1 00:00:00,810 --> 00:00:04,477 (dramatic electronic music) 2 00:00:09,751 --> 00:00:13,172 (eerie electronic music) 3 00:00:13,222 --> 00:00:16,305 (projector rattling) 4 00:00:24,080 --> 00:00:24,980 - [Man] The truth, 5 00:00:25,950 --> 00:00:29,380 and the truth that mankind has chosen to call history, 6 00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:30,913 are not always the same. 7 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:34,900 I, Abraham Van Helsing, 8 00:00:34,950 --> 00:00:38,400 descendant of courageous and holy scientists, 9 00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:40,440 who dedicated their lives to studying 10 00:00:40,490 --> 00:00:43,080 Earth's most fiendish creatures, 11 00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:45,750 have at last encountered one 12 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,313 that I struggle to adequately describe. 13 00:00:49,170 --> 00:00:53,600 She is quite simply, the embodiment of evil, 14 00:00:53,650 --> 00:00:57,250 for unlike the vampires before her, 15 00:00:57,300 --> 00:01:00,440 that employed mystical shape-changing abilities 16 00:01:00,490 --> 00:01:04,183 to lure innocent victims to their horrible deaths. 17 00:01:05,350 --> 00:01:07,460 Her terrible powers are shocking, 18 00:01:07,510 --> 00:01:11,793 and far more worldly, than those of other vampires. 19 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,280 She has toppled kingdoms, 20 00:01:15,330 --> 00:01:17,620 scandalized nations, 21 00:01:17,670 --> 00:01:19,950 destroyed chastity, 22 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:23,480 and created a tidal wave of blood and sin, 23 00:01:23,530 --> 00:01:26,090 that washes over any land 24 00:01:26,140 --> 00:01:28,963 which she chooses to set her high-heeled foot. 25 00:01:30,010 --> 00:01:31,750 She is damned. 26 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,610 She is an abomination, 27 00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:36,293 and she is the undeniable truth. 28 00:01:37,290 --> 00:01:39,070 She is, 29 00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:42,113 Bad Girl Dracula. 30 00:01:43,549 --> 00:01:46,549 (upbeat jazz music) 31 00:02:22,690 --> 00:02:24,780 - Oh, hello. 32 00:02:24,830 --> 00:02:27,240 My name Laurie Williams. 33 00:02:27,290 --> 00:02:29,640 I'm here to see, I mean, 34 00:02:29,690 --> 00:02:31,240 I have an appointment with you. 35 00:02:32,230 --> 00:02:34,792 - Not with me, you're here to see-- 36 00:02:34,842 --> 00:02:38,675 (dramatic instrumental music) 37 00:03:01,970 --> 00:03:04,440 - [Laurie] I'm very excited to meet her. 38 00:03:04,490 --> 00:03:06,380 - [Woman] You talk to everyone's ass? 39 00:03:06,430 --> 00:03:07,813 Or is mine just special? 40 00:03:12,530 --> 00:03:13,980 - [Laurie] I beg your pardon. 41 00:03:18,230 --> 00:03:20,520 So, I just wait in there? 42 00:03:20,570 --> 00:03:22,280 For Bad Girl Dracula? 43 00:03:22,330 --> 00:03:23,163 Hey! 44 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:30,693 Let me out of here, open the door! 45 00:03:31,730 --> 00:03:32,580 Hey! 46 00:03:32,630 --> 00:03:35,580 - Hey, can you try not doing that? 47 00:03:35,630 --> 00:03:37,083 It's a premium door. 48 00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:44,033 (dark electronic music) 49 00:03:47,610 --> 00:03:48,443 - Hello? 50 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,143 Anyone there? 51 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,467 - What is your name? 52 00:04:05,930 --> 00:04:07,940 - Lori, Lorie Williams. 53 00:04:07,990 --> 00:04:10,663 - What is your name Lori Lori Williams? 54 00:04:11,606 --> 00:04:13,333 - Oh I beg your pardon? 55 00:04:13,383 --> 00:04:15,550 - I know who you are. 56 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,973 You did not come here to be shot by Bad Girl Dracula. 57 00:04:19,830 --> 00:04:21,280 - What? 58 00:04:21,330 --> 00:04:26,330 - It is unwise to take me for a fool, Miranda. 59 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:27,410 - Shit. 60 00:04:27,460 --> 00:04:30,060 - I know what you want, 61 00:04:30,110 --> 00:04:32,683 and I plan to give it to you. 62 00:04:33,570 --> 00:04:38,390 But, in turn you must give me what I want. 63 00:04:43,380 --> 00:04:45,193 You're very beautiful. 64 00:04:47,337 --> 00:04:48,603 You know, 65 00:04:48,653 --> 00:04:52,350 some models wait a year, maybe two, 66 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:54,903 before they come in this room. 67 00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,930 - Look, I know the rules, okay? 68 00:04:58,980 --> 00:05:01,557 You aren't allowed in my camp unless you're invited. 69 00:05:01,607 --> 00:05:03,857 (laughing) 70 00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:09,387 - Believe me, if that was what I wanted, 71 00:05:09,437 --> 00:05:12,460 you would have placed your breasts and genitals 72 00:05:12,510 --> 00:05:15,240 in my hand the moment your arrived. 73 00:05:16,405 --> 00:05:18,473 I am Bad Girl Dracula. 74 00:05:31,220 --> 00:05:33,960 You will get my story, 75 00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:36,863 and you will honor our contract. 76 00:05:39,301 --> 00:05:40,703 - And that's it? 77 00:05:40,753 --> 00:05:42,086 - And that's it. 78 00:05:44,084 --> 00:05:45,710 - Can you turn one of those lights on? 79 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:49,023 I just need to find my recorder. 80 00:05:49,073 --> 00:05:51,573 - I begin in darkness, always. 81 00:05:59,819 --> 00:06:04,163 - So, how did you come to be Bad Girl Dracula? 82 00:06:06,182 --> 00:06:07,127 - Take off your shirt and I will tell you. 83 00:06:11,422 --> 00:06:14,339 (funky jazz music) 84 00:06:28,293 --> 00:06:30,876 - So, are you a vampire? 85 00:06:30,926 --> 00:06:33,176 (laughing) 86 00:06:36,233 --> 00:06:37,983 - I am just like you, 87 00:06:39,928 --> 00:06:40,761 or I was. 88 00:06:47,395 --> 00:06:50,812 (eerie electronic music) 89 00:06:53,051 --> 00:06:54,382 Hello? 90 00:06:54,432 --> 00:06:56,002 Miss Stevens? 91 00:06:56,052 --> 00:06:57,302 Is anyone here? 92 00:07:01,406 --> 00:07:04,739 (dark electronic music) 93 00:07:20,568 --> 00:07:22,016 Hello? 94 00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:24,816 I am here to sit for my portrait. 95 00:07:30,363 --> 00:07:34,461 (creepy electronic music) 96 00:07:34,511 --> 00:07:37,993 And I will place my breasts and genitals 97 00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:43,043 in your hands. 98 00:07:45,014 --> 00:07:47,264 (laughing) 99 00:07:54,590 --> 00:07:56,920 - So that's who made you a vampire? 100 00:07:56,970 --> 00:07:59,283 Who was she, your master? 101 00:08:00,140 --> 00:08:02,987 - Take off your skirt and I will tell you. 102 00:08:04,664 --> 00:08:07,581 (funky jazz music) 103 00:08:20,710 --> 00:08:22,977 - Not my master, The Master. 104 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,373 The mother of all vampires. 105 00:08:31,220 --> 00:08:33,730 - [Miranda] I take it, she bit you? 106 00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:35,433 - Oh she did more than that. 107 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,510 - [Miranda] And now you need blood to live, right? 108 00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:48,220 - Would you like to speak to her, as well? 109 00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:49,700 - The Master? 110 00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:50,583 Is she here? 111 00:08:53,550 --> 00:08:55,027 Please answer this. 112 00:08:55,077 --> 00:08:57,573 All I have left is my underwear and my shoes. 113 00:09:04,398 --> 00:09:06,648 - You may bring your shoes. 114 00:09:07,958 --> 00:09:10,958 (upbeat jazz music) 115 00:10:06,056 --> 00:10:08,723 Master, this is Miranda Soledad. 116 00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:12,340 She's very curious. 117 00:10:14,460 --> 00:10:16,863 - Looks like she asked a lot of questions already. 118 00:10:18,548 --> 00:10:21,592 You are a bad girl, Bad Girl Dracula. 119 00:10:21,642 --> 00:10:22,967 (slapping) 120 00:10:23,017 --> 00:10:24,096 (hissing) 121 00:10:24,146 --> 00:10:25,410 - I don't believe you. 122 00:10:25,460 --> 00:10:26,870 I see nothing that convinces me 123 00:10:26,920 --> 00:10:29,010 either of you are real vampires, 124 00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:30,300 especially you. 125 00:10:30,350 --> 00:10:32,443 I watched you walk in broad daylight. 126 00:10:33,325 --> 00:10:35,650 - Hey, vampire expert, 127 00:10:35,700 --> 00:10:36,543 guess what? 128 00:10:37,420 --> 00:10:39,610 I'm the fucking Master. 129 00:10:39,660 --> 00:10:41,360 I eat garlic all day, 130 00:10:41,410 --> 00:10:43,750 drink holy water all night. 131 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:46,240 One time I let Bad Girl Dracula 132 00:10:46,290 --> 00:10:49,450 stick a wooden stick up my ass, just for giggles. 133 00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:51,030 You know what happened? 134 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:52,033 I giggled. 135 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:57,023 - Oh, what a Christmas that was. 136 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,400 - I didn't come here to kill you. 137 00:11:00,450 --> 00:11:01,990 - Uh-huh, yeah. 138 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,020 That's why we do the whole 139 00:11:04,070 --> 00:11:06,080 take off your clothes thing. 140 00:11:06,130 --> 00:11:07,880 We gotta make sure people don't walk in here 141 00:11:07,930 --> 00:11:11,300 carrying some crazy-ass weapon to use on us. 142 00:11:11,350 --> 00:11:12,780 The internet, am I right? 143 00:11:12,830 --> 00:11:15,520 - Indeed, the fucking internet. 144 00:11:15,570 --> 00:11:17,700 - So that doesn't prove anything. 145 00:11:17,750 --> 00:11:20,753 - Proof, is that what you came here for? 146 00:11:26,020 --> 00:11:28,191 After we drink your blood, 147 00:11:28,241 --> 00:11:29,941 and we are gonna drink your blood, 148 00:11:31,453 --> 00:11:33,170 we can either drink all of it, 149 00:11:33,220 --> 00:11:35,360 and you'll just fuckin' die, 150 00:11:35,410 --> 00:11:40,410 or, we can let you live, then you'll have your proof. 151 00:11:40,810 --> 00:11:43,742 - Oh don't kill her. 152 00:11:43,792 --> 00:11:46,580 I like her. 153 00:11:46,630 --> 00:11:49,152 - May I make a suggestion? 154 00:11:49,202 --> 00:11:52,202 (upbeat jazz music) 155 00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:58,900 (Miranda snarling) 156 00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:17,433 I can't believe you don't remember me. 157 00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:23,223 The blood orgy of Las Vegas? 158 00:12:24,430 --> 00:12:25,693 1978. 159 00:12:27,230 --> 00:12:30,423 - That really does not narrow it down. 160 00:12:34,610 --> 00:12:37,333 - How about the blood orgy of right now? 161 00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:40,580 - Well I didn't come here to kill you. 162 00:12:42,030 --> 00:12:43,607 - Of course you didn't. 163 00:12:45,283 --> 00:12:47,116 I am Bad Girl Dracula. 164 00:12:48,263 --> 00:12:49,096 Now cape! 165 00:12:51,489 --> 00:12:54,406 (funky jazz music) 166 00:14:03,767 --> 00:14:06,767 (dark wind blowing) 167 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,420 - Do I have human in my teeth? 168 00:14:29,500 --> 00:14:31,517 - No, I think you got it. 169 00:14:33,770 --> 00:14:36,700 I mean even if you do, it's kind of like snack for later. 170 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:39,500 - It's like you know because it's sausages, 171 00:14:39,550 --> 00:14:43,810 and so it's in the 172 00:14:43,860 --> 00:14:45,663 casing of the intestine. 173 00:14:46,703 --> 00:14:50,303 And the intestine, it stick in your teeth. 174 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:52,750 But it tastes good. 175 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:53,583 - It's great, yeah. 176 00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:56,480 - It's really yummy, even though it sticks in your teeth. 177 00:15:00,510 --> 00:15:02,806 It's so nice to get to rest. 178 00:15:02,856 --> 00:15:03,639 - I know. 179 00:15:03,689 --> 00:15:06,260 - We don't get enough down time. 180 00:15:06,310 --> 00:15:09,390 - Yeah I mean, some people would say, 181 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:11,960 what we do is basically 182 00:15:12,010 --> 00:15:13,960 whatever we want, so, 183 00:15:14,010 --> 00:15:15,732 it's all down time? - It's hard work though. 184 00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:19,540 It's hard work, it's hard work to be naked, 185 00:15:19,590 --> 00:15:21,603 and eat everybody. 186 00:15:22,643 --> 00:15:23,840 - And all this sex, 187 00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:26,640 people really underestimate how many calories you burn. 188 00:15:26,690 --> 00:15:29,100 - Yes, you have the sex, 189 00:15:29,150 --> 00:15:30,760 and then you have to eat someone else, 190 00:15:30,810 --> 00:15:33,770 then you have the sex, then still you need the calories, 191 00:15:33,820 --> 00:15:35,223 so you have to eat someone else. 192 00:15:35,273 --> 00:15:37,220 - It's sometimes mid. 193 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,240 - Yes, you have to stop, 194 00:15:39,290 --> 00:15:41,110 and then sometimes you're halfway through 195 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,233 and you're like, oh shit they're dead. 196 00:15:44,090 --> 00:15:46,170 It's very inconvenient. 197 00:15:46,220 --> 00:15:48,070 I mean and then great, you have a meal, 198 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:49,760 but it's not good. 199 00:15:49,810 --> 00:15:50,620 - Every once in a while, 200 00:15:50,670 --> 00:15:52,560 where you don't like stock up properly, 201 00:15:52,610 --> 00:15:54,430 you didn't make your grocery list right, 202 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,330 so then you get like halfway through, 203 00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:59,440 great, orgy, and realize, oh shit, 204 00:15:59,490 --> 00:16:01,770 there's no humans left. 205 00:16:01,820 --> 00:16:04,150 So then you have to call like, Uber Eats. 206 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,100 - Yes, exactly. 207 00:16:06,150 --> 00:16:08,410 - But for some reason, 208 00:16:08,460 --> 00:16:10,360 don't know why, 209 00:16:10,410 --> 00:16:13,000 they just won't deliver, they won't deliver here anymore. 210 00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:14,210 - They won't? 211 00:16:14,260 --> 00:16:15,043 - No. 212 00:16:15,093 --> 00:16:16,150 - Oh I'm sorry. 213 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:18,200 - Let's try Postmates. 214 00:16:18,250 --> 00:16:19,833 Uber Eats people are. 215 00:16:21,620 --> 00:16:23,390 - They're a little fishy. 216 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:24,429 - Yeah. 217 00:16:24,479 --> 00:16:25,724 - They were a little fishy. 218 00:16:25,774 --> 00:16:27,170 - That was probably because I kept ordering 219 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,780 fish filets from Burger King though. 220 00:16:28,830 --> 00:16:31,010 It's probably more that they were carrying that, 221 00:16:31,060 --> 00:16:32,130 and then we ate them. 222 00:16:32,180 --> 00:16:34,700 - It had been sitting in the car too long. 223 00:16:34,750 --> 00:16:35,533 - Yeah. 224 00:16:35,583 --> 00:16:36,390 - Made 'em fishy. 225 00:16:36,440 --> 00:16:37,830 - We'll try Postmates then. 226 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,363 I have a discount code. 227 00:16:39,413 --> 00:16:41,070 - Oh, nice, that's good. 228 00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:44,240 - Yeah, we get like first five deliveries free, I think. 229 00:16:44,290 --> 00:16:46,030 - Sweet, I like that. 230 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:46,863 - Yeah. 231 00:16:46,913 --> 00:16:49,440 - You're good and frugal, I'm glad you are frugal. 232 00:16:49,490 --> 00:16:51,700 - I try. - We can't always eat 233 00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:53,830 the delivery people, 234 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:57,430 and so sometimes we need to be a little more careful 235 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,380 with the finances, I'm not good at that. 236 00:17:00,430 --> 00:17:01,531 - That's all right. 237 00:17:01,581 --> 00:17:04,290 - I never been good at that. 238 00:17:04,340 --> 00:17:06,290 We should eat an accountant. 239 00:17:06,340 --> 00:17:09,193 Or turn, turn, turn an accountant. 240 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:14,050 So we have an accountant to keep track of the things. 241 00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,050 - That's a good idea. 242 00:17:15,100 --> 00:17:16,480 - Right? 243 00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:18,820 I feel like we should be more practical, 244 00:17:18,870 --> 00:17:23,673 and maybe turn some people who have useful skills. 245 00:17:24,580 --> 00:17:26,780 Yeah, we could just start our own 246 00:17:26,830 --> 00:17:29,060 administrative department basically. 247 00:17:29,110 --> 00:17:30,000 - Exactly. 248 00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:31,110 - What do you not want to do. 249 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,780 Well, I really don't actually feel like 250 00:17:33,830 --> 00:17:35,480 finding the perfect humans for here, 251 00:17:35,530 --> 00:17:38,133 so let's just get an HR guy. 252 00:17:39,010 --> 00:17:40,095 - That's brilliant! 253 00:17:40,145 --> 00:17:42,070 - Just go straight to a hiring director. 254 00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:44,270 - That's brilliant, we need to hire, 255 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:47,130 no, we need to eat an HR guy, I like it. 256 00:17:47,180 --> 00:17:48,283 - Yeah. - Yeah! 257 00:17:49,260 --> 00:17:50,620 That's a good idea. 258 00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:53,043 Or we could just get one to be an Igor. 259 00:17:57,570 --> 00:17:59,200 Like a runaround person. 260 00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:00,430 - Yeah, minion. 261 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:01,690 - Minion, minion. 262 00:18:02,717 --> 00:18:03,767 We need more minions. 263 00:18:04,620 --> 00:18:07,390 I had to slice the cheese myself. 264 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:09,630 - Oh God, okay. - It was hard work, 265 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:11,102 I used calories. 266 00:18:11,152 --> 00:18:12,670 - Okay, today's our day off. 267 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,350 So like it's not happening today. 268 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,820 But tomorrow morning, 269 00:18:16,870 --> 00:18:18,290 we're on 'em, this is happening. 270 00:18:18,340 --> 00:18:20,300 - I like it, it's a good plan. 271 00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:21,183 - Yeah. 272 00:18:22,210 --> 00:18:23,043 - Go team. 273 00:18:24,410 --> 00:18:25,243 Yes. 274 00:18:27,729 --> 00:18:30,479 (sexual gasping) 275 00:18:37,304 --> 00:18:39,380 - [Woman] Oh, don't stop Bad Girl Dracula. 276 00:18:39,430 --> 00:18:40,890 - I will not. 277 00:18:40,940 --> 00:18:43,440 At some point it will be too much for you, 278 00:18:43,490 --> 00:18:45,080 and you will die. 279 00:18:45,130 --> 00:18:48,073 But I will continue to live forever. 280 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:54,595 - [Woman] Oh, right there, Bad Girl Dracula. 281 00:18:54,645 --> 00:18:55,428 - [Woman] You're the best. 282 00:18:55,478 --> 00:18:58,860 - I literally can't see what I am doing but 283 00:18:58,910 --> 00:18:59,950 you are correct. 284 00:19:02,026 --> 00:19:03,740 - [Woman] I love you, Bad Girl Dracula. 285 00:19:03,790 --> 00:19:05,747 - Oh, you flatter me. 286 00:19:09,873 --> 00:19:12,431 Whichever one of you that is. 287 00:19:12,481 --> 00:19:14,481 I neither know nor care. 288 00:19:19,285 --> 00:19:21,535 (laughing) 289 00:19:23,528 --> 00:19:27,195 (dramatic orchestral music) 290 00:19:48,610 --> 00:19:51,790 Mirror, mirror, on the wall, 291 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:55,183 who is the baddest of them all? 292 00:19:57,741 --> 00:19:58,574 Sexferatu. 293 00:20:00,725 --> 00:20:03,975 Who is the baddest vampire of them all? 294 00:20:05,414 --> 00:20:06,247 Sexferatu. 295 00:20:08,890 --> 00:20:10,950 In 2018, 296 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,900 Sexferatu will possess 297 00:20:13,950 --> 00:20:15,460 the beacon amulet, 298 00:20:16,740 --> 00:20:18,700 which gives her the power 299 00:20:18,750 --> 00:20:22,190 to have no vampire resist her. 300 00:20:24,507 --> 00:20:26,090 Heh, I will resist. 301 00:20:29,081 --> 00:20:32,081 You clearly have not seen Sexferatu. 302 00:20:34,060 --> 00:20:36,400 I doubt it will make a difference, 303 00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:39,500 but nevertheless, magic mirror, 304 00:20:39,550 --> 00:20:41,387 show me Sexferatu. 305 00:20:44,053 --> 00:20:46,636 (creepy music) 306 00:20:47,844 --> 00:20:50,011 (gasping) 307 00:20:55,453 --> 00:20:58,870 (tense electronic music) 308 00:21:04,309 --> 00:21:06,226 I will have the amulet, 309 00:21:07,220 --> 00:21:09,387 and I will have Sexferatu. 310 00:21:11,177 --> 00:21:15,603 - Hey hey, hope you're saving some sex for me, too. 311 00:21:18,660 --> 00:21:23,392 - Master, we must go to 2018 at once, 312 00:21:23,442 --> 00:21:25,547 to get the beacon amulet. 313 00:21:26,477 --> 00:21:28,490 Can you use your powers 314 00:21:28,540 --> 00:21:31,453 to travel through time to get us there? 315 00:21:33,540 --> 00:21:36,336 - Take your robe off and I'll tell you. 316 00:21:36,386 --> 00:21:39,303 (funky band music) 317 00:21:52,228 --> 00:21:55,157 (grunting) 318 00:21:55,207 --> 00:21:58,731 (funky jazz music) 319 00:21:58,781 --> 00:22:01,698 (doorbell ringing) 320 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:06,117 - I did not order a midnight snack. 321 00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:10,493 (funky jazz music) 322 00:22:16,463 --> 00:22:19,863 But I do get hungry after my sexercises. 323 00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:29,830 - Hey there, we just moved in down the street 324 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:33,967 and thought we'd come over and say hello. 325 00:22:34,017 --> 00:22:36,930 (crickets chirping) 326 00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:39,060 - You look familiar to me. 327 00:22:39,110 --> 00:22:41,053 Have we met before? 328 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:47,360 - Well, seeing as how I'm the Master Vampire, 329 00:22:47,410 --> 00:22:50,500 I'd say yeah, odds are pretty fucking good 330 00:22:50,550 --> 00:22:52,600 that I turned you into one at some point. 331 00:22:55,620 --> 00:22:58,693 - And you must be Bad Girl Dracula. 332 00:23:01,660 --> 00:23:04,863 - Then you must also know of my legend. 333 00:23:07,236 --> 00:23:10,093 - That remains to be seen. 334 00:23:14,870 --> 00:23:17,200 - Anyway, so we just fucked, 335 00:23:17,250 --> 00:23:19,220 and then time-traveled right after, 336 00:23:19,270 --> 00:23:20,623 so we could use a drink. 337 00:23:22,968 --> 00:23:25,813 (sniffing) 338 00:23:25,863 --> 00:23:29,030 - Delicious. A good year. Please, come in. 339 00:23:36,767 --> 00:23:40,650 (eerie electronic music) 340 00:23:40,700 --> 00:23:42,057 - And she was like, 341 00:23:42,107 --> 00:23:45,040 "I can't believe you don't remember me," 342 00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:48,510 and having this weird fit in front of us, 343 00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:52,435 trying to be all hot-shit lesbian vampire. 344 00:23:52,485 --> 00:23:53,593 (laughing) 345 00:23:53,643 --> 00:23:55,550 - And where did she say she was from? 346 00:23:56,510 --> 00:23:57,980 - Fuck if I know. 347 00:23:58,030 --> 00:23:59,440 One of the blood orgies, 348 00:23:59,490 --> 00:24:01,923 in Las Vegas, maybe? 349 00:24:01,973 --> 00:24:04,923 I don't remember what year she said it was. 350 00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:10,218 - And the year is of little to no importance. 351 00:24:10,268 --> 00:24:12,518 (laughing) 352 00:24:16,938 --> 00:24:20,653 And you do not remember me, Bad Girl Dracula? 353 00:24:21,950 --> 00:24:25,170 - No, I had not heard of you until this morning 354 00:24:25,220 --> 00:24:28,243 when my magic mirror mentioned you. 355 00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,360 Speaking of which, I notice you don't have 356 00:24:32,410 --> 00:24:35,647 a magic mirror in your lair, Sexferatu. 357 00:24:37,290 --> 00:24:39,043 - Well, you know where mine is. 358 00:24:40,260 --> 00:24:42,310 Right above the old coffin, motherfucker. 359 00:24:43,202 --> 00:24:46,232 - I tend to get what I want. 360 00:24:46,282 --> 00:24:47,365 I assure you, 361 00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:51,097 I will soon possess a magic mirror. 362 00:24:53,022 --> 00:24:54,820 I will put it in my bathroom. 363 00:24:54,870 --> 00:24:57,490 I just had it remodeled. 364 00:24:57,540 --> 00:25:00,333 My last date got a little passionate. 365 00:25:02,810 --> 00:25:04,273 - Is that so? 366 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:08,833 - It's right down that hallway. 367 00:25:09,780 --> 00:25:11,383 I'll escort you if you like. 368 00:25:16,191 --> 00:25:17,220 - You're bein' weird, man. 369 00:25:17,270 --> 00:25:18,460 You're up to something. 370 00:25:18,510 --> 00:25:20,323 - Of course I'm up to something. 371 00:25:21,463 --> 00:25:23,863 The amulet is here, I can feel it. 372 00:25:27,310 --> 00:25:30,350 - Exactly, so why don't you just ask for it? 373 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,478 - I do not ask. 374 00:25:32,528 --> 00:25:36,590 Sexferatu will willingly place the beacon amulet 375 00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:39,480 in my hand before the night is through. 376 00:25:41,390 --> 00:25:43,833 - Don't let me cause any clitterference. 377 00:25:45,430 --> 00:25:47,410 But if you're gonna walk away, 378 00:25:47,460 --> 00:25:48,303 do it slow. 379 00:25:58,918 --> 00:26:01,835 (funky jazz music) 380 00:26:13,707 --> 00:26:18,170 - So, you have the ability to travel through time, 381 00:26:18,220 --> 00:26:20,383 and freeze it, as well? 382 00:26:21,950 --> 00:26:22,873 - Master. 383 00:26:24,326 --> 00:26:25,159 - Well, 384 00:26:26,253 --> 00:26:29,523 I find that very, very arousing. 385 00:26:30,570 --> 00:26:35,533 I have powers, that may arouse you, as well. 386 00:26:36,710 --> 00:26:40,073 - What could you possibly do that'll blow my mind? 387 00:26:44,580 --> 00:26:45,413 Cool. 388 00:26:52,610 --> 00:26:53,540 Very cool. 389 00:27:06,497 --> 00:27:08,664 (popping) 390 00:27:14,607 --> 00:27:16,774 (gasping) 391 00:27:29,078 --> 00:27:31,245 (gasping) 392 00:27:55,164 --> 00:27:58,081 (funky jazz music) 393 00:28:08,657 --> 00:28:11,440 - Hello, delicious human of the future. 394 00:28:17,708 --> 00:28:19,958 (blasting) 395 00:28:27,552 --> 00:28:30,969 (tense electronic music) 396 00:29:04,798 --> 00:29:06,720 (sighing) 397 00:29:06,770 --> 00:29:08,763 That will be enough of that. 398 00:29:09,660 --> 00:29:13,290 Leftovers, unbelievable. 399 00:29:13,340 --> 00:29:15,493 Fucking leftovers. 400 00:29:23,131 --> 00:29:26,298 (rhythmic jazz music) 401 00:29:51,820 --> 00:29:54,700 - You've got to try this, Bad Girl Dracula. 402 00:29:54,750 --> 00:29:57,253 It's gotta be better than a bacon omelet. 403 00:29:58,529 --> 00:29:59,779 - Bacon omelet? 404 00:30:01,570 --> 00:30:03,063 - Bacon omelet? 405 00:30:06,150 --> 00:30:08,483 - Don't look at me like I'm fucked up, man. 406 00:30:09,470 --> 00:30:11,260 That's why we're here. 407 00:30:11,310 --> 00:30:15,773 Bad Girl Dracula wants the bacon omelet. 408 00:30:17,490 --> 00:30:21,140 - Of course, she seeks the beacon amulet. 409 00:30:23,130 --> 00:30:25,350 Everyone does. 410 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:30,400 It holds the most powerful vampire magic in the world. 411 00:30:31,540 --> 00:30:34,963 It is what summoned you here, after all. 412 00:30:36,070 --> 00:30:38,387 - I am summoned by no one. 413 00:30:43,148 --> 00:30:46,481 (dark electronic music) 414 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:50,873 You will give me the amulet, Sexferatu. 415 00:30:52,900 --> 00:30:55,510 The stories you have heard, 416 00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,690 they are all true. 417 00:30:57,740 --> 00:31:01,640 No one can resist Bad Girl Dracula. 418 00:31:01,690 --> 00:31:05,023 Not you, not the Master, 419 00:31:06,070 --> 00:31:10,980 and not your neighbor who just died in a fiery explosion, 420 00:31:11,030 --> 00:31:13,710 just moments after gazing upon 421 00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:17,403 my partially exposed breasts. 422 00:31:20,550 --> 00:31:22,540 - And yet, here you are, 423 00:31:25,405 --> 00:31:26,655 and here it is. 424 00:31:30,365 --> 00:31:33,198 (Master laughing) 425 00:31:34,448 --> 00:31:36,073 (screaming) 426 00:31:36,123 --> 00:31:39,120 - Fuck these vampire accents. 427 00:31:39,170 --> 00:31:41,730 Centuries of listening to you guys, 428 00:31:41,780 --> 00:31:45,038 and sometimes I still don't know what you're saying. 429 00:31:45,088 --> 00:31:46,470 The am-oo-let! 430 00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:48,053 I must possess the am-oo-let! 431 00:31:50,130 --> 00:31:51,840 It's amulet, 432 00:31:51,890 --> 00:31:52,723 not am-uoo-let. 433 00:31:56,461 --> 00:31:57,294 And this, 434 00:31:59,136 --> 00:32:01,473 this doesn't do anything. 435 00:32:02,490 --> 00:32:05,330 There is a story about how it could like 436 00:32:05,380 --> 00:32:07,510 make all the virgins in your village 437 00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:10,773 come to your lair in the middle of the night all (groans). 438 00:32:12,430 --> 00:32:16,410 But first of all, how fucked up is that? 439 00:32:16,460 --> 00:32:20,570 And secondly, no one cares about virginity. 440 00:32:20,620 --> 00:32:24,233 That's the hottest load of trash in history. 441 00:32:29,198 --> 00:32:31,576 (soft jazz music) 442 00:32:31,626 --> 00:32:33,876 (exhaling) 443 00:32:37,421 --> 00:32:39,588 (sighing) 444 00:32:44,337 --> 00:32:47,560 An amulet, the only one who can decide 445 00:32:47,610 --> 00:32:50,433 who's the baddest of them all, is me, 446 00:32:51,523 --> 00:32:53,323 'cause I'm the motherfuckin' Master. 447 00:32:56,215 --> 00:32:57,073 - I am ready. 448 00:33:00,018 --> 00:33:02,500 - I am ready also. 449 00:33:03,950 --> 00:33:08,950 - Now we're gonna have a good old-fashioned vampire sex-off. 450 00:33:08,970 --> 00:33:10,770 And I think you both know the rules. 451 00:33:12,334 --> 00:33:14,584 (giggling) 452 00:33:16,739 --> 00:33:19,656 (funky jazz music) 453 00:34:01,574 --> 00:34:02,407 Now cape. 454 00:34:05,172 --> 00:34:08,339 (dramatic jazz music) 455 00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:15,340 (eerie music) 456 00:35:20,176 --> 00:35:21,330 - Memories. 457 00:35:21,380 --> 00:35:23,530 - A little tamer than I remembered. 458 00:35:23,580 --> 00:35:24,960 Really. 459 00:35:25,010 --> 00:35:28,323 - Well a lot of things, we did not put it on the movie, 460 00:35:29,660 --> 00:35:31,150 behind the scenes. 461 00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:32,140 - Censored? 462 00:35:32,190 --> 00:35:33,710 - Yes. 463 00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:38,760 - Yeah, that makes 464 00:35:38,862 --> 00:35:39,645 way too much sense. - That explains 465 00:35:39,695 --> 00:35:42,800 a lot of the things that you remember them happening, 466 00:35:42,850 --> 00:35:44,290 but you don't see them. 467 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,730 - Yeah, 'cause there's like the thing with the spatulas. 468 00:35:48,780 --> 00:35:51,383 - Yes, I forgot about that. 469 00:35:53,370 --> 00:35:55,720 I don't know how she did that with the spatula. 470 00:35:58,571 --> 00:35:59,590 - I don't know. 471 00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:01,940 - It was impressive though. 472 00:36:01,990 --> 00:36:03,680 - Yeah, yeah. 473 00:36:03,730 --> 00:36:05,853 Like you did something, 474 00:36:08,050 --> 00:36:10,320 I don't know how you do these things. 475 00:36:10,370 --> 00:36:14,373 But like, there was a lawn chair, 476 00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:17,470 and a Rubbermaid container. 477 00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:19,650 - She had a well-equipped backyard. 478 00:36:19,700 --> 00:36:20,930 - Yeah. 479 00:36:20,980 --> 00:36:22,660 - I liked that about her. 480 00:36:22,710 --> 00:36:24,630 - I know she liked grilling. 481 00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:26,516 Grilling, doing grilled human. 482 00:36:26,566 --> 00:36:27,349 - Yes. 483 00:36:27,399 --> 00:36:28,200 - You probably loved the 484 00:36:28,250 --> 00:36:29,218 filet. - She liked 485 00:36:29,268 --> 00:36:30,240 the sausages, it's true. 486 00:36:30,290 --> 00:36:31,610 - Yeah, she knew all about them. 487 00:36:31,660 --> 00:36:33,133 - She would, she would. 488 00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:35,893 She was an interesting lady. 489 00:36:39,247 --> 00:36:40,670 Oh, sweet little one. 490 00:36:41,740 --> 00:36:42,573 - Yeah. 491 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:45,070 It's getting so big. 492 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,030 - I am excited about her. 493 00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:50,090 I am so glad that you decided 494 00:36:50,140 --> 00:36:52,910 to impregnate yourself, Master. 495 00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:56,270 - Well, you know, we've done-- 496 00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:59,250 - We've done everything else. 497 00:36:59,300 --> 00:37:03,360 - Yeah, and I've always heard like, you know, 498 00:37:03,410 --> 00:37:08,410 especially sex, when pregnant like it's just different. 499 00:37:08,540 --> 00:37:09,930 - Okay, okay. 500 00:37:09,980 --> 00:37:11,011 - And yeah, it is. 501 00:37:11,061 --> 00:37:11,844 - It has been? 502 00:37:11,894 --> 00:37:12,677 - Yeah. 503 00:37:12,727 --> 00:37:13,510 - Oh, nice. 504 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:14,553 - Well I mean like, 505 00:37:16,060 --> 00:37:17,860 there's this involved so-- 506 00:37:17,910 --> 00:37:18,803 - Okay, thanks. 507 00:37:18,853 --> 00:37:20,660 - Just on a physical aspect. 508 00:37:20,710 --> 00:37:22,080 - Yes. 509 00:37:22,130 --> 00:37:24,353 It's probably also good, like, 510 00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:30,343 more sexy, because people don't think a vampire, 511 00:37:31,276 --> 00:37:33,030 a vampire can be pregnant. 512 00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:36,323 - No, no no no, they definitely get confused and then, 513 00:37:37,490 --> 00:37:40,513 nowadays they're always like, oh yeah, Twilight. 514 00:37:41,628 --> 00:37:42,720 - Oh yes. 515 00:37:42,770 --> 00:37:47,210 - Oh, what do you mean you've been pregnant for 18 months? 516 00:37:47,260 --> 00:37:49,600 - Well, it's not like the movies. 517 00:37:49,650 --> 00:37:53,040 - Yeah I know, in Twilight it was like, overnight somehow. 518 00:37:53,090 --> 00:37:54,663 - I'm pregnant for five seconds. 519 00:37:54,713 --> 00:37:56,870 Bite my stomach, make a baby. 520 00:37:56,920 --> 00:38:00,079 - It takes a long time to make this much perfection. 521 00:38:00,129 --> 00:38:01,400 - That's right. 522 00:38:01,450 --> 00:38:02,993 That's right, perfect baby. 523 00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:05,503 Perfect baby. 524 00:38:07,928 --> 00:38:09,460 - Oh, we need to figure out 525 00:38:10,420 --> 00:38:12,240 who we're inviting for 526 00:38:12,290 --> 00:38:13,420 the baby shower. 527 00:38:13,470 --> 00:38:16,480 - Oh, we shower the baby. 528 00:38:16,530 --> 00:38:17,363 - Yeah. 529 00:38:18,698 --> 00:38:19,820 But not in blood. 530 00:38:19,870 --> 00:38:21,510 I mean there will be blood, obviously. 531 00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:22,960 - There will be blood. 532 00:38:24,198 --> 00:38:25,031 Yes. 533 00:38:26,470 --> 00:38:28,460 I don't know. 534 00:38:28,510 --> 00:38:31,400 - Well there's, who is there? 535 00:38:31,450 --> 00:38:32,423 - Let's see. 536 00:38:36,000 --> 00:38:39,720 We should invite everybody who came in the 70's 537 00:38:39,770 --> 00:38:42,300 with the orgies we did the regular. 538 00:38:42,350 --> 00:38:43,230 - Probably Igor. 539 00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:44,990 - We should invite Igor. 540 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:49,080 - At the very least, we need someone to cut all the cheeses, 541 00:38:49,130 --> 00:38:50,300 and the platters. - These are the things 542 00:38:50,350 --> 00:38:52,796 we invite the Igors. 543 00:38:52,846 --> 00:38:54,763 And let's see. 544 00:38:56,780 --> 00:38:58,937 Do we have to invite Sexferatu? 545 00:39:01,770 --> 00:39:02,603 - Who? 546 00:39:03,450 --> 00:39:07,103 - You remember we did Sexferatu with the thing. 547 00:39:08,890 --> 00:39:11,203 We just watched the movie. 548 00:39:12,690 --> 00:39:15,142 You're seeing too many peoples. 549 00:39:15,192 --> 00:39:16,250 You see too many of us. 550 00:39:16,300 --> 00:39:17,083 - Yeah I'm drawing a blank. 551 00:39:17,133 --> 00:39:18,090 - We all blend together. 552 00:39:18,140 --> 00:39:19,640 - I'm drawing a blank. - No, it's fine. 553 00:39:19,690 --> 00:39:20,730 - It's gone. 554 00:39:20,780 --> 00:39:22,223 - It's fine, it's fine. 555 00:39:23,390 --> 00:39:24,467 Okay. 556 00:39:24,517 --> 00:39:27,100 - I mean I guess if you want to. 557 00:39:27,150 --> 00:39:30,600 Obviously, it will not phase me. 558 00:39:30,650 --> 00:39:31,433 - Okay then. 559 00:39:31,483 --> 00:39:32,270 - So yeah. 560 00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:35,110 - We should invite the bat lady. 561 00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:36,020 - Oh yeah. 562 00:39:36,070 --> 00:39:38,123 - The monster twins. 563 00:39:39,030 --> 00:39:42,123 The poison lady from down the street. 564 00:39:43,150 --> 00:39:45,100 She can't go near the baby, though. 565 00:39:45,150 --> 00:39:47,556 She dangerous with the gases. 566 00:39:47,606 --> 00:39:50,260 - Yeah. 567 00:39:50,310 --> 00:39:51,370 - The swamp monster. 568 00:39:51,420 --> 00:39:52,260 - Swamp monster. 569 00:39:52,310 --> 00:39:53,950 - I like the swamp monster, she's cute. 570 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,750 - Do you invite your doctor to these things? 571 00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:58,270 - We should invite the doctor. 572 00:39:58,320 --> 00:39:59,536 - [Master] Doctor Humpinstein. 573 00:39:59,586 --> 00:40:04,105 - [Bad Girl] Yes, we should invite the doctor. 574 00:40:04,155 --> 00:40:05,743 Oh and we have to, 575 00:40:05,793 --> 00:40:08,440 we have to invite my compatriots, 576 00:40:08,490 --> 00:40:10,483 like the Bad Girl Frankenstein, 577 00:40:12,206 --> 00:40:16,083 and the Bad Girl Wolfman, Wolf Woman. 578 00:40:19,401 --> 00:40:22,280 And the Bad Girl Swamp Thing, 579 00:40:22,330 --> 00:40:26,260 and yes we have to invite all of them. 580 00:40:26,310 --> 00:40:29,660 - Yeah, we can't do the Master version of that. 581 00:40:29,710 --> 00:40:31,280 - I know, no it's okay, 582 00:40:31,330 --> 00:40:34,490 we don't invite other Masters. 583 00:40:34,540 --> 00:40:37,090 No other Masters, only you at the baby shower. 584 00:40:37,140 --> 00:40:40,020 - Yeah, I mean you know, there's just-- 585 00:40:40,070 --> 00:40:42,190 - Have you thought about the name? 586 00:40:42,240 --> 00:40:43,073 - Name? 587 00:40:43,940 --> 00:40:45,143 I mean, 588 00:40:46,430 --> 00:40:48,033 I'm pretty open. 589 00:40:48,083 --> 00:40:50,800 I don't want her to be named anything like 590 00:40:53,140 --> 00:40:57,390 Karen, or Samantha. 591 00:40:57,440 --> 00:40:58,590 - Brenda. 592 00:40:58,640 --> 00:40:59,770 - Yeah, sure. 593 00:40:59,820 --> 00:41:01,358 Debbie, no. 594 00:41:01,408 --> 00:41:03,300 (muffled) 595 00:41:03,350 --> 00:41:06,050 - Something with personality. 596 00:41:06,100 --> 00:41:06,883 - Yeah. 597 00:41:06,933 --> 00:41:07,766 - Okay. 598 00:41:08,986 --> 00:41:10,400 And panache. 599 00:41:10,450 --> 00:41:11,990 - Panache. 600 00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:13,710 Probably not panache, though. 601 00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:15,670 - No, it's not a name, 602 00:41:15,720 --> 00:41:17,170 like the thing that it has. 603 00:41:17,220 --> 00:41:19,103 - Well, you know, I just, 604 00:41:19,153 --> 00:41:20,850 I didn't want to assume. 605 00:41:20,900 --> 00:41:22,898 - She'll be like a little you. 606 00:41:22,948 --> 00:41:23,731 - Mm-hm. 607 00:41:23,781 --> 00:41:25,073 - She'll be all dynamic. 608 00:41:26,030 --> 00:41:27,483 What we give her name? 609 00:41:29,780 --> 00:41:31,123 Needs to be strong. 610 00:41:32,110 --> 00:41:32,943 - Definitely. 611 00:41:34,620 --> 00:41:37,080 I don't want to do like a whole junior thing either, 612 00:41:37,130 --> 00:41:40,120 no Master Junior, we can't have that kind of confusion. 613 00:41:40,170 --> 00:41:41,040 - That's fair, that's fair. 614 00:41:41,090 --> 00:41:42,810 - She'll go out into the world, 615 00:41:42,860 --> 00:41:44,930 cause terror and mayhem, 616 00:41:44,980 --> 00:41:49,070 and come up with her own unique title. 617 00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:51,790 - Yes, she get her title on her own. 618 00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:53,680 You earn a title. 619 00:41:53,730 --> 00:41:55,003 You earn a title. 620 00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:58,481 Let's see. 621 00:41:58,531 --> 00:42:00,481 - Could go for something classic, like, 622 00:42:03,339 --> 00:42:05,431 you know, vintage? 623 00:42:05,481 --> 00:42:06,930 - Yes. 624 00:42:06,980 --> 00:42:08,180 - Like Pandora? 625 00:42:08,230 --> 00:42:10,330 - Okay, yes we could do that, Pandora. 626 00:42:10,380 --> 00:42:11,650 - She gets a gad rap. 627 00:42:11,700 --> 00:42:12,483 - She does. 628 00:42:12,533 --> 00:42:14,630 - So I'd love to know that, 629 00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:15,690 my child - It's a beautiful name. 630 00:42:15,740 --> 00:42:16,783 - Could reclaim. 631 00:42:17,630 --> 00:42:21,950 - What about something classic like, Cher? 632 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:22,923 I like Cher. 633 00:42:26,720 --> 00:42:28,870 - Maybe. - Okay, maybe. 634 00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:30,030 - Maybe. 635 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:30,913 - Like, 636 00:42:33,209 --> 00:42:36,960 I'm trying to think, what's the other good name? 637 00:42:37,010 --> 00:42:38,560 - This is hard, they don't make like, 638 00:42:38,610 --> 00:42:40,907 vampire baby name books either. 639 00:42:42,650 --> 00:42:43,770 Humans get all that crap. 640 00:42:43,820 --> 00:42:44,903 - Vampiretta. 641 00:42:46,215 --> 00:42:47,298 - Vampiretta. 642 00:42:48,430 --> 00:42:49,263 Yeah. 643 00:42:50,926 --> 00:42:52,510 - Exsanguina. 644 00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:55,530 - Ooo, that's pretty. 645 00:42:55,580 --> 00:42:56,503 - Like, okay. 646 00:42:58,340 --> 00:43:00,800 What's a name that means blood? 647 00:43:00,850 --> 00:43:02,285 I can't think of one. 648 00:43:02,335 --> 00:43:03,868 - Well, Exsanguina is in that category. 649 00:43:03,918 --> 00:43:05,085 - Yes, but it. 650 00:43:07,275 --> 00:43:08,942 I'm trying to think. 651 00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:14,337 (eerie electronic music) 652 00:43:18,581 --> 00:43:21,414 (sexy jazz music) 653 00:44:05,293 --> 00:44:07,323 - Excuse me, your bath bomb is ready. 654 00:44:23,710 --> 00:44:26,430 - How dare you interrupt me? 655 00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:28,203 Can't you see that I am bathing? 656 00:44:29,170 --> 00:44:31,320 - [Woman] Can't you see that I am the bomb? 657 00:44:36,403 --> 00:44:39,020 (laughing) 658 00:44:39,070 --> 00:44:40,640 - I get it. 659 00:44:40,690 --> 00:44:42,073 I do not think it is funny, 660 00:44:43,960 --> 00:44:46,467 but I will have sex with you anyway, 661 00:44:47,370 --> 00:44:50,527 and then I will drink your blood. 662 00:44:56,077 --> 00:44:59,690 - You truly are the baddest, Bad Girl Dracula. 663 00:44:59,740 --> 00:45:01,004 - Oh stop it. 664 00:45:01,054 --> 00:45:03,470 - The baddest of the bad. 665 00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:05,291 - No really, stop. 666 00:45:05,341 --> 00:45:09,567 - Bad Girl Dracula, you are the most-- (screaming) 667 00:45:10,573 --> 00:45:13,406 (sexy jazz music) 668 00:45:37,599 --> 00:45:41,266 (dramatic orchestral music) 669 00:46:24,752 --> 00:46:27,752 (upbeat jazz music) 670 00:46:32,537 --> 00:46:34,330 - What's wrong Bad Girl Dracula? 671 00:46:34,380 --> 00:46:36,580 Am I forgetting the neck thing. 672 00:46:38,713 --> 00:46:40,830 The back thing. 673 00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:43,213 The neck and the back thing. 674 00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:47,023 - You are searingly erotic. 675 00:46:47,990 --> 00:46:50,820 Operating this camera requires 676 00:46:50,870 --> 00:46:53,560 all of my vampire powers, 677 00:46:53,610 --> 00:46:56,820 in order to resist the urge to stop 678 00:46:56,870 --> 00:47:00,917 and engage in explicit sexual adventures with you. 679 00:47:03,726 --> 00:47:05,476 - Nonsense, continue. 680 00:47:07,587 --> 00:47:10,380 - You are a fucking goddess, Marsha Hunt. 681 00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:18,420 (sighing) 682 00:47:18,470 --> 00:47:22,250 I have this received a disturbing letter 683 00:47:22,300 --> 00:47:24,220 from my nemesis, 684 00:47:24,270 --> 00:47:25,593 Abraham Van Helsing. 685 00:47:26,972 --> 00:47:28,560 - A letter? 686 00:47:28,610 --> 00:47:29,443 How barbaric. 687 00:47:30,850 --> 00:47:32,573 Why didn't he just call? 688 00:47:33,670 --> 00:47:38,310 - Abraham Van Helsing will die in a fiery pit of death 689 00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:41,420 before he ever has my phone number. 690 00:47:41,470 --> 00:47:45,810 - Well, I did give him my number back in the 1960's. 691 00:47:45,860 --> 00:47:49,247 But it was in fact, not my number. 692 00:47:51,580 --> 00:47:54,560 - I do not think this is a joke, Marsha Hunt. 693 00:47:56,258 --> 00:48:00,560 Abraham Van Helsing says he has knowledge of a vampire, 694 00:48:00,610 --> 00:48:03,490 even more powerful than myself, 695 00:48:03,540 --> 00:48:07,360 one who will come to our lair in two days' time, 696 00:48:07,410 --> 00:48:10,470 and who will lay waste to me, 697 00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:15,520 take my throne, and and put her finger in all the pies. 698 00:48:17,320 --> 00:48:19,220 My pies. 699 00:48:19,270 --> 00:48:24,270 The pies that have sustained me, for centuries. 700 00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:28,980 - Well, maybe he was just trying to deceive you. 701 00:48:29,030 --> 00:48:32,380 He would love to weaken and destroy us. 702 00:48:32,430 --> 00:48:34,173 - You are wise my love. 703 00:48:35,260 --> 00:48:39,220 But I have reason to believe Van Helsing. 704 00:48:39,270 --> 00:48:44,270 You see, he delivered the letter in person. 705 00:48:44,589 --> 00:48:45,770 (gasping) 706 00:48:45,820 --> 00:48:50,160 And, he has been sitting outside the lair, 707 00:48:50,210 --> 00:48:52,597 in his car, since Wednesday. 708 00:48:58,739 --> 00:49:02,156 (eerie electronic music) 709 00:49:08,305 --> 00:49:10,638 (squeaking) 710 00:49:11,710 --> 00:49:12,543 - Rats. 711 00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:15,990 I do not fear rats. 712 00:49:16,040 --> 00:49:18,283 Squeak your putrid little hearts out. 713 00:49:19,460 --> 00:49:21,920 Your small, disease-ridden teeth 714 00:49:21,970 --> 00:49:24,163 shall never pierce my flesh. 715 00:49:25,940 --> 00:49:27,563 Villainy, most foul! 716 00:49:29,690 --> 00:49:30,603 You can't hear me? 717 00:49:31,681 --> 00:49:34,543 Do you need me to roll down the window? 718 00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:40,120 Villainy, most foul! 719 00:49:42,844 --> 00:49:45,594 (dramatic music) 720 00:49:53,269 --> 00:49:56,936 (sinister electronic music) 721 00:50:20,530 --> 00:50:24,250 - You were a fool to come here, Abraham Van Helsing, 722 00:50:24,300 --> 00:50:27,513 for you know it will mean your destruction. 723 00:50:28,460 --> 00:50:30,503 - Did you not read my letter? 724 00:50:31,720 --> 00:50:36,430 Do you, or you, suspect me of not speaking the truth? 725 00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:39,793 It is not I who will be destroyed tonight, it is you. 726 00:50:40,630 --> 00:50:43,940 Though I will relish the opportunity 727 00:50:43,990 --> 00:50:45,450 to witness your demise, 728 00:50:45,500 --> 00:50:49,250 and regret that it won't be by my hand. 729 00:50:49,300 --> 00:50:52,580 For she, she is coming. 730 00:50:52,630 --> 00:50:55,460 She is coming. 731 00:50:55,510 --> 00:50:56,873 - Later perhaps. 732 00:50:59,910 --> 00:51:02,550 - And once she has vanquished you, 733 00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:03,963 I shall vanquish her. 734 00:51:04,950 --> 00:51:07,910 - You will vanquish no one, for you are our prisoner, 735 00:51:07,960 --> 00:51:09,310 and you are afraid of rats. 736 00:51:11,367 --> 00:51:13,617 (laughing) 737 00:51:14,750 --> 00:51:17,753 - I have defeated far deadlier beasts. 738 00:51:19,910 --> 00:51:24,640 On many occasions, beasts with small, terrifying eyes, 739 00:51:26,570 --> 00:51:30,443 and tiny disease-ridden teeth and tails. 740 00:51:31,930 --> 00:51:32,792 Ellis. 741 00:51:32,842 --> 00:51:35,092 (laughing) 742 00:51:40,099 --> 00:51:44,000 Enjoy, for there will be no laughing when she arrives. 743 00:51:44,050 --> 00:51:45,790 - And does she have a name? 744 00:51:45,840 --> 00:51:49,110 - Indeed she does, but I dare not speak it, 745 00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:53,510 because it is more hideous than the two of you, combined. 746 00:51:53,560 --> 00:51:56,000 - Abraham Van Helsing, 747 00:51:56,050 --> 00:51:59,390 you are the bravest, most intelligent, 748 00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:03,770 most feared vampire hunter in the world. 749 00:52:03,820 --> 00:52:08,820 I only know of one more powerful than you, and me. 750 00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:12,053 And Marsha. 751 00:52:13,670 --> 00:52:17,720 - The Master, Brinke Stevens, will reveal her name. 752 00:52:17,770 --> 00:52:22,240 - If the Master is here, I insist on speaking with her, 753 00:52:22,290 --> 00:52:24,590 because I want to see the look on her face 754 00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:28,280 when she realizes that her terrible downfall, 755 00:52:28,330 --> 00:52:32,507 and the annihilation of her entire cabal of evil is nigh. 756 00:52:34,359 --> 00:52:36,609 (laughing) 757 00:52:38,963 --> 00:52:41,580 - I will confer with the Master. 758 00:52:41,630 --> 00:52:43,143 Marsha, my beloved, 759 00:52:44,620 --> 00:52:46,273 watch over this scoundrel. 760 00:52:49,397 --> 00:52:50,863 (dramatic music) 761 00:52:50,913 --> 00:52:52,570 - Miss Dracula, I need to speak to 762 00:52:52,620 --> 00:52:53,890 the lady of the house please, 763 00:52:53,940 --> 00:52:55,833 the rats scare me, I don't like it. 764 00:52:56,950 --> 00:52:58,003 - Don't be silly. 765 00:52:58,929 --> 00:53:00,229 I'm the lady of the house. 766 00:53:01,371 --> 00:53:04,940 (thunder rumbling) (laughing) 767 00:53:04,990 --> 00:53:05,823 - Right. 768 00:53:06,681 --> 00:53:11,090 - Oh, I'm gonna leave this right here for you baby. 769 00:53:11,140 --> 00:53:12,500 I'm gonna go get my camera 770 00:53:12,550 --> 00:53:15,430 so I can get some pictures of you for my evil scrapbook. 771 00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:17,760 - Right, but this, ma'am. 772 00:53:17,810 --> 00:53:19,317 Miss Hunt, the rat? 773 00:53:23,615 --> 00:53:27,480 (eerie electronic music) 774 00:53:27,530 --> 00:53:31,030 (upbeat orchestral music) 775 00:54:18,937 --> 00:54:21,937 (funky flute music) 776 00:54:26,823 --> 00:54:28,950 - This better be good, man. 777 00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:31,240 - Forgive me, Master. 778 00:54:31,290 --> 00:54:33,590 We shall speak when you are done. 779 00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:36,923 - Oh, see you in a few days, motherfucker. 780 00:54:40,530 --> 00:54:42,223 - No, no, get away. 781 00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:44,233 Filthy. 782 00:54:50,060 --> 00:54:52,520 - In exchange for freeing you, 783 00:54:52,570 --> 00:54:55,593 you will help me destroy Bad Girl Dracula. 784 00:55:01,276 --> 00:55:04,443 (dramatic horn music) 785 00:55:07,168 --> 00:55:09,918 (big band music) 786 00:55:37,700 --> 00:55:40,573 - Marsha would never abandon her post. 787 00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:45,313 My beloved Marsha. 788 00:55:47,660 --> 00:55:50,750 On this, the night of your demise, 789 00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:52,783 I want to arrange you, 790 00:55:53,670 --> 00:55:56,133 the halls of this lair 791 00:55:56,183 --> 00:55:59,090 will be bathed in the blood of those 792 00:55:59,140 --> 00:56:01,590 who make a grave mistake 793 00:56:01,640 --> 00:56:05,283 of murdering my most beautiful lover. 794 00:56:13,900 --> 00:56:15,360 - Who are you? 795 00:56:15,410 --> 00:56:17,123 Where's Van Helsing? 796 00:56:18,026 --> 00:56:20,120 Where are our beautiful rats? 797 00:56:20,170 --> 00:56:21,850 I was only gone for a moment. 798 00:56:21,900 --> 00:56:23,943 How dare he escape from our clutches? 799 00:56:25,090 --> 00:56:26,460 I was gonna take a picture of him 800 00:56:26,510 --> 00:56:28,613 with the rats for our evil scrapbook. 801 00:56:30,580 --> 00:56:32,560 - I came because I heard 802 00:56:32,610 --> 00:56:37,170 of the photographic genius of Bad Girl Dracula, 803 00:56:37,220 --> 00:56:39,803 and her lover, Marsha Hunt. 804 00:56:40,750 --> 00:56:43,390 But you could photograph me instead. 805 00:56:43,440 --> 00:56:47,667 - Well, I do hate to waste a good opportunity. 806 00:57:06,140 --> 00:57:09,057 (funky jazz music) 807 00:57:15,974 --> 00:57:18,891 (muffled speaking) 808 00:57:29,240 --> 00:57:30,990 Spread your legs out. 809 00:57:36,211 --> 00:57:38,711 (eerie music) 810 00:58:35,500 --> 00:58:38,593 - [Abraham Voiceover] April 19th, 2013, 811 00:58:39,610 --> 00:58:41,603 Bad Girl Dracula's house. 812 00:58:42,830 --> 00:58:46,080 All vampires are presently distracted and unaware 813 00:58:46,130 --> 00:58:48,713 that they will all meet their demise on this night. 814 00:58:50,070 --> 00:58:52,443 I sense the presence of the Master. 815 00:58:53,760 --> 00:58:57,210 Tonight, I shall end this curse on humanity, 816 00:58:57,260 --> 00:58:58,848 once and for all. 817 00:58:58,898 --> 00:59:01,682 (shutter snapping) 818 00:59:01,732 --> 00:59:04,232 (funky music) 819 00:59:05,979 --> 00:59:07,365 - [Marsha] That's what I'm talking about, 820 00:59:07,415 --> 00:59:09,248 give me some more leg. 821 00:59:15,403 --> 00:59:18,320 (muffled instructions) 822 00:59:26,753 --> 00:59:29,753 (record scratching) 823 00:59:31,475 --> 00:59:35,650 (soft instrumental music) 824 00:59:35,700 --> 00:59:37,603 - Marsha, my beloved. 825 00:59:39,064 --> 00:59:41,440 When I saw Van Helsing escaping, 826 00:59:41,490 --> 00:59:42,900 and you were nowhere to be seen, 827 00:59:42,950 --> 00:59:44,753 I was insane. 828 00:59:46,270 --> 00:59:48,410 - I did not mean to worry you. 829 00:59:48,460 --> 00:59:50,620 I know I was supposed to be on guard. 830 00:59:50,670 --> 00:59:52,440 - He will not get far, 831 00:59:52,490 --> 00:59:56,920 and besides our nemesis, he deserves a more 832 00:59:56,970 --> 01:00:01,073 dignified end than in the dungeon with our sweet pets. 833 01:00:05,670 --> 01:00:10,190 - In all this commotion, I have forgotten my manners. 834 01:00:10,240 --> 01:00:14,543 I am Pussy Lugosi, the ultimate vampire. 835 01:00:16,450 --> 01:00:18,943 It's a pleasure to meet you, Bad Girl Dracula. 836 01:00:19,820 --> 01:00:21,953 You have a beautiful home. 837 01:00:24,100 --> 01:00:27,113 - Yes, and who invited you in it? 838 01:00:28,300 --> 01:00:29,133 - No one. 839 01:00:31,940 --> 01:00:34,343 She requires no invitation. 840 01:00:35,530 --> 01:00:40,530 And tonight, you will see that she also casts a reflection, 841 01:00:41,960 --> 01:00:46,570 that holy water, garlic, and silver, do not harm her, 842 01:00:46,620 --> 01:00:49,543 nor a crucifix upon her flesh. 843 01:00:51,060 --> 01:00:55,510 And once, she has laid waste to the other 844 01:00:55,560 --> 01:00:58,550 evil hell-spawn in this mansion, 845 01:00:58,600 --> 01:01:02,053 she will confidently walk out these doors, 846 01:01:03,010 --> 01:01:04,113 into the sunrise, 847 01:01:05,300 --> 01:01:10,290 for she has evolved and surpassed you in every single way, 848 01:01:12,830 --> 01:01:13,680 Bad Girl Dracula. 849 01:01:17,310 --> 01:01:19,467 - I just wanted to see her titties. 850 01:01:19,517 --> 01:01:20,473 - And you shall. 851 01:01:21,420 --> 01:01:23,263 We shall all see her titties. 852 01:01:24,620 --> 01:01:25,903 - I already have. 853 01:01:28,030 --> 01:01:30,963 - We shall see if what I have heard is true. 854 01:01:32,620 --> 01:01:36,010 You are a noble man Abraham Van Helsing, 855 01:01:36,060 --> 01:01:38,670 and I will take you at your word, 856 01:01:38,720 --> 01:01:42,773 but the final judgment must be made by The Master. 857 01:01:43,890 --> 01:01:47,520 And then if it turns out that this creature 858 01:01:47,570 --> 01:01:49,373 is the future of our people, 859 01:01:50,210 --> 01:01:54,803 she will be forced to submit, or perish. 860 01:01:56,870 --> 01:01:58,460 - Who will perish? 861 01:01:58,510 --> 01:01:59,873 Not me. 862 01:02:01,080 --> 01:02:04,713 - She doesn't mean you, she means the Master. 863 01:02:05,590 --> 01:02:07,190 Brinke Stevens, I mean if you are. 864 01:02:07,240 --> 01:02:09,287 - I will confer with the Master. 865 01:02:10,530 --> 01:02:12,103 My darling, my lover, 866 01:02:13,632 --> 01:02:17,083 will you prepare the vampire trials? 867 01:02:21,948 --> 01:02:25,615 (romantic orchestral music) 868 01:02:40,523 --> 01:02:43,940 (eerie electronic music) 869 01:02:52,800 --> 01:02:54,550 - You gonna come hit this, or what? 870 01:02:55,670 --> 01:02:58,165 I'm not saying a need a break. 871 01:02:58,215 --> 01:03:01,800 I'm just saying I'd like to fuck this person, and you, 872 01:03:01,850 --> 01:03:03,650 at the same time. 873 01:03:03,700 --> 01:03:06,770 - Under any other circumstances, Master, 874 01:03:06,820 --> 01:03:09,210 I would gladly join you. 875 01:03:09,260 --> 01:03:14,260 I am otherwise entangled in the living room. 876 01:03:15,140 --> 01:03:16,760 - Come see me afterwards. 877 01:03:16,810 --> 01:03:20,430 I'll be doing this exact same thing with this person, 878 01:03:20,480 --> 01:03:23,440 or someone else, or someone from another time. 879 01:03:23,490 --> 01:03:24,563 I don't know. 880 01:03:34,550 --> 01:03:37,620 - Everything is prepared, Bad Girl Dracula. 881 01:03:37,670 --> 01:03:41,750 Pussy Lugosi will submit to our test. 882 01:03:41,800 --> 01:03:44,250 - Exquisite, my darling. 883 01:03:44,300 --> 01:03:47,493 Not a thing out of place, as always. 884 01:03:49,120 --> 01:03:51,973 And now, Pussy Lugosi, 885 01:03:52,870 --> 01:03:55,710 will you take the petal from the rose, 886 01:03:55,760 --> 01:03:58,466 and place it in your mouth. 887 01:03:58,516 --> 01:04:01,599 (creepy organ music) 888 01:04:09,520 --> 01:04:10,940 And now Marsha? 889 01:04:10,990 --> 01:04:11,893 - My love? 890 01:04:12,892 --> 01:04:14,153 You can't be serious. 891 01:04:15,290 --> 01:04:16,833 - How else can we be sure? 892 01:04:17,960 --> 01:04:22,020 - Dost thou doubt the validity of my weapons. 893 01:04:22,070 --> 01:04:26,463 Everything on this table has been blessed by the Almighty. 894 01:04:28,600 --> 01:04:32,413 - I do not believe in your God, Mister Van Helsing. 895 01:04:33,880 --> 01:04:37,210 I believe in the power of true love. 896 01:04:39,480 --> 01:04:43,520 Marsha my darling, surely only a little bit, 897 01:04:43,570 --> 01:04:45,083 just to be sure. 898 01:04:46,040 --> 01:04:49,293 The power of our bond will protect you. 899 01:04:50,500 --> 01:04:52,310 - Don't do it, Marsha. 900 01:04:52,360 --> 01:04:53,863 Her love means nothing. 901 01:04:55,270 --> 01:04:57,103 - Oh silence, temptress. 902 01:04:58,230 --> 01:05:01,070 Your demise will soon be at hand. 903 01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:04,560 This rose upon my lips will succumb 904 01:05:04,610 --> 01:05:07,373 to our dark devotion. 905 01:05:09,734 --> 01:05:11,984 (coughing) 906 01:05:15,580 --> 01:05:18,870 - Disgusting vampiric sex fiends. 907 01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:22,357 I shall enjoy watching all of you face oblivion. 908 01:05:26,852 --> 01:05:29,685 - I'll show you what I will enjoy. 909 01:05:38,919 --> 01:05:41,836 (funky jazz music) 910 01:06:17,017 --> 01:06:19,684 (ominous music) 911 01:06:32,489 --> 01:06:33,822 - Amanda Garcia. 912 01:06:35,358 --> 01:06:36,608 My poor Amanda. 913 01:06:37,680 --> 01:06:40,763 I feared the worst when you went missing from the village. 914 01:06:42,060 --> 01:06:42,990 I swore then, 915 01:06:44,160 --> 01:06:45,557 I shall avenge you, 916 01:06:46,727 --> 01:06:49,153 and bring your body back to your parents. 917 01:07:00,250 --> 01:07:03,600 Hast thou become a creature of the night? 918 01:07:03,650 --> 01:07:05,700 A spawn of Satan? 919 01:07:05,750 --> 01:07:07,862 - Yes, that's why I came here. 920 01:07:07,912 --> 01:07:08,813 The village was boring. 921 01:07:09,920 --> 01:07:14,920 - So, thou hast chosen to become a bloodsucking fiend? 922 01:07:14,970 --> 01:07:17,373 - You've seen the people that live here, right? 923 01:07:22,071 --> 01:07:24,613 - I guess if that is your will, 924 01:07:25,570 --> 01:07:26,433 fair Amanda, 925 01:07:28,500 --> 01:07:31,780 my vengeance is now reserved for the Master. 926 01:07:31,830 --> 01:07:35,060 - Oh, she's great, you're gonna love her. 927 01:07:38,189 --> 01:07:40,856 (ragtime piano) 928 01:07:58,469 --> 01:08:01,500 - Oh yeah, who's the Master? 929 01:08:01,550 --> 01:08:02,450 - [Woman] You are. 930 01:08:04,720 --> 01:08:05,880 - What's my fucking name? 931 01:08:05,930 --> 01:08:07,853 - [Woman] The Master, Brinke Stevens. 932 01:08:10,404 --> 01:08:13,154 (sexual gasping) 933 01:08:17,010 --> 01:08:20,760 - The test must be complete by now. 934 01:08:20,810 --> 01:08:25,220 And if the ultimate vampire is truly in our lair, 935 01:08:25,270 --> 01:08:27,163 then surely it is your duty 936 01:08:28,200 --> 01:08:30,420 to go forth and slay her, 937 01:08:30,470 --> 01:08:33,653 in order to protect the world from such a power. 938 01:08:35,290 --> 01:08:37,373 You must hurry though. 939 01:08:40,670 --> 01:08:42,703 - I have come all this way, 940 01:08:43,730 --> 01:08:46,730 destroyed many of your kind. 941 01:08:46,780 --> 01:08:49,790 Only at this moment, when I could destroy The Master, 942 01:08:49,840 --> 01:08:52,893 to have my hatred of you vanish. 943 01:08:55,990 --> 01:08:57,683 I do not understand. 944 01:09:01,320 --> 01:09:05,570 However, I must go and defeat her, 945 01:09:05,620 --> 01:09:07,293 before she kills Marsha. 946 01:09:11,920 --> 01:09:15,030 - What's that, Abraham Van Helsing? 947 01:09:15,080 --> 01:09:17,733 To bad he's a vampire killer, he's gorgeous. 948 01:09:18,840 --> 01:09:22,160 - That was indeed Abraham Van Helsing. 949 01:09:22,210 --> 01:09:25,870 He had his sword ready but did not strike. 950 01:09:25,920 --> 01:09:27,740 He has had a change of heart. 951 01:09:27,790 --> 01:09:30,170 - I know, I'm the Master. 952 01:09:30,220 --> 01:09:32,836 - Pussy Lugosi is here as well, 953 01:09:32,886 --> 01:09:37,310 a powerful vampire, unlike any I have ever seen. 954 01:09:37,360 --> 01:09:40,480 She came in uninvited. 955 01:09:40,530 --> 01:09:43,400 She cast a reflection in the mirror. 956 01:09:43,450 --> 01:09:46,980 She doused herself in holy water. 957 01:09:47,030 --> 01:09:51,043 - Right, that's 'cause she's not a vampire, homie. 958 01:09:52,770 --> 01:09:54,880 And that dumbshit name you said, 959 01:09:54,930 --> 01:09:58,760 yeah, that's not her name, it's Sarah. 960 01:09:58,810 --> 01:10:01,487 It's fucking Sarah, I bet you. 961 01:10:01,537 --> 01:10:03,050 You know Sarah, she's the one, 962 01:10:03,100 --> 01:10:05,380 she's got that haircut, it's like at an angle, 963 01:10:05,430 --> 01:10:07,600 and it's shorter in the back, longer in the front. 964 01:10:07,650 --> 01:10:10,200 She goes to Kohl's and has 17 coupons 965 01:10:10,250 --> 01:10:13,420 and takes like at least eight hours to get out of there 966 01:10:13,470 --> 01:10:14,390 for no reason. 967 01:10:14,440 --> 01:10:17,550 God help if the total is 30 cents over. 968 01:10:17,600 --> 01:10:19,923 You've met her, we've all met her. 969 01:10:20,980 --> 01:10:23,253 I mean she's hot but. 970 01:10:25,360 --> 01:10:28,220 Anyways, I'm on a timeline here. 971 01:10:38,717 --> 01:10:40,884 (hissing) 972 01:10:44,590 --> 01:10:47,113 - Spit that out, Sarah. 973 01:10:49,625 --> 01:10:50,563 - Who's Sarah? 974 01:10:52,030 --> 01:10:52,923 - Van Helsing. 975 01:10:58,984 --> 01:11:01,160 - What devilry is this? 976 01:11:01,210 --> 01:11:06,210 - Sarah is immune to vampire weaknesses, 977 01:11:06,790 --> 01:11:10,693 because Sarah is Sarah, 978 01:11:11,789 --> 01:11:12,622 a human. 979 01:11:17,143 --> 01:11:19,226 - But the titties though. 980 01:11:21,357 --> 01:11:24,274 - Yes, confusion is understandable. 981 01:11:28,960 --> 01:11:31,920 - With one swift blow from my sword, 982 01:11:31,970 --> 01:11:35,253 I can have all of your heads on the floor of this castle. 983 01:11:36,890 --> 01:11:40,153 And I would be more of a monster, 984 01:11:41,380 --> 01:11:43,580 than any of you have shown yourselves to be. 985 01:11:45,280 --> 01:11:46,483 When I arrived here, 986 01:11:47,810 --> 01:11:49,693 I thought your souls to be lost. 987 01:11:50,860 --> 01:11:51,713 But I was wrong, 988 01:11:54,290 --> 01:11:55,127 it was my own. 989 01:11:58,966 --> 01:12:02,870 - Van Helsing, it was a pleasure to meet you as well. 990 01:12:02,920 --> 01:12:07,920 Really, all of you, and I apologize because 991 01:12:08,100 --> 01:12:09,840 I just really wanted to say that 992 01:12:09,890 --> 01:12:12,910 I came inside Bad Girl Dracula's castle. 993 01:12:12,960 --> 01:12:15,333 - Oh, you may yet. 994 01:12:16,910 --> 01:12:19,060 - Looks like our guest is stayin'. 995 01:12:22,803 --> 01:12:26,720 (sentimental orchestral music) 996 01:12:30,690 --> 01:12:32,680 - The Van Helsing of yesterday 997 01:12:32,730 --> 01:12:33,730 would open this door 998 01:12:34,950 --> 01:12:38,943 and let the sun's fiery rays of death into this room. 999 01:12:41,080 --> 01:12:45,683 But alas, this life, I do not yet understand it. 1000 01:12:46,874 --> 01:12:47,724 We go too freely. 1001 01:12:51,330 --> 01:12:52,790 In all truth, 1002 01:12:52,840 --> 01:12:55,803 I do not blame Sarah for wanting to stay here. 1003 01:12:57,600 --> 01:13:00,580 - You're welcome to come back old friend. 1004 01:13:00,630 --> 01:13:04,530 The Master would be particularly delighted. 1005 01:13:04,580 --> 01:13:07,870 And Sarah will probably still be here, 1006 01:13:07,920 --> 01:13:10,650 because we are going to have sex with her. 1007 01:13:10,700 --> 01:13:15,093 And then we will probably turn her into a vampire. 1008 01:13:22,551 --> 01:13:26,218 (dramatic orchestral music) 1009 01:13:28,650 --> 01:13:29,513 - Alas, 1010 01:13:30,980 --> 01:13:33,693 there are monsters out there, real ones. 1011 01:13:34,610 --> 01:13:37,943 Humans who do horrible things to other humans. 1012 01:13:39,290 --> 01:13:40,707 My fight is with them now. 1013 01:13:45,180 --> 01:13:48,097 (funky jazz music) 1014 01:13:52,223 --> 01:13:53,973 - Have a seat, Sarah. 1015 01:13:56,830 --> 01:13:58,857 You will learn much tonight. 1016 01:14:01,028 --> 01:14:03,945 (funky jazz music) 1017 01:14:13,260 --> 01:14:16,280 I begin in darkness, all day through. 1018 01:14:20,363 --> 01:14:23,072 (laughing) 1019 01:14:23,122 --> 01:14:26,289 (dramatic jazz music) 1020 01:14:44,830 --> 01:14:45,663 - Hi Sarah. 1021 01:14:47,240 --> 01:14:51,263 I am going forth to vanquish evil, 1022 01:14:52,383 --> 01:14:54,153 but it has been a very long night, 1023 01:14:55,377 --> 01:14:59,530 and Bad Girl Dracula had invited me to stay, 1024 01:14:59,580 --> 01:15:02,523 so I figured I'd stay for some coffee, 1025 01:15:02,573 --> 01:15:04,155 and possibly-- 1026 01:15:04,205 --> 01:15:07,122 (funky jazz music) 1027 01:15:20,614 --> 01:15:23,531 (muffled speaking) 1028 01:15:29,975 --> 01:15:32,808 - [Master] I'm the fucking Master. 1029 01:15:42,146 --> 01:15:43,479 Vampire sex-off. 1030 01:15:54,319 --> 01:15:57,132 - [Bad Girl] At some point, it will be too much for you, 1031 01:15:57,182 --> 01:15:58,599 and you will die. 1032 01:16:01,802 --> 01:16:04,635 - [Master] I'm the fucking Master. 1033 01:16:09,404 --> 01:16:10,737 Vampire sex-off. 1034 01:16:21,916 --> 01:16:24,833 - [Bad Girl] I am Bad Girl Dracula. 1035 01:16:30,570 --> 01:16:32,993 Oh that is a good memory. 1036 01:16:34,550 --> 01:16:36,870 - A vague one, but yeah I mean-- 1037 01:16:36,920 --> 01:16:39,013 - You have been alive too long. 1038 01:16:40,090 --> 01:16:44,380 But when Van Helsing finally let his guard down, 1039 01:16:44,430 --> 01:16:46,280 he come spend time with us, 1040 01:16:46,330 --> 01:16:48,060 he see us differently. 1041 01:16:48,110 --> 01:16:48,893 - Who was? 1042 01:16:48,943 --> 01:16:49,907 - He was very nice. 1043 01:16:49,957 --> 01:16:50,740 - That wasn't. 1044 01:16:50,790 --> 01:16:53,313 - No it's not, same sentimental about it. 1045 01:16:54,207 --> 01:16:56,450 It'll make me a little bit horny. 1046 01:16:56,500 --> 01:16:57,840 - Of course it does. 1047 01:16:57,890 --> 01:16:59,423 I mean, you know. 1048 01:17:04,790 --> 01:17:06,273 - How are you feeling? 1049 01:17:09,951 --> 01:17:11,350 - You can always check. 1050 01:17:11,400 --> 01:17:12,490 - I can do that. 1051 01:17:13,350 --> 01:17:15,893 Okay, my love. 1052 01:17:18,130 --> 01:17:19,540 - We should move the cheese tray. 1053 01:17:19,590 --> 01:17:20,950 - I should move the cheese tray, 1054 01:17:21,000 --> 01:17:23,600 you're right, okay, hold on, I move the cheese tray. 1055 01:17:43,080 --> 01:17:45,613 - God this is why they call you, Bad Girl Dracula. 1056 01:17:51,050 --> 01:17:52,040 Oh! 1057 01:17:52,090 --> 01:17:54,350 - [Bad Girl] That was fast, my love. 1058 01:17:54,400 --> 01:17:55,270 Oh my goodness. 1059 01:17:55,320 --> 01:17:57,053 - Oh no, 1060 01:17:58,730 --> 01:18:01,643 I think my water just broke. 1061 01:18:01,693 --> 01:18:03,840 (gasping) 1062 01:18:03,890 --> 01:18:05,450 Call Doctor Humpinstein. 1063 01:18:05,500 --> 01:18:07,572 - Somebody call Doctor Humpenstein. 1064 01:18:07,622 --> 01:18:08,455 - Igor! 1065 01:18:09,555 --> 01:18:10,388 Igor! 1066 01:18:11,785 --> 01:18:12,618 Igor! 1067 01:18:14,462 --> 01:18:16,047 God damn it, where? Igor! 1068 01:18:17,924 --> 01:18:20,424 (tense music)