[cheers and applause]
[bell dings]
- Welcome to "Nice One,"
the game of competitive kindness,
where we ask comedians to look at the bright side
of bad situations and say something nice for a change.
It's a battle of sweetness,
and I'm your host and regular down-home girl,
Ron Funches.
Today we have Dusty Slay, Nore Davis,
Matteo Lane!
[cheers and applause]
I'm gonna give the comedians a topic,
and they just have to say something nice about it.
And every time my friends--
hey, y'all--
hear something they like,
they'll give you some points.
Here's our first topic:
jury duty.
Dusty, what do you like about jury duty?
- I like jury duty because the pay reflects how qualified I am
to do the job.
[laughter]
- Nore?
- I can ghost an official invitation
and risk going to jail.
[laughter]
I'm not going.
RON: Matteo?
- Well, I love jury duty 'cause as a gay guy,
it's like a free date.
I sit down, I get on Grindr,
I find someone, they give you a free hotel,
and after deliberation, I never have to talk to him again.
[laughter]
- You're a slut. - Yeah, yeah.
[laughter]
- Our next topic is:
Florida.
Matteo, say something nice about Florida.
- Uh, it's, um...
[laughter]
- Okay, uh, we'll move along. Nore?
- Oh, yeah, Florida's, um...
yeah.
[laughter]
- Dusty, Dusty, you can save us.
You got something for Florida?
- Uh, well, my dad met his fourth wife in Panama City Beach.
[laughter]
- [chuckles] It also has the most pro wrestlers per square inch.
[laughter]
[alarm beeps] That is the end of round one.
Time to kick it up a notch!
Up next, the comedians will see a bunch of categories.
They just have to pick one--
say something nice.
Nore? - All right, let's do, uh,
bumper cars.
- Why not? NORE: Oh, there you go.
- Uh-oh.
Drunk driving.
- Um...
well, Ron, yeah, it's a--
drunk driving's a great way to meet new cops.
[laughter]
- Dusty, you're up.
- How about fatal attraction?
- Fentanyl.
[Dustin chuckles]
- I know--fentanyl sounds like the name
of an obnoxious ten-year-old who's already vegan.
[laughter]
Uh, Dusty, it seems like you might have some family members
that know about...
[laughter]
- I like that fentanyl is helping people embrace the outdoors
by living outside.
[laughter]
Tent sales are skyrocketing. - Oh, they are.
Matteo?
You're up. Pick a category.
- Um, I'll go with pallet cleanser.
- Ooh, that sounds neat.
Big box stores.
- I'd love it a lot more if I was a lesbian.
[laughter]
I mean, you think I am-- I turned gay yesterday?
I could not not make that joke.
- Yeah.
- [chortling]
- I'd be like one of those lesbians--
you know, I'd be like, "My wife and I make our own water."
You know, I'd be that kind of lesbian.
[alarm beeps]
- That's the end of the round, "Nice One" players.
Give 'em a round of applause.
[cheers and applause]
Nice!
Now, let's see what my friends thought.
[cheers and applause] Ooh!
Matteo!
- [singing] ♪ Whooo! ♪
RON: Nice!
Unfortunately, Nore, thank you for coming.
You know I love you. I love your comedy.
But please, get the fuck out.
[laughter]
- Bye. Love you, Nore. You're my favorite.
[cheers and applause]
- Dusty, Matteo, it's time to find out who is the nicest of all
in a head-to-head contest of sweetness.
That's right, it's time for the nice-off,
in the Friend Zone!
[cheers and applause]
Yeah!
Welcome to the Friend Zone. [explosion]
You're gonna come at each other with your hardest,
your strongest, your fiercest
compliments.
Matteo, you may go first.
- Your name is Dusty, which implies that you're old
and haven't been touched in a long time,
but if you were on my house,
on my shelf, I'd use you every single night.
[electronic warbling]
- I feel that he's saying you're his sex toy.
[laughter]
- Nobody pulls off a mustache like Matteo.
But if you do pull it off, can I have it?
[electronic warbling]
- [giggling]
- Your hair is so beautiful, Britney only wishes.
[electronic warbling]
- There's Lois, Lover's, Nathan, and Penny,
but Matteo, you're the best Lane of all.
- Awww.
- That just felt good.
MATTEO: Yeah. [bell dings]
- And that is it!
That is it, y'all!
Give 'em a round of applause!
[cheers and applause]
All right, let's hear it for both our comedians.
I have the results.
It was a brutal battle of kindness.
But the nicest person in the world is...
[air horn blares] Dusty Slay!
[cheers and applause]
- Wow.
- Thank you all for coming by.
We'll see you next time on...
"Nice One."
[cheers and applause]