1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,458
‎D46請到三號櫃檯

2
00:00:09,541 --> 00:00:13,000
‎D46請到三號櫃檯

3
00:00:13,583 --> 00:00:15,500
‎監理處真爛

4
00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:17,166
‎沒錯，凡

5
00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:20,541
‎妳的見解又辣又性感，多說一點

6
00:00:20,625 --> 00:00:22,166
‎妳今天是怎麼回事？

7
00:00:22,250 --> 00:00:24,041
‎沒有啊

8
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:28,583
‎凡好棒哦，不覺得？我覺得

9
00:00:28,666 --> 00:00:29,791
‎艾咪，別繃那麼緊

10
00:00:30,458 --> 00:00:33,500
‎我很鬆，大家都知道我很好上

11
00:00:34,375 --> 00:00:37,333
‎-是班
‎-班！那個尿斗男！

12
00:00:37,416 --> 00:00:41,166
‎“今晚有空嗎？
‎要不要喝杯馬丁尼表情符號？”

13
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:43,833
‎好，我們要找個藉口

14
00:00:43,916 --> 00:00:47,000
‎妳出遠門，到科羅拉多處理姨媽的事

15
00:00:47,083 --> 00:00:49,916
‎-好，“姨媽的事”
‎-等等，什麼是“姨媽的事”？

16
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,958
‎沒有人知道
‎聽起來像一回事，卻什麼都沒說

17
00:00:53,041 --> 00:00:55,041
‎我們對好多人都用過這個藉口

18
00:00:55,125 --> 00:00:57,625
‎對，不，有道理，姨媽體弱多病

19
00:00:58,125 --> 00:01:01,250
‎但我們不能去跟班喝一杯嗎？

20
00:01:01,333 --> 00:01:02,208
‎絕對不可以

21
00:01:02,291 --> 00:01:06,208
‎但是他的屌很猛，而且他人很好

22
00:01:06,291 --> 00:01:10,250
‎-D47請到九號櫃台
‎-是我，姨媽的事，搞定了

23
00:01:10,333 --> 00:01:16,041
‎酷，我們在這裡等妳
‎就我跟凡露出來的鎖骨

24
00:01:17,583 --> 00:01:21,000
‎好，妳好嗎？從上次我…我們…

25
00:01:21,083 --> 00:01:23,500
‎-從上次我們接吻後？
‎-接吻，對

26
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:24,833
‎從我們接吻後

27
00:01:24,916 --> 00:01:27,083
‎我很好，接吻很好玩

28
00:01:27,166 --> 00:01:30,833
‎我得承認
‎我覺得妳莫名其妙地討人喜歡

29
00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:36,125
‎而我覺得妳是世界史上最美的女石像

30
00:01:36,208 --> 00:01:37,708
‎但妳太喜歡我了

31
00:01:37,791 --> 00:01:40,875
‎我不來愛蟲交往那一套

32
00:01:40,958 --> 00:01:44,916
‎酷，我對交往也沒興趣

33
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,833
‎-我們結婚吧
‎-好啊，我們到聖塔芭芭拉結婚

34
00:01:47,916 --> 00:01:48,958
‎看吧？妳太喜歡我了

35
00:01:49,041 --> 00:01:51,875
‎好，我們不結婚

36
00:01:51,958 --> 00:01:54,041
‎但我們可以親熱嗎？

37
00:01:54,125 --> 00:01:56,708
‎再說，現在我要去幫莎拉的忙

38
00:01:56,791 --> 00:02:00,375
‎好，我就在這裡，不想要交往

39
00:02:00,458 --> 00:02:04,083
‎妳哪知道我吻功一流

40
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:06,500
‎妳會想跟我結婚

41
00:02:10,291 --> 00:02:12,583
‎（人資部）

42
00:02:44,875 --> 00:02:47,000
‎-第一天，緊張嗎？
‎-不會

43
00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:48,500
‎-那就不要緊張
‎-我沒有緊張

44
00:02:48,583 --> 00:02:51,833
‎很好，因為只是實習，不算數

45
00:02:51,916 --> 00:02:54,500
‎你根本還不算愧感巫師

46
00:02:54,583 --> 00:02:57,000
‎-我是愧感巫師
‎-好啦

47
00:02:57,083 --> 00:02:59,500
‎-你說會尊重我的選擇
‎-這個選擇不好

48
00:02:59,583 --> 00:03:00,875
‎-你答應過了
‎-我知道

49
00:03:00,958 --> 00:03:02,708
‎嘿！不要吵了！

50
00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:07,083
‎蒙特爾，我認為
‎你會是個很棒的愧感巫師

51
00:03:07,166 --> 00:03:09,458
‎康妮媽咪，謝謝妳，我最喜歡妳

52
00:03:09,541 --> 00:03:12,375
‎-那還用說
‎-“那還用說”

53
00:03:13,250 --> 00:03:14,500
‎他們來了

54
00:03:15,083 --> 00:03:16,750
‎-好
‎-是我們的教練

55
00:03:16,833 --> 00:03:20,375
‎對，大夥兒，壘球季開始了

56
00:03:20,458 --> 00:03:23,416
‎-我們的明星強打！
‎-老喬，來個甜甜圈蝴蝶球

57
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:25,625
‎球來了

58
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:28,416
‎-耶
‎-好耶

59
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:31,458
‎這個球季我們就這樣打
‎差別只在我們打的是球

60
00:03:31,541 --> 00:03:32,583
‎對！

61
00:03:32,666 --> 00:03:34,791
‎所以有辦公室壘球聯盟？

62
00:03:34,875 --> 00:03:37,458
‎-對
‎-非常前零工經濟時代

63
00:03:37,541 --> 00:03:40,875
‎你媽其實是個傳奇打者

64
00:03:40,958 --> 00:03:45,291
‎在1920、1930年代
‎她揮棒用力到球都挫屎了

65
00:03:45,375 --> 00:03:46,791
‎現在進入打擊區

66
00:03:46,875 --> 00:03:50,375
‎是一位高雅的女士
‎大家都叫她梅毒莉兒

67
00:03:50,458 --> 00:03:52,041
‎沒錯，因為她的揮棒

68
00:03:52,125 --> 00:03:55,500
‎就跟這一帶那個致命的傳染病一樣

69
00:03:57,208 --> 00:03:59,708
‎《大亨小傳》的作者會怎麼說？

70
00:03:59,791 --> 00:04:03,291
‎天啊，會大呼過癮

71
00:04:03,375 --> 00:04:07,041
‎那一刻為大家
‎燃起一絲希望，在一個…

72
00:04:07,125 --> 00:04:08,416
‎太多爵士樂的年代

73
00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:11,375
‎來，我不支薪的門徒

74
00:04:11,458 --> 00:04:15,166
‎-告訴我，你能當游擊手嗎？
‎-老大，你要我守哪裡都沒問題

75
00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:16,750
‎康妮媽咪，妳看

76
00:04:16,833 --> 00:04:19,833
‎我又辣又厲害，就跟妳一樣

77
00:04:20,416 --> 00:04:23,416
‎寶貝，你想打哪一隊都行，好嗎？

78
00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:24,708
‎好

79
00:04:24,791 --> 00:04:26,083
‎但如果你碰上我

80
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:29,416
‎我就把你當球一樣打到挫屎

81
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,791
‎小鬼，第一天打球要開心哦

82
00:04:32,958 --> 00:04:34,625
‎你們又在裡面？

83
00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:36,958
‎伊森，等會再來拿文具啦

84
00:04:37,041 --> 00:04:38,166
‎好吧

85
00:04:39,083 --> 00:04:42,125
‎-妳好壞
‎-不是壞，彼特，我是恨

86
00:04:42,208 --> 00:04:43,666
‎我恨但丁

87
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:46,708
‎-我恨那個有發光奶的希望
‎-天啊，好耶

88
00:04:46,791 --> 00:04:51,833
‎還有我恨你還穿著那身笨拙的衣服

89
00:04:53,916 --> 00:04:55,666
‎那條領帶花了30塊買的

90
00:04:55,750 --> 00:04:57,541
‎但小姐想怎麼樣都好

91
00:04:57,625 --> 00:05:01,666
‎小姐要你現在脫光光趴下

92
00:05:05,458 --> 00:05:07,541
‎那才叫性交

93
00:05:08,083 --> 00:05:09,250
‎好，彼特，我要走了

94
00:05:09,333 --> 00:05:11,625
‎午餐時帶著你的石屁股回到這裡

95
00:05:13,916 --> 00:05:18,083
‎說到我的屁股，我想也許

96
00:05:18,166 --> 00:05:22,291
‎妳可以吃別的東西
‎像是我們找時間好好吃頓飯？

97
00:05:22,375 --> 00:05:25,000
‎-一頓什麼？
‎-也許是兩頓飯

98
00:05:25,083 --> 00:05:26,666
‎激烈的交媾需要補充營養

99
00:05:26,750 --> 00:05:29,125
‎不要約會，洩憤嘿咻不是這樣

100
00:05:29,916 --> 00:05:31,375
‎“洩憤嘿咻”，原來是這樣

101
00:05:31,458 --> 00:05:35,375
‎當你是隻蟲
‎嘿咻就是洩憤，不是針對你

102
00:05:36,083 --> 00:05:39,625
‎“不是針對我”，所以妳不恨我？

103
00:05:39,708 --> 00:05:42,208
‎-不特別針對你
‎-那我就放心了

104
00:05:42,291 --> 00:05:44,083
‎對，那就放心了，彼特

105
00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:48,000
‎好，我要去尿尿，才不會尿道發炎

106
00:05:48,083 --> 00:05:49,458
‎我建議妳也去尿一下

107
00:05:51,458 --> 00:05:53,041
‎彼特，我的亮唇

108
00:05:53,125 --> 00:05:56,208
‎會不會讓你想吻我，到頭來想娶我？

109
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,541
‎如果你是凡的話

110
00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:02,416
‎原來，聽起來妳們兩個在認真交往哦

111
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:05,916
‎算是啦

112
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,666
‎她老是告訴我她不想有穩定的關係

113
00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:10,416
‎但我會讓她知道她錯得多離譜

114
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,250
‎-我們很好
‎-加油

115
00:06:12,333 --> 00:06:16,250
‎好，順便一提
‎我跟蘿榭兒也有浪漫好消息

116
00:06:16,333 --> 00:06:18,083
‎真的，告訴我，什麼都不要錯過！

117
00:06:18,166 --> 00:06:19,791
‎好，我跟妳說兩件事

118
00:06:19,875 --> 00:06:23,125
‎“儲藏室”和“十分鐘前”

119
00:06:24,791 --> 00:06:26,333
‎天啊！

120
00:06:26,958 --> 00:06:28,916
‎對，的確成真了

121
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:32,875
‎我跟我喜歡的人交往
‎妳重回情場，看看我們兩個

122
00:06:32,958 --> 00:06:34,625
‎這一季我們很有看頭

123
00:06:34,708 --> 00:06:37,000
‎彼特和艾咪事事順心

124
00:06:37,958 --> 00:06:40,250
‎好，妳繼續妳的勾引打扮

125
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:43,541
‎我就讓你回儲藏室嘿咻吧

126
00:06:43,625 --> 00:06:45,958
‎老天，我喜歡性感的辦公室戀情

127
00:06:46,041 --> 00:06:48,166
‎等等，“辦公室戀情”？

128
00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:50,750
‎天啊，沒錯

129
00:06:50,833 --> 00:06:53,125
‎艾咪，我們要到行政部門

130
00:06:53,208 --> 00:06:55,000
‎報告我們在辦公室的秘密戀情

131
00:06:55,083 --> 00:06:58,166
‎酷，我等會就過去，希望有表格要填

132
00:06:58,250 --> 00:07:01,500
‎我的朋友，妳不會失望，好多表格哦

133
00:07:01,583 --> 00:07:03,333
‎好，不，我要走這邊

134
00:07:03,833 --> 00:07:05,583
‎對，就這樣，黑斗篷隊

135
00:07:05,666 --> 00:07:09,541
‎球技越來越好了

136
00:07:09,625 --> 00:07:10,791
‎就是比賽需要那一套

137
00:07:11,750 --> 00:07:12,750
‎好差勁

138
00:07:14,333 --> 00:07:17,000
‎魔球，他們當然不是威脅

139
00:07:17,083 --> 00:07:19,250
‎但是了解對手實力沒什麼不好

140
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,375
‎現在是怎麼回事？

141
00:07:21,458 --> 00:07:23,625
‎耶，蒙特爾，不要停

142
00:07:23,708 --> 00:07:25,083
‎哦，糟了

143
00:07:26,375 --> 00:07:27,750
‎（錯誤工廠）

144
00:07:27,833 --> 00:07:29,833
‎來，妳會需要這些

145
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:33,458
‎生長激素？公牛類固醇？
‎這些鬼東西是要做什麼？

146
00:07:33,541 --> 00:07:36,416
‎是蒙特爾
‎我們兒子很厲害，太厲害了

147
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,958
‎可能打得比妳…

148
00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:40,083
‎你好大膽！

149
00:07:40,166 --> 00:07:44,791
‎如果妳生氣
‎何不對我使出妳最性感的一面？

150
00:07:46,250 --> 00:07:48,958
‎超級性感，我不知道該怎麼跟妳說

151
00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:51,958
‎我不需要你的蠢藥丸
‎才有辦法贏得這場比賽

152
00:07:52,041 --> 00:07:53,583
‎-但是康妮…
‎-好好看著

153
00:07:53,666 --> 00:07:57,416
‎桑雅，請給我一杯加冰的壘球屎

154
00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:00,375
‎我們沒有壘球屎

155
00:08:00,458 --> 00:08:02,583
‎是我不好，對不起

156
00:08:02,666 --> 00:08:05,458
‎請解釋為什麼我們沒有壘球屎？

157
00:08:05,541 --> 00:08:10,541
‎因為從妳1920年代
‎打出那個全壘打之後就沒了

158
00:08:10,625 --> 00:08:12,541
‎桑雅，就這樣，謝謝妳

159
00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:16,333
‎我知道，好嗎？
‎妳最厲害，我不該質疑妳的能力

160
00:08:16,416 --> 00:08:17,250
‎小莫，謝謝你

161
00:08:17,333 --> 00:08:21,125
‎如果妳真的想謝我，就多打我幾下

162
00:08:21,208 --> 00:08:23,041
‎踩我的蛋蛋怎麼樣？

163
00:08:23,125 --> 00:08:24,125
‎好啊

164
00:08:24,208 --> 00:08:28,166
‎把蛋放上吧台，我去穿我的馬汀鞋

165
00:08:31,958 --> 00:08:33,666
‎嗨，愛睡覺的莎拉

166
00:08:33,750 --> 00:08:35,500
‎嗨，隨機搞上的性感男

167
00:08:36,041 --> 00:08:37,333
‎嘿，凡

168
00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:41,458
‎很想在這裡碰上妳
‎看看我上了唇蜜的雙唇多可口

169
00:08:41,541 --> 00:08:43,791
‎看起來的確很濕

170
00:08:43,875 --> 00:08:46,125
‎但其實只是黏黏的

171
00:08:47,416 --> 00:08:49,125
‎-該走了？
‎-對，該走了

172
00:08:49,208 --> 00:08:51,500
‎我們之所以離開是因為我們

173
00:08:51,583 --> 00:08:53,666
‎根本不在乎認真交往這回事

174
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:56,666
‎就算有個伴侶分享人生也很好

175
00:08:56,750 --> 00:08:57,750
‎艾咪

176
00:08:57,833 --> 00:09:02,208
‎幹嘛？我不是說我們，我是說理論上

177
00:09:03,583 --> 00:09:05,291
‎門在哪？

178
00:09:05,375 --> 00:09:07,041
‎天啊，糟了，對不起

179
00:09:07,125 --> 00:09:10,041
‎我來喝水，根本沒看到妳，莎拉？

180
00:09:10,125 --> 00:09:11,416
‎-班？
‎-是班！班在這裡！

181
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:12,791
‎搞什麼？

182
00:09:12,875 --> 00:09:16,041
‎我搞什麼？這是我家

183
00:09:16,125 --> 00:09:18,291
‎所以應該是妳搞什麼才對

184
00:09:18,375 --> 00:09:20,916
‎天啊，是同一間公寓

185
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:25,125
‎我們哪知道，每個男的都住這裡

186
00:09:25,916 --> 00:09:28,500
‎好，妳跟蹤我嗎？

187
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,708
‎沒有，我只是…

188
00:09:30,791 --> 00:09:31,791
‎我…

189
00:09:32,958 --> 00:09:35,833
‎跟某個男的回家

190
00:09:35,916 --> 00:09:39,625
‎結果他是你的室友

191
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:41,625
‎哇，跟柯迪？

192
00:09:41,708 --> 00:09:43,250
‎對，我知道，我很爛

193
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:45,500
‎我叫Uber，我要走了

194
00:09:45,583 --> 00:09:49,875
‎所以妳說要去處理
‎“姨媽的事”，只是不想跟我見面？

195
00:09:50,458 --> 00:09:52,875
‎-莎拉，他很難過
‎-誰在乎？

196
00:09:52,958 --> 00:09:53,875
‎可惡

197
00:09:54,416 --> 00:09:57,041
‎要等57分鐘，而且外面正在下雨

198
00:09:57,125 --> 00:10:00,083
‎這個藥妝連鎖店的塑膠袋
‎可以給我，讓我套在頭上擋雨嗎？

199
00:10:01,333 --> 00:10:02,666
‎哇，好，你留著吧

200
00:10:02,750 --> 00:10:05,708
‎不，我不是…聽著，我載妳回家

201
00:10:05,791 --> 00:10:09,333
‎不好意思，我喜歡他
‎我喜歡提供服務的人

202
00:10:11,583 --> 00:10:13,375
‎妳可以坐前座

203
00:10:13,458 --> 00:10:16,833
‎沒關係，還是保持司機乘客的關係吧

204
00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:20,875
‎很抱歉用“姨媽的事”打發你

205
00:10:20,958 --> 00:10:22,208
‎妳幹嘛道歉？

206
00:10:22,291 --> 00:10:26,333
‎如果這樣說
‎能讓你好過一點，柯迪床上功夫很爛

207
00:10:27,333 --> 00:10:29,041
‎的確讓我好過一點

208
00:10:29,125 --> 00:10:32,416
‎-你該告訴他
‎-我想我不會

209
00:10:32,916 --> 00:10:35,583
‎-感覺，莎拉，感覺回來了
‎-沒有啦，閉嘴

210
00:10:35,666 --> 00:10:37,875
‎嘿，我能問妳一件奇怪的事嗎？

211
00:10:37,958 --> 00:10:38,958
‎好

212
00:10:39,041 --> 00:10:42,333
‎我們在一起那天晚上
‎妳偷了我的體香劑嗎？

213
00:10:42,416 --> 00:10:45,000
‎-對，她現在就用那個
‎-那未免誇張又荒謬

214
00:10:45,083 --> 00:10:47,125
‎我幹嘛要你的體香劑？

215
00:10:47,208 --> 00:10:49,958
‎我不知道
‎妳怎麼會凌晨一點在我家廚房？

216
00:10:50,041 --> 00:10:52,500
‎-妳對我著迷嗎？
‎-才沒有

217
00:10:52,583 --> 00:10:54,291
‎還是妳想幹掉我？

218
00:10:54,375 --> 00:10:57,208
‎-我們不想，你很性感
‎-我保證都不是

219
00:10:57,291 --> 00:11:01,750
‎但你人很好載我回家
‎我想我很高興跟你不期而遇

220
00:11:01,833 --> 00:11:03,541
‎抵達目的地

221
00:11:03,625 --> 00:11:06,958
‎-好，有個愉快的…
‎-我們應該試著約會一次

222
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,583
‎-什麼？
‎-等等，對吧？我搞不清楚

223
00:11:09,666 --> 00:11:14,916
‎認識妳把我搞得糊里糊塗
‎但我發現妳莫名其妙地討人喜歡

224
00:11:15,625 --> 00:11:17,458
‎-天啊
‎-是巧合啦

225
00:11:17,541 --> 00:11:18,625
‎賤人，答應就是了

226
00:11:18,708 --> 00:11:22,083
‎-不行，不，謝了，走吧
‎-我不知道，我要考慮

227
00:11:22,166 --> 00:11:23,791
‎-晚安
‎-我再傳簡訊給你

228
00:11:24,375 --> 00:11:25,666
‎好，我相信妳會

229
00:11:25,750 --> 00:11:27,125
‎我知道你聽不到我說話

230
00:11:27,208 --> 00:11:29,791
‎但我會盡我所能

231
00:11:29,875 --> 00:11:32,625
‎讓你跟她再搞一次

232
00:11:32,708 --> 00:11:33,625
‎早安

233
00:11:33,708 --> 00:11:37,750
‎我要尋求正式同意
‎好繼續一段辦公室戀情

234
00:11:37,833 --> 00:11:39,958
‎我把需要填的表格都填好了

235
00:11:40,041 --> 00:11:42,958
‎太好了，現在我可以著手進行

236
00:11:43,041 --> 00:11:44,208
‎好

237
00:11:44,291 --> 00:11:47,916
‎相關的人
‎彼特道西尼，蘿榭兒希克斯

238
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:48,958
‎是希荷斯

239
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:51,708
‎三樓那個又漂亮能力又好的愛蟲

240
00:11:51,791 --> 00:11:53,791
‎你在想我運氣怎麼那麼好？

241
00:11:53,875 --> 00:11:57,250
‎我沒有
‎確認你不是希荷斯小姐的上司

242
00:11:57,333 --> 00:11:58,166
‎確認

243
00:11:58,250 --> 00:12:01,166
‎-有過騷擾行為嗎？
‎-沒有

244
00:12:01,250 --> 00:12:05,458
‎但是我第一次見到她時就喜歡上她了

245
00:12:05,541 --> 00:12:07,166
‎先生，麻煩你，我有偏頭痛

246
00:12:07,250 --> 00:12:09,208
‎-對不起
‎-是正式交往嗎？

247
00:12:09,916 --> 00:12:10,916
‎不是

248
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,125
‎我當然很想，但是她還惦記她的…

249
00:12:14,208 --> 00:12:17,500
‎你們約會時會討論客戶的隱私嗎？

250
00:12:17,583 --> 00:12:20,541
‎你說“約會”？約會

251
00:12:20,625 --> 00:12:24,833
‎蘿榭兒寧可餓肚子也不願跟我上餐廳

252
00:12:24,916 --> 00:12:26,250
‎她說得很清楚

253
00:12:26,333 --> 00:12:30,875
‎說真的，問題先生
‎我不知道你說的“約會”是指什麼

254
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:34,041
‎好，我想你填錯表格了

255
00:12:34,125 --> 00:12:35,958
‎好，你這下糗大了

256
00:12:36,041 --> 00:12:38,333
‎因為我沒有填錯表格

257
00:12:38,416 --> 00:12:44,333
‎所以拜託處理我的
‎辦公室戀情7413B表格

258
00:12:44,416 --> 00:12:49,500
‎不，因為你該填的表格是7413D

259
00:12:49,583 --> 00:12:54,166
‎專門給那些
‎被同事用來發洩性慾的小可憐

260
00:12:54,833 --> 00:12:56,916
‎表格上不可能那樣寫

261
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,125
‎我的天，真的是那樣寫

262
00:12:58,208 --> 00:12:59,916
‎如果你要哭，請不要在這裡哭

263
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,375
‎我的公會說我不需要看人哭

264
00:13:02,458 --> 00:13:06,125
‎哦，免費古銅色肌膚噴霧

265
00:13:06,208 --> 00:13:09,666
‎就在我家附近

266
00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:12,958
‎當你消費九次

267
00:13:13,041 --> 00:13:17,083
‎第十次就免費

268
00:13:17,166 --> 00:13:20,541
‎那個女生名叫克萊兒

269
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:23,500
‎她有閃亮的秀髮

270
00:13:23,583 --> 00:13:26,916
‎她跟我媽是同學

271
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:30,791
‎但是她們感情並不好

272
00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:34,458
‎哦，克萊兒根本不記得

273
00:13:34,541 --> 00:13:40,166
‎我的名字

274
00:13:40,250 --> 00:13:44,833
‎但她給我的古銅色肌膚太美了

275
00:13:44,916 --> 00:13:51,083
‎所以我幫她付學生貸款

276
00:13:51,166 --> 00:13:52,666
‎瑞克先生，唱得好

277
00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:54,750
‎我們來打棒球吧！

278
00:13:54,833 --> 00:13:56,125
‎美國隊加油！

279
00:13:56,208 --> 00:13:59,625
‎這個投手投伸卡球
‎記住，眼睛要看球

280
00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:02,708
‎她說不定會投變化球
‎如果她投變化球，記住

281
00:14:02,791 --> 00:14:04,583
‎眼睛要看球

282
00:14:04,666 --> 00:14:05,708
‎沒問題啦

283
00:14:06,208 --> 00:14:07,041
‎什麼？

284
00:14:07,125 --> 00:14:08,375
‎嘿，媽媽們

285
00:14:08,875 --> 00:14:13,125
‎愧感巫師也讓蒙特爾
‎擔任投手？那個卑鄙的騙子

286
00:14:13,208 --> 00:14:16,541
‎我從他辦公室
‎偷來的比賽策略不是這樣寫的

287
00:14:16,625 --> 00:14:18,291
‎第一球投出

288
00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:20,291
‎一好球

289
00:14:20,375 --> 00:14:21,708
‎天啊

290
00:14:22,333 --> 00:14:23,416
‎兩好球

291
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:26,125
‎康妮不會被三振吧？
‎她從來沒有被三振過

292
00:14:26,208 --> 00:14:28,750
‎知道她該怎麼做？眼睛盯著…

293
00:14:28,833 --> 00:14:29,958
‎吉爾，她知道

294
00:14:30,041 --> 00:14:33,500
‎好，寶貝，希望你玩夠了

295
00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:36,291
‎因為媽媽要送你上床睡覺了

296
00:14:37,875 --> 00:14:39,250
‎三好球！

297
00:14:39,916 --> 00:14:43,583
‎天啊！媽，妳看到了嗎？

298
00:14:43,666 --> 00:14:45,000
‎因為如果妳看到了

299
00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:46,250
‎妳就該揮棒

300
00:14:46,333 --> 00:14:48,333
‎哇，太精彩了

301
00:14:48,416 --> 00:14:54,291
‎常勝軍康妮球賽一開始就吃癟了

302
00:14:54,375 --> 00:14:57,500
‎泰勒！這種時候你還在吃玉米片？

303
00:14:57,583 --> 00:14:59,208
‎是辣椒玉米片

304
00:14:59,291 --> 00:15:02,833
‎會讓我的精液變很辣

305
00:15:02,916 --> 00:15:04,958
‎天啊！我被三振出局

306
00:15:05,041 --> 00:15:09,541
‎那個小渾蛋想搶走我的風頭

307
00:15:09,625 --> 00:15:11,958
‎-妳的眼睛應該…
‎-不要…

308
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:13,166
‎我知道妳生氣

309
00:15:13,250 --> 00:15:16,208
‎但是妳只是在大家面前讓我硬起來

310
00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:19,916
‎-好，我們看看
‎-可以速戰速決嗎？

311
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,583
‎我想在第七局中場休息前趕回去

312
00:15:22,666 --> 00:15:24,750
‎-莫娜，沒問題
‎-妳召開這個會議

313
00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:28,708
‎怎麼？對啊
‎會議結束時妳就會想去約會

314
00:15:28,791 --> 00:15:30,541
‎真的？跟妳？

315
00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:35,125
‎不，我是說班和莎拉
‎但知道妳想約我也不錯啦

316
00:15:35,208 --> 00:15:38,250
‎-妳很堅持
‎-還有點妄想

317
00:15:38,750 --> 00:15:40,500
‎莎拉和班

318
00:15:40,583 --> 00:15:43,125
‎搞什麼？艾咪做了PowerPoint？

319
00:15:43,208 --> 00:15:46,625
‎他們不只一次，而是兩次看對眼

320
00:15:46,708 --> 00:15:49,833
‎有人會說看對兩眼

321
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:51,416
‎有人會說是命中注定

322
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:54,916
‎有人會說命中注定不是真的

323
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,208
‎用邏輯反對，當然啦

324
00:15:57,291 --> 00:16:00,166
‎我接下來的簡報都會一一解釋

325
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,750
‎如果妳好好問我，我就給妳看

326
00:16:02,833 --> 00:16:04,750
‎好，老闆寶貝艾咪

327
00:16:04,833 --> 00:16:06,875
‎請給我看妳的簡報

328
00:16:06,958 --> 00:16:10,250
‎妳們兩個怎麼回事？
‎幹嘛貼那麼近講話？

329
00:16:10,333 --> 00:16:14,375
‎接下來這張
‎各位可以看到人類的壽命很短

330
00:16:14,458 --> 00:16:17,291
‎以凡的邏輯來說，表示人類應該…

331
00:16:18,083 --> 00:16:22,583
‎-再說一次？
‎-將心痛減到最少，極盡享樂

332
00:16:22,666 --> 00:16:26,291
‎對，猜猜我覺得什麼是享樂

333
00:16:26,375 --> 00:16:27,208
‎愛情

334
00:16:27,291 --> 00:16:29,750
‎妳以為尿斗男是真愛？

335
00:16:29,833 --> 00:16:32,000
‎哦，不

336
00:16:32,083 --> 00:16:34,250
‎我覺得他是新愛

337
00:16:34,333 --> 00:16:37,750
‎讓人輕飄飄又好想嘿咻

338
00:16:37,833 --> 00:16:40,750
‎想到連食物什麼味道都吃不出來

339
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,458
‎-那就是極盡享樂
‎-我贊成去約會！

340
00:16:43,541 --> 00:16:46,708
‎連我妹妹都有感覺了，傳簡訊給他

341
00:16:46,791 --> 00:16:51,291
‎可惡，艾咪，我不知道妳這麼會分析

342
00:16:51,833 --> 00:16:55,208
‎我一向喜歡分析這個

343
00:16:55,291 --> 00:16:59,041
‎有一套！
‎馬上用拳頭搞，不然我就不幹了

344
00:16:59,125 --> 00:17:02,333
‎好，凡，怎麼樣？約一次會？

345
00:17:02,416 --> 00:17:05,791
‎好，約一次會，但只是為了讓妳閉嘴

346
00:17:05,875 --> 00:17:07,208
‎寶貝，我接受

347
00:17:07,291 --> 00:17:12,625
‎女同志們，不要轉台
‎這個之後就是壘球賽

348
00:17:12,708 --> 00:17:15,583
‎現在是第四局下半，黑斗篷隊

349
00:17:15,666 --> 00:17:17,125
‎需要進攻得分，親愛的

350
00:17:17,208 --> 00:17:21,250
‎好，加油，黑斗篷隊，加油

351
00:17:21,333 --> 00:17:22,500
‎是高飛球

352
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:25,916
‎但似乎是外野高飛球

353
00:17:26,416 --> 00:17:29,041
‎-草皮，對不起
‎-泰勒！眼睛看上面，別玩雞雞了

354
00:17:30,625 --> 00:17:31,541
‎他安全上壘

355
00:17:31,625 --> 00:17:34,291
‎就這樣
‎黑斗篷隊現在有三個巫師在壘上

356
00:17:34,375 --> 00:17:37,291
‎就像萊斯克萊普爾、保羅麥卡錫

357
00:17:37,375 --> 00:17:39,875
‎和嗆辣紅椒樂團的跳蚤

358
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:41,291
‎三個很厲害的人

359
00:17:42,833 --> 00:17:44,416
‎彈低音吉他

360
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:48,291
‎天啊，時候到了
‎吉爾，把我的肛門念珠給我

361
00:17:49,083 --> 00:17:51,458
‎聖母瑪麗亞
‎充滿慈悲，願長雞雞與您同在

362
00:17:51,541 --> 00:17:54,791
‎蒙特爾拉貝弗利站上打擊區

363
00:17:54,875 --> 00:17:56,875
‎菜鳥，使出你的本事

364
00:17:57,416 --> 00:18:00,666
‎蒙特爾，我聽到老喬要投滑球給你

365
00:18:00,750 --> 00:18:01,750
‎甜心，祝好運

366
00:18:02,375 --> 00:18:03,958
‎謝了，康妮媽咪

367
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:06,083
‎妳這個蓬蓬頭大騙子

368
00:18:11,875 --> 00:18:16,291
‎天啊，球看起來挫屎了

369
00:18:16,875 --> 00:18:19,916
‎還漏尿，這可是壘球第一遭

370
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,458
‎球還在飛

371
00:18:21,541 --> 00:18:25,125
‎就像班艾弗列克
‎演的《控制》，控制不住

372
00:18:25,208 --> 00:18:27,416
‎是滿壘全壘打，搞定，謝了！

373
00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:31,375
‎我是上帝！運動賽事是我的一切！

374
00:18:31,458 --> 00:18:32,833
‎嘿，小莫媽媽

375
00:18:33,708 --> 00:18:35,833
‎吉爾，麻煩把念珠放回我屁眼

376
00:18:35,916 --> 00:18:40,000
‎嘿，泰勒，過來
‎把你的辣蛋蛋順便帶過來

377
00:18:40,083 --> 00:18:40,958
‎好

378
00:18:41,041 --> 00:18:42,750
‎媽媽有辦法了

379
00:18:42,833 --> 00:18:45,083
‎我喜歡妳選這個地方

380
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:47,583
‎很浪漫

381
00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:51,125
‎對，希望不會太尷尬
‎這裡很多狗我都搞過

382
00:18:51,208 --> 00:18:54,291
‎嘿，紐約是小地方，一定會這樣

383
00:18:55,125 --> 00:18:58,875
‎好耶，班，獸交的笑話都能接受

384
00:18:59,625 --> 00:19:01,166
‎我覺得他還蠻有趣的

385
00:19:01,750 --> 00:19:04,041
‎你每次都用袖子擦嘴巴嗎？

386
00:19:04,125 --> 00:19:06,041
‎像是雨刷？哦，對

387
00:19:06,125 --> 00:19:08,458
‎我對自己乾淨的落腮鬍一向引以為傲

388
00:19:08,541 --> 00:19:10,708
‎-我從六年級開始就這樣
‎-等等，六年級？

389
00:19:10,791 --> 00:19:13,208
‎十一歲就長滿鬍子

390
00:19:13,875 --> 00:19:16,583
‎好可愛哦

391
00:19:16,666 --> 00:19:20,083
‎對，小兒科醫生都很困惑
‎有人還寫了一篇關於我的報告

392
00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:21,708
‎-嘿，小子
‎-可惡

393
00:19:21,791 --> 00:19:24,291
‎要保持乾淨，對吧？

394
00:19:25,875 --> 00:19:30,708
‎耶！太好了！可愛、火辣，承認吧

395
00:19:30,791 --> 00:19:34,375
‎承認什麼？
‎命中注定是真的，愛情征服一切？

396
00:19:34,458 --> 00:19:38,833
‎不，不是，放輕鬆
‎我只是說今晚很棒

397
00:19:38,916 --> 00:19:42,791
‎好，對，我想莎拉約會約得很開心

398
00:19:42,875 --> 00:19:45,291
‎-只有莎拉？
‎-我也是

399
00:19:49,458 --> 00:19:53,041
‎想知道真正悲慘的青少年？
‎看看我的情緒搖滾階段就知道

400
00:19:54,833 --> 00:19:55,833
‎好可怕

401
00:19:55,916 --> 00:19:59,375
‎我在商場偷那條有刺手鍊被警衛逮到

402
00:19:59,458 --> 00:20:02,916
‎為了懲罰我
‎我媽要我穿一個月粉色系衣服

403
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,666
‎-好惡毒哦，我喜歡妳媽
‎-對

404
00:20:06,750 --> 00:20:07,958
‎等等，他說什麼？

405
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:11,250
‎還是不該喜歡？我們要恨她嗎？

406
00:20:11,333 --> 00:20:12,666
‎老兄，不干你的事

407
00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:16,000
‎什麼？怎麼回事？為什麼沒人親我？

408
00:20:16,083 --> 00:20:19,375
‎對，我媽跟我…我們談點別的好嗎？

409
00:20:20,041 --> 00:20:23,250
‎當然好，不，對不起，沒問題

410
00:20:23,333 --> 00:20:26,875
‎-我就…
‎-好，我就不碰妳了

411
00:20:26,958 --> 00:20:29,416
‎等等，莎拉
‎妳跟妳媽之間是怎麼回事？

412
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:31,750
‎-艾咪，現在不要談這件事
‎-但妳表現得好怪

413
00:20:31,833 --> 00:20:34,083
‎我以為約會約得很開心，什麼？

414
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:37,458
‎真蠢，太蠢了

415
00:20:37,541 --> 00:20:39,333
‎到處都是狗屎

416
00:20:39,416 --> 00:20:42,583
‎凡？不，妳搬那些石頭做什麼？

417
00:20:42,666 --> 00:20:45,916
‎-沒事，只要…
‎-他媽的不要叫我放輕鬆

418
00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,666
‎好

419
00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:52,458
‎好，僵襪隊再度取得領先

420
00:20:52,541 --> 00:20:54,916
‎現在只要再一個人出局，他們就贏了

421
00:20:55,000 --> 00:21:00,041
‎但如果蒙特爾
‎能揮出一個好球，黑斗篷隊就贏了

422
00:21:00,125 --> 00:21:02,375
‎嘿，打者，我愛你，拜託別打到

423
00:21:02,458 --> 00:21:05,375
‎實習生，加油！好像我們有付你薪水

424
00:21:05,458 --> 00:21:07,291
‎-球投出…
‎-嘿，大砲

425
00:21:07,375 --> 00:21:09,583
‎-泰勒？
‎-送辣醬

426
00:21:09,666 --> 00:21:12,375
‎我蛋蛋擠出來的

427
00:21:15,333 --> 00:21:18,541
‎不！

428
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:22,458
‎為什麼？

429
00:21:22,541 --> 00:21:23,875
‎精液噴到臉

430
00:21:24,458 --> 00:21:26,625
‎-你出局了
‎-可以這樣嗎？

431
00:21:26,708 --> 00:21:28,833
‎為什麼裡面有籽？

432
00:21:28,916 --> 00:21:30,416
‎難以置信！

433
00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:33,791
‎荷爾蒙男怪隊陷害對手

434
00:21:33,875 --> 00:21:35,083
‎他們贏了

435
00:21:35,166 --> 00:21:37,291
‎我們贏了，康妮，這招厲害

436
00:21:37,375 --> 00:21:39,875
‎我的精液夠黏吧？

437
00:21:39,958 --> 00:21:40,791
‎小子，幹得好

438
00:21:40,875 --> 00:21:44,333
‎天啊，康妮
‎全靠妳，妳贏了這場比賽！

439
00:21:44,416 --> 00:21:47,875
‎妳找人攻擊我們的兒子，真糟糕

440
00:21:47,958 --> 00:21:49,750
‎看吧？我懂

441
00:21:49,833 --> 00:21:50,750
‎（錯誤工廠）

442
00:21:53,333 --> 00:21:54,708
‎再給我一瓶樹莓汁

443
00:21:54,791 --> 00:21:58,208
‎-大傢伙，真的？
‎-當然，我在慶祝

444
00:21:58,291 --> 00:22:01,875
‎我拿到讓蘿榭兒
‎發洩性慾的證照，為我高興吧

445
00:22:02,583 --> 00:22:04,625
‎儘管看

446
00:22:04,708 --> 00:22:08,916
‎拜託看著我的眼睛
‎因為天知道蘿榭兒不會

447
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:12,041
‎彼特，我想我知道這樣問會怎麼樣

448
00:22:12,125 --> 00:22:13,958
‎但你還好吧？

449
00:22:17,250 --> 00:22:18,875
‎對，跟我想的一樣

450
00:22:18,958 --> 00:22:22,458
‎我知道有些人以為我只是堅硬的石頭

451
00:22:22,541 --> 00:22:24,416
‎石頭肌肉很發達

452
00:22:24,500 --> 00:22:25,333
‎當然

453
00:22:25,416 --> 00:22:28,500
‎但是我的內心其實很脆弱

454
00:22:28,583 --> 00:22:30,000
‎我現在知道了

455
00:22:30,083 --> 00:22:33,416
‎脆弱男和仇恨蟲，這樣配不容易

456
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:35,958
‎對，妳覺得我該怎麼辦

457
00:22:36,041 --> 00:22:39,541
‎如果我要真正的感情
‎而她只想為了洩恨嘿咻？

458
00:22:39,625 --> 00:22:40,708
‎-買個洋娃娃？
‎-什麼？

459
00:22:40,791 --> 00:22:43,916
‎看起來像她，假裝它會對我說好話

460
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,458
‎彼特，跟她說實話
‎把你需要說的話告訴她

461
00:22:47,541 --> 00:22:50,541
‎但她可能說不要，我就永遠失去她

462
00:22:50,625 --> 00:22:52,166
‎會有那個風險

463
00:22:52,250 --> 00:22:54,666
‎如果不想承擔風險，就繼續當

464
00:22:54,750 --> 00:22:56,875
‎“被用來發洩性慾的小可憐”

465
00:22:57,458 --> 00:23:01,500
‎不，彼特道西尼不只是表格7413D

466
00:23:01,583 --> 00:23:03,250
‎我要把內心的感覺告訴她

467
00:23:03,333 --> 00:23:05,083
‎我就是這個意思

468
00:23:05,166 --> 00:23:07,666
‎撕掉感覺不錯，我還有影本

469
00:23:07,750 --> 00:23:10,375
‎加上數位檔案
‎存在雲端也存在公司，但是…

470
00:23:11,166 --> 00:23:13,333
‎-好，嘿！
‎-耶！

471
00:23:13,416 --> 00:23:16,583
‎圍成一圈打手槍慶祝勝利，來吧

472
00:23:16,666 --> 00:23:20,833
‎老喬，等我一下
‎我要先去跟魯蛇握個手

473
00:23:20,916 --> 00:23:23,291
‎我不要，我要跟隊友打手槍

474
00:23:23,375 --> 00:23:26,041
‎幫你點了一杯愧感果汁，你最喜歡…

475
00:23:26,125 --> 00:23:27,375
‎妳怎麼可以那樣！

476
00:23:27,458 --> 00:23:31,875
‎康妮，妳怎麼可以花錢買通泰勒

477
00:23:31,958 --> 00:23:34,541
‎陷害我蒙特爾？

478
00:23:34,625 --> 00:23:37,541
‎天啊，不要說了

479
00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:41,958
‎別想讓我覺得慚愧，這招對我沒有用

480
00:23:42,041 --> 00:23:44,333
‎不好意思，純屬專業好奇

481
00:23:44,416 --> 00:23:48,958
‎妳害妳兒子暫時失明卻不覺得慚愧？

482
00:23:49,041 --> 00:23:50,916
‎不，我不覺得

483
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:54,333
‎蒙特爾，我愛你，我也很高興我愛你

484
00:23:54,416 --> 00:23:58,708
‎但是你今天差點超越我
‎壘球是我很在乎的一件事

485
00:23:58,791 --> 00:24:01,375
‎我無法容許這種事

486
00:24:01,458 --> 00:24:05,541
‎因為如果我超越妳
‎妳就不會再愛我？

487
00:24:05,625 --> 00:24:07,000
‎沒錯

488
00:24:07,083 --> 00:24:12,041
‎所以我找人陷害你
‎現在我們又可以是一家人

489
00:24:12,125 --> 00:24:15,875
‎-親愛的，過來
‎-真是夠了

490
00:24:15,958 --> 00:24:20,750
‎不知道為什麼
‎壘球打這麼好讓我難為情

491
00:24:21,375 --> 00:24:22,791
‎妳怎麼辦到的？

492
00:24:22,875 --> 00:24:25,208
‎寶貝，你遺傳到我的天份

493
00:24:26,250 --> 00:24:28,833
‎我愛妳，妳這個心理變態

494
00:24:28,916 --> 00:24:34,791
‎所以，對，所以我不再自己剪頭髮

495
00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:38,291
‎-很誇張吧
‎-對，很誇張

496
00:24:38,375 --> 00:24:41,625
‎拜託，莎拉，為什麼對他這麼冷淡？

497
00:24:42,500 --> 00:24:46,791
‎再次抱歉，如果我剛才問起妳媽的事

498
00:24:46,875 --> 00:24:50,666
‎-沒關係，你沒做錯什麼
‎-對，他人很好

499
00:24:50,750 --> 00:24:53,291
‎-非常好的一個人
‎-老天，妳可以正常說話嗎？

500
00:24:53,375 --> 00:24:55,666
‎我只是說我不懂問題出在哪裡

501
00:24:55,750 --> 00:24:57,041
‎也許問題就是妳

502
00:24:57,125 --> 00:25:01,041
‎我？妳在築一道牆，一道情緒的牆

503
00:25:01,125 --> 00:25:02,875
‎這些石頭是用妳做出來的？

504
00:25:02,958 --> 00:25:05,458
‎還是妳拉出來的？應該會蠻痛的

505
00:25:05,541 --> 00:25:08,166
‎莎拉，對不起，我們不該聽她的話

506
00:25:08,250 --> 00:25:10,041
‎嗨，我就在這裡

507
00:25:10,125 --> 00:25:12,958
‎我不知道妳媽有什麼大不了，但是…

508
00:25:13,041 --> 00:25:15,833
‎跟她媽無關啦

509
00:25:15,916 --> 00:25:17,291
‎艾咪，不要說了，好嗎？

510
00:25:17,375 --> 00:25:20,958
‎聽著，如果我太急著
‎促成你們兩個，對不起，我只是…

511
00:25:21,458 --> 00:25:23,625
‎我希望妳找到一個好對象

512
00:25:23,708 --> 00:25:26,416
‎我希望我們都找到好對象

513
00:25:26,500 --> 00:25:29,041
‎我真的以為這樣會很棒

514
00:25:29,125 --> 00:25:30,583
‎妳想錯了

515
00:25:30,666 --> 00:25:34,458
‎怎麼回事？妳幹嘛這麼兇？

516
00:26:18,250 --> 00:26:20,250
‎字幕翻譯：韋家瑤