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[military brass music playing]
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ASTÉRIX & OBÉLIX
THE MIDDLE KINGDOM
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[narrator] The year is 50 B.C.
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Gaul is entirely occupied by the Romans.
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Well,
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not entirely.
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One small village of indomitable Gauls
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still holds out against the invaders.
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And life isn't easy
for the Roman legionaries
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who garrison the fortified camps
of Totorum, Aquarium,
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Laudanum and Compendium.
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[man 1] ♪ Favourite thing that I like ♪
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♪ Is to go on a hike in the forest ♪
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♪ I like to go
With my buddy, with my... bro ♪
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Hey, that rhymes. Ha!
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[man 2] You know what, Obélix?
This life isn't healthy.
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- [Obélix] Huh?
- Too much meat.
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- Oof! Too much meat?
- Yeah.
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Wild boars for breakfast, lunch
and dinner, and then midnight snacks.
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And all that barley beer!
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I don't think it's all that good for us.
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- What else would we eat then?
- I don't know.
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We could balance it out a bit,
with, uh... vegetables.
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- Vegetables? Vegetables?
- Uh-huh.
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[Obélix laughs]
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Oh, you're so funny, Astérix!
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- You hear that, Dogmatix?
- [whining]
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Do you picture yourself chewing celery
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instead of a bone?
Like, "Hello, vegetables"?
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[laughs]
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Yeah, go ahead and laugh.
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Honestly, what is the point
of wrecking our health like this?
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And that magic potion...
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Where's the evidence
that it's safe to use?
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We don't have perspective. We just don't.
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And plus, do we even need it, you know?
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- You alright?
- No, I'm not.
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Look, it's not a huge deal,
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maybe a mixed salad now and then,
or mushrooms. Chestnuts?
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- Well, they're out of season...
- Shush.
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[sniffs vigorously]
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- [Astérix sighs]
- [comical music playing]
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You're carrying one already,
can't you leave the poor beasts alone?
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[growling]
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[metal tinkling]
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[quivering]
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Peekaboo, you ickle-wickle Romie-pomies!
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[barking]
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- Hail, Caesar.
- [soldier 1] Sorry, we're lost.
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We didn't know
we were so close to your village.
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Oh please,
I must've told you twenty times.
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- Did not.
- Did too.
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[soldier 2] You kept saying,
"I'm sick to death of these stupid Gauls."
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"They can kiss my scutum."
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- Oh!
- [soldier 1] What's wrong with you?
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- [indistinct arguing]
- [Obélix] Wait here.
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No, no, no.
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Leave it to me.
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Let me demonstrate
just how much I need this.
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True power is here,
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and here.
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So you just sit over there,
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relax, and watch and learn.
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[tense music playing]
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[soldier 1] Hiya.
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[cry of pain]
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[Obélix giggles]
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They got these helmets...
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I'm sorry, are you in or out?
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I've been told to stay out.
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No!
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[Astérix screams in pain]
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- Come and help, don't be silly!
- Go on, pound him hard.
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[grunts]
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- Oh!
- [Obélix] Hey!
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[squeaking and peeping]
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[roars]
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Oh!
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[whistling]
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Come on, be a sport, would--
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- [Astérix sighs]
- Cheater!
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Dunno what you're on about.
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I was doing fine without the potion.
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[tutting]
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We don't have to do this.
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But... we do.
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[screams]
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{\an8}ASTÉRIX & OBÉLIX
THE MIDDLE KINGDOM
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{\an8}- [light-hearted music playing]
- [distant screaming]
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{\an8}[indistinct chatter]
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{\an8}[indistinct chatter continues]
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{\an8}♪ I love my big belt ♪
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{\an8}♪ To keep my lovely britches up! ♪
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{\an8}Why no customers?
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{\an8}- Product's not that fresh.
- [flies buzzing]
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{\an8}- Are you fresh?
- What?
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{\an8}- Uh, nothing.
- [Obélix] Can you imagine,
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{\an8}Getafix, I can't even
smoke my own boars inside!
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{\an8}Just because mister Astérix
has decided to quit eating them,
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- doesn't mean I have to.
- [laughs]
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[kid] Panacea!
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Panacea!
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- Panacea!
- [Panacea] Hi, girls.
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- Shall we go to the market?
- [girl] Yes!
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- [clears throat] Morning, Panacea.
- Morning, Obélix.
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Um, Panacea...
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[Obélix] I wanted to tell you...
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Mm-hmm?
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When I carved this menhir, I was thinking
of you, so I want you to have it.
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That's really nice of you,
but what would I do with it?
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Goodbye then.
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- She didn't take it.
- Hum?
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- The menhir, she didn't want it.
- What did you expect? It weighs a ton!
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What would she use it for?
An ankle bracelet?
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- Getafix, your sickle's ready.
- Thanks, Fulliautomatix.
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Oh, enough of that.
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And let me tell you... I'll tell you...
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Come here.
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{\an8}♪ I'm on fire ♪
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{\an8}There's no reason for Astérix
not to have a varied diet as long as
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{\an8}he doesn't impose it on others.
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Getafix, what are you doing?
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Huh?
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[comical music playing]
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Sinking, I believe.
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What're you doing that for?
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It's quicksand, obviously.
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Nobody's ever reported
quicksand around here before.
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Perhaps it's because they'd already sunk!
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{\an8}[Cacofonix] Wagon in sight!
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{\an8}♪ Wagon in sight ♪
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{\an8}Excuse me a second.
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{\an8}♪ But I'm never hoarse ♪
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{\an8}♪ Because my heart yearns to sing ♪
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{\an8}- Was it too hard for you to shut up?
- [Cacofonix holds the note]
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{\an8}[grunts]
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{\an8}First customer I'd had in days!
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{\an8}That's how long
your fish's been rotting there.
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{\an8}What? You saying my fish is rotten?
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{\an8}[serious music playing]
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{\an8}Let's go see who it is, huh?
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{\an8}FOR LOUISE AND MARCEL
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- Stay put, horsies.
- Bankruptis, what you doing here?
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- [Bankruptis] Shh!
- It's summertime.
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Were you ambushed?
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- [Astérix] And where's your uncle?
- Will you shut up, I mean it, not a word.
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[whispering] Listen to me! Okay?
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Friends, I just came from China.
I need your help with this.
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- You've got to see this.
- Why are you blonde?
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Now that's what I need to tell you.
I'm a Gaul. I've always been a Gaul.
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- Pff!
- So please, play along.
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Just play along with it,
would you, please?
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I will explain. This way.
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- [mysterious music playing]
- [indistinct chatter]
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[crowd gasps]
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They're strange.
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[Bankruptis] Now this magnificent
young woman asleep on the shoulder,
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she's a princess.
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Name of Sa See. The very daughter
of the Empress of China.
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[crowd gasps]
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You do know where China is, right?
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- Absolutely.
- [scattered murmurs]
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Right.
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- Is she a princess too?
- [Bankruptis] No.
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She's her bodyguard, her name's Ka Ra Tay.
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Let me tell you she's a right fury.
She beat up everybody we met.
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She beat the Scythians. And she beat
the Parthians, she beat the Huns.
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She's a beautiful woman.
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A woman bodyguard?
[laughs] That's pretty funny.
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That's it, laugh then, go on.
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Since you're such an alpha male,
we'd all love a demonstration.
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- Huh?
- Alright.
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Yeah, see if you can grab her hand,
alpha male.
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- [Bankruptis] Go ahead. Be my guest.
- Alright.
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[cracking]
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[groans]
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[all laugh]
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Voilà.
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["Say You, Say Me" playing]
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♪ Say you, say me ♪
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♪ Say it for always ♪
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[wings chittering]
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♪ That's the way it should be ♪
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You been drinking potion?
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- No.
- Mm-hmm.
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- What's happening?
- What's happening is quite obvious.
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I'll tell you this, do not go there.
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The princess and I...
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We're a bit more than friends,
know what I'm saying?
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- You are?
- Yeah.
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Princess?
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We have arrived.
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[crowd] Oh!
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[Vitalstatistix]
What's the meaning of this?
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[boy] Oh no, here comes the chief!
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Now this is Vitalstatistix,
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he's the chief of us Gauls, he's the boss.
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[grunts]
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In the name of Toutatis,
you've got some nerve.
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Where's your uncle Ekonomikrisis?
He swindled me on a silk chiffon.
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- How incredible.
- [Impedimenta] Yeah.
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He said, "Relax, it'll stretch."
Do I look relaxed?
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- Clearly not.
- Where's the swindler?
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Ow! No! He sent me, all right?
Can I tell you the story?
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Let me introduce Princess Sa See.
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The daughter of the Empress of China!
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[crowd] Oh!
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Who's the girl?
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- Thank you, Bankruptix.
- Welcome.
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Chief Vitalstatistix. Allow me to explain
why I have come to you.
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- Getafix, how far's China?
- Very far!
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It is where the sun comes up, over yonder.
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Ah.
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[narrator] As the tale of the Princess
is likely to be rather long,
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and fraught with emotion,
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let's have a somewhat condensed
account instead.
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The Princess lives
with her mother, the Empress.
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Ever since the Emperor died,
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the Empress has struggled to keep control
over the Six Kingdoms.
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Even as beloved as she is by her people,
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the Empress must face the ambitions
of some of the princes,
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who secretly covet her throne.
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The troubles began
on Princess Sa See's birthday,
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the girl you saw earlier, in the village.
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This is what we call a flashback.
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[sighs]
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Another vase?
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[grunts]
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[Sa See] Every year is the same.
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Who'd be interested
in a collection of vases?
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I'm twenty now,
and I've never been out of this palace.
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I'm tired of these gardens and guards!
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Your security is at stake.
You know this well--
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Father promised me I would visit Lutetia
all its boutiques, small taverns...
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I yearn to travel to Gaul!
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We have spoken about this.
Such a journey is too dangerous.
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The answer is no.
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Here. Open this one.
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A gold coin stamped with your likeness.
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The first ever minted.
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Will it buy a dress
in the capital of Gaul?
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Sa See...
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[Empress] Prince Deng Tsin Qin!
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[mysterious music playing]
245
00:12:19,669 --> 00:12:20,836
I'm told you have levied
246
00:12:20,836 --> 00:12:22,419
a new tax over your kingdom,
247
00:12:22,419 --> 00:12:24,211
whilst your people suffer famine?
248
00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,086
If I may be so bold, your Majesty...
249
00:12:26,086 --> 00:12:28,086
Julius Caesar's been taxing the heck out
250
00:12:28,086 --> 00:12:30,169
of his own empire
and nobody's complaining.
251
00:12:30,169 --> 00:12:32,669
Plus, where's the pleasure
without pain, as my countrymen say.
252
00:12:32,669 --> 00:12:34,002
Who is this man?
253
00:12:34,002 --> 00:12:37,086
This is Scar Dee Kat.
My new strategic counsellor.
254
00:12:37,086 --> 00:12:40,252
He's from Rome,
where he held very high station.
255
00:12:40,252 --> 00:12:42,086
Put the people of China
256
00:12:42,086 --> 00:12:43,961
before the twisted schemes of a Roman.
257
00:12:44,627 --> 00:12:46,919
Of course, your Imperial Majesty.
258
00:12:47,669 --> 00:12:48,961
Before I withdraw,
259
00:12:48,961 --> 00:12:51,752
have you given any thought
to my proposal of marriage?
260
00:12:51,752 --> 00:12:53,461
Yes. The Princess and I discussed it.
261
00:12:53,461 --> 00:12:54,586
And...?
262
00:12:55,461 --> 00:12:56,544
We had a good laugh.
263
00:12:56,544 --> 00:12:58,586
[laughter]
264
00:12:58,586 --> 00:13:01,627
[Scar Dee Kat] Ah!
"He who makes woman laugh..." [laughs]
265
00:13:02,461 --> 00:13:04,294
Apologies.
266
00:13:04,877 --> 00:13:06,919
If your Majesty
and her daughter find it amusing,
267
00:13:07,711 --> 00:13:09,252
then let it be so.
268
00:13:09,252 --> 00:13:10,669
[mysterious music playing]
269
00:13:15,086 --> 00:13:15,919
[Empress] Ka Ra Tay.
270
00:13:19,627 --> 00:13:20,961
My faithful warrior.
271
00:13:21,627 --> 00:13:23,044
Summon my daughter.
272
00:13:23,794 --> 00:13:25,961
[lively music playing]
273
00:13:46,627 --> 00:13:48,336
[Ekonomikrisis] Look, we are in China.
274
00:13:48,336 --> 00:13:50,586
The Chinese love all things Gaul,
therefore we are Gauls,
275
00:13:50,586 --> 00:13:51,627
I can't be any clearer.
276
00:13:51,627 --> 00:13:54,169
To a native Phoenician,
it's humiliating, Ekonomikrisis.
277
00:13:55,377 --> 00:13:57,252
The name's Ekonomikrisix!
278
00:13:57,252 --> 00:13:58,669
Get it through your thick skulls!
279
00:13:58,669 --> 00:14:01,502
You're Overmix, and you're Premix! Right?
280
00:14:01,502 --> 00:14:03,961
And all three of us are Gauls.
"Comprendix"?
281
00:14:04,544 --> 00:14:07,461
- It's always us making the effort.
- [Ekonomikrisis] Always you, huh?
282
00:14:09,794 --> 00:14:11,336
- [both laughing]
- Is that funny to you?
283
00:14:11,336 --> 00:14:13,377
Think that's funny? Think I'm amused?
284
00:14:13,377 --> 00:14:14,627
- Being blonde?
- [Overmix] No.
285
00:14:14,627 --> 00:14:17,794
So grab these papyrus sheets,
and go hand them out in town. Stat!
286
00:14:17,794 --> 00:14:19,919
Go on. Yallah, I mean, get on with it.
287
00:14:19,919 --> 00:14:21,919
Put your helmets on! Go!
288
00:14:21,919 --> 00:14:23,752
On your way now.
289
00:14:23,752 --> 00:14:25,211
China is ours, yeah?
290
00:14:25,711 --> 00:14:27,627
Hey, hey, hey. What you snooping at?
291
00:14:28,419 --> 00:14:31,211
What you think you're doing?
You touch, you pay. That's the rule.
292
00:14:32,127 --> 00:14:33,419
Are these real Louboutix?
293
00:14:33,419 --> 00:14:35,211
"Are those real Louboutix?"
294
00:14:35,211 --> 00:14:37,836
Of course they're real,
have you ever seen soles like this before?
295
00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:40,461
They're red-hot, and so are my prices,
so if it's too much,
296
00:14:40,461 --> 00:14:42,669
go check out Cheaptrix next door.
297
00:14:43,419 --> 00:14:45,002
Right, get outta my store now.
298
00:14:45,002 --> 00:14:47,252
- Go on, give us some air.
- [Ekonomikrisis] Whoa!
299
00:14:47,252 --> 00:14:49,252
That's a booboo. Mother of all booboos.
300
00:14:49,252 --> 00:14:51,336
Please forgive him, Majesty. Forgive him.
301
00:14:51,336 --> 00:14:55,127
He's my nephew.
He has the same temper as his mama.
302
00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:56,669
- Right.
- That's what everybody says.
303
00:14:56,669 --> 00:14:58,836
And of course, the sandals are yours.
304
00:14:58,836 --> 00:15:00,877
There's no charge, I'll take it...
305
00:15:00,877 --> 00:15:02,044
- Ow!
- ...out of his wages.
306
00:15:02,044 --> 00:15:04,127
- I felt pain.
- You did have it coming.
307
00:15:04,127 --> 00:15:06,169
Ekonomikrisix, I'm at your service.
308
00:15:06,752 --> 00:15:08,627
[whispering] Nobody shakes.
Put the hand away.
309
00:15:08,627 --> 00:15:10,252
- Nobody shakes.
- Nobody shakes.
310
00:15:10,252 --> 00:15:13,252
This is all a terrible mistake, Princess.
311
00:15:13,252 --> 00:15:17,294
Whoa. You're sublime. Um. Um... um.
312
00:15:17,294 --> 00:15:19,002
I'm Bankruptix. I'm the nephew.
313
00:15:19,002 --> 00:15:21,169
With my Mama's temper.
314
00:15:21,169 --> 00:15:24,044
And also... her eyes.
315
00:15:24,044 --> 00:15:26,919
[swooshing]
316
00:15:26,919 --> 00:15:28,627
I would've loved
to have blonde hair like you.
317
00:15:28,627 --> 00:15:32,586
It was never really my choice, Princess.
I was always this way.
318
00:15:32,586 --> 00:15:34,294
Nature only is to blame.
319
00:15:34,294 --> 00:15:36,211
[clears throat] If your imperial Majesty,
320
00:15:36,211 --> 00:15:38,336
uh, could put all this behind us,
321
00:15:38,336 --> 00:15:41,919
if you would consent to sample
some of our famous Gallic wines,
322
00:15:41,919 --> 00:15:43,961
it would honour us greatly.
323
00:15:43,961 --> 00:15:45,086
[Ekonomikrisis] Do come in.
324
00:15:46,086 --> 00:15:50,211
Let's start with a superior vintage,
to honour your majestic imperiosity.
325
00:15:51,461 --> 00:15:54,127
[sniffs] Its nose is fruity.
326
00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:56,169
Full of sunshine.
327
00:15:56,169 --> 00:15:57,669
Notes of pine and cool shade.
328
00:15:57,669 --> 00:16:00,002
With a tinge of chestnut. [sniffs]
329
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:01,086
Banana too.
330
00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:02,877
Dried dates, perhaps.
331
00:16:02,877 --> 00:16:05,877
It's more of a fruit salad
than a... a wine, really.
332
00:16:05,877 --> 00:16:06,877
WINE TASTING
333
00:16:06,877 --> 00:16:09,377
[lively music playing]
334
00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:11,461
I LOVE GAUL
335
00:16:21,294 --> 00:16:22,127
I'll buy it all.
336
00:16:22,127 --> 00:16:24,211
- Ah!
- [ding]
337
00:16:25,544 --> 00:16:28,711
- [Sa See] Are these Gallic perfumes?
- Absolutely, they are indeed.
338
00:16:28,711 --> 00:16:30,794
All our perfumes come from Gaul.
339
00:16:30,794 --> 00:16:32,669
Like myself and my staff.
340
00:16:33,586 --> 00:16:35,336
This is the latest fragrance
341
00:16:35,336 --> 00:16:38,252
the ladies are crazy for in Gaul. Amphora.
342
00:16:38,252 --> 00:16:40,294
Amphora.
343
00:16:40,294 --> 00:16:41,377
I adore-a.
344
00:16:41,377 --> 00:16:42,711
And I'm all for-a.
345
00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:45,169
- [Deng Tsin Qin] Archers, fire!
- Hey, watch out!
346
00:16:45,169 --> 00:16:47,461
[screaming]
347
00:16:47,461 --> 00:16:49,377
- [tense music playing]
- [screaming]
348
00:16:53,127 --> 00:16:54,544
Sa See, are you hurt?
349
00:16:54,544 --> 00:16:55,961
No, Mother, I'm fine.
350
00:16:55,961 --> 00:16:58,669
- Bankruptis, everything okay?
- Yeah, I'm all good.
351
00:16:58,669 --> 00:17:00,044
I'm asking about the goods!
352
00:17:00,044 --> 00:17:01,127
Cheers, mate.
353
00:17:01,127 --> 00:17:02,544
[Deng Tsin Qin] Hey, Empress?
354
00:17:02,544 --> 00:17:03,877
Come out with your hands up.
355
00:17:03,877 --> 00:17:06,627
We wouldn't want to hurt anybody.
356
00:17:06,627 --> 00:17:07,711
We got eyes on you!
357
00:17:07,711 --> 00:17:09,127
Yeah, both kinds.
358
00:17:11,377 --> 00:17:14,127
Yeah because...
my eyes are more like, round,
359
00:17:14,127 --> 00:17:15,669
and you guys are, like uh...
360
00:17:16,461 --> 00:17:17,294
Forget it.
361
00:17:20,086 --> 00:17:21,002
Is there another exit?
362
00:17:21,002 --> 00:17:22,669
Yes. I have a secret passage
363
00:17:22,669 --> 00:17:25,502
in case of customs checks.
I mean in case of check...
364
00:17:25,502 --> 00:17:28,086
checking for fires.
In case of fire. A fire exit.
365
00:17:28,877 --> 00:17:31,294
Ka Ra Tay,
I entrust you my daughter. Save her!
366
00:17:31,294 --> 00:17:33,002
Mother, no! You have to escape too.
367
00:17:33,002 --> 00:17:35,127
The Empress does not flee. Save yourself.
368
00:17:35,127 --> 00:17:37,169
The scoundrel is after you.
369
00:17:37,169 --> 00:17:38,086
Let's go.
370
00:17:39,919 --> 00:17:42,461
- [Bankruptis] Bye, Princess.
- Quit that. I'm gonna stay here.
371
00:17:42,461 --> 00:17:44,336
A good merchant never abandons his stock.
372
00:17:44,336 --> 00:17:46,794
Captain of the ship kinda thing, right?
373
00:17:46,794 --> 00:17:47,794
Well, yeah.
374
00:17:47,794 --> 00:17:49,252
You get to home-base,
and bring back the guys.
375
00:17:49,252 --> 00:17:50,627
What? Uncle Mahmood?
376
00:17:50,627 --> 00:17:52,461
Not him, not Uncle Mahmood,
this home base.
377
00:17:52,461 --> 00:17:53,711
This home base?
378
00:17:53,711 --> 00:17:56,002
- That's the other end of the planet!
- You should be on your way.
379
00:17:56,002 --> 00:17:58,002
- [inhales, grunts]
- Hey, wait!
380
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:02,002
Keep your eyes on the Princess.
We won't lose our biggest sale ever.
381
00:18:02,002 --> 00:18:05,752
Imagine. If you save
the Princess of China...
382
00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,461
[soft music playing]
383
00:18:09,669 --> 00:18:12,127
- Ah.
- Ah, yeah.
384
00:18:12,127 --> 00:18:14,461
- Yeah... I'll understand on the way.
- [Ekonomikrisis] Go!
385
00:18:14,461 --> 00:18:16,044
[Bankruptis] Take care, unkie.
386
00:18:16,711 --> 00:18:17,627
[grunts]
387
00:18:18,127 --> 00:18:19,252
[sighs]
388
00:18:20,627 --> 00:18:22,919
I happen to be an amateur pugilist.
389
00:18:22,919 --> 00:18:23,919
Let me deal with this.
390
00:18:23,919 --> 00:18:25,794
- [lively music playing]
- So, fellas?
391
00:18:25,794 --> 00:18:27,877
- Hassling ladies, are we?
- [punch landing]
392
00:18:28,669 --> 00:18:29,919
[groans]
393
00:18:31,127 --> 00:18:32,044
[sighs]
394
00:18:32,711 --> 00:18:34,711
So I left the room, and then...
395
00:18:35,752 --> 00:18:36,711
What happened?
396
00:18:36,711 --> 00:18:39,919
- You got kicked in the head.
- Ah, of course!
397
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:41,044
That's what happened.
398
00:18:41,044 --> 00:18:43,127
So, are we having fun yet, Empress?
399
00:18:43,127 --> 00:18:44,294
Excuse me just one second,
400
00:18:44,294 --> 00:18:46,794
but who on earth are you?
Because none of this makes much sense.
401
00:18:46,794 --> 00:18:48,669
I'm totally lost, I'm baffled here.
402
00:18:49,794 --> 00:18:51,794
- So then?
- The princess is still missing.
403
00:18:51,794 --> 00:18:54,086
And if she's hiding, she's smart.
404
00:18:54,086 --> 00:18:56,586
Dodging us like a sly little fishy...
405
00:18:57,794 --> 00:19:00,377
Find her, offer a reward!
Tell the whole kingdom!
406
00:19:00,377 --> 00:19:03,461
I want her alive!
For our beautiful forced wedding!
407
00:19:03,461 --> 00:19:06,419
[laughs]
408
00:19:06,419 --> 00:19:08,044
I know my daughter.
409
00:19:08,044 --> 00:19:09,377
She will seek her revenge.
410
00:19:09,377 --> 00:19:11,586
Now that's a scary thought.
Spoiled princess,
411
00:19:11,586 --> 00:19:12,669
who's never been outside!
412
00:19:12,669 --> 00:19:14,794
- That's my bride you're talking about.
- Sorry, Master.
413
00:19:14,794 --> 00:19:16,836
Yeah I'm sorry too,
but tell us what's going on,
414
00:19:16,836 --> 00:19:18,794
I'm so puzzled, as in totally perplexed.
415
00:19:18,794 --> 00:19:20,794
I'll have you decapitated, Empress.
416
00:19:20,794 --> 00:19:22,086
You'll decapitate no one.
417
00:19:22,086 --> 00:19:23,794
Where's your manners?
You don't do that.
418
00:19:23,794 --> 00:19:26,586
He's not wrong,
you can't be the one to kill the Empress.
419
00:19:26,586 --> 00:19:27,961
[Deng Tsin Qin] Why not?
420
00:19:27,961 --> 00:19:31,461
It's not that simple, because the Princes
in the other kingdoms hate your guts.
421
00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:33,169
They claim you're not Emperor material,
422
00:19:33,169 --> 00:19:35,461
and also, their words not mine,
you're physically ugly,
423
00:19:35,461 --> 00:19:37,002
and you've got an itty-bitty little--
424
00:19:37,002 --> 00:19:40,211
- Don't you dare.
- I meant army. You have a small army.
425
00:19:40,211 --> 00:19:41,544
It's the smallest one out there.
426
00:19:41,544 --> 00:19:43,461
If you try to beat them,
you've got zero chance.
427
00:19:43,461 --> 00:19:46,211
[Deng Tsin Qin] I'm assuming you wouldn't
say this unless you had a plan?
428
00:19:46,211 --> 00:19:47,627
Well assumed.
429
00:19:48,544 --> 00:19:50,127
- And my idea--
- Hush!
430
00:19:50,961 --> 00:19:53,419
- Right, haul them in! Let's go!
- No.
431
00:19:53,419 --> 00:19:54,794
- Take it easy.
- [Deng Tsin Qin] Move!
432
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:57,502
Easy, there's an Empress here,
and the jars are breakable.
433
00:19:57,502 --> 00:19:59,502
[Deng Tsin Qin] China is ours!
434
00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:02,627
- [evil laughter]
- [emotional music playing]
435
00:20:22,544 --> 00:20:23,961
[sobbing]
436
00:20:31,461 --> 00:20:32,961
[Bankruptis] It's gonna be fine, Princess.
437
00:20:32,961 --> 00:20:35,752
And you can count on me. Okay? You and me.
438
00:20:35,752 --> 00:20:38,252
- [mutters in pain]
- [bones cracking]
439
00:20:38,252 --> 00:20:39,877
[Bankruptis] Don't worry. We'll help you!
440
00:20:39,877 --> 00:20:41,544
Because it's a known fact,
441
00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:43,586
us Gauls, we just love helping others.
442
00:20:43,586 --> 00:20:45,044
No!
443
00:20:45,044 --> 00:20:46,919
No, no, no and no!
444
00:20:46,919 --> 00:20:48,544
[Vitalstatistix] Out of the question!
445
00:20:48,544 --> 00:20:51,544
Dunno about you, but I found
this story extremely long-winded.
446
00:20:51,544 --> 00:20:56,377
And frankly, by Belenus, why does everyone
always have to come to us for support?
447
00:20:56,377 --> 00:20:58,377
Hold on now, Vitalstatistix,
448
00:20:58,377 --> 00:20:59,752
it's a tradition.
449
00:20:59,752 --> 00:21:02,461
We provide assistance
to those who need it.
450
00:21:02,461 --> 00:21:04,544
Including our good friend Bank...
451
00:21:04,544 --> 00:21:06,169
- Ruptis.
- ...Ruptis.
452
00:21:06,169 --> 00:21:09,502
- Ruptix.
- Right, well... it's a no, that's it.
453
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:11,961
It's often been yes.
But this time, it's no.
454
00:21:12,586 --> 00:21:15,544
[Vitalstatistix] I've got a bad feeling.
China's far away, we've never been!
455
00:21:15,544 --> 00:21:17,294
Nor our forefathers!
Where it is, we don't know.
456
00:21:17,294 --> 00:21:18,252
Sure we do, come on.
457
00:21:18,252 --> 00:21:19,752
Yeah, even I know where it is.
458
00:21:19,752 --> 00:21:22,502
It's over yonder.
Where the sun rises, huh?
459
00:21:23,252 --> 00:21:24,919
[Obélix] He doesn't even know that?
[laughs]
460
00:21:24,919 --> 00:21:26,711
I'm not sure where it is and I'm the boss.
461
00:21:26,711 --> 00:21:28,836
Oh Chief, I respect your decision.
462
00:21:28,836 --> 00:21:31,294
I will take my leave now
to save my mother and homeland.
463
00:21:31,294 --> 00:21:33,377
- [Bankruptis] No, no, no.
- Please wait, Princess...
464
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:36,377
Well, I could go.
465
00:21:37,002 --> 00:21:39,836
As it happens, I'm free at the moment.
466
00:21:40,836 --> 00:21:44,086
Well, I'm free too, at the moment.
I wouldn't mind going.
467
00:21:44,086 --> 00:21:46,252
Hey, you two! Who's on the chair here?
468
00:21:47,544 --> 00:21:49,419
Are you village chief now?
469
00:21:49,419 --> 00:21:51,377
Alright, I've heard enough of this.
470
00:21:51,377 --> 00:21:54,002
- Still no!
- Have you completely lost your mind?
471
00:21:54,002 --> 00:21:56,169
Fine chief you are!
472
00:21:56,169 --> 00:21:58,044
Ignoring the anguish of an innocent girl.
473
00:21:58,044 --> 00:22:00,044
- Oh no, Mimenta...
- Don't Mimenta me!
474
00:22:00,044 --> 00:22:02,919
- This how you welcome friends from China?
- Seriously.
475
00:22:03,502 --> 00:22:07,002
[Impedimenta] Your Gaul's not pretty!
All because China is too far away?
476
00:22:07,002 --> 00:22:09,252
It's not you making the trip,
so what do you care?
477
00:22:09,252 --> 00:22:10,586
- [sighs]
- Am I wrong?
478
00:22:11,086 --> 00:22:12,461
It's Astérix and Obélix, as usual.
479
00:22:12,461 --> 00:22:13,961
[laughter]
480
00:22:13,961 --> 00:22:16,461
Get this, if some idiots ever write
the story of our village,
481
00:22:16,461 --> 00:22:19,919
rest assured no one'll be calling it
Adventures of Vitalstatistix the Gaul.
482
00:22:19,919 --> 00:22:21,627
Even Dogmatix travels more than you!
483
00:22:21,627 --> 00:22:23,586
- [laughter]
- Do you hear that, Dogmatix?
484
00:22:23,586 --> 00:22:25,086
[barking]
485
00:22:25,086 --> 00:22:26,461
[laughter]
486
00:22:26,461 --> 00:22:27,669
Oh man. That's brutal.
487
00:22:27,669 --> 00:22:30,086
Sure, when it's all about
magic potion and moustaches,
488
00:22:30,086 --> 00:22:31,169
then you're on board,
489
00:22:31,169 --> 00:22:33,461
but when things become delicate,
you disappear!
490
00:22:35,419 --> 00:22:36,252
[grunts]
491
00:22:37,461 --> 00:22:39,336
[grunt]
492
00:22:42,669 --> 00:22:43,669
Okay, go ahead, go on.
493
00:22:43,669 --> 00:22:46,086
- Hurray!
- [sigh of relief]
494
00:22:46,086 --> 00:22:48,502
- [joyful babbling]
- Thank you. I can't thank you enough.
495
00:22:48,502 --> 00:22:51,377
- [lyre]
-♪ My dear companions as you leave ♪
496
00:22:52,336 --> 00:22:53,586
[sighs]
497
00:22:53,586 --> 00:22:55,877
♪ My heart must come to realise ♪
498
00:22:57,419 --> 00:22:59,211
♪ It must be worn upon my sleeve... ♪
499
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:01,169
[yelps]
500
00:23:01,877 --> 00:23:04,836
[epic music playing]
501
00:23:08,586 --> 00:23:12,127
[narrator] Meanwhile, in the eternal,
and well-irrigated city of Rome,
502
00:23:12,127 --> 00:23:15,461
we join Julius Caesar
in his magnificent palace,
503
00:23:15,461 --> 00:23:19,002
revelling in domestic bliss
with the powerful Queen of Egypt,
504
00:23:19,002 --> 00:23:22,086
the gorgeous, mild-mannered Cleopatra.
505
00:23:22,086 --> 00:23:26,586
[Cleopatra] I have had it!
You hear me? I have had it!
506
00:23:31,961 --> 00:23:33,336
Pray tell what all this is about?
507
00:23:33,336 --> 00:23:36,044
I'm packing all my things
and going back home.
508
00:23:36,044 --> 00:23:37,752
I should have listened to Mummy.
509
00:23:39,169 --> 00:23:41,086
Now that we're over, I can say it.
510
00:23:41,086 --> 00:23:43,377
- There is someone else.
- Someone else?
511
00:23:43,377 --> 00:23:44,919
[gasps]
512
00:23:44,919 --> 00:23:46,544
[Caesar] You can't be serious!
513
00:23:47,836 --> 00:23:49,752
What do you mean, there's someone else?
514
00:23:50,627 --> 00:23:53,252
What do you mean?
Is this about Infidelitatis?
515
00:23:53,252 --> 00:23:54,627
That is right.
516
00:23:56,419 --> 00:23:57,502
And...
517
00:23:58,836 --> 00:24:01,669
and for whom
would you leave the Great Caesar?
518
00:24:03,044 --> 00:24:04,252
Tabascos!
519
00:24:04,252 --> 00:24:06,419
- [Greek music playing]
- [Caesar] Tabascos?
520
00:24:06,419 --> 00:24:07,627
The Greek guy?
521
00:24:07,627 --> 00:24:11,086
[laughter]
522
00:24:11,086 --> 00:24:13,252
Tabascos, the Greek.
523
00:24:13,252 --> 00:24:16,211
So you would be prepared
to leave the Great Caesar...
524
00:24:17,794 --> 00:24:19,752
for the pecs of a common gym teacher?
525
00:24:21,502 --> 00:24:24,502
Very well, we'll see about that
after the lions.
526
00:24:25,169 --> 00:24:27,627
Don't you dare whack my Tabascos!
527
00:24:28,252 --> 00:24:29,752
I love him, you understand?
528
00:24:29,752 --> 00:24:31,461
What... What's that, you love him?
529
00:24:32,877 --> 00:24:34,086
What do you mean, you love him?
530
00:24:35,127 --> 00:24:37,419
What could he possibly have
that I don't, huh?
531
00:24:37,419 --> 00:24:39,336
He is a world-famous athlete.
532
00:24:39,336 --> 00:24:41,836
As for you, outside of Rome and Gaul,
nobody knows you.
533
00:24:41,836 --> 00:24:42,836
Oof.
534
00:24:42,836 --> 00:24:43,919
[laughs]
535
00:24:43,919 --> 00:24:46,586
Priceless! Nobody knows Julius Caesar?
536
00:24:46,586 --> 00:24:47,502
Well, go ahead.
537
00:24:48,127 --> 00:24:50,461
Follow your international ambitions
with your athlete.
538
00:24:50,461 --> 00:24:53,127
{\an8}- [in Greek] Let the Greek tsat your ziki!
- [gasps]
539
00:24:53,127 --> 00:24:54,836
- [clears throat]
- [Caesar in English] Yes...
540
00:24:54,836 --> 00:24:56,627
Uh, if I may, oh Caesar?
541
00:24:56,627 --> 00:24:59,586
Minor marital strife, but it's settled.
542
00:25:00,211 --> 00:25:04,211
So speak, Slius Foxxus,
devious, homely advisor of mine.
543
00:25:04,211 --> 00:25:07,794
[Slius Foxxus] Hail, Caesar!
You are quite observant, you've nailed me.
544
00:25:16,211 --> 00:25:21,044
May I introduce Scar Dee Kat
the ambassador of Prince Deng Tsin Qin,
545
00:25:21,044 --> 00:25:22,544
the new master of China.
546
00:25:22,544 --> 00:25:26,211
How is it that an empire so large
has a representative so puny?
547
00:25:26,211 --> 00:25:29,502
Yeah, well, because it's not the size
that counts but the know-how, oh Caesar.
548
00:25:29,502 --> 00:25:31,127
And some men have neither!
549
00:25:31,127 --> 00:25:34,419
[she laughs]
550
00:25:34,419 --> 00:25:36,086
[whispering] She's a beaut!
551
00:25:36,086 --> 00:25:37,544
What brings you, puny?
552
00:25:37,544 --> 00:25:39,752
Oh Caesar, I have come to offer you
the great riches
553
00:25:39,752 --> 00:25:41,169
of my adopted homeland
554
00:25:41,169 --> 00:25:43,586
in exchange for modest military aid.
555
00:25:43,586 --> 00:25:47,211
[scoffs] Even the great Alexander
gave up on conquering China.
556
00:25:47,211 --> 00:25:49,961
It's the perfect chance
to expand my empire...
557
00:25:49,961 --> 00:25:51,794
Your empire, oh Caesar.
558
00:25:51,794 --> 00:25:53,586
But I've had it with conquering,
559
00:25:53,586 --> 00:25:56,877
and my name in history
has already been forever immortalised.
560
00:25:56,877 --> 00:25:59,627
I love it when you talk like that.
I adore it!
561
00:25:59,627 --> 00:26:00,586
So well spoken.
562
00:26:01,294 --> 00:26:04,044
- Well spoken, eh?
- Biopix, my biographer from Galicia.
563
00:26:04,044 --> 00:26:06,586
[Slius Foxxus] The stupendous
accomplishments of mighty Caesar,
564
00:26:06,586 --> 00:26:08,169
what better story to tell?
565
00:26:08,169 --> 00:26:09,627
Enough. Begone, the two of you.
566
00:26:09,627 --> 00:26:13,461
Oh Caesar, since you wish
to go down in history, you must be aware
567
00:26:13,461 --> 00:26:15,669
that in China, you are less than a star.
568
00:26:15,669 --> 00:26:18,544
What did I say? [laughs]
569
00:26:18,544 --> 00:26:20,502
I'm getting good and fed up now!
570
00:26:21,419 --> 00:26:24,419
I, Caesar, man of a thousand conquests,
571
00:26:24,419 --> 00:26:25,794
and no one even knows me?
572
00:26:25,794 --> 00:26:28,294
- Alas.
- [laughs]
573
00:26:29,836 --> 00:26:32,169
["Le Diro Parole Blu" playing]
574
00:26:38,752 --> 00:26:40,377
[Scar Dee Kat] He speaks the truth.
575
00:26:40,377 --> 00:26:41,502
In China, at least.
576
00:26:41,502 --> 00:26:44,336
Go to your happy place, okay? Happy.
577
00:26:44,336 --> 00:26:45,961
Very well, Scar Dee Kat,
578
00:26:45,961 --> 00:26:48,336
step forward and describe this alliance
579
00:26:48,336 --> 00:26:49,502
- and this empire...
- [door slams]
580
00:26:49,502 --> 00:26:52,419
...that's about to see how great I am!
581
00:26:52,419 --> 00:26:54,044
[Cleopatra laughs]
582
00:26:54,044 --> 00:26:57,627
Explain your plan to me,
and remember, this Caesar's seasoned.
583
00:26:57,627 --> 00:26:58,711
[laughs]
584
00:26:59,502 --> 00:27:01,086
[light-hearted music playing]
585
00:27:01,086 --> 00:27:04,586
Alright, so I replaced your buggy
'cause you need something sturdy, right?
586
00:27:04,586 --> 00:27:07,752
This here's a ride. The best around,
on loan from Cousin Turbo.
587
00:27:07,752 --> 00:27:10,086
- I pimped it with boar bellies.
- Wow.
588
00:27:10,086 --> 00:27:12,919
That's right.
Shock-absorbing air cushions, like.
589
00:27:12,919 --> 00:27:13,877
And...
590
00:27:14,586 --> 00:27:15,586
the sun roof.
591
00:27:15,586 --> 00:27:16,877
Awesome. [exhales]
592
00:27:16,877 --> 00:27:19,586
Let me tell you. It's the perfect chariot.
593
00:27:20,086 --> 00:27:20,919
It's magnificent.
594
00:27:25,419 --> 00:27:26,252
Right, let's go.
595
00:27:27,502 --> 00:27:30,502
[Astérix] Down you get.
Princess, care to board the chariot?
596
00:27:33,294 --> 00:27:35,002
[sighs] Ah, tough bananas, thank you.
597
00:27:35,836 --> 00:27:38,252
Ah... We're in for a great trip, Princess.
598
00:27:40,086 --> 00:27:43,669
Astérix, I've prepared you
some magic potion.
599
00:27:43,669 --> 00:27:47,419
But since Obélix mentioned
you didn't want it, I wasn't so sure.
600
00:27:47,419 --> 00:27:48,711
No, I'm just... I'm just fine.
601
00:27:49,919 --> 00:27:51,627
I... Well...
602
00:27:51,627 --> 00:27:54,252
No harm having it just in case,
I guess, but...
603
00:27:54,252 --> 00:27:55,669
I'd like to cut down some.
604
00:27:55,669 --> 00:27:58,002
Alright, then be careful
because I beefed it up good.
605
00:27:58,002 --> 00:27:59,877
[sneezes]
606
00:28:00,461 --> 00:28:02,461
[whizzing, sizzling]
607
00:28:02,461 --> 00:28:03,669
[crowd laughing]
608
00:28:04,377 --> 00:28:05,336
You sampled it?
609
00:28:05,336 --> 00:28:09,627
No, I, uh, took a sip, a tiny sip.
Had to taste.
610
00:28:09,627 --> 00:28:11,794
- You know, it's...
- [Astérix] Yeah, right.
611
00:28:12,377 --> 00:28:13,877
Good luck, Princess!
612
00:28:14,377 --> 00:28:15,627
As for you two,
613
00:28:15,627 --> 00:28:17,627
be brave, be reckless,
614
00:28:17,627 --> 00:28:21,294
and completely disingenuous.
In short, just be Gauls.
615
00:28:21,294 --> 00:28:23,669
[cheering]
616
00:28:23,669 --> 00:28:25,169
Hang on tight, you lot!
617
00:28:25,961 --> 00:28:28,086
Oh, we didn't tell you,
it's a much faster return trip.
618
00:28:28,086 --> 00:28:30,752
[Bankruptis mocks him]
"Faster return trip"... [sighs]
619
00:28:30,752 --> 00:28:34,002
Excuse me, but, uh, I wish to point out
620
00:28:34,002 --> 00:28:39,211
that the role of a bard is to celebrate
our heroes and their exploits... Right?
621
00:28:39,211 --> 00:28:41,544
So what is my purpose,
if I don't ever get to travel, eh?
622
00:28:41,544 --> 00:28:43,419
- He's got a point.
- Go on, go on, go on.
623
00:28:43,419 --> 00:28:45,377
- Excellent idea
- No, no, no, go. Fast.
624
00:28:45,377 --> 00:28:46,794
Cacophonix will travel with you...
625
00:28:48,961 --> 00:28:50,544
- [coughing]
- [Cacofonix sighs]
626
00:28:50,544 --> 00:28:52,627
Oh no. They forgot me!
627
00:28:52,627 --> 00:28:53,752
[all] Oh.
628
00:28:53,752 --> 00:28:56,794
-♪ They forgot me! ♪
- [lyre]
629
00:28:56,794 --> 00:28:58,127
[sings high-pitched note]
630
00:28:58,711 --> 00:28:59,836
[moans]
631
00:29:00,877 --> 00:29:02,377
ARMORICA
632
00:29:02,377 --> 00:29:05,794
[narrator] And so our friends set off
at high speed toward the South,
633
00:29:05,794 --> 00:29:09,127
favouring the maritime course which,
according to Getafix,
634
00:29:09,127 --> 00:29:11,377
is faster than the Silk Road.
635
00:29:12,002 --> 00:29:15,627
After rowing across the Mediterranean,
thanks to Obélix,
636
00:29:15,627 --> 00:29:17,669
they reach northern Africa.
637
00:29:24,919 --> 00:29:26,419
Friction and wring.
638
00:29:26,419 --> 00:29:28,877
I don't know how.
I was supposed to learn Kung Fu.
639
00:29:31,794 --> 00:29:33,044
Friction.
640
00:29:34,002 --> 00:29:35,377
And wring.
641
00:29:36,294 --> 00:29:37,711
[Astérix sighs]
642
00:29:41,169 --> 00:29:43,377
Oh, uh, It's happening again.
643
00:29:43,377 --> 00:29:44,877
[breathes erratically]
644
00:29:44,877 --> 00:29:46,836
Astérix? Enjoying the view?
645
00:29:46,836 --> 00:29:48,294
Want some barley beer? A chair?
646
00:29:48,294 --> 00:29:50,127
Be right back! Coming right up.
647
00:29:50,627 --> 00:29:53,252
Nothing's coming right up!
What are you playing at?
648
00:29:53,252 --> 00:29:54,419
The same thing as you.
649
00:29:54,419 --> 00:29:57,836
Does she know that you spy on her?
Well, maybe I'll tell her.
650
00:30:01,336 --> 00:30:02,169
She's magnificent.
651
00:30:02,877 --> 00:30:04,877
[Astérix] She's learning to launder
'cause she knows
652
00:30:04,877 --> 00:30:06,877
her routine
will be rougher in Gaul with me, hmm?
653
00:30:06,877 --> 00:30:09,419
- She's preparing for her new life.
- [laughs]
654
00:30:09,419 --> 00:30:11,794
The Princess of China, in Gaul?
Living with peasants?
655
00:30:11,794 --> 00:30:13,752
[scoffs] Really?
656
00:30:13,752 --> 00:30:16,836
What part of, "Sa See and I are an item,"
do you not get the meaning of?
657
00:30:16,836 --> 00:30:18,919
- You're not an item.
- We are so an item.
658
00:30:18,919 --> 00:30:20,294
Going on six months.
659
00:30:20,294 --> 00:30:23,169
- You are?
- Oh, gimme a break!
660
00:30:23,169 --> 00:30:25,169
I'll make this really simple for you.
661
00:30:25,169 --> 00:30:27,961
Sa See and I are together.
We're in love, we're getting married.
662
00:30:27,961 --> 00:30:30,586
Oh! Congratulations, Bankruptis.
663
00:30:30,586 --> 00:30:32,377
- Many thanks, Obélix.
- I just love weddings.
664
00:30:32,377 --> 00:30:34,002
I do. With a banquet?
665
00:30:34,002 --> 00:30:37,461
With a banquet, and you know what Obélix?
You'll be best man.
666
00:30:37,461 --> 00:30:40,586
Oh! Gee, thank you!
I've never been a best man before.
667
00:30:40,586 --> 00:30:43,669
Now, Obélix, would you, please,
not swallow any old story,
668
00:30:43,669 --> 00:30:44,877
it's intensely aggravating.
669
00:30:44,877 --> 00:30:46,919
If they're in love,
they're in love, it's not my fault.
670
00:30:46,919 --> 00:30:49,169
- It's so obvious.
- They are not in love.
671
00:30:49,169 --> 00:30:51,586
And until she's with somebody,
she's not with anyone.
672
00:30:51,586 --> 00:30:52,794
[Astérix] May the best man win.
673
00:30:52,794 --> 00:30:56,169
I just can't wait to see her face
when I'm gonna tell her,
674
00:30:56,877 --> 00:30:59,002
you're just posing as a Gaul.
And you're a fake blonde.
675
00:30:59,002 --> 00:31:01,961
Oh yeah? Well, I also can't wait
to see her face,
676
00:31:01,961 --> 00:31:03,419
when I tell her your moustache is all...
677
00:31:03,419 --> 00:31:04,919
Yeah, well, what about my moustache?
678
00:31:04,919 --> 00:31:06,669
- Your moustache.
- Yeah? Yeah?
679
00:31:07,377 --> 00:31:08,377
It's really horrible.
680
00:31:08,377 --> 00:31:09,711
Oh no.
681
00:31:11,627 --> 00:31:13,044
So rude.
682
00:31:13,044 --> 00:31:14,586
Yeah. So there.
683
00:31:15,461 --> 00:31:17,544
- That was uncalled for.
- Not the moustache. Come on.
684
00:31:17,544 --> 00:31:19,211
I shouldn't have,
but he shouldn't have pushed it.
685
00:31:19,211 --> 00:31:20,711
[Obélix] Moustache is off limits.
686
00:31:20,711 --> 00:31:22,919
- [indistinct chatter]
- [Bankruptis] What's he doing?
687
00:31:22,919 --> 00:31:25,919
- Might be.
- Dobbing us in. He's spilling the beans!
688
00:31:25,919 --> 00:31:28,044
And he's supposed to be your friend?
689
00:31:28,044 --> 00:31:29,502
Oh, let's leave. Let's go.
690
00:31:29,502 --> 00:31:32,711
- [both scream]
- What are you doing?
691
00:31:32,711 --> 00:31:37,044
We're doing nothing. Actually, yes,
we were looking for a... a date! Is all.
692
00:31:37,044 --> 00:31:39,961
- For the wedding.
- Yeah. No. We want to eat the fruit.
693
00:31:39,961 --> 00:31:41,169
- To eat the fruit.
- At the wedding.
694
00:31:41,169 --> 00:31:42,544
[Bankruptis] No. To eat it here.
695
00:31:42,544 --> 00:31:44,919
- I'm the best man.
- Ah... This is impossible.
696
00:31:45,627 --> 00:31:47,211
This guy's on a loop.
697
00:31:48,211 --> 00:31:50,586
- Right, we're off. Pardon me.
- [comical music playing]
698
00:31:51,502 --> 00:31:53,919
[whispering] Did you not
get the "shut up" memo?
699
00:31:59,711 --> 00:32:01,211
Goodnight, Mr. Know-It-All!
700
00:32:02,711 --> 00:32:04,336
Goodnight,
Mr. I-Got-A-New-Best-Friend.
701
00:32:05,836 --> 00:32:07,127
Goodnight, Mr. Vegetables!
702
00:32:07,127 --> 00:32:10,377
[mocking]
Oh, love those vegetables! Yummy!
703
00:32:10,377 --> 00:32:12,086
Goodnight, Mr. Wannabe-A-Blonde.
704
00:32:12,086 --> 00:32:13,086
Goodnight, Mr.--
705
00:32:13,086 --> 00:32:14,586
[Ka Ra Tay]
Just say goodnight and be done!
706
00:32:14,586 --> 00:32:15,544
Mm.
707
00:32:15,544 --> 00:32:16,669
He started it. He did.
708
00:32:16,669 --> 00:32:18,002
[Obélix] Good night, Ka Ra Tay.
709
00:32:19,169 --> 00:32:20,502
[sighs]
710
00:32:22,211 --> 00:32:23,419
[whispering] Ka Ra Tay.
711
00:32:24,252 --> 00:32:26,377
Do you believe
that my mother's still alive?
712
00:32:26,377 --> 00:32:29,877
The Empress is heir
to the Heavens, Princess.
713
00:32:30,377 --> 00:32:31,961
Nothing bad can become of her.
714
00:32:35,336 --> 00:32:37,752
Goodnight, Mr. "I'm in love
with someone and I can't even tell her."
715
00:32:37,752 --> 00:32:41,544
Goodnight, Mr. "I make no sense and
I'm so huge no one can see past my belly."
716
00:32:41,544 --> 00:32:45,127
Goodnight, Mr. "I sleep alone like I'm
an itsy-bitsy insect, like this big."
717
00:32:45,127 --> 00:32:46,627
- Oh!
- That's enough!
718
00:32:46,627 --> 00:32:48,502
[Obélix] Yep.
[Astérix] Got it. Sorry.
719
00:32:50,044 --> 00:32:52,044
[mysterious music playing]
720
00:33:09,002 --> 00:33:10,419
Well, hello!
721
00:33:10,419 --> 00:33:12,877
How you feeling? Did you have a good trip?
722
00:33:28,544 --> 00:33:30,377
Your daughter remains missing.
We've searched too long,
723
00:33:30,377 --> 00:33:31,627
and the country is too vast.
724
00:33:31,627 --> 00:33:34,252
And good morning.
There's two of us in the room.
725
00:33:34,252 --> 00:33:36,419
- Who are you again?
- The minute my allies are here,
726
00:33:36,419 --> 00:33:37,711
I'll have you decapitated.
727
00:33:37,711 --> 00:33:40,211
There you go, I'm good.
You had me at decapitated.
728
00:33:40,211 --> 00:33:42,127
You're the guy who enjoys decapitations.
729
00:33:42,127 --> 00:33:43,211
And you too, merchant.
730
00:33:43,836 --> 00:33:45,586
Not me, I've got nothing to do with this.
731
00:33:45,586 --> 00:33:48,169
- I'll give you some advice, though...
- Your balls are on the line.
732
00:33:51,627 --> 00:33:52,794
[dramatic music playing]
733
00:33:52,794 --> 00:33:54,252
Day one.
734
00:33:54,752 --> 00:33:57,711
At the end of the abacus,
if the Princess hasn't been captured,
735
00:33:58,961 --> 00:34:00,211
the two of you...
736
00:34:03,086 --> 00:34:04,211
We have two lives.
737
00:34:04,211 --> 00:34:07,336
The second one begins
when we realise we have only one.
738
00:34:09,002 --> 00:34:09,961
I thank you for that.
739
00:34:11,794 --> 00:34:13,419
Wow!
740
00:34:13,919 --> 00:34:17,169
Ah, now, there is a real Empress.
That's so good.
741
00:34:17,169 --> 00:34:19,836
"We have two lives,
and it's finished when you...
742
00:34:19,836 --> 00:34:23,086
And your second one begins
when the first, uh... the first life...
743
00:34:23,086 --> 00:34:25,086
of which we only have two.
744
00:34:25,086 --> 00:34:28,627
And only when they begin do we...
Thank you for that.
745
00:34:28,627 --> 00:34:30,627
The first life begins...
746
00:34:35,044 --> 00:34:38,294
[narrator] Meanwhile, Caesar,
his powerful army, and Scar Dee Kat
747
00:34:38,294 --> 00:34:39,669
have taken the Silk Road,
748
00:34:39,669 --> 00:34:42,877
and are hurtling towards China
at breakneck speed.
749
00:34:42,877 --> 00:34:43,836
Well, sort of.
750
00:34:43,836 --> 00:34:45,127
[shouting]
751
00:34:45,127 --> 00:34:46,794
[soldier 1] Silk Road, Schmilk Road!
752
00:34:46,794 --> 00:34:49,211
You got us good and lost!
You just won't admit it.
753
00:34:49,961 --> 00:34:51,919
[soldier 2] Woopsus!
Where are you taking us?
754
00:34:51,919 --> 00:34:54,711
At least nine thousand men
have wandered North!
755
00:34:54,711 --> 00:34:56,377
I'm not gonna take it anymore!
756
00:34:56,377 --> 00:34:58,086
I can't work like this!
757
00:34:58,711 --> 00:35:00,461
[soldier 1] Join the Army, they said.
758
00:35:01,669 --> 00:35:04,586
- [military snare playing]
- [thunder rumbling]
759
00:35:04,586 --> 00:35:06,752
[Caesar] Woopsus,
do we go around left or right?
760
00:35:06,752 --> 00:35:09,044
[Woopsus] That's a no-brainus,
we should go left.
761
00:35:09,044 --> 00:35:10,836
Ergo, we will go right.
762
00:35:10,836 --> 00:35:11,836
Excuse me,
763
00:35:11,836 --> 00:35:13,919
how long's all this left-right-left stuff
gonna last?
764
00:35:13,919 --> 00:35:16,502
'Cause at this rate,
we'll never get to China.
765
00:35:16,502 --> 00:35:17,961
Who does this man think he is?
766
00:35:17,961 --> 00:35:20,502
[Risklus] Hail, Caesar.
Risklus, secret service.
767
00:35:20,502 --> 00:35:24,502
Hail, Caesar. Risklus, secret service.
768
00:35:24,502 --> 00:35:27,877
Yes, we know. Everyone knows you.
Why are you here? And where is Antivirus?
769
00:35:27,877 --> 00:35:32,044
Still on the front line in Milan.
I don't think he's opening my pigeons.
770
00:35:32,627 --> 00:35:33,627
[sighs]
771
00:35:33,627 --> 00:35:34,961
But, Caesar, I am here.
772
00:35:35,794 --> 00:35:36,627
Not as impressive.
773
00:35:36,627 --> 00:35:38,711
Not as impressive at all.
774
00:35:38,711 --> 00:35:40,294
[Caesar] Right. What do you want?
775
00:35:40,294 --> 00:35:44,044
Oh mighty Caesar, Carioca,
your chief dancer, requests a hearing.
776
00:35:44,044 --> 00:35:47,044
Uh, she got all sorts of claims
for respect and all that.
777
00:35:47,044 --> 00:35:48,502
Should I just slug her?
778
00:35:48,502 --> 00:35:49,461
What's wrong with you?
779
00:35:50,169 --> 00:35:52,419
- [Caesar] Show her in.
- Huh!
780
00:35:53,502 --> 00:35:55,461
Oy! Uh, Tapioca!
781
00:35:56,377 --> 00:35:58,294
[off-key horn playing]
782
00:36:01,961 --> 00:36:04,086
So, Carioca. What can I do for you?
783
00:36:04,086 --> 00:36:08,044
Oh Caesar, we just received
our new costumes. And guess what?
784
00:36:08,044 --> 00:36:10,211
Shorter than ever. I wonder why.
785
00:36:11,711 --> 00:36:13,211
If what you wanted was go-go taverns,
786
00:36:13,211 --> 00:36:14,961
you should've stayed in Rome,
plenty there.
787
00:36:14,961 --> 00:36:17,002
Ooh, wouldn't know, I do apologise.
788
00:36:17,002 --> 00:36:19,669
Oh, you do!
The Palladium, behind the market.
789
00:36:19,669 --> 00:36:21,544
By the Circus,
between Sternum's and Scrotum's.
790
00:36:21,544 --> 00:36:22,752
Right.
791
00:36:23,711 --> 00:36:26,961
Is that what you want, Carioca?
Knee-length costumes for your dancers?
792
00:36:26,961 --> 00:36:30,169
For a start.
Plus, moving forward, we could discuss
793
00:36:30,169 --> 00:36:33,127
the issue of the place of women
in our society, pretty long overdue.
794
00:36:33,127 --> 00:36:35,502
Look, it's all about the men,
around here. Right?
795
00:36:35,502 --> 00:36:37,294
Gladiators? All men.
796
00:36:37,294 --> 00:36:40,377
Senators? All of them, men.
Your legions, of course, are all male.
797
00:36:40,377 --> 00:36:41,419
And Caesars?
798
00:36:41,419 --> 00:36:43,961
- [Carioca] Nothing but males!
- So a Juliet Caesar'd be better?
799
00:36:43,961 --> 00:36:46,377
[laughter]
800
00:36:47,961 --> 00:36:49,711
You want Rome
to be ruled over by a female?
801
00:36:49,711 --> 00:36:50,919
[all laughing]
802
00:36:52,169 --> 00:36:53,127
That's right.
803
00:37:01,419 --> 00:37:03,127
[narrator] Back to our friends,
804
00:37:03,127 --> 00:37:05,794
who have crossed
the vast Egyptian deserts,
805
00:37:05,794 --> 00:37:08,086
under the scorching sun,
806
00:37:08,086 --> 00:37:11,919
finally reaching the Red Sea,
and the city of Clysma,
807
00:37:11,919 --> 00:37:15,586
a small Egyptian harbour
later to be known as Suez.
808
00:37:15,586 --> 00:37:17,544
Yeah, as in the Suez Canal.
809
00:37:23,711 --> 00:37:25,627
[Bankruptis]
If it's a captain we're after,
810
00:37:25,627 --> 00:37:27,419
I guarantee we'll find one here.
811
00:37:27,419 --> 00:37:30,836
[Obélix] Oh, look Astérix,
the tavern's named after Lutetia, in Gaul!
812
00:37:30,836 --> 00:37:37,669
[Tipsy in French] ♪ Dare to come
And cast the first stone ♪
813
00:37:40,586 --> 00:37:43,127
♪ To fall for one head over heels ♪
814
00:37:43,127 --> 00:37:45,211
♪ Leaves a wound that never heals ♪
815
00:37:45,211 --> 00:37:49,252
♪ But the love you feel is the real deal ♪
816
00:37:51,752 --> 00:37:55,627
-♪ So don't be harsh or disapprove ♪
- [Astérix and Bankruptis sing]
817
00:37:55,627 --> 00:37:56,794
♪ When a woman ♪
818
00:37:56,794 --> 00:37:58,502
-♪ Falls in love ♪
- No.
819
00:37:59,961 --> 00:38:01,169
Nope. You don't know it.
820
00:38:01,169 --> 00:38:02,836
I do know it, pal.
821
00:38:02,836 --> 00:38:05,377
[Tipsy, Bankruptis, Astérix]
♪ With a man who sweeps her off her feet ♪
822
00:38:05,377 --> 00:38:06,544
Wow!
823
00:38:06,544 --> 00:38:08,544
- [cheering]
- [Bankruptis in English] Wow, bravo!
824
00:38:11,919 --> 00:38:13,627
See that? That's Gaul right there.
825
00:38:13,627 --> 00:38:15,127
I just love it here!
826
00:38:15,127 --> 00:38:17,627
That's exactly my idea
of what Lutetia'd be like!
827
00:38:17,627 --> 00:38:19,502
[man] Tipsy! Tipsy!
828
00:38:19,502 --> 00:38:20,544
Mine too.
829
00:38:21,127 --> 00:38:23,044
[Obélix gasps]
830
00:38:25,461 --> 00:38:27,919
Oh, this is good. So good!
I bet you're a Gaul.
831
00:38:27,919 --> 00:38:30,211
Oh, yeah, big boy. Born and bred.
832
00:38:30,211 --> 00:38:33,086
- Have you been here a long time?
- Been a while, I'd say.
833
00:38:33,086 --> 00:38:37,002
Used to run a small cabaret in Lutetia.
Turned a good profit, packed every night.
834
00:38:37,002 --> 00:38:39,127
But I fell for the wrong sort of guy.
835
00:38:39,127 --> 00:38:41,294
Some little punk
wanted me to hustle for him.
836
00:38:41,294 --> 00:38:43,502
What he really wanted was
to gouge me outta my business.
837
00:38:43,502 --> 00:38:47,086
So who took her loot
and flew the coop all the way out here?
838
00:38:47,086 --> 00:38:49,336
Tipsy, baby! That's right!
839
00:38:49,919 --> 00:38:51,961
What about you blondies?
What brought you here?
840
00:38:51,961 --> 00:38:54,169
We're after the best captain in town.
841
00:38:54,169 --> 00:38:56,586
Oh! That guy over there, that's Titanix.
842
00:38:58,669 --> 00:38:59,961
Is he tough?
843
00:38:59,961 --> 00:39:02,836
Titanix?
The guy's a champ, hook, line and sinker!
844
00:39:03,377 --> 00:39:06,502
- Hmm. Thanks for the tip, Tipsy.
- From one Gaul to another!
845
00:39:07,502 --> 00:39:09,169
Normally we keep mutts outside.
846
00:39:09,169 --> 00:39:10,919
But I like the look of you.
847
00:39:11,752 --> 00:39:13,752
[reggae music playing]
848
00:39:17,252 --> 00:39:19,627
We want to charter a boat to China.
849
00:39:19,627 --> 00:39:22,461
To China, on a boat?
I can't be bothered with that.
850
00:39:23,419 --> 00:39:24,794
[Titanix] What I can offer is this.
851
00:39:24,794 --> 00:39:28,836
Day tour of the Creeks of Clysma.
All the kebabs you can eat, beaches,
852
00:39:28,836 --> 00:39:30,544
- great sunsets...
- [ding]
853
00:39:30,544 --> 00:39:32,169
Super package.
854
00:39:32,752 --> 00:39:34,961
Well, I mean not for now. For later.
855
00:39:34,961 --> 00:39:37,211
This gem is worth more than your boat.
856
00:39:38,211 --> 00:39:39,752
Perfect, why didn't you start with that?
857
00:39:40,336 --> 00:39:42,461
- Hey, what's--
- [Tipsy] You out of your minds?
858
00:39:42,461 --> 00:39:44,544
Think I came this far
for you to shake me down ?
859
00:39:44,544 --> 00:39:47,377
Now take a hike before I get my whip!
860
00:39:47,377 --> 00:39:49,586
Looks like Tipsy's coming up
to her tipping point.
861
00:39:49,586 --> 00:39:53,544
- What's the trouble, Tipsy?
- These gentlemen wanna raid my pockets.
862
00:39:53,544 --> 00:39:55,544
I'm gonna give them
a taste of their own medicine!
863
00:39:55,544 --> 00:39:58,211
- Nobody messes with Tipsy!
- [tutting]
864
00:39:58,752 --> 00:40:01,044
Might you be a bit light-weight
for all this?
865
00:40:01,044 --> 00:40:02,919
What do you want with the lady?
866
00:40:04,336 --> 00:40:05,211
Who's the lightweight?
867
00:40:05,794 --> 00:40:08,252
[laughing]
868
00:40:09,877 --> 00:40:11,044
[laughs] He's funny.
869
00:40:11,044 --> 00:40:12,919
You know, Princess, in Gaul,
870
00:40:12,919 --> 00:40:15,877
when three-hundred pound guys
say certain things,
871
00:40:16,544 --> 00:40:19,002
the feather weights don't buy it!
872
00:40:19,002 --> 00:40:21,461
- [tense music playing]
- [groans]
873
00:40:23,211 --> 00:40:25,294
[clears throat] Hmm...
874
00:40:25,294 --> 00:40:26,794
[tutting]
875
00:40:26,794 --> 00:40:27,794
Mm-hmm. Mm.
876
00:40:28,919 --> 00:40:30,669
- Mm.
- [sighs]
877
00:40:34,461 --> 00:40:35,836
[gulping]
878
00:40:36,627 --> 00:40:37,586
[grunts]
879
00:40:37,586 --> 00:40:38,877
[lively music playing]
880
00:40:40,336 --> 00:40:44,711
[grunts, makes animal sounds]
881
00:40:44,711 --> 00:40:46,502
[shouts]
882
00:40:46,502 --> 00:40:47,586
Whoa, it's a lizard!
883
00:40:49,669 --> 00:40:51,127
[trumpeting]
884
00:40:52,961 --> 00:40:53,794
Whoa.
885
00:40:55,836 --> 00:40:57,169
What's happening here?
886
00:40:57,961 --> 00:40:59,961
[music intensifies]
887
00:41:03,502 --> 00:41:04,669
[shouts]
888
00:41:05,461 --> 00:41:06,711
[crowd gasps]
889
00:41:07,877 --> 00:41:10,752
This is potent stuff.
He went overboard on this one.
890
00:41:10,752 --> 00:41:12,794
Hey, hey! Come on, give me a taste.
891
00:41:12,794 --> 00:41:14,752
- [Obélix] We won't tell anyone.
- This one even less.
892
00:41:14,752 --> 00:41:17,919
[panting, coughing]
893
00:41:18,669 --> 00:41:20,336
[Astérix] You get one. Take your pick.
894
00:41:20,919 --> 00:41:22,377
I'll take the big one, then.
895
00:41:22,961 --> 00:41:25,419
- [comical music playing]
- [sighs]
896
00:41:25,419 --> 00:41:26,461
Gentlemen.
897
00:41:27,461 --> 00:41:28,794
[laughs]
898
00:41:28,794 --> 00:41:32,377
[scattered gasps]
899
00:41:35,877 --> 00:41:39,752
I'm not allowed to drink any 'cause
I fell in the cauldron when I was a kid.
900
00:41:39,752 --> 00:41:41,461
So this won't hurt as much.
901
00:41:42,294 --> 00:41:44,044
[screams]
902
00:41:44,044 --> 00:41:46,627
[epic music playing]
903
00:42:00,294 --> 00:42:03,669
[Bankruptis] So imagine this. A mini
amphora with two little wings painted on.
904
00:42:03,669 --> 00:42:05,836
Inside, we put a tiny drop
of magic potion,
905
00:42:05,836 --> 00:42:07,502
just enough to give you a good boost.
906
00:42:07,502 --> 00:42:10,044
We sell the beverage as a power drink...
907
00:42:10,044 --> 00:42:13,086
I'm still working on the concept
but I will come up with a name.
908
00:42:13,086 --> 00:42:15,794
In Rome, with all the orgies,
909
00:42:15,794 --> 00:42:17,961
youngsters dancing till the break of dawn,
910
00:42:17,961 --> 00:42:19,086
we'd make a killing.
911
00:42:19,086 --> 00:42:22,252
[Titanix] Well, I'm your man
for all things transport.
912
00:42:23,002 --> 00:42:25,919
- What's that you're doing?
- It is Tai Chi.
913
00:42:25,919 --> 00:42:28,794
An ancient Chinese technique
to recharge the body's energy.
914
00:42:29,794 --> 00:42:31,752
It's wild that we should meet now.
915
00:42:31,752 --> 00:42:35,127
My life's just taken a new direction
that's totally in step with your culture.
916
00:42:35,752 --> 00:42:38,919
Balance, nutrition, energy,
all that good stuff, you know.
917
00:42:39,752 --> 00:42:41,169
I can tell we're really connected.
918
00:42:41,169 --> 00:42:42,252
Hmm...
919
00:42:45,461 --> 00:42:46,877
[heavy breathing]
920
00:42:46,877 --> 00:42:48,836
- You finished?
- Now we meditate.
921
00:42:48,836 --> 00:42:50,627
- Yeah!
- No speaking.
922
00:42:56,877 --> 00:42:58,794
[whispering] That coin is something else.
923
00:43:00,877 --> 00:43:02,461
That's you?
924
00:43:02,461 --> 00:43:05,086
Yeah. A gift from my mother.
925
00:43:06,294 --> 00:43:07,919
She must love you so much.
926
00:43:07,919 --> 00:43:10,002
[sad music playing]
927
00:43:10,669 --> 00:43:13,794
When she gave it to me,
I didn't even smile.
928
00:43:14,961 --> 00:43:16,836
You need not worry, Princess.
929
00:43:16,836 --> 00:43:18,669
I will free your mother, trust me.
930
00:43:19,794 --> 00:43:21,377
I am here for you.
931
00:43:21,877 --> 00:43:23,336
Excuse me, if I may,
932
00:43:23,336 --> 00:43:27,586
for starters, we are here for you!
And some of us showed up, for you
933
00:43:27,586 --> 00:43:29,461
right at the beginning of the adventure.
934
00:43:29,461 --> 00:43:30,877
Sorry, excuse me.
935
00:43:30,877 --> 00:43:32,419
Princess...
936
00:43:33,294 --> 00:43:34,419
[vamping music playing]
937
00:43:38,211 --> 00:43:40,961
[Ekonomikrisis] What are you doing?
No, you moved two balls.
938
00:43:40,961 --> 00:43:42,794
- No.
- Put one back. Yeah, you did.
939
00:43:42,794 --> 00:43:45,544
You moved two balls, put one back.
Don't you go pushing my balls.
940
00:43:45,544 --> 00:43:47,127
Not that I'm not loving this place.
941
00:43:47,127 --> 00:43:51,002
[laughs] I mean... Speaking of which,
did you put any thought towards
942
00:43:52,127 --> 00:43:53,794
my proposition?
943
00:43:56,044 --> 00:43:57,919
This one is gonna be a toughie.
944
00:43:58,502 --> 00:44:00,919
Having said that,
I'm used to tough negotiations!
945
00:44:00,919 --> 00:44:02,794
- Ekonomikrisis?
- Yeah?
946
00:44:02,794 --> 00:44:04,461
If one day we get out,
947
00:44:04,961 --> 00:44:07,627
would you like to continue
doing business in China?
948
00:44:07,627 --> 00:44:09,877
- Oh yes! Very much!
- Then talk no more.
949
00:44:11,669 --> 00:44:13,919
You've been placed
in my cell to torture me.
950
00:44:14,544 --> 00:44:15,836
Well that's putting it strongly.
951
00:44:16,961 --> 00:44:18,586
Maybe it's just...
952
00:44:19,086 --> 00:44:20,669
destiny that chose us.
953
00:44:21,169 --> 00:44:22,919
The "Maktub" as we say at home.
954
00:44:24,169 --> 00:44:26,586
You are beautiful
when you're angry, you know.
955
00:44:26,586 --> 00:44:29,711
- [dramatic music playing]
- [sighs]
956
00:44:32,586 --> 00:44:33,586
[panting]
957
00:44:36,627 --> 00:44:37,669
[captain] Ah!
958
00:44:38,294 --> 00:44:39,586
[grunts]
959
00:44:40,544 --> 00:44:42,586
Oh boy!
960
00:44:43,377 --> 00:44:44,586
[sighs]
961
00:44:45,627 --> 00:44:49,127
Gentlemen, here on the Red Sea,
we're done with bad encounters.
962
00:44:49,127 --> 00:44:51,627
Who's the predator out here? Eh?
963
00:44:51,627 --> 00:44:53,377
- [all] We are!
- [captain] That's right!
964
00:44:53,377 --> 00:44:54,836
- [laughs]
- [crew member whistling]
965
00:44:54,836 --> 00:44:57,169
Ship ahoy!
966
00:44:58,461 --> 00:44:59,377
Many thanks, lookout!
967
00:44:59,377 --> 00:45:01,002
- Doing my job!
- Lads,
968
00:45:01,002 --> 00:45:03,669
this lavish ship will not escape us.
969
00:45:03,669 --> 00:45:04,794
Tonight we sleep in silk.
970
00:45:04,794 --> 00:45:06,794
[cheering]
971
00:45:06,794 --> 00:45:08,086
[captain laughing]
972
00:45:15,586 --> 00:45:17,711
[stutters] It's the Gau... It's the Gau...
973
00:45:20,169 --> 00:45:24,502
- The Gauls are here?
- It's the Gauls!
974
00:45:24,502 --> 00:45:25,961
[lively music playing]
975
00:45:25,961 --> 00:45:27,586
Yoo-hoo!
976
00:45:27,586 --> 00:45:29,669
Hello, little pirates!
977
00:45:30,377 --> 00:45:33,252
No, no, no, no...
978
00:45:33,252 --> 00:45:34,544
Not the Gauls!
979
00:45:34,544 --> 00:45:36,419
- [captain] Why's it always land on us?
- [cries]
980
00:45:36,419 --> 00:45:38,294
We're not the only ones on the water!
981
00:45:38,919 --> 00:45:39,794
[captain] Morning.
982
00:45:39,794 --> 00:45:41,627
Would you consider pretending
you never saw us?
983
00:45:41,627 --> 00:45:43,211
But we did see you, though.
984
00:45:43,211 --> 00:45:44,586
Can't argue with that.
985
00:45:44,586 --> 00:45:48,002
[sighs] Prepare our defences! Go, go, go!
986
00:45:52,211 --> 00:45:54,711
[captain] To think I just had
the paint redone.
987
00:45:54,711 --> 00:45:56,961
Go easy, will you?
988
00:45:56,961 --> 00:45:58,961
[both chuckle]
989
00:46:00,877 --> 00:46:03,794
- It's not like I'm happy about it.
- Pff, whatever.
990
00:46:03,794 --> 00:46:04,961
No, no, you wait!
991
00:46:05,919 --> 00:46:08,169
I'll show you how we rumble in my country.
992
00:46:08,169 --> 00:46:10,252
Hmm?
993
00:46:11,169 --> 00:46:12,794
[lively music playing]
994
00:46:25,794 --> 00:46:27,044
Uh, what should we do, Captain?
995
00:46:27,794 --> 00:46:29,669
- Well, uh...
- Got a bad feeling personally.
996
00:46:29,669 --> 00:46:31,627
We're still doing this. Prepare to attack.
997
00:46:34,211 --> 00:46:36,669
No, stop that! No, back you go!
998
00:46:36,669 --> 00:46:40,002
Michael, get back there.
Michael, no. Michael?
999
00:46:40,002 --> 00:46:42,044
[grunting]
1000
00:46:50,919 --> 00:46:52,544
Ow, ow, ow!
1001
00:46:52,544 --> 00:46:54,086
Oh, that one's gotta really hurt.
1002
00:46:54,086 --> 00:46:56,502
[shouts]
1003
00:47:02,377 --> 00:47:03,669
She got how many feet?
1004
00:47:05,044 --> 00:47:07,211
Lads, let me through, please?
1005
00:47:10,169 --> 00:47:11,336
I'm really sorry, Captain.
1006
00:47:11,336 --> 00:47:14,336
- Where you goin'?
- My heart will go on!
1007
00:47:14,336 --> 00:47:15,586
- [captain] No!
- [screams]
1008
00:47:15,586 --> 00:47:17,169
Look out behind you!
1009
00:47:18,252 --> 00:47:19,336
[captain] Oh no!
1010
00:47:21,586 --> 00:47:23,377
Hey, calm yourself down, you psycho!
1011
00:47:28,836 --> 00:47:30,752
[water gurgling]
1012
00:47:36,086 --> 00:47:40,419
♪ Say you, say me ♪
1013
00:47:41,586 --> 00:47:43,877
♪ Say it for always ♪
1014
00:47:45,919 --> 00:47:48,502
♪ That's the way it should be ♪
1015
00:47:51,044 --> 00:47:54,752
♪ Say you, say me ♪
1016
00:47:56,627 --> 00:47:58,169
♪ Say it together ♪
1017
00:48:00,544 --> 00:48:02,877
♪ Naturally ♪
1018
00:48:04,002 --> 00:48:07,461
[captain] Comrades,
the official version of the shipwreck is,
1019
00:48:07,461 --> 00:48:10,294
we ran into a Chinese tornado. [sighs]
1020
00:48:10,294 --> 00:48:13,586
[melancholy music playing]
1021
00:48:19,586 --> 00:48:20,502
Uh, may I?
1022
00:48:21,169 --> 00:48:22,669
Yes.
1023
00:48:25,086 --> 00:48:27,419
[Obélix] Beautiful, isn't it?
1024
00:48:28,502 --> 00:48:29,961
I wanted to say,
1025
00:48:30,461 --> 00:48:32,211
you fight really well.
1026
00:48:32,919 --> 00:48:34,086
Thank you.
1027
00:48:35,086 --> 00:48:37,419
And why is it that you never drink
any potion?
1028
00:48:37,419 --> 00:48:38,752
Well, I'm not allowed.
1029
00:48:40,544 --> 00:48:43,419
It might be dangerous. One does too many.
1030
00:48:45,961 --> 00:48:49,544
Must admit I would've loved
to feel that rush just one more time.
1031
00:48:49,544 --> 00:48:51,711
- [sighs]
- [soft music playing]
1032
00:49:08,711 --> 00:49:10,461
[mysterious music playing]
1033
00:49:10,461 --> 00:49:12,377
[fizzing, sizzling]
1034
00:49:12,377 --> 00:49:14,294
[wolf howling]
1035
00:49:15,919 --> 00:49:17,711
[soft music playing]
1036
00:49:21,377 --> 00:49:23,752
[laughs]
1037
00:49:24,502 --> 00:49:25,586
[Obélix] Wow!
1038
00:49:30,252 --> 00:49:32,377
[sighs]
1039
00:49:33,377 --> 00:49:35,877
- [yells]
- [fizzing, sizzling]
1040
00:49:38,502 --> 00:49:39,336
Obélix?
1041
00:49:39,336 --> 00:49:40,836
[explosion booming]
1042
00:49:42,002 --> 00:49:43,377
Mama!
1043
00:49:48,419 --> 00:49:50,252
The feeling's extraordinary.
1044
00:49:50,252 --> 00:49:51,919
Like you're fizzy in the head,
1045
00:49:51,919 --> 00:49:55,002
then in your whole body. It's a bit like
when you fall in love, or so they say.
1046
00:49:55,002 --> 00:49:56,461
[clears throat]
1047
00:50:02,211 --> 00:50:03,294
[soft music playing]
1048
00:50:05,794 --> 00:50:07,044
[laughs]
1049
00:50:15,544 --> 00:50:17,961
[military snare playing]
1050
00:50:21,127 --> 00:50:23,294
[narrator] Having at last found their way,
1051
00:50:24,127 --> 00:50:28,002
Caesar and his mighty legions
have crossed Persia,
1052
00:50:28,502 --> 00:50:31,752
the mountains of India,
the Mongolian steppes,
1053
00:50:31,752 --> 00:50:34,544
and have finally reached
the gates of China,
1054
00:50:34,544 --> 00:50:38,669
where the despicable Deng Tsin Qin
is honing his evil plan
1055
00:50:38,669 --> 00:50:41,044
to control the Six Kingdoms.
1056
00:50:45,002 --> 00:50:47,086
[off-key horn playing]
1057
00:50:47,752 --> 00:50:48,627
Hail, hail.
1058
00:50:49,211 --> 00:50:51,419
- So this here is the war?
- Prince Deng Tsin Qin,
1059
00:50:51,419 --> 00:50:53,419
allow me to introduce...
1060
00:50:53,419 --> 00:50:55,127
Julius Caesar. Himself.
1061
00:50:55,127 --> 00:50:57,127
I know you're impressed,
keep calm and breathe deeply.
1062
00:50:57,127 --> 00:51:00,127
Everything's gonna be fine.
So where are these rebels?
1063
00:51:00,127 --> 00:51:02,252
I'm told you're having a tough time
keeping them in line?
1064
00:51:02,252 --> 00:51:03,419
War isn't a hobby, you know.
1065
00:51:03,419 --> 00:51:06,044
You're well advised to bring in the pros.
1066
00:51:07,502 --> 00:51:09,211
Bit of a mess, this is, don't you think?
1067
00:51:09,211 --> 00:51:13,586
Oh no. We follow the precepts of Sun Tzu,
the great Chinese strategist.
1068
00:51:13,586 --> 00:51:15,252
He wrote the Art of War, you know.
1069
00:51:16,002 --> 00:51:17,169
Fart of war, more like.
1070
00:51:17,169 --> 00:51:18,794
[Caesar and Biopix laugh]
1071
00:51:18,794 --> 00:51:20,377
All right, kiddos, keep your eyes open,
1072
00:51:20,377 --> 00:51:22,794
'cause this is gonna be over
in a heartbeat. Huh?
1073
00:51:23,419 --> 00:51:24,252
Here goes.
1074
00:51:24,252 --> 00:51:26,169
{\an8}- [in Latin] If you want peace...
- Prepare for war.
1075
00:51:26,169 --> 00:51:28,502
{\an8}- [Caesar in English] Exactly.
- [scribe tapping]
1076
00:51:28,502 --> 00:51:30,877
- He's insufferable.
- He's deeply ill.
1077
00:51:30,877 --> 00:51:33,544
And pretentious, first decan cancers,
heads are up their butts.
1078
00:51:33,544 --> 00:51:34,669
Huh?
1079
00:51:34,669 --> 00:51:37,211
I'm disappointed.
I'm going to bed, I'm jet lagged.
1080
00:51:37,836 --> 00:51:38,669
[sighs]
1081
00:51:38,669 --> 00:51:41,586
[dramatic music playing]
1082
00:51:41,586 --> 00:51:42,794
- [Caesar] Biopix!
- Mm?
1083
00:51:42,794 --> 00:51:46,586
New chapter. After "Caesar The Seducer,"
1084
00:51:46,586 --> 00:51:48,002
"Caesar The Strategist."
1085
00:51:48,002 --> 00:51:51,127
Hold on, I change the scrolls
and I'm right with you.
1086
00:51:51,127 --> 00:51:52,377
- [Caesar] Helmet.
- Gallopus!
1087
00:51:52,377 --> 00:51:56,002
[hooves sounds]
1088
00:51:56,002 --> 00:51:57,711
[music builds]
1089
00:52:04,086 --> 00:52:05,002
Gladius.
1090
00:52:07,002 --> 00:52:08,127
[music stops]
1091
00:52:08,627 --> 00:52:09,461
The heck is this?
1092
00:52:09,461 --> 00:52:12,836
- Last time, you did hurt yourself with--
- Right, I get it, I get it!
1093
00:52:13,336 --> 00:52:15,002
Has anyone heard from Antivirus?
1094
00:52:15,002 --> 00:52:17,252
He's here, and ready, mighty Caesar.
1095
00:52:17,252 --> 00:52:18,419
[Caesar] Let's do this.
1096
00:52:18,419 --> 00:52:22,294
[to the rhythm of "We Will Rock You"]
1097
00:52:23,502 --> 00:52:24,377
Everyone!
1098
00:52:24,377 --> 00:52:27,919
[all] ♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1099
00:52:27,919 --> 00:52:29,169
Ooh, goosebumps.
1100
00:52:29,169 --> 00:52:30,461
And me.
1101
00:52:30,461 --> 00:52:33,711
[all] ♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1102
00:52:33,711 --> 00:52:35,544
[battle cries]
1103
00:52:35,544 --> 00:52:38,586
["Anti, Antivirus"
to the rhythm of "We Will Rock You"]
1104
00:52:56,794 --> 00:52:58,377
[grunts]
1105
00:53:03,877 --> 00:53:05,502
[clanging]
1106
00:53:14,044 --> 00:53:15,377
[battle cries]
1107
00:53:22,377 --> 00:53:24,044
{\an8}CHINA SEA
1108
00:53:36,294 --> 00:53:37,377
[groans]
1109
00:53:37,377 --> 00:53:39,752
[shouts]
1110
00:53:40,252 --> 00:53:43,961
[all] ♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1111
00:53:46,002 --> 00:53:49,919
[all] ♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1112
00:53:49,919 --> 00:53:51,294
Antivirus, I love you!
1113
00:53:51,919 --> 00:53:55,877
♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1114
00:53:56,419 --> 00:53:57,294
[screams]
1115
00:53:57,877 --> 00:54:02,461
♪ Anti, Antivirus! ♪
1116
00:54:03,086 --> 00:54:04,377
[moans]
1117
00:54:04,377 --> 00:54:07,544
Antivirus, you wanna go viral,
1118
00:54:07,544 --> 00:54:09,419
but don't push it,
that was hard on my back.
1119
00:54:09,419 --> 00:54:11,502
You wanted Antivirus,
1120
00:54:11,502 --> 00:54:13,377
I gave you Antivirus.
1121
00:54:13,377 --> 00:54:17,044
And now, go back to your circus games.
1122
00:54:17,044 --> 00:54:18,794
[cheering]
1123
00:54:18,794 --> 00:54:21,294
Why speak words, when you can fly?
1124
00:54:21,919 --> 00:54:24,086
[mystical music playing]
1125
00:54:24,086 --> 00:54:26,127
[cheering]
1126
00:54:45,752 --> 00:54:47,419
[Caesar] A walk in the park!
1127
00:54:49,919 --> 00:54:53,336
In a matter of days,
I shall be the master of China.
1128
00:54:54,169 --> 00:54:57,294
I'm almost envious of you guys,
experiencing for the first time
1129
00:54:57,294 --> 00:54:58,836
the power of Rome.
1130
00:54:58,836 --> 00:55:01,127
Veni, vidi, vici.
1131
00:55:01,127 --> 00:55:04,419
- [Caesar laughs]
- This is such great stuff, Caesar!
1132
00:55:04,419 --> 00:55:06,419
I write it down as is, no changes.
1133
00:55:06,419 --> 00:55:09,086
- Seating sucks. We gonna eat like this?
- Yeah.
1134
00:55:09,086 --> 00:55:10,669
- Terrible hosts.
- Right.
1135
00:55:10,669 --> 00:55:11,961
[grunts]
1136
00:55:11,961 --> 00:55:13,752
And Antivirus? He's not coming?
1137
00:55:13,752 --> 00:55:15,127
He's asleep.
1138
00:55:15,127 --> 00:55:17,294
- What do you mean, he's asleep?
- I'm here, oh Caesar.
1139
00:55:17,294 --> 00:55:19,669
- Not as impressive.
- Nowhere as impressive.
1140
00:55:19,669 --> 00:55:24,211
Oh Caesar,
you have one last kingdom to conquer.
1141
00:55:24,211 --> 00:55:26,586
Likely more complicated.
1142
00:55:26,586 --> 00:55:28,336
Our victories have had an impact.
1143
00:55:28,336 --> 00:55:30,127
The Ku Koos are tough negotiators.
1144
00:55:30,127 --> 00:55:31,544
Very well.
1145
00:55:31,544 --> 00:55:33,377
We'll see who is the Ku Kooest.
1146
00:55:33,377 --> 00:55:35,002
[laughter]
1147
00:55:35,002 --> 00:55:38,086
Yeah, well, sorry not to join the fun,
but old man So Ku Koo died last winter.
1148
00:55:38,711 --> 00:55:41,627
Leaving his only son and heir,
Prince Ku Koo, twenty years old
1149
00:55:41,627 --> 00:55:44,544
concealed under a bamboo mask
due to a horrible birth defect.
1150
00:55:44,544 --> 00:55:46,794
- The Ku Koo Behind the Bamboo.
- [dramatic music playing]
1151
00:55:46,794 --> 00:55:47,711
So he gets orphaned,
1152
00:55:47,711 --> 00:55:51,044
gets his butt handed to him by Caesar,
not a good year for the Ku Koos.
1153
00:55:51,044 --> 00:55:52,919
- [laughter]
- [Caesar] Come to think of it...
1154
00:55:54,961 --> 00:55:56,544
you seem Ku Koo yourself, don't you?
1155
00:55:57,211 --> 00:55:59,544
No, I'm a Deng. Of the Deng-Bhat clan.
1156
00:55:59,544 --> 00:56:00,836
Yes, but...
1157
00:56:03,377 --> 00:56:05,044
you could be Deng' erous, couldn't you?
1158
00:56:05,627 --> 00:56:07,294
- Huh?
- [hand clatters]
1159
00:56:09,627 --> 00:56:11,336
[tense music playing]
1160
00:56:11,336 --> 00:56:14,336
I never really picked up on
why you would ask me to help
1161
00:56:14,336 --> 00:56:16,169
evict you from your own kingdom,
1162
00:56:16,169 --> 00:56:18,336
so what's in it for you...
1163
00:56:18,336 --> 00:56:20,461
Deng Tsin Qin?
1164
00:56:21,627 --> 00:56:23,877
You wouldn't be thinking
about a Caesarian section,
1165
00:56:23,877 --> 00:56:25,919
to cut me out of my end of the spoils?
1166
00:56:25,919 --> 00:56:29,044
Not at all. Never even crossed my mind.
1167
00:56:29,669 --> 00:56:30,627
Really?
1168
00:56:31,961 --> 00:56:35,127
It would've crossed mine. [laughs]
Wouldn't bother me in the least!
1169
00:56:35,127 --> 00:56:37,586
- [laughter]
- He's on a roll.
1170
00:56:37,586 --> 00:56:39,627
[Caesar sighs]
1171
00:56:39,627 --> 00:56:42,002
- Tell me, oh Caesar.
- Mm-hmm.
1172
00:56:42,002 --> 00:56:42,961
Are you aware that
1173
00:56:42,961 --> 00:56:45,752
the great Cleopatra
is highly respected here in China?
1174
00:56:46,544 --> 00:56:47,461
[Scar Dee Kat] True.
1175
00:56:47,461 --> 00:56:50,836
She's done so much for the defence
and preservation of pandas that now...
1176
00:56:51,461 --> 00:56:53,586
So how is she in real life?
Fun to be with?
1177
00:56:59,836 --> 00:57:01,461
[soft music playing]
1178
00:57:08,711 --> 00:57:10,461
At last, I'm back home.
1179
00:57:11,669 --> 00:57:14,419
Do you smell the fragrance of bamboo,
ginger and eucalypt?
1180
00:57:15,961 --> 00:57:18,002
Don't bother with these guys,
they wouldn't know.
1181
00:57:18,002 --> 00:57:21,919
But I can smell it just fine,
and... so aromatic!
1182
00:57:22,502 --> 00:57:23,461
[Bankruptis] Titanix!
1183
00:57:23,461 --> 00:57:25,627
Will you be going straight back to Egypt?
1184
00:57:25,627 --> 00:57:28,461
Nope. I'll keep sailing
till I return to my starting point,
1185
00:57:28,461 --> 00:57:30,086
so I can prove the Earth is round.
1186
00:57:30,086 --> 00:57:32,544
[laughter]
1187
00:57:39,961 --> 00:57:42,336
- [mysterious music playing]
- [chattering]
1188
00:57:59,252 --> 00:58:00,627
[Bankruptis] So?
1189
00:58:00,627 --> 00:58:03,252
- Told you we'd make it back, didn't I?
- Shh.
1190
00:58:04,252 --> 00:58:06,627
WANTED
1191
00:58:08,169 --> 00:58:11,002
Ka Ra Tay,
how will we hope to find your master here?
1192
00:58:11,002 --> 00:58:12,877
He'll be the one to find us.
1193
00:58:30,544 --> 00:58:32,544
- What was the message?
- Nothing.
1194
00:58:33,877 --> 00:58:35,169
Friend of yours? The bald guy?
1195
00:58:36,544 --> 00:58:38,669
Well, if it's nothing
why can't you tell me what it is?
1196
00:58:40,502 --> 00:58:44,294
My master, Sill Lee, awaits us tonight
in an inn where we will spend the night.
1197
00:58:44,294 --> 00:58:47,752
There you go. Just say it,
instead of acting all mysterious.
1198
00:58:47,752 --> 00:58:49,127
I'm not even hungry anymore!
1199
00:58:49,752 --> 00:58:50,919
[whines]
1200
00:58:50,919 --> 00:58:52,086
[Astérix] What the...
1201
00:58:52,086 --> 00:58:54,044
Never seen him like that.
1202
00:58:55,086 --> 00:58:57,002
He's probably just tired, that's all.
1203
00:58:57,002 --> 00:58:59,127
There's a culture shock,
it's a lot to take in.
1204
00:58:59,127 --> 00:59:01,544
- Do you mind if I speak candidly?
- Mm.
1205
00:59:01,544 --> 00:59:05,211
You and me, we're not the best of friends.
I hate you, I believe you hate me too.
1206
00:59:05,211 --> 00:59:06,419
Mm-hmm.
1207
00:59:06,419 --> 00:59:08,961
But the two of you,
things are getting very tense.
1208
00:59:08,961 --> 00:59:11,252
The tension's spreading
through the whole group.
1209
00:59:11,252 --> 00:59:12,794
- That bad?
- Yeah.
1210
00:59:13,586 --> 00:59:14,961
But I got something for both of you
1211
00:59:14,961 --> 00:59:19,461
and I'm sure it can bring some changes,
for the better.
1212
00:59:21,752 --> 00:59:23,794
[Astérix] Obélix. We need to talk.
1213
00:59:24,294 --> 00:59:25,336
[Obélix] I'm listening.
1214
00:59:25,336 --> 00:59:29,252
There's a beautiful story
starting between the Princess and me.
1215
00:59:29,252 --> 00:59:30,461
Oh?
1216
00:59:31,252 --> 00:59:32,169
Well, yeah.
1217
00:59:33,794 --> 00:59:36,377
And I believe it'd be simpler if, like...
1218
00:59:36,961 --> 00:59:38,961
if she were to live with us,
in the village.
1219
00:59:38,961 --> 00:59:40,086
Okay.
1220
00:59:40,961 --> 00:59:44,377
Of course, you and I have been housemates
for a long time.
1221
00:59:44,877 --> 00:59:47,586
Uh, but we never said it'd be forever.
1222
00:59:48,586 --> 00:59:50,169
And as it happens,
1223
00:59:50,169 --> 00:59:52,252
the hut belonged to my parents.
1224
00:59:52,752 --> 00:59:53,836
So, uh...
1225
00:59:56,211 --> 00:59:58,002
You want me to move out then?
1226
00:59:59,044 --> 01:00:00,502
- Yes.
- [sighs]
1227
01:00:02,711 --> 01:00:05,544
Oh, Astérix!
I can't tell you how relieved I am.
1228
01:00:05,544 --> 01:00:09,461
I wanted to leave too, but I didn't know
how to tell you, I just couldn't tell you.
1229
01:00:09,461 --> 01:00:10,377
- You did?
- Mm-hmm.
1230
01:00:12,919 --> 01:00:14,419
I've fallen in love too.
1231
01:00:16,002 --> 01:00:17,336
You're in love?
1232
01:00:17,336 --> 01:00:19,544
[whispering] With the beautiful Ka Ra Tay.
1233
01:00:19,544 --> 01:00:21,002
[laughs]
1234
01:00:22,752 --> 01:00:23,586
With Ka Ra Tay?
1235
01:00:24,502 --> 01:00:27,127
Our Ka Ra Tay? You gotta be joking?
1236
01:00:27,877 --> 01:00:29,127
Obélix? Ka Ra Tay?
1237
01:00:29,127 --> 01:00:31,252
- [laughing]
- Why are you laughing?
1238
01:00:32,127 --> 01:00:34,669
- Because I'm surprised.
- You're surprised 'cause I'm in love?
1239
01:00:35,419 --> 01:00:36,544
Come on, Oby...
1240
01:00:36,544 --> 01:00:39,169
Don't Oby me. There's no more Oby!
1241
01:00:40,794 --> 01:00:41,627
What's so funny?
1242
01:00:41,627 --> 01:00:45,086
I'm not allowed to fall in love?
I'm not allowed anything!
1243
01:00:45,086 --> 01:00:47,002
What a joke! It's all about you anyway!
1244
01:00:47,002 --> 01:00:48,961
- It is not all about me!
- It is about you!
1245
01:00:48,961 --> 01:00:50,502
- No!
- [barking]
1246
01:00:50,502 --> 01:00:53,461
Obélix can't have any magic potion.
Obélix better not fall in love...
1247
01:00:53,461 --> 01:00:56,752
Oh, poor Obélix,
who's been deprived of magic potion.
1248
01:00:56,752 --> 01:00:58,294
Oh, poor Obélix!
1249
01:00:58,294 --> 01:01:03,086
I don't even get the privilege of roasting
my wild boars in my own fireplace!
1250
01:01:03,086 --> 01:01:06,461
Except it's not my own fireplace
'cause Astérix's parents built it!
1251
01:01:06,461 --> 01:01:09,461
- Which they did.
- Astérix wants me to eat fruit and veg!
1252
01:01:09,461 --> 01:01:12,086
And why do I want us to eat fruits
and vegetables?
1253
01:01:12,086 --> 01:01:14,419
For you! For you to eat better.
1254
01:01:14,419 --> 01:01:16,586
Do not say the word. Don't say that word!
1255
01:01:16,586 --> 01:01:18,836
- Because you are so fat!
- No!
1256
01:01:19,502 --> 01:01:22,919
I am simply voluptuous!
1257
01:01:23,544 --> 01:01:26,294
But there is more. I'm strong.
1258
01:01:26,294 --> 01:01:28,502
There we are! You said it!
1259
01:01:28,502 --> 01:01:31,627
You think it's easy for me
to be so feeble?
1260
01:01:31,627 --> 01:01:33,044
To rely on a flask all the time?
1261
01:01:33,044 --> 01:01:34,711
Serves you right! There!
1262
01:01:34,711 --> 01:01:36,086
I've said it. Done.
1263
01:01:36,086 --> 01:01:37,419
[clinking]
1264
01:01:38,086 --> 01:01:42,002
Needles performing so well,
releasing tension!
1265
01:01:42,002 --> 01:01:44,711
They make words come out, good!
1266
01:01:44,711 --> 01:01:45,836
[laughs]
1267
01:01:47,877 --> 01:01:49,919
[indistinct chatter]
1268
01:01:56,461 --> 01:01:58,294
- Oh, Romans!
- No, Obélix.
1269
01:01:58,294 --> 01:01:59,586
[sighs] What now?
1270
01:01:59,586 --> 01:02:02,086
We cannot compromise the Princess.
1271
01:02:03,002 --> 01:02:04,419
[Astérix] What's Caesar doing in China?
1272
01:02:04,419 --> 01:02:07,544
Deng Tsin Qin the treacherous
sold us to the Romans.
1273
01:02:09,877 --> 01:02:11,752
[mercenary] Informative news break!
1274
01:02:12,336 --> 01:02:13,711
People of China!
1275
01:02:13,711 --> 01:02:16,336
Prince Deng Tsin Qin and Julius Caesar
1276
01:02:16,336 --> 01:02:18,877
are delighted to announce
that the former Empress
1277
01:02:18,877 --> 01:02:20,169
will be publicly executed.
1278
01:02:20,169 --> 01:02:21,252
[ominous music playing]
1279
01:02:21,252 --> 01:02:25,002
The decapitation is scheduled
seven days from now at dusk.
1280
01:02:25,877 --> 01:02:27,544
An all-you-can-eat wok will follow.
1281
01:02:27,544 --> 01:02:29,836
Due to limited seating,
advance booking is advised.
1282
01:02:29,836 --> 01:02:30,877
I wasn't briefed, were you?
1283
01:02:30,877 --> 01:02:32,086
- You missed the memo?
- Must've.
1284
01:02:32,086 --> 01:02:34,794
- You're not on the forum?
- I'm never included, Carlitus.
1285
01:02:34,794 --> 01:02:39,169
I am Princess Sa See!
No one touches the heir to the Heavens,
1286
01:02:39,169 --> 01:02:41,586
Her Majesty the Empress, my mother!
1287
01:02:41,586 --> 01:02:43,711
- After them!
- [panicked cries]
1288
01:02:49,752 --> 01:02:50,877
Good doggie.
1289
01:02:51,502 --> 01:02:52,336
Let's get to it.
1290
01:02:52,336 --> 01:02:55,919
Whoever touches
a hair of my beloved fiancée,
1291
01:02:55,919 --> 01:02:58,169
I will treat very badly.
1292
01:02:59,544 --> 01:03:00,752
Did I really just say that?
1293
01:03:01,627 --> 01:03:02,961
[swords being drawn]
1294
01:03:07,627 --> 01:03:09,877
Ah, hold on. Time out. Just a second.
1295
01:03:09,877 --> 01:03:12,669
I'll be right back. Just give me a second.
1296
01:03:13,461 --> 01:03:15,294
[sighs] Getting painful.
1297
01:03:15,294 --> 01:03:18,044
- [mysterious music playing]
- [animal sounds]
1298
01:03:21,752 --> 01:03:22,586
Sorry.
1299
01:03:22,586 --> 01:03:24,919
- Can we get on with it now?
- Yeah, just went to the toilet.
1300
01:03:24,919 --> 01:03:27,127
- Yeah, right.
- We know what you were doing. Yeah.
1301
01:03:27,127 --> 01:03:28,919
[tense music playing]
1302
01:03:34,669 --> 01:03:36,294
[battle cries]
1303
01:03:38,752 --> 01:03:39,627
[Obélix] Romie!
1304
01:03:41,294 --> 01:03:42,211
[crashing]
1305
01:03:42,211 --> 01:03:43,794
[battle cries]
1306
01:03:57,336 --> 01:03:58,377
And wring!
1307
01:04:02,461 --> 01:04:04,252
[epic music playing]
1308
01:04:10,502 --> 01:04:12,586
[tense music playing]
1309
01:04:12,586 --> 01:04:14,086
[grunts]
1310
01:04:21,544 --> 01:04:22,752
Now that's strange.
1311
01:04:24,002 --> 01:04:25,877
- [battle cries]
- ["Kung Fu Fighting" playing]
1312
01:04:25,877 --> 01:04:27,377
[screams]
1313
01:04:28,461 --> 01:04:31,127
And my acupuncturist told me
to take it easy for two days.
1314
01:04:31,127 --> 01:04:32,586
Considering what they pay us...
1315
01:04:34,419 --> 01:04:36,836
- Can we pretend we didn't see each other?
- Mum's the word.
1316
01:04:38,961 --> 01:04:42,627
♪ There were funky China men
From funky Chinatown ♪
1317
01:04:42,627 --> 01:04:44,169
[shouts]
1318
01:04:44,169 --> 01:04:47,752
♪ They were chopping them up
They were chopping them down ♪
1319
01:04:48,752 --> 01:04:51,127
♪ It's an ancient Chinese art ♪
1320
01:04:51,127 --> 01:04:52,961
♪ And everybody knew their part ♪
1321
01:04:52,961 --> 01:04:55,211
♪ From a feint into a slip ♪
1322
01:04:55,752 --> 01:04:57,794
♪ And a kicking from the hip ♪
1323
01:04:57,794 --> 01:05:00,544
♪ Everybody was kung fu fighting ♪
1324
01:05:02,502 --> 01:05:04,961
♪ Those cats were fast as lightning ♪
1325
01:05:07,086 --> 01:05:09,919
♪ In fact
It was a little bit frightening ♪
1326
01:05:12,127 --> 01:05:14,794
♪ But they fought with expert timing ♪
1327
01:05:16,711 --> 01:05:21,127
♪ There was funky Billy Chin
And little Sammy Chung ♪
1328
01:05:21,127 --> 01:05:23,086
[music stops]
1329
01:05:23,086 --> 01:05:25,044
[whistling]
1330
01:05:28,252 --> 01:05:31,336
[shouting]
1331
01:05:31,961 --> 01:05:34,377
Hey, see how far I flung that one?
1332
01:05:34,377 --> 01:05:37,586
That was so cool! What can I say?
You're the best, Obélix.
1333
01:05:37,586 --> 01:05:39,711
- Oh!
- [Bankruptis] What's that?
1334
01:05:39,711 --> 01:05:43,044
[both] Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
1335
01:05:43,044 --> 01:05:45,794
- We're so tight, aren't we!
- Let's go, it's not safe to stick around.
1336
01:05:45,794 --> 01:05:49,252
[mocking] Let's go Princess,
it's not safe to stick around. Pff.
1337
01:05:49,836 --> 01:05:50,877
- Something wrong?
- Mm.
1338
01:05:50,877 --> 01:05:54,002
You tell me. You still feeling the potion?
1339
01:05:54,002 --> 01:05:56,127
Dunno, wanna find out, do you?
1340
01:05:57,544 --> 01:06:00,377
- We'll see about that later.
- Sure, anytime.
1341
01:06:00,961 --> 01:06:03,586
- Boo!
- Eh!
1342
01:06:03,586 --> 01:06:05,794
[military music playing]
1343
01:06:19,377 --> 01:06:20,461
Halt!
1344
01:06:20,461 --> 01:06:23,169
[repetitive grunting]
1345
01:06:25,252 --> 01:06:27,086
THE ORIGINAL 2CV HORSEPOWER
1346
01:06:31,127 --> 01:06:34,086
SOAPS BY CLEO
1347
01:06:34,086 --> 01:06:36,461
[cat calling]
1348
01:06:36,461 --> 01:06:38,336
Who dares to whistle?
1349
01:06:38,336 --> 01:06:40,252
[tense music playing]
1350
01:06:40,252 --> 01:06:41,836
[whispering] Hard to swallow.
1351
01:06:45,169 --> 01:06:47,627
[military music playing]
1352
01:06:49,419 --> 01:06:50,419
[Caesar] I go off to war,
1353
01:06:51,252 --> 01:06:53,336
risk my life, nothing from her.
1354
01:06:53,919 --> 01:06:57,336
No messenger, no news,
no papyrus-card, not even a pigeon.
1355
01:06:57,336 --> 01:06:59,419
Ah, you need to get a hold of yourself.
1356
01:06:59,419 --> 01:07:02,336
You were being so strong,
bristling with rage,
1357
01:07:02,336 --> 01:07:03,669
but now I see nothing.
1358
01:07:03,669 --> 01:07:04,711
[Risklus] He's right.
1359
01:07:04,711 --> 01:07:06,336
Did you send her a message?
1360
01:07:06,336 --> 01:07:08,294
No! We said, enough of the messages.
1361
01:07:08,294 --> 01:07:10,336
We're stone-wall marble,
we give her nothing.
1362
01:07:10,336 --> 01:07:12,252
We let her soak in her marinade,
like octopus.
1363
01:07:12,252 --> 01:07:14,377
Hey, Dainty, better tone it down.
1364
01:07:14,377 --> 01:07:16,336
What's that you say, Señor Grunt?
1365
01:07:16,336 --> 01:07:19,752
Infamous Risklus, how about
"Witless," with a head like an aqueduct?
1366
01:07:19,752 --> 01:07:22,877
You think you're Antivirus, don't you?
You couldn't even shine his sandals.
1367
01:07:22,877 --> 01:07:24,627
Así que callate la boca!
1368
01:07:27,127 --> 01:07:28,252
[Biopix] Caesar.
1369
01:07:28,252 --> 01:07:31,294
Tell me who wears the toga in the palace.
Eh? Who's the boss?
1370
01:07:31,919 --> 01:07:33,877
- I am.
- Anyone hear that?
1371
01:07:35,044 --> 01:07:36,627
Who's the boss at home?
1372
01:07:36,627 --> 01:07:38,502
[sighs] I'm the boss.
1373
01:07:38,502 --> 01:07:39,461
There you are.
1374
01:07:39,461 --> 01:07:43,044
Now you're talking. That is our Caesar.
That's our champion. Numero uno!
1375
01:07:43,961 --> 01:07:45,669
So if there's a message you gotta send,
1376
01:07:45,669 --> 01:07:47,752
just tell her to pack
her bags and all that,
1377
01:07:47,752 --> 01:07:51,669
and take herself right back to Egypt,
show her profile or whatever, she is out.
1378
01:07:55,627 --> 01:07:56,919
Fair enough. Write.
1379
01:07:56,919 --> 01:07:59,002
- Ah!
- [soft music playing]
1380
01:08:01,461 --> 01:08:02,586
[sighs]
1381
01:08:05,752 --> 01:08:08,252
"Cleo..." No. "Cleopatra."
1382
01:08:08,252 --> 01:08:09,711
I like that.
1383
01:08:09,711 --> 01:08:10,877
"When I get to Rome,
1384
01:08:10,877 --> 01:08:14,169
I want to find my palace free
of your sarcophago-whatchamacallit."
1385
01:08:14,169 --> 01:08:17,336
"Starting from today,
you'll know who wears the toga at home."
1386
01:08:17,336 --> 01:08:18,336
[Biopix] There you go.
1387
01:08:18,336 --> 01:08:19,669
"You've been told. Hail me."
1388
01:08:19,669 --> 01:08:21,086
[Biopix] That's better.
1389
01:08:21,086 --> 01:08:23,961
That's my sizzling Caesar,
that was masterly.
1390
01:08:23,961 --> 01:08:25,711
Ah! Queen of Egypt.
1391
01:08:25,711 --> 01:08:28,461
- Queen of Doofus-land.
- [lively music playing]
1392
01:08:28,461 --> 01:08:30,586
[laughs] ♪ And where did they go... ♪
1393
01:08:30,586 --> 01:08:33,461
♪ Where did they go, down to Egypt land ♪
1394
01:08:33,461 --> 01:08:35,294
- Hit Send.
- Sí.
1395
01:08:37,044 --> 01:08:39,127
[cooing]
1396
01:08:39,127 --> 01:08:40,502
Pigeon... Pidgie-widgie...
1397
01:08:42,086 --> 01:08:44,252
Oh! [laughs]
1398
01:08:44,252 --> 01:08:47,502
[in Galician] A bunny!
1399
01:08:47,502 --> 01:08:48,961
[in English] Oh, there's a big one.
1400
01:08:48,961 --> 01:08:50,586
[in Galician] A raccoon.
1401
01:08:51,211 --> 01:08:52,669
- [comical music playing]
- [bleating]
1402
01:08:52,669 --> 01:08:54,211
[laughs]
1403
01:08:54,211 --> 01:08:57,252
A goat! [cooing]
1404
01:08:57,252 --> 01:08:59,877
[cooing]
1405
01:09:03,377 --> 01:09:05,419
Come on, sweetie.
1406
01:09:05,419 --> 01:09:06,669
[swooshing]
1407
01:09:09,127 --> 01:09:10,919
[notification chimes]
1408
01:09:11,627 --> 01:09:13,794
[cooing, vibrating]
1409
01:09:13,794 --> 01:09:15,294
[in English] Huh, it's Cleopatra.
1410
01:09:15,294 --> 01:09:17,502
- Already?
- [pigeon coos and vibrates]
1411
01:09:18,002 --> 01:09:19,544
- Well, get to it!
- Huh?
1412
01:09:27,127 --> 01:09:29,044
[mumbles]
1413
01:09:30,419 --> 01:09:31,669
[Caesar] I don't understand.
1414
01:09:31,669 --> 01:09:32,961
- Eh?
- What did she say?
1415
01:09:32,961 --> 01:09:34,002
Uh...
1416
01:09:35,252 --> 01:09:39,044
"I would like to apologise
for the attitude I had."
1417
01:09:39,044 --> 01:09:40,419
"I went too far."
1418
01:09:40,419 --> 01:09:42,544
You can say that again. Uh...
1419
01:09:42,544 --> 01:09:47,294
"Four long months have passed,
and all I dream of is to see your face."
1420
01:09:47,294 --> 01:09:49,877
"I'm waiting in Rome.
Come back as soon as you can."
1421
01:09:50,794 --> 01:09:52,002
"Your loving Cleo-babe."
1422
01:09:53,377 --> 01:09:55,086
Hey. You gotta stop that pigeon.
The pigeon!
1423
01:09:55,086 --> 01:09:58,419
- [Caesar] Cancel the pigeon. Quick!
- There's no cancelling a homing pigeon.
1424
01:09:58,419 --> 01:10:01,461
Once you sent it, it's sent.
Should I slug him?
1425
01:10:01,461 --> 01:10:02,919
Everybody out!
1426
01:10:07,669 --> 01:10:09,211
I said everybody.
1427
01:10:10,336 --> 01:10:13,127
- ["Le Diro Parole Blu" playing]
- [gasps]
1428
01:10:19,294 --> 01:10:22,752
[cooing]
1429
01:10:51,169 --> 01:10:53,419
[Cleopatra laughs]
1430
01:11:09,044 --> 01:11:10,586
[pigeon farts]
1431
01:11:11,336 --> 01:11:12,711
[grunts]
1432
01:11:13,961 --> 01:11:15,252
[sobs]
1433
01:11:15,252 --> 01:11:16,502
Cleo...
1434
01:11:22,086 --> 01:11:23,336
[door creaking]
1435
01:11:26,294 --> 01:11:28,711
Hey! Anyone peckish? They left some fruit.
1436
01:11:28,711 --> 01:11:29,961
- What are you doing?
- Huh?
1437
01:11:29,961 --> 01:11:31,502
Those are offerings.
1438
01:11:32,002 --> 01:11:33,669
- Oh, pardon me. Wasn't aware.
- [knock on door]
1439
01:11:35,294 --> 01:11:37,377
- Shh.
- [tense music playing]
1440
01:11:41,377 --> 01:11:44,377
I got this. Sir, you shouldn't stay here.
Here you go, good night,
1441
01:11:44,377 --> 01:11:46,252
and good luck.
1442
01:11:46,836 --> 01:11:48,502
Never mind, just a beggar.
1443
01:11:49,919 --> 01:11:52,711
[mystical music playing]
1444
01:11:52,711 --> 01:11:53,836
Master Sill Lee.
1445
01:11:55,294 --> 01:11:56,377
Oh, I'm so sorry.
1446
01:11:56,877 --> 01:11:58,252
Whoa, I am so terribly sorry,
1447
01:11:58,252 --> 01:12:00,002
Mr. Master, I thought...
1448
01:12:00,002 --> 01:12:03,794
Master Sill Lee is a hermit
who devoted his life to meditation.
1449
01:12:03,794 --> 01:12:05,586
He took a vow of absolute poverty.
1450
01:12:06,294 --> 01:12:08,919
Oh wow, bravo for your sacrifice,
it's mind-blowing.
1451
01:12:08,919 --> 01:12:11,961
If it was me, I would cave on day one.
So, could you...
1452
01:12:11,961 --> 01:12:13,877
If you'd be so kind,
I'll just get my coin.
1453
01:12:13,877 --> 01:12:16,877
Try to take the coin back out of my hand,
1454
01:12:16,877 --> 01:12:18,377
my little grasshopper.
1455
01:12:20,877 --> 01:12:22,669
[Bankruptis] Well, um...
1456
01:12:22,669 --> 01:12:24,627
That's far too easy,
seeing as you can't see.
1457
01:12:24,627 --> 01:12:28,836
Never assume that a man
is blind because of his lack of--
1458
01:12:29,752 --> 01:12:31,461
- [gasps]
- Didn't see that one coming, did you?
1459
01:12:31,461 --> 01:12:32,877
[laughs]
1460
01:12:33,502 --> 01:12:34,711
Voilà!
1461
01:12:35,336 --> 01:12:37,336
- It's him, he made me do it.
- Let him be!
1462
01:12:37,877 --> 01:12:39,669
Little grasshopper.
1463
01:12:39,669 --> 01:12:41,211
No, sir, I'm right here, just...
1464
01:12:41,752 --> 01:12:44,169
You are swift as the cobra.
1465
01:12:44,169 --> 01:12:45,252
Yeah, that's me.
1466
01:12:45,252 --> 01:12:47,836
Could we please move on
to more important things?
1467
01:12:48,502 --> 01:12:50,752
[mysterious music playing]
1468
01:12:53,836 --> 01:12:55,669
- [laughter]
- Oh, by Toutatis.
1469
01:12:55,669 --> 01:12:59,461
[Sill Lee] Deng Tsin Qin is spreading
terror throughout the country.
1470
01:12:59,461 --> 01:13:01,419
- [sizzling]
- [Sill Lee] Do not touch.
1471
01:13:01,419 --> 01:13:03,419
Ah. Hard to resist.
1472
01:13:04,044 --> 01:13:07,211
I spy an abandoned temple in the forest.
1473
01:13:07,919 --> 01:13:09,544
[Sill Lee] The Xuan temple.
1474
01:13:09,544 --> 01:13:14,336
Her Majesty the Empress
is held prisoner there.
1475
01:13:15,044 --> 01:13:19,586
After she is released, you will have
to hightail it as fast as you can
1476
01:13:19,586 --> 01:13:21,461
to the Ku Koo palace
1477
01:13:21,461 --> 01:13:25,669
before Caesar is able
to take possession of the last kingdom.
1478
01:13:26,211 --> 01:13:28,586
You are going to encounter
1479
01:13:29,086 --> 01:13:32,044
the hideous, the unsightly,
1480
01:13:32,044 --> 01:13:36,169
the monstrous crown Prince Ku Koo.
1481
01:13:36,169 --> 01:13:40,877
You will meet him, he's masked in bamboo.
1482
01:13:40,877 --> 01:13:41,794
[barks]
1483
01:13:41,794 --> 01:13:42,752
[mumbles]
1484
01:13:42,752 --> 01:13:44,627
Hey, buddy, it's not for real.
1485
01:13:45,211 --> 01:13:46,711
Good luck.
1486
01:13:47,211 --> 01:13:49,544
This is where our paths must part.
1487
01:13:50,169 --> 01:13:53,627
Grand Master,
uh, are you finished with the magic ball?
1488
01:13:55,419 --> 01:13:56,544
Yes.
1489
01:13:56,544 --> 01:13:58,377
[sizzling]
1490
01:13:58,377 --> 01:13:59,377
No!
1491
01:13:59,377 --> 01:14:00,336
[explosion booming]
1492
01:14:00,336 --> 01:14:01,919
[Bankruptis] Holy cow!
1493
01:14:04,586 --> 01:14:06,544
Are you happy now? You broke it.
1494
01:14:06,544 --> 01:14:08,294
[Astérix] He told you not to touch.
1495
01:14:08,294 --> 01:14:09,461
[door opens]
1496
01:14:10,336 --> 01:14:11,377
That is true.
1497
01:14:11,377 --> 01:14:14,836
- Hey!
- I told you keep your hands to yourselves!
1498
01:14:16,586 --> 01:14:18,294
[explosion booming]
1499
01:14:20,086 --> 01:14:22,127
- Why'd you touch the magic ball?
- Hmm.
1500
01:14:22,127 --> 01:14:24,627
[mysterious music playing]
1501
01:14:27,002 --> 01:14:29,627
[soldier] Have you seen Princess Sa See?
She's with two warriors and...
1502
01:14:29,627 --> 01:14:33,169
- [armour clattering]
- [laughter]
1503
01:14:33,877 --> 01:14:35,252
Princess Sa See.
1504
01:14:35,252 --> 01:14:38,586
Seen her? With two foreign warriors
with superhuman strength.
1505
01:14:39,252 --> 01:14:40,086
And a little pooch.
1506
01:14:40,086 --> 01:14:41,211
[barking]
1507
01:14:53,377 --> 01:14:55,377
I don't know what's going on. [yelps]
1508
01:14:55,377 --> 01:14:58,669
[centurion] What are you waiting for?
Room service? Get them!
1509
01:14:58,669 --> 01:15:00,919
- [Obélix] Astérix!
- What? Just run!
1510
01:15:00,919 --> 01:15:02,252
- Astérix!
- What?
1511
01:15:02,252 --> 01:15:04,211
- Why are we running?
- Why are we running?
1512
01:15:04,211 --> 01:15:06,044
- Because I don't wanna fight.
- But, why not?
1513
01:15:06,044 --> 01:15:08,169
I don't want to take the potion
in front of the Princess.
1514
01:15:08,169 --> 01:15:09,711
I'm sick of using a crutch!
1515
01:15:09,711 --> 01:15:10,711
Pfff!
1516
01:15:10,711 --> 01:15:12,752
Let's go, boys!
Move it, I borrowed a rickshaw.
1517
01:15:12,752 --> 01:15:13,919
Come on!
1518
01:15:15,627 --> 01:15:16,627
Speed it up!
1519
01:15:17,294 --> 01:15:19,669
- [Astérix] Will you hurry!
- Alright! I know!
1520
01:15:19,669 --> 01:15:21,336
- [Dogmatix whines]
- [sighs]
1521
01:15:21,877 --> 01:15:23,002
Princess...
1522
01:15:23,002 --> 01:15:24,336
Dawdling on purpose.
1523
01:15:24,336 --> 01:15:25,877
[inhales deeply]
1524
01:15:51,586 --> 01:15:54,627
[Dogmatix whines]
1525
01:15:54,627 --> 01:15:56,586
[mysterious music playing]
1526
01:16:05,544 --> 01:16:06,586
Ka Ra Tay.
1527
01:16:08,627 --> 01:16:09,502
Oh...
1528
01:16:16,544 --> 01:16:18,919
- Yeah.
- Can't argue with that.
1529
01:16:22,627 --> 01:16:23,544
[Ekonomikrisis] So...
1530
01:16:23,544 --> 01:16:27,044
In one more ball,
I officially consider us to be dead meat.
1531
01:16:28,002 --> 01:16:29,877
Which means that it's our last night...
1532
01:16:29,877 --> 01:16:31,794
and I was thinking that, uh,
1533
01:16:31,794 --> 01:16:34,002
perhaps... maybe as a memento...
1534
01:16:34,002 --> 01:16:36,086
- Your Majesty!
- Ah! Oh! Whoa!
1535
01:16:36,836 --> 01:16:37,752
She freaked me out.
1536
01:16:37,752 --> 01:16:39,919
Your Majesty,
we're going to get you out of here.
1537
01:16:39,919 --> 01:16:41,169
Who is she?
1538
01:16:42,544 --> 01:16:43,961
- Stand back!
- Okay, stand back.
1539
01:16:46,127 --> 01:16:47,002
[Obélix] Ka Ra Tay!
1540
01:16:54,752 --> 01:16:56,377
[Astérix] Are you done?
1541
01:17:04,002 --> 01:17:04,836
Forgive me.
1542
01:17:06,752 --> 01:17:08,252
[rumbling]
1543
01:17:11,336 --> 01:17:13,669
[dramatic music playing]
1544
01:17:17,669 --> 01:17:18,544
You may rise.
1545
01:17:20,252 --> 01:17:21,127
We must go.
1546
01:17:21,127 --> 01:17:22,627
Jump. They'll catch you at the bottom.
1547
01:17:22,627 --> 01:17:25,711
What? Jump? Are you bonkers?
No way am I leaving now.
1548
01:17:25,711 --> 01:17:28,419
You want me to quit a negotiation?
I've never done that in my life.
1549
01:17:29,044 --> 01:17:31,044
I'm about two balls away
from breaking the guy.
1550
01:17:31,044 --> 01:17:33,502
So you go on without me,
I'll just, uh, join you later.
1551
01:17:34,086 --> 01:17:35,377
Are you sure?
1552
01:17:35,961 --> 01:17:37,377
- Yeah.
- Very well.
1553
01:17:37,377 --> 01:17:38,919
As you wish.
1554
01:17:42,419 --> 01:17:43,752
Take care of yourself.
1555
01:17:44,336 --> 01:17:45,502
And don't lose your head.
1556
01:17:45,502 --> 01:17:49,211
Ah! Look who's worried about me now!
1557
01:17:50,544 --> 01:17:51,627
You know what?
1558
01:17:52,252 --> 01:17:54,419
You're even more beautiful
when you smile than when you're upset.
1559
01:18:01,586 --> 01:18:03,961
Whoa, she's impressive, yeah.
1560
01:18:04,752 --> 01:18:05,752
- [grunts]
- Thank you.
1561
01:18:08,044 --> 01:18:09,419
Mother.
1562
01:18:09,419 --> 01:18:11,544
What joy to see you.
1563
01:18:15,586 --> 01:18:17,044
- Wow.
- I'm right...
1564
01:18:17,586 --> 01:18:18,586
here.
1565
01:18:21,586 --> 01:18:24,127
- [guard] Alert! Prisoners have escaped!
- Quick, let's go!
1566
01:18:24,127 --> 01:18:26,211
[arrows whistling]
1567
01:18:28,211 --> 01:18:30,169
[heavy breathing]
1568
01:18:35,086 --> 01:18:36,544
[Bankruptis] Where do I go?
1569
01:18:36,544 --> 01:18:38,044
[Astérix] Shh!
1570
01:18:38,044 --> 01:18:39,169
Wait a sec.
1571
01:18:40,086 --> 01:18:44,502
- We lost them. I think we're safe.
- Gaulish friends, thank you for your help.
1572
01:18:44,502 --> 01:18:47,169
- It's our pleasure, Your Majesty.
- Majesty. [clears throat]
1573
01:18:47,169 --> 01:18:49,544
Okay, I guess I'll just do this myself.
1574
01:18:51,044 --> 01:18:52,502
Bankruptis.
1575
01:18:52,502 --> 01:18:55,627
You may remember
that we met at the market.
1576
01:18:55,627 --> 01:18:57,377
That's right. [laughs]
1577
01:18:57,377 --> 01:18:59,211
Life is just a barrel of surprises.
1578
01:19:01,544 --> 01:19:03,336
Not the best attention span in the world.
1579
01:19:03,336 --> 01:19:07,627
Sa See, you must leave with our friends,
join the Ku Koos and secure their support.
1580
01:19:08,211 --> 01:19:11,461
I will attempt to rally our own army
and our followers.
1581
01:19:12,002 --> 01:19:13,252
Ka Ra Tay, come with me.
1582
01:19:13,252 --> 01:19:16,836
I will strive to be worthy, Mother.
I'll make you proud of me.
1583
01:19:18,627 --> 01:19:20,377
You've already made me proud.
1584
01:19:21,961 --> 01:19:23,252
[Empress] Let us go, Ka Ra Tay.
1585
01:19:36,919 --> 01:19:40,627
[both giggling]
1586
01:19:40,627 --> 01:19:42,211
That won't end well.
1587
01:19:42,211 --> 01:19:43,919
- [laughs]
- [grunts]
1588
01:19:47,544 --> 01:19:49,752
[soft music playing]
1589
01:19:49,752 --> 01:19:50,877
Ka Ra Tay.
1590
01:20:04,961 --> 01:20:07,002
Ka Ra Tay has fallen for Obélix.
1591
01:20:08,877 --> 01:20:09,836
And Obélix for her.
1592
01:20:12,669 --> 01:20:15,669
There's a bit too much falling,
don't you think, in this adventure.
1593
01:20:16,794 --> 01:20:17,794
Right, let's get moving.
1594
01:20:19,336 --> 01:20:20,919
Obélix, are you coming?
1595
01:20:24,419 --> 01:20:26,627
[soft music playing]
1596
01:20:29,336 --> 01:20:32,961
- [Caesar] What kind of booze is this?
- [Deng Tsin Qin] It's rice wine.
1597
01:20:32,961 --> 01:20:35,377
You're not the most refined people
in the world, hmm?
1598
01:20:39,877 --> 01:20:42,586
It's not for the weak,
but it does grow on you.
1599
01:20:42,586 --> 01:20:43,836
It's relaxing.
1600
01:20:43,836 --> 01:20:44,919
Rice is nice.
1601
01:20:45,544 --> 01:20:46,586
I should bring some home,
1602
01:20:46,586 --> 01:20:48,669
it'd make arguing
with the missus more fun.
1603
01:20:51,377 --> 01:20:52,336
You know,
1604
01:20:52,336 --> 01:20:54,502
it's in moments like this one...
1605
01:20:56,294 --> 01:20:57,419
[sighs]
1606
01:20:57,419 --> 01:20:58,877
...that I most miss her.
1607
01:20:58,877 --> 01:21:00,752
What's that music?
1608
01:21:00,752 --> 01:21:01,752
Is that a band?
1609
01:21:01,752 --> 01:21:03,586
Four guys and a singer.
1610
01:21:03,586 --> 01:21:05,544
- You take musicians wherever you go?
- Yeah.
1611
01:21:05,544 --> 01:21:06,919
It's convenient.
1612
01:21:07,711 --> 01:21:10,377
I play all my favourite tunes on the move.
1613
01:21:11,669 --> 01:21:14,086
- Do you know this one?
- Everyone knows this one.
1614
01:21:14,836 --> 01:21:17,461
That... That's music, right there.
1615
01:21:18,419 --> 01:21:21,586
A step up from your,
"Ting-tong-tong, tipiting-Tong-Tong."
1616
01:21:25,794 --> 01:21:27,544
[sighs]
1617
01:21:34,044 --> 01:21:35,252
Amore.
1618
01:21:35,252 --> 01:21:37,627
Whoa! Hey, what's that for?
1619
01:21:39,169 --> 01:21:41,586
- I thought you were my wife.
- No, I'm nobody's wife.
1620
01:21:43,377 --> 01:21:44,294
[Caesar] You know what?
1621
01:21:44,294 --> 01:21:47,211
That booze of yours
made me feel alive again.
1622
01:21:49,711 --> 01:21:52,586
I'm feeling like...
the new emperor of China.
1623
01:21:53,169 --> 01:21:56,836
When she sees that, your friend Cleo,
it's gonna blow her little mind.
1624
01:21:57,752 --> 01:22:00,461
Tomorrow at dawn,
the Ku Koos' clocks will be wound!
1625
01:22:00,461 --> 01:22:01,711
[sighs]
1626
01:22:07,961 --> 01:22:09,044
Wow...
1627
01:22:12,377 --> 01:22:14,502
[epic music playing]
1628
01:22:17,919 --> 01:22:20,294
[Astérix] Obélix, slow down,
we're getting off soon.
1629
01:22:20,294 --> 01:22:23,502
- [Sa See] Yes, it's the next exit.
- [tyres screeching]
1630
01:22:23,502 --> 01:22:25,252
[narrator] Once again, thanks to Obélix,
1631
01:22:25,252 --> 01:22:29,461
our friends beat Caesar's legions
to the Palace of Prince Ku Koo,
1632
01:22:29,461 --> 01:22:31,252
the Man in the Bamboo Mask,
1633
01:22:31,252 --> 01:22:32,711
if you've been following.
1634
01:22:36,752 --> 01:22:38,336
I am To Fu,
1635
01:22:38,919 --> 01:22:41,961
advisor to the prince-regent Ku Koo.
1636
01:22:42,544 --> 01:22:43,711
Can you now prove
1637
01:22:44,669 --> 01:22:47,794
you are not trying to impersonate
the princess of China?
1638
01:22:47,794 --> 01:22:50,586
You have my word.
I'm the daughter of the Empress.
1639
01:22:50,586 --> 01:22:54,294
I'm sorry, but just your word
means nothing to me.
1640
01:22:54,877 --> 01:22:57,794
- [heavy breathing]
- You could be a spy,
1641
01:22:57,794 --> 01:23:00,586
bought and paid for by Deng Tsin Qin!
1642
01:23:01,419 --> 01:23:02,294
[both] Uh? No.
1643
01:23:03,252 --> 01:23:05,211
Show him the coin.
1644
01:23:05,211 --> 01:23:07,294
[dramatic music playing]
1645
01:23:09,961 --> 01:23:13,377
Will this coin finally make you kneel
before your Empress's daughter?
1646
01:23:13,377 --> 01:23:14,502
Oh.
1647
01:23:15,502 --> 01:23:17,502
[To Fu] My grovelling apologies,
Princess Sa See.
1648
01:23:17,502 --> 01:23:19,044
We had to be cautious.
1649
01:23:19,877 --> 01:23:23,419
His Highness, the Prince Ku Koo!
1650
01:23:23,919 --> 01:23:25,252
[groaning]
1651
01:23:25,252 --> 01:23:27,544
[tense music playing]
1652
01:23:30,586 --> 01:23:31,794
[Obélix mumbles]
1653
01:23:35,919 --> 01:23:37,336
[Bankruptis] What you doing? Obélix!
1654
01:23:37,336 --> 01:23:38,961
Turn around and look at him.
1655
01:23:38,961 --> 01:23:40,919
You're being rude, this is his place.
1656
01:23:40,919 --> 01:23:42,044
[Obélix trembles]
1657
01:23:48,627 --> 01:23:52,211
♪ Say you, say me ♪
1658
01:23:54,169 --> 01:23:56,461
♪ Say it for always ♪
1659
01:23:58,586 --> 01:24:00,669
♪ That's the way it should be ♪
1660
01:24:03,336 --> 01:24:04,294
Princess Sa See,
1661
01:24:04,294 --> 01:24:07,044
I am Prince Ku Koo,
my army is at your service.
1662
01:24:07,044 --> 01:24:09,336
We rally behind your mother, our Empress.
1663
01:24:09,336 --> 01:24:11,211
Uh... I, um...
1664
01:24:11,211 --> 01:24:14,086
Thank you, um,
I'm sorry, I'm at a loss for words.
1665
01:24:14,711 --> 01:24:16,961
[Ku Koo] That's my fault.
My cursed hair must frighten you.
1666
01:24:17,794 --> 01:24:19,544
Oh no, not at all.
It suits you beautifully.
1667
01:24:21,127 --> 01:24:22,586
You're the first person
who's ever said that.
1668
01:24:22,586 --> 01:24:24,544
You're the first person
I've wanted to say it to.
1669
01:24:24,544 --> 01:24:27,836
♪ When you feel you lost your way ♪
1670
01:24:28,377 --> 01:24:30,794
♪ You got someone there to say ♪
1671
01:24:32,294 --> 01:24:34,461
♪ I'll show you ♪
1672
01:24:37,377 --> 01:24:40,044
♪ Say you, say me... ♪
1673
01:24:40,044 --> 01:24:42,252
Somebody's wigging out.
1674
01:24:42,252 --> 01:24:44,586
All those months of effort, for nothing.
1675
01:24:47,252 --> 01:24:49,336
And just like that.
Dumped into the friend zone.
1676
01:24:49,919 --> 01:24:51,669
Princess, can we go now?
1677
01:24:53,086 --> 01:24:54,794
Is there a Kingdom to save or not?
1678
01:24:57,919 --> 01:25:00,127
♪ Say it together ♪
1679
01:25:01,877 --> 01:25:03,794
♪ Naturally ♪
1680
01:25:03,794 --> 01:25:06,586
[dramatic music playing]
1681
01:25:08,127 --> 01:25:11,169
Typically Ku Koo
to build your palace in a basin.
1682
01:25:11,169 --> 01:25:12,502
Oh, cornered!
1683
01:25:13,086 --> 01:25:15,127
Surrounded by Caesar. Shouldn't take long.
1684
01:25:18,919 --> 01:25:21,961
Surrender unto Caesar.
Here goes nothing then.
1685
01:25:33,544 --> 01:25:35,419
I am Princess Sa See.
1686
01:25:35,419 --> 01:25:37,669
Submit to the power
of the One Empress of China.
1687
01:25:38,294 --> 01:25:39,336
[laughter]
1688
01:25:39,961 --> 01:25:42,502
Sa See, my darling,
now we can get married!
1689
01:25:42,502 --> 01:25:46,002
Over my dead body.
You'll regret your actions, Deng Tsin Qin.
1690
01:25:46,919 --> 01:25:48,294
Seems a difficult sell.
1691
01:25:48,294 --> 01:25:49,711
Pretty unlikely, I won't lie.
1692
01:25:49,711 --> 01:25:52,919
- I have a question for you, Princess.
- There you go.
1693
01:25:53,544 --> 01:25:54,961
How many troops you got?
1694
01:25:54,961 --> 01:25:56,211
Ten thousand.
1695
01:25:56,211 --> 01:25:59,836
No, I'm just saying, 'cause...
I've come with eighty thousand men here!
1696
01:25:59,836 --> 01:26:01,544
[cheering]
1697
01:26:06,002 --> 01:26:09,002
The power of experience, simply put.
Can't help it. I've never lost.
1698
01:26:09,002 --> 01:26:10,294
Ha, you're marvellous.
1699
01:26:10,294 --> 01:26:13,627
It would seem you've miscounted.
It's ten thousand, plus two.
1700
01:26:13,627 --> 01:26:14,961
If you still need me, obviously.
1701
01:26:14,961 --> 01:26:16,211
Hello, Julius!
1702
01:26:16,211 --> 01:26:18,336
- [Obélix] It's us!
- The weirdos.
1703
01:26:18,336 --> 01:26:19,627
[Ku Koo] Not plus two,
1704
01:26:19,627 --> 01:26:21,336
plus three!
1705
01:26:21,919 --> 01:26:23,127
The Man Behind the Bamboo!
1706
01:26:25,127 --> 01:26:26,627
[Deng Tsin Qin] How awful. Poor boy.
1707
01:26:27,211 --> 01:26:28,877
- He's a blonde.
- It's not such a bad look.
1708
01:26:28,877 --> 01:26:30,502
[Bankruptis] Not plus three, plus four!
1709
01:26:31,377 --> 01:26:34,252
I am the Man in the Blue Plumage.
1710
01:26:34,252 --> 01:26:35,544
What is that?
1711
01:26:38,794 --> 01:26:40,627
That's enough talk.
1712
01:26:42,211 --> 01:26:44,794
Why be talking, when you can be running?
1713
01:26:44,794 --> 01:26:45,794
Ah!
1714
01:26:45,794 --> 01:26:47,461
- [rock music playing]
- [cheering]
1715
01:26:51,044 --> 01:26:52,502
[grunts]
1716
01:26:52,502 --> 01:26:54,502
[Antivirus] Mamma mia.
1717
01:26:54,502 --> 01:26:55,752
[crowd sighs]
1718
01:26:56,836 --> 01:26:59,086
The man starts off cold! Silly boy.
1719
01:26:59,086 --> 01:27:00,877
- Did I give the order?
- No, you didn't.
1720
01:27:02,877 --> 01:27:03,794
[sighs]
1721
01:27:03,794 --> 01:27:04,877
All right. Rotate.
1722
01:27:04,877 --> 01:27:07,711
- Rotatio!
- [off-key horn playing]
1723
01:27:09,086 --> 01:27:10,461
[soldiers chanting] Antivirus!
1724
01:27:10,461 --> 01:27:11,877
Antivirus!
1725
01:27:11,877 --> 01:27:16,627
- Antivirus! Antivirus!
- [horn hooting]
1726
01:27:16,627 --> 01:27:18,669
[chanting continues]
1727
01:27:25,086 --> 01:27:27,002
[shouting]
1728
01:27:27,002 --> 01:27:28,252
[cork popping]
1729
01:27:28,252 --> 01:27:30,169
[bagpipes playing]
1730
01:27:34,961 --> 01:27:36,919
- [sighs]
- Ah!
1731
01:27:42,669 --> 01:27:43,502
[exhales]
1732
01:27:47,294 --> 01:27:49,211
Hey, Astérix. Gimme some, will you?
1733
01:27:49,211 --> 01:27:52,086
- Nah. Not enough to go around.
- [mocking] Not enough to go around.
1734
01:27:55,794 --> 01:27:57,169
What a bunch of cheaters!
1735
01:27:57,169 --> 01:27:58,336
Won't save 'em, though.
1736
01:27:59,877 --> 01:28:01,752
Attack!
1737
01:28:01,752 --> 01:28:03,711
[soldiers cheer]
1738
01:28:05,002 --> 01:28:06,002
Wah!
1739
01:28:06,002 --> 01:28:08,211
- [battle cries]
- [barking]
1740
01:28:18,294 --> 01:28:19,752
- Yo!
- What?
1741
01:28:20,669 --> 01:28:21,544
Yessir.
1742
01:28:43,169 --> 01:28:44,127
[barking]
1743
01:28:44,127 --> 01:28:45,586
[shouts]
1744
01:29:00,877 --> 01:29:01,877
[groans]
1745
01:29:03,252 --> 01:29:04,711
[screaming]
1746
01:29:11,211 --> 01:29:12,169
Help me.
1747
01:29:12,169 --> 01:29:13,877
Shh! Shut up, by golly.
1748
01:29:13,877 --> 01:29:15,502
You'll get us caught.
1749
01:29:15,502 --> 01:29:17,919
Golly. As in Gauls.
1750
01:29:30,294 --> 01:29:31,627
So, is it my turn?
1751
01:29:31,627 --> 01:29:32,961
Yeah, sure, if you want.
1752
01:29:32,961 --> 01:29:34,044
Archers!
1753
01:29:35,044 --> 01:29:36,377
Aim!
1754
01:29:36,377 --> 01:29:37,919
Draw!
1755
01:29:37,919 --> 01:29:39,419
Fire!
1756
01:29:40,461 --> 01:29:44,127
Deng Tsin Qin, Emperor of China!
[laughs]
1757
01:29:44,127 --> 01:29:45,711
[mysterious music playing]
1758
01:29:45,711 --> 01:29:47,002
Arrows!
1759
01:29:54,752 --> 01:29:56,752
[screams]
1760
01:30:01,252 --> 01:30:02,711
Come on. Seriously?
1761
01:30:02,711 --> 01:30:05,377
Don't judge. Ah!
1762
01:30:06,752 --> 01:30:07,794
I can feel it.
1763
01:30:09,002 --> 01:30:11,294
The kick is a monster. Ah!
1764
01:30:11,294 --> 01:30:13,544
[yelling]
1765
01:30:13,544 --> 01:30:14,669
Crazy force!
1766
01:30:14,669 --> 01:30:16,044
Oh...
1767
01:30:16,044 --> 01:30:19,377
Is that all? Is this all? Argh!
1768
01:30:19,377 --> 01:30:22,336
No! I can't believe it. This is pathetic!
1769
01:30:24,211 --> 01:30:26,169
[soldier yelling]
1770
01:30:32,252 --> 01:30:34,669
- I smell victory.
- Ah, smells of victory.
1771
01:30:34,669 --> 01:30:36,419
A specific smell, would you say?
1772
01:30:37,669 --> 01:30:39,752
Readers care about that sort of detail?
1773
01:30:39,752 --> 01:30:41,169
It flavours the experience.
1774
01:30:42,919 --> 01:30:44,627
It reeks of laurel then.
1775
01:30:44,627 --> 01:30:47,836
Excellent. Excellent!
1776
01:30:47,836 --> 01:30:49,752
[dramatic music playing]
1777
01:30:53,211 --> 01:30:54,336
[grunts]
1778
01:30:54,336 --> 01:30:55,836
[laughs]
1779
01:30:59,211 --> 01:31:01,044
[laughs]
1780
01:31:01,961 --> 01:31:04,752
[screams]
1781
01:31:04,752 --> 01:31:07,919
[emotional music playing]
1782
01:31:09,586 --> 01:31:10,544
Thank you.
1783
01:31:10,544 --> 01:31:11,794
You're welcome.
1784
01:31:11,794 --> 01:31:13,044
[screams]
1785
01:31:15,127 --> 01:31:17,044
I won't not help you
just 'cause we've argued.
1786
01:31:17,627 --> 01:31:18,461
I know.
1787
01:31:18,461 --> 01:31:20,544
- I've always said I'd defend you.
- [screams]
1788
01:31:21,211 --> 01:31:22,211
I know.
1789
01:31:23,502 --> 01:31:25,627
Because you'll always be my best mate.
1790
01:31:28,336 --> 01:31:29,294
I know.
1791
01:31:30,377 --> 01:31:31,711
Sorry, Obélix.
1792
01:31:34,586 --> 01:31:36,711
[Sa See] Astérix! Obélix!
1793
01:31:44,169 --> 01:31:46,711
[Obélix grunts]
1794
01:31:55,461 --> 01:31:57,627
Obélix! Don't!
1795
01:31:58,211 --> 01:31:59,377
Don't.
1796
01:32:09,669 --> 01:32:11,961
[laughs]
1797
01:32:11,961 --> 01:32:16,627
Before we die,
I need to tell you something, Princess.
1798
01:32:16,627 --> 01:32:18,544
- [soft music playing]
- [hoof steps approaching]
1799
01:32:22,586 --> 01:32:25,627
[epic music playing]
1800
01:32:42,669 --> 01:32:43,502
Look there!
1801
01:32:45,336 --> 01:32:47,044
[narrator] And just when all seemed lost,
1802
01:32:47,877 --> 01:32:49,252
the Empress appeared,
1803
01:32:49,252 --> 01:32:52,294
followed by her army
and all of her people.
1804
01:32:52,294 --> 01:32:53,752
Everyone came.
1805
01:32:53,752 --> 01:32:55,711
They followed her
across the Middle Kingdom,
1806
01:32:55,711 --> 01:32:59,836
marching all the way
to the ultimate battle scene.
1807
01:33:12,377 --> 01:33:13,211
Oh?
1808
01:33:13,211 --> 01:33:14,961
[soft music playing]
1809
01:33:16,877 --> 01:33:18,794
- What the heck is that?
- I'm not sure.
1810
01:33:18,794 --> 01:33:21,502
But I don't smell
a lot of laurel right now.
1811
01:33:22,002 --> 01:33:24,544
More like pine caskets.
1812
01:33:24,544 --> 01:33:25,794
[sighs]
1813
01:33:27,211 --> 01:33:28,419
[horn hoots]
1814
01:33:30,044 --> 01:33:31,544
Caesar!
1815
01:33:31,544 --> 01:33:33,752
I am the Empress of China.
1816
01:33:33,752 --> 01:33:36,377
You will leave my empire forthwith.
I order you.
1817
01:33:36,377 --> 01:33:38,919
- [laughs]
- Never!
1818
01:33:38,919 --> 01:33:41,169
Woman of character. Reminds me of someone.
1819
01:33:41,169 --> 01:33:42,294
Ooh...
1820
01:33:43,169 --> 01:33:44,586
Your Majesty,
1821
01:33:45,252 --> 01:33:47,461
rather than lose our temper
and ruin everything,
1822
01:33:47,461 --> 01:33:50,169
perhaps we could consider
some sort of alliance?
1823
01:33:50,169 --> 01:33:53,086
When the clouds pass in front of the sun,
1824
01:33:53,086 --> 01:33:55,502
my army will trample you to dust.
1825
01:33:56,377 --> 01:33:59,002
What's that now, another proverb of yours?
1826
01:33:59,002 --> 01:34:01,794
Oh no, it's literal.
And it's happening now.
1827
01:34:03,086 --> 01:34:04,752
[dramatic music playing]
1828
01:34:07,502 --> 01:34:10,002
- How many of you are there?
- [gasps] Watch him do his thing!
1829
01:34:10,627 --> 01:34:12,836
One million.
1830
01:34:12,836 --> 01:34:15,086
[music distorts and fades out]
1831
01:34:15,086 --> 01:34:17,711
Ah. The maths don't work as well.
1832
01:34:17,711 --> 01:34:18,669
[sighs]
1833
01:34:18,669 --> 01:34:21,127
Boys, I'm gonna hit the road.
It's not like I'm from here.
1834
01:34:21,127 --> 01:34:22,919
I'm returning to Rome, so keep in touch.
1835
01:34:22,919 --> 01:34:26,752
But Caesar, you can't just bail on us!
There's a million of them!
1836
01:34:27,544 --> 01:34:28,961
It's not my war.
1837
01:34:29,627 --> 01:34:30,961
[off-key horn playing]
1838
01:34:34,294 --> 01:34:36,044
I can't just trot off.
1839
01:34:38,086 --> 01:34:39,669
[whistles] Hi-ho, Equus!
1840
01:34:41,002 --> 01:34:42,419
Hi-ho. Now. [snaps fingers]
1841
01:34:45,586 --> 01:34:46,961
[coos and vibrates]
1842
01:34:51,252 --> 01:34:52,377
GOT YOUR MESSAGE!
1843
01:34:52,377 --> 01:34:56,461
SAY GOODBYE TO MY LITTLE PYRAMID!
CLEOPATRA
1844
01:34:56,461 --> 01:34:58,461
[sighs] That's one rough day.
1845
01:34:59,086 --> 01:34:59,919
A rough one.
1846
01:35:00,836 --> 01:35:01,877
Right.
1847
01:35:05,711 --> 01:35:07,377
Hurray!
1848
01:35:07,377 --> 01:35:09,211
- [majestic music playing]
- [cries of victory]
1849
01:35:11,627 --> 01:35:16,044
[scattered cheering]
1850
01:35:19,544 --> 01:35:22,544
[Sa See yells indistinctly]
1851
01:35:31,294 --> 01:35:32,127
[laughs]
1852
01:35:37,127 --> 01:35:39,627
Hurray!
1853
01:35:39,627 --> 01:35:41,127
[narrator] Now that's more like it.
1854
01:35:41,127 --> 01:35:44,211
- [light-hearted music playing]
-And here we are, back in Gaul.
1855
01:35:44,211 --> 01:35:47,377
Not only for our friends' usual banquet,
1856
01:35:47,377 --> 01:35:53,419
but also to hold a celebration
in honour of Gaul and China.
1857
01:35:55,294 --> 01:35:58,752
Your attention,
the Empress will be speaking now.
1858
01:36:00,002 --> 01:36:01,044
Valiant warriors,
1859
01:36:02,127 --> 01:36:04,002
my gratitude is eternal.
1860
01:36:04,669 --> 01:36:06,377
[Vitalstatistix]
Our honour, Your Majesty.
1861
01:36:06,377 --> 01:36:09,211
In fact, I'm the one who insisted
we rush to your aid.
1862
01:36:10,627 --> 01:36:12,461
We have come all this way today
1863
01:36:12,461 --> 01:36:14,502
to celebrate a beautiful union.
1864
01:36:14,502 --> 01:36:16,711
[soft music playing]
1865
01:36:23,211 --> 01:36:25,961
That's my cousin. Remix's the name.
1866
01:36:25,961 --> 01:36:27,836
He's a specialist of world music!
1867
01:36:27,836 --> 01:36:31,461
He's my cousin, he's mine, all mine.
He is not, at all, your cousin, he's my--
1868
01:36:31,461 --> 01:36:32,627
- Shush!
- [scoffs]
1869
01:37:05,211 --> 01:37:06,877
[muffled protest]
1870
01:37:18,086 --> 01:37:20,586
[Vitalstatistix] You know,
we're a bit alike, me and you.
1871
01:37:20,586 --> 01:37:21,794
We're chiefs.
1872
01:37:21,794 --> 01:37:24,502
I believe wielding power
gets pretty lonely.
1873
01:37:24,502 --> 01:37:25,836
Wouldn't you say so?
1874
01:37:28,127 --> 01:37:30,127
And... I'm not done.
1875
01:37:30,127 --> 01:37:33,544
And what's more, behind every great man,
there's a great woman.
1876
01:37:33,544 --> 01:37:36,627
Without Impedimenta, I'm lost.
At home, she's wearing the moustache.
1877
01:37:36,627 --> 01:37:39,377
Not interrupting, am I? Having a nice day?
1878
01:37:39,377 --> 01:37:41,711
[Impedimenta] Huh?
We'll settle this at home.
1879
01:37:41,711 --> 01:37:44,294
- [tutting]
- Hey, Mimenta!
1880
01:37:44,961 --> 01:37:47,502
Excuse me.
Just some minor marital strife to settle.
1881
01:37:48,086 --> 01:37:50,127
Mimenta! Mimenta!
1882
01:37:50,127 --> 01:37:52,294
[sighs] I thought he would never leave.
1883
01:37:54,502 --> 01:37:57,586
You know what? When you left the cell,
I recovered my head.
1884
01:37:58,169 --> 01:37:59,044
Mm.
1885
01:37:59,044 --> 01:38:02,002
What I lost, though,
was my poor little heart.
1886
01:38:02,586 --> 01:38:04,252
- Oh, don't be silly.
- [both giggle]
1887
01:38:04,252 --> 01:38:07,002
And so, what have you done with it?
1888
01:38:09,377 --> 01:38:10,669
See that, Bankruptis?
1889
01:38:10,669 --> 01:38:13,002
Huh? Prison didn't stop
your unkie's oo-la-la!
1890
01:38:13,002 --> 01:38:15,002
[laughs] High class.
1891
01:38:16,002 --> 01:38:17,169
[barking]
1892
01:38:21,294 --> 01:38:22,794
Hey. Bring another plate.
1893
01:38:22,794 --> 01:38:24,919
Or even better, a big dish, okay?
Wanna share?
1894
01:38:24,919 --> 01:38:27,711
- No. I'm not gonna give in now.
- Right, sorry.
1895
01:38:29,086 --> 01:38:31,086
So you still don't miss it?
1896
01:38:31,086 --> 01:38:32,752
Why would I miss it?
1897
01:38:32,752 --> 01:38:35,461
I tell you,
I can't even stand the smell now.
1898
01:38:36,794 --> 01:38:39,377
What I might miss sometimes
is the midnight snack, you know?
1899
01:38:40,002 --> 01:38:41,877
After a barley beer or two,
it gets complicated.
1900
01:38:43,336 --> 01:38:44,336
Obélix?
1901
01:38:45,211 --> 01:38:46,461
Panacea.
1902
01:38:47,002 --> 01:38:47,836
Am I in the way?
1903
01:38:47,836 --> 01:38:49,294
- No.
- [Panacea] I am.
1904
01:38:49,294 --> 01:38:51,961
I can tell.
Since you're back, I'm invisible.
1905
01:38:53,377 --> 01:38:56,044
Are the rumours true, about you and her?
1906
01:38:56,836 --> 01:38:57,961
This is ridiculous.
1907
01:38:57,961 --> 01:39:00,127
Long distance relationships don't work.
1908
01:39:00,127 --> 01:39:03,044
Think about the situation.
'Cause I'm here.
1909
01:39:03,961 --> 01:39:06,336
Been waiting for months, worried to death,
1910
01:39:06,336 --> 01:39:08,086
while you were chasing another woman?
1911
01:39:08,877 --> 01:39:09,919
Do you not love me?
1912
01:39:09,919 --> 01:39:12,211
- Huh?
- [Panacea] Well do you or don't you?
1913
01:39:12,211 --> 01:39:15,294
You used to love me.
So is it a yes or a no?
1914
01:39:15,294 --> 01:39:17,336
- [Panacea] Do I have to forget you?
- Tell her yes.
1915
01:39:17,336 --> 01:39:18,669
Listen, Panacea... Pff...
1916
01:39:19,752 --> 01:39:20,586
it's not happening.
1917
01:39:21,211 --> 01:39:23,836
This village goes
from one adventure to another.
1918
01:39:25,086 --> 01:39:28,419
And it's time I did as well.
That's all. Nothing personal.
1919
01:39:29,502 --> 01:39:31,336
Now if you'll excuse me...
1920
01:39:31,336 --> 01:39:32,336
You're a fool.
1921
01:39:34,127 --> 01:39:36,502
But, uh, I'm still...
1922
01:39:40,461 --> 01:39:42,377
[soft konghou playing]
1923
01:39:42,377 --> 01:39:46,294
[singing "(I've Had) The Time of My Life"
in Chinese]
1924
01:41:03,419 --> 01:41:05,586
[mouthing]
1925
01:41:09,877 --> 01:41:13,419
[mysterious music playing]
1926
01:41:14,127 --> 01:41:17,002
["(I've Had) The Time of My Life"
continues]
1927
01:41:22,627 --> 01:41:24,211
[cheering]
1928
01:41:27,711 --> 01:41:29,252
[muffled protest]
1929
01:41:59,127 --> 01:42:00,586
Nice party, huh?
1930
01:42:00,586 --> 01:42:02,711
I thought everyone had a good time.
1931
01:42:04,086 --> 01:42:05,711
It was a good party.
1932
01:42:08,461 --> 01:42:10,586
So Ka Ra Tay, she... she left, didn't she?
1933
01:42:10,586 --> 01:42:12,586
Well, yeah, long ride home.
1934
01:42:14,544 --> 01:42:16,169
She called me her sweetheart.
1935
01:42:16,169 --> 01:42:17,377
[soft music playing]
1936
01:42:17,377 --> 01:42:18,669
She did?
1937
01:42:19,211 --> 01:42:21,002
That's amazing, Oby.
1938
01:42:21,002 --> 01:42:23,669
And so, she didn't...
she didn't feel like staying?
1939
01:42:23,669 --> 01:42:25,502
Well, she wanted to, of course, but...
1940
01:42:26,127 --> 01:42:29,252
she's got work in China,
big responsibilities in the palace.
1941
01:42:30,211 --> 01:42:33,086
No big deal, it'll happen.
When we grow up.
1942
01:42:34,211 --> 01:42:35,044
When you grow up?
1943
01:42:35,044 --> 01:42:36,877
Well... yeah.
1944
01:42:37,586 --> 01:42:38,419
Well...
1945
01:42:39,086 --> 01:42:41,252
I'm tired, I'm gonna go to bed.
1946
01:42:41,836 --> 01:42:42,877
[Obélix yawns]
1947
01:42:44,002 --> 01:42:45,544
- Hey, Oby?
- Hmm?
1948
01:42:46,127 --> 01:42:47,461
One more for the road, then?
1949
01:42:47,461 --> 01:42:49,627
- Oh, don't mind if I do!
- [chuckles]
1950
01:42:51,211 --> 01:42:52,919
[Obélix laughs]
1951
01:42:56,836 --> 01:42:58,544
Oh, Oby...
1952
01:42:58,544 --> 01:42:59,752
Aw, mate.
1953
01:42:59,752 --> 01:43:01,877
[both laugh]
1954
01:43:02,502 --> 01:43:03,461
Oby!
1955
01:43:03,461 --> 01:43:04,586
Oh, Astérix!
1956
01:43:04,586 --> 01:43:06,002
Obélix!
1957
01:43:06,836 --> 01:43:08,544
[muffled laughter]
1958
01:43:08,544 --> 01:43:10,627
[Astérix!] I can't breathe.
1959
01:43:15,752 --> 01:43:16,877
{\an8}THE END
1960
01:43:16,877 --> 01:43:19,294
{\an8}TO RENÉ GOSCINNY & ALBERT UDERZO
1961
01:43:19,294 --> 01:43:21,377
[upbeat adventure music playing]
1962
01:44:14,752 --> 01:44:15,961
[music stops]
1963
01:44:15,961 --> 01:44:17,877
- [rock music playing]
- [Cacofonix] Cou cou!
1964
01:44:18,627 --> 01:44:22,002
[in French]
♪ You don't want me to sing? ♪ [laughs]
1965
01:44:25,252 --> 01:44:26,502
♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪
1966
01:44:28,586 --> 01:44:31,711
♪ You don't want me to sing? Hmm? ♪
1967
01:44:32,627 --> 01:44:34,086
-♪ You don't want me to sing ♪
- Oh !
1968
01:44:34,086 --> 01:44:36,502
- I forgot the surprise.
- What surprise?
1969
01:44:36,502 --> 01:44:37,711
Wait here.
1970
01:44:39,794 --> 01:44:42,669
{\an8}♪ So what is it, my voice or just me? ♪
1971
01:44:42,669 --> 01:44:45,294
{\an8}♪ So is it me or my voice? ♪
1972
01:44:46,294 --> 01:44:49,211
{\an8}♪ So is my voice not right?
It's what you don't like? ♪
1973
01:44:49,211 --> 01:44:50,961
♪ Or is it just me? ♪
1974
01:44:51,711 --> 01:44:54,419
♪ Tell me what's wrong
Always something wrong ♪
1975
01:44:54,419 --> 01:44:57,461
♪ Don't do this, don't do that ♪
1976
01:44:57,461 --> 01:45:00,294
♪ Is it my lyrics or my voice
I don't get it ♪
1977
01:45:00,294 --> 01:45:03,211
♪ Don't call me paranoid
You're all against me ♪
1978
01:45:05,127 --> 01:45:06,836
♪ You don't want me to sing? ♪
1979
01:45:07,669 --> 01:45:10,544
- ♪ Hmm? ♪
- [Obélix laughs]
1980
01:45:10,544 --> 01:45:12,586
♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪
1981
01:45:12,586 --> 01:45:15,377
[Astérix, Obélix] Oh!
1982
01:45:16,252 --> 01:45:18,377
♪ You don't want me to sing? ♪
1983
01:45:21,919 --> 01:45:24,544
♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪
1984
01:45:26,794 --> 01:45:27,961
[Cacofonix sings]
1985
01:45:27,961 --> 01:45:29,836
[Biopix] What did Caesar
say about his palace?
1986
01:45:29,836 --> 01:45:32,169
"When I get back, I want it shiny."
1987
01:45:32,794 --> 01:45:34,086
So get it shiny!
1988
01:45:34,711 --> 01:45:35,961
Shine, shine, shine...
1989
01:45:35,961 --> 01:45:39,919
- Shine, you fools.
- There you go, that's the spirit.
1990
01:45:42,961 --> 01:45:44,461
You get the whole Gaulish market.
1991
01:45:44,461 --> 01:45:46,586
All I want is China,
and the rest of the world.
1992
01:45:46,586 --> 01:45:48,836
It's a mega deal! Take it or leave it.
1993
01:45:48,836 --> 01:45:50,544
I demand you give me an answer.
1994
01:45:50,544 --> 01:45:52,169
What's this mega deal you're making?
1995
01:45:52,169 --> 01:45:54,044
- I never said mega deal--
- Yes, you did,
1996
01:45:54,044 --> 01:45:55,877
you miserable Kh'mar.
An accomplished merchant
1997
01:45:55,877 --> 01:45:58,586
such as myself
can read lips three miles away?
1998
01:45:58,586 --> 01:46:01,127
- So why'd you say that?
- I didn't!
1999
01:46:01,127 --> 01:46:02,836
[both argue]
2000
01:46:05,002 --> 01:46:07,877
I'm telling you, honey,
you'll get your Julius back for sure.
2001
01:46:07,877 --> 01:46:10,377
All you gotta do
is send him a message saying,
2002
01:46:10,377 --> 01:46:13,544
"I'll cross oceans and ponds,
even dye my hair blonde..."
2003
01:46:13,544 --> 01:46:16,127
And voilà, he'll be at your doorstep
before you know it.
2004
01:46:16,127 --> 01:46:17,961
[sighs] I guess so.
2005
01:46:17,961 --> 01:46:20,127
Don't know why I get so embalmed about it.
2006
01:46:21,961 --> 01:46:25,877
Aw. Oh no, it's flat.
You wouldn't have a poultry charger?
2007
01:46:25,877 --> 01:46:28,544
Ah! Don't move. I'll get you one.
2008
01:46:29,627 --> 01:46:31,544
With an Egyptian plug?
2009
01:46:32,377 --> 01:46:33,627
[Caesar] Why not a Roman one?
2010
01:46:34,794 --> 01:46:36,211
[Cleo laughs]
2011
01:46:38,544 --> 01:46:40,669
[Cacofonix] ♪ I'm gonna sing anyway ♪
2012
01:46:40,669 --> 01:46:42,794
- [laughter]
- He just sang anyway.
2013
01:46:44,711 --> 01:46:47,836
[man 1]
Hey, you about done with the noise?
2014
01:46:47,836 --> 01:46:50,002
[man 2]
We wanna get some sleep around here!
2015
01:46:51,669 --> 01:46:53,377
[both laughing]
2016
01:46:55,086 --> 01:46:55,919
I'm sorry!
2017
01:47:00,502 --> 01:47:01,711
[Astérix] Good night!
2018
01:47:01,711 --> 01:47:04,086
[Obélix] Good night you goody-goody-Gauls!
2019
01:47:05,752 --> 01:47:08,419
{\an8}["Ils Sont Fous, Ces Humains" playing]