- ♪ Two straight men ♪
♪ But only one will win ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ "Gayme Show!" ♪
- Bebe Rexha!
Which in the gay community means "salutations."
I'm your host, Matt Rogers.
- And I'm another host, Dave Mizzoni,
and this is "Gayme Show!"
where we take two straight contestants
and put them head-to-head
to see which will be named honorarily...
all: Gay as fuck!
- And will reign forevermore as queen of the straights.
- ♪ Oh, yeah, yeah ♪
- Before we meet our straights, let's get to know their lifelines,
or as we call them, life partners.
- First up, it's our wise queen.
Please welcome Trixie Mattel. - Yes!
[cheers and applause]
And now, please welcome the woman who gets it.
It's Liza Treyger.
[cheers and applause]
And with that, we're ready to meet the straights.
- Release them!
Whitmer Thomas recently hosted a "Joker"-themed stand-up comedy show.
Tim Baltz owns a Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers novelty prayer candle.
[cheers and applause]
- ♪ Celebrity essences ♪
- Contestants will now be given three different clues,
which when combined will form the essence of a particular celebrity.
Your clues are...
a tailored pantsuit from Zara.
- Like some gays, they're versatile.
- [laughs]
- The tale of David and Goliath.
- You know, from the Bible.
- And your final clue, the girl at Rutgers
who gives the tours and is, like, so good at it.
- Rutgers University has over 9,000 international students
from over 125 countries.
- Deliberate and write down your answers.
[percussive music]
♪ ♪
A Zara pantsuit,
David and Goliath,
and a Rutgers tour guide.
[bell rings] Who is this?
Whitmer and Trixie, talk to me.
- Well, we said Emma Watson.
- And--and why?
- I think I've seen her wear a suit like that before.
- Yeah, and she, like-- in one of her Lancôme ads,
she'd wear one of those suits and just be like...
- Yeah. DAVE: Wow.
- Can I just ask about the relevance to David and Goliath
when it comes to Emma Watson?
- Because she's small and has tall friends.
- Oh! [laughter]
- Daniel Radcliffe, famously huge.
- Liza, Tim, what are you guys thinking? - I think we did it.
- We're thinking Kate Moss.
DAVE: Okay, and why?
- I think he wants to have sex with her.
Yeah, there was really no rhyme and reason,
but he was so deliberate about it being Kate Moss.
- This was just put down. - But maybe there's more.
- No, at one point I just said, "I think we're going with Kate Moss."
- Yeah. [laughter]
- All right, making an executive decision to go with Kate Moss.
That's an extra 50 points. That's a very gay thing to do.
It's now time to reveal the answer.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
- AOC.
- So obvious now! - AOC, baby.
VONZELL: ♪ Yeah-ah ♪
- Kirsten Dunst has always been here.
She has stood the test of time and reinvented herself,
always doing what she needed to do.
"Jumanji," "Interview with the Vampire,"
"Bring It On," "Drop Dead Gorgeous,"
"Spider-Man," "Melancholia,"
"Fargo," "On Becoming a God."
- Bitch, we get it. MATT: Okay, I'll stop.
Our straights must now name as many things as they can that are to be respected
about criminally underappreciated actress Kirsten Dunst in...
- ♪ Re-re-re-re-re ♪
♪ Respect Kirsten ♪
- But just how do we ensure the straights won't cheat off each other?
- Matt, I'm over here stage left,
where we've placed Whitmer and Tim
in the soundproof Heterozone.
Yes, inside, they're watching a compilation video
of the top 100 field goals in NFL history.
Whitmer, you're up.
[cheers and applause]
- On your mark. Get set.
Dunst!
- She's got a fucked-up tooth.
[buzzer blares]
Uh, her first kiss was with Brad Pitt. [buzzer blares]
She embodied depression perfectly in "Melancholia."
[bell dings] - There's one.
- My first kiss was during "Bring It On."
Um...
- Okay. [bell dings]
- She's the only Mary Jane. Um...
- ♪ Time's up ♪
MATT: Wow, okay.
Trixie, what were some things that Whitmer missed there about Kirsten Dunst?
- When you don't say "Drop Dead Gorgeous," you hurt me.
- Yeah, yeah. - Can you talk about her tooth?
- She has that really fucked-up tooth, and it's cool that she's still got it.
It's pretty.
- [laughs] WHITMER: Yeah.
- All right, Whitmer, back to the Heterozone,
where you'll watch a Mark Wahlberg movie.
You'll love it.
Tim. - Tim? You're up.
MATT: Tim, you're up. - Oh. Oh, great.
- On your mark. Get set. Dunst!
- She won an MTV Movie Award for best kiss.
Respect. [bell dings]
Her name has 12 letters. 9 of them are consonants.
Respect. [bell dings]
Uh, "Drop Dead Gorgeous" is amazing. [bell dings]
"The Virgin Suicides" is amazing. [bell dings]
She scandalized us in "Interview with the Vampire."
[bell dings] She was Mary Jane in "Spider-Man."
- ♪ Time's up ♪ - Whoa!
[cheers and applause]
Liza, I mean, what did he possibly miss? That was a lot.
- It was amazing.
I feel like Mona Lisa is definitely smiling today.
- Oh, that was huge.
- Yeah, fists in the air. I'm, like, proud of my straight for sure.
[cheers and applause]
VONZELL: ♪ Yeah-ah ♪
- Our straights will now reenter the space with the gravitas of a queer icon
in our grande finale.
Boys, it is now time for you...
all: To make an entrance!
[upbeat music]
MATT: Oh, here we go. DAVE: Oh!
MATT: An origin story?
Don't--no!
Oh, he's becoming something different.
DAVE: Oh, no! MATT: He's becoming evil.
[cheers and applause]
Oh, my God.
Joaquin, your wig is snatched.
♪ ♪
[cheers and applause]
DAVE: Shoot the basket! Get the goal!
- Yes!
Touchdown!
Yes!
[cheers and applause]
Oh, my gosh.
- Killed it.
- Your life partners have now become your judges.
Trixie, what say you about this affair?
- It's not just 'cause you're dressed like this,
but I think we really have chemistry.
MATT: Oh!
- I'm seeing something happening on the chaise.
- When he walked out here, I was like, "Let's experiment."
- Oh!
Liza Treyger, I mean... - I loved it.
MATT: This is a sports athlete you're sitting next to.
- Yeah, but it was also a little "Toddler & Tiara" too, which I liked.
With the pose? - Yes.
- Is that what you were going for? And, like, the booty shakes.
I thought those were cute.
- ♪ The crowning ♪
- Boys, tonight,
you have both broken through the suffocating cocoon of your own masculinity
and emerged as a beautiful, liberated butterfly.
That is a Mariah reference.
- And now, the winner of "Gayme Show!"
named honorarily Gay as Fuck and Queen of the Straights is...
both: Tim Baltz!
♪ ♪
VONZELL: ♪ Yeah-ah ♪
- Tim Baltz, have your moment.
- ♪ The "Gayme Show!" ♪
♪ Honorary gay ♪
- See you next time, and...
both: Bebe Rexha!
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪