(film reel running)
Downloaded from YTS.MX
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
(rhythmic music)
(mellow music)
(chains rattling) (Lily cheering)
(men applauding)
- Nice shot. - That was hot.
- Foot fall.
- No, no, that was a perfect shot.
- Sorry, foot was over the line.
- Guys are saying, no, listen to the guys.
Vote, can we take a vote?
- Are we playing by the rules or not?
Come on.
That birdie flew away.
- Such bullshit.
- [Shane] Hey.
- Shane, my boy, how are you?
Have a seat.
Please, sit down.
(Robert screaming)
Not there, that is a Herman Miller original.
Please.
I'm gonna have to teach you about these antiques
if you're going to be posting them on my internets.
Sit in the knock off.
- Sorry. - Yes.
That's worth about a thousand bucks, this is 60 bucks.
You'll learn, my boy, you'll learn, my boy.
And you'll get paid, you'll get paid.
- Okay. - You'll get paid.
(Robert patting Shane's leg)
- You know he's not from England, right?
- (laughing) Whoa, ladybug.
That is true, I'm not proper British,
but most of my friends are Brits,
and I've spent quite a few fortnights
across the pond, as they say.
- [Shane] Interesting.
- I guess the dialect has rubbed off on me,
some of the affectations.
So, yes, I am Yankee by blood, but
British by.
- (sighing) Okay,
Dad, this has, this has got to,
Shane, do you think that I could just talk to my dad
really quick, just privately?
- [Shane] Yeah.
- Dad? - You know what?
Just stop.
I get it.
I'm acting a little crazy.
I feel crazy.
I'm having what they call, a
mid-life crisis, okay?
But I don't have the money to buy a Corvette
or a boat or a motorcycle
or whatever the fuck 50 year olds buy or do
when they turn 50,
which is halfway to a hundred.
That's mid-life, if I live to be a hundred.
You're gonna be lucky if I don't live to be a hundred.
This is what I'm doing, okay?
This is my mid-life crisis.
Let me have a little fun.
I'm having fun with Shane.
- I just wanted to borrow 20 bucks.
- For what?
- A disc golf tournament.
- You know what, there's a saying,
when you're a child you play with children's toys,
but as you grow up you must put.
No, hang on a minute.
It goes, children play, when you're a child
your toys are okay,
but as you grow up you've got to put the toys away.
I think it actually rhymes like that.
In a trunk or something like that.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is grow the fuck up.
And please just get a real job.
- Thank you.
- Don't walk out on me, bye-bye.
(upbeat music)
(Nona kissin coin)
(coin scratching ticket)
(rocks crashing) (Nona screaming)
- God.
What did I do to their beautiful rock garden?
(rocks hitting each other)
(rocks crashing) (Nona sighing)
(Nona knocking)
(Robert knocking)
- Hello? (Robert knocking)
Hello. (both knocking)
- Hello?
- Yeah. - Hello?
- How can I help you?
- Is Lily here?
- She's probably asleep, but,
you're her friend, yeah,
from high school, Nina.
- Nona.
- No, it's not Nina?
- Nona. - No.
- Sure. - Yeah, she's asleep,
so why don't you come back in a couple.
- Lily! Lily.
- She's sleeping.
- Well, she can wake up.
- Sleeping. - Nona.
Come in here.
- Hey, Lily, Lily!
(Nona knocking) Lily!
- Nona! - Hey!
- Oh my gosh! - Oh my gosh!
- Come in. I'm sorry.
- Just get in here. (Nona mumbling)
Just come on in.
- I dropped out.
- I know, I can't believe it.
- We gotta party.
I am home forever.
- Hang on a minute.
Did you say you dropped out of college?
- Yeah.
Yeah. - Well guess what?
Lily never went.
- Neither did you.
- Okay, that's neither here nor there.
Are you guys hungry?
- Yeah. - Can I get you anything?
- Yeah. - So I've been writing poems.
- Hey, real quick.
How's your mom?
- She's crazy.
- Yeah, crazy like a foxy lady.
She's such a bitch and that's what I love.
You know, men love bitches
and that's why you're gonna get a lot of men little lady.
- So, I got this. Boom.
- You're still scratching?
- Yeah, but this is a winner.
This is a winner.
- How much did you win?
- 10 dollars right here.
A boat.
- Let's bring people.
- Okay.
We get some guy models to serve us, and cook for us.
- [Lily] Or robot models.
- Yeah. - Okay.
Got ya some breakfast. - Yes, yummy!
- I have a lot to do today, so have at it.
- I'm so glad to be home.
- [Robert] I'll be at the shop.
- It was sad and lonely.
I hated it. It's great.
(egg cracking and liquid dripping)
It's great to see you.
- [Robert] FYI, you have to cook the eggs.
- What the fuck?
- 38 pairs of shoes.
Write that down, 38 pairs.
We got an angel here.
Angel.
Seven pounds.
I mean dollars. (laughing)
- Right.
- I thought I was in England for a minute.
Brandy glass. (glass tinking)
That thing.
(glass clinking) A vase.
(glass crashing)
Now, this is a family heirloom.
My great-great-grandmother, 1899.
- [Shane] Looks old.
It's a lamp, right?
- Yes,
and she had it in her parlor.
- [Shane] It's pretty.
- She lived in Manchester.
(lamp clinking)
Christ all mighty.
(Robert gasping)
- [Nona] Hi Mom.
- Hi Sweetie.
No.
- But Mom.
- This little hoodlum has been out stealing recycling,
and she stole my plastic, and my glass.
- I'm sorry, I'll go.
- [Sonya] I don't want you hanging out with this hoodlum.
- Actually, we were gonna go play golf anyways.
- Oh, I understand how it is.
Oh, I get it.
You think that it's okay for you to leave.
I'm not staying up all night,
and I'm not gonna play chess with you later.
Don't even ask me!
And tell your goddamn father, Lily,
to stop yelling!
He's crazy!
(door slamming)
(bottle spraying)
(Sonya breathing heavily)
- I just say have at it.
- Yeah, but what happened to your pool guy?
- It's not in me budget, quite right now.
So why don't you start at the deep end
and work your way towards the.
You can see it's like a swamp.
It's been weeks.
- You wanted me to clean the whole thing?
(water splashing)
- Wait, what's that?
The bottom of the pool.
- [Shane] What's what?
- At the bottom.
Oh my god, there's a dead lizard at the bottom of the pool.
- No, I can't get it.
It's too deep.
- You're gonna have to jump in.
- With my clothes on?
- Yeah, it's gonna rot in my whole pool.
Just take your clothes off.
- Okay, do you have a bathing suit?
- No, it won't fit you.
You've got a fat ass.
- It's not that fat.
- Just get in there.
Take your clothes off and get in.
Honestly, I'm gonna have to drain the pool
if that thing rots any further.
(Shane sighing)
Get in there.
What, does he think he can swim?
He's like, oh, look,
a big, body of water.
I'm one of those lizards that can run across the water,
and then where is he now?
On the bottom of the pool.
Chip, chop, bottom of pool, pronto.
Get down there.
Get to the bottom of the pool.
Bottom of the pool, bottom of the pool,
bottom of the pool, bottom of the pool.
What are you waiting for boy?
(Shane splashing)
(Shane screaming)
- I got your lizard,
from the bottom of the pool.
(Shane sighing)
(sultry music)
(Lily grunting)
(Lily kissing arm)
(Nona grunting)
(Lily kissing arm)
(chains rattling)
- [Nona] Oh, yeah!
(Lily laughing)
(Nona screaming)
(chains rattling)
- Come on, let's go.
Come on.
(Nona sighing)
- Can we get some scratchers?
(Nona screaming) (rock hitting tree)
(both cheering)
- Hey!
Excuse me.
What are you doing?
Show some respect to nature, okay.
(Ted hammering)
- You're hammering a nail in a tree.
That's disrespecting nature.
- This is where we put our mail.
I got like eight more to put up.
I don't have time to explain to you
how this community works
that you're clearly not a part of.
- I don't want to be a part of your community.
- Yeah, well the feeling's mutual.
- Is it?
- Yeah, my community is the greatest community.
- These trees are the only friends you have.
You have no other friends but trees,
that's why you probably (mumbling).
- I don't need any other friends, all right.
I got my friend right here.
Say hello to my little friend here.
(Nona yelling)
I can't.
Just go.
I got messages to spread.
We're a community.
- [Lily] We have to enter that.
500 dollars, that's like.
- A week and a half of lottery tickets.
Think of the money.
Like 500 dollars, we could turn that into
hundreds of thousands of dollars.
We're entering this, yeah.
- But it's 50 dollars to enter.
That's a lot.
- Yeah.
- I feel like.
We could do that,
but it's just one person, 50 dollars.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, we probably know who should enter.
- I mean, I would like to.
Like, I've gotten a lot better,
and I think I could really bring it,
and I could really do a great job.
- You could bring it.
- Yeah.
- You could bring my bag.
You could bring my bag.
- Like carry your bag?
- Like be my caddy.
Do you want to be my caddy?
- Yeah.
(upbeat music)
(doors opening)
(Robert falling and grunting)
(Robert exhaling)
(can rattling)
(Robert clearing throat)
(Robert spitting)
(Lily groaning)
(Robert clearing throat)
(Robert playing slide whistle)
(Frisbee hitting Robert)
- Sorry.
- Oh, where were you?
- I was. - I know.
- [Both] Golfing.
- How?
- Well that's all you do.
But that's what I wanted to talk to you about.
How'd that contest go?
The light break, nighttime contest?
- I lost.
- (smirking) Did you?
So that's another 20 bucks down the shitter.
Oh, this came for you.
Sorry.
- Dear Tenant, please leave.
I love you.
The MGM.
- It's an eviction notice, okay.
You're being evicted and I'd like you to evict ASAP.
- Okay, Dad. - Which means
as soon as possible.
- I don't have time for this, okay.
I'm cold.
- Hey, hey, hey, hang on a minute.
You always avoid this topic.
There's never any time,
and I wanna discuss this now,
because I could rent your room out,
and I need to because I'm not doing well.
Okay, you're 17 years old.
- I'm 20 years old.
- Okay, that's worse.
You know, I ran away when I was 16.
Just a little, faggoty kid,
running down the streets of Chicago,
and I had nowhere to go.
I know you have a place to go.
Don't you?
- No.
- Well, listen.
Listen to me,
I would be doing you a disservice if I let you stay here
for free, and suck on my milkless teat
for the rest of your life.
You're doing nothing,
nothing with your life.
You don't have a job.
- You don't have a job.
- You watch your mouth, little lady.
I'll wash it out with Ivory soap.
Okay, I run an antiquities exchange.
- You run a junk shop.
- For the last time, it is an antique store,
and I know it's not doing well.
That's why I need you to, you know,
stay with one of your friends,
just maybe just for a couple months,
up to a couple, forever hopefully.
It's called leaving the nest.
I should just push you out and see if you can fly.
I need to (banging on door)
rent this room out.
- Okay.
- [Robert] You're not doing anything
with your life.
- Yes I am.
I'm going to be a professional disc golfer.
- There's no such thing as a professional disc golfer!
- Okay, I'm out.
I'll move out.
- Hey, hey, hang on a minute, hang on a minute.
You do have a place to go, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Okay, because I'm not a devil.
- Yeah you are, but whatever.
- No, hang on a minute.
I'm sorry I yelled.
I'm sorry, but listen.
This is gonna be good, this is gonna good.
It's gonna be very good for you.
(door opening)
(suitcase rolling)
- Hey, I just came through your front door.
It's unlocked.
Lily's room good to go?
(mellow music)
- I'm going to take a quick potty break,
and I'll be.
(door closing)
- [Announcer] Can we get a manager to register five, please?
A manager to the front.
(upbeat music)
(motor whirring)
- Where's the key to this drawer?
'Cause I can't get it.
- I don't know.
(can tapping on door)
- Mr. Markles is here.
(bell ringing)
Mr. Markles.
(cane tapping floor)
No. - Here, let me get that.
(both mumbling)
- You go get.
Stop, Mr. Markles.
Mr. Markles, (glass clattering)
no, have a seat.
Hi, no, what.
(boxes falling) (glass clattering)
Help me.
It's just a little glassware.
- Excuse me.
Jimmy Choo shoes?
- Sit here.
- [Customer] Jimmy Choo!
- Coming, coming, coming.
Coming.
No, there's are not.
No, those are Tom Ford.
Oh, no, those are Tom Ford.
Mr. Markles!
No, Shane!
(glass clattering) Mr. Markles!
Shane!
(screaming) Mr. Markles.
No, Mr. Markles!
Help me, Shane!
(glass shattering)
Mr. Markles!
Help me!
- [Customer] Jimmy Choo shoes.
- Coming, coming.
- Shoes! - Coming, coming.
(dramatic music)
- Did you get any money?
- I got 10 dollars.
- Really? - Yeah.
- All right, all right.
40 more to go.
- We're gonna invest it, man.
We're gonna take that 10 dollars, get a scratcher, boom.
- Wait, what?
- Set for life.
Set for life.
(register beeping) - Thank you.
Gotta win this one.
I'm gonna win it.
Yeah!
- Well, scratch it.
- You don't scratch it.
You gotta be in it.
- What do you mean?
- You gotta be in the zone.
(coin scratching ticket)
Oh, shit.
- Did we win?
- Yeah, yeah.
- We won? - Yeah.
- How much?
- We won another one.
Yeah, we won another one.
- Should've just gotten your money back.
All right, just scratch it.
(knuckles cracking)
- I feel like you're glaring.
You're glaring.
(sighing) They can't all be winners, okay.
- Did you at least win another one?
- No, but we'll get another one.
(Lily sighing)
- Lose like 20 dollars every day.
It's not just today.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
No.
But it's still playing the odds.
You know,
like you still gotta, - Oh my god.
- I won that free ticket.
- Oh my god, seriously,
you literally sound insane,
and I'm not about to just
waste my life, - Well, you know what?
- Trying to get you to get scratchers.
- You kind of sound like a bitch right now.
- Okay, then I'm a bitch. - Maybe your dad's right.
Do you want 50 dollars?
Or do you want 50000 dollars?
- No, I don't care about having 50000 dollars right now.
- But you want 50 dollars.
- I want to just take a nap in my room, okay.
- In your room?
- Yes.
- You have a place to sleep because of me right now.
- I know, and thank you.
- (Hushing) My mom's asleep, my mom's asleep, 'kay?
(Lily snoring)
You're not sleeping.
You can't fall asleep that fast.
Lily.
I am your caddy, okay,
and I am there, guiding you step by step,
I am there telling you which disc to throw,
and how to throw it.
And I am there every step of the way,
leading you to victory.
And this is a victory I'm trying to lead us to,
but you're fucking it up.
Lily.
I'm gonna go get some pretzels.
(Lily snoring)
I'm gonna get some pretzels,
and I'm gonna get a Set For Life,
and I'm gonna bring home that money.
Your dad's right, you're a bitch.
(dog groaning)
- Now, is it possible on the website of the internets,
to get sound, song?
- Yeah.
- Then can I compose something?
- Yeah. - Something like this?
(Robert playing slide whistle)
- Yeah, that's pretty good.
- Are you laughing at me?
- No, I think that's really good.
- You're smiling.
- I'm smiling 'cause it's really good.
- Really?
- Yeah. (Robert cheering)
It's really good.
- Yes, I like this, I like this, I like this
so much.
It's a little out of tune, but I blame the whistle.
It's a little bent.
I'm a professional.
You know, I really need a metal slide whistle.
These are just cheap, hard plastic.
(whistle dropping)
Show me the bells and whistles
when you first see the main page.
What are they gonna see?
- How about we put you?
- Oh, I like. - Do you like that?
- I like that.
- All right, let's do that.
We'll put you.
- Oh, I like that a lot.
Just my face.
- And then we'll have you hold (mumbling).
- Oh, I see, right.
(mumbling) I like that.
- We'll have you holding all your junk.
- I love it.
- We'll do one side.
- Can you stop?
They're antiques, they're antiquities,
they're expensive, and they're very old.
- Okay.
- I don't want to hear you say junk again.
Just because it's old doesn't mean it's junk.
- Okay, sorry.
- Did you hear that?
Did you hear that?
Just because something's old doesn't mean it's junk,
something like that,
like, for a slogan.
- That's pretty good. - Right.
- Yeah, that's actually really good.
- Right. - Yeah, that's really good.
- Right!
I've been looking for a slogan for years!
I've got to write this down.
There we go.
Something about junk.
- Junk. - You called it junk.
- I did, but it wasn't.
- Yeah, okay, don't bring your, no,
it was something, what was it, how did it start?
- Just.
- Right, right, right, I got it, I got it.
Just,
hang on.
Just, all that's coming to me is just junk,
but that doesn't, that would be the worst.
Just junk.
(Robert sighing)
We lost it.
I just don't remember what it is.
Just because it's junk doesn't mean it's junk.
What kind of flibbertgibbet, flibbertigibbert idiot
would come up with something like that?
You're a real willow of the whisp,
real mongoloid idiot.
(paper ripping and crumpling)
(dog whining)
- Lettuce, peanut butter.
Yes, Nona?
- I have a thought.
- Well keep that one up, that's a change.
- I need 50 dollars.
- You need to stop thinking and start praying.
You have got to stop the scratching.
- I'm not scratching.
- Then what?
- Disc golf.
Yeah.
- So you're playing actual golf?
- It's like golf, but
it would use a Frisbee.
- How do you hit a Frisbee with a golf club?
- You use a disc.
There's no golf clubs.
- How do you get the disc into the little holes?
- Instead of the little holes,
there's these big, metal, like chain, like baskets.
There's a tournament this weekend,
and we need 50 dollars to play, to rock it.
- We?
- Yeah, Lily.
- I'm out.
- No, no.
Mom, she can totally win this.
Please?
- Please what?
That bitch is trouble.
- Which bitch?
- The which bitch behind me.
- Lily is my best friend, Mom.
I know she can win this.
She is like a disc golf god.
Please?
- Fine.
(upbeat music)
- Lily, can you come here for a second?
- Oh, yeah.
What's up?
- Yeah, could you just stop staring at me?
It just makes me feel uncomfortable, that's all.
- I just wish that I could just stare at you
without feeling like a creep.
Guys do it all the time, right, and we don't say anything.
No matter what we say
you guys think that we're flirting with you.
- Yeah, I'd just prefer if you didn't, that's all.
- Well I'm gonna fuck you with my eyes.
- Enjoy your session.
- Yeah.
- Have fun.
(upbeat music)
(dramatic music)
(Nona yelling)
(Lily kissing arm)
(man mumbling)
- All right, first place today is Lily Fletcher.
She's gonna be taking first place prize.
Congratulations. (all applauding)
Great game.
- Hey.
Lily.
Wait up.
Hey, congratulations.
- Thanks, yeah.
- As you know, I work for Legacy,
and we wanted you to come by the shop sometime,
pick up some gear on us.
- Okay.
- And I was curious, are you serious about going pro?
- Yes, yeah.
- Well, we'd like to offer you a full sponsorship.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I mean you're extremely talented young woman,
and by representing Legacy Discs,
it's gonna open up
a ton of new opportunities for you to shine.
- Oh my god.
I will not let you down.
- What about me?
- What?
- Do I get sponsorship too?
- We don't generally sponsor caddies.
- Oh, well yeah, sorry.
- I mean, I'm sorry, I can't then.
- Well then, I guess you're both sponsored.
- [Lily] Really?
- Yeah, I mean we'll have to.
- Oh my god! - Aw, sweet!
Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, I'll have to run it by my boss, but.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, run it by your boss.
- Thanks.
- Should be cool.
Yeah, so, well you have my card.
Come stop by anytime.
Maybe later this week.
- Okay. - Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Sooner than later, if you want.
- Yeah, I hope it's sooner than later.
- No, I didn't mean it like that.
But, yeah.
- But you just said sooner than later.
- Oh yeah, don't put words in my mouth.
- Okay, I'm not, but. - See ya later.
- Yeah, sooner than later.
- Congratulations. - Thanks.
- I think he likes me. - Yeah.
- Oh, look what I made.
- Looks good.
- Picked 'em right off the tree.
- Oh, by the way, I wanted to tell you,
The Antique Roadshow is coming to town.
- Right.
I know, I know.
I'm going on.
- I thought it was appointment only.
- Oh no, I was planning on calling them today,
making that appointment,
but it's fascinating we're on the same.
That's good.
You're thinking like me.
That's exciting.
(Robert playing slide whistle)
Well, I think I'm gonna pop into the philharmonic
and see if they need a slide whistler. (laughing)
- [Shane] Oh really?
That's so weird, 'cause I got you something.
- Oh, what is.
What the fuck is this?
- It's a kazoo.
- I know.
I know it's a kazoo.
Why would you think I'd want that.
- Because clowns like slide whistles,
and clowns use kazoos.
I thought you would like this.
I thought that's something you would like.
- I'm a clown?
- No, I didn't say that.
- You just said I'm a clown.
You said, clowns like slide whistles,
and you know I like slide whistles.
So I'm a clown
that's going to like slide whistles and kazoos.
- No, that's not what I said.
I just said that, you know,
that clowns they have to use those things.
I didn't know.
- First of all, clowns don't use slide whistles.
Slide whistles accompany the clowns goofy actions
and pratfalls and trips.
They honk a horn maybe. (imitating horn)
Now, I don't have any qualms playing the slide whistle
for a clown, in, let's say Cirque du Soleil.
It's a quite a very well known and well paying gig.
I've no problem with that.
But I, meself, am not clown,
with a rubber nose, running around playing a slide.
Clowns don't do that, git,
please, try to understand there are clowns
and there are musicians.
- I thought it was a nice gesture.
It's a kazoo.
Who doesn't like kazoos.
- Oh, right, you know who doesn't like kazoos?
(kazoo hitting floor)
Me.
(Lily gasping)
- Legacy Disc.
Bitch you're a legend.
Right, come on, let's do this.
(Lily knocking on door)
(door opening)
(phone ringing)
(keyboard clicking)
- [Both] Hi.
- Yes, can I help you?
- Is Matt here?
- Max. - Max here.
Is Max here?
Yeah, I don't know.
- Could we call him?
Or bring him forward?
Or let him know that we're here?
- I don't know, can you?
- Does Max work here?
- [Woman] I don't know.
- Yeah, I'll be right back, yeah.
- [Lily and Nona] Max!
- Welcome to Legacy Discs.
Make yourselves at home.
Right, welcome.
Yeah, so this is where we manufacture
pretty much everything.
You know, we got discs over here.
We've got discs right here.
We've got some more discs right here.
It's where we get the work done, you know.
Pretty much just got discs.
Yeah, feel free to touch them.
It's all right.
(Lily and Nona giggling)
- Oh, I wouldn't do that yet.
Last week, we had Johnathon, he put his finger in there,
and now he's Nine Finger Johnny.
(Lily laughing)
I'm totally serious.
- Nine Finger Johnny.
Oh wait, I need to tie my shoe really quick.
(sultry music)
- Ladies.
(Nona and Lily moaning)
- Dad, Dad.
- Yeah.
I'm over here.
I'm in the lemons.
- Oh, Dad, guess what?
- What?
- I got a sponsor.
- Oh, I didn't know you had a problem.
- I don't have a problem.
- Was it alcohol?
- What?
- Oh my god, you're on drugs?
You know what, you got a sponsor,
you're ahead of the game.
Look, my sponsor sucks.
- No, I didn't get a.
- He's in the hospital right now.
- He is?
- You know, pretty much, I'm this close to drinking.
- But you're not drinking.
- I'm having a little nip and tuck here and there.
Maybe I could have your sponsor.
- Well, no, I don't have a sponsor like that.
It's like, I have a sponsor with my disc golf.
It's Legacy, it's like the biggest company in disc golfing.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- You have like a thing where they pay you to play, finally.
- Yeah, yeah.
- So how much money did they pay you?
- Well, they don't pay me,
they just allow me to go into tournaments
to be able to win money,
and they give me like shirts and stuff.
- Oh great, then you won't be naked.
Guess what?
I am sponsored in my slide whistle.
- You got a new sponsor.
- I got sponsored to play the slide whistle,
in with a bunch of clowns.
And they gave me t-shirts and red noses.
- Really?
- Yeah.
It's a good job, good job for you.
- Dad, don't get mad, this is a good thing.
- It is good, but you know what's gonna be better,
when they start paying you money.
But it is good.
- [Lily] I'm going to be making money.
- Good, good, good, good.
I gotta keep moving or I just lose my momentum.
(mellow music)
Did you get a couple lemons?
- Yeah I did, I got.
- I got plenty.
- Yeah.
- Just put that down there.
I will never watch Antique Roadshow again,
or any public television for that matter.
They humiliated me.
Absolutely.
They shunned me.
Used to be my favorite show.
This is what I do.
I deal in antiquities,
and they just didn't appreciate them.
That fella, Frederick, that we had,
he's a millennial, he just doesn't appreciate,
he's an imbecile.
Doesn't even know what an antique is.
Totally humiliating.
- All he said was just bring more special things.
- These are special things.
- You brought your cell phone from the eighties.
Hello, hello, who's calling?
Nobody.
- You're being quite disrespectful right now.
- You bought this at Target.
I was with you when you bought this at Target.
- Busted.
I did try to pull one over on them.
They almost thought
this was actually Marilyn Monroe's hat case.
- A pasta strainer.
- Well, it's my grandmother's.
They don't make 'em like this anymore.
You ever see that color?
- Fucking hubcap.
- No, that's a vase.
- Jeep, Jeep?
- Oh, I did not know Jeep made vases.
- You brought a fucking bag of pennies.
- Look, you can see that's old, that's cracked.
- This is shit.
- Well don't.
- No, this is junk!
Junk, junk, junk, junk, junk, junk, junk, junk, junk,
fucking junk.
Junk, that's what that shit is, it's all junk.
- Leave, you need to leave, get out.
- It's your junk.
- You are disrespectful and you're fired.
- Good.
Good.
- Well, my website's done anyways.
(door opening)
- Hey, you wanted to see me?
- Just strapped.
Can I get the key back to the front door?
- Is that why you wanted to see me?
You don't want me to ever stop by?
- I'll make a key, but I just need it now, because.
- I can make a copy.
- I need it now.
(keys rattling)
Well which one is it?
No, I know, 'cause mine's right here, that's it.
So, take this one off.
Okay, that should be, oh, this is the P.O. box.
- My mail gets sent there.
- What is that?
It's the key to my gun.
It's the trigger lock.
Why do you have that?
- I don't know.
- Well, I'm taking that with, what are all these?
Hang on a minute, hang on a minute.
What is this one?
No, this one, this one, this one I'll take.
- All right, is that all?
- No, no, no, no, this is the back door.
Both of these, the sliding door.
(key tinkling)
Put that back on later.
The gym membership.
- [Lily] I need that.
- I need it back, 'cause I lent it to you like a year ago.
- [Lily] You never go to the gym.
- Well, I'm gonna start going to the gym.
I need to.
I don't feel the same.
- You said that three years ago.
- Definitely don't need my IKEA family plan.
Yes, we're still a family.
'Cause I don't know what this last one is,
but I'm sure it's not for you.
So I'm just gonna go ahead and figure out what they're for,
and do you need this?
'Cause I could really use it.
I got a lot of keys now.
- Yeah, I need that.
(coin scratching ticket)
- What are you doing in there, honey?
- [Nona] I'm taking a piss.
(coin scratching ticket)
- You're not taking a piss.
I hear you.
I hear that.
- Fine.
- (mumbling) Get out of the bathroom.
- I'm fine, okay, please leave me alone.
Just give me a second.
- [Sonya] You've been scratching.
- Mom, don't touch me, it's fine, it's nothing.
- (crying) Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.
- You're so overdramatic, this is nothing.
You're making this all about you, and it's nothing.
(Sonya crying)
Mom, it's nothing, okay, I'm fine.
Will you stop!
You're making this all about you,
and it's not about you!
- Get your stuff out, out.
You don't live here anymore.
- What? - You don't live here.
- I am gonna leave, 'cause I'm sick of your bullshit.
- You're ruining my serenity.
- Oh, and you're serenity's more important than I am.
Yeah, so make me homeless for your serenity.
Fuck that!
(door slamming)
(dog whining)
- Hey!
- What are you doing?
- Hey, I got a trip planned for us.
We're going on a trip.
- We are?
- Yeah, yeah, I packed your bag.
We're ready. - Where?
- We're going camping.
- We are?
- Yeah, we are.
- I love camping.
- I know you do.
(garage door slamming shut)
- [Lily] Sorry.
- Just be a little quiet.
- [Lily] Sorry.
- The cooler's in the back, let's just go.
Whoa, look at this, look at this.
Boom, boom, boom.
Look at you go.
You got it, you got it.
- Just like that. - Be real quiet, real quiet.
- Just like that.
- All right, you ready for me?
I'm coming over.
Here I come.
Okay, all right.
Okay, I'm coming over.
I really don't know how to get over on this.
I don't know how to do this.
Okay, okay.
(garbage can banging)
Okay, okay.
Okay, I got this, you ready?
Catch me.
You might need to catch me.
We're doing it.
Okay.
Whoa, okay, my foot is in the.
You ready to catch me?
All right,
- [Lily] Bring it over.
- Oh my tits.
- Let go, let go, let go.
You're good.
What's going on?
- I got us both kicked out, so let's set up our tent.
Yeah, it's gonna be fun.
(goofy music)
- [Lily] You made a tent before?
That does not look right.
(upbeat music)
(footsteps falling)
(fabric ripping)
(Lily knocking on door)
- What's going on?
You're getting rid of the pool table?
- Well, I'm gonna sell it.
I'm just moving it down to the store,
so I can sell it.
- But you love pool.
- Nah.
You like that?
Using your millennial phrase, nah.
- Naw.
- Oh, it's naw.
- Naw.
- I thought it was nah.
Nah.
- No.
- Doesn't really matter.
- Well I just came to grab some of my food that I left.
- Yeah, just don't take any of my food, okay.
Especially the eggs.
I know you love your eggs.
- Okay.
- Oh god, do you guys need help?
Here let me get the door.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Yeah. - Thank you.
- Let me check, let me check.
- There's only three.
- Can I check?
(mellow music)
I said two.
Lily.
(upbeat music)
(man screaming)
(man exhaling)
(Lily mumbling) - Where's the basket?
(man laughing)
- There you go.
I dare ya.
(man mumbling)
(Frisbee hitting face) (Lily gasping)
- I'm so sorry.
- Are you okay?
Where'd that come from?
What the fuck? - Are you okay?
- Holy shit.
(upbeat music) (people yelling)
(Lily groaning)
(Lily and woman yelling)
- It's okay, it's okay.
- Whoa, whoa. - Sorry, sorry.
- Disc golf.
(all yelling)
- Water break?
- Yeah, water. - Water's a good time.
(men mumbling)
- [Nona] Your nose is bleeding again.
- [Lily] It is?
- Yeah, it's bleeding.
The other one, the other.
- Were you the one kicking me?
- No, I kicked you a couple times, but I wasn't kicking you.
- Kicking me a couple times is kicking me.
- No, I.
- I thought we were friends.
You were supposed to have my back.
- We are friends.
- Obviously not.
- No, I had your back.
I just had to watch out for mine too.
It's like mob mentality.
- They weren't attacking you.
- Exactly.
But if I didn't kick you once or twice, gently,
they would have come after me.
- My rib hurts from that.
(sad music)
(Robert slurping tea)
(Robert screaming)
- I'm sorry.
I've been here for like 15 minutes.
- Welcome to my antiquities shopping.
How can I help you?
- So, I'm looking to return this.
- Keep looking.
'Cause where did you buy it?
- I bought it here.
- No.
There's no way.
We don't sell junk.
- No, I did, I did.
I have a receipt.
- Okay, well I have a policy.
Which is, change,
if the plan,
who?
- Can I please just?
- Oh, if you can dreamt it, you can do it, do it.
I need to.
- I don't care at all.
I want to give you back this elephant,
because I don't want it.
- Can you read this?
- Your hand's covering it, so absolutely not.
- No, my hand is helping you read.
No exchanges, no intercambios.
(Robert attempting to read foreign language)
Oh.
Do you speak Spanish?
- I don't speak Spanish.
- [Robert] You don't?
- I don't speak Spanish.
- Well, I do,
and what that says is, go to Hell,
because you bought it, you broke it, you paid for it.
You break it, you buy it.
There it is, that's the one I was looking for.
You break it, you buy it.
- It's not broken.
It's completely fine.
- Oh really?
- [Man] Yes, really. - Can I see it then?
- [Man] Yes, you can see it.
There's nothing wrong with it.
No imperfections whatsoever.
(elephant hitting floor)
What are you?
- Oh, I dropped it.
You're right, it's not broken.
(Elephant breaking) Whoops.
You broke it.
You bought it, piggly wiggly.
Thanks for coming.
Bye.
(Robert slurping tea)
(bell ringing)
Hey.
- Hi.
- Welcome to my antiquities shopping.
- Thank you.
- What are you doing?
- I'm just looking for a bracelet or necklace for my fiance.
- Yeah, I'll unlock this.
- It looks like it's unlocked.
(Robert imitating door lock)
- See anything you liked?
- Yeah.
- Don't.
(Robert mumbling)
- Can I get all these for a dollar?
- Yes.
(bell ringing)
Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no, no!
Fuck! Dammit.
(bell ringing)
(Robert screaming)
Hello.
Welcome to my antiquities shopping.
- Yeah, great.
- Ow.
Dammit, who put this desk here?
Fuck with me.
What's this?
- Well you left it in my car.
It's been sitting in there for months.
- What?
- Yeah, you left your junk in my car.
I mean antiquities.
(Robert gasping)
(Robert kissing finger) (Robert mumbling)
- [Robert] Oh there she is.
- Yeah, it was sitting in my trunk for months.
So, I, you know, wanted to stop by.
- I love you,
this, this much.
I love you, this, this much.
(items clattering)
You're late for work.
- I quit a while ago.
- [Robert] Oh.
- You know this.
I quit, I was in your house.
- Oh.
- Okay, well good seeing ya.
- Oh, it's great seeing you.
I'm from England.
- [Shane] Is that right?
- Right.
- Well, you lost the accent when you woke up.
- Sometimes when I wake up my accent,
you know, I actually can't,
you know what, fuck you!
I'm not from England, you fucking asshole.
Fuck you.
How 'bout this?
Why don't you go across the pond?
- Thanks for being a good boss.
Appreciate it, thanks.
(bell ringing)
(engine starting)
(Robert sighing)
(Lily clearing throat)
- Dad?
Dad?
- (groaning) Hi.
Welcome to my antiquities shopping.
- I haven't been here for a while.
You got more junk, stuff.
- Excuse me?
Antiquities.
- Yeah, yeah.
- If you're coming here to bitch me out.
- I just wanted to see,
I just wanted to make sure you're okay.
- I'm great.
- Are you sleeping here?
- Is that a problem?
Sometimes I fall asleep.
- Like on purpose?
- Does anybody fall asleep on purpose?
- Yeah, I like to.
- Okay, what can I do you for?
I'm in the middle.
(register beeping)
- I just wanted to make sure you were okay.
That's all.
- I'm great.
- I also wanted to tell you thank you a lot for,
you know, giving me that push that I needed
for getting me out.
(Robert slow clapping)
- Can I give you another push?
Get out of my life.
Get out.
You never appreciated.
- I love you, Dad.
- Love you too.
Bitch.
(mellow music)
(Nona cracking knuckles)
- Have you seen one of my discs?
The (mumbling) one?
- No.
(Nona blowing on coin) (Nona kissing coin)
- Wait, how'd you get scratchers?
I thought you didn't have any money.
- I found some money around the house.
Like, not in the house, but like, around it.
You know, I didn't go in.
- I'm so pissed, that disc was 20 dollars.
- 20 dollars?
- [Lily] Yeah.
(Nona exhaling)
- God, I got seven for it.
- What?
- [Nona] Just one.
- You sold my disc?
- Yeah, just the one, just the one.
- That was my favorite disc.
- Well, the blue one can now be your favorite
- How much did you get?
- I got seven dollars.
- You got seven dollars?
- Yeah, yeah, seven dollars.
- For my favorite disc?
- But I got.
- That's worth 20 dollars.
- But I got tickets, and that's gonna.
- Oh my god.
- Scratchers are gonna multiply.
So it's actually more than that.
- You have a problem.
- No, you have a fucking problem,
and now this is affecting me.
- You know what your problem is?
You're staying here, you don't even have a house.
You're staying here in my tent,
and not even, like paying rent.
It's the least you could do.
- You're not paying rent.
And I'm in a fucking tent.
I could live with my dad in a tent.
- No, 'cause he kicked you out.
- So now you're gonna kick me out of this tent?
- Yeah, maybe I will.
You know what, maybe I will.
(Lily and Nona yelling)
(upbeat music)
- [Nona] You're tickling me.
Stop, you're tickling me.
(Lily and Nona laughing) (dog barking)
- Did you win?
- I won another ticket.
- You really do have a problem.
(dog snoring)
- Mom, I've been doing a lot of thinking,
and I've decided,
I'm done.
- You're done?
You're done?
- [Nona] Yeah.
- You're done?
- [Nona] Yeah.
- Oh, honey, I love you.
- I love you, Mom.
I'm so proud of you.
Can we watch the cutlery channel now?
- Sure.
Okay.
- That one is beautiful,
and did you see the pink one?
- Mom, you have three of those.
Mom.
- I don't have the pink one,
and they're on sale.
- This may not be the right time to say this, but
I think you might have a problem.
- I don't have a problem.
(Lily knocking on door)
- Dad?
(rhythmic music)
(Frisbee tinking on hole)
(chains rattling)
(Lily grunting)
(chains rattling) (men cheering)
(chains rattling)
- Lily!
What's going on?
You're playing like shit.
I need your mind right here, right now.
- Yeah, I don't know.
I just haven't heard or seen my dad in a few weeks.
- Wow, okay.
Let's just be here.
Let's focus on being here,
and your dad's not in your control.
He's not in his control.
He's not in control.
So let's just focus.
You have trained for this, this is your moment.
But I need you to get in there,
and do what you were born to do.
I need you to slay those chains.
(upbeat music)
(chains rattling) (people cheering)
(Nona and Lily cheering)
- Dad?
Dad?
- [Robert] (grunting) Yeah.
- [Lily] Are you here?
(Robert grunting) Dad?
- Hello?
- What are you doing?
Dad.
Your pants are undone.
- I was peeing.
But probably masturbating.
You know, they say that a glass of wine,
one glass of wine a day is good for the heart.
- [Lily] But four bottles?
- Even better.
(Robert exhaling)
Where's my phone?
Do you have my phone?
Nobody's calling anyways.
I need to like, clean up.
- Well, I just came by to give you a present,
because I thought you were,
it's a slide whistle.
- This thing costs 50 bucks.
Is it in there?
Oh my god.
(Robert blowing in whistle)
Like butter.
(Lily laughing)
How did you make the money?
- [Lily] Disc golf.
- Really?
It's just been extremely hard for me.
Probably I'm taking it out on you.
And I shouldn't be.
And I would very much appreciate it
if you moved back in here.
- I think I'm fine in my tent.
(Lily laughing)
No, dude, of course I want to come back here.
I hate that fucking tent.
- I'm hurrying.
(Robert exhaling)
I'll clear this out, and you know,
Nino can move in too if
- Really? - You're a lesbian lover
with her and all that.
I'm totally, I'm very open.
I was born in 1965, okay, so,
free love is what I'm all about.
So if you and Nino need to be shacking up in your room
I'm totally fine with that.
I just need a rest. - Okay.
Love you.
- Can you tell Sonya, what up?
(door closing)
(upbeat music)