1 00:00:00,534 --> 00:00:02,544 - ♪ Two straight men ♪ 2 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:05,409 ♪ But one will win ♪ 3 00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:08,579 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪ 4 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:12,309 ♪ "Gayme Show!" ♪ 5 00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,816 - Linda Cardellini, everyone. 6 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,448 - Yes, Linda Cardellini, Matt. 7 00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:19,093 In our community, that means power to the people. 8 00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:20,819 - I'm your host Matt Rogers. 9 00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:23,464 - And I'm Dave Mizzoni, and I can host tonight. 10 00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:24,490 - Gross. 11 00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,255 - Yeah. - This is "Gayme Show!," 12 00:00:26,293 --> 00:00:29,363 where we take two straight contestants and put them head-to-head 13 00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:31,996 to see which one of them will be named honorarily... 14 00:00:32,032 --> 00:00:34,072 ALL: Gay as fuck! 15 00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:37,241 - And will reign forevermore as queen of the straights. 16 00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:39,671 - ♪ Oh, yeah, yeah! ♪ 17 00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,676 - Before we meet our straights, let's get to know their lifelines, 18 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:44,008 or as we call them, life partners. 19 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,754 - First up is our wise queer. 20 00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:47,509 Please welcome Guy Branum. 21 00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:51,218 [cheers and applause] 22 00:00:51,251 --> 00:00:53,021 - And now the woman who gets it. 23 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,523 It's Tawny Newsome! 24 00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:57,585 [cheers and applause] 25 00:00:57,624 --> 00:00:59,964 And with that, we're ready to meet the straights. 26 00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,463 - Release them! 27 00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:06,025 Langston Kerman once spent a year teaching poetry at his former high school. 28 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,196 Move on, dude. 29 00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,904 [cheers and applause] 30 00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,266 MATT: Andrew Ti owns a T-shirt which depicts 31 00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:13,905 the cartoon characters Chip 'n' Dale dabbing. 32 00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:14,811 [cheers and applause] 33 00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:16,012 ♪ ♪ 34 00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:20,253 - ♪ Celebrity Essences! ♪ 35 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,850 - Contestants will now be given three different clues, 36 00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:26,523 which, when combined, will form the essence of a particular celebrity. 37 00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:28,993 Your clues are... 38 00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:31,632 ripping off a diamond necklace. 39 00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:33,358 - I can't take it anymore. 40 00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:34,963 - SPF 1,000. 41 00:01:34,995 --> 00:01:36,095 - You can never be too careful. 42 00:01:36,129 --> 00:01:39,899 - And the sun hitting your face as you leave divorce court, 43 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:43,873 and it almost feels like the very first time you felt that sun. 44 00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:46,174 [laughter] Deliberate and write down your answers. 45 00:01:46,206 --> 00:01:51,346 DAVE: Now, who here can recommend me a good moisturizer/SPF combo? 46 00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:53,208 MATT: You don't have to engage with that. 47 00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:54,347 Who is this? 48 00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:56,151 Let's go to Guy and Langston first. 49 00:01:56,183 --> 00:01:58,353 - Oh, boy. - Show them what you wrote down. 50 00:01:58,385 --> 00:01:59,845 - Okay. 51 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:02,157 We went with Gwyneth Paltrow. 52 00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:03,189 MATT: Okay. 53 00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:04,063 - I know it's wrong. 54 00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:07,061 - Tawny and Andrew, now, tell me your answer. 55 00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:08,364 - Gotta be Nicole Kidman. 56 00:02:08,395 --> 00:02:09,655 MATT: Okay. DAVE: Oh, god. 57 00:02:09,696 --> 00:02:13,726 - So it looks like you went through quite a journey to get there. 58 00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,697 - It's my wheel of pale. MATT: Yeah. 59 00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,736 - So we had Rooney Mara initially, 60 00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:19,311 the palest human being alive. 61 00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:22,939 - But I said she does not look old enough to have had an unsuccessful marriage yet. 62 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,776 - So I am noticing that you wrote Rooney Mara again. 63 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,312 - First draft, best draft. 64 00:02:27,347 --> 00:02:29,217 - Let's reveal that answer. 65 00:02:29,249 --> 00:02:30,379 It's Nicole! 66 00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:31,787 - [screams] 67 00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:32,818 [cheers and applause] 68 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,323 MATT: Unbelievable. 69 00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:35,864 VONZELL: ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 70 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:39,329 - Throughout history, iconic actresses ranging from Marisa Tomei to Amy Adams 71 00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:41,829 as well as other actresses such as Jennifer Connelly 72 00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:44,202 have been forced to play one-dimensional supporting roles 73 00:02:44,231 --> 00:02:45,731 written by men named Steve. 74 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:49,266 - I will now spin the wheel of stock one-liners, 75 00:02:49,303 --> 00:02:54,043 and the straights will have one take to turn the ordinary into extraordinary. 76 00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,084 ♪ ♪ 77 00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:58,178 - ♪ Best supporting actress ♪ 78 00:02:58,212 --> 00:02:59,082 DAVE: Here we go. 79 00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:00,952 [wheel clicking] 80 00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:04,051 MATT: You always have a home here with mama. 81 00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:08,394 ♪ ♪ 82 00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:11,792 - You always have a home here with mama, 83 00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,285 David. 84 00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:14,427 - Oh! - Oh, my god. 85 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:15,961 - Oh, my god. - Wow, um... 86 00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,756 It felt personal. 87 00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:19,468 - I'm a sucker for immersive theater. 88 00:03:19,499 --> 00:03:21,129 Let's go now to the Academy. 89 00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:22,398 - I mean, that was beautiful. 90 00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:23,536 I--I trembled. 91 00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,240 It felt socially realistic. 92 00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:29,082 It felt like it was a commentary on American economics and David. 93 00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:32,479 - As soon as he stepped out, I said, "This man has seen a stage play." 94 00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:33,883 - Yeah. Yeah. [laughter] 95 00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:36,654 - And now onto our next performance. 96 00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:37,993 Matt, spin that wheel. 97 00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:40,488 [wheel clicking] 98 00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:43,661 MATT: Did last night mean nothing? 99 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:48,660 [forlorn music] 100 00:03:48,695 --> 00:03:51,325 - Did last night mean nothing? 101 00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,095 [laughter and applause] 102 00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:55,103 - All right, both a lot and a little. 103 00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,065 Let's go now to the Academy. 104 00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:59,844 - Andrew, I've known you a long time. 105 00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:02,943 You are not a performer. 106 00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,206 But tonight you were. 107 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,254 - Yes. 108 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,220 - All right, I wasn't sure where we were headed with that. 109 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,278 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 110 00:04:10,317 --> 00:04:12,717 A woman lighting her own cigarette? 111 00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:15,293 What is this, the '70s? 112 00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:18,292 - Well, it's 5:00 a.m. and Salma Hayek has just slowly announced 113 00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:21,625 that you've both been nominated for Oscars. 114 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:23,202 [cheers and applause] 115 00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:24,930 VONZELL: ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 116 00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:29,465 - When a queer person enters a room, that room legally becomes a stage. 117 00:04:29,503 --> 00:04:30,443 [laughter] 118 00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:32,640 - Boys, it's now time for you... 119 00:04:32,673 --> 00:04:35,683 ALL: To make an entrance! 120 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:36,709 ♪ ♪ 121 00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:39,153 DAVE: Someone's busting out. 122 00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,979 There's a man to hunt. 123 00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:41,924 MATT: No! DAVE: Oh! 124 00:04:41,949 --> 00:04:43,719 - No! He's trying to get away! 125 00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:45,120 - No! - Oh, no! 126 00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:46,422 It's a jailbreak! 127 00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:47,723 Andrew Ti--oh, no! 128 00:04:47,754 --> 00:04:49,264 The bag of money! 129 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:51,159 DAVE: Absolutely use the stage. 130 00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,961 BOTH: Whoa! 131 00:04:52,993 --> 00:04:55,003 - [laughs] I was very afraid. 132 00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:57,758 [cheers and applause] 133 00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:58,768 DAVE: Oh, my gosh. 134 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,369 MATT: Oh, my god. 135 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:01,600 DAVE: Oh! 136 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,235 MATT: It's a space man! 137 00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:06,440 DAVE: Oh, my god, from the planet Venus. 138 00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:07,413 MATT: Yes. 139 00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:10,611 Oh, he's here to plant the gay flag on Mars. 140 00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,484 Yes. Safely plant it. 141 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:13,413 DAVE: Wow. 142 00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:16,347 MATT: Sir, who are you? 143 00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:17,453 DAVE: Beam me up, Scotty. 144 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,154 MATT: Reveal! 145 00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:20,846 Oh, my god. 146 00:05:20,888 --> 00:05:21,958 - Oh, my gosh. 147 00:05:21,989 --> 00:05:23,489 - Wow. - Ugh! 148 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,634 - Gay people have trust issues. 149 00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,629 - Mm-hmm. - We feel you should as well. 150 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,801 Your life partners will now become your judges. 151 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:31,731 Tawny. 152 00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:34,095 - I said, "Give us glasses over Halloween mask." 153 00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:35,304 He delivered. 154 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:37,795 I said, "Give us 'O Brother, Where Out There?' 155 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,968 not George Clooney, one of the other ones." 156 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,307 - Okay. - He delivered. 157 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,811 And lastly, I said, "Please, give us Mr. Bean." 158 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:45,084 My boy delivered. 159 00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:46,882 - Yes. We thank you for your service. 160 00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,154 Thank you. - Guy, talk to us. 161 00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:51,122 I mean, Langston just landed on the Moon. 162 00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:52,251 - Look, let's be honest. 163 00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:56,016 There were times when I felt like the accessories were wearing him, 164 00:05:56,056 --> 00:06:00,256 but when he had trouble getting the pole into the hole, that felt very relatable. 165 00:06:00,294 --> 00:06:01,904 [laughter] - Been there. 166 00:06:01,929 --> 00:06:04,259 - Visible nipples in a jumpsuit: that's queer culture. 167 00:06:04,298 --> 00:06:05,328 [cheers and applause] 168 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:09,565 - ♪ The crowning! ♪ 169 00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:12,273 - Gentlemen, tonight you've gone from a Von Dutch hat 170 00:06:12,306 --> 00:06:15,606 to a gorgeous statement headpiece worn by Bjork to her own funeral. 171 00:06:15,642 --> 00:06:16,942 [laughter] - Nice. 172 00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,607 And now the winner of "Gayme Show!," 173 00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:22,346 named honorarily gay as fuck, 174 00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:26,792 the queen of the straights is... 175 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:29,960 BOTH: Langston Kerman! 176 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:34,160 - ♪ Honorary gay ♪ 177 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:35,804 MATT: We did it. 178 00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:38,129 - ♪ Yeah, yeah! ♪ 179 00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:40,025 - See you next time and... 180 00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:41,837 BOTH: Linda Cardellini. 181 00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:43,299 ♪ ♪ 182 00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:44,337 DAVE: You were fabulous.