1
00:00:08,884 --> 00:00:10,469
LEIGHTON MURRAY
2
00:00:19,145 --> 00:00:20,771
Did you just get a mysterious envelope
3
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:23,149
and casually toss it aside
without even opening it?
4
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:26,736
-Fuck, you're cool.
-Okay, I already know what's inside.
5
00:00:26,819 --> 00:00:29,613
It's my invite to Kappa's pre-rush brunch
later this afternoon.
6
00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:30,781
How can you be sure?
7
00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:34,285
Because as a future Kappa,
I know how Kappas think.
8
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,620
And I also might have heard
two girls in my Lit seminar
9
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:39,707
talking about the envelope color
Mykonos sky blue.
10
00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:44,712
Interesting. I think of it as more
of a Sonic the Hedgehog blue.
11
00:00:45,296 --> 00:00:46,714
Wait. Kappa invited you too?
12
00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:49,717
Sure did. Got it last night.
What? Are you surprised?
13
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,095
Of course I'm surprised.
You wear sneakers with dresses.
14
00:00:53,179 --> 00:00:55,097
Leighton, I'm gonna tell you
what I told Whitney.
15
00:00:55,181 --> 00:00:58,809
That sororities have a long history
of exclusionary behavior
16
00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:01,645
that promote this kind
of woman-on-woman warfare,
17
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:04,148
and that's why I will be abstaining
from Greek life.
18
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:06,484
Yeah. Absolutely. Preach.
I'm totally on the same page.
19
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,568
Did you get an envelope?
20
00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,195
-No, I did not.
-Me neither.
21
00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,241
THE SEX LIVES OF
COLLEGE GIRLS
22
00:01:17,036 --> 00:01:19,830
Hey, can I give you some unsolicited
feedback on what you're wearing?
23
00:01:19,914 --> 00:01:22,500
Oh, my God. Of course.
I love when people do that.
24
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:26,086
It's just Kappa is the most exclusive
sorority on campus.
25
00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:30,090
And this rush brunch is your first
opportunity to show them that you fit in.
26
00:01:30,174 --> 00:01:32,968
Okay. So what's wrong with
what I'm wearing? It's jeans and sneakers.
27
00:01:33,052 --> 00:01:35,930
And that is such a cute outfit for, like,
grocery shopping.
28
00:01:36,013 --> 00:01:38,432
I'm just saying that there's still time
to run home and change.
29
00:01:38,516 --> 00:01:40,684
Oh, my God. Maybe you should change.
30
00:01:40,768 --> 00:01:43,229
I look good. You look
like a perfume lady at Bloomingdales.
31
00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:45,272
That is the meanest thing
you could have said to me.
32
00:01:45,356 --> 00:01:49,568
I just-- I think you're overthinking it.
The invite said to dress casual.
33
00:01:53,072 --> 00:01:55,658
This is what Kappa means by casual.
34
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:04,208
Yeah. This is some
Get Out shit right here.
35
00:02:11,674 --> 00:02:17,680
Hey, Mr. G, I think you need to chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga, chill out.
36
00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,601
So funny, right?
37
00:02:22,685 --> 00:02:27,022
I love that catchphrase.
"Chugga, chugga, chill out."
38
00:02:27,106 --> 00:02:29,817
No. The sketch is about
how catchphrases are lame.
39
00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,653
Who would actually laugh at someone
saying "Chugga, chugga, chill out"?
40
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:40,995
Forget it. Look, this guy, Danny Marawitz,
he's a comedy legend.
41
00:02:41,078 --> 00:02:43,998
He's also a Catullan alum and he's
gonna be at this big alumni dinner
42
00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:47,751
they're throwing tonight. I wanna chat
him up and convince him to be my mentor.
43
00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:50,337
Bela, I'm sure he'd love
to be your mentor.
44
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:53,382
You're the funniest person I know.
It's like I live with Bugs Bunny.
45
00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:55,593
I know you mean that as a compliment,
so thank you.
46
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,387
Hey, wait. Actually, do you
wanna come with me as my plus-one?
47
00:02:58,971 --> 00:03:01,307
-Yeah, I'd love to.
-Okay. Cool.
48
00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:02,975
So, if people like
this Danny guy are going,
49
00:03:03,058 --> 00:03:05,102
it's probably gonna be
pretty fancy, right?
50
00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:08,689
-Fancy as shit.
-So, like, pantyhose fancy?
51
00:03:09,315 --> 00:03:11,358
Kimberly, nothing is ever pantyhose fancy.
52
00:03:11,442 --> 00:03:14,194
Okay. Well, I only brought
one dress with me to college.
53
00:03:14,278 --> 00:03:16,488
I'm sure it's fine. Is it black?
54
00:03:17,823 --> 00:03:19,325
It's mustard.
55
00:03:20,451 --> 00:03:22,453
Maybe we just go shopping.
56
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:28,751
Okay. Fresh rosemary sprig in my drink?
I can get on board with this.
57
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:32,004
See? Kappa's living up to the hype.
Do you see that blond girl?
58
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,758
There's, like, 15 blond girls over there.
59
00:03:35,841 --> 00:03:37,468
First off, half of them are bronde.
60
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:40,179
No, I'm talking about that one
right there, Quinn Cannon.
61
00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:41,263
She went to Spence.
62
00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:44,308
She was, like, three years above me
and now she is president of Kappa
63
00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,644
and queen of
the entire Essex social scene.
64
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:49,939
Quinn Cannon is exactly
who I wanna be in three years.
65
00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:52,441
Okay. I am gonna go mingle.
Are you good on your own?
66
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:55,110
-I most definitely am not.
-Hey, you'll be fine. All right?
67
00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:57,488
I can text you details about who
you're talking to if you need.
68
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,949
I've done extensive research
on every single girl here.
69
00:04:00,032 --> 00:04:03,035
And if you need any help,
just start talking about celery juice.
70
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,084
Hey, you're Maura, right?
71
00:04:10,918 --> 00:04:15,839
Yeah. You must be Nico's sister, Leighton.
How are you liking Essex?
72
00:04:15,923 --> 00:04:18,717
I've been busy balancing schoolwork
and extracurriculars,
73
00:04:18,801 --> 00:04:21,553
and finding ways to apply the knowledge
I gained last summer
74
00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:24,098
while interning
for Dahlia Lithwick at Slate.
75
00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:29,269
I feel like I'm interviewing you
for a job. Did you rehearse this?
76
00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:31,480
No.
77
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:35,776
Wait. Your name is Ashley too?
I just met an Ashley.
78
00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:41,865
Yeah, but I spell it A-S-H-L-E-E.
I know. What were my parents smoking?
79
00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:48,122
Allie VanLandingham. You were
the senior social chair at Choate, right?
80
00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,416
Yeah. How did you know that?
81
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:53,919
There's only three Choate Kappas.
You, Madison and Sheridan.
82
00:04:54,003 --> 00:04:56,296
-It's all on the website.
-Stalker much?
83
00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:59,216
It's public information.
84
00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:03,387
Yeah, but I spell it A-S-H-L-E-I-G-H.
85
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,889
A-S-H-L-E-Y-E.
86
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:09,143
I spell it A-S-H-L-I-E.
87
00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:13,397
-Do you like celery juice?
-I have it every single morning.
88
00:05:13,856 --> 00:05:15,524
Oh, my God.
89
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:21,405
Kappa girls are we, and everywhere we are,
we wear the sacred letters, KBR.
90
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,991
Go, Kappa Beta Rho.
91
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:26,326
Oh, my God. There's such
good stuff in the Kappa hashtag.
92
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,246
Would it be crazy if we made one together?
93
00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:34,126
-Hey, sorry. I gotta go.
-Yeah. No. Of course. I'll see you later.
94
00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:39,256
Your sneakers are so cool.
95
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:42,843
And you actually play a varsity sport.
That's so impressive.
96
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:46,263
Whitney, what's your phone number?
We wanna add you to our Kappa memes chain.
97
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,808
This has been so great,
but I have a team bus to catch.
98
00:05:49,892 --> 00:05:51,101
It was nice meeting you,
99
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:54,730
and I look forward to seeing you all
on Selling Sunset one day.
100
00:05:55,064 --> 00:05:56,065
She's so cool.
101
00:05:56,774 --> 00:05:58,067
GAIA'S
BOUTIQUE
102
00:05:58,150 --> 00:05:59,193
This one's so pretty.
103
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:02,029
This looks like something Shania Twain
would wear.
104
00:06:02,112 --> 00:06:05,074
Kimberly, no.
Please let me fix you. I'm trying so hard.
105
00:06:05,157 --> 00:06:06,366
Okay.
106
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:09,870
So, have you met up with hot-ass Nico
for any more French lessons yet?
107
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:13,707
No. Not since he bailed on me last time.
I'm not sure it'll be an ongoing thing.
108
00:06:13,791 --> 00:06:16,376
-But did you text him?
-It's fine. I don't wanna bother him.
109
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:21,632
Wait, wait, wait, wait. This is the dress.
Fire emoji.
110
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,635
Head exploding emoji. Tongue hanging
out emoji. You gotta try this one on.
111
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:29,264
This is beautiful. It's way too expensive.
112
00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:31,225
Kimberly, if you don't wrap
your beautiful body in this dress,
113
00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:33,477
it'll be a slap in the face
of hot feminists everywhere.
114
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,561
I can't afford this.
115
00:06:34,645 --> 00:06:38,023
This will use up way too much
of my for-emergencies-only credit card.
116
00:06:38,107 --> 00:06:41,026
So just leave the tags on
and return it tomorrow.
117
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:59,086
-Hey. Come over here.
-Hey.
118
00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:03,966
Oh, my God.
119
00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:06,051
I am so excited
to get out of town with you.
120
00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:08,095
Me too. I kind of love hotels.
121
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,764
That's so cute. But you're not gonna
like this one. It's pretty gross.
122
00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:14,351
Well, I'm sure you'll like it more than
crashing on your couch for another night.
123
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,520
It's gotta be so weird for you
being around Michelle
124
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:17,980
since you told her you're leaving her.
125
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,189
Let's not think about that right now.
126
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:22,484
Let's just think about all the hot
hotel sex we're gonna be having tonight.
127
00:07:25,404 --> 00:07:29,575
Okay. Bus is starting. We gotta go.
And hide your boner. Damn, bro.
128
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,743
Wait. Let me carry
your bag in front of it.
129
00:07:31,827 --> 00:07:33,453
Just tuck it up behind your belt.
130
00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:35,414
Right.
131
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:39,376
All right, everybody.
Let's get on the bus.
132
00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:50,596
Leighton Murray. Were you leaving
without even saying hi to me?
133
00:07:50,679 --> 00:07:53,390
Yeah. Sorry. I just--
Well, I knew you were really busy
134
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:56,143
and I wasn't really vibing
with the others girls, so...
135
00:07:56,226 --> 00:08:00,439
Yeah, I saw. Look, everyone here
is equally obsessed with Kappa.
136
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:03,859
They're just better at hiding it.
Let's go inside and get a drink.
137
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,195
So you might major in math?
138
00:08:07,279 --> 00:08:09,823
-I know it's lame.
-No, it's refreshing.
139
00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:11,950
If I had to talk to another fucking
marketing major,
140
00:08:12,034 --> 00:08:13,160
I was gonna rip my ears off.
141
00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:19,291
-Hey, do you know Cory in Theta?
-Yeah. Nico got COVID from him. Why?
142
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:22,211
Well, according to my boyfriend,
he has a huge crush on you.
143
00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:26,173
-Yes, I have heard that.
-Would you be into him?
144
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,967
Yeah. No. 100%. He's so cute.
145
00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:31,887
I knew it. I'm texting him
right now that you like him.
146
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,025
What's up?
147
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:47,527
Once we get to the hotel, you're gonna
wanna eat some crackers or something,
148
00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:49,321
'cause the team is going out hard tonight.
149
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:50,906
But don't we have a game tomorrow?
150
00:08:50,989 --> 00:08:53,825
It's fine.
The team we're playing is awful.
151
00:08:54,451 --> 00:08:58,288
I'm telling you, tonight's the best
team-bonding night of the year.
152
00:08:58,372 --> 00:08:59,706
You're gonna love it.
153
00:09:00,582 --> 00:09:03,293
All right, ladies. I need to speak
with you, so all eyes on me.
154
00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:04,628
Way ahead of you, handsome.
155
00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:08,215
Coach Woods and I know that there was
156
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,133
a lot of sneaking out last year
after curfew,
157
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,886
and I just want to make it clear that
that's not gonna happen again, okay?
158
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:14,763
-I have a question.
-Okay. What is it?
159
00:09:14,846 --> 00:09:18,725
-How'd you get so fine?
-Okay, I get it.
160
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:22,980
There's some weird jokes among you girls
that I'm, like, attractive or whatever,
161
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:27,401
but I am your coach
and I deserve respect, okay?
162
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:29,778
-All right. So when we get to the hotel--
-Take your shirt off.
163
00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:34,116
No, I'm not gonna take my shirt off,
and you can't talk to me like that, okay?
164
00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,409
Okay, Daddy.
165
00:09:35,492 --> 00:09:39,413
No. Do not call me Daddy.
I'm not your sexy daddy.
166
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:42,124
-Put me to bed, Daddy.
-Come on.
167
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,508
Oh, man. So many Catullan alums showed up.
168
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,385
Oh, my gosh.
There's a helium balloon arch.
169
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,554
-I've always wanted to walk under one.
-Me too.
170
00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:58,265
-Can you take a picture of me with it?
-Yeah, sure.
171
00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:06,523
Yes, girl. Yes. So hot.
Oh, my God. You look so fucking hot.
172
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:24,666
Hey. So that's Ryan, the nice editor,
and that's Eric, the mean editor.
173
00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,710
And that's Peter Cook, class of '84.
174
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,628
He wrote, like, all of Greg's funny lines
on Dharma & Greg,
175
00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:30,339
just in case you talk to him
and that comes up.
176
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:34,468
He's good at Greg. Got it. Hey, isn't
that the "chugga, chugga" guy?
177
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:36,511
Yeah.
178
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,348
Hey, do you mind mingling
with the other plus-ones for a bit?
179
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:42,601
I'm gonna go talk to him and I don't want
you watching as I make love to his ego.
180
00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:46,271
Of course. Don't worry about me.
I'm gonna hobnob like it's my hob-job.
181
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,066
-Yeah, please don't.
-I won't try to be funny.
182
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,902
I'll just, like, talk to old ladies
about recent Jeopardy episodes.
183
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,403
Perfect. Okay.
184
00:10:58,450 --> 00:10:59,451
Thank you.
185
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:08,585
Lila. Canaan. Hey, how are you guys?
186
00:11:09,378 --> 00:11:10,379
Kimberly?
187
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:13,006
How cool is this?
Have you guys seen the seafood tower?
188
00:11:13,090 --> 00:11:14,758
It has three tiers.
189
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:19,805
Wait. So you're a guest here?
And we're, like, serving you?
190
00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:20,889
Yeah, that's weird.
191
00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:24,434
No, no. I'm barely a guest.
I'm my roommate's plus-one.
192
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:27,854
And I'm just here on a technicality.
Those look good.
193
00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:31,775
Would you like one of my coconut shrimp?
194
00:11:33,402 --> 00:11:35,028
I'm good. I just had something.
195
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:40,700
And do you want to put
your little stick on my trash tray?
196
00:11:41,576 --> 00:11:44,496
No. I'm gonna hold onto it for a bit.
197
00:11:44,996 --> 00:11:46,623
No, no. Take a lap.
198
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:03,390
Excuse me. You're Danny Marawitz, right?
I'm Bela Malhotra.
199
00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:06,309
-I'm a Catullan hopeful.
-I'm jealous.
200
00:12:06,685 --> 00:12:09,312
I'm just here admiring pictures of myself
without a receding hairline.
201
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,400
Well, if it's more hair you want,
I waxed my arms this morning.
202
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,318
So there's basically
an Elvis wig in my garbage can.
203
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,821
I'm sorry. That was gross.
I'm just nervous to talk to you.
204
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,950
That's really funny.
What's your name again?
205
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:25,412
-Bela Malhotra.
-Well, good luck, Bela.
206
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,499
Gentlemen, don't hit me up for money.
207
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:40,927
Leighton?
208
00:12:42,721 --> 00:12:45,974
-Did you buy a chair?
-Yes.
209
00:12:46,057 --> 00:12:47,601
If I'm gonna be here for 100 hours,
210
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:50,520
I'm not spending them on a couch
that's older than I am.
211
00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:52,772
Oh, my God. You know, you can't--
212
00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:54,649
And before you jump on my dick,
213
00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:57,569
my shift is over in ten minutes,
and I've done a bunch of work.
214
00:12:57,652 --> 00:13:01,740
I restocked the tampons in the bathroom.
I restocked the tampons in the couch room.
215
00:13:01,823 --> 00:13:05,994
And I even gave a girl a pamphlet
on the prison industrial complex.
216
00:13:06,077 --> 00:13:09,623
Hey, if you want to shave off some hours,
I could really use your help tonight.
217
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:13,877
It's a panel on the ABCs of the LGBTs.
You'll hate it.
218
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:17,797
Yeah, I can't. I have a-- I have a thing.
219
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:20,842
-A date?
-Yes.
220
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:24,012
This'll be so much fun.
Okay, let me guess your type.
221
00:13:24,095 --> 00:13:26,806
His name? Gareth.
His dad? The Monopoly man.
222
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:30,852
And his hobbies, they include sailing
and benefiting from generational wealth.
223
00:13:31,228 --> 00:13:34,189
You forgot belittling waiters,
but yes, otherwise, that's about right.
224
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,024
Well, that sounds like
my personal nightmare.
225
00:13:36,942 --> 00:13:39,861
-Condoms on your way out if you want them.
-Yeah. No, thank you.
226
00:13:39,945 --> 00:13:42,948
-I do not hook up on the first date.
-Whatever you say.
227
00:13:49,704 --> 00:13:51,790
-Hey.
-Hey.
228
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:56,044
I know I was being weird before,
but that was because of something else.
229
00:13:56,753 --> 00:14:01,174
-And I'd love a Sprite, please.
-Okay. Sure. One Sprite.
230
00:14:03,677 --> 00:14:06,888
-What are you doing?
-Sorry. Is that not enough?
231
00:14:06,972 --> 00:14:10,141
What the hell is wrong with you?
It's a Sprite.
232
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:13,395
-I'm sorry. I don't know what to do.
-Don't worry about it.
233
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:16,690
Keep your money.
No one else here is tipping anyway, so...
234
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,858
Hold on. I have an idea.
235
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:25,991
A bartender on full scholarship
and he makes a mean martini.
236
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:28,201
Here is a 20.
237
00:14:29,286 --> 00:14:30,287
What the hell?
238
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:33,206
When people know
we're on financial aid, they tip more.
239
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:37,085
Okay, I get that you're trying to help,
but there's no way that's gonna work, so--
240
00:14:37,168 --> 00:14:38,378
I'll take a martini.
241
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:42,549
Coming right up.
242
00:14:43,758 --> 00:14:47,178
And Kappa's basically
Theta's, like, sister sorority, so...
243
00:14:47,262 --> 00:14:48,805
You know, it would be great
if Nico and me--
244
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:52,517
-Yeah.
-I'm sorry. Am I boring you?
245
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:58,565
Hey, I got to ask you. What is this?
246
00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:00,108
What do you mean?
247
00:15:00,525 --> 00:15:03,695
When I saw you this summer and then
with your brother a couple weeks ago,
248
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:06,781
you know, you kind of seemed into me
and then I don't know.
249
00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:08,825
Whenever I try to hit you up,
you ghost me,
250
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,328
and then all of a sudden
you want to go to dinner.
251
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,372
Something just kind of seems off with you.
252
00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:16,249
I just got to school, like, a month ago.
253
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:18,168
I'm sorry I don't hit you up
to dry-hump me every night.
254
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:22,172
-That's not what I meant at all.
-No, no, no. I know. I'm sorry.
255
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,882
I just-- I'm sorry.
256
00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:29,721
Look, Cory, I really like you.
257
00:15:31,222 --> 00:15:33,850
Do you, Leight?
Because sometimes I think--
258
00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:46,404
Shall we go back to your place?
I could talk about Kappa some more.
259
00:15:48,907 --> 00:15:50,492
I would love that.
260
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:51,910
It was great chatting with you too.
261
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,078
-You as well.
-Thank you.
262
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,162
It was my pleasure.
263
00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:57,332
Dude.
I'm networking my hot little ass off.
264
00:15:58,667 --> 00:16:00,877
Excuse me.
Can I have your attention, please?
265
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,964
That's Danny. I am gonna get
in his eye line and laugh really hard.
266
00:16:06,383 --> 00:16:10,428
-My time at the Catullan changed my life.
-Excuse me.
267
00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:12,889
And I've spent the last 20 years
trying to change it back.
268
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:17,686
But seriously, there is no better place
to launch a comedy career.
269
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:20,855
With the skills you've learned here
and the connections you'll make,
270
00:16:20,939 --> 00:16:24,192
soon you'll be working in writers' rooms
with other funny guys
271
00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:27,696
and their marginally funny girlfriends
they've hired through nepotism.
272
00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:33,243
But jokes aside, I think it's great
that there are some female writers now.
273
00:16:34,536 --> 00:16:35,912
Like this girl right here.
274
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,580
I had the chance to chat with her earlier,
275
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:41,167
and I honestly think that people like her
are the future of comedy.
276
00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:44,713
A young Indian woman?
277
00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:47,382
Soon she'll be the only one of us
who can sell a television show.
278
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,884
Let me guess. About a quirky ethnic woman
279
00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:53,805
trying to balance her love life
and her career. Yeah, that's compelling.
280
00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:57,684
EASTERN PINE INN
281
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:01,646
Do you want some?
282
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,234
Wait. Wait. Wait. You need more. Go, go.
283
00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:11,448
Okay, where are we going?
284
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:14,534
A mini-golf course that shares
a parking lot with McDonald's.
285
00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:16,911
God damn, that sounds amazing.
286
00:17:16,995 --> 00:17:18,204
TROPICAL SANDS MINI GOLF
287
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:24,461
Okay. Thank you.
288
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:34,304
-Hump that dino.
-Go, babe.
289
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:35,597
-Yes.
-Yeah, I got it.
290
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:39,768
This is 1,000% going on my Tinder profile.
291
00:17:40,852 --> 00:17:43,021
Okay. Okay. All right.
292
00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:44,355
-Thank you.
-What was that?
293
00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,441
What? Nothing.
294
00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:52,530
Shit. You're hooking up with Coach Dalton.
295
00:17:57,660 --> 00:18:01,831
He may have hilarious catchphrases,
but that guy was such a jerk.
296
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,958
I really hated everything he said.
297
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:08,838
Hey, thanks for being a good sport.
Anything for the laugh, right?
298
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:11,508
You're an asshole.
299
00:18:12,884 --> 00:18:16,346
Easy, honey. Don't get upset.
I promise you. It's not a good look.
300
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:18,973
I used to look up to you,
but now I don't even remember why.
301
00:18:19,057 --> 00:18:21,017
You haven't worked in, like, ten years.
302
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:24,229
And you know why?
Because you're not funny anymore.
303
00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:27,148
You're, like, toxic podcast funny at best.
304
00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:29,567
So chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, eat shit.
305
00:18:32,654 --> 00:18:36,449
-You can forget about my donation check.
-Wait. What do you-- Wait.
306
00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:39,869
Hey, Danny, wait. I think it's crazy
you haven't worked in ten years.
307
00:18:40,829 --> 00:18:42,664
You don't need his money anyway, right?
308
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:50,797
I have so many questions.
When did this start?
309
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:52,090
Is he as good at sex as he looks?
310
00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:54,050
And, bitch, are you crazy?
Answer the sex one first.
311
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:57,345
I know. I know it's insane. Okay?
But I can't help myself.
312
00:18:57,428 --> 00:19:00,223
-I think I, like, love him.
-You love him?
313
00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:03,184
Willow, please keep your voice down.
Okay? No one can find out.
314
00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:06,229
This whole team is full of secrets,
and I never share them.
315
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:09,357
-Last spring, Jena ran over a dog.
-You just shared one.
316
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:12,277
Willow, please.
Okay, this could ruin Dalton's career.
317
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:14,779
And with my mom being a senator,
it would be this whole big thing.
318
00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:17,490
-Okay? You really can't say anything.
-Say anything about what?
319
00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:20,910
Hey, Jena. Willow and I
are actually in the middle
320
00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:22,662
of an important private conversation.
321
00:19:22,745 --> 00:19:24,747
-About what?
-About news and current events.
322
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:27,667
-What the fuck do you care? Go ahead--
-Okay, chill. Jeez.
323
00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:30,628
Can we just get out of here?
324
00:19:30,712 --> 00:19:32,297
Can we stop at the McDonald's
on the way home?
325
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:33,464
-Yes.
-All right.
326
00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:38,511
Well, they're definitely fucking.
327
00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:54,360
-You down?
-Yeah, I'm down.
328
00:20:22,639 --> 00:20:25,850
Bela, I really think you overreacted.
Danny can't be sexist.
329
00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:28,019
He only hires female assistants.
330
00:20:28,353 --> 00:20:31,814
She's right. I told him my name
and he said he'd just call me Ali Wong.
331
00:20:32,941 --> 00:20:35,401
He's rude, and I'm glad
Bela said something.
332
00:20:37,946 --> 00:20:39,155
It'll be okay.
333
00:20:41,032 --> 00:20:43,242
-Maybe we should just go.
-I'll go get our coats.
334
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:47,789
Bela, right? The roast master herself.
335
00:20:48,873 --> 00:20:50,458
Yeah. Now might not be the time.
336
00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:55,046
I overheard what you said to Danny.
And I want to thank you.
337
00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:59,008
Danny Marawitz is
and always has been a total shit.
338
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:00,593
He and I were tapped in the same year,
339
00:21:00,677 --> 00:21:03,513
and his favorite "joke"
was to call me gay.
340
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,474
And I am gay. So that sucked.
341
00:21:06,557 --> 00:21:09,560
He made the Catullan a living hell
for everyone on staff for four years.
342
00:21:09,644 --> 00:21:12,271
But until tonight, I've never
seen anyone go back at him.
343
00:21:13,523 --> 00:21:16,651
I'd be happy to write a check
to replace his donation.
344
00:21:16,734 --> 00:21:18,277
He said he was donating 20 grand.
345
00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:21,406
I'd be happy to write a check
to replace half his donation.
346
00:21:21,864 --> 00:21:23,074
Thank you so much.
347
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:27,870
Thanks.
348
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:33,167
Hey, Kimberly.
We wanted to give this to you.
349
00:21:33,251 --> 00:21:35,920
It's all of your fake tips and then a cut
of everything else that we made.
350
00:21:36,004 --> 00:21:39,424
-What? No, I can't take that.
-We thought it was only fair.
351
00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:42,593
He was reluctant at first,
but I convinced him.
352
00:21:42,677 --> 00:21:46,597
-It was definitely the other way around.
-That's a lie. An impossible-to-prove lie.
353
00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:50,601
-It's really nice of you guys, but--
-Oh, my God. Just take it.
354
00:21:50,685 --> 00:21:52,645
It's, like, a real small percentage
of what we made.
355
00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:53,646
Very small.
356
00:21:53,730 --> 00:21:55,106
We wouldn't have made
anything without your help.
357
00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:57,025
-Thanks.
-You're welcome.
358
00:21:58,276 --> 00:22:00,278
-Yes. Of course.
-No, no.
359
00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:03,114
-That's not how his works.
-Help does not tip help.
360
00:22:06,367 --> 00:22:08,870
Willow, you swear you won't tell anyone--
361
00:22:08,953 --> 00:22:11,497
Whitney, I know this may be tough
for you to believe,
362
00:22:11,581 --> 00:22:14,333
given all the men's hoodies I wear,
but I was closeted once.
363
00:22:14,417 --> 00:22:16,335
-I can keep a secret.
-Okay.
364
00:22:16,419 --> 00:22:19,839
Now, go have gross
straight sex with our coach,
365
00:22:19,922 --> 00:22:22,842
and do not wake me up when you get back.
366
00:22:24,177 --> 00:22:27,388
-Good night.
-Hey. You're a good friend.
367
00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:31,350
Drink water.
368
00:23:00,004 --> 00:23:02,298
-Hey.
-I'm so sorry I'm late.
369
00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:06,219
I feel terrible. We had plans.
And I just lost track of time.
370
00:23:06,302 --> 00:23:07,136
It's all good.
371
00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:09,806
Tonight I get to fall sleep
next to you for the first time.
372
00:23:13,684 --> 00:23:15,686
But don't fall asleep yet.
373
00:23:27,824 --> 00:23:29,242
{\an8}INSTAGRAM
a new comment from Nico
374
00:23:34,622 --> 00:23:38,960
nico-murray212 - That dress tho.
375
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,595
ESSEX
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