1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,800 This programme contains very strong language from the start. 2 00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:06,800 MUSIC: It's Gonna Rain by Rev Milton Brunson 3 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,360 # See the clouds gathering. # 4 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:13,200 Hey, mate. Oh, hey. 5 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:15,840 You all right? 6 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:19,040 Yeah. 7 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:20,360 Sure? 8 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:23,200 Yeah, just tired, yeah. You all right? 9 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:24,240 Yeah, good. 10 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,720 Ooh, happy Halloween. You too. 11 00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:35,240 MUSIC: Oblivion by Grimes 12 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:49,960 What about me? Why can't we have a White History Month? 13 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:54,120 Oh, what if we had a Straight Pride Day? Why can't we have a Men's Day? 14 00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:57,920 Whining, temper tantrums, like fucking little fragile children. 15 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:02,040 We get a day. You get a lifetime, knowing that you are likely 16 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:04,960 to walk free from rape... 17 00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,800 ..so shut the fuck up. 18 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,680 This is why I be hating straight white guys 19 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:13,440 and you're not making it really hard for me to change my mind. 20 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:16,280 # I will wait forever 21 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:17,960 # Always looking straight 22 00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:21,680 # Thinking, counting, all the hours you wait 23 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:25,840 # Ooh ah-ah 24 00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:28,560 # See you on a dark night 25 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:31,040 # Ooh ah-ah. # 26 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:32,080 Doxing. 27 00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:33,920 # See you on a dark night 28 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:37,280 # Ooh ah-ah 29 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:40,440 # See you on a dark night 30 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:42,480 # Ooh. # 31 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:45,760 So, er, the readings have come back fine on the CT scan. With regards to 32 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:50,320 that everything is in order. Really? Yay! 33 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:54,760 Your blood pressure results, however... Sorry, one sec. 34 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:58,680 As you know you can't give peace, unless you have peace. 35 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:02,800 I had a CT scan to check in with the mind 36 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,880 so for anybody who thinks I'm crazy for having Insta 37 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,720 and Twitter wars with rapists and life destroyers every day, 38 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:12,640 you can relax. I have the all-clear. Yay! 39 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:14,480 Besides, it's not every day. 40 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:17,640 Thursday I'm sat with my pompom on your dad's face. Ask him. 41 00:02:17,640 --> 00:02:22,240 I care for him, I care for me. Care of self, self care. 42 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:25,000 I encourage you all to manifest it into your daily lives, 43 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,240 hold tight the NHS. Hold tight, babes, 44 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,280 I'm booking my appointment. 45 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:33,400 Oh, hey, snuggle bunnies, it's me - @TheRealTerryPratchard. 46 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:34,680 Be good to those who love you 47 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:37,360 because those who love you are good to you. 48 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:40,280 Thought I'd trick a motherfucker because it's Halloween, bitch ass. 49 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,480 Argh! 50 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,280 Back in the room, I'm sorry. 51 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,880 Er, so, yes, you will need to monitor that. 52 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:51,480 What? The blood pressure. Oh. 53 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,280 The higher the blood pressure, the bigger the knock-on effect 54 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,720 on the kidneys, which are already at an elevated risk 55 00:02:56,720 --> 00:03:01,600 due to your being of Afro-Caribbean origin. Erm, are there any new... 56 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,080 That was racial ignorance. 57 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:07,280 I'm not Afro-Caribbean, I'm actually African. 58 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,120 There's a unity and a distinction between those places 59 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,640 and as a London doctor you should be aware of those things 60 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:15,440 to avoid generalising people of colour and accidentally 61 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,320 becoming a deeply problematic member of your profession. 62 00:03:18,320 --> 00:03:20,520 I'm sorry, it's just the term used on the reports. 63 00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:22,960 It's got something to do with the form you keep pointing to, 64 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,720 maybe tell the big boss of the pharmaceutical neuro whatnot 65 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,760 to change the form. Who makes the form? Who makes the... 66 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,640 I just want them to tell me what they mean by Afro-Caribbean, 67 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:34,280 given it's not where I'm from and it's used to describe my origin. 68 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,480 I-I don't know. 69 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,080 Is that the extent of your diagnosis? 70 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,720 "Hello, Arabella, you're Caribbean and I don't know." 71 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:55,080 So, why is her blood pressure high? That's what I don't know. 72 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:58,400 She doesn't smoke. No, she just vapes now. That's all. 73 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:03,240 Oh. What? Well, vaping isn't... 74 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,760 Ah-ah-ah-ah. 75 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:08,360 Do you agree that vaping is better than smoking? Well, yes... 76 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:10,520 Then that's all we need to say about it. 77 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,680 But if there's a predisposition to kidney problems, 78 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:15,520 then it's better just to get rid of the vape completely. 79 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:20,480 Doc, I think my friend is stressed. Do you confirm? Yes. 80 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:23,240 And the rape's stressful, do you confirm? Yes. 81 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,920 And other stressed people asking her to defend them 82 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:30,040 and expose rapists, abusers and paedos, and she does this day 83 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:33,320 and night, via phone screen. Stressful, do you confirm? Yes. 84 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,360 So why would we tell her to stop vaping 85 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,040 if it doesn't take a professional to see that the stress 86 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:42,280 from the phone will kill her faster than any puff of nicotine ever will? 87 00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:44,240 MUSIC: Energy by Jean Deaux 88 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,880 # Nah, I don't like it, I don't like it 89 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:48,960 # I don't like it at all 90 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,360 # I don't like your energy... # 91 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,360 SEXUAL MOANING FROM PHONE 92 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,760 # You don't have to see it that way. # 93 00:04:58,760 --> 00:04:59,800 Who are they? 94 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:04,360 Right, I don't know who that is, but that's Michael. 95 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:09,040 So he sent you...a video of him having sex with someone else. 96 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,360 Er, well, yeah, of course, let me at least see what 97 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:13,080 he looks like on top of someone else 98 00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,960 before I tap my Oyster and creep under it. 99 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:17,200 HE LAUGHS 100 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:17,200 I like that. You like it? 101 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,400 SHE LAUGHS 102 00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:24,120 They had loads of wings, fangs, but only one halo. Ooh. 103 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,960 You'd think that they'd stock up on these things given it's Halloween. 104 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,120 Yeah, shit. Yeah. 105 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,080 So now we have to battle it out. Could I state my case first? 106 00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:35,040 You know what? We wouldn't even be here doing this self-care day 107 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,480 if it wasn't for you setting it all up, Terry, so yes, 108 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,440 you should state your case first, 109 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:41,600 but I-I don't know how you feel about this, Bells, 110 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:44,920 I'm actually happy and indeed willing to let you wear the halos. 111 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,560 Guys, are you sure? Definitely. 112 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,320 Yeah, def... Yeah. 113 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,600 Come on, then! 114 00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:01,080 Paint and Wine, it is a first come, first served, 115 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:04,160 so we're going to need to be prompt with time. 116 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:05,480 Hey, hey. 117 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:09,080 Hi. I just wanted to say thank you for your content. 118 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,480 Oh! I know your work, I've read your posts 119 00:06:11,480 --> 00:06:15,680 and what you're doing for rape victims, girl - whoa. 120 00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:18,080 Thank you, thank you so much. Yeah. 121 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:20,400 I was abused by a straight white male, as a child. 122 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:24,000 I spoke out for the first time a few months ago and... 123 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,560 ..it's not easy...as a man - 124 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:33,400 as a black man - to be honest, to-to show pain. 125 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:36,600 It comes at a price. Er, sorry, you must be busy. No. 126 00:06:36,600 --> 00:06:40,800 No, listen, I am never too busy to talk about pain. 127 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,240 Because some people don't want to engage the minute you try 128 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:44,480 and talk about some real shit. 129 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:47,720 Yeah, they, er, kind of treat you like a broken vessel, right? 130 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,520 Some people, they don't want to dig too deep, you know? 131 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:53,560 Because if they dig deep enough they'd see they're in pain too. 132 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:56,320 They're in pain as well, that's it. Wow, you're so brave. 133 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:57,840 Keep fighting the good fight, yeah? 134 00:06:57,840 --> 00:06:59,720 SARCASTICALLY: Thank you. Thank you so much 135 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:01,800 for reminding me of all the pain and frustration. 136 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:03,600 Now it's all I can think about. 137 00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:06,520 Oh, it's my pleasure, make sure you tell all your friends to follow me 138 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:08,200 and make me more powerful. 139 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,000 Of course, you're my shero, 140 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,920 consoler of the weak and avenger of the bad men. 141 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,240 Oi, Bells. Yeah, wait... Can we go? 142 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,800 One sec. 143 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,320 This echo chamber is freezing. 144 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:20,640 I'm cold. You never know, Kwams, 145 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,800 you might be feeling a bit down one day and you just might need 146 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,560 someone who agrees whatever the fuck you say. 147 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,680 Even if you are chatting shit. Bye. Bye. 148 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:33,200 Sorry, guys. 149 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:52,040 Er, we said no phones. 150 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,040 No vaping. 151 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,720 Whoa. 152 00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:12,400 Bella! I'm spreading awareness, people should know. 153 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:13,880 I'm not going to upload it now. 154 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:17,840 I'm just going to take it and then I'll post it later. Fine. 155 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:20,320 Hay, bunnies, thought I'd let you know about 156 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,600 the POC Paint and Wine movement. 157 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:26,040 I believe we have the right to express ourselves, 158 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:30,480 to be vulnerable, to grow, to free ourselves, without the critical 159 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:33,280 eyes of our oppressor shaming and trashing us while we create. 160 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,960 The POC Paint and Wine movement... 161 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,520 Is it even a movement? I don't know why she keeps saying that. 162 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:42,440 Paint and...wine. 163 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,160 Self-care. 164 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:48,400 Friendship, expression, art, creativity, peace, 165 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,520 this is what I've done so far. 166 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,560 Cue...oh! 167 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:56,840 OK, peace and love. Don't forget who booked it - 168 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,560 my bae, @TheRealTerryPratchard. 169 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:03,720 Actor, angel, cuddle bunny, snuggle butt. Holla! 170 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:05,080 Ah! Ah! 171 00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:06,320 THEY LAUGH 172 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:08,520 Snuggle butt. Really! 173 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,040 HE LAUGHS 174 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:15,400 Anyways, Kwame, you were saying - this racist bitch Nilufer. 175 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:16,880 Oh, yeah. 176 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:19,320 I hate it when white girls disappoint me. 177 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:22,640 She says some homophobic stuff as well. What? 178 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:24,040 Yeah, she said the F word. 179 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:26,840 People think they can chat shit and get away with it. 180 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,800 Yeah, it's kind of dark, still. 181 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,600 I'm sorry, Kwams. Why didn't you say something? 182 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:33,760 I just want to forget about it. 183 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:36,880 I don't want to think about it now. I hope you pulled your dick out. 184 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:37,920 THEY LAUGH 185 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:39,600 It was afterwards, actually. 186 00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,040 We were just chilling and it really made me think, 187 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:45,600 what are people saying in your absence? Do you know what I mean? 188 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:48,400 Oh, OK, so she didn't know you were... 189 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,560 She didn't know you were gay until after? 190 00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:54,840 And after I called her out and her homophobic bullshit, 191 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,360 the way she fucking hit the roof. 192 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:58,320 Kwame, why did you tell her? 193 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:01,760 She said "faggot", just casually. How am I supposed to stay silent? 194 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:04,200 You didn't mind her racially stereotyping you. 195 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,320 You definitely didn't mind cos you fucked her. 196 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,480 As I said, I really wasn't trying to do anything with her. 197 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,840 It's also no wonder she was angry. 198 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,960 She found out you were gay after you stuck your dick in her 199 00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,440 and shot a load up. 200 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:19,240 I don't know, I think I would be at least a little bit, like... 201 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:22,640 I feel terrible about it but she kind of forced me so... 202 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:24,000 Yeah. 203 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,400 Well, you...kind of had penetrative sex with someone 204 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:29,680 under false pretences, Kwams, that's a bit... 205 00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:32,360 I don't know. What the fuck is wrong with this thing? 206 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,000 You need to top it up. OK. 207 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,360 I'm saying I feel shit, I don't feel good about it. 208 00:10:37,360 --> 00:10:39,640 Um... Yeah, yeah, I mean, 209 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:42,600 Kwams, I'm sure she feels absolutely superb. 210 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,400 I just think that it was really confusing for everyone. 211 00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:48,080 No. Terry, as someone who has not experienced rape, 212 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,720 you should be listening and not concluding conversations. 213 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:54,040 What? There's no vaping in the... 214 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:04,600 Bella... 215 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:08,360 He said he didn't feel good about it. 216 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:11,360 He's a man concealing his identity, 217 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:13,080 following a woman into her home. 218 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:14,560 He's making someone vulnerable. 219 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,760 If he felt good about that, I'd be fucking horrified. 220 00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,080 I'm saying he's got his own... 221 00:11:19,080 --> 00:11:21,360 He's vulnerable. Yeah. 222 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:24,200 Being vulnerable doesn't mean you can make other people vulnerable. 223 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,400 It doesn't mean you can put other people through pain, 224 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,120 it doesn't mean you can penetrate peop... 225 00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,880 Seriously, she literally pushed me into it. Mm. No. 226 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,280 It sounds like you're blaming her. Are you blaming her? 227 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,800 I'm not... I'm not... 228 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,240 Of course I wouldn't do that. 229 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:39,760 You shouldn't have told her. 230 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:43,320 Hey, you know, T, I agree, because I'd be, like, telling the truth, 231 00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,760 and it's much better to just hide that under the surface 232 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,840 and never acknowledge that you are hiding something from a woman 233 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:52,000 who's let you into her bedroom. Fix your brain. 234 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,840 Are you fucking insane? He made a mistake. 235 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:55,040 A mis... 236 00:11:57,280 --> 00:11:59,560 Yeah. Yes, yes, he made a mistake, sure. 237 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:02,480 Nobody gives a fuck that it's a mistake, Terry. We all make those. 238 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,800 Do we make deceitful, destructive, narcissistic, 239 00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:08,360 sick, inconsiderate mistakes? 240 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:09,880 Mm, no. 241 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,280 So, on my birthday... 242 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,600 ..when you locked him in a room with Jamal... 243 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:17,760 ..what was that? 244 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,760 What? Wh... 245 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:22,240 What am I... What am I doing? 246 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,960 Samson's friend...you locked him in with. 247 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:26,080 Sorry, what? 248 00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,480 And then you just...kind of just... 249 00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,720 What... Where - where... Where is this... 250 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:32,760 Where is this going? 251 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,280 You left Kwame in there... 252 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,000 ..without really thinking... 253 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:40,600 ..about... 254 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:41,920 ..the consequences. 255 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:44,960 He wasn't in a good place, so it was... 256 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,960 It was really hard for him to be left there 257 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,280 because it... Uh-huh? 258 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:53,120 It was a dangerous... It was a dangerous situation 259 00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:54,640 at that moment. 260 00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:57,720 Kwame? 261 00:12:57,720 --> 00:12:58,960 Yeah? 262 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,640 Wow, he's... 263 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:04,360 ..here... 264 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:08,000 ..so I guess that means you don't need to speak for him, 265 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,400 which is great, 266 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:12,160 so you can just shut up and fuck off. 267 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:14,240 Kwame... 268 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,240 ..um... 269 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,480 I feel like I've... 270 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:21,080 ..been a good friend to you. 271 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:23,480 You told me what that guy did to you 272 00:13:23,480 --> 00:13:27,000 and I've tried to... Yeah, you are, you have been, Bells. 273 00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,560 Did I... Did I do... 274 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:39,000 I... I don't... Cos if there's something I did that day 275 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,840 that I'm not aware of... 276 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,080 Um, I... 277 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:48,520 I can't even really remember, like, for reals. 278 00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:54,840 SHE MUTTERS: All right. 279 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,160 I'm just saying, right, if you... 280 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,640 ..paint things to make it look like you're a victim 281 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,000 and I find out that... 282 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,680 ..isn't entirely the case, 283 00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:12,800 it makes me question who you are. 284 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:15,640 Now, just look in the mirror, do you know what I mean? Because... 285 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:21,040 ..it's really unnerving and it's uncomfortable for everyone. 286 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:26,520 Fuck this shit. 287 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,400 # Apples, cherries, pain 288 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:31,240 # Breathe in, breathe out, pain 289 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:36,640 # No, no, Novocaine Still maintain my grace 290 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:41,160 HUBBUB 291 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:44,600 # The more you burn away the more the people earn from you 292 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:48,080 # The more you pull away the more that they depend on you 293 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:51,760 # I've never seen a hero like me in a sci-fi... # 294 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:55,160 Excuse me. Sorry, can I just see if that wire goes into my vape? 295 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,040 It's losing its power. 296 00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:00,280 Amazing. Do you mind if I hold on to that? Thank you. 297 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,840 # I wonder if you think that I could ever help you fly 298 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:06,120 # Never seen a hero like me in a sci-fi 299 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,720 # But I've seen my love and I thought it belonged to you... # 300 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,400 What is this? 301 00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:12,280 It doesn't work but thank you. 302 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,280 Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 303 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,160 Could you take a picture of me? OK. 304 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:20,720 Just, like, here. 305 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:25,920 Hey, sugar, I like your horns and everything. 306 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,320 Ah. 307 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:30,600 It's really amazing that you think your opinion should just be heard. 308 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,880 I thought we were... 309 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:35,200 Ah, hey... Come on! 310 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,840 Whoo! 311 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,080 Hey, guys. 312 00:15:42,080 --> 00:15:45,840 Did you know that all crash test dummies - 313 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,960 they don't factor in breasts, 314 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,400 hips, pregnancies. 315 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:54,960 Cancer research relies on studies conducted on men, 316 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,440 on white men in their 317 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:58,360 20s to 30s, specifically. 318 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,560 There is no data for women. 319 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:04,320 Even the size of a fucking smartphone is 320 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:05,480 based on the average 321 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:06,640 size of their hands. 322 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:07,800 I mean, it trickles down, 323 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:08,840 doesn't it? 324 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,160 I wish I could tell you these were somehow tricks, 325 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:12,600 some fake news, some bullshit, 326 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,480 but sadly this is all true. 327 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:16,920 I shouldn't be scared that as I walk this street, 328 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:18,440 right now, at any moment, 329 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:21,480 a man could drag me into a dark alley and attack me. 330 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,640 Fuck this shit. Fuck! 331 00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:26,600 I love you too. 332 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:31,160 Doxing - publishing private information. 333 00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:33,000 Thank you. 334 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:36,240 I came across it this morning. Doxxing - 335 00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:37,560 any of you guys heard of it? 336 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:41,200 Who would you dox if you could? 337 00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,080 No, I will not show you my fucking...! 338 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,200 #DoxTheCocks, 339 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,640 that's the new one, yeah? 340 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:50,920 If anyone's got Zain Tareen's home address, feel free to share. 341 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,080 Ha-ha-ha! Never dox! 342 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,840 No, you should never dox. 343 00:16:55,840 --> 00:17:00,560 We don't need to take matters into our own hands. 344 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:04,120 MULTIPLE PHONE ALERTS BEEP 345 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:11,360 BEEPING INTENSIFIES 346 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:20,760 To bury a... 347 00:17:20,760 --> 00:17:22,600 ..dark, hypocritical narrative, as 348 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,280 if it didn't even happen, just... 349 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:27,360 ..walk around like some kind of victim. 350 00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:29,400 You seem very upset. 351 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,320 It's really affected you, hasn't it? 352 00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:34,400 I never thought Kwame would turn out to be this kind of person, 353 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,400 do you know what I mean? Because he's my friend 354 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,000 and I don't keep that kind of shit around me. 355 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,160 Look at my Facebook... 356 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:43,560 ..and my Instagram. 357 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:44,920 Two, yeah? 358 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:47,640 DM after DM after DM 359 00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:50,560 after DM, there is so much injustice. 360 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:51,840 And... 361 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,280 ..my job is to speak the truth. I have to speak the truth. 362 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,880 No matter who to. I can't be complicit. 363 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,160 Do you need social media? 364 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,160 No, I don't need it. 365 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:07,160 Could you leave social media? 366 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:08,680 It's i... 367 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,480 It's important that we speak. 368 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,320 I have to speak. 369 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,120 The business models of these networks incentivise us 370 00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:20,440 to behave in certain ways, 371 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:24,640 in ways that promote speaking often at the cost of listening. 372 00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,080 Do you remember the three Rs? 373 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:31,080 Yeah. Rest, reflect, rejuvenate. 374 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:34,280 Look, if you can't abandon it altogether... 375 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,600 ..take a break. 376 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:43,720 We take breaks. We don't work weekends. We break for half term. 377 00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,240 Even a cantor has a sabbatical. 378 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:48,160 It's good for our mental health. 379 00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,200 Sorry, by the way... 380 00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:58,440 Turning up... 381 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,360 No, you called. That's what the emergency line is for. You're fine. 382 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:04,960 SHE WHISPERS: Thank you. 383 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,480 How are other things? 384 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:09,560 Good. 385 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,760 Yeah, I've been writing nonstop, day and night, so... 386 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,440 I was wondering more about the case. 387 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,520 Oh, they closed the case. 388 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:19,200 They closed the case? Mm. 389 00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,600 It was about a month ago. 390 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:28,800 You know, I took my stuff, the investigation bags, is that normal? 391 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,400 Everything and nothing is normal. 392 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,000 What was it like? Opening them? 393 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,360 I didn't open them, I just put them under the bed. 394 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:44,520 And they're still there now? 395 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,160 Yeah, but everything is under my bed. 396 00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,640 Mm. 397 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:54,040 I think it's worth exploring... 398 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:58,880 ..the possibility - you have an idea of self, let's say A... 399 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:00,800 ..for Arabella. 400 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,120 And then there's a line. 401 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,200 A hard surface, like a bed. 402 00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:08,240 Dangerous things, dark things, 403 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:12,400 anything that contradicts or threatens your perceived reality 404 00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,200 go here. 405 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,320 It happens more often than you might think. 406 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:23,960 A line is drawn separating bad from good, 407 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:27,160 friend from foe, men, women, black, white. 408 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:31,040 Them, us. Criminal, victim. God, devil. 409 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:36,240 It helps us to deflect, you know, avoid feelings like guilt, 410 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,880 uncertainty, self blame. 411 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:40,480 These feelings are crucial 412 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,720 in the stages of recovery. 413 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,360 If we can't process and understand them... 414 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,320 ..we can't process and understand ourselves. 415 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,880 # I put a spell on you 416 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,440 # Cos you're mine 417 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:23,440 # You better stop the things you do 418 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:26,480 # I ain't lyin' 419 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:29,960 # I ain't lyin' 420 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:35,520 # I can't stand it... # 421 00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,240 Hi, mate. Hey, mate. What are you up to? 422 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,240 I kept the investigation bags, from, you know, 423 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,120 so I thought I'd get them out. 424 00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:04,600 But then there's loads. Oh, right. Nice. 425 00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:06,960 Is this them? 426 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,080 Mm-hm. 427 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:12,760 Mate, you've got loads of stuff. 428 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,440 What's that? 429 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:38,960 This was a long time ago. 430 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,240 I can't remember. 431 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:48,800 How many weeks was I? 432 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,320 I don't remember. 433 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:01,840 Ten weeks. 434 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,560 I just went and... 435 00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:14,320 ..done it, and then I forgot. 436 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,280 I never really thought about it again. 437 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:23,320 I guess I've, uh... 438 00:23:25,360 --> 00:23:26,920 I guess I, uh... 439 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,000 Do you feel like you made the wrong decision? 440 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:39,120 No. 441 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,880 Doing what we have to do doesn't always feel good, does it? 442 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:47,720 If you felt good, I would be even more horrified. 443 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,040 DOORBELL BUZZES 444 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:52,040 When you paint things 445 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:53,840 to make it look as if you're just a victim, 446 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,320 and I find out that isn't the case, 447 00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:58,600 it really makes me question who you are. 448 00:23:58,600 --> 00:23:59,840 DOOR OPENS 449 00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:01,760 Just look in the mirror, do you know what I mean? 450 00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:05,400 It's really uncomfortable and unnerving for everyone. 451 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:08,000 KNOCK AT DOOR 452 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,560 SHE WHISPERS: Sorry. 453 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:23,720 Is Kwam here? 454 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,800 He wasn't sure if you were OK with him coming in. 455 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,000 OK. 456 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:38,720 Yo, I can go if you don't want me here. I understand. 457 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:41,120 Kwame... 458 00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:42,880 It was really... 459 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,760 It was really intense today, 460 00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:46,240 and I'm sorry. 461 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:48,600 I was wrong. What I did was bad. 462 00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,120 I locked you in this room... 463 00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:55,160 ..and I didn't think about it. 464 00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:58,720 I was really dumb, and really thoughtless, and I am sorry. 465 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:00,280 I don't want to think about it. 466 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:03,080 Fuck that shit. Please just... 467 00:25:03,080 --> 00:25:04,600 ..forget about it. 468 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:09,880 I love you. 469 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,240 Yeah, I love you too. 470 00:25:11,240 --> 00:25:12,400 You OK? 471 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,520 Yeah? Are you OK? 472 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:17,840 Well, Terry's self-care train is making me 473 00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:19,800 want to jump in front of one. Mm. 474 00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:19,800 HE LAUGHS 475 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,800 So I'm going to go to this location. 476 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,160 HE LAUGHS 477 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:25,920 MOANING 478 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:28,440 You can't tell her. She won't notice. 479 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:29,640 Mm. 480 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:36,400 If you throw it hard enough... 481 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,080 ..it goes splat and a baby comes from inside it. 482 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:45,080 Right, er, well, I'm going to go back watching TV. 483 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,320 Halloween TV. 484 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:50,360 Well... 485 00:25:50,360 --> 00:25:52,040 So, er, right... 486 00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:53,520 Sleep well, mate. 487 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:54,880 Thanks, Ben. 488 00:26:01,200 --> 00:26:02,920 You sure you want to do this? 489 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:27,800 # Mushrooms and roses is the place to be... # 490 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,120 What do you need, Bell? 491 00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:33,520 Netflix? 492 00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:35,360 Painting? 493 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:36,720 Chocolate? 494 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:38,640 Doodle? 495 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:40,440 Mm... 496 00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:51,720 Can we go for a walk? 497 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:52,960 Sure. 498 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,160 It's cold, Bella, put your coat on. 499 00:26:58,160 --> 00:26:59,400 Bella! 500 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:04,720 # We're all virgins to the joys 501 00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:08,680 # Of loving without fear... # 502 00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,160 This is a long walk. 503 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:17,440 Bella? 504 00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:45,800 What are we doing? 505 00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:56,040 Yaasss... 506 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:04,920 # Tommy thinks the crazies are back in my mind 507 00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:07,400 # Tommy says the children are clouding my head 508 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:11,400 # When everything is wrong I dance inside my mind 509 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,200 # That's when I come alive 510 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,160 # Like a schizo running wild 511 00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:19,560 # That's when I come alive 512 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:22,240 # Now let's go wild 513 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,240 # Come on! 514 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,640 # We're kicking at your window and keeping you up 515 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:36,200 # And if you come to find me I'll colour you red 516 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:40,200 # We're dancing in the dungeon every Monday night. #