1 00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:10,093 - ♪ I live to survive another heartache ♪ 2 00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:13,972 ♪ I live to survive another mistake ♪ 3 00:00:14,055 --> 00:00:16,850 - [sobs] 4 00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:19,436 - Look, I know it wasn't the best Thanksgiving, 5 00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:21,688 but Nico is going to be fine. 6 00:00:21,771 --> 00:00:24,691 - Yeah, he's my baby boy. 7 00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:26,109 - He's 21, Dad. 8 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:27,277 - Yeah, but he's sensitive. 9 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,863 He's not tough and brawny like you. 10 00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,781 - Brawny? - Look, don't worry about me 11 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:32,824 or this family. 12 00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:34,951 You go have fun, study hard, 13 00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:36,453 find a boyfriend-- 14 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,288 be young. 15 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,707 - Okay. I love you. 16 00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:42,375 Are you sure you're good to drive? 17 00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:44,461 - I don't know, we'll see. 18 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:46,254 I think so. 19 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:47,964 Goodbye, pumpkin. 20 00:00:48,047 --> 00:00:50,049 - ♪ Another mistake ♪ 21 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,093 ♪ Another heartache ♪ 22 00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:53,303 - Here, hold your bag. 23 00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:54,804 - I'm fine, Carol. - All right. 24 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,639 - Oh, my God, Whitney, hi! 25 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,142 How was your Thanksgiving? - Really good. 26 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,019 Wait, did you guys drive here from Arizona? 27 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,604 Isn't that a long trip? 28 00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,939 - Yeah, it's 39 hours, and it felt like a lot more. 29 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:08,568 - Yup, it ended up costing $1,500 in gas and hotels. 30 00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,862 And we got in a couple really bad arguments. 31 00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:12,655 - Ah, wouldn't change a thing. 32 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:13,948 Hi! - Hey. 33 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:15,575 - Oh, my goodness. How's your family? 34 00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:17,535 - Uh, good. We adopted a dog. - Ooh. 35 00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:19,412 - My mom thought it would help her approval ratings. 36 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:20,997 It did not. She returned it. 37 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,791 - Oh. - She is an amazing woman. 38 00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,250 I always defend her to my buddies. 39 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:25,794 - Dad! - Well, honey, 40 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:27,462 we should head out. I gotta work in the morning. 41 00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:29,005 - In Arizona? - Yeah. 42 00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:30,215 We're gonna try not to stop. 43 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:31,508 Bye, sweetie. - Okay, bye. 44 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:32,842 - We love you. - Drive safe. 45 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,427 Love you. - I love you, pinochle. 46 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,054 - ♪ Watch me, I'm back on my feet ♪ 47 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,348 - After that long drive, I just really wanna relax. 48 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:39,641 - Yeah. 49 00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:41,017 - Whitney! Kimberly! 50 00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:42,644 I missed you bitches. Come here! 51 00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:43,686 - Hey. - Hey, Bela. 52 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:44,646 - Uh, sorry, 53 00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:45,939 where are your clothes? 54 00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,690 - Oh! Got in about 15 minutes ago, 55 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,692 got comfortable, made myself some snacks. 56 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,110 My parents were, like, obsessed with me 57 00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:52,487 wearing clothes at home. - Oh, totally. 58 00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:53,655 Would you mind putting a towel down 59 00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:54,864 before you sit on the sofa? 60 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,033 - Why? - Because of your butt. 61 00:01:57,116 --> 00:01:58,368 - Oh. 62 00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,328 - Leighton, hey! - Welcome back! 63 00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:02,831 - Hey! - Hi, all. 64 00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:05,041 I have an announcement. 65 00:02:05,124 --> 00:02:06,209 Why are you in your underwear? 66 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:07,752 - For comfort. 67 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:10,588 - Okay, well, Nico got expelled. 68 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:11,881 - What? - Oh, my God. 69 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,383 - Are you serious? - Yeah. 70 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,093 When Kimberly turned in the stolen test files, 71 00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:17,720 the administration started an investigation, 72 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,223 and a bunch of senior Thetas got kicked out. 73 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,642 - The seniors? But they were the hottest ones. 74 00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:24,102 - What's Nico gonna do? 75 00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:25,937 - Well, thankfully, my dad was able to make 76 00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:29,107 a big donation to Cornell and got him a spot next semester. 77 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:31,901 And they got him an Audi to try and cheer him up. 78 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,112 - Mm-kay, this story is getting less sympathetic. 79 00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:36,573 - I'm so sorry. Your brother was gorgeous, 80 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,950 and I'm gonna miss seeing his face and body around campus. 81 00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:40,535 - Thank you. 82 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,079 Are you wearing my underwear? 83 00:02:43,162 --> 00:02:45,498 - Just the bra--oh! Bottoms too. 84 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:46,624 [laughs] 85 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,251 - ♪ We got one night only ♪ 86 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,919 ♪ Put your money where your mouth is ♪ 87 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,629 ♪ And I'ma show you how I bounce ♪ 88 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,257 ♪ If I burst, son, I might hurt some ♪ 89 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,925 - Kimberly. - Yeah? 90 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,886 - Did you tell your parents about losing your scholarship? 91 00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,637 - Oh, I couldn't find the right time to mention it to them. 92 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,764 - What do you mean? You were in the car for 39 hours. 93 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,474 - Yeah, don't you need, like, a lot of money? 94 00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:06,603 - Oh, just $42,000 per year-- 95 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,479 $138,000 total. 96 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,773 - Seriously? That's, like, four cars, 97 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,358 or, like, five of Leighton's purses. 98 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,235 - Dude, I think you need to tell your parents. 99 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,778 - I can't. It would kill them. 100 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,280 I need to figure out a solution on my own. 101 00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:18,990 - [gasps] Solution's right here. 102 00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:20,283 Ask one of these two moneybags for it. 103 00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:21,784 Their parents are loaded. - Uh... 104 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,161 - I mean, don't look at me. 105 00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:24,829 Leighton's family's way richer than mine is. 106 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,789 We're politician rich. 107 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,791 - Well, most of my family's wealth is tied up 108 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,419 in real estate and, um, several racehorses. 109 00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:32,712 - Oh, you guys don't need 110 00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:34,464 to make your rich families sound poor. 111 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,424 I would never ask either of you for money. 112 00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:39,260 I got myself into this, and I'll get myself out. 113 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,304 - Wait, I've got it. If you need extra money, 114 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:42,639 you should sell feet pics on the dark web. 115 00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:43,973 - [gasps] That's certainly 116 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,767 an interesting idea. - Kimberly, no. 117 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:48,311 - Just go to the financial aid office and apply for a loan. 118 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,438 - No! My plan is better. You've got long toes, 119 00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:51,564 and there's a real market for that. 120 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:52,649 - Stop! - Bela! 121 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:53,691 - What? Don't shame me 122 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:54,943 for my good ideas. 123 00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:55,985 - ♪ Whoo! ♪ 124 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,487 [upbeat music] 125 00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,323 - Guys, what are we always saying this campus needs? 126 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:01,491 - Better Wi-Fi? - A decent place 127 00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:02,659 to get my eyebrows tinted? 128 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:03,868 - A memorial to Native peoples. 129 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,328 - [scoffs] No. 130 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,830 An all-female comedy magazine. 131 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,123 both: Hm. - I'm starting one 132 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,166 with some friends. 133 00:04:10,249 --> 00:04:11,292 We're toppling the patriarchy 134 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,835 one top-ten list at a time. 135 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,796 - Are magazines, like, a thing anymore? 136 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,756 - Well, ours would mostly be an Instagram presence, 137 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:18,675 a sassy Twitter account, and a website 138 00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:20,176 that we haven't bought the domain for yet. 139 00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:21,803 It's gonna be huge. - That's so cool. 140 00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:23,554 - Yeah. - Bela, I have to say, 141 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:25,014 so far, I support this. 142 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,349 - Yeah. all: Ah! 143 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,810 - What the fuck? - Oh, my God, are you okay? 144 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,853 - Did somebody just hit me with a milk carton? 145 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,730 - Oh, man. You just got nailed. 146 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,148 - Yeah, that was so fucked up. 147 00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:35,858 - Yeah, I know. - That must have been 148 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,026 really surprising. 149 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,861 - Um, yeah, it was. 150 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,114 - So even though you didn't do anything wrong, 151 00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:42,740 something bad still happened to you? 152 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,367 - Why are you talking like that? 153 00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:45,702 - Yeah, it sounds like the beginning of a parable. 154 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,078 - 'Cause we're in fucking Theta, 155 00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:49,330 and you guys got our charter suspended. 156 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:50,540 - Wait, is that what this is about, 157 00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:51,874 the stupid test thing? 158 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,793 - Yeah, you narced on us, you narcs. 159 00:04:53,876 --> 00:04:55,545 - That stunt you pulled fucked us. 160 00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:56,921 We can't throw parties anymore. 161 00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:59,424 - So you threw a fucking milk at me? 162 00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:02,051 This sweater cost $800! - What? 163 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,553 - You dickheads were the ones cheating. 164 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:04,887 We were just the whistleblowers. 165 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,264 - Yeah, and I didn't even do it. 166 00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:07,557 All right? It was her. 167 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,183 - I am kind of responsible for that. 168 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,853 - I know. I meant to hit you, but my aim was off. 169 00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,479 It doesn't matter. From now on, 170 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,065 none of you are ever setting foot in Theta again. 171 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,777 - Uh! He took my clementine. 172 00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:23,072 [electronic music] 173 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,074 - I'm so sorry that happened to you. 174 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,201 - Eh, I'm used to it. My mom and I have gotten 175 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,120 blood thrown on us outside multiple operas. 176 00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:32,165 - Guys, I can't believe we can't party at Theta anymore. 177 00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:33,541 - Who cares about Theta? 178 00:05:33,624 --> 00:05:35,251 They can't even throw parties anymore. 179 00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:38,129 We'll just find a new frat to hang with. 180 00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:40,006 - Oh, my God. 181 00:05:40,089 --> 00:05:41,507 - What? - Look. 182 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:45,887 - ♪ Drive all night to find out ♪ 183 00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:49,098 ♪ What you can't see ♪ 184 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:53,686 ♪ Cities lighting up the midnight sky ♪ 185 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:57,273 - Girls, remember not to congregate in the hallways. 186 00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:58,733 It is a fire hazard. 187 00:05:58,816 --> 00:06:01,402 These old buildings are tinder boxes, so... 188 00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,988 - Thanks, Frude. - See you at the FAF meeting. 189 00:06:04,072 --> 00:06:07,116 ♪ ♪ 190 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,160 Welcome back, my Fresh-Them. 191 00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:11,788 I hope you enjoyed American Thanksgiving, 192 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,040 and I'm relieved so few of you transferred. 193 00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:16,292 I do have exciting news. 194 00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:18,586 We have a new student joining us, 195 00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,963 and he is climate refugee. 196 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,799 - [gasps] Wow, I think it's great 197 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,717 that we're taking in a displaced person. 198 00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,552 - Yeah, are they from a developing nation? 199 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,554 - No, he's from Kansas. 200 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,056 Ah, here he is now. 201 00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:32,809 Everyone, please give a warm welcome 202 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:36,479 to our climate refugee, Jackson. 203 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:37,480 - Hello. - Wait, 204 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:38,815 you're the climate refugee? 205 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,024 You're white. - Bela. 206 00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:42,151 - What the hell? - Sweetheart, um, 207 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,861 tell us what happened to you, 208 00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:45,780 and if you're straight and single. 209 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:48,116 - [sighs] I really don't know how else to say it. 210 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,993 My college dorm was blown away by a Category 4 tornado. 211 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,161 [all gasp] - Shit. 212 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,412 - Wow. - Wait, what? 213 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,289 - That's terrible. But Frude, 214 00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:56,999 I think the term "refugee" implies 215 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,584 more of an international displacement. 216 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,212 - Uh, Kimberly, do not offend my new friend. 217 00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:02,588 He's been through enough. 218 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,590 I think climate change is real. 219 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,926 - Yeah, are you serious? - I didn't say it wasn't. 220 00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:08,886 - And speaking of climate change, 221 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,514 tomorrow's forecast calls for snow, 222 00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:15,852 which brings with it Essex's oldest non-racist tradition, 223 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:17,562 The Annual Snow Run. 224 00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:19,188 [all cheer] - Oh, my God! 225 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,190 Is that where we run in the snow in our underwear? 226 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,692 - That is correct. 227 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,193 - Should we pregame or wait till we get there? 228 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,778 - Oh, we should absolutely pregame. 229 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:27,488 The booze in our dorm is way better. 230 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:31,325 - Reminder, underage drinking is illegal and not fun. 231 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,870 But what is fun is our next juicy topic-- 232 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,955 avoiding seasonal depression. 233 00:07:36,038 --> 00:07:37,123 [all groan] 234 00:07:37,206 --> 00:07:40,168 ♪ ♪ 235 00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,503 - Hey, Kimberly. 236 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:46,966 Hey, did you buy me a column of gay pride balloons? 237 00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,342 - Oh, my God. I did. 238 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:49,969 I'm so sorry. 239 00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,889 I assumed you told Whitney and Bela over break, 240 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:56,100 but then you didn't, and I couldn't cancel them. 241 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,393 Did anyone else see them? 242 00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:59,687 Have I outed you? Am I bad ally? 243 00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:01,439 - No, you're fine. 244 00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:02,982 I'm just disturbed that you think I am 245 00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:05,359 the kind of gay person who would like that. 246 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,403 - Got it. When you come out to Whitney and Bela, 247 00:08:07,486 --> 00:08:09,030 I'll get you a classier balloon tower. 248 00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,574 - My ideal coming-out does not involve balloons. 249 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,242 No balloons at all, please. 250 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,869 - Are you gonna tell Bela and Whitney? 251 00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:18,789 - At some point, probably, but not right now. 252 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:21,083 - Well, I'm here for you. 253 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,711 Okay, I gotta go to the financial aid office 254 00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:24,921 to ask for a loan. 255 00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,172 Wish me luck. 256 00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:28,257 - Wait, wearing your Sips uniform? 257 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,092 - Yeah, I want them to know I have a job. 258 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,510 It's pretty smart, right? 259 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,846 - Kimberly, banks only give money to people 260 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:37,099 who look like they already have money. 261 00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,142 Let me help you. 262 00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:39,894 - ♪ You're cold as ice ♪ 263 00:08:39,977 --> 00:08:41,938 ["Ceci N'est Pas un Cliché" by Charlotte Adigéry] 264 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,649 ♪ I wanna make you feel real nice ♪ 265 00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:46,275 ♪ ♪ 266 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,568 ♪ I wanna make you feel ♪ 267 00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:49,195 - Kimberly Finkle? - Here. 268 00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:52,281 ♪ ♪ 269 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,033 - I'm so psyched for the off-season. 270 00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:55,660 I got hit with a soccer ball so many times, 271 00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:57,620 I think my titties got CTE. - [chuckles] 272 00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,830 So what are we gonna do with all our free time? 273 00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,165 I'm thinking sleeping till 3:00 274 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,708 and then drinking till the other 3:00. 275 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,585 - Mm, that's a no for me. My schedule's packed. 276 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,254 - Already? How? 277 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:07,713 - Off-season is when we do all the stuff 278 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,131 we can't do during soccer. 279 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,716 - I'm running for student government. 280 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,802 Have you seen those losers? I'm gon' clean up. 281 00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,387 - Why would you wanna do that? 282 00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:16,347 - Pad that grad school résumé, babe. 283 00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:18,724 - Yeah, I've got basketball. I'm a two-season athlete. 284 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,601 But you were just joking about sleeping 285 00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,311 and drinking all day, right? 286 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:25,314 - [laughing] Yes, duh, totally. 287 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,025 I've got so much going on. Let's go. 288 00:09:28,109 --> 00:09:31,070 [electronic music] 289 00:09:31,153 --> 00:09:34,490 ♪ ♪ 290 00:09:34,573 --> 00:09:36,033 - Well, Ms. Finkle, 291 00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:37,743 I think we're gonna be able to get you this loan. 292 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:40,162 - Oh, my God, really? That's such a relief. 293 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,999 - I'm happy to help. Do you, uh, have any questions? 294 00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:44,417 - No. - Actually, yes. 295 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,961 When does the loan start accruing interest, 296 00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:48,754 and is it fixed or variable? 297 00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,172 - Great questions. 298 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,717 Let me just get you this pamphlet. 299 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:53,968 - Oh, wow. 300 00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:55,845 Everyone in here looks so happy. 301 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,221 - Kimberly, they're print models. 302 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,015 I've seen that girl in a NuvaRing ad. 303 00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:01,600 Can you at least walk us through the payback structure? 304 00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:04,603 - Uh, well, with a loan your size, 305 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:08,357 you'd be paying about $900 a month for the next 30 years. 306 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:11,110 But with autopay, it's like you don't even know 307 00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:12,862 the money's leaving your account. 308 00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:14,989 - You're gonna be paying this back until you're, like, 50. 309 00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:18,951 - Oh, the payoff age is actually late-60s on average. 310 00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:21,620 - Oh. I don't have any other options. 311 00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:23,414 I'd like to go ahead with the loan. 312 00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:26,167 - Wonderful, let's get you that shmoney. 313 00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:27,668 I'm just gonna go grab the paperwork 314 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,211 for your parents to cosign. 315 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,713 - No! 316 00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:33,966 I mean, what if that's not an option? 317 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:38,804 - I'm sorry, but a cosigner is kind of a non-negotiable. 318 00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:42,516 - Oh, then I don't think I can do this. 319 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,976 Thanks for your time. 320 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:46,479 [electronic music] 321 00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:48,898 - Welcome, funny ladies of Essex. 322 00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:51,067 We're so happy you're interested in joining 323 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:55,946 our school's first ever, female-only comedy magazine. 324 00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,156 [applause] 325 00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,741 - I know what you're thinking. 326 00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:01,452 Will it be hard to do this without a bunch of guys 327 00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:04,288 who steal all their ideas from Conan and "SNL"? 328 00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:05,831 No, it will not. [laughter] 329 00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,124 - If you're in this room, 330 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,751 it means you're part of the movement-- 331 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,795 except for that guy, who's doing homework, I think. 332 00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:13,255 We're still working on finding a permanent meeting space. 333 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,966 - We're so excited to read your submissions. 334 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,927 - Mm-hmm. In a few short days, 335 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,804 some of you lucky ladies will be joining us 336 00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:21,889 in writing our groundbreaking first edition 337 00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,433 as one of our newfound comedy sisters. 338 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,102 [cheers and applause] 339 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,522 Holy shit, these girls are unfunny turds. 340 00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,357 - In a good way? 341 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:32,983 - How would that be in a good way? 342 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,652 - Bela, you're overreacting. 343 00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:37,697 Some are...fine. - Have you read these? 344 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,615 This girl wrote a poem about celiac disease, 345 00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:42,952 and this girl wrote a phrase called "OBGY-LOL." 346 00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,871 What does that even mean? - So they have a lot to learn. 347 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:48,165 We'll teach them. - I really need this to work. 348 00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,917 I wanna write with writers that are funny, 349 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,335 like you and Jo. 350 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,212 - And me. - Sure. 351 00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:54,964 - Look, none of us thought we were gonna find 352 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,591 a bunch of amazing and hilarious people right away. 353 00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:59,885 Just be patient, okay? 354 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,053 - Okay. 355 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,806 - ♪ Never gonna be the same ♪ 356 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,474 - Sorry about your loan, Kimberly. 357 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,809 If it makes you feel any better, 358 00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,644 my new comedy magazine's a disaster. 359 00:12:08,727 --> 00:12:09,854 - Really? Why? 360 00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:11,313 - Because they all stink. 361 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:12,982 I'm worried "The Catullan" was onto something 362 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:14,984 not letting women join until 1994. 363 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,610 - Mmm. - Look, I don't know anything 364 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,028 about comedy... - So true. 365 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,363 So, so true. 366 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,115 - But maybe, before you throw this all away, 367 00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:22,741 you should talk to someone who's done it before. 368 00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:24,160 - That does seem like good advice. 369 00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:25,661 - Ooh, well, I have some cool news. 370 00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:27,121 I'm gonna be on the water polo team. 371 00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:28,372 - Really? - What? 372 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:29,999 I didn't know you played water polo. 373 00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:32,042 - Oh, I don't--yet. But it seems easy. 374 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,502 Based off a video I watched, 375 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,879 I think it's just pool soccer with hands. 376 00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:36,130 - [gasps] And then we can hang out 377 00:12:36,213 --> 00:12:37,506 with the water polo guys. 378 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,550 You know, maybe things are looking up. 379 00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:41,260 Ow, my boob! 380 00:12:41,343 --> 00:12:42,428 - [chuckles] 381 00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:43,679 - What the fuck? 382 00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:45,681 - Sorry. Not really, though. 383 00:12:45,764 --> 00:12:48,392 - ♪ I don't need no drugs at the disco ♪ 384 00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,394 - Now it's trash, you trash. 385 00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:51,687 - Put your clothes on. 386 00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:53,439 - ♪ On the dance floor ♪ 387 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,900 - Aw, fuck. I gotta ice my boob. 388 00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:57,109 [person moaning] 389 00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:58,402 - Wait, what is that? 390 00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:00,362 [people moaning] 391 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,490 Did you guys hear that? 392 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,701 [moaning gets louder] - Oh, my God. 393 00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:06,994 Sex noises! 394 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,245 - Wait, that's the climate refugee. 395 00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,455 That's his room. 396 00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:12,208 - [chuckles] - Wonder who she is. 397 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,126 - Well, whoever she is, she's having the time of her life. 398 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,128 - [laughs] - They are being so loud. 399 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:17,838 It's literal noise pollution. I'm gonna knock. 400 00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,215 - Don't you dare! - Oh, ow, ow. 401 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,466 - Just let me record a little first. 402 00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:22,384 [moaning continues] 403 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:25,763 [laidback music] 404 00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:28,933 [knocking] 405 00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:31,185 - Bela? It's 8:15 in the morning. 406 00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:33,604 Why are you here? - It's urgent. 407 00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:35,397 - How did you find my apartment? 408 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,900 It was a very conscious choice to not tell you where it was. 409 00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:39,735 - Look, my new magazine is a disaster. 410 00:13:39,818 --> 00:13:41,904 All the applicants suck, which is why I've decided 411 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:43,697 to immediately give up and accept my old spot 412 00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,366 on "The Catullan." Bela's back. 413 00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:46,575 You're welcome. 414 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,869 - Um, no. [chuckles] 415 00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,871 I don't think anyone's gonna be excited to work with a girl 416 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,748 who left and stole all of our good writers. 417 00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:54,875 - They left willingly. "The Catullan" sucked. 418 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,460 - You just said you wanted to come back to it. 419 00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,879 - Fine then. Will you join my magazine? 420 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:02,007 - What can I say that will help you leave my apartment? 421 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,593 - What do I do? 422 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,137 - [sighs] Um, okay, 423 00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,306 so you're building a team, right? 424 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,892 So you gotta look at this as your LeBron moment. 425 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,812 This is your chance to put together a super comedy lineup. 426 00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,355 Right? Like, LeBron didn't just wait 427 00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:17,731 for people to come join the team. 428 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:18,899 He went out, and he found 429 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:19,984 Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. 430 00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:21,944 - Uh-huh, got it. 431 00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:23,779 Can you put that in not sports terms? 432 00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:26,282 - Just find a bunch of funny people. 433 00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:27,616 - Cool. 434 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,661 [upbeat vocal music] 435 00:14:30,744 --> 00:14:32,538 ♪ ♪ 436 00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,165 - [blows whistle] Good morning, ladies. 437 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,959 Welcome to water polo tryouts. 438 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,545 We're gonna do a scrimmage so I can assess your skill level. 439 00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:40,921 - This seems fun. 440 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,464 You ever played water polo before? 441 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,800 - Yup, I played competitively for eight years. 442 00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:47,011 - Yeah, I just started, but I'm pretty sure 443 00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:48,554 it's gonna be my life now too. 444 00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:50,639 Ooh, also, real quick, what are the rules? 445 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,141 - [blows whistle] Up, up, up, up! Let's go! 446 00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:53,475 Come on, ladies! Get in the water! 447 00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:54,685 Here we go, yes! [blows whistle] 448 00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:55,853 [upbeat music] 449 00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:58,355 All right, let's go. Pass it! 450 00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:01,442 - How are you guys not using your arms to swim right now? 451 00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:03,027 - [blows whistle] Come on, you got this! 452 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,404 - Whoo! - Which team am I on again? 453 00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:06,697 - Let's go! Quickly! 454 00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:07,906 - [grunts] 455 00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:08,991 Me, I got it! I'm open-- 456 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:10,159 [grunting] 457 00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:11,910 - Mm. - [blows whistle] 458 00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,120 Transition! High! 459 00:15:13,203 --> 00:15:14,788 - [grunting] 460 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,415 - Oy. - I'm open! I'm ope-- 461 00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:19,460 [whistle blows distantly] 462 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:24,840 - You got knocked out, but I gave you mouth-to-mouth. 463 00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:26,800 - Thanks. 464 00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:28,594 I think I get the rules now. 465 00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:30,179 Should I jump back in? 466 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:31,180 - No. 467 00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:34,224 [upbeat music] 468 00:15:34,308 --> 00:15:38,520 ♪ ♪ 469 00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:41,106 - So how'd it go with the loan? - Honestly, not great. 470 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,442 They said they need my parents to cosign my loan, 471 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,319 and I can't tell them what happened. 472 00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:47,237 - So what are you gonna do? - Ooh, I have an idea. 473 00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:49,823 My cousin got a bunch of money when she was hit by a city bus. 474 00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,742 Do that. - Actually, I found 475 00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:55,037 a super high-paying second job I can do from my dorm room. 476 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,872 I'm typing up the closed captioning 477 00:15:56,955 --> 00:16:00,376 for a reality show called "Sex Paradise: Australia." 478 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,461 - That's a job? - It sure is. 479 00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,088 All I have to do is watch an episode, 480 00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,715 listen very closely, and type up what they're saying-- 481 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,425 and the noises they make in the Pleasure Hut-- 482 00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:12,012 for 20 freakin' bucks an hour. - That's disgusting. 483 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,681 How many episodes are they paying you for? 484 00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:15,349 - It's 300 episodes a season. 485 00:16:15,432 --> 00:16:17,017 So if I can find time to transcribe 486 00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:19,895 for at least 50 hours a week, on top of my school work 487 00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:23,065 and my Sips job, my finances will be totally taken care of. 488 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,483 - That's too much. 489 00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:26,026 You should just tell your mom what happened 490 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,277 and have her cosign a loan. 491 00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:29,071 - No, I'm gonna go with my thing. 492 00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:30,280 - Okay. 493 00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:31,990 ♪ ♪ 494 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,701 - I don't have any other interests. 495 00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:38,038 Okay, what would you say is my thing, besides soccer? 496 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:39,998 - That you're cool. 497 00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:42,751 - Mm-hmm. - And you're pretty. 498 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,295 And you can kind of sing karaoke, but not really. 499 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,755 - [laughing] Seriously, Canaan. 500 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,507 - I don't get what's going on. 501 00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:51,385 - I guess I'm feeling...lost. 502 00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:55,556 - Okay, well, what do you wanna do with your life? 503 00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:58,142 - I don't know. What about you? 504 00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:00,436 - Well, I actually have a very detailed ten-year plan 505 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:02,813 that will hopefully lead me into starting my own hedge fund 506 00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,606 that focuses on impact investing. 507 00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:05,816 So I'll basically be helping people 508 00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:07,192 while getting very, very rich. 509 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,736 - That's exactly what I'm talking about. 510 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,779 I feel like I'm the only person in college 511 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,866 who doesn't have their whole life already figured out. 512 00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:15,784 It kind of sucks. 513 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:19,121 - Well, I know you're gonna figure it out, 514 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:22,332 because you're smart, and whatever you put your mind to, 515 00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,334 you're gonna kill it. 516 00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:27,129 - Thank you. - Unless it's water polo. 517 00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:29,882 - I knew you were gonna do that. 518 00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:33,218 ♪ ♪ 519 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,137 - Oh, my God, you guys. 520 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,681 Okay, there is so much snow already. 521 00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,016 Are we sure this is safe? 522 00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:41,268 Like, do people get boob frostbite? 523 00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:44,146 - I don't think so, but it's definitely worth a Google. 524 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:47,149 - Okay, so the snow run ends at Frat Row, 525 00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,026 where all the frats will be hosting big parties, 526 00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,402 and since Theta's out, 527 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,279 I did some comprehensive Instagram stalking 528 00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:54,156 to figure out the next best option, 529 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,200 and it is definitely Omega Pi. 530 00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:57,618 Their guys are for sure the hottest 531 00:17:57,701 --> 00:17:58,994 if anyone wants to check. - Is that why 532 00:17:59,077 --> 00:18:00,621 my printer is out of ink? - It's 2022. 533 00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:02,331 Why do you even have a printer? This is on you. 534 00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:04,333 As I was saying, Omega Pi's hosting 535 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:05,959 a huge Winter Underland party. 536 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,795 It is gonna be lit, and we're all going. 537 00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:10,923 - Not me. I have to stay home and do some closed captioning. 538 00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,841 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 539 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,177 I think this is gonna be my new normal for a while. 540 00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:18,013 - All right. We gotta go, ladies. 541 00:18:18,096 --> 00:18:19,598 - Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait. Can I just say 542 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:21,475 that all three of us look so fucking hot right now 543 00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:23,852 and that this is gonna be one of the best days of our lives! 544 00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,103 [all scream] 545 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,688 Ah! - Oh, my God! 546 00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,441 Aah! - Ah, my--ow, ow! 547 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:30,984 Ah! - Bela, Bela, stop, stop. 548 00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:33,111 - Get up! Get up! - Ow, ow, ow. 549 00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:34,530 - [thick Australian accent] Jessica has just made 550 00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,448 the bloody agonizing decision 551 00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:37,950 to dump Braxton, 552 00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:40,702 and now she deals with the consequences. 553 00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,621 - [incoherently] You know, it's, like, a game, right? 554 00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:45,040 But it's also, like, finding love, you know? 555 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,417 - What the fuck is she saying? 556 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,044 - To dump Braxton, 557 00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:52,005 and now she deals with the consequences. 558 00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:53,715 - [incoherently] You know, it's, like, a game, right? 559 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,759 But it's also, like, finding love, you know? 560 00:18:55,843 --> 00:18:58,929 [people moaning] 561 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,567 [moaning continues] 562 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:13,735 - God damn it. 563 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,404 [shouts] Can you please keep it down? 564 00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:18,907 [moaning continues] 565 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,242 Shut up! 566 00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:21,577 Assholes! 567 00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:24,955 [moaning continues] 568 00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:28,250 [all cheering] 569 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,878 - Everyone, drink up! We run in two minutes! 570 00:19:30,961 --> 00:19:33,422 [all cheering] 571 00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,299 - [laughs] My eyeballs are cold. 572 00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:36,341 - Yeah. - Uh, same. 573 00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:37,509 - Hey! - Oh! 574 00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:38,760 - You're here! - Kimberly! 575 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,095 What--I thought you had to work. 576 00:19:40,178 --> 00:19:41,763 - I don't think I can do that job. 577 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:44,057 Drunk Australian people are so hard to understand, 578 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,268 especially with our neighbor having sex so loud. 579 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:48,312 - Well, you don't have to fix all your problems tonight, 580 00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:50,564 but there is one thing you do have to do. 581 00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:51,940 - Exactly. Take off that coat. 582 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,525 Let me see those granny panties. 583 00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:54,568 - Ah! - Ah. 584 00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:56,278 - Oh! - God damn, 585 00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:59,114 underneath all those unstylish clothes, you're, like, hot. 586 00:19:59,197 --> 00:20:00,449 [laughs] - Oh, hell yeah, 587 00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:02,868 congrats on the underwear glow-up, girl. 588 00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,494 - Everybody ready to run? 589 00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:05,954 [all cheer] 590 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,873 Three, two, one, 591 00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:09,791 strip and go! 592 00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:11,043 [all clamoring] 593 00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:13,545 - ♪ Let's get to it and work ♪ 594 00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:15,839 ♪ 'Cause I hope you work well under pressure ♪ 595 00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:17,257 ♪ And you better work ♪ 596 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:18,967 - Move, bitch! I'm fast! 597 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,719 [grunts] - Ah! 598 00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,221 - ♪ 'Cause I hope you work well under pressure ♪ 599 00:20:22,304 --> 00:20:23,639 ♪ ♪ 600 00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:25,807 [upbeat music playing] 601 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,393 - Whoa. 602 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:29,686 - [laughs] - Ow! 603 00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,146 - [laughs] Hey. - Yeah. 604 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,732 - Fuck Theta. Omega Pi is where it's at. 605 00:20:33,815 --> 00:20:36,818 [indistinct chatter] 606 00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:42,199 ♪ ♪ 607 00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:43,951 - I have never seen this many hot, 608 00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,702 shirtless men in one place. 609 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,663 - I know. I'm taking screenshots 610 00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:49,373 but with my brain for later. 611 00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:52,167 - Same, except I also took a couple pictures on my phone. 612 00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:54,252 - Oh, see that pack of cis daddies right there? 613 00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,129 I can see every single one of their dick shapes. 614 00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:58,507 Homie on the right got a big ol' toddler arm 615 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,050 in his boxer briefs. 616 00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:02,678 - Lila? - Hmm? 617 00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:04,179 - Would you ever be interested in writing a listicle 618 00:21:04,262 --> 00:21:05,847 about dick shapes for my comedy magazine? 619 00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,224 - Well, I don't know what the fuck a listicle is, 620 00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:09,017 but hell yes, bitch, let's do it. 621 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,269 - [laughs] 622 00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:17,442 ♪ ♪ 623 00:21:21,863 --> 00:21:23,156 - Hey, I'm Sara. 624 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,033 - Hey, I'm Kimberly. This is Leighton. 625 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,202 - Cool. You wanna dance? 626 00:21:27,285 --> 00:21:29,746 - Um, I'm actually just dancing with my friend right now. 627 00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:31,123 - Okay. 628 00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:32,791 - I was actually gonna go to the bathroom, 629 00:21:32,874 --> 00:21:34,793 so I'm gonna go do that. 630 00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:38,964 - So, uh, you want a shot? 631 00:21:39,047 --> 00:21:41,800 From the smell of it, I'd say it's shockingly bad tequila. 632 00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:44,011 - Mm, horrible. 633 00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:45,137 Yeah, I'm down. 634 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,305 - No, let me do it for you. 635 00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:49,599 Open your mouth. 636 00:21:52,185 --> 00:21:54,187 - Um, actually, I'm good. I'm good. 637 00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:56,273 Um, sorry, but I only drink top shelf. 638 00:21:56,356 --> 00:21:57,899 [chuckles] - All right. 639 00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:00,402 - [clears throat] Thanks. 640 00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:05,866 - ♪ I'm ready to go, so tell me, are ya, are ya? ♪ 641 00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:08,243 - Are my boobs poppin' out? - No, you're good. 642 00:22:08,326 --> 00:22:11,496 - I'm trying to make on-purpose nip slips my signature move. 643 00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:13,081 - Ooh. 644 00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:15,500 Oh, that fucking climate refugee is here. 645 00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:18,420 - Holy shit. Look at him holding that beer. 646 00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:19,671 Dude has Marvel arms. 647 00:22:19,755 --> 00:22:21,256 - Yeah. Yeah, now I kind of get 648 00:22:21,339 --> 00:22:23,383 why that girl was being so loud. 649 00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:27,888 - Hi. It's Jackson, right? - Yeah. 650 00:22:27,971 --> 00:22:30,182 - Well, I'm Kimberly. My room is right next to yours. 651 00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:32,100 - Cool. - It's actually not cool, 652 00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:34,227 because you've been at Essex for, like, three days, 653 00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:35,854 and you're already having the loudest, 654 00:22:35,937 --> 00:22:37,898 most performative sex in the world. 655 00:22:37,981 --> 00:22:40,108 For your information, some of the people at this school 656 00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:41,818 have some really important work to do, 657 00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:43,445 and that's hard when you're, 658 00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:45,113 you know, grunting your head off going like-- 659 00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:46,406 [mockingly grunting] 660 00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:47,449 On the other side of some very, 661 00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:49,201 very, thin drywall, okay? 662 00:22:49,284 --> 00:22:50,786 - You done? - Yeah, I think so. 663 00:22:50,869 --> 00:22:53,580 - Well, just so you know, it actually kind of sucks 664 00:22:53,663 --> 00:22:55,290 sharing a wall with you too. 665 00:22:55,373 --> 00:22:57,042 What the hell ass TV show 666 00:22:57,125 --> 00:22:59,127 have you been watching so loudly? 667 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:01,296 - It's called "Sex Paradise: Australia." 668 00:23:01,379 --> 00:23:02,839 I didn't know you could hear it. 669 00:23:02,923 --> 00:23:05,217 - Oh, I can. 670 00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:07,135 Let me see your phone. 671 00:23:08,178 --> 00:23:09,888 - I've already hit my data cap for the month, 672 00:23:09,971 --> 00:23:11,473 so don't go on YouTube. 673 00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:12,974 - Here. Now you have my number. 674 00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:14,726 Just shoot me a text 675 00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:16,520 if anything on my side of the wall gets too loud. 676 00:23:18,855 --> 00:23:22,651 - Yeah! - Ah, yes, bitch! 677 00:23:22,734 --> 00:23:29,199 ♪ ♪ 678 00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:32,160 - I don't know, man. 679 00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:35,580 Thing is, she really doesn't have anything besides soccer, 680 00:23:35,664 --> 00:23:37,749 so I didn't really know what to say, you know? 681 00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:40,293 Boom! Let's go. That's mine. 682 00:23:40,377 --> 00:23:41,670 That's all me. Run it back, run it back. 683 00:23:41,753 --> 00:23:48,844 ♪ ♪ 684 00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:52,514 Hey. You good? 685 00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:54,933 - Yeah. Course I am. 686 00:23:55,016 --> 00:23:56,226 - [burps] both: Ooh! 687 00:23:56,309 --> 00:23:58,854 - Ah. I just threw up in a trophy. 688 00:23:58,937 --> 00:24:00,522 [shouts] Who wants another shot? 689 00:24:00,605 --> 00:24:02,566 - Hey, whoa, whoa, you are way too wasted to be here. 690 00:24:02,649 --> 00:24:04,025 I think I gotta take you home. - [retches] 691 00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:05,360 - No, no, no-- - [gags] 692 00:24:05,443 --> 00:24:06,736 - I'm gonna text you later. - Uh-huh. 693 00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:08,113 - Say goodbye, champ. It's time to go. 694 00:24:08,196 --> 00:24:09,197 Time to go. - Ugh, it tastes like 695 00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:10,699 someone puked in my mouth! 696 00:24:10,782 --> 00:24:12,409 - Did you guys have fun tonight? 697 00:24:12,492 --> 00:24:14,786 - Yeah, we did! Thanks for asking! 698 00:24:14,870 --> 00:24:16,246 - Great, 699 00:24:16,329 --> 00:24:18,456 because it'll be the last party you'll ever go to. 700 00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:20,500 - Dude, what is your problem? - Seriously. 701 00:24:20,584 --> 00:24:22,669 Who died and made you king of all the frats? 702 00:24:22,752 --> 00:24:23,920 You're a Theta. 703 00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:26,965 - These are the girls I was telling you about, 704 00:24:27,048 --> 00:24:28,300 the ones who narced on us. 705 00:24:28,383 --> 00:24:29,718 You're a liability, bro. 706 00:24:29,801 --> 00:24:32,220 - A liability? More like like-ability. 707 00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:33,889 We're a damn pleasure to have around. 708 00:24:33,972 --> 00:24:35,223 Isn't that right? both: Mm-hmm. 709 00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:37,058 - Y'all need to get the fuck out. 710 00:24:37,142 --> 00:24:38,643 [tense music] 711 00:24:38,727 --> 00:24:40,896 - Oh, my God. - We're gonna die. 712 00:24:40,979 --> 00:24:42,814 - I'm getting nipple frostbite. - Fuck. 713 00:24:42,898 --> 00:24:45,817 [laidback music] 714 00:24:45,901 --> 00:24:47,611 ♪ ♪ 715 00:24:47,694 --> 00:24:50,238 - Barring the fact that we got banned from frats last night, 716 00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:51,865 I still think we had a really fun time. 717 00:24:51,948 --> 00:24:54,242 - Kimberly got climate refugee's phone number. 718 00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:55,911 - For emergencies. 719 00:24:55,994 --> 00:24:58,705 - What about you, Leighton, did you chat up any hotties? 720 00:24:59,915 --> 00:25:02,167 Fine. You're too classy to kiss and tell. 721 00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:03,376 I get it. 722 00:25:03,460 --> 00:25:06,379 [dramatic music] 723 00:25:06,463 --> 00:25:09,090 ♪ ♪ 724 00:25:09,174 --> 00:25:11,551 - Uh, actually, there is something 725 00:25:11,635 --> 00:25:13,803 that I've been meaning to tell you guys. 726 00:25:13,887 --> 00:25:17,390 ♪ ♪ 727 00:25:17,474 --> 00:25:18,934 I'm gay. 728 00:25:20,685 --> 00:25:22,520 - Wow, Leighton, that's awesome. 729 00:25:22,604 --> 00:25:24,356 - Should we hug? I feel like we should hug. 730 00:25:24,439 --> 00:25:26,149 - Uh, no, we don't-- we don't need to hug. 731 00:25:26,233 --> 00:25:29,277 - Oh, Leighton, that's so cool. And I-I'm so shocked. 732 00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:30,737 I mean, I had no idea. I guess it's like 733 00:25:30,820 --> 00:25:32,239 my gaydar is way off or something. 734 00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:33,740 - Kimberly already knew, didn't she? 735 00:25:33,823 --> 00:25:34,658 - Uh-huh. 736 00:25:34,741 --> 00:25:36,826 [laughter] - Mm. 737 00:25:36,910 --> 00:25:39,496 - She's been a really good friend about it, though. 738 00:25:40,705 --> 00:25:42,457 She even tried to get me alone 739 00:25:42,540 --> 00:25:44,000 with a girl at the party last night. 740 00:25:44,084 --> 00:25:46,419 - Oh, my God, the girl I saw you talking to. 741 00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:47,462 She was so hot. 742 00:25:47,545 --> 00:25:49,005 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. 743 00:25:50,423 --> 00:25:54,010 Yeah, but then--then I, like, freaked out and got weird, 744 00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:56,137 and she's probably not interested anymore, so-- 745 00:25:56,221 --> 00:25:58,556 - No way. If you DM'd her right now, 746 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,976 I promise you it would be back on. 747 00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:02,227 Slide into her DM. 748 00:26:02,310 --> 00:26:03,645 - Yeah, message her. - Now, do it. 749 00:26:03,728 --> 00:26:05,814 both: [chanting] Slide in, slide in. 750 00:26:05,897 --> 00:26:07,524 - All right, fine. Fine, I'll do it. 751 00:26:07,607 --> 00:26:09,150 - [laughs] 752 00:26:09,234 --> 00:26:14,698 ♪ ♪ 753 00:26:14,781 --> 00:26:15,824 [message sent tone] 754 00:26:15,907 --> 00:26:17,993 ♪ ♪ 755 00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:19,119 - I said, "Hi." 756 00:26:19,202 --> 00:26:21,830 [all cheer] 757 00:26:21,913 --> 00:26:23,415 - Yes! 758 00:26:23,498 --> 00:26:25,750 - ♪ We were ♪ 759 00:26:25,834 --> 00:26:27,544 ♪ Cosmical beings ♪ 760 00:26:27,627 --> 00:26:29,838 [knocking] 761 00:26:29,921 --> 00:26:31,214 - How are you in here? 762 00:26:31,298 --> 00:26:32,799 I literally had them change the buzzer code. 763 00:26:32,882 --> 00:26:34,634 - I waited for someone to exit. 764 00:26:34,718 --> 00:26:35,760 - [sighs] 765 00:26:35,844 --> 00:26:37,679 - I just wanted to say thank you 766 00:26:37,762 --> 00:26:39,180 for your advice. 767 00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:40,557 I found another super funny writer 768 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:41,850 who I think is gonna be great, 769 00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:44,019 so it really helped. 770 00:26:45,103 --> 00:26:48,481 - You came here at 7:45 just for that? 771 00:26:48,565 --> 00:26:50,025 - Yeah, just that. 772 00:26:50,108 --> 00:26:52,777 ["I'm So Tired" by Deserta] 773 00:26:52,861 --> 00:26:54,279 ♪ ♪ 774 00:26:54,362 --> 00:26:57,532 - ♪ Giving up my western trouble ♪ 775 00:26:57,615 --> 00:27:00,285 ♪ ♪ 776 00:27:00,368 --> 00:27:02,287 ♪ Right now ♪ 777 00:27:02,370 --> 00:27:08,168 ♪ ♪ 778 00:27:08,251 --> 00:27:12,088 ♪ Tell me not to be so subtle ♪ 779 00:27:12,172 --> 00:27:13,882 ♪ ♪ 780 00:27:13,965 --> 00:27:18,386 ♪ Always want you to be near ♪ 781 00:27:18,470 --> 00:27:21,598 ♪ ♪ 782 00:27:21,681 --> 00:27:25,769 ♪ Guess you'll know why I'm so tired ♪ 783 00:27:25,852 --> 00:27:28,646 ♪ ♪ 784 00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:31,858 ♪ Too tired to be cool ♪ 785 00:27:31,941 --> 00:27:35,570 ♪ ♪ 786 00:27:35,653 --> 00:27:39,699 ♪ Guess you'll know why I'm so tired ♪ 787 00:27:39,783 --> 00:27:42,410 ♪ ♪ 788 00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:46,623 ♪ I want you, I want you ♪ 789 00:27:46,706 --> 00:27:49,918 ♪ ♪ 790 00:27:50,001 --> 00:27:53,630 ♪ Never thought I'd miss the struggle ♪ 791 00:27:53,713 --> 00:27:55,924 ♪ ♪ 792 00:27:56,007 --> 00:27:57,967 ♪ I don't ♪ 793 00:27:58,051 --> 00:28:03,807 ♪ ♪ 794 00:28:03,890 --> 00:28:07,519 ♪ Giving all the kids some trouble ♪ 795 00:28:07,602 --> 00:28:09,521 ♪ ♪ 796 00:28:09,604 --> 00:28:13,608 ♪ I just want you to be here ♪ 797 00:28:13,691 --> 00:28:20,782 ♪ ♪ 798 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:23,451 - Go to bed.