table?
167
00:06:55,474 --> 00:06:57,565
That was my foot.
I was playing footsie.
168
00:06:57,584 --> 00:07:00,752
(sighs)
I have a very specific phobia
169
00:07:00,904 --> 00:07:04,739
about alligators attacking
my feet under restaurant tables.
170
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,167
That has literally
never happened.
171
00:07:07,261 --> 00:07:10,503
Uh, I saw it on Gator 911.
172
00:07:10,656 --> 00:07:12,079
That poor bride.
173
00:07:12,174 --> 00:07:13,657
Well, this is no gator.
174
00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:16,601
It's a size 12 foot
in a sock from Men's Wearhouse.
175
00:07:16,828 --> 00:07:19,438
(laughs):
That's nice.
176
00:07:19,589 --> 00:07:21,606
Five-toe fandango.
177
00:07:21,758 --> 00:07:23,257
Whoa, gator!
178
00:07:23,426 --> 00:07:24,609
Your other foot.
179
00:07:31,860 --> 00:07:36,455
All right, this is gonna be
a Harlan County two-scamper.
180
00:07:36,682 --> 00:07:41,501
No skipsies, no jumpsies,
no shooty-backsies.
181
00:07:42,370 --> 00:07:44,111
So, you scared?
182
00:07:44,189 --> 00:07:45,780
Scared? Please.
183
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,114
I'm only scared
of three things--
184
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:51,118
horror films, snakes
and very low ceiling fans.
185
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:52,529
Yeah, big talk, old man.
186
00:07:52,664 --> 00:07:54,789
Did you get a biscuit
with those chicken legs?
187
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:58,643
Yeah, well, these chicken legs
got 11 herbs and spices,
188
00:07:58,795 --> 00:08:01,980
which that makes them extra
crispy, so that means that...
189
00:08:02,131 --> 00:08:04,357
You know what?
Let's just do this.
190
00:08:09,639 --> 00:08:11,138
Okay.
191
00:08:11,233 --> 00:08:14,493
Ready, set, scamper!
192
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,995
♪ ♪
193
00:08:38,593 --> 00:08:41,077
(whoops) You see that?
194
00:08:41,096 --> 00:08:42,687
It's the running man.
195
00:08:42,839 --> 00:08:45,749
Ooh, and now, oh,
it's the running Carter.
196
00:08:45,767 --> 00:08:47,192
-(whimpering)
-(Carter stammers)
197
00:08:47,419 --> 00:08:48,527
-You tripped me!
-(laughs)
198
00:08:48,754 --> 00:08:52,531
Ain't nobody tripping out here
but you, loser.
199
00:08:52,682 --> 00:08:53,773
(high-pitched):
Loser.
200
00:08:53,942 --> 00:08:56,034
-Loser.
-Phil, you saw, she cheated!
201
00:08:56,185 --> 00:08:57,702
What? I'm sorry.
202
00:08:57,854 --> 00:09:02,098
I just realized I'm wearing
two different color shoes.
203
00:09:02,117 --> 00:09:04,626
(laughing)
204
00:09:08,123 --> 00:09:10,131
How's your lamb?
205
00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,093
Good.
206
00:09:14,112 --> 00:09:15,445
How's your pasta?
207
00:09:15,463 --> 00:09:17,097
Good.
208
00:09:17,799 --> 00:09:18,965
This lamb is terrible.
209
00:09:19,117 --> 00:09:20,392
Why didn't I tell her that?
210
00:09:20,543 --> 00:09:23,669
I could've said,
"Pretty baaad."
211
00:09:23,822 --> 00:09:26,213
I just wanted
this night to be special.
212
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,215
I shaved every inch of my body.
213
00:09:28,310 --> 00:09:30,143
I'm like a fricking dolphin.
214
00:09:30,295 --> 00:09:34,072
Why can't I think of
something funny or cool to say?
215
00:09:34,299 --> 00:09:35,481
Wait, I got it.
216
00:09:36,318 --> 00:09:40,620
Is it just me or is
the service here pretty baaad?
217
00:09:41,564 --> 00:09:43,306
What?
218
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,733
I don't know
what's wrong with me, I'm sorry.
219
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:48,978
-Me, too.
Why is this so awkward?
-(laughs): I don't know.
220
00:09:48,997 --> 00:09:50,313
We're usually so comfortable
together.
221
00:09:50,332 --> 00:09:51,906
Like this morning,
I heard you fart.
222
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,484
What? No. No.
It was, it was your bed.
223
00:09:54,502 --> 00:09:56,486
You said so yourself,
it's very old.
224
00:09:56,579 --> 00:09:59,431
(sighs)
We had so much fun last night.
225
00:09:59,624 --> 00:10:00,506
And again this morning.
226
00:10:00,659 --> 00:10:02,342
I want this
to be more like that.
227
00:10:02,494 --> 00:10:06,771
You know, we could wash away
this whole night in my shower.
228
00:10:06,998 --> 00:10:08,665
That's a slip-and-fall risk.
229
00:10:08,683 --> 00:10:10,108
Safety first, sexy second.
230
00:10:10,927 --> 00:10:14,195
Don't worry, 'cause my shower
has grippy ducks on the floor.
231
00:10:15,190 --> 00:10:18,325
Recommended by the AARP.
232
00:10:19,527 --> 00:10:21,435
Really?
233
00:10:21,529 --> 00:10:26,032
Well, those grippy ducks are
about to swim with a dolphin.
234
00:10:26,109 --> 00:10:28,609
I don't get that,
235
00:10:28,629 --> 00:10:30,945
but quack, quack, quack.
236
00:10:30,964 --> 00:10:33,298
-(imitating dolphin)
-(quacking)
237
00:10:36,711 --> 00:10:38,878
Ooh, a candle.
238
00:10:39,030 --> 00:10:40,864
I didn't realize Bonetown had
239
00:10:40,882 --> 00:10:42,790
a Spiced Pumpkin district.
240
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,367
We're close to shopping
241
00:10:44,386 --> 00:10:46,460
and the schools are excellent.
242
00:10:46,554 --> 00:10:47,871
Are they?
243
00:10:47,964 --> 00:10:50,056
Maybe you're a teacher
244
00:10:50,208 --> 00:10:51,391
and I'm the new student.
245
00:10:51,543 --> 00:10:52,925
Yeah.
246
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,378
And you're in trouble because
you didn't do your homework.
247
00:10:55,397 --> 00:10:57,638
Why wouldn't I do my homework?
248
00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:59,716
I'm all for role-play
249
00:10:59,734 --> 00:11:01,809
but, like, it has to make sense.
250
00:11:01,903 --> 00:11:03,995
Okay, all right, so...
251
00:11:04,147 --> 00:11:06,572
what would you want
to get in trouble for?
252
00:11:06,725 --> 00:11:08,149
I don't want to get
in trouble for anything.
253
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,334
I'm new to this school,
254
00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:11,211
I'm trying to make
a good impression.
255
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,506
Maybe let's work up
to role-play.
256
00:11:14,733 --> 00:11:15,915
Oh, um...
257
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,750
-I could be a foreign
exchange student.
-Oh.
258
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:20,512
(Irish accent): Good day
to ya, Professor Kingbird.
259
00:11:20,588 --> 00:11:23,640
Do you want to see
where I hid me pot o' gold?
260
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:26,242
I'm not gonna lie.
261
00:11:26,261 --> 00:11:28,019
I don't hate that.
262
00:11:30,006 --> 00:11:31,247
KAT:
Oh, no, I am wearing
263
00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:33,024
some weapons-grade
shapewear right now.
264
00:11:33,251 --> 00:11:35,251
He doesn't need to see
how this sausage is cased.
265
00:11:35,270 --> 00:11:37,195
Uh, actually, I'm gonna run
266
00:11:37,346 --> 00:11:38,771
to the bathroom real quick.
267
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,347
(Irish accent):
When you come back,
268
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,534
you can kiss me Blarney Stone.
269
00:11:43,261 --> 00:11:45,578
Damn, you're sexy.
270
00:11:47,523 --> 00:11:49,949
(panting)
271
00:11:50,101 --> 00:11:52,210
(grunting)
272
00:11:54,105 --> 00:11:56,122
This is like prom
all over again.
273
00:11:56,274 --> 00:11:58,975
You know, if I went to prom.
274
00:11:58,977 --> 00:12:01,177
(grunting)
275
00:12:04,950 --> 00:12:06,950
-Ow!
-MAX: You okay?
276
00:12:07,043 --> 00:12:09,285
Yeah, yeah,
just getting ready to pee!
277
00:12:09,378 --> 00:12:12,731
Oh, oh, I don't want him
to hear this mighty tinkle.
278
00:12:15,384 --> 00:12:16,383
MAX:
Are you taking a shower?
279
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,052
Yeah, just gonna take
a quick rinse.
280
00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:19,738
(Irish accent):
Ooh, you've got Irish Spring!
281
00:12:19,965 --> 00:12:21,631
It's the body wash of me people.
282
00:12:21,649 --> 00:12:23,557
MAX: I'm gonna get us
a bottle of wine.
283
00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:25,577
Yeah, and I'm gonna make room
for that wine.
284
00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:27,537
(mouthing)
285
00:12:28,564 --> 00:12:31,040
(exclaims, grunts)
286
00:12:34,829 --> 00:12:37,130
Hard to believe
I didn't go to prom.
287
00:12:48,676 --> 00:12:50,084
What do we think?
288
00:12:50,178 --> 00:12:51,344
Does this pose say
289
00:12:51,496 --> 00:12:53,521
"my butt's never been dunked
in toilet water"?
290
00:12:54,682 --> 00:12:56,257
What is taking him so long?
291
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,501
-Oh! (laughing)
-Ooh! (laughing)
292
00:12:58,594 --> 00:13:00,353
I don't understand cricket,
but I do understand
293
00:13:00,505 --> 00:13:02,171
a guy getting hit in the nuts.
294
00:13:02,190 --> 00:13:03,615
Hey, balls hitting balls.
295
00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:05,200
It's poetic.
296
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:09,012
Hey, uh, what's going on?
297
00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:10,622
Oh, you've got to see
these bloopers.
298
00:13:10,773 --> 00:13:13,016
The Phillie Phanatic's about
to take a fastball to the nuts.
299
00:13:13,018 --> 00:13:14,700
They're all pretty much about
300
00:13:14,795 --> 00:13:16,853
guys taking one to the nuts.
301
00:13:16,855 --> 00:13:19,964
Uh, what happened
to getting us wine?
302
00:13:20,116 --> 00:13:22,342
Oh, right.
303
00:13:23,378 --> 00:13:24,861
Hey!
304
00:13:24,954 --> 00:13:27,363
You know what, uh, just keep it.
305
00:13:27,382 --> 00:13:28,973
I'll be hanging out
in your bedroom,
306
00:13:29,125 --> 00:13:30,141
and if you'd rather watch
307
00:13:30,385 --> 00:13:32,035
guys get hit in the testicles
with your buddy,
308
00:13:32,128 --> 00:13:34,387
that's, it's fine,
that's fine by me.
309
00:13:35,223 --> 00:13:38,299
Bruh, you have
the coolest girlfriend.
310
00:13:38,393 --> 00:13:40,360
(sighs)
311
00:13:41,988 --> 00:13:44,380
Hey. I shouldn't
have kept you waiting.
312
00:13:44,473 --> 00:13:46,732
Carter was upset
about his fight with Randi.
313
00:13:46,885 --> 00:13:48,976
(chuckles) He, he was
even crying a little.
314
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,887
CARTER:
The hell I was!
315
00:13:50,980 --> 00:13:53,406
You know, I-I think
I just want to go home.
316
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,982
What? No, no.
317
00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:57,393
-We can turn this around.
-Can we?
318
00:13:57,412 --> 00:13:59,896
I mean, this night has been off
from the beginning.
319
00:13:59,914 --> 00:14:02,323
And it's not just the-the wine
320
00:14:02,417 --> 00:14:04,233
or the TV or the freak hurricane
321
00:14:04,327 --> 00:14:05,568
that hit your bathroom.
322
00:14:05,661 --> 00:14:06,845
Wait, what?
323
00:14:07,072 --> 00:14:08,921
Climate change.
324
00:14:09,090 --> 00:14:10,682
It's fine.
325
00:14:10,909 --> 00:14:13,259
I just, I'll talk to you later.
326
00:14:13,411 --> 00:14:15,353
Okay.
327
00:14:15,504 --> 00:14:17,580
Okay. Bye.
328
00:14:17,599 --> 00:14:19,983
(door closes)
329
00:14:23,512 --> 00:14:26,072
What the hell?!
330
00:14:27,092 --> 00:14:28,274
(singsongy):
I've got something
331
00:14:28,426 --> 00:14:30,184
to show you.
332
00:14:30,278 --> 00:14:32,871
I get it, your mole looks
like Winnie the Pooh.
333
00:14:33,098 --> 00:14:34,205
Go see a doctor.
334
00:14:34,432 --> 00:14:36,933
I got a video
of your race with Randi.
335
00:14:36,951 --> 00:14:38,042
Really?
336
00:14:38,194 --> 00:14:39,711
How'd you get it?
337
00:14:39,787 --> 00:14:41,104
Security cam.
338
00:14:41,272 --> 00:14:42,714
Let's just say my dalliance
339
00:14:42,865 --> 00:14:44,607
with a certain deputy mayor
340
00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:46,609
finally paid off.
341
00:14:47,779 --> 00:14:50,388
Hey, y'all. I'm so excited
to be auditioning
342
00:14:50,615 --> 00:14:53,391
for So You Think You Can Dance.
343
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:56,877
'Cause I think I can.
344
00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,638
No, no, that's the wrong file.
345
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:01,149
I see.
(chuckles)
346
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,477
Okay, here we go.
347
00:15:04,629 --> 00:15:06,145
I'm winning.
348
00:15:06,297 --> 00:15:07,813
Here's where we're close.
349
00:15:07,966 --> 00:15:10,158
Let's slow it down.
350
00:15:14,656 --> 00:15:15,930
She never touched me.
351
00:15:15,932 --> 00:15:18,583
She was pulling ahead
when you fell.
352
00:15:18,734 --> 00:15:20,418
She spanked you.
353
00:15:21,312 --> 00:15:24,672
Just like I spanked
that deputy mayor.
354
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:27,926
Well...
355
00:15:28,153 --> 00:15:30,411
I know what I got to do.
356
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,821
My audition!
357
00:15:31,914 --> 00:15:33,339
What do you want me to do, Phil?
358
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,725
Tell my girlfriend the truth?
359
00:15:38,513 --> 00:15:39,604
Hey.
360
00:15:39,831 --> 00:15:41,180
How was your night with Max?
361
00:15:41,332 --> 00:15:42,665
Randi, do your thing.
362
00:15:42,834 --> 00:15:44,442
They didn't have sex.
363
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,110
You know, I don't
appreciate people talking
364
00:15:46,337 --> 00:15:48,004
about how I didn't have sex.
365
00:15:48,097 --> 00:15:49,614
It's like high school
all over again.
366
00:15:49,841 --> 00:15:51,691
And college.
367
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:53,618
And my 30s.
368
00:15:53,845 --> 00:15:55,528
What happened, sweetheart?
369
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,862
I don't know.
370
00:15:57,015 --> 00:15:59,031
We went out
for a romantic dinner.
371
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:00,533
It was super awkward.
372
00:16:00,609 --> 00:16:02,201
I thought I got attacked
by a gator.
373
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,538
I fell in his toilet
and my Spanx are in an oak tree.
374
00:16:05,690 --> 00:16:07,281
Carter thought
that was a beige raccoon.
375
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,126
He was so excited thinking
he discovered a new species.
376
00:16:10,953 --> 00:16:12,286
This was only our first date.
377
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:14,880
What if it never gets better
and Max and I were stupid
378
00:16:15,033 --> 00:16:16,549
to think we could ever
be a couple?
379
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,367
Maybe this whole thing was
a huge mistake.
380
00:16:18,461 --> 00:16:20,052
Let's keep
some perspective here.
381
00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:22,129
Those glasses were
a huge mistake.
382
00:16:22,223 --> 00:16:25,966
It's not romantic dinners
that will get you
383
00:16:26,060 --> 00:16:27,301
through a lifetime together.
384
00:16:27,395 --> 00:16:30,488
It's the fact that you two
are such good friends.
385
00:16:30,639 --> 00:16:33,140
That's the foundation
for everything.
386
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:35,326
Look at your father and me.
387
00:16:35,553 --> 00:16:37,845
Dad did always say
you were his best friend.
388
00:16:37,847 --> 00:16:40,164
I assumed it was
a hostage situation.
389
00:16:40,316 --> 00:16:42,391
We loved being together.
390
00:16:42,485 --> 00:16:43,817
We made each other laugh.
391
00:16:43,837 --> 00:16:46,653
Although we did tie each other
up from time to time.
392
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,731
-Oh!
-Okay! You are a freak.
393
00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:51,417
We can have a talk when
the children leave the room.
394
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,344
Yeah, thank you,
you've been very helpful.
395
00:16:53,496 --> 00:16:55,087
You've given me
a lot to think about,
396
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,757
and one disturbing thing
to try and forget.
397
00:16:57,925 --> 00:17:00,409
We used Kat's jump rope.
398
00:17:00,411 --> 00:17:02,562
Two things!
399
00:17:04,766 --> 00:17:06,507
-Hey.
-Hey, what's that?
400
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:07,583
They're running shoes.
401
00:17:07,602 --> 00:17:09,527
I got them for CJ
for his tryouts.
402
00:17:09,754 --> 00:17:11,604
Oh, really? Aw, thank you.
403
00:17:11,756 --> 00:17:13,031
Ooh, and they're spiked.
404
00:17:13,258 --> 00:17:15,682
Fast around the track,
hard on my ex-wife's floors.
405
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,260
Win-win.
406
00:17:17,428 --> 00:17:19,704
Yeah, I didn't know if you would
have time to buy them yourself,
407
00:17:19,781 --> 00:17:22,022
you know,
given how slow you are.
408
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:24,267
Look, there's no way for us
to know for sure
409
00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:25,451
what happened in that race.
410
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:28,713
So let's just blame Phil
and move on.
411
00:17:28,864 --> 00:17:32,199
Fine, but can you do me a favor?
412
00:17:33,035 --> 00:17:34,868
Don't tell CJ
that boys are faster than girls.
413
00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:37,388
Because that's how the guys
treated me on the track team,
414
00:17:37,540 --> 00:17:38,948
and it sucked.
415
00:17:38,966 --> 00:17:40,892
All right.
416
00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:42,226
I'll see you.
417
00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:43,877
Hold up.
418
00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:44,970
Yeah?
419
00:17:45,065 --> 00:17:48,140
Uh, I saw security footage
of our race,
420
00:17:48,234 --> 00:17:50,643
and you didn't trip me.
421
00:17:50,737 --> 00:17:53,053
Ha! I knew it. I beat your ass.
422
00:17:53,147 --> 00:17:55,389
Piano man,
play "We Are the Champions."
423
00:17:55,525 --> 00:17:58,242
Not if you want
to get paid, Lawrence.
424
00:17:58,394 --> 00:17:59,485
Listen.
425
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:02,138
There's something else
I want to tell you.
426
00:18:02,231 --> 00:18:04,640
I think you should train CJ.
427
00:18:04,733 --> 00:18:05,658
Really?
428
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,752
Yeah, you ran track.
429
00:18:07,937 --> 00:18:09,478
You'd be a better coach.
430
00:18:09,572 --> 00:18:12,590
And it's hard for me
to teach what's God-given.
431
00:18:12,817 --> 00:18:14,926
-Well, thank you.
-Yeah.
432
00:18:15,153 --> 00:18:16,427
You think it'll be okay
even though
433
00:18:16,579 --> 00:18:18,504
I don't have
a penis full of speed?
434
00:18:18,656 --> 00:18:20,156
Yeah, that was stupid.
435
00:18:20,174 --> 00:18:23,184
Clearly you've got
a lot of it in your boobs.
436
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:33,760
Hey, I got your text.
437
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:34,854
Everything all right?
438
00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:37,356
Yeah, I just wanted to see you.
439
00:18:37,525 --> 00:18:39,117
Oh, okay.
440
00:18:39,344 --> 00:18:40,601
You said "important,"
441
00:18:40,695 --> 00:18:42,787
so I thought you got locked
on the roof again.
442
00:18:42,938 --> 00:18:44,271
(laughs)
443
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:45,623
So what's up?
444
00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:47,683
Okay, well, um...
445
00:18:47,685 --> 00:18:49,352
I've been thinking.
446
00:18:49,370 --> 00:18:51,295
What's, like,
your favorite moment
447
00:18:51,372 --> 00:18:52,688
we've ever spent together?
448
00:18:52,707 --> 00:18:53,873
Oh, that's easy.
449
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:55,191
The first time
we ever sang together.
450
00:18:55,209 --> 00:18:57,468
"Time of My Life"
from Dirty Dancing?
451
00:18:57,620 --> 00:19:00,120
Yeah, karaoke contest
at Warblers.
452
00:19:00,214 --> 00:19:01,881
We came in second
to those frat boys
453
00:19:02,033 --> 00:19:03,382
doing "Bohemian Rhapsody."
454
00:19:03,534 --> 00:19:05,459
They didn't even know
who Galileo was.
455
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,562
Yeah, idiots.
456
00:19:10,633 --> 00:19:13,651
So... what's yours?
457
00:19:15,062 --> 00:19:17,137
Sophomore year,
the night we finished finals.
458
00:19:17,231 --> 00:19:19,490
-Aw.
-We took a blanket to the park.
459
00:19:19,642 --> 00:19:21,717
We had pizza and beer.
460
00:19:21,736 --> 00:19:23,744
We're all growed up now.
461
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:28,374
And we made wishes
on a shooting star.
462
00:19:29,410 --> 00:19:30,817
Mine...
463
00:19:30,912 --> 00:19:33,062
was that
that night would never end.
464
00:19:33,155 --> 00:19:34,914
That's so sweet.
465
00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:38,492
Mine was that Rob Schneider
would make The Hot Chick 2.
466
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:41,070
(both laugh)
467
00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:45,016
Max, I don't want
to lose moments like that.
468
00:19:45,167 --> 00:19:47,743
Like this.
469
00:19:47,762 --> 00:19:49,762
What? Why would we?
470
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:51,672
Because if this dating thing
doesn't work out,
471
00:19:51,766 --> 00:19:54,233
it's gonna be weird.
472
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:59,030
So...
473
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:02,700
So you're saying that
you don't want to do this?
474
00:20:02,851 --> 00:20:04,443
It's not worth it if it means
475
00:20:04,595 --> 00:20:07,038
we're never gonna be
Kat and Max again.
476
00:20:07,765 --> 00:20:10,041
(exhales)
477
00:20:12,528 --> 00:20:14,212
I get why you're afraid.
478
00:20:14,439 --> 00:20:15,604
I am, too.
479
00:20:15,698 --> 00:20:17,440
But...
480
00:20:17,458 --> 00:20:20,626
I think that we have
a chance at something
481
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,970
really special.
482
00:20:24,632 --> 00:20:26,224
So do I.
483
00:20:26,451 --> 00:20:27,950
And I can't promise
484
00:20:27,969 --> 00:20:30,010
that this is gonna work out,
485
00:20:30,121 --> 00:20:32,621
but I can promise
486
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,942
that you are never gonna
lose me as a friend.
487
00:20:36,794 --> 00:20:38,885
How can you promise that?
488
00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:41,054
Kat.
489
00:20:41,966 --> 00:20:44,033
You couldn't lose me
if you tried.
490
00:20:52,568 --> 00:20:54,252
Should we go inside?
491
00:20:54,479 --> 00:20:55,978
Or should we stay right here?
492
00:20:56,071 --> 00:20:57,904
I don't think
anybody can see us.
493
00:20:57,924 --> 00:21:00,591
(whispers):
He doesn't know about you.
494
00:21:04,655 --> 00:21:07,748
♪ We need peace ♪
495
00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:11,227
♪ We need love ♪
496
00:21:12,013 --> 00:21:14,921
♪ You're my beloved ♪
497
00:21:14,999 --> 00:21:18,442
♪ I'm not a boy ♪
498
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:23,022
♪ I've been around a little
longer than 40 years now ♪
499
00:21:23,116 --> 00:21:26,099
♪ And one thing that I know ♪
500
00:21:26,193 --> 00:21:29,787
♪ Is nothing, nothing changes ♪
501
00:21:29,938 --> 00:21:34,350
♪ If we'll just... ♪
502
00:21:34,352 --> 00:21:36,685
Captioning sponsored by
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503
00:21:36,704 --> 00:21:39,213
Captioned by
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