1
00:00:25,906 --> 00:00:28,867
So remember that the client pays
for the shoot,
2
00:00:28,867 --> 00:00:30,786
but we pay for the overtime.
3
00:00:30,786 --> 00:00:33,664
So whatever you do, don't go over.
4
00:00:33,664 --> 00:00:36,250
But make the commercial
as good as possible too, right?
5
00:00:37,709 --> 00:00:39,670
Yeah. Sure. Whatever.
6
00:00:40,379 --> 00:00:41,380
And I had an idea.
7
00:00:41,380 --> 00:00:43,966
Maybe we could all have a picnic together
in the conference room?
8
00:00:44,550 --> 00:00:45,843
I can't make it.
9
00:00:45,843 --> 00:00:48,053
- I didn't tell you when it was.
- I know.
10
00:00:48,637 --> 00:00:52,724
Come on, Barbara. Could be fun.
11
00:00:53,475 --> 00:00:56,395
We could get to know each other a little.
Maybe loosen things up around here.
12
00:00:56,979 --> 00:00:59,064
Well, I've worked with this lot before,
13
00:00:59,064 --> 00:01:03,026
and, yeah, this is as loose as they get.
14
00:01:11,493 --> 00:01:13,871
- We'll see about that, Babs.
- Oh, no. Don't.
15
00:01:13,871 --> 00:01:15,914
Yep. I felt that as soon as I said it.
16
00:01:18,333 --> 00:01:19,918
All right, I'm headed out.
17
00:01:20,711 --> 00:01:22,588
Everyone have a great day, yeah?
18
00:01:25,424 --> 00:01:28,677
Oi, don't do anything I wouldn't do.
19
00:01:43,192 --> 00:01:44,860
What wouldn't she do?
20
00:02:07,841 --> 00:02:09,760
Good morning, Viet--
21
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,094
Ted!
22
00:02:11,094 --> 00:02:13,555
- Hey, look who's here. Hi, Keeley.
- Hello, Ted.
23
00:02:14,431 --> 00:02:16,058
Trent Crimm. Are you kidding me?
24
00:02:16,058 --> 00:02:17,559
Hey, nice to see you, man.
25
00:02:17,559 --> 00:02:19,853
{\an8}You know, they got a big old Ziploc bag
full of your hair ties
26
00:02:19,853 --> 00:02:21,730
{\an8}down at the lost and found.
You should pop on down,
27
00:02:21,730 --> 00:02:22,648
{\an8}if you still want 'em.
28
00:02:22,648 --> 00:02:27,236
{\an8}Thank you. Mr. Crimm has requested
to follow the club this year.
29
00:02:28,362 --> 00:02:31,031
- He wants to write a book about us.
- Yeah?
30
00:02:31,031 --> 00:02:32,866
I think there's a story here
worth telling, Ted.
31
00:02:33,575 --> 00:02:36,078
Yes, and we all love the idea.
32
00:02:36,078 --> 00:02:37,829
But obviously, as manager,
33
00:02:37,829 --> 00:02:39,957
we thought you should have
the final decision.
34
00:02:41,291 --> 00:02:42,292
{\an8}Okay.
35
00:02:44,711 --> 00:02:46,296
{\an8}I mean, geez, you know, like--
36
00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:55,556
No.
37
00:02:59,184 --> 00:03:02,479
Sure, what the heck?
Why not? When can you start?
38
00:03:02,479 --> 00:03:05,482
{\an8}No time like the present.
Except 11:11. That's my wishing time.
39
00:03:05,482 --> 00:03:09,194
{\an8}Or 23:11,
if I'm at a military base or Euro Disney.
40
00:03:09,194 --> 00:03:11,947
{\an8}Right, well. Decision made.
41
00:03:11,947 --> 00:03:13,949
Wonderful. Trent, welcome.
42
00:03:15,909 --> 00:03:17,911
- Holy shit.
- Uh-oh.
43
00:03:17,911 --> 00:03:19,705
Zava is leaving Juventus.
44
00:03:21,498 --> 00:03:24,751
{\an8}What about their kids? I'm sorry. I didn't
know what any of those things meant.
45
00:03:24,751 --> 00:03:26,545
{\an8}I thought it was like Greek mythology
or something.
46
00:03:26,545 --> 00:03:28,213
{\an8}I was just lost.
I just went with that. Sorry.
47
00:03:28,213 --> 00:03:31,258
{\an8}Zava's a world-class striker
who's about to leave his club in Italy.
48
00:03:32,092 --> 00:03:33,552
{\an8}Cacio later, Pepe.
49
00:03:33,552 --> 00:03:36,180
{\an8}Apparently, he wants to play
in the Premier League
50
00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:39,766
{\an8}because his wife binged The Office
and she wants to live in England.
51
00:03:39,766 --> 00:03:41,852
I think you mean
Scranton, Pennsylvania, buddy.
52
00:03:41,852 --> 00:03:43,645
No, the British Office, Ted.
53
00:03:43,645 --> 00:03:45,898
That's right.
Y'all did a premake over here.
54
00:03:45,898 --> 00:03:47,816
If we got Zava, that would be amazing.
55
00:03:47,816 --> 00:03:50,903
{\an8}He would be huge for the club's brand.
He's got like 90 million followers.
56
00:03:50,903 --> 00:03:53,488
{\an8}One time he just
posted the word "7 million likes."
57
00:03:53,488 --> 00:03:54,781
{\an8}It got 10 million likes.
58
00:03:54,781 --> 00:03:58,410
{\an8}Yes, but he is very expensive. And isn't
he supposed to be a bit of a diva?
59
00:03:58,410 --> 00:04:01,079
{\an8}Yes, huge diva. Enormous.
60
00:04:01,079 --> 00:04:03,874
{\an8}He goes through teams like you
go through manicurists.
61
00:04:03,874 --> 00:04:06,418
{\an8}The fumes make me dizzy, and I overshare.
62
00:04:07,377 --> 00:04:08,879
{\an8}Please don't print that.
63
00:04:08,879 --> 00:04:11,924
{\an8}Zava has played for 14 teams in 15 years,
64
00:04:11,924 --> 00:04:14,218
{\an8}leaving behind nothing
but chaos and trophies.
65
00:04:14,968 --> 00:04:16,512
{\an8}Beautiful, shiny trophies.
66
00:04:16,512 --> 00:04:19,389
{\an8}Yes, but, Leslie,
who wants to deal with all that drama?
67
00:04:20,098 --> 00:04:22,559
{\an8}Apparently, everyone who can afford him.
68
00:04:22,559 --> 00:04:26,104
{\an8}Chelsea, Arsenal, United, West Ham.
69
00:04:26,104 --> 00:04:27,397
I say, let's just go for it.
70
00:04:27,397 --> 00:04:31,026
I mean, maybe he's a handful,
but who doesn't love a handful?
71
00:04:31,902 --> 00:04:34,029
{\an8}I mean, if you're talking salted peanuts,
yes, please.
72
00:04:34,029 --> 00:04:35,739
{\an8}If you're talking Skittles though,
no, thank you.
73
00:04:35,739 --> 00:04:37,866
You know, the dye melts,
and it gets all over your fingers,
74
00:04:37,866 --> 00:04:39,034
makes 'em all sticky.
75
00:04:39,034 --> 00:04:40,702
And that, you can print.
76
00:04:43,330 --> 00:04:46,083
- Wonderful. Let's set up a meeting.
- Great.
77
00:04:46,083 --> 00:04:48,168
- Let's go and get Zava.
- Yes!
78
00:04:48,168 --> 00:04:49,753
- We're doing it.
- Zava dabba doo!
79
00:04:50,504 --> 00:04:52,881
- Yeah.
- Here we go. Yeah, come on.
80
00:04:52,881 --> 00:04:54,258
This is exciting.
81
00:04:54,258 --> 00:04:56,468
So, am I to assume
that you're going to pursue
82
00:04:56,468 --> 00:05:00,180
{\an8}a notoriously mercurial player
you can't really afford simply
83
00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:02,516
{\an8}because the team your ex-husband
owns wants him?
84
00:05:04,643 --> 00:05:06,979
No, no, no, no, no.
85
00:05:08,605 --> 00:05:09,606
Yes.
86
00:05:12,234 --> 00:05:13,235
Love that.
87
00:05:18,699 --> 00:05:21,243
So, hey, come on. Talk to me.
88
00:05:21,243 --> 00:05:24,329
What's it like being the boss
of your own Keeley Street Band, huh?
89
00:05:24,329 --> 00:05:26,123
- I think it's going really good.
- Yeah?
90
00:05:26,123 --> 00:05:27,457
{\an8}- Yeah.
- Good, good.
91
00:05:27,457 --> 00:05:30,794
{\an8}Well, I do wish that my co-workers
would loosen up just a little bit.
92
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:33,630
- You want my advice?
- Yes.
93
00:05:33,630 --> 00:05:35,674
Y'all should go out
and do something together.
94
00:05:35,674 --> 00:05:37,301
You know, like outside of work.
95
00:05:37,301 --> 00:05:38,927
- That's a great idea.
- Yeah, yeah.
96
00:05:39,636 --> 00:05:41,847
{\an8}Maybe I could hire a shaman
97
00:05:41,847 --> 00:05:44,725
{\an8}and we could do a bunch
of ayahuasca under a blood moon.
98
00:05:45,934 --> 00:05:47,811
{\an8}I was thinking something
like an escape room,
99
00:05:47,811 --> 00:05:49,563
but, hey, Clamato Clamato, right?
100
00:05:49,563 --> 00:05:51,773
- Yeah. Thanks, Ted.
- Good to see you. Yeah.
101
00:05:51,773 --> 00:05:53,108
- Keeley!
- Yeah?
102
00:05:53,108 --> 00:05:54,902
Isaac. Hi. You all right?
103
00:05:54,902 --> 00:05:56,945
Yeah. Can you help me get a shoe deal?
104
00:05:56,945 --> 00:05:59,990
I'd love to. Any brand in particular?
105
00:05:59,990 --> 00:06:04,036
{\an8}No brands.
Just shoes, in general. You know.
106
00:06:05,871 --> 00:06:07,372
{\an8}Great. I'll look into it for you.
107
00:06:10,417 --> 00:06:11,585
{\an8}- Hi, guys.
- Keeley.
108
00:06:12,169 --> 00:06:13,045
{\an8}Hi, Keeley.
109
00:06:13,045 --> 00:06:14,713
{\an8}- Hi, Jamie.
- How you doing? You good, yeah?
110
00:06:14,713 --> 00:06:16,298
Yeah, I'm all right. You?
111
00:06:16,298 --> 00:06:20,302
Yeah, yeah. Not bad. Yeah, yeah. Gym.
112
00:06:20,302 --> 00:06:22,304
- Just went to the gym. So, yeah. Good.
- Good.
113
00:06:25,682 --> 00:06:27,100
Glad you're good. I'll see you later.
114
00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:28,519
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Bye.
115
00:06:31,230 --> 00:06:32,773
- Bruv.
- What's up, man?
116
00:06:38,070 --> 00:06:39,780
Keeley and Roy have broken up.
117
00:06:40,614 --> 00:06:42,366
What? Who told you that?
118
00:06:42,908 --> 00:06:45,786
It's not "who," bruv.
It's "what." Kinesics.
119
00:06:46,286 --> 00:06:48,372
Study of body language. Just look at 'em.
120
00:06:49,248 --> 00:06:51,542
No eye contact, Keeley's crossed arms.
121
00:06:52,543 --> 00:06:57,214
Roy's clenched arse. It's science.
122
00:07:24,783 --> 00:07:27,286
- What do you want?
- You and Keeley break up?
123
00:07:28,078 --> 00:07:30,038
- Who told you that?
- No one.
124
00:07:30,789 --> 00:07:31,874
I use body science.
125
00:07:33,333 --> 00:07:34,877
Why? Is it true?
126
00:07:43,093 --> 00:07:44,136
What's that fucking face?
127
00:07:44,136 --> 00:07:46,597
It's called empathy, you dusty, old fart.
128
00:07:47,389 --> 00:07:51,393
Look, as someone who's been dumped
by Keeley, I get it.
129
00:07:52,227 --> 00:07:56,064
- She didn't dump me.
- You dumped her? Why?
130
00:07:56,064 --> 00:07:58,984
I don't want to talk about it.
Why'd you come in here?
131
00:07:59,693 --> 00:08:00,694
Let me guess.
132
00:08:00,694 --> 00:08:02,946
You want to know if it's okay
to ask her out, right?
133
00:08:02,946 --> 00:08:07,951
No, I was just-- I was just seeing
if you were okay, man.
134
00:08:12,289 --> 00:08:13,332
Dickhead.
135
00:08:13,332 --> 00:08:14,791
- What the fuck you doing?
- I was gonna hug you.
136
00:08:14,791 --> 00:08:17,920
- Well, you came at me too fast.
- Jesus, sorry.
137
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,923
I forget how skittish elderly people
could be 'cause of the war.
138
00:08:21,757 --> 00:08:23,592
Come on, man.
I was just trying to comfort you.
139
00:08:23,592 --> 00:08:25,219
Well, I don't want comfort.
140
00:08:25,219 --> 00:08:27,262
And I told you,
I don't want to talk about it.
141
00:08:27,262 --> 00:08:28,931
So don't you say a fucking word.
Do you hear me?
142
00:08:28,931 --> 00:08:30,474
Fine, I won't.
143
00:08:32,601 --> 00:08:34,727
And don't you say a fucking word
about it either, William.
144
00:08:34,727 --> 00:08:36,104
No, no, I won't.
145
00:08:36,104 --> 00:08:38,398
I actually just went through
a bit of a breakup myself,
146
00:08:38,398 --> 00:08:40,275
so I can somewhat relate.
147
00:08:41,193 --> 00:08:43,028
Hey, maybe we should all go out sometime.
148
00:08:43,028 --> 00:08:45,364
Us three. You know, get a couple drinks,
couple pints, couple shots.
149
00:08:45,364 --> 00:08:48,033
Fishbowls. Single guys club.
150
00:08:51,078 --> 00:08:52,412
Or I can just not say a fucking word.
151
00:08:52,412 --> 00:08:54,456
No, I hear you. I hear you loud and clear.
152
00:08:54,456 --> 00:08:56,083
Well, you are a sleepwalker.
153
00:08:56,083 --> 00:08:58,168
I don't know what else to tell you. Period.
154
00:09:00,712 --> 00:09:02,256
Hey, Coach.
155
00:09:04,424 --> 00:09:05,425
What are you doing?
156
00:09:07,177 --> 00:09:09,012
Just taking a peek
at one of these soccer strategy books
157
00:09:09,012 --> 00:09:09,972
you always got your nose in.
158
00:09:14,059 --> 00:09:15,394
What do you think?
159
00:09:16,019 --> 00:09:18,897
Well, given the struggles I've already had
with the table of contents,
160
00:09:18,897 --> 00:09:20,524
I think I might be best served to wait
161
00:09:20,524 --> 00:09:22,317
until this son of a gun
comes out as a movie.
162
00:09:24,278 --> 00:09:26,697
Hey, let me ask you a couple questions.
163
00:09:26,697 --> 00:09:28,240
One, what would you think if we sign Zava?
164
00:09:29,491 --> 00:09:30,742
That's good, right?
165
00:09:30,742 --> 00:09:32,411
- Zava? Yeah.
- Okay.
166
00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,080
Second question. Who is Zava?
167
00:09:35,873 --> 00:09:38,250
He's a living legend.
You know who Zava is.
168
00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:40,168
Beg to differ, Claudia Schiffer.
169
00:09:50,804 --> 00:09:53,098
Now why you got me
watching the Veggie Dog Vigilante here?
170
00:09:53,724 --> 00:09:54,808
{\an8}Hey.
171
00:09:55,434 --> 00:09:56,435
{\an8}No way.
172
00:09:57,811 --> 00:09:59,438
{\an8}Because that's Zava.
173
00:10:01,023 --> 00:10:02,232
That's Zava?
174
00:10:03,317 --> 00:10:05,360
{\an8}Well, shoot.
I didn't know this fella played football.
175
00:10:06,195 --> 00:10:08,488
Hey, I said football
without even thinking about it.
176
00:10:08,488 --> 00:10:10,657
Boy, that book really works.
177
00:10:13,952 --> 00:10:15,621
11:11. Make a wish.
178
00:10:19,708 --> 00:10:22,377
- What'd you wish for? Come on, Coach.
- I can't tell you that.
179
00:10:22,377 --> 00:10:24,171
I just don't want our wishes
to cancel each other out.
180
00:10:24,171 --> 00:10:26,423
- That's not how it works.
- Shut the fuck up.
181
00:10:26,423 --> 00:10:28,300
- Take it back.
- Uh-oh, now what?
182
00:10:28,300 --> 00:10:29,343
Take it back.
183
00:10:29,343 --> 00:10:31,094
I can't take back things
that's already happened.
184
00:10:31,094 --> 00:10:33,555
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Fellas, what's wrong?
185
00:10:33,555 --> 00:10:35,641
Coach,
we just heard the most upsetting rumor.
186
00:10:36,391 --> 00:10:38,435
Okay, is this about us getting Zava?
187
00:10:38,435 --> 00:10:40,145
- What?
- We're getting Zava?
188
00:10:40,145 --> 00:10:43,482
I just wished for that 30 seconds ago.
189
00:10:48,737 --> 00:10:50,155
Wait, no.
190
00:10:50,155 --> 00:10:51,448
Hold on a second, okay?
191
00:10:51,448 --> 00:10:53,867
If y'all weren't talking about Zava,
what were you so upset about?
192
00:10:53,867 --> 00:10:55,911
Is it 'cause Trent Crimm's
writing a book about us?
193
00:10:55,911 --> 00:10:57,913
What?
194
00:10:57,913 --> 00:11:00,415
Wait, Trent Crimm's writing a book
about Zava joining our team?
195
00:11:00,415 --> 00:11:03,210
No, no. He's just coming here
to write a book about the team.
196
00:11:03,210 --> 00:11:04,711
Zava's writing a book about us?
197
00:11:04,711 --> 00:11:06,171
No, Trent Crimm.
198
00:11:06,171 --> 00:11:09,132
Why would Zava write a book
about Trent Crimm?
199
00:11:12,511 --> 00:11:15,597
Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey! Stop!
Okay, hold on a second.
200
00:11:15,597 --> 00:11:18,267
If y'all didn't know about Zava,
which may or may not happen,
201
00:11:19,309 --> 00:11:22,062
and y'all didn't know about Trent Crimm,
which is happening,
202
00:11:22,062 --> 00:11:24,398
then what were you so worked up about?
203
00:11:27,401 --> 00:11:28,694
Roy and Keeley broke up.
204
00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:32,614
Coach.
205
00:11:34,032 --> 00:11:35,033
Sorry, no, I'm okay.
206
00:11:35,033 --> 00:11:37,119
Got a little light-headed there.
Yeah, thank you.
207
00:11:37,119 --> 00:11:38,370
Fuck's going on?
208
00:11:41,874 --> 00:11:42,875
Tartt!
209
00:11:42,875 --> 00:11:44,585
Hey, hey, hey, hey. I didn't say anything.
210
00:11:44,585 --> 00:11:46,336
I will fucking kill you.
211
00:11:46,336 --> 00:11:48,714
No, I came in, and they was talking
about us getting Zava.
212
00:11:48,714 --> 00:11:52,426
What? We're getting Zava?
213
00:11:52,426 --> 00:11:54,803
Roy, do you want to talk about it?
214
00:11:55,387 --> 00:11:57,139
No, I'm not talking about me and Keeley.
215
00:11:57,723 --> 00:12:00,475
No, I meant Zava.
Do you want to talk about it?
216
00:12:00,475 --> 00:12:03,020
Sure, he's nuts,
but he'll help us win games.
217
00:12:03,020 --> 00:12:05,147
That time I was actually talking
about you and Keeley.
218
00:12:05,147 --> 00:12:07,566
- Fuck's sake.
- Hey, Will, come here a sec.
219
00:12:07,566 --> 00:12:09,067
- Yeah, I'm here.
- Hey.
220
00:12:09,568 --> 00:12:11,445
I need you to run to my apartment,
go into my desk,
221
00:12:11,445 --> 00:12:14,323
and grab my CD
called "Ted's breakup mix." Okay?
222
00:12:14,323 --> 00:12:15,866
- Got it. What's a CD?
- Okay.
223
00:12:15,866 --> 00:12:17,576
- Oh, boy.
- On it.
224
00:12:17,576 --> 00:12:19,119
Hey, Coach, you gonna need my keys.
225
00:12:19,119 --> 00:12:20,913
- I got a set.
- Right.
226
00:12:21,705 --> 00:12:23,290
- Thanks. Don't worry about it.
- Okay.
227
00:12:23,290 --> 00:12:25,709
Hey, Roy, look, we're here for you. Okay?
228
00:12:26,210 --> 00:12:28,045
We've all been dumped before,
right, fellas?
229
00:12:29,463 --> 00:12:32,049
She didn't dump me. I broke up with her.
230
00:12:33,926 --> 00:12:34,843
What?
231
00:12:36,053 --> 00:12:37,679
This day couldn't get any worse.
232
00:12:37,679 --> 00:12:39,515
And this is the locker room. Hello, boys.
233
00:12:39,515 --> 00:12:42,392
- I believe you all know Trent Crimm.
- Gentlemen.
234
00:12:42,392 --> 00:12:44,102
The fuck is this prick doing here?
235
00:12:44,102 --> 00:12:46,271
Trent's writing a book about our season,
236
00:12:46,271 --> 00:12:49,858
so let's welcome him with open arms
and open minds.
237
00:12:49,858 --> 00:12:52,486
Absolutely. Yes.
238
00:12:53,487 --> 00:12:57,074
Oi! Listen up!
239
00:12:58,367 --> 00:13:01,870
No one says a fucking word
around this prick
240
00:13:02,371 --> 00:13:05,832
unless they want my forehead
through their fucking skull!
241
00:13:09,211 --> 00:13:10,295
Don't worry.
242
00:13:14,216 --> 00:13:15,425
Okay, well...
243
00:13:18,262 --> 00:13:20,138
we'll work out the specifics later.
244
00:13:21,265 --> 00:13:23,475
But until then, welcome, Trent.
245
00:13:30,399 --> 00:13:32,109
I mean, fuck off, Trent Crimm.
246
00:13:54,631 --> 00:13:57,593
And cut! Thank you, folks. Moving on.
247
00:13:58,635 --> 00:14:03,098
Okay. Now the lamb chugs
a Cafka mini and poof,
248
00:14:03,098 --> 00:14:05,642
turns into a smoking hot lion.
249
00:14:05,642 --> 00:14:09,104
Great, but we can't actually
make the lamb drink the Cafka mini, right?
250
00:14:09,104 --> 00:14:11,231
- No, of course not.
- Okay, good.
251
00:14:11,231 --> 00:14:15,068
We were told by the people
in the lab, the lamb cannot drink it.
252
00:14:15,068 --> 00:14:17,696
Yeah, no, it will die instantly.
253
00:14:17,696 --> 00:14:19,156
Something about enzymes.
254
00:14:19,823 --> 00:14:21,074
I totally get it.
255
00:14:21,617 --> 00:14:25,078
- I just don't think she does.
- No. I don't think she got it.
256
00:14:25,078 --> 00:14:26,830
Keeley fucking Jones.
257
00:14:27,831 --> 00:14:30,083
Shandy fucking Fine?
258
00:14:32,794 --> 00:14:35,839
Oh, my God!
I didn't know you were doing this.
259
00:14:35,839 --> 00:14:38,008
I didn't know you owned a skirt
that covered your whole arse.
260
00:14:38,008 --> 00:14:40,093
Oi, you borrowed
and never returned many of those skirts.
261
00:14:40,093 --> 00:14:41,094
And I never will.
262
00:14:41,094 --> 00:14:43,096
One of the perks of living
with you and the girls.
263
00:14:43,096 --> 00:14:46,058
- The girls! How are they? How's Chloe?
- Married a footballer.
264
00:14:46,058 --> 00:14:48,018
- And Emma?
- Married a footballer.
265
00:14:48,018 --> 00:14:49,228
And what about you?
266
00:14:49,228 --> 00:14:51,271
Married a footballer,
divorced a footballer.
267
00:14:51,271 --> 00:14:52,689
And now I'm back here doing this.
268
00:14:53,273 --> 00:14:56,276
But enough about me.
I saw you in Vanity Fair.
269
00:14:56,777 --> 00:14:59,404
Fully clothed. And I cried.
270
00:14:59,905 --> 00:15:01,573
I'm so proud of you, babe. We all are.
271
00:15:02,491 --> 00:15:03,784
Proud of me? Why?
272
00:15:04,826 --> 00:15:07,538
'Cause you made it out all by yourself.
273
00:15:12,501 --> 00:15:14,127
What is that smell?
274
00:15:14,127 --> 00:15:16,421
Apologies, lamb droppings
275
00:15:16,421 --> 00:15:18,423
are one of nature's
most unpleasant aromas.
276
00:15:19,216 --> 00:15:22,302
Just be grateful Clarice here
is over 30 days old.
277
00:15:22,970 --> 00:15:26,765
A week ago, her poop
looked like sour, yellow toothpaste.
278
00:15:29,476 --> 00:15:31,061
No, no. Don't try and sweep it.
279
00:15:31,061 --> 00:15:33,856
No, you gotta pick it up like sushi
or it'll smear.
280
00:15:35,232 --> 00:15:36,400
I was married to a footballer.
281
00:15:37,150 --> 00:15:39,236
That's it. Cheers, babe.
282
00:15:39,236 --> 00:15:41,238
- Hey, Keeley.
- Yes?
283
00:15:41,238 --> 00:15:43,907
Jimmy and I think
the club feels too empty.
284
00:15:43,907 --> 00:15:45,534
Yeah, it should feel totally packed.
285
00:15:45,534 --> 00:15:48,287
I mean, can we get maybe
another 100 extras?
286
00:15:48,871 --> 00:15:50,122
A hundred more, right now?
287
00:15:50,706 --> 00:15:51,707
Yeah.
288
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,668
You could just add a strobe effect
to the post
289
00:15:54,668 --> 00:15:56,795
and let people cross close to camera.
290
00:15:56,795 --> 00:15:58,005
It'll feel really packed,
291
00:15:58,005 --> 00:15:59,840
and you won't have
to spend any more money.
292
00:16:00,632 --> 00:16:02,301
- I love that.
- Let's do that.
293
00:16:02,301 --> 00:16:03,677
Thank you so much.
294
00:16:05,095 --> 00:16:07,848
Look at you. Basically running the shoot.
295
00:16:07,848 --> 00:16:09,933
Maybe one day
I'll make it out like you did.
296
00:16:11,727 --> 00:16:12,728
Yeah.
297
00:16:16,732 --> 00:16:17,774
Hello, Mother.
298
00:16:17,774 --> 00:16:21,153
Oh, my God, darling,
I'm so pleased to hear your voice.
299
00:16:21,153 --> 00:16:24,323
I dreamt last night
that you'd been murdered.
300
00:16:24,323 --> 00:16:26,241
No, still here.
301
00:16:27,409 --> 00:16:29,077
Wait, why are you in a hotel room?
302
00:16:29,077 --> 00:16:31,371
I thought you were meant
to be on some three-day,
303
00:16:31,371 --> 00:16:32,915
spiritual camping retreat.
304
00:16:32,915 --> 00:16:35,876
I am. I'm not sleeping out there.
305
00:16:35,876 --> 00:16:37,586
Far too many stars.
306
00:16:37,586 --> 00:16:41,215
I keep thinking they're all staring at me,
you know.
307
00:16:41,215 --> 00:16:44,218
No, but listen.
I've got some exciting news for you.
308
00:16:44,218 --> 00:16:46,178
I spoke to Tish the other day,
309
00:16:46,178 --> 00:16:48,931
and she's agreed
to consider meeting with you.
310
00:16:48,931 --> 00:16:51,350
Wow! Your psychic has actually agreed
311
00:16:51,350 --> 00:16:55,229
to let me pay her a lot of money
to speak with her? Amazing.
312
00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:57,981
Well, no. She's considering it.
313
00:16:57,981 --> 00:17:00,901
But I think you meeting
with Tish would be perfect because,
314
00:17:00,901 --> 00:17:05,155
well, you know, you are in desperate need
of some maternal guidance.
315
00:17:05,155 --> 00:17:06,281
Just a minute.
316
00:17:06,281 --> 00:17:09,284
There's a group of people
gathering outside for scream therapy,
317
00:17:09,284 --> 00:17:11,370
which is my favorite bit.
318
00:17:11,370 --> 00:17:13,914
So I'd better go now
because I mustn't use my voice.
319
00:17:13,914 --> 00:17:16,208
- Bye-bye, sausage.
- But you called me.
320
00:17:17,209 --> 00:17:19,335
I have an update on the meeting with Zava.
321
00:17:19,335 --> 00:17:20,379
Great.
322
00:17:20,379 --> 00:17:23,257
- Zava doesn't want to meet with us.
- What? Why not?
323
00:17:23,257 --> 00:17:24,800
His people said,
324
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,720
"It would be a waste of time
for us and an embarrassment for him."
325
00:17:29,388 --> 00:17:32,015
That feels like
an unnecessarily cruel response.
326
00:17:32,015 --> 00:17:34,476
But, good news,
Zava is signing with Chelsea.
327
00:17:35,143 --> 00:17:36,895
Why is that good news?
328
00:17:36,895 --> 00:17:38,564
Because he's not signing with West Ham.
329
00:17:38,564 --> 00:17:41,275
He came right out and said,
"I will not sign with West Ham."
330
00:17:41,275 --> 00:17:43,986
Shit. That's only going
to make Rupert want him more.
331
00:17:43,986 --> 00:17:45,612
There's nothing Rupert can do.
332
00:17:45,612 --> 00:17:46,738
Great. Now you've jinxed it.
333
00:17:46,738 --> 00:17:48,615
- But I thi--
- No, it's too late. Jinxed it.
334
00:17:48,615 --> 00:17:49,867
- But I do think that--
- It's done.
335
00:17:51,076 --> 00:17:52,077
Well done.
336
00:17:57,666 --> 00:17:58,667
Afternoon.
337
00:18:05,174 --> 00:18:06,300
Hi.
338
00:18:07,634 --> 00:18:08,802
Jamie.
339
00:18:09,553 --> 00:18:11,013
No. No.
340
00:18:24,735 --> 00:18:26,195
Looking good out there today.
341
00:18:33,660 --> 00:18:34,745
Cool.
342
00:19:01,730 --> 00:19:03,398
Thanks for sharing your office with me.
343
00:19:03,899 --> 00:19:05,776
Even if it was Ted's idea.
344
00:19:41,895 --> 00:19:44,022
So, Richmond against Chelsea?
345
00:19:44,523 --> 00:19:47,568
That will be your first time back there
since you retired. Right?
346
00:19:52,322 --> 00:19:53,323
Right.
347
00:19:58,370 --> 00:19:59,371
Sorry.
348
00:20:00,622 --> 00:20:03,667
Yeah, it's my publisher. I'll be quick.
349
00:20:04,543 --> 00:20:09,089
Hey. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no. Well, I'm here now.
350
00:20:09,089 --> 00:20:10,757
It's going very well, actually.
351
00:20:10,757 --> 00:20:12,801
I'm just getting settled in.
352
00:20:13,510 --> 00:20:16,054
Yes. Everyone's been...
353
00:20:16,972 --> 00:20:19,057
very welcoming.
354
00:20:19,641 --> 00:20:23,562
Yeah. No, I can hear that noise too.
355
00:20:23,562 --> 00:20:25,981
I'm not sure if that's my--
Is that me or you?
356
00:20:26,899 --> 00:20:29,067
Do you know what?
Bear with me. One moment.
357
00:20:29,735 --> 00:20:32,029
I'll take this outside.
358
00:20:38,952 --> 00:20:40,954
- Is this right?
- It is.
359
00:20:43,457 --> 00:20:46,084
Yes. Your company credit card arrived.
360
00:20:46,084 --> 00:20:47,377
Awesome. Thank you.
361
00:20:47,377 --> 00:20:49,713
- Do not use it.
- Okay.
362
00:20:50,297 --> 00:20:53,133
Barbara, I would love
for you to meet Shandy.
363
00:20:53,133 --> 00:20:54,927
- Hi.
- Hello. Hi.
364
00:20:54,927 --> 00:20:56,553
She's the newest member of KJPR.
365
00:21:00,182 --> 00:21:02,851
What position has she been hired for?
366
00:21:04,645 --> 00:21:06,772
She will be consulting
367
00:21:07,940 --> 00:21:13,028
for affiliate management
368
00:21:13,737 --> 00:21:15,405
and...
369
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:19,535
- client relationships.
- Yeah.
370
00:21:19,535 --> 00:21:21,245
Okay.
371
00:21:21,245 --> 00:21:23,872
Would you have a seat, Shandy?
Shandy, is it?
372
00:21:23,872 --> 00:21:25,874
- Yeah. Sorry.
- So, when I p--
373
00:21:25,874 --> 00:21:28,377
Yeah, just put it in there.
Put the sweet in there.
374
00:21:28,961 --> 00:21:34,174
Well, I'd love to know
what experience you have in these areas.
375
00:21:34,174 --> 00:21:36,844
In relationships, tons.
376
00:21:36,844 --> 00:21:38,262
The rest of it, not much.
377
00:21:43,350 --> 00:21:45,477
And where did you go to university?
378
00:21:46,812 --> 00:21:49,648
- I didn't go university.
- Didn't go?
379
00:21:49,648 --> 00:21:51,149
- No.
- Okay.
380
00:21:51,942 --> 00:21:54,611
And what were you doing right before this?
381
00:21:55,612 --> 00:21:56,655
I was modeling.
382
00:21:56,655 --> 00:22:00,492
Yeah. Okay, thanks, Shandy.
383
00:22:00,492 --> 00:22:01,743
All right. I think I've got it.
384
00:22:01,743 --> 00:22:05,414
So you've hired a former model
with no previous experience,
385
00:22:05,414 --> 00:22:09,543
no higher education for a job
that doesn't exist. Lovely.
386
00:22:12,170 --> 00:22:16,091
Well, welcome to the team, Shandy.
387
00:22:27,895 --> 00:22:30,606
I'm so sorry. I'll handle this.
388
00:22:38,697 --> 00:22:41,909
Barbara, I need a minute to talk with you.
389
00:22:43,911 --> 00:22:48,832
The way you just treated Shandy
was incredibly rude. It was hurtful.
390
00:22:51,793 --> 00:22:55,130
- What?
- That is a massive amount of snow globes.
391
00:22:55,130 --> 00:22:56,465
Yeah. I collect them.
392
00:22:57,508 --> 00:23:01,345
Well, you know, the firm sends me
from company to company,
393
00:23:01,345 --> 00:23:04,473
and, yeah, wherever I go,
I just buy a snow globe.
394
00:23:05,307 --> 00:23:06,934
It's a little bit silly, really.
395
00:23:06,934 --> 00:23:09,770
No, I think it's incredibly charming.
396
00:23:16,193 --> 00:23:19,196
You cannot speak to people like that.
Not here.
397
00:23:20,989 --> 00:23:23,242
I know Shandy's my friend,
and you're right.
398
00:23:23,242 --> 00:23:28,872
She does not have the experience. But she
is smart. She's eager. I believe in her.
399
00:23:30,999 --> 00:23:32,584
Like the firm must believe in you
400
00:23:32,584 --> 00:23:36,421
to send you all over the world
to all those lovely places, right?
401
00:23:42,010 --> 00:23:45,889
Maybe you and I can see how good it feels
to believe in someone else.
402
00:23:46,390 --> 00:23:48,475
Together. Yeah?
403
00:23:54,481 --> 00:23:57,150
Client relations coordinator.
404
00:23:59,361 --> 00:24:00,529
That's her title.
405
00:24:01,655 --> 00:24:05,868
Good. Yes.
Just in case you hadn't realized,
406
00:24:05,868 --> 00:24:08,412
I totally made up
that one I told you before.
407
00:24:10,539 --> 00:24:13,250
Hello. Hi.
408
00:24:16,670 --> 00:24:18,505
- Roy.
- No.
409
00:24:18,505 --> 00:24:20,465
I understand your hesitation
having me here.
410
00:24:20,465 --> 00:24:24,344
You're protective of the team,
and I admire how much they respect you.
411
00:24:24,344 --> 00:24:27,055
It's not easy getting such fulfillment
from a second career.
412
00:24:27,055 --> 00:24:28,682
I'm not sure I even got it from my first.
413
00:24:31,059 --> 00:24:33,896
Maybe you could just give me a chance.
414
00:24:36,857 --> 00:24:38,650
Fuck off.
415
00:24:43,363 --> 00:24:44,573
Wow, okay.
416
00:24:49,828 --> 00:24:53,248
{\an8}A new season begins
and hope springs eternal,
417
00:24:53,248 --> 00:24:56,376
except perhaps for AFC Richmond.
418
00:24:56,376 --> 00:24:59,213
They return to the Premier League
after a one-year absence
419
00:24:59,213 --> 00:25:02,799
but are widely expected to have
a rather short stay.
420
00:25:03,300 --> 00:25:06,803
Worse yet, their campaign begins here
at Stamford Bridge,
421
00:25:06,803 --> 00:25:10,140
the home of the formidable
Chelsea Football Club.
422
00:25:10,140 --> 00:25:11,642
To be promoted to the Premier League
423
00:25:11,642 --> 00:25:14,019
is like going from a council estate
to the penthouse, Arlo.
424
00:25:14,603 --> 00:25:16,355
Richmond should enjoy it while it lasts.
425
00:25:16,355 --> 00:25:19,566
Gentlemen,
welcome back to the Premier League.
426
00:25:19,566 --> 00:25:21,568
Back where we belong. Pip pip.
427
00:25:22,444 --> 00:25:25,030
Feels like we never left.
428
00:25:25,614 --> 00:25:26,615
Here you go, lads.
429
00:25:27,741 --> 00:25:29,493
Mae. I got the fish and chips.
430
00:25:29,493 --> 00:25:30,702
I had the burger.
431
00:25:33,914 --> 00:25:35,624
It's good to be back.
432
00:25:41,171 --> 00:25:43,507
How's work? How's your friend doing?
433
00:25:43,507 --> 00:25:45,259
Shandy? Yeah, she's doing great.
434
00:25:45,926 --> 00:25:47,427
- Good.
- Yeah.
435
00:25:50,347 --> 00:25:52,182
She's just full of ideas.
436
00:25:52,182 --> 00:25:53,642
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Uh-oh.
437
00:25:53,642 --> 00:25:55,853
- Thank you. Sorry. Excuse me.
- Any news?
438
00:25:56,353 --> 00:25:58,355
Zava and Chelsea are pretty much
a done deal.
439
00:25:58,355 --> 00:26:01,650
I have the confirmation
of that from a very reliable source.
440
00:26:01,650 --> 00:26:02,776
What source?
441
00:26:02,776 --> 00:26:04,903
A friend of my wife knows an agent
442
00:26:04,903 --> 00:26:08,448
whose masseuse moonlights
as an airline steward on private jets.
443
00:26:08,448 --> 00:26:10,534
Now, she wasn't working today,
444
00:26:10,534 --> 00:26:12,911
but her coworker who can read lips,
445
00:26:12,911 --> 00:26:16,748
he saw Zava mouth the word "Chelsea"
a lot.
446
00:26:16,748 --> 00:26:18,750
- God, I wish I could read lips.
- Yeah.
447
00:26:18,750 --> 00:26:21,670
Okay. Has anyone seen Rupert?
Is there any sign of him?
448
00:26:21,670 --> 00:26:26,925
No, Rebecca. He's not here. And even
if he was, there's nothing he can do.
449
00:26:26,925 --> 00:26:28,552
Great. Jinxed it again.
450
00:26:34,892 --> 00:26:36,393
Fuck you, you old geezer.
451
00:26:38,103 --> 00:26:41,607
- Hello, Roy. Welcome back.
- How you doing, mate?
452
00:26:41,607 --> 00:26:43,317
Heard the news.
453
00:26:45,986 --> 00:26:47,029
I broke up with her.
454
00:26:47,029 --> 00:26:49,489
Why? I mean,
you guys were perfect together.
455
00:26:49,990 --> 00:26:51,575
Fuckin' Bruce.
456
00:26:51,575 --> 00:26:52,993
Oi, that's Roy Kent.
457
00:26:52,993 --> 00:26:55,078
- Roy!
- Roy Kent!
458
00:26:55,579 --> 00:26:57,122
We love you, Roy!
459
00:26:57,122 --> 00:26:59,666
He's here, he's there,
he's every fucking where,
460
00:26:59,666 --> 00:27:01,877
Roy Kent! Roy Kent!
461
00:27:01,877 --> 00:27:04,504
He's here, he's there,
he's every fucking where,
462
00:27:04,504 --> 00:27:10,052
Roy Kent, Roy Kent! He's here...
463
00:27:11,595 --> 00:27:13,138
{\an8}Now that's a lovely moment.
464
00:27:13,138 --> 00:27:15,891
{\an8}Chelsea fans letting
their former captain, Roy Kent,
465
00:27:15,891 --> 00:27:17,893
{\an8}know how they still feel about him.
466
00:27:18,435 --> 00:27:21,522
Roy Kent, Roy Kent!
467
00:27:22,189 --> 00:27:24,858
He's here, he's there,
he's every fucking where,
468
00:27:24,858 --> 00:27:28,028
{\an8}Roy Kent, Roy Kent...
469
00:27:41,833 --> 00:27:44,628
- Thank you.
- Oh, my gosh. Is that Zava?
470
00:27:44,628 --> 00:27:45,879
There he is.
471
00:27:45,879 --> 00:27:47,297
Look, it's Zava.
472
00:27:47,881 --> 00:27:49,758
Zava! Zava! Zava!
473
00:27:49,758 --> 00:27:51,844
And the great Zava makes his appearance.
474
00:27:51,844 --> 00:27:55,806
Will he be signing for Chelsea today?
What are you hearing, Chris?
475
00:27:55,806 --> 00:27:57,266
All sorts of things.
476
00:27:57,266 --> 00:28:00,936
The crowd, your voice, a slight ringing
because I bumped my head earlier.
477
00:28:02,563 --> 00:28:04,314
Holy--
478
00:28:07,192 --> 00:28:08,569
- Jamie.
- What?
479
00:28:09,152 --> 00:28:10,404
It's Zava.
480
00:28:11,071 --> 00:28:13,156
- So what, man?
- My heart is racing.
481
00:28:13,156 --> 00:28:15,033
I haven't been this nervous
to play in front of someone
482
00:28:15,033 --> 00:28:16,952
since I was in El Chapo's youth league.
483
00:28:17,661 --> 00:28:18,662
Move, man.
484
00:28:18,662 --> 00:28:20,873
Oh, my God. I cannot believe it.
485
00:28:22,875 --> 00:28:25,127
Wow, we're in the same city as Zava.
486
00:28:25,127 --> 00:28:26,753
Thank God we dressed up.
487
00:28:30,174 --> 00:28:33,218
{\an8}The players are in position,
awaiting the referee's whistle.
488
00:28:33,218 --> 00:28:36,388
{\an8}And we're off. Another season begins.
489
00:28:42,436 --> 00:28:44,188
Leslie, will you pull yourself together?
490
00:28:49,985 --> 00:28:52,946
Hughes tries for Todd,
but Chelsea intercepts.
491
00:28:52,946 --> 00:28:55,616
The Greyhounds
are in massive jeopardy now.
492
00:28:56,241 --> 00:29:00,621
Some invention.
Look at that pace. High-pressure football.
493
00:29:01,914 --> 00:29:03,415
- And Chelsea on the board...
- Fuck!
494
00:29:03,415 --> 00:29:04,917
- ...with beautiful counterattack...
- Shit.
495
00:29:04,917 --> 00:29:06,043
...against a reeling Richmond.
496
00:29:06,043 --> 00:29:07,961
No!
497
00:29:08,545 --> 00:29:09,838
Absolutely devastating.
498
00:29:09,838 --> 00:29:13,050
Take off those fucking hats.
They're bad luck.
499
00:29:13,050 --> 00:29:14,343
Same old shit.
500
00:29:15,302 --> 00:29:17,137
- The ref blows his whistle...
- It's all right.
501
00:29:17,137 --> 00:29:20,432
...for the conclusion of the first half,
and it's Chelsea 1, Richmond nil.
502
00:29:20,432 --> 00:29:23,769
You have to give Richmond credit
for hanging on as long as they did, Arlo.
503
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:28,398
- That's beautiful.
- Yeah.
504
00:29:33,153 --> 00:29:34,154
What now?
505
00:29:35,072 --> 00:29:36,448
I might've jinxed it.
506
00:29:39,576 --> 00:29:40,577
I knew it.
507
00:29:42,329 --> 00:29:44,164
Would you please go and find out
as much as you can
508
00:29:44,164 --> 00:29:46,917
from your vast network
of lip-reading massage therapists?
509
00:29:46,917 --> 00:29:49,670
Okay. Pardon me. Excuse me.
510
00:29:49,670 --> 00:29:51,088
Excuse me. Pardon me.
511
00:29:52,965 --> 00:29:56,093
- Rupert's gonna land Zava.
- You don't know that.
512
00:29:57,970 --> 00:30:00,347
Years ago, when I was bartending
in that private club,
513
00:30:00,848 --> 00:30:03,517
Rupert and his then wife
came into the bar.
514
00:30:04,351 --> 00:30:06,478
He was the life and soul of the party.
515
00:30:06,478 --> 00:30:11,942
Buying rounds of drinks for everyone,
telling stories. Just charm personified.
516
00:30:11,942 --> 00:30:14,903
And he left me a massive tip.
And then about a week later,
517
00:30:14,903 --> 00:30:18,907
he came back without his wife
and asked me out.
518
00:30:18,907 --> 00:30:22,494
- I, of course, said no. Then he left.
- What a dick.
519
00:30:23,078 --> 00:30:26,623
But then he came back the next night
and the next night and the next.
520
00:30:26,623 --> 00:30:28,208
And he would just sit at the bar
521
00:30:28,208 --> 00:30:31,837
with a drink
and chatted to me until close.
522
00:30:33,005 --> 00:30:35,883
And he just said, "It doesn't matter
if you ever go out with me.
523
00:30:35,883 --> 00:30:38,343
It's just worth it being here
to get to know you."
524
00:30:39,553 --> 00:30:42,639
It's a fine line
between stalking and romance.
525
00:30:42,639 --> 00:30:47,561
And after about six weeks of that,
he asked me out again.
526
00:30:48,061 --> 00:30:52,524
And I said yes without any hesitation.
527
00:30:52,524 --> 00:30:53,775
Because by that point...
528
00:30:54,526 --> 00:30:57,821
I just felt so lucky because he wanted me.
529
00:31:00,115 --> 00:31:02,659
He made me feel special. Chosen.
530
00:31:06,121 --> 00:31:07,331
He made me feel like that.
531
00:31:22,679 --> 00:31:24,348
Hey, fellas. Listen up.
532
00:31:25,265 --> 00:31:27,559
We get one goal,
we're right back in this thing, yeah?
533
00:31:27,559 --> 00:31:29,394
But right now,
we are being so unoffensive,
534
00:31:29,394 --> 00:31:32,689
we might as well be a Hallmark Christmas
movie, you know what I'm saying?
535
00:31:32,689 --> 00:31:33,774
- What?
- What's that?
536
00:31:33,774 --> 00:31:35,692
I mean, Coach,
how many shots on goal we have that half?
537
00:31:35,692 --> 00:31:37,027
- One.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
538
00:31:37,027 --> 00:31:39,821
And that one was pretty much a mistake.
Am I correct, Dani?
539
00:31:39,821 --> 00:31:43,242
Yes, it bounced off my face.
But my face almost scored.
540
00:31:44,451 --> 00:31:45,869
Yes, it was close.
541
00:31:46,578 --> 00:31:48,163
- Coach.
- Yeah, Jamie.
542
00:31:48,163 --> 00:31:49,331
- One idea.
- What you got?
543
00:31:49,331 --> 00:31:51,959
Right, so every time they're going past
the halfway line, they're just--
544
00:32:02,761 --> 00:32:04,137
Trent, hold on a second.
545
00:32:05,389 --> 00:32:07,266
Roy, can I speak with you?
546
00:32:13,939 --> 00:32:16,567
Oi, what the fuck's
a Hallmark Christmas movie?
547
00:32:16,567 --> 00:32:19,111
Hey, look, man, I don't know
what your beef is with Trent,
548
00:32:20,028 --> 00:32:22,948
but I'm gonna need you to order off
the vegan menu right now and squash it.
549
00:32:24,241 --> 00:32:25,576
'Cause your ego's about to sabotage
550
00:32:25,576 --> 00:32:27,578
a whole lot more
than a silly football match.
551
00:32:29,705 --> 00:32:30,706
You feel me?
552
00:32:33,083 --> 00:32:34,126
Thank you.
553
00:32:36,003 --> 00:32:38,463
And Hallmark Christmas movies
are films that feature women
554
00:32:38,463 --> 00:32:41,049
from the big city falling in love
with their childhood crushes.
555
00:32:41,049 --> 00:32:43,677
It's usually some fella
that owns a Christmas tree farm.
556
00:32:43,677 --> 00:32:46,054
Sometimes he's also Santa Claus
or a prince.
557
00:32:47,347 --> 00:32:48,724
They suck, but they're great.
558
00:32:48,724 --> 00:32:50,350
But they also mostly suck.
559
00:32:50,934 --> 00:32:52,227
But they're also kinda great.
560
00:32:52,978 --> 00:32:54,396
They're good with the sound off.
561
00:32:55,981 --> 00:32:57,733
Now go fix this, please.
562
00:33:06,909 --> 00:33:07,951
Crimm!
563
00:33:24,301 --> 00:33:25,427
It's actually quite funny
564
00:33:25,427 --> 00:33:27,262
when he yells at other people, innit?
565
00:33:43,779 --> 00:33:44,947
Hold this.
566
00:33:53,288 --> 00:33:58,835
"Newcomer Roy Kent is an overhyped,
so-called prodigy
567
00:33:59,753 --> 00:34:02,965
whose unbridled rage and mediocre talent
568
00:34:03,799 --> 00:34:09,429
rendered his Premier League debut
a profound disappointment."
569
00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:12,849
Do you know who wrote that?
570
00:34:15,352 --> 00:34:17,688
I was 17 years old.
571
00:34:19,189 --> 00:34:21,108
This fucking wrecked me.
572
00:34:23,110 --> 00:34:25,070
I thought I was being edgy.
573
00:34:26,029 --> 00:34:28,240
I was just trying to make a name
for myself.
574
00:34:29,782 --> 00:34:34,997
All I really did was look
for the worst in people. I'm sorry.
575
00:34:38,208 --> 00:34:39,501
It's all right.
576
00:34:41,295 --> 00:34:42,421
Give me that.
577
00:34:46,175 --> 00:34:47,259
You know, it's funny.
578
00:34:48,260 --> 00:34:51,054
- We had a lot in common back then.
- We did?
579
00:34:51,054 --> 00:34:53,557
We both thought one another
sucked shit at their job.
580
00:34:55,017 --> 00:34:56,226
And now look at us.
581
00:34:58,687 --> 00:34:59,730
- Go.
- Yeah.
582
00:35:05,861 --> 00:35:07,196
Oi.
583
00:35:09,114 --> 00:35:10,741
You can talk around this prick now.
584
00:35:12,367 --> 00:35:14,036
Oi. Hold on, yo, yo, Jamie.
What were you saying?
585
00:35:14,036 --> 00:35:17,122
Yeah, man. Listen. What I'm saying is,
every time we go past halfway,
586
00:35:17,122 --> 00:35:19,708
they're just blocking up
the passing lanes, you get that?
587
00:35:19,708 --> 00:35:21,585
Yes, yes. That's right.
They're not marking us.
588
00:35:21,585 --> 00:35:23,128
So just keep dribbling
until they stop you.
589
00:35:23,128 --> 00:35:26,590
Exactly! Let's take it all the way
and fucking win this.
590
00:35:26,590 --> 00:35:28,300
Yes! Yeah!
591
00:35:31,512 --> 00:35:33,514
Thank you, thank you.
592
00:35:33,514 --> 00:35:34,765
Well?
593
00:35:34,765 --> 00:35:37,059
I just got off the phone
with my son's karate teacher,
594
00:35:37,059 --> 00:35:40,229
who used to date the woman
who ran Zava's avocado farm--
595
00:35:40,229 --> 00:35:44,024
- Would you please get on with it?
- He might be going to West Ham.
596
00:35:44,024 --> 00:35:45,526
- Shit.
- I knew it.
597
00:35:47,069 --> 00:35:48,904
Rupert always gets what he wants.
598
00:35:55,285 --> 00:35:56,286
You know what?
599
00:35:57,287 --> 00:36:00,541
If Rupert can sweet-talk Zava
into joining his club, then so can I.
600
00:36:01,250 --> 00:36:02,584
- Yes.
- Excuse me.
601
00:36:02,584 --> 00:36:03,877
Thank you. Sorry.
602
00:36:03,877 --> 00:36:05,420
And we're back for the second half.
603
00:36:05,420 --> 00:36:08,841
Chris, do you think either of these teams
made any adjustments in the locker rooms?
604
00:36:08,841 --> 00:36:10,759
I'm sure they did, Arlo.
605
00:36:10,759 --> 00:36:13,929
But professional athletes don't mind
adjusting themselves in public either.
606
00:36:18,976 --> 00:36:21,144
Hello there. Rebecca Welton, AFC Richmond.
607
00:36:21,144 --> 00:36:23,230
I'd love to see Zava. Thank you.
608
00:36:23,230 --> 00:36:25,190
No one gets in to see Zava.
609
00:36:25,774 --> 00:36:28,026
- I just saw Mr. Mannion--
- Rebecca, my dear.
610
00:36:29,987 --> 00:36:33,115
- Rupert. What a lovely surprise.
- Yeah.
611
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:37,244
- There you go, Mr. Mannion.
- Thank you, Matthew.
612
00:36:39,037 --> 00:36:41,874
Congratulations, by the way,
on the win against Leicester yesterday.
613
00:36:41,874 --> 00:36:46,378
Thank you. Yeah. We are so lucky
to have a manager like Nathan.
614
00:36:46,378 --> 00:36:51,133
He's a gaffer who really understands
the game. Such an advantage.
615
00:36:55,387 --> 00:37:00,017
Zava. Let me introduce Rebecca Welton.
My ex-wife.
616
00:37:00,684 --> 00:37:02,436
And the owner of AFC Richmond.
617
00:37:02,436 --> 00:37:03,645
Yeah, of course.
618
00:37:04,396 --> 00:37:06,231
It's an honor for you to meet me.
619
00:37:08,317 --> 00:37:09,151
See you soon.
620
00:37:09,151 --> 00:37:10,402
Can't wait.
621
00:37:20,245 --> 00:37:23,582
He will look so great in claret and blue.
622
00:37:28,003 --> 00:37:29,755
You know, Rupert,
I was a little bit surprised
623
00:37:29,755 --> 00:37:31,798
when you bought West Ham.
624
00:37:31,798 --> 00:37:34,635
I always thought that Richmond
was your one true love.
625
00:37:35,636 --> 00:37:40,474
Guess I'm just like any man. Just get
bored with the same old, same old.
626
00:37:43,519 --> 00:37:45,020
Good luck with this season.
627
00:38:12,589 --> 00:38:15,884
You are such a fucking chickenshit.
628
00:38:16,552 --> 00:38:20,931
I mean, if you were great, truly great,
you could play anywhere.
629
00:38:20,931 --> 00:38:25,185
But instead you choose a club
like West Ham, because it's big and shiny,
630
00:38:25,185 --> 00:38:27,771
and you know that they'll win
whether you're there or not.
631
00:38:28,272 --> 00:38:30,232
And you'll never have to wonder
632
00:38:30,232 --> 00:38:33,026
if you're still as good as you tell
everyone you are.
633
00:38:34,695 --> 00:38:39,950
But you and I know that you're not.
You're overrated. You're overpaid.
634
00:38:42,619 --> 00:38:45,414
And you eat too much fucking asparagus.
635
00:38:51,962 --> 00:38:54,506
Richmond's defending
has kept them in this match,
636
00:38:54,506 --> 00:38:56,842
and they are one moment
of inspiration away
637
00:38:56,842 --> 00:38:59,428
from going home with an unlikely point.
638
00:38:59,428 --> 00:39:02,389
Well, Chelsea giving Hughes space.
639
00:39:02,389 --> 00:39:05,058
If they're going to give him space,
he's going to take it.
640
00:39:05,058 --> 00:39:08,020
Possibilities here. Hughes has options.
641
00:39:08,562 --> 00:39:10,522
He slides it through to Tartt.
642
00:39:11,106 --> 00:39:12,649
Is this the moment?
643
00:39:13,650 --> 00:39:15,569
Obisanya's gonna have a go.
644
00:39:17,321 --> 00:39:19,907
It's in, off the face of Rojas!
645
00:39:19,907 --> 00:39:21,742
- Absolutely brilliant.
- Yes!
646
00:39:21,742 --> 00:39:24,161
In the blink of an eye.
Would you believe it?
647
00:39:24,161 --> 00:39:26,747
An historic goal, and it's 1-1.
648
00:39:26,747 --> 00:39:30,167
My face scored a goal!
My face scored a goal!
649
00:39:30,834 --> 00:39:34,171
Chris, have you ever scored
with your face?
650
00:39:34,171 --> 00:39:38,133
I've scored with every part of my body,
Arlo. That's a ridiculous question.
651
00:39:39,510 --> 00:39:41,303
- That was amazing.
- Yeah, mate.
652
00:39:41,303 --> 00:39:42,763
Do you think Zava saw?
653
00:39:44,389 --> 00:39:45,599
Don't be a dick, man.
654
00:39:46,183 --> 00:39:47,184
Come on.
655
00:39:48,810 --> 00:39:50,354
Excuse me. Sorry.
656
00:39:54,274 --> 00:39:56,068
Oi, how'd it go?
657
00:39:56,068 --> 00:40:00,197
- Did you sweet-talk him?
- What's the opposite of that?
658
00:40:01,240 --> 00:40:02,366
Sour-yell.
659
00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:04,576
Yeah, I did that.
660
00:40:08,163 --> 00:40:10,916
And Richmond managed to secure a 1-1 draw
661
00:40:10,916 --> 00:40:13,418
against Chelsea
in this gripping West London derby.
662
00:40:13,418 --> 00:40:16,046
- There we go. There you go.
- They'll be leaving Stamford Bridge
663
00:40:16,046 --> 00:40:18,507
with a well-deserved point on the table.
664
00:40:23,887 --> 00:40:26,139
Hello, everyone. Thanks for joining us.
665
00:40:26,139 --> 00:40:28,934
Obviously not the result
we were hoping for today.
666
00:40:28,934 --> 00:40:33,230
{\an8}But I am certain
that this afternoon's announcement
667
00:40:33,230 --> 00:40:36,525
{\an8}will raise every Chelsea fan's spirits.
668
00:40:36,525 --> 00:40:39,695
- Now, I know...
- Still think we need to get to the office.
669
00:40:40,237 --> 00:40:41,572
It won't be safe here.
670
00:40:41,572 --> 00:40:44,116
Please welcome the newest member
671
00:40:44,116 --> 00:40:46,451
of Chelsea Football Club.
672
00:40:47,035 --> 00:40:48,203
{\an8}Zava.
673
00:40:52,666 --> 00:40:55,168
Welcome, Zava. Please take a seat.
674
00:40:56,670 --> 00:41:01,258
All right. You just sign.
And there's the pen.
675
00:41:04,136 --> 00:41:05,304
Please.
676
00:41:11,935 --> 00:41:15,314
{\an8}I have changed my mind.
Zava will not play for Chelsea.
677
00:41:17,566 --> 00:41:19,443
Oh, God. I'm sorry. I can't watch this.
678
00:41:21,820 --> 00:41:23,447
{\an8}Zava will play for Richmond.
679
00:41:29,745 --> 00:41:31,121
You twat!
680
00:41:33,373 --> 00:41:35,417
- May I keep the pen?
- Sure.
681
00:41:37,502 --> 00:41:38,503
What?
682
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:45,427
What the fuck?
683
00:41:45,427 --> 00:41:46,762
- You did it.
- Yeah.
684
00:41:46,762 --> 00:41:48,472
- You did it!
- Oh, my God.
685
00:41:49,097 --> 00:41:51,600
Yo! We've got Zava.
686
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:52,559
What?
687
00:41:52,559 --> 00:41:55,020
We've got Zava! Look!
688
00:41:55,854 --> 00:41:56,855
Shit!
689
00:42:02,861 --> 00:42:04,947
Fans are not gonna like this.
690
00:42:04,947 --> 00:42:10,786
Zava! We got you, Zava!
We got you, Zava! We got you, ra, ra, ra!
691
00:42:15,499 --> 00:42:17,334
- All right, man. Take care, man.
- Take care.
692
00:42:17,334 --> 00:42:19,419
- Zava is coming here.
- Zava.
693
00:42:34,893 --> 00:42:37,604
What you up to tonight, Coach?
You wanna race-walk home together?
694
00:42:38,105 --> 00:42:41,108
Can't. Jane and I are gonna go see
her friend's immersive theater show
695
00:42:41,108 --> 00:42:42,276
about the menstrual cycle.
696
00:42:44,653 --> 00:42:46,655
All right, well, I hope you're not late.
697
00:42:46,655 --> 00:42:48,365
Please tell Jane I said hello.
698
00:42:48,365 --> 00:42:52,035
I would, but she still finds
our relationship threatening.
699
00:42:54,329 --> 00:42:55,664
- Night, guys.
- Good night.
700
00:42:55,664 --> 00:42:56,790
Night, Coach.
701
00:42:57,457 --> 00:43:00,752
What do you say, Mr. Crimm?
Heck of a first week, yeah?
702
00:43:01,336 --> 00:43:02,379
And we've only just begun.
703
00:43:04,381 --> 00:43:06,091
- Good night.
- Night, Roy.
704
00:43:06,884 --> 00:43:10,345
Hey, Roy. I'm just curious,
what was it like being back at Chelsea?
705
00:43:10,345 --> 00:43:12,139
All them fans sure were happy to see you.
706
00:43:14,099 --> 00:43:20,022
I don't know. Just felt... sad.
Or something.
707
00:43:20,022 --> 00:43:21,857
Really? Why is that?
708
00:43:38,290 --> 00:43:42,544
Last season I was there,
we played a match against Arsenal,
709
00:43:43,545 --> 00:43:47,257
- and we fucking murdered 'em.
- I remember, 3-nil.
710
00:43:47,257 --> 00:43:48,675
Yeah.
711
00:43:50,469 --> 00:43:51,845
But I played like shit.
712
00:43:54,431 --> 00:43:55,641
Right?
713
00:43:59,811 --> 00:44:01,188
I did.
714
00:44:02,147 --> 00:44:05,317
That was the first time, ever, I thought,
715
00:44:06,693 --> 00:44:08,237
"I can't keep up anymore.
716
00:44:10,072 --> 00:44:11,490
I'm not good enough."
717
00:44:13,283 --> 00:44:17,454
And that was all I could think
about for the rest of the year.
718
00:44:18,997 --> 00:44:24,503
I knew it was only gonna get worse.
So at the end of the season, I left.
719
00:44:26,338 --> 00:44:32,261
Everyone was shocked.
The club was shocked. The fans. The press.
720
00:44:32,261 --> 00:44:33,637
Yeah.
721
00:44:34,429 --> 00:44:36,390
I didn't wanna be
one of them broken-down footballers
722
00:44:36,390 --> 00:44:38,725
just taking up space
until they're dropped,
723
00:44:39,226 --> 00:44:40,853
years after they should have been.
724
00:44:40,853 --> 00:44:44,815
Yeah, well, a lot of folks think it's
better to quit than to be fired, you know?
725
00:44:45,983 --> 00:44:46,984
Yeah.
726
00:44:49,653 --> 00:44:51,113
But going back there today...
727
00:44:54,199 --> 00:44:55,784
there's a part of me...
728
00:44:58,620 --> 00:45:00,205
thinking maybe I should have stayed...
729
00:45:02,457 --> 00:45:05,419
and just fucking...
730
00:45:07,754 --> 00:45:09,548
enjoyed myself.
731
00:45:16,597 --> 00:45:18,348
But that is not who I am,
732
00:45:19,558 --> 00:45:20,559
I guess.
733
00:45:22,519 --> 00:45:23,520
Not yet.
734
00:45:27,733 --> 00:45:30,986
But, hey, if you wouldn't have
left Chelsea when you did,
735
00:45:32,279 --> 00:45:33,864
we probably never would have met.
736
00:45:44,458 --> 00:45:46,084
- Good night.
- Good night.
737
00:45:47,211 --> 00:45:48,629
Good night, Roy.
738
00:45:53,008 --> 00:45:54,009
Sport.
739
00:45:55,093 --> 00:45:56,512
It's quite the metaphor.
740
00:45:56,512 --> 00:46:00,349
Yeah.
It also makes for a heck of a nickname.
741
00:46:01,225 --> 00:46:02,226
Yeah.
742
00:46:02,226 --> 00:46:04,353
- Night, Ted.
- Good night, sport.