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[military brass music playing]
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ASTÉRIX & OBÉLIX
THE MIDDLE KINGDOM
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[narrator] The year is 50 B.C.
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Gaul is entirely occupied by the Romans.
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Well,
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not entirely.
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One small village of indomitable Gauls
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still holds out against the invaders.
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And life isn't easy
for the Roman legionaries
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who garrison the fortified camps
of Totorum, Aquarium,
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Laudanum and Compendium.
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[man 1] ♪ Favourite thing that I like ♪
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♪ Is to go on a hike in the forest ♪
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♪ I like to go
With my buddy, with my... bro ♪
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Hey, that rhymes. Ha!
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[man 2] You know what, Obélix?
This life isn't healthy.
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- [Obélix] Huh?
- Too much meat.
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- Oof! Too much meat?
- Yeah.
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Wild boars for breakfast, lunch
and dinner, and then midnight snacks.
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And all that barley beer!
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I don't think it's all that good for us.
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- What else would we eat then?
- I don't know.
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We could balance it out a bit,
with, uh... vegetables.
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- Vegetables? Vegetables?
- Uh-huh.
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[Obélix laughs]
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Oh, you're so funny, Astérix!
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- You hear that, Dogmatix?
- [whining]
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Do you picture yourself chewing celery
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instead of a bone?
Like, "Hello, vegetables"?
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[laughs]
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Yeah, go ahead and laugh.
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Honestly, what is the point
of wrecking our health like this?
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And that magic potion...
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Where's the evidence
that it's safe to use?
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We don't have perspective. We just don't.
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And plus, do we even need it, you know?
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- You alright?
- No, I'm not.
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Look, it's not a huge deal,
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maybe a mixed salad now and then,
or mushrooms. Chestnuts?
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- Well, they're out of season...
- Shush.
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[sniffs vigorously]
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- [Astérix sighs]
- [comical music playing]
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You're carrying one already,
can't you leave the poor beasts alone?
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[growling]
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[metal tinkling]
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[quivering]
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Peekaboo, you ickle-wickle Romie-pomies!
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[barking]
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- Hail, Caesar.
- [soldier 1] Sorry, we're lost.
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We didn't know
we were so close to your village.
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Oh please,
I must've told you twenty times.
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- Did not.
- Did too.
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[soldier 2] You kept saying,
"I'm sick to death of these stupid Gauls."
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"They can kiss my scutum."
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- Oh!
- [soldier 1] What's wrong with you?
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- [indistinct arguing]
- [Obélix] Wait here.
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No, no, no.
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Leave it to me.
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Let me demonstrate
just how much I need this.
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True power is here,
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and here.
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So you just sit over there,
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relax, and watch and learn.
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[tense music playing]
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[soldier 1] Hiya.
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[cry of pain]
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[Obélix giggles]
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They got these helmets...
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I'm sorry, are you in or out?
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I've been told to stay out.
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No!
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[Astérix screams in pain]
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- Come and help, don't be silly!
- Go on, pound him hard.
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[grunts]
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- Oh!
- [Obélix] Hey!
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[squeaking and peeping]
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[roars]
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Oh!
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[whistling]
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Come on, be a sport, would--
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- [Astérix sighs]
- Cheater!
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Dunno what you're on about.
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I was doing fine without the potion.
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[tutting]
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We don't have to do this.
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But... we do.
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[screams]
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{\an8}ASTÉRIX & OBÉLIX
THE MIDDLE KINGDOM
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{\an8}- [light-hearted music playing]
- [distant screaming]
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{\an8}[indistinct chatter]
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{\an8}[indistinct chatter continues]
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{\an8}♪ I love my big belt ♪
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{\an8}♪ To keep my lovely britches up! ♪
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{\an8}Why no customers?
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{\an8}- Product's not that fresh.
- [flies buzzing]
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{\an8}- Are you fresh?
- What?
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{\an8}- Uh, nothing.
- [Obélix] Can you imagine,
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{\an8}Getafix, I can't even
smoke my own boars inside!
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{\an8}Just because mister Astérix
has decided to quit eating them,
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- doesn't mean I have to.
- [laughs]
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[kid] Panacea!
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Panacea!
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- Panacea!
- [Panacea] Hi, girls.
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- Shall we go to the market?
- [girl] Yes!
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- [clears throat] Morning, Panacea.
- Morning, Obélix.
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Um, Panacea...
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[Obélix] I wanted to tell you...
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Mm-hmm?
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When I carved this menhir, I was thinking
of you, so I want you to have it.
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That's really nice of you,
but what would I do with it?
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Goodbye then.
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- She didn't take it.
- Hum?
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- The menhir, she didn't want it.
- What did you expect? It weighs a ton!
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What would she use it for?
An ankle bracelet?
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- Getafix, your sickle's ready.
- Thanks, Fulliautomatix.
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Oh, enough of that.
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And let me tell you... I'll tell you...
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Come here.
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{\an8}♪ I'm on fire ♪
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{\an8}There's no reason for Astérix
not to have a varied diet as long as
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{\an8}he doesn't impose it on others.
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Getafix, what are you doing?
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Huh?
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[comical music playing]
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Sinking, I believe.
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What're you doing that for?
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It's quicksand, obviously.
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Nobody's ever reported
quicksand around here before.
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Perhaps it's because they'd already sunk!
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{\an8}[Cacofonix] Wagon in sight!
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{\an8}♪ Wagon in sight ♪
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{\an8}Excuse me a second.
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{\an8}♪ But I'm never hoarse ♪
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{\an8}♪ Because my heart yearns to sing ♪
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{\an8}- Was it too hard for you to shut up?
- [Cacofonix holds the note]
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{\an8}[grunts]
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{\an8}First customer I'd had in days!
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{\an8}That's how long
your fish's been rotting there.
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{\an8}What? You saying my fish is rotten?
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{\an8}[serious music playing]
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{\an8}Let's go see who it is, huh?
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{\an8}FOR LOUISE AND MARCEL
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- Stay put, horsies.
- Bankruptis, what you doing here?
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- [Bankruptis] Shh!
- It's summertime.
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Were you ambushed?
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- [Astérix] And where's your uncle?
- Will you shut up, I mean it, not a word.
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[whispering] Listen to me! Okay?
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Friends, I just came from China.
I need your help with this.
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- You've got to see this.
- Why are you blonde?
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Now that's what I need to tell you.
I'm a Gaul. I've always been a Gaul.
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- Pff!
- So please, play along.
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Just play along with it,
would you, please?
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I will explain. This way.
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- [mysterious music playing]
- [indistinct chatter]
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[crowd gasps]
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They're strange.
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[Bankruptis] Now this magnificent
young woman asleep on the shoulder,
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she's a princess.
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Name of Sa See. The very daughter
of the Empress of China.
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[crowd gasps]
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You do know where China is, right?
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- Absolutely.
- [scattered murmurs]
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Right.
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- Is she a princess too?
- [Bankruptis] No.
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She's her bodyguard, her name's Ka Ra Tay.
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Let me tell you she's a right fury.
She beat up everybody we met.
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She beat the Scythians. And she beat
the Parthians, she beat the Huns.
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She's a beautiful woman.
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A woman bodyguard?
[laughs] That's pretty funny.
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That's it, laugh then, go on.
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Since you're such an alpha male,
we'd all love a demonstration.
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- Huh?
- Alright.
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Yeah, see if you can grab her hand,
alpha male.
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- [Bankruptis] Go ahead. Be my guest.
- Alright.
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[cracking]
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[groans]
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[all laugh]
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Voilà.
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["Say You, Say Me" playing]
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♪ Say you, say me ♪
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♪ Say it for always ♪
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[wings chittering]
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♪ That's the way it should be ♪
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You been drinking potion?
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- No.
- Mm-hmm.
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- What's happening?
- What's happening is quite obvious.
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I'll tell you this, do not go there.
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The princess and I...
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We're a bit more than friends,
know what I'm saying?
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- You are?
- Yeah.
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Princess?
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We have arrived.
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[crowd] Oh!
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[Vitalstatistix]
What's the meaning of this?
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[boy] Oh no, here comes the chief!
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Now this is Vitalstatistix,
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he's the chief of us Gauls, he's the boss.
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[grunts]
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In the name of Toutatis,
you've got some nerve.
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Where's your uncle Ekonomikrisis?
He swindled me on a silk chiffon.
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- How incredible.
- [Impedimenta] Yeah.
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He said, "Relax, it'll stretch."
Do I look relaxed?
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- Clearly not.
- Where's the swindler?
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Ow! No! He sent me, all right?
Can I tell you the story?
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Let me introduce Princess Sa See.
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The daughter of the Empress of China!
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[crowd] Oh!
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Who's the girl?
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- Thank you, Bankruptix.
- Welcome.
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Chief Vitalstatistix. Allow me to explain
why I have come to you.
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- Getafix, how far's China?
- Very far!
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It is where the sun comes up, over yonder.
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Ah.
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[narrator] As the tale of the Princess
is likely to be rather long,
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and fraught with emotion,
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let's have a somewhat condensed
account instead.
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The Princess lives
with her mother, the Empress.
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Ever since the Emperor died,
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the Empress has struggled to keep control
over the Six Kingdoms.
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Even as beloved as she is by her people,
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the Empress must face the ambitions
of some of the princes,
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who secretly covet her throne.
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The troubles began
on Princess Sa See's birthday,
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the girl you saw earlier, in the village.
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This is what we call a flashback.
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[sighs]
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Another vase?
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[grunts]
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[Sa See] Every year is the same.
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Who'd be interested
in a collection of vases?
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I'm twenty now,
and I've never been out of this palace.
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I'm tired of these gardens and guards!
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Your security is at stake.
You know this well--
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Father promised me I would visit Lutetia
all its boutiques, small taverns...
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I yearn to travel to Gaul!
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We have spoken about this.
Such a journey is too dangerous.
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The answer is no.
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Here. Open this one.
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A gold coin stamped with your likeness.
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The first ever minted.
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Will it buy a dress
in the capital of Gaul?
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Sa See...
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[Empress] Prince Deng Tsin Qin!
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[mysterious music playing]
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I'm told you have levied
246
00:12:25,418 --> 00:12:27,001
a new tax over your kingdom,
247
00:12:27,001 --> 00:12:28,793
whilst your people suffer famine?
248
00:12:28,793 --> 00:12:30,668
If I may be so bold, your Majesty...
249
00:12:30,668 --> 00:12:32,668
Julius Caesar's been taxing the heck out
250
00:12:32,668 --> 00:12:34,751
of his own empire
and nobody's complaining.
251
00:12:34,751 --> 00:12:37,251
Plus, where's the pleasure
without pain, as my countrymen say.
252
00:12:37,251 --> 00:12:38,584
Who is this man?
253
00:12:38,584 --> 00:12:41,668
This is Scar Dee Kat.
My new strategic counsellor.
254
00:12:41,668 --> 00:12:44,834
He's from Rome,
where he held very high station.
255
00:12:44,834 --> 00:12:46,668
Put the people of China
256
00:12:46,668 --> 00:12:48,543
before the twisted schemes of a Roman.
257
00:12:49,209 --> 00:12:51,501
Of course, your Imperial Majesty.
258
00:12:52,251 --> 00:12:53,543
Before I withdraw,
259
00:12:53,543 --> 00:12:56,334
have you given any thought
to my proposal of marriage?
260
00:12:56,334 --> 00:12:58,043
Yes. The Princess and I discussed it.
261
00:12:58,043 --> 00:12:59,168
And...?
262
00:13:00,043 --> 00:13:01,126
We had a good laugh.
263
00:13:01,126 --> 00:13:03,168
[laughter]
264
00:13:03,168 --> 00:13:06,209
[Scar Dee Kat] Ah!
"He who makes woman laugh..." [laughs]
265
00:13:07,043 --> 00:13:08,876
Apologies.
266
00:13:09,459 --> 00:13:11,501
If your Majesty
and her daughter find it amusing,
267
00:13:12,293 --> 00:13:13,834
then let it be so.
268
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:15,251
[mysterious music playing]
269
00:13:19,668 --> 00:13:20,501
[Empress] Ka Ra Tay.
270
00:13:24,209 --> 00:13:25,543
My faithful warrior.
271
00:13:26,209 --> 00:13:27,626
Summon my daughter.
272
00:13:28,376 --> 00:13:30,543
[lively music playing]
273
00:13:51,209 --> 00:13:52,918
[Ekonomikrisis] Look, we are in China.
274
00:13:52,918 --> 00:13:55,168
The Chinese love all things Gaul,
therefore we are Gauls,
275
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,209
I can't be any clearer.
276
00:13:56,209 --> 00:13:58,751
To a native Phoenician,
it's humiliating, Ekonomikrisis.
277
00:13:59,959 --> 00:14:01,834
The name's Ekonomikrisix!
278
00:14:01,834 --> 00:14:03,251
Get it through your thick skulls!
279
00:14:03,251 --> 00:14:06,084
You're Overmix, and you're Premix! Right?
280
00:14:06,084 --> 00:14:08,543
And all three of us are Gauls.
"Comprendix"?
281
00:14:09,126 --> 00:14:12,043
- It's always us making the effort.
- [Ekonomikrisis] Always you, huh?
282
00:14:14,376 --> 00:14:15,918
- [both laughing]
- Is that funny to you?
283
00:14:15,918 --> 00:14:17,959
Think that's funny? Think I'm amused?
284
00:14:17,959 --> 00:14:19,209
- Being blonde?
- [Overmix] No.
285
00:14:19,209 --> 00:14:22,376
So grab these papyrus sheets,
and go hand them out in town. Stat!
286
00:14:22,376 --> 00:14:24,501
Go on. Yallah, I mean, get on with it.
287
00:14:24,501 --> 00:14:26,501
Put your helmets on! Go!
288
00:14:26,501 --> 00:14:28,334
On your way now.
289
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:29,793
China is ours, yeah?
290
00:14:30,293 --> 00:14:32,209
Hey, hey, hey. What you snooping at?
291
00:14:33,001 --> 00:14:35,793
What you think you're doing?
You touch, you pay. That's the rule.
292
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,001
Are these real Louboutix?
293
00:14:38,001 --> 00:14:39,793
"Are those real Louboutix?"
294
00:14:39,793 --> 00:14:42,418
Of course they're real,
have you ever seen soles like this before?
295
00:14:42,418 --> 00:14:45,043
They're red-hot, and so are my prices,
so if it's too much,
296
00:14:45,043 --> 00:14:47,251
go check out Cheaptrix next door.
297
00:14:48,001 --> 00:14:49,584
Right, get outta my store now.
298
00:14:49,584 --> 00:14:51,834
- Go on, give us some air.
- [Ekonomikrisis] Whoa!
299
00:14:51,834 --> 00:14:53,834
That's a booboo. Mother of all booboos.
300
00:14:53,834 --> 00:14:55,918
Please forgive him, Majesty. Forgive him.
301
00:14:55,918 --> 00:14:59,709
He's my nephew.
He has the same temper as his mama.
302
00:14:59,709 --> 00:15:01,251
- Right.
- That's what everybody says.
303
00:15:01,251 --> 00:15:03,418
And of course, the sandals are yours.
304
00:15:03,418 --> 00:15:05,459
There's no charge, I'll take it...
305
00:15:05,459 --> 00:15:06,626
- Ow!
- ...out of his wages.
306
00:15:06,626 --> 00:15:08,709
- I felt pain.
- You did have it coming.
307
00:15:08,709 --> 00:15:10,751
Ekonomikrisix, I'm at your service.
308
00:15:11,334 --> 00:15:13,209
[whispering] Nobody shakes.
Put the hand away.
309
00:15:13,209 --> 00:15:14,834
- Nobody shakes.
- Nobody shakes.
310
00:15:14,834 --> 00:15:17,834
This is all a terrible mistake, Princess.
311
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:21,876
Whoa. You're sublime. Um. Um... um.
312
00:15:21,876 --> 00:15:23,584
I'm Bankruptix. I'm the nephew.
313
00:15:23,584 --> 00:15:25,751
With my Mama's temper.
314
00:15:25,751 --> 00:15:28,626
And also... her eyes.
315
00:15:28,626 --> 00:15:31,501
[swooshing]
316
00:15:31,501 --> 00:15:33,209
I would've loved
to have blonde hair like you.
317
00:15:33,209 --> 00:15:37,168
It was never really my choice, Princess.
I was always this way.
318
00:15:37,168 --> 00:15:38,876
Nature only is to blame.
319
00:15:38,876 --> 00:15:40,793
[clears throat] If your imperial Majesty,
320
00:15:40,793 --> 00:15:42,918
uh, could put all this behind us,
321
00:15:42,918 --> 00:15:46,501
if you would consent to sample
some of our famous Gallic wines,
322
00:15:46,501 --> 00:15:48,543
it would honour us greatly.
323
00:15:48,543 --> 00:15:49,668
[Ekonomikrisis] Do come in.
324
00:15:50,668 --> 00:15:54,793
Let's start with a superior vintage,
to honour your majestic imperiosity.
325
00:15:56,043 --> 00:15:58,709
[sniffs] Its nose is fruity.
326
00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:00,751
Full of sunshine.
327
00:16:00,751 --> 00:16:02,251
Notes of pine and cool shade.
328
00:16:02,251 --> 00:16:04,584
With a tinge of chestnut. [sniffs]
329
00:16:04,584 --> 00:16:05,668
Banana too.
330
00:16:05,668 --> 00:16:07,459
Dried dates, perhaps.
331
00:16:07,459 --> 00:16:10,459
It's more of a fruit salad
than a... a wine, really.
332
00:16:10,459 --> 00:16:11,459
WINE TASTING
333
00:16:11,459 --> 00:16:13,959
[lively music playing]
334
00:16:14,751 --> 00:16:16,043
I LOVE GAUL
335
00:16:25,876 --> 00:16:26,709
I'll buy it all.
336
00:16:26,709 --> 00:16:28,793
- Ah!
- [ding]
337
00:16:30,126 --> 00:16:33,293
- [Sa See] Are these Gallic perfumes?
- Absolutely, they are indeed.
338
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:35,376
All our perfumes come from Gaul.
339
00:16:35,376 --> 00:16:37,251
Like myself and my staff.
340
00:16:38,168 --> 00:16:39,918
This is the latest fragrance
341
00:16:39,918 --> 00:16:42,834
the ladies are crazy for in Gaul. Amphora.
342
00:16:42,834 --> 00:16:44,876
Amphora.
343
00:16:44,876 --> 00:16:45,959
I adore-a.
344
00:16:45,959 --> 00:16:47,293
And I'm all for-a.
345
00:16:47,293 --> 00:16:49,751
- [Deng Tsin Qin] Archers, fire!
- Hey, watch out!
346
00:16:49,751 --> 00:16:52,043
[screaming]
347
00:16:52,043 --> 00:16:53,959
- [tense music playing]
- [screaming]
348
00:16:57,709 --> 00:16:59,126
Sa See, are you hurt?
349
00:16:59,126 --> 00:17:00,543
No, Mother, I'm fine.
350
00:17:00,543 --> 00:17:03,251
- Bankruptis, everything okay?
- Yeah, I'm all good.
351
00:17:03,251 --> 00:17:04,626
I'm asking about the goods!
352
00:17:04,626 --> 00:17:05,709
Cheers, mate.
353
00:17:05,709 --> 00:17:07,126
[Deng Tsin Qin] Hey, Empress?
354
00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:08,459
Come out with your hands up.
355
00:17:08,459 --> 00:17:11,209
We wouldn't want to hurt anybody.
356
00:17:11,209 --> 00:17:12,293
We got eyes on you!
357
00:17:12,293 --> 00:17:13,709
Yeah, both kinds.
358
00:17:15,959 --> 00:17:18,709
Yeah because...
my eyes are more like, round,
359
00:17:18,709 --> 00:17:20,251
and you guys are, like uh...
360
00:17:21,043 --> 00:17:21,876
Forget it.
361
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:25,584
Is there another exit?
362
00:17:25,584 --> 00:17:27,251
Yes. I have a secret passage
363
00:17:27,251 --> 00:17:30,084
in case of customs checks.
I mean in case of check...
364
00:17:30,084 --> 00:17:32,668
checking for fires.
In case of fire. A fire exit.
365
00:17:33,459 --> 00:17:35,876
Ka Ra Tay,
I entrust you my daughter. Save her!
366
00:17:35,876 --> 00:17:37,584
Mother, no! You have to escape too.
367
00:17:37,584 --> 00:17:39,709
The Empress does not flee. Save yourself.
368
00:17:39,709 --> 00:17:41,751
The scoundrel is after you.
369
00:17:41,751 --> 00:17:42,668
Let's go.
370
00:17:44,501 --> 00:17:47,043
- [Bankruptis] Bye, Princess.
- Quit that. I'm gonna stay here.
371
00:17:47,043 --> 00:17:48,918
A good merchant never abandons his stock.
372
00:17:48,918 --> 00:17:51,376
Captain of the ship kinda thing, right?
373
00:17:51,376 --> 00:17:52,376
Well, yeah.
374
00:17:52,376 --> 00:17:53,834
You get to home-base,
and bring back the guys.
375
00:17:53,834 --> 00:17:55,209
What? Uncle Mahmood?
376
00:17:55,209 --> 00:17:57,043
Not him, not Uncle Mahmood,
this home base.
377
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:58,293
This home base?
378
00:17:58,293 --> 00:18:00,584
- That's the other end of the planet!
- You should be on your way.
379
00:18:00,584 --> 00:18:02,584
- [inhales, grunts]
- Hey, wait!
380
00:18:03,293 --> 00:18:06,584
Keep your eyes on the Princess.
We won't lose our biggest sale ever.
381
00:18:06,584 --> 00:18:10,334
Imagine. If you save
the Princess of China...
382
00:18:10,334 --> 00:18:12,043
[soft music playing]
383
00:18:14,251 --> 00:18:16,709
- Ah.
- Ah, yeah.
384
00:18:16,709 --> 00:18:19,043
- Yeah... I'll understand on the way.
- [Ekonomikrisis] Go!
385
00:18:19,043 --> 00:18:20,626
[Bankruptis] Take care, unkie.
386
00:18:21,293 --> 00:18:22,209
[grunts]
387
00:18:22,709 --> 00:18:23,834
[sighs]
388
00:18:25,209 --> 00:18:27,501
I happen to be an amateur pugilist.
389
00:18:27,501 --> 00:18:28,501
Let me deal with this.
390
00:18:28,501 --> 00:18:30,376
- [lively music playing]
- So, fellas?
391
00:18:30,376 --> 00:18:32,459
- Hassling ladies, are we?
- [punch landing]
392
00:18:33,251 --> 00:18:34,501
[groans]
393
00:18:35,709 --> 00:18:36,626
[sighs]
394
00:18:37,293 --> 00:18:39,293
So I left the room, and then...
395
00:18:40,334 --> 00:18:41,293
What happened?
396
00:18:41,293 --> 00:18:44,501
- You got kicked in the head.
- Ah, of course!
397
00:18:44,501 --> 00:18:45,626
That's what happened.
398
00:18:45,626 --> 00:18:47,709
So, are we having fun yet, Empress?
399
00:18:47,709 --> 00:18:48,876
Excuse me just one second,
400
00:18:48,876 --> 00:18:51,376
but who on earth are you?
Because none of this makes much sense.
401
00:18:51,376 --> 00:18:53,251
I'm totally lost, I'm baffled here.
402
00:18:54,376 --> 00:18:56,376
- So then?
- The princess is still missing.
403
00:18:56,376 --> 00:18:58,668
And if she's hiding, she's smart.
404
00:18:58,668 --> 00:19:01,168
Dodging us like a sly little fishy...
405
00:19:02,376 --> 00:19:04,959
Find her, offer a reward!
Tell the whole kingdom!
406
00:19:04,959 --> 00:19:08,043
I want her alive!
For our beautiful forced wedding!
407
00:19:08,043 --> 00:19:11,001
[laughs]
408
00:19:11,001 --> 00:19:12,626
I know my daughter.
409
00:19:12,626 --> 00:19:13,959
She will seek her revenge.
410
00:19:13,959 --> 00:19:16,168
Now that's a scary thought.
Spoiled princess,
411
00:19:16,168 --> 00:19:17,251
who's never been outside!
412
00:19:17,251 --> 00:19:19,376
- That's my bride you're talking about.
- Sorry, Master.
413
00:19:19,376 --> 00:19:21,418
Yeah I'm sorry too,
but tell us what's going on,
414
00:19:21,418 --> 00:19:23,376
I'm so puzzled, as in totally perplexed.
415
00:19:23,376 --> 00:19:25,376
I'll have you decapitated, Empress.
416
00:19:25,376 --> 00:19:26,668
You'll decapitate no one.
417
00:19:26,668 --> 00:19:28,376
Where's your manners?
You don't do that.
418
00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:31,168
He's not wrong,
you can't be the one to kill the Empress.
419
00:19:31,168 --> 00:19:32,543
[Deng Tsin Qin] Why not?
420
00:19:32,543 --> 00:19:36,043
It's not that simple, because the Princes
in the other kingdoms hate your guts.
421
00:19:36,043 --> 00:19:37,751
They claim you're not Emperor material,
422
00:19:37,751 --> 00:19:40,043
and also, their words not mine,
you're physically ugly,
423
00:19:40,043 --> 00:19:41,584
and you've got an itty-bitty little--
424
00:19:41,584 --> 00:19:44,793
- Don't you dare.
- I meant army. You have a small army.
425
00:19:44,793 --> 00:19:46,126
It's the smallest one out there.
426
00:19:46,126 --> 00:19:48,043
If you try to beat them,
you've got zero chance.
427
00:19:48,043 --> 00:19:50,793
[Deng Tsin Qin] I'm assuming you wouldn't
say this unless you had a plan?
428
00:19:50,793 --> 00:19:52,209
Well assumed.
429
00:19:53,126 --> 00:19:54,709
- And my idea--
- Hush!
430
00:19:55,543 --> 00:19:58,001
- Right, haul them in! Let's go!
- No.
431
00:19:58,001 --> 00:19:59,376
- Take it easy.
- [Deng Tsin Qin] Move!
432
00:19:59,376 --> 00:20:02,084
Easy, there's an Empress here,
and the jars are breakable.
433
00:20:02,084 --> 00:20:04,084
[Deng Tsin Qin] China is ours!
434
00:20:04,084 --> 00:20:07,209
- [evil laughter]
- [emotional music playing]
435
00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:28,543
[sobbing]
436
00:20:36,043 --> 00:20:37,543
[Bankruptis] It's gonna be fine, Princess.
437
00:20:37,543 --> 00:20:40,334
And you can count on me. Okay? You and me.
438
00:20:40,334 --> 00:20:42,834
- [mutters in pain]
- [bones cracking]
439
00:20:42,834 --> 00:20:44,459
[Bankruptis] Don't worry. We'll help you!
440
00:20:44,459 --> 00:20:46,126
Because it's a known fact,
441
00:20:46,126 --> 00:20:48,168
us Gauls, we just love helping others.
442
00:20:48,168 --> 00:20:49,626
No!
443
00:20:49,626 --> 00:20:51,501
No, no, no and no!
444
00:20:51,501 --> 00:20:53,126
[Vitalstatistix] Out of the question!
445
00:20:53,126 --> 00:20:56,126
Dunno about you, but I found
this story extremely long-winded.
446
00:20:56,126 --> 00:21:00,959
And frankly, by Belenus, why does everyone
always have to come to us for support?
447
00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:02,959
Hold on now, Vitalstatistix,
448
00:21:02,959 --> 00:21:04,334
it's a tradition.
449
00:21:04,334 --> 00:21:07,043
We provide assistance
to those who need it.
450
00:21:07,043 --> 00:21:09,126
Including our good friend Bank...
451
00:21:09,126 --> 00:21:10,751
- Ruptis.
- ...Ruptis.
452
00:21:10,751 --> 00:21:14,084
- Ruptix.
- Right, well... it's a no, that's it.
453
00:21:14,084 --> 00:21:16,543
It's often been yes.
But this time, it's no.
454
00:21:17,168 --> 00:21:20,126
[Vitalstatistix] I've got a bad feeling.
China's far away, we've never been!
455
00:21:20,126 --> 00:21:21,876
Nor our forefathers!
Where it is, we don't know.
456
00:21:21,876 --> 00:21:22,834
Sure we do, come on.
457
00:21:22,834 --> 00:21:24,334
Yeah, even I know where it is.
458
00:21:24,334 --> 00:21:27,084
It's over yonder.
Where the sun rises, huh?
459
00:21:27,834 --> 00:21:29,501
[Obélix] He doesn't even know that?
[laughs]
460
00:21:29,501 --> 00:21:31,293
I'm not sure where it is and I'm the boss.
461
00:21:31,293 --> 00:21:33,418
Oh Chief, I respect your decision.
462
00:21:33,418 --> 00:21:35,876
I will take my leave now
to save my mother and homeland.
463
00:21:35,876 --> 00:21:37,959
- [Bankruptis] No, no, no.
- Please wait, Princess...
464
00:21:40,001 --> 00:21:40,959
Well, I could go.
465
00:21:41,584 --> 00:21:44,418
As it happens, I'm free at the moment.
466
00:21:45,418 --> 00:21:48,668
Well, I'm free too, at the moment.
I wouldn't mind going.
467
00:21:48,668 --> 00:21:50,834
Hey, you two! Who's on the chair here?
468
00:21:52,126 --> 00:21:54,001
Are you village chief now?
469
00:21:54,001 --> 00:21:55,959
Alright, I've heard enough of this.
470
00:21:55,959 --> 00:21:58,584
- Still no!
- Have you completely lost your mind?
471
00:21:58,584 --> 00:22:00,751
Fine chief you are!
472
00:22:00,751 --> 00:22:02,626
Ignoring the anguish of an innocent girl.
473
00:22:02,626 --> 00:22:04,626
- Oh no, Mimenta...
- Don't Mimenta me!
474
00:22:04,626 --> 00:22:07,501
- This how you welcome friends from China?
- Seriously.
475
00:22:08,084 --> 00:22:11,584
[Impedimenta] Your Gaul's not pretty!
All because China is too far away?
476
00:22:11,584 --> 00:22:13,834
It's not you making the trip,
so what do you care?
477
00:22:13,834 --> 00:22:15,168
- [sighs]
- Am I wrong?
478
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:17,043
It's Astérix and Obélix, as usual.
479
00:22:17,043 --> 00:22:18,543
[laughter]
480
00:22:18,543 --> 00:22:21,043
Get this, if some idiots ever write
the story of our village,
481
00:22:21,043 --> 00:22:24,501
rest assured no one'll be calling it
Adventures of Vitalstatistix the Gaul.
482
00:22:24,501 --> 00:22:26,209
Even Dogmatix travels more than you!
483
00:22:26,209 --> 00:22:28,168
- [laughter]
- Do you hear that, Dogmatix?
484
00:22:28,168 --> 00:22:29,668
[barking]
485
00:22:29,668 --> 00:22:31,043
[laughter]
486
00:22:31,043 --> 00:22:32,251
Oh man. That's brutal.
487
00:22:32,251 --> 00:22:34,668
Sure, when it's all about
magic potion and moustaches,
488
00:22:34,668 --> 00:22:35,751
then you're on board,
489
00:22:35,751 --> 00:22:38,043
but when things become delicate,
you disappear!
490
00:22:40,001 --> 00:22:40,834
[grunts]
491
00:22:42,043 --> 00:22:43,918
[grunt]
492
00:22:47,251 --> 00:22:48,251
Okay, go ahead, go on.
493
00:22:48,251 --> 00:22:50,668
- Hurray!
- [sigh of relief]
494
00:22:50,668 --> 00:22:53,084
- [joyful babbling]
- Thank you. I can't thank you enough.
495
00:22:53,084 --> 00:22:55,959
- [lyre]
- ♪ My dear companions as you leave ♪
496
00:22:56,918 --> 00:22:58,168
[sighs]
497
00:22:58,168 --> 00:23:00,459
♪ My heart must come to realise ♪
498
00:23:02,001 --> 00:23:03,793
♪ It must be worn upon my sleeve... ♪
499
00:23:03,793 --> 00:23:05,751
[yelps]
500
00:23:06,459 --> 00:23:09,418
[epic music playing]
501
00:23:13,168 --> 00:23:16,709
[narrator] Meanwhile, in the eternal,
and well-irrigated city of Rome,
502
00:23:16,709 --> 00:23:20,043
we join Julius Caesar
in his magnificent palace,
503
00:23:20,043 --> 00:23:23,584
revelling in domestic bliss
with the powerful Queen of Egypt,
504
00:23:23,584 --> 00:23:26,668
the gorgeous, mild-mannered Cleopatra.
505
00:23:26,668 --> 00:23:31,168
[Cleopatra] I have had it!
You hear me? I have had it!
506
00:23:36,543 --> 00:23:37,918
Pray tell what all this is about?
507
00:23:37,918 --> 00:23:40,626
I'm packing all my things
and going back home.
508
00:23:40,626 --> 00:23:42,334
I should have listened to Mummy.
509
00:23:43,751 --> 00:23:45,668
Now that we're over, I can say it.
510
00:23:45,668 --> 00:23:47,959
- There is someone else.
- Someone else?
511
00:23:47,959 --> 00:23:49,501
[gasps]
512
00:23:49,501 --> 00:23:51,126
[Caesar] You can't be serious!
513
00:23:52,418 --> 00:23:54,334
What do you mean, there's someone else?
514
00:23:55,209 --> 00:23:57,834
What do you mean?
Is this about Infidelitatis?
515
00:23:57,834 --> 00:23:59,209
That is right.
516
00:24:01,001 --> 00:24:02,084
And...
517
00:24:03,418 --> 00:24:06,251
and for whom
would you leave the Great Caesar?
518
00:24:07,626 --> 00:24:08,834
Tabascos!
519
00:24:08,834 --> 00:24:11,001
- [Greek music playing]
- [Caesar] Tabascos?
520
00:24:11,001 --> 00:24:12,209
The Greek guy?
521
00:24:12,209 --> 00:24:15,668
[laughter]
522
00:24:15,668 --> 00:24:17,834
Tabascos, the Greek.
523
00:24:17,834 --> 00:24:20,793
So you would be prepared
to leave the Great Caesar...
524
00:24:22,376 --> 00:24:24,334
for the pecs of a common gym teacher?
525
00:24:26,084 --> 00:24:29,084
Very well, we'll see about that
after the lions.
526
00:24:29,751 --> 00:24:32,209
Don't you dare whack my Tabascos!
527
00:24:32,834 --> 00:24:34,334
I love him, you understand?
528
00:24:34,334 --> 00:24:36,043
What... What's that, you love him?
529
00:24:37,459 --> 00:24:38,668
What do you mean, you love him?
530
00:24:39,709 --> 00:24:42,001
What could he possibly have
that I don't, huh?
531
00:24:42,001 --> 00:24:43,918
He is a world-famous athlete.
532
00:24:43,918 --> 00:24:46,418
As for you, outside of Rome and Gaul,
nobody knows you.
533
00:24:46,418 --> 00:24:47,418
Oof.
534
00:24:47,418 --> 00:24:48,501
[laughs]
535
00:24:48,501 --> 00:24:51,168
Priceless! Nobody knows Julius Caesar?
536
00:24:51,168 --> 00:24:52,084
Well, go ahead.
537
00:24:52,709 --> 00:24:55,043
Follow your international ambitions
with your athlete.
538
00:24:55,043 --> 00:24:57,709
{\an8}- [in Greek] Let the Greek tsat your ziki!
- [gasps]
539
00:24:57,709 --> 00:24:59,418
- [clears throat]
- [Caesar in English] Yes...
540
00:24:59,418 --> 00:25:01,209
Uh, if I may, oh Caesar?
541
00:25:01,209 --> 00:25:04,168
Minor marital strife, but it's settled.
542
00:25:04,793 --> 00:25:08,793
So speak, Slius Foxxus,
devious, homely advisor of mine.
543
00:25:08,793 --> 00:25:12,376
[Slius Foxxus] Hail, Caesar!
You are quite observant, you've nailed me.
544
00:25:20,793 --> 00:25:25,626
May I introduce Scar Dee Kat
the ambassador of Prince Deng Tsin Qin,
545
00:25:25,626 --> 00:25:27,126
the new master of China.
546
00:25:27,126 --> 00:25:30,793
How is it that an empire so large
has a representative so puny?
547
00:25:30,793 --> 00:25:34,084
Yeah, well, because it's not the size
that counts but the know-how, oh Caesar.
548
00:25:34,084 --> 00:25:35,709
And some men have neither!
549
00:25:35,709 --> 00:25:39,001
[she laughs]
550
00:25:39,001 --> 00:25:40,668
[whispering] She's a beaut!
551
00:25:40,668 --> 00:25:42,126
What brings you, puny?
552
00:25:42,126 --> 00:25:44,334
Oh Caesar, I have come to offer you
the great riches
553
00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:45,751
of my adopted homeland
554
00:25:45,751 --> 00:25:48,168
in exchange for modest military aid.
555
00:25:48,168 --> 00:25:51,793
[scoffs] Even the great Alexander
gave up on conquering China.
556
00:25:51,793 --> 00:25:54,543
It's the perfect chance
to expand my empire...
557
00:25:54,543 --> 00:25:56,376
Your empire, oh Caesar.
558
00:25:56,376 --> 00:25:58,168
But I've had it with conquering,
559
00:25:58,168 --> 00:26:01,459
and my name in history
has already been forever immortalised.
560
00:26:01,459 --> 00:26:04,209
I love it when you talk like that.
I adore it!
561
00:26:04,209 --> 00:26:05,168
So well spoken.
562
00:26:05,876 --> 00:26:08,626
- Well spoken, eh?
- Biopix, my biographer from Galicia.
563
00:26:08,626 --> 00:26:11,168
[Slius Foxxus] The stupendous
accomplishments of mighty Caesar,
564
00:26:11,168 --> 00:26:12,751
what better story to tell?
565
00:26:12,751 --> 00:26:14,209
Enough. Begone, the two of you.
566
00:26:14,209 --> 00:26:18,043
Oh Caesar, since you wish
to go down in history, you must be aware
567
00:26:18,043 --> 00:26:20,251
that in China, you are less than a star.
568
00:26:20,251 --> 00:26:23,126
What did I say? [laughs]
569
00:26:23,126 --> 00:26:25,084
I'm getting good and fed up now!
570
00:26:26,001 --> 00:26:29,001
I, Caesar, man of a thousand conquests,
571
00:26:29,001 --> 00:26:30,376
and no one even knows me?
572
00:26:30,376 --> 00:26:32,876
- Alas.
- [laughs]
573
00:26:34,418 --> 00:26:36,751
["Le Diro Parole Blu" playing]
574
00:26:43,334 --> 00:26:44,959
[Scar Dee Kat] He speaks the truth.
575
00:26:44,959 --> 00:26:46,084
In China, at least.
576
00:26:46,084 --> 00:26:48,918
Go to your happy place, okay? Happy.
577
00:26:48,918 --> 00:26:50,543
Very well, Scar Dee Kat,
578
00:26:50,543 --> 00:26:52,918
step forward and describe this alliance
579
00:26:52,918 --> 00:26:54,084
- and this empire...
- [door slams]
580
00:26:54,084 --> 00:26:57,001
...that's about to see how great I am!
581
00:26:57,001 --> 00:26:58,626
[Cleopatra laughs]
582
00:26:58,626 --> 00:27:02,209
Explain your plan to me,
and remember, this Caesar's seasoned.
583
00:27:02,209 --> 00:27:03,293
[laughs]
584
00:27:04,084 --> 00:27:05,668
[light-hearted music playing]
585
00:27:05,668 --> 00:27:09,168
Alright, so I replaced your buggy
'cause you need something sturdy, right?
586
00:27:09,168 --> 00:27:12,334
This here's a ride. The best around,
on loan from Cousin Turbo.
587
00:27:12,334 --> 00:27:14,668
- I pimped it with boar bellies.
- Wow.
588
00:27:14,668 --> 00:27:17,501
That's right.
Shock-absorbing air cushions, like.
589
00:27:17,501 --> 00:27:18,459
And...
590
00:27:19,168 --> 00:27:20,168
the sun roof.
591
00:27:20,168 --> 00:27:21,459
Awesome. [exhales]
592
00:27:21,459 --> 00:27:24,168
Let me tell you. It's the perfect chariot.
593
00:27:24,668 --> 00:27:25,501
It's magnificent.
594
00:27:30,001 --> 00:27:30,834
Right, let's go.
595
00:27:32,084 --> 00:27:35,084
[Astérix] Down you get.
Princess, care to board the chariot?
596
00:27:37,876 --> 00:27:39,584
[sighs] Ah, tough bananas, thank you.
597
00:27:40,418 --> 00:27:42,834
Ah... We're in for a great trip, Princess.
598
00:27:44,668 --> 00:27:48,251
Astérix, I've prepared you
some magic potion.
599
00:27:48,251 --> 00:27:52,001
But since Obélix mentioned
you didn't want it, I wasn't so sure.
600
00:27:52,001 --> 00:27:53,293
No, I'm just... I'm just fine.
601
00:27:54,501 --> 00:27:56,209
I... Well...
602
00:27:56,209 --> 00:27:58,834
No harm having it just in case,
I guess, but...
603
00:27:58,834 --> 00:28:00,251
I'd like to cut down some.
604
00:28:00,251 --> 00:28:02,584
Alright, then be careful
because I beefed it up good.
605
00:28:02,584 --> 00:28:04,459
[sneezes]
606
00:28:05,043 --> 00:28:07,043
[whizzing, sizzling]
607
00:28:07,043 --> 00:28:08,251
[crowd laughing]
608
00:28:08,959 --> 00:28:09,918
You sampled it?
609
00:28:09,918 --> 00:28:14,209
No, I, uh, took a sip, a tiny sip.
Had to taste.
610
00:28:14,209 --> 00:28:16,376
- You know, it's...
- [Astérix] Yeah, right.
611
00:28:16,959 --> 00:28:18,459
Good luck, Princess!
612
00:28:18,959 --> 00:28:20,209
As for you two,
613
00:28:20,209 --> 00:28:22,209
be brave, be reckless,
614
00:28:22,209 --> 00:28:25,876
and completely disingenuous.
In short, just be Gauls.
615
00:28:25,876 --> 00:28:28,251
[cheering]
616
00:28:28,251 --> 00:28:29,751
Hang on tight, you lot!
617
00:28:30,543 --> 00:28:32,668
Oh, we didn't tell you,
it's a much faster return trip.
618
00:28:32,668 --> 00:28:35,334
[Bankruptis mocks him]
"Faster return trip"... [sighs]
619
00:28:35,334 --> 00:28:38,584
Excuse me, but, uh, I wish to point out
620
00:28:38,584 --> 00:28:43,793
that the role of a bard is to celebrate
our heroes and their exploits... Right?
621
00:28:43,793 --> 00:28:46,126
So what is my purpose,
if I don't ever get to travel, eh?
622
00:28:46,126 --> 00:28:48,001
- He's got a point.
- Go on, go on, go on.
623
00:28:48,001 --> 00:28:49,959
- Excellent idea
- No, no, no, go. Fast.
624
00:28:49,959 --> 00:28:51,376
Cacophonix will travel with you...
625
00:28:53,543 --> 00:28:55,126
- [coughing]
- [Cacofonix sighs]
626
00:28:55,126 --> 00:28:57,209
Oh no. They forgot me!
627
00:28:57,209 --> 00:28:58,334
[all] Oh.
628
00:28:58,334 --> 00:29:01,376
- ♪ They forgot me! ♪
- [lyre]
629
00:29:01,376 --> 00:29:02,709
[sings high-pitched note]
630
00:29:03,293 --> 00:29:04,418
[moans]
631
00:29:05,459 --> 00:29:06,959
ARMORICA
632
00:29:06,959 --> 00:29:10,376
[narrator] And so our friends set off
at high speed toward the South,
633
00:29:10,376 --> 00:29:13,709
favouring the maritime course which,
according to Getafix,
634
00:29:13,709 --> 00:29:15,959
is faster than the Silk Road.
635
00:29:16,584 --> 00:29:20,209
After rowing across the Mediterranean,
thanks to Obélix,
636
00:29:20,209 --> 00:29:22,251
they reach northern Africa.
637
00:29:29,501 --> 00:29:31,001
Friction and wring.
638
00:29:31,001 --> 00:29:33,459
I don't know how.
I was supposed to learn Kung Fu.
639
00:29:36,376 --> 00:29:37,626
Friction.
640
00:29:38,584 --> 00:29:39,959
And wring.
641
00:29:40,876 --> 00:29:42,293
[Astérix sighs]
642
00:29:45,751 --> 00:29:47,959
Oh, uh, It's happening again.
643
00:29:47,959 --> 00:29:49,459
[breathes erratically]
644
00:29:49,459 --> 00:29:51,418
Astérix? Enjoying the view?
645
00:29:51,418 --> 00:29:52,876
Want some barley beer? A chair?
646
00:29:52,876 --> 00:29:54,709
Be right back! Coming right up.
647
00:29:55,209 --> 00:29:57,834
Nothing's coming right up!
What are you playing at?
648
00:29:57,834 --> 00:29:59,001
The same thing as you.
649
00:29:59,001 --> 00:30:02,418
Does she know that you spy on her?
Well, maybe I'll tell her.
650
00:30:05,918 --> 00:30:06,751
She's magnificent.
651
00:30:07,459 --> 00:30:09,459
[Astérix] She's learning to launder
'cause she knows
652
00:30:09,459 --> 00:30:11,459
her routine
will be rougher in Gaul with me, hmm?
653
00:30:11,459 --> 00:30:14,001
- She's preparing for her new life.
- [laughs]
654
00:30:14,001 --> 00:30:16,376
The Princess of China, in Gaul?
Living with peasants?
655
00:30:16,376 --> 00:30:18,334
[scoffs] Really?
656
00:30:18,334 --> 00:30:21,418
What part of, "Sa See and I are an item,"
do you not get the meaning of?
657
00:30:21,418 --> 00:30:23,501
- You're not an item.
- We are so an item.
658
00:30:23,501 --> 00:30:24,876
Going on six months.
659
00:30:24,876 --> 00:30:27,751
- You are?
- Oh, gimme a break!
660
00:30:27,751 --> 00:30:29,751
I'll make this really simple for you.
661
00:30:29,751 --> 00:30:32,543
Sa See and I are together.
We're in love, we're getting married.
662
00:30:32,543 --> 00:30:35,168
Oh! Congratulations, Bankruptis.
663
00:30:35,168 --> 00:30:36,959
- Many thanks, Obélix.
- I just love weddings.
664
00:30:36,959 --> 00:30:38,584
I do. With a banquet?
665
00:30:38,584 --> 00:30:42,043
With a banquet, and you know what Obélix?
You'll be best man.
666
00:30:42,043 --> 00:30:45,168
Oh! Gee, thank you!
I've never been a best man before.
667
00:30:45,168 --> 00:30:48,251
Now, Obélix, would you, please,
not swallow any old story,
668
00:30:48,251 --> 00:30:49,459
it's intensely aggravating.
669
00:30:49,459 --> 00:30:51,501
If they're in love,
they're in love, it's not my fault.
670
00:30:51,501 --> 00:30:53,751
- It's so obvious.
- They are not in love.
671
00:30:53,751 --> 00:30:56,168
And until she's with somebody,
she's not with anyone.
672
00:30:56,168 --> 00:30:57,376
[Astérix] May the best man win.
673
00:30:57,376 --> 00:31:00,751
I just can't wait to see her face
when I'm gonna tell her,
674
00:31:01,459 --> 00:31:03,584
you're just posing as a Gaul.
And you're a fake blonde.
675
00:31:03,584 --> 00:31:06,543
Oh yeah? Well, I also can't wait
to see her face,
676
00:31:06,543 --> 00:31:08,001
when I tell her your moustache is all...
677
00:31:08,001 --> 00:31:09,501
Yeah, well, what about my moustache?
678
00:31:09,501 --> 00:31:11,251
- Your moustache.
- Yeah? Yeah?
679
00:31:11,959 --> 00:31:12,959
It's really horrible.
680
00:31:12,959 --> 00:31:14,293
Oh no.
681
00:31:16,209 --> 00:31:17,626
So rude.
682
00:31:17,626 --> 00:31:19,168
Yeah. So there.
683
00:31:20,043 --> 00:31:22,126
- That was uncalled for.
- Not the moustache. Come on.
684
00:31:22,126 --> 00:31:23,793
I shouldn't have,
but he shouldn't have pushed it.
685
00:31:23,793 --> 00:31:25,293
[Obélix] Moustache is off limits.
686
00:31:25,293 --> 00:31:27,501
- [indistinct chatter]
- [Bankruptis] What's he doing?
687
00:31:27,501 --> 00:31:30,501
- Might be.
- Dobbing us in. He's spilling the beans!
688
00:31:30,501 --> 00:31:32,626
And he's supposed to be your friend?
689
00:31:32,626 --> 00:31:34,084
Oh, let's leave. Let's go.
690
00:31:34,084 --> 00:31:37,293
- [both scream]
- What are you doing?
691
00:31:37,293 --> 00:31:41,626
We're doing nothing. Actually, yes,
we were looking for a... a date! Is all.
692
00:31:41,626 --> 00:31:44,543
- For the wedding.
- Yeah. No. We want to eat the fruit.
693
00:31:44,543 --> 00:31:45,751
- To eat the fruit.
- At the wedding.
694
00:31:45,751 --> 00:31:47,126
[Bankruptis] No. To eat it here.
695
00:31:47,126 --> 00:31:49,501
- I'm the best man.
- Ah... This is impossible.
696
00:31:50,209 --> 00:31:51,793
This guy's on a loop.
697
00:31:52,793 --> 00:31:55,168
- Right, we're off. Pardon me.
- [comical music playing]
698
00:31:56,084 --> 00:31:58,501
[whispering] Did you not
get the "shut up" memo?
699
00:32:04,293 --> 00:32:05,793
Goodnight, Mr. Know-It-All!
700
00:32:07,293 --> 00:32:08,918
Goodnight,
Mr. I-Got-A-New-Best-Friend.
701
00:32:10,418 --> 00:32:11,709
Goodnight, Mr. Vegetables!
702
00:32:11,709 --> 00:32:14,959
[mocking]
Oh, love those vegetables! Yummy!
703
00:32:14,959 --> 00:32:16,668
Goodnight, Mr. Wannabe-A-Blonde.
704
00:32:16,668 --> 00:32:17,668
Goodnight, Mr.--
705
00:32:17,668 --> 00:32:19,168
[Ka Ra Tay]
Just say goodnight and be done!
706
00:32:19,168 --> 00:32:20,126
Mm.
707
00:32:20,126 --> 00:32:21,251
He started it. He did.
708
00:32:21,251 --> 00:32:22,584
[Obélix] Good night, Ka Ra Tay.
709
00:32:23,751 --> 00:32:25,084
[sighs]
710
00:32:26,793 --> 00:32:28,001
[whispering] Ka Ra Tay.
711
00:32:28,834 --> 00:32:30,959
Do you believe
that my mother's still alive?
712
00:32:30,959 --> 00:32:34,459
The Empress is heir
to the Heavens, Princess.
713
00:32:34,959 --> 00:32:36,543
Nothing bad can become of her.
714
00:32:39,918 --> 00:32:42,334
Goodnight, Mr. "I'm in love
with someone and I can't even tell her."
715
00:32:42,334 --> 00:32:46,126
Goodnight, Mr. "I make no sense and
I'm so huge no one can see past my belly."
716
00:32:46,126 --> 00:32:49,709
Goodnight, Mr. "I sleep alone like I'm
an itsy-bitsy insect, like this big."
717
00:32:49,709 --> 00:32:51,209
- Oh!
- That's enough!
718
00:32:51,209 --> 00:32:53,084
[Obélix] Yep.
[Astérix] Got it. Sorry.
719
00:32:54,626 --> 00:32:56,626
[mysterious music playing]
720
00:33:13,584 --> 00:33:15,001
Well, hello!
721
00:33:15,001 --> 00:33:17,459
How you feeling? Did you have a good trip?
722
00:33:33,126 --> 00:33:34,959
Your daughter remains missing.
We've searched too long,
723
00:33:34,959 --> 00:33:36,209
and the country is too vast.
724
00:33:36,209 --> 00:33:38,834
And good morning.
There's two of us in the room.
725
00:33:38,834 --> 00:33:41,001
- Who are you again?
- The minute my allies are here,
726
00:33:41,001 --> 00:33:42,293
I'll have you decapitated.
727
00:33:42,293 --> 00:33:44,793
There you go, I'm good.
You had me at decapitated.
728
00:33:44,793 --> 00:33:46,709
You're the guy who enjoys decapitations.
729
00:33:46,709 --> 00:33:47,793
And you too, merchant.
730
00:33:48,418 --> 00:33:50,168
Not me, I've got nothing to do with this.
731
00:33:50,168 --> 00:33:52,751
- I'll give you some advice, though...
- Your balls are on the line.
732
00:33:56,209 --> 00:33:57,376
[dramatic music playing]
733
00:33:57,376 --> 00:33:58,834
Day one.
734
00:33:59,334 --> 00:34:02,293
At the end of the abacus,
if the Princess hasn't been captured,
735
00:34:03,543 --> 00:34:04,793
the two of you...
736
00:34:07,668 --> 00:34:08,793
We have two lives.
737
00:34:08,793 --> 00:34:11,918
The second one begins
when we realise we have only one.
738
00:34:13,584 --> 00:34:14,543
I thank you for that.
739
00:34:16,376 --> 00:34:18,001
Wow!
740
00:34:18,501 --> 00:34:21,751
Ah, now, there is a real Empress.
That's so good.
741
00:34:21,751 --> 00:34:24,418
"We have two lives,
and it's finished when you...
742
00:34:24,418 --> 00:34:27,668
And your second one begins
when the first, uh... the first life...
743
00:34:27,668 --> 00:34:29,668
of which we only have two.
744
00:34:29,668 --> 00:34:33,209
And only when they begin do we...
Thank you for that.
745
00:34:33,209 --> 00:34:35,209
The first life begins...
746
00:34:39,626 --> 00:34:42,876
[narrator] Meanwhile, Caesar,
his powerful army, and Scar Dee Kat
747
00:34:42,876 --> 00:34:44,251
have taken the Silk Road,
748
00:34:44,251 --> 00:34:47,459
and are hurtling towards China
at breakneck speed.
749
00:34:47,459 --> 00:34:48,418
Well, sort of.
750
00:34:48,418 --> 00:34:49,709
[shouting]
751
00:34:49,709 --> 00:34:51,376
[soldier 1] Silk Road, Schmilk Road!
752
00:34:51,376 --> 00:34:53,793
You got us good and lost!
You just won't admit it.
753
00:34:54,543 --> 00:34:56,501
[soldier 2] Woopsus!
Where are you taking us?
754
00:34:56,501 --> 00:34:59,293
At least nine thousand men
have wandered North!
755
00:34:59,293 --> 00:35:00,959
I'm not gonna take it anymore!
756
00:35:00,959 --> 00:35:02,668
I can't work like this!
757
00:35:03,293 --> 00:35:05,043
[soldier 1] Join the Army, they said.
758
00:35:06,251 --> 00:35:09,168
- [military snare playing]
- [thunder rumbling]
759
00:35:09,168 --> 00:35:11,334
[Caesar] Woopsus,
do we go around left or right?
760
00:35:11,334 --> 00:35:13,626
[Woopsus] That's a no-brainus,
we should go left.
761
00:35:13,626 --> 00:35:15,418
Ergo, we will go right.
762
00:35:15,418 --> 00:35:16,418
Excuse me,
763
00:35:16,418 --> 00:35:18,501
how long's all this left-right-left stuff
gonna last?
764
00:35:18,501 --> 00:35:21,084
'Cause at this rate,
we'll never get to China.
765
00:35:21,084 --> 00:35:22,543
Who does this man think he is?
766
00:35:22,543 --> 00:35:25,084
[Risklus] Hail, Caesar.
Risklus, secret service.
767
00:35:25,084 --> 00:35:29,084
Hail, Caesar. Risklus, secret service.
768
00:35:29,084 --> 00:35:32,459
Yes, we know. Everyone knows you.
Why are you here? And where is Antivirus?
769
00:35:32,459 --> 00:35:36,626
Still on the front line in Milan.
I don't think he's opening my pigeons.
770
00:35:37,209 --> 00:35:38,209
[sighs]
771
00:35:38,209 --> 00:35:39,543
But, Caesar, I am here.
772
00:35:40,376 --> 00:35:41,209
Not as impressive.
773
00:35:41,209 --> 00:35:43,293
Not as impressive at all.
774
00:35:43,293 --> 00:35:44,876
[Caesar] Right. What do you want?
775
00:35:44,876 --> 00:35:48,626
Oh mighty Caesar, Carioca,
your chief dancer, requests a hearing.
776
00:35:48,626 --> 00:35:51,626
Uh, she got all sorts of claims
for respect and all that.
777
00:35:51,626 --> 00:35:53,084
Should I just slug her?
778
00:35:53,084 --> 00:35:54,043
What's wrong with you?
779
00:35:54,751 --> 00:35:57,001
- [Caesar] Show her in.
- Huh!
780
00:35:58,084 --> 00:36:00,043
Oy! Uh, Tapioca!
781
00:36:00,959 --> 00:36:02,876
[off-key horn playing]
782
00:36:06,543 --> 00:36:08,668
So, Carioca. What can I do for you?
783
00:36:08,668 --> 00:36:12,626
Oh Caesar, we just received
our new costumes. And guess what?
784
00:36:12,626 --> 00:36:14,793
Shorter than ever. I wonder why.
785
00:36:16,293 --> 00:36:17,793
If what you wanted was go-go taverns,
786
00:36:17,793 --> 00:36:19,543
you should've stayed in Rome,
plenty there.
787
00:36:19,543 --> 00:36:21,584
Ooh, wouldn't know, I do apologise.
788
00:36:21,584 --> 00:36:24,251
Oh, you do!
The Palladium, behind the market.
789
00:36:24,251 --> 00:36:26,126
By the Circus,
between Sternum's and Scrotum's.
790
00:36:26,126 --> 00:36:27,334
Right.
791
00:36:28,293 --> 00:36:31,543
Is that what you want, Carioca?
Knee-length costumes for your dancers?
792
00:36:31,543 --> 00:36:34,751
For a start.
Plus, moving forward, we could discuss
793
00:36:34,751 --> 00:36:37,709
the issue of the place of women
in our society, pretty long overdue.
794
00:36:37,709 --> 00:36:40,084
Look, it's all about the men,
around here. Right?
795
00:36:40,084 --> 00:36:41,876
Gladiators? All men.
796
00:36:41,876 --> 00:36:44,959
Senators? All of them, men.
Your legions, of course, are all male.
797
00:36:44,959 --> 00:36:46,001
And Caesars?
798
00:36:46,001 --> 00:36:48,543
- [Carioca] Nothing but males!
- So a Juliet Caesar'd be better?
799
00:36:48,543 --> 00:36:50,959
[laughter]
800
00:36:52,543 --> 00:36:54,293
You want Rome
to be ruled over by a female?
801
00:36:54,293 --> 00:36:55,501
[all laughing]
802
00:36:56,751 --> 00:36:57,709
That's right.
803
00:37:06,001 --> 00:37:07,709
[narrator] Back to our friends,
804
00:37:07,709 --> 00:37:10,376
who have crossed
the vast Egyptian deserts,
805
00:37:10,376 --> 00:37:12,668
under the scorching sun,
806
00:37:12,668 --> 00:37:16,501
finally reaching the Red Sea,
and the city of Clysma,
807
00:37:16,501 --> 00:37:20,168
a small Egyptian harbour
later to be known as Suez.
808
00:37:20,168 --> 00:37:22,126
Yeah, as in the Suez Canal.
809
00:37:28,293 --> 00:37:30,209
[Bankruptis]
If it's a captain we're after,
810
00:37:30,209 --> 00:37:32,001
I guarantee we'll find one here.
811
00:37:32,001 --> 00:37:35,418
[Obélix] Oh, look Astérix,
the tavern's named after Lutetia, in Gaul!
812
00:37:35,418 --> 00:37:42,251
[Tipsy in French] ♪ Dare to come
And cast the first stone ♪
813
00:37:45,168 --> 00:37:47,709
♪ To fall for one head over heels ♪
814
00:37:47,709 --> 00:37:49,793
♪ Leaves a wound that never heals ♪
815
00:37:49,793 --> 00:37:53,834
♪ But the love you feel is the real deal ♪
816
00:37:56,334 --> 00:38:00,209
- ♪ So don't be harsh or disapprove ♪
- [Astérix and Bankruptis sing]
817
00:38:00,209 --> 00:38:01,376
♪ When a woman ♪
818
00:38:01,376 --> 00:38:03,084
- ♪ Falls in love ♪
- No.
819
00:38:04,543 --> 00:38:05,751
Nope. You don't know it.
820
00:38:05,751 --> 00:38:07,418
I do know it, pal.
821
00:38:07,418 --> 00:38:09,959
[Tipsy, Bankruptis, Astérix]
♪ With a man who sweeps her off her feet ♪
822
00:38:09,959 --> 00:38:11,126
Wow!
823
00:38:11,126 --> 00:38:13,126
- [cheering]
- [Bankruptis in English] Wow, bravo!
824
00:38:16,501 --> 00:38:18,209
See that? That's Gaul right there.
825
00:38:18,209 --> 00:38:19,709
I just love it here!
826
00:38:19,709 --> 00:38:22,209
That's exactly my idea
of what Lutetia'd be like!
827
00:38:22,209 --> 00:38:24,084
[man] Tipsy! Tipsy!
828
00:38:24,084 --> 00:38:25,126
Mine too.
829
00:38:25,709 --> 00:38:27,626
[Obélix gasps]
830
00:38:30,043 --> 00:38:32,501
Oh, this is good. So good!
I bet you're a Gaul.
831
00:38:32,501 --> 00:38:34,793
Oh, yeah, big boy. Born and bred.
832
00:38:34,793 --> 00:38:37,668
- Have you been here a long time?
- Been a while, I'd say.
833
00:38:37,668 --> 00:38:41,584
Used to run a small cabaret in Lutetia.
Turned a good profit, packed every night.
834
00:38:41,584 --> 00:38:43,709
But I fell for the wrong sort of guy.
835
00:38:43,709 --> 00:38:45,876
Some little punk
wanted me to hustle for him.
836
00:38:45,876 --> 00:38:48,084
What he really wanted was
to gouge me outta my business.
837
00:38:48,084 --> 00:38:51,668
So who took her loot
and flew the coop all the way out here?
838
00:38:51,668 --> 00:38:53,918
Tipsy, baby! That's right!
839
00:38:54,501 --> 00:38:56,543
What about you blondies?
What brought you here?
840
00:38:56,543 --> 00:38:58,751
We're after the best captain in town.
841
00:38:58,751 --> 00:39:01,168
Oh! That guy over there, that's Titanix.
842
00:39:03,251 --> 00:39:04,543
Is he tough?
843
00:39:04,543 --> 00:39:07,418
Titanix?
The guy's a champ, hook, line and sinker!
844
00:39:07,959 --> 00:39:11,084
- Hmm. Thanks for the tip, Tipsy.
- From one Gaul to another!
845
00:39:12,084 --> 00:39:13,751
Normally we keep mutts outside.
846
00:39:13,751 --> 00:39:15,501
But I like the look of you.
847
00:39:16,334 --> 00:39:18,334
[reggae music playing]
848
00:39:21,834 --> 00:39:24,209
We want to charter a boat to China.
849
00:39:24,209 --> 00:39:27,043
To China, on a boat?
I can't be bothered with that.
850
00:39:28,001 --> 00:39:29,376
[Titanix] What I can offer is this.
851
00:39:29,376 --> 00:39:33,418
Day tour of the Creeks of Clysma.
All the kebabs you can eat, beaches,
852
00:39:33,418 --> 00:39:35,126
- great sunsets...
- [ding]
853
00:39:35,126 --> 00:39:36,751
Super package.
854
00:39:37,334 --> 00:39:39,543
Well, I mean not for now. For later.
855
00:39:39,543 --> 00:39:41,793
This gem is worth more than your boat.
856
00:39:42,793 --> 00:39:44,334
Perfect, why didn't you start with that?
857
00:39:44,918 --> 00:39:47,043
- Hey, what's--
- [Tipsy] You out of your minds?
858
00:39:47,043 --> 00:39:49,126
Think I came this far
for you to shake me down ?
859
00:39:49,126 --> 00:39:51,959
Now take a hike before I get my whip!
860
00:39:51,959 --> 00:39:54,168
Looks like Tipsy's coming up
to her tipping point.
861
00:39:54,168 --> 00:39:58,126
- What's the trouble, Tipsy?
- These gentlemen wanna raid my pockets.
862
00:39:58,126 --> 00:40:00,126
I'm gonna give them
a taste of their own medicine!
863
00:40:00,126 --> 00:40:02,793
- Nobody messes with Tipsy!
- [tutting]
864
00:40:03,334 --> 00:40:05,626
Might you be a bit light-weight
for all this?
865
00:40:05,626 --> 00:40:07,501
What do you want with the lady?
866
00:40:08,918 --> 00:40:09,793
Who's the lightweight?
867
00:40:10,376 --> 00:40:12,834
[laughing]
868
00:40:14,459 --> 00:40:15,626
[laughs] He's funny.
869
00:40:15,626 --> 00:40:17,501
You know, Princess, in Gaul,
870
00:40:17,501 --> 00:40:20,459
when three-hundred pound guys
say certain things,
871
00:40:21,126 --> 00:40:23,584
the feather weights don't buy it!
872
00:40:23,584 --> 00:40:26,043
- [tense music playing]
- [groans]
873
00:40:27,793 --> 00:40:29,876
[clears throat] Hmm...
874
00:40:29,876 --> 00:40:31,376
[tutting]
875
00:40:31,376 --> 00:40:32,376
Mm-hmm. Mm.
876
00:40:33,501 --> 00:40:35,251
- Mm.
- [sighs]
877
00:40:39,043 --> 00:40:40,418
[gulping]
878
00:40:41,209 --> 00:40:42,168
[grunts]
879
00:40:42,168 --> 00:40:43,459
[lively music playing]
880
00:40:44,918 --> 00:40:49,293
[grunts, makes animal sounds]
881
00:40:49,293 --> 00:40:51,084
[shouts]
882
00:40:51,084 --> 00:40:52,168
Whoa, it's a lizard!
883
00:40:54,251 --> 00:40:55,709
[trumpeting]
884
00:40:57,543 --> 00:40:58,376
Whoa.
885
00:41:00,418 --> 00:41:01,751
What's happening here?
886
00:41:02,543 --> 00:41:04,543
[music intensifies]
887
00:41:08,084 --> 00:41:09,251
[shouts]
888
00:41:10,043 --> 00:41:11,293
[crowd gasps]
889
00:41:12,459 --> 00:41:15,334
This is potent stuff.
He went overboard on this one.
890
00:41:15,334 --> 00:41:17,376
Hey, hey! Come on, give me a taste.
891
00:41:17,376 --> 00:41:19,334
- [Obélix] We won't tell anyone.
- This one even less.
892
00:41:19,334 --> 00:41:22,501
[panting, coughing]
893
00:41:23,251 --> 00:41:24,918
[Astérix] You get one. Take your pick.
894
00:41:25,501 --> 00:41:26,959
I'll take the big one, then.
895
00:41:27,543 --> 00:41:30,001
- [comical music playing]
- [sighs]
896
00:41:30,001 --> 00:41:31,043
Gentlemen.
897
00:41:32,043 --> 00:41:33,376
[laughs]
898
00:41:33,376 --> 00:41:36,959
[scattered gasps]
899
00:41:40,459 --> 00:41:44,334
I'm not allowed to drink any 'cause
I fell in the cauldron when I was a kid.
900
00:41:44,334 --> 00:41:46,043
So this won't hurt as much.
901
00:41:46,876 --> 00:41:48,626
[screams]
902
00:41:48,626 --> 00:41:51,209
[epic music playing]
903
00:42:04,876 --> 00:42:08,251
[Bankruptis] So imagine this. A mini
amphora with two little wings painted on.
904
00:42:08,251 --> 00:42:10,418
Inside, we put a tiny drop
of magic potion,
905
00:42:10,418 --> 00:42:12,084
just enough to give you a good boost.
906
00:42:12,084 --> 00:42:14,626
We sell the beverage as a power drink...
907
00:42:14,626 --> 00:42:17,668
I'm still working on the concept
but I will come up with a name.
908
00:42:17,668 --> 00:42:20,376
In Rome, with all the orgies,
909
00:42:20,376 --> 00:42:22,543
youngsters dancing till the break of dawn,
910
00:42:22,543 --> 00:42:23,668
we'd make a killing.
911
00:42:23,668 --> 00:42:26,834
[Titanix] Well, I'm your man
for all things transport.
912
00:42:27,584 --> 00:42:30,501
- What's that you're doing?
- It is Tai Chi.
913
00:42:30,501 --> 00:42:33,376
An ancient Chinese technique
to recharge the body's energy.
914
00:42:34,376 --> 00:42:36,334
It's wild that we should meet now.
915
00:42:36,334 --> 00:42:39,709
My life's just taken a new direction
that's totally in step with your culture.
916
00:42:40,334 --> 00:42:43,501
Balance, nutrition, energy,
all that good stuff, you know.
917
00:42:44,334 --> 00:42:45,751
I can tell we're really connected.
918
00:42:45,751 --> 00:42:46,834
Hmm...
919
00:42:50,043 --> 00:42:51,459
[heavy breathing]
920
00:42:51,459 --> 00:42:53,418
- You finished?
- Now we meditate.
921
00:42:53,418 --> 00:42:55,209
- Yeah!
- No speaking.
922
00:43:01,459 --> 00:43:03,376
[whispering] That coin is something else.
923
00:43:05,459 --> 00:43:07,043
That's you?
924
00:43:07,043 --> 00:43:09,668
Yeah. A gift from my mother.
925
00:43:10,876 --> 00:43:12,501
She must love you so much.
926
00:43:12,501 --> 00:43:14,584
[sad music playing]
927
00:43:15,251 --> 00:43:18,376
When she gave it to me,
I didn't even smile.
928
00:43:19,543 --> 00:43:21,418
You need not worry, Princess.
929
00:43:21,418 --> 00:43:23,251
I will free your mother, trust me.
930
00:43:24,376 --> 00:43:25,959
I am here for you.
931
00:43:26,459 --> 00:43:27,918
Excuse me, if I may,
932
00:43:27,918 --> 00:43:32,168
for starters, we are here for you!
And some of us showed up, for you
933
00:43:32,168 --> 00:43:34,043
right at the beginning of the adventure.
934
00:43:34,043 --> 00:43:35,459
Sorry, excuse me.
935
00:43:35,459 --> 00:43:37,001
Princess...
936
00:43:37,876 --> 00:43:39,001
[vamping music playing]
937
00:43:42,793 --> 00:43:45,543
[Ekonomikrisis] What are you doing?
No, you moved two balls.
938
00:43:45,543 --> 00:43:47,376
- No.
- Put one back. Yeah, you did.
939
00:43:47,376 --> 00:43:50,126
You moved two balls, put one back.
Don't you go pushing my balls.
940
00:43:50,126 --> 00:43:51,709
Not that I'm not loving this place.
941
00:43:51,709 --> 00:43:55,584
[laughs] I mean... Speaking of which,
did you put any thought towards
942
00:43:56,709 --> 00:43:58,376
my proposition?
943
00:44:00,626 --> 00:44:02,501
This one is gonna be a toughie.
944
00:44:03,084 --> 00:44:05,501
Having said that,
I'm used to tough negotiations!
945
00:44:05,501 --> 00:44:07,376
- Ekonomikrisis?
- Yeah?
946
00:44:07,376 --> 00:44:09,043
If one day we get out,
947
00:44:09,543 --> 00:44:12,209
would you like to continue
doing business in China?
948
00:44:12,209 --> 00:44:14,459
- Oh yes! Very much!
- Then talk no more.
949
00:44:16,251 --> 00:44:18,501
You've been placed
in my cell to torture me.
950
00:44:19,126 --> 00:44:20,418
Well that's putting it strongly.
951
00:44:21,543 --> 00:44:23,168
Maybe it's just...
952
00:44:23,668 --> 00:44:25,251
destiny that chose us.
953
00:44:25,751 --> 00:44:27,501
The "Maktub" as we say at home.
954
00:44:28,751 --> 00:44:31,168
You are beautiful
when you're angry, you know.
955
00:44:31,168 --> 00:44:34,293
- [dramatic music playing]
- [sighs]
956
00:44:37,168 --> 00:44:38,168
[panting]
957
00:44:41,209 --> 00:44:42,251
[captain] Ah!
958
00:44:42,876 --> 00:44:44,168
[grunts]
959
00:44:45,126 --> 00:44:47,168
Oh boy!
960
00:44:47,959 --> 00:44:49,168
[sighs]
961
00:44:50,209 --> 00:44:53,709
Gentlemen, here on the Red Sea,
we're done with bad encounters.
962
00:44:53,709 --> 00:44:56,209
Who's the predator out here? Eh?
963
00:44:56,209 --> 00:44:57,959
- [all] We are!
- [captain] That's right!
964
00:44:57,959 --> 00:44:59,418
- [laughs]
- [crew member whistling]
965
00:44:59,418 --> 00:45:01,751
Ship ahoy!
966
00:45:03,043 --> 00:45:03,959
Many thanks, lookout!
967
00:45:03,959 --> 00:45:05,584
- Doing my job!
- Lads,
968
00:45:05,584 --> 00:45:08,251
this lavish ship will not escape us.
969
00:45:08,251 --> 00:45:09,376
Tonight we sleep in silk.
970
00:45:09,376 --> 00:45:11,376
[cheering]
971
00:45:11,376 --> 00:45:12,668
[captain laughing]
972
00:45:20,168 --> 00:45:22,293
[stutters] It's the Gau... It's the Gau...
973
00:45:24,751 --> 00:45:29,084
- The Gauls are here?
- It's the Gauls!
974
00:45:29,084 --> 00:45:30,543
[lively music playing]
975
00:45:30,543 --> 00:45:32,168
Yoo-hoo!
976
00:45:32,168 --> 00:45:34,251
Hello, little pirates!
977
00:45:34,959 --> 00:45:37,834
No, no, no, no...
978
00:45:37,834 --> 00:45:39,126
Not the Gauls!
979
00:45:39,126 --> 00:45:41,001
- [captain] Why's it always land on us?
- [cries]
980
00:45:41,001 --> 00:45:42,876
We're not the only ones on the water!
981
00:45:43,501 --> 00:45:44,376
[captain] Morning.
982
00:45:44,376 --> 00:45:46,209
Would you consider pretending
you never saw us?
983
00:45:46,209 --> 00:45:47,793
But we did see you, though.
984
00:45:47,793 --> 00:45:49,168
Can't argue with that.
985
00:45:49,168 --> 00:45:52,584
[sighs] Prepare our defences! Go, go, go!
986
00:45:56,793 --> 00:45:59,293
[captain] To think I just had
the paint redone.
987
00:45:59,293 --> 00:46:01,543
Go easy, will you?
988
00:46:01,543 --> 00:46:03,543
[both chuckle]
989
00:46:05,459 --> 00:46:08,376
- It's not like I'm happy about it.
- Pff, whatever.
990
00:46:08,376 --> 00:46:09,543
No, no, you wait!
991
00:46:10,501 --> 00:46:12,751
I'll show you how we rumble in my country.
992
00:46:12,751 --> 00:46:14,834
Hmm?
993
00:46:15,751 --> 00:46:17,376
[lively music playing]
994
00:46:30,376 --> 00:46:31,626
Uh, what should we do, Captain?
995
00:46:32,376 --> 00:46:34,251
- Well, uh...
- Got a bad feeling personally.
996
00:46:34,251 --> 00:46:36,209
We're still doing this. Prepare to attack.
997
00:46:38,793 --> 00:46:41,251
No, stop that! No, back you go!
998
00:46:41,251 --> 00:46:44,584
Michael, get back there.
Michael, no. Michael?
999
00:46:44,584 --> 00:46:46,626
[grunting]
1000
00:46:55,501 --> 00:46:57,126
Ow, ow, ow!
1001
00:46:57,126 --> 00:46:58,668
Oh, that one's gotta really hurt.
1002
00:46:58,668 --> 00:47:01,084
[shouts]
1003
00:47:06,959 --> 00:47:08,251
She got how many feet?
1004
00:47:09,626 --> 00:47:11,793
Lads, let me through, please?
1005
00:47:14,751 --> 00:47:15,918
I'm really sorry, Captain.
1006
00:47:15,918 --> 00:47:18,918
- Where you goin'?
- My heart will go on!
1007
00:47:18,918 --> 00:47:20,168
- [captain] No!
- [screams]
1008
00:47:20,168 --> 00:47:21,751
Look out behind you!
1009
00:47:22,834 --> 00:47:23,918
[captain] Oh no!
1010
00:47:26,168 --> 00:47:27,959
Hey, calm yourself down, you psycho!
1011
00:47:33,418 --> 00:47:35,334
[water gurgling]
1012
00:47:40,668 --> 00:47:45,001
♪ Say you, say me ♪
1013
00:47:46,168 --> 00:47:48,459
♪ Say it for always ♪
1014
00:47:50,501 --> 00:47:53,084
♪ That's the way it should be ♪
1015
00:47:55,626 --> 00:47:59,334
♪ Say you, say me ♪
1016
00:48:01,209 --> 00:48:02,751
♪ Say it together ♪
1017
00:48:05,126 --> 00:48:07,459
♪ Naturally ♪
1018
00:48:08,584 --> 00:48:12,043
[captain] Comrades,
the official version of the shipwreck is,
1019
00:48:12,043 --> 00:48:14,876
we ran into a Chinese tornado. [sighs]
1020
00:48:14,876 --> 00:48:18,168
[melancholy music playing]
1021
00:48:24,168 --> 00:48:25,084
Uh, may I?
1022
00:48:25,751 --> 00:48:27,251
Yes.
1023
00:48:29,668 --> 00:48:32,001
[Obélix] Beautiful, isn't it?
1024
00:48:33,084 --> 00:48:34,543
I wanted to say,
1025
00:48:35,043 --> 00:48:36,793
you fight really well.
1026
00:48:37,501 --> 00:48:38,668
Thank you.
1027
00:48:39,668 --> 00:48:42,001
And why is it that you never drink
any potion?
1028
00:48:42,001 --> 00:48:43,334
Well, I'm not allowed.
1029
00:48:45,126 --> 00:48:48,001
It might be dangerous. One does too many.
1030
00:48:50,543 --> 00:48:54,126
Must admit I would've loved
to feel that rush just one more time.
1031
00:48:54,126 --> 00:48:56,293
- [sighs]
- [soft music playing]
1032
00:49:13,293 --> 00:49:15,043
[mysterious music playing]
1033
00:49:15,043 --> 00:49:16,959
[fizzing, sizzling]
1034
00:49:16,959 --> 00:49:18,876
[wolf howling]
1035
00:49:20,501 --> 00:49:22,293
[soft music playing]
1036
00:49:25,959 --> 00:49:28,334
[laughs]
1037
00:49:29,084 --> 00:49:30,168
[Obélix] Wow!
1038
00:49:34,834 --> 00:49:36,959
[sighs]
1039
00:49:37,959 --> 00:49:40,459
- [yells]
- [fizzing, sizzling]
1040
00:49:43,084 --> 00:49:43,918
Obélix?
1041
00:49:43,918 --> 00:49:45,418
[explosion booming]
1042
00:49:46,584 --> 00:49:47,959
Mama!
1043
00:49:53,001 --> 00:49:54,834
The feeling's extraordinary.
1044
00:49:54,834 --> 00:49:56,501
Like you're fizzy in the head,
1045
00:49:56,501 --> 00:49:59,584
then in your whole body. It's a bit like
when you fall in love, or so they say.
1046
00:49:59,584 --> 00:50:01,043
[clears throat]
1047
00:50:06,793 --> 00:50:07,876
[soft music playing]
1048
00:50:10,376 --> 00:50:11,626
[laughs]
1049
00:50:20,126 --> 00:50:22,543
[military snare playing]
1050
00:50:25,709 --> 00:50:27,876
[narrator] Having at last found their way,
1051
00:50:28,709 --> 00:50:32,584
Caesar and his mighty legions
have crossed Persia,
1052
00:50:33,084 --> 00:50:36,334
the mountains of India,
the Mongolian steppes,
1053
00:50:36,334 --> 00:50:39,126
and have finally reached
the gates of China,
1054
00:50:39,126 --> 00:50:43,251
where the despicable Deng Tsin Qin
is honing his evil plan
1055
00:50:43,251 --> 00:50:45,626
to control the Six Kingdoms.
1056
00:50:49,584 --> 00:50:51,668
[off-key horn playing]
1057
00:50:52,334 --> 00:50:53,209
Hail, hail.
1058
00:50:53,793 --> 00:50:56,001
- So this here is the war?
- Prince Deng Tsin Qin,
1059
00:50:56,001 --> 00:50:58,001
allow me to introduce...
1060
00:50:58,001 --> 00:50:59,709
Julius Caesar. Himself.
1061
00:50:59,709 --> 00:51:01,709
I know you're impressed,
keep calm and breathe deeply.
1062
00:51:01,709 --> 00:51:04,709
Everything's gonna be fine.
So where are these rebels?
1063
00:51:04,709 --> 00:51:06,834
I'm told you're having a tough time
keeping them in line?
1064
00:51:06,834 --> 00:51:08,001
War isn't a hobby, you know.
1065
00:51:08,001 --> 00:51:10,626
You're well advised to bring in the pros.
1066
00:51:12,084 --> 00:51:13,793
Bit of a mess, this is, don't you think?
1067
00:51:13,793 --> 00:51:18,168
Oh no. We follow the precepts of Sun Tzu,
the great Chinese strategist.
1068
00:51:18,168 --> 00:51:19,834
He wrote the Art of War, you know.
1069
00:51:20,584 --> 00:51:21,751
Fart of war, more like.
1070
00:51:21,751 --> 00:51:23,376
[Caesar and Biopix laugh]
1071
00:51:23,376 --> 00:51:24,959
All right, kiddos, keep your eyes open,
1072
00:51:24,959 --> 00:51:27,376
'cause this is gonna be over
in a heartbeat. Huh?
1073
00:51:28,001 --> 00:51:28,834
Here goes.
1074
00:51:28,834 --> 00:51:30,751
{\an8}- [in Latin] If you want peace...
- Prepare for war.
1075
00:51:30,751 --> 00:51:33,084
{\an8}- [Caesar in English] Exactly.
- [scribe tapping]
1076
00:51:33,084 --> 00:51:35,459
- He's insufferable.
- He's deeply ill.
1077
00:51:35,459 --> 00:51:38,126
And pretentious, first decan cancers,
heads are up their butts.
1078
00:51:38,126 --> 00:51:39,251
Huh?
1079
00:51:39,251 --> 00:51:41,793
I'm disappointed.
I'm going to bed, I'm jet lagged.
1080
00:51:42,418 --> 00:51:43,251
[sighs]
1081
00:51:43,251 --> 00:51:46,168
[dramatic music playing]
1082
00:51:46,168 --> 00:51:47,376
- [Caesar] Biopix!
- Mm?
1083
00:51:47,376 --> 00:51:51,168
New chapter. After "Caesar The Seducer,"
1084
00:51:51,168 --> 00:51:52,584
"Caesar The Strategist."
1085
00:51:52,584 --> 00:51:55,709
Hold on, I change the scrolls
and I'm right with you.
1086
00:51:55,709 --> 00:51:56,959
- [Caesar] Helmet.
- Gallopus!
1087
00:51:56,959 --> 00:52:00,584
[hooves sounds]
1088
00:52:00,584 --> 00:52:02,293
[music builds]
1089
00:52:08,668 --> 00:52:09,584
Gladius.
1090
00:52:11,584 --> 00:52:12,709
[music stops]
1091
00:52:13,209 --> 00:52:14,043
The heck is this?
1092
00:52:14,043 --> 00:52:17,418
- Last time, you did hurt yourself with--
- Right, I get it, I get it!
1093
00:52:17,918 --> 00:52:19,584
Has anyone heard from Antivirus?
1094
00:52:19,584 --> 00:52:21,834
He's here, and ready, mighty Caesar.
1095
00:52:21,834 --> 00:52:23,001
[Caesar] Let's do this.
1096
00:52:23,001 --> 00:52:26,876
[to the rhythm of "We Will Rock You"]
1097
00:52:28,084 --> 00:52:28,959
Everyone!
1098
00:52:28,959 --> 00:52:32,501
[all] ♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1099
00:52:32,501 --> 00:52:33,751
Ooh, goosebumps.
1100
00:52:33,751 --> 00:52:35,043
And me.
1101
00:52:35,043 --> 00:52:38,293
[all] ♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1102
00:52:38,293 --> 00:52:40,126
[battle cries]
1103
00:52:40,126 --> 00:52:43,168
["Anti, Antivirus"
to the rhythm of "We Will Rock You"]
1104
00:53:01,376 --> 00:53:02,959
[grunts]
1105
00:53:08,459 --> 00:53:10,084
[clanging]
1106
00:53:18,626 --> 00:53:19,959
[battle cries]
1107
00:53:26,959 --> 00:53:28,626
{\an8}CHINA SEA
1108
00:53:40,876 --> 00:53:41,959
[groans]
1109
00:53:41,959 --> 00:53:44,334
[shouts]
1110
00:53:44,834 --> 00:53:48,543
[all] ♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1111
00:53:50,584 --> 00:53:54,501
[all] ♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1112
00:53:54,501 --> 00:53:55,876
Antivirus, I love you!
1113
00:53:56,501 --> 00:54:00,459
♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1114
00:54:01,001 --> 00:54:01,876
[screams]
1115
00:54:02,459 --> 00:54:07,043
♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1116
00:54:07,668 --> 00:54:08,959
[moans]
1117
00:54:08,959 --> 00:54:12,126
Antivirus, you wanna go viral,
1118
00:54:12,126 --> 00:54:14,001
but don't push it,
that was hard on my back.
1119
00:54:14,001 --> 00:54:16,084
You wanted Antivirus,
1120
00:54:16,084 --> 00:54:17,959
I gave you Antivirus.
1121
00:54:17,959 --> 00:54:21,626
And now, go back to your circus games.
1122
00:54:21,626 --> 00:54:23,376
[cheering]
1123
00:54:23,376 --> 00:54:25,876
Why speak words, when you can fly?
1124
00:54:26,501 --> 00:54:28,668
[mystical music playing]
1125
00:54:28,668 --> 00:54:30,709
[cheering]
1126
00:54:50,334 --> 00:54:52,001
[Caesar] A walk in the park!
1127
00:54:54,501 --> 00:54:57,918
In a matter of days,
I shall be the master of China.
1128
00:54:58,751 --> 00:55:01,876
I'm almost envious of you guys,
experiencing for the first time
1129
00:55:01,876 --> 00:55:03,418
the power of Rome.
1130
00:55:03,418 --> 00:55:05,709
Veni, vidi, vici.
1131
00:55:05,709 --> 00:55:09,001
- [Caesar laughs]
- This is such great stuff, Caesar!
1132
00:55:09,001 --> 00:55:11,001
I write it down as is, no changes.
1133
00:55:11,001 --> 00:55:13,668
- Seating sucks. We gonna eat like this?
- Yeah.
1134
00:55:13,668 --> 00:55:15,251
- Terrible hosts.
- Right.
1135
00:55:15,251 --> 00:55:16,543
[grunts]
1136
00:55:16,543 --> 00:55:18,334
And Antivirus? He's not coming?
1137
00:55:18,334 --> 00:55:19,709
He's asleep.
1138
00:55:19,709 --> 00:55:21,876
- What do you mean, he's asleep?
- I'm here, oh Caesar.
1139
00:55:21,876 --> 00:55:24,251
- Not as impressive.
- Nowhere as impressive.
1140
00:55:24,251 --> 00:55:28,793
Oh Caesar,
you have one last kingdom to conquer.
1141
00:55:28,793 --> 00:55:31,168
Likely more complicated.
1142
00:55:31,168 --> 00:55:32,918
Our victories have had an impact.
1143
00:55:32,918 --> 00:55:34,709
The Ku Koos are tough negotiators.
1144
00:55:34,709 --> 00:55:36,126
Very well.
1145
00:55:36,126 --> 00:55:37,959
We'll see who is the Ku Kooest.
1146
00:55:37,959 --> 00:55:39,584
[laughter]
1147
00:55:39,584 --> 00:55:42,668
Yeah, well, sorry not to join the fun,
but old man So Ku Koo died last winter.
1148
00:55:43,293 --> 00:55:46,209
Leaving his only son and heir,
Prince Ku Koo, twenty years old
1149
00:55:46,209 --> 00:55:49,126
concealed under a bamboo mask
due to a horrible birth defect.
1150
00:55:49,126 --> 00:55:51,376
- The Ku Koo Behind the Bamboo.
- [dramatic music playing]
1151
00:55:51,376 --> 00:55:52,293
So he gets orphaned,
1152
00:55:52,293 --> 00:55:55,626
gets his butt handed to him by Caesar,
not a good year for the Ku Koos.
1153
00:55:55,626 --> 00:55:57,501
- [laughter]
- [Caesar] Come to think of it...
1154
00:55:59,543 --> 00:56:01,126
you seem Ku Koo yourself, don't you?
1155
00:56:01,793 --> 00:56:04,126
No, I'm a Deng. Of the Deng-Bhat clan.
1156
00:56:04,126 --> 00:56:05,418
Yes, but...
1157
00:56:07,959 --> 00:56:09,626
you could be Deng' erous, couldn't you?
1158
00:56:10,209 --> 00:56:11,876
- Huh?
- [hand clatters]
1159
00:56:14,209 --> 00:56:15,918
[tense music playing]
1160
00:56:15,918 --> 00:56:18,918
I never really picked up on
why you would ask me to help
1161
00:56:18,918 --> 00:56:20,751
evict you from your own kingdom,
1162
00:56:20,751 --> 00:56:22,918
so what's in it for you...
1163
00:56:22,918 --> 00:56:25,043
Deng Tsin Qin?
1164
00:56:26,209 --> 00:56:28,459
You wouldn't be thinking
about a Caesarian section,
1165
00:56:28,459 --> 00:56:30,501
to cut me out of my end of the spoils?
1166
00:56:30,501 --> 00:56:33,626
Not at all. Never even crossed my mind.
1167
00:56:34,251 --> 00:56:35,209
Really?
1168
00:56:36,543 --> 00:56:39,709
It would've crossed mine. [laughs]
Wouldn't bother me in the least!
1169
00:56:39,709 --> 00:56:42,168
- [laughter]
- He's on a roll.
1170
00:56:42,168 --> 00:56:44,209
[Caesar sighs]
1171
00:56:44,209 --> 00:56:46,584
- Tell me, oh Caesar.
- Mm-hmm.
1172
00:56:46,584 --> 00:56:47,543
Are you aware that
1173
00:56:47,543 --> 00:56:50,334
the great Cleopatra
is highly respected here in China?
1174
00:56:51,126 --> 00:56:52,043
[Scar Dee Kat] True.
1175
00:56:52,043 --> 00:56:55,418
She's done so much for the defence
and preservation of pandas that now...
1176
00:56:56,043 --> 00:56:58,168
So how is she in real life?
Fun to be with?
1177
00:57:04,418 --> 00:57:06,043
[soft music playing]
1178
00:57:13,293 --> 00:57:15,043
At last, I'm back home.
1179
00:57:16,251 --> 00:57:19,001
Do you smell the fragrance of bamboo,
ginger and eucalypt?
1180
00:57:20,543 --> 00:57:22,584
Don't bother with these guys,
they wouldn't know.
1181
00:57:22,584 --> 00:57:26,501
But I can smell it just fine,
and... so aromatic!
1182
00:57:27,084 --> 00:57:28,043
[Bankruptis] Titanix!
1183
00:57:28,043 --> 00:57:30,209
Will you be going straight back to Egypt?
1184
00:57:30,209 --> 00:57:33,043
Nope. I'll keep sailing
till I return to my starting point,
1185
00:57:33,043 --> 00:57:34,668
so I can prove the Earth is round.
1186
00:57:34,668 --> 00:57:37,126
[laughter]
1187
00:57:44,543 --> 00:57:46,918
- [mysterious music playing]
- [chattering]
1188
00:58:03,834 --> 00:58:05,209
[Bankruptis] So?
1189
00:58:05,209 --> 00:58:07,834
- Told you we'd make it back, didn't I?
- Shh.
1190
00:58:08,834 --> 00:58:11,209
WANTED
1191
00:58:12,751 --> 00:58:15,584
Ka Ra Tay,
how will we hope to find your master here?
1192
00:58:15,584 --> 00:58:17,459
He'll be the one to find us.
1193
00:58:35,126 --> 00:58:37,126
- What was the message?
- Nothing.
1194
00:58:38,459 --> 00:58:39,751
Friend of yours? The bald guy?
1195
00:58:41,126 --> 00:58:43,251
Well, if it's nothing
why can't you tell me what it is?
1196
00:58:45,084 --> 00:58:48,876
My master, Sill Lee, awaits us tonight
in an inn where we will spend the night.
1197
00:58:48,876 --> 00:58:52,334
There you go. Just say it,
instead of acting all mysterious.
1198
00:58:52,334 --> 00:58:53,709
I'm not even hungry anymore!
1199
00:58:54,334 --> 00:58:55,501
[whines]
1200
00:58:55,501 --> 00:58:56,668
[Astérix] What the...
1201
00:58:56,668 --> 00:58:58,626
Never seen him like that.
1202
00:58:59,668 --> 00:59:01,584
He's probably just tired, that's all.
1203
00:59:01,584 --> 00:59:03,709
There's a culture shock,
it's a lot to take in.
1204
00:59:03,709 --> 00:59:06,126
- Do you mind if I speak candidly?
- Mm.
1205
00:59:06,126 --> 00:59:09,793
You and me, we're not the best of friends.
I hate you, I believe you hate me too.
1206
00:59:09,793 --> 00:59:11,001
Mm-hmm.
1207
00:59:11,001 --> 00:59:13,543
But the two of you,
things are getting very tense.
1208
00:59:13,543 --> 00:59:15,834
The tension's spreading
through the whole group.
1209
00:59:15,834 --> 00:59:17,376
- That bad?
- Yeah.
1210
00:59:18,168 --> 00:59:19,543
But I got something for both of you
1211
00:59:19,543 --> 00:59:24,043
and I'm sure it can bring some changes,
for the better.
1212
00:59:26,334 --> 00:59:28,376
[Astérix] Obélix. We need to talk.
1213
00:59:28,876 --> 00:59:29,918
[Obélix] I'm listening.
1214
00:59:29,918 --> 00:59:33,834
There's a beautiful story
starting between the Princess and me.
1215
00:59:33,834 --> 00:59:35,043
Oh?
1216
00:59:35,834 --> 00:59:36,751
Well, yeah.
1217
00:59:38,376 --> 00:59:40,959
And I believe it'd be simpler if, like...
1218
00:59:41,543 --> 00:59:43,543
if she were to live with us,
in the village.
1219
00:59:43,543 --> 00:59:44,668
Okay.
1220
00:59:45,543 --> 00:59:48,959
Of course, you and I have been housemates
for a long time.
1221
00:59:49,459 --> 00:59:52,168
Uh, but we never said it'd be forever.
1222
00:59:53,168 --> 00:59:54,751
And as it happens,
1223
00:59:54,751 --> 00:59:56,834
the hut belonged to my parents.
1224
00:59:57,334 --> 00:59:58,418
So, uh...
1225
01:00:00,793 --> 01:00:02,584
You want me to move out then?
1226
01:00:03,626 --> 01:00:05,084
- Yes.
- [sighs]
1227
01:00:07,293 --> 01:00:10,126
Oh, Astérix!
I can't tell you how relieved I am.
1228
01:00:10,126 --> 01:00:14,043
I wanted to leave too, but I didn't know
how to tell you, I just couldn't tell you.
1229
01:00:14,043 --> 01:00:14,959
- You did?
- Mm-hmm.
1230
01:00:17,501 --> 01:00:19,001
I've fallen in love too.
1231
01:00:20,584 --> 01:00:21,918
You're in love?
1232
01:00:21,918 --> 01:00:24,126
[whispering] With the beautiful Ka Ra Tay.
1233
01:00:24,126 --> 01:00:25,584
[laughs]
1234
01:00:27,334 --> 01:00:28,168
With Ka Ra Tay?
1235
01:00:29,084 --> 01:00:31,709
Our Ka Ra Tay? You gotta be joking?
1236
01:00:32,459 --> 01:00:33,709
Obélix? Ka Ra Tay?
1237
01:00:33,709 --> 01:00:35,834
- [laughing]
- Why are you laughing?
1238
01:00:36,709 --> 01:00:39,251
- Because I'm surprised.
- You're surprised 'cause I'm in love?
1239
01:00:40,001 --> 01:00:41,126
Come on, Oby...
1240
01:00:41,126 --> 01:00:43,751
Don't Oby me. There's no more Oby!
1241
01:00:45,376 --> 01:00:46,209
What's so funny?
1242
01:00:46,209 --> 01:00:49,668
I'm not allowed to fall in love?
I'm not allowed anything!
1243
01:00:49,668 --> 01:00:51,584
What a joke! It's all about you anyway!
1244
01:00:51,584 --> 01:00:53,543
- It is not all about me!
- It is about you!
1245
01:00:53,543 --> 01:00:55,084
- No!
- [barking]
1246
01:00:55,084 --> 01:00:58,043
Obélix can't have any magic potion.
Obélix better not fall in love...
1247
01:00:58,043 --> 01:01:01,334
Oh, poor Obélix,
who's been deprived of magic potion.
1248
01:01:01,334 --> 01:01:02,876
Oh, poor Obélix!
1249
01:01:02,876 --> 01:01:07,668
I don't even get the privilege of roasting
my wild boars in my own fireplace!
1250
01:01:07,668 --> 01:01:11,043
Except it's not my own fireplace
'cause Astérix's parents built it!
1251
01:01:11,043 --> 01:01:14,043
- Which they did.
- Astérix wants me to eat fruit and veg!
1252
01:01:14,043 --> 01:01:16,668
And why do I want us to eat fruits
and vegetables?
1253
01:01:16,668 --> 01:01:19,001
For you! For you to eat better.
1254
01:01:19,001 --> 01:01:21,168
Do not say the word. Don't say that word!
1255
01:01:21,168 --> 01:01:23,418
- Because you are so fat!
- No!
1256
01:01:24,084 --> 01:01:27,501
I am simply voluptuous!
1257
01:01:28,126 --> 01:01:30,876
But there is more. I'm strong.
1258
01:01:30,876 --> 01:01:33,084
There we are! You said it!
1259
01:01:33,084 --> 01:01:36,209
You think it's easy for me
to be so feeble?
1260
01:01:36,209 --> 01:01:37,626
To rely on a flask all the time?
1261
01:01:37,626 --> 01:01:39,293
Serves you right! There!
1262
01:01:39,293 --> 01:01:40,668
I've said it. Done.
1263
01:01:40,668 --> 01:01:42,001
[clinking]
1264
01:01:42,668 --> 01:01:46,584
Needles performing so well,
releasing tension!
1265
01:01:46,584 --> 01:01:49,293
They make words come out, good!
1266
01:01:49,293 --> 01:01:50,418
[laughs]
1267
01:01:52,459 --> 01:01:54,501
[indistinct chatter]
1268
01:02:01,043 --> 01:02:02,876
- Oh, Romans!
- No, Obélix.
1269
01:02:02,876 --> 01:02:04,168
[sighs] What now?
1270
01:02:04,168 --> 01:02:06,668
We cannot compromise the Princess.
1271
01:02:07,584 --> 01:02:09,001
[Astérix] What's Caesar doing in China?
1272
01:02:09,001 --> 01:02:12,126
Deng Tsin Qin the treacherous
sold us to the Romans.
1273
01:02:14,459 --> 01:02:16,334
[mercenary] Informative news break!
1274
01:02:16,918 --> 01:02:18,293
People of China!
1275
01:02:18,293 --> 01:02:20,918
Prince Deng Tsin Qin and Julius Caesar
1276
01:02:20,918 --> 01:02:23,459
are delighted to announce
that the former Empress
1277
01:02:23,459 --> 01:02:24,751
will be publicly executed.
1278
01:02:24,751 --> 01:02:25,834
[ominous music playing]
1279
01:02:25,834 --> 01:02:29,584
The decapitation is scheduled
seven days from now at dusk.
1280
01:02:30,459 --> 01:02:32,126
An all-you-can-eat wok will follow.
1281
01:02:32,126 --> 01:02:34,418
Due to limited seating,
advance booking is advised.
1282
01:02:34,418 --> 01:02:35,459
I wasn't briefed, were you?
1283
01:02:35,459 --> 01:02:36,668
- You missed the memo?
- Must've.
1284
01:02:36,668 --> 01:02:39,376
- You're not on the forum?
- I'm never included, Carlitus.
1285
01:02:39,376 --> 01:02:43,751
I am Princess Sa See!
No one touches the heir to the Heavens,
1286
01:02:43,751 --> 01:02:46,168
Her Majesty the Empress, my mother!
1287
01:02:46,168 --> 01:02:48,293
- After them!
- [panicked cries]
1288
01:02:54,334 --> 01:02:55,459
Good doggie.
1289
01:02:56,084 --> 01:02:56,918
Let's get to it.
1290
01:02:56,918 --> 01:03:00,501
Whoever touches
a hair of my beloved fiancée,
1291
01:03:00,501 --> 01:03:02,751
I will treat very badly.
1292
01:03:04,126 --> 01:03:05,334
Did I really just say that?
1293
01:03:06,209 --> 01:03:07,543
[swords being drawn]
1294
01:03:12,209 --> 01:03:14,459
Ah, hold on. Time out. Just a second.
1295
01:03:14,459 --> 01:03:17,251
I'll be right back. Just give me a second.
1296
01:03:18,043 --> 01:03:19,876
[sighs] Getting painful.
1297
01:03:19,876 --> 01:03:22,626
- [mysterious music playing]
- [animal sounds]
1298
01:03:26,334 --> 01:03:27,168
Sorry.
1299
01:03:27,168 --> 01:03:29,501
- Can we get on with it now?
- Yeah, just went to the toilet.
1300
01:03:29,501 --> 01:03:31,709
- Yeah, right.
- We know what you were doing. Yeah.
1301
01:03:31,709 --> 01:03:33,501
[tense music playing]
1302
01:03:39,251 --> 01:03:40,876
[battle cries]
1303
01:03:43,334 --> 01:03:44,209
[Obélix] Romie!
1304
01:03:45,876 --> 01:03:46,793
[crashing]
1305
01:03:46,793 --> 01:03:48,376
[battle cries]
1306
01:04:01,918 --> 01:04:02,959
And wring!
1307
01:04:07,043 --> 01:04:08,834
[epic music playing]
1308
01:04:15,084 --> 01:04:17,168
[tense music playing]
1309
01:04:17,168 --> 01:04:18,668
[grunts]
1310
01:04:26,126 --> 01:04:27,334
Now that's strange.
1311
01:04:28,584 --> 01:04:30,459
- [battle cries]
- ["Kung Fu Fighting" playing]
1312
01:04:30,459 --> 01:04:31,959
[screams]
1313
01:04:33,043 --> 01:04:35,709
And my acupuncturist told me
to take it easy for two days.
1314
01:04:35,709 --> 01:04:37,168
Considering what they pay us...
1315
01:04:39,001 --> 01:04:41,418
- Can we pretend we didn't see each other?
- Mum's the word.
1316
01:04:43,543 --> 01:04:47,209
♪ There were funky China men
From funky Chinatown ♪
1317
01:04:47,209 --> 01:04:48,751
[shouts]
1318
01:04:48,751 --> 01:04:52,334
♪ They were chopping them up
They were chopping them down ♪
1319
01:04:53,334 --> 01:04:55,709
♪ It's an ancient Chinese art ♪
1320
01:04:55,709 --> 01:04:57,543
♪ And everybody knew their part ♪
1321
01:04:57,543 --> 01:04:59,793
♪ From a feint into a slip ♪
1322
01:05:00,334 --> 01:05:02,376
♪ And a kicking from the hip ♪
1323
01:05:02,376 --> 01:05:05,126
♪ Everybody was kung fu fighting ♪
1324
01:05:07,084 --> 01:05:09,543
♪ Those cats were fast as lightning ♪
1325
01:05:11,668 --> 01:05:14,501
♪ In fact
It was a little bit frightening ♪
1326
01:05:16,709 --> 01:05:19,376
♪ But they fought with expert timing ♪
1327
01:05:21,293 --> 01:05:25,709
♪ There was funky Billy Chin
And little Sammy Chung ♪
1328
01:05:25,709 --> 01:05:27,668
[music stops]
1329
01:05:27,668 --> 01:05:29,626
[whistling]
1330
01:05:32,834 --> 01:05:35,918
[shouting]
1331
01:05:36,543 --> 01:05:38,959
Hey, see how far I flung that one?
1332
01:05:38,959 --> 01:05:42,168
That was so cool! What can I say?
You're the best, Obélix.
1333
01:05:42,168 --> 01:05:44,293
- Oh!
- [Bankruptis] What's that?
1334
01:05:44,293 --> 01:05:47,626
[both] Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
1335
01:05:47,626 --> 01:05:50,376
- We're so tight, aren't we!
- Let's go, it's not safe to stick around.
1336
01:05:50,376 --> 01:05:53,834
[mocking] Let's go Princess,
it's not safe to stick around. Pff.
1337
01:05:54,418 --> 01:05:55,459
- Something wrong?
- Mm.
1338
01:05:55,459 --> 01:05:58,584
You tell me. You still feeling the potion?
1339
01:05:58,584 --> 01:06:00,709
Dunno, wanna find out, do you?
1340
01:06:02,126 --> 01:06:04,959
- We'll see about that later.
- Sure, anytime.
1341
01:06:05,543 --> 01:06:08,168
- Boo!
- Eh!
1342
01:06:08,168 --> 01:06:10,376
[military music playing]
1343
01:06:23,959 --> 01:06:25,043
Halt!
1344
01:06:25,043 --> 01:06:27,751
[repetitive grunting]
1345
01:06:29,834 --> 01:06:31,668
THE ORIGINAL 2CV HORSEPOWER
1346
01:06:35,709 --> 01:06:38,668
SOAPS BY CLEO
1347
01:06:38,668 --> 01:06:41,043
[cat calling]
1348
01:06:41,043 --> 01:06:42,918
Who dares to whistle?
1349
01:06:42,918 --> 01:06:44,834
[tense music playing]
1350
01:06:44,834 --> 01:06:46,418
[whispering] Hard to swallow.
1351
01:06:49,751 --> 01:06:52,209
[military music playing]
1352
01:06:54,001 --> 01:06:55,001
[Caesar] I go off to war,
1353
01:06:55,834 --> 01:06:57,918
risk my life, nothing from her.
1354
01:06:58,501 --> 01:07:01,918
No messenger, no news,
no papyrus-card, not even a pigeon.
1355
01:07:01,918 --> 01:07:04,001
Ah, you need to get a hold of yourself.
1356
01:07:04,001 --> 01:07:06,918
You were being so strong,
bristling with rage,
1357
01:07:06,918 --> 01:07:08,251
but now I see nothing.
1358
01:07:08,251 --> 01:07:09,293
[Risklus] He's right.
1359
01:07:09,293 --> 01:07:10,918
Did you send her a message?
1360
01:07:10,918 --> 01:07:12,876
No! We said, enough of the messages.
1361
01:07:12,876 --> 01:07:14,918
We're stone-wall marble,
we give her nothing.
1362
01:07:14,918 --> 01:07:16,834
We let her soak in her marinade,
like octopus.
1363
01:07:16,834 --> 01:07:18,959
Hey, Dainty, better tone it down.
1364
01:07:18,959 --> 01:07:20,918
What's that you say, Señor Grunt?
1365
01:07:20,918 --> 01:07:24,334
Infamous Risklus, how about
"Witless," with a head like an aqueduct?
1366
01:07:24,334 --> 01:07:27,459
You think you're Antivirus, don't you?
You couldn't even shine his sandals.
1367
01:07:27,459 --> 01:07:29,209
Así que callate la boca!
1368
01:07:31,709 --> 01:07:32,834
[Biopix] Caesar.
1369
01:07:32,834 --> 01:07:35,876
Tell me who wears the toga in the palace.
Eh? Who's the boss?
1370
01:07:36,501 --> 01:07:38,459
- I am.
- Anyone hear that?
1371
01:07:39,626 --> 01:07:41,209
Who's the boss at home?
1372
01:07:41,209 --> 01:07:43,084
[sighs] I'm the boss.
1373
01:07:43,084 --> 01:07:44,043
There you are.
1374
01:07:44,043 --> 01:07:47,626
Now you're talking. That is our Caesar.
That's our champion. Numero uno!
1375
01:07:48,543 --> 01:07:50,251
So if there's a message you gotta send,
1376
01:07:50,251 --> 01:07:52,334
just tell her to pack
her bags and all that,
1377
01:07:52,334 --> 01:07:56,251
and take herself right back to Egypt,
show her profile or whatever, she is out.
1378
01:08:00,209 --> 01:08:01,501
Fair enough. Write.
1379
01:08:01,501 --> 01:08:03,584
- Ah!
- [soft music playing]
1380
01:08:06,043 --> 01:08:07,168
[sighs]
1381
01:08:10,334 --> 01:08:12,834
"Cleo..." No. "Cleopatra."
1382
01:08:12,834 --> 01:08:14,293
I like that.
1383
01:08:14,293 --> 01:08:15,459
"When I get to Rome,
1384
01:08:15,459 --> 01:08:18,751
I want to find my palace free
of your sarcophago-whatchamacallit."
1385
01:08:18,751 --> 01:08:21,918
"Starting from today,
you'll know who wears the toga at home."
1386
01:08:21,918 --> 01:08:22,918
[Biopix] There you go.
1387
01:08:22,918 --> 01:08:24,251
"You've been told. Hail me."
1388
01:08:24,251 --> 01:08:25,668
[Biopix] That's better.
1389
01:08:25,668 --> 01:08:28,543
That's my sizzling Caesar,
that was masterly.
1390
01:08:28,543 --> 01:08:30,293
Ah! Queen of Egypt.
1391
01:08:30,293 --> 01:08:33,043
- Queen of Doofus-land.
- [lively music playing]
1392
01:08:33,043 --> 01:08:35,168
[laughs] ♪ And where did they go... ♪
1393
01:08:35,168 --> 01:08:38,043
♪ Where did they go, down to Egypt land ♪
1394
01:08:38,043 --> 01:08:39,876
- Hit Send.
- Sí.
1395
01:08:41,626 --> 01:08:43,709
[cooing]
1396
01:08:43,709 --> 01:08:45,084
Pigeon... Pidgie-widgie...
1397
01:08:46,668 --> 01:08:48,834
Oh! [laughs]
1398
01:08:48,834 --> 01:08:52,084
[in Galician] A bunny!
1399
01:08:52,084 --> 01:08:53,543
[in English] Oh, there's a big one.
1400
01:08:53,543 --> 01:08:55,168
[in Galician] A raccoon.
1401
01:08:55,793 --> 01:08:57,251
- [comical music playing]
- [bleating]
1402
01:08:57,251 --> 01:08:58,793
[laughs]
1403
01:08:58,793 --> 01:09:01,834
A goat! [cooing]
1404
01:09:01,834 --> 01:09:04,459
[cooing]
1405
01:09:07,959 --> 01:09:10,001
Come on, sweetie.
1406
01:09:10,001 --> 01:09:11,251
[swooshing]
1407
01:09:13,709 --> 01:09:15,501
[notification chimes]
1408
01:09:16,209 --> 01:09:18,376
[cooing, vibrating]
1409
01:09:18,376 --> 01:09:19,876
[in English] Huh, it's Cleopatra.
1410
01:09:19,876 --> 01:09:22,084
- Already?
- [pigeon coos and vibrates]
1411
01:09:22,584 --> 01:09:24,126
- Well, get to it!
- Huh?
1412
01:09:31,709 --> 01:09:33,626
[mumbles]
1413
01:09:35,001 --> 01:09:36,251
[Caesar] I don't understand.
1414
01:09:36,251 --> 01:09:37,543
- Eh?
- What did she say?
1415
01:09:37,543 --> 01:09:38,584
Uh...
1416
01:09:39,834 --> 01:09:43,626
"I would like to apologise
for the attitude I had."
1417
01:09:43,626 --> 01:09:45,001
"I went too far."
1418
01:09:45,001 --> 01:09:47,126
You can say that again. Uh...
1419
01:09:47,126 --> 01:09:51,876
"Four long months have passed,
and all I dream of is to see your face."
1420
01:09:51,876 --> 01:09:54,459
"I'm waiting in Rome.
Come back as soon as you can."
1421
01:09:55,376 --> 01:09:56,584
"Your loving Cleo-babe."
1422
01:09:57,959 --> 01:09:59,668
Hey. You gotta stop that pigeon.
The pigeon!
1423
01:09:59,668 --> 01:10:03,001
- [Caesar] Cancel the pigeon. Quick!
- There's no cancelling a homing pigeon.
1424
01:10:03,001 --> 01:10:06,043
Once you sent it, it's sent.
Should I slug him?
1425
01:10:06,043 --> 01:10:07,501
Everybody out!
1426
01:10:12,251 --> 01:10:13,793
I said everybody.
1427
01:10:14,918 --> 01:10:17,709
- ["Le Diro Parole Blu" playing]
- [gasps]
1428
01:10:23,876 --> 01:10:27,334
[cooing]
1429
01:10:55,751 --> 01:10:58,001
[Cleopatra laughs]
1430
01:11:13,626 --> 01:11:15,168
[pigeon farts]
1431
01:11:15,918 --> 01:11:17,293
[grunts]
1432
01:11:18,543 --> 01:11:19,834
[sobs]
1433
01:11:19,834 --> 01:11:21,084
Cleo...
1434
01:11:26,668 --> 01:11:27,918
[door creaking]
1435
01:11:30,876 --> 01:11:33,293
Hey! Anyone peckish? They left some fruit.
1436
01:11:33,293 --> 01:11:34,543
- What are you doing?
- Huh?
1437
01:11:34,543 --> 01:11:36,084
Those are offerings.
1438
01:11:36,584 --> 01:11:38,251
- Oh, pardon me. Wasn't aware.
- [knock on door]
1439
01:11:39,876 --> 01:11:41,959
- Shh.
- [tense music playing]
1440
01:11:45,959 --> 01:11:48,959
I got this. Sir, you shouldn't stay here.
Here you go, good night,
1441
01:11:48,959 --> 01:11:50,834
and good luck.
1442
01:11:51,418 --> 01:11:53,084
Never mind, just a beggar.
1443
01:11:54,501 --> 01:11:57,293
[mystical music playing]
1444
01:11:57,293 --> 01:11:58,418
Master Sill Lee.
1445
01:11:59,876 --> 01:12:00,959
Oh, I'm so sorry.
1446
01:12:01,459 --> 01:12:02,834
Whoa, I am so terribly sorry,
1447
01:12:02,834 --> 01:12:04,584
Mr. Master, I thought...
1448
01:12:04,584 --> 01:12:08,376
Master Sill Lee is a hermit
who devoted his life to meditation.
1449
01:12:08,376 --> 01:12:10,168
He took a vow of absolute poverty.
1450
01:12:10,876 --> 01:12:13,501
Oh wow, bravo for your sacrifice,
it's mind-blowing.
1451
01:12:13,501 --> 01:12:16,543
If it was me, I would cave on day one.
So, could you...
1452
01:12:16,543 --> 01:12:18,459
If you'd be so kind,
I'll just get my coin.
1453
01:12:18,459 --> 01:12:21,459
Try to take the coin back out of my hand,
1454
01:12:21,459 --> 01:12:22,959
my little grasshopper.
1455
01:12:25,459 --> 01:12:27,251
[Bankruptis] Well, um...
1456
01:12:27,251 --> 01:12:29,209
That's far too easy,
seeing as you can't see.
1457
01:12:29,209 --> 01:12:33,418
Never assume that a man
is blind because of his lack of--
1458
01:12:34,334 --> 01:12:36,043
- [gasps]
- Didn't see that one coming, did you?
1459
01:12:36,043 --> 01:12:37,459
[laughs]
1460
01:12:38,084 --> 01:12:39,293
Voilà!
1461
01:12:39,918 --> 01:12:41,918
- It's him, he made me do it.
- Let him be!
1462
01:12:42,459 --> 01:12:44,251
Little grasshopper.
1463
01:12:44,251 --> 01:12:45,793
No, sir, I'm right here, just...
1464
01:12:46,334 --> 01:12:48,751
You are swift as the cobra.
1465
01:12:48,751 --> 01:12:49,834
Yeah, that's me.
1466
01:12:49,834 --> 01:12:52,418
Could we please move on
to more important things?
1467
01:12:53,084 --> 01:12:55,334
[mysterious music playing]
1468
01:12:58,418 --> 01:13:00,251
- [laughter]
- Oh, by Toutatis.
1469
01:13:00,251 --> 01:13:04,043
[Sill Lee] Deng Tsin Qin is spreading
terror throughout the country.
1470
01:13:04,043 --> 01:13:06,001
- [sizzling]
- [Sill Lee] Do not touch.
1471
01:13:06,001 --> 01:13:08,001
Ah. Hard to resist.
1472
01:13:08,626 --> 01:13:11,793
I spy an abandoned temple in the forest.
1473
01:13:12,501 --> 01:13:14,126
[Sill Lee] The Xuan temple.
1474
01:13:14,126 --> 01:13:18,918
Her Majesty the Empress
is held prisoner there.
1475
01:13:19,626 --> 01:13:24,168
After she is released, you will have
to hightail it as fast as you can
1476
01:13:24,168 --> 01:13:26,043
to the Ku Koo palace
1477
01:13:26,043 --> 01:13:30,251
before Caesar is able
to take possession of the last kingdom.
1478
01:13:30,793 --> 01:13:33,168
You are going to encounter
1479
01:13:33,668 --> 01:13:36,626
the hideous, the unsightly,
1480
01:13:36,626 --> 01:13:40,751
the monstrous crown Prince Ku Koo.
1481
01:13:40,751 --> 01:13:45,459
You will meet him, he's masked in bamboo.
1482
01:13:45,459 --> 01:13:46,376
[barks]
1483
01:13:46,376 --> 01:13:47,334
[mumbles]
1484
01:13:47,334 --> 01:13:49,209
Hey, buddy, it's not for real.
1485
01:13:49,793 --> 01:13:51,293
Good luck.
1486
01:13:51,793 --> 01:13:54,126
This is where our paths must part.
1487
01:13:54,751 --> 01:13:58,209
Grand Master,
uh, are you finished with the magic ball?
1488
01:14:00,001 --> 01:14:01,126
Yes.
1489
01:14:01,126 --> 01:14:02,959
[sizzling]
1490
01:14:02,959 --> 01:14:03,959
No!
1491
01:14:03,959 --> 01:14:04,918
[explosion booming]
1492
01:14:04,918 --> 01:14:06,501
[Bankruptis] Holy cow!
1493
01:14:09,168 --> 01:14:11,126
Are you happy now? You broke it.
1494
01:14:11,126 --> 01:14:12,876
[Astérix] He told you not to touch.
1495
01:14:12,876 --> 01:14:14,043
[door opens]
1496
01:14:14,918 --> 01:14:15,959
That is true.
1497
01:14:15,959 --> 01:14:19,418
- Hey!
- I told you keep your hands to yourselves!
1498
01:14:21,168 --> 01:14:22,876
[explosion booming]
1499
01:14:24,668 --> 01:14:26,709
- Why'd you touch the magic ball?
- Hmm.
1500
01:14:26,709 --> 01:14:29,209
[mysterious music playing]
1501
01:14:31,584 --> 01:14:34,209
[soldier] Have you seen Princess Sa See?
She's with two warriors and...
1502
01:14:34,209 --> 01:14:37,751
- [armour clattering]
- [laughter]
1503
01:14:38,459 --> 01:14:39,834
Princess Sa See.
1504
01:14:39,834 --> 01:14:43,168
Seen her? With two foreign warriors
with superhuman strength.
1505
01:14:43,834 --> 01:14:44,668
And a little pooch.
1506
01:14:44,668 --> 01:14:45,793
[barking]
1507
01:14:57,959 --> 01:14:59,959
I don't know what's going on. [yelps]
1508
01:14:59,959 --> 01:15:03,251
[centurion] What are you waiting for?
Room service? Get them!
1509
01:15:03,251 --> 01:15:05,501
- [Obélix] Astérix!
- What? Just run!
1510
01:15:05,501 --> 01:15:06,834
- Astérix!
- What?
1511
01:15:06,834 --> 01:15:08,793
- Why are we running?
- Why are we running?
1512
01:15:08,793 --> 01:15:10,626
- Because I don't wanna fight.
- But, why not?
1513
01:15:10,626 --> 01:15:12,751
I don't want to take the potion
in front of the Princess.
1514
01:15:12,751 --> 01:15:14,293
I'm sick of using a crutch!
1515
01:15:14,293 --> 01:15:15,293
Pfff!
1516
01:15:15,293 --> 01:15:17,334
Let's go, boys!
Move it, I borrowed a rickshaw.
1517
01:15:17,334 --> 01:15:18,501
Come on!
1518
01:15:20,209 --> 01:15:21,209
Speed it up!
1519
01:15:21,876 --> 01:15:24,251
- [Astérix] Will you hurry!
- Alright! I know!
1520
01:15:24,251 --> 01:15:25,918
- [Dogmatix whines]
- [sighs]
1521
01:15:26,459 --> 01:15:27,584
Princess...
1522
01:15:27,584 --> 01:15:28,918
Dawdling on purpose.
1523
01:15:28,918 --> 01:15:30,459
[inhales deeply]
1524
01:15:56,168 --> 01:15:59,209
[Dogmatix whines]
1525
01:15:59,209 --> 01:16:01,168
[mysterious music playing]
1526
01:16:10,126 --> 01:16:11,168
Ka Ra Tay.
1527
01:16:13,209 --> 01:16:14,084
Oh...
1528
01:16:21,126 --> 01:16:23,501
- Yeah.
- Can't argue with that.
1529
01:16:27,209 --> 01:16:28,126
[Ekonomikrisis] So...
1530
01:16:28,126 --> 01:16:31,626
In one more ball,
I officially consider us to be dead meat.
1531
01:16:32,584 --> 01:16:34,459
Which means that it's our last night...
1532
01:16:34,459 --> 01:16:36,376
and I was thinking that, uh,
1533
01:16:36,376 --> 01:16:38,584
perhaps... maybe as a memento...
1534
01:16:38,584 --> 01:16:40,668
- Your Majesty!
- Ah! Oh! Whoa!
1535
01:16:41,418 --> 01:16:42,334
She freaked me out.
1536
01:16:42,334 --> 01:16:44,501
Your Majesty,
we're going to get you out of here.
1537
01:16:44,501 --> 01:16:45,751
Who is she?
1538
01:16:47,126 --> 01:16:48,543
- Stand back!
- Okay, stand back.
1539
01:16:50,709 --> 01:16:51,584
[Obélix] Ka Ra Tay!
1540
01:16:59,334 --> 01:17:00,959
[Astérix] Are you done?
1541
01:17:08,584 --> 01:17:09,418
Forgive me.
1542
01:17:11,334 --> 01:17:12,834
[rumbling]
1543
01:17:15,918 --> 01:17:18,251
[dramatic music playing]
1544
01:17:22,251 --> 01:17:23,126
You may rise.
1545
01:17:24,834 --> 01:17:25,709
We must go.
1546
01:17:25,709 --> 01:17:27,209
Jump. They'll catch you at the bottom.
1547
01:17:27,209 --> 01:17:30,293
What? Jump? Are you bonkers?
No way am I leaving now.
1548
01:17:30,293 --> 01:17:33,001
You want me to quit a negotiation?
I've never done that in my life.
1549
01:17:33,626 --> 01:17:35,626
I'm about two balls away
from breaking the guy.
1550
01:17:35,626 --> 01:17:38,084
So you go on without me,
I'll just, uh, join you later.
1551
01:17:38,668 --> 01:17:39,959
Are you sure?
1552
01:17:40,543 --> 01:17:41,959
- Yeah.
- Very well.
1553
01:17:41,959 --> 01:17:43,501
As you wish.
1554
01:17:47,001 --> 01:17:48,334
Take care of yourself.
1555
01:17:48,918 --> 01:17:50,084
And don't lose your head.
1556
01:17:50,084 --> 01:17:53,793
Ah! Look who's worried about me now!
1557
01:17:55,126 --> 01:17:56,209
You know what?
1558
01:17:56,834 --> 01:17:59,001
You're even more beautiful
when you smile than when you're upset.
1559
01:18:06,168 --> 01:18:08,543
Whoa, she's impressive, yeah.
1560
01:18:09,334 --> 01:18:10,334
- [grunts]
- Thank you.
1561
01:18:12,626 --> 01:18:14,001
Mother.
1562
01:18:14,001 --> 01:18:16,126
What joy to see you.
1563
01:18:20,168 --> 01:18:21,626
- Wow.
- I'm right...
1564
01:18:22,168 --> 01:18:23,168
here.
1565
01:18:26,168 --> 01:18:28,709
- [guard] Alert! Prisoners have escaped!
- Quick, let's go!
1566
01:18:28,709 --> 01:18:30,793
[arrows whistling]
1567
01:18:32,793 --> 01:18:34,751
[heavy breathing]
1568
01:18:39,668 --> 01:18:41,126
[Bankruptis] Where do I go?
1569
01:18:41,126 --> 01:18:42,626
[Astérix] Shh!
1570
01:18:42,626 --> 01:18:43,751
Wait a sec.
1571
01:18:44,668 --> 01:18:49,084
- We lost them. I think we're safe.
- Gaulish friends, thank you for your help.
1572
01:18:49,084 --> 01:18:51,751
- It's our pleasure, Your Majesty.
- Majesty. [clears throat]
1573
01:18:51,751 --> 01:18:54,126
Okay, I guess I'll just do this myself.
1574
01:18:55,626 --> 01:18:57,084
Bankruptis.
1575
01:18:57,084 --> 01:19:00,209
You may remember
that we met at the market.
1576
01:19:00,209 --> 01:19:01,959
That's right. [laughs]
1577
01:19:01,959 --> 01:19:03,793
Life is just a barrel of surprises.
1578
01:19:06,126 --> 01:19:07,918
Not the best attention span in the world.
1579
01:19:07,918 --> 01:19:12,209
Sa See, you must leave with our friends,
join the Ku Koos and secure their support.
1580
01:19:12,793 --> 01:19:16,043
I will attempt to rally our own army
and our followers.
1581
01:19:16,584 --> 01:19:17,834
Ka Ra Tay, come with me.
1582
01:19:17,834 --> 01:19:21,418
I will strive to be worthy, Mother.
I'll make you proud of me.
1583
01:19:23,209 --> 01:19:24,959
You've already made me proud.
1584
01:19:26,543 --> 01:19:27,834
[Empress] Let us go, Ka Ra Tay.
1585
01:19:41,501 --> 01:19:45,209
[both giggling]
1586
01:19:45,209 --> 01:19:46,793
That won't end well.
1587
01:19:46,793 --> 01:19:48,501
- [laughs]
- [grunts]
1588
01:19:52,126 --> 01:19:54,334
[soft music playing]
1589
01:19:54,334 --> 01:19:55,459
Ka Ra Tay.
1590
01:20:09,543 --> 01:20:11,584
Ka Ra Tay has fallen for Obélix.
1591
01:20:13,459 --> 01:20:14,418
And Obélix for her.
1592
01:20:17,251 --> 01:20:20,251
There's a bit too much falling,
don't you think, in this adventure.
1593
01:20:21,376 --> 01:20:22,376
Right, let's get moving.
1594
01:20:23,918 --> 01:20:25,501
Obélix, are you coming?
1595
01:20:29,001 --> 01:20:31,209
[soft music playing]
1596
01:20:33,918 --> 01:20:37,543
- [Caesar] What kind of booze is this?
- [Deng Tsin Qin] It's rice wine.
1597
01:20:37,543 --> 01:20:39,959
You're not the most refined people
in the world, hmm?
1598
01:20:44,459 --> 01:20:47,168
It's not for the weak,
but it does grow on you.
1599
01:20:47,168 --> 01:20:48,418
It's relaxing.
1600
01:20:48,418 --> 01:20:49,501
Rice is nice.
1601
01:20:50,126 --> 01:20:51,168
I should bring some home,
1602
01:20:51,168 --> 01:20:53,251
it'd make arguing
with the missus more fun.
1603
01:20:55,959 --> 01:20:56,918
You know,
1604
01:20:56,918 --> 01:20:59,084
it's in moments like this one...
1605
01:21:00,876 --> 01:21:02,001
[sighs]
1606
01:21:02,001 --> 01:21:03,459
...that I most miss her.
1607
01:21:03,459 --> 01:21:05,334
What's that music?
1608
01:21:05,334 --> 01:21:06,334
Is that a band?
1609
01:21:06,334 --> 01:21:08,168
Four guys and a singer.
1610
01:21:08,168 --> 01:21:10,126
- You take musicians wherever you go?
- Yeah.
1611
01:21:10,126 --> 01:21:11,501
It's convenient.
1612
01:21:12,293 --> 01:21:14,959
I play all my favourite tunes on the move.
1613
01:21:16,251 --> 01:21:18,668
- Do you know this one?
- Everyone knows this one.
1614
01:21:19,418 --> 01:21:22,043
That... That's music, right there.
1615
01:21:23,001 --> 01:21:26,168
A step up from your,
"Ting-tong-tong, tipiting-Tong-Tong."
1616
01:21:30,376 --> 01:21:32,126
[sighs]
1617
01:21:38,626 --> 01:21:39,834
Amore.
1618
01:21:39,834 --> 01:21:42,209
Whoa! Hey, what's that for?
1619
01:21:43,751 --> 01:21:46,168
- I thought you were my wife.
- No, I'm nobody's wife.
1620
01:21:47,959 --> 01:21:48,876
[Caesar] You know what?
1621
01:21:48,876 --> 01:21:51,793
That booze of yours
made me feel alive again.
1622
01:21:54,293 --> 01:21:57,168
I'm feeling like...
the new emperor of China.
1623
01:21:57,751 --> 01:22:01,418
When she sees that, your friend Cleo,
it's gonna blow her little mind.
1624
01:22:02,334 --> 01:22:05,043
Tomorrow at dawn,
the Ku Koos' clocks will be wound!
1625
01:22:05,043 --> 01:22:06,293
[sighs]
1626
01:22:12,543 --> 01:22:13,626
Wow...
1627
01:22:16,959 --> 01:22:19,084
[epic music playing]
1628
01:22:22,501 --> 01:22:24,876
[Astérix] Obélix, slow down,
we're getting off soon.
1629
01:22:24,876 --> 01:22:28,084
- [Sa See] Yes, it's the next exit.
- [tyres screeching]
1630
01:22:28,084 --> 01:22:29,834
[narrator] Once again, thanks to Obélix,
1631
01:22:29,834 --> 01:22:34,043
our friends beat Caesar's legions
to the Palace of Prince Ku Koo,
1632
01:22:34,043 --> 01:22:35,834
the Man in the Bamboo Mask,
1633
01:22:35,834 --> 01:22:37,293
if you've been following.
1634
01:22:41,334 --> 01:22:42,918
I am To Fu,
1635
01:22:43,501 --> 01:22:46,543
advisor to the prince-regent Ku Koo.
1636
01:22:47,126 --> 01:22:48,293
Can you now prove
1637
01:22:49,251 --> 01:22:52,376
you are not trying to impersonate
the princess of China?
1638
01:22:52,376 --> 01:22:55,168
You have my word.
I'm the daughter of the Empress.
1639
01:22:55,168 --> 01:22:58,876
I'm sorry, but just your word
means nothing to me.
1640
01:22:59,459 --> 01:23:02,376
- [heavy breathing]
- You could be a spy,
1641
01:23:02,376 --> 01:23:05,168
bought and paid for by Deng Tsin Qin!
1642
01:23:06,001 --> 01:23:06,876
[both] Uh? No.
1643
01:23:07,834 --> 01:23:09,793
Show him the coin.
1644
01:23:09,793 --> 01:23:11,876
[dramatic music playing]
1645
01:23:14,543 --> 01:23:17,959
Will this coin finally make you kneel
before your Empress's daughter?
1646
01:23:17,959 --> 01:23:19,084
Oh.
1647
01:23:20,084 --> 01:23:22,084
[To Fu] My grovelling apologies,
Princess Sa See.
1648
01:23:22,084 --> 01:23:23,626
We had to be cautious.
1649
01:23:24,459 --> 01:23:28,001
His Highness, the Prince Ku Koo!
1650
01:23:28,501 --> 01:23:29,834
[groaning]
1651
01:23:29,834 --> 01:23:32,126
[tense music playing]
1652
01:23:35,168 --> 01:23:36,376
[Obélix mumbles]
1653
01:23:40,501 --> 01:23:41,918
[Bankruptis] What you doing? Obélix!
1654
01:23:41,918 --> 01:23:43,543
Turn around and look at him.
1655
01:23:43,543 --> 01:23:45,501
You're being rude, this is his place.
1656
01:23:45,501 --> 01:23:46,626
[Obélix trembles]
1657
01:23:53,209 --> 01:23:56,793
♪ Say you, say me ♪
1658
01:23:58,751 --> 01:24:01,043
♪ Say it for always ♪
1659
01:24:03,168 --> 01:24:05,251
♪ That's the way it should be ♪
1660
01:24:07,918 --> 01:24:08,876
Princess Sa See,
1661
01:24:08,876 --> 01:24:11,626
I am Prince Ku Koo,
my army is at your service.
1662
01:24:11,626 --> 01:24:13,918
We rally behind your mother, our Empress.
1663
01:24:13,918 --> 01:24:15,793
Uh... I, um...
1664
01:24:15,793 --> 01:24:18,668
Thank you, um,
I'm sorry, I'm at a loss for words.
1665
01:24:19,293 --> 01:24:21,543
[Ku Koo] That's my fault.
My cursed hair must frighten you.
1666
01:24:22,376 --> 01:24:24,126
Oh no, not at all.
It suits you beautifully.
1667
01:24:25,709 --> 01:24:27,168
You're the first person
who's ever said that.
1668
01:24:27,168 --> 01:24:29,126
You're the first person
I've wanted to say it to.
1669
01:24:29,126 --> 01:24:32,418
♪ When you feel you lost your way ♪
1670
01:24:32,959 --> 01:24:35,376
♪ You got someone there to say ♪
1671
01:24:36,876 --> 01:24:39,043
♪ I'll show you ♪
1672
01:24:41,959 --> 01:24:44,626
♪ Say you, say me... ♪
1673
01:24:44,626 --> 01:24:46,834
Somebody's wigging out.
1674
01:24:46,834 --> 01:24:49,168
All those months of effort, for nothing.
1675
01:24:51,834 --> 01:24:53,918
And just like that.
Dumped into the friend zone.
1676
01:24:54,501 --> 01:24:56,251
Princess, can we go now?
1677
01:24:57,668 --> 01:24:59,376
Is there a Kingdom to save or not?
1678
01:25:02,501 --> 01:25:04,709
♪ Say it together ♪
1679
01:25:06,459 --> 01:25:08,376
♪ Naturally ♪
1680
01:25:08,376 --> 01:25:11,168
[dramatic music playing]
1681
01:25:12,709 --> 01:25:15,751
Typically Ku Koo
to build your palace in a basin.
1682
01:25:15,751 --> 01:25:17,084
Oh, cornered!
1683
01:25:17,668 --> 01:25:19,709
Surrounded by Caesar. Shouldn't take long.
1684
01:25:23,501 --> 01:25:26,543
Surrender unto Caesar.
Here goes nothing then.
1685
01:25:38,126 --> 01:25:40,001
I am Princess Sa See.
1686
01:25:40,001 --> 01:25:42,251
Submit to the power
of the One Empress of China.
1687
01:25:42,876 --> 01:25:43,918
[laughter]
1688
01:25:44,543 --> 01:25:47,084
Sa See, my darling,
now we can get married!
1689
01:25:47,084 --> 01:25:50,584
Over my dead body.
You'll regret your actions, Deng Tsin Qin.
1690
01:25:51,501 --> 01:25:52,876
Seems a difficult sell.
1691
01:25:52,876 --> 01:25:54,293
Pretty unlikely, I won't lie.
1692
01:25:54,293 --> 01:25:57,501
- I have a question for you, Princess.
- There you go.
1693
01:25:58,126 --> 01:25:59,543
How many troops you got?
1694
01:25:59,543 --> 01:26:00,793
Ten thousand.
1695
01:26:00,793 --> 01:26:04,418
No, I'm just saying, 'cause...
I've come with eighty thousand men here!
1696
01:26:04,418 --> 01:26:06,126
[cheering]
1697
01:26:10,584 --> 01:26:13,584
The power of experience, simply put.
Can't help it. I've never lost.
1698
01:26:13,584 --> 01:26:14,876
Ha, you're marvellous.
1699
01:26:14,876 --> 01:26:18,209
It would seem you've miscounted.
It's ten thousand, plus two.
1700
01:26:18,209 --> 01:26:19,543
If you still need me, obviously.
1701
01:26:19,543 --> 01:26:20,793
Hello, Julius!
1702
01:26:20,793 --> 01:26:22,918
- [Obélix] It's us!
- The weirdos.
1703
01:26:22,918 --> 01:26:24,209
[Ku Koo] Not plus two,
1704
01:26:24,209 --> 01:26:25,918
plus three!
1705
01:26:26,501 --> 01:26:27,709
The Man Behind the Bamboo!
1706
01:26:29,709 --> 01:26:31,209
[Deng Tsin Qin] How awful. Poor boy.
1707
01:26:31,793 --> 01:26:33,459
- He's a blonde.
- It's not such a bad look.
1708
01:26:33,459 --> 01:26:35,084
[Bankruptis] Not plus three, plus four!
1709
01:26:35,959 --> 01:26:38,834
I am the Man in the Blue Plumage.
1710
01:26:38,834 --> 01:26:40,126
What is that?
1711
01:26:43,376 --> 01:26:45,209
That's enough talk.
1712
01:26:46,793 --> 01:26:49,376
Why be talking, when you can be running?
1713
01:26:49,376 --> 01:26:50,376
Ah!
1714
01:26:50,376 --> 01:26:52,043
- [rock music playing]
- [cheering]
1715
01:26:55,626 --> 01:26:57,084
[grunts]
1716
01:26:57,084 --> 01:26:59,084
[Antivirus] Mamma mia.
1717
01:26:59,084 --> 01:27:00,334
[crowd sighs]
1718
01:27:01,418 --> 01:27:03,668
The man starts off cold! Silly boy.
1719
01:27:03,668 --> 01:27:05,459
- Did I give the order?
- No, you didn't.
1720
01:27:07,459 --> 01:27:08,376
[sighs]
1721
01:27:08,376 --> 01:27:09,459
All right. Rotate.
1722
01:27:09,459 --> 01:27:12,293
- Rotatio!
- [off-key horn playing]
1723
01:27:13,668 --> 01:27:15,043
[soldiers chanting] Antivirus!
1724
01:27:15,043 --> 01:27:16,459
Antivirus!
1725
01:27:16,459 --> 01:27:21,209
- Antivirus! Antivirus!
- [horn hooting]
1726
01:27:21,209 --> 01:27:23,251
[chanting continues]
1727
01:27:29,668 --> 01:27:31,584
[shouting]
1728
01:27:31,584 --> 01:27:32,834
[cork popping]
1729
01:27:32,834 --> 01:27:34,751
[bagpipes playing]
1730
01:27:39,543 --> 01:27:41,501
- [sighs]
- Ah!
1731
01:27:47,251 --> 01:27:48,084
[exhales]
1732
01:27:51,876 --> 01:27:53,793
Hey, Astérix. Gimme some, will you?
1733
01:27:53,793 --> 01:27:56,668
- Nah. Not enough to go around.
- [mocking] Not enough to go around.
1734
01:28:00,376 --> 01:28:01,751
What a bunch of cheaters!
1735
01:28:01,751 --> 01:28:02,918
Won't save 'em, though.
1736
01:28:04,459 --> 01:28:06,334
Attack!
1737
01:28:06,334 --> 01:28:08,293
[soldiers cheer]
1738
01:28:09,584 --> 01:28:10,584
Wah!
1739
01:28:10,584 --> 01:28:12,793
- [battle cries]
- [barking]
1740
01:28:22,876 --> 01:28:24,334
- Yo!
- What?
1741
01:28:25,251 --> 01:28:26,126
Yessir.
1742
01:28:47,751 --> 01:28:48,709
[barking]
1743
01:28:48,709 --> 01:28:50,168
[shouts]
1744
01:29:05,459 --> 01:29:06,459
[groans]
1745
01:29:07,834 --> 01:29:09,293
[screaming]
1746
01:29:15,793 --> 01:29:16,751
Help me.
1747
01:29:16,751 --> 01:29:18,459
Shh! Shut up, by golly.
1748
01:29:18,459 --> 01:29:20,084
You'll get us caught.
1749
01:29:20,084 --> 01:29:22,501
Golly. As in Gauls.
1750
01:29:34,876 --> 01:29:36,209
So, is it my turn?
1751
01:29:36,209 --> 01:29:37,543
Yeah, sure, if you want.
1752
01:29:37,543 --> 01:29:38,626
Archers!
1753
01:29:39,626 --> 01:29:40,959
Aim!
1754
01:29:40,959 --> 01:29:42,501
Draw!
1755
01:29:42,501 --> 01:29:44,001
Fire!
1756
01:29:45,043 --> 01:29:48,709
Deng Tsin Qin, Emperor of China!
[laughs]
1757
01:29:48,709 --> 01:29:50,293
[mysterious music playing]
1758
01:29:50,293 --> 01:29:51,584
Arrows!
1759
01:29:59,334 --> 01:30:01,334
[screams]
1760
01:30:05,834 --> 01:30:07,293
Come on. Seriously?
1761
01:30:07,293 --> 01:30:09,959
Don't judge. Ah!
1762
01:30:11,334 --> 01:30:12,376
I can feel it.
1763
01:30:13,584 --> 01:30:15,876
The kick is a monster. Ah!
1764
01:30:15,876 --> 01:30:18,126
[yelling]
1765
01:30:18,126 --> 01:30:19,251
Crazy force!
1766
01:30:19,251 --> 01:30:20,626
Oh...
1767
01:30:20,626 --> 01:30:23,959
Is that all? Is this all? Argh!
1768
01:30:23,959 --> 01:30:26,918
No! I can't believe it. This is pathetic!
1769
01:30:28,793 --> 01:30:30,751
[soldier yelling]
1770
01:30:36,834 --> 01:30:39,251
- I smell victory.
- Ah, smells of victory.
1771
01:30:39,251 --> 01:30:41,001
A specific smell, would you say?
1772
01:30:42,251 --> 01:30:44,334
Readers care about that sort of detail?
1773
01:30:44,334 --> 01:30:45,751
It flavours the experience.
1774
01:30:47,501 --> 01:30:49,209
It reeks of laurel then.
1775
01:30:49,209 --> 01:30:52,418
Excellent. Excellent!
1776
01:30:52,418 --> 01:30:54,334
[dramatic music playing]
1777
01:30:57,793 --> 01:30:58,918
[grunts]
1778
01:30:58,918 --> 01:31:00,418
[laughs]
1779
01:31:03,793 --> 01:31:05,626
[laughs]
1780
01:31:06,543 --> 01:31:09,334
[screams]
1781
01:31:09,334 --> 01:31:12,501
[emotional music playing]
1782
01:31:14,168 --> 01:31:15,126
Thank you.
1783
01:31:15,126 --> 01:31:16,376
You're welcome.
1784
01:31:16,376 --> 01:31:17,626
[screams]
1785
01:31:19,709 --> 01:31:21,626
I won't not help you
just 'cause we've argued.
1786
01:31:22,209 --> 01:31:23,043
I know.
1787
01:31:23,043 --> 01:31:25,126
- I've always said I'd defend you.
- [screams]
1788
01:31:25,793 --> 01:31:26,793
I know.
1789
01:31:28,084 --> 01:31:30,209
Because you'll always be my best mate.
1790
01:31:32,918 --> 01:31:33,876
I know.
1791
01:31:34,959 --> 01:31:36,293
Sorry, Obélix.
1792
01:31:39,168 --> 01:31:41,293
[Sa See] Astérix! Obélix!
1793
01:31:48,751 --> 01:31:51,293
[Obélix grunts]
1794
01:32:00,043 --> 01:32:02,209
Obélix! Don't!
1795
01:32:02,793 --> 01:32:03,959
Don't.
1796
01:32:14,251 --> 01:32:16,543
[laughs]
1797
01:32:16,543 --> 01:32:21,209
Before we die,
I need to tell you something, Princess.
1798
01:32:21,209 --> 01:32:23,126
- [soft music playing]
- [hoof steps approaching]
1799
01:32:27,168 --> 01:32:30,209
[epic music playing]
1800
01:32:47,251 --> 01:32:48,084
Look there!
1801
01:32:49,918 --> 01:32:51,626
[narrator] And just when all seemed lost,
1802
01:32:52,459 --> 01:32:53,834
the Empress appeared,
1803
01:32:53,834 --> 01:32:56,876
followed by her army
and all of her people.
1804
01:32:56,876 --> 01:32:58,334
Everyone came.
1805
01:32:58,334 --> 01:33:00,293
They followed her
across the Middle Kingdom,
1806
01:33:00,293 --> 01:33:04,418
marching all the way
to the ultimate battle scene.
1807
01:33:16,959 --> 01:33:17,793
Oh?
1808
01:33:17,793 --> 01:33:19,543
[soft music playing]
1809
01:33:21,459 --> 01:33:23,376
- What the heck is that?
- I'm not sure.
1810
01:33:23,376 --> 01:33:26,084
But I don't smell
a lot of laurel right now.
1811
01:33:26,584 --> 01:33:29,126
More like pine caskets.
1812
01:33:29,126 --> 01:33:30,376
[sighs]
1813
01:33:31,793 --> 01:33:33,001
[horn hoots]
1814
01:33:34,626 --> 01:33:36,126
Caesar!
1815
01:33:36,126 --> 01:33:38,334
I am the Empress of China.
1816
01:33:38,334 --> 01:33:40,959
You will leave my empire forthwith.
I order you.
1817
01:33:40,959 --> 01:33:43,501
- [laughs]
- Never!
1818
01:33:43,501 --> 01:33:45,751
Woman of character. Reminds me of someone.
1819
01:33:45,751 --> 01:33:46,876
Ooh...
1820
01:33:47,751 --> 01:33:49,168
Your Majesty,
1821
01:33:49,834 --> 01:33:52,043
rather than lose our temper
and ruin everything,
1822
01:33:52,043 --> 01:33:54,751
perhaps we could consider
some sort of alliance?
1823
01:33:54,751 --> 01:33:57,668
When the clouds pass in front of the sun,
1824
01:33:57,668 --> 01:34:00,084
my army will trample you to dust.
1825
01:34:00,959 --> 01:34:03,584
What's that now, another proverb of yours?
1826
01:34:03,584 --> 01:34:06,376
Oh no, it's literal.
And it's happening now.
1827
01:34:07,668 --> 01:34:09,334
[dramatic music playing]
1828
01:34:12,084 --> 01:34:14,584
- How many of you are there?
- [gasps] Watch him do his thing!
1829
01:34:15,209 --> 01:34:17,418
One million.
1830
01:34:17,418 --> 01:34:19,668
[music distorts and fades out]
1831
01:34:19,668 --> 01:34:22,293
Ah. The maths don't work as well.
1832
01:34:22,293 --> 01:34:23,251
[sighs]
1833
01:34:23,251 --> 01:34:25,709
Boys, I'm gonna hit the road.
It's not like I'm from here.
1834
01:34:25,709 --> 01:34:27,501
I'm returning to Rome, so keep in touch.
1835
01:34:27,501 --> 01:34:31,334
But Caesar, you can't just bail on us!
There's a million of them!
1836
01:34:32,126 --> 01:34:33,543
It's not my war.
1837
01:34:34,209 --> 01:34:35,543
[off-key horn playing]
1838
01:34:38,876 --> 01:34:40,626
I can't just trot off.
1839
01:34:42,668 --> 01:34:44,251
[whistles] Hi-ho, Equus!
1840
01:34:45,584 --> 01:34:47,001
Hi-ho. Now. [snaps fingers]
1841
01:34:50,168 --> 01:34:51,543
[coos and vibrates]
1842
01:34:55,834 --> 01:34:56,959
GOT YOUR MESSAGE!
1843
01:34:56,959 --> 01:35:01,043
SAY GOODBYE TO MY LITTLE PYRAMID!
CLEOPATRA
1844
01:35:01,043 --> 01:35:03,043
[sighs] That's one rough day.
1845
01:35:03,668 --> 01:35:04,501
A rough one.
1846
01:35:05,418 --> 01:35:06,459
Right.
1847
01:35:10,293 --> 01:35:11,959
Hurray!
1848
01:35:11,959 --> 01:35:13,793
- [majestic music playing]
- [cries of victory]
1849
01:35:16,209 --> 01:35:20,626
[scattered cheering]
1850
01:35:24,126 --> 01:35:27,126
[Sa See yells indistinctly]
1851
01:35:35,876 --> 01:35:36,709
[laughs]
1852
01:35:41,709 --> 01:35:44,209
Hurray!
1853
01:35:44,209 --> 01:35:45,709
[narrator] Now that's more like it.
1854
01:35:45,709 --> 01:35:48,793
- [light-hearted music playing]
- And here we are, back in Gaul.
1855
01:35:48,793 --> 01:35:51,959
Not only for our friends' usual banquet,
1856
01:35:51,959 --> 01:35:58,001
but also to hold a celebration
in honour of Gaul and China.
1857
01:35:59,876 --> 01:36:03,334
Your attention,
the Empress will be speaking now.
1858
01:36:04,584 --> 01:36:05,626
Valiant warriors,
1859
01:36:06,709 --> 01:36:08,584
my gratitude is eternal.
1860
01:36:09,251 --> 01:36:10,959
[Vitalstatistix]
Our honour, Your Majesty.
1861
01:36:10,959 --> 01:36:13,793
In fact, I'm the one who insisted
we rush to your aid.
1862
01:36:15,209 --> 01:36:17,043
We have come all this way today
1863
01:36:17,043 --> 01:36:19,084
to celebrate a beautiful union.
1864
01:36:19,084 --> 01:36:21,293
[soft music playing]
1865
01:36:27,793 --> 01:36:30,543
That's my cousin. Remix's the name.
1866
01:36:30,543 --> 01:36:32,418
He's a specialist of world music!
1867
01:36:32,418 --> 01:36:36,043
He's my cousin, he's mine, all mine.
He is not, at all, your cousin, he's my--
1868
01:36:36,043 --> 01:36:37,209
- Shush!
- [scoffs]
1869
01:37:09,793 --> 01:37:11,459
[muffled protest]
1870
01:37:22,668 --> 01:37:25,168
[Vitalstatistix] You know,
we're a bit alike, me and you.
1871
01:37:25,168 --> 01:37:26,376
We're chiefs.
1872
01:37:26,376 --> 01:37:29,084
I believe wielding power
gets pretty lonely.
1873
01:37:29,084 --> 01:37:30,418
Wouldn't you say so?
1874
01:37:32,709 --> 01:37:34,709
And... I'm not done.
1875
01:37:34,709 --> 01:37:38,126
And what's more, behind every great man,
there's a great woman.
1876
01:37:38,126 --> 01:37:41,209
Without Impedimenta, I'm lost.
At home, she's wearing the moustache.
1877
01:37:41,209 --> 01:37:43,959
Not interrupting, am I? Having a nice day?
1878
01:37:43,959 --> 01:37:46,293
[Impedimenta] Huh?
We'll settle this at home.
1879
01:37:46,293 --> 01:37:48,876
- [tutting]
- Hey, Mimenta!
1880
01:37:49,543 --> 01:37:52,084
Excuse me.
Just some minor marital strife to settle.
1881
01:37:52,668 --> 01:37:54,709
Mimenta! Mimenta!
1882
01:37:54,709 --> 01:37:56,876
[sighs] I thought he would never leave.
1883
01:37:59,084 --> 01:38:02,168
You know what? When you left the cell,
I recovered my head.
1884
01:38:02,751 --> 01:38:03,626
Mm.
1885
01:38:03,626 --> 01:38:06,584
What I lost, though,
was my poor little heart.
1886
01:38:07,168 --> 01:38:08,834
- Oh, don't be silly.
- [both giggle]
1887
01:38:08,834 --> 01:38:11,584
And so, what have you done with it?
1888
01:38:13,959 --> 01:38:15,251
See that, Bankruptis?
1889
01:38:15,251 --> 01:38:17,584
Huh? Prison didn't stop
your unkie's oo-la-la!
1890
01:38:17,584 --> 01:38:19,584
[laughs] High class.
1891
01:38:20,584 --> 01:38:21,751
[barking]
1892
01:38:25,876 --> 01:38:27,376
Hey. Bring another plate.
1893
01:38:27,376 --> 01:38:29,501
Or even better, a big dish, okay?
Wanna share?
1894
01:38:29,501 --> 01:38:32,293
- No. I'm not gonna give in now.
- Right, sorry.
1895
01:38:33,668 --> 01:38:35,668
So you still don't miss it?
1896
01:38:35,668 --> 01:38:37,334
Why would I miss it?
1897
01:38:37,334 --> 01:38:40,043
I tell you,
I can't even stand the smell now.
1898
01:38:41,376 --> 01:38:43,959
What I might miss sometimes
is the midnight snack, you know?
1899
01:38:44,584 --> 01:38:46,459
After a barley beer or two,
it gets complicated.
1900
01:38:47,918 --> 01:38:48,918
Obélix?
1901
01:38:49,793 --> 01:38:51,043
Panacea.
1902
01:38:51,584 --> 01:38:52,418
Am I in the way?
1903
01:38:52,418 --> 01:38:53,876
- No.
- [Panacea] I am.
1904
01:38:53,876 --> 01:38:56,543
I can tell.
Since you're back, I'm invisible.
1905
01:38:57,959 --> 01:39:00,626
Are the rumours true, about you and her?
1906
01:39:01,418 --> 01:39:02,543
This is ridiculous.
1907
01:39:02,543 --> 01:39:04,709
Long distance relationships don't work.
1908
01:39:04,709 --> 01:39:07,626
Think about the situation.
'Cause I'm here.
1909
01:39:08,543 --> 01:39:10,918
Been waiting for months, worried to death,
1910
01:39:10,918 --> 01:39:12,668
while you were chasing another woman?
1911
01:39:13,459 --> 01:39:14,501
Do you not love me?
1912
01:39:14,501 --> 01:39:16,793
- Huh?
- [Panacea] Well do you or don't you?
1913
01:39:16,793 --> 01:39:19,876
You used to love me.
So is it a yes or a no?
1914
01:39:19,876 --> 01:39:21,918
- [Panacea] Do I have to forget you?
- Tell her yes.
1915
01:39:21,918 --> 01:39:23,251
Listen, Panacea... Pff...
1916
01:39:24,334 --> 01:39:25,168
it's not happening.
1917
01:39:25,793 --> 01:39:28,418
This village goes
from one adventure to another.
1918
01:39:29,668 --> 01:39:33,001
And it's time I did as well.
That's all. Nothing personal.
1919
01:39:34,084 --> 01:39:35,918
Now if you'll excuse me...
1920
01:39:35,918 --> 01:39:36,918
You're a fool.
1921
01:39:38,709 --> 01:39:41,084
But, uh, I'm still...
1922
01:39:45,043 --> 01:39:46,959
[soft konghou playing]
1923
01:39:46,959 --> 01:39:50,876
[singing "(I've Had) The Time of My Life"
in Chinese]
1924
01:41:08,001 --> 01:41:10,168
[mouthing]
1925
01:41:14,459 --> 01:41:18,001
[mysterious music playing]
1926
01:41:18,709 --> 01:41:21,584
["(I've Had) The Time of My Life"
continues]
1927
01:41:27,209 --> 01:41:28,793
[cheering]
1928
01:41:32,293 --> 01:41:33,834
[muffled protest]
1929
01:42:03,709 --> 01:42:05,168
Nice party, huh?
1930
01:42:05,168 --> 01:42:07,293
I thought everyone had a good time.
1931
01:42:08,668 --> 01:42:10,293
It was a good party.
1932
01:42:13,043 --> 01:42:15,168
So Ka Ra Tay, she... she left, didn't she?
1933
01:42:15,168 --> 01:42:17,168
Well, yeah, long ride home.
1934
01:42:19,126 --> 01:42:20,751
She called me her sweetheart.
1935
01:42:20,751 --> 01:42:21,959
[soft music playing]
1936
01:42:21,959 --> 01:42:23,251
She did?
1937
01:42:23,793 --> 01:42:25,584
That's amazing, Oby.
1938
01:42:25,584 --> 01:42:28,251
And so, she didn't...
she didn't feel like staying?
1939
01:42:28,251 --> 01:42:30,084
Well, she wanted to, of course, but...
1940
01:42:30,709 --> 01:42:33,834
she's got work in China,
big responsibilities in the palace.
1941
01:42:34,793 --> 01:42:37,668
No big deal, it'll happen.
When we grow up.
1942
01:42:38,793 --> 01:42:39,626
When you grow up?
1943
01:42:39,626 --> 01:42:41,459
Well... yeah.
1944
01:42:42,168 --> 01:42:43,001
Well...
1945
01:42:43,668 --> 01:42:45,834
I'm tired, I'm gonna go to bed.
1946
01:42:46,418 --> 01:42:47,459
[Obélix yawns]
1947
01:42:48,584 --> 01:42:50,126
- Hey, Oby?
- Hmm?
1948
01:42:50,709 --> 01:42:52,043
One more for the road, then?
1949
01:42:52,043 --> 01:42:54,209
- Oh, don't mind if I do!
- [chuckles]
1950
01:42:55,793 --> 01:42:57,501
[Obélix laughs]
1951
01:43:01,418 --> 01:43:03,126
Oh, Oby...
1952
01:43:03,126 --> 01:43:04,334
Aw, mate.
1953
01:43:04,334 --> 01:43:06,459
[both laugh]
1954
01:43:07,084 --> 01:43:08,043
Oby!
1955
01:43:08,043 --> 01:43:09,168
Oh, Astérix!
1956
01:43:09,168 --> 01:43:10,584
Obélix!
1957
01:43:11,418 --> 01:43:13,126
[muffled laughter]
1958
01:43:13,126 --> 01:43:15,209
[Astérix!] I can't breathe.
1959
01:43:20,334 --> 01:43:21,459
{\an8}THE END
1960
01:43:21,459 --> 01:43:23,876
{\an8}TO RENÉ GOSCINNY & ALBERT UDERZO
1961
01:43:23,876 --> 01:43:25,959
[upbeat adventure music playing]
1962
01:44:19,334 --> 01:44:20,543
[music stops]
1963
01:44:20,543 --> 01:44:22,459
- [rock music playing]
- [Cacofonix] Cou cou!
1964
01:44:23,209 --> 01:44:26,584
[in French]
♪ You don't want me to sing? ♪ [laughs]
1965
01:44:29,834 --> 01:44:31,084
♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪
1966
01:44:33,168 --> 01:44:36,293
♪ You don't want me to sing? Hmm? ♪
1967
01:44:37,209 --> 01:44:38,668
- ♪ You don't want me to sing ♪
- Oh !
1968
01:44:38,668 --> 01:44:41,084
- I forgot the surprise.
- What surprise?
1969
01:44:41,084 --> 01:44:42,293
Wait here.
1970
01:44:44,376 --> 01:44:47,251
{\an8}♪ So what is it, my voice or just me? ♪
1971
01:44:47,251 --> 01:44:49,876
{\an8}♪ So is it me or my voice? ♪
1972
01:44:50,876 --> 01:44:53,793
{\an8}♪ So is my voice not right?
It's what you don't like? ♪
1973
01:44:53,793 --> 01:44:55,543
♪ Or is it just me? ♪
1974
01:44:56,293 --> 01:44:59,001
♪ Tell me what's wrong
Always something wrong ♪
1975
01:44:59,001 --> 01:45:02,043
♪ Don't do this, don't do that ♪
1976
01:45:02,043 --> 01:45:04,876
♪ Is it my lyrics or my voice
I don't get it ♪
1977
01:45:04,876 --> 01:45:07,793
♪ Don't call me paranoid
You're all against me ♪
1978
01:45:09,709 --> 01:45:11,418
♪ You don't want me to sing? ♪
1979
01:45:12,251 --> 01:45:15,126
- ♪ Hmm? ♪
- [Obélix laughs]
1980
01:45:15,126 --> 01:45:17,168
♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪
1981
01:45:17,168 --> 01:45:19,959
[Astérix, Obélix] Oh!
1982
01:45:20,834 --> 01:45:22,959
♪ You don't want me to sing? ♪
1983
01:45:26,501 --> 01:45:29,126
♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪
1984
01:45:31,376 --> 01:45:32,543
[Cacofonix sings]
1985
01:45:32,543 --> 01:45:34,418
[Biopix] What did Caesar
say about his palace?
1986
01:45:34,418 --> 01:45:36,751
"When I get back, I want it shiny."
1987
01:45:37,376 --> 01:45:38,668
So get it shiny!
1988
01:45:39,293 --> 01:45:40,543
Shine, shine, shine...
1989
01:45:40,543 --> 01:45:44,501
- Shine, you fools.
- There you go, that's the spirit.
1990
01:45:47,543 --> 01:45:49,043
You get the whole Gaulish market.
1991
01:45:49,043 --> 01:45:51,168
All I want is China,
and the rest of the world.
1992
01:45:51,168 --> 01:45:53,418
It's a mega deal! Take it or leave it.
1993
01:45:53,418 --> 01:45:55,126
I demand you give me an answer.
1994
01:45:55,126 --> 01:45:56,751
What's this mega deal you're making?
1995
01:45:56,751 --> 01:45:58,626
- I never said mega deal--
- Yes, you did,
1996
01:45:58,626 --> 01:46:00,459
you miserable Kh'mar.
An accomplished merchant
1997
01:46:00,459 --> 01:46:03,168
such as myself
can read lips three miles away?
1998
01:46:03,168 --> 01:46:05,709
- So why'd you say that?
- I didn't!
1999
01:46:05,709 --> 01:46:07,418
[both argue]
2000
01:46:09,584 --> 01:46:12,459
I'm telling you, honey,
you'll get your Julius back for sure.
2001
01:46:12,459 --> 01:46:14,959
All you gotta do
is send him a message saying,
2002
01:46:14,959 --> 01:46:18,126
"I'll cross oceans and ponds,
even dye my hair blonde..."
2003
01:46:18,126 --> 01:46:20,709
And voilà, he'll be at your doorstep
before you know it.
2004
01:46:20,709 --> 01:46:22,543
[sighs] I guess so.
2005
01:46:22,543 --> 01:46:24,709
Don't know why I get so embalmed about it.
2006
01:46:26,543 --> 01:46:30,459
Aw. Oh no, it's flat.
You wouldn't have a poultry charger?
2007
01:46:30,459 --> 01:46:33,126
Ah! Don't move. I'll get you one.
2008
01:46:34,209 --> 01:46:36,126
With an Egyptian plug?
2009
01:46:36,959 --> 01:46:38,209
[Caesar] Why not a Roman one?
2010
01:46:39,376 --> 01:46:40,793
[Cleo laughs]
2011
01:46:43,126 --> 01:46:45,251
[Cacofonix] ♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪
2012
01:46:45,251 --> 01:46:47,376
- [laughter]
- He just sang anyway.
2013
01:46:49,293 --> 01:46:52,418
[man 1]
Hey, you about done with the noise?
2014
01:46:52,418 --> 01:46:54,584
[man 2]
We wanna get some sleep around here!
2015
01:46:56,251 --> 01:46:57,959
[both laughing]
2016
01:46:59,668 --> 01:47:00,501
I'm sorry!
2017
01:47:05,084 --> 01:47:06,293
[Astérix] Good night!
2018
01:47:06,293 --> 01:47:08,668
[Obélix] Good night you goody-goody-Gauls!
2019
01:47:10,334 --> 01:47:13,001
{\an8}["Ils Sont Fous, Ces Humains" playing]