1 00:00:04,613 --> 00:00:07,659 [laughs]: W-Whoa, what happened to you? 2 00:00:07,703 --> 00:00:09,313 I don't remember. 3 00:00:10,401 --> 00:00:12,751 You look like you slept in the woods. 4 00:00:12,795 --> 00:00:15,015 Now I remember. 5 00:00:15,058 --> 00:00:16,755 I'm worried about you, sis. 6 00:00:16,799 --> 00:00:21,499 You usually make it to a bed, even if it's not yours. 7 00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:22,718 [phone vibrating] 8 00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:26,243 Riley, you are getting a call from someone 9 00:00:26,287 --> 00:00:28,071 named "Soul Crusher." 10 00:00:28,115 --> 00:00:29,333 It's Vanessa. 11 00:00:29,377 --> 00:00:31,857 Oh. 12 00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,424 Hey, what's up? 13 00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:37,124 Okay, well, where is it leaking from? 14 00:00:37,167 --> 00:00:39,952 Just look at it and see where the water's coming out. 15 00:00:39,996 --> 00:00:43,434 Did she turn the water off? She's got to turn the water off. 16 00:00:43,478 --> 00:00:44,740 I got this. 17 00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:47,047 Turn the water off. 18 00:00:48,352 --> 00:00:50,050 No, don't call a plumber. 19 00:00:50,093 --> 00:00:51,529 'Cause I can fix it. 20 00:00:51,573 --> 00:00:53,314 No, I'm not paying for a plumber. 21 00:00:53,357 --> 00:00:54,750 I'm coming over right now. 22 00:00:54,793 --> 00:00:58,058 If I say that I'm coming, I'm coming. 23 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,105 Okay, bye. 24 00:01:02,149 --> 00:01:03,628 Well, there goes my morning. 25 00:01:03,672 --> 00:01:06,109 Right, 'cause you had plans. 26 00:01:15,118 --> 00:01:16,554 What are you doing? 27 00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:18,121 I want to look nice for Vanessa. 28 00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:20,819 Come here. I will splash some water on you, too. 29 00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:24,432 It's not a party. We're fixing something. 30 00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:26,216 Yes, we are. 31 00:01:26,260 --> 00:01:28,436 We are fixing your marriage. 32 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,395 Then we will have a party. [clicks tongue] 33 00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:33,571 ♪ 34 00:01:33,615 --> 00:01:35,007 ♪ Oh! 35 00:01:44,408 --> 00:01:45,975 I turned the water off. 36 00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:48,804 You can tell your dad to stop texting me. 37 00:01:48,847 --> 00:01:50,153 Hello, Vanessa. 38 00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:51,981 Hey, Al.Where's Hazel? 39 00:01:52,024 --> 00:01:53,765 Oh, she's at my folks'. 40 00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:55,680 Oh, I was really hoping to see her. 41 00:01:55,724 --> 00:01:58,857 I just needed a weekend off. I worked 60 hours this week. 42 00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:01,338 Riley, massage her feet.[snaps fingers] 43 00:02:01,382 --> 00:02:03,166 Al, don't be weird. 44 00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,865 I'm-a go check the water heater. 45 00:02:06,909 --> 00:02:08,954 You have a very beautiful home. 46 00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:11,131 Oh, thank you. 47 00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:14,003 Ah, I see that you have the rug I sent you. 48 00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:17,746 Oh, I really love it. Thanks again. 49 00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:20,270 It looks really nice where you have it in the hallway. 50 00:02:20,314 --> 00:02:22,142 I thought so, too. [chuckles] 51 00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:24,883 But... 52 00:02:24,927 --> 00:02:27,190 I think it would look even better in the living room. 53 00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:29,410 Um, yeah, maybe. [laughs] 54 00:02:29,453 --> 00:02:31,151 Ah. Let us see. 55 00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:36,373 Uh, can I get you something? 56 00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,070 Maybe some tea? 57 00:02:38,114 --> 00:02:40,377 Oh, you never have to ask an Afghan if they want tea. 58 00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:41,639 They do. 59 00:02:43,554 --> 00:02:46,818 Traditionally, men get green tea and women are served black tea. 60 00:02:46,862 --> 00:02:48,864 Oh, I don't have any green tea. 61 00:02:48,907 --> 00:02:50,431 Oh, that is okay. 62 00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:52,476 I am confident in my masculinity. 63 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:55,827 But if you ever serve my Uncle Dawood black tea, 64 00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:57,220 he would never come back to your house. 65 00:02:58,395 --> 00:03:00,136 How about I get you some fruit juice? 66 00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,530 Now, that is a drink for men. 67 00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:07,970 Oh, this looks so much better. 68 00:03:08,013 --> 00:03:09,189 Hmm. 69 00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:15,630 Lose something? 70 00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,153 Don't worry about it. 71 00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:19,895 Geez. Hope you find your manners in there. 72 00:03:22,376 --> 00:03:24,726 Why do you got so much stuff in your purse? 73 00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:26,902 What am I, a guest on your podcast? 74 00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:32,951 I lost Michael's dog tags. 75 00:03:32,995 --> 00:03:35,345 Oh... 76 00:03:35,389 --> 00:03:38,261 Well, okay, don't worry. They'll turn up. 77 00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:39,610 Oh, yeah, here they are. 78 00:03:39,654 --> 00:03:41,395 Oh, really? No! 79 00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:44,615 Well, where'd you lose them? 80 00:03:44,659 --> 00:03:47,923 I don't know. That's what "lost" means. 81 00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:52,493 I'm surprised. I just never seen you take them off. 82 00:03:52,536 --> 00:03:54,364 I don't. I had them on last night 83 00:03:54,408 --> 00:03:56,410 and I went to the party and then 84 00:03:56,453 --> 00:03:58,107 they must have fallen off somewhere. 85 00:03:58,150 --> 00:03:59,891 Well, no problem. Where was this party? 86 00:03:59,935 --> 00:04:01,980 It was out by Walnut Creek. 87 00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:05,027 That's just woods. Who has a party in the woods? 88 00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:08,335 Bad people. Who do you think? 89 00:04:08,378 --> 00:04:10,337 All right. 90 00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:12,208 Let's go find them.There's no way. 91 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,428 Not without assistance.What do you mean? 92 00:04:14,471 --> 00:04:16,517 I got a friend. Walk with me. 93 00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:22,914 Bertha, we need your help. 94 00:04:22,958 --> 00:04:24,655 Your friend is a rifle? 95 00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:26,875 That's Emily. 96 00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:29,051 Bertha's my metal detector. 97 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:33,708 Hello, darling. 98 00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:37,581 There's a reason you're not dating. 99 00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:43,065 Thank you.Mm-hmm. 100 00:04:43,108 --> 00:04:46,677 You know, my mother's cousin made this rug. 101 00:04:46,721 --> 00:04:49,245 When Riley told me how special you were, 102 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,247 I commissioned him to weave a rug that would be 103 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:52,814 a testament to your love. 104 00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:54,772 You see these two birds?Mm-hmm. 105 00:04:54,816 --> 00:04:57,601 That one is you and that one is Riley. 106 00:04:57,645 --> 00:04:59,647 It's very nice. 107 00:04:59,690 --> 00:05:02,084 Flying above the clouds of trouble. 108 00:05:04,086 --> 00:05:06,784 Al, I don't want to put you in the middle of our problems. 109 00:05:06,828 --> 00:05:08,612 Oh, I am already in the middle. 110 00:05:08,656 --> 00:05:10,571 See this little flower between the two birds? 111 00:05:10,614 --> 00:05:11,963 That is me. 112 00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:18,100 Do you think you should maybe go check on Riley? 113 00:05:18,143 --> 00:05:19,275 No. 114 00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:26,369 [exhales] I-I appreciate 115 00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:29,633 how much you want to help, but we tried. 116 00:05:29,677 --> 00:05:31,505 We couldn't make it work. 117 00:05:32,593 --> 00:05:34,072 Do you think you tried hard enough? 118 00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:37,815 He's the one who didn't try hard enough. 119 00:05:37,859 --> 00:05:39,774 Hmm. That might be true. 120 00:05:39,817 --> 00:05:41,863 He was probably exhausted from war. 121 00:05:41,906 --> 00:05:44,866 There was a lot of walking. 122 00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:47,738 All he had to do was show me he wanted to be a part 123 00:05:47,782 --> 00:05:51,220 of this family and he couldn't. 124 00:05:53,178 --> 00:05:56,530 I can hear how painful that is for you, 125 00:05:56,573 --> 00:05:59,402 but I know he still loves you very much. 126 00:05:59,446 --> 00:06:01,622 If he still loves me so much, 127 00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:04,451 then why is he sleeping with other women? 128 00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:07,889 I'd better go check on Riley. 129 00:06:10,631 --> 00:06:12,154 ART: Okay, here's how it works. 130 00:06:12,197 --> 00:06:14,896 Point at the ground, turn it on. 131 00:06:14,939 --> 00:06:16,419 Beep equals metal. 132 00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:18,378 No beep... [clicks tongue] no metal. 133 00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:20,989 Got it. 134 00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:22,382 No! No, no, no, no, no. 135 00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:24,601 I'm the only one that dances with Bertha. 136 00:06:24,645 --> 00:06:29,345 Now, we got to visualize the woods as a grid of squares 137 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,478 measuring one yard by one yard. 138 00:06:31,521 --> 00:06:33,262 None of this meter crap. 139 00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:35,525 Can we please just start? 140 00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:37,005 Too bad the ground's not wet. 141 00:06:37,048 --> 00:06:38,398 [sniffs] 142 00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:41,009 Dry soil is suboptimal for conductivity. 143 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,534 Do you want me to pee on the ground? 144 00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:47,450 I did it last night. I can do it again. 145 00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:49,452 Supposed to rain later. Maybe we should wait. 146 00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,715 Dad.Or now is good. 147 00:06:52,716 --> 00:06:54,762 [low whirring] 148 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,422 Is that as fast as you can go? 149 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:04,728 Were you even listening to me? 150 00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:06,295 We got to be methodical. 151 00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:10,908 [beeping] 152 00:07:10,952 --> 00:07:11,909 Ha! 153 00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:13,955 Did you find them? 154 00:07:13,998 --> 00:07:16,000 Bottle cap. [grunts] 155 00:07:18,525 --> 00:07:19,830 Now what? 156 00:07:19,874 --> 00:07:21,789 Got to keep a log. 157 00:07:21,832 --> 00:07:23,617 "Bottle cap. 158 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,880 "Red square, 159 00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,838 two alpha." 160 00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:31,755 "1100 hours." 161 00:07:31,799 --> 00:07:34,758 That's how long it's gonna take to find the dog tags. 162 00:07:34,802 --> 00:07:36,804 If we're lucky. [chuckles] 163 00:07:36,847 --> 00:07:39,371 Talk to me, Bertha. 164 00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,768 Why the hell are you talking to her about who I'm sleeping with? 165 00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:46,074 She brought it up. 166 00:07:46,117 --> 00:07:48,511 Clearly, she is not done with you. 167 00:07:51,166 --> 00:07:52,689 I shouldn't have let you come with me. 168 00:07:52,733 --> 00:07:55,300 Mm. That was poor judgment on your part. 169 00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:56,954 Now, 170 00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:58,739 what about these other women? 171 00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:00,349 What about 'em? 172 00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:01,959 You have a duty to your wife. 173 00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:04,005 Says who? We're separated. 174 00:08:04,048 --> 00:08:05,049 I can do whatever I want. 175 00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:06,703 I could be with a million women. 176 00:08:08,357 --> 00:08:10,533 The reason he is debasing himself 177 00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:12,883 is because there is a beautiful hole in his life 178 00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:13,928 in the shape of you. 179 00:08:13,971 --> 00:08:15,277 He told me himself-- 180 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,497 a million women could not fill it. 181 00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:19,847 [scoffs] What number is he on now? 182 00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:21,544 My point is, 183 00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:23,328 he would never look at another woman 184 00:08:23,372 --> 00:08:26,984 if he were not tormented by the agony of not being with you. 185 00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,986 That is all very moving. 186 00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:31,032 Yes, it is. 187 00:08:31,075 --> 00:08:33,121 But none of it's true. 188 00:08:34,339 --> 00:08:36,733 Why are you acting like the Whore of Babylon? 189 00:08:36,777 --> 00:08:39,475 You cheated on her while you were still married. 190 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:41,477 How can you not be satisfied with her, Riley? 191 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,567 Sh-She is kind and smart and beautiful. 192 00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:46,700 You will never do better than her. 193 00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:48,397 I get it. I screwed up. 194 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,007 She screwed up. We both made mistakes. 195 00:08:50,051 --> 00:08:52,227 No, just you. She did nothing wrong, 196 00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:54,838 except put a silk rug in a high-traffic area. 197 00:08:55,839 --> 00:08:57,362 You think she's such a saint? 198 00:08:57,406 --> 00:08:59,495 Why don't you ask her about Freddy? 199 00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:02,063 Who is Freddy? 200 00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:03,586 Oh, Freddy is her "friend" 201 00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,501 who's just "really nice" 202 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,242 but doesn't "want anything from her" 203 00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:09,679 but he's always there to listen whenever she's got a "problem" 204 00:09:09,723 --> 00:09:11,376 with "me." 205 00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:14,336 What is going on with your dancing fingers? 206 00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:16,860 I'm just saying, she was awfully cozy with the guy 207 00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,688 the whole time I was deployed. 208 00:09:23,867 --> 00:09:26,130 I should not be telling you this, 209 00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:27,697 but while Riley was fighting 210 00:09:27,741 --> 00:09:30,308 thousands of miles away from home, 211 00:09:30,352 --> 00:09:33,703 his greatest battle was raging right here, 212 00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:36,619 with his own jealous thoughts about you and Freddy. 213 00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:37,664 Ugh. 214 00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,535 God, again with Freddy. 215 00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:40,971 Ugh! 216 00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:43,408 We've been over this a hundred times.Mm-hmm. 217 00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:45,062 He was just a friend, a nice guy, 218 00:09:45,106 --> 00:09:46,934 who never once tried anything. 219 00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:49,023 Okay, good. So I can assure Riley 220 00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:51,460 that there is nothing going on with you and Freddy. 221 00:09:52,461 --> 00:09:53,462 Well... 222 00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:54,550 there wasn't. 223 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:57,509 [sighs]: Mm. 224 00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:00,164 We're dating now. 225 00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:01,339 Does Riley know? 226 00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:03,428 Does Riley know what? 227 00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,736 You know, this is your own private, personal business. 228 00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:09,826 I do not want to meddle in the affairs of a husband and wife. 229 00:10:11,262 --> 00:10:12,655 Just tell me. 230 00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,265 [sighs] 231 00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:16,224 Fine. 232 00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:18,487 Al asked me if I was dating Freddy, 233 00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:19,880 and I said yes. 234 00:10:21,838 --> 00:10:23,448 I knew it. 235 00:10:23,492 --> 00:10:24,928 No, you knew nothing. 236 00:10:24,972 --> 00:10:27,583 This only started since we were separated. 237 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,454 It's not like you haven't had your fun. 238 00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:31,195 Yeah, but Freddy? 239 00:10:31,239 --> 00:10:32,762 Seriously, of all the guys in the world, 240 00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:34,285 you picked that guy? 241 00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,898 Suddenly you have nothing to say? 242 00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:43,033 I mean, that dude was always waiting to swoop in, 243 00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:44,600 and you assured me, "No, Riley, 244 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,167 it isn't like that. We just hang out." 245 00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:47,908 Yeah, because when I said it, it was true. 246 00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:50,475 Well-- news flash-- no guy likes to just hang out with you. 247 00:10:50,519 --> 00:10:51,476 Excuse me? 248 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:52,608 No, no, what he means is, 249 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,131 they do like to hang out with you 250 00:10:54,175 --> 00:10:56,220 but they want more. 251 00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:58,135 Don't help. 252 00:10:58,179 --> 00:10:59,659 Do better. 253 00:11:01,356 --> 00:11:04,489 My daughter lives here, okay, so you can't just have random guys 254 00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,013 coming and going whenever you want. 255 00:11:06,056 --> 00:11:08,493 No, Freddy has known Hazel since she was a baby. 256 00:11:08,537 --> 00:11:10,757 He held her in the hospital. 257 00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:14,804 You mean the way I didn't 'cause I was fighting a war? 258 00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:17,546 You know that's not what I meant. 259 00:11:17,589 --> 00:11:18,634 Of course he knew that. 260 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:19,809 Shut up, Al!Stay out of this. 261 00:11:19,853 --> 00:11:21,115 All right. 262 00:11:21,158 --> 00:11:23,900 Now you are sounding like a team. 263 00:11:30,951 --> 00:11:34,563 [rapid beeping] 264 00:11:34,606 --> 00:11:37,174 Ugh. Another bottle cap. 265 00:11:37,218 --> 00:11:40,700 Yup, they are the weeds of metal detecting. 266 00:11:43,441 --> 00:11:45,530 See you in an hour. 267 00:11:45,574 --> 00:11:47,576 I'm such an idiot. 268 00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:50,100 How do you lose something that hangs around your neck? 269 00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:52,624 Well, if I was trying to be funny, I'd say... 270 00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:55,105 Nothing. 271 00:11:56,846 --> 00:11:59,153 After he died, his mom gave them to me. 272 00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:00,807 Don't worry. We're gonna find 'em. 273 00:12:00,850 --> 00:12:02,460 We've been walking back and forth for three hours. 274 00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:04,158 All we found is garbage. 275 00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:05,986 Well, now we know where they're not. 276 00:12:06,029 --> 00:12:07,683 I call that progress. 277 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,946 This is hopeless. Just put that stupid thing away. 278 00:12:09,990 --> 00:12:11,818 Hey, don't yell at Bertha. 279 00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:13,602 She's not the one that got hammered 280 00:12:13,645 --> 00:12:15,909 and lost her fiancé's dog tags. 281 00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:20,696 [cries]Ah, geez. 282 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,394 Ah, don't cry. I... 283 00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:26,267 Hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 284 00:12:26,310 --> 00:12:29,313 [crying]: Michael would be so disappointed in me. 285 00:12:29,357 --> 00:12:31,489 Absolutely not. He loved you. 286 00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:33,665 Yeah, when I had a full ride to NYU 287 00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:37,757 and my worst habit was leaving my keys in the front door. 288 00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:41,108 Ah, Lizzie, hey, look at me, look at me. 289 00:12:41,151 --> 00:12:44,285 [sniffles]This is just a rough patch. 290 00:12:44,328 --> 00:12:45,852 You'll get through it. 291 00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:49,029 When? 292 00:12:49,072 --> 00:12:51,814 Boy, that's a good question. 293 00:12:57,864 --> 00:13:00,257 [exhales] 294 00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:02,520 Can I ask you something? 295 00:13:02,564 --> 00:13:05,045 Can I stop you? 296 00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:08,396 Why would you risk your marriage for these other women? 297 00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:12,356 I don't know, man. 298 00:13:12,400 --> 00:13:15,229 I was just... just chasing a feeling. 299 00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:19,102 What does that mean? 300 00:13:19,146 --> 00:13:22,540 You're looking for some deep answer, Al, but I got none. 301 00:13:22,584 --> 00:13:25,892 All right, I did a bunch of dumb things for no reason. 302 00:13:25,935 --> 00:13:29,069 Oh, and heads up-- I'm still doing 'em. 303 00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:31,201 Hmm. 304 00:13:33,987 --> 00:13:38,643 Riley jaan,I have been in many moments with you. 305 00:13:38,687 --> 00:13:41,472 Life-and-death moments. 306 00:13:41,516 --> 00:13:44,214 And you always knew what to do. 307 00:13:44,258 --> 00:13:46,956 [sighs heavily] 308 00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:50,960 Well... now I don't. 309 00:13:51,004 --> 00:13:52,919 [clears throat] 310 00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:55,008 I love Vanessa, I don't love her. 311 00:13:55,051 --> 00:13:57,184 I'm texting with some chick I barely know, 312 00:13:57,227 --> 00:13:58,576 and then I ghost her. 313 00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:00,404 One day, I can't get out of bed. 314 00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:02,580 The next, I got to ride my motorcycle as fast as it'll go. 315 00:14:02,624 --> 00:14:04,017 You have a motorcycle? 316 00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:05,627 I have pieces of motorcycle 317 00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:08,499 and a titanium screw in my shoulder. 318 00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:17,073 You know how everybody thinks they're the hero of their movie? 319 00:14:18,509 --> 00:14:20,729 I don't think I am. 320 00:14:22,165 --> 00:14:24,951 I don't even know what the movie is anymore. 321 00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:32,306 I know exactly what movie you're in. 322 00:14:32,349 --> 00:14:35,526 It is Christmas Eve and you are in the Nakatomi building. 323 00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:38,442 You are having trouble with your wife, 324 00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:40,009 but you will walk barefoot 325 00:14:40,053 --> 00:14:41,924 through broken glass to save her. 326 00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:44,187 And I am your secret weapon. 327 00:14:44,231 --> 00:14:47,103 I am the gun taped to the back of your neck. 328 00:14:47,147 --> 00:14:49,323 Yippie-kai-yay, Mr. Trucker. 329 00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:53,675 Is that what you think he said? 330 00:14:53,718 --> 00:14:57,287 I had it on VHS. Sound was not great. 331 00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:04,904 I remember when Michael came to the house 332 00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:07,689 and asked my permission to marry you. 333 00:15:07,732 --> 00:15:09,909 [chuckles] Old school. 334 00:15:09,952 --> 00:15:13,129 Brought me a box of steaks. 335 00:15:13,173 --> 00:15:14,957 There's still one in the freezer. 336 00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:17,133 Can't bring myself to eat it. 337 00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:21,137 I know how much you love red meat, so that means a lot. 338 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:29,580 "Red Zulu Niner. 339 00:15:29,624 --> 00:15:32,148 1730 hours. All clear." 340 00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:33,758 [groans softly] 341 00:15:33,802 --> 00:15:35,891 The old L3 is acting up. 342 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,197 You want to stop? 343 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:39,025 No. I just want to sit down a second. 344 00:15:39,068 --> 00:15:41,766 Then we'll sweep that section by the rock. 345 00:15:41,810 --> 00:15:44,030 [sighs]Hey, you doing all right? 346 00:15:44,073 --> 00:15:45,596 Me? [laughs] 347 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,163 Never better. 348 00:15:47,207 --> 00:15:49,731 A couple of mai tais, it's my dream vacation. 349 00:15:49,774 --> 00:15:52,429 We can call it now and come back in the morning. 350 00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:53,648 No way. 351 00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:55,650 I got a bottle of Advil in the truck, 352 00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:58,870 and old Bertha here can see in the dark. 353 00:15:58,914 --> 00:16:00,829 All right, then let's stop for me. 354 00:16:00,872 --> 00:16:02,309 Really? 355 00:16:02,352 --> 00:16:04,485 Yeah. I'm exhausted. 356 00:16:04,528 --> 00:16:06,574 Oh, thank goodness. 357 00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:11,666 "Operation suspended until further notice." 358 00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,886 Ah, geez, you're writing in cursive? 359 00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:16,976 What is this, your secret diary? 360 00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:24,592 Ugh. Come on. I'm not ready for another round. 361 00:16:24,635 --> 00:16:26,681 Me, neither. Just here to finish the job. 362 00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:29,597 Come in. Thanks. 363 00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:31,991 Where's Al? 364 00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:33,644 Oh, I didn't want him to come with me, 365 00:16:33,688 --> 00:16:36,560 so I told him I was going to a pork restaurant. 366 00:16:36,604 --> 00:16:38,780 That's terrible. 367 00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:44,046 Oh, you moved the rug back. 368 00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:47,571 If you have any feelings left for me at all, don't tell him. 369 00:16:49,443 --> 00:16:51,097 Tell him what? 370 00:16:57,668 --> 00:16:58,843 Hey. Hi. 371 00:16:58,887 --> 00:17:00,019 I brought you a beer. 372 00:17:00,062 --> 00:17:02,021 Thanks. Mm-hmm. 373 00:17:10,159 --> 00:17:12,205 [sighs] 374 00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:15,121 You know that thing I said earlier 375 00:17:15,164 --> 00:17:18,689 about how nobody wants to hang out with you-- 376 00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:21,388 I was just mad. 377 00:17:22,911 --> 00:17:25,174 Everybody likes to hang out with you. 378 00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:29,004 You're just... really great. 379 00:17:31,224 --> 00:17:32,790 Thanks. 380 00:17:34,879 --> 00:17:38,100 And I know I probably should have told you 381 00:17:38,144 --> 00:17:40,624 about Freddy earlier. I just... 382 00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:42,844 Thought I'd lose it? 383 00:17:42,887 --> 00:17:44,367 Yeah. 384 00:17:44,411 --> 00:17:46,761 You know me well. 385 00:17:46,804 --> 00:17:50,982 Also, I hate when you're right.[scoffs] 386 00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:53,376 It doesn't happen much. 387 00:17:56,858 --> 00:18:00,340 Does, um, Hazel know about you and him? 388 00:18:01,602 --> 00:18:03,560 Uh, no. 389 00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:05,649 It's still pretty new. 390 00:18:07,651 --> 00:18:09,479 But she's doing okay? 391 00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:12,178 Other than wanting to be like her dad 392 00:18:12,221 --> 00:18:14,484 when she grows up, she's doing great. 393 00:18:16,182 --> 00:18:18,445 Yeah? Yeah. 394 00:18:18,488 --> 00:18:20,229 She quit Girl Scouts when she found out 395 00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:22,536 there was no target practice.[laughs] 396 00:18:24,929 --> 00:18:26,714 That's my girl. 397 00:18:28,629 --> 00:18:30,761 This is nice. 398 00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:35,114 I've enjoyed these two minutes of not fighting with you. 399 00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:36,854 Me, too. 400 00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,119 I don't think we should have sex, though. 401 00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:42,947 You're impossible. 402 00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:47,865 Well, you don't ask, you don't get. 403 00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:52,131 Why did you take a metal detector 404 00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:54,307 instead of a giant magnet? 405 00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,396 What? 406 00:18:57,440 --> 00:19:02,445 Then all of the metal would fly out of the ground right to you. 407 00:19:02,489 --> 00:19:05,622 Sure. And-and then, we could have painted a door 408 00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:08,669 on the side of a boulder, opened it and been home. 409 00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:12,716 What is she talking about? 410 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,153 Road Runner and Coyote. 411 00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:17,765 Who here speaks English? 412 00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:25,207 Methodical! 413 00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:28,297 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You found them?! 414 00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:29,994 Yeah, I couldn't sleep.Oh... 415 00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:31,344 I heard the rain. 416 00:19:31,387 --> 00:19:33,563 I knew I had my window of peak conductivity. 417 00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:35,609 Where were they?Get this. 418 00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:37,219 Orange Bravo Seven. 419 00:19:37,263 --> 00:19:40,353 Of course. That's where I threw up. 420 00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:45,009 Hmm. Thanks, Dad. 421 00:19:46,794 --> 00:19:48,970 And? 422 00:19:49,013 --> 00:19:51,059 Thank you, Bertha. 423 00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:53,801 All right. You don't have to get weird. 424 00:20:00,503 --> 00:20:02,157 [laughter]Okay, okay. 425 00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,941 So, we're flying low level with NVGs 426 00:20:03,985 --> 00:20:06,553 for a CSAR pickup in enemy territory, right? 427 00:20:06,596 --> 00:20:09,251 Suddenly, these tracers start zipping over our heads. 428 00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:10,557 I look back, 429 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,863 and this clown is miming the drum solo 430 00:20:12,907 --> 00:20:14,691 to Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight." 431 00:20:14,735 --> 00:20:17,259 [imitates drum fill] 432 00:20:17,303 --> 00:20:20,741 [laughter] 433 00:20:20,784 --> 00:20:24,135 All right, I want to make a toast to Lizzie and Michael. 434 00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:26,094 Aw. I've known you both for so long-- 435 00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:28,052 my sister and my buddy, 436 00:20:28,096 --> 00:20:29,880 second in line to be my best friend. 437 00:20:29,924 --> 00:20:32,274 Riley!What? Kenny's got a boat. 438 00:20:32,318 --> 00:20:34,015 Oh, come on.Anyways, 439 00:20:34,058 --> 00:20:37,758 I don't want to get too sappy, but now you guys are engaged, 440 00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:40,151 and I feel sorry for the both of you. 441 00:20:40,195 --> 00:20:41,892 Uh... cheers.Cheers. 442 00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:43,764 Cheers, man.Cheers. 443 00:20:44,721 --> 00:20:47,681 You guys should get the house across the street from us 444 00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:50,597 and just have, like, a million babies. 445 00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,642 And you and me-- 446 00:20:52,686 --> 00:20:55,341 we're gonna start that security company and get rich. 447 00:20:55,384 --> 00:20:57,647 You're already rich with that officer money. 448 00:20:57,691 --> 00:21:00,476 Real money. Boat money. 449 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,391 If you buy a boat, Kenny's out. 450 00:21:02,435 --> 00:21:03,871 [laughter] 451 00:21:03,914 --> 00:21:06,003 Okay, well, if you guys will excuse us, 452 00:21:06,047 --> 00:21:07,483 we're gonna go to the restroom 453 00:21:07,527 --> 00:21:09,093 and talk about you guys behind your backs. 454 00:21:09,137 --> 00:21:10,399 Oh, have fun. 455 00:21:16,144 --> 00:21:20,366 [sighs] Are we the two luckiest guys in the world or what? 456 00:21:27,895 --> 00:21:32,856 Captioning sponsored by CBS 457 00:21:32,900 --> 00:21:35,294 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org