It was so funny, Father.
And Percy, too.
- Hurry, Cass!
- That man...
Reality knocking at your door.
Bad dream?
Is there any other kind?
Good morning, everybody.
- Why? - Why is she yelling?
- Oh, good morning, Vax. - Morning.
Seven to two.
I never agreed to this stupid game.
Must you?
We can't all be
aloof tight-asses, de Rolo.
I'm simply suggesting you could all benefit
from some well-practiced restraint.
- Emotions aren't meant to be bottled up.
Maybe you should cut loose once in a while.
Hello?
Uh, Vox Machina?
Uh, are you here?
- It's stuck.
Ugh, fucking doors.
These old hinges are rusted.
Grog, give it a little shove?
Yep, one sec.
Lady Allura, welcome.
Hope you didn't feel the need to bring a housewarming present.
I didn't. Alas, I'm only here to remind you
that Sovereign Uriel expects you at his dinner.
- Oh, shit. That's tonight? - Finally.
A proper evening of protocol and civilized conversation.
It's more than a party.
Dignitaries from across the realm are here
to form a new security pact.
We must put our best foot forward.
- Right. W-Which foot is that?
Hey, Pike, want to be my date?
I promise to be on my best-worst behavior.
Oh, I-I'm okay.
Lady Allura, we appreciate the gravity of the situation
and will present ourselves with the utmost dignity.
Yeah.
Good one. Seven to five.
Five? He was just at two.
Oh, yeah, that was a three-pointer.
You see, the rules of ball-tag are as complex
as they are beautiful.
I-I shall brief them on royal etiquette and manners.
You have my word, nothing will go wrong.
My balls.
Hurts so much.
Remember what we practiced.
Be reserved, be charming. Protocol.
Just follow my lead.
Sorry. If you brought weapons, they must be checked.
From Kraghammer,
Gradim Greyspine.
From Emon, Vox Machina?
Is that all you got?
Allow me.
Vox Machina, champions of justice,
hunters of dragons,
- destroyers of chastity.
Right, let's stick together.
Follow my lead for formal greetings, and...
Or, you know, do whatever.
How's anyone supposed to get drunk from these things?
Uh, I'm pretty sure they're just fancy shots, Grog.
Two for you, and three for me.
- Ooh. Cheers. - Cheers.
What are you looking at?
Doofus.
What-what? You want to get freaky with me?
Sir, I don't even know you.
You are a libertine and a cad, and I like it.
Reginald, what in the world?
I just asked where the privy was.
This is fantastic.
Diplomats are here from all over Tal'Dorei.
Fort Daxio, Kymal, Westruun.
- Even... - From Whitestone,
Lord Sylas and Lady Delilah Briarwood.
Percy, what's wrong?
It's... it's them.
Whitestone was my home.
Until those fiends took everything from me.
What do you want us to do?
Should we say something? To Uriel?
We can't.
Looks like they're staying overnight.
Why don't I make myself scarce and slip into their chambers?
See if I can figure out what they're up to.
Yeah, sounds like a plan.
But in case of trouble, we should have a safe word.
- Grog, suggestions? - Right.
The safe word is "chenga."
Okay. My safe word's "mommy."
And somehow you guys look worse every time we see you.
Where's Vax?
Oh, uh, he has the squirts.
I see. Delightful.
Well, if you'll follow me.
Seats for the sovereign's dragon slayers.
Ooh, shit's about to get real.
- Attention please be given
to our Sovereign Uriel Tal'Dorei III
and Empress Salda Tal'Dorei.
- Hmm?
- Uh... Huh? - Oh.
Nothing like a dragon attack to bring us all together, eh?
- Thank you, everyone,
for making the journey in.
Please, allow me to introduce our dining party.
We have Arbiter Duala Juun, Master of Law.
- To her left, Seeker Assum...
Percy? Percy.
P-Percy.
He's just staring like a perv.
He said the Briarwoods took everything.
What does that mean?
We cannot be caught unprepared again.
- Hear, hear. - Agreed, Sovereign.
Percy, talk to us.
Percy.
- I'm fine. - Oh, yeah, sure.
Percy, I say you just walk over to the Briarwoods,
say hello to break the ice, then punch them in the face.
- See what happens. - Grog, no.
Eh, I don't hate Grog's idea.
Uh, we have to wait.
Give Vax a chance to gather some intel.
Hmm?
Hmm.
- What the bloody hell? - Fucking snake!
Come on.
I must confess,
I was rather curious whether you would come.
Our messenger did not return.
In fact, I've heard dark rumors about Whitestone.
They say no one travels in or out of your lands.
Lies spread by drunks and knaves.
If no one left Whitestone,
would we be sitting before you, Sovereign?
Perhaps.
Or perhaps I might be forced to send a garrison of troops
to check on your city.
You won't need to do that.
You are right. There's no need.
In fact, Whitestone needs to be protected.
Yes. Whitestone's independence is not to be challenged.
- Ooh. Nice catch.
Have we...
met before?
Uh...
We haven't met. I'm Vex'ahlia.
I'm so sorry, what was your name again?
Delilah. What an absolute pleasure
to meet the Protectors of the Realm.
- My husband Sylas. - Charmed.
Uh, those are beautiful beads.
I have a set just like it, you know.
- Beads? I've never once seen you... - Eh?
Ew.
Interestingly enough, we're not originally from Whitestone.
Of course you're not.
Tell me, have you heard how we became caretakers of Whitestone?
The official story is that city was administered
by the de Rolo family
until they succumbed to a rare disease.
But I'm afraid the truth is,
we concocted that tale
to protect their legacy.
The sad reality is that the de Rolos abdicated.
They grew bored of ruling,
and after their children raided the treasury,
they abandoned their people to rot.
- Liars!
Ugh.
Thank you, Sovereign Uriel,
but I think we will retire for the night.
It was a lovely dinner.
We especially enjoyed the company.
So refined.
Excuse us for a moment.
Percival, darling, what did we say about emotions?
You don't understand.
Then help us understand.
The Briarwoods...
they murdered my entire family.
We got what we came for.
Uriel was more pliant than even I anticipated.
The Whispered One?
But finding the boy was unexpected.
Our circumstances have changed.
Oh, uh, beg your pardon.
Just turning down your bed.
Forgot those little...
pillow mints.
Um...
Oh, gosh, you're a handsome couple.
Lost my train of thought.
Be right back.
Percy, why didn't you tell us?
I've tried to tell many over the years.
No one's ever believed me.
Wait. Vax is up there.
What if he needs help?
Plus, he's got the squirts!
Okay, I'll distract, you go... quietly.
Ladies and lords, allow Scanlan Shorthalt
to delight you with an after-dinner song
I like to call "Pull My Beads of Love."
A-two, three, four!
Give me a tug!
- Ugh.
You are a curious one.
And you look delicious.
Come now. Let's get this over with.
Chenga...
Vax.
We have to move.
We lost the ticket?
Screw it. Grog!
Come here, fuckstick!
There's no way out tonight, my friend.
- Hmm?
- Whoa! - Sylas!
Delilah!
Would you look at that, dear?
It's the pup who survived, all grown up.
Step off, bitch.
No one kills Vax but me!
I've got you, Vax.
Come on, come on, come on, please.
Thanks, Pickle.
Had him right where I wanted him.
I think not.
Ah, crap!
These are Emon's "Protectors of the Realm"?
Oh, shit. That ain't good.
My blade thirsts.
You got a sword.
Oh, that's cute.
You were saying?
So, we're not doing terrible, right?
No, this is terrible.
Oh, no.
Hold on, Grog!
Ah. Oh, you the best, Pike.
Ooh, I bet that hurt.
This little one is entirely too much trouble.
Ball tag time!
Your gods can't help you now.
- Oh, no, no, no! Pike!
What's going on? Go get the captain!
- There they are. In the courtyard! - Over there!
Desmond!
Lady Briarwood, I did as you ordered.
Your belongings are here...
I'll drive, thank you.
Stop them!
Come visit us sometime, Percival.
You're always welcome back home.
No! I had them.
Had them!
And you let them slip away.
I-I didn't...
Everlight.
No. No, please.
You.
Start talking.
Why were the Briarwoods here?
What were they after?
Uh, they were invited like you.
By Sovereign Uriel.
Sylas and Delilah have never left
the confines of Whitestone before.
Why here? Why now?
Answer me... now.
What the actual fuck?
Holy shit, Percy. What are you doing?
Please. I'm-I'm only a servant.
They-they don't tell me anything.
Please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me!
Percy, stop.
You fool.
Now your soul is forfeit.
Halt right there!
What is the meaning of this?
Guards, arrest Vox Machina.
Quickly!
Go, go!
Nobody move!
Hands where we can see 'em.
They loved me in there.
Oh, I was on fire.
Huh?
Fuck.
Good night, Emon.
Chirp.