1
00:00:07,791 --> 00:00:10,916
[man] ♪ O come, all ye buttful… ♪
2
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,916
[Maury] Merry Anal Day.
3
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,625
-And a Merry Anal Day to you, Mazola.
-Grazie.
4
00:00:15,708 --> 00:00:19,833
-And may the Lord bless your asshole.
-And the assholes of all your family.
5
00:00:19,916 --> 00:00:21,750
Ugh, this holiday is gross.
6
00:00:21,833 --> 00:00:25,958
Hey, Anal Day is when Hormone Monsters
celebrate the gifts of love, sharing,
7
00:00:26,041 --> 00:00:28,375
and loving to share butt stuff.
8
00:00:28,458 --> 00:00:31,375
Uh-oh! Caught beneath the cameltoe.
9
00:00:31,458 --> 00:00:32,916
-Watch out. [laughs]
-[glass shatters]
10
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,625
[blabbering]
11
00:00:34,708 --> 00:00:38,208
Ugh, I fucking hate jubilation.
Why did I let you drag me here?
12
00:00:38,291 --> 00:00:42,833
I thought it would be fun for you
to see the old gang, have some schmeg-nog,
13
00:00:42,916 --> 00:00:45,375
get away from all the Hitlers
for a minute.
14
00:00:45,458 --> 00:00:46,916
Emmy, Merry Anal Day.
15
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,625
Oh, and Rochelle. [clears throat]
16
00:00:48,708 --> 00:00:50,125
You're, uh, looking well.
17
00:00:50,208 --> 00:00:51,916
Whatever.
I'm just here for the schmeg-nog.
18
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,083
Petey-Pete, I got you something.
19
00:00:54,166 --> 00:00:55,541
Oh, you really didn't have to.
20
00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:57,583
[gasps] Label maker tape.
21
00:00:57,666 --> 00:01:00,666
And it's PTH107B compatible!
22
00:01:00,750 --> 00:01:02,208
-You like it?
-It's perfect.
23
00:01:02,291 --> 00:01:06,333
"PT-blooh-bleeh-bleeh compatible."
I can't believe I fucked such a dork.
24
00:01:06,416 --> 00:01:08,458
I don't find that hurtful at all.
[forced laugh]
25
00:01:08,541 --> 00:01:11,541
Jesus, Rochelle. It's a party. [chuckles]
26
00:01:11,625 --> 00:01:14,333
Can you dial back the Hate Worm
just a little bit?
27
00:01:14,416 --> 00:01:16,625
Nope. I can't, I won't,
and I don't want to.
28
00:01:16,708 --> 00:01:17,583
-Oh my God.
-What?
29
00:01:17,666 --> 00:01:22,458
Whatever you do, Rochelle,
do not turn around, unless you wanna see--
30
00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:24,416
-[dramatic music plays]
-[Rochelle] Dante?
31
00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:25,750
Oh God, she turned around.
32
00:01:25,833 --> 00:01:27,416
-Dante?
-That's right, everybody.
33
00:01:27,500 --> 00:01:29,166
Your favorite scoundrel is back.
34
00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:30,250
Son of a bitch.
35
00:01:30,333 --> 00:01:32,791
Oh, shit. Drama!
36
00:01:32,875 --> 00:01:34,875
{\an8}Dante better hold on to his two dicks
37
00:01:34,958 --> 00:01:36,958
{\an8}because Rochelle's
gonna rip another one off.
38
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I'd like to introduce everyone
39
00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:41,416
to the gorgeous souvenir
I picked up in South America.
40
00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:46,250
Here she is, the llama of my life,
my fiancée, Daphne.
41
00:01:46,333 --> 00:01:47,250
Daphne, hi.
42
00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:49,916
Who let this asshole into the anus party?
43
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,833
Rochelle, I-I see you're angry,
44
00:01:51,916 --> 00:01:54,583
and you have every right to be,
after what he did.
45
00:01:54,666 --> 00:01:56,625
Damn right! I-- Hold up. He?
46
00:01:56,708 --> 00:01:58,416
-The old Dante.
-[sighs]
47
00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:04,125
I would love to apologize for what he did,
but I don't even know that jerk anymore.
48
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:06,375
Yeah, Dante changed, from travel.
49
00:02:06,458 --> 00:02:07,500
-Daphne, hi.
-Ugh!
50
00:02:07,583 --> 00:02:10,041
Anyway, I'm in
a really good place right now…
51
00:02:10,125 --> 00:02:11,125
[seething]
52
00:02:11,208 --> 00:02:13,750
…and I'm ready for us to be friends.
53
00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,250
-Friends?! Ah!
-[dramatic sting]
54
00:02:15,333 --> 00:02:16,958
[Maury] Oh no! The ass tree.
55
00:02:17,041 --> 00:02:19,916
Rot in absolute shit, Dante. And you…
56
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,666
-Daphne.
-Yes, Daphne.
57
00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:22,583
-Hi.
-Hi.
58
00:02:22,666 --> 00:02:25,291
You are a pathetic fuck-donkey!
59
00:02:25,375 --> 00:02:26,250
-Rochelle!
-[all gasp]
60
00:02:26,333 --> 00:02:30,375
I can't wait for this marriage
to blow up in your stupid mule face!
61
00:02:30,458 --> 00:02:31,291
-What?
-Jesus!
62
00:02:31,375 --> 00:02:32,875
What the fuck did she ever do to you?
63
00:02:32,958 --> 00:02:35,083
-Shh, shh. Come here, baby.
-She is an innocent llama.
64
00:02:35,166 --> 00:02:36,375
-[sobbing]
-Fuck that, Walter.
65
00:02:36,458 --> 00:02:39,291
Nobody's innocent, okay?
Everybody's a shithead.
66
00:02:39,375 --> 00:02:41,833
She's a shithead. You're a shithead.
Pete's a fucking dork.
67
00:02:41,916 --> 00:02:42,916
-Okay.
-You know what?
68
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,708
I should've never invited you.
69
00:02:44,791 --> 00:02:46,125
No shit, shithead.
70
00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:49,958
Rochelle, enough!
Girl, you're ruining this party.
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00:02:50,041 --> 00:02:52,500
Oh, good.
All my fucking favorites are here.
72
00:02:52,583 --> 00:02:54,791
No one else
is gonna say this to your face,
73
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:59,125
but your little "I hate the world" routine
is gettin' real old.
74
00:02:59,208 --> 00:03:02,250
Haven't I been clear
that I don't give a shit what you think?
75
00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:03,625
I don't fucking need you.
76
00:03:03,708 --> 00:03:07,333
I don't need any of you.
Now get your tacky tits out of my way.
77
00:03:07,416 --> 00:03:10,500
Uh-oh, caught beneath the cameltoe!
78
00:03:10,583 --> 00:03:12,833
That means our buttholes have to kiss.
79
00:03:12,916 --> 00:03:14,000
Oh, honey.
80
00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:14,916
Yes?
81
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Never.
82
00:03:15,958 --> 00:03:17,500
♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
83
00:03:17,583 --> 00:03:19,875
♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
84
00:03:19,958 --> 00:03:23,333
-♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
-♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
85
00:03:23,416 --> 00:03:26,083
{\an8}♪ A-ha
So good, so good, so fuckin' real ♪
86
00:03:26,166 --> 00:03:28,208
{\an8}-♪ So good, so good, so fuckin' real ♪
-♪ A-ha ♪
87
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,083
{\an8}♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
88
00:03:30,166 --> 00:03:32,250
{\an8}♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
89
00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:37,416
{\an8}♪ It's like I'm powerful
With a little bit of tender ♪
90
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:41,583
{\an8}♪ An emotional, sexual bender ♪
91
00:03:41,666 --> 00:03:45,958
♪ Mess me up, yeah
But no one does it better ♪
92
00:03:46,041 --> 00:03:48,041
♪ There's nothing better ♪
93
00:03:48,125 --> 00:03:50,291
♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪
94
00:03:51,291 --> 00:03:55,041
[scoffs] Then Dante says,
and I do quote this cunt…
95
00:03:55,125 --> 00:03:56,833
[mocking]
"I'm ready for us to be friends."
96
00:03:56,916 --> 00:03:58,416
-Nein!
{\an8}-I know.
97
00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:00,833
{\an8}And after all of that,
who goes and takes his side?
98
00:04:00,916 --> 00:04:01,750
{\an8}-Hope.
-[all] Boo!
99
00:04:01,833 --> 00:04:05,291
{\an8}She's all, "Hate's so yucky.
Everybody love everybody."
100
00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:06,208
[clamoring]
101
00:04:06,291 --> 00:04:07,916
Hope is delusional.
102
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[mocking] "Everything is fun and nice.
Let's dance to my big chest."
103
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,125
Idiota. This world is not fun, not nice.
104
00:04:15,208 --> 00:04:17,791
No, it's ugly, so act accordingly, bitch.
105
00:04:17,875 --> 00:04:19,750
Yes, smart girl.
106
00:04:19,833 --> 00:04:23,666
And at the end of the day,
that's what hate is all about.
107
00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:27,166
Ugh, I'm just so glad you guys understand
how toxic Hope is.
108
00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:30,250
We should wipe her
off the face of the planet.
109
00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:34,083
Sorry. I know,
that's kind of a go-to for me.
110
00:04:34,166 --> 00:04:37,166
-Hmm, I don't mind that idea.
-Yeah, me either.
111
00:04:37,250 --> 00:04:39,291
Humans would be better off without Hope.
112
00:04:39,375 --> 00:04:42,083
-Hell, without everyone except for us.
-Yeah!
113
00:04:42,166 --> 00:04:45,875
They keep us down here in the basement,
but we should be running this place.
114
00:04:45,958 --> 00:04:47,791
Hmm, interesting.
115
00:04:47,875 --> 00:04:49,791
-[beeping]
-Alice time. Gotta go.
116
00:04:49,875 --> 00:04:52,041
Hate strong out there, Hillhurst.
117
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,791
I always do, General Malice.
118
00:04:54,333 --> 00:04:58,125
Hmm… Hillhurst is right.
We should be running this place.
119
00:04:58,208 --> 00:05:01,333
Ja. I'm sick of having
less than total power.
120
00:05:01,416 --> 00:05:04,125
But what are we gonna do about it,
General Malice?
121
00:05:04,208 --> 00:05:07,208
-Oh, I tell you what we're going to do.
-[ominous music plays]
122
00:05:07,291 --> 00:05:12,166
We're going to crash
a little Anal Day party.
123
00:05:12,250 --> 00:05:15,291
-[hate creature] Let's go!
-[evil laughter]
124
00:05:16,291 --> 00:05:18,708
-[giggles, slurps]
-Oh, sweetheart, you're gonna love it.
125
00:05:18,791 --> 00:05:20,458
It's sweet. You… Mm-mm!
126
00:05:20,541 --> 00:05:22,416
-Sorry, pardon--
-Oh! Uh… Uh… Oh.
127
00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:24,250
-Hello.
-Um, uh, hi.
128
00:05:24,333 --> 00:05:26,541
So, what's-- What's new with you, Pete?
129
00:05:26,625 --> 00:05:28,625
Um, well, uh, let's see.
130
00:05:28,708 --> 00:05:31,875
I, uh, bumped into your severed dick
the other day.
131
00:05:31,958 --> 00:05:34,458
Shh! Not in front of Daphne. Shh! Jesus!
132
00:05:34,541 --> 00:05:37,666
She doesn't know I used to have three.
To her, two is a lot.
133
00:05:37,750 --> 00:05:42,166
Okay. Ending this conversation
could be fun, I feel, so goodbye.
134
00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:45,208
No, no, no, wait. You said you saw
my favorite dick?
135
00:05:45,291 --> 00:05:46,208
[scoffs]
136
00:05:46,291 --> 00:05:50,000
It's barely a story.
He's just, like, undead now or whatever.
137
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:53,250
Just like a zombified penis who I battled
to become his equal or something.
138
00:05:53,333 --> 00:05:55,458
But I'm boring you.
Let's both mingle, shall we?
139
00:05:55,541 --> 00:05:58,291
Oh my God, my favorite donger is alive.
140
00:05:58,375 --> 00:05:59,583
It's… [gasps]
141
00:05:59,666 --> 00:06:01,916
it's an Anal Day miracle.
142
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,000
[grunts]
143
00:06:03,083 --> 00:06:05,041
Come on, honey. Loosen up in there.
144
00:06:05,125 --> 00:06:06,208
Oh, Montel!
145
00:06:06,291 --> 00:06:08,708
Aren't you gonna help Mommy
stuff goodies into my ass
146
00:06:08,791 --> 00:06:10,916
for me to crap out
at the stroke of midnight?
147
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,708
I'm sorry, I-I just--
I can't with Anal Day.
148
00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:15,708
Yes, I quite agree.
149
00:06:15,791 --> 00:06:19,250
Oh, do you? Do you "quite"?
You crumpet fuck.
150
00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:23,250
I do, my recent sexual conquests.
151
00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:24,416
-[both] Uck!
-Get off me.
152
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:26,166
I disavow that threesome.
153
00:06:26,250 --> 00:06:28,333
Even if I do find you fucking scrumptious.
154
00:06:28,416 --> 00:06:29,791
-What?
-Scrumptious, you say?
155
00:06:29,875 --> 00:06:33,041
What? No, nothing. Is the ass tree
on fire again? I'm gonna go check.
156
00:06:33,125 --> 00:06:36,375
So, uh, do you want your own cookie
or are we, uh, sharin'?
157
00:06:36,458 --> 00:06:38,750
Sharin'? Sharon! God. Holy shit!
158
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:42,500
I forgot to buy Sharon an Anal Day gift.
I'm such a nancy.
159
00:06:42,583 --> 00:06:44,583
Nancy… [gasps] Nancy!
160
00:06:44,666 --> 00:06:47,958
-Damn it! I forgot to buy one for Nancy.
-We're idiots, Joe.
161
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:50,916
And we can't go to a store
this late on Anal Eve.
162
00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,625
The crowds we'd endure.
163
00:06:52,708 --> 00:06:56,333
You're right. Nancy's a fine wife,
but not an "endure something" wife.
164
00:06:56,416 --> 00:07:00,416
{\an8}All right, I need a gift. I need a thing.
Where are things? The supply closet!
165
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:04,416
Great idea. I'll get her a stapler.
Maybe a box of binder clips.
166
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:06,500
If she wants a better gift, she can work.
167
00:07:07,958 --> 00:07:09,583
Hey. Where the hell are you going?
168
00:07:09,666 --> 00:07:12,625
-To talk to Sal's class.
-You're going to Sal's class?
169
00:07:12,708 --> 00:07:13,541
Uh-uh!
170
00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:16,416
-Alice, we said--
-Fuck everybody, I know.
171
00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:18,708
But Sal's teacher said he's being bullied.
172
00:07:18,791 --> 00:07:21,750
Who cares?
Fuck everybody means fuck everybody.
173
00:07:21,833 --> 00:07:24,291
But this is Sal, the cute motherfucker.
174
00:07:24,375 --> 00:07:25,958
Sure, he's cute.
175
00:07:26,041 --> 00:07:27,875
But you've been helping people
your whole life,
176
00:07:27,958 --> 00:07:29,166
and nothing has changed.
177
00:07:29,250 --> 00:07:32,250
Because the world is garbage,
and it doesn't give a shit about anybody.
178
00:07:32,333 --> 00:07:35,000
{\an8}Yeah, I guess
I do kind of agree with that.
179
00:07:35,083 --> 00:07:39,041
I know you do. So, fuck everyone,
including Sal. Right?
180
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:42,083
-Right.
-Alice, I'm gonna need to hear you say it.
181
00:07:42,166 --> 00:07:44,541
-But, uh, he's four.
-Alice…
182
00:07:44,625 --> 00:07:46,958
Okay, okay, fine.
183
00:07:47,541 --> 00:07:49,833
-Fuck Sal.
-That's my girl.
184
00:07:49,916 --> 00:07:52,416
♪ We three twinks… ♪
185
00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:56,416
Smile. And don't forget
to breathe through your balls.
186
00:07:58,458 --> 00:07:59,708
Afternoon, General Malice.
187
00:07:59,791 --> 00:08:04,250
Ciao, Peg. My friend and I are going up
to the Poopy Day festivities.
188
00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:07,708
-[alarm rings]
-I'm sorry, sir, it says here you're-- Oh!
189
00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:10,041
-[General Malice] Dead? Oh, no, no, no.
-Ahh!
190
00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:13,791
Turns out Anthony Piñata
doesn't need a head to live
191
00:08:13,875 --> 00:08:15,666
or to pop.
192
00:08:16,791 --> 00:08:19,125
So we'll just head in. Get it?
193
00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:21,541
[laughs] Did I stump you?
194
00:08:21,625 --> 00:08:22,583
[both laugh]
195
00:08:22,666 --> 00:08:24,208
I'm having fun.
196
00:08:24,291 --> 00:08:26,750
-Are you having fun, Anthony?
-[laughs]
197
00:08:26,833 --> 00:08:27,708
It's go time.
198
00:08:27,791 --> 00:08:30,500
-[ominous music playing]
-On your knees. Hate is in charge now.
199
00:08:30,583 --> 00:08:31,791
[gunfire]
200
00:08:32,375 --> 00:08:35,125
-Hands where we can see 'em.
-No funny business.
201
00:08:35,208 --> 00:08:38,000
We're doing a Die Hard.
You guys know the deal. Scream.
202
00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:38,916
Ah!
203
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,083
-Up to the bullpen. Go!
-[screaming]
204
00:08:42,041 --> 00:08:43,958
No, not the sack!
205
00:08:45,166 --> 00:08:46,625
[screaming]
206
00:08:46,708 --> 00:08:47,708
[yelps]
207
00:08:47,791 --> 00:08:49,625
[tense music playing]
208
00:08:49,708 --> 00:08:54,125
Ugh, uh, my phone is in my breast pocket,
you brute. I have no weapons.
209
00:08:54,208 --> 00:08:57,500
That's just label maker tape.
My label maker needs it.
210
00:08:57,583 --> 00:09:00,041
How dare you, on this sacred day?
211
00:09:00,125 --> 00:09:03,500
This? This is an affront
to all Judeo-Rectal faiths.
212
00:09:03,583 --> 00:09:08,083
Silence! I will kill you all if I hear
one more complaining or belly-ouching.
213
00:09:08,166 --> 00:09:11,166
-What do you Haters even want from us?
-[chanting] Hate! Hate! Hate!
214
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:14,291
New Jersey's about to become Hater Nation.
215
00:09:14,375 --> 00:09:17,250
Of course. They wanna keep us
away from humans.
216
00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:20,083
That's right. No love, no logic.
217
00:09:20,166 --> 00:09:22,208
Just pure hate on Earth.
218
00:09:22,291 --> 00:09:24,458
-[cheering]
-[gunfire]
219
00:09:24,541 --> 00:09:27,375
The bad guys, Joe.
They have no idea we're in here.
220
00:09:27,458 --> 00:09:30,583
I guess they just forgot
to check the supply closet.
221
00:09:30,666 --> 00:09:34,458
You know what this means, don't you, Joe?
We're the Bruce Willises.
222
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:36,250
The-the-the Bruce Willi.
223
00:09:36,333 --> 00:09:39,583
Of course. The writers
let us escape the takeover--
224
00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,958
So that we could save the day.
225
00:09:42,041 --> 00:09:44,583
Action heroes! Wow!
226
00:09:44,666 --> 00:09:48,125
Okay. We just, uh, hop up
into the air vent, yeah?
227
00:09:48,208 --> 00:09:50,291
Yeah, that's what we do, and crawl around.
228
00:09:50,375 --> 00:09:51,750
Now, hoist my caboose,
229
00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:54,291
and don't be afraid
to get your thumb involved.
230
00:09:54,375 --> 00:09:56,666
'Tis the season. [chuckles]
Okay, come on here.
231
00:09:56,750 --> 00:09:58,708
You struck brown. [grunts]
232
00:09:59,708 --> 00:10:01,083
-[gasps]
-Rochelle!
233
00:10:01,166 --> 00:10:02,333
-Holy shit.
-Welcome back.
234
00:10:02,416 --> 00:10:05,500
-Is that Peg?
-Ja, well, that's the bottom part of Peg.
235
00:10:05,583 --> 00:10:07,458
We did it, Fräulein.
236
00:10:07,541 --> 00:10:08,833
Did what?
237
00:10:09,625 --> 00:10:11,916
Oh God. What the fuck?
238
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,541
Can you believe it, Hillhurst?
We run this place now.
239
00:10:15,625 --> 00:10:17,833
Thank God. Rochelle, help us!
240
00:10:17,916 --> 00:10:20,000
[laughs] Why would she help you?
241
00:10:20,083 --> 00:10:23,125
This was all
her delicious, despicable idea.
242
00:10:23,208 --> 00:10:24,791
-What? No!
-Rochelle!
243
00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:27,541
Usually, I am all for office drama,
244
00:10:27,625 --> 00:10:30,291
but, girl, this is terrorism.
245
00:10:30,375 --> 00:10:32,583
-You actually did it.
-We did it.
246
00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:35,583
Humans are finally getting
the hate they deserve.
247
00:10:35,666 --> 00:10:36,750
[man] What the fuck…
248
00:10:36,833 --> 00:10:40,750
[General Malice] Glorious, isn't it?
They're fighting over the dumbest shit.
249
00:10:40,833 --> 00:10:43,541
Look how many stupid cantaloupe there are,
250
00:10:43,625 --> 00:10:46,375
and they still knife each other. [laughs]
251
00:10:46,458 --> 00:10:48,208
[Rochelle] Oh, shit. Sal.
252
00:10:48,291 --> 00:10:51,666
-Fuck Sal. It is exactly what you wanted.
-I guess it is.
253
00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:55,541
And HR Tri-State is only Phase One.
254
00:10:55,625 --> 00:10:58,250
Let me guess, Phase Two is the world?
255
00:10:58,333 --> 00:11:02,458
Yes. You see, you know me.
You know I don't like a lot of phases.
256
00:11:02,541 --> 00:11:06,416
[gasps] Oh, I almost forgot.
I got you a present for tushy Christmas.
257
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:07,750
Let's move, toots.
258
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:10,291
-Get your hands off of me!
-Hope?
259
00:11:10,375 --> 00:11:14,500
Once we get rid of Hope,
hate will be unstoppable.
260
00:11:14,583 --> 00:11:17,208
I thought you should do the gun violence.
261
00:11:17,291 --> 00:11:20,833
-Me?
-Of course. You hate her most of all.
262
00:11:20,916 --> 00:11:24,916
-That's true.
-Arrivederci her ass for good.
263
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,916
Yeah, she deserves it.
264
00:11:27,625 --> 00:11:29,166
Honey, you don't wanna do this.
265
00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:31,458
Shut up, Hope. Of course she does.
266
00:11:31,541 --> 00:11:32,750
Hillhurst, now.
267
00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:33,916
[inhales]
268
00:11:34,541 --> 00:11:36,166
Rochelle, no!
269
00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:37,875
What is she gonna do?
270
00:11:37,958 --> 00:11:40,833
{\an8}-[breathing heavily]
-Rochelle, this is not who you are.
271
00:11:40,916 --> 00:11:42,375
Shut up.
272
00:11:43,250 --> 00:11:46,291
-What are you doing? You fucking snake!
-Run!
273
00:11:46,375 --> 00:11:47,750
[yelping]
274
00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:50,166
-Get them!
-Not so fast!
275
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:52,541
-[gasps, grunts]
-[Hate Creature] Just shoot everywhere!
276
00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:54,958
Oh, shit. My shoulder!
277
00:11:58,958 --> 00:12:01,708
I just did a slow-motion shoot and dive.
278
00:12:01,791 --> 00:12:04,000
Oh, man. Am I the Bruce Willis?
279
00:12:04,083 --> 00:12:07,083
Find the snake. Find them both.
280
00:12:07,166 --> 00:12:09,083
Holy shit, she saved Hope.
281
00:12:09,166 --> 00:12:11,583
I knew the old Rochelle
was still in there.
282
00:12:11,666 --> 00:12:13,208
Hey, Pete, isn't that…
283
00:12:13,291 --> 00:12:14,208
-[gurgling]
-[gasps]
284
00:12:14,291 --> 00:12:15,833
-[Pete] My friend!
-[gasps] My dick!
285
00:12:15,916 --> 00:12:16,750
[gurgles]
286
00:12:16,833 --> 00:12:19,208
-Sorry, that's, um, your--
-Not now, Daph.
287
00:12:19,291 --> 00:12:21,666
Hey, buddy. You wanna come
and untie your daddy?
288
00:12:21,750 --> 00:12:22,583
[gurgles]
289
00:12:22,666 --> 00:12:25,041
Hey, wh-wh-wh-where you going, guy?
290
00:12:25,125 --> 00:12:26,500
No, no, come here. Come to Papa.
291
00:12:26,583 --> 00:12:29,083
-[questioning gurgle]
-It's okay. Go to who you love most.
292
00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:30,916
Yes, the one you love the most.
293
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,958
[coos, gurgles]
294
00:12:33,041 --> 00:12:35,583
-What?
-Me? Really?
295
00:12:35,666 --> 00:12:37,916
-Oh, this is sweet.
-[chewing]
296
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,833
Oh, this is bullshit.
297
00:12:39,916 --> 00:12:44,041
Um, excuse me, guards?
This, uh, this is bullshit. Um…
298
00:12:44,125 --> 00:12:46,416
-Look. The Rock's trying to escape.
-What the fuck, Dante?
299
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:49,583
{\an8}-Shut your traitorous Linda Tripp trap.
-You there!
300
00:12:49,666 --> 00:12:50,833
-Don't hurt him!
-Freeze!
301
00:12:50,916 --> 00:12:52,708
-[gunfire]
-[screams]
302
00:12:52,791 --> 00:12:54,583
Maybe I'm the Bruce Willis!
303
00:12:54,666 --> 00:12:56,750
Oh, a tattletale, I see.
304
00:12:56,833 --> 00:13:00,291
So, what? Are you on my side, Mr. Snitch?
305
00:13:00,375 --> 00:13:02,875
On your… your… your side. Yes.
306
00:13:02,958 --> 00:13:06,083
Yes, I think you and I
could do great things together, General.
307
00:13:06,166 --> 00:13:10,583
Just set me free, hand me a gun,
and… [chuckles] …I'm yours, baby.
308
00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:14,250
Wow, you do seem
like a hateful piece of shit.
309
00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:16,250
Just not the kind I like.
310
00:13:16,333 --> 00:13:18,666
Anthony, I don't like this one.
311
00:13:19,458 --> 00:13:20,916
[groans]
312
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,375
Look, that puffy thing's hugging Dante.
313
00:13:23,458 --> 00:13:26,958
{\an8}Or giving him a chiropractic adjustment?
314
00:13:27,041 --> 00:13:30,416
{\an8}Hey, that's too hard.
That's a bad chiropractor.
315
00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:32,416
[screaming]
316
00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:33,916
Oh God!
317
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,833
They've killed off fucking Hugh Jackman!
318
00:13:36,916 --> 00:13:39,083
{\an8}If he can die, any of us could.
319
00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:41,708
{\an8}Now, look, I know
you guys don't like Lionel,
320
00:13:41,791 --> 00:13:44,125
{\an8}and there's some weird sexual baggage--
321
00:13:44,208 --> 00:13:46,166
{\an8}-There's no baggage.
-So much baggage.
322
00:13:46,250 --> 00:13:49,375
{\an8}Regardless, we've gotta work together
if we're gonna get out of here.
323
00:13:49,458 --> 00:13:52,041
{\an8}-Agreed.
-Aww! That's the Anal Day spirit!
324
00:13:52,125 --> 00:13:55,666
{\an8}Wait, guys, I have so much stuff
stuck up my ass right now.
325
00:13:55,750 --> 00:13:58,750
{\an8}There's gotta be something
we can use as a weapon. [grunts]
326
00:13:58,833 --> 00:14:00,791
Oh, good. Connie, you're already up there.
327
00:14:00,875 --> 00:14:03,875
-[in sing-song] Uh, that's not Connie.
-Oh!
328
00:14:03,958 --> 00:14:06,250
I hate how much I love it.
329
00:14:06,333 --> 00:14:08,041
[whirring]
330
00:14:08,125 --> 00:14:11,625
Fuck, fuck, fuck! I'm so stupid.
Why did I shoot at them?
331
00:14:11,708 --> 00:14:15,416
-Because you're a good bug.
-I'm not good and I'm not a bug.
332
00:14:16,208 --> 00:14:18,625
-Hey, they're on this floor.
-[Hitler 2] Get those doors open.
333
00:14:18,708 --> 00:14:21,958
-[gasps] Oh, shit.
-The-the-the hatch! It's the only way.
334
00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:24,750
Fuck, I really am the Bruce Willis.
335
00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:28,541
Ugh, all this duct crawling
is so tough on the knees.
336
00:14:28,625 --> 00:14:30,166
I hope we get an action sequence.
337
00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:31,166
-[rumbling]
-[screaming]
338
00:14:33,125 --> 00:14:36,291
Holy shit. We killed a henchman!
339
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,250
Absolute Bruces.
340
00:14:38,333 --> 00:14:40,500
And he has a walkie and a gun.
341
00:14:40,583 --> 00:14:43,708
Oh, yeah. You know what to do, baby.
342
00:14:43,791 --> 00:14:46,458
{\an8}-[dramatic music playing]
-[gasps]
343
00:14:46,541 --> 00:14:50,625
"I have a machine gun now. Ho ho ho."
344
00:14:50,708 --> 00:14:52,250
Who the fuck sent this?
345
00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:54,208
And why is the gun still on his lap?
346
00:14:54,291 --> 00:14:56,708
-Wait, where's the gun?
-I thought you had it.
347
00:14:56,791 --> 00:14:58,958
-I was busy writing on the shirt!
-Shoot.
348
00:14:59,041 --> 00:15:00,250
Well, honest mistake.
349
00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:03,083
We're still Bruce,
and Bruce is undeterred.
350
00:15:03,166 --> 00:15:04,000
That's right!
351
00:15:04,083 --> 00:15:07,291
And, if I remember the movie correctly,
impervious to glass.
352
00:15:07,875 --> 00:15:10,041
-Oh, shit! I'm pervious!
-You need my help?
353
00:15:10,125 --> 00:15:11,958
-Okay. All right.
-I'm very pervious.
354
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:15,416
[groans] There should be hedge clippers
next to the big bag of M&M's.
355
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,333
I-I can't reach 'em. I'm tryin'.
356
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:20,708
{\an8}A little to the left-- [grunts, moans]
357
00:15:20,791 --> 00:15:23,166
-Cool, so you got the hockey stick?
-I did.
358
00:15:23,250 --> 00:15:28,583
Now, observe as I use
my feminine Noah Wyles to lure a guard.
359
00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:30,416
Oh, guard.
360
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,041
I have to pee-pee.
361
00:15:32,125 --> 00:15:35,458
Fine, but no period stuff in there
or I'll puke. [groans]
362
00:15:35,541 --> 00:15:38,250
-Die, shitworm, die!
-Give me that!
363
00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:39,583
-Ow! Shit.
-No!
364
00:15:39,666 --> 00:15:43,208
Ooh, Connie is not the Bruce Willis.
365
00:15:43,291 --> 00:15:45,166
-They're gonna get us.
-We are going to get them.
366
00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:47,208
-We're so fucked.
-They're completely fucked.
367
00:15:47,291 --> 00:15:48,625
No, we're not.
368
00:15:48,708 --> 00:15:51,750
We're gonna get out of here
and we're gonna beat those Haters.
369
00:15:51,833 --> 00:15:53,833
Will you stop with the hopeful bullshit?
370
00:15:53,916 --> 00:15:55,208
[straining]
371
00:15:55,291 --> 00:15:57,208
[groans] Come on.
372
00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:01,583
-Oh, shit! They're coming.
-Look! We can jump across.
373
00:16:01,666 --> 00:16:03,041
What? No, we can't.
374
00:16:03,125 --> 00:16:06,166
You're shot and bleeding,
and I have zero legs.
375
00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:08,958
I'm telling you, we can do it, Rochelle.
376
00:16:09,041 --> 00:16:10,750
How the fuck can you be so sure?
377
00:16:10,833 --> 00:16:14,958
I'm not, but I know that if we don't try,
we're gonna die anyway.
378
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:18,291
Here you go. Some bombs for you guys.
379
00:16:18,375 --> 00:16:19,625
Fuck. Okay.
380
00:16:19,708 --> 00:16:21,083
-We got this.
-Maybe.
381
00:16:21,166 --> 00:16:22,250
Come on!
382
00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:23,625
-[explosion]
-[screaming]
383
00:16:23,708 --> 00:16:26,750
-[groans]
-Hope! Hold on.
384
00:16:26,833 --> 00:16:28,291
-Honey, I can't.
-You have to.
385
00:16:28,375 --> 00:16:29,791
I'm slipping.
386
00:16:29,875 --> 00:16:31,625
-Hope!
-Rochelle!
387
00:16:31,708 --> 00:16:33,666
[echoing] No!
388
00:16:35,333 --> 00:16:37,666
-[Joe] Hold still, bud.
-No, it's gonna hurt.
389
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,666
No, no, no,
it's just a tiny piece of glass.
390
00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:43,083
-I don't like it. I don't like you!
-I prom-- It's gonna go--
391
00:16:43,166 --> 00:16:45,125
-[crunch]
-Hey! No biting!
392
00:16:45,208 --> 00:16:46,125
[grunting]
393
00:16:46,208 --> 00:16:47,958
-I got it.
-You were right. Didn't hurt.
394
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,083
Hope's gone.
395
00:16:50,166 --> 00:16:52,541
She's really… really gone.
396
00:16:52,625 --> 00:16:53,708
[bang]
397
00:16:54,625 --> 00:16:56,625
[gasps] Anthony Piñata.
398
00:16:56,708 --> 00:16:57,708
[screams]
399
00:16:57,791 --> 00:16:59,250
[grunting]
400
00:17:00,583 --> 00:17:01,666
[electricity crackling]
401
00:17:02,375 --> 00:17:04,791
-Whoa! Whoa!
-[boom]
402
00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:08,375
-[exhales]
-[ominous music playing]
403
00:17:08,458 --> 00:17:09,791
[groans]
404
00:17:12,291 --> 00:17:14,625
[whirring]
405
00:17:16,958 --> 00:17:19,875
Well, well, well. Trying to escape, huh?
406
00:17:19,958 --> 00:17:21,416
This displeases me,
407
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,041
but also excites me
408
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:25,416
because now we get to do punishment.
409
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:26,416
You, step forward.
410
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:27,791
-Oh God!
-No!
411
00:17:27,875 --> 00:17:29,833
They're just a child.
412
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:30,875
-Oh.
-Oh, thank goodness.
413
00:17:30,958 --> 00:17:33,583
-Oh. Wait, what?
-Nothing to be scared of.
414
00:17:33,666 --> 00:17:36,625
You just have to kill one of your amici.
415
00:17:36,708 --> 00:17:39,166
Or else, you'll all die.
416
00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:40,458
-[cocks gun]
-Uh, what?
417
00:17:40,541 --> 00:17:42,791
-Uh, no, please.
-Have fun!
418
00:17:42,875 --> 00:17:45,500
I'm gonna grab some popcorn
and watch. [laughs]
419
00:17:45,583 --> 00:17:47,916
Oh God, this is so fucked up.
420
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,291
It is, but also…
421
00:17:50,375 --> 00:17:51,916
-I feel safe.
-No, of course.
422
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,833
[laughing] I'm not gonna shoot you.
423
00:17:53,916 --> 00:17:55,583
Oh, great. Parents are safe.
424
00:17:55,666 --> 00:17:57,541
-Well…
-What do you mean, "well"?
425
00:17:57,625 --> 00:17:59,750
I can't just kill my idol, Dad.
426
00:17:59,833 --> 00:18:00,833
-What?
-Oh, goody.
427
00:18:00,916 --> 00:18:05,666
Honey, please. You can't shoot the daddy
who birthed you from his bung-hole.
428
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:08,083
{\an8}[wailing] I don't know what to do!
429
00:18:08,166 --> 00:18:12,958
Monty, you listen to your father
and murder your mentor right this minute.
430
00:18:13,041 --> 00:18:16,041
Fine, but Lionel deserves
a chance to speak.
431
00:18:16,125 --> 00:18:18,541
Lionel, is there anything
you'd like to say
432
00:18:18,625 --> 00:18:22,166
about why you should, um, you know, exist?
433
00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:24,791
Uh, me? Oh, uh, why-- Why should I exist?
434
00:18:24,875 --> 00:18:29,666
Well, well, if I perished,
my mummy would be so distraught.
435
00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:31,083
Oh, honey, no she wouldn't.
436
00:18:31,166 --> 00:18:34,458
Yeah, no, I know.
I guess I'm going to die then?
437
00:18:34,541 --> 00:18:36,958
Allora, what else is on?
438
00:18:37,041 --> 00:18:39,958
[Rochelle] Fuck you, you headless maniac.
439
00:18:40,041 --> 00:18:42,208
-Oh my God. Is that--
-Rochelle?
440
00:18:42,291 --> 00:18:45,875
I give up. There's no Hope.
There's no point.
441
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:49,333
Just pop me already, Anthony Piñata.
442
00:18:49,416 --> 00:18:50,666
-[clang]
-[breathes heavily]
443
00:18:50,750 --> 00:18:51,875
Whoa!
444
00:18:51,958 --> 00:18:53,875
-Oh God, no!
-Oh!
445
00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:55,458
She's getting popped!
446
00:18:55,541 --> 00:18:59,541
Awww, they are so sad. How tasty.
447
00:18:59,625 --> 00:19:02,125
{\an8}Please, tell Anthony Piñata to stop.
448
00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:05,958
Why, because you love her? That's silly.
449
00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:08,208
-She hates all of you.
-She doesn't hate us.
450
00:19:08,291 --> 00:19:11,875
Yeah, she's just been really mean
to us lately, especially Pete.
451
00:19:11,958 --> 00:19:15,250
But that's only because they boned
and it's complicated.
452
00:19:15,333 --> 00:19:16,708
Boned is sex.
453
00:19:16,791 --> 00:19:19,875
-Oh, did they?
-She doesn't need all this backstory.
454
00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:23,541
I know Rochelle loves us.
She's just in pain.
455
00:19:23,625 --> 00:19:26,541
Oh, yes, she's about to be.
456
00:19:26,625 --> 00:19:27,708
[Rochelle] Come on, Anthony.
457
00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:29,208
Just do it already.
458
00:19:29,291 --> 00:19:31,500
[Hope] Don't you fucking dare give up!
459
00:19:31,583 --> 00:19:32,666
[clang]
460
00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:33,625
Hope!
461
00:19:33,708 --> 00:19:35,208
{\an8}-Yes!
-Wait, what's going on?
462
00:19:35,291 --> 00:19:37,416
-I think Rochelle's okay.
-No!
463
00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:38,708
But you fell.
464
00:19:38,791 --> 00:19:41,125
[chuckles] Yeah, but I had a little help.
465
00:19:41,208 --> 00:19:42,875
From me, the Zombie Dick!
466
00:19:42,958 --> 00:19:45,333
Rochelle!
467
00:19:46,625 --> 00:19:48,916
-Hey, gorgeous! Over here!
-[grunts]
468
00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:51,875
Get hard, baby!
469
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:54,583
Get harder than you've ever been before!
470
00:19:57,375 --> 00:20:00,458
-That was harder than I've ever been!
-Oh, honey, I'm flattered.
471
00:20:00,541 --> 00:20:01,666
Oh, shit.
472
00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:03,333
-Look!
-[breathing heavily]
473
00:20:03,416 --> 00:20:05,458
I'll handle this, Sweet Tits!
474
00:20:05,541 --> 00:20:06,666
[whistles]
475
00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:08,625
[gurgling]
476
00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:16,166
[screaming]
477
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,500
This has been a weird Anal Day.
478
00:20:19,583 --> 00:20:20,750
[sobbing]
479
00:20:20,833 --> 00:20:22,916
-Rochelle?
-I thought you were dead.
480
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,666
-What?
-I was ready to give up
481
00:20:24,750 --> 00:20:27,416
-and let him pop me.
-Honey, it's okay.
482
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:30,916
No, it's not okay. Nothing is okay.
483
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,416
I made sweet Alice choose hate.
I let down Sal.
484
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:37,041
People are stabbing each other
over cantaloupes.
485
00:20:37,125 --> 00:20:40,208
And now, all my friends are gonna die.
486
00:20:40,291 --> 00:20:42,125
And it's all my fault.
487
00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:46,250
But it's not over yet, Rochelle.
You can still make things better.
488
00:20:46,333 --> 00:20:49,250
Just stop! You always say that.
But how can I trust you?
489
00:20:49,333 --> 00:20:51,000
Well, what's the alternative, baby?
490
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,375
Despair? Hate?
How's that working out for you?
491
00:20:53,458 --> 00:20:55,750
Terrible. [cries]
492
00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:57,708
I hate being hateful.
493
00:20:57,791 --> 00:21:02,458
You don't have to be.
I know you, and I know you can fix this.
494
00:21:02,541 --> 00:21:06,083
{\an8}-You really believe that, don't you?
-Always have, always will.
495
00:21:06,166 --> 00:21:08,791
-I love you, Ro-Ro.
-I love you too.
496
00:21:08,875 --> 00:21:12,833
I tried real hard not to,
but I can't help it. I do.
497
00:21:12,916 --> 00:21:14,125
-Oh!
-Ooh!
498
00:21:14,208 --> 00:21:16,958
Here she comes! I see arms.
499
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:20,375
-And some wings too.
-I'm back, baby!
500
00:21:20,458 --> 00:21:23,666
[General Malice] Sorry to interrupt
this touching moment, ladies,
501
00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:28,416
but seeing that you're still alive,
I need you to come turn yourself in,
502
00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:30,333
or else the bitch gets it.
503
00:21:30,416 --> 00:21:32,666
-The bitch?
-[Pete] Uh, hi, Rochelle.
504
00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,541
It would seem that I'm the bitch.
505
00:21:34,625 --> 00:21:38,583
Oh, you love your little sex friend, huh?
506
00:21:38,666 --> 00:21:40,875
Prove it! On the rooftop. Ten minutes.
507
00:21:40,958 --> 00:21:42,458
-Oh God.
-Uh-uh!
508
00:21:42,541 --> 00:21:45,750
We're not giving up yet, honey.
You still got Hope…
509
00:21:45,833 --> 00:21:47,458
and tape.
510
00:21:47,541 --> 00:21:50,208
PTH1-bleep-bloop compatible.
511
00:21:50,291 --> 00:21:52,666
Let's go, kid. Time to kill the wizard.
512
00:21:52,750 --> 00:21:55,416
O-Okay. Okay. [sighs] Ready, Lionel?
513
00:21:55,500 --> 00:21:59,166
It's been a great shame knowing you,
young Montel.
514
00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:00,500
-Aww.
-Bye, Lionel.
515
00:22:00,583 --> 00:22:02,583
-See you.
-Uh, safe travels?
516
00:22:02,666 --> 00:22:05,083
[suspenseful music playing]
517
00:22:06,166 --> 00:22:07,000
-Ew!
-[Lionel] Mm.
518
00:22:07,083 --> 00:22:08,833
-Why?
-Sick fuck.
519
00:22:08,916 --> 00:22:11,458
Ugh, Jesus Christ, what are you doing?
520
00:22:11,541 --> 00:22:14,458
I don't know. What?
I've never been a martyr before.
521
00:22:14,541 --> 00:22:16,416
Just-- Ugh, just stand over there.
522
00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:17,541
All right, all right.
523
00:22:18,750 --> 00:22:20,375
-[cocks gun]
-Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
524
00:22:20,458 --> 00:22:23,041
I'd really like to be done with this.
525
00:22:23,125 --> 00:22:26,458
I know. I just need to say something
before he fucking croaks.
526
00:22:26,541 --> 00:22:29,541
-Okay, Lionel, the threesome happened.
-Maury!
527
00:22:29,625 --> 00:22:33,416
-And it was the best sex of my life.
-Okay, yeah. I liked it too.
528
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:36,000
Oh-ho-ho, you guys!
529
00:22:36,083 --> 00:22:38,208
And even the gun thing
was pretty hot to me.
530
00:22:38,291 --> 00:22:40,666
So that's it. Go die now or whatever.
531
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:43,000
All right, I'm ready for my murder.
532
00:22:43,083 --> 00:22:44,291
[Gil] Not so fast!
533
00:22:44,375 --> 00:22:46,666
-[heroic music playing]
-[grunting]
534
00:22:46,750 --> 00:22:48,416
[both] Bruce!
535
00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:51,166
-Drop the weapon.
-Yeah, sure, whatever. I'm just a temp.
536
00:22:51,250 --> 00:22:52,500
Freeze right there!
537
00:22:52,583 --> 00:22:54,291
-[squeaks]
-[grunts]
538
00:22:54,375 --> 00:22:56,291
-[music sting]
-[cocking guns]
539
00:22:56,375 --> 00:23:01,166
Looks like y'all are outgunned,
so you might wanna outrun.
540
00:23:01,250 --> 00:23:02,375
-[groans]
-[cheering]
541
00:23:02,458 --> 00:23:03,791
[chanting] Bruce! Bruce! Bruce!
542
00:23:03,875 --> 00:23:05,750
I'm alive!
543
00:23:05,833 --> 00:23:08,750
[in sing-song] And you want to kiss me.
544
00:23:08,833 --> 00:23:13,000
You were only supposed to know that
if you were dead. [grunts]
545
00:23:13,083 --> 00:23:15,833
-Well, we got all the bad guys.
-Yeah, we did.
546
00:23:15,916 --> 00:23:19,916
We definitely saved the day.
The episode ends here.
547
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,750
You wanna suck on the pistola
while we wait?
548
00:23:25,833 --> 00:23:27,291
Ew! No.
549
00:23:27,375 --> 00:23:29,416
What psycho would do that with a gun?
550
00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:31,041
General Malice, behind you!
551
00:23:31,125 --> 00:23:32,291
[gasps]
552
00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:39,333
I've missed these wings.
They really are very handy.
553
00:23:39,416 --> 00:23:42,250
Ah, you could have been
a great worm, Hillhurst,
554
00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:44,916
but now, just a dead bug.
555
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,916
Bring it on, you hateful motherfucker.
556
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,708
[cocking guns]
557
00:23:48,791 --> 00:23:50,375
Oh, damn. Well brought.
558
00:23:50,458 --> 00:23:51,791
[General Malice] Drop the weapon.
559
00:23:52,291 --> 00:23:53,500
Rochelle, don't.
560
00:23:53,583 --> 00:23:55,750
You got me, Malice. Now let Pete go.
561
00:23:55,833 --> 00:23:56,916
Uh-uh-uh!
562
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,875
Where is your busty friend?
563
00:23:58,958 --> 00:24:01,458
Right here. Just don't hurt him.
564
00:24:01,541 --> 00:24:04,458
Oh, oh, oh. "Don't hurt him."
Bo-bo-bo.
565
00:24:04,541 --> 00:24:06,541
Weepy, weepy, weepy. Finish them!
566
00:24:07,166 --> 00:24:08,583
-[grunting]
-No!
567
00:24:08,666 --> 00:24:10,791
{\an8}-Oh, shit.
-We're too late!
568
00:24:10,875 --> 00:24:13,166
Wait. Where is your titty?
569
00:24:13,250 --> 00:24:16,291
Oh, you mean this? [grunts]
570
00:24:17,250 --> 00:24:18,333
[both] Titty bomb!
571
00:24:18,416 --> 00:24:20,083
[screaming]
572
00:24:22,875 --> 00:24:23,875
Pete!
573
00:24:25,791 --> 00:24:26,833
[straining]
574
00:24:26,916 --> 00:24:29,000
-Jesus, he's heavy.
-[General Malice] I can't hold on.
575
00:24:29,083 --> 00:24:30,875
The pants! Lose the pants.
576
00:24:30,958 --> 00:24:32,500
Ah, no! Not the pants.
577
00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:36,375
So, as I do this, I should clarify,
578
00:24:36,458 --> 00:24:39,125
I do love you, Pete,
but just platonically.
579
00:24:39,208 --> 00:24:41,166
Yeah, great.
Just take off my fucking pants!
580
00:24:41,250 --> 00:24:42,250
[General Malice screams]
581
00:24:42,333 --> 00:24:45,500
[screaming in slow-motion]
582
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,416
-Hell yeah!
-We did it!
583
00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:52,625
Bye, Malice.
584
00:24:52,708 --> 00:24:55,208
I love you guys. I'm so sorry.
585
00:24:55,291 --> 00:24:58,416
-We love you too.
-We're just glad you're back.
586
00:24:58,500 --> 00:25:00,333
You look much better as a bug.
587
00:25:00,416 --> 00:25:03,041
-I'm glad you're back too.
-Thanks, Petey-Pete.
588
00:25:03,125 --> 00:25:05,291
Platonic? Girl, you fucking up.
589
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,833
Hey, Alice, what you doing?
590
00:25:08,916 --> 00:25:11,083
Nothing. Nothing's worth doing.
591
00:25:11,166 --> 00:25:14,083
Yeah, I know I told you that,
but I was wrong.
592
00:25:14,166 --> 00:25:16,416
Whoa, Rochelle, you're--
593
00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:18,333
A big, beautiful bug again.
594
00:25:18,416 --> 00:25:22,041
And I'm sorry I made you so hateful.
That's not who you are.
595
00:25:22,125 --> 00:25:24,708
You are a bad bitch who helps people.
596
00:25:24,791 --> 00:25:28,041
No, you were right. The world is shit.
597
00:25:28,125 --> 00:25:29,541
Everything is hopeless.
598
00:25:29,625 --> 00:25:31,958
Yeah, about that.
599
00:25:32,041 --> 00:25:34,750
I know how scary it is
when Hope disappears.
600
00:25:34,833 --> 00:25:36,083
It's fucking awful.
601
00:25:36,166 --> 00:25:37,750
But hate can't protect you.
602
00:25:37,833 --> 00:25:41,208
It just makes you angrier and angrier
until you finally just wanna--
603
00:25:41,291 --> 00:25:44,000
-Give up.
-Yeah, but don't you fucking dare, okay?
604
00:25:44,083 --> 00:25:47,291
Because Alice Wong
has too damn much to do,
605
00:25:47,375 --> 00:25:48,958
and too much love to give.
606
00:25:49,041 --> 00:25:50,583
You're right.
607
00:25:50,666 --> 00:25:53,500
-I am a bad bitch.
-Hell yeah!
608
00:25:53,583 --> 00:25:56,041
I'm gonna take care of myself
and my community.
609
00:25:56,125 --> 00:25:57,708
Now, that's my girl.
610
00:25:57,791 --> 00:26:00,416
This shitty world
is lucky to have you, Alice,
611
00:26:00,500 --> 00:26:02,416
and I'm damn proud to be your Lovebug.
612
00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:03,666
[upbeat music playing]
613
00:26:03,750 --> 00:26:07,750
♪ Well, there's an ounce of good
In every crazy human condition ♪
614
00:26:07,833 --> 00:26:08,791
{\an8}[Daphne cries]
615
00:26:08,875 --> 00:26:12,250
♪ Even grief will have your back
When push comes to shove ♪
616
00:26:13,750 --> 00:26:18,041
♪ And though I know them all quite well
I must make a confession ♪
617
00:26:18,708 --> 00:26:22,833
♪ If I had to pick just one
Baby, I'd choose love ♪
618
00:26:23,750 --> 00:26:27,416
♪ Well, it makes no sense
When analyzed on paper ♪
619
00:26:27,500 --> 00:26:28,541
[screams]
620
00:26:28,625 --> 00:26:32,583
♪ And it's a wild and dangerous
Clusterfuck of stress ♪
621
00:26:32,666 --> 00:26:33,791
{\an8}[screams]
622
00:26:33,875 --> 00:26:38,708
♪ It gives you stupid rosy glasses
When you could be kickin' asses {\an8}♪
623
00:26:38,791 --> 00:26:42,750
♪ But without love
Life's one big pointless mess ♪
624
00:26:43,541 --> 00:26:45,541
♪ I choose love, yes, love ♪
625
00:26:45,625 --> 00:26:48,541
♪ It puts the passion in your boning ♪
626
00:26:48,625 --> 00:26:50,666
♪ Give me love, sweet love ♪
627
00:26:50,750 --> 00:26:53,458
♪ And it will supercharge your chub ♪
628
00:26:53,541 --> 00:26:58,666
♪ I've known joy and laughter
I've known rage and pain ♪
629
00:26:58,750 --> 00:27:02,958
♪ I've made up my mind
Baby, I choose love ♪
630
00:27:03,041 --> 00:27:05,708
♪ Ooh, give me that love ♪
631
00:27:05,791 --> 00:27:09,416
♪ Well, it's more yummy
Than a shitfaced 2:00 a.m. burrito ♪
632
00:27:09,500 --> 00:27:10,708
♪ So much better ♪
633
00:27:10,791 --> 00:27:14,375
♪ Oh, it's more powerful
Than a sexy slap in the face ♪
634
00:27:14,458 --> 00:27:16,208
♪ So sweet and strong ♪
635
00:27:16,291 --> 00:27:21,041
♪ It's not half as fun as shame
But kind of awesome, all the same ♪
636
00:27:21,125 --> 00:27:25,125
♪ And I'd sell my soul
For just one tiny taste ♪
637
00:27:25,625 --> 00:27:26,458
[groans]
638
00:27:26,541 --> 00:27:28,083
♪ I choose love, sweet love ♪
639
00:27:28,166 --> 00:27:30,958
♪ Yes, it's the magic
It's the power ♪
640
00:27:31,041 --> 00:27:34,291
♪ No more anger, no more hate
I've had enough ♪
641
00:27:34,375 --> 00:27:36,041
♪ We've all had enough ♪
642
00:27:36,125 --> 00:27:38,541
♪ No excuse and no disclaimer ♪
643
00:27:38,625 --> 00:27:41,125
♪ It's a fucking no-brainer ♪
644
00:27:41,208 --> 00:27:45,166
♪ I've made up my mind
Baby, I choose love ♪
645
00:27:46,375 --> 00:27:48,166
♪ I've made my choice ♪
646
00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:50,958
-♪ Baby, I choose love ♪
-♪ Sweet love ♪
647
00:27:51,041 --> 00:27:53,083
-♪ Oh, baby, choose love ♪
-♪ Sweet love ♪
648
00:27:53,166 --> 00:27:55,500
-♪ All you need is love ♪
-♪ Sweet love ♪
649
00:27:55,583 --> 00:28:02,583
♪ Oh, baby, choose love ♪
650
00:28:04,041 --> 00:28:06,833
[triumphant music playing]