1 00:00:00,701 --> 00:00:03,671 [bright music] 2 00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:05,774 [cheers and applause] 3 00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,036 - Welcome to "Nice One," 4 00:00:07,074 --> 00:00:08,584 the game of competitive kindness, 5 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:12,109 where we ask comedians to look at the bright side of bad situations 6 00:00:12,145 --> 00:00:14,245 and say something nice for a change. 7 00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:15,781 It's a battle of sweetness. 8 00:00:15,816 --> 00:00:19,986 I'm your host and favorite ex-boyfriend Ron Funches. 9 00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:22,320 Today we have Riki Lindhome, 10 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:25,556 Chris Hardwick, Jen Kirkman! 11 00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:27,462 Now I'm gonna give the comedians a topic 12 00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:29,564 and they just have to say something nice about it. 13 00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:32,066 And when my friends--hey! 14 00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:34,169 Hear something they like, you'll get some points. 15 00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,971 All right, our first topic is... 16 00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,744 man buns. 17 00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,312 Chris? - I really like man buns, Ron. 18 00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:43,040 I think they're a nice way for a guy to say, "Hey, ladies, 19 00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:44,746 I hope you like HPV." 20 00:00:44,778 --> 00:00:46,748 [laughter] 21 00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:47,750 - Jen? 22 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:48,981 - Well, when you're out with a guy who has a man bun 23 00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:51,746 and he takes you to, inevitably, a restaurant with a dirty table, 24 00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:55,515 he can put the chopsticks in his hair so that they don't get dirty. 25 00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,256 [laughter] 26 00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:59,561 - Riki, what do you like about a good man bun? 27 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:02,233 - Well, I love man buns because they help you find the nearest guy 28 00:01:02,262 --> 00:01:04,832 who can explain the difference between an IPA and a pilsner. 29 00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:06,895 [laughter] 30 00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,704 - Portland, Oregon. [laughs] 31 00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,066 Our next topic is... 32 00:01:12,105 --> 00:01:14,435 small little penises. 33 00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:16,784 - Putting "little" in there made it creepier, for some reason. 34 00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,310 - Riki? 35 00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:20,575 - Well, I think the best part about having a small penis 36 00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:23,624 is, you never have to ask, "So how was it?" 37 00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:24,790 'Cause you already know. 38 00:01:24,818 --> 00:01:26,548 [laughter] 39 00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,957 - It was bad. - It was bad, yeah. 40 00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:30,719 RON: Chris? 41 00:01:30,757 --> 00:01:32,527 - Everything is great about small penises. 42 00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:35,959 They're easy to travel with, they fit anywhere, 43 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:38,266 and they make your hands look huge! 44 00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:40,298 [laughter] 45 00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,474 - Jen, what do you like about small wee-wees? 46 00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:44,373 - Well, I imagine a guy with a small penis, 47 00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:46,474 it probably takes a lot of the pressure off of your balls. 48 00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:48,607 It must be nice. 49 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,712 - Oh, my balls be so tired. 50 00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:52,254 [laughter] 51 00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,749 - "So tired." 52 00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,120 - Nicely done, players. Let's hear it for them! 53 00:01:56,149 --> 00:01:57,619 [cheers and applause] 54 00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,721 Time to kick it up a notch. 55 00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:02,523 Up next, the comedians will see a bunch of categories. 56 00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:05,156 They just have to pick one, say something nice. 57 00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:06,162 Jen, you're up. 58 00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:08,333 - Ron, I would like Bombo Arigato. 59 00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:11,002 - Ooh, Pearl Harbor. 60 00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:14,201 You got the daily double. [laughs] 61 00:02:14,234 --> 00:02:16,904 - Well, my grandfather died in World War II, 62 00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,107 and from what my dad tells me, he was a total asshole, 63 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,339 so it kind of worked out. 64 00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:23,444 [laughter] 65 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,777 - Riki, your choice. Pick a category. 66 00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,712 - I will take As Seen On TV. 67 00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,578 - Commercials. 68 00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:32,546 - Well, the best thing about commercials is, they tell you the exact moment 69 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,516 when a celebrity needs a new summer home. 70 00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:36,515 [laughter] 71 00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:37,757 - Chris, you're up. 72 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,961 - I will take, uh, Mad Money. 73 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,133 - Ooh, Bitcoin. 74 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:47,333 Now, I never got into Bitcoin because I prefer whole coin-- 75 00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,537 [laughs] 76 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,870 Oh, that's a stupid joke! 77 00:02:51,905 --> 00:02:53,535 - Can I give you points on your own show? 78 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:54,644 - Yes! 79 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:57,535 Why should I invest in e-currency, Chris? 80 00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,748 - I think it's great for people who want to be rich 81 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,580 only in places they can get Wi-Fi. 82 00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:04,375 [laughter] 83 00:03:04,418 --> 00:03:05,648 RON: Nice one, players! 84 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,586 [cheers and applause] 85 00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,821 Let's see what my friends thought. 86 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,327 Check our scores. 87 00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,358 [gasps] Jen in the lead! 88 00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:16,103 1,385 nice points. 89 00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:19,629 And unfortunately, Riki, they just didn't think you were nice enough. 90 00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:20,726 - That's okay. 91 00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:22,067 - Appreciate you being here, 92 00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:24,402 but if you don't mind, get the fuck out. 93 00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,168 [laughter] 94 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,236 - Bye. 95 00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:30,014 - I had such good-- I had such good compliments for her. 96 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,853 RON: All right, Chris, Jen, it's time to find out 97 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,850 who is the nicest of all 98 00:03:34,882 --> 00:03:37,622 in a head-to-head contest of sweetness. 99 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,221 It's time for the nice-off 100 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,263 in the Friend Zone. 101 00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:44,858 [cheers and applause] Yeah! 102 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:47,232 Welcome to the Friend Zone. 103 00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:50,031 You're gonna come at each other with your hardest, 104 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:53,233 your strongest, your fiercest compliments. 105 00:03:53,267 --> 00:03:54,867 Jen, why don't you start us off? 106 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,772 - Chris, you're so professional and so on-point, 107 00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:58,073 you never stop hustling-- 108 00:03:58,105 --> 00:04:00,705 you should change your name to Chris Hard-work. 109 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,681 [laughter] 110 00:04:02,709 --> 00:04:04,039 - I gotta give you props on that one. - Aw, thanks. 111 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,247 - Thank you. 112 00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:07,149 Jen, you are legitimately my spirit animal 113 00:04:07,181 --> 00:04:09,121 and that animal is a unicorn 114 00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:11,719 made out of kittens with a puppy for a horn. 115 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,122 [laughter] 116 00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:15,263 - Aw! CHRIS: Yeah, that's right, guys. 117 00:04:15,289 --> 00:04:18,129 - Chris, I can tell your dad was a professional bowler 118 00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:19,228 because you're so striking. 119 00:04:19,259 --> 00:04:22,199 [laughter] 120 00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:25,529 - I just read your book, entitled "I Can Barely Take Care of Myself: 121 00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:27,626 Tales from a Happy Life Without Kids." 122 00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:30,268 And in case you change your position on that, 123 00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:31,544 will you be my mom? 124 00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,042 [laughter] [bell dings] 125 00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:35,783 - All right, let's hear it for our comedians! 126 00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:38,109 - Aw. - So nice. Thank you, Jen. 127 00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:40,545 - Thanks. Thanks for plugging my book. - I appreciate it. 128 00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:41,581 No, thank you, of course. 129 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:43,175 RON: We have the results. 130 00:04:43,217 --> 00:04:45,417 It was a brutal battle of kindness, 131 00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:49,722 but the nicest person in the world is... - [laughing] 132 00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:50,716 [air horn blares] - Jen Kirkman! 133 00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:53,327 - Jen Kirkman! Jen Kirkman! 134 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:54,490 RON: Jen! Jen! Jen! Jen! 135 00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:55,798 Jen! Jen! Jen! - Jen! Jen! Jen! 136 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:58,129 Kirkman! Kirkman! Kirkman! RON: We'll see you next time on... 137 00:04:58,165 --> 00:04:59,525 "Nice One."