1 00:00:02,089 --> 00:00:03,525 Previously onUnited States of Al... 2 00:00:03,568 --> 00:00:06,180 So we just sign these and we're divorced? 3 00:00:06,223 --> 00:00:07,181 Yep. 4 00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:08,443 Goodbye, ex-wife. 5 00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:10,575 Goodbye, first husband. 6 00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:14,362 Hazel can never find out about this. 7 00:00:14,405 --> 00:00:16,886 Oh, my God. Hazel! 8 00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:18,583 She's never gonna find out 9 00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:20,498 because we are not going to tell anybody. 10 00:00:20,542 --> 00:00:21,934 Not Freddy, 11 00:00:21,978 --> 00:00:23,849 not Holly.Oh, God! Holly! 12 00:00:23,893 --> 00:00:25,155 I slept with someone. 13 00:00:25,199 --> 00:00:27,157 It was Sourpuss Barbie, wasn't it? 14 00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:28,158 Where were you this morning? 15 00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,290 I was out. 16 00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:30,813 Riley. 17 00:00:30,856 --> 00:00:32,510 I was at Vanessa's. 18 00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:34,469 You didn't! 19 00:00:34,512 --> 00:00:36,384 Lower your voice. 20 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,650 Aw, you did... 21 00:00:51,268 --> 00:00:52,748 Rah... 22 00:00:58,145 --> 00:00:59,276 Hey. 23 00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:02,801 I don't know why you're working so hard. 24 00:01:02,845 --> 00:01:04,977 You know you're gonna get lucky. 25 00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:06,675 Well, where were ya? I've been waiting. 26 00:01:08,546 --> 00:01:11,810 Mmm.I stopped to get myself an alibi. 27 00:01:11,854 --> 00:01:14,726 This is the ticket to the movie I'm currently watching. 28 00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:16,250 It's three hours long. 29 00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:18,382 Ooh. Is that a challenge? 30 00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:20,384 More like a demand. 31 00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:27,304 Oh. You smell just like you did in high school. 32 00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,176 'Cause I still live with my dad. 33 00:01:29,219 --> 00:01:31,265 He bought a pallet of Irish Spring 20 years ago. 34 00:01:31,308 --> 00:01:33,136 We're about halfway through it. 35 00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:37,401 I love it. 36 00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:40,796 We also have 80 jars of French's mustard, if you need any. 37 00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:42,319 Bring one next time. 38 00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:43,625 We'll see what we can do with it. 39 00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:06,430 Why are you sketching me all the time? 40 00:02:06,474 --> 00:02:08,171 You're the perfect subject. 41 00:02:08,215 --> 00:02:10,304 You haven't moved in an hour. 42 00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:12,262 I move. 43 00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:16,048 You're like a bowl of fruit with a remote. 44 00:02:17,746 --> 00:02:19,617 Hi!30? 45 00:02:19,661 --> 00:02:21,228 You crazy bastard. 46 00:02:21,271 --> 00:02:22,272 How was your date? ' 47 00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:23,839 Oh, it was awesome. 48 00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:25,362 Cindy took me to an amusement park. 49 00:02:25,406 --> 00:02:27,712 And we had cotton candy, she got her face painted 50 00:02:27,756 --> 00:02:28,800 and we went on a roller coaster. 51 00:02:28,844 --> 00:02:29,801 My first time. 52 00:02:29,845 --> 00:02:30,933 That sounds like fun. 53 00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:32,195 It was fun when we were going up 54 00:02:32,239 --> 00:02:34,328 and terrible when we were going down. 55 00:02:34,371 --> 00:02:36,808 She put a really cute picture of you guys on Instagram. 56 00:02:36,852 --> 00:02:37,809 What? 57 00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:39,637 Yeah, here. 58 00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:42,684 Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 59 00:02:42,727 --> 00:02:44,251 My life is destroyed. 60 00:02:44,294 --> 00:02:45,861 What?I can't have a picture 61 00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:47,471 of a woman kissing me on the Internet. 62 00:02:47,515 --> 00:02:50,344 Oh, yeah. Your family is gonna lose their minds. 63 00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:51,562 This picture? 64 00:02:51,606 --> 00:02:53,390 Of you on a roller coaster? 65 00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:55,262 Trust me, in Afghanistan, that might as well be a sex tape. 66 00:02:55,305 --> 00:02:56,263 Let me see that. 67 00:02:56,306 --> 00:02:57,699 I have to call Cindy. 68 00:02:57,742 --> 00:02:59,266 Sex tape? 69 00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:02,182 I have a ballpoint pen dirtier than this. 70 00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:06,403 Oh, hi, Al. 71 00:03:06,447 --> 00:03:08,188 How's your tummy? 72 00:03:08,231 --> 00:03:10,146 Better now, thank you. 73 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,713 You have to take that photo of us down. 74 00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:14,063 Mm. 'Cause you cried a little? 75 00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:15,456 'Cause people will think 76 00:03:15,499 --> 00:03:16,239 there is something going on between us. 77 00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:18,154 Well, there is. 78 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,243 Unless you broke up with me and I didn't hear it. 79 00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:21,810 That's happened. 80 00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:24,204 My mother cannot see this. 81 00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:25,683 She will never forgive me. 82 00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:27,381 Oh, well, who cares what your mom thinks? 83 00:03:27,424 --> 00:03:28,512 I don't have time to explain this. 84 00:03:28,556 --> 00:03:29,861 The sun is rising in Kabul. 85 00:03:29,905 --> 00:03:30,949 Please take down the picture. 86 00:03:30,993 --> 00:03:32,429 Okay, okay.Thank you. 87 00:03:32,473 --> 00:03:33,561 Goodbye. 88 00:03:36,607 --> 00:03:37,652 Eh. 89 00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:43,397 Oh, I can't look. 90 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:44,746 It's your cousin, Zubair. 91 00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:47,009 Oh, no. 92 00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:49,707 Hello. 93 00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:52,144 How is my playboy cousin? 94 00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:53,929 How bad is it? 95 00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:56,497 So bad. I mean, only nine people have texted me, 96 00:03:56,540 --> 00:03:58,238 but it's still early. 97 00:03:58,281 --> 00:03:59,543 Has my mother seen it? 98 00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:00,936 God, I hope so. 99 00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:02,154 If I were you, 100 00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:03,199 I would fake my own death. 101 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,462 Yeah, I'm thinking about it. 102 00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:09,423 You were always the good cousin, and I was the handsome cousin. 103 00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:12,426 Well, now I am both. 104 00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:15,211 Did you call to help or just gloat? 105 00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,734 Gloat. No one can help you. 106 00:04:16,778 --> 00:04:18,649 Okay. Bye, Zubair. 107 00:04:18,693 --> 00:04:20,434 Nothing like family, huh? 108 00:04:20,477 --> 00:04:21,783 In Pashto, 109 00:04:21,826 --> 00:04:23,132 the word for "cousin" is the same 110 00:04:23,175 --> 00:04:24,351 as the word for "enemy." 111 00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:28,355 If you're serious about faking your own death, I know a guy. 112 00:04:29,834 --> 00:04:31,662 It's not cheap. 113 00:04:35,579 --> 00:04:37,189 Hey. Uh, Hazel ready? 114 00:04:37,233 --> 00:04:39,017 I can't believe you did it. 115 00:04:39,061 --> 00:04:40,845 Did what? 116 00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:41,890 The divorce. 117 00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,544 Oh. Yeah, sure.Ah. 118 00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:44,545 Bring it in, amigo! 119 00:04:44,588 --> 00:04:46,155 Ah.Oh! 120 00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:48,331 Gosh! I got to be honest-- 121 00:04:48,375 --> 00:04:49,811 I did not know if it was gonna happen. 122 00:04:49,854 --> 00:04:51,421 Thanks. I'm just gonna grab Hazel and go. 123 00:04:51,465 --> 00:04:52,944 Oh, before you do, 124 00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:54,555 I got a couple questions about how to turn off 125 00:04:54,598 --> 00:04:55,773 the water and fix a leak. 126 00:04:55,817 --> 00:04:57,384 Specifically, like... 127 00:04:57,427 --> 00:05:00,038 how do you turn off the water and fix a leak? 128 00:05:01,126 --> 00:05:02,476 What's going on?There's a... 129 00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:04,565 pool of water underneath the bathroom sink. 130 00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:06,349 Probably shouldn't be there. 131 00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:07,568 I can take a look. 132 00:05:07,611 --> 00:05:08,569 There you go again, 133 00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:10,353 being a stand-up dude. 134 00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:11,615 Ah. No problem. 135 00:05:11,659 --> 00:05:12,616 You got any tools? 136 00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:13,835 Just these. 137 00:05:13,878 --> 00:05:14,966 And this. 138 00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:16,664 I got some tools in my truck. 139 00:05:16,707 --> 00:05:18,753 You're the best!Stop saying that! 140 00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:28,153 Wild guess-- Al's mom found out. 141 00:05:30,112 --> 00:05:32,288 Maybe we should give 'em a little space? 142 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,681 It's not like we're eavesdropping. 143 00:05:33,724 --> 00:05:35,030 We don't speak the language. 144 00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:37,598 Angry, disappointed parent? 145 00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:38,860 I am fluent. 146 00:05:41,863 --> 00:05:43,299 "I thought I taught you better than this." 147 00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:48,260 "I sacrificed so much." 148 00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:53,091 "Why don't you just stab me in the heart?" 149 00:05:53,135 --> 00:05:55,180 You're talking about Riley, right? 150 00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:56,573 Oh, sweetie, 151 00:05:56,617 --> 00:05:58,096 I'm talking about the both of you. 152 00:06:01,317 --> 00:06:03,014 Hey! What's going on? 153 00:06:04,276 --> 00:06:06,235 I just spoke with my mother. 154 00:06:06,278 --> 00:06:08,063 Really? How is she? 155 00:06:08,106 --> 00:06:11,153 I am afraid my freewheeling lifestyle has come to a close. 156 00:06:11,196 --> 00:06:12,502 No need to lock up 157 00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:14,069 your daughters, America. 158 00:06:14,112 --> 00:06:15,418 They're safe now. 159 00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:18,334 What happened? 160 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,467 She says the only way to restore honor to our name 161 00:06:20,510 --> 00:06:22,991 is if she finds me a wife from a good family. 162 00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:23,948 A wife? 163 00:06:23,992 --> 00:06:25,297 Can't you just do a bunch 164 00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:26,298 of Muslim Hail Marys or something? 165 00:06:26,342 --> 00:06:27,822 No, no, no, no. 166 00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:29,867 If your parents are not happy with you, Mr. Art, 167 00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:31,434 God is not happy with you. 168 00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:33,131 Are you listening to this? 169 00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:36,091 She already has someone in mind. 170 00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:37,266 Her name is Nasim. 171 00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:38,746 Oh.That's a pretty name. 172 00:06:38,789 --> 00:06:40,182 She was the neighborhood bully. 173 00:06:40,225 --> 00:06:42,271 When we were kids, she used to hold me down 174 00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:44,491 and spit on my face till I cried. 175 00:06:46,623 --> 00:06:47,885 Ooh. 176 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,022 Maybe I should arrange a marriage for you. 177 00:06:54,065 --> 00:06:55,371 Go for it. 178 00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,808 Ooh. Called my bluff. 179 00:06:57,852 --> 00:07:00,028 Did not see that coming. 180 00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:05,425 Vanessa's doing really good, too. 181 00:07:05,468 --> 00:07:06,817 Ever since you guys signed those papers, 182 00:07:06,861 --> 00:07:09,690 she's so happy and relaxed. 183 00:07:10,995 --> 00:07:12,649 You don't say. 184 00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:15,435 She got all this new sexy underwear, 185 00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,871 but, uh, you didn't hear it from me. 186 00:07:16,914 --> 00:07:18,873 No, I didn't. 187 00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,483 It's a good thing for you, too, dude. 188 00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:22,180 How you figure?I know it's been hard 189 00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:23,660 since you got out of the Marines. 190 00:07:23,704 --> 00:07:25,140 But now you're divorced. 191 00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:26,794 Maybe it'll help unstick you. 192 00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:28,535 Didn't know I was stuck. 193 00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:29,927 Aw, yeah, you did. 194 00:07:29,971 --> 00:07:31,363 The Marines wasn't just a job for you-- 195 00:07:31,407 --> 00:07:32,887 it was your whole identity. 196 00:07:32,930 --> 00:07:34,628 I know what that's like, man. 197 00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:37,239 How would you know what that's like? 198 00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:39,981 I was lost when the Maple Leafs cut me. 199 00:07:40,024 --> 00:07:42,244 The Toronto Maple Leafs? 200 00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:43,463 Yeah. 201 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,465 The hockey team? 202 00:07:45,508 --> 00:07:46,640 Yeah. 203 00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,816 The professional hockey team 204 00:07:48,859 --> 00:07:50,731 that you played for? 205 00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:53,124 No, they cut me in training camp. 206 00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:55,953 I was great but, uh, not super great. 207 00:07:55,997 --> 00:07:59,174 Mm. It was a real puck in the jockstrap. 208 00:08:01,132 --> 00:08:02,264 How did I not know this? 209 00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:04,571 I don't like to talk about it. 210 00:08:04,614 --> 00:08:08,139 And you've never really, like, asked me a question before. 211 00:08:09,184 --> 00:08:12,535 The NHL that's on TV? 212 00:08:12,579 --> 00:08:14,972 Uh-huh. And for the next four years, 213 00:08:15,016 --> 00:08:16,670 I lived out of my car, 214 00:08:16,713 --> 00:08:20,978 trying to drink myself to death because I was, uh... 215 00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:22,153 Stuck? 216 00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:24,373 Now we're communicating. 217 00:08:25,548 --> 00:08:26,984 But I picked myself up, 218 00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,551 and now I'm on another team. 219 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:31,859 A team that finds bugs in hospital software. 220 00:08:33,817 --> 00:08:35,689 So, what's your thing? 221 00:08:35,732 --> 00:08:37,212 What's your next team? 222 00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:40,824 I don't know. 223 00:08:40,868 --> 00:08:42,391 It's okay! 224 00:08:42,434 --> 00:08:43,653 You're gonna find it, 225 00:08:43,697 --> 00:08:45,002 and I'm here for you. 226 00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:47,875 Thanks. 227 00:08:47,918 --> 00:08:50,051 Just because I sleep in your old bed with your ex-wife 228 00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:52,357 doesn't mean that you can't call me up in the middle of the night 229 00:08:52,401 --> 00:08:55,491 and say "Freddy, let's go take a walk." 230 00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:58,320 Good to know. 231 00:08:58,363 --> 00:08:59,974 Ah, bring it in. Come on. 232 00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:01,932 I'm a guy who says "you're welcome" with his arms. 233 00:09:02,890 --> 00:09:04,152 Yeah. 234 00:09:10,941 --> 00:09:12,160 What are you doing? 235 00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:13,465 Making a birdhouse for Freddy. 236 00:09:13,509 --> 00:09:14,554 Oh. Why? 237 00:09:14,597 --> 00:09:15,642 He's into birdwatching. 238 00:09:15,685 --> 00:09:17,252 Just trying to do a nice thing. 239 00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:19,341 Huh. You feel guilty. 240 00:09:19,384 --> 00:09:21,778 What, a man can't make another man a birdhouse? 241 00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:25,434 You and Vanessa made one mistake. 242 00:09:27,131 --> 00:09:28,829 We made a couple of mistakes. 243 00:09:28,872 --> 00:09:30,918 And we're gonna make another one tomorrow. 244 00:09:30,961 --> 00:09:32,180 Seriously, Riley? 245 00:09:32,223 --> 00:09:34,356 I know!Guilt is your heart 246 00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:36,619 and your brain rejecting bad behavior. 247 00:09:36,663 --> 00:09:38,229 Trust me, I know. I'm the king of guilt. 248 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:40,928 What do you have to feel guilty about? 249 00:09:40,971 --> 00:09:42,756 Disappointing my mother. 250 00:09:42,799 --> 00:09:44,627 But there is an answer for both of us. 251 00:09:44,671 --> 00:09:46,934 You stop sleeping with Vanessa, 252 00:09:46,977 --> 00:09:48,979 and I will marry Nasim. 253 00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,329 Who the hell is Nasim? 254 00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,855 She is the woman my mother has decided I will marry. 255 00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:56,857 Do your girlfriends know about this? 256 00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:58,641 I have to let them go. 257 00:09:58,685 --> 00:10:00,687 I have to let everything go. 258 00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:03,515 I had my fun. Going on six dates. 259 00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:04,778 Three at night. 260 00:10:05,779 --> 00:10:07,955 And those memories will comfort me in a way 261 00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:10,914 my wife will never be able to. 262 00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:12,742 I really don't want to stop sleeping with Vanessa. 263 00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:14,570 I really don't want to marry the neighborhood bully. 264 00:10:15,310 --> 00:10:17,399 I like your problem better than mine. 265 00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:30,151 Would you think I'm weird if I got chocolate cake as my entrée? 266 00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:33,415 No. You should eat whatever you want. 267 00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:36,113 It's nice you have the freedom to choose like that. 268 00:10:36,157 --> 00:10:37,375 It's just cake, Al. 269 00:10:37,419 --> 00:10:38,681 We can share. 270 00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:40,944 I wish we could. 271 00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:42,293 Something wrong? 272 00:10:42,337 --> 00:10:44,469 Ariana jaan, I brought you here 273 00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:46,515 because this is where you first fell in love with me, 274 00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:49,692 and this is where you must fall out of love with me. 275 00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:51,302 Since when am I in love with you? 276 00:10:51,346 --> 00:10:53,609 Ah. Thank you for making this so easy for me. 277 00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:57,004 Wait, are you breaking up with me? 278 00:10:57,047 --> 00:10:59,006 I am afraid so. 279 00:10:59,049 --> 00:11:01,922 My mother has decided that I must marry a girl back home. 280 00:11:02,879 --> 00:11:04,707 What happened? 281 00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:07,014 Another woman I am dating posted a picture of us together 282 00:11:07,057 --> 00:11:08,015 on Instagram. 283 00:11:08,058 --> 00:11:10,147 Oh, Al. 284 00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:11,583 If you're gonna date a white girl, 285 00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:13,716 you have to tell them not to do that up front. 286 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:15,631 I should have known. She was constantly posting pictures 287 00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,415 of what she ate. Eh. 288 00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:20,418 In college, my girlfriend posted a picture of us at a frat party. 289 00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:22,072 I didn't know my aunt was on Facebook. 290 00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:24,074 My dad drove to campus that night 291 00:11:24,118 --> 00:11:25,554 and tried to make me move back home. 292 00:11:25,597 --> 00:11:26,555 Ah. What happened? 293 00:11:26,598 --> 00:11:27,861 I said I wasn't going home. 294 00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:28,992 He said I was cut off. 295 00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:30,167 We didn't talk for a week. 296 00:11:30,211 --> 00:11:31,342 And then I got lucky. 297 00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:33,388 My cousin pierced her belly button 298 00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:35,607 and the news cycle had moved on. 299 00:11:35,651 --> 00:11:38,088 Oh, that is lucky. 300 00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:39,655 I wonder if I could get my cousin Zubair 301 00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,091 to get a face tattoo. 302 00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:42,310 Hmm. 303 00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:44,704 I'd really hate to lose you. 304 00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:51,058 What if you didn't have to lose me? 305 00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:53,364 How would that work? 306 00:11:53,408 --> 00:11:54,975 I tell my mother 307 00:11:55,018 --> 00:11:57,238 that there is a beautiful Afghan American woman 308 00:11:57,281 --> 00:11:59,544 with a face like the moon on the 14th day 309 00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:00,894 who comes from an excellent family, 310 00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:02,286 who can't bear to live without me 311 00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:04,245 and she's already shaking her head. 312 00:12:04,288 --> 00:12:05,594 That is not an option. 313 00:12:05,637 --> 00:12:07,204 Aw, come on. Nasim is the worst. 314 00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:08,945 She used to sit on me until I couldn't breathe. 315 00:12:08,989 --> 00:12:11,774 I understand the pressure you're under, 316 00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:14,211 but you're a grown man living halfway across the world 317 00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,256 from his family. 318 00:12:15,299 --> 00:12:17,911 You can chart your own path. 319 00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:19,651 Our path?Stop it. 320 00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:23,481 It took my father a while to understand 321 00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:25,788 why I was making certain choices, 322 00:12:25,832 --> 00:12:28,269 but he came around eventually. 323 00:12:28,312 --> 00:12:31,881 Maybe your mother will, too. 324 00:12:33,578 --> 00:12:36,190 With your beautiful eyes and my beautiful nose, 325 00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:38,453 our children could be movie stars. 326 00:12:38,496 --> 00:12:39,497 But we won't let them. 327 00:12:39,541 --> 00:12:41,456 They'll be doctors. 328 00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:42,892 No. 329 00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:45,721 Let's get you that cake and then we'll talk. 330 00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:51,074 I've been waiting for this all day. 331 00:12:51,118 --> 00:12:53,816 Yeah. Me, too. 332 00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,122 Mmm. 333 00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:57,951 But, um, maybe we don't go right to it. 334 00:12:57,994 --> 00:12:58,952 Why? 335 00:12:58,995 --> 00:13:01,476 I was thinking we could... 336 00:13:01,519 --> 00:13:03,173 cuddle a little. 337 00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:06,002 Watch TV. 338 00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:09,092 I did not get waxed to watch TV. 339 00:13:12,356 --> 00:13:14,358 I'm-I'm so sorry. 340 00:13:14,402 --> 00:13:15,751 I-I need to slow down. 341 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,535 Um, I just-- I got a lot of stuff 342 00:13:17,579 --> 00:13:19,015 bouncing around in my head. 343 00:13:19,059 --> 00:13:20,321 Well, let me help you relax. 344 00:13:20,364 --> 00:13:21,888 Yeah. 345 00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:26,718 Do you feel guilty about this? 346 00:13:26,762 --> 00:13:29,678 Stop it.Yeah, okay, okay. 347 00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,768 It's just... 348 00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,204 I talked to Freddy. 349 00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:36,163 What did you say? 350 00:13:36,206 --> 00:13:38,078 I didn't tell him about us. 351 00:13:38,121 --> 00:13:40,515 We talked about me, mostly. 352 00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:43,083 He's kind of insightful. 353 00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:45,172 Okay, but he doesn't know? 354 00:13:45,215 --> 00:13:46,913 No.'Kay. 355 00:13:53,963 --> 00:13:56,226 I made him a birdhouse. 356 00:13:57,532 --> 00:14:00,622 Please do anything with your mouth but talk. 357 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,844 Sorry for trying to tell you how I feel. 358 00:14:04,887 --> 00:14:07,063 Riley. 359 00:14:07,107 --> 00:14:08,369 Focus. 360 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:10,458 You're right. I'm sorry. 361 00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:19,684 My mother wants to talk to me about the wedding. 362 00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:21,556 How's this even gonna happen when you're here 363 00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:23,297 and Nasim's in Afghanistan? 364 00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:24,951 I will not be at the wedding. 365 00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:27,431 The tradition is they will use a sword to represent me. 366 00:14:27,475 --> 00:14:29,042 A sword?Yes. 367 00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:31,131 It is a symbol of masculinity. 368 00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:33,046 A little on the nose, but okay. 369 00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:36,658 Does your mother know how unhappy this is making you? 370 00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:37,702 It doesn't matter. 371 00:14:37,746 --> 00:14:39,922 She thinks I am on a sinful path 372 00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:42,925 and marriage is the only way she knows to turn my life around. 373 00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:44,927 How are you on a sinful path? 374 00:14:44,971 --> 00:14:47,799 You cover your eyes at shampoo commercials. 375 00:14:47,843 --> 00:14:50,063 I've already broken my mother's heart. 376 00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:51,891 I can't do it a second time. 377 00:14:51,934 --> 00:14:53,631 Now, excuse me. 378 00:14:53,675 --> 00:14:56,112 I need to go pick out what kind of sword I'm going to be. 379 00:14:58,332 --> 00:15:00,856 Uh, you know my friend, Dave Flanagan? 380 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,075 Yeah. What about him? 381 00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:04,077 He's got this son, uh, Toby. 382 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,688 Now, not the tallest guy in the world, but... 383 00:15:06,731 --> 00:15:08,255 Stop. 384 00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:09,256 It's a very nice family. 385 00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:10,344 Stop! 386 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:21,050 Hey, you two! 387 00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:22,269 What's going on? 388 00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:25,663 Mother, Mr. Art is here. 389 00:15:25,707 --> 00:15:27,622 Hi! 390 00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:29,145 Nice to see you! 391 00:15:29,189 --> 00:15:31,713 I think you have a good kid here! 392 00:15:31,756 --> 00:15:33,454 No good kid. Bad kid. 393 00:15:33,497 --> 00:15:35,021 Bad kid! 394 00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:40,069 She is so embarrassed 395 00:15:40,113 --> 00:15:42,376 she let such a bad influence into your home. 396 00:15:42,419 --> 00:15:44,247 She would like to slap me through the Internet. 397 00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:45,683 But since she can't, 398 00:15:45,727 --> 00:15:47,511 she is wondering if you would please do it. 399 00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:49,122 Slide over. 400 00:15:59,523 --> 00:16:01,743 Being a parent's the toughest job. 401 00:16:01,786 --> 00:16:02,744 My son 402 00:16:02,787 --> 00:16:04,050 far from me. 403 00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:05,442 I not help. 404 00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:08,532 Well, my son spent some time far away from me 405 00:16:08,576 --> 00:16:10,099 in your country, 406 00:16:10,143 --> 00:16:14,016 so I know about feeling helpless. 407 00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:20,283 Let me tell you something about this kid. 408 00:16:20,327 --> 00:16:22,024 You taught him well. 409 00:16:22,068 --> 00:16:24,984 He's honest and kind. 410 00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:29,162 Everyone in this house is better because of him. 411 00:16:29,205 --> 00:16:31,947 You should be so proud. 412 00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:37,866 What are you staring at? Tell her. 413 00:16:50,444 --> 00:16:53,055 I know it's none of my business, 414 00:16:53,099 --> 00:16:54,317 but he doesn't need to get married 415 00:16:54,361 --> 00:16:56,058 to stay on the straight and narrow. 416 00:16:56,102 --> 00:16:57,233 He's on it. 417 00:16:57,277 --> 00:16:58,713 And if he ever messes up, 418 00:16:58,756 --> 00:17:00,193 I'll straighten him out. 419 00:17:00,236 --> 00:17:02,064 I promise. 420 00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:20,256 Thank you, Riley father. 421 00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:22,998 You're welcome, Al's mom. 422 00:17:35,445 --> 00:17:37,621 Wow. I had no idea you could do this. 423 00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:39,101 I'm glad you like it. 424 00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:41,364 There are so many things I don't know about you. 425 00:17:41,408 --> 00:17:42,974 Uh, not a lot to know. 426 00:17:43,018 --> 00:17:44,628 I'm an open book. 427 00:17:44,672 --> 00:17:47,414 Well, that's a book I'd like to take out of the library. 428 00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:48,893 Maybe never bring it back. 429 00:17:51,722 --> 00:17:53,463 Cool. 430 00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:56,031 Well, thanks again for this birdhouse. 431 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:59,861 Sure. Yeah, I hope it attracts many birds that you... 432 00:17:59,904 --> 00:18:01,515 enjoy looking at. 433 00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:02,690 Speaking of which, 434 00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:05,171 you know what my favorite bird is? 435 00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:07,129 The owl. 436 00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:09,523 'Cause they see everything. 437 00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:15,616 When I was a kid, we had a barn owl. 438 00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:17,357 Used to eat rats. 439 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,402 They never saw him coming. 440 00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,318 Boy, I love this thing. 441 00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:25,365 Someday I'll give you a gift.