1
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:12,387
Well, John Essex, I'm here to say goodbye.
2
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:16,807
{\an8}I came here to revolutionize comedy
and become the first BIPOC,
3
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,267
{\an8}sex-positive Mark Twain.
4
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,271
But instead, all I did was
skip class and tap ass.
5
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:25,858
I know that actually makes it sound
pretty cool, but I promise, it's not.
6
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:27,943
The truth is, I'm a dick.
7
00:00:27,944 --> 00:00:32,407
I alienated every group I joined,
I put my ambition before my friendships,
8
00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:35,035
and I squandered all my opportunities.
9
00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:36,953
So I'm leaving.
10
00:00:37,412 --> 00:00:40,622
I'll miss you and my roommates,
and, of course,
11
00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:44,460
the endless sea of ripped men
who shared their bodies so freely.
12
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:48,298
But I need to work on
my hardest project yet. Myself.
13
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:51,301
Also, damn, you have a thick neck.
14
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:54,136
And you're, what, 7'3"? Mmm!
15
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:57,139
If we were here at the same time, Johnny,
I would have been all over you.
16
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:58,432
Excuse me, miss?
17
00:00:58,433 --> 00:01:01,852
Bela Malhotra, were you just in there
asking to transfer schools?
18
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:03,103
Yes, that was me.
19
00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:05,857
You see, my first year of college
was not what I had hoped for.
20
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:09,651
After giving a few hand jobs to secure
a spot in an elite comedy magazine--
21
00:01:09,652 --> 00:01:12,030
Yeah, I don't need to know that.
But you can't transfer.
22
00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:15,657
I've worked here for 30 years.
I've never seen a GPA as low as yours.
23
00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:17,327
A girl in a coma did better than you.
24
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,162
Yeah, but that was clearly,
like, political.
25
00:01:20,163 --> 00:01:22,290
I think your only option
is to come back in the fall
26
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:23,667
and try and get your grades up.
27
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:25,626
Also, that's not John Essex.
28
00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:28,337
It's Jacob Meier Yates,
and he was a bad man.
29
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:31,549
He froze to death on the Oregon Trail
after eating his family.
30
00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:33,968
Yikes.
31
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:36,721
I really need to work on my taste in men.
32
00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,277
Summer was so fun.
33
00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:54,571
I can't wait to tell everyone
about our backpacking trip to Europe.
34
00:01:54,572 --> 00:01:55,698
Same.
35
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:59,786
But just as a reminder, what we did
was definitely not backpacking.
36
00:01:59,994 --> 00:02:03,414
You hired a chauffeur and we stayed
in luxury hotels the whole time.
37
00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:06,418
Yeah, I mean, sure, but I did have
a really cute little backpack.
38
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,670
HENRY: God, I love Vermont.
39
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,463
The leaves, the mountains,
the maple syrup.
40
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:15,092
If it wasn't for their insane
socialist politics, I would move here.
41
00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:17,219
Well, you know,
it's a great place for lesbians.
42
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:20,098
Yeah, lesbians who love
to pay inheritance tax.
43
00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:22,099
Dad, it's so nice spending time with you.
44
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,935
But you didn't have to
come for move-in day.
45
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:27,104
Honey, I'm not gonna miss out
on a road trip with my favorite gal pals.
46
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,314
Okay? Plus, I've been a little depressed,
47
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:31,317
and your mom said
I had to get out of the house.
48
00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:33,653
- [cell phone rings]
- Oh, do you mind just pulling over?
49
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:38,115
Um, yeah. Yeah, sure. Of course.
Is everything okay?
50
00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:39,868
It's fine. It's just a quick call.
51
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,202
Sorry.
52
00:02:44,330 --> 00:02:45,331
Just one minute.
53
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,502
If you think she's talking
to some other girl, you're wrong.
54
00:02:50,754 --> 00:02:53,590
That was my first thought too,
but I don't want your mind to go there.
55
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:03,766
The first Finkle to make it
to the second year of college.
56
00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:05,143
You did it, honey.
57
00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:08,520
You lasted longer than your cousin Ron
who got kicked out of Arizona State
58
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:11,065
for airdropping photos of his penis
to strangers.
59
00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:13,692
- I'm very proud, Mom.
- Have you heard back from Whitney yet?
60
00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:16,653
No. She's still ghosting me
'cause of all the Canaan stuff.
61
00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:20,074
Honey, look, fighting over a boy
is such small potatoes
62
00:03:20,075 --> 00:03:23,035
in the lifetime of a friendship.
Everything's gonna be okay.
63
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:23,952
Thanks, Mom.
64
00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:27,289
Well, I, for one,
am very excited to meet Canaan.
65
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,541
- Dad, what are you wearing?
- Do you like it?
66
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:32,462
Donald Glover wore something
very similar at the BAFTAs.
67
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,506
Uh, it's very iridescent.
68
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:37,050
Yeah, and not very breathable.
69
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:40,344
- I'm sweating like a pig. It's bad.
- Okay.
70
00:03:40,345 --> 00:03:42,889
But worth it to impress
your new boyfriend.
71
00:03:43,014 --> 00:03:45,432
Oh, he's not my boyfriend.
We haven't defined things in that way.
72
00:03:45,433 --> 00:03:48,894
Sorry. Partner, or whatever
young people say now.
73
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,896
- I think it's person-friend.
- Person-friend.
74
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:52,064
- It's not.
- Okay.
75
00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,732
- Okay.
- Well, we should get on the road.
76
00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:54,900
Okay. Love you guys.
77
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:57,319
Wait, wait, wait.
I thought we were all going out to lunch.
78
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,697
I want Canaan to see my shirt and like me.
79
00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:00,949
Yeah, I'll tell him about it.
80
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,617
- Love you guys.
- Love you.
81
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:08,498
[automated voice] Show us your
mother-daughter drop-off dance.
82
00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:15,045
[Evette] It's perfect.
I cannot wait to post this.
83
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:18,465
I dare Chris Matthews to say
I'm alarmingly stiff again.
84
00:04:18,466 --> 00:04:20,592
Okay, well, I'm just glad
I get to help you
85
00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,887
with your important
mission-driven work, Mom.
86
00:04:23,972 --> 00:04:26,141
I love you so much.
87
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:29,728
And I know your sophomore year
is going to be incredible.
88
00:04:30,145 --> 00:04:32,063
[yells excitedly] There she is!
89
00:04:32,731 --> 00:04:34,857
Oh, my God! Stop! I know her!
90
00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:36,484
- You know this assailant?
- Oh, my God.
91
00:04:38,153 --> 00:04:41,780
She's not an assailant, Mom.
This is my sorority sister, Ashlie.
92
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:42,781
[Evette] I'm sorry, Ashlie.
93
00:04:42,782 --> 00:04:45,617
Since January 6th,
we have a no-tolerance policy
94
00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:47,661
for strawberry-blonde women running at me.
95
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:50,081
Oh, my God, no. I'm fine.
My spine took the brunt of it.
96
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:55,169
Let me help you with those,
my new sister, not "sista."
97
00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:56,338
That's never okay.
98
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,007
I am just gonna say it.
99
00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:01,175
I think it's weird
that you're living here.
100
00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:02,593
It's not weird, Mom.
101
00:05:02,594 --> 00:05:04,553
Okay, the Kappa house is
like the Four Seasons.
102
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:07,223
Plus, it's close to the soccer field.
It's gonna be a great year.
103
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:09,641
I am just surprised you're not
living with Kimberly again.
104
00:05:09,642 --> 00:05:12,144
I liked her. She would text me
the GPS coordinates
105
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,729
of any party you were attending.
106
00:05:13,730 --> 00:05:17,484
- Yeah, well, Kimberly and I...
- What's wrong, honey?
107
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:21,236
Nothing. I just needed a change.
You wanna walk me inside?
108
00:05:21,237 --> 00:05:22,238
Sure.
109
00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:26,534
[male student] Your game is not that good.
Trust me on this.
110
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:37,671
I would never objectify a young man.
111
00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:40,923
But I will keep staring until he walks by.
112
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:42,509
Mom, stop. Weird.
113
00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:54,479
Thank God you're here. This is a disaster.
114
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,355
We live in a triple.
115
00:05:56,356 --> 00:06:00,025
Oh, hi, Bela. My summer was great too.
Thank you for asking.
116
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:01,819
How weird is this?
This is the common room,
117
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:05,030
and then all of us sleep in
that one tiny bedroom.
118
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:05,949
Hell, no.
119
00:06:06,324 --> 00:06:09,535
- Isn't it fucking weird?
- Guys, it's three beds in a room.
120
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:12,121
Yeah, but it's, like, asymmetrical.
121
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,914
I'm getting dizzy. I need to sit down.
122
00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:17,418
I am not sleeping on some bunk bed
like some sleepaway camp nobody.
123
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:20,170
- Dibs on the single.
- I think you guys are both being dramatic.
124
00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:22,215
It's not just that. This is just strange.
125
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:25,384
- What about Whitney?
- [Bela] Yeah, she was our Sporty Spice.
126
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,220
We're 25% less hot now.
127
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:28,762
I miss that bitch.
128
00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:32,099
Well, I, for one,
think this new room is amazing.
129
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,476
The view is so much better
from the top floor.
130
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:36,354
We're gonna see so many birds.
131
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,232
Fine. But we got to style
the crap out of this place.
132
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:42,693
Like with this chair.
I got here early and installed it myself.
133
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:45,155
Sophomore year,
we've got to step up our game.
134
00:06:45,530 --> 00:06:46,823
- [shrieks]
- [gasps]
135
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,578
- Bela, are you okay?
- I'm fine. I'll fix that later.
136
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:55,165
I will be making
all of our furniture decisions this year.
137
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:56,791
Understood.
138
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,293
Have either of you heard from Whitney?
139
00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:00,669
I know she isn't talking to me,
140
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:03,922
but it's weird that she didn't text
the group thread once this entire summer.
141
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:05,799
- There's a new thread without you.
- What?
142
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:09,095
And Leighton and I went to visit Whitney
in DC and had dinner with Kamala Harris.
143
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:12,432
- What?
- I wasn't going to tell her that part.
144
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:16,060
Look, you need to fix this.
It's giving me group chat anxiety.
145
00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:18,396
Plus Bela keeps sending her jokes
in both threads,
146
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:20,731
and it is hard enough to pretend
that I like them once.
147
00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:24,693
Well, I tried to fix things all summer.
I texted, I called.
148
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:27,447
I even sent her a really moving video
of me playing the ukulele.
149
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:30,574
But she never responded, so I figured
she just needed time to get over it.
150
00:07:30,575 --> 00:07:32,409
Or maybe you gave her
so much space and time
151
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,203
she realized her life
was fine without you.
152
00:07:34,204 --> 00:07:36,747
- At least, that's what she told Kamala.
- [gasps]
153
00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,958
- She talked to Kamala about me?
- Well, mostly Doug.
154
00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:40,919
[gasps] Doug was there?
155
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:50,010
Is it me or did a bunch of guys
at this school
156
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:52,430
have a major glow up this summer?
157
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,599
I mean, look at Skinny Greg.
158
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:57,894
Now he's Thick Greg.
Look at all that titty meat he put on.
159
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,938
Y'all, I think I'm gonna fuck
Thick-Skinny Greg.
160
00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:02,189
I too have an announcement.
161
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:04,109
After a summer full of soul searching,
162
00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:06,277
I've decided I'm gonna
take a break from comedy.
163
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,822
Wait. Didn't those girls
kick you out of their group?
164
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,658
I mean, you were just making it
sound like it was your choice.
165
00:08:12,659 --> 00:08:14,160
While that is technically true,
166
00:08:14,577 --> 00:08:17,956
I have simultaneously decided
that I will be transforming myself.
167
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,833
I hated who I was last year.
I was selfish.
168
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:25,255
I was lazy and I led every situation
with sexuality. Like, even now.
169
00:08:25,630 --> 00:08:28,549
- Why is my shirt buttoned so low?
- I'm proud of you, Bela.
170
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:31,719
It's hard to look in the mirror,
realize you're annoying and wanna change.
171
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,220
A break from comedy is good.
172
00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:35,431
You know, I can't believe I know
which comedy theater
173
00:08:35,432 --> 00:08:38,058
every cast member from SNL
got their start at.
174
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,768
I'm popular. I shouldn't know that.
175
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,771
Hello, my former freshthems.
176
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:44,690
I'm so proud to see you so happy and--
177
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,275
- [coughs]
- Ugh!
178
00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:47,485
Frude, are you okay?
179
00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:50,696
I am not. I just found out I contracted
180
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:53,198
tropical pneumonia
on my summer volunteer trip.
181
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,242
So I am actually returning to Sweden.
182
00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:58,663
I'm looking for someone who'd be willing
to be a FAF for my new freshthem.
183
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,330
It is such an important job.
184
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,583
Who will comfort them
when they are homesick?
185
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:05,502
Or spray Narcan
in their tiny young nostrils?
186
00:09:05,503 --> 00:09:08,340
- [groans]
- I'll do it. I'll be a FAF.
187
00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:13,094
- [chuckles] You're being serious.
- Yeah. I think I'd be great at it.
188
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:14,720
I made a ton of mistakes last year.
189
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:17,473
Maybe the best person to guide these kids
is someone who messed up.
190
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:19,224
Traditionally, that is not the criteria.
191
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,643
I wanna help people
avoid the mistakes I made.
192
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:24,063
Please, Frude?
I really think I can do this.
193
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:27,317
Also, I was a camp counselor one summer,
and I almost never lost a kid.
194
00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:29,276
Okay, then. I'll send over
195
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:31,737
all the necessary materials
you need for-- [coughs]
196
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,698
Oh, my God. Okay, Frude, we love you.
Walk away from our food right now.
197
00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:35,825
Right now.
198
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:39,578
Well, I'm off. I'm going to buy
an apology gift for Whitney.
199
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:43,291
I'm thinking a small,
tasteful crystal raccoon figurine.
200
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,085
You're getting her a crappy trinket
for fucking her boyfriend?
201
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,796
Well, first off,
Canaan wasn't her boyfriend anymore,
202
00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,631
and we actually haven't had sex.
203
00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:53,467
You haven't even fucked him yet?
It's been all summer.
204
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,261
Why is this betrayal so chaste?
205
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,096
Canaan was in New York for his internship,
206
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,516
and I was back home
working at Groomingdales.
207
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:02,435
We did try to have
a naughty Zoom session one night,
208
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:03,769
but my computer is busted
209
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:06,398
and I couldn't figure out
how to turn off the pirate hat filter.
210
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,108
Okay. Just come up with
a better gift for Whitney.
211
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,151
- We all need you to fix this.
- Oh!
212
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:15,573
What if instead of getting something
for her, I made something for her?
213
00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:19,202
Okay, that's a no.
I'll think of something.
214
00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:21,830
I'll text you ideas.
I don't trust your taste.
215
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:25,959
- [grunts]
- How are you kicking the ball so hard?
216
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,335
Did you start taking steroids?
217
00:10:28,336 --> 00:10:29,838
Nod once for yes and twice
218
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,256
if you'll give me something
to help grow my booty muscles.
219
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:35,801
No, I'm just picturing Kimberly's
dumb face as I kick.
220
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,179
Interesting.
I actually think her face is quite pretty.
221
00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:41,515
- [grunts]
- I knew that would fuel you.
222
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:44,059
Stay angry.
We'll ride this all the way to nationals.
223
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:45,728
[coach blows whistle] Scrimmage.
224
00:10:45,729 --> 00:10:48,440
Returning starters in blue,
first-years in yellow.
225
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:51,067
- Ready to put these girls in their place?
- You know it.
226
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:53,987
But it might be mostly on you.
I haven't exercised since June.
227
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:25,185
Yo. That new girl is good.
What position is she?
228
00:11:25,977 --> 00:11:27,354
She lined up in center.
229
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:30,273
Wait. You might be in for a fight.
230
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,785
- Hello?
- Oh, hey, Leighton.
231
00:11:42,786 --> 00:11:44,913
Professor Tocchini. Where is everybody?
232
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:48,165
Isn't this supposed to be
Algebraic and Differential Topology?
233
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:51,585
It was, but you were the only person
that passed the placement exam.
234
00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:54,129
So the school is canceling the course.
235
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,882
Wait. So I'm being punished for being
the only one good at math
236
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,009
at this cheap-ass school?
237
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,387
- Yes.
- This is fucked.
238
00:12:00,804 --> 00:12:04,181
I was psyched to learn about sequences
of fibrations and fiber bundles.
239
00:12:04,182 --> 00:12:07,726
The good news is that you could
fill this opening in your schedule
240
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,604
by taking one of the other classes
that I'm teaching.
241
00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:14,567
I mean, have you ever thought about
the role math plays in The Hobbit? Huh?
242
00:12:15,694 --> 00:12:17,945
- Hey, who are you calling?
- Our family lawyer.
243
00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:20,447
My dad and grandpa
dodged two different wars
244
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:23,242
to be able to attend Essex,
so they will not be happy about this.
245
00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,496
Just wait a second.
Can you stop? Just stop! Stop.
246
00:12:26,705 --> 00:12:31,166
Sorry. Sorry. The only other thing
you could do is you could take this class
247
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,334
at a nearby school.
248
00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:35,879
Essex is part of a consortium,
so if you don't mind a little travel,
249
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:40,885
you could take a much more advanced
math class at the UVM grad school.
250
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,178
How much is a little travel?
251
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:46,307
Thirty minutes. Sixty. Sometimes ninety.
252
00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:48,101
But it's very scenic.
253
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:50,937
Fine.
254
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,366
Damn. Rain shower.
255
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:04,951
Okay.
256
00:13:06,244 --> 00:13:09,247
Oh, okay, spa music.
257
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:14,878
Bulgari? This shit is coming with me.
258
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,424
- Hi there.
- [gasps]
259
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,843
Hi. Sorry. You surprised me.
260
00:13:22,844 --> 00:13:25,346
Sorry. I've trained myself
to have a really light tread
261
00:13:25,347 --> 00:13:27,599
so I can find out the other girls
are talking about me.
262
00:13:28,224 --> 00:13:30,934
I'm Blair.
So what do you think of Kappa so far?
263
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:34,063
You know, I'm really gonna miss the guy
in our dorm who got so drunk,
264
00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:35,482
he thought our door was a urinal.
265
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:37,775
But other than that,
I would say this is okay.
266
00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:39,486
Oh, my God. That's so good to hear.
267
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,906
Look, I've been tasked to speak with you
about something, though.
268
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:46,408
It was me. I took all the soaps
and shampoos. They're just so fancy.
269
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:49,036
No, you didn't attend
the Bagels & Bonding event this morning,
270
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:51,498
- so I have to give you this.
- [cell phone chimes]
271
00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:54,375
{\an8}- Oh, a bill for $80?
- Yeah.
272
00:13:54,376 --> 00:13:56,877
- No, I was at soccer.
- Yes. You know what?
273
00:13:56,878 --> 00:14:00,172
We love how much of a badass girl-boss
you are on the field,
274
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:03,050
but, you know, we also really require
that you kick it with us too.
275
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:05,219
Or you can give us
a 48-hour advance notice
276
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:06,929
if you can't attend something.
277
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,890
Okay, sis?
I'll see you at the Chai & Chat.
278
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:11,309
I'm so excited.
Everyone's gonna be awesome.
279
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:16,313
[doorbell rings]
280
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,274
[woman] Whitney,
there's someone here for you.
281
00:14:21,319 --> 00:14:22,779
- Hey.
- Hey.
282
00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:27,325
- Can I hug you? I'd love to hug you.
- No, thanks.
283
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:32,997
Look, I know you've been ignoring
my texts, so I came here to say I'm sorry.
284
00:14:33,498 --> 00:14:35,959
I really miss you.
I thought about you all summer.
285
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,626
Not a day went by at Groomingdales
286
00:14:37,627 --> 00:14:40,714
when I didn't see you in the faces
of those little cats and dogs.
287
00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,257
Is there a point to this?
288
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:46,052
I wanted to apologize in person
and give you this.
289
00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:50,348
It's a Caboodle.
You complimented mine last year,
290
00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:52,641
so I thought you could use it
to organize your makeup,
291
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,226
since that really stressed you out.
292
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:55,769
Look, if you wanted to be friends,
293
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:57,271
you shouldn't have made out with my ex
294
00:14:57,272 --> 00:14:59,732
- and then lied to my face about it.
- [gasping]
295
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:02,735
- You did what?
- This is kind of a private conversation.
296
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:05,070
We're in a sorority.
There's no such thing.
297
00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:07,823
- Yeah. I would never speak ill of women...
- Seriously?
298
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:08,741
No.
299
00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,909
...but if you did that,
you're a cock-gobbling skank.
300
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,161
I'm not a cock-gobbler.
301
00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:15,832
I can't believe you had the audacity
to come here with your lame-ass jeggings
302
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:19,376
and weird recycled shoes
and make this weak-ass apology.
303
00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:22,756
They're not weird. They donate a pair to
a poor person for every pair that you buy.
304
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,300
Great. So now a homeless lady
has a pair of ugly shoes too. Get out.
305
00:15:26,301 --> 00:15:28,385
[sorority sisters] Bye. Bye. Bye.
306
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,180
You're no longer welcome in our foyer.
307
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:32,974
Poor Whitney.
308
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,769
[Kimberly] I'll just leave
the Caboodle on the porch.
309
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,900
Hey. I need to talk to you
about something.
310
00:15:42,901 --> 00:15:44,569
Okay, we've been over this, all right?
311
00:15:44,694 --> 00:15:47,446
Having sex dreams about Kristen Stewart
is not cheating.
312
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,323
It would be weird if you didn't have them.
313
00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:50,492
It's not about that.
314
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:53,912
What I wanted to tell you is that...
315
00:15:55,163 --> 00:15:56,498
I'm leaving Essex.
316
00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:58,917
To work for Carrie Watanabe.
317
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,461
- The mayor of Boston?
- Yes, and she's amazing.
318
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,048
And I would be working directly for her.
319
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:07,842
That's why I've been on
so many weird phone calls.
320
00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:09,761
I found out this morning.
321
00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:13,847
So you're gonna be a college dropout.
[chuckles] Are you kidding?
322
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:16,141
It's not like I'm leaving to sell meth.
323
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:18,727
This is the kind of job I would
kill to get after I graduate.
324
00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:21,605
Yeah. So wait until you graduate
like everyone normal. This is crazy.
325
00:16:21,606 --> 00:16:24,651
This opportunity might not be there
after I graduate.
326
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:29,322
Why stick around and take on more debt?
Not all of us pay for college with cash.
327
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:33,575
Okay. All right. Well, you don't
have to be such a bitch about it.
328
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,661
- I didn't mean it like that. I--
- No, no, no.
329
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,789
I mean, you've clearly made up your mind,
330
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:40,375
so I will just take my privileged ass
and I will leave.
331
00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:44,378
Enjoy Boston. You call it a major city?
332
00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:46,715
They don't even have a subway
that runs overnight there.
333
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:51,010
[Bela] Hello, first-years.
334
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:57,017
We are now introducing your FAF leader,
Bela the Boss Bitch Malhotra!
335
00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:59,477
Yes! Yes, guys!
336
00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:03,064
Yes!
337
00:17:03,273 --> 00:17:07,401
Thanks for that wonderful intro,
announcer. Just kidding.
338
00:17:07,402 --> 00:17:09,237
That was me yelling from outside the hall.
339
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,405
[chuckles nervously]
340
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:17,203
Okay. My name is Bela Malhotra
and I will be your FAF.
341
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:21,123
I am here to help guide you
through your first year of college
342
00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:25,794
with sensitivity, an envelope-pushing
sense of humor, and wisdom.
343
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:28,423
And no cap, I am wise as hell.
344
00:17:29,424 --> 00:17:31,634
First question. We love to see it.
What's up?
345
00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:33,636
Why are you wearing a tie?
346
00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:37,848
Oh. It's sort of my style, subtly turning
traditional menswear on its head.
347
00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:39,683
I'm told it's cool in the queer community.
348
00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:42,979
Well, I'm queer, and I don't know anyone
that would dress like that.
349
00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:45,857
Oh. Well, that's so great
that you're queer.
350
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,359
But I'm pretty certain
this is fashionable.
351
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:49,860
I would know. I'm from New Jersey.
352
00:17:49,861 --> 00:17:52,072
- Where are you from?
- Mayfair, London.
353
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,283
- Oh. Damn.
- Is it true you have a 1.8 GPA?
354
00:17:55,784 --> 00:17:57,326
- How do you know that?
- You tweeted it.
355
00:17:57,327 --> 00:17:58,870
I looked you up before the meeting.
356
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,872
You posted a screenshot with the caption,
"One point eight.
357
00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:03,208
More like one point great."
358
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:05,710
Okay, first off,
that post got a lot of likes.
359
00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:08,796
- Thirteen.
- Yeah, that's a lot for a non-verified.
360
00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:10,632
Sorry I'm not Ryan Reynolds, or whatever.
361
00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:15,761
But more importantly, my low GPA
is exactly why I'm excited to be your FAF.
362
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:19,516
I didn't have a great first year,
but I can help you avoid my mistakes.
363
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:23,269
Anybody else? Anyone? Nope?
364
00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:25,897
- Yes, same girl.
- Taylor.
365
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:29,693
- May I say something to the group?
- Sure.
366
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:34,780
I'm sorry if this sounds so Gen Z of me,
or whatever.
367
00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:38,992
It's just, I can't help but think
that this Essex tradition
368
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:42,746
of didactic older person
talking about the good old days
369
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:44,540
is a little bit antiquated.
370
00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:46,084
Okay. The portion of the FAF meeting
371
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:48,752
where you question
the legitimacy of the FAF is over.
372
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:52,673
Everybody, take out your phones.
It's time to delete ChatGPT.
373
00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:56,344
First Hillary Clinton and now me.
People love to attack a woman in power.
374
00:18:57,512 --> 00:19:01,015
I'm not so sure it's misogyny, so much
as someone just correctly pointing out
375
00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:04,602
you might not be a fit for the job,
just based on everything about you.
376
00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:07,771
- You're right. It was probably jealousy.
- That's not what I said.
377
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:09,356
Are you sure you even want to do it?
378
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:12,402
I mean, Frude didn't seem like
he liked it. And now he might be dying.
379
00:19:12,736 --> 00:19:14,486
Yeah, maybe I did jump at this
too quickly.
380
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:16,823
I just got excited about the idea
of doing something good
381
00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:18,240
with all the mistakes I've made.
382
00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:21,410
I get that. But you'll find another way
to help people. I'm sure of it.
383
00:19:21,411 --> 00:19:22,620
- Yeah.
- True.
384
00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:25,789
Maybe I could start a podcast.
Like, a funny, cautionary one
385
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:27,833
about all the dumb moves
people make in college.
386
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:30,961
Episode one could be about a girl
who sleeps with her married soccer coach.
387
00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:33,798
Why am I first?
Use your own damn mistakes.
388
00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:36,258
Just tell Frude that you
don't want to be a FAF,
389
00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:39,553
and we will convince you out of
doing your podcast at a later date.
390
00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:41,014
[cell phone vibrates]
391
00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:46,977
Declining a call from Alicia.
Asserting your alpha-dom-femme-top energy?
392
00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:49,229
Making sure she knows you're mother?
393
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:53,151
- Bela, stop using gay slang.
- But I'm getting so good at it.
394
00:19:53,443 --> 00:19:57,071
I'm ignoring Alicia
because she told me she's dropping out.
395
00:19:57,072 --> 00:19:58,280
- What?
- Are you serious?
396
00:19:58,281 --> 00:20:01,116
Then why are you ignoring her?
Call her back. Convince her to stay.
397
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,993
No way. Alicia is stubborn as hell.
398
00:20:02,994 --> 00:20:05,662
If I tell her not to do something,
she's gonna wanna do it more.
399
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,956
But if I ice her out,
she's gonna get in her head
400
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:09,876
and she'll realize
it's a crazy idea to leave.
401
00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:13,088
Sometimes the most persuasive argument
is saying nothing at all.
402
00:20:13,338 --> 00:20:14,255
Does that work?
403
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:20,386
Wow. I guess it does.
All right, well, I gotta go.
404
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:22,888
But I will see you both
at the Y2K party tonight.
405
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,723
Do you have
your hot '90s looks picked out?
406
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,058
[Bela] Hell, yeah, I do.
407
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:29,520
I'll be serving a whale tail
with one of Leighton's finest thongs.
408
00:20:29,521 --> 00:20:30,646
You certainly will not.
409
00:20:30,647 --> 00:20:33,608
Whit, you do know Kimberly's coming later?
Like, probably with Canaan.
410
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:35,317
Yeah. I don't care.
411
00:20:35,318 --> 00:20:37,320
I just hope the Kappas
don't cut her head off.
412
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:42,158
You were joking about me
not being able to borrow a thong, right?
413
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:44,119
Couldn't have been more serious.
414
00:20:55,296 --> 00:20:57,381
[chuckles] Excuse me, miss.
415
00:20:57,382 --> 00:21:01,011
You're the prettiest girl
I have ever seen on this bus.
416
00:21:02,512 --> 00:21:04,723
- Banana chip?
- Thank you. No.
417
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,349
Oh, okay.
418
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:10,270
Ah, these are so good.
It's how I get my potassium.
419
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:11,937
Your loss. [chuckles]
420
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:13,106
Where are you headed?
421
00:21:14,649 --> 00:21:18,069
- The University of Vermont.
- Wow. That is far.
422
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,948
You know, I get off at West Bolton.
I work for a horse breeder there.
423
00:21:22,490 --> 00:21:25,409
Lot of manual labor.
A lot more than people would think.
424
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:26,828
I got to pull a baby horse...
425
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:28,705
out of a horse.
426
00:21:29,247 --> 00:21:32,125
Sorry. I've been told
I can be quite the chatterbox.
427
00:21:33,043 --> 00:21:35,336
How often do you think
you're gonna be taking this bus?
428
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:37,463
- Three times a week.
- That is a lot.
429
00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:39,590
Yeah, but I'm really excited
for these classes.
430
00:21:39,591 --> 00:21:41,884
And I don't have another option.
431
00:21:41,885 --> 00:21:45,638
Well, don't you worry.
You and I, we're gonna be road dogs.
432
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:48,767
I'll show you the ins and outs
of the East Vermont route.
433
00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:50,726
Ooh. That rhymed.
434
00:21:50,727 --> 00:21:53,772
A little old word to the wise.
Don't paint your nails.
435
00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:55,899
The bumpy roads
can make it a little messy.
436
00:21:56,691 --> 00:21:59,069
Yeah. Thank you. I'm gonna take a nap.
437
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:01,863
You know what? That is a good idea.
438
00:22:02,364 --> 00:22:04,366
You got a long ride ahead of you.
439
00:22:08,912 --> 00:22:10,455
- [Canaan] Kimberly.
- Canaan.
440
00:22:11,247 --> 00:22:14,209
- Hey.
- I was wondering when you'd get here.
441
00:22:15,293 --> 00:22:17,212
I was sorting through
the damaged baked goods,
442
00:22:17,671 --> 00:22:20,298
and I saved you the least crushed scone.
443
00:22:20,548 --> 00:22:21,882
I can't believe I'm saying this,
444
00:22:21,883 --> 00:22:24,177
but I actually missed
these dry-ass Sips scones.
445
00:22:24,427 --> 00:22:25,345
Me too.
446
00:22:26,096 --> 00:22:27,806
Oh, I got you this shirt from New York.
447
00:22:29,057 --> 00:22:32,644
{\an8}"I pretzel New York"?
[laughs boisterously]
448
00:22:33,395 --> 00:22:36,022
- That's hilarious.
- Is it really that funny?
449
00:22:36,356 --> 00:22:38,650
- I really think it is.
- Okay.
450
00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,528
It's so good to see you in person.
451
00:22:41,695 --> 00:22:45,240
- I agree.
- Hey. No public displays of affection.
452
00:22:45,782 --> 00:22:49,577
I'm kidding. I already set up a cot
in the back room if y'all wanna smush.
453
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,121
- Thanks, but we're good.
- You sure?
454
00:22:52,122 --> 00:22:54,289
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna go get changed for work.
455
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:55,709
- I'll be right back.
- Okay. Yeah.
456
00:22:57,711 --> 00:23:01,755
You know, I wasn't sure if I could
picture you and Canaan as a couple.
457
00:23:01,756 --> 00:23:04,467
But you guys look so cute together.
458
00:23:04,968 --> 00:23:07,721
I love an interracial romance.
459
00:23:08,179 --> 00:23:10,889
In real life. On TV I want people
to stick to their own races.
460
00:23:10,890 --> 00:23:12,559
I don't know why, but I do.
461
00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:16,895
Well, thanks. I really like Canaan.
I'm so happy to see him again.
462
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:19,523
I can't believe you guys
haven't had sex yet.
463
00:23:19,524 --> 00:23:23,068
I mean, it's like you're on a dating show
with the world's most boring premise.
464
00:23:23,069 --> 00:23:25,529
I think we're gonna have
some alone time tonight.
465
00:23:25,530 --> 00:23:29,033
And I used one of my mom's Groupons
to get everything waxed down there.
466
00:23:29,034 --> 00:23:30,826
- Nice.
- My crotch is always cold now.
467
00:23:30,827 --> 00:23:33,412
- I don't recommend it.
- Have you spoken to Whitney yet?
468
00:23:33,413 --> 00:23:36,457
I tried. She's still so mad,
but she'll come around if I give her time.
469
00:23:36,458 --> 00:23:37,417
I know it.
470
00:23:38,084 --> 00:23:40,336
Well, you followed your heart,
and that's great.
471
00:23:40,337 --> 00:23:41,879
And now you have Canaan.
472
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,006
But your friendship with Whitney,
that's gone, girl.
473
00:23:44,007 --> 00:23:46,216
I disagree.
She and I were such good friends.
474
00:23:46,217 --> 00:23:50,013
- You don't just throw that away.
- Nuh-uh. That friendship is dead.
475
00:23:50,388 --> 00:23:54,016
This is not my opinion.
This is, like, Ten Commandments shit.
476
00:23:54,017 --> 00:23:56,769
You stole her man. You guys are done.
477
00:23:56,770 --> 00:23:58,980
[chuckles] Moses said that.
478
00:24:01,066 --> 00:24:02,067
Hey.
479
00:24:06,029 --> 00:24:06,946
[pop music playing]
480
00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:17,748
- Okay. This is sophomore year.
- Mmm-hmm.
481
00:24:17,749 --> 00:24:20,167
It's time for us to be able to take shots
without making a face.
482
00:24:20,168 --> 00:24:21,293
Agreed. We can do this.
483
00:24:21,294 --> 00:24:23,296
- Cheers. Okay.
- Cheers. On three. One, two--
484
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,881
- [groans] Oh, God.
- You didn't even drink it yet.
485
00:24:25,882 --> 00:24:28,300
- No, but the smell got in my nose.
- Grow up.
486
00:24:28,301 --> 00:24:29,969
It doesn't smell-- Oh, God.
487
00:24:30,303 --> 00:24:31,721
- [coughs]
- [Leighton] You guys ready?
488
00:24:37,185 --> 00:24:40,562
Oh, my God. Leighton, you look
so beautiful I could cry.
489
00:24:40,563 --> 00:24:43,565
Well, I wasn't going for beautiful.
I was going for shockingly hot.
490
00:24:43,566 --> 00:24:45,984
You're hot.
You're hotter than a news anchor.
491
00:24:45,985 --> 00:24:49,405
Yeah. Once Alicia sees me in this, there's
no way she'll be able to leave school.
492
00:24:49,406 --> 00:24:52,199
- Wait. Alicia's leaving the school?
- Didn't we talk about this?
493
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,660
We talked about it at Whitney's lunch,
not Kimberly's lunch.
494
00:24:54,661 --> 00:24:57,372
Wait. You guys had lunch with Whitney
after you had lunch with me?
495
00:24:57,997 --> 00:25:00,000
God, this sucks. I hate repeating stories.
496
00:25:00,125 --> 00:25:02,376
You seemed to enjoy retelling
that one about locking eyes
497
00:25:02,377 --> 00:25:03,585
with Zendaya in an elevator.
498
00:25:03,586 --> 00:25:05,295
Yeah, because that was so memorable.
499
00:25:05,296 --> 00:25:07,090
- I mean, we were both going to the lobby.
- Mmm.
500
00:25:09,009 --> 00:25:10,301
- Can we leave?
- Yeah.
501
00:25:14,347 --> 00:25:16,266
I brought chasers to pre-game.
502
00:25:19,602 --> 00:25:20,562
Guys?
503
00:25:21,938 --> 00:25:22,981
- [gasps]
- [all] Huh?
504
00:25:23,898 --> 00:25:25,817
Oh, hi. We were just getting ready
to head out.
505
00:25:26,401 --> 00:25:29,195
Good Lord. Are you gonna blend soon?
506
00:25:29,404 --> 00:25:32,240
- [laughing]
- After the setting powder bakes, silly.
507
00:25:33,199 --> 00:25:35,492
Okay. Well, before I go out,
508
00:25:35,493 --> 00:25:38,662
I usually like to put on music
and dance and drink and stuff.
509
00:25:38,663 --> 00:25:41,373
- Anyone want to join me?
- That literally sounds so fun.
510
00:25:41,374 --> 00:25:44,169
But no. This is gonna take us
another 45 minutes.
511
00:25:44,627 --> 00:25:48,297
Oh. Cool. I guess I'll just go hang out
until you guys are ready.
512
00:25:48,298 --> 00:25:50,341
You're not going in that, are you?
513
00:25:50,342 --> 00:25:54,803
- Yeah. Why? What's wrong with it?
- [all whispering indistinctly]
514
00:25:54,804 --> 00:25:58,600
Hey, Whit, didn't you read the email?
We're all wearing baby blue tonight.
515
00:25:58,808 --> 00:26:01,102
It's super important for the group photo.
516
00:26:01,394 --> 00:26:04,521
We want people to see
a sea of uninterrupted baby blue.
517
00:26:04,522 --> 00:26:06,983
And with that,
there would be an interruption.
518
00:26:07,317 --> 00:26:09,194
I'd hate to have to invoice you
on Venmo again.
519
00:26:09,611 --> 00:26:12,988
I'd get a fine for not wearing
the same color to a party?
520
00:26:12,989 --> 00:26:15,991
Unfortunately, yeah.
And plus, a re-touching fee for the photo.
521
00:26:15,992 --> 00:26:19,371
- [all] Mmm-hmm.
- Okay. I guess I'll go change.
522
00:26:19,704 --> 00:26:20,622
[all chattering indistinctly]
523
00:26:25,043 --> 00:26:25,919
- [90's dance music playing]
- [all clamoring]
524
00:26:34,928 --> 00:26:36,179
This is amazing.
525
00:26:37,138 --> 00:26:39,014
Oh, my God. I love this.
526
00:26:39,015 --> 00:26:40,433
Yeah, the late '90s were lit.
527
00:26:40,725 --> 00:26:43,143
Do you think the DJ has
the theme song to Frasier?
528
00:26:43,144 --> 00:26:44,395
Drink, now.
529
00:26:44,396 --> 00:26:47,773
Yeah. I'll lead the way
because I'm wearing Heelys.
530
00:26:47,774 --> 00:26:48,775
Bela, no.
531
00:26:50,652 --> 00:26:51,695
[grunts]
532
00:26:54,531 --> 00:26:56,657
Would one of you kindly
push me towards the bar?
533
00:26:56,658 --> 00:26:57,659
Yes.
534
00:27:03,957 --> 00:27:05,249
- What's up?
- Hey.
535
00:27:05,250 --> 00:27:07,669
You guys look incredible. Especially you.
536
00:27:15,176 --> 00:27:17,511
- Welp, this sucks.
- [Bela] Yeah, it's official.
537
00:27:17,512 --> 00:27:19,430
I do not like beef between women.
538
00:27:19,431 --> 00:27:22,307
Unless those women are rich
New York or Atlanta housewives.
539
00:27:22,308 --> 00:27:25,395
- You wanna go check on Whit?
- Yeah. Be back.
540
00:27:27,272 --> 00:27:29,273
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm good.
541
00:27:29,274 --> 00:27:30,817
- Let's get you a drink.
- Yeah.
542
00:27:35,238 --> 00:27:38,574
Man, I am so glad I'm not hanging around
those girls anymore.
543
00:27:38,575 --> 00:27:39,784
They are tragically basic.
544
00:27:40,368 --> 00:27:43,204
I mean, yeah, maybe.
But some of them have depth too.
545
00:27:43,329 --> 00:27:44,288
Whitney, get over here.
546
00:27:44,289 --> 00:27:46,750
I need you in front of me in this pic
to hide my weird knee.
547
00:27:47,542 --> 00:27:48,418
Duty calls.
548
00:27:48,877 --> 00:27:50,628
- Alicia's here.
- What?
549
00:27:52,839 --> 00:27:54,507
- Oh, should I stay?
- Well, obviously not.
550
00:27:55,175 --> 00:27:57,135
Wait. How do I look?
551
00:27:57,344 --> 00:28:00,304
You look great. Step to your left
and you'll be backlit as she approaches.
552
00:28:00,305 --> 00:28:02,015
God, I've taught you so much. Thank you.
553
00:28:11,441 --> 00:28:13,150
- Hey.
- "Hey"?
554
00:28:13,151 --> 00:28:16,153
That's what I get? We need to talk.
I called you three times.
555
00:28:16,154 --> 00:28:19,114
I even facetimed you.
And you know how dumb I think FaceTime is.
556
00:28:19,115 --> 00:28:21,576
I am about to make
one of the biggest decisions of my life,
557
00:28:21,701 --> 00:28:24,912
and I wanted to talk it through
with you, but you weren't there.
558
00:28:24,913 --> 00:28:28,082
I'm sorry. I just--
I don't want you to leave.
559
00:28:28,083 --> 00:28:29,500
Leigh, I have to.
560
00:28:29,501 --> 00:28:32,253
And even though it really scares me,
I'm, like, excited about it.
561
00:28:33,046 --> 00:28:36,423
And I just wish that
you were excited for me too.
562
00:28:36,424 --> 00:28:38,842
How am I supposed to be excited
when you're leaving?
563
00:28:38,843 --> 00:28:40,470
Because it's what's best for me.
564
00:28:40,845 --> 00:28:44,056
Look, I didn't come to college to learn
which beer gives me heartburn
565
00:28:44,057 --> 00:28:45,474
and then be in debt for years.
566
00:28:45,475 --> 00:28:48,268
I came here to figure out
what I want to do with my life, and I did.
567
00:28:48,269 --> 00:28:49,479
Isn't that a good thing?
568
00:28:50,605 --> 00:28:53,608
But then what happens to us?
569
00:28:54,651 --> 00:28:56,820
- Like, do we just break up?
- No, I don't want that.
570
00:28:57,237 --> 00:28:58,822
But I would understand if you did.
571
00:29:01,408 --> 00:29:02,617
I love you, Leighton.
572
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:05,494
And I'm moving to Boston.
573
00:29:05,495 --> 00:29:09,916
But the only way that this relationship
is going to end is if you end it.
574
00:29:12,377 --> 00:29:14,587
- I won't be doing that.
- Really?
575
00:29:16,881 --> 00:29:19,676
How about we just take it
one day at a time?
576
00:29:21,136 --> 00:29:23,013
Okay. I mean, that sounds perfect.
577
00:29:24,556 --> 00:29:25,724
And I love you too.
578
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,311
Oh, my God. Didn't I tell you to leave?
579
00:29:30,979 --> 00:29:31,896
I didn't.
580
00:29:37,527 --> 00:29:39,112
You wanna go find a place to hang out?
581
00:29:40,155 --> 00:29:42,657
- Yeah, let's go hang out.
- Cool.
582
00:29:45,201 --> 00:29:47,579
- I'm excited we finally get to do this.
- Yeah, me too.
583
00:29:52,500 --> 00:29:53,710
So, how's your mom?
584
00:29:54,502 --> 00:29:56,879
My mom?
Why would you bring up my mom right now?
585
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:58,965
I don't know. That was weird.
Forget I said that.
586
00:30:06,556 --> 00:30:10,143
Tomorrow at Sips, we have to replace
the toilet wands in the bathroom.
587
00:30:11,519 --> 00:30:14,104
- Okay. What's happening?
- I don't know. Does this feel weird?
588
00:30:14,105 --> 00:30:17,650
Yeah. Yeah, a little bit.
I'm trying not to get in my head about it.
589
00:30:18,735 --> 00:30:21,403
It's just, I know you as Canaan,
my work friend,
590
00:30:21,404 --> 00:30:24,282
who I really like and admire.
Like, I think you're amazing,
591
00:30:24,824 --> 00:30:28,452
and your body is clearly a body
that anyone would wanna have sex with.
592
00:30:28,453 --> 00:30:31,413
But I don't know.
Something just feels off.
593
00:30:31,414 --> 00:30:33,792
Yeah. I don't know.
I feel a little awkward.
594
00:30:34,417 --> 00:30:37,587
When I touched your boob just now,
I really wanted to go, like, "Honk, honk."
595
00:30:38,004 --> 00:30:40,465
And I'm not that guy.
I don't make sound effects.
596
00:30:40,632 --> 00:30:44,552
Yeah. Most importantly, I just--
I can't do this to Whitney.
597
00:30:45,512 --> 00:30:48,222
I miss her. I really, really miss her.
598
00:30:48,223 --> 00:30:49,390
When I think about college,
599
00:30:49,391 --> 00:30:51,559
the first thing I think about
is her being my friend.
600
00:30:52,977 --> 00:30:53,895
I respect that.
601
00:30:58,024 --> 00:30:59,901
I actually think sound effects
are pretty cool.
602
00:31:00,318 --> 00:31:01,694
Yes, I know this about you.
603
00:31:01,695 --> 00:31:05,406
Like when you took your shirt off,
I really wanted to go, "Awooga, awooga."
604
00:31:05,407 --> 00:31:07,325
- [both chuckle]
- I bet you did.
605
00:31:09,077 --> 00:31:10,662
[music and clamoring continues]
606
00:31:13,540 --> 00:31:14,498
We have to talk.
607
00:31:14,499 --> 00:31:16,042
- Do we?
- Whitney, please.
608
00:31:16,710 --> 00:31:18,002
No, no, no, no. Get out of here.
609
00:31:18,003 --> 00:31:19,712
- Out!
- I'm trying to talk to my friend.
610
00:31:19,713 --> 00:31:22,507
- You can't shoo me away like a cat.
- Let me handle this.
611
00:31:23,675 --> 00:31:24,968
Slut says what?
612
00:31:25,301 --> 00:31:27,553
- I'm not gonna say, "What?"
- You just did.
613
00:31:27,554 --> 00:31:29,305
- That doesn't count.
- Okay, that's enough.
614
00:31:29,764 --> 00:31:32,599
You are not slut-shaming my friend,
you mean bitch.
615
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:34,352
- [gasps]
- Okay, okay. Let's just calm down.
616
00:31:34,477 --> 00:31:36,145
And you two, you are going in this closet
617
00:31:36,146 --> 00:31:38,023
and you are not coming out
until you make up.
618
00:31:38,189 --> 00:31:40,190
- Get in.
- I'm not going in a frat basement closet.
619
00:31:40,191 --> 00:31:42,027
- Get in. Get in.
- Is that a bull saddle?
620
00:31:42,527 --> 00:31:45,280
- Hey!
- [Bela] Start talking. It's locked.
621
00:31:52,996 --> 00:31:53,830
What?
622
00:31:55,623 --> 00:31:59,085
- Don't try to hold my hand.
- I'm not. I think that's a mannequin.
623
00:31:59,669 --> 00:32:02,255
- What the fuck?
- Whitney, I'm so sorry.
624
00:32:02,672 --> 00:32:05,091
- And I ended things with Canaan.
- It's not about Canaan.
625
00:32:05,342 --> 00:32:07,343
It's about how you were
one of my closest friends,
626
00:32:07,344 --> 00:32:10,096
and not only did you swoop in on a guy
who you knew broke my heart,
627
00:32:10,221 --> 00:32:12,015
but then you lied to my face about it.
628
00:32:12,557 --> 00:32:14,476
That really hurt me.
I didn't deserve that.
629
00:32:14,684 --> 00:32:16,101
You're right. I messed up.
630
00:32:16,102 --> 00:32:18,980
I wasn't thinking about your feelings,
and that was wrong.
631
00:32:19,105 --> 00:32:22,067
But if you could forgive me,
I'll never hurt you like that again.
632
00:32:23,818 --> 00:32:26,446
Whitney, you mean so much to me,
and I really miss you.
633
00:32:28,907 --> 00:32:29,824
I miss you too.
634
00:32:30,575 --> 00:32:32,117
And if it matters, we never hooked up.
635
00:32:32,118 --> 00:32:34,870
I only touched him below the waist once,
and that was accidentally
636
00:32:34,871 --> 00:32:37,290
when I was dusting the pastry case at work
and I grazed it.
637
00:32:37,415 --> 00:32:38,415
Not a detail I needed.
638
00:32:38,416 --> 00:32:40,710
I just wanted to be as upfront with you
as possible.
639
00:32:42,337 --> 00:32:43,630
Can we please be good now?
640
00:32:45,799 --> 00:32:46,925
Yeah, we can be good.
641
00:32:48,093 --> 00:32:50,010
Also, I really wanna move back in
with you guys.
642
00:32:50,011 --> 00:32:52,513
The Kappas are a lot and, like,
weirdly putting me into debt.
643
00:32:52,514 --> 00:32:54,598
[gasps] I would love that.
644
00:32:54,599 --> 00:32:57,643
We don't have a bed for you or the space
for one, but we can figure it out.
645
00:32:57,644 --> 00:32:59,020
- Okay.
- Okay.
646
00:33:01,147 --> 00:33:03,273
- [both] Aw!
- Guys.
647
00:33:03,274 --> 00:33:05,860
Before we leave, did you get it all out?
648
00:33:06,528 --> 00:33:09,072
Anything you need to say,
you say it now so we can all move on.
649
00:33:09,906 --> 00:33:10,739
I think we did.
650
00:33:10,740 --> 00:33:13,909
Just let us out of this closet, 'cause
it's filled with too much weird stuff.
651
00:33:13,910 --> 00:33:15,787
- [exclaims]
- Good. Good.
652
00:33:17,997 --> 00:33:21,334
Bela, that was really impressive.
Maybe you'll be a good FAF after all.
653
00:33:31,928 --> 00:33:36,181
- Hey, everybody, it's almost Y2K!
- [all cheering]
654
00:33:36,182 --> 00:33:42,355
In ten, nine, eight,
seven, six, five, four,
655
00:33:42,689 --> 00:33:46,567
- three, two, one!
- [music stops]
656
00:33:46,568 --> 00:33:47,943
- [Kimberly] Wait. What?
- [Whitney] What happened?
657
00:33:47,944 --> 00:33:49,738
[Bela] Did it really Y2K?
658
00:33:50,488 --> 00:33:52,198
- [music resumes]
- [all gasp and cheer]
659
00:33:58,038 --> 00:33:59,873
- Drinks?
- Yes! Let's go!
660
00:34:15,430 --> 00:34:16,306
Leighton.
661
00:34:16,973 --> 00:34:18,891
These bus trips
to the University of Vermont
662
00:34:18,892 --> 00:34:20,559
are not going to work for me.
663
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:24,147
I can't do it for the next week,
let alone the next three years of my life.
664
00:34:24,731 --> 00:34:27,025
- I'm sorry to hear that.
- That's it?
665
00:34:27,734 --> 00:34:30,444
Dude, this is supposed to be
one of the best schools in the country.
666
00:34:30,445 --> 00:34:34,073
I get it. Essex is a great school,
but it's not where you go for math.
667
00:34:34,074 --> 00:34:35,533
If that's what you're looking for,
668
00:34:35,658 --> 00:34:39,913
I could reach out to a colleague at MIT
about their transfer cut-off.
669
00:34:41,831 --> 00:34:44,084
Like, MIT, MIT?
670
00:34:45,835 --> 00:34:48,338
Isn't that in Boston?