[animal howls, upbeat music]
- Hey, check it out.
Very spooky menu. - [laughs]
I still can't believe how much you love Halloween.
It's like the Super Bowl for cultural appropriation.
- Yeah, you can see it that way, but for me,
Halloween is about celebrating our trickster side.
Besides, pumpkins are Indigenous,
even the white ones.
- [scoffs] I guess.
I mean, for me, Halloween's like, meh.
At best, you get some candy.
At worst, I'm tipsy in a bar
ripping a store-bought headdress off some idiot.
- Not gonna lie. That mental image is a turn-on.
- Oh. - Oh, by the way,
I need some help getting into my hot dog costume tomorrow.
There's a lot of zippers.
- That mental image-- less of a turn-on.
- Hmm.
[laughs]. Look at that.
Boo-berry muffins.
- Oh. - [chuckles] That's great.
Frankenburger. You get it?
- I do. - Yeah?
Who comes up with this stuff? Jeez.
[upbeat music]
* *
[steady banjo music]
* *
- Who's there? I have a gun!
- Oh! Oh, Deirdre, it's Nathan. Please don't shoot.
- Nathan! Oh, my God.
- I am so sorry I startled you.
Um, were you going to attack a burglar with a massage gun?
- If this hits your temple at close range,
your brain will be fatally vibrated.
What are you doing here?
I gave you that spare key for emergencies.
- Yes, but, uh, i-in my defense,
the state of modern crib manufacturing
is an emergency,
which is why I handcrafted this one.
- Wow. You made that?
- Yeah.
- Not what I had on my registry, but very nice.
- Yeah, it's white oak.
It's from a tree that fell in my backyard...
on your birthday, but I just--
I want this baby to have the best.
- Even if it means committing some light B and E?
- I did not go about this in a good way.
And I see that now. I'm super sorry.
I also made that zucchini bread you like,
but, honestly, it all just feels
like a big overstep, so I'll just get out of here.
- No, that can stay.
The baby loves it. - Oh, the baby loves it?
- Yes, the baby.
[knock on door] - Mayor Chisenhall?
Rutherford PD checking in.
- When I thought you were an intruder,
I may have called the cops. - Yeah, that tracks.
[knock on door] - Mayor Chisenhall?
- That sounds like Callahan, and he loves my zucchini bread.
Do you mind--[stammers] - Oh.
- You know what? I'll just handle it.
- Mm-hmm.
[hip-hop music]
[cell phone vibrates] - [chuckles]
- You have Halloween plans?
- Oh, uh, no, not really.
- Son, don't insult us.
You're cool, just like your mom and me were.
Cool kids always have plans.
- How come you guys never bug Maya like this?
- Because she's a nerd. There's no need to.
- If she wasn't in Alberta
doing a cultural exchange program
with the Blood Tribe, we'd be on her like this.
- Fine. I'm going trick-or-treating...
with a girl.
- No way. We know that move.
Tell your parents you're out trick-or-treating,
but you're really in the woods with your pageant friends
doing whippits.
- Or using your fake ID to get into a real-estate seminar.
- Uh, okay, obviously, that's stuff you guys did.
We're just going trick-or-treating.
- So who's the girl?
And remember, I know everyone at your school.
- Well, until you're more comfortable sharing,
you're passing out candy with your mom tonight.
- Ugh, I thought you said you guys were cool.
- Half of parenting is lying, Jimmy.
Grow up.
- Breaking into a woman's home to bake and woodwork?
Not your best move, bud.
- That crib was a handcrafted gesture of love,
and also...
the totally wrong move. - [chuckles]
- And I see that now. I'm gonna give her some space.
- Wait. You built her a crib from scratch?
- Yeah. - Shoot.
I've got some nieces you should meet.
[light laughter]
- You should come to Wayne and Sally's Halloween party
with Nelson and I--
take your mind off things. - Okay.
- So, that Nelson-- is he your man?
- He sure is.
We're even going in a couple's costume this year.
He's a hot dog, and I'm ketchup.
- If I were 30 years younger, you'd have to watch your back.
- Whoa. - [laughs]
- Nelson's a catch.
Do you know how hard it is to find a man with a good job
that doesn't lie about his height?
- His ponytail isn't thin either.
If I were 20 years younger, I'd be all over him.
- [giggles]
- Okay, they seem to know a lot about your boyfriend.
- Yeah. - It's brutal out here.
There's, like, eight women for every Native man.
- Mm. But that Nelson...
If I were ten years younger, it'd be a done deal.
- Wow, okay. - We get it.
[laughter]
- So we can secure an endorsement
from the teachers union if I agree to take down
my "Overheard at Rutherford High" account.
Terry, are you listening?
I know you hate Lincoln,
but you can't hate this contour.
- Jimmy's being weirdly cagey about a girl
he's possibly dating, and my wife is hell-bent
on trying to figure out who she is, so now I have to--
- Found her. - What? How?
- My friend follows someone
who went on a camping trip with Jimmy,
and there was a pic of him with this girl in it,
but her profile was private.
So I found the same tagged pic
in a different friend's public account,
which led me to a Spotify playlist
that was 98% Dua Lipa.
That playlist was followed by my nail tech,
who confirmed your son is dating her client, Emma.
She's a sophomore with great skin--
Native, goes to school in town. [cell phone chimes]
Oh, and just accepted a request
for my account posing as Harry Styles' personal chef.
- Nice work, Bobbie.
Remind me to tell you about an old business associate
I'm almost certain faked his own death.
Would love for you to look into it.
- Oh, here's some drama.
- Jimmy's dating Feather Day's daughter?
- Ooh, my nail tech is gonna flip!
[hip-hop music]
[indistinct chatter]
* *
- [sniffs] Damn, Nelson. You even smell like a hot dog.
- Nathan, why do you have a microphone?
- Oh, uh, the Janet Jackson headset
makes me "pop" corn guy.
I'm leaning into my persona. - And I squirt real ketchup.
Nathan helped me with the rig. - Oh, yeah.
This thing squirts two gallons.
- Very cool.
- Y'all are wack.
[cell phone chimes, vibrates] - Oh, it's Deirdre.
"Nathan, where did you get that charcuterie plate
you brought over?"
Uh... [chuckles]
"It was homemade."
Oh, do you think I should pop over with a refill?
- No. I think you should stop popping over.
- Totally.
But think about my unborn baby starving for smoked gouda.
And it's probably a good opportunity
to apologize for before.
Two birds!
B-R-B.
- That was the wrong move. - Yeah, I know. He does that.
We look great, though. - Right?
- Let's 'Gram it out. - Yeah.
- Hold up! Wait for us.
- Wow, we look like the hot dog station at Costco.
Yeah, it's almost too perfect to be a coincidence.
- Well, you inspired me at the beading circle.
- Then Chloe told us all about your amazing costume.
Then we both got real inspired, too.
- You hear that?
Our craftsmanship inspired them.
- [giggles] - Yeah.
[quirky music]
* *
- Oh! Oh, no, no-- Ah!
[grunting] - Nathan?
- Oh. Hey, Dierdre.
Ah, I'm so sorry.
I brought this charcuterie board
to say sorry for the whole crib thing, and I just--
Please don't call the cops.
I can't get a mug shot in this corn costume.
- So you apologize for stopping by unannounced
by stopping by unannounced?
- Yes.
Oh, your parents are here.
Hi, Mrs. Chisenhall. - You were right, James.
The deadbeat is here.
- [laughing] Deadbeat.
Is that, like, a funny nickname or what?
- I kind of told my parents you don't want anything
to do with me or the baby.
But thanks for this.
- Um, excuse me. Why would you do that?
- My parents are insanely judgmental.
The idea that I would choose to be a single mom
will not be acceptable to them in the least.
So, instead of having to actually tell them--
- It's just easier to let them hate me.
- Thanks for being an ally?
- [sighs] - Look who it is.
Let this fool in.
- Oh, no, Dad, we don't need to.
- I want to see if he's as corny as that costume.
Unless you're planning to run out on my little girl again.
- [sighs]
- I guess it's the perfect time to meet the parents.
* *
- [sighs]
- Oh, my goodness. There you are.
Where's my daughter, Terry?
- At your home, maybe school,
probably any place other than a casino.
Nice chatting with you. - Hey!
My innocent daughter took off
with your rugged-ass son after school
before I could pick her up-- that's kidnapping!
- Feather, not everything is a crisis.
- [sighs]
- My well-behaved son is at home
passing out candy with Renee.
Let me just...
She doesn't know where he is.
- [gasps]
You know, I had a dream last night
of a Japanese fighting fish in a fishbowl,
and it was just staring at me.
I should've known.
I should've known something bad was coming.
It kind of looked like you.
- Oh, boy.
This is not the outfit I was hoping to meet your parents in.
[quirky music]
I kind of feel like tucking it in was a weird move.
I'm just gonna go, like, Peter Pan style, right?
More of a tunic look.
- Ah, it's--it's fine.
- And, you know, maybe these stretchy pants
can help us all remember to be flexible
about any assumptions we've made about one another.
- Nathan, I'm begging you.
Can you just let these people hate you for one night
for my benefit, please?
- Here you go, sweetie. - Thank you, Daddy.
- There you go.
[thuds loudly]
- Oh, uh, thank you so much.
Um...
does this need to be heated or...
- Oh, did I forget? [chuckles]
Kind of like how you forgot to wear a condom.
[chuckles] - Oh.
Uh... [scoffs] I didn't forget.
I just--the only contraceptive in the museum that night
was an old dried-up piece of lambskin from the 1800s,
but that was display only, so...
[clears throat]
You don't want to hear about that.
[hip-hop music]
* *
- Hey, Reagan.
Where's your hot dog? - [sighs]
He's, like, stuck in a flirt circle.
We got tradish relish, sexy Sriracha.
I'm not really sure what mustard's deal is, but...
It's like they don't know he has a girlfriend.
- Man, you know these condiments ain't loyal.
- [scoffs] - Besides...
it's nice of Nelson to give me the night off.
- Oh, God, you're married.
- Yeah, but I can't help I have this animal magnetism.
- Mm-hmm. - Women are just constantly
undressing me with their eyes.
'Sup, Vanessa? Schwing.
- Ew.
- Okay. - Wow.
- Party on, ketchup. - Party on, Wayne.
[indistinct chatter]
- Reegs. - Hey, Ray.
- Hey, can I have some ketchup? - Ah, sure.
- Thanks. - Mm-hmm.
- How you been? - Huh?
Sorry.
Just keeping my eyes on my boyfriend.
[chuckles]
- So that's Nelson? - Mm-hmm.
- My mom says he's a real nice guy.
- Oh, yeah, she's a big fan--
her and all the other ladies on the rez.
- Well, he better watch out,
or I'll have to rough him up.
- [laughs] Okay.
[women laughing] - Excuse me.
- Oh, don't leave. - I'm sorry. Excuse me.
* *
- Who's that talking to Reagan over there?
- Oh, that's her ex.
- Sorry I'm late.
Driving here was literally terrifying.
- Are you a Dementor?
- Kim Kardashian at the Met Gala.
- Hold on, hold on, hold on.
That's the podcaster?
- No, that's Ray.
This is Josh.
- Why do you have his photo on your phone?
- Because he looks like this.
- Are all of her exes models?
- I mean, Reagan sucks,
but she's still a strong, independent Native woman.
She loves them and leaves them quick.
I'm sure you'll be different.
* *
[mellow music]
- Feather. - Renee.
- I'm only here because I want my son home safe
and nowhere near your daughter.
- He's a senior. My baby girl is a sophomore.
The age gap is basically almost illegal.
- Ladies, let's please focus.
Renee, do you still have
the location app on Jimmy's phone?
- You have a tracker on your kid?
So you know he's a derelict.
Hmm.
- They're headed to the convenience store, I think.
- I regret even saying this,
but I think it's best we drive together.
- [scoffs] - Work as a team to find them.
- I call shotgun. - Try it, and I break your arm.
[truck door opens]
[silverware clanking lightly]
- Have you called Al about setting up that 529 yet?
- Kind of focused on my pregnancy, but I will.
- Okay, because you know it's all on you.
This one won't be of any help. - Oh, God, no.
Yeah, I definitely have not researched
which states have the best plans.
Don't even have a dime to my name.
Lost it all on the ponies.
Betting, not riding.
- We understood. - This is starting to thaw.
I think I'm gonna get into this in a minute.
I'm excited about it.
Hey, where do you think our kid is gonna go to college?
- Well, Stanford, like Dee-Dee.
- Wait. Whoa. Dee-Dee? - Please never call me that.
- Okay.
Well, I just hope the kid has her brains,
'cause I'm an idiot. [laughs]
Didn't even get my GED.
Failed right out of juvie-- nile hall.
- What are you talking about?
You can't fail out of juvenile hall,
plus you two went to the same high school together.
- Right, you tried to read that Dr. Seuss poem
at graduation, but your voice kept cracking.
- Well, it was an emotional day.
And if you can read "Horton Hears a Who!"
without shedding a tear, you have a heart of stone.
- You know, they never mentioned
any juvie stint on that podcast you were on.
- Wait, you guys listen to "American Powder Keg"?
- Every episode.
So we know all we need to know about you.
- And none of it is good. - [sighs]
- Glad to get out of there. I'm sure you agree.
- Hey, Reagan. - Hey, Ray.
[indistinct chatter]
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey. - Name's Nelson.
- Ray. Firm handshake. Where you from?
- [speaks native language] Dakota territory.
You might of heard of my peoples--
Zitkala-Sa, John Trudell.
We invented jump roping.
- Right.
- It's a lot of pressure being so prominent.
I'm guessing that's not something you can relate to.
- Why's that?
- Oh, you know, small tribes sometimes feel inadequate.
- I bet your tribe's real big.
- Sriracha, why don't you put yourself
back in your goddamn bottle?
- Such dirty talk. I try to keep it classy.
I'm always representing for my people.
- Minishonka are small, but we have one
of the most complicated clan systems of any tribe.
- Well, that's cool. We killed Custer.
- Really? No Dakota's ever mentioned that before.
- It does come up a lot.
And for good reason. It's really important.
- Can one of you help start the bonfire?
Wayne can't find the starter log.
- Don't tell them that! - I'll do it.
Minishonka are naturally very good fire starters.
- So are my people, and you know what?
We don't use starter logs.
- Ooh.
- Cool.
- Real cool. - The coolest.
- Ice cold, baby.
- Right, can one of you just do it?
Ugh.
- [laughs] If you had just moved the statue
or, better yet, taken it down,
you'd still have your job and your dignity.
- Sure, but, uh, I mean, it's not really that simple.
- And what was up with bragging about the first white baby?
- Oh, that was a great episode.
The caucasity was astounding. - [laughs]
- So, in that episode, I was actually trying to cut, like...
Yeah, but, I mean, hey.
What can I say? I'm a boob.
- I mean, imagine how we felt
when we found out that our daughter
is having "pop" corn guy's baby.
- [laughs]
Isn't there a German word for secondhand embarrassment?
- Fremdschamen.
- Yes. - Okay.
But since then, Nathan's been trying to make things right.
- How? By hiding from his responsibilities?
[soft dramatic music]
- Okay...
the truth is, Nathan's not a deadbeat,
and he is not the guy the podcast made him out to be.
He's a good guy.
We're not together by my choice,
and I didn't want to hear your opinions on that.
But here we are. So go ahead.
Lay 'em on me.
* *
- Dee-Dee, we support you.
- You do? - Yes.
- You've always done things your own way,
but you've always come out on top.
- Did you just support and compliment me?
[laughs] Nathan, I'm glad you're here to be a witness.
- Stop. We are not that bad.
- Eh... - And even with a baby,
you can still meet someone at your level.
No offense. - Are you sure about that?
- Whether it's alone, or with this lost clown,
how you raise your child is your choice.
- Besides, nowadays everyone is doing their own thing.
I read in "Parade" magazine
that Shonda Rhimes has kids without a husband.
- Right. - And nannies can be men now.
They're call "mannies." That's so clever.
- Mm.
[hip-hop music]
- Hey! Yous need to back up off my man.
- Or what?
- I haven't thought that part through yet.
- Face it-- you don't have what it takes
to keep a man like Nelson.
- You're not even tradish enough.
We've all seen your uneven beadwork.
[women shriek, crowd gasps] - Oh, girl, no.
* *
[crowd ohs] - Oh, damn.
Reagan's gonna die tonight.
- [laughs] Guys, I'm sorry.
This is totally stupid, right?
[grunts] What should I do?
- Fall on the ground and play dead.
- Ah, no, don't do that. It'll make it so much worse.
- Yeah, you hit the ground, and it's over for you.
- Nelson, we got to go now.
- Just one more minute! - I only need 30 seconds!
- I need ten seconds!
[both shouting]
- [gasps] Oh, no.
His phone must've died. His dot just disappeared.
- [sighs] My contact at Rutherford PD
doesn't have any updates.
- Of course you'd be friends with a cop, bootlicker.
- Excuse me? - Let me call my contact.
[device beeps]
- Ow! [cell phone ringing]
- Hey, Terry. - Get away!
- I don't have much time. Reagan's in a rez fight.
- Oh, tell her if she hits the ground, it's over.
Listen, I need your help finding Jimmy.
He was last seen--
- Found him. Emma just posted on her Finsta.
They're in town holding bags of candy near Big Larry.
Just texted you some screenshots.
Okay, got to go. - Back up!
[woman gasps, crowd oohs] - Oh.
Cover your face.
- Apparently they were actually just trick-or-treating.
- [sighs]
How did we raise such dorks?
- Do you even want kids? You're a waste of a bloodline.
- Kids don't define women. You're being toxic!
[all grunting] - Yeah!
- I did it. I did a fight.
You guys win.
Listen, this is anti-feminist.
Haven't you ever heard of the Bechdel Test?
- Do you always talk like a dictionary?
Fay, take care of her. - What?
- You don't know? She's an amateur MMA fighter.
- Nah, she's ranked.
- Oh. So that's your deal.
Listen, matriarch to matriarch--
Oh!
[yelps, grunts] [crowd ohs]
Oh, God. I'm okay.
[laughter] [groans]
[quirky music]
* *
- [sighs]
- This is actually kind of cute.
Oh.
[cans rattling]
- Oh, this isn't good.
[cans hissing]
- Emma Day!
I can see you being a criminal!
- Did you guys follow us? - Yes.
Our suspicions were confirmed because we caught you...
* *
- I'm actually not mad at this.
- If you're gonna break the law,
it's something I can get behind.
- [scoffs] Two hours with this pint-sized Al Capone,
and already my sweet baby angel is Antifa.
I should call the cops on both of yous.
Let the law straighten yous out.
- Feather, I think we can both agree
that the kids need to be punished.
- Mm-hmm. - But we also know
that this is gonna reflect worse on us than them.
Not great for either campaign.
Probably worse for yours, though.
* *
- Maybe we leave and...
agree that this night never happened.
- If you think that's best.
- Let's go, Emma.
Ah-ah-ah!
Get away from each other.
You're still in trouble.
[muttering angrily]
- Reagan, what happened?
- I spent all night fending off condiments.
Sorry I'm not some tradish sex kitten, karate master.
- I spent all night keeping your ex from stealing you back.
- Ray? He's married.
- That obviously doesn't matter around here.
- [groans] - [sighs]
So you don't want Ray back? - No.
And the only condiment you want is ketchup?
- Next year, we're staying home and passing out candy.
- Next year.
- Come here. Come here.
- Ow. Oh, God.
I would kiss you, but I think I broke a rib.
- Okay, we're going to the emergency room.
Come on.
[mellow music]
* *
- What a night. I feel so relieved.
- I'm really glad it worked out for you.
- Nathan, you have no idea what we just did.
I have been dreading talking to them about this,
but you being there really helped.
We nailed it.
- I think your parents would say you nailed it, right?
I mean, you're Shonda. I'm the clown.
- Well, some people love clowns.
- No, they're universally reviled.
In movies, they're always the killer.
Kids have nightmares about them.
- Well...
once they see the crib you built,
they'll think you're as great as I do.
- Oh, I--we shouldn't.
- Oh, it's okay. My parents just started
an episode of "Adirondack," season three.
- It's not that. It's...
You like me sometimes,
and I like you all the time.
I want to be with you,
but we're starting to sound like an Adele song.
Just--maybe your parents are right.
We're just not good together.
Good night.
* *
Oh, and please don't put the charcuterie board
in the dishwasher.
It's Brazilian walnut,
and I can't take any more heartache tonight.
[melancholy music]
* *