1 00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,090 [upbeat pop music] 2 00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:08,466 - ♪ Hey, yeah ♪ 3 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,760 ♪ ♪ 4 00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,303 - [sighs] This place looks so fucking good. 5 00:00:12,387 --> 00:00:14,264 - Yeah, who cares if the frats won't let us in? 6 00:00:14,347 --> 00:00:16,224 We'll just throw our own party. - Yeah! 7 00:00:16,307 --> 00:00:18,059 And now, we don't have to wait in some long lines 8 00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,477 freezing our asses off, 9 00:00:19,561 --> 00:00:21,646 hoping some power-hungry douchebags let us in. 10 00:00:21,730 --> 00:00:23,231 - Yes, Bela. Go off. 11 00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:25,483 - Now, we get to be the power-hungry douchebags. 12 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:28,111 Can't wait to reject people. - Oh. 13 00:00:28,194 --> 00:00:30,488 - Oh, my God. This looks amazing. 14 00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:33,408 - Yeah, you guys killed this. We brought more booze. 15 00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,326 - Oh! - I got high-end for the VIPs. 16 00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:36,786 - Seniors, populars, attractives. 17 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,872 - And bargain bin for the gen pop. 18 00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:40,582 - Ugs, randos, people less cool than us. 19 00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:41,791 - Yeah. [laughter] 20 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,293 - This is gonna be amazing. 21 00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,044 - Okay, so now, all we have to do 22 00:00:45,128 --> 00:00:47,172 is just sit back and let the people come. 23 00:00:47,255 --> 00:00:49,799 [cheering] 24 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,428 - I can't believe no one came. 25 00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:55,013 - Honestly, I'm having fun. 26 00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:56,306 Should I put a podcast on? 27 00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:57,682 I just head a great one about 28 00:00:57,766 --> 00:00:59,893 the etymology of the word etymology. 29 00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:00,977 [knock on door] 30 00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:02,145 [gasps] Someone's here. 31 00:01:02,228 --> 00:01:03,313 - Quick, someone start the music. 32 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:04,481 - Yeah. - Dance, dance! 33 00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,399 [upbeat pop music playing] 34 00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:09,235 - Come in! 35 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,653 - Oh, it's Frude. 36 00:01:10,737 --> 00:01:12,322 - Are you here for the party? - Sadly, no. 37 00:01:12,405 --> 00:01:15,241 Girls, I know you attempted to throw a social event 38 00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,744 this evening and it is clear no one came. 39 00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:18,870 - There's still time. 40 00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:20,830 - Mm, it is 1:30 in the morning 41 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,500 and a good party would be peaking right now. 42 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:24,834 - Damn, Frude. 43 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,503 - But just because you don't have friends 44 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,588 doesn't mean your life doesn't have value. 45 00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:30,006 - Thanks? - Mm? 46 00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:31,716 - I would normally confiscate your alcohol, 47 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:35,929 but this situation is so sad, you can keep it. 48 00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:37,013 - [sighs softly] 49 00:01:37,096 --> 00:01:38,181 - And hey, 50 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,016 make as much noise as you like. 51 00:01:40,099 --> 00:01:41,184 No one else is home. 52 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:44,103 - [sighs] - Bye, Frude. 53 00:01:44,187 --> 00:01:46,981 - Guys, Frude just pitied us. 54 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,483 - Oh, my God. 55 00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:50,527 We need to fix things with the frats. 56 00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:52,362 - ♪ Burning me up, burning me up ♪ 57 00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,280 ♪ Burning me down ♪ 58 00:01:54,364 --> 00:01:55,573 ♪ Turning me up, turning me up ♪ 59 00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:57,158 ♪ Turning me out ♪ 60 00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:59,994 - Good luck asking your mom about the loan. 61 00:02:00,078 --> 00:02:03,122 [computer chimes] - Okay. 62 00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:04,624 - Oh, hi, honey. 63 00:02:04,707 --> 00:02:06,042 - Hi, Mom. 64 00:02:06,125 --> 00:02:08,211 I love your new earrings. - Thank you. 65 00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,588 Someone left them in the Walgreens bathroom. 66 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:12,590 Finders keepers, right? [chuckles] 67 00:02:12,674 --> 00:02:15,552 - So look, there's something I need to talk to you about. 68 00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:16,886 - Oh, my gosh. There's something I need 69 00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,221 to talk to you about and I just can't 70 00:02:18,304 --> 00:02:19,514 keep it from you any longer. 71 00:02:19,597 --> 00:02:21,099 - What's going on? 72 00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:23,351 - Well, Biscuit almost died. - [gasps] 73 00:02:23,434 --> 00:02:26,020 What? Whoa, what happened? 74 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:28,064 - Well, he needed a new colon, didn't you? 75 00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:30,942 - Oh, my God, Biscuit. Is he okay? 76 00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:32,735 - Oh, yeah, he's fine. He got into your dad's 77 00:02:32,819 --> 00:02:36,906 Metamucil and it just blew him right out. 78 00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,992 - Aren't surgeries like that expensive? 79 00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:42,078 - Oh, your dad and I will be paying it off till we're dead, 80 00:02:42,161 --> 00:02:44,789 but we know how much Biscuit means to you, 81 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:46,457 so totally worth it. 82 00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:47,792 - Yeah, he's a great dog. 83 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,920 I mean, he's almost 12 though, so... 84 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,006 - It's fine. No, dad took some extra shifts 85 00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:54,591 on the weekend and I've decided 86 00:02:54,674 --> 00:02:56,301 to sell leggings on Etsy. 87 00:02:56,384 --> 00:02:59,220 But, sweetie, what did you want to tell me? 88 00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,723 - It's nothing. Don't worry about it. 89 00:03:01,806 --> 00:03:03,433 - You sure? 90 00:03:03,516 --> 00:03:06,352 Okay, well, I'm gonna send the leggings to all of you, 91 00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:08,730 but which one do you think Bela would like? 92 00:03:08,813 --> 00:03:12,025 The surfing turtles or the cupcakes? 93 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:13,818 They're both so fun! 94 00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:16,487 [upbeat pop music] 95 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,573 - [moans] Damn. 96 00:03:18,656 --> 00:03:20,992 That was, like, great. 97 00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:22,619 How'd you get so good at sex? 98 00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,287 - One summer in high school, 99 00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:27,457 I met this older woman who showed me the ways of love. 100 00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:28,666 - Shut up. Really? 101 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:30,293 - No. I just watch a lot of porn. 102 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:32,295 - Oh. Cool. 103 00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:37,467 - Wait, seriously, you're on a dating app already? 104 00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:38,843 - What do you mean? 105 00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:40,386 - I mean, I was inside you 30 seconds ago. 106 00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:42,138 - I thought we talked about this already. 107 00:03:42,221 --> 00:03:43,306 Aren't we both allowed to hook up with other people? 108 00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:44,807 - Yeah, I just assumed 109 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:46,392 we'd kind of tactfully look for those hookups. 110 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,478 Like, not while we're lying naked together. 111 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:50,146 - Hey, what are you up to? Want to hang out tonight? 112 00:03:50,229 --> 00:03:52,315 - You've come over, like, three nights in a row. 113 00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:54,150 - I just love spending time with you. 114 00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:55,526 - Oh, this is 'cause 115 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,695 you and your roommates are banned from parties. 116 00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,155 - Yes. It's horrible. 117 00:03:59,238 --> 00:04:00,531 I had to do homework last night. 118 00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:01,741 I don't know what to do with myself. 119 00:04:01,824 --> 00:04:03,284 - Look, guys love flattery 120 00:04:03,368 --> 00:04:04,994 and I hesitate to tell you this 121 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,705 'cause you are pathologically overconfident, 122 00:04:07,789 --> 00:04:09,332 but you're cute. 123 00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:11,125 - Thank you. I know. 124 00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:12,460 - So just beg them to let you back in. 125 00:04:12,543 --> 00:04:14,045 - Smart, like how I begged you 126 00:04:14,128 --> 00:04:15,588 to keep your glasses on during sex. 127 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:17,340 - I need to take them off when I go down on you. 128 00:04:17,423 --> 00:04:19,092 They get foggy. I can't see what I'm doing. 129 00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:20,718 - [chuckles] 130 00:04:20,802 --> 00:04:23,680 ♪ ♪ 131 00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:26,516 - I have got to get at least a B on this Spanish final 132 00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:29,018 or my mom's gonna go no bueno on my ass. 133 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,896 - See? This is why I take easy classes. 134 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,356 Next trimester, I'm taking a class 135 00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:36,025 that's just called Textures. 136 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,860 - Mm. 137 00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,028 Hmm. 138 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,446 Sweet mother of Kristen Stewart, 139 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:44,075 that is a smoking hot woman. Mm! 140 00:04:44,158 --> 00:04:45,535 - Do you know who that girl is? 141 00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:46,953 - I know exactly who she is. 142 00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:48,496 She's hot, she works as Sips, 143 00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:50,456 and she just touched your man's arm. 144 00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,583 ♪ ♪ 145 00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:53,876 - I will be right back. 146 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:55,044 - It's crazy how you can make that happen. 147 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,212 - You are catching on fast. 148 00:04:56,295 --> 00:04:57,630 Maybe you should be training me. 149 00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,799 Oh, Whit, this is our new coworker, Zoe. 150 00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:01,426 - Hi. - Hi. I'm Whitney. 151 00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:03,219 I live with Kimberly. 152 00:05:03,302 --> 00:05:05,138 - Kimberly, yes. Oh, my God, I love her. 153 00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:06,472 She reminds me of my grandmother. 154 00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:07,724 - [chuckles] 155 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,142 - Zoe just fixed our register system 156 00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:10,727 so that it's all automated to the iPad. 157 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,228 - Oh. 158 00:05:12,311 --> 00:05:14,397 - Mostly so I could make the minimum tip option 30%. 159 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,566 - She's like some mad coder genius. 160 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,110 How cool is that? - That's cool. 161 00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:21,404 - Oh, she also jailbroke my iPhone. 162 00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:22,947 It's like damn, Zoe. 163 00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:24,907 Leave something for the rest of us to be good at. 164 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,284 Right? 165 00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:27,618 - [forced laugh] 166 00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:30,580 - ♪ Never seem to mind ♪ 167 00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:34,751 ♪ Shine like a diamond always ♪ 168 00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:35,877 - I'm so glad you DM'd me. 169 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,211 - ♪ And nobody knows ♪ 170 00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:38,546 ♪ I just want some real shit ♪ 171 00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:39,881 - By the time I leave here, 172 00:05:39,964 --> 00:05:41,716 you'll be glad I did a lot of things. 173 00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:44,385 - ♪ I guess I should walk away ♪ 174 00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:46,262 ♪ Baby girl, you're drippin' ♪ 175 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,890 ♪ Thought you had a vision ♪ - [moans] 176 00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:50,099 - ♪ I think I'll be okay ♪ 177 00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:52,226 - That was fun. - Yeah. 178 00:05:52,310 --> 00:05:54,937 - Yeah? Okay. [laughter] 179 00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:59,650 - Leighton, why are you all messy and happy-looking? 180 00:05:59,734 --> 00:06:01,444 - Wait, did you just hook up? 181 00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:02,987 [whispers] With her? 182 00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:04,113 - I did. 183 00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,698 - Oh. I'm Leighton's roommate. 184 00:06:05,782 --> 00:06:08,117 I've seen her change and you are one lucky lady. 185 00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,411 - Okay. All right. Well, I'm gonna see you later. 186 00:06:10,495 --> 00:06:11,537 - Okay. 187 00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:23,758 - [chuckles] - Later. Bye. 188 00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:25,510 - Bye. 189 00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:28,888 Okay. That was a lot even for me. 190 00:06:28,971 --> 00:06:30,264 - Right? 191 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,974 - Oh, actually, I'm so glad I ran into you. 192 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,560 I'm on my way to talk to the Theta guys at the gym. 193 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:36,062 I have a plan to get us back on their good side. 194 00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:37,855 It's genius and it cannot fail. 195 00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,816 - Did you come up with it? - I did. 196 00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,692 - Yeah, I'm gonna go with you. - Okay. 197 00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:44,320 - ♪ Always felt like I could walk through fire ♪ 198 00:06:44,403 --> 00:06:47,782 - So did you tell your mom about your scholarship? 199 00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:49,575 - It's not gonna happen. - Oh. 200 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:50,660 - But I'll figure it out. 201 00:06:50,743 --> 00:06:52,120 I just signed up for 23andMe 202 00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:53,579 to see if I have any rich relatives 203 00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:54,580 I don't know about yet. 204 00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,624 - Oh, I love that site. 205 00:06:56,707 --> 00:06:58,960 It told me J Lo was a distant great-aunt. 206 00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:00,670 Can you see it? 207 00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,380 - Mm-hmm. - Me too. 208 00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:04,966 - Kimberly. - [gasps] Professor Hennessey. 209 00:07:05,049 --> 00:07:06,717 It's so good to see you. What can I get you? 210 00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:09,137 - I came to see you, actually. - Oh. 211 00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,055 - I wanted to ask if you could come 212 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,808 to a small dinner party at my home tomorrow. 213 00:07:13,891 --> 00:07:16,477 - Like, to cater it. - No, as a guest. 214 00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:17,687 - Mm. 215 00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,397 - I'm inviting a group of students 216 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:20,690 who I think would enjoy a spirited exchange of ideas. 217 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,150 - I love spirited exchanges. 218 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:23,860 What can I bring? Like, dessert? 219 00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:25,862 Or a clipping from a feminist magazine? 220 00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:29,031 - No. Just you. Arif will be there as well. 221 00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,032 - Hi. - Hi. 222 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:31,701 - He's a student from Syria 223 00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:35,079 staying in our guest room until he finishes his studies. 224 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:37,123 - So you like helping students in need. 225 00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:38,916 - Of course. - Even the white ones? 226 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,209 - I would love to come. 227 00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,878 - Great. It'll be fun. 228 00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,212 - See you tomorrow. - Bye. 229 00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,965 - Bye. - Oh, and bring a friend. 230 00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:47,675 - Okay, we're going to that dinner. 231 00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:49,552 You're gonna get that lady to cosign your loan for you. 232 00:07:49,635 --> 00:07:51,220 - What? No. She's my professor. 233 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,972 - Okay, yeah, but if she can financially aid 234 00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:56,267 that Syrian snack, maybe she can help you too. 235 00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:57,560 - She does love me. 236 00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:59,854 - Absolutely. This will work. 237 00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:04,400 Now, let me see if hot-rif and I have any mutuals in common, 238 00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:07,695 and oh, my God. We both follow Malala. 239 00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:09,530 I can work with that. 240 00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:14,577 - ♪ We are wild and wonderful ♪ 241 00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:17,079 - Go, go, go, go! - I got it! 242 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,331 Got it, got it! 243 00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:19,957 - Yeah, nice, nice! 244 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:21,500 - What are you two doing here? 245 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:23,127 - Yeah, what part of us actively hating you 246 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,087 did you not understand? 247 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:26,756 - Look, I hear you. 248 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:29,842 On behalf of all our roommates, we are here to apologize. 249 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:31,219 What we did was wrong 250 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,846 and we are stupid fucking bitches. 251 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,389 - Hmm. 252 00:08:35,473 --> 00:08:37,141 - You and your brother should've been allowed to cheat 253 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:38,893 as much as you want and use those grades to get into 254 00:08:38,976 --> 00:08:40,144 grad schools you could've never gotten into otherwise. 255 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:41,437 - Okay, what the hell? 256 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:42,480 - You're making us sound even worse. 257 00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:43,940 - Yeah, you kind of are. 258 00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,608 - That apology sucked and your hand was clammy. 259 00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:47,443 - Well, you got to forgive us. This is killing me. 260 00:08:47,526 --> 00:08:48,986 Without an active social life, I'm having regular, 261 00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,404 monogamous sex with someone 262 00:08:50,488 --> 00:08:52,615 I only intended to be a casual hookup. 263 00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:53,658 It's hell. 264 00:08:53,741 --> 00:08:55,117 - Yeah, this isn't compelling 265 00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:56,827 and we've got bigger things to worry about. 266 00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,120 Theta might lose their charter 267 00:08:58,204 --> 00:08:59,747 because of the stunt you pulled. 268 00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:01,457 - Look, if you want to get Theta out of trouble, 269 00:09:01,540 --> 00:09:03,292 prove to the administration that you're good guys. 270 00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,170 You know, throw a fundraiser for something Essex cares about 271 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:08,381 like climate change or something. 272 00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:10,800 - How? We can't throw parties in the house anymore. 273 00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:12,343 They won't even let my book club meet. 274 00:09:12,426 --> 00:09:13,552 I guess I'll just read "The Secret History" 275 00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,304 and talk about it with no one. 276 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,306 - Well, why don't you let us figure out where to throw it? 277 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,351 - Yeah, and if this works, and I'm not sure it will 278 00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:21,811 because I have no experience doing this, 279 00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:23,896 you let us back into parties. 280 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:25,564 - Okay, but I don't get why anyone 281 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,191 would go to a Theta fundraiser. 282 00:09:27,275 --> 00:09:28,526 - It's a good point. 283 00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:31,529 [net swishes] - Damn, I am so money! 284 00:09:31,612 --> 00:09:34,699 - ♪ Shake that thing ♪ 285 00:09:34,782 --> 00:09:37,702 - Do you know what "Magic Mike Live" is? 286 00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:40,329 - A strip show? - It's not a strip show. 287 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,498 It's a sex-positive, female-forward, 288 00:09:42,581 --> 00:09:44,375 entertainment strip-tacular. 289 00:09:44,458 --> 00:09:46,460 - It's also a fundraiser for climate change. 290 00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,004 - Yeah, those two things don't mix. 291 00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,338 - People aren't gonna pay to watch 292 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,007 these Theta guys take their shirts off? 293 00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,508 They're already never wearing shirts. 294 00:09:52,591 --> 00:09:54,927 - This is different. This is spectacle. 295 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,929 I'm talking tear away pants, body oil, 296 00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,681 happy trails, both front and back. 297 00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:01,684 There won't be a dry, pardon my French, panty in the house. 298 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:03,227 - I can't believe I'm saying this, 299 00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:04,854 but I think Bela might be right. 300 00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:07,023 - I agree. I do think people will pay for this. 301 00:10:07,106 --> 00:10:08,899 - I know they will and when this works, 302 00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:10,192 you all will be thanking me. 303 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,569 Hopefully, while holding my hair 304 00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:13,029 while I puke into a frat's urinal. 305 00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:14,530 - Why are you fantasizing about that? 306 00:10:14,613 --> 00:10:16,782 - Oh, who knows where fantasies come from? 307 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,035 I'm gonna go work on a playlist of songs 308 00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,536 that's good to hump a floor to. 309 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:21,912 Text me if you have any ideas. 310 00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,165 I'll be trying some out in my room. 311 00:10:24,248 --> 00:10:26,709 - Hey, so I met your new coworker. 312 00:10:26,792 --> 00:10:27,877 - Zoe? [gasps] 313 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,754 She is so smart and so funny. 314 00:10:29,837 --> 00:10:31,422 She saw how much apple juice I drank 315 00:10:31,505 --> 00:10:33,549 and she started calling it my usual. 316 00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:35,926 Like, that's your usual. - That's good. [chuckles] 317 00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,137 - [chuckles] So everyone likes her. 318 00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:42,224 Like, Lila, your boss, Canaan. 319 00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:43,476 - Yeah. I mean, she's amazing. 320 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,102 AOC even follows her on Twitter. 321 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:47,605 - I mean, is that special? AOC follows my mom too. 322 00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:49,065 - Yeah, but your mom's a senator. 323 00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,816 Zoe's just a student and a former model. 324 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,401 It's different. 325 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,571 - Wait. Are you--are you, like, jealous of this girl? 326 00:10:55,654 --> 00:10:56,572 - No. - Oh. 327 00:10:56,655 --> 00:10:57,990 - No, no, I'm not jealous. 328 00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:01,410 She should be jealous of how not jealous I am. 329 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,913 [chuckles] 330 00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:06,290 You guys should join Bela's comedy magazine thing 331 00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:08,793 'cause that is hilarious. 332 00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:11,504 [laughs] 333 00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:14,590 [upbeat dreamy music] 334 00:11:14,673 --> 00:11:18,094 - Bela, why are there a bunch of male thongs on your bed? 335 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,846 - Because I am jazzing up some booty shorts 336 00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,681 for the Theta boys to dance in. 337 00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:25,768 They are sexy and biodegradable. 338 00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:27,311 - Oh. - Only if someone asks. 339 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:28,604 They're not actually biodegradable. 340 00:11:28,687 --> 00:11:30,189 - Oh. - Oh, fuck. 341 00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:32,066 Fuck, fuck, fuck! - What happened? 342 00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:34,026 - Oh, God. Did your mom get assassinated? 343 00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,903 - What? No. - Oh. 344 00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:37,822 - No, I was on that girl Zoe's Insta 345 00:11:37,905 --> 00:11:40,950 and I accidentally liked a pic. Like, a super deep one. 346 00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,451 - How deep? - June. 347 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,245 - That's not bad. - Of 2014. 348 00:11:44,328 --> 00:11:45,496 - Okay, that's bad. - Whitney! 349 00:11:45,579 --> 00:11:46,580 - This doesn't have to be weird. 350 00:11:46,664 --> 00:11:48,124 What is the post? 351 00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,584 - It says, "Miss you, Gam Gam, today and every day." 352 00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:51,836 Oh, fuck me. 353 00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:52,920 I liked a picture of her dead grandmother. 354 00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:54,213 What am I supposed to do? 355 00:11:54,296 --> 00:11:55,297 - Just start liking all her pics. 356 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,632 It'll confuse her. 357 00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:57,925 - No, no. That'll make it so much worse. 358 00:11:58,008 --> 00:11:59,385 - Can one of you help me please? 359 00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:00,803 - Okay, report her account for terrorism 360 00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:02,304 and then maybe they'll take it down. 361 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,472 - She's like a hot Black Mark Zuckerberg. 362 00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:04,974 She's gonna figure that out. 363 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:07,643 - Okay, everybody, calm down. I know what to do. 364 00:12:07,726 --> 00:12:10,604 Zoe will see that notification and she will know that 365 00:12:10,688 --> 00:12:12,982 it's from you because your face is on your profile pic 366 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:14,692 and Whitney's in your Insta name, 367 00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:16,986 but she won't know it's you if you change those things. 368 00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,654 So make your account private, 369 00:12:18,737 --> 00:12:21,615 change your profile picture to a stock image of a burrito, 370 00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:24,785 and make your account name @ChipotleAbluqeurque. 371 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:26,328 She'll think you're a random like 372 00:12:26,412 --> 00:12:27,705 from a Chipotle promo account in New Mexico. 373 00:12:27,788 --> 00:12:30,124 - Holy shit. That is wildly brilliant. 374 00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:31,459 - It really is. 375 00:12:31,542 --> 00:12:33,752 That's like Zoe level smart. 376 00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:35,629 - Could you not? 377 00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:37,923 ♪ ♪ 378 00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:41,135 - Professor Hennessey, this dinner has been so fun. 379 00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:42,636 Can I help you with those dishes? 380 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,388 - Oh, don't worry about it. 381 00:12:44,472 --> 00:12:45,389 I have a dishwasher. 382 00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:47,016 His name is Craig. 383 00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:49,685 - [laughs] 384 00:12:49,768 --> 00:12:52,396 - So I probably should say this as I haven't posted 385 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,648 the final trimester grades yet, but you got an A. 386 00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:55,858 - I did? - Yes. 387 00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:57,443 - Oh. - One of two in the class. 388 00:12:57,526 --> 00:12:59,487 - [squeals excitedly] 389 00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:01,030 Professor Hennessey, can I ask you something? 390 00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:02,323 - Yes, of course. Anything. 391 00:13:02,406 --> 00:13:04,575 - I lost my scholarship. - Mm-hmm. 392 00:13:04,658 --> 00:13:06,702 - And I need someone to cosign a loan for me 393 00:13:06,785 --> 00:13:08,287 so I can stay here. 394 00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,290 I hate to ask you, but my parents can't know about this 395 00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:12,958 and I don't know what else to do. 396 00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,752 All I need-- - Let me stop you... 397 00:13:14,835 --> 00:13:15,878 - Okay. - For a second. 398 00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,171 - Yeah. 399 00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:18,839 - I see a lot of myself in you, Kimberly, 400 00:13:18,923 --> 00:13:20,925 and I would never want to lose a student like you. 401 00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:25,429 Just give me a minute to think on it, okay? 402 00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:26,388 - Okay. 403 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:29,433 [upbeat pop music] 404 00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:32,895 - Yes! This dining hall was born to be a strip club. 405 00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,146 Looking good, guys. 406 00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:35,981 Time to get fluffed and stuffed. 407 00:13:36,065 --> 00:13:39,068 Let's make our climate daddy proud. 408 00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:43,322 Okay, DJ, keep it peppy. I want 80 humps per minute. 409 00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:44,406 [clicks tongue] 410 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,575 Okay, Cody, work it. 411 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:47,993 Get that chair pregnant. 412 00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:50,287 - Bela, we've sold so many tickets 413 00:13:50,371 --> 00:13:52,957 that my Venmo just froze. God, this is incredible! 414 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:55,084 - I know. You know, I think this might be my calling. 415 00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,752 It combines my two loves. 416 00:13:56,835 --> 00:13:58,754 Sexy, greasy men and bossing people around. 417 00:13:58,837 --> 00:14:00,589 - Okay, I got to give you credit. 418 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:03,717 I think this fundraiser could really get our frat reinstated. 419 00:14:03,801 --> 00:14:05,928 - It's my pleasure and if you take any pictures 420 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,763 in the dressing room, my AirDrop's always on. 421 00:14:07,846 --> 00:14:10,975 - Excuse me? What on Earth is going on? 422 00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:13,894 - Dean Miller? Are you here to buy a ticket? 423 00:14:13,978 --> 00:14:15,312 - To a strip show? 424 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:18,315 Essex is a respected, feminist institution, 425 00:14:18,399 --> 00:14:21,235 a cornerstone of Vermont herstory. 426 00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,362 Whatever this is, it's over. 427 00:14:23,445 --> 00:14:25,072 - Dean Miller, if you let me explain, 428 00:14:25,155 --> 00:14:27,157 this is a legitimate and tasteful event. 429 00:14:27,241 --> 00:14:29,285 - Okay, I didn't spend three decades marching 430 00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,495 in support of women's rights to support that. 431 00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:33,956 - Yo, he's making his dick bounce! 432 00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,959 - Okay, ma'am, we at Theta, we're trying to prove 433 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,877 that our bodies aren't just for pleasure. 434 00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:40,588 They are also for service. 435 00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:43,424 I promise, if you could just stay and watch my performance 436 00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:46,135 of "Thot Shit" by Megan Thee Stallion, you'll agree. 437 00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:47,636 - Yeah, that's not happening. 438 00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:51,181 The Vermont constitution was ratified in this room. 439 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:54,560 It's not where we gyrate to "Thot Shit." 440 00:14:54,643 --> 00:14:56,437 - Keep her here till I get back. 441 00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:59,982 - Dean Miller, can I tell you a long story about 442 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:02,610 why the environment is so important to me? 443 00:15:02,693 --> 00:15:05,279 - ♪ I wanna feel like yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 444 00:15:05,362 --> 00:15:08,157 ♪ I-I wanna feel like ♪ 445 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,742 ♪ Yeah, yeah I-I wanna ♪ 446 00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:11,410 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 447 00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:13,954 ♪ Feel like that yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 448 00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:15,914 ♪ ♪ 449 00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:17,499 - Hi. I'm Bela. 450 00:15:17,583 --> 00:15:19,835 I live next door to you and I really need your help. 451 00:15:19,918 --> 00:15:21,420 - Okay. 452 00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:23,255 - Also, can I have some water? I ran all the way here. 453 00:15:23,339 --> 00:15:24,757 ♪ ♪ 454 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,717 - How are you liking Essex, Arif? 455 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,218 - It's very nice. 456 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:30,429 The professor and her husband have been very generous. 457 00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:31,680 - Arif, forget about college. 458 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:32,973 You can make a killing modeling. 459 00:15:33,057 --> 00:15:34,183 Your bone structure is sick. 460 00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:36,060 - Aw, thanks, Lila. 461 00:15:36,143 --> 00:15:37,353 You're very sick too. 462 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,730 - Kimberly. - Yeah. 463 00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:41,190 - I thought about what you asked me. 464 00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:42,691 - Uh-huh. 465 00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,026 - And if it means keeping a student like you at Essex, 466 00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,778 I would be happy to cosign for you. 467 00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:48,364 - Seriously? Oh, thank you. 468 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,616 Thank you so much. Oh! 469 00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:52,326 - My pleasure. 470 00:15:52,409 --> 00:15:55,913 All right, gang, I'm gonna call it a night for myself, 471 00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,373 but please stay and enjoy. 472 00:15:57,456 --> 00:16:00,584 - Okay. Thank you. 473 00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:02,753 - You having a good time? - Yeah, great. 474 00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:05,547 Dinner was awesome and your wife is the best. 475 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:08,300 She's so smart and impressive. - Yeah, she really is. 476 00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,052 Although, she would kill me if I told you 477 00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,012 stories about her from college. [laughter] 478 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:14,390 Maybe after one more drink. [laughter] 479 00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:15,891 - I love the life you two have. 480 00:16:15,974 --> 00:16:19,186 Two smart, cool, academics in this cute house 481 00:16:19,269 --> 00:16:21,313 with all your books and worldly knickknacks. 482 00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:22,731 It's like a dream. 483 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:26,235 - I can see why Elizabeth likes you so much. 484 00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:29,697 We should fuck sometime. 485 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:32,032 ♪ ♪ 486 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:34,410 - As a climate refugee, the fact that these students 487 00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,662 would work so hard to raise money for the environment, 488 00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:38,956 it almost makes me forget the day that I lost 489 00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,959 two close friends in a "Wizard of Oz"-style tornado. 490 00:16:42,042 --> 00:16:43,502 You should be proud of the campus community 491 00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:44,753 that you've created here. 492 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,755 - Also, Theta raised $11,000 tonight. 493 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,549 - You know, I don't care-- oh, my God, what? 494 00:16:48,632 --> 00:16:52,094 $11,000? - Yup. 495 00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,887 - Okay. You can do your show. 496 00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:57,099 But lights out by midnight and no full nudity. 497 00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:58,434 - Don't worry, Dean. 498 00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,768 All penises will remain safely stowed. 499 00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:01,603 - Okay. 500 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,105 - Holy shit. That actually worked. 501 00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:05,774 - Thanks, new hot friend. - Yeah, I got you. 502 00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:07,776 Hey, I'm gonna go back to my room because 503 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:09,403 I'm expecting a girl in, like, five minutes, 504 00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:12,072 but have fun with this. 505 00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:13,782 - All right, everyone. It's go time. 506 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:15,409 Line up for your good luck butt slap. 507 00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:17,745 - ♪ Yo, the level has risen again ♪ 508 00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:20,873 - Hello, Essex. How is everyone doing tonight? 509 00:17:20,956 --> 00:17:22,875 [cheers and applause] 510 00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:25,002 It's about to get real heated up in this room 511 00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:27,671 and it's not because of carbon emissions. 512 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:31,258 Give it up for the boys of Theta. 513 00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:33,051 [cheers and applause] 514 00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:36,513 [Latto's "Wheelie"] 515 00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:37,973 - ♪ Pop it like a wheelie ♪ 516 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,641 ♪ Hop on top and I go silly ♪ 517 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,226 ♪ Pretty, tight, and sticky ♪ 518 00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:43,479 ♪ Fuck him once, he won't forget me ♪ 519 00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:45,147 ♪ Wet, wet ♪ 520 00:17:45,230 --> 00:17:47,107 ♪ Bust it like the blicky ♪ 521 00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:49,693 ♪ If I fuck around and leak the tape, I win an Emmy ♪ 522 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:51,111 - [laughs] Yeah? 523 00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,321 - Come here. - You got it? 524 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:53,655 - Damn. You blinked in this one 525 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,240 and somehow you still look fine. 526 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,159 - Thank you. - It's going on the main. 527 00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:59,495 - Oh, okay. - [laughs] 528 00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:02,581 Wait. What's up? I can't find your profile. 529 00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,917 - Oh, yeah. Something weird must've happened. 530 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,168 - Oh, here. Let me see. I can fix it. 531 00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:08,003 - No, no. It's good. I can-- 532 00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:10,506 - Wait. What the-- - Don't-- 533 00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:12,674 - Whit, did you rename your account 534 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,510 to @ChipotleAlbuquerque? 535 00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,428 There's wraps and burritos and shit. 536 00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,721 Why would you do that? 537 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,014 - [chuckles] Okay, listen. 538 00:18:19,097 --> 00:18:20,265 It's so stupid. 539 00:18:20,349 --> 00:18:22,601 So I was, you know, lightly perusing 540 00:18:22,684 --> 00:18:24,603 your coworker Zoe's profile and I accidentally liked 541 00:18:24,686 --> 00:18:26,021 a picture of her dead grandma, 542 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:28,398 so Bela changed my profile to a Chipotle. 543 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:31,819 - I understood, like, half of that sentence. 544 00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:37,074 - I guess I was jealous of how impressed you are with Zoe 545 00:18:37,157 --> 00:18:38,659 and how smart she is. 546 00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:43,247 And it made me feel-- I don't know, unimpressive. 547 00:18:43,330 --> 00:18:46,208 - You have nothing to be jealous about. 548 00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:48,377 You're a dream girl. 549 00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,212 And I'm not even into Zoe like that. 550 00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:53,382 Like--like at all. 551 00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:57,094 - Also, I was right behind you 552 00:18:57,177 --> 00:18:58,846 at Omega Pi when you told your friend 553 00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:01,557 I'm a loser who doesn't have a thing. 554 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,309 - Well, I definitely didn't say you were a loser. 555 00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:07,437 But I'm sorry for saying anything behind your back. 556 00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:10,440 That was wrong. - Thanks. 557 00:19:10,524 --> 00:19:12,234 - But do I think you have too much time on your hands? 558 00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:15,279 I mean, seems like it, right? - Okay, okay, sure. 559 00:19:15,362 --> 00:19:17,281 Maybe I could find more constructive ways 560 00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:19,241 to use my time, yes. - Maybe, maybe. 561 00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,493 - But for now, I'm just gonna focus 562 00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:23,161 on the dream girl part of all of this. 563 00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:24,413 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That was cute. That was good. 564 00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:26,164 - As you should. [laughter] 565 00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:29,251 [hip-hop music playing] 566 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,962 [cheering] 567 00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:35,591 ♪ ♪ 568 00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,551 - Was I nuts to dump her? 569 00:19:37,634 --> 00:19:39,303 She's, like, one of the hottest girls on campus. 570 00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:41,763 - [chuckles] Sure, but given all the texts 571 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,223 I've gotten about you this week, 572 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:44,766 I'm pretty sure you're one of the hottest 573 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:46,727 queer girls on campus now too. 574 00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:48,437 - What? Really? 575 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,439 - Uh, to be clear, you're not my type. 576 00:19:50,522 --> 00:19:52,566 I'm into gingers. I'd die for Shiv Roy. 577 00:19:52,649 --> 00:19:55,819 But you don't notice the way they all look at you? 578 00:19:55,903 --> 00:19:57,738 ♪ ♪ 579 00:19:57,821 --> 00:19:59,281 Shit, they used to do that for me. 580 00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:01,783 Look, sis is practically drooling. 581 00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,911 - Hmm. 582 00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,329 - ♪ Blow the whistle on a bitch ♪ 583 00:20:05,412 --> 00:20:06,872 ♪ I dismiss a bitch ♪ 584 00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:08,457 ♪ Blow the whistle on a bitch ♪ 585 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,000 ♪ I dismiss a bitch ♪ 586 00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:11,376 ♪ Blow the whistle on a bitch ♪ 587 00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,211 [overlapping chatter] 588 00:20:13,295 --> 00:20:14,671 - Hey! - Hey. 589 00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:16,423 - This is amazing. 590 00:20:16,506 --> 00:20:19,426 It somehow manages to be both erotic and thought-provoking. 591 00:20:19,509 --> 00:20:21,553 - Yeah, who said you can't save polar bears 592 00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,680 and admire a dude's V muscles at the same time? 593 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:26,475 - [laughs] Hey, how was the dinner party? 594 00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:27,851 - Good, I guess. 595 00:20:27,935 --> 00:20:29,519 My professor said she'd cosign my loan. 596 00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,313 - Yes! - Oh, my God, that's so great. 597 00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,482 - Yeah, but then I was talking to her husband 598 00:20:33,565 --> 00:20:36,944 and he said, "We should fuck sometime." 599 00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:37,986 - What? - Huh? 600 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,821 - Oh, that's so gross. 601 00:20:39,905 --> 00:20:41,073 - What did you tell him? 602 00:20:41,156 --> 00:20:42,491 - Oh, don't worry. I shut it down. 603 00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:44,868 - Okay, but what did you say exactly? 604 00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,329 - I think I said cool, but in a way 605 00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:49,331 that clearly communicated that meant not cool. 606 00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:52,167 Like, not cool, man. Not cool. 607 00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:55,295 - But did you say the not part or just the cool part? 608 00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:56,838 - Just cool. - Mm. 609 00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,507 - Kimberly, cool means cool. 610 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,175 You told him yes. - No, I didn't. 611 00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:01,885 - Okay, say it to me like you said it in the moment. 612 00:21:01,969 --> 00:21:03,512 We should fuck sometime. 613 00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:04,930 - Cool. 614 00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:07,057 - Yeah, so you just told this man 615 00:21:07,140 --> 00:21:08,684 that you want to have sex with him. 616 00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,603 - Yeah, I hear that now. 617 00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:14,606 [cheering] - ♪ Yeah, ah, get it ♪ 618 00:21:14,690 --> 00:21:17,234 [Doja Cat's "Vegas"] ♪ Yeah, ah, get it ♪ 619 00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:20,153 - Uh--uh-oh. I think you're being summoned. 620 00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:23,699 - ♪ Ah, get it ♪ 621 00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:26,201 - [laughs] - I think we all are. 622 00:21:26,284 --> 00:21:28,704 - ♪ Yeah, ah, get it ♪ 623 00:21:28,787 --> 00:21:31,039 - Okay, but I have to go to church twice tomorrow. 624 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,582 - Yeah, you do. - Okay. 625 00:21:32,666 --> 00:21:35,419 - ♪ Yeah, ah, get it ♪ 626 00:21:35,502 --> 00:21:37,963 ♪ Yeah, ah, get it ♪ 627 00:21:38,046 --> 00:21:39,715 ♪ ♪ 628 00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:42,384 ♪ You ain't nothing but a ♪ - ♪ Dog ♪ 629 00:21:42,467 --> 00:21:44,636 ♪ Player, ah, get it ♪ 630 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:47,222 ♪ Fraud, player, ah, get it ♪ 631 00:21:47,305 --> 00:21:50,225 ♪ I understand, I understand ♪ - Oh, my God! [laughs] 632 00:21:50,308 --> 00:21:51,852 - ♪ You ain't the man ♪ 633 00:21:51,935 --> 00:21:53,478 - Weirdly, I'm into this. 634 00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:56,523 - ♪ Hound dog, hound dog ♪ 635 00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:57,774 ♪ Hound dog ♪ 636 00:21:57,858 --> 00:21:59,943 - ♪ You ain't nothin' but a ♪ 637 00:22:00,027 --> 00:22:02,070 ♪ Yeah, you ain't nothing but a ♪ 638 00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:03,363 [knock on door] 639 00:22:04,573 --> 00:22:06,158 - Kimberly, I'm glad you're here. 640 00:22:06,241 --> 00:22:09,119 - I brought this to say thanks for the lovely dinner 641 00:22:09,202 --> 00:22:11,496 and you know, the other thing. [chuckles] 642 00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:13,665 - That's what I wanted to talk to you about. 643 00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:15,042 I'm so sorry, Kimberly, 644 00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:19,171 but I cannot cosign your loan for you. 645 00:22:19,254 --> 00:22:20,714 - Oh, my God. 646 00:22:20,797 --> 00:22:22,424 Professor Hennessey, I am so sorry. 647 00:22:22,507 --> 00:22:25,135 I never would've done anything sexual with your husband. 648 00:22:25,218 --> 00:22:26,928 I should've said no in the moment, 649 00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:28,638 but I was confused. It was just an-- 650 00:22:28,722 --> 00:22:30,390 - What are you talking about? 651 00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:33,101 - What were you talking about? 652 00:22:33,185 --> 00:22:35,103 - My accountant was worried that cosigning a loan 653 00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:37,564 would affect my credit score too much. 654 00:22:38,899 --> 00:22:40,776 Did my husband make a pass at you? 655 00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:42,861 - You know, I think 656 00:22:42,944 --> 00:22:45,072 I just might've misunderstood what he said. 657 00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:47,365 - What did he say? 658 00:22:47,449 --> 00:22:50,952 - I think he said something like, 659 00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:52,829 "We should fuck sometime." 660 00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:56,041 I am so sorry, Professor. 661 00:22:56,124 --> 00:22:57,834 - No. You've done nothing wrong. 662 00:22:57,918 --> 00:23:00,879 You are not my unemployed husband 663 00:23:00,962 --> 00:23:04,508 who is trying to fuck a coed for not the first time. 664 00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:06,009 Excuse me. 665 00:23:06,093 --> 00:23:07,511 Craig, hi. 666 00:23:07,594 --> 00:23:10,472 It's your wife, you piece of shit. 667 00:23:10,555 --> 00:23:12,557 Have you seen yourself in the mirror? 668 00:23:12,641 --> 00:23:13,934 - I'm just gonna leave the plant. 669 00:23:14,017 --> 00:23:15,268 - Seriously? 670 00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:17,729 You hit on another student? That's it. 671 00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:19,272 I'm calling your sister to pick you up. 672 00:23:19,356 --> 00:23:21,733 Pack your stuff. You're Nancy's problem now. 673 00:23:21,817 --> 00:23:23,735 No, you can't get your guitars later. 674 00:23:23,819 --> 00:23:25,821 Take them now! 675 00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:27,197 - Shit! 676 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,157 Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! 677 00:23:29,241 --> 00:23:31,284 [Barrie's "Hutch"] 678 00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:33,662 - ♪ We can do better ♪ 679 00:23:33,745 --> 00:23:36,123 ♪ We can do better than before ♪ 680 00:23:36,206 --> 00:23:41,211 ♪ Better than before again and better than before again and ♪ 681 00:23:41,294 --> 00:23:43,672 ♪ We could keep loving ♪ 682 00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:46,341 ♪ We could keep loving some more ♪ 683 00:23:46,424 --> 00:23:47,884 ♪ Love a little more again ♪ 684 00:23:47,968 --> 00:23:51,388 ♪ And love a little more again and ♪ 685 00:23:51,471 --> 00:23:56,309 ♪ A body, body so different from your own ♪ 686 00:23:56,393 --> 00:24:01,189 ♪ ♪ 687 00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:04,025 ♪ Not to know it, not to feel it ♪ 688 00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:06,361 ♪ But sit beside it slow ♪ 689 00:24:06,444 --> 00:24:10,740 ♪ ♪ 690 00:24:10,824 --> 00:24:14,244 ♪ What you got, who you with, where you going? ♪ 691 00:24:14,327 --> 00:24:15,954 ♪ ♪ 692 00:24:16,037 --> 00:24:19,583 ♪ What you got, who you with, where you going? ♪ 693 00:24:19,666 --> 00:24:21,418 ♪ ♪ 694 00:24:21,501 --> 00:24:23,712 ♪ We can do better ♪ 695 00:24:23,795 --> 00:24:26,047 ♪ We can do better than before ♪ 696 00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:31,219 ♪ Better than before again and better than before again and ♪ 697 00:24:31,303 --> 00:24:33,680 ♪ We could keep loving ♪ 698 00:24:33,763 --> 00:24:36,016 ♪ We could keep loving some more ♪ 699 00:24:36,099 --> 00:24:40,562 ♪ Love a little more again and love a little more again and ♪ 700 00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:45,942 ♪ We're gonna treat you so much better ♪ 701 00:24:46,026 --> 00:24:49,738 ♪ ♪ 702 00:24:49,821 --> 00:24:50,947 - Go to bed.