1
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:40,374
[players shouting]
2
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,376
[crowd cheering]
3
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:45,629
You know,
I didn't wanna say it at the time
4
00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:49,466
'cause I'm trying to be
less stuck in my fucking ways...
5
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,051
But?
6
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,888
But I thought it was nuts to change
our entire philosophy
7
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,348
and style of play mid-season.
8
00:00:56,348 --> 00:00:57,432
But?
9
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,102
But it's fucking great.
10
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,980
You know, they're having fun,
we're having fun,
11
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:04,982
these folks are having fun.
It's a whole bunch of fun.
12
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,820
I haven't seen 22 dudes have
this good a time on grass
13
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:12,990
since I saw the Grateful Dead jamming
with the Black Crowes and Phish.
14
00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:14,575
Ooh. I bet that was a tight show.
15
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:17,327
Oh, it was a mess. But they had fun.
16
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,371
[players shouting indistinctly]
17
00:01:21,874 --> 00:01:22,958
- [player] Beautiful!
- [Jamie] Shoot!
18
00:01:22,958 --> 00:01:24,334
[grunts]
19
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:25,961
[cheering]
20
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:27,713
Whoo!
21
00:01:27,713 --> 00:01:31,008
- Yeah! Yeah!
- [laughing]
22
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:34,261
Whistle! Whistle!
23
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:35,846
That's half. Great job.
24
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:38,974
Whoo! You hear that?
Roy said y'all did a great job.
25
00:01:38,974 --> 00:01:40,517
- [yelps]
- [chuckles]
26
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:43,312
- [players laughing, cheering]
- [Isaac] Whoo!
27
00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:45,230
Nice shot, mate.
28
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,154
[sighs]
29
00:01:52,154 --> 00:01:54,239
[players chattering]
30
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,534
[sniffs, sighs] Ay, Chihuahua.
31
00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:00,078
I can't remember which pair is clean
and which one is dirty.
32
00:02:01,038 --> 00:02:02,122
You bundle your dirty socks?
33
00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:05,834
Just because they're dirty doesn't mean
they don't deserve to have a friend.
34
00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:08,794
He's right. After all,
we're all mates with Richard.
35
00:02:08,794 --> 00:02:11,131
[players laughing]
36
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,800
Ha! [chuckles]
37
00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:16,261
[Jan chuckling]
38
00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:19,014
[Colin] Hey, boyo.
39
00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,685
Do you wanna get a beer
or something later? Have a chat?
40
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:26,063
No.
41
00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:37,449
[sniffing]
42
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:41,787
Ay, no. I chose the dirty socks.
43
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:44,873
Oops. [chuckles]
44
00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:52,214
{\an8}[theme music plays]
45
00:03:13,235 --> 00:03:15,445
So, have you heard from Jack yet?
46
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,533
{\an8}You know how you're never ever
supposed to write another text
47
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,076
{\an8}to an unanswered text?
48
00:03:21,076 --> 00:03:22,244
{\an8}[scoffs] Of course.
49
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,080
Oh, God. You sent a double text.
50
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:35,799
[gasps] So much blue.
51
00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,342
I know. [sighs]
52
00:03:37,342 --> 00:03:40,220
It's like I got diarrhea of the thumbs
or something.
53
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,556
{\an8}- Oh, come here. [chuckles]
- [grunts]
54
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,224
{\an8}- [knocking]
- Uh-oh.
55
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,226
{\an8}When girl talk turns into girl hug,
56
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,437
{\an8}you know that either means
something horrible's happened
57
00:03:48,437 --> 00:03:49,855
{\an8}or absolutely nothing at all.
58
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:51,440
Jack's ghosting Keeley.
59
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,400
- [clicks tongue] Oh, no.
- Hmm.
60
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,695
First, she wants to go on a break,
and now the old digital Irish goodbye.
61
00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:57,863
{\an8}Mm-mmm-mmm.
62
00:03:57,863 --> 00:03:59,656
{\an8}Which is a term I never really understood.
63
00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:02,117
{\an8}'Cause I got a buddy back home
named Seamus O'Malley,
64
00:04:02,117 --> 00:04:04,620
{\an8}and that son of a gun hugs folks goodbye
for, like, 20 minutes
65
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:05,621
{\an8}before he leaves anywhere.
66
00:04:05,621 --> 00:04:07,581
{\an8}- Mmm.
- [Ted] Yeah, sorry to hear about that.
67
00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:10,626
{\an8}Hey, I did make you some biscuits,
you know, just to soften the blow.
68
00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:11,835
{\an8}Oh, thanks, Ted.
69
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,086
{\an8}Thank you.
70
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,130
{\an8}What? [gasps]
There's like 40 quid in here.
71
00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:18,050
{\an8}I didn't know you were
gonna be here till this morning.
72
00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:20,886
{\an8}No time to do anything special,
so I just tossed a little cash in there.
73
00:04:20,886 --> 00:04:23,013
{\an8}That is very sweet. Thank you, Ted.
74
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,431
{\an8}Ain't nothing to it but to do it.
75
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:27,100
{\an8}Hey, boss. You mind if
I skip the press conference today?
76
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,394
{\an8}Michelle and I got these parent-teacher
meetings I don't wanna miss.
77
00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:31,688
Of course, Ted. Family first.
78
00:04:31,688 --> 00:04:32,648
I appreciate it.
79
00:04:32,648 --> 00:04:35,400
Ooh, we could have Roy do it.
80
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,487
{\an8}I know he hates that stuff,
but he is really good at it.
81
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,614
{\an8}I mean, you know, fine by me.
82
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:41,698
{\an8}Great idea.
83
00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:45,077
{\an8}Look at you. Heartbroken,
but still kicking butt. [chuckles]
84
00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:47,621
{\an8}I mean, I'm not heartbroken.
It's more like heart-bent.
85
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,957
{\an8}Ooh, heart-bent. I like that.
86
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,417
{\an8}It's a great title for a country song.
You know, like...
87
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:55,671
I'm heart-bent in my apartment ♪
88
00:04:55,671 --> 00:04:58,799
♪ 'Cause all that you left
Was your fart scent ♪
89
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,008
- All right. Goodbye, Ted.
- [chuckles]
90
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,760
{\an8}- And now that you're gone ♪
- [Rebecca scoffs]
91
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,930
{\an8}♪ I wrote this song
'Cause all you left was ♪
92
00:05:04,930 --> 00:05:06,849
{\an8} The smell of your farts ♪
93
00:05:06,849 --> 00:05:08,183
{\an8}- [employee] Coach Kent.
- Hey.
94
00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:11,728
{\an8}[Keeley chuckles]
95
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:13,397
{\an8}Oh, speak of the devil.
96
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,358
- Okay.
- [Keeley] Mmm.
97
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,735
- Keeley.
- Roy.
98
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,154
{\an8}So, uh, I need you to fill in for Ted
99
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,990
{\an8}at today's press conference,
if that's okay.
100
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:24,324
Fuck no.
101
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:29,788
I mean, why can't Ted do it?
102
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:37,045
I mean, I'd love to.
103
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:38,130
Wonderful.
104
00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:39,882
- Shall we?
- Mmm.
105
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,595
Fuck.
106
00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:45,637
I heard that.
107
00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:02,571
[Jade] Delivery for Mr. Shelby.
108
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:03,572
It's Shelley.
109
00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,700
Oh, my-- I'm so sorry.
110
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,744
{\an8}Hey, what are you doing here?
111
00:06:08,744 --> 00:06:10,662
I brought you lunch.
Figured we'd have it here.
112
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:12,331
I'm surprised Derek gave you the time off.
113
00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:13,582
{\an8}He said it was fine.
114
00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:16,126
{\an8}As long as I brought him back
something with a West Ham logo on it.
115
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,086
Well, I can do that. [laughs]
116
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:20,714
Um. Um, how about--
117
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,674
{\an8}Oh, there you go. Mouse pad.
118
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:25,844
{\an8}Uh... [straining] ...and he can have a scarf.
119
00:06:25,844 --> 00:06:27,804
- Ooh. [laughing] So sorry. There you go.
- [chuckles]
120
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:30,849
Um, the-- And there.
That's the, uh-- the official, um, pro--
121
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:34,478
And actually, uh, you know--
Just don't have that.
122
00:06:34,478 --> 00:06:36,021
I only need one.
123
00:06:36,021 --> 00:06:39,149
{\an8}Oh. Well, you know, just keep them
for next time. [chuckles]
124
00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:45,989
Oh, dang.
125
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:48,825
You got to his afternoon kiss
before I did.
126
00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,661
Rupert, hello. Um...
127
00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:53,247
Okay. So, Jade, uh,
this is Rupert, my boss.
128
00:06:53,247 --> 00:06:56,583
And, Rupert, this is Jade, my girlfriend.
129
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,168
Well, hello there.
130
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,088
- Hello. [chuckles]
- It's worthwhile to meet you.
131
00:07:03,465 --> 00:07:05,133
Jade. What a beautiful name.
132
00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:08,136
Thank you. It's actually short for Jaded.
133
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:10,055
My mother named me
after her favorite aunt.
134
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,306
But I don't care.
135
00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:18,021
Hold on. I-I like to consider myself
a bit of a-- an amateur dialectologist.
136
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:22,109
You are from the south of Poland, right?
137
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:24,611
- [chuckles]
- Yes, I'm from Nowy Sącz.
138
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,239
Oh, would you look at that smile.
139
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:31,118
Yeah, Jade,
if this young man wasn't so brilliant,
140
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:33,287
I'd say that you are out of his league.
141
00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:34,371
[chuckles]
142
00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:38,250
Mmm. What's that smell?
143
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,836
Oh. Um, Jade, uh, surprised me with lunch.
144
00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:43,213
It's from the Taste of Athens.
It's my favorite place.
145
00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:44,381
Ah.
146
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:45,549
I'm a hostess there.
147
00:07:46,758 --> 00:07:49,344
Which is why it's his favorite place,
I would say.
148
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:50,596
- [chuckles]
- [Rupert] Yeah.
149
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:52,639
Well, wonderful to meet you, Jade.
150
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,308
[Nathan chuckles]
151
00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:55,517
And, Nate, mate,
152
00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:58,729
don't screw this up.
153
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:02,107
No. [chuckles]
154
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:04,401
Bye, Rupert. [chuckles]
155
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:08,071
He seems very wealthy. But also nice-like.
156
00:08:08,071 --> 00:08:11,158
Yeah, no, he is. He's-- [stammers]
He's actually really decent.
157
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,242
Mmm.
158
00:08:12,868 --> 00:08:14,828
Uh, I owe him a lot. So-- [chuckles]
159
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,872
[sighs] Right.
160
00:08:16,872 --> 00:08:19,208
It's so kind of you doing this, you know.
161
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,176
Pardon the interruption, Rebecca.
162
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:33,013
Um, did you know that Ted wasn't
doing his press conference today?
163
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,765
Uh, yes. I asked Roy to fill in.
164
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:38,059
Ah. That explains it.
165
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,477
Is there a problem?
166
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:40,562
Um...
167
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:42,731
That is not what I said, Gary!
168
00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:44,399
I have your quote right here!
169
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:45,651
You did say it, Coach.
170
00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:48,070
- [Coach Beard] Stay out of this, Lloyd!
- [Sarah] Don't shout at Lloyd.
171
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:50,197
You said, and I quote,
172
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:53,408
"Joe Walsh is a better guitarist
than Jimmy Page."
173
00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,202
- That's what you said.
- [reporters clamoring]
174
00:08:56,453 --> 00:08:57,955
{\an8}Fine! I said it!
175
00:08:57,955 --> 00:09:00,874
{\an8}But what I meant was
that Joe Walsh, underrated.
176
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,960
{\an8}Jimmy Page, overrated!
177
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,629
{\an8}- [reporters clamoring]
- I mean, Joe Walsh is a poet.
178
00:09:05,629 --> 00:09:09,091
{\an8}Jimmy Page is... [stammers] ...a fucking
court stenographer on Adderall.
179
00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:10,300
[reporters clamoring]
180
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:15,055
Are you out of your mind?
Page could beat Walsh with one string.
181
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:17,516
What do you mean beat him?
It's not a competition, man!
182
00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:19,101
It's art, you fucking Neanderthal!
183
00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:21,061
[clamoring continues]
184
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,521
- [Higgins] Okay.
- Hello!
185
00:09:22,521 --> 00:09:24,857
- Okay, okay. I think this is over. Yeah.
- You're suspect!
186
00:09:24,857 --> 00:09:26,024
- Me?
- Yeah, you!
187
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:28,735
Hello! Hello! I--
188
00:09:28,735 --> 00:09:31,864
"Stairway to Heaven" is a glorified
fingering exercise, and you all know it!
189
00:09:31,864 --> 00:09:33,699
[chuckles] So much passion.
190
00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:37,286
I-- I can't think of the last time
191
00:09:37,286 --> 00:09:40,497
I was able to be here with all you
absolutely... [stammers]
192
00:09:40,497 --> 00:09:43,333
...just brilliant members of the press
down here in the pressroom.
193
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:46,044
So with that in mind, I would love
to take some questions.
194
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:48,714
Come on, absolutely ask me anything.
195
00:09:48,714 --> 00:09:51,383
- Yes, yes.
- Uh, Marcus Adebayo, The Independent.
196
00:09:51,383 --> 00:09:53,552
- Hello there, Marcus. How are you?
- Very well.
197
00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:55,012
- Good, good. Yes?
- Miss Welton,
198
00:09:55,012 --> 00:09:58,557
in your opinion, who's the greatest
classic rock guitarist of all time?
199
00:09:58,557 --> 00:10:00,684
[reporters murmuring]
200
00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:02,311
[exhales sharply] Great question.
201
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:03,395
Ooh.
202
00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,523
Uh... [stammers]
203
00:10:08,192 --> 00:10:11,111
- Thank you. Thank you very much.
- [reporters clamoring]
204
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,613
[shudders] Sorry about that.
205
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:15,115
- [chuckles] "The guy from Cream."
- Yes, all right!
206
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:18,118
Don't start with me, Leslie!
I-- [inhales deeply] I panicked.
207
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:20,704
[breathes heavily]
I'm gonna murder Roy Kent.
208
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:24,082
Oh, look, Roy not doing press
is just Roy being Roy.
209
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:27,586
Oh, yes. Well, I am sick of Roy being Roy.
210
00:10:27,586 --> 00:10:29,004
Mmm. Mmm.
211
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,506
So, it's time for Rebecca to be Rebecca.
212
00:10:30,506 --> 00:10:33,050
Oh, yes. Absolutely. I couldn't--
213
00:10:33,050 --> 00:10:35,511
Ooh. Yeah. There you go.
214
00:10:35,511 --> 00:10:38,639
Yes! Ooh! [imitates explosion]
215
00:10:40,849 --> 00:10:42,851
No, you get back down there.
216
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:46,104
Why? I already did my 20, easily.
217
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:49,066
Yeah.
We don't start counting until it hurts.
218
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,734
And that goes for all of you!
219
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:52,361
Oi! Kent!
220
00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:56,031
Get your hairy arse into my office. Now!
221
00:10:57,241 --> 00:10:59,034
- [players murmuring, chuckling]
- [door closes]
222
00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:03,830
[players chuckling, whistling] Ooh!
223
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:12,673
Every single one of you
knows my arse isn't hairy.
224
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:15,259
Yet none of you spoke up.
225
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:20,305
And I will never forgive you.
226
00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:27,187
[door closes]
227
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:30,357
He's right. We're cowards.
228
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,069
Now, if she was talking
about Richard's butt...
229
00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:35,279
[players clamoring]
230
00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:37,739
[mumbling, blowing kisses]
231
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,367
[speaking French]
232
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,539
[players chattering, laughing]
233
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:52,963
So, are folks still dissecting frogs
in science class these days
234
00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:55,674
or is it all just talking about
the frog's feelings now?
235
00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:57,384
[teacher] Honestly? Both.
236
00:11:57,384 --> 00:12:00,137
[Michelle] Ms. Ledbetter,
is there anything Henry can be doing
237
00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:01,847
to bring up his grade in your class?
238
00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:02,848
Coach, can I--
239
00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:05,976
- Yeah, besides helium.
- [Ms. Ledbetter chuckles]
240
00:12:07,728 --> 00:12:08,770
Isaac knows.
241
00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:11,732
That Ted's son is failing science?
242
00:12:13,317 --> 00:12:14,401
Scandal.
243
00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:18,030
- How did he react?
- Not good.
244
00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:20,282
He won't talk to me.
245
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:22,451
Give him a minute.
246
00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,620
You shouldn't have to,
but some people need it.
247
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,622
Don't forget, you've known you were gay
for 20 years.
248
00:12:26,622 --> 00:12:28,248
Much longer than that.
249
00:12:28,874 --> 00:12:31,084
Once I was out of my mum,
I never looked back.
250
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:32,920
[swallows]
251
00:12:34,171 --> 00:12:37,049
[sighing] But I hear you. Thanks, Trent.
252
00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:38,300
Mmm.
253
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:41,678
Yeah. Hey, but you know what my favorite
thing was about Sir Isaac Newton?
254
00:12:41,678 --> 00:12:43,430
He was so down to Earth. [chuckles]
255
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,891
- [Ms. Ledbetter chuckles]
- [Michelle] Ted, we need to let her go.
256
00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:48,644
- Yeah, we better go let Ledbetter go.
- [Ms. Ledbetter chuckles]
257
00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:52,439
What the fuck is your problem?
258
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,942
Oh, wait, I know this one. You are!
259
00:12:55,943 --> 00:13:00,781
If I ask you to do a press conference,
do the fucking press conference.
260
00:13:00,781 --> 00:13:04,451
Okay. Shit. I'm sorry.
I didn't realize it was a big deal.
261
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,370
So you just didn't do it?
262
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:09,623
Is that the plan
for the rest of your life?
263
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,875
You're just gonna walk away
from everything
264
00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,253
the second it isn't fun or easy?
265
00:13:14,253 --> 00:13:16,171
[sighs]
266
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:20,884
What do you want, Roy? Hmm?
267
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,386
What do you really want?
268
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:24,721
I just want to be left alone.
269
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:28,809
Oh, bullshit, Roy!
You want way more than that!
270
00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:32,271
You're just so convinced that you
don't deserve anything good in your life,
271
00:13:32,271 --> 00:13:35,983
that you'd rather eat a bowl of shit soup
and then complain about the portions.
272
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:40,696
Get out of your own way, man.
273
00:13:40,696 --> 00:13:43,782
'Cause this whole "woe is me" thing
you've got going on
274
00:13:43,782 --> 00:13:46,994
is just fucking ponderous.
275
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,458
Is that all?
276
00:13:55,252 --> 00:13:56,503
Yeah, that's it.
277
00:13:58,463 --> 00:13:59,590
For now.
278
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:12,936
[sighs]
279
00:14:37,628 --> 00:14:39,213
How we looking for tomorrow?
280
00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:41,965
Oh, um, yeah... [chuckles] ...great.
281
00:14:42,466 --> 00:14:45,093
Think we should play without a goalie.
You know, just to give 'em a chance.
282
00:14:45,761 --> 00:14:47,054
I love it when you're cocky.
283
00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:53,018
Oh, baklava.
284
00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:54,311
Oh, yeah. Help y--
285
00:14:57,105 --> 00:14:59,066
- Yeah.
- So lovely to meet Kate.
286
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,069
Oh, Jade. It's Jade.
287
00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:04,571
Oh, yes. Of course. Jade. Yeah.
288
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:06,406
Well, she really enjoyed meeting you.
289
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:09,243
Nothing better than the love of a woman.
290
00:15:25,926 --> 00:15:28,345
[crowd singing indistinctly]
291
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:40,524
Sitting up there but it's just
a little bit-- We'll get a drink.
292
00:15:40,524 --> 00:15:42,693
Yo. Knock 'em dead, killer.
293
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,280
Well, I hope their kit man remembered
to bring 11 body bags. [chuckles]
294
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:50,701
[chuckles] Hey, after the match,
let's go for a drink. If you're up for it.
295
00:15:52,244 --> 00:15:54,371
Yeah, that'd be great.
Shall I invite Jade?
296
00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:58,166
No, I was thinking it was just
the two of us. You know, a guys' night.
297
00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:02,171
Oh, yeah. [stammers]
That'd be lovely. I mean-- I mean, cool.
298
00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:08,677
[Rupert]
Right, let's go blow some bubbles.
299
00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:11,638
[Arlo] Across town, West Ham are hoping
to stay top of the table
300
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,182
- against Southampton.
- [exhales sharply]
301
00:16:13,182 --> 00:16:17,102
{\an8}While here at Nelson Road,
the red-hot Greyhounds face Brighton.
302
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:20,689
Color red tops off
at about 800 centigrade, Arlo.
303
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:25,360
The way Richmond are playing, a more
accurate description would be yellow-hot.
304
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,487
- [bar patrons chattering]
- Thank you for correcting me, Chris,
305
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:30,157
and next time feel free
to wait until we're off air.
306
00:16:31,617 --> 00:16:32,659
What's this?
307
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:36,371
We're so full we ran out of pint glasses.
[chuckles]
308
00:16:36,872 --> 00:16:37,748
Bottoms up.
309
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:43,253
Bringing in the money ♪ [chuckles]
310
00:16:44,213 --> 00:16:45,214
That tastes better.
311
00:16:45,214 --> 00:16:47,591
[Arlo] The denizens of the Dogtrack
have seen
312
00:16:47,591 --> 00:16:50,177
their Greyhounds race up the table
of late.
313
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:52,804
The air is filled with
an unfamiliar confidence
314
00:16:52,804 --> 00:16:54,932
of another trip to the winners' circle.
315
00:16:54,932 --> 00:16:57,226
- Leslie, did you just text me?
- I did.
316
00:16:57,226 --> 00:16:59,394
- I'm sitting right here.
- I see that now.
317
00:17:00,812 --> 00:17:01,980
Oh, it's Jack.
318
00:17:03,315 --> 00:17:05,733
- She's saying that she's in Argentina...
- [scoffs]
319
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,111
...for the next couple of months.
320
00:17:08,779 --> 00:17:09,780
Ouch.
321
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:14,284
Well, I think our break
is actually an "up."
322
00:17:16,744 --> 00:17:19,248
So now that Jack is officially my ex,
323
00:17:19,248 --> 00:17:23,836
please feel free to say any of the things
that you didn't like about her.
324
00:17:23,836 --> 00:17:25,212
- Well--
- Ooh.
325
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:27,881
Her handshake was way too firm.
326
00:17:28,382 --> 00:17:30,133
You know-- [groaning]
327
00:17:30,133 --> 00:17:33,470
I get it. You're friendly.
[chuckles, mutters]
328
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:34,555
Good riddance.
329
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:38,559
[exhales sharply]
330
00:17:39,393 --> 00:17:41,103
[Thierry]
All right, yo. Let's do this, man.
331
00:17:44,565 --> 00:17:45,649
Go get 'em, Captain.
332
00:17:48,402 --> 00:17:49,570
Isaac.
333
00:17:49,570 --> 00:17:52,906
All right, fellas, here we go.
Focus up. Focus up, y'all.
334
00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:54,533
Coach, who we got today?
335
00:17:54,533 --> 00:17:56,159
Brighton and Hove Albion.
336
00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:58,537
Brighton, Hove and Albion.
I didn't know we were playing a law firm.
337
00:17:58,537 --> 00:18:01,039
[players chuckling]
338
00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:02,624
Okay, let's bring it in. Here we go!
339
00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:05,419
[players applauding, clamoring]
340
00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:17,055
[Ted] Go ahead, Captain. Count us off.
341
00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:18,891
Richmond on C. A, B, C!
342
00:18:18,891 --> 00:18:20,100
[all] Richmond!
343
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,311
[players applauding, clamoring]
344
00:18:26,023 --> 00:18:30,527
[Arlo] Brighton have something going here,
until that heavy touch by Cooke.
345
00:18:30,527 --> 00:18:31,445
Oh, no!
346
00:18:31,445 --> 00:18:32,821
A thoughtless poke by McAdoo
347
00:18:32,821 --> 00:18:35,282
and a Richmond goal kick
becomes a Brighton corner.
348
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,659
- [Chris] McAdoo lost concentration there.
- [patrons groaning]
349
00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,995
[Arlo] An uncharacteristic mistake
from the captain.
350
00:18:39,995 --> 00:18:43,207
Well done, McAdoo, you fucking numpty!
351
00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:46,251
[Arlo] Some of the Richmond fans letting
McAdoo have a piece of their minds.
352
00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:48,921
The corner comes in.
353
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:51,006
And the keeper collects.
354
00:18:51,006 --> 00:18:52,925
Yes, Zoreaux. Yes, good take, man.
355
00:18:52,925 --> 00:18:54,009
It's actually Van Damme.
356
00:18:54,009 --> 00:18:56,970
[Arlo] Van Damme's been
a commanding presence, Chris.
357
00:18:56,970 --> 00:19:00,182
[Chris] Just like in the movie
Timecop, where he does the splits twice.
358
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,602
Richmond with possession.
359
00:19:05,270 --> 00:19:07,648
Hughes has the ball.
He's looking for space.
360
00:19:07,648 --> 00:19:10,108
It's not there. He passes back to Maas.
361
00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:13,487
No! Cooke steps in, and Brighton are off.
362
00:19:13,487 --> 00:19:14,488
[players shouting]
363
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:16,615
- [Arlo] And just like that...
- Fuck!
364
00:19:16,615 --> 00:19:18,909
- ...Joey Miller puts Brighton up 1-nil.
- Shoot.
365
00:19:18,909 --> 00:19:22,746
- [crowd clamoring]
- Oh, for fuck's sake! Fucking hell!
366
00:19:22,746 --> 00:19:26,291
[Arlo] Is this the beginning of the end of
Richmond's hot streak?
367
00:19:27,459 --> 00:19:28,794
- What the fuck, bruv?
- What?
368
00:19:28,794 --> 00:19:30,671
- Their fucking goal's over there.
- Oh, right, yeah.
369
00:19:30,671 --> 00:19:32,840
Fucking fix up.
Don't fucking walk away from me.
370
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,466
- Relax.
- Their fucking goal's over there.
371
00:19:34,466 --> 00:19:36,343
[Arlo] McAdoo is furious,
372
00:19:36,343 --> 00:19:38,178
- remonstrating with Hughes for his error.
- Wait? What?
373
00:19:38,178 --> 00:19:40,889
- Don't fucking walk away from me!
- [Arlo] Obisanya defuses the situation,
374
00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:42,391
- but McAdoo remains incandescent.
- Fuck!
375
00:19:42,391 --> 00:19:44,643
- We have time. Come on!
- [Arlo] My word.
376
00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:48,188
Richmond asking
plenty of questions in the first half
377
00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:50,983
but haven't been able to put anything
into Brighton's net.
378
00:19:50,983 --> 00:19:53,861
As we enter one minute of stoppage time,
379
00:19:53,861 --> 00:19:56,530
the Seagulls would be thrilled
to go into the locker room
380
00:19:56,530 --> 00:19:58,323
leading by a goal to nil.
381
00:19:58,323 --> 00:19:59,533
Any thoughts, Chris?
382
00:19:59,533 --> 00:20:01,326
[Chris] Seagulls are wretched creatures
383
00:20:01,326 --> 00:20:03,745
who'll steal your car keys
right off your beach towel.
384
00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:06,415
[patrons clamoring]
385
00:20:06,415 --> 00:20:07,749
[Arlo] Richmond's starting to click.
386
00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:11,211
This is the crisp ball movement
we've come to expect from them.
387
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:14,381
Oh, this is slick.
One-touch passing around the area.
388
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:15,966
Rojas is in.
389
00:20:15,966 --> 00:20:18,218
- Oh! Smothered by Brighton.
- [crowd gasping, groaning]
390
00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:21,513
- [whistle blows]
- [Arlo] And that's the half.
391
00:20:21,513 --> 00:20:25,475
Brighton's up 1-nil,
but it's still anyone's game.
392
00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:30,898
[fan 1, singsongy]
Same old Richmond. Still a shit show.
393
00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:34,484
You're absolutely rubbish!
394
00:20:35,986 --> 00:20:39,448
Stop passing the ball around
and bloody do something!
395
00:20:40,782 --> 00:20:43,202
You're a disgrace to the badge!
396
00:20:43,202 --> 00:20:45,913
You're all playing like
a bunch of fucking fa--
397
00:20:45,913 --> 00:20:48,248
[crowd clamoring]
398
00:20:48,248 --> 00:20:50,292
- What the fuck did you say to me?
- What?
399
00:20:50,876 --> 00:20:53,670
- What did you fucking say to me?
- [crowd clamoring]
400
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:57,090
[Arlo] Isaac McAdoo has jumped the wall
and charged into the seats.
401
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:58,300
This is unbelievable.
402
00:20:58,300 --> 00:20:59,259
Oh, my God.
403
00:20:59,259 --> 00:21:01,136
- I dare you to fucking say it again!
- [Arlo] He appears to be
404
00:21:01,136 --> 00:21:03,847
in a confrontation with one of
the Richmond supporters.
405
00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:05,390
Thataway, McAdoo. Get him.
406
00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:07,601
Hang on. He's one of ours.
407
00:21:07,601 --> 00:21:08,852
Say that word again!
408
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:10,437
You leave it!
409
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:13,023
- Say that fucking word again!
- Isaac!
410
00:21:13,023 --> 00:21:14,316
- [whistle blows]
- Number five!
411
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:15,943
Fuck's sake.
412
00:21:15,943 --> 00:21:18,111
- [all groaning]
- The captain, man.
413
00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:21,532
[Arlo] It's an obvious red card.
McAdoo clearly has to go.
414
00:21:22,115 --> 00:21:25,410
[Chris] Roy Kent as the voice of reason.
What a world.
415
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:26,912
- [Isaac] Fuck's sakes.
- [crowd clamoring]
416
00:21:26,912 --> 00:21:28,455
Good lad. Oi!
417
00:21:29,414 --> 00:21:30,874
Get him the fuck out of here!
418
00:21:30,874 --> 00:21:32,084
- [crowd jeering]
- What?
419
00:21:32,084 --> 00:21:35,963
[Arlo] After all hell broke loose,
halftime finally gets underway,
420
00:21:35,963 --> 00:21:38,549
and the Greyhounds have much to discuss.
421
00:21:43,136 --> 00:21:45,931
[breathing shakily]
422
00:21:56,775 --> 00:21:59,152
- [door closes]
- [Isaac breathing heavily]
423
00:22:00,445 --> 00:22:01,446
[door closes]
424
00:22:15,085 --> 00:22:17,588
All right, no one's gonna say nothing?
Sure, no, I'll kick it off.
425
00:22:17,588 --> 00:22:18,672
Isaac, what the hell happened?
426
00:22:18,672 --> 00:22:22,593
[breathes shakily]
One of our fans said some ignorant shit!
427
00:22:24,178 --> 00:22:26,847
Okay. Okay, what-- [stammers]
what'd they say?
428
00:22:30,767 --> 00:22:32,436
- I-- I heard it.
- [Ted] Okay.
429
00:22:32,978 --> 00:22:33,896
He said the f-word.
430
00:22:35,063 --> 00:22:37,316
- Fuck?
- No, the other f-word.
431
00:22:37,316 --> 00:22:39,693
- [players] Oh.
- Oh, fuck.
432
00:22:40,444 --> 00:22:42,279
[players murmuring]
433
00:22:43,864 --> 00:22:46,366
If it helps, the fan has been removed.
434
00:22:47,701 --> 00:22:49,578
And I apologize for my dad.
435
00:22:50,537 --> 00:22:52,206
- [player groans]
- [chuckles]
436
00:22:52,206 --> 00:22:53,624
Sorry, not the time for jokes.
437
00:22:53,624 --> 00:22:55,417
Um, read the room, Leslie. [scoffs]
438
00:22:55,417 --> 00:22:58,295
Okay. Okay, I get it. I get it. I-- Um...
439
00:22:58,295 --> 00:23:02,382
Isaac, look. What that guy said?
Inexcusable. All right?
440
00:23:04,051 --> 00:23:05,135
But, man... [chuckles]
441
00:23:05,135 --> 00:23:09,223
...your reaction to it ain't gonna be taught
in any Tibetan monasteries anytime soon.
442
00:23:09,223 --> 00:23:10,140
You know what I'm saying?
443
00:23:10,140 --> 00:23:11,683
Yeah, now we're one man down.
444
00:23:11,683 --> 00:23:14,561
Yeah, Isaac, come on, man.
It's nothing we haven't heard before.
445
00:23:14,561 --> 00:23:17,523
[players clamoring]
446
00:23:17,523 --> 00:23:20,192
Exactly. It's just poopy. Ignore it, man.
447
00:23:20,734 --> 00:23:21,902
Ignore it?
448
00:23:22,945 --> 00:23:24,321
I don't want to fucking ignore it.
449
00:23:26,573 --> 00:23:30,244
What if one of us is gay? Huh?
450
00:23:31,703 --> 00:23:33,747
We shouldn't have to deal with this shit!
451
00:23:40,796 --> 00:23:41,964
[huffs]
452
00:23:44,007 --> 00:23:45,175
[door slams]
453
00:23:47,344 --> 00:23:48,345
All right.
454
00:23:48,887 --> 00:23:51,348
- I-- I got it.
- Yeah, yeah.
455
00:23:54,059 --> 00:23:55,769
[mouthing words]
456
00:23:56,854 --> 00:24:00,023
- [mouthing words]
- [softly] You think I should have it?
457
00:24:00,023 --> 00:24:01,441
[mumbles]
458
00:24:09,449 --> 00:24:12,619
No, get out, Roy. I don't--
I don't need you to come in here.
459
00:24:12,619 --> 00:24:14,413
Just leave me alone. Just fuck off, yeah?
460
00:24:14,413 --> 00:24:16,790
I fucked it up. Just fucking fuck off.
Just leave me alone.
461
00:24:16,790 --> 00:24:18,458
I don't need you to start yelling at me.
462
00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:20,252
I'm not here to yell at you.
463
00:24:26,008 --> 00:24:27,009
[sighs]
464
00:24:28,343 --> 00:24:29,928
What the fuck was that all about?
465
00:24:29,928 --> 00:24:33,932
- [player 1] I don't know.
- [players murmuring]
466
00:24:33,932 --> 00:24:35,517
Colin, do you-- do you know?
467
00:24:37,561 --> 00:24:39,104
Guys, it's pretty obvious.
468
00:24:39,104 --> 00:24:40,731
Isaac's gay, right?
469
00:24:40,731 --> 00:24:42,733
- Oh.
- [players murmuring]
470
00:24:42,733 --> 00:24:46,403
[Jan] Well, statistically speaking,
10% of the population is homosexual.
471
00:24:46,403 --> 00:24:47,988
So it's not that surprising.
472
00:24:50,073 --> 00:24:52,451
So there are probably more people
in this room who are gay.
473
00:24:52,451 --> 00:24:54,536
[players murmuring]
474
00:25:03,587 --> 00:25:06,757
- [clicks tongue] I'm flattered.
- [players chuckling]
475
00:25:06,757 --> 00:25:09,927
Guys-- Guys, we don't need to
discuss this any further, okay?
476
00:25:09,927 --> 00:25:11,929
All Isaac needs now is our support.
477
00:25:11,929 --> 00:25:14,973
- [players murmuring]
- [player 2] Yeah. That's our captain.
478
00:25:17,518 --> 00:25:19,102
[Ted] All right, fellas,
let's focus on the second half.
479
00:25:19,102 --> 00:25:21,230
- Now, what we got--
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.
480
00:25:22,856 --> 00:25:23,857
Isaac's not gay.
481
00:25:27,110 --> 00:25:28,862
I don't know what happened out there,
482
00:25:30,447 --> 00:25:36,787
but I do know whatever it was
isn't what you're really angry about.
483
00:25:38,914 --> 00:25:39,915
Is it?
484
00:25:43,085 --> 00:25:44,086
[sighs]
485
00:25:48,340 --> 00:25:49,716
So then trust me.
486
00:25:52,010 --> 00:25:53,637
You got to go deal with that...
487
00:25:56,473 --> 00:26:00,018
or you're gonna fuck up
whatever it is you actually do care about.
488
00:26:05,649 --> 00:26:06,817
[Will] He's right, you know.
489
00:26:10,362 --> 00:26:11,864
[inhales deeply]
490
00:26:11,864 --> 00:26:15,534
The little things we get mad about
are like snowflakes on a mountain.
491
00:26:17,411 --> 00:26:19,830
And if we wait too long,
then we're just one sneeze away
492
00:26:19,830 --> 00:26:22,457
from an avalanche that will kill us all.
493
00:26:25,669 --> 00:26:26,712
Thank you, Will.
494
00:26:32,009 --> 00:26:33,510
- You want some bubble gum?
- Don't push it.
495
00:26:33,510 --> 00:26:34,469
[Will mumbles]
496
00:26:35,554 --> 00:26:37,431
[players murmuring]
497
00:26:43,061 --> 00:26:45,772
[sighs] So, we cool?
498
00:26:45,772 --> 00:26:47,733
- [Bumbercatch] Of course.
- [players murmuring]
499
00:26:47,733 --> 00:26:51,987
- Yeah.
- Of course. It's cool.
500
00:26:51,987 --> 00:26:54,865
- [Dani] Yeah, yeah. Yes, amigo.
- A thousand percent.
501
00:26:54,865 --> 00:26:57,743
You're gay, big whoop. But we don't care.
Right, guys?
502
00:26:57,743 --> 00:27:01,163
- [players murmuring] Yeah. Yeah.
- [Jan] All good, bro.
503
00:27:01,163 --> 00:27:03,248
[stammers] Now, hold on.
[stammering] Hold on, actually.
504
00:27:03,248 --> 00:27:07,294
[stammers] Colin, we do care, you know.
505
00:27:08,337 --> 00:27:11,423
When I was growing up back in Kansas City,
I had a buddy named Stevey Jewell.
506
00:27:12,090 --> 00:27:14,051
Now, he was a huge Denver Broncos fan.
507
00:27:14,801 --> 00:27:17,930
But we were all growing up smack dab
in the middle of Chiefs country.
508
00:27:17,930 --> 00:27:20,224
So he used to catch a lot of guff for it,
you know?
509
00:27:20,224 --> 00:27:25,479
But me? Me, I-I told him it didn't affect
the way I felt about him at all, you know?
510
00:27:26,021 --> 00:27:28,023
I told him that I "didn't care."
511
00:27:28,607 --> 00:27:30,150
[stammers] And I didn't, you know.
512
00:27:30,817 --> 00:27:34,530
But then in 19s-- what, '97, '98,
513
00:27:35,322 --> 00:27:39,117
he had to watch back-to-back Super Bowls
with the Denver Broncos in 'em
514
00:27:39,117 --> 00:27:40,202
all by himself.
515
00:27:43,163 --> 00:27:47,668
First one,
he ate an entire seven-layer dip
516
00:27:47,668 --> 00:27:50,379
from Price Chopper all by himself.
517
00:27:50,379 --> 00:27:53,131
Big ol' thing.
And it just wrecked his stomach.
518
00:27:53,131 --> 00:27:55,384
Apparently, he destroyed the toilet
in his parents' basement.
519
00:27:55,384 --> 00:27:57,511
[stammers] I remember the rumor
at the time being
520
00:27:57,511 --> 00:28:00,764
- that he caused $9,000 worth of damage.
- [player exclaims]
521
00:28:00,764 --> 00:28:03,016
Could you imagine? To a toilet.
9,000 bucks.
522
00:28:03,767 --> 00:28:06,770
The next year,
he did the exact same thing. [chuckles]
523
00:28:07,354 --> 00:28:08,689
All by himself.
524
00:28:08,689 --> 00:28:11,483
He must have thought it was good luck
or something. I don't know.
525
00:28:11,483 --> 00:28:13,819
'Cause I wasn't there.
'Cause I "didn't care."
526
00:28:15,863 --> 00:28:17,990
But I should've cared. You know?
527
00:28:20,117 --> 00:28:21,410
I should've supported him.
528
00:28:24,454 --> 00:28:27,791
I-I should've been at his house
both them years.
529
00:28:30,043 --> 00:28:32,337
Sharing that seven-layer dip
with my friend
530
00:28:33,589 --> 00:28:37,634
while his garbage-ass team wins
back-to-back Super Bowls.
531
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:45,559
Coach, did you just compare being gay
to being a Denver Broncos fan?
532
00:28:46,977 --> 00:28:49,354
You know what? I did, and I regret it.
Yeah. Sorry about that.
533
00:28:49,354 --> 00:28:51,106
[players murmuring]
534
00:28:51,106 --> 00:28:52,733
What the fuck are Denver Broncos?
535
00:28:52,733 --> 00:28:54,818
- [Ted] No, that's a very good question.
- Oh, for fuck's sake.
536
00:28:54,818 --> 00:28:57,613
It's an American football reference,
an absolute fumble in this situation.
537
00:28:57,613 --> 00:28:58,989
I apologize. Yeah. Okay.
538
00:28:58,989 --> 00:29:00,949
But... [stammers] ...the point is, Colin...
539
00:29:04,453 --> 00:29:06,330
we don't not care.
540
00:29:07,414 --> 00:29:08,707
We care very much.
541
00:29:09,499 --> 00:29:13,587
We care about who you are
and what you must've been going through.
542
00:29:14,838 --> 00:29:15,839
Yeah?
543
00:29:16,423 --> 00:29:18,258
But hey, from now on,
544
00:29:19,551 --> 00:29:22,554
you don't have to go through it
all by yourself.
545
00:29:22,554 --> 00:29:24,431
- [players murmuring]
- [Ted] All right?
546
00:29:24,431 --> 00:29:27,809
Yeah. You hear that? You got us, mate.
We got you.
547
00:29:28,602 --> 00:29:31,647
Okay, well, look. Hey. I hate to
bring up work in a moment like this,
548
00:29:31,647 --> 00:29:33,857
but we do have
a second half of a match to play.
549
00:29:33,857 --> 00:29:35,025
Coach, what we got?
550
00:29:35,025 --> 00:29:37,903
Playing a man down.
What do we do differently?
551
00:29:37,903 --> 00:29:39,655
[players] Absolutely nothing!
552
00:29:39,655 --> 00:29:42,157
- [cheering, chattering]
- Let's go. Let's go, baby.
553
00:29:44,618 --> 00:29:45,869
[Colin] Let's go.
554
00:29:45,869 --> 00:29:48,539
[Ted] Okay, okay. All right.
Captain, count us off.
555
00:29:51,333 --> 00:29:54,169
Oh, wow. That's me, yes. Um, okay.
556
00:29:54,169 --> 00:29:57,381
[sighs, stammers]
I don't know what to say. Um...
557
00:29:58,173 --> 00:30:00,843
[stammers] I'm honored to be your captain.
558
00:30:00,843 --> 00:30:03,387
And, um, you know,
I-I love you guys so very much.
559
00:30:03,387 --> 00:30:05,097
On three. One, two, three.
560
00:30:05,097 --> 00:30:06,849
[all] I love you guys so very much!
561
00:30:06,849 --> 00:30:08,642
[cheering, clamoring]
562
00:30:18,652 --> 00:30:21,697
- [exhales deeply]
- Better or worse than you imagined?
563
00:30:21,697 --> 00:30:24,157
Uh, second-best way it could've gone,
I think.
564
00:30:24,658 --> 00:30:27,870
Best way being the entire team confesses
that they're gay too,
565
00:30:27,870 --> 00:30:29,788
and we get to be on the cover
of Oprah's magazine.
566
00:30:29,788 --> 00:30:31,081
[both chuckle]
567
00:30:38,797 --> 00:30:39,923
Hmm.
568
00:30:48,599 --> 00:30:49,808
[phone chimes]
569
00:31:04,281 --> 00:31:05,574
Cracking match, Coach.
570
00:31:05,574 --> 00:31:07,743
Oh. Yeah. Oh, thank you, Roger.
571
00:31:08,327 --> 00:31:11,246
Hey, a few of us are getting a pint.
Care to join us?
572
00:31:11,246 --> 00:31:14,833
Sounds good but, um, I'm actually going
for a drink with Rupert tonight.
573
00:31:14,833 --> 00:31:16,543
- [Roger] Oh.
- Just the two of us, so...
574
00:31:16,543 --> 00:31:17,920
Are you in trouble?
575
00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:21,548
Wh-- No, no.
It's just like, um, guys' night, so...
576
00:31:21,548 --> 00:31:23,842
Cool. Maybe next time?
577
00:31:23,842 --> 00:31:24,927
Yeah.
578
00:31:31,642 --> 00:31:34,728
- [crowd cheering]
- [whistle blows]
579
00:31:34,728 --> 00:31:36,688
- Yes!
- [Jamie] Yes!
580
00:31:36,688 --> 00:31:38,398
- [Arlo] And Richmond have done it.
- Yes!
581
00:31:38,398 --> 00:31:39,942
- How about that?
- Well done, sir.
582
00:31:39,942 --> 00:31:42,110
[Arlo] They complete the comeback
for a thrilling two-one win...
583
00:31:42,110 --> 00:31:44,613
- I love you so much, man.
- ...behind an inspirational turn
584
00:31:44,613 --> 00:31:45,906
from Colin Hughes.
585
00:31:45,906 --> 00:31:47,574
- Come on!
- [Arlo] Assisting both goals...
586
00:31:47,574 --> 00:31:48,492
- Yeah!
- [Higgins] Whoo!
587
00:31:48,492 --> 00:31:50,118
[Arlo] ...in a man-of-the-match performance.
588
00:31:50,118 --> 00:31:52,120
[Chris] Wow, Hughes was sensational, Arlo.
589
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:54,331
- After being benched earlier this season...
- [chanting] AFC Richmond!
590
00:31:54,331 --> 00:31:56,542
- AFC Richmond!
- [Chris] ...back in the starting lineup,
591
00:31:56,542 --> 00:31:58,919
and today, the Welshman played
like a man reborn.
592
00:31:58,919 --> 00:32:01,505
[players cheering]
593
00:32:03,966 --> 00:32:05,926
A goal down, a man down,
594
00:32:05,926 --> 00:32:08,512
the Greyhounds scored twice
in the second half.
595
00:32:08,512 --> 00:32:11,515
Both assisted by an inspired Colin Hughes.
596
00:32:11,515 --> 00:32:17,396
{\an8}But the real fireworks were at halftime
when Richmond's captain, Isaac McAdoo,
597
00:32:17,396 --> 00:32:21,441
went into the stands
to attack one of their own fans.
598
00:32:21,942 --> 00:32:24,611
In fairness, I wanted to do that
a few times myself, Jeff.
599
00:32:24,611 --> 00:32:27,614
{\an8}Yeah, but you didn't, Clinton, 'cause
you're not a psychopath like McAdoo.
600
00:32:27,614 --> 00:32:30,576
{\an8}- Now, George, you don't know what--
- Oh, no-- Jeff. Jeff, come on.
601
00:32:30,576 --> 00:32:33,954
You do not go into the stands.
I don't care what was said.
602
00:32:33,954 --> 00:32:36,999
That is a line you do not cross.
603
00:32:37,624 --> 00:32:40,252
And that's why McAdoo wasn't captain
when I was there.
604
00:32:40,252 --> 00:32:41,712
'Cause he's not fit for it.
605
00:32:41,712 --> 00:32:44,590
I mean, come on.
He makes Roy Kent look like Bambi.
606
00:32:44,590 --> 00:32:46,842
- [all chuckle]
- He's an idiot, isn't he? Come on.
607
00:32:46,842 --> 00:32:48,468
- McAdoo doing that.
- Yes.
608
00:32:48,468 --> 00:32:50,554
- What was he thinking?
- He's in big trouble.
609
00:32:50,554 --> 00:32:52,306
Guy probably deserved it though, right?
610
00:32:52,306 --> 00:32:53,640
- Absolutely.
- No doubt.
611
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:55,767
I hope his kids shiv him in his sleep.
612
00:32:56,894 --> 00:32:58,645
What? He used to come in here.
613
00:32:58,645 --> 00:33:00,772
He was a dick to my niece, Claire, once.
614
00:33:00,772 --> 00:33:02,316
- No way.
- Not Claire.
615
00:33:02,316 --> 00:33:03,942
Fucking prick!
616
00:33:03,942 --> 00:33:05,402
Moving over to east London,
617
00:33:05,402 --> 00:33:08,739
the Wonder Kid's West Ham
took care of business at home.
618
00:33:08,739 --> 00:33:11,450
- [club music playing]
- [patrons chattering]
619
00:33:13,702 --> 00:33:17,080
[Rupert chuckles] And then--
And then he-- he came in after me.
620
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:18,540
[person chuckles]
621
00:33:18,540 --> 00:33:20,125
Hey, Rupert.
622
00:33:20,125 --> 00:33:22,002
- You all right?
- Hey, Nathan.
623
00:33:22,711 --> 00:33:26,423
Let me introduce, uh,
Kelsie and, uh, Libby.
624
00:33:26,423 --> 00:33:27,883
- No. [stutters] The other way around.
- Uh...
625
00:33:27,883 --> 00:33:29,218
- Oh. [chuckles]
- The other way.
626
00:33:29,218 --> 00:33:30,761
[Rupert, Libby, Kelsie chuckling]
627
00:33:30,761 --> 00:33:32,971
Well, I'm still Rupert. [chuckles]
628
00:33:32,971 --> 00:33:36,350
And this is Nathan Shelley,
the Wonder Kid.
629
00:33:36,350 --> 00:33:37,893
[chuckles] Hey, you all right?
630
00:33:38,519 --> 00:33:39,520
- Hi.
- Hey.
631
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,523
So, uh, the girls
will be joining us tonight.
632
00:33:42,523 --> 00:33:43,607
Shall we?
633
00:33:46,944 --> 00:33:49,321
Ooh. Yum, yum, yum.
634
00:33:49,947 --> 00:33:52,366
- Thought it was a guys' night, Rupert.
- Ooh.
635
00:33:53,575 --> 00:33:56,286
Well, yes. Trust me, it is.
636
00:33:57,371 --> 00:34:01,124
Oscar.
[distorted] We're off to the private room.
637
00:34:04,711 --> 00:34:07,005
Couple of bottles of champagne, please.
638
00:34:11,927 --> 00:34:12,928
Um, actually, Rupert.
639
00:34:14,972 --> 00:34:16,681
I'm so sorry, uh, I need to leave.
640
00:34:16,681 --> 00:34:19,601
Um, long story.
641
00:34:19,601 --> 00:34:21,395
I wanted to come and tell you in person.
642
00:34:33,447 --> 00:34:34,449
Ooh.
643
00:34:35,324 --> 00:34:37,870
Congratulations, Ted.
That's eight wins in a row.
644
00:34:37,870 --> 00:34:38,954
Oh, come on now, Trent.
645
00:34:38,954 --> 00:34:40,831
You know I don't care
about winning or losing.
646
00:34:41,373 --> 00:34:43,208
- [blows raspberry]
- [scoffs]
647
00:34:43,208 --> 00:34:45,085
No, the truth is,
only way I could be happier
648
00:34:45,085 --> 00:34:48,172
is if my arm-feet were covered
in barbecue sauce. [chuckles]
649
00:34:48,172 --> 00:34:50,340
How you feeling about the win streak, Roy?
650
00:34:50,340 --> 00:34:54,386
[groans] No way.
Do not come near me with that shit.
651
00:34:54,386 --> 00:34:56,889
- You never talk about a streak.
- Um. Mmm.
652
00:34:56,889 --> 00:34:59,892
My grandparents were happily married
for 51 years
653
00:34:59,892 --> 00:35:02,853
'cause they never said a fucking word
to each other. Scram.
654
00:35:03,604 --> 00:35:06,064
Well done, gentlemen. Congrats.
655
00:35:06,064 --> 00:35:07,316
Mmm.
656
00:35:08,317 --> 00:35:09,318
Another one.
657
00:35:09,318 --> 00:35:12,988
Oh, boy. Higgins hitting us
with his DJ Khaled impression. Nice.
658
00:35:12,988 --> 00:35:13,947
Who?
659
00:35:13,947 --> 00:35:16,200
- Parallel thinking.
- Apparently so.
660
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:18,702
The press is ready for you, Ted.
It's a big one.
661
00:35:18,702 --> 00:35:21,205
Mmm. That's what that lady
from the American Office said.
662
00:35:21,205 --> 00:35:23,165
Okay, I'll be right there.
663
00:35:23,165 --> 00:35:24,499
Okay.
664
00:35:25,375 --> 00:35:26,376
[Ted] Mmm.
665
00:35:26,376 --> 00:35:29,129
[reporters chattering]
666
00:35:31,590 --> 00:35:33,800
- He's on his way.
- Thank you, Leslie.
667
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:36,261
You gave Ted some talking points?
668
00:35:37,012 --> 00:35:39,264
No. I haven't done that in a long time.
669
00:35:40,599 --> 00:35:41,808
Oh, God.
670
00:35:49,274 --> 00:35:50,526
[stammers]
671
00:35:54,446 --> 00:35:55,864
[Roy grunts]
672
00:35:55,864 --> 00:35:57,741
[chattering stops]
673
00:35:59,284 --> 00:36:01,828
{\an8}Yeah. All right. [sighs] You got me today.
674
00:36:03,247 --> 00:36:04,373
Any questions?
675
00:36:04,373 --> 00:36:06,333
[reporters clamoring]
676
00:36:06,333 --> 00:36:07,501
Fucking hell.
677
00:36:09,253 --> 00:36:10,796
You. Five-o'clock-shadow head.
678
00:36:10,796 --> 00:36:16,593
Coach Kent, do you or the organization
condone what Isaac McAdoo did today?
679
00:36:16,593 --> 00:36:18,345
What a stupid fucking question.
680
00:36:18,345 --> 00:36:21,139
- [reporters chuckling]
- [Roy] Course we don't.
681
00:36:21,139 --> 00:36:24,643
What Isaac did was awful.
He was lucky he only got a red card.
682
00:36:24,643 --> 00:36:26,353
Okay. So why'd he do it?
683
00:36:27,104 --> 00:36:28,856
[chuckles]
684
00:36:43,412 --> 00:36:46,039
When I was first coming up
through Sunderland,
685
00:36:46,540 --> 00:36:49,334
there was an old-timer on the team.
Local guy.
686
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:52,462
He and his wife were about to have
their first kid,
687
00:36:52,462 --> 00:36:54,298
so during training one day,
688
00:36:54,923 --> 00:36:58,760
I made a joke that, statistically,
I was probably the real dad.
689
00:36:59,845 --> 00:37:04,558
And the boys fell about laughing,
but he went fucking nuts.
690
00:37:04,558 --> 00:37:07,895
He battered me. Properly.
691
00:37:07,895 --> 00:37:11,607
I had a black eye, chipped tooth,
three broken ribs.
692
00:37:12,357 --> 00:37:14,067
I couldn't play for six games.
693
00:37:14,818 --> 00:37:16,320
He got booted off the team.
694
00:37:17,613 --> 00:37:21,074
After that, no club would go near him.
695
00:37:22,117 --> 00:37:24,912
Then in the summer,
after I could breathe again,
696
00:37:25,537 --> 00:37:27,080
I bumped into him in a pub.
697
00:37:27,873 --> 00:37:31,210
And I got the chance to say sorry
for my stupid fucking joke.
698
00:37:34,421 --> 00:37:37,424
And he got to tell me... [swallows]
699
00:37:38,258 --> 00:37:41,011
- ...he and his wife had lost the baby...
- [reporters groaning]
700
00:37:41,011 --> 00:37:43,263
...a month before all that went down.
701
00:37:45,766 --> 00:37:49,853
He hadn't told anyone. Kept it all inside.
702
00:37:56,568 --> 00:38:00,656
{\an8}Look, I get that some people think
if they buy a ticket,
703
00:38:01,156 --> 00:38:05,577
{\an8}they've got the right to yell whatever
abusive shit they want at footballers.
704
00:38:06,703 --> 00:38:10,832
{\an8}But they're not just footballers.
They're also people.
705
00:38:12,709 --> 00:38:17,798
And none of us know
what is going on in each other's lives.
706
00:38:20,884 --> 00:38:24,888
{\an8}So for Isaac to do what he did today,
707
00:38:25,806 --> 00:38:27,099
{\an8}even though it was wrong...
708
00:38:29,810 --> 00:38:31,061
{\an8}I give him love.
709
00:38:35,274 --> 00:38:37,568
{\an8}And as for why he did what he did...
710
00:38:41,613 --> 00:38:43,740
that's none of my fucking business.
711
00:38:47,619 --> 00:38:49,538
- Next question.
- [reporters clamoring]
712
00:38:50,122 --> 00:38:51,331
Yeah, New Trent.
713
00:38:51,331 --> 00:38:54,126
[chuckles]
Uh, Coach, let's talk about Colin Hughes.
714
00:38:54,877 --> 00:38:57,212
Yeah, he's a hell of a player
and a great man.
715
00:38:58,130 --> 00:38:59,423
I think we've underused him.
716
00:38:59,423 --> 00:39:01,300
- [Marcus] I think you're right.
- Glad we agree.
717
00:39:01,300 --> 00:39:03,844
- I prefer you to Old Trent.
- [reporters chuckling]
718
00:39:03,844 --> 00:39:06,471
- [Roy] Next question.
- [reporters clamoring]
719
00:39:06,471 --> 00:39:08,724
["All That You Are" playing]
720
00:39:11,518 --> 00:39:13,312
[Roy] You. Goblin King, go.
721
00:39:18,150 --> 00:39:20,152
[doorbell rings]
722
00:39:33,373 --> 00:39:34,249
Hey.
723
00:39:35,334 --> 00:39:36,335
Hey.
724
00:39:36,919 --> 00:39:38,378
What happened to guys' night?
725
00:39:43,467 --> 00:39:46,512
[breathes deeply]
726
00:40:00,817 --> 00:40:01,985
[exhales sharply]
727
00:40:09,993 --> 00:40:10,994
Hey.
728
00:40:15,499 --> 00:40:16,875
You lied to me.
729
00:40:19,336 --> 00:40:20,337
For years.
730
00:40:24,132 --> 00:40:27,886
What is it about me
that made you think you couldn't tell me?
731
00:40:29,429 --> 00:40:31,974
[stammers]
No, it was nothing to do with you.
732
00:40:32,766 --> 00:40:34,268
[sighs] It was about me.
733
00:40:36,562 --> 00:40:39,231
I was 99% sure that you'd support me.
734
00:40:39,815 --> 00:40:44,736
But the 1% chance that you wouldn't
scared the shit out of me.
735
00:40:51,118 --> 00:40:54,580
I don't know how you did it.
I can't keep a secret for shit.
736
00:40:54,580 --> 00:40:57,207
I know. Another reason I didn't tell you.
737
00:40:57,791 --> 00:41:00,043
I mean, I hid it from people for years,
738
00:41:00,586 --> 00:41:03,630
and the second you find out,
I didn't last a month.
739
00:41:04,256 --> 00:41:06,216
[both chuckle]
740
00:41:07,509 --> 00:41:10,762
[chuckles] I'm sorry, bruv.
741
00:41:14,683 --> 00:41:15,934
You gonna tell everyone now?
742
00:41:19,229 --> 00:41:20,230
No.
743
00:41:21,231 --> 00:41:23,984
The team knows. And that's enough for me.
744
00:41:25,110 --> 00:41:26,528
And no one's gonna say shit.
745
00:41:29,781 --> 00:41:30,782
I promise.
746
00:41:36,622 --> 00:41:37,873
Hmm. Wanna come in?
747
00:41:44,463 --> 00:41:45,464
Yeah, all right.
748
00:41:46,507 --> 00:41:47,341
Come on.
749
00:41:47,341 --> 00:41:49,426
["I Am What I Am" playing]
750
00:42:01,897 --> 00:42:05,484
[Isaac] Is "top or bottom"
sex positions or sleeping arrangements?
751
00:42:05,984 --> 00:42:07,277
[Colin] Sexual positions.
752
00:42:07,277 --> 00:42:09,154
Unless bunk beds are involved.
Then it's both.
753
00:42:09,821 --> 00:42:11,240
Would you ever shag a woman?
754
00:42:11,240 --> 00:42:12,616
No, I'm gay.
755
00:42:12,616 --> 00:42:14,701
I know, but what if you had to?
756
00:42:15,494 --> 00:42:18,247
- 1967 Raquel Welch.
- My man.
757
00:42:18,247 --> 00:42:19,248
[chuckles]
758
00:42:19,248 --> 00:42:22,918
- Who's the fittest guy on the team?
- I won't tell you, and you'd never guess.
759
00:42:24,086 --> 00:42:25,879
- Bumbercatch.
- Yes.
760
00:42:27,422 --> 00:42:29,299
What about team showers?
How does that work?
761
00:42:29,299 --> 00:42:31,927
Uh, I keep my head down,
and I think of global warming.
762
00:42:32,469 --> 00:42:34,930
Yeah, well, if I had to shower
with a bunch of girls all the time,
763
00:42:34,930 --> 00:42:37,057
- I'd defo get boners.
- [chuckles]
764
00:42:39,810 --> 00:42:40,811
I love you, boyo.
765
00:42:44,106 --> 00:42:45,524
You can't say it, can you?
766
00:42:47,568 --> 00:42:48,569
No.
767
00:42:49,820 --> 00:42:50,904
But you know I do, yeah?