1
00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:08,134
{\an8}Hey, Jocelyn.

2
00:00:08,217 --> 00:00:10,094
{\an8}Would you ever tag me
in one of your videos?

3
00:00:10,219 --> 00:00:12,972
{\an8}- I'd love to get more followers.
- I'll do it for 50 bucks.

4
00:00:13,055 --> 00:00:14,974
Whoa, Whitney, you look like shit.

5
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:18,769
Uh, sorry. I didn't realize
this dorm meeting was a formal event.

6
00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:19,687
No, it's amazing.

7
00:00:19,812 --> 00:00:21,605
You look like a celebrity
taking out the trash.

8
00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:23,149
I wish I had the confidence
to look that bad.

9
00:00:23,232 --> 00:00:26,277
All right. My favorite FreshThem.

10
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:29,321
As you know, it is parents' weekend.

11
00:00:29,822 --> 00:00:32,116
My juggling group
will be performing at brunch

12
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:34,285
if you're looking
for something super fun to do.

13
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:37,329
Whitney, I'd love to fit in
a quick TikTok with your mom.

14
00:00:37,413 --> 00:00:39,415
I mean, it is sponsored by Chex Mix,

15
00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:41,917
so she cannot mention
any other crunchy snack brands.

16
00:00:42,001 --> 00:00:46,756
All right. Look. I get that my mom
is exciting, but my dad's coming too.

17
00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:51,010
-He's pretty cool. He's a musician.
-I can't find him online. Is he famous?

18
00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:54,513
He's a very well-respected bassist
in the Bay Area.

19
00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:57,141
Well, if your mom wasn't a senator
that probably would be cooler.

20
00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,393
Frude, I'm just gonna jump in here
for a second.

21
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:01,812
Before our families arrive,

22
00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:03,481
I think we should all quickly
share any lies we've told them

23
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,149
that we'd like each other to corroborate.

24
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,151
-Hell yes. Yes, that's smart.
-Yes.

25
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:09,987
Finally, an actual reason
to have one of these meetings.

26
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:10,988
-Hey.
-I'll start.

27
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:14,325
My parents think I'm a neuroscience major,
which I'm clearly not.

28
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,452
Also, they think I've washed my sheets.

29
00:01:16,535 --> 00:01:19,371
I told my dad that all of our textbooks
come from Net-a-Porter

30
00:01:19,455 --> 00:01:21,123
and that is why he's getting charges.

31
00:01:21,248 --> 00:01:23,125
-Ooh, good one.
-My parents think I go to church

32
00:01:23,209 --> 00:01:24,043
every weekend.

33
00:01:24,126 --> 00:01:25,127
I made up a priest.

34
00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:26,128
His name is Father Steve,

35
00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:28,422
-and he's guiding me on my faith journey.
-So good

36
00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:30,674
I told my mom I joined
the Young Republicans.

37
00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,384
I didn't.
I'm just trying to fuck with her.

38
00:01:32,468 --> 00:01:35,763
-But please, corroborate.
-My parents cannot know I'm gay.

39
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,515
-Uh...
-What?

40
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:38,641
Only when he changes his shirt.

41
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:41,060
All right, I have about 50 of them.

42
00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:44,772
All right.
No one mention my fake ID business,

43
00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:46,398
or my OnlyFans, or my--

44
00:01:46,482 --> 00:01:47,650
I'm leaving the room.

45
00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:50,402
I cannot hear these things
and I am leaving the room.

46
00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:06,293
So I said to Barack,

47
00:02:06,377 --> 00:02:10,548
"You cannot break the glass ceiling
without getting some glass in your eye."

48
00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:16,345
-God, my mom is so fake, it's insane.
-I think she's very inspiring.

49
00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:21,725
-Are you wearing, like, an African dress?
-It's not African. It's tribal-themed.

50
00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,770
I was invited to the Black Affinity House.
I wanted to show some respect.

51
00:02:24,854 --> 00:02:27,314
Well, you look like a Nigerian prom queen.

52
00:02:27,398 --> 00:02:29,275
-Damn it.
-I'm sorry.

53
00:02:30,442 --> 00:02:34,154
Hey, do you know how fancy this restaurant
Leighton chose for tonight is?

54
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:36,323
Some websites are saying
three out of four dollar signs

55
00:02:36,407 --> 00:02:37,700
and others are saying four.

56
00:02:37,783 --> 00:02:39,159
Yeah, I have no idea.

57
00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:41,036
-Hi.
-Senator Chase.

58
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,998
That was incredible.
Representation matters.

59
00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,292
I think it was Frederick Douglass
who once said--

60
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:47,793
I can't. I'm sorry. I can't.

61
00:02:47,877 --> 00:02:49,628
Do you mind getting a scone or something?

62
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:51,839
Absolutely.

63
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,928
-Is that girl wearing a dashiki?
-She is.

64
00:02:58,721 --> 00:03:01,015
Hey, Mom, I wanted to talk to you
about something.

65
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:02,141
It's kind of personal.

66
00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:04,894
Well, can we do it Sunday
between 3:30 and 4:30?

67
00:03:04,977 --> 00:03:07,396
I have a board meeting
and then I have to cut the ribbon

68
00:03:07,479 --> 00:03:10,190
for a new all-gender bathroom
at the business school.

69
00:03:10,274 --> 00:03:12,735
You know what? Never mind.
I'll just see you at the restaurant.

70
00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:15,487
-It's whatever.
-Thanks, honey, for being so flexible.

71
00:03:25,915 --> 00:03:30,753
No, no, no. Guys, we gotta
throw the leaves much higher.

72
00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:33,339
They gotta explode up into the air, okay?

73
00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:36,467
Dad, can we please stop, all right?
This is so embarrassing.

74
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,594
Honey, this picture
is very important to me.

75
00:03:38,677 --> 00:03:41,931
I have dreamed of us being an Essex family
since you were a baby.

76
00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:43,307
Come on. I want it to be perfect.

77
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,517
What about the student loan protest
behind us?

78
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,354
They're lucky
they even have student loans.

79
00:03:48,938 --> 00:03:51,190
I don't know.
Maybe I can scrub it out later.

80
00:03:51,273 --> 00:03:55,152
Okay. Let's just go again real fast before
the sun goes behind the library tower.

81
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:59,323
Okay. Everybody, get 30% more leaves. 30%.

82
00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,951
These are artisanal foliage,
very expensive.

83
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:04,662
Big smiles, perfect family.
Perfect family.

84
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,039
Holy shit.

85
00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:09,416
Okay. Here we go.

86
00:04:11,961 --> 00:04:13,963
Leighton, pay attention.

87
00:04:14,046 --> 00:04:15,965
My facialist begged me
to stay out of the sun.

88
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:17,716
-Sorry.
-Protect Mommy's face.

89
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,469
Here we go. Three, two, one. Leaves.

90
00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:24,682
-Perfect. That's the one. That's the one.
-We did it.

91
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,100
That's my shit right there.

92
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:29,645
Yes! Perfect New England family.

93
00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:37,486
So this is my absolute favorite class.

94
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:39,780
It's called Biochemistry and Biophysics.

95
00:04:39,863 --> 00:04:41,907
It meets twice a week,
but honestly, it's so fun,

96
00:04:41,991 --> 00:04:42,992
I wish it met three times.

97
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:46,495
It seems so impressive, <i>Beta. </i>

98
00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:49,623
So many smart-looking boys.

99
00:04:49,707 --> 00:04:52,876
-Yeah. These are my people.
-Good afternoon.

100
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:56,463
It's nice to see
the parental elements that combined

101
00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:58,298
to create the student compounds.

102
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,553
- Dad, cool it.
- He's a very funny man.

103
00:05:09,435 --> 00:05:11,478
{\an8}Don't scratch that car.

104
00:05:13,147 --> 00:05:15,858
Dad, you're not gonna be a dick
to Whitney's mom, right?

105
00:05:15,941 --> 00:05:17,818
No one needs Sean Hannity
at dinner tonight.

106
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,279
No, I'm not gonna be a dick.

107
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:24,408
I'm only gonna ask about
her insane stance on inheritance tax.

108
00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:27,578
So this is the nicest restaurant
near campus?

109
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:31,999
-So sorry it's not the Polo Lounge.
-It's just so earnest.

110
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:35,044
Mom, it's good. Chill.
Leight, you picked a great place.

111
00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:38,255
I love how unpretentious
you are, Nicholas.

112
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,090
You've gotten so built
since you've been here.

113
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:41,300
I hardly recognize you.

114
00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:43,177
Still doesn't make it
any more socially acceptable

115
00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:44,261
that you wanna have sex with him.

116
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,430
-Leighton Murray.
-Jesus Christ, Leighton.

117
00:05:46,513 --> 00:05:49,266
Please don't suggest that your mom
wants to have sex with your brother.

118
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:51,810
It's disgusting. Plus, Nico could do
so much better than me.

119
00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:53,645
-Yes.
-Let's just find our table.

120
00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:55,647
Wonderful.

121
00:05:57,316 --> 00:05:58,317
Hi.

122
00:06:01,153 --> 00:06:03,739
-Oh! There's my girl.
-Hi.

123
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:06,700
Ah...

124
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,203
All right. Uh...

125
00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:11,080
You're wearing this?

126
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,500
I mean, it's on my body, so yes.

127
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:20,380
Well, you know what? With this figure,
you could pull off anything.

128
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,426
Your dad's not here yet.

129
00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:27,054
You can stay out here if you want to.

130
00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:41,276
Oh, no.

131
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:46,615
I was so worried about underdressing
that we overdressed.

132
00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:50,577
Nonsense. We look festive. Come on.

133
00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,290
-Hey.
-Hi.

134
00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:58,919
-I'm sorry we're late.
-Are you going to an event after this?

135
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:03,048
Um, we're only attending this dinner.

136
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:05,968
Oh, I think they look great.
Well, welcome.

137
00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:08,554
They're excited to be here. As am I.

138
00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:09,721
I told my security,

139
00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:13,350
"Unless the President is dead,
do not interrupt me."

140
00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:23,026
I brought little surprise gifts
for the girls.

141
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:24,194
-Here you go.
-I see.

142
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,321
The elderly woman across the street

143
00:07:26,405 --> 00:07:27,406
-makes them.
-Thank you.

144
00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:29,658
Keeps her dementia at bay, so...

145
00:07:30,284 --> 00:07:33,370
-Thank you, Mrs. Finkle.
-Sure. They're purse hooks.

146
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,331
You can hang them, and then our bags
never have to touch the ground.

147
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,794
Bela, you should invent
something like this.

148
00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:43,839
Like that woman who invented the underwear
that pulls your stomach in.

149
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:45,340
She's very rich.

150
00:07:45,424 --> 00:07:47,384
Yeah. Yeah. I've invested.
I'll tell you that.

151
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:51,471
Evette, can I just say
what an honor it is to meet you?

152
00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:52,681
Thank you.

153
00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:59,229
Can I ask, did you fly here private
or first class on the taxpayers' dollar?

154
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:00,189
Dad.

155
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:03,567
I actually do fly private
because of the death threats.

156
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,028
You must know what it's like
to have people want you dead.

157
00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:09,114
LEIGHTON
I'M SORRY ABOUT MY DAD.

158
00:08:09,198 --> 00:08:10,949
That's great. That's great.
Beautiful and funny.

159
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:12,326
WHITNEY - NO, IT'S MY MOM'S FAULT TOO.
KIMBERLY - LET'S GET THIS OVER QUICKLY!!!

160
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:13,285
BELA
I'M LOVING THIS ACTUALLY!

161
00:08:13,368 --> 00:08:15,412
Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. It's a crime
to give a woman compliments now.

162
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,247
Well, when I hear one, I'll let you know.

163
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:20,083
Super chilly outside, isn't it?

164
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,544
Yeah. How cold do we all think it is?
Mom, do you wanna guess?

165
00:08:22,628 --> 00:08:24,588
-Jeez, I'd love to.
-Okay.

166
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,639
"Price upon request."

167
00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:36,516
They never do that when it's cheap,
do they?

168
00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:40,812
-Is this place okay, Kimberly?
-This is a lovely choice, Leighton.

169
00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:42,522
If everyone's ready,
I'll flag down the waiter.

170
00:08:42,606 --> 00:08:44,024
-Yes.
-Sorry.

171
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:46,568
I think we're still waiting for my dad,
if that's okay.

172
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:49,321
-I mean, did he give an ETA?
-I'm sure he'll be here very soon.

173
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:55,285
This bread is so pretty.

174
00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:58,664
I'm gonna take a picture for your dad.
He loves art.

175
00:08:58,747 --> 00:08:59,581
{\an8}Iceberg lettuce? So white!

176
00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:02,167
{\an8}Iceberg wedge salad?
How white is this restaurant?

177
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:03,752
{\an8}THERE'S BIRYANI
IN THE FRIDGE AT THE HOTEL.

178
00:09:03,835 --> 00:09:05,671
{\an8}GUYS! NO MORE HINDI!

179
00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:06,797
Yay!

180
00:09:07,422 --> 00:09:08,298
That's a good one.

181
00:09:09,091 --> 00:09:11,635
Everyone, well, I'd like to say

182
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,887
what a delight it is
to see all of you again.

183
00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:17,683
And so to that end,
I will be treating tonight.

184
00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:21,270
Oh, that's so generous.
Thank you so much.

185
00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:22,688
No, no, we should split it.

186
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:25,190
Mr. Malhotra, it really seems like
he would like to pay.

187
00:09:25,274 --> 00:09:27,859
-I cannot allow that.
-Dude, just let him pay!

188
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,489
I actually insist we split it.

189
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:37,452
Legally, any gift or meal that I receive
over $50 is considered a bribe.

190
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,079
-Okay.
-Just so you know,

191
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:41,039
the purse hooks were under $50.

192
00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:44,584
-Are you okay?
-Yeah.

193
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:48,338
-You're just scratching your neck a lot.
-It's fine. It's hives.

194
00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:50,048
It's normal. Excuse me.

195
00:09:55,554 --> 00:09:58,890
I get it. My hives are disgusting.
I think this dress is making it worse.

196
00:10:00,017 --> 00:10:01,685
Take my credit card
for your share of dinner.

197
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,687
-No.
-You are clearly stressed out

198
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,439
about how much it costs.

199
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:06,773
All right, I feel terrible.

200
00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:09,318
Then why did you choose
such an expensive restaurant?

201
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:12,779
There are things on this menu that cost
more than my mom's plane ticket here.

202
00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:14,197
Just please take my card.

203
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:17,159
My parents won't even notice it
on the statement. Really. Just...

204
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:19,369
Please?

205
00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:22,497
Thank you, Leighton.

206
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:29,713
Everything good?

207
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:34,760
I'm sorry. We really need to order.
My wife's blood sugar is spiking.

208
00:10:34,843 --> 00:10:36,053
It's true. I could faint.

209
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,430
Maybe Nico could catch me
with those strong arms.

210
00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:40,515
Mom, chill. Just have some bread.

211
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:42,893
-I don't need bread.
-Stop it.

212
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,561
Why would you tell me to stop it?

213
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,396
Please stop it.
You're embarrassing your daughter.

214
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:47,939
- I'm not embarrassing.
- It is parents' weekend.

215
00:10:48,023 --> 00:10:48,982
BELA - HEY IS IT JUST ME, OR DOES
LEIGHTON'S MOM WANT TO FUCK HER SON?

216
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,359
It is parents' weekend,
so act like one.

217
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:51,276
KIMBERLY - IT'S NOT JUST YOU.
LEIGHTON - IT'S NOT JUST YOU.

218
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:52,778
- What's do you mean?
- You know what it.

219
00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:53,695
BELA - CAN'T BLAME HER, THO!

220
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:56,156
Let's get to the important stuff.

221
00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:59,743
Your love lives. Who has a boyfriend?

222
00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:02,162
Mom, we've literally been here
for, like, six weeks.

223
00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:06,166
Whitney, you're gorgeous.
I'm sure someone's caught your eye.

224
00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:09,795
Not really. I'm too busy with soccer
to have a boyfriend.

225
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:10,796
Oh, boo.

226
00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:15,133
Oh, excuse me. I have to take this.

227
00:11:15,217 --> 00:11:18,720
Can you order my dad the rack of lamb?
He'll be here so soon.

228
00:11:18,804 --> 00:11:19,888
Yeah, of course.

229
00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:23,183
Thankfully for us, Bela has never
been too distracted by boys.

230
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:30,690
-What's so funny?
-Bela is the biggest--

231
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,693
Bookworm. I'm always studying.

232
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:38,907
The Asian way. Very smart of you.

233
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:41,827
Kimberly, what about you?
Are you dating anyone?

234
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:45,747
Oh, no. I don't have a dating--
A boyfriend. I'm not dating a boyfriend.

235
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:49,376
-Oh, your nerves say otherwise.
-Are you seeing someone?

236
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,795
No, I'm definitely not.

237
00:11:52,504 --> 00:11:53,755
Mom, stop badgering them.

238
00:11:53,839 --> 00:11:56,007
Maybe they don't want to discuss
their private lives with you.

239
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,300
I'm ordering.

240
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:01,471
Hey. Are you at the train station?
I can take Mom's car and come get you.

241
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,223
<i>Honey, I'm in San Jose. </i>

242
00:12:04,099 --> 00:12:07,352
- You're in San Jose? Why?
<i>- Actually, pretty exciting. </i>

243
00:12:07,436 --> 00:12:10,856
<i>The Barbary Coast needed a bassist </i>
<i>to fill in tonight and I said yes. </i>

244
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:13,316
- But it's parents' weekend.
<i>- I know, honey. </i>

245
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:16,403
<i>-I wish I could be there. </i>
-But, Dad--

246
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,072
Are you serious?

247
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,159
<i>Honey, I just wanna make </i>
<i>something of myself. </i>

248
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:26,246
- Uh, I'm happy for you.
<i>- I love you. </i>

249
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,957
- Love you too.
<i>- Have fun. </i>

250
00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:36,214
Kimberly and her mother are so sweet.

251
00:12:36,298 --> 00:12:39,801
Bless their hearts.
And this sad little thing...

252
00:12:40,886 --> 00:12:42,137
Mom, that was a gift.

253
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,055
At least wrap it in a paper towel
or something

254
00:12:44,139 --> 00:12:46,266
-before you throw it in the trash.
-Whatever.

255
00:12:46,349 --> 00:12:48,894
Isn't it funny how the ones
with the cheapest purses

256
00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:51,313
are always the most concerned
about getting them dirty?

257
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,773
Okay, I get it, all right?
You hate my roommates.

258
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:57,277
-Great. Let's move on.
-I don't hate them. They're just--

259
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,946
They're not as sophisticated
as your friends back home.

260
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,824
And you have to admit,
these girls are quirky.

261
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:06,161
As quirky as you?
An anorexic housewife who shoplifts?

262
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,292
Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean--

263
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:15,253
You think you are so much better than me,

264
00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:18,840
but, sweetheart,
you and I are exactly the same.

265
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:34,814
Well, Carol, thank you.
This is so convenient. Thank you so much.

266
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:35,899
You're welcome.

267
00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:38,902
Wait. This shit actually works.

268
00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:42,030
Yeah. Mrs. Prats does it.
They can hold up to 45 pounds.

269
00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:43,323
Yes.

270
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:49,454
Well, not to be a nagging parent,
but what is everyone majoring in?

271
00:13:49,538 --> 00:13:51,706
When I went to Stanford,
I was a double major

272
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:54,584
in African-American studies
and women's studies.

273
00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:56,628
Is there something funny?

274
00:13:59,965 --> 00:14:03,552
Just all these majors
with "studies" after it.

275
00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:07,389
You know, Gender Studies, Islamic Studies.

276
00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:10,850
Whatever happened
to good old-fashioned degrees like Chem,

277
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:13,478
and Econ, History, you know?

278
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:17,357
-I'm majoring in Neuroscience.
-Oh.

279
00:14:17,566 --> 00:14:18,567
It's my passion.

280
00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:21,528
<i>Beta, </i> isn't that Professor Harpin?

281
00:14:21,611 --> 00:14:24,281
You should go to his table and greet him.
It shows respect.

282
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,366
I don't want to bother him.
He's with his wife.

283
00:14:26,449 --> 00:14:28,618
What if she's leaving him
or telling him she's gay?

284
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:31,955
-That could be hell awkward.
-What nonsense. Go say hi right now.

285
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,125
Uh, I will be back.

286
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:39,588
Good girl. She's a good girl.

287
00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:49,347
Hey, Prof. It's Bela from Biochem.
I just wanna say great lecture today.

288
00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:52,475
Actually, all your lectures are great,
but today's was a banger.

289
00:14:53,351 --> 00:14:56,354
-Thanks.
-Wonderful lecture today.

290
00:14:56,980 --> 00:15:01,318
Nevaan Malhotra, Bela's father.
I wanted to thank you with something.

291
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:06,072
Show this card at any Subway restaurant
and you'll be pleased you did.

292
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:10,619
Um, I'm sorry, but I think
there's been a mistake.

293
00:15:10,702 --> 00:15:14,789
I pride myself knowing my students
and you're not one of them.

294
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,044
Nico, how's French going?

295
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:20,795
{\an8}VERY WELL.

296
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:21,713
{\an8}Oh.

297
00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:25,550
{\an8}Oh, Kimmy's taking French too.
Let me hear something from you guys.

298
00:15:25,634 --> 00:15:26,551
{\an8}I wanna hear this French.

299
00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:30,055
{\an8}THIS HAS BEEN A DIFFICULT DINNER.

300
00:15:30,472 --> 00:15:31,890
{\an8}YES, THAT'S TRUE.

301
00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:35,101
{\an8}AND I'D LIKE TO KILL MYSELF
WITH THIS PURSE HOOK.

302
00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:39,439
{\an8}PLEASE DON'T DO THAT.

303
00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:41,733
{\an8}THEN I'LL BE LEFT TO TALK TO MY MOTHER.

304
00:15:42,108 --> 00:15:43,777
{\an8}Isn't he good?

305
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:45,945
{\an8}YEAH NICO YOU'RE SO GOOD.

306
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:51,117
I wish I understood them. But I don't.

307
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:52,702
Who ordered the rack of lamb?

308
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:57,749
Oh, just put it here.
My father won't be joining us tonight.

309
00:15:59,751 --> 00:16:04,422
Wait. He's not making parents' weekend?
Sweetheart, that's horrible.

310
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:06,549
It was kind of a work emergency.

311
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:10,762
Work emergency?
I thought he was a musician.

312
00:16:13,014 --> 00:16:17,352
Uh-uh. No.
Look, I do not like my ex-husband.

313
00:16:17,435 --> 00:16:21,439
He's a flake and I don't think
he owns one single button-down shirt,

314
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,901
but you do not make
my daughter feel bad about it.

315
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,362
-Evette, I did not--
-It's Senator Chase, Henry.

316
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:30,865
I saw the little eye-roll
you gave your wife about my ex-husband.

317
00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:32,701
Don't do that to my kid.

318
00:16:32,784 --> 00:16:35,745
You wait until you get to the hotel
for that shit. Come on.

319
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:40,500
Whitney, I'm so sorry.

320
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:44,170
It's okay.

321
00:16:44,713 --> 00:16:46,464
NICO
HOLY SHIT DID DAD JUST APOLOGIZE???

322
00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:49,426
LEIGHTON
YES OMG HE DID

323
00:16:54,723 --> 00:16:57,684
Reena, may we borrow you
for a family conversation?

324
00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:01,020
Bela has something to explain
out back behind the restaurant.

325
00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:03,982
Excuse me.

326
00:17:08,403 --> 00:17:09,863
How could you lie to us like that?

327
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:13,533
I can't believe I almost gave him
a golden Subway card.

328
00:17:13,616 --> 00:17:15,744
-That's unlimited subs.
-I'm sorry.

329
00:17:15,827 --> 00:17:18,496
I'm not taking Biochem because I know
what I want to do with my life

330
00:17:18,580 --> 00:17:20,123
and it's not being a doctor.

331
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:24,294
I want to be a comedy writer.
And I'm, like, making progress.

332
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:26,671
I'm pledging
a really exclusive comedy writing group.

333
00:17:26,755 --> 00:17:29,716
-And you guys love funny stuff.
-I like <i>Young Sheldon </i> and that is it.

334
00:17:30,675 --> 00:17:33,803
Bela, this school is very expensive
and we are paying for you

335
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:36,473
to study and learn, not play around.

336
00:17:44,856 --> 00:17:46,357
My girlfriends, you know,
they just keep them.

337
00:17:46,441 --> 00:17:50,403
Like my best pie pan. Remember,
Peggy had that and I never saw it again.

338
00:17:51,321 --> 00:17:53,990
So I just cook in those--
You know, those toss-away tins now.

339
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:58,703
You should really use the real lemons,
but, you know, in Arizona, it's expensive.

340
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:01,831
If you get the thin stuff,
it's gonna burn right through that,

341
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:04,834
then your top is ruined anyway on the pie.
So, well, that's just one of my tricks.

342
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:13,301
-Thanks.
-I...

343
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:20,016
Okay, let's see here.
Leighton, why's your card in here?

344
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,352
Oh, um, I--

345
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:28,066
That's my card, the Malhotras',
Senator Chase, and yours.

346
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,692
Wait. We didn't pay?

347
00:18:32,862 --> 00:18:35,698
Leighton, why did you pay for our dinner?

348
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:37,992
Oh, um--

349
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:43,456
-It was a surprise treat.
-I asked her to.

350
00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:57,387
That's silly. Here you go, Leighton.
Sorry.

351
00:18:57,470 --> 00:19:00,598
-Carol, don't worry about it.
-No. No, no, I insist.

352
00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:05,144
-Carol, it's fine.
-I'm paying for our portion of the bill.

353
00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:07,522
So it's end of discussion.

354
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:15,280
Ma'am, your card?

355
00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:21,202
Thank you for saying that about Dad.

356
00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:23,872
It meant a lot to me
that you defended him.

357
00:19:23,955 --> 00:19:27,834
-And the look on Leighton's dad's face--
-He was right about your dad.

358
00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:31,045
I'm so sick of making excuses for him.

359
00:19:31,129 --> 00:19:33,214
I show up, you hate me.

360
00:19:33,298 --> 00:19:35,508
He doesn't show up, you love him.

361
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:40,763
Whitney, one day you're gonna realize

362
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:44,100
he doesn't deserve
the pedestal you put him on.

363
00:19:55,653 --> 00:19:58,031
I'm going to ask the valet
what's taking so long.

364
00:19:59,782 --> 00:20:02,118
-He's so mad.
-He'll be fine.

365
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:06,289
Bela, I know how much
this dream means to you,

366
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:08,499
but we need you to protect your future,

367
00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:11,127
just in case you don't become
the next Amy Schumer.

368
00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:15,340
-I'm impressed you remembered her name.
-Of course I do.

369
00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:19,594
You spent years watching her videos.
Boobs, sex, funny stuff.

370
00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,679
Yeah, Mom.

371
00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:24,849
<i>Beta, </i> I cut you a deal.

372
00:20:24,933 --> 00:20:26,976
You promise me that
you will take that professor's

373
00:20:27,060 --> 00:20:31,606
biochemistry course next semester,
and I will work on your father.

374
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:33,524
Get him to be a little more supportive.

375
00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:36,235
I can do that.

376
00:20:37,528 --> 00:20:39,822
Also, I need money
to buy books and underwear.

377
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:42,200
I already put an envelope on your dresser.

378
00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:44,911
Come here.

379
00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:58,216
I'm sorry if I embarrassed you
at dinner tonight.

380
00:20:58,341 --> 00:21:01,344
Oh, you mean when you made me
look like a street urchin

381
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:02,845
in front of the rich people?

382
00:21:04,097 --> 00:21:07,767
Look, I knew dinner
was gonna be expensive. I'd saved for it.

383
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:09,394
I just freaked out.

384
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:12,271
Fitting in at Essex
has been harder than I expected.

385
00:21:12,355 --> 00:21:15,024
Speaking of fitting in,
where'd you get that coat?

386
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:16,901
It's not the one I shipped you.

387
00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:19,570
It's Leighton's.

388
00:21:21,364 --> 00:21:22,407
Oh, boy.

389
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:26,786
Honey, I am so proud of you
for being here.

390
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:30,540
And I want you to have every amazing
experience this place has to offer.

391
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:35,336
I just don't want you to pretend
to be somebody you're not.

392
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:36,254
I'm not.

393
00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:41,175
I think you've changed a little
since move-in day,

394
00:21:41,259 --> 00:21:43,094
and I'm not saying in a bad way.

395
00:21:43,177 --> 00:21:44,262
I'm just--

396
00:21:45,763 --> 00:21:46,889
I'm noticing it.

397
00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:50,476
Okay? It's okay.

398
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,520
Wanna walk me back to the hotel?

399
00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:53,563
Yeah.

400
00:22:00,028 --> 00:22:02,196
<i>All I said was... </i>

401
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,782
You know, I feel like
she's not here for the right reasons.

402
00:22:04,866 --> 00:22:06,701
And, honestly, neither is she.

403
00:22:06,784 --> 00:22:09,245
<i>-I never said cocktails. </i>
<i>-You did on the couch. </i>

404
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:10,788
<i>You did, you did say that. </i>

405
00:22:10,872 --> 00:22:12,790
I think I like you
better than anyone I know.

406
00:22:12,874 --> 00:22:15,752
Oh, no. That is so sad.

407
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:17,587
We've only known each other
for, like, four weeks.

408
00:22:18,129 --> 00:22:20,048
Okay, well, I don't like a lot of people.

409
00:22:20,131 --> 00:22:22,592
No. Don't compliment me
and then water it down.

410
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:24,844
I wanna feel that full-blown compliment.

411
00:22:27,555 --> 00:22:28,681
Tell me that you like me.

412
00:22:29,390 --> 00:22:31,434
-No.
-Tell me that you like me.

413
00:22:31,517 --> 00:22:35,396
Get off me, you little weirdo.
Come on. You're pushing my boob.

414
00:22:56,125 --> 00:23:00,088
-That dinner fucking sucked.
-It wasn't that bad.

415
00:23:01,422 --> 00:23:02,548
Like, for what it's worth,

416
00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:07,637
I don't think of you
as poor or anything like that.

417
00:23:08,971 --> 00:23:12,100
I am, though. I am kind of poor.

418
00:23:13,810 --> 00:23:15,269
And that's okay. I just...

419
00:23:16,104 --> 00:23:19,941
I wish I could still, like, belong here.

420
00:23:21,317 --> 00:23:24,570
What, at Essex? You already do.

421
00:23:27,156 --> 00:23:28,324
Thank you.

422
00:23:52,181 --> 00:23:53,558
Shall we go to your room?

423
00:23:54,433 --> 00:23:56,519
Actually, I should probably get to bed.

424
00:23:57,937 --> 00:24:00,189
I wanna get
a full eight hours of sleep in.

425
00:24:01,357 --> 00:24:02,441
Oh, okay.

426
00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:06,696
I'm kidding. Let's go.

427
00:24:07,738 --> 00:24:09,157
{\an8}LET'S GO!