1 00:00:00,583 --> 00:00:03,753 ("I Am Woman" by Emmy Meli playing) 2 00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:10,217 Well, John Essex, 3 00:00:10,218 --> 00:00:11,969 I'm here to say goodbye. 4 00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:14,722 {\an8}I came here to revolutionize comedy 5 00:00:14,723 --> 00:00:17,891 {\an8}and become the first BIPOC, sex-positive Mark Twain. 6 00:00:17,892 --> 00:00:20,769 But instead, all I did was skip class and tap ass. 7 00:00:20,770 --> 00:00:23,105 I know that actually makes it sound pretty cool, 8 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:25,190 but I promise, it's not. 9 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:27,484 The truth is, I'm a dick. 10 00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:29,653 I alienated every group I joined, 11 00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:31,697 I put my ambition before my friendships, 12 00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:34,825 and I squandered all my opportunities. 13 00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:36,535 So... (sighs) I'm leaving. 14 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:39,121 I'll miss you and my roommates, 15 00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:41,248 and of course, the endless sea 16 00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:43,625 of ripped men who shared their bodies so freely. 17 00:00:43,626 --> 00:00:46,670 But I need to work on my hardest project yet: 18 00:00:46,671 --> 00:00:48,505 myself. 19 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:51,633 Also, damn, you have a thick neck. 20 00:00:51,634 --> 00:00:53,552 And you're what, seven foot, three? (groans) 21 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,846 If we were here at the same time, Johnny, 22 00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:57,097 I would've been all over you. 23 00:00:57,098 --> 00:00:58,474 WOMAN: Excuse me, miss? 24 00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:00,351 Bela Malhotra? Were you just in there 25 00:01:00,352 --> 00:01:02,478 - asking to transfer schools? - Yes. That was me. 26 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,355 You see, my first year of college was not 27 00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:05,773 what I had hoped for. 28 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,649 After giving a few hand jobs to secure a spot 29 00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,234 in an elite comedy magazine, I rea-- 30 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:10,444 Yeah, I don't need to know all of that, 31 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:11,779 but you can't transfer. 32 00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:13,113 I've worked here for 30 years, 33 00:01:13,114 --> 00:01:15,282 I've never seen a GPA as low as yours. 34 00:01:15,283 --> 00:01:16,867 A girl in a coma did better than you. 35 00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:19,870 Yeah, but that was clearly, like, political. 36 00:01:19,871 --> 00:01:21,538 I think your only option is to come back here in the fall 37 00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:23,041 and try and get your grades up. 38 00:01:23,833 --> 00:01:26,293 Also, that's not John Essex. It's Jacob Meier-Yates. 39 00:01:26,294 --> 00:01:27,628 And he was a bad man. 40 00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:29,880 He froze to death on the Oregon Trail 41 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:32,591 after eating his family. 42 00:01:32,592 --> 00:01:34,176 Yikes! 43 00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,345 Really need to work on my taste in men. 44 00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:37,888 {\an8}♪ You do ♪ 45 00:01:37,889 --> 00:01:39,056 {\an8}("Bet" by Mette playing) 46 00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,391 {\an8}♪ Bet, bet on that ♪ 47 00:01:40,392 --> 00:01:42,310 ♪ You do ♪ 48 00:01:43,228 --> 00:01:44,228 ♪ Bet, bet on that ♪ 49 00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:45,730 ♪ You do ♪ 50 00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:48,565 ♪ Bet, bet on that... ♪ 51 00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:50,567 (giggles) Summer was so fun. 52 00:01:50,568 --> 00:01:52,569 I can't wait to tell everyone 53 00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:54,405 about our backpacking trip to Europe. 54 00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:56,657 Same, but just as a reminder, 55 00:01:56,658 --> 00:01:59,284 what we did was definitely not backpacking. 56 00:01:59,285 --> 00:02:00,828 You hired a chauffeur 57 00:02:00,829 --> 00:02:03,330 and we stayed in luxury hotels the whole time. 58 00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:04,540 Yeah, I mean, sure, but I did have 59 00:02:04,541 --> 00:02:05,916 a really cute little backpack. 60 00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:08,085 MAN: God, I love Vermont. 61 00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:11,547 The leaves, the mountains, the maple syrup. 62 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,173 If it wasn't for their insane socialist politics, 63 00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:14,758 I would move here. 64 00:02:14,759 --> 00:02:17,428 Well, you know, it's a great place for lesbians. 65 00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:19,722 Yeah, lesbians who love to pay inheritance tax. 66 00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,640 Dad, it's so nice spending time with you, 67 00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,350 but you really didn't have to come for move-in day. 68 00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:25,436 Honey, I'm not gonna miss out on a road trip 69 00:02:25,437 --> 00:02:27,229 with my favorite gal pals, okay? 70 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,356 Plus, I've been a little depressed, 71 00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:31,108 and your mom said I had to get out of the house. 72 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:33,444 - (phone ringing) - Oh, um, do you mind just pulling over? 73 00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:36,280 Um, yeah. Yeah, sure, of course. 74 00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:38,115 Is-is everything okay? 75 00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:39,783 It's fine. It's... just a quick call. 76 00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:41,453 Sorry. 77 00:02:43,246 --> 00:02:45,081 Just one minute. 78 00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:48,125 If you think she's talking to some other girl, 79 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:49,419 you're wrong. 80 00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,754 I mean, that was my first thought, too, 81 00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:53,757 but I just don't want your mind to go there. 82 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:56,633 ♪ One day ♪ 83 00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:59,053 ♪ Soon you'll be loving me... ♪ 84 00:02:59,054 --> 00:03:03,307 {\an8}Ooh, the first Finkle to make it to the second year of college. 85 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:04,808 You did it, honey! 86 00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:06,393 You lasted longer than your cousin Ron 87 00:03:06,394 --> 00:03:07,978 who got kicked out of Arizona State 88 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,980 for AirDropping photos of his penis to strangers. 89 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,774 I'm very proud, Mom. 90 00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:13,233 Well, have you heard back from Whitney yet? 91 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:14,693 No. She's still ghosting me 92 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:16,278 'cause of all the Canaan stuff. 93 00:03:16,279 --> 00:03:18,322 Oh, honey, look, fighting over a boy is 94 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:21,325 such small potatoes in the lifetime of a friendship. 95 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,452 - Everything's gonna be okay. - Thanks, Mom. 96 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:26,914 Well, I, for one, am very excited to meet Canaan. 97 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,667 - Dad, what are you wearing? - Do you like it? 98 00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:32,169 Donald Glover wore something very similar at the, uh, BAFTAs. 99 00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:35,464 Uh, it's... very iridescent. 100 00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:38,217 Yeah, and not very breathable. I'm sweating like a pig. 101 00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,427 - It's bad. - Okay. 102 00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:42,596 Uh, but worth it to impress your new boyfriend. 103 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,139 Oh, he's not my boyfriend. 104 00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,182 We haven't defined things in that way. 105 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,684 Sorry. Uh, "partner" 106 00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,477 or whatever, whatever young people say now. 107 00:03:48,478 --> 00:03:50,521 - I think it's person-friend? - Oh, person-friend. 108 00:03:50,522 --> 00:03:52,106 - It's not. - CAROL: Okay. 109 00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:53,649 - Okay. - Well, we should get on the road. 110 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:55,693 - Okay. Love you, guys. - Oh, I love you. 111 00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,653 Wait, wait, wait, I thought we're all going out to lunch. 112 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,488 I want Canaan to, uh, see my shirt and like me. 113 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:01,281 Yeah, I'll tell him about it. Love you, guys. 114 00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:02,408 Love you! 115 00:04:02,409 --> 00:04:03,701 ♪ But for what? ♪ 116 00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:05,411 ♪ For what... ♪ 117 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:06,829 (automated voice): Show us 118 00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:08,789 you mother-daughter drop-off dance. 119 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:11,959 ♪ Just want that Hailey JB... ♪ 120 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,253 EVETTE: It's perfect. I cannot wait to post this. 121 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:17,798 I dare Chris Matthews to say I'm alarmingly stiff again. 122 00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:20,300 Okay, well, I'm just glad I get to help you 123 00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:22,219 with your important, mission-driven work, Mom. 124 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:26,140 (chuckles) I love you so much. 125 00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:29,685 And I know your sophomore year is going to be incredible-- 126 00:04:29,686 --> 00:04:31,854 - (shrieks) There she is! - (grunts) 127 00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:34,440 - (gasps) - Oh, my God! Stop! I know her. 128 00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,484 - You know this assailant? - Oh, my God. 129 00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,403 Um, she's not an assailant, Mom. 130 00:04:39,404 --> 00:04:41,238 This is my sorority sister, Ashlie. 131 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,449 I'm sorry, Ashlie. Since January 6th, 132 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,075 we have a no-tolerance policy 133 00:04:45,076 --> 00:04:47,202 for strawberry-blonde women running at me. 134 00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:50,040 Oh, oh, my God, no, I'm fine. My spine took the brunt of it. 135 00:04:50,999 --> 00:04:53,709 Let me help you with those, my new sister. 136 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,546 Not "sista." That's never okay. (chuckles) 137 00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:59,006 I am just gonna say it. 138 00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,966 I think it's weird that you're living here. 139 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,426 It's not weird, Mom. 140 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,927 The Kappa house is like the Four Seasons. 141 00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:05,804 Plus, it's close to the soccer field, okay? 142 00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,806 - It's gonna be a great year. - I am just surprised 143 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,099 you're not living with Kimberly again. 144 00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:10,434 I liked her. 145 00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:11,643 She would text me the GPS coordinates 146 00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:13,270 of any party you were attending. 147 00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:16,148 Yeah, well, Kimberly and I... 148 00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,274 What's wrong, honey? 149 00:05:17,275 --> 00:05:19,151 Nothing, I just needed a change. 150 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,652 You want to walk me inside? 151 00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:23,280 - Sure. - (overlapping chatter nearby) 152 00:05:23,281 --> 00:05:26,325 MAN: Their game is not that good. Trust me on this. 153 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:29,621 ("SO MUCH" by Louis La Roche playing) 154 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:37,628 I would never objectify a young man. 155 00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:40,464 But I will keep staring until he walks by. 156 00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:42,841 (quietly): Mom, stop. Weird. 157 00:05:42,842 --> 00:05:46,513 ♪ So much for hoping ♪ 158 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:50,307 ♪ So much for knowing. ♪ 159 00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,392 (knock at door) 160 00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,143 Oh, thank God you're here. 161 00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,603 This is a disaster. 162 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:56,105 We live in a triple. 163 00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:57,606 Oh, hi, Bela. 164 00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,608 My summer was great, too. Thank you for asking. 165 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,026 How weird is this? 166 00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,028 This is the common room, and then all of us sleep 167 00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:04,321 in that one tiny bedroom. 168 00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:05,614 Oh, hell no. 169 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:06,782 Isn't it fucking weird? 170 00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,992 Guys, it's three beds in a room. 171 00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:11,662 Yeah, but it's, like, asymmetrical. 172 00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,539 I'm getting dizzy. I need to sit down. 173 00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:15,582 I am not sleeping on some bunk bed 174 00:06:15,583 --> 00:06:17,167 like some sleepaway camp nobody. 175 00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,585 Dibs on the single. 176 00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:19,795 I think you guys are both being dramatic. 177 00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,296 LEIGHTON: It's not just that. 178 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:22,923 This is just strange without Whitney. 179 00:06:22,924 --> 00:06:25,134 BELA: Yeah. She was our Sporty Spice. 180 00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:27,261 We're 25% less hot now. 181 00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:28,762 I miss that bitch. 182 00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:31,849 Well, I for one think this new room is amazing. 183 00:06:31,850 --> 00:06:34,268 The view is so much better from the top floor. 184 00:06:34,269 --> 00:06:35,853 We're gonna see so many birds! 185 00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:39,023 Fine. But we got to style the crap out of this place. 186 00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,315 Like with this chair. 187 00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:42,943 I got here early and installed it myself. 188 00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,903 Sophomore year, we got to step up our game. 189 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:46,197 - (shouts) - (gasps) 190 00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,534 KIMBERLY: Bela, are you okay? 191 00:06:50,535 --> 00:06:52,327 I'm fine, I'll fix that later. 192 00:06:52,328 --> 00:06:54,705 I will be making all of our furniture decisions this year. 193 00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:56,374 (sighs) Understood. 194 00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:59,084 Have either of you heard from Whitney? 195 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:01,045 I know she isn't talking to me, but it's weird that she didn't 196 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:03,380 text the group thread once the entire summer. 197 00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:04,757 There's a new thread without you. 198 00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,633 - What? - And Leighton and I went 199 00:07:06,634 --> 00:07:07,885 to visit Whitney in D.C. and had dinner 200 00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:09,553 - with Kamala Harris. - What?! 201 00:07:09,554 --> 00:07:12,139 (sighs) I wasn't going to tell her that part. 202 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:13,599 Look, you need to fix this. 203 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,684 It's giving me group chat anxiety. 204 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:18,062 Plus Bela keeps sending her jokes in both threads, 205 00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,897 and it is hard enough to pretend that I like them once. 206 00:07:19,898 --> 00:07:22,441 Well, I tried to fix things all summer. 207 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,151 I texted, I called, 208 00:07:24,152 --> 00:07:25,903 I even sent her a really moving video 209 00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:28,155 of me playing the ukulele, but she never responded. 210 00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:30,199 So I figured she just needed time to get over it. 211 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:31,950 Or maybe you gave her so much space and time 212 00:07:31,951 --> 00:07:33,911 that she realized her life was fine without you. 213 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,537 At least that's what she told Kamala. 214 00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:38,040 (gasps) She talked to Kamala about me? 215 00:07:38,041 --> 00:07:39,208 Well, mostly Doug. 216 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:40,918 (gasps) Doug was there? 217 00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:42,836 ♪ You make me feel like ♪ 218 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:45,714 ♪ Lilies in springtime ♪ 219 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,257 ♪ Fly me to the moon... ♪ 220 00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:50,302 Is it me, or did a bunch of guys at this school have 221 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,221 a major glow-up this summer? 222 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,181 I mean, look at Skinny Greg. 223 00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:55,766 Now he's Thick Greg. 224 00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,435 Look at all that titty meat he put on. 225 00:07:58,269 --> 00:08:00,437 Yo, I think I'm gonna fuck Thick Skinny Greg. 226 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:01,855 I, too, have an announcement. 227 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,774 After a summer full of soul searching, 228 00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,442 I've decided I'm gonna take a break from comedy. 229 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:06,985 - Aw. - Oh. - LEIGHTON: Wait, 230 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:08,655 didn't those girls kick you out of their group? 231 00:08:09,406 --> 00:08:10,864 I mean, you're just... 232 00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:12,866 making it sound like it was your choice. 233 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:15,828 While that is technically true, I have simultaneously decided 234 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,538 that I will be transforming myself. 235 00:08:17,539 --> 00:08:19,123 I hated who I was last year. 236 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,709 I was selfish, I was lazy, 237 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,044 and I led every situation with sexuality. 238 00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:24,962 Like even now. 239 00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:27,172 Why is my shirt buttoned so low? 240 00:08:27,173 --> 00:08:29,049 I'm proud of you, Bela. It's hard to look in the mirror, 241 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,926 realize you're annoying, and want to change. 242 00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:33,303 LEIGHTON: Yeah, a break from comedy is good, you know. 243 00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:35,055 I can't believe I know which comedy theater 244 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:37,307 every cast member from SNL got their start at. 245 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:39,394 I mean, I'm popular, I shouldn't know that. 246 00:08:39,978 --> 00:08:41,812 - Hello, my former fresh-thems. - Oh. 247 00:08:41,813 --> 00:08:44,189 I'm so proud to see you so happy and... 248 00:08:44,190 --> 00:08:45,816 - (coughing) - Ugh! 249 00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:48,694 - Frude, are you okay? - I am not. 250 00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:51,321 I just found out I contracted tropical pneumonia 251 00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:52,698 on my summer volunteer trip. 252 00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,658 So I am actually returning to Sweden. 253 00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,660 I'm looking for someone who'd be willing 254 00:08:56,661 --> 00:08:57,995 to be a FAF for my new fresh-them. 255 00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,705 It is such an important job. 256 00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:01,999 Who will comfort them when they are homesick? 257 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,752 Or spray Narcan in their tiny, young nostrils? 258 00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,170 - Oh. - Ooh. 259 00:09:06,171 --> 00:09:09,340 - I'll do it. I'll be a FAF. - (chuckles) 260 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:11,050 Y-You're being serious? 261 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,509 BELA: Yeah, I think I'd be great at it. 262 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,011 I made a ton of mistakes last year. 263 00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,512 Maybe the best person to guide these kids 264 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:16,889 is someone who really messed up a lot. 265 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,058 Traditionally, that is not the criteria. 266 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,018 I want to help people avoid the mistakes I made. 267 00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:23,645 Please, Frude. I really think I can do this. 268 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:25,356 Also, I was a camp counselor one summer, 269 00:09:25,357 --> 00:09:26,565 and I almost never lost a kid. 270 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,025 Okay, then. 271 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:29,485 I'll send over all the necessary materials 272 00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,028 you need for... (coughing) 273 00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,780 - Ugh. - LEIGHTON: Oh, my God, okay, Frude? 274 00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:34,323 We love you, walk away from our food right now. 275 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:35,574 Right now. 276 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,201 Well, I'm off. 277 00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:39,036 I'm going to buy an apology gift for Whitney. 278 00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:42,915 I'm thinking a small, tasteful crystal raccoon figurine. 279 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,375 You're getting her a crappy trinket 280 00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:46,251 - for fucking her boyfriend? - (chuckles) 281 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,504 Well, first off, Canaan wasn't her boyfriend anymore, 282 00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,339 and we actually haven't had sex. 283 00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,007 You haven't even fucked him yet? 284 00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:55,219 It's been all summer. Why is this betrayal so chaste? 285 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,887 Well, Canaan was in New York for his internship, 286 00:09:56,888 --> 00:09:59,515 and I was back home working at Groomingdales. 287 00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,975 We did try to have a naughty Zoom session one night, 288 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:03,977 but my computer is busted and I couldn't figure out 289 00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:05,979 how to turn off the pirate hat filter. 290 00:10:05,980 --> 00:10:08,107 Okay, just come up with a better gift for Whitney. 291 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,900 Okay, we all need you to fix this. 292 00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:13,404 Oh! What if, instead of getting something for her, 293 00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:15,281 I made something for her? 294 00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:18,742 Okay, that's a no. I'll think of something. 295 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:21,578 I'll text you ideas. I don't trust your taste. 296 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:22,913 (Whitney grunts) 297 00:10:22,914 --> 00:10:25,749 How are you kicking the ball so hard? 298 00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:27,418 Did you start taking steroids? 299 00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:29,169 Nod once for yes 300 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:31,964 and twice if you'll give me some to help grow my booty muscles. 301 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:35,217 No, I'm just picturing Kimberly's dumb face as I kick. 302 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:38,013 Interesting. I actually think her face is quite pretty. 303 00:10:39,097 --> 00:10:40,931 - (grunts) - I knew that would fuel you. 304 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:43,100 Stay angry, we'll ride this all the way to nationals. 305 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,893 - (whistle blows) - COACH DAWN: Scrimmage. 306 00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:48,188 Returning starters in blue, first-years in yellow. 307 00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,857 Ready to put these girls in their place? 308 00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:52,109 You know it. But it might be mostly on you. 309 00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:54,320 I haven't exercised since June. 310 00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,864 ♪ Na-na-na-na-na ♪ 311 00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:59,283 ♪ Don't stop, let's drop ♪ 312 00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,618 ♪ Na-na-na-na-na, don't stop ♪ 313 00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:04,079 ♪ Give me some, give me some, give me some, girl ♪ 314 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,623 ♪ Don't stop ♪ 315 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:09,960 ♪ Don't let your body stop, let your body go ♪ 316 00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:12,046 ♪ Don't let your body stop ♪ 317 00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:13,964 ♪ Give me some, give me some, na-na-na-na-na ♪ 318 00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:16,967 ♪ Don't stop, let's drop ♪ 319 00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:19,219 ♪ Na-na-na-na-na, don't stop ♪ 320 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,805 ♪ Give me some, give me some, give me some, girl... ♪ 321 00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:23,640 Yo, that new girl is good. 322 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:25,434 What position is she? 323 00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:27,936 She lined up in center. 324 00:11:27,937 --> 00:11:29,646 Whit, you might be in for a fight. 325 00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:31,857 ♪ On the beat of the drum, give me some ♪ 326 00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:34,735 ♪ On the beat of the drum ♪ 327 00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,653 ♪ Give me some, don't stop ♪ 328 00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:39,907 ♪ On the beat of the drum, give me some. ♪ 329 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,784 - Hello? - Oh, hey, Leighton. 330 00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:44,745 Professor Tocchini, where is everybody? 331 00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:46,413 Isn't this supposed to be Algebraic 332 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:48,082 and Differential Topology? 333 00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:49,750 It was, but you were the only person 334 00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,168 that passed the placement exams, 335 00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:53,420 so the school is canceling the course. 336 00:11:53,421 --> 00:11:56,465 Wait, so I'm being punished for being the only one good at math 337 00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:57,466 at this cheap-ass school? 338 00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:58,467 Yes. 339 00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,052 Well, this is fucked! 340 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,805 I-I was psyched to learn about sequences of fibrations 341 00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:04,264 - and fiber bundles. - The good news is 342 00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:07,017 that you could fill this opening in your schedule 343 00:12:07,018 --> 00:12:09,728 by taking one of the other classes that I'm teaching. 344 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,313 I mean, have you ever thought about 345 00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:14,359 the role math plays in The Hobbit, huh? 346 00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:16,276 Oh, hey, who-who you calling? 347 00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:17,528 Our family lawyer. 348 00:12:17,529 --> 00:12:19,947 My dad and grandpa dodged two different wars 349 00:12:19,948 --> 00:12:21,281 to be able to attend Essex. 350 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:22,950 So they will not be happy about this. 351 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:24,827 Just wait-wait a second. C-Can you stop? 352 00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:25,869 If you could... Just stop, stop. 353 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,204 Sorry. Sorry. 354 00:12:27,205 --> 00:12:29,164 The only other thing you could do 355 00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:31,834 is you could take this class at a nearby school. 356 00:12:31,835 --> 00:12:33,377 Essex is part of a consortium, 357 00:12:33,378 --> 00:12:35,254 so if you don't mind a little travel, 358 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,841 you, you could take a much more advanced math class 359 00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:40,552 at the UVM grad school. 360 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,512 - How much is a little travel? - 30 minutes. 361 00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:46,056 60. S-Sometimes 90. 362 00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:47,224 But it's very scenic. 363 00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:49,518 ♪ All I want is you ♪ 364 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,186 Fine. 365 00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,523 ♪ ♪ 366 00:12:56,901 --> 00:13:00,404 ♪ All I want is you. ♪ 367 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:03,991 Damn! Rain shower. Okay. 368 00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,451 (gentle music playing) 369 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,827 Oh. 370 00:13:06,828 --> 00:13:09,039 Okay. Spa music. 371 00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:14,836 Bulgari. Oh, this shit is coming with me. 372 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:19,757 - BLAIR: Hi there. - (gasps) 373 00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:21,091 Hi. 374 00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:23,052 Sorry, uh, you surprised me. 375 00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:24,887 Sorry. I've trained myself to have a really light tread 376 00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:27,473 so I can find out if the other girls are talking about me. 377 00:13:27,474 --> 00:13:30,267 I'm Blair. So what do you think of Kappa so far? 378 00:13:30,268 --> 00:13:32,770 You know, I'm really gonna miss the guy in our dorm 379 00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:35,022 who got so drunk, he thought our door was a urinal. 380 00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:37,316 But other than that, I would say this is okay. 381 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,526 Oh, my God, that's so good to hear. 382 00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:40,861 (sighs) Look, I've been tasked 383 00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,404 to speak with you about something, though. 384 00:13:42,405 --> 00:13:44,490 It was me. I took all the soaps and shampoos. 385 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:45,616 They're just so fancy. 386 00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:47,076 No, you just-- You didn't attend 387 00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:48,619 the Bagels and Bonding event this morning, 388 00:13:48,620 --> 00:13:50,412 so I have to give you this. 389 00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:51,789 {\an8}(phone chimes) 390 00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,957 {\an8}- Oh, a bill for $80? - Yeah. 391 00:13:53,958 --> 00:13:56,085 - No, I was at-- I was at soccer. - Yes. 392 00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:58,212 You know what? We love how much of a badass girlboss 393 00:13:58,213 --> 00:14:00,172 you are on the field, but... 394 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,466 you know, we also really require that you kick in with us, too. 395 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,176 Or you can give us a 40-hour advance notice 396 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:07,054 if you can't attend something. Okay, sis? 397 00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:08,555 Okay, I'll see you at the Chai n' Chat. 398 00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:09,848 I'm so excited. 399 00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,434 I heard it's gonna be awesome. 400 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:15,479 - (doorbell ringing musically) - (door opens) 401 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,899 CASSIDY: Whitney, there's someone here for you. 402 00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,527 Oh. Hey. 403 00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,154 Hey. 404 00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:25,656 Can I hug you? I'd love to hug you. 405 00:14:25,657 --> 00:14:26,990 No, thanks. 406 00:14:26,991 --> 00:14:29,159 Look... 407 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,245 I know you've been ignoring my texts, 408 00:14:31,246 --> 00:14:32,746 so I came here to say I'm sorry. 409 00:14:32,747 --> 00:14:34,123 I really miss you. 410 00:14:34,124 --> 00:14:35,332 I thought about you all summer. 411 00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,084 Not a day went by at Groomingdales 412 00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:38,585 when I didn't see you in the faces 413 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,170 of those little cats and dogs. 414 00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:41,839 Is there a point to this? 415 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,008 I wanted to apologize in person. 416 00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:46,552 - And give you this. - (bag rustles) 417 00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:48,095 It's a Caboodle. 418 00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,763 You complimented mine last year, 419 00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:52,266 so I thought you could use it to organize your makeup, 420 00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:54,018 since that really stressed you out. 421 00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,394 Look, if you wanted to be friends, 422 00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:56,854 you shouldn't have made out with my ex 423 00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,188 and then lied to my face about it. 424 00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:00,524 - (all gasp) - You did what? 425 00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:02,317 Oh, this is kind of a private conversation. 426 00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,486 We're in a sorority. There's no such thing. 427 00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:07,281 Yeah. I would never speak ill of women. 428 00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:08,907 - No. - But if you did that to your friend, 429 00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:10,242 you're a cock-gobbling skank. 430 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,702 I'm not a cock-gobbler. 431 00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:14,121 I can't believe you have the audacity to come here 432 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,957 with your lame-ass jeggings and weird recycled shoes 433 00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,709 and make this weak-ass apology. 434 00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,002 They're not weird. 435 00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:21,128 They donate a pair to a poor person 436 00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:22,379 for every pair that you buy. 437 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,714 Oh, great, so now a homeless lady 438 00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:24,715 has a pair of ugly shoes, too. 439 00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:25,799 Get out! 440 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,135 ALL: Bye. Bye. Bye. 441 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,138 You're no longer welcome in our foyer. 442 00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:33,223 - What even is a Caboodle? - Poor Whitney. 443 00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,518 KIMBERLY: I'll just leave the Caboodle on the porch. 444 00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,646 ♪ ♪ 445 00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:42,232 Hey, I need to talk to you about something. 446 00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,817 Okay, we've been over this. 447 00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,402 All right, having sex dreams about Kristen Stewart 448 00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:47,112 is not cheating. 449 00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,031 Honestly, it would be weird if you didn't have them. 450 00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:50,491 Uh, it's not about that. 451 00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:53,620 What I wanted to tell you is that, um... 452 00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:56,289 I'm leaving Essex. 453 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,374 To work for Carrie Watanabe. 454 00:15:58,375 --> 00:16:02,002 - The mayor of Boston? - Yes, and she's amazing. 455 00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:04,421 And I would be working directly for her. 456 00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:07,841 That's why I've been on so many weird phone calls. 457 00:16:07,842 --> 00:16:09,302 Found out this morning. 458 00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:11,845 So you're gonna be a college dropout? 459 00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:13,222 (chuckles) Are you kidding? 460 00:16:13,223 --> 00:16:15,391 It's not like I'm leaving to sell meth. 461 00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:18,227 This is the kind of job I would kill to get after I graduate. 462 00:16:18,228 --> 00:16:19,603 Yeah, so wait until you graduate like everyone normal. 463 00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:21,271 This is crazy. 464 00:16:21,272 --> 00:16:24,525 This opportunity might not be there after I graduate. 465 00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:26,527 Why stick around and take on more debt? 466 00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:29,322 Not all of us pay for college with cash. 467 00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:31,740 Okay. All right. 468 00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:33,325 Well, you don't have to be such a bitch about it. 469 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,119 - I didn't mean it like that. - No, no. 470 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:37,371 No, uh, I mean, you've clearly made up your mind, 471 00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:40,082 so I will just take my privileged ass and I will leave. 472 00:16:40,083 --> 00:16:41,500 (door opens) 473 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:42,710 Enjoy Boston. 474 00:16:42,711 --> 00:16:44,461 You call it a major city? 475 00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:46,088 They don't even have a subway that runs overnight there. 476 00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:47,798 - (door closes) - (sighs) 477 00:16:47,799 --> 00:16:51,135 - BELA: Hello, first-years! - (intense music playing) 478 00:16:51,136 --> 00:16:52,469 We are now introducing your FAF leader, 479 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:56,890 Bela "The Boss Bitch" Malhotra! 480 00:16:56,891 --> 00:17:00,060 Yes. Yes, guys. 481 00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:03,105 - Ah, yes! - (music ends) 482 00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:05,566 Thanks for that wonderful intro, announcer. 483 00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:06,900 Just kidding. 484 00:17:06,901 --> 00:17:08,861 That was me, yelling from outside, in the hall. 485 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:11,114 (chuckles) 486 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:13,240 Okay. 487 00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:17,036 My name is Bela Malhotra, and I will be your FAF. 488 00:17:17,037 --> 00:17:19,288 I am here to help guide you 489 00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:21,665 through your first year of college, with sensitivity, 490 00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:25,336 an envelope-pushing sense of humor, and wisdom. 491 00:17:25,337 --> 00:17:28,214 And no cap, I am wise as hell. 492 00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:29,923 First question. 493 00:17:29,924 --> 00:17:31,342 We love to see it. What's up? 494 00:17:31,343 --> 00:17:33,344 Why are you wearing a tie? 495 00:17:33,345 --> 00:17:35,387 Oh, um, it's sort of my style. 496 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,389 Subtly turning traditional menswear on its head. 497 00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,808 I'm told it's cool in the queer community. 498 00:17:39,809 --> 00:17:41,060 Well, I'm queer and I don't know 499 00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:42,686 anyone that would dress like that. 500 00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:44,188 Ah, well, 501 00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:45,731 that's so great that you're queer. 502 00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,691 But I'm pretty certain this is fashionable. 503 00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,193 I would know, I'm from New Jersey. 504 00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:50,235 Where are you from? 505 00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,862 Mayfair. London. 506 00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:53,530 Oh, damn. 507 00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,824 - Is it true you have a 1.8 GPA? - How do you know that? 508 00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:58,369 You tweeted it. I looked you up before the meeting. 509 00:17:58,370 --> 00:18:00,662 You posted a screenshot with the caption: 510 00:18:00,663 --> 00:18:02,873 "1.8, more like one point great." 511 00:18:02,874 --> 00:18:04,333 Okay, first off, that post 512 00:18:04,334 --> 00:18:06,543 - got a lot of likes. - 13? 513 00:18:06,544 --> 00:18:08,379 Yeah, that's a lot for a non-verified. 514 00:18:08,380 --> 00:18:10,047 Sorry I'm not Ryan Reynolds or whatever. 515 00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:11,799 But, more importantly, 516 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,219 my low GPA is exactly why I'm excited to be your FAF. 517 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:17,054 I didn't have a great first year at college, 518 00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:19,848 but I can help you avoid my mistakes. 519 00:18:19,849 --> 00:18:21,725 Anybody else? Anyone? 520 00:18:21,726 --> 00:18:23,227 No? 521 00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:24,812 Yes, same girl. 522 00:18:24,813 --> 00:18:26,230 Taylor. 523 00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:28,232 May I say something to the group? 524 00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:29,733 Um, s-sure. 525 00:18:29,734 --> 00:18:31,652 I'm sorry if this sounds 526 00:18:31,653 --> 00:18:33,195 so Gen Z of me 527 00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:36,532 or whatever, it's just I can't help 528 00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:39,743 but think that this Essex tradition of "didactic 529 00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,912 older person talking about the good ol' days" 530 00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:43,872 is a little bit antiquated. 531 00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:46,041 Okay, the portion of the FAF meeting where you question 532 00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,127 the legitimacy of the FAF is over. 533 00:18:48,128 --> 00:18:50,254 Everybody, take out your phones. 534 00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:51,922 It's time to delete ChatGPT. 535 00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:53,757 First Hillary Clinton and now me. 536 00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:56,093 People love to attack a woman in power. 537 00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:58,429 I'm not so sure it's misogyny 538 00:18:58,430 --> 00:19:00,514 so much as someone just correctly pointing out 539 00:19:00,515 --> 00:19:02,599 you might not be a fit for the job, 540 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,309 just based on everything about you. 541 00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,103 You're right, it was probably jealousy. 542 00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:07,438 That's not what I said. 543 00:19:07,439 --> 00:19:08,939 Are you sure you even want to do it? 544 00:19:08,940 --> 00:19:10,315 I mean, Frude didn't seem like 545 00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:11,692 he liked it and now he might be dying. 546 00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:14,611 Yeah, maybe I did jump at this too quickly. 547 00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:16,488 I just got excited about the idea of doing something good 548 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,282 - with all the mistakes I've made. - I get that. 549 00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:19,533 But you'll find another way 550 00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:20,909 to help people, I'm sure of it. 551 00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:22,119 - Yeah. - True. 552 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:23,996 Maybe I could start a podcast. 553 00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,497 Like a funny, cautionary one 554 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,291 about all the dumb moves people make in college. 555 00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:28,917 (gasps) Episode one could be about a girl 556 00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:30,794 who sleeps with her married soccer coach. 557 00:19:30,795 --> 00:19:33,005 Why am I first? Use your own damn mistakes. 558 00:19:33,006 --> 00:19:35,466 LEIGHTON: Just tell Frude that you don't want to be a FAF. 559 00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:37,134 And we will convince you 560 00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:39,219 out of doing your podcast at a later date. 561 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:42,097 (phone buzzing) 562 00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:44,475 Ooh, declining a call from Alicia. 563 00:19:44,476 --> 00:19:46,477 Asserting your alpha dom femme top energy? 564 00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:49,021 Making sure she knows you're mother? 565 00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:51,148 Bela, stop using gay slang. 566 00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:52,816 But I'm getting so good at it. 567 00:19:52,817 --> 00:19:54,610 No, I'm ignoring Alicia 568 00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,528 because she told me she's dropping out. 569 00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,280 - What? - Are you serious? 570 00:19:58,281 --> 00:19:59,490 Then why are you ignoring her? Call her back. 571 00:19:59,491 --> 00:20:00,741 Convince her to stay. 572 00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:02,493 No way, Alicia is stubborn as hell. 573 00:20:02,494 --> 00:20:03,702 If I tell her not to do something, 574 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,371 she's gonna want to do it more. 575 00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:06,997 But if I ice her out, she's gonna get 576 00:20:06,998 --> 00:20:08,165 in her head and she'll realize 577 00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:09,500 it's a crazy idea to leave. 578 00:20:09,501 --> 00:20:11,377 Sometimes the most persuasive argument 579 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:12,711 is saying nothing at all. 580 00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:14,005 Does that work? 581 00:20:16,841 --> 00:20:18,425 Wow, I guess it does. 582 00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:20,552 All right, well, I got to go, but 583 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,513 I will see you both at the Y2K party tonight. 584 00:20:22,514 --> 00:20:24,181 Do you have your hot '90s looks picked out? 585 00:20:24,182 --> 00:20:25,349 BELA: Hell yeah, I do. 586 00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,850 I'll be serving a whale tail 587 00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:29,269 with one of Leighton's finest thongs. 588 00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:30,604 You most certainly will not. Whit, 589 00:20:30,605 --> 00:20:31,939 you do know Kimberly's coming later? 590 00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:33,023 Like, probably with Canaan? 591 00:20:33,024 --> 00:20:34,817 Yeah, I don't care. 592 00:20:34,818 --> 00:20:37,404 I just hope the Kappas don't cut her head off. 593 00:20:38,238 --> 00:20:39,822 You were joking about me 594 00:20:39,823 --> 00:20:41,615 not being able to borrow a thong, right? 595 00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:44,118 Couldn't have been more serious. 596 00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:46,704 ♪ Talk to me ♪ 597 00:20:46,705 --> 00:20:51,042 ♪ D'you hear me calling out to you ♪ 598 00:20:52,043 --> 00:20:54,211 ♪ Talk to me... ♪ 599 00:20:54,212 --> 00:20:56,922 (chuckles) Excuse me, miss? 600 00:20:56,923 --> 00:21:00,844 You're the prettiest girl I have ever seen on this bus. 601 00:21:02,012 --> 00:21:03,345 Banana chip? 602 00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:04,722 Thank you, no. 603 00:21:04,723 --> 00:21:06,473 Oh, okay. 604 00:21:06,474 --> 00:21:08,350 Aw, these are so good. 605 00:21:08,351 --> 00:21:09,935 It's how I get my potassium. 606 00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:11,228 Your loss. (chuckles) 607 00:21:11,229 --> 00:21:13,273 Where you headed? 608 00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:15,733 The University of Vermont. 609 00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:17,568 Wow, that is far. 610 00:21:17,569 --> 00:21:19,403 You know, I get off at West Bolton. 611 00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:21,405 I work for a horse breeder there. 612 00:21:21,406 --> 00:21:23,157 Lot of manual labor. 613 00:21:23,158 --> 00:21:24,742 A lot more than people would think. 614 00:21:24,743 --> 00:21:26,452 I got to pull a baby horse... 615 00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:28,245 out of a horse. 616 00:21:28,246 --> 00:21:29,663 Sorry, I've been told 617 00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:31,749 I can be quite the chatterbox. 618 00:21:31,750 --> 00:21:34,877 How often do you think you're gonna be taking this bus? 619 00:21:34,878 --> 00:21:36,420 Three times a week. 620 00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:37,713 - That is a lot. - Yeah, but I'm 621 00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:39,506 really excited for these classes. 622 00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:41,592 And I don't have another option. 623 00:21:41,593 --> 00:21:43,260 Well, don't you worry. 624 00:21:43,261 --> 00:21:44,970 You and I, we're gonna be road dogs. 625 00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:48,349 I'll show you the ins and outs of the east Vermont route. 626 00:21:48,350 --> 00:21:50,309 Ooh, that rhymed. 627 00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:52,978 But a little word to the wise, don't paint your nails. 628 00:21:52,979 --> 00:21:55,397 The bumpy roads can make it a little messy. 629 00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:57,107 Yeah, thank you. 630 00:21:57,108 --> 00:21:58,817 I'm, um, I'm gonna take a nap. 631 00:21:58,818 --> 00:22:01,445 Oh, you know what, that is a good idea. 632 00:22:01,446 --> 00:22:04,323 You got a long ride ahead of you. 633 00:22:04,324 --> 00:22:07,618 ♪ Nous sommes, nous sommes, nous sommes... ♪ 634 00:22:07,619 --> 00:22:09,203 CANAAN: Kimberly. 635 00:22:09,204 --> 00:22:11,080 - Canaan. - Hey. 636 00:22:11,081 --> 00:22:13,957 (gasps) I was wondering when you'd get here. 637 00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:16,752 Oh, I was sorting through the damaged baked goods, 638 00:22:16,753 --> 00:22:19,755 and I saved you the least crushed scone. 639 00:22:19,756 --> 00:22:22,633 I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually missed 640 00:22:22,634 --> 00:22:24,718 - these dry-ass Sips scones. - Me, too. 641 00:22:24,719 --> 00:22:27,346 Oh, I got you this shirt from New York. 642 00:22:27,347 --> 00:22:30,140 "I pretzel New York"? 643 00:22:30,141 --> 00:22:32,559 (laughing) 644 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,478 That's hilarious. 645 00:22:34,479 --> 00:22:37,398 - Is it really that funny? - I really think it is. 646 00:22:37,399 --> 00:22:38,774 Okay. 647 00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:40,150 Oh, it's so good to see you 648 00:22:40,151 --> 00:22:41,151 in person. 649 00:22:41,152 --> 00:22:43,070 - I agree. - Hey! 650 00:22:43,071 --> 00:22:44,947 No public displays of affection. 651 00:22:44,948 --> 00:22:46,532 I'm kidding. 652 00:22:46,533 --> 00:22:48,117 I already set up a cot in the back room 653 00:22:48,118 --> 00:22:49,326 if y'all want to smush. 654 00:22:49,327 --> 00:22:50,911 Um, thanks, but we're good. 655 00:22:50,912 --> 00:22:52,371 - You sure? - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 656 00:22:52,372 --> 00:22:53,664 I'm gonna go get changed for work, 657 00:22:53,665 --> 00:22:54,832 - and I'll be right back. - Okay. 658 00:22:54,833 --> 00:22:56,125 (Canaan chuckles) 659 00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:58,877 You know, I wasn't sure 660 00:22:58,878 --> 00:23:01,255 if I could picture you and Canaan as a couple. 661 00:23:01,256 --> 00:23:04,008 But you guys look so cute together. 662 00:23:04,009 --> 00:23:07,886 Oh, I love an interracial romance... in real life. 663 00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:10,472 On TV, I want people to stick to their own races. 664 00:23:10,473 --> 00:23:12,391 I don't know why, but I do. 665 00:23:12,392 --> 00:23:14,018 Mm. Well, thanks. 666 00:23:14,019 --> 00:23:15,185 I really like Canaan. 667 00:23:15,186 --> 00:23:17,062 I'm so happy to see him again. 668 00:23:17,063 --> 00:23:19,398 I can't believe you guys haven't had sex yet. 669 00:23:19,399 --> 00:23:20,941 I mean, it's like you're on a dating show 670 00:23:20,942 --> 00:23:22,860 with the world's most boring premise. 671 00:23:22,861 --> 00:23:24,862 I think we're gonna have some alone time tonight. 672 00:23:24,863 --> 00:23:26,739 And I used one of my mom's Groupons 673 00:23:26,740 --> 00:23:29,199 - to get everything waxed down there. - Nice. 674 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,118 My crotch is always cold now. I don't recommend it. 675 00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:33,203 Mm, have you spoken to Whitney yet? 676 00:23:33,204 --> 00:23:34,872 I tried. She's still so mad. 677 00:23:34,873 --> 00:23:36,915 But she'll come around if I give her time, I know it. 678 00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:39,835 Well, you followed your heart, and that's great. 679 00:23:39,836 --> 00:23:42,713 And now you have Canaan, but your friendship with Whitney? 680 00:23:42,714 --> 00:23:44,506 - That's gone, girl. - No, I disagree. 681 00:23:44,507 --> 00:23:45,883 She and I were such good friends. 682 00:23:45,884 --> 00:23:47,384 You don't just throw that away. 683 00:23:47,385 --> 00:23:49,595 Nuh-uh. That friendship is dead. 684 00:23:49,596 --> 00:23:51,930 This is not my opinion. 685 00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:53,349 This is like Ten Commandments shit. 686 00:23:53,350 --> 00:23:54,600 You stole her man. 687 00:23:54,601 --> 00:23:57,394 (laughing): You guys are done. 688 00:23:57,395 --> 00:23:58,980 Moses said that. 689 00:24:00,357 --> 00:24:01,733 Hey. 690 00:24:02,734 --> 00:24:03,901 ♪ We're leaving the planet ♪ 691 00:24:03,902 --> 00:24:05,861 ♪ And you can't come ♪ 692 00:24:05,862 --> 00:24:08,655 ♪ Uh-huh, I'm through ♪ 693 00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:13,118 ♪ With all these hyper mega bummer boys like you ♪ 694 00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:14,578 ♪ Oh, yeah... ♪ 695 00:24:14,579 --> 00:24:16,789 - Okay. It's sophomore year. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 696 00:24:16,790 --> 00:24:18,165 It's time for us to be able 697 00:24:18,166 --> 00:24:19,667 to take shots without making a face. 698 00:24:19,668 --> 00:24:21,752 - Agreed. We can do this. Cheers. - Cheers. 699 00:24:21,753 --> 00:24:23,671 - On three. One, two... - Okay. 700 00:24:23,672 --> 00:24:25,673 - Oh, God. - You didn't even drink it yet. 701 00:24:25,674 --> 00:24:27,007 No, but the smell got in my nose. 702 00:24:27,008 --> 00:24:28,175 Oh, grow up. 703 00:24:28,176 --> 00:24:29,885 It doesn't smell-- oh, God. 704 00:24:29,886 --> 00:24:32,221 - (coughs) - LEIGHTON: Are you guys ready? 705 00:24:32,222 --> 00:24:34,765 ♪ A super graphic ultra-modern girl like me ♪ 706 00:24:34,766 --> 00:24:36,767 ♪ We're hot... ♪ 707 00:24:36,768 --> 00:24:39,937 Oh, my God, Leighton, you look so beautiful I could cry. 708 00:24:39,938 --> 00:24:41,522 Well, I wasn't going for beautiful. 709 00:24:41,523 --> 00:24:42,981 I was going for shockingly hot. 710 00:24:42,982 --> 00:24:45,567 You're hot. You're hotter than a news anchor. 711 00:24:45,568 --> 00:24:47,695 Once Alicia sees me in this, there's no way 712 00:24:47,696 --> 00:24:50,280 - she'll be able to leave school. - Wait, Alicia's leaving the school? 713 00:24:50,281 --> 00:24:52,616 - Didn't we talk about this? - We talked about it 714 00:24:52,617 --> 00:24:55,202 - at Whitney's lunch, not Kimberly's lunch. - Wait, you guys had 715 00:24:55,203 --> 00:24:56,912 lunch with Whitney after you had lunch with me? 716 00:24:56,913 --> 00:24:59,790 (groans) God, this sucks. I hate repeating stories. 717 00:24:59,791 --> 00:25:01,291 You seem to really enjoy retelling that one 718 00:25:01,292 --> 00:25:03,085 about locking eyes with Zendaya in an elevator. 719 00:25:03,086 --> 00:25:04,962 Yeah, because that was so memorable. 720 00:25:04,963 --> 00:25:07,381 - I mean, we were both going to the lobby. - Mm. 721 00:25:07,382 --> 00:25:09,800 - Can we leave? - Yeah. 722 00:25:09,801 --> 00:25:13,846 ♪ Graphic ultra-modern, ooh, you got me la-la-la-ing... ♪ 723 00:25:13,847 --> 00:25:15,764 (singsongy): I brought chasers to pregame. 724 00:25:15,765 --> 00:25:17,225 ♪ Girl like me. ♪ 725 00:25:18,977 --> 00:25:20,310 Guys? 726 00:25:20,311 --> 00:25:22,021 - (indistinct chatter) - Ah! 727 00:25:22,022 --> 00:25:23,689 (all gasp) 728 00:25:23,690 --> 00:25:25,816 Oh, hi, Whit, we're just getting ready to head out. 729 00:25:25,817 --> 00:25:28,819 Good Lord. Are you gonna blend soon? 730 00:25:28,820 --> 00:25:32,322 - (laughter) - After the setting powder bakes, silly. 731 00:25:32,323 --> 00:25:33,991 Okay, well... 732 00:25:33,992 --> 00:25:36,994 uh, before I go out, I usually like to put on music 733 00:25:36,995 --> 00:25:39,747 and dance and drink and stuff. Anyone want to join me? 734 00:25:39,748 --> 00:25:41,582 That literally sounds so fun, but no. 735 00:25:41,583 --> 00:25:43,917 This is gonna take us another 45 minutes. 736 00:25:43,918 --> 00:25:45,836 Oh, cool. 737 00:25:45,837 --> 00:25:48,339 I guess I'll just go hang out until you guys are ready. 738 00:25:48,340 --> 00:25:49,715 You're not going in that, are you? 739 00:25:49,716 --> 00:25:51,425 Yeah, why, what's... 740 00:25:51,426 --> 00:25:52,926 what's wrong with it? 741 00:25:52,927 --> 00:25:54,511 (whispering, murmuring) 742 00:25:54,512 --> 00:25:56,430 Hey, Whit, didn't you read the email? 743 00:25:56,431 --> 00:25:58,057 We're all wearing baby blue tonight. 744 00:25:58,058 --> 00:26:00,476 It's super important for the group photo. 745 00:26:00,477 --> 00:26:04,146 We want people to see a sea of uninterrupted baby blue. 746 00:26:04,147 --> 00:26:06,357 And with that, there'd be an interruption. 747 00:26:06,358 --> 00:26:08,776 I'd hate to have to invoice you on Venmo again. 748 00:26:08,777 --> 00:26:10,694 I'd get a fine 749 00:26:10,695 --> 00:26:12,654 for not wearing the same color to a party? 750 00:26:12,655 --> 00:26:15,616 Unfortunately, yeah, and plus a retouching fee for the photo. 751 00:26:15,617 --> 00:26:17,534 - ALL: Mm-hmm. - Okay. 752 00:26:17,535 --> 00:26:19,161 I guess I'll go change. 753 00:26:19,162 --> 00:26:21,121 (all clamoring) 754 00:26:21,122 --> 00:26:22,873 ♪ La, da, da, dee, da, da, da, da ♪ 755 00:26:22,874 --> 00:26:24,875 ♪ La, da, da, dee ♪ 756 00:26:24,876 --> 00:26:27,211 ♪ Da, da, da, da ♪ 757 00:26:27,212 --> 00:26:30,089 ♪ La, da, da, dee, da, la, da, da, da, dee, da ♪ 758 00:26:30,090 --> 00:26:34,551 ♪ La, da, dee, da, da, da, da, da... ♪ 759 00:26:34,552 --> 00:26:35,886 This is amazing. 760 00:26:35,887 --> 00:26:38,347 (chuckles) Oh, my God, I love this. 761 00:26:38,348 --> 00:26:40,015 Yeah, the late '90s were lit. 762 00:26:40,016 --> 00:26:42,726 Do you think the DJ has the theme song to Frasier? 763 00:26:42,727 --> 00:26:43,852 Drinks. Now. 764 00:26:43,853 --> 00:26:45,521 Yeah, I'll lead the way 765 00:26:45,522 --> 00:26:47,398 because I'm wearing Heelys. 766 00:26:47,399 --> 00:26:49,566 - Bela, no! - No! 767 00:26:49,567 --> 00:26:51,903 Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. 768 00:26:53,947 --> 00:26:55,739 Will one of you kindly push me towards the bar? 769 00:26:55,740 --> 00:26:57,616 - Yeah. - Yes. 770 00:26:57,617 --> 00:27:02,247 ♪ Hey... ♪ 771 00:27:02,914 --> 00:27:05,249 - What's up? - Hey. 772 00:27:05,250 --> 00:27:07,251 You guys look incredible. Especially you. 773 00:27:07,252 --> 00:27:09,461 ♪ We flyin' over the world, surveyin' the globe... ♪ 774 00:27:09,462 --> 00:27:11,422 (laughter, indistinct chatter) 775 00:27:11,423 --> 00:27:12,423 ♪ Man, you already know ♪ 776 00:27:12,424 --> 00:27:14,341 ♪ Hey... ♪ 777 00:27:14,342 --> 00:27:16,552 - Well, this sucks. - BELA: Yeah. It's official, 778 00:27:16,553 --> 00:27:18,762 I do not like beef between women. 779 00:27:18,763 --> 00:27:21,932 Unless those women are rich New York or Atlanta housewives. 780 00:27:21,933 --> 00:27:23,517 - I'm gonna go check on Whit? - Yeah. 781 00:27:23,518 --> 00:27:24,936 Be back. 782 00:27:26,563 --> 00:27:28,814 - You okay? - Yeah. I'm good. 783 00:27:28,815 --> 00:27:30,774 - Let's get you a drink. - Yeah. 784 00:27:30,775 --> 00:27:32,568 ♪ After love, after love ♪ 785 00:27:32,569 --> 00:27:34,528 ♪ After love, after love... ♪ 786 00:27:34,529 --> 00:27:36,030 Man, I am so glad 787 00:27:36,031 --> 00:27:37,573 I'm not hanging around with those girls anymore. 788 00:27:37,574 --> 00:27:39,366 They are tragically basic. 789 00:27:39,367 --> 00:27:42,661 I mean, yeah, maybe, but some of them have depth, too. 790 00:27:42,662 --> 00:27:44,455 Whitney, get over here. 791 00:27:44,456 --> 00:27:46,498 I need you in front of me in this pic to hide my weird knee. 792 00:27:46,499 --> 00:27:47,958 Duty calls. 793 00:27:47,959 --> 00:27:49,543 (gasps) Alicia's here. 794 00:27:49,544 --> 00:27:51,670 What? 795 00:27:51,671 --> 00:27:54,548 - Oh, should I stay? - What? Obviously no. 796 00:27:54,549 --> 00:27:56,675 Wait, um, how do I look? 797 00:27:56,676 --> 00:27:58,135 Mm, you look great. Step to your left 798 00:27:58,136 --> 00:27:59,803 and you'll be backlit as she approaches. 799 00:27:59,804 --> 00:28:01,513 God, I've taught you so much. Thank you. 800 00:28:01,514 --> 00:28:04,933 ♪ You're gonna be the lonely one, oh ♪ 801 00:28:04,934 --> 00:28:08,772 ♪ Do you believe in life after love? ♪ 802 00:28:10,774 --> 00:28:12,608 - Hey. - ALICIA: "Hey"? 803 00:28:12,609 --> 00:28:14,234 That's what I get? We need to talk. 804 00:28:14,235 --> 00:28:16,820 I called you three times. I even FaceTimed you, 805 00:28:16,821 --> 00:28:18,405 and you know how dumb I think FaceTime is. 806 00:28:18,406 --> 00:28:20,657 I am about to make one of the biggest decisions 807 00:28:20,658 --> 00:28:23,327 of my life, and I-I wanted to talk it through with you, 808 00:28:23,328 --> 00:28:24,661 but you weren't there. 809 00:28:24,662 --> 00:28:26,372 I'm sorry, I just... 810 00:28:26,373 --> 00:28:28,874 - I don't want you to leave. - Leigh, I have to. 811 00:28:28,875 --> 00:28:30,084 And even though it really scares me, 812 00:28:30,085 --> 00:28:31,960 I'm, like, excited about it. 813 00:28:31,961 --> 00:28:36,090 And I just wish that you were excited for me, too. 814 00:28:36,091 --> 00:28:38,676 How am I supposed to be excited when you're leaving? 815 00:28:38,677 --> 00:28:40,135 Because it's what's best for me. 816 00:28:40,136 --> 00:28:41,679 Look, I didn't come to college to learn 817 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,722 which beer gives me heartburn 818 00:28:43,723 --> 00:28:45,140 and then be in debt for years. 819 00:28:45,141 --> 00:28:46,475 I came here to figure out what I want 820 00:28:46,476 --> 00:28:47,726 to do with my life, and I did. 821 00:28:47,727 --> 00:28:49,020 Isn't that a good thing? 822 00:28:50,313 --> 00:28:51,563 But then what... 823 00:28:51,564 --> 00:28:53,607 what happens to us? Like... 824 00:28:53,608 --> 00:28:55,401 do we just break up? 825 00:28:55,402 --> 00:28:58,822 No, I don't want that, but I would understand if you did. 826 00:29:00,824 --> 00:29:02,409 I love you, Leighton... 827 00:29:03,535 --> 00:29:04,952 ...and I'm moving to Boston. 828 00:29:04,953 --> 00:29:06,412 But the only way that this relationship 829 00:29:06,413 --> 00:29:07,830 is going to end 830 00:29:07,831 --> 00:29:10,333 is if you end it. 831 00:29:11,751 --> 00:29:13,210 I won't be doing that. 832 00:29:13,211 --> 00:29:14,462 Really? 833 00:29:16,256 --> 00:29:19,509 How about we just take it one day at a time? 834 00:29:20,427 --> 00:29:23,053 Okay. I mean, that sounds perfect. 835 00:29:23,054 --> 00:29:26,140 And I love you, too. 836 00:29:26,141 --> 00:29:28,225 Aw. 837 00:29:28,226 --> 00:29:30,185 Oh, my God, didn't I tell you to leave? 838 00:29:30,186 --> 00:29:31,645 I didn't. 839 00:29:31,646 --> 00:29:33,857 ♪ ♪ 840 00:29:35,025 --> 00:29:36,984 ♪ Ooh, happy creature... ♪ 841 00:29:36,985 --> 00:29:38,987 Want to go find a place to hang out? 842 00:29:39,779 --> 00:29:41,530 Yeah, let's go hang out. 843 00:29:41,531 --> 00:29:42,782 Cool. 844 00:29:44,242 --> 00:29:45,993 I'm excited we finally get to do this. 845 00:29:45,994 --> 00:29:47,161 Yeah, me, too. 846 00:29:47,162 --> 00:29:49,998 (music playing in distance) 847 00:29:51,666 --> 00:29:53,251 So, how's your mom? 848 00:29:54,044 --> 00:29:55,919 My mom? Why would you bring up my mom right now? 849 00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:59,299 - I don't know, that was weird, forget I said that. - (laughs): Yeah. 850 00:30:03,595 --> 00:30:05,346 (moans) 851 00:30:05,347 --> 00:30:07,723 Oh, tomorrow at Sips, we have to replace 852 00:30:07,724 --> 00:30:09,851 the toilet wands in the bathroom. 853 00:30:10,769 --> 00:30:12,061 Okay, what's happening? 854 00:30:12,062 --> 00:30:14,063 I don't know. Does this feel weird? 855 00:30:14,064 --> 00:30:16,148 Yeah. Yeah, a little bit. I'm trying 856 00:30:16,149 --> 00:30:17,983 not to get in my head about it. 857 00:30:17,984 --> 00:30:20,194 Right, it's just, I know you as Canaan, 858 00:30:20,195 --> 00:30:22,529 my work friend who I really like and admire. 859 00:30:22,530 --> 00:30:24,031 Like, I think you're amazing, 860 00:30:24,032 --> 00:30:25,949 and your body is clearly a body that anyone 861 00:30:25,950 --> 00:30:27,618 - would want to have sex with... - (both chuckle) 862 00:30:27,619 --> 00:30:30,954 ...but, I don't know, something just feels off. 863 00:30:30,955 --> 00:30:33,123 Yeah, I don't know, I feel a little awkward. 864 00:30:33,124 --> 00:30:34,958 When I touched your boob just now, 865 00:30:34,959 --> 00:30:37,127 I really wanted to go like, "Honk, honk," 866 00:30:37,128 --> 00:30:40,005 and I'm not that guy, I-I don't make sound effects. 867 00:30:40,006 --> 00:30:41,882 Yeah, and most importantly, 868 00:30:41,883 --> 00:30:44,760 I just, I can't do this to Whitney. 869 00:30:44,761 --> 00:30:45,928 I miss her. 870 00:30:45,929 --> 00:30:47,680 I really, really miss her. 871 00:30:47,681 --> 00:30:49,890 When I think about college, the first thing I think about 872 00:30:49,891 --> 00:30:51,559 is her being my friend. 873 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,646 - I respect that. - (sighs) 874 00:30:56,439 --> 00:30:57,648 (exhales) 875 00:30:57,649 --> 00:30:59,608 I actually think sound effects are pretty cool. 876 00:30:59,609 --> 00:31:00,984 Yes, I know this about you. 877 00:31:00,985 --> 00:31:02,319 Like, when you took your shirt off, 878 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:04,697 I really wanted to go, "Awooga, awooga." 879 00:31:04,698 --> 00:31:07,450 - (both laugh) - I bet you did. 880 00:31:08,868 --> 00:31:10,411 ♪ Don't leave me now ♪ 881 00:31:10,412 --> 00:31:12,162 ♪ Baby, I know I messed it up... ♪ 882 00:31:12,163 --> 00:31:14,999 - We have to talk. - Do we? 883 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:16,667 - Whitney, please. - Uh-uh. No, no, no, no. 884 00:31:16,668 --> 00:31:18,502 - Get out of here. Out. - I'm trying to talk 885 00:31:18,503 --> 00:31:20,921 to my friend, you can't shoo me away like a cat. 886 00:31:20,922 --> 00:31:22,715 Let me handle this. 887 00:31:22,716 --> 00:31:24,216 Slut says "what"? 888 00:31:24,217 --> 00:31:26,844 - I'm not gonna say "what." - Ah, you just did. 889 00:31:26,845 --> 00:31:29,096 - That doesn't count. - Oh, so you're a stupid slut? - Okay, that's enough. 890 00:31:29,097 --> 00:31:31,765 You are not slut-shaming my friend, you mean bitch. 891 00:31:31,766 --> 00:31:34,059 - (all gasping) - Okay, okay, let's just calm down. 892 00:31:34,060 --> 00:31:35,519 And you two, you are going in this closet 893 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:37,354 and you are not coming out until you make up. 894 00:31:37,355 --> 00:31:38,731 - Get in. - No, I'm not going in 895 00:31:38,732 --> 00:31:40,441 - a frat basement closet. - Get in. 896 00:31:40,442 --> 00:31:41,984 - Get in. - Is that a bull saddle? 897 00:31:41,985 --> 00:31:44,945 - Hey. - Start talking. It's locked. 898 00:31:44,946 --> 00:31:47,365 ♪ ♪ 899 00:31:52,829 --> 00:31:54,039 What? 900 00:31:54,956 --> 00:31:56,331 Don't try to hold my hand. 901 00:31:56,332 --> 00:31:58,709 I'm not. I think that's a mannequin. 902 00:31:58,710 --> 00:32:00,252 The fuck? 903 00:32:00,253 --> 00:32:02,254 Whitney, I'm so sorry. 904 00:32:02,255 --> 00:32:04,673 - And I ended things with Canaan. - It's not about Canaan. 905 00:32:04,674 --> 00:32:06,884 It's about how you were one of my closest friends, 906 00:32:06,885 --> 00:32:08,218 and not only did you swoop in on a guy 907 00:32:08,219 --> 00:32:09,553 who you knew broke my heart 908 00:32:09,554 --> 00:32:11,597 but then you lied to my face about it. 909 00:32:11,598 --> 00:32:14,099 That really hurt me. I didn't deserve that. 910 00:32:14,100 --> 00:32:15,559 You're right. I messed up. 911 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:17,478 I wasn't thinking about your feelings, 912 00:32:17,479 --> 00:32:19,480 and that was wrong, but if you could forgive me, 913 00:32:19,481 --> 00:32:23,233 I'll never hurt you like that again. 914 00:32:23,234 --> 00:32:26,696 Whitney, you mean so much to me, and I really miss you. 915 00:32:28,031 --> 00:32:29,448 I miss you, too. 916 00:32:29,449 --> 00:32:31,408 And if it matters, we never hooked up. 917 00:32:31,409 --> 00:32:33,202 I only touched him below the waist once, 918 00:32:33,203 --> 00:32:35,079 and that was accidentally, when I was dusting 919 00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:36,789 the pastry case at work and I grazed it. 920 00:32:36,790 --> 00:32:39,291 - Not a detail I needed. - I just wanted to be as up-front 921 00:32:39,292 --> 00:32:41,002 with you as possible. 922 00:32:41,878 --> 00:32:44,089 Can we please be good now? 923 00:32:45,173 --> 00:32:46,675 Yeah, we can be good. 924 00:32:47,676 --> 00:32:49,593 Also, I really want to move back in with you guys. 925 00:32:49,594 --> 00:32:51,929 The Kappas are a lot and, like, weirdly putting me into debt? 926 00:32:51,930 --> 00:32:54,640 (gasps) I would love that. And we don't have a bed for you 927 00:32:54,641 --> 00:32:57,142 or any space for one, but we can figure it out. 928 00:32:57,143 --> 00:32:58,602 - Okay. - (laughs): Okay. 929 00:32:58,603 --> 00:33:00,896 ♪ All the world is gonna be... ♪ 930 00:33:00,897 --> 00:33:02,648 - ALL: Aw. - So good. 931 00:33:02,649 --> 00:33:03,899 BELA: Before we leave, 932 00:33:03,900 --> 00:33:05,567 did you get it all out? 933 00:33:05,568 --> 00:33:06,944 Anything you need to say, 934 00:33:06,945 --> 00:33:08,612 you say it now so we can all move on. 935 00:33:08,613 --> 00:33:11,448 - I think we did. - Just let us out of this closet 936 00:33:11,449 --> 00:33:13,117 'cause it's filled with too much weird stuff. 937 00:33:13,118 --> 00:33:15,619 - (cheering, applause) - Good. Good. 938 00:33:15,620 --> 00:33:17,121 Aw. 939 00:33:17,122 --> 00:33:18,956 Bela, that was really impressive. 940 00:33:18,957 --> 00:33:21,167 Maybe you'll be a good FAF after all. 941 00:33:25,588 --> 00:33:27,298 ♪ ♪ 942 00:33:31,511 --> 00:33:33,012 - (cheering) - DJ TRAPS: Okay, everybody, 943 00:33:33,013 --> 00:33:34,221 it's almost Y2K! 944 00:33:34,222 --> 00:33:35,848 (cheering, applause) 945 00:33:35,849 --> 00:33:37,683 In ten, nine... 946 00:33:37,684 --> 00:33:39,685 ALL: Eight, seven, 947 00:33:39,686 --> 00:33:41,478 six, five, 948 00:33:41,479 --> 00:33:43,355 four, three, 949 00:33:43,356 --> 00:33:45,649 - two, one! - (cheering) 950 00:33:45,650 --> 00:33:47,818 KIMBERLY: Wait, what? What happened? 951 00:33:47,819 --> 00:33:49,653 BELA: Did it really Y2K? 952 00:33:49,654 --> 00:33:51,447 (cheering, applause) 953 00:33:51,448 --> 00:33:53,825 ♪ ♪ 954 00:33:57,787 --> 00:33:59,497 - Drinks? - Yes! Now! 955 00:34:07,630 --> 00:34:09,090 ♪ ♪ 956 00:34:14,971 --> 00:34:16,722 - Leighton. - These bus trips 957 00:34:16,723 --> 00:34:19,850 to the University of Vermont are not going to work for me. 958 00:34:19,851 --> 00:34:22,186 I can't do it for the next week, let alone the next three years 959 00:34:22,187 --> 00:34:23,354 of my life. 960 00:34:23,355 --> 00:34:25,689 Hmm. Sorry to hear that. 961 00:34:25,690 --> 00:34:27,691 That's it? Dude, this is 962 00:34:27,692 --> 00:34:30,152 supposed to be one of the best schools in the country. 963 00:34:30,153 --> 00:34:32,071 I get it. Uh, Essex is a great school, 964 00:34:32,072 --> 00:34:33,572 but it's not where you go for math. 965 00:34:33,573 --> 00:34:35,074 If that's what you're looking for, 966 00:34:35,075 --> 00:34:36,241 I could reach out 967 00:34:36,242 --> 00:34:37,993 to a colleague at MIT 968 00:34:37,994 --> 00:34:39,704 about their transfer cutoff. 969 00:34:41,039 --> 00:34:43,875 Like, like, "MIT" MIT? 970 00:34:45,043 --> 00:34:48,630 Isn't... isn't that in Boston? 971 00:34:49,339 --> 00:34:51,633 {\an8}("Glow" by Digitalism playing) 972 00:35:03,228 --> 00:35:05,229 {\an8}♪ It's been so long ♪ 973 00:35:05,230 --> 00:35:07,981 {\an8}♪ So long, so long ♪ 974 00:35:07,982 --> 00:35:11,193 {\an8}♪ Everything is over ♪ 975 00:35:11,194 --> 00:35:13,362 {\an8}♪ It's been so long ♪ 976 00:35:13,363 --> 00:35:16,323 {\an8}♪ So long, so long ♪ 977 00:35:16,324 --> 00:35:19,368 {\an8}♪ Don't stop dancing, move on ♪ 978 00:35:19,369 --> 00:35:21,370 {\an8}♪ It's been so long ♪ 979 00:35:21,371 --> 00:35:24,289 {\an8}♪ So long, so long ♪ 980 00:35:24,290 --> 00:35:28,919 {\an8}♪ Everything is over ♪ 981 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,088 {\an8}♪ It's been so long ♪ 982 00:35:31,089 --> 00:35:32,756 {\an8}♪ So long ♪ 983 00:35:32,757 --> 00:35:37,262 {\an8}♪ Don't stop dancing, move on ♪ 984 00:35:43,727 --> 00:35:45,477 {\an8}♪ It's been so long ♪ 985 00:35:45,478 --> 00:35:48,772 {\an8}♪ So long, so long ♪ 986 00:35:48,773 --> 00:35:52,359 {\an8}♪ Don't stop dancing, don't stop dancing ♪ 987 00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:54,153 {\an8}♪ It's been so long ♪ 988 00:35:54,154 --> 00:35:57,114 {\an8}♪ So long, so long ♪ 989 00:35:57,115 --> 00:36:00,117 {\an8}♪ Don't stop dancing, move on ♪ 990 00:36:00,118 --> 00:36:02,036 {\an8}♪ It's been so long ♪ 991 00:36:02,037 --> 00:36:05,290 {\an8}♪ So long, so long. ♪ 992 00:36:08,460 --> 00:36:15,675 MAN: Go to bed.