Previously on Monarch...
♪ You broke my heart ♪
♪ My body and mind. ♪
-You stole mama's song! -You mean before you could?
Of course you helped Mama die.
You're just like her.
Wade, you got a song for me?
My style does tend more towards the, uh...
Lovesick young cowboy?
Jamie Burke, producer out of Atlanta.
Yeah, charmed.
JAMIE: Nicky, you're so talented.
I want you to know it really is
a pleasure meeting you.
I feel terrible doing this to Gigi.
LUKE: That's what you said last time.
NICKY: How far along are you?
Luke doesn't even know yet.
Dottie was being blackmailed.
$50,000 a month, every month.
You tell 'em that Albie Roman
ain't paying 'em another cent.
♪ ♪
(car alarm chirps)
♪ ♪
(line rings, clicks)
It's done.
(beeps)
(engine starts)
♪ ♪
Pretty as the day I first met you.
You are too sweet.
Come on, sugar.
WOMAN: Right in there.
-(door opens) -MARTY: Thank you.
I got here as quick as I could.
Any luck figuring out who these blackmailers are?
Like I said, they're pros.
Communication's airtight. End-to-end encryption,
asymmetric algorithms.
In English.
They're ciphers. Impossible to trace.
(sighs)
Then I want you to set up a meeting.
What? No, Albie...
I want to meet these vultures in person.
And look 'em in the eye.
They're gonna pay for the pain they caused her.
Albie, I don't think you understand.
These people are dangerous.
Here's what you don't understand.
So am I.
Excuse me, what are you doing in here? Hey!
Clive!
Well, I'm making a ginger and turmeric smoothie.
They say it improves your mood.
Well, it is certainly not improving mine.
Do you think two weeks in the guest house is gonna, like,
make me forget who you are?
Actually, the time apart's been quite the revelation.
See, we all knew that your mother
had terminal cancer, but, uh...
I always wondered...
how she passed so quickly.
And now I know.
You killed her.
I did not kill her.
And I have the proof.
Oxycodone, Nick, which you gave to her, no doubt.
I helped her open the bottle is what I did.
That's a distinction known only to you, me,
and Dottie-- God rest her soul.
What do you want?
Penthouse suite,
200 grand walking-around money.
Ah, to start.
Are you insane? It's what she wanted.
Or maybe you wanted to be Queen of Country
just a little bit sooner than Dottie was ready
to relinquish the crown.
♪ ♪
(Gigi groans)
It's hot as hell.
Somebody please remind me why we shoot
the Roman Family Christmas special in July again?
ALBIE: You know why. 'Cause Christmas
was your mama's favorite holiday,
and this way she could have it twice a year.
And so a Roman tradition was born.
Fake Christmas.
Which brings us to why we're all here.
We are gonna be filming the special all week, and viewership
has been a little off lately.
No kidding. This show is so dated.
All we're missing is VCRs
and "Re-elect Reagan" spots.
It may be old-fashioned, but Mama loved tradition, so...
You know what else Mama liked? Ratings.
So why don't we bring this show
into the 21st century? You know, maybe update it
-for the under-80 crowd. -Spoken like a true millennial.
Are you two still mad at each other over the rodeo?
-I'm not mad at her. -Why would she be?
She's the one who stole my song.
And now it's number one on Spotify.
Technically, it was Mama's song.
Technically, you're a thieving,
backstabbing bitch.
Good, this is just that Christmas spirit I love.
Enough.
This special is a tradition that your mama loved.
But, Daddy, everyone knows
-you never liked it. -But your mama did.
Half of a marriage is partnership.
And the other half...
is keeping your mouth shut.
I'll see y'all at the studio.
(country version of "Away in a Manger" playing)
(groans) Look at me.
Is this really the image that you want
for one of Monarch's hottest up-and-coming acts?
You look adorable.
That's what the fans want.
Do you even know who my fans are?
They're single moms and lesbians.
They don't care about adorable.
They want honest and real.
Geeg, I don't know why you complain about this every year.
-It's... -It's tradition, yeah, I know.
Just like toxic masculinity and the Confederacy.
CARINEH: You're really not gonna like what Clive's done now.
NICKY: Unbelievable.
I-I call him out for cheating, and then...
he's the hot stud and I'm, what am I?
I'm, oh, I'm pathetic and I can't move on.
-Who is she? -Some young skank. Who cares?
You need to show your fans you've moved on
right now.
-I mean, you have. -You mean Wade?
That's just... It was just some fling.
I'm not judging you, sweetie.
But there's a double standard. I mean,
Clive can whore it up all over town and his stock goes up.
You need to... bravely open yourself up
to a new relationship.
Something people can root for.
Go public as a couple with Wade.
But we're not a couple.
And the Romans aren't the perfect family
that sit around the fire and sip eggnog
and sing "Frosty the Snowman."
But people want to believe what they want to believe.
So...
You, what, you want me to go...
out on a fake date?
As your publicist, I think
you and Wade will keep you exciting,
yet still wholesome and aspirational.
As your friend, I know that you and Wade will give
Clive a taste of his own medicine.
-I'll think about it. -Well, don't think too long.
Clive is probably making out with at least
one of the Kardashians as we speak.
♪ ♪
Where the hell are they?
They ain't coming.
Everybody's a badass till they ain't.
♪ ♪
NICKY: Listen, I know we're all busy with the Christmas special,
but we need to talk.
My sister may be a giant pain in the ass
who hates my guts right now, but I am not...
gonna sit quietly in the background
when her entire future
with the only woman she ever loved hangs in the balance
Nicky, I love her, too.
-We all do. -Right, because
nothing says I love you more
than sleeping with the brother-in-law.
Listen, this wasn't some sordid affair.
All right, there are real feelings here.
Yeah, but it was a mistake, obviously.
We're deeply sorry for it and it's done.
Good, because right now we have
a much bigger problem that's harder to hide.
A baby.
Yeah, well, Gigi and I have been wanting another one, so...
I know, which leads me to why
I invited you both here, because I think
I might have a solution that, that suits all of us.
So listen up and keep an open mind.
("Deck the Halls" playing on piano)
Oh, "Deck the Halls," how original.
Psst.
Yay.
What brings you by here?
This is such a surprise.
What, I need an excuse to come visit my wife?
Oh, I see, you want something.
-I get it. -No.
I just, um...
I've been thinking a lot about our plan...
to have another baby.
Really?
Right now?
I know it sounds crazy,
but since we decided I'd carry,
what if we fast-track this whole thing
and ask Luke to be our donor?
Luke? My brother?
Chiseled CEO
with a daddy complex Luke?
I know, I...
Well, what made you think of him?
It's common to ask a relative or a close friend.
Okay, but
I'm not sure if having
another baby right now is a great idea.
I-I'm trying to light a fire under my career.
Why the rush?
We have all the time in the world.
MAN: Gigi, we need you on set.
-Got to go. -Oh. Bye.
Bye, honey.
I guess when you're rich and famous,
you're allowed to have two Christmases.
Amazing.
Mom.
-Is that Wade Stellings? -It is.
I told you everybody would be here.
And now you are, too. (laughs)
Hey, there.
You ready to pretend it's Christmas?
Hi.
It's, um...
It's good to see you again.
It is, but now I believe
we're late for our wardrobe fitting.
This isn't the junior prom.
We're here for one reason and one reason only.
To work.
Not to meet cute boys.
-Bye. -Roman Family Christmas
has been Stellings family viewing since I was little.
My mama called it "comfort food for the soul."
She can't believe I'm a guest star.
We're lucky to have you.
Maybe next time you'll ask me yourself.
All right, so this isn't about the Christmas special.
You didn't have to have our publicists arrange another date.
You could have just asked. I mean, I have seen you naked.
Yeah, and it was fun.
But I'm not a one-night-stand kind of girl.
That's why my publicist reached out-- it's a fake date, PR.
I'm not here for fake anything.
All right, why are you here?
For you.
Bye.
Thank you.
All right.
Hi.
You doing okay?
I know Fake Christmas isn't the same without Mama.
Nothing's the same without Mama.
What's wrong, Daddy?
Well, it's like this. Your mother...
she was being blackmailed.
What? How do you know that?
Marty.
Said it'd been going on for the...
better part of the last ten years.
Well, I don't understand.
Wh-Who? And why?
"Who" is on my to-do list.
But "why"?
I think she was protecting me.
My affair.
You know, the one I told you about.
That was years ago.
Somebody must've known.
And you know your mother.
The Roman image was important to her,
at... at any expense.
I don't think that was it.
The night Mama passed, she said something to me.
I've done things that can never
be forgiven.
I didn't know...
what it meant. I-I still don't, but...
it wasn't about you.
I think Mama may have secrets of her own.
Another lump of coal for you, Gigi.
That's okay, Nicky.
'Cause coal turns into diamonds.
And like Mama always said,
your luck is what you make it.
-And Mama turned her luck... -Ridiculous.
They're grown women now.
(laughs): Oh, don't, don't be a grinch.
They're helping people feel better about their lives.
We're the first family of country music.
And that's degrading.
Look, all right, I know you never had any of this
when you were growing up.
You had no Christmas, no music...
no love.
But even though our girls are out there pretending,
the audience,
what they're feeling is real.
Real love, real joy.
Just what I feel every morning when I wake up with you.
Now don't you think everybody is entitled
to have just a little bit of that?
What would I be without you?
Oh, you'd be fine.
And you're never gonna have to find out because
I'm always gonna be with you.
NICKY: And Mama turned her luck
into a lot of diamonds.
Mm-hmm.
Cut!
Check it.
Hey, Geeg?
Do not follow me.
Or I'm gonna show you where to shove that lump of coal.
All right, well, I need to talk to you.
Please, I need my best friend right now.
I have a fake date with Wade Stellings.
-Say what now? -It's to show everybody
that I'm moving on.
You've done worse for the press.
Just treat it like a work dinner.
Yep. I slept with him.
Oh.
Now this is getting good.
-So what's the problem? -He's a lot younger than me.
And I don't even know who I am with a man anymore.
Would you stop thinking for once?
Geez Louise! Just go have fun.
Nobody deserves that more than you do.
Really?
Really.
You're still a sneaky, conniving bitch, though.
Gigi says now's not the right time for another baby.
And you know how she is.
Yeah, of course I know how she is.
She's a Roman.
She's set in her ways.
Well, every day I'm getting closer to showing.
I mean, there is something we haven't talked about.
What?
I mean, Nicky has no say over us.
There is no us, Luke.
That's what I'm saying, there could be.
No, there can't.
You are my brother-in-law. And I am in love
with your sister.
We were a mistake.
And-and at this rate,
next week's Jerry Springer.
You're serious?
You really think that plan of Nicky's is gonna work?
It is ridiculous.
At this point, it's the only hope I've got.
So if you care about me,
please help me hold onto the life I want...
...with Gigi.
♪ ♪
(laughter)
Um, thank you for dinner.
Hey, I had fun.
Thank you.
And since our publicists set it up,
it's a tax write-off.
(laughs)
Nicky, I've been crushing on you for years.
I even had your poster up in my dorm room.
I used to fantasize about...
Yeah, you can stop right there.
...singing with you
-one day. -(giggles)
Hey...
no disrespect to your marriage, but...
I always hoped you'd be single someday.
(chuckles)
I don't know what to say.
Well...
say you'll do a song with me.
Okay.
(chuckles)
(crowd cheering)
You ready?
Thank you.
Nicky Roman, ladies and gentlemen.
(Lady A's "Need You Now" playing)
Hey, I'm honored.
Let's hear it.
♪ Picture perfect memories ♪
-♪ Scattered all around the floor ♪ -Oh, yeah.
♪ Reaching for the phone 'cause ♪
♪ I can't fight it anymore ♪
BOTH: ♪ And I wonder ♪
♪ If I ever cross your mind ♪
NICKY: ♪ For me it happens ♪
♪ All the time ♪
♪ It's a quarter after one ♪
♪ I'm all alone ♪
♪ And I need you now ♪
WADE: ♪ And I said I wouldn't call ♪
♪ But I'm a little drunk and I need you now ♪
BOTH: ♪ And I don't know ♪
♪ How I can do without ♪
♪ I just need you ♪
♪ Now ♪
♪ I just need you ♪
♪ Now. ♪
-There she is. -Thank you.
(clamoring)
Wicky!
Well, that went viral fast.
Given that they've waited all this time in the heat,
might as well give them what they want.
Well, if you insist.
(whooping, cheering)
I'm not that girl on the poster.
Of course you are.
You're exactly like I always thought you'd be.
(cheering, clamoring)
Everybody's shipping "Wicky."
You'll be on next week's cover for sure.
Well, you can send 18 copies to Clive.
One for every single year we were married.
Well, you make the cutest elf.
(chuckles)
That was the best fake date I've ever had.
Hey, when you're done practicing your solo, I'll be in my trailer
later if you want to, um,
roast some chestnuts or... something.
-All right. -(phone rings)
Hey, Mom.
Hey. Are you done filming?
Do you want me to pick you up?
Not yet.
They said we're running late.
Looks like I'm gonna be here until at least midnight.
Oh, okay, okay.
Well, then call me as soon as you're done.
I will. Love you.
Hey.
Almost too easy.
(piano playing intro to "Cowboy Take Me Away")
♪ ♪
♪ I said I wanna touch the earth ♪
♪ I wanna break it in my hands ♪
♪ I wanna grow something wild ♪
♪ And unruly ♪
♪ I wanna sleep on the hard ground ♪
♪ In the comfort of your arms ♪
♪ On a pillow of blue bonnets ♪
♪ In a blanket made of stars, oh ♪
♪ It sounds good ♪
♪ To me ♪
♪ I said, cowboy take me ♪
♪ Away ♪
♪ Fly this girl as high ♪
♪ As you can into the wild blue ♪
♪ Set me free, oh ♪
♪ I pray ♪
♪ Closer to heaven above ♪
♪ And closer to you ♪
♪ Closer to you ♪
(vocalizing)
♪ Uh-huh. ♪
Not enough cowboys around anymore.
Nope.
You know, when I was a kid, I dressed as a cowboy
for Halloween one year.
I had a lasso and everything.
That's cute.
You don't strike me as a cowboy.
You don't strike me as someone
who wants a cowboy to take her away.
Well, I'd say everybody wants
a cowboy once in their life.
I know your mom built this empire
on being the ideal family and all.
But you don't have to be perfect all the time.
No one is.
My mama always told me that if...
you act like everything is perfect,
then...
it will be.
(chuckles) Don't know if I believe her, but...
Yeah, your mother was a huge loss.
For all of you in different ways.
You talking about my daddy?
I've, I've... tried my best to help him...
Well, no one can be all things to all people
without any help.
Have you ever heard of Dottie Roman?
Yeah, well...
maybe quit worrying about being Dottie.
And just focus on being Nicky for a change.
Well, that is very easy for you to say.
Supposedly a woman has to...
be it all, have it all.
Not if she chooses the right cowboy.
(chuckles) Well, you already
said that...
that's not me.
I can take care of myself.
I'm sure you can.
The question is...
why would you want to?
(laughter)
I can't believe I'm here.
If my mom knew, she'd kill us both.
-Well, should I take you back? -Are you crazy?
Two weeks ago, I was in Albuquerque
studying for my chem finals,
and now I'm here.
With you.
(laughs)
I feel like Cinderella.
Your home is beautiful.
Your whole world is beautiful.
So are you.
(chuckles)
(both laugh)
(door opens, closes)
KAYLA: They're ready for you.
Look at me.
Every time I do this special, I'm five years old again.
Nicky is the perfect pretty princess
and I'm the fat gay Nutcracker.
(laughs)
I thought my life had moved past this.
Hey.
You are my Nutcracker.
Well...
let's hope you still feel that way after I go out there
and make a big fool of myself.
Then don't.
What do you mean?
Either walk off this set
and tell your family you're done being their mascot.
Or you quit complaining, you go out there
and you do things your way.
But either way, you just have to be yourself.
So...
get cracking.
(indistinct chatter)
(indistinct whispering)
-Okay. -Okay.
(chatter continues)
Y'all been watching Fake Christmas all week.
Well, I'm fixin' to show y'all something real.
(banjo playing intro to "Born This Way")
♪ My mama told me when I was young ♪
♪ We are all born superstars ♪
♪ She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on ♪
♪ In the glass of her boudoir ♪
♪ "There's nothing wrong with loving who you are ♪
♪ "'Cause he made you perfect, babe ♪
♪ So hold your head up, girl, and you'll go far" ♪
♪ Listen to me when I say ♪
♪ I'm beautiful in my way 'cause God makes no mistakes ♪
♪ I'm on the right track, baby ♪
♪ I was born this way ♪
♪ Don't be a drag, just be a queen ♪
♪ Don't be a drag, just be a queen, don't be a drag ♪
♪ Just be a queen ♪
(Gigi whoops)
(clapping)
♪ No matter gay, straight or bi, lesbian, transgender life ♪
♪ I'm on the right track, baby, I was born to survive ♪
♪ I was born this way, hey, I was born this way, hey ♪
♪ I'm on the right track, baby ♪
♪ I was born this ♪
♪ Way. ♪
(cheering, applause)
♪ I am an old woman ♪
♪ Named after my mother ♪
♪ My old man is another ♪
♪ Child who's grown old ♪
♪ If dreams were lightning ♪
♪ And thunder were desire ♪
♪ This old house would've burned down ♪
♪ A long time ago ♪
♪ Make me an angel ♪
♪ That flies from Montgomery ♪
♪ Make me a poster ♪
♪ Of an old rodeo ♪
♪ Just give me one thing ♪
♪ That I can hold on to ♪
♪ To believe in this livin' ♪
♪ Is just a hard way to go ♪
♪ To believe in this livin' ♪
♪ Is just a hard way to go. ♪
It's real good, Albie.
I'm gonna have to wrap this up.
Family is gathering
for...
Fake Christmas dinner tonight.
Much as I'd rather be anywhere else.
Care to join us?
Oh, I-I think the Roman family's had
their fill of me for the moment, but thank you.
Nicky worries about you, you know.
Well, I can't say she's wrong to.
Haven't quite been myself since Dot passed.
Holidays can be hard.
Even fake ones.
I never knew my father.
He was out of the picture before I was three.
But it doesn't make it any easier,
especially around the holidays.
What's your point, son?
This Fake Christmas dinner--
your family's gonna be missing Dottie.
Don't let 'em miss you, too.
♪ ♪
(door opens, closes)
-All right. -Right.
You sure you're ready for this?
Fake Christmas without Mama?
Hell, it'll probably be easier than it was with her.
Just promise me you'll go easier on Nicky
than you did at that Christmas set. Please.
Can I ask you?
Do you think I can really do this?
Become a performer and still stay true to who I am?
If anyone can, it's you.
Even with two kids?
-Are you serious? -Yeah.
Why not ask Luke to help us out?
As much as my siblings drive me crazy,
I'd still hate for Summer to be without one.
Okay. (squeals, laughs)
(both laughing)
("Jingle Bells" playing)
Nellie.
-Mm. -You have been a busy bee.
Have y'all seen her new QVC commercial?
I bought the entire Nellie Bean collection.
-(laughter) -And I don't even wear lingerie.
(laughter)
Not often, anyway.
(laughter)
Thank you, sugar. Well, I think you'd look fine
in my signature cream soda beige negligee.
(chuckles softly) It's authentic faux silk.
I got something I want to say.
Albie Roman giving a toast?
This is a Christmas miracle.
I just want to take a minute
to appreciate
the woman that brought us all together.
Dottie Roman made up a fake holiday,
but she did it so we'd spend some real time together.
So I hereby promise
on this holy night of Fake Christmas Eve
to step up and help guide this family into the future
like Mama would've wanted.
Merry Fake Christmas, everybody.
-Merry Fake Christmas. -(overlapping chatter)
So, time for presents?
-(chuckling) -Unfortunately, won't be any
of Dottie's homemade scarves this year.
Another Christmas miracle.
(indistinct, overlapping chatter)
-For me? -Yeah.
Everybody, so...
there's gonna be a new elf on the shelf next year.
We're trying for another baby.
(squealing, laughter)
Who's the father this time?
-Luke. -Wait, what?
Just don't think about it too hard. Just let it go.
(quiet chatter)
GIGI: Thank you, Daddy.
(laughter, chatter continues)
-(insects trilling) -(door opens)
Merry Christmas, Uncle Luke.
Doesn't quite have the same ring as "Dad," does it?
I know.
But it's better this way for everyone.
Listen, I...
I know you're dealing with a lot.
Mama. Clive.
Now I'm gonna add another problem to your pile.
I got a call today
from the assistant prosecutor of Travis County.
They want a meeting.
-Why? -The level of opiates
in Mama's system.
They won't let it go.
-They have questions. -Well, you tell them
the truth-- that you weren't there,
you don't know what happened and you don't know who was.
I'm sorry, Nick, if I wasn't clear.
The prosecutor's questions are for you.
♪ ♪
-You done for the night? -(shuts door)
-Yeah. -Mm.
Mm.
So you really did have to work late.
This time.
You knew?
Mm-hmm.
I called set last night to check on you.
They told me they released you hours ago.
Ana,
you're not gonna be a star by sleeping with that boy.
I didn't. Not even close.
(sighs)
-It's just that... -(sighs)
I know people like the Romans.
They use people and they toss them out.
And I won't let them do that to you.
Do you understand?
("We Wish You a Merry Christmas" playing)
(quiet chatter)
DIRECTOR: Okay, Albie. Ready.
And action.
Y'all may not know this,
but I've never been one for Fake Christmas
or real Christmas, for that matter.
Dottie Roman changed all that.
And even though she's not here in person tonight,
her spirit will be part of this special forever.
So happy holidays from us,
and, like Santa,
the Roman family will always be here for you on Christmas,
fake or otherwise.
("Silent Night" playing)
♪ Silent night ♪
♪ Holy night ♪
♪ All is calm ♪
♪ All is bright ♪
♪ Round yon virgin ♪
♪ Mother and child ♪
♪ Holy infant ♪
♪ So tender and mild ♪
♪ Sleep in heavenly ♪
♪ Peace ♪
♪ Sleep in heavenly ♪
♪ Peace ♪
♪ Silent night ♪
♪ Holy night ♪
♪ Shepherds quake ♪
♪ At the sight ♪
♪ Glories stream ♪
♪ From heaven afar ♪
♪ Heavenly hosts ♪
♪ Sing hallelujah ♪
♪ Christ the Savior ♪
♪ Is born ♪
♪ Christ the Savior ♪
♪ Is born ♪
-♪ Ooh... ♪ -♪ Ooh... ♪
♪ Radiant beams ♪
-♪ From Thy holy face ♪ -♪ Ooh... ♪
♪ With the dawn ♪
♪ Of redeeming grace ♪
♪ Jesus Lord ♪
♪ At Thy birth ♪
Merry Fake Christmas, baby.
♪ Jesus Lord ♪
♪ At Thy birth ♪
♪ Mmm... ♪
Beautiful, beautiful! That's a wrap, folks!
(applause, cheering)
-Great job, everyone! -(indistinct chatter)
(crickets chirping)
-(fire crackling) -Oh. Thank you.
(chuckles softly)
A little late, Albie.
What's so important that it couldn't wait?
Sit down, Nell.
You and Dot were thick as thieves.
All right.
Dottie said something fore she passed.
She said that she'd done something.
Something...
that was unforgivable.
Well, it was Dottie.
We might want to narrow that down a touch.
Nellie.
Think.
This is important.
(sighs) You know...
(sighs)
She swore me to secrecy.
A sister's loyalty survives death.
You live rent-free on my property.
You got loyalty to me, too, Nell.
You remember that barn fire 40 or so years ago?
Yeah, I was on tour. It burned to the ground.
And...
and you were told that Rosa,
your lady friend,
caused that fire...
...and ran off
so she wouldn't be blamed.
That's right.
Because that was Dottie's story.
And no one questioned her.
But let me ask you this.
How do you think Dottie's horses got out safe?
Ahead of time?
(distorted yelling)
♪ ♪
Rosa didn't cause that fire.
And she didn't run off.
(distorted yelling)
♪ ♪
(screaming)
♪ ♪
She died in that fire.
Just as Dottie intended.
No. No.
No, she wouldn't have.
Lord knows she had a temper, but come on, Nell.
She saw Rosa as a threat to your future together.
Your family.
The dynasty she was building.
She didn't have to worry.
Rosa wasn't a threat to anything.
Well, Dottie didn't like to take chances.
Good night.
(door opens, closes)
-So, what now? -(sighs)
Daddy.
Go inside.
Hug your babies.
Try to get some sleep.
And the rest...
is tomorrow's problem.
(exhales)
♪ ♪
Hey.
Ace?
Hey, what are you...
what are you doing?
I saw it all.
Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org