1 00:00:07,791 --> 00:00:10,916 [man] ♪ O come, all ye buttful… ♪ 2 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,916 [Maury] Merry Anal Day. 3 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,625 -And a Merry Anal Day to you, Mazola. -Grazie. 4 00:00:15,708 --> 00:00:19,833 -And may the Lord bless your asshole. -And the assholes of all your family. 5 00:00:19,916 --> 00:00:21,750 Ugh, this holiday is gross. 6 00:00:21,833 --> 00:00:25,958 Hey, Anal Day is when Hormone Monsters celebrate the gifts of love, sharing, 7 00:00:26,041 --> 00:00:28,375 and loving to share butt stuff. 8 00:00:28,458 --> 00:00:31,375 Uh-oh! Caught beneath the cameltoe. 9 00:00:31,458 --> 00:00:32,916 -Watch out. [laughs] -[glass shatters] 10 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,625 [blabbering] 11 00:00:34,708 --> 00:00:38,208 Ugh, I fucking hate jubilation. Why did I let you drag me here? 12 00:00:38,291 --> 00:00:42,833 I thought it would be fun for you to see the old gang, have some schmeg-nog, 13 00:00:42,916 --> 00:00:45,375 get away from all the Hitlers for a minute. 14 00:00:45,458 --> 00:00:46,916 Emmy, Merry Anal Day. 15 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,625 Oh, and Rochelle. [clears throat] 16 00:00:48,708 --> 00:00:50,125 You're, uh, looking well. 17 00:00:50,208 --> 00:00:51,916 Whatever. I'm just here for the schmeg-nog. 18 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,083 Petey-Pete, I got you something. 19 00:00:54,166 --> 00:00:55,541 Oh, you really didn't have to. 20 00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:57,583 [gasps] Label maker tape. 21 00:00:57,666 --> 00:01:00,666 And it's PTH107B compatible! 22 00:01:00,750 --> 00:01:02,208 -You like it? -It's perfect. 23 00:01:02,291 --> 00:01:06,333 "PT-blooh-bleeh-bleeh compatible." I can't believe I fucked such a dork. 24 00:01:06,416 --> 00:01:08,458 I don't find that hurtful at all. [forced laugh] 25 00:01:08,541 --> 00:01:11,541 Jesus, Rochelle. It's a party. [chuckles] 26 00:01:11,625 --> 00:01:14,333 Can you dial back the Hate Worm just a little bit? 27 00:01:14,416 --> 00:01:16,625 Nope. I can't, I won't, and I don't want to. 28 00:01:16,708 --> 00:01:17,583 -Oh my God. -What? 29 00:01:17,666 --> 00:01:22,458 Whatever you do, Rochelle, do not turn around, unless you wanna see-- 30 00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:24,416 -[dramatic music plays] -[Rochelle] Dante? 31 00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:25,750 Oh God, she turned around. 32 00:01:25,833 --> 00:01:27,416 -Dante? -That's right, everybody. 33 00:01:27,500 --> 00:01:29,166 Your favorite scoundrel is back. 34 00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:30,250 Son of a bitch. 35 00:01:30,333 --> 00:01:32,791 Oh, shit. Drama! 36 00:01:32,875 --> 00:01:34,875 {\an8}Dante better hold on to his two dicks 37 00:01:34,958 --> 00:01:36,958 {\an8}because Rochelle's gonna rip another one off. 38 00:01:37,041 --> 00:01:38,416 I'd like to introduce everyone 39 00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:41,416 to the gorgeous souvenir I picked up in South America. 40 00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:46,250 Here she is, the llama of my life, my fiancée, Daphne. 41 00:01:46,333 --> 00:01:47,250 Daphne, hi. 42 00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:49,916 Who let this asshole into the anus party? 43 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,833 Rochelle, I-I see you're angry, 44 00:01:51,916 --> 00:01:54,583 and you have every right to be, after what he did. 45 00:01:54,666 --> 00:01:56,625 Damn right! I-- Hold up. He? 46 00:01:56,708 --> 00:01:58,416 -The old Dante. -[sighs] 47 00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:04,125 I would love to apologize for what he did, but I don't even know that jerk anymore. 48 00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:06,375 Yeah, Dante changed, from travel. 49 00:02:06,458 --> 00:02:07,500 -Daphne, hi. -Ugh! 50 00:02:07,583 --> 00:02:10,041 Anyway, I'm in a really good place right now… 51 00:02:10,125 --> 00:02:11,125 [seething] 52 00:02:11,208 --> 00:02:13,750 …and I'm ready for us to be friends. 53 00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,250 -Friends?! Ah! -[dramatic sting] 54 00:02:15,333 --> 00:02:16,958 [Maury] Oh no! The ass tree. 55 00:02:17,041 --> 00:02:19,916 Rot in absolute shit, Dante. And you… 56 00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,666 -Daphne. -Yes, Daphne. 57 00:02:21,750 --> 00:02:22,583 -Hi. -Hi. 58 00:02:22,666 --> 00:02:25,291 You are a pathetic fuck-donkey! 59 00:02:25,375 --> 00:02:26,250 -Rochelle! -[all gasp] 60 00:02:26,333 --> 00:02:30,375 I can't wait for this marriage to blow up in your stupid mule face! 61 00:02:30,458 --> 00:02:31,291 -What? -Jesus! 62 00:02:31,375 --> 00:02:32,875 What the fuck did she ever do to you? 63 00:02:32,958 --> 00:02:35,083 -Shh, shh. Come here, baby. -She is an innocent llama. 64 00:02:35,166 --> 00:02:36,375 -[sobbing] -Fuck that, Walter. 65 00:02:36,458 --> 00:02:39,291 Nobody's innocent, okay? Everybody's a shithead. 66 00:02:39,375 --> 00:02:41,833 She's a shithead. You're a shithead. Pete's a fucking dork. 67 00:02:41,916 --> 00:02:42,916 -Okay. -You know what? 68 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:44,708 I should've never invited you. 69 00:02:44,791 --> 00:02:46,125 No shit, shithead. 70 00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:49,958 Rochelle, enough! Girl, you're ruining this party. 71 00:02:50,041 --> 00:02:52,500 Oh, good. All my fucking favorites are here. 72 00:02:52,583 --> 00:02:54,791 No one else is gonna say this to your face, 73 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:59,125 but your little "I hate the world" routine is gettin' real old. 74 00:02:59,208 --> 00:03:02,250 Haven't I been clear that I don't give a shit what you think? 75 00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:03,625 I don't fucking need you. 76 00:03:03,708 --> 00:03:07,333 I don't need any of you. Now get your tacky tits out of my way. 77 00:03:07,416 --> 00:03:10,500 Uh-oh, caught beneath the cameltoe! 78 00:03:10,583 --> 00:03:12,833 That means our buttholes have to kiss. 79 00:03:12,916 --> 00:03:14,000 Oh, honey. 80 00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:14,916 Yes? 81 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:15,875 Never. 82 00:03:15,958 --> 00:03:17,500 ♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪ 83 00:03:17,583 --> 00:03:19,875 ♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪ 84 00:03:19,958 --> 00:03:23,333 -♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪ -♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪ 85 00:03:23,416 --> 00:03:26,083 {\an8}♪ A-ha So good, so good, so fuckin' real ♪ 86 00:03:26,166 --> 00:03:28,208 {\an8}-♪ So good, so good, so fuckin' real ♪ -♪ A-ha ♪ 87 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,083 {\an8}♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪ 88 00:03:30,166 --> 00:03:32,250 {\an8}♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪ 89 00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:37,416 {\an8}♪ It's like I'm powerful With a little bit of tender ♪ 90 00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:41,583 {\an8}♪ An emotional, sexual bender ♪ 91 00:03:41,666 --> 00:03:45,958 ♪ Mess me up, yeah But no one does it better ♪ 92 00:03:46,041 --> 00:03:48,041 ♪ There's nothing better ♪ 93 00:03:48,125 --> 00:03:50,291 ♪ That's just the way you make me feel ♪ 94 00:03:51,291 --> 00:03:55,041 [scoffs] Then Dante says, and I do quote this cunt… 95 00:03:55,125 --> 00:03:56,833 [mocking] "I'm ready for us to be friends." 96 00:03:56,916 --> 00:03:58,416 -Nein! {\an8}-I know. 97 00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:00,833 {\an8}And after all of that, who goes and takes his side? 98 00:04:00,916 --> 00:04:01,750 {\an8}-Hope. -[all] Boo! 99 00:04:01,833 --> 00:04:05,291 {\an8}She's all, "Hate's so yucky. Everybody love everybody." 100 00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:06,208 [clamoring] 101 00:04:06,291 --> 00:04:07,916 Hope is delusional. 102 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,916 [mocking] "Everything is fun and nice. Let's dance to my big chest." 103 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,125 Idiota. This world is not fun, not nice. 104 00:04:15,208 --> 00:04:17,791 No, it's ugly, so act accordingly, bitch. 105 00:04:17,875 --> 00:04:19,750 Yes, smart girl. 106 00:04:19,833 --> 00:04:23,666 And at the end of the day, that's what hate is all about. 107 00:04:23,750 --> 00:04:27,166 Ugh, I'm just so glad you guys understand how toxic Hope is. 108 00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:30,250 We should wipe her off the face of the planet. 109 00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:34,083 Sorry. I know, that's kind of a go-to for me. 110 00:04:34,166 --> 00:04:37,166 -Hmm, I don't mind that idea. -Yeah, me either. 111 00:04:37,250 --> 00:04:39,291 Humans would be better off without Hope. 112 00:04:39,375 --> 00:04:42,083 -Hell, without everyone except for us. -Yeah! 113 00:04:42,166 --> 00:04:45,875 They keep us down here in the basement, but we should be running this place. 114 00:04:45,958 --> 00:04:47,791 Hmm, interesting. 115 00:04:47,875 --> 00:04:49,791 -[beeping] -Alice time. Gotta go. 116 00:04:49,875 --> 00:04:52,041 Hate strong out there, Hillhurst. 117 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,791 I always do, General Malice. 118 00:04:54,333 --> 00:04:58,125 Hmm… Hillhurst is right. We should be running this place. 119 00:04:58,208 --> 00:05:01,333 Ja. I'm sick of having less than total power. 120 00:05:01,416 --> 00:05:04,125 But what are we gonna do about it, General Malice? 121 00:05:04,208 --> 00:05:07,208 -Oh, I tell you what we're going to do. -[ominous music plays] 122 00:05:07,291 --> 00:05:12,166 We're going to crash a little Anal Day party. 123 00:05:12,250 --> 00:05:15,291 -[hate creature] Let's go! -[evil laughter] 124 00:05:16,291 --> 00:05:18,708 -[giggles, slurps] -Oh, sweetheart, you're gonna love it. 125 00:05:18,791 --> 00:05:20,458 It's sweet. You… Mm-mm! 126 00:05:20,541 --> 00:05:22,416 -Sorry, pardon-- -Oh! Uh… Uh… Oh. 127 00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:24,250 -Hello. -Um, uh, hi. 128 00:05:24,333 --> 00:05:26,541 So, what's-- What's new with you, Pete? 129 00:05:26,625 --> 00:05:28,625 Um, well, uh, let's see. 130 00:05:28,708 --> 00:05:31,875 I, uh, bumped into your severed dick the other day. 131 00:05:31,958 --> 00:05:34,458 Shh! Not in front of Daphne. Shh! Jesus! 132 00:05:34,541 --> 00:05:37,666 She doesn't know I used to have three. To her, two is a lot. 133 00:05:37,750 --> 00:05:42,166 Okay. Ending this conversation could be fun, I feel, so goodbye. 134 00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:45,208 No, no, no, wait. You said you saw my favorite dick? 135 00:05:45,291 --> 00:05:46,208 [scoffs] 136 00:05:46,291 --> 00:05:50,000 It's barely a story. He's just, like, undead now or whatever. 137 00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:53,250 Just like a zombified penis who I battled to become his equal or something. 138 00:05:53,333 --> 00:05:55,458 But I'm boring you. Let's both mingle, shall we? 139 00:05:55,541 --> 00:05:58,291 Oh my God, my favorite donger is alive. 140 00:05:58,375 --> 00:05:59,583 It's… [gasps] 141 00:05:59,666 --> 00:06:01,916 it's an Anal Day miracle. 142 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,000 [grunts] 143 00:06:03,083 --> 00:06:05,041 Come on, honey. Loosen up in there. 144 00:06:05,125 --> 00:06:06,208 Oh, Montel! 145 00:06:06,291 --> 00:06:08,708 Aren't you gonna help Mommy stuff goodies into my ass 146 00:06:08,791 --> 00:06:10,916 for me to crap out at the stroke of midnight? 147 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,708 I'm sorry, I-I just-- I can't with Anal Day. 148 00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:15,708 Yes, I quite agree. 149 00:06:15,791 --> 00:06:19,250 Oh, do you? Do you "quite"? You crumpet fuck. 150 00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:23,250 I do, my recent sexual conquests. 151 00:06:23,333 --> 00:06:24,416 -[both] Uck! -Get off me. 152 00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:26,166 I disavow that threesome. 153 00:06:26,250 --> 00:06:28,333 Even if I do find you fucking scrumptious. 154 00:06:28,416 --> 00:06:29,791 -What? -Scrumptious, you say? 155 00:06:29,875 --> 00:06:33,041 What? No, nothing. Is the ass tree on fire again? I'm gonna go check. 156 00:06:33,125 --> 00:06:36,375 So, uh, do you want your own cookie or are we, uh, sharin'? 157 00:06:36,458 --> 00:06:38,750 Sharin'? Sharon! God. Holy shit! 158 00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:42,500 I forgot to buy Sharon an Anal Day gift. I'm such a nancy. 159 00:06:42,583 --> 00:06:44,583 Nancy… [gasps] Nancy! 160 00:06:44,666 --> 00:06:47,958 -Damn it! I forgot to buy one for Nancy. -We're idiots, Joe. 161 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:50,916 And we can't go to a store this late on Anal Eve. 162 00:06:51,000 --> 00:06:52,625 The crowds we'd endure. 163 00:06:52,708 --> 00:06:56,333 You're right. Nancy's a fine wife, but not an "endure something" wife. 164 00:06:56,416 --> 00:07:00,416 {\an8}All right, I need a gift. I need a thing. Where are things? The supply closet! 165 00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:04,416 Great idea. I'll get her a stapler. Maybe a box of binder clips. 166 00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:06,500 If she wants a better gift, she can work. 167 00:07:07,958 --> 00:07:09,583 Hey. Where the hell are you going? 168 00:07:09,666 --> 00:07:12,625 -To talk to Sal's class. -You're going to Sal's class? 169 00:07:12,708 --> 00:07:13,541 Uh-uh! 170 00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:16,416 -Alice, we said-- -Fuck everybody, I know. 171 00:07:16,500 --> 00:07:18,708 But Sal's teacher said he's being bullied. 172 00:07:18,791 --> 00:07:21,750 Who cares? Fuck everybody means fuck everybody. 173 00:07:21,833 --> 00:07:24,291 But this is Sal, the cute motherfucker. 174 00:07:24,375 --> 00:07:25,958 Sure, he's cute. 175 00:07:26,041 --> 00:07:27,875 But you've been helping people your whole life, 176 00:07:27,958 --> 00:07:29,166 and nothing has changed. 177 00:07:29,250 --> 00:07:32,250 Because the world is garbage, and it doesn't give a shit about anybody. 178 00:07:32,333 --> 00:07:35,000 {\an8}Yeah, I guess I do kind of agree with that. 179 00:07:35,083 --> 00:07:39,041 I know you do. So, fuck everyone, including Sal. Right? 180 00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:42,083 -Right. -Alice, I'm gonna need to hear you say it. 181 00:07:42,166 --> 00:07:44,541 -But, uh, he's four. -Alice… 182 00:07:44,625 --> 00:07:46,958 Okay, okay, fine. 183 00:07:47,541 --> 00:07:49,833 -Fuck Sal. -That's my girl. 184 00:07:49,916 --> 00:07:52,416 ♪ We three twinks… ♪ 185 00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:56,416 Smile. And don't forget to breathe through your balls. 186 00:07:58,458 --> 00:07:59,708 Afternoon, General Malice. 187 00:07:59,791 --> 00:08:04,250 Ciao, Peg. My friend and I are going up to the Poopy Day festivities. 188 00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:07,708 -[alarm rings] -I'm sorry, sir, it says here you're-- Oh! 189 00:08:07,791 --> 00:08:10,041 -[General Malice] Dead? Oh, no, no, no. -Ahh! 190 00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:13,791 Turns out Anthony Piñata doesn't need a head to live 191 00:08:13,875 --> 00:08:15,666 or to pop. 192 00:08:16,791 --> 00:08:19,125 So we'll just head in. Get it? 193 00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:21,541 [laughs] Did I stump you? 194 00:08:21,625 --> 00:08:22,583 [both laugh] 195 00:08:22,666 --> 00:08:24,208 I'm having fun. 196 00:08:24,291 --> 00:08:26,750 -Are you having fun, Anthony? -[laughs] 197 00:08:26,833 --> 00:08:27,708 It's go time. 198 00:08:27,791 --> 00:08:30,500 -[ominous music playing] -On your knees. Hate is in charge now. 199 00:08:30,583 --> 00:08:31,791 [gunfire] 200 00:08:32,375 --> 00:08:35,125 -Hands where we can see 'em. -No funny business. 201 00:08:35,208 --> 00:08:38,000 We're doing a Die Hard. You guys know the deal. Scream. 202 00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:38,916 Ah! 203 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,083 -Up to the bullpen. Go! -[screaming] 204 00:08:42,041 --> 00:08:43,958 No, not the sack! 205 00:08:45,166 --> 00:08:46,625 [screaming] 206 00:08:46,708 --> 00:08:47,708 [yelps] 207 00:08:47,791 --> 00:08:49,625 [tense music playing] 208 00:08:49,708 --> 00:08:54,125 Ugh, uh, my phone is in my breast pocket, you brute. I have no weapons. 209 00:08:54,208 --> 00:08:57,500 That's just label maker tape. My label maker needs it. 210 00:08:57,583 --> 00:09:00,041 How dare you, on this sacred day? 211 00:09:00,125 --> 00:09:03,500 This? This is an affront to all Judeo-Rectal faiths. 212 00:09:03,583 --> 00:09:08,083 Silence! I will kill you all if I hear one more complaining or belly-ouching. 213 00:09:08,166 --> 00:09:11,166 -What do you Haters even want from us? -[chanting] Hate! Hate! Hate! 214 00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:14,291 New Jersey's about to become Hater Nation. 215 00:09:14,375 --> 00:09:17,250 Of course. They wanna keep us away from humans. 216 00:09:17,333 --> 00:09:20,083 That's right. No love, no logic. 217 00:09:20,166 --> 00:09:22,208 Just pure hate on Earth. 218 00:09:22,291 --> 00:09:24,458 -[cheering] -[gunfire] 219 00:09:24,541 --> 00:09:27,375 The bad guys, Joe. They have no idea we're in here. 220 00:09:27,458 --> 00:09:30,583 I guess they just forgot to check the supply closet. 221 00:09:30,666 --> 00:09:34,458 You know what this means, don't you, Joe? We're the Bruce Willises. 222 00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:36,250 The-the-the Bruce Willi. 223 00:09:36,333 --> 00:09:39,583 Of course. The writers let us escape the takeover-- 224 00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,958 So that we could save the day. 225 00:09:42,041 --> 00:09:44,583 Action heroes! Wow! 226 00:09:44,666 --> 00:09:48,125 Okay. We just, uh, hop up into the air vent, yeah? 227 00:09:48,208 --> 00:09:50,291 Yeah, that's what we do, and crawl around. 228 00:09:50,375 --> 00:09:51,750 Now, hoist my caboose, 229 00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:54,291 and don't be afraid to get your thumb involved. 230 00:09:54,375 --> 00:09:56,666 'Tis the season. [chuckles] Okay, come on here. 231 00:09:56,750 --> 00:09:58,708 You struck brown. [grunts] 232 00:09:59,708 --> 00:10:01,083 -[gasps] -Rochelle! 233 00:10:01,166 --> 00:10:02,333 -Holy shit. -Welcome back. 234 00:10:02,416 --> 00:10:05,500 -Is that Peg? -Ja, well, that's the bottom part of Peg. 235 00:10:05,583 --> 00:10:07,458 We did it, Fräulein. 236 00:10:07,541 --> 00:10:08,833 Did what? 237 00:10:09,625 --> 00:10:11,916 Oh God. What the fuck? 238 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:15,541 Can you believe it, Hillhurst? We run this place now. 239 00:10:15,625 --> 00:10:17,833 Thank God. Rochelle, help us! 240 00:10:17,916 --> 00:10:20,000 [laughs] Why would she help you? 241 00:10:20,083 --> 00:10:23,125 This was all her delicious, despicable idea. 242 00:10:23,208 --> 00:10:24,791 -What? No! -Rochelle! 243 00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:27,541 Usually, I am all for office drama, 244 00:10:27,625 --> 00:10:30,291 but, girl, this is terrorism. 245 00:10:30,375 --> 00:10:32,583 -You actually did it. -We did it. 246 00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:35,583 Humans are finally getting the hate they deserve. 247 00:10:35,666 --> 00:10:36,750 [man] What the fuck… 248 00:10:36,833 --> 00:10:40,750 [General Malice] Glorious, isn't it? They're fighting over the dumbest shit. 249 00:10:40,833 --> 00:10:43,541 Look how many stupid cantaloupe there are, 250 00:10:43,625 --> 00:10:46,375 and they still knife each other. [laughs] 251 00:10:46,458 --> 00:10:48,208 [Rochelle] Oh, shit. Sal. 252 00:10:48,291 --> 00:10:51,666 -Fuck Sal. It is exactly what you wanted. -I guess it is. 253 00:10:51,750 --> 00:10:55,541 And HR Tri-State is only Phase One. 254 00:10:55,625 --> 00:10:58,250 Let me guess, Phase Two is the world? 255 00:10:58,333 --> 00:11:02,458 Yes. You see, you know me. You know I don't like a lot of phases. 256 00:11:02,541 --> 00:11:06,416 [gasps] Oh, I almost forgot. I got you a present for tushy Christmas. 257 00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:07,750 Let's move, toots. 258 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:10,291 -Get your hands off of me! -Hope? 259 00:11:10,375 --> 00:11:14,500 Once we get rid of Hope, hate will be unstoppable. 260 00:11:14,583 --> 00:11:17,208 I thought you should do the gun violence. 261 00:11:17,291 --> 00:11:20,833 -Me? -Of course. You hate her most of all. 262 00:11:20,916 --> 00:11:24,916 -That's true. -Arrivederci her ass for good. 263 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,916 Yeah, she deserves it. 264 00:11:27,625 --> 00:11:29,166 Honey, you don't wanna do this. 265 00:11:29,250 --> 00:11:31,458 Shut up, Hope. Of course she does. 266 00:11:31,541 --> 00:11:32,750 Hillhurst, now. 267 00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:33,916 [inhales] 268 00:11:34,541 --> 00:11:36,166 Rochelle, no! 269 00:11:36,250 --> 00:11:37,875 What is she gonna do? 270 00:11:37,958 --> 00:11:40,833 {\an8}-[breathing heavily] -Rochelle, this is not who you are. 271 00:11:40,916 --> 00:11:42,375 Shut up. 272 00:11:43,250 --> 00:11:46,291 -What are you doing? You fucking snake! -Run! 273 00:11:46,375 --> 00:11:47,750 [yelping] 274 00:11:47,833 --> 00:11:50,166 -Get them! -Not so fast! 275 00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:52,541 -[gasps, grunts] -[Hate Creature] Just shoot everywhere! 276 00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:54,958 Oh, shit. My shoulder! 277 00:11:58,958 --> 00:12:01,708 I just did a slow-motion shoot and dive. 278 00:12:01,791 --> 00:12:04,000 Oh, man. Am I the Bruce Willis? 279 00:12:04,083 --> 00:12:07,083 Find the snake. Find them both. 280 00:12:07,166 --> 00:12:09,083 Holy shit, she saved Hope. 281 00:12:09,166 --> 00:12:11,583 I knew the old Rochelle was still in there. 282 00:12:11,666 --> 00:12:13,208 Hey, Pete, isn't that… 283 00:12:13,291 --> 00:12:14,208 -[gurgling] -[gasps] 284 00:12:14,291 --> 00:12:15,833 -[Pete] My friend! -[gasps] My dick! 285 00:12:15,916 --> 00:12:16,750 [gurgles] 286 00:12:16,833 --> 00:12:19,208 -Sorry, that's, um, your-- -Not now, Daph. 287 00:12:19,291 --> 00:12:21,666 Hey, buddy. You wanna come and untie your daddy? 288 00:12:21,750 --> 00:12:22,583 [gurgles] 289 00:12:22,666 --> 00:12:25,041 Hey, wh-wh-wh-where you going, guy? 290 00:12:25,125 --> 00:12:26,500 No, no, come here. Come to Papa. 291 00:12:26,583 --> 00:12:29,083 -[questioning gurgle] -It's okay. Go to who you love most. 292 00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:30,916 Yes, the one you love the most. 293 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,958 [coos, gurgles] 294 00:12:33,041 --> 00:12:35,583 -What? -Me? Really? 295 00:12:35,666 --> 00:12:37,916 -Oh, this is sweet. -[chewing] 296 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,833 Oh, this is bullshit. 297 00:12:39,916 --> 00:12:44,041 Um, excuse me, guards? This, uh, this is bullshit. Um… 298 00:12:44,125 --> 00:12:46,416 -Look. The Rock's trying to escape. -What the fuck, Dante? 299 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:49,583 {\an8}-Shut your traitorous Linda Tripp trap. -You there! 300 00:12:49,666 --> 00:12:50,833 -Don't hurt him! -Freeze! 301 00:12:50,916 --> 00:12:52,708 -[gunfire] -[screams] 302 00:12:52,791 --> 00:12:54,583 Maybe I'm the Bruce Willis! 303 00:12:54,666 --> 00:12:56,750 Oh, a tattletale, I see. 304 00:12:56,833 --> 00:13:00,291 So, what? Are you on my side, Mr. Snitch? 305 00:13:00,375 --> 00:13:02,875 On your… your… your side. Yes. 306 00:13:02,958 --> 00:13:06,083 Yes, I think you and I could do great things together, General. 307 00:13:06,166 --> 00:13:10,583 Just set me free, hand me a gun, and… [chuckles] …I'm yours, baby. 308 00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:14,250 Wow, you do seem like a hateful piece of shit. 309 00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:16,250 Just not the kind I like. 310 00:13:16,333 --> 00:13:18,666 Anthony, I don't like this one. 311 00:13:19,458 --> 00:13:20,916 [groans] 312 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,375 Look, that puffy thing's hugging Dante. 313 00:13:23,458 --> 00:13:26,958 {\an8}Or giving him a chiropractic adjustment? 314 00:13:27,041 --> 00:13:30,416 {\an8}Hey, that's too hard. That's a bad chiropractor. 315 00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:32,416 [screaming] 316 00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:33,916 Oh God! 317 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,833 They've killed off fucking Hugh Jackman! 318 00:13:36,916 --> 00:13:39,083 {\an8}If he can die, any of us could. 319 00:13:39,166 --> 00:13:41,708 {\an8}Now, look, I know you guys don't like Lionel, 320 00:13:41,791 --> 00:13:44,125 {\an8}and there's some weird sexual baggage-- 321 00:13:44,208 --> 00:13:46,166 {\an8}-There's no baggage. -So much baggage. 322 00:13:46,250 --> 00:13:49,375 {\an8}Regardless, we've gotta work together if we're gonna get out of here. 323 00:13:49,458 --> 00:13:52,041 {\an8}-Agreed. -Aww! That's the Anal Day spirit! 324 00:13:52,125 --> 00:13:55,666 {\an8}Wait, guys, I have so much stuff stuck up my ass right now. 325 00:13:55,750 --> 00:13:58,750 {\an8}There's gotta be something we can use as a weapon. [grunts] 326 00:13:58,833 --> 00:14:00,791 Oh, good. Connie, you're already up there. 327 00:14:00,875 --> 00:14:03,875 -[in sing-song] Uh, that's not Connie. -Oh! 328 00:14:03,958 --> 00:14:06,250 I hate how much I love it. 329 00:14:06,333 --> 00:14:08,041 [whirring] 330 00:14:08,125 --> 00:14:11,625 Fuck, fuck, fuck! I'm so stupid. Why did I shoot at them? 331 00:14:11,708 --> 00:14:15,416 -Because you're a good bug. -I'm not good and I'm not a bug. 332 00:14:16,208 --> 00:14:18,625 -Hey, they're on this floor. -[Hitler 2] Get those doors open. 333 00:14:18,708 --> 00:14:21,958 -[gasps] Oh, shit. -The-the-the hatch! It's the only way. 334 00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:24,750 Fuck, I really am the Bruce Willis. 335 00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:28,541 Ugh, all this duct crawling is so tough on the knees. 336 00:14:28,625 --> 00:14:30,166 I hope we get an action sequence. 337 00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:31,166 -[rumbling] -[screaming] 338 00:14:33,125 --> 00:14:36,291 Holy shit. We killed a henchman! 339 00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,250 Absolute Bruces. 340 00:14:38,333 --> 00:14:40,500 And he has a walkie and a gun. 341 00:14:40,583 --> 00:14:43,708 Oh, yeah. You know what to do, baby. 342 00:14:43,791 --> 00:14:46,458 {\an8}-[dramatic music playing] -[gasps] 343 00:14:46,541 --> 00:14:50,625 "I have a machine gun now. Ho ho ho." 344 00:14:50,708 --> 00:14:52,250 Who the fuck sent this? 345 00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:54,208 And why is the gun still on his lap? 346 00:14:54,291 --> 00:14:56,708 -Wait, where's the gun? -I thought you had it. 347 00:14:56,791 --> 00:14:58,958 -I was busy writing on the shirt! -Shoot. 348 00:14:59,041 --> 00:15:00,250 Well, honest mistake. 349 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:03,083 We're still Bruce, and Bruce is undeterred. 350 00:15:03,166 --> 00:15:04,000 That's right! 351 00:15:04,083 --> 00:15:07,291 And, if I remember the movie correctly, impervious to glass. 352 00:15:07,875 --> 00:15:10,041 -Oh, shit! I'm pervious! -You need my help? 353 00:15:10,125 --> 00:15:11,958 -Okay. All right. -I'm very pervious. 354 00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:15,416 [groans] There should be hedge clippers next to the big bag of M&M's. 355 00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,333 I-I can't reach 'em. I'm tryin'. 356 00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:20,708 {\an8}A little to the left-- [grunts, moans] 357 00:15:20,791 --> 00:15:23,166 -Cool, so you got the hockey stick? -I did. 358 00:15:23,250 --> 00:15:28,583 Now, observe as I use my feminine Noah Wyles to lure a guard. 359 00:15:28,666 --> 00:15:30,416 Oh, guard. 360 00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,041 I have to pee-pee. 361 00:15:32,125 --> 00:15:35,458 Fine, but no period stuff in there or I'll puke. [groans] 362 00:15:35,541 --> 00:15:38,250 -Die, shitworm, die! -Give me that! 363 00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:39,583 -Ow! Shit. -No! 364 00:15:39,666 --> 00:15:43,208 Ooh, Connie is not the Bruce Willis. 365 00:15:43,291 --> 00:15:45,166 -They're gonna get us. -We are going to get them. 366 00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:47,208 -We're so fucked. -They're completely fucked. 367 00:15:47,291 --> 00:15:48,625 No, we're not. 368 00:15:48,708 --> 00:15:51,750 We're gonna get out of here and we're gonna beat those Haters. 369 00:15:51,833 --> 00:15:53,833 Will you stop with the hopeful bullshit? 370 00:15:53,916 --> 00:15:55,208 [straining] 371 00:15:55,291 --> 00:15:57,208 [groans] Come on. 372 00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:01,583 -Oh, shit! They're coming. -Look! We can jump across. 373 00:16:01,666 --> 00:16:03,041 What? No, we can't. 374 00:16:03,125 --> 00:16:06,166 You're shot and bleeding, and I have zero legs. 375 00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:08,958 I'm telling you, we can do it, Rochelle. 376 00:16:09,041 --> 00:16:10,750 How the fuck can you be so sure? 377 00:16:10,833 --> 00:16:14,958 I'm not, but I know that if we don't try, we're gonna die anyway. 378 00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:18,291 Here you go. Some bombs for you guys. 379 00:16:18,375 --> 00:16:19,625 Fuck. Okay. 380 00:16:19,708 --> 00:16:21,083 -We got this. -Maybe. 381 00:16:21,166 --> 00:16:22,250 Come on! 382 00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:23,625 -[explosion] -[screaming] 383 00:16:23,708 --> 00:16:26,750 -[groans] -Hope! Hold on. 384 00:16:26,833 --> 00:16:28,291 -Honey, I can't. -You have to. 385 00:16:28,375 --> 00:16:29,791 I'm slipping. 386 00:16:29,875 --> 00:16:31,625 -Hope! -Rochelle! 387 00:16:31,708 --> 00:16:33,666 [echoing] No! 388 00:16:35,333 --> 00:16:37,666 -[Joe] Hold still, bud. -No, it's gonna hurt. 389 00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,666 No, no, no, it's just a tiny piece of glass. 390 00:16:39,750 --> 00:16:43,083 -I don't like it. I don't like you! -I prom-- It's gonna go-- 391 00:16:43,166 --> 00:16:45,125 -[crunch] -Hey! No biting! 392 00:16:45,208 --> 00:16:46,125 [grunting] 393 00:16:46,208 --> 00:16:47,958 -I got it. -You were right. Didn't hurt. 394 00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,083 Hope's gone. 395 00:16:50,166 --> 00:16:52,541 She's really… really gone. 396 00:16:52,625 --> 00:16:53,708 [bang] 397 00:16:54,625 --> 00:16:56,625 [gasps] Anthony Piñata. 398 00:16:56,708 --> 00:16:57,708 [screams] 399 00:16:57,791 --> 00:16:59,250 [grunting] 400 00:17:00,583 --> 00:17:01,666 [electricity crackling] 401 00:17:02,375 --> 00:17:04,791 -Whoa! Whoa! -[boom] 402 00:17:05,750 --> 00:17:08,375 -[exhales] -[ominous music playing] 403 00:17:08,458 --> 00:17:09,791 [groans] 404 00:17:12,291 --> 00:17:14,625 [whirring] 405 00:17:16,958 --> 00:17:19,875 Well, well, well. Trying to escape, huh? 406 00:17:19,958 --> 00:17:21,416 This displeases me, 407 00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,041 but also excites me 408 00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:25,416 because now we get to do punishment. 409 00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:26,416 You, step forward. 410 00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:27,791 -Oh God! -No! 411 00:17:27,875 --> 00:17:29,833 They're just a child. 412 00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:30,875 -Oh. -Oh, thank goodness. 413 00:17:30,958 --> 00:17:33,583 -Oh. Wait, what? -Nothing to be scared of. 414 00:17:33,666 --> 00:17:36,625 You just have to kill one of your amici. 415 00:17:36,708 --> 00:17:39,166 Or else, you'll all die. 416 00:17:39,250 --> 00:17:40,458 -[cocks gun] -Uh, what? 417 00:17:40,541 --> 00:17:42,791 -Uh, no, please. -Have fun! 418 00:17:42,875 --> 00:17:45,500 I'm gonna grab some popcorn and watch. [laughs] 419 00:17:45,583 --> 00:17:47,916 Oh God, this is so fucked up. 420 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,291 It is, but also… 421 00:17:50,375 --> 00:17:51,916 -I feel safe. -No, of course. 422 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:53,833 [laughing] I'm not gonna shoot you. 423 00:17:53,916 --> 00:17:55,583 Oh, great. Parents are safe. 424 00:17:55,666 --> 00:17:57,541 -Well… -What do you mean, "well"? 425 00:17:57,625 --> 00:17:59,750 I can't just kill my idol, Dad. 426 00:17:59,833 --> 00:18:00,833 -What? -Oh, goody. 427 00:18:00,916 --> 00:18:05,666 Honey, please. You can't shoot the daddy who birthed you from his bung-hole. 428 00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:08,083 {\an8}[wailing] I don't know what to do! 429 00:18:08,166 --> 00:18:12,958 Monty, you listen to your father and murder your mentor right this minute. 430 00:18:13,041 --> 00:18:16,041 Fine, but Lionel deserves a chance to speak. 431 00:18:16,125 --> 00:18:18,541 Lionel, is there anything you'd like to say 432 00:18:18,625 --> 00:18:22,166 about why you should, um, you know, exist? 433 00:18:22,250 --> 00:18:24,791 Uh, me? Oh, uh, why-- Why should I exist? 434 00:18:24,875 --> 00:18:29,666 Well, well, if I perished, my mummy would be so distraught. 435 00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:31,083 Oh, honey, no she wouldn't. 436 00:18:31,166 --> 00:18:34,458 Yeah, no, I know. I guess I'm going to die then? 437 00:18:34,541 --> 00:18:36,958 Allora, what else is on? 438 00:18:37,041 --> 00:18:39,958 [Rochelle] Fuck you, you headless maniac. 439 00:18:40,041 --> 00:18:42,208 -Oh my God. Is that-- -Rochelle? 440 00:18:42,291 --> 00:18:45,875 I give up. There's no Hope. There's no point. 441 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:49,333 Just pop me already, Anthony Piñata. 442 00:18:49,416 --> 00:18:50,666 -[clang] -[breathes heavily] 443 00:18:50,750 --> 00:18:51,875 Whoa! 444 00:18:51,958 --> 00:18:53,875 -Oh God, no! -Oh! 445 00:18:53,958 --> 00:18:55,458 She's getting popped! 446 00:18:55,541 --> 00:18:59,541 Awww, they are so sad. How tasty. 447 00:18:59,625 --> 00:19:02,125 {\an8}Please, tell Anthony Piñata to stop. 448 00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:05,958 Why, because you love her? That's silly. 449 00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:08,208 -She hates all of you. -She doesn't hate us. 450 00:19:08,291 --> 00:19:11,875 Yeah, she's just been really mean to us lately, especially Pete. 451 00:19:11,958 --> 00:19:15,250 But that's only because they boned and it's complicated. 452 00:19:15,333 --> 00:19:16,708 Boned is sex. 453 00:19:16,791 --> 00:19:19,875 -Oh, did they? -She doesn't need all this backstory. 454 00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:23,541 I know Rochelle loves us. She's just in pain. 455 00:19:23,625 --> 00:19:26,541 Oh, yes, she's about to be. 456 00:19:26,625 --> 00:19:27,708 [Rochelle] Come on, Anthony. 457 00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:29,208 Just do it already. 458 00:19:29,291 --> 00:19:31,500 [Hope] Don't you fucking dare give up! 459 00:19:31,583 --> 00:19:32,666 [clang] 460 00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:33,625 Hope! 461 00:19:33,708 --> 00:19:35,208 {\an8}-Yes! -Wait, what's going on? 462 00:19:35,291 --> 00:19:37,416 -I think Rochelle's okay. -No! 463 00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:38,708 But you fell. 464 00:19:38,791 --> 00:19:41,125 [chuckles] Yeah, but I had a little help. 465 00:19:41,208 --> 00:19:42,875 From me, the Zombie Dick! 466 00:19:42,958 --> 00:19:45,333 Rochelle! 467 00:19:46,625 --> 00:19:48,916 -Hey, gorgeous! Over here! -[grunts] 468 00:19:50,250 --> 00:19:51,875 Get hard, baby! 469 00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:54,583 Get harder than you've ever been before! 470 00:19:57,375 --> 00:20:00,458 -That was harder than I've ever been! -Oh, honey, I'm flattered. 471 00:20:00,541 --> 00:20:01,666 Oh, shit. 472 00:20:01,750 --> 00:20:03,333 -Look! -[breathing heavily] 473 00:20:03,416 --> 00:20:05,458 I'll handle this, Sweet Tits! 474 00:20:05,541 --> 00:20:06,666 [whistles] 475 00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:08,625 [gurgling] 476 00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:16,166 [screaming] 477 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,500 This has been a weird Anal Day. 478 00:20:19,583 --> 00:20:20,750 [sobbing] 479 00:20:20,833 --> 00:20:22,916 -Rochelle? -I thought you were dead. 480 00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,666 -What? -I was ready to give up 481 00:20:24,750 --> 00:20:27,416 -and let him pop me. -Honey, it's okay. 482 00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:30,916 No, it's not okay. Nothing is okay. 483 00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,416 I made sweet Alice choose hate. I let down Sal. 484 00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:37,041 People are stabbing each other over cantaloupes. 485 00:20:37,125 --> 00:20:40,208 And now, all my friends are gonna die. 486 00:20:40,291 --> 00:20:42,125 And it's all my fault. 487 00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:46,250 But it's not over yet, Rochelle. You can still make things better. 488 00:20:46,333 --> 00:20:49,250 Just stop! You always say that. But how can I trust you? 489 00:20:49,333 --> 00:20:51,000 Well, what's the alternative, baby? 490 00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,375 Despair? Hate? How's that working out for you? 491 00:20:53,458 --> 00:20:55,750 Terrible. [cries] 492 00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:57,708 I hate being hateful. 493 00:20:57,791 --> 00:21:02,458 You don't have to be. I know you, and I know you can fix this. 494 00:21:02,541 --> 00:21:06,083 {\an8}-You really believe that, don't you? -Always have, always will. 495 00:21:06,166 --> 00:21:08,791 -I love you, Ro-Ro. -I love you too. 496 00:21:08,875 --> 00:21:12,833 I tried real hard not to, but I can't help it. I do. 497 00:21:12,916 --> 00:21:14,125 -Oh! -Ooh! 498 00:21:14,208 --> 00:21:16,958 Here she comes! I see arms. 499 00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:20,375 -And some wings too. -I'm back, baby! 500 00:21:20,458 --> 00:21:23,666 [General Malice] Sorry to interrupt this touching moment, ladies, 501 00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:28,416 but seeing that you're still alive, I need you to come turn yourself in, 502 00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:30,333 or else the bitch gets it. 503 00:21:30,416 --> 00:21:32,666 -The bitch? -[Pete] Uh, hi, Rochelle. 504 00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:34,541 It would seem that I'm the bitch. 505 00:21:34,625 --> 00:21:38,583 Oh, you love your little sex friend, huh? 506 00:21:38,666 --> 00:21:40,875 Prove it! On the rooftop. Ten minutes. 507 00:21:40,958 --> 00:21:42,458 -Oh God. -Uh-uh! 508 00:21:42,541 --> 00:21:45,750 We're not giving up yet, honey. You still got Hope… 509 00:21:45,833 --> 00:21:47,458 and tape. 510 00:21:47,541 --> 00:21:50,208 PTH1-bleep-bloop compatible. 511 00:21:50,291 --> 00:21:52,666 Let's go, kid. Time to kill the wizard. 512 00:21:52,750 --> 00:21:55,416 O-Okay. Okay. [sighs] Ready, Lionel? 513 00:21:55,500 --> 00:21:59,166 It's been a great shame knowing you, young Montel. 514 00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:00,500 -Aww. -Bye, Lionel. 515 00:22:00,583 --> 00:22:02,583 -See you. -Uh, safe travels? 516 00:22:02,666 --> 00:22:05,083 [suspenseful music playing] 517 00:22:06,166 --> 00:22:07,000 -Ew! -[Lionel] Mm. 518 00:22:07,083 --> 00:22:08,833 -Why? -Sick fuck. 519 00:22:08,916 --> 00:22:11,458 Ugh, Jesus Christ, what are you doing? 520 00:22:11,541 --> 00:22:14,458 I don't know. What? I've never been a martyr before. 521 00:22:14,541 --> 00:22:16,416 Just-- Ugh, just stand over there. 522 00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:17,541 All right, all right. 523 00:22:18,750 --> 00:22:20,375 -[cocks gun] -Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 524 00:22:20,458 --> 00:22:23,041 I'd really like to be done with this. 525 00:22:23,125 --> 00:22:26,458 I know. I just need to say something before he fucking croaks. 526 00:22:26,541 --> 00:22:29,541 -Okay, Lionel, the threesome happened. -Maury! 527 00:22:29,625 --> 00:22:33,416 -And it was the best sex of my life. -Okay, yeah. I liked it too. 528 00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:36,000 Oh-ho-ho, you guys! 529 00:22:36,083 --> 00:22:38,208 And even the gun thing was pretty hot to me. 530 00:22:38,291 --> 00:22:40,666 So that's it. Go die now or whatever. 531 00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:43,000 All right, I'm ready for my murder. 532 00:22:43,083 --> 00:22:44,291 [Gil] Not so fast! 533 00:22:44,375 --> 00:22:46,666 -[heroic music playing] -[grunting] 534 00:22:46,750 --> 00:22:48,416 [both] Bruce! 535 00:22:48,500 --> 00:22:51,166 -Drop the weapon. -Yeah, sure, whatever. I'm just a temp. 536 00:22:51,250 --> 00:22:52,500 Freeze right there! 537 00:22:52,583 --> 00:22:54,291 -[squeaks] -[grunts] 538 00:22:54,375 --> 00:22:56,291 -[music sting] -[cocking guns] 539 00:22:56,375 --> 00:23:01,166 Looks like y'all are outgunned, so you might wanna outrun. 540 00:23:01,250 --> 00:23:02,375 -[groans] -[cheering] 541 00:23:02,458 --> 00:23:03,791 [chanting] Bruce! Bruce! Bruce! 542 00:23:03,875 --> 00:23:05,750 I'm alive! 543 00:23:05,833 --> 00:23:08,750 [in sing-song] And you want to kiss me. 544 00:23:08,833 --> 00:23:13,000 You were only supposed to know that if you were dead. [grunts] 545 00:23:13,083 --> 00:23:15,833 -Well, we got all the bad guys. -Yeah, we did. 546 00:23:15,916 --> 00:23:19,916 We definitely saved the day. The episode ends here. 547 00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,750 You wanna suck on the pistola while we wait? 548 00:23:25,833 --> 00:23:27,291 Ew! No. 549 00:23:27,375 --> 00:23:29,416 What psycho would do that with a gun? 550 00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:31,041 General Malice, behind you! 551 00:23:31,125 --> 00:23:32,291 [gasps] 552 00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:39,333 I've missed these wings. They really are very handy. 553 00:23:39,416 --> 00:23:42,250 Ah, you could have been a great worm, Hillhurst, 554 00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:44,916 but now, just a dead bug. 555 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,916 Bring it on, you hateful motherfucker. 556 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,708 [cocking guns] 557 00:23:48,791 --> 00:23:50,375 Oh, damn. Well brought. 558 00:23:50,458 --> 00:23:51,791 [General Malice] Drop the weapon. 559 00:23:52,291 --> 00:23:53,500 Rochelle, don't. 560 00:23:53,583 --> 00:23:55,750 You got me, Malice. Now let Pete go. 561 00:23:55,833 --> 00:23:56,916 Uh-uh-uh! 562 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,875 Where is your busty friend? 563 00:23:58,958 --> 00:24:01,458 Right here. Just don't hurt him. 564 00:24:01,541 --> 00:24:04,458 Oh, oh, oh. "Don't hurt him." Bo-bo-bo. 565 00:24:04,541 --> 00:24:06,541 Weepy, weepy, weepy. Finish them! 566 00:24:07,166 --> 00:24:08,583 -[grunting] -No! 567 00:24:08,666 --> 00:24:10,791 {\an8}-Oh, shit. -We're too late! 568 00:24:10,875 --> 00:24:13,166 Wait. Where is your titty? 569 00:24:13,250 --> 00:24:16,291 Oh, you mean this? [grunts] 570 00:24:17,250 --> 00:24:18,333 [both] Titty bomb! 571 00:24:18,416 --> 00:24:20,083 [screaming] 572 00:24:22,875 --> 00:24:23,875 Pete! 573 00:24:25,791 --> 00:24:26,833 [straining] 574 00:24:26,916 --> 00:24:29,000 -Jesus, he's heavy. -[General Malice] I can't hold on. 575 00:24:29,083 --> 00:24:30,875 The pants! Lose the pants. 576 00:24:30,958 --> 00:24:32,500 Ah, no! Not the pants. 577 00:24:33,625 --> 00:24:36,375 So, as I do this, I should clarify, 578 00:24:36,458 --> 00:24:39,125 I do love you, Pete, but just platonically. 579 00:24:39,208 --> 00:24:41,166 Yeah, great. Just take off my fucking pants! 580 00:24:41,250 --> 00:24:42,250 [General Malice screams] 581 00:24:42,333 --> 00:24:45,500 [screaming in slow-motion] 582 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,416 -Hell yeah! -We did it! 583 00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:52,625 Bye, Malice. 584 00:24:52,708 --> 00:24:55,208 I love you guys. I'm so sorry. 585 00:24:55,291 --> 00:24:58,416 -We love you too. -We're just glad you're back. 586 00:24:58,500 --> 00:25:00,333 You look much better as a bug. 587 00:25:00,416 --> 00:25:03,041 -I'm glad you're back too. -Thanks, Petey-Pete. 588 00:25:03,125 --> 00:25:05,291 Platonic? Girl, you fucking up. 589 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,833 Hey, Alice, what you doing? 590 00:25:08,916 --> 00:25:11,083 Nothing. Nothing's worth doing. 591 00:25:11,166 --> 00:25:14,083 Yeah, I know I told you that, but I was wrong. 592 00:25:14,166 --> 00:25:16,416 Whoa, Rochelle, you're-- 593 00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:18,333 A big, beautiful bug again. 594 00:25:18,416 --> 00:25:22,041 And I'm sorry I made you so hateful. That's not who you are. 595 00:25:22,125 --> 00:25:24,708 You are a bad bitch who helps people. 596 00:25:24,791 --> 00:25:28,041 No, you were right. The world is shit. 597 00:25:28,125 --> 00:25:29,541 Everything is hopeless. 598 00:25:29,625 --> 00:25:31,958 Yeah, about that. 599 00:25:32,041 --> 00:25:34,750 I know how scary it is when Hope disappears. 600 00:25:34,833 --> 00:25:36,083 It's fucking awful. 601 00:25:36,166 --> 00:25:37,750 But hate can't protect you. 602 00:25:37,833 --> 00:25:41,208 It just makes you angrier and angrier until you finally just wanna-- 603 00:25:41,291 --> 00:25:44,000 -Give up. -Yeah, but don't you fucking dare, okay? 604 00:25:44,083 --> 00:25:47,291 Because Alice Wong has too damn much to do, 605 00:25:47,375 --> 00:25:48,958 and too much love to give. 606 00:25:49,041 --> 00:25:50,583 You're right. 607 00:25:50,666 --> 00:25:53,500 -I am a bad bitch. -Hell yeah! 608 00:25:53,583 --> 00:25:56,041 I'm gonna take care of myself and my community. 609 00:25:56,125 --> 00:25:57,708 Now, that's my girl. 610 00:25:57,791 --> 00:26:00,416 This shitty world is lucky to have you, Alice, 611 00:26:00,500 --> 00:26:02,416 and I'm damn proud to be your Lovebug. 612 00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:03,666 [upbeat music playing] 613 00:26:03,750 --> 00:26:07,750 ♪ Well, there's an ounce of good In every crazy human condition ♪ 614 00:26:07,833 --> 00:26:08,791 {\an8}[Daphne cries] 615 00:26:08,875 --> 00:26:12,250 ♪ Even grief will have your back When push comes to shove ♪ 616 00:26:13,750 --> 00:26:18,041 ♪ And though I know them all quite well I must make a confession ♪ 617 00:26:18,708 --> 00:26:22,833 ♪ If I had to pick just one Baby, I'd choose love ♪ 618 00:26:23,750 --> 00:26:27,416 ♪ Well, it makes no sense When analyzed on paper ♪ 619 00:26:27,500 --> 00:26:28,541 [screams] 620 00:26:28,625 --> 00:26:32,583 ♪ And it's a wild and dangerous Clusterfuck of stress ♪ 621 00:26:32,666 --> 00:26:33,791 {\an8}[screams] 622 00:26:33,875 --> 00:26:38,708 ♪ It gives you stupid rosy glasses When you could be kickin' asses {\an8}♪ 623 00:26:38,791 --> 00:26:42,750 ♪ But without love Life's one big pointless mess ♪ 624 00:26:43,541 --> 00:26:45,541 ♪ I choose love, yes, love ♪ 625 00:26:45,625 --> 00:26:48,541 ♪ It puts the passion in your boning ♪ 626 00:26:48,625 --> 00:26:50,666 ♪ Give me love, sweet love ♪ 627 00:26:50,750 --> 00:26:53,458 ♪ And it will supercharge your chub ♪ 628 00:26:53,541 --> 00:26:58,666 ♪ I've known joy and laughter I've known rage and pain ♪ 629 00:26:58,750 --> 00:27:02,958 ♪ I've made up my mind Baby, I choose love ♪ 630 00:27:03,041 --> 00:27:05,708 ♪ Ooh, give me that love ♪ 631 00:27:05,791 --> 00:27:09,416 ♪ Well, it's more yummy Than a shitfaced 2:00 a.m. burrito ♪ 632 00:27:09,500 --> 00:27:10,708 ♪ So much better ♪ 633 00:27:10,791 --> 00:27:14,375 ♪ Oh, it's more powerful Than a sexy slap in the face ♪ 634 00:27:14,458 --> 00:27:16,208 ♪ So sweet and strong ♪ 635 00:27:16,291 --> 00:27:21,041 ♪ It's not half as fun as shame But kind of awesome, all the same ♪ 636 00:27:21,125 --> 00:27:25,125 ♪ And I'd sell my soul For just one tiny taste ♪ 637 00:27:25,625 --> 00:27:26,458 [groans] 638 00:27:26,541 --> 00:27:28,083 ♪ I choose love, sweet love ♪ 639 00:27:28,166 --> 00:27:30,958 ♪ Yes, it's the magic It's the power ♪ 640 00:27:31,041 --> 00:27:34,291 ♪ No more anger, no more hate I've had enough ♪ 641 00:27:34,375 --> 00:27:36,041 ♪ We've all had enough ♪ 642 00:27:36,125 --> 00:27:38,541 ♪ No excuse and no disclaimer ♪ 643 00:27:38,625 --> 00:27:41,125 ♪ It's a fucking no-brainer ♪ 644 00:27:41,208 --> 00:27:45,166 ♪ I've made up my mind Baby, I choose love ♪ 645 00:27:46,375 --> 00:27:48,166 ♪ I've made my choice ♪ 646 00:27:48,250 --> 00:27:50,958 -♪ Baby, I choose love ♪ -♪ Sweet love ♪ 647 00:27:51,041 --> 00:27:53,083 -♪ Oh, baby, choose love ♪ -♪ Sweet love ♪ 648 00:27:53,166 --> 00:27:55,500 -♪ All you need is love ♪ -♪ Sweet love ♪ 649 00:27:55,583 --> 00:28:02,583 ♪ Oh, baby, choose love ♪ 650 00:28:04,041 --> 00:28:06,833 [triumphant music playing]