1 00:00:25,906 --> 00:00:28,867 So remember that the client pays for the shoot, 2 00:00:28,867 --> 00:00:30,786 but we pay for the overtime. 3 00:00:30,786 --> 00:00:33,664 So whatever you do, don't go over. 4 00:00:33,664 --> 00:00:36,250 But make the commercial as good as possible too, right? 5 00:00:37,709 --> 00:00:39,670 Yeah. Sure. Whatever. 6 00:00:40,379 --> 00:00:41,380 And I had an idea. 7 00:00:41,380 --> 00:00:43,966 Maybe we could all have a picnic together in the conference room? 8 00:00:44,550 --> 00:00:45,843 I can't make it. 9 00:00:45,843 --> 00:00:48,053 - I didn't tell you when it was. - I know. 10 00:00:48,637 --> 00:00:52,724 Come on, Barbara. Could be fun. 11 00:00:53,475 --> 00:00:56,395 We could get to know each other a little. Maybe loosen things up around here. 12 00:00:56,979 --> 00:00:59,064 Well, I've worked with this lot before, 13 00:00:59,064 --> 00:01:03,026 and, yeah, this is as loose as they get. 14 00:01:11,493 --> 00:01:13,871 - We'll see about that, Babs. - Oh, no. Don't. 15 00:01:13,871 --> 00:01:15,914 Yep. I felt that as soon as I said it. 16 00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:19,918 All right, I'm headed out. 17 00:01:20,711 --> 00:01:22,588 Everyone have a great day, yeah? 18 00:01:25,424 --> 00:01:28,677 Oi, don't do anything I wouldn't do. 19 00:01:43,192 --> 00:01:44,860 What wouldn't she do? 20 00:02:07,841 --> 00:02:09,760 Good morning, Viet-- 21 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,094 Ted! 22 00:02:11,094 --> 00:02:13,555 - Hey, look who's here. Hi, Keeley. - Hello, Ted. 23 00:02:14,431 --> 00:02:16,058 Trent Crimm. Are you kidding me? 24 00:02:16,058 --> 00:02:17,559 Hey, nice to see you, man. 25 00:02:17,559 --> 00:02:19,853 {\an8}You know, they got a big old Ziploc bag full of your hair ties 26 00:02:19,853 --> 00:02:21,730 {\an8}down at the lost and found. You should pop on down, 27 00:02:21,730 --> 00:02:22,648 {\an8}if you still want 'em. 28 00:02:22,648 --> 00:02:27,236 {\an8}Thank you. Mr. Crimm has requested to follow the club this year. 29 00:02:28,362 --> 00:02:31,031 - He wants to write a book about us. - Yeah? 30 00:02:31,031 --> 00:02:32,866 I think there's a story here worth telling, Ted. 31 00:02:33,575 --> 00:02:36,078 Yes, and we all love the idea. 32 00:02:36,078 --> 00:02:37,829 But obviously, as manager, 33 00:02:37,829 --> 00:02:39,957 we thought you should have the final decision. 34 00:02:41,291 --> 00:02:42,292 {\an8}Okay. 35 00:02:44,711 --> 00:02:46,296 {\an8}I mean, geez, you know, like-- 36 00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:55,556 No. 37 00:02:59,184 --> 00:03:02,479 Sure, what the heck? Why not? When can you start? 38 00:03:02,479 --> 00:03:05,482 {\an8}No time like the present. Except 11:11. That's my wishing time. 39 00:03:05,482 --> 00:03:09,194 {\an8}Or 23:11, if I'm at a military base or Euro Disney. 40 00:03:09,194 --> 00:03:11,947 {\an8}Right, well. Decision made. 41 00:03:11,947 --> 00:03:13,949 Wonderful. Trent, welcome. 42 00:03:15,909 --> 00:03:17,911 - Holy shit. - Uh-oh. 43 00:03:17,911 --> 00:03:19,705 Zava is leaving Juventus. 44 00:03:21,498 --> 00:03:24,751 {\an8}What about their kids? I'm sorry. I didn't know what any of those things meant. 45 00:03:24,751 --> 00:03:26,545 {\an8}I thought it was like Greek mythology or something. 46 00:03:26,545 --> 00:03:28,213 {\an8}I was just lost. I just went with that. Sorry. 47 00:03:28,213 --> 00:03:31,258 {\an8}Zava's a world-class striker who's about to leave his club in Italy. 48 00:03:32,092 --> 00:03:33,552 {\an8}Cacio later, Pepe. 49 00:03:33,552 --> 00:03:36,180 {\an8}Apparently, he wants to play in the Premier League 50 00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:39,766 {\an8}because his wife binged The Office and she wants to live in England. 51 00:03:39,766 --> 00:03:41,852 I think you mean Scranton, Pennsylvania, buddy. 52 00:03:41,852 --> 00:03:43,645 No, the British Office, Ted. 53 00:03:43,645 --> 00:03:45,898 That's right. Y'all did a premake over here. 54 00:03:45,898 --> 00:03:47,816 If we got Zava, that would be amazing. 55 00:03:47,816 --> 00:03:50,903 {\an8}He would be huge for the club's brand. He's got like 90 million followers. 56 00:03:50,903 --> 00:03:53,488 {\an8}One time he just posted the word "7 million likes." 57 00:03:53,488 --> 00:03:54,781 {\an8}It got 10 million likes. 58 00:03:54,781 --> 00:03:58,410 {\an8}Yes, but he is very expensive. And isn't he supposed to be a bit of a diva? 59 00:03:58,410 --> 00:04:01,079 {\an8}Yes, huge diva. Enormous. 60 00:04:01,079 --> 00:04:03,874 {\an8}He goes through teams like you go through manicurists. 61 00:04:03,874 --> 00:04:06,418 {\an8}The fumes make me dizzy, and I overshare. 62 00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:08,879 {\an8}Please don't print that. 63 00:04:08,879 --> 00:04:11,924 {\an8}Zava has played for 14 teams in 15 years, 64 00:04:11,924 --> 00:04:14,218 {\an8}leaving behind nothing but chaos and trophies. 65 00:04:14,968 --> 00:04:16,512 {\an8}Beautiful, shiny trophies. 66 00:04:16,512 --> 00:04:19,389 {\an8}Yes, but, Leslie, who wants to deal with all that drama? 67 00:04:20,098 --> 00:04:22,559 {\an8}Apparently, everyone who can afford him. 68 00:04:22,559 --> 00:04:26,104 {\an8}Chelsea, Arsenal, United, West Ham. 69 00:04:26,104 --> 00:04:27,397 I say, let's just go for it. 70 00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:31,026 I mean, maybe he's a handful, but who doesn't love a handful? 71 00:04:31,902 --> 00:04:34,029 {\an8}I mean, if you're talking salted peanuts, yes, please. 72 00:04:34,029 --> 00:04:35,739 {\an8}If you're talking Skittles though, no, thank you. 73 00:04:35,739 --> 00:04:37,866 You know, the dye melts, and it gets all over your fingers, 74 00:04:37,866 --> 00:04:39,034 makes 'em all sticky. 75 00:04:39,034 --> 00:04:40,702 And that, you can print. 76 00:04:43,330 --> 00:04:46,083 - Wonderful. Let's set up a meeting. - Great. 77 00:04:46,083 --> 00:04:48,168 - Let's go and get Zava. - Yes! 78 00:04:48,168 --> 00:04:49,753 - We're doing it. - Zava dabba doo! 79 00:04:50,504 --> 00:04:52,881 - Yeah. - Here we go. Yeah, come on. 80 00:04:52,881 --> 00:04:54,258 This is exciting. 81 00:04:54,258 --> 00:04:56,468 So, am I to assume that you're going to pursue 82 00:04:56,468 --> 00:05:00,180 {\an8}a notoriously mercurial player you can't really afford simply 83 00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:02,516 {\an8}because the team your ex-husband owns wants him? 84 00:05:04,643 --> 00:05:06,979 No, no, no, no, no. 85 00:05:08,605 --> 00:05:09,606 Yes. 86 00:05:12,234 --> 00:05:13,235 Love that. 87 00:05:18,699 --> 00:05:21,243 So, hey, come on. Talk to me. 88 00:05:21,243 --> 00:05:24,329 What's it like being the boss of your own Keeley Street Band, huh? 89 00:05:24,329 --> 00:05:26,123 - I think it's going really good. - Yeah? 90 00:05:26,123 --> 00:05:27,457 {\an8}- Yeah. - Good, good. 91 00:05:27,457 --> 00:05:30,794 {\an8}Well, I do wish that my co-workers would loosen up just a little bit. 92 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,630 - You want my advice? - Yes. 93 00:05:33,630 --> 00:05:35,674 Y'all should go out and do something together. 94 00:05:35,674 --> 00:05:37,301 You know, like outside of work. 95 00:05:37,301 --> 00:05:38,927 - That's a great idea. - Yeah, yeah. 96 00:05:39,636 --> 00:05:41,847 {\an8}Maybe I could hire a shaman 97 00:05:41,847 --> 00:05:44,725 {\an8}and we could do a bunch of ayahuasca under a blood moon. 98 00:05:45,934 --> 00:05:47,811 {\an8}I was thinking something like an escape room, 99 00:05:47,811 --> 00:05:49,563 but, hey, Clamato Clamato, right? 100 00:05:49,563 --> 00:05:51,773 - Yeah. Thanks, Ted. - Good to see you. Yeah. 101 00:05:51,773 --> 00:05:53,108 - Keeley! - Yeah? 102 00:05:53,108 --> 00:05:54,902 Isaac. Hi. You all right? 103 00:05:54,902 --> 00:05:56,945 Yeah. Can you help me get a shoe deal? 104 00:05:56,945 --> 00:05:59,990 I'd love to. Any brand in particular? 105 00:05:59,990 --> 00:06:04,036 {\an8}No brands. Just shoes, in general. You know. 106 00:06:05,871 --> 00:06:07,372 {\an8}Great. I'll look into it for you. 107 00:06:10,417 --> 00:06:11,585 {\an8}- Hi, guys. - Keeley. 108 00:06:12,169 --> 00:06:13,045 {\an8}Hi, Keeley. 109 00:06:13,045 --> 00:06:14,713 {\an8}- Hi, Jamie. - How you doing? You good, yeah? 110 00:06:14,713 --> 00:06:16,298 Yeah, I'm all right. You? 111 00:06:16,298 --> 00:06:20,302 Yeah, yeah. Not bad. Yeah, yeah. Gym. 112 00:06:20,302 --> 00:06:22,304 - Just went to the gym. So, yeah. Good. - Good. 113 00:06:25,682 --> 00:06:27,100 Glad you're good. I'll see you later. 114 00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:28,519 - Yeah. - Yeah. Bye. 115 00:06:31,230 --> 00:06:32,773 - Bruv. - What's up, man? 116 00:06:38,070 --> 00:06:39,780 Keeley and Roy have broken up. 117 00:06:40,614 --> 00:06:42,366 What? Who told you that? 118 00:06:42,908 --> 00:06:45,786 It's not "who," bruv. It's "what." Kinesics. 119 00:06:46,286 --> 00:06:48,372 Study of body language. Just look at 'em. 120 00:06:49,248 --> 00:06:51,542 No eye contact, Keeley's crossed arms. 121 00:06:52,543 --> 00:06:57,214 Roy's clenched arse. It's science. 122 00:07:24,783 --> 00:07:27,286 - What do you want? - You and Keeley break up? 123 00:07:28,078 --> 00:07:30,038 - Who told you that? - No one. 124 00:07:30,789 --> 00:07:31,874 I use body science. 125 00:07:33,333 --> 00:07:34,877 Why? Is it true? 126 00:07:43,093 --> 00:07:44,136 What's that fucking face? 127 00:07:44,136 --> 00:07:46,597 It's called empathy, you dusty, old fart. 128 00:07:47,389 --> 00:07:51,393 Look, as someone who's been dumped by Keeley, I get it. 129 00:07:52,227 --> 00:07:56,064 - She didn't dump me. - You dumped her? Why? 130 00:07:56,064 --> 00:07:58,984 I don't want to talk about it. Why'd you come in here? 131 00:07:59,693 --> 00:08:00,694 Let me guess. 132 00:08:00,694 --> 00:08:02,946 You want to know if it's okay to ask her out, right? 133 00:08:02,946 --> 00:08:07,951 No, I was just-- I was just seeing if you were okay, man. 134 00:08:12,289 --> 00:08:13,332 Dickhead. 135 00:08:13,332 --> 00:08:14,791 - What the fuck you doing? - I was gonna hug you. 136 00:08:14,791 --> 00:08:17,920 - Well, you came at me too fast. - Jesus, sorry. 137 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,923 I forget how skittish elderly people could be 'cause of the war. 138 00:08:21,757 --> 00:08:23,592 Come on, man. I was just trying to comfort you. 139 00:08:23,592 --> 00:08:25,219 Well, I don't want comfort. 140 00:08:25,219 --> 00:08:27,262 And I told you, I don't want to talk about it. 141 00:08:27,262 --> 00:08:28,931 So don't you say a fucking word. Do you hear me? 142 00:08:28,931 --> 00:08:30,474 Fine, I won't. 143 00:08:32,601 --> 00:08:34,727 And don't you say a fucking word about it either, William. 144 00:08:34,727 --> 00:08:36,104 No, no, I won't. 145 00:08:36,104 --> 00:08:38,398 I actually just went through a bit of a breakup myself, 146 00:08:38,398 --> 00:08:40,275 so I can somewhat relate. 147 00:08:41,193 --> 00:08:43,028 Hey, maybe we should all go out sometime. 148 00:08:43,028 --> 00:08:45,364 Us three. You know, get a couple drinks, couple pints, couple shots. 149 00:08:45,364 --> 00:08:48,033 Fishbowls. Single guys club. 150 00:08:51,078 --> 00:08:52,412 Or I can just not say a fucking word. 151 00:08:52,412 --> 00:08:54,456 No, I hear you. I hear you loud and clear. 152 00:08:54,456 --> 00:08:56,083 Well, you are a sleepwalker. 153 00:08:56,083 --> 00:08:58,168 I don't know what else to tell you. Period. 154 00:09:00,712 --> 00:09:02,256 Hey, Coach. 155 00:09:04,424 --> 00:09:05,425 What are you doing? 156 00:09:07,177 --> 00:09:09,012 Just taking a peek at one of these soccer strategy books 157 00:09:09,012 --> 00:09:09,972 you always got your nose in. 158 00:09:14,059 --> 00:09:15,394 What do you think? 159 00:09:16,019 --> 00:09:18,897 Well, given the struggles I've already had with the table of contents, 160 00:09:18,897 --> 00:09:20,524 I think I might be best served to wait 161 00:09:20,524 --> 00:09:22,317 until this son of a gun comes out as a movie. 162 00:09:24,278 --> 00:09:26,697 Hey, let me ask you a couple questions. 163 00:09:26,697 --> 00:09:28,240 One, what would you think if we sign Zava? 164 00:09:29,491 --> 00:09:30,742 That's good, right? 165 00:09:30,742 --> 00:09:32,411 - Zava? Yeah. - Okay. 166 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,080 Second question. Who is Zava? 167 00:09:35,873 --> 00:09:38,250 He's a living legend. You know who Zava is. 168 00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:40,168 Beg to differ, Claudia Schiffer. 169 00:09:50,804 --> 00:09:53,098 Now why you got me watching the Veggie Dog Vigilante here? 170 00:09:53,724 --> 00:09:54,808 {\an8}Hey. 171 00:09:55,434 --> 00:09:56,435 {\an8}No way. 172 00:09:57,811 --> 00:09:59,438 {\an8}Because that's Zava. 173 00:10:01,023 --> 00:10:02,232 That's Zava? 174 00:10:03,317 --> 00:10:05,360 {\an8}Well, shoot. I didn't know this fella played football. 175 00:10:06,195 --> 00:10:08,488 Hey, I said football without even thinking about it. 176 00:10:08,488 --> 00:10:10,657 Boy, that book really works. 177 00:10:13,952 --> 00:10:15,621 11:11. Make a wish. 178 00:10:19,708 --> 00:10:22,377 - What'd you wish for? Come on, Coach. - I can't tell you that. 179 00:10:22,377 --> 00:10:24,171 I just don't want our wishes to cancel each other out. 180 00:10:24,171 --> 00:10:26,423 - That's not how it works. - Shut the fuck up. 181 00:10:26,423 --> 00:10:28,300 - Take it back. - Uh-oh, now what? 182 00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:29,343 Take it back. 183 00:10:29,343 --> 00:10:31,094 I can't take back things that's already happened. 184 00:10:31,094 --> 00:10:33,555 Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Fellas, what's wrong? 185 00:10:33,555 --> 00:10:35,641 Coach, we just heard the most upsetting rumor. 186 00:10:36,391 --> 00:10:38,435 Okay, is this about us getting Zava? 187 00:10:38,435 --> 00:10:40,145 - What? - We're getting Zava? 188 00:10:40,145 --> 00:10:43,482 I just wished for that 30 seconds ago. 189 00:10:48,737 --> 00:10:50,155 Wait, no. 190 00:10:50,155 --> 00:10:51,448 Hold on a second, okay? 191 00:10:51,448 --> 00:10:53,867 If y'all weren't talking about Zava, what were you so upset about? 192 00:10:53,867 --> 00:10:55,911 Is it 'cause Trent Crimm's writing a book about us? 193 00:10:55,911 --> 00:10:57,913 What? 194 00:10:57,913 --> 00:11:00,415 Wait, Trent Crimm's writing a book about Zava joining our team? 195 00:11:00,415 --> 00:11:03,210 No, no. He's just coming here to write a book about the team. 196 00:11:03,210 --> 00:11:04,711 Zava's writing a book about us? 197 00:11:04,711 --> 00:11:06,171 No, Trent Crimm. 198 00:11:06,171 --> 00:11:09,132 Why would Zava write a book about Trent Crimm? 199 00:11:12,511 --> 00:11:15,597 Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Stop! Okay, hold on a second. 200 00:11:15,597 --> 00:11:18,267 If y'all didn't know about Zava, which may or may not happen, 201 00:11:19,309 --> 00:11:22,062 and y'all didn't know about Trent Crimm, which is happening, 202 00:11:22,062 --> 00:11:24,398 then what were you so worked up about? 203 00:11:27,401 --> 00:11:28,694 Roy and Keeley broke up. 204 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:32,614 Coach. 205 00:11:34,032 --> 00:11:35,033 Sorry, no, I'm okay. 206 00:11:35,033 --> 00:11:37,119 Got a little light-headed there. Yeah, thank you. 207 00:11:37,119 --> 00:11:38,370 Fuck's going on? 208 00:11:41,874 --> 00:11:42,875 Tartt! 209 00:11:42,875 --> 00:11:44,585 Hey, hey, hey, hey. I didn't say anything. 210 00:11:44,585 --> 00:11:46,336 I will fucking kill you. 211 00:11:46,336 --> 00:11:48,714 No, I came in, and they was talking about us getting Zava. 212 00:11:48,714 --> 00:11:52,426 What? We're getting Zava? 213 00:11:52,426 --> 00:11:54,803 Roy, do you want to talk about it? 214 00:11:55,387 --> 00:11:57,139 No, I'm not talking about me and Keeley. 215 00:11:57,723 --> 00:12:00,475 No, I meant Zava. Do you want to talk about it? 216 00:12:00,475 --> 00:12:03,020 Sure, he's nuts, but he'll help us win games. 217 00:12:03,020 --> 00:12:05,147 That time I was actually talking about you and Keeley. 218 00:12:05,147 --> 00:12:07,566 - Fuck's sake. - Hey, Will, come here a sec. 219 00:12:07,566 --> 00:12:09,067 - Yeah, I'm here. - Hey. 220 00:12:09,568 --> 00:12:11,445 I need you to run to my apartment, go into my desk, 221 00:12:11,445 --> 00:12:14,323 and grab my CD called "Ted's breakup mix." Okay? 222 00:12:14,323 --> 00:12:15,866 - Got it. What's a CD? - Okay. 223 00:12:15,866 --> 00:12:17,576 - Oh, boy. - On it. 224 00:12:17,576 --> 00:12:19,119 Hey, Coach, you gonna need my keys. 225 00:12:19,119 --> 00:12:20,913 - I got a set. - Right. 226 00:12:21,705 --> 00:12:23,290 - Thanks. Don't worry about it. - Okay. 227 00:12:23,290 --> 00:12:25,709 Hey, Roy, look, we're here for you. Okay? 228 00:12:26,210 --> 00:12:28,045 We've all been dumped before, right, fellas? 229 00:12:29,463 --> 00:12:32,049 She didn't dump me. I broke up with her. 230 00:12:33,926 --> 00:12:34,843 What? 231 00:12:36,053 --> 00:12:37,679 This day couldn't get any worse. 232 00:12:37,679 --> 00:12:39,515 And this is the locker room. Hello, boys. 233 00:12:39,515 --> 00:12:42,392 - I believe you all know Trent Crimm. - Gentlemen. 234 00:12:42,392 --> 00:12:44,102 The fuck is this prick doing here? 235 00:12:44,102 --> 00:12:46,271 Trent's writing a book about our season, 236 00:12:46,271 --> 00:12:49,858 so let's welcome him with open arms and open minds. 237 00:12:49,858 --> 00:12:52,486 Absolutely. Yes. 238 00:12:53,487 --> 00:12:57,074 Oi! Listen up! 239 00:12:58,367 --> 00:13:01,870 No one says a fucking word around this prick 240 00:13:02,371 --> 00:13:05,832 unless they want my forehead through their fucking skull! 241 00:13:09,211 --> 00:13:10,295 Don't worry. 242 00:13:14,216 --> 00:13:15,425 Okay, well... 243 00:13:18,262 --> 00:13:20,138 we'll work out the specifics later. 244 00:13:21,265 --> 00:13:23,475 But until then, welcome, Trent. 245 00:13:30,399 --> 00:13:32,109 I mean, fuck off, Trent Crimm. 246 00:13:54,631 --> 00:13:57,593 And cut! Thank you, folks. Moving on. 247 00:13:58,635 --> 00:14:03,098 Okay. Now the lamb chugs a Cafka mini and poof, 248 00:14:03,098 --> 00:14:05,642 turns into a smoking hot lion. 249 00:14:05,642 --> 00:14:09,104 Great, but we can't actually make the lamb drink the Cafka mini, right? 250 00:14:09,104 --> 00:14:11,231 - No, of course not. - Okay, good. 251 00:14:11,231 --> 00:14:15,068 We were told by the people in the lab, the lamb cannot drink it. 252 00:14:15,068 --> 00:14:17,696 Yeah, no, it will die instantly. 253 00:14:17,696 --> 00:14:19,156 Something about enzymes. 254 00:14:19,823 --> 00:14:21,074 I totally get it. 255 00:14:21,617 --> 00:14:25,078 - I just don't think she does. - No. I don't think she got it. 256 00:14:25,078 --> 00:14:26,830 Keeley fucking Jones. 257 00:14:27,831 --> 00:14:30,083 Shandy fucking Fine? 258 00:14:32,794 --> 00:14:35,839 Oh, my God! I didn't know you were doing this. 259 00:14:35,839 --> 00:14:38,008 I didn't know you owned a skirt that covered your whole arse. 260 00:14:38,008 --> 00:14:40,093 Oi, you borrowed and never returned many of those skirts. 261 00:14:40,093 --> 00:14:41,094 And I never will. 262 00:14:41,094 --> 00:14:43,096 One of the perks of living with you and the girls. 263 00:14:43,096 --> 00:14:46,058 - The girls! How are they? How's Chloe? - Married a footballer. 264 00:14:46,058 --> 00:14:48,018 - And Emma? - Married a footballer. 265 00:14:48,018 --> 00:14:49,228 And what about you? 266 00:14:49,228 --> 00:14:51,271 Married a footballer, divorced a footballer. 267 00:14:51,271 --> 00:14:52,689 And now I'm back here doing this. 268 00:14:53,273 --> 00:14:56,276 But enough about me. I saw you in Vanity Fair. 269 00:14:56,777 --> 00:14:59,404 Fully clothed. And I cried. 270 00:14:59,905 --> 00:15:01,573 I'm so proud of you, babe. We all are. 271 00:15:02,491 --> 00:15:03,784 Proud of me? Why? 272 00:15:04,826 --> 00:15:07,538 'Cause you made it out all by yourself. 273 00:15:12,501 --> 00:15:14,127 What is that smell? 274 00:15:14,127 --> 00:15:16,421 Apologies, lamb droppings 275 00:15:16,421 --> 00:15:18,423 are one of nature's most unpleasant aromas. 276 00:15:19,216 --> 00:15:22,302 Just be grateful Clarice here is over 30 days old. 277 00:15:22,970 --> 00:15:26,765 A week ago, her poop looked like sour, yellow toothpaste. 278 00:15:29,476 --> 00:15:31,061 No, no. Don't try and sweep it. 279 00:15:31,061 --> 00:15:33,856 No, you gotta pick it up like sushi or it'll smear. 280 00:15:35,232 --> 00:15:36,400 I was married to a footballer. 281 00:15:37,150 --> 00:15:39,236 That's it. Cheers, babe. 282 00:15:39,236 --> 00:15:41,238 - Hey, Keeley. - Yes? 283 00:15:41,238 --> 00:15:43,907 Jimmy and I think the club feels too empty. 284 00:15:43,907 --> 00:15:45,534 Yeah, it should feel totally packed. 285 00:15:45,534 --> 00:15:48,287 I mean, can we get maybe another 100 extras? 286 00:15:48,871 --> 00:15:50,122 A hundred more, right now? 287 00:15:50,706 --> 00:15:51,707 Yeah. 288 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,668 You could just add a strobe effect to the post 289 00:15:54,668 --> 00:15:56,795 and let people cross close to camera. 290 00:15:56,795 --> 00:15:58,005 It'll feel really packed, 291 00:15:58,005 --> 00:15:59,840 and you won't have to spend any more money. 292 00:16:00,632 --> 00:16:02,301 - I love that. - Let's do that. 293 00:16:02,301 --> 00:16:03,677 Thank you so much. 294 00:16:05,095 --> 00:16:07,848 Look at you. Basically running the shoot. 295 00:16:07,848 --> 00:16:09,933 Maybe one day I'll make it out like you did. 296 00:16:11,727 --> 00:16:12,728 Yeah. 297 00:16:16,732 --> 00:16:17,774 Hello, Mother. 298 00:16:17,774 --> 00:16:21,153 Oh, my God, darling, I'm so pleased to hear your voice. 299 00:16:21,153 --> 00:16:24,323 I dreamt last night that you'd been murdered. 300 00:16:24,323 --> 00:16:26,241 No, still here. 301 00:16:27,409 --> 00:16:29,077 Wait, why are you in a hotel room? 302 00:16:29,077 --> 00:16:31,371 I thought you were meant to be on some three-day, 303 00:16:31,371 --> 00:16:32,915 spiritual camping retreat. 304 00:16:32,915 --> 00:16:35,876 I am. I'm not sleeping out there. 305 00:16:35,876 --> 00:16:37,586 Far too many stars. 306 00:16:37,586 --> 00:16:41,215 I keep thinking they're all staring at me, you know. 307 00:16:41,215 --> 00:16:44,218 No, but listen. I've got some exciting news for you. 308 00:16:44,218 --> 00:16:46,178 I spoke to Tish the other day, 309 00:16:46,178 --> 00:16:48,931 and she's agreed to consider meeting with you. 310 00:16:48,931 --> 00:16:51,350 Wow! Your psychic has actually agreed 311 00:16:51,350 --> 00:16:55,229 to let me pay her a lot of money to speak with her? Amazing. 312 00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:57,981 Well, no. She's considering it. 313 00:16:57,981 --> 00:17:00,901 But I think you meeting with Tish would be perfect because, 314 00:17:00,901 --> 00:17:05,155 well, you know, you are in desperate need of some maternal guidance. 315 00:17:05,155 --> 00:17:06,281 Just a minute. 316 00:17:06,281 --> 00:17:09,284 There's a group of people gathering outside for scream therapy, 317 00:17:09,284 --> 00:17:11,370 which is my favorite bit. 318 00:17:11,370 --> 00:17:13,914 So I'd better go now because I mustn't use my voice. 319 00:17:13,914 --> 00:17:16,208 - Bye-bye, sausage. - But you called me. 320 00:17:17,209 --> 00:17:19,335 I have an update on the meeting with Zava. 321 00:17:19,335 --> 00:17:20,379 Great. 322 00:17:20,379 --> 00:17:23,257 - Zava doesn't want to meet with us. - What? Why not? 323 00:17:23,257 --> 00:17:24,800 His people said, 324 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,720 "It would be a waste of time for us and an embarrassment for him." 325 00:17:29,388 --> 00:17:32,015 That feels like an unnecessarily cruel response. 326 00:17:32,015 --> 00:17:34,476 But, good news, Zava is signing with Chelsea. 327 00:17:35,143 --> 00:17:36,895 Why is that good news? 328 00:17:36,895 --> 00:17:38,564 Because he's not signing with West Ham. 329 00:17:38,564 --> 00:17:41,275 He came right out and said, "I will not sign with West Ham." 330 00:17:41,275 --> 00:17:43,986 Shit. That's only going to make Rupert want him more. 331 00:17:43,986 --> 00:17:45,612 There's nothing Rupert can do. 332 00:17:45,612 --> 00:17:46,738 Great. Now you've jinxed it. 333 00:17:46,738 --> 00:17:48,615 - But I thi-- - No, it's too late. Jinxed it. 334 00:17:48,615 --> 00:17:49,867 - But I do think that-- - It's done. 335 00:17:51,076 --> 00:17:52,077 Well done. 336 00:17:57,666 --> 00:17:58,667 Afternoon. 337 00:18:05,174 --> 00:18:06,300 Hi. 338 00:18:07,634 --> 00:18:08,802 Jamie. 339 00:18:09,553 --> 00:18:11,013 No. No. 340 00:18:24,735 --> 00:18:26,195 Looking good out there today. 341 00:18:33,660 --> 00:18:34,745 Cool. 342 00:19:01,730 --> 00:19:03,398 Thanks for sharing your office with me. 343 00:19:03,899 --> 00:19:05,776 Even if it was Ted's idea. 344 00:19:41,895 --> 00:19:44,022 So, Richmond against Chelsea? 345 00:19:44,523 --> 00:19:47,568 That will be your first time back there since you retired. Right? 346 00:19:52,322 --> 00:19:53,323 Right. 347 00:19:58,370 --> 00:19:59,371 Sorry. 348 00:20:00,622 --> 00:20:03,667 Yeah, it's my publisher. I'll be quick. 349 00:20:04,543 --> 00:20:09,089 Hey. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. Well, I'm here now. 350 00:20:09,089 --> 00:20:10,757 It's going very well, actually. 351 00:20:10,757 --> 00:20:12,801 I'm just getting settled in. 352 00:20:13,510 --> 00:20:16,054 Yes. Everyone's been... 353 00:20:16,972 --> 00:20:19,057 very welcoming. 354 00:20:19,641 --> 00:20:23,562 Yeah. No, I can hear that noise too. 355 00:20:23,562 --> 00:20:25,981 I'm not sure if that's my-- Is that me or you? 356 00:20:26,899 --> 00:20:29,067 Do you know what? Bear with me. One moment. 357 00:20:29,735 --> 00:20:32,029 I'll take this outside. 358 00:20:38,952 --> 00:20:40,954 - Is this right? - It is. 359 00:20:43,457 --> 00:20:46,084 Yes. Your company credit card arrived. 360 00:20:46,084 --> 00:20:47,377 Awesome. Thank you. 361 00:20:47,377 --> 00:20:49,713 - Do not use it. - Okay. 362 00:20:50,297 --> 00:20:53,133 Barbara, I would love for you to meet Shandy. 363 00:20:53,133 --> 00:20:54,927 - Hi. - Hello. Hi. 364 00:20:54,927 --> 00:20:56,553 She's the newest member of KJPR. 365 00:21:00,182 --> 00:21:02,851 What position has she been hired for? 366 00:21:04,645 --> 00:21:06,772 She will be consulting 367 00:21:07,940 --> 00:21:13,028 for affiliate management 368 00:21:13,737 --> 00:21:15,405 and... 369 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:19,535 - client relationships. - Yeah. 370 00:21:19,535 --> 00:21:21,245 Okay. 371 00:21:21,245 --> 00:21:23,872 Would you have a seat, Shandy? Shandy, is it? 372 00:21:23,872 --> 00:21:25,874 - Yeah. Sorry. - So, when I p-- 373 00:21:25,874 --> 00:21:28,377 Yeah, just put it in there. Put the sweet in there. 374 00:21:28,961 --> 00:21:34,174 Well, I'd love to know what experience you have in these areas. 375 00:21:34,174 --> 00:21:36,844 In relationships, tons. 376 00:21:36,844 --> 00:21:38,262 The rest of it, not much. 377 00:21:43,350 --> 00:21:45,477 And where did you go to university? 378 00:21:46,812 --> 00:21:49,648 - I didn't go university. - Didn't go? 379 00:21:49,648 --> 00:21:51,149 - No. - Okay. 380 00:21:51,942 --> 00:21:54,611 And what were you doing right before this? 381 00:21:55,612 --> 00:21:56,655 I was modeling. 382 00:21:56,655 --> 00:22:00,492 Yeah. Okay, thanks, Shandy. 383 00:22:00,492 --> 00:22:01,743 All right. I think I've got it. 384 00:22:01,743 --> 00:22:05,414 So you've hired a former model with no previous experience, 385 00:22:05,414 --> 00:22:09,543 no higher education for a job that doesn't exist. Lovely. 386 00:22:12,170 --> 00:22:16,091 Well, welcome to the team, Shandy. 387 00:22:27,895 --> 00:22:30,606 I'm so sorry. I'll handle this. 388 00:22:38,697 --> 00:22:41,909 Barbara, I need a minute to talk with you. 389 00:22:43,911 --> 00:22:48,832 The way you just treated Shandy was incredibly rude. It was hurtful. 390 00:22:51,793 --> 00:22:55,130 - What? - That is a massive amount of snow globes. 391 00:22:55,130 --> 00:22:56,465 Yeah. I collect them. 392 00:22:57,508 --> 00:23:01,345 Well, you know, the firm sends me from company to company, 393 00:23:01,345 --> 00:23:04,473 and, yeah, wherever I go, I just buy a snow globe. 394 00:23:05,307 --> 00:23:06,934 It's a little bit silly, really. 395 00:23:06,934 --> 00:23:09,770 No, I think it's incredibly charming. 396 00:23:16,193 --> 00:23:19,196 You cannot speak to people like that. Not here. 397 00:23:20,989 --> 00:23:23,242 I know Shandy's my friend, and you're right. 398 00:23:23,242 --> 00:23:28,872 She does not have the experience. But she is smart. She's eager. I believe in her. 399 00:23:30,999 --> 00:23:32,584 Like the firm must believe in you 400 00:23:32,584 --> 00:23:36,421 to send you all over the world to all those lovely places, right? 401 00:23:42,010 --> 00:23:45,889 Maybe you and I can see how good it feels to believe in someone else. 402 00:23:46,390 --> 00:23:48,475 Together. Yeah? 403 00:23:54,481 --> 00:23:57,150 Client relations coordinator. 404 00:23:59,361 --> 00:24:00,529 That's her title. 405 00:24:01,655 --> 00:24:05,868 Good. Yes. Just in case you hadn't realized, 406 00:24:05,868 --> 00:24:08,412 I totally made up that one I told you before. 407 00:24:10,539 --> 00:24:13,250 Hello. Hi. 408 00:24:16,670 --> 00:24:18,505 - Roy. - No. 409 00:24:18,505 --> 00:24:20,465 I understand your hesitation having me here. 410 00:24:20,465 --> 00:24:24,344 You're protective of the team, and I admire how much they respect you. 411 00:24:24,344 --> 00:24:27,055 It's not easy getting such fulfillment from a second career. 412 00:24:27,055 --> 00:24:28,682 I'm not sure I even got it from my first. 413 00:24:31,059 --> 00:24:33,896 Maybe you could just give me a chance. 414 00:24:36,857 --> 00:24:38,650 Fuck off. 415 00:24:43,363 --> 00:24:44,573 Wow, okay. 416 00:24:49,828 --> 00:24:53,248 {\an8}A new season begins and hope springs eternal, 417 00:24:53,248 --> 00:24:56,376 except perhaps for AFC Richmond. 418 00:24:56,376 --> 00:24:59,213 They return to the Premier League after a one-year absence 419 00:24:59,213 --> 00:25:02,799 but are widely expected to have a rather short stay. 420 00:25:03,300 --> 00:25:06,803 Worse yet, their campaign begins here at Stamford Bridge, 421 00:25:06,803 --> 00:25:10,140 the home of the formidable Chelsea Football Club. 422 00:25:10,140 --> 00:25:11,642 To be promoted to the Premier League 423 00:25:11,642 --> 00:25:14,019 is like going from a council estate to the penthouse, Arlo. 424 00:25:14,603 --> 00:25:16,355 Richmond should enjoy it while it lasts. 425 00:25:16,355 --> 00:25:19,566 Gentlemen, welcome back to the Premier League. 426 00:25:19,566 --> 00:25:21,568 Back where we belong. Pip pip. 427 00:25:22,444 --> 00:25:25,030 Feels like we never left. 428 00:25:25,614 --> 00:25:26,615 Here you go, lads. 429 00:25:27,741 --> 00:25:29,493 Mae. I got the fish and chips. 430 00:25:29,493 --> 00:25:30,702 I had the burger. 431 00:25:33,914 --> 00:25:35,624 It's good to be back. 432 00:25:41,171 --> 00:25:43,507 How's work? How's your friend doing? 433 00:25:43,507 --> 00:25:45,259 Shandy? Yeah, she's doing great. 434 00:25:45,926 --> 00:25:47,427 - Good. - Yeah. 435 00:25:50,347 --> 00:25:52,182 She's just full of ideas. 436 00:25:52,182 --> 00:25:53,642 - Excuse me. Excuse me. - Uh-oh. 437 00:25:53,642 --> 00:25:55,853 - Thank you. Sorry. Excuse me. - Any news? 438 00:25:56,353 --> 00:25:58,355 Zava and Chelsea are pretty much a done deal. 439 00:25:58,355 --> 00:26:01,650 I have the confirmation of that from a very reliable source. 440 00:26:01,650 --> 00:26:02,776 What source? 441 00:26:02,776 --> 00:26:04,903 A friend of my wife knows an agent 442 00:26:04,903 --> 00:26:08,448 whose masseuse moonlights as an airline steward on private jets. 443 00:26:08,448 --> 00:26:10,534 Now, she wasn't working today, 444 00:26:10,534 --> 00:26:12,911 but her coworker who can read lips, 445 00:26:12,911 --> 00:26:16,748 he saw Zava mouth the word "Chelsea" a lot. 446 00:26:16,748 --> 00:26:18,750 - God, I wish I could read lips. - Yeah. 447 00:26:18,750 --> 00:26:21,670 Okay. Has anyone seen Rupert? Is there any sign of him? 448 00:26:21,670 --> 00:26:26,925 No, Rebecca. He's not here. And even if he was, there's nothing he can do. 449 00:26:26,925 --> 00:26:28,552 Great. Jinxed it again. 450 00:26:34,892 --> 00:26:36,393 Fuck you, you old geezer. 451 00:26:38,103 --> 00:26:41,607 - Hello, Roy. Welcome back. - How you doing, mate? 452 00:26:41,607 --> 00:26:43,317 Heard the news. 453 00:26:45,986 --> 00:26:47,029 I broke up with her. 454 00:26:47,029 --> 00:26:49,489 Why? I mean, you guys were perfect together. 455 00:26:49,990 --> 00:26:51,575 Fuckin' Bruce. 456 00:26:51,575 --> 00:26:52,993 Oi, that's Roy Kent. 457 00:26:52,993 --> 00:26:55,078 - Roy! - Roy Kent! 458 00:26:55,579 --> 00:26:57,122 We love you, Roy! 459 00:26:57,122 --> 00:26:59,666 He's here, he's there, he's every fucking where, 460 00:26:59,666 --> 00:27:01,877 Roy Kent! Roy Kent! 461 00:27:01,877 --> 00:27:04,504 He's here, he's there, he's every fucking where, 462 00:27:04,504 --> 00:27:10,052 Roy Kent, Roy Kent! He's here... 463 00:27:11,595 --> 00:27:13,138 {\an8}Now that's a lovely moment. 464 00:27:13,138 --> 00:27:15,891 {\an8}Chelsea fans letting their former captain, Roy Kent, 465 00:27:15,891 --> 00:27:17,893 {\an8}know how they still feel about him. 466 00:27:18,435 --> 00:27:21,522 Roy Kent, Roy Kent! 467 00:27:22,189 --> 00:27:24,858 He's here, he's there, he's every fucking where, 468 00:27:24,858 --> 00:27:28,028 {\an8}Roy Kent, Roy Kent... 469 00:27:41,833 --> 00:27:44,628 - Thank you. - Oh, my gosh. Is that Zava? 470 00:27:44,628 --> 00:27:45,879 There he is. 471 00:27:45,879 --> 00:27:47,297 Look, it's Zava. 472 00:27:47,881 --> 00:27:49,758 Zava! Zava! Zava! 473 00:27:49,758 --> 00:27:51,844 And the great Zava makes his appearance. 474 00:27:51,844 --> 00:27:55,806 Will he be signing for Chelsea today? What are you hearing, Chris? 475 00:27:55,806 --> 00:27:57,266 All sorts of things. 476 00:27:57,266 --> 00:28:00,936 The crowd, your voice, a slight ringing because I bumped my head earlier. 477 00:28:02,563 --> 00:28:04,314 Holy-- 478 00:28:07,192 --> 00:28:08,569 - Jamie. - What? 479 00:28:09,152 --> 00:28:10,404 It's Zava. 480 00:28:11,071 --> 00:28:13,156 - So what, man? - My heart is racing. 481 00:28:13,156 --> 00:28:15,033 I haven't been this nervous to play in front of someone 482 00:28:15,033 --> 00:28:16,952 since I was in El Chapo's youth league. 483 00:28:17,661 --> 00:28:18,662 Move, man. 484 00:28:18,662 --> 00:28:20,873 Oh, my God. I cannot believe it. 485 00:28:22,875 --> 00:28:25,127 Wow, we're in the same city as Zava. 486 00:28:25,127 --> 00:28:26,753 Thank God we dressed up. 487 00:28:30,174 --> 00:28:33,218 {\an8}The players are in position, awaiting the referee's whistle. 488 00:28:33,218 --> 00:28:36,388 {\an8}And we're off. Another season begins. 489 00:28:42,436 --> 00:28:44,188 Leslie, will you pull yourself together? 490 00:28:49,985 --> 00:28:52,946 Hughes tries for Todd, but Chelsea intercepts. 491 00:28:52,946 --> 00:28:55,616 The Greyhounds are in massive jeopardy now. 492 00:28:56,241 --> 00:29:00,621 Some invention. Look at that pace. High-pressure football. 493 00:29:01,914 --> 00:29:03,415 - And Chelsea on the board... - Fuck! 494 00:29:03,415 --> 00:29:04,917 - ...with beautiful counterattack... - Shit. 495 00:29:04,917 --> 00:29:06,043 ...against a reeling Richmond. 496 00:29:06,043 --> 00:29:07,961 No! 497 00:29:08,545 --> 00:29:09,838 Absolutely devastating. 498 00:29:09,838 --> 00:29:13,050 Take off those fucking hats. They're bad luck. 499 00:29:13,050 --> 00:29:14,343 Same old shit. 500 00:29:15,302 --> 00:29:17,137 - The ref blows his whistle... - It's all right. 501 00:29:17,137 --> 00:29:20,432 ...for the conclusion of the first half, and it's Chelsea 1, Richmond nil. 502 00:29:20,432 --> 00:29:23,769 You have to give Richmond credit for hanging on as long as they did, Arlo. 503 00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:28,398 - That's beautiful. - Yeah. 504 00:29:33,153 --> 00:29:34,154 What now? 505 00:29:35,072 --> 00:29:36,448 I might've jinxed it. 506 00:29:39,576 --> 00:29:40,577 I knew it. 507 00:29:42,329 --> 00:29:44,164 Would you please go and find out as much as you can 508 00:29:44,164 --> 00:29:46,917 from your vast network of lip-reading massage therapists? 509 00:29:46,917 --> 00:29:49,670 Okay. Pardon me. Excuse me. 510 00:29:49,670 --> 00:29:51,088 Excuse me. Pardon me. 511 00:29:52,965 --> 00:29:56,093 - Rupert's gonna land Zava. - You don't know that. 512 00:29:57,970 --> 00:30:00,347 Years ago, when I was bartending in that private club, 513 00:30:00,848 --> 00:30:03,517 Rupert and his then wife came into the bar. 514 00:30:04,351 --> 00:30:06,478 He was the life and soul of the party. 515 00:30:06,478 --> 00:30:11,942 Buying rounds of drinks for everyone, telling stories. Just charm personified. 516 00:30:11,942 --> 00:30:14,903 And he left me a massive tip. And then about a week later, 517 00:30:14,903 --> 00:30:18,907 he came back without his wife and asked me out. 518 00:30:18,907 --> 00:30:22,494 - I, of course, said no. Then he left. - What a dick. 519 00:30:23,078 --> 00:30:26,623 But then he came back the next night and the next night and the next. 520 00:30:26,623 --> 00:30:28,208 And he would just sit at the bar 521 00:30:28,208 --> 00:30:31,837 with a drink and chatted to me until close. 522 00:30:33,005 --> 00:30:35,883 And he just said, "It doesn't matter if you ever go out with me. 523 00:30:35,883 --> 00:30:38,343 It's just worth it being here to get to know you." 524 00:30:39,553 --> 00:30:42,639 It's a fine line between stalking and romance. 525 00:30:42,639 --> 00:30:47,561 And after about six weeks of that, he asked me out again. 526 00:30:48,061 --> 00:30:52,524 And I said yes without any hesitation. 527 00:30:52,524 --> 00:30:53,775 Because by that point... 528 00:30:54,526 --> 00:30:57,821 I just felt so lucky because he wanted me. 529 00:31:00,115 --> 00:31:02,659 He made me feel special. Chosen. 530 00:31:06,121 --> 00:31:07,331 He made me feel like that. 531 00:31:22,679 --> 00:31:24,348 Hey, fellas. Listen up. 532 00:31:25,265 --> 00:31:27,559 We get one goal, we're right back in this thing, yeah? 533 00:31:27,559 --> 00:31:29,394 But right now, we are being so unoffensive, 534 00:31:29,394 --> 00:31:32,689 we might as well be a Hallmark Christmas movie, you know what I'm saying? 535 00:31:32,689 --> 00:31:33,774 - What? - What's that? 536 00:31:33,774 --> 00:31:35,692 I mean, Coach, how many shots on goal we have that half? 537 00:31:35,692 --> 00:31:37,027 - One. - Yeah, that's what I thought. 538 00:31:37,027 --> 00:31:39,821 And that one was pretty much a mistake. Am I correct, Dani? 539 00:31:39,821 --> 00:31:43,242 Yes, it bounced off my face. But my face almost scored. 540 00:31:44,451 --> 00:31:45,869 Yes, it was close. 541 00:31:46,578 --> 00:31:48,163 - Coach. - Yeah, Jamie. 542 00:31:48,163 --> 00:31:49,331 - One idea. - What you got? 543 00:31:49,331 --> 00:31:51,959 Right, so every time they're going past the halfway line, they're just-- 544 00:32:02,761 --> 00:32:04,137 Trent, hold on a second. 545 00:32:05,389 --> 00:32:07,266 Roy, can I speak with you? 546 00:32:13,939 --> 00:32:16,567 Oi, what the fuck's a Hallmark Christmas movie? 547 00:32:16,567 --> 00:32:19,111 Hey, look, man, I don't know what your beef is with Trent, 548 00:32:20,028 --> 00:32:22,948 but I'm gonna need you to order off the vegan menu right now and squash it. 549 00:32:24,241 --> 00:32:25,576 'Cause your ego's about to sabotage 550 00:32:25,576 --> 00:32:27,578 a whole lot more than a silly football match. 551 00:32:29,705 --> 00:32:30,706 You feel me? 552 00:32:33,083 --> 00:32:34,126 Thank you. 553 00:32:36,003 --> 00:32:38,463 And Hallmark Christmas movies are films that feature women 554 00:32:38,463 --> 00:32:41,049 from the big city falling in love with their childhood crushes. 555 00:32:41,049 --> 00:32:43,677 It's usually some fella that owns a Christmas tree farm. 556 00:32:43,677 --> 00:32:46,054 Sometimes he's also Santa Claus or a prince. 557 00:32:47,347 --> 00:32:48,724 They suck, but they're great. 558 00:32:48,724 --> 00:32:50,350 But they also mostly suck. 559 00:32:50,934 --> 00:32:52,227 But they're also kinda great. 560 00:32:52,978 --> 00:32:54,396 They're good with the sound off. 561 00:32:55,981 --> 00:32:57,733 Now go fix this, please. 562 00:33:06,909 --> 00:33:07,951 Crimm! 563 00:33:24,301 --> 00:33:25,427 It's actually quite funny 564 00:33:25,427 --> 00:33:27,262 when he yells at other people, innit? 565 00:33:43,779 --> 00:33:44,947 Hold this. 566 00:33:53,288 --> 00:33:58,835 "Newcomer Roy Kent is an overhyped, so-called prodigy 567 00:33:59,753 --> 00:34:02,965 whose unbridled rage and mediocre talent 568 00:34:03,799 --> 00:34:09,429 rendered his Premier League debut a profound disappointment." 569 00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:12,849 Do you know who wrote that? 570 00:34:15,352 --> 00:34:17,688 I was 17 years old. 571 00:34:19,189 --> 00:34:21,108 This fucking wrecked me. 572 00:34:23,110 --> 00:34:25,070 I thought I was being edgy. 573 00:34:26,029 --> 00:34:28,240 I was just trying to make a name for myself. 574 00:34:29,782 --> 00:34:34,997 All I really did was look for the worst in people. I'm sorry. 575 00:34:38,208 --> 00:34:39,501 It's all right. 576 00:34:41,295 --> 00:34:42,421 Give me that. 577 00:34:46,175 --> 00:34:47,259 You know, it's funny. 578 00:34:48,260 --> 00:34:51,054 - We had a lot in common back then. - We did? 579 00:34:51,054 --> 00:34:53,557 We both thought one another sucked shit at their job. 580 00:34:55,017 --> 00:34:56,226 And now look at us. 581 00:34:58,687 --> 00:34:59,730 - Go. - Yeah. 582 00:35:05,861 --> 00:35:07,196 Oi. 583 00:35:09,114 --> 00:35:10,741 You can talk around this prick now. 584 00:35:12,367 --> 00:35:14,036 Oi. Hold on, yo, yo, Jamie. What were you saying? 585 00:35:14,036 --> 00:35:17,122 Yeah, man. Listen. What I'm saying is, every time we go past halfway, 586 00:35:17,122 --> 00:35:19,708 they're just blocking up the passing lanes, you get that? 587 00:35:19,708 --> 00:35:21,585 Yes, yes. That's right. They're not marking us. 588 00:35:21,585 --> 00:35:23,128 So just keep dribbling until they stop you. 589 00:35:23,128 --> 00:35:26,590 Exactly! Let's take it all the way and fucking win this. 590 00:35:26,590 --> 00:35:28,300 Yes! Yeah! 591 00:35:31,512 --> 00:35:33,514 Thank you, thank you. 592 00:35:33,514 --> 00:35:34,765 Well? 593 00:35:34,765 --> 00:35:37,059 I just got off the phone with my son's karate teacher, 594 00:35:37,059 --> 00:35:40,229 who used to date the woman who ran Zava's avocado farm-- 595 00:35:40,229 --> 00:35:44,024 - Would you please get on with it? - He might be going to West Ham. 596 00:35:44,024 --> 00:35:45,526 - Shit. - I knew it. 597 00:35:47,069 --> 00:35:48,904 Rupert always gets what he wants. 598 00:35:55,285 --> 00:35:56,286 You know what? 599 00:35:57,287 --> 00:36:00,541 If Rupert can sweet-talk Zava into joining his club, then so can I. 600 00:36:01,250 --> 00:36:02,584 - Yes. - Excuse me. 601 00:36:02,584 --> 00:36:03,877 Thank you. Sorry. 602 00:36:03,877 --> 00:36:05,420 And we're back for the second half. 603 00:36:05,420 --> 00:36:08,841 Chris, do you think either of these teams made any adjustments in the locker rooms? 604 00:36:08,841 --> 00:36:10,759 I'm sure they did, Arlo. 605 00:36:10,759 --> 00:36:13,929 But professional athletes don't mind adjusting themselves in public either. 606 00:36:18,976 --> 00:36:21,144 Hello there. Rebecca Welton, AFC Richmond. 607 00:36:21,144 --> 00:36:23,230 I'd love to see Zava. Thank you. 608 00:36:23,230 --> 00:36:25,190 No one gets in to see Zava. 609 00:36:25,774 --> 00:36:28,026 - I just saw Mr. Mannion-- - Rebecca, my dear. 610 00:36:29,987 --> 00:36:33,115 - Rupert. What a lovely surprise. - Yeah. 611 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:37,244 - There you go, Mr. Mannion. - Thank you, Matthew. 612 00:36:39,037 --> 00:36:41,874 Congratulations, by the way, on the win against Leicester yesterday. 613 00:36:41,874 --> 00:36:46,378 Thank you. Yeah. We are so lucky to have a manager like Nathan. 614 00:36:46,378 --> 00:36:51,133 He's a gaffer who really understands the game. Such an advantage. 615 00:36:55,387 --> 00:37:00,017 Zava. Let me introduce Rebecca Welton. My ex-wife. 616 00:37:00,684 --> 00:37:02,436 And the owner of AFC Richmond. 617 00:37:02,436 --> 00:37:03,645 Yeah, of course. 618 00:37:04,396 --> 00:37:06,231 It's an honor for you to meet me. 619 00:37:08,317 --> 00:37:09,151 See you soon. 620 00:37:09,151 --> 00:37:10,402 Can't wait. 621 00:37:20,245 --> 00:37:23,582 He will look so great in claret and blue. 622 00:37:28,003 --> 00:37:29,755 You know, Rupert, I was a little bit surprised 623 00:37:29,755 --> 00:37:31,798 when you bought West Ham. 624 00:37:31,798 --> 00:37:34,635 I always thought that Richmond was your one true love. 625 00:37:35,636 --> 00:37:40,474 Guess I'm just like any man. Just get bored with the same old, same old. 626 00:37:43,519 --> 00:37:45,020 Good luck with this season. 627 00:38:12,589 --> 00:38:15,884 You are such a fucking chickenshit. 628 00:38:16,552 --> 00:38:20,931 I mean, if you were great, truly great, you could play anywhere. 629 00:38:20,931 --> 00:38:25,185 But instead you choose a club like West Ham, because it's big and shiny, 630 00:38:25,185 --> 00:38:27,771 and you know that they'll win whether you're there or not. 631 00:38:28,272 --> 00:38:30,232 And you'll never have to wonder 632 00:38:30,232 --> 00:38:33,026 if you're still as good as you tell everyone you are. 633 00:38:34,695 --> 00:38:39,950 But you and I know that you're not. You're overrated. You're overpaid. 634 00:38:42,619 --> 00:38:45,414 And you eat too much fucking asparagus. 635 00:38:51,962 --> 00:38:54,506 Richmond's defending has kept them in this match, 636 00:38:54,506 --> 00:38:56,842 and they are one moment of inspiration away 637 00:38:56,842 --> 00:38:59,428 from going home with an unlikely point. 638 00:38:59,428 --> 00:39:02,389 Well, Chelsea giving Hughes space. 639 00:39:02,389 --> 00:39:05,058 If they're going to give him space, he's going to take it. 640 00:39:05,058 --> 00:39:08,020 Possibilities here. Hughes has options. 641 00:39:08,562 --> 00:39:10,522 He slides it through to Tartt. 642 00:39:11,106 --> 00:39:12,649 Is this the moment? 643 00:39:13,650 --> 00:39:15,569 Obisanya's gonna have a go. 644 00:39:17,321 --> 00:39:19,907 It's in, off the face of Rojas! 645 00:39:19,907 --> 00:39:21,742 - Absolutely brilliant. - Yes! 646 00:39:21,742 --> 00:39:24,161 In the blink of an eye. Would you believe it? 647 00:39:24,161 --> 00:39:26,747 An historic goal, and it's 1-1. 648 00:39:26,747 --> 00:39:30,167 My face scored a goal! My face scored a goal! 649 00:39:30,834 --> 00:39:34,171 Chris, have you ever scored with your face? 650 00:39:34,171 --> 00:39:38,133 I've scored with every part of my body, Arlo. That's a ridiculous question. 651 00:39:39,510 --> 00:39:41,303 - That was amazing. - Yeah, mate. 652 00:39:41,303 --> 00:39:42,763 Do you think Zava saw? 653 00:39:44,389 --> 00:39:45,599 Don't be a dick, man. 654 00:39:46,183 --> 00:39:47,184 Come on. 655 00:39:48,810 --> 00:39:50,354 Excuse me. Sorry. 656 00:39:54,274 --> 00:39:56,068 Oi, how'd it go? 657 00:39:56,068 --> 00:40:00,197 - Did you sweet-talk him? - What's the opposite of that? 658 00:40:01,240 --> 00:40:02,366 Sour-yell. 659 00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:04,576 Yeah, I did that. 660 00:40:08,163 --> 00:40:10,916 And Richmond managed to secure a 1-1 draw 661 00:40:10,916 --> 00:40:13,418 against Chelsea in this gripping West London derby. 662 00:40:13,418 --> 00:40:16,046 - There we go. There you go. - They'll be leaving Stamford Bridge 663 00:40:16,046 --> 00:40:18,507 with a well-deserved point on the table. 664 00:40:23,887 --> 00:40:26,139 Hello, everyone. Thanks for joining us. 665 00:40:26,139 --> 00:40:28,934 Obviously not the result we were hoping for today. 666 00:40:28,934 --> 00:40:33,230 {\an8}But I am certain that this afternoon's announcement 667 00:40:33,230 --> 00:40:36,525 {\an8}will raise every Chelsea fan's spirits. 668 00:40:36,525 --> 00:40:39,695 - Now, I know... - Still think we need to get to the office. 669 00:40:40,237 --> 00:40:41,572 It won't be safe here. 670 00:40:41,572 --> 00:40:44,116 Please welcome the newest member 671 00:40:44,116 --> 00:40:46,451 of Chelsea Football Club. 672 00:40:47,035 --> 00:40:48,203 {\an8}Zava. 673 00:40:52,666 --> 00:40:55,168 Welcome, Zava. Please take a seat. 674 00:40:56,670 --> 00:41:01,258 All right. You just sign. And there's the pen. 675 00:41:04,136 --> 00:41:05,304 Please. 676 00:41:11,935 --> 00:41:15,314 {\an8}I have changed my mind. Zava will not play for Chelsea. 677 00:41:17,566 --> 00:41:19,443 Oh, God. I'm sorry. I can't watch this. 678 00:41:21,820 --> 00:41:23,447 {\an8}Zava will play for Richmond. 679 00:41:29,745 --> 00:41:31,121 You twat! 680 00:41:33,373 --> 00:41:35,417 - May I keep the pen? - Sure. 681 00:41:37,502 --> 00:41:38,503 What? 682 00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:45,427 What the fuck? 683 00:41:45,427 --> 00:41:46,762 - You did it. - Yeah. 684 00:41:46,762 --> 00:41:48,472 - You did it! - Oh, my God. 685 00:41:49,097 --> 00:41:51,600 Yo! We've got Zava. 686 00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:52,559 What? 687 00:41:52,559 --> 00:41:55,020 We've got Zava! Look! 688 00:41:55,854 --> 00:41:56,855 Shit! 689 00:42:02,861 --> 00:42:04,947 Fans are not gonna like this. 690 00:42:04,947 --> 00:42:10,786 Zava! We got you, Zava! We got you, Zava! We got you, ra, ra, ra! 691 00:42:15,499 --> 00:42:17,334 - All right, man. Take care, man. - Take care. 692 00:42:17,334 --> 00:42:19,419 - Zava is coming here. - Zava. 693 00:42:34,893 --> 00:42:37,604 What you up to tonight, Coach? You wanna race-walk home together? 694 00:42:38,105 --> 00:42:41,108 Can't. Jane and I are gonna go see her friend's immersive theater show 695 00:42:41,108 --> 00:42:42,276 about the menstrual cycle. 696 00:42:44,653 --> 00:42:46,655 All right, well, I hope you're not late. 697 00:42:46,655 --> 00:42:48,365 Please tell Jane I said hello. 698 00:42:48,365 --> 00:42:52,035 I would, but she still finds our relationship threatening. 699 00:42:54,329 --> 00:42:55,664 - Night, guys. - Good night. 700 00:42:55,664 --> 00:42:56,790 Night, Coach. 701 00:42:57,457 --> 00:43:00,752 What do you say, Mr. Crimm? Heck of a first week, yeah? 702 00:43:01,336 --> 00:43:02,379 And we've only just begun. 703 00:43:04,381 --> 00:43:06,091 - Good night. - Night, Roy. 704 00:43:06,884 --> 00:43:10,345 Hey, Roy. I'm just curious, what was it like being back at Chelsea? 705 00:43:10,345 --> 00:43:12,139 All them fans sure were happy to see you. 706 00:43:14,099 --> 00:43:20,022 I don't know. Just felt... sad. Or something. 707 00:43:20,022 --> 00:43:21,857 Really? Why is that? 708 00:43:38,290 --> 00:43:42,544 Last season I was there, we played a match against Arsenal, 709 00:43:43,545 --> 00:43:47,257 - and we fucking murdered 'em. - I remember, 3-nil. 710 00:43:47,257 --> 00:43:48,675 Yeah. 711 00:43:50,469 --> 00:43:51,845 But I played like shit. 712 00:43:54,431 --> 00:43:55,641 Right? 713 00:43:59,811 --> 00:44:01,188 I did. 714 00:44:02,147 --> 00:44:05,317 That was the first time, ever, I thought, 715 00:44:06,693 --> 00:44:08,237 "I can't keep up anymore. 716 00:44:10,072 --> 00:44:11,490 I'm not good enough." 717 00:44:13,283 --> 00:44:17,454 And that was all I could think about for the rest of the year. 718 00:44:18,997 --> 00:44:24,503 I knew it was only gonna get worse. So at the end of the season, I left. 719 00:44:26,338 --> 00:44:32,261 Everyone was shocked. The club was shocked. The fans. The press. 720 00:44:32,261 --> 00:44:33,637 Yeah. 721 00:44:34,429 --> 00:44:36,390 I didn't wanna be one of them broken-down footballers 722 00:44:36,390 --> 00:44:38,725 just taking up space until they're dropped, 723 00:44:39,226 --> 00:44:40,853 years after they should have been. 724 00:44:40,853 --> 00:44:44,815 Yeah, well, a lot of folks think it's better to quit than to be fired, you know? 725 00:44:45,983 --> 00:44:46,984 Yeah. 726 00:44:49,653 --> 00:44:51,113 But going back there today... 727 00:44:54,199 --> 00:44:55,784 there's a part of me... 728 00:44:58,620 --> 00:45:00,205 thinking maybe I should have stayed... 729 00:45:02,457 --> 00:45:05,419 and just fucking... 730 00:45:07,754 --> 00:45:09,548 enjoyed myself. 731 00:45:16,597 --> 00:45:18,348 But that is not who I am, 732 00:45:19,558 --> 00:45:20,559 I guess. 733 00:45:22,519 --> 00:45:23,520 Not yet. 734 00:45:27,733 --> 00:45:30,986 But, hey, if you wouldn't have left Chelsea when you did, 735 00:45:32,279 --> 00:45:33,864 we probably never would have met. 736 00:45:44,458 --> 00:45:46,084 - Good night. - Good night. 737 00:45:47,211 --> 00:45:48,629 Good night, Roy. 738 00:45:53,008 --> 00:45:54,009 Sport. 739 00:45:55,093 --> 00:45:56,512 It's quite the metaphor. 740 00:45:56,512 --> 00:46:00,349 Yeah. It also makes for a heck of a nickname. 741 00:46:01,225 --> 00:46:02,226 Yeah. 742 00:46:02,226 --> 00:46:04,353 - Night, Ted. - Good night, sport.