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‪可惡

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{\an8}‪NETFLIX 出品

3
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{\an8}‪（嘖…媽的）

4
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‪超狂

5
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‪我從後面冰箱拿了
‪啤酒和健怡蘋果可樂

6
00:03:08,668 --> 00:03:11,834
‪我有蘋果酒和餅乾

7
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‪開趴了

8
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‪我好替妳開心，凱特

9
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‪敬狄比斯基彗星

10
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‪-乾杯
‪-好

11
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‪一定是，瞧…這肯定是歐特雲彗星

12
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‪根據妳看到的地點

13
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‪它上次離太陽這麼近

14
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‪大概在人類文明開始更早之前

15
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‪看這弧度，天啊，好驚人

16
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‪明迪教授，怎麼測量
‪彗星的運行速度和軌道？

17
00:03:35,209 --> 00:03:36,668
‪這是個好問題

18
00:03:37,376 --> 00:03:40,209
‪這下好玩了，研究所後
‪我就沒碰過軌道動力學

19
00:03:40,834 --> 00:03:42,043
‪問題是，卡爾…

20
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‪卡爾薩根會怎麼做？

21
00:03:45,543 --> 00:03:48,918
‪他會回歸到第一原理

22
00:03:49,584 --> 00:03:52,918
‪地面中心向量是P軸

23
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‪凱特，最初座標是什麼？

24
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‪21

25
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‪24

26
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‪13

27
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‪各位，很好玩吧？

28
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‪-67
‪-妳讓我熱血沸騰了

29
00:04:07,584 --> 00:04:08,834
‪-明迪博士
‪-好

30
00:04:08,918 --> 00:04:10,626
‪這要校準幾圈…

31
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:13,501
‪近似座標，85

32
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‪既然有彗星軌道，只要查看星曆表

33
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‪就可算出彗星和地球間的距離

34
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‪星曆數據怎麼越來越低？

35
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‪明迪教授？

36
00:04:49,459 --> 00:04:50,668
‪明迪教授？

37
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‪這樣吧，我們…

38
00:04:58,918 --> 00:05:00,501
‪今天先到這邊吧

39
00:05:02,876 --> 00:05:04,876
‪但是相對位置呢？

40
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‪我解不出來，今晚不行，抱歉

41
00:05:09,334 --> 00:05:11,709
‪-走吧，累死了
‪-我也是

42
00:05:12,543 --> 00:05:15,334
‪-凱特，太棒了
‪-恭喜妳

43
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‪喂，凱特

44
00:05:18,751 --> 00:05:19,709
‪妳留下來

45
00:05:21,918 --> 00:05:26,834
‪（“我想跟爺爺一樣
‪在睡夢中安詳離世）

46
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‪（不像他的乘客慘叫而死”
‪-傑克韓迪）

47
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‪寇德博士

48
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‪密西根州大學教授和他的研究生…

49
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‪我是寇德博士，你打斷我的會議

50
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‪我得告訴組員我們丟了八十億預算

51
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‪非常抱歉，寇德博士

52
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‪但是我們在一顆剛發現的彗星上

53
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‪見到匪夷所思的軌道數據

54
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‪妳應該收到信了，對吧？

55
00:05:49,084 --> 00:05:50,376
‪-是這個嗎？
‪-沒錯

56
00:05:50,459 --> 00:05:51,918
‪好

57
00:05:52,001 --> 00:05:55,084
‪我要接通奧格索普博士，請稍候

58
00:05:55,918 --> 00:05:57,293
‪她要我等

59
00:05:57,376 --> 00:06:00,543
‪她在聯絡奧格索普博士，那是誰？

60
00:06:01,376 --> 00:06:04,126
‪老天爺，我要開擴音

61
00:06:06,084 --> 00:06:07,209
‪“奧格索普博士

62
00:06:07,293 --> 00:06:10,709
‪行星防禦協調辦事處處長”

63
00:06:10,793 --> 00:06:12,668
‪-真有這種單位？
‪-我哪知道

64
00:06:12,751 --> 00:06:16,043
‪（行星防禦協調辦事處是真的單位）

65
00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:20,918
‪（這是他們的標誌）

66
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‪我是奧格索普博士

67
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‪我是甘迺迪太空中心的喬瑟琳寇德

68
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‪嗨，喬瑟琳

69
00:06:27,126 --> 00:06:31,543
‪我們在速霸陸望遠鏡上
‪見到一顆近地天體

70
00:06:31,626 --> 00:06:35,501
‪好，怎麼不向小行星研究處報告？

71
00:06:35,584 --> 00:06:38,334
‪處長，密西根州大學的教授和學生

72
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‪發現大型彗星

73
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‪真的？多大？

74
00:06:41,959 --> 00:06:43,334
‪所以有多大？

75
00:06:43,418 --> 00:06:45,709
‪我們觀察到約五到十公里寬

76
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‪約五到十公里寬

77
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‪是個大塊頭

78
00:06:51,043 --> 00:06:55,334
‪那名教授是第一個觀察到的人嗎？

79
00:06:55,418 --> 00:06:57,668
‪嗨，是的，我是明迪博士

80
00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:01,168
‪不是我，發現的是
‪博士候選人凱特狄比斯基

81
00:07:01,251 --> 00:07:02,959
‪我計算了軌道

82
00:07:05,043 --> 00:07:07,293
‪我研究領域是死星系微量氣體

83
00:07:07,376 --> 00:07:10,834
‪我很久沒發表論文
‪所以可能名不見經傳

84
00:07:10,918 --> 00:07:14,251
‪但是不重要，抱歉，你剛剛問什麼？

85
00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:17,418
‪彗星軌道的最新預測數據為何？

86
00:07:17,501 --> 00:07:18,376
‪凱特？

87
00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:27,084
‪我算了一整天，怎麼算結果都相同

88
00:07:27,834 --> 00:07:30,834
‪6個月又14天後會直接撞上地球

89
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:33,043
‪我算的也是

90
00:07:33,126 --> 00:07:35,376
‪馬修，你的計算結果呢？

91
00:07:35,459 --> 00:07:36,293
‪（航太總署）

92
00:07:36,376 --> 00:07:40,543
‪偵察程式算出6個月又14天

93
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,834
‪我們算出6個月又14天

94
00:07:42,918 --> 00:07:48,959
‪而且約五到十公里寬

95
00:07:49,043 --> 00:07:51,168
‪表示…

96
00:07:52,251 --> 00:07:53,668
‪這是…

97
00:07:54,668 --> 00:07:56,126
‪滅絕級事件吧？

98
00:07:57,251 --> 00:07:59,418
‪拜託，別那麼大驚小怪

99
00:08:01,543 --> 00:08:02,459
‪好

100
00:08:03,376 --> 00:08:07,376
‪第一步是把那對師生帶到華府

101
00:08:07,459 --> 00:08:08,876
‪大家別激動

102
00:08:08,959 --> 00:08:12,501
‪我需要彗星的發現者和負責人

103
00:08:12,876 --> 00:08:13,876
‪什麼？

104
00:08:16,959 --> 00:08:21,251
‪立刻把數據給劍橋大學
‪加州理工學院和國際天文聯會

105
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,334
‪等一下，這是機密資訊

106
00:08:23,418 --> 00:08:24,918
‪現在是怎麼回事？

107
00:08:25,001 --> 00:08:26,709
‪我只聽命於總統

108
00:08:26,793 --> 00:08:27,834
‪這是真的嗎？

109
00:08:27,918 --> 00:08:30,709
‪把學生和死星系教授
‪送到希克肯空軍基地

110
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‪去華府，對嗎？喂，凱特

111
00:08:33,418 --> 00:08:35,334
‪這不是真的，對吧？

112
00:08:35,418 --> 00:08:38,584
‪凱特，這不是真的吧？這是…

113
00:08:38,668 --> 00:08:41,168
‪只是某種平行時空，對吧？

114
00:08:41,251 --> 00:08:42,084
‪說句話啊

115
00:08:42,168 --> 00:08:43,793
‪我得去嗑藥嗨一下

116
00:08:43,876 --> 00:08:48,168
‪我奉命將你們盡快送到華府
‪我只有那架飛機可用

117
00:08:48,251 --> 00:08:50,418
‪我是明迪博士，她是…

118
00:08:50,501 --> 00:08:52,251
‪-嗨
‪-去吧

119
00:08:54,876 --> 00:08:57,834
‪-凱特，我們要坐哪？
‪-我不知道

120
00:08:57,918 --> 00:08:59,668
‪有沒有固定座位給…

121
00:09:06,751 --> 00:09:10,668
‪搞屁？有沒有搞錯？
‪這是該死的玩笑嗎？

122
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:11,876
‪他媽的

123
00:09:18,501 --> 00:09:21,043
‪不可能的，不會的

124
00:10:09,168 --> 00:10:11,168
‪-布蘭登，你說布蘭登嗎？
‪-就是布蘭登

125
00:10:11,251 --> 00:10:14,626
‪他太招搖，充滿政治算計
‪泰迪，你清楚得很

126
00:10:15,668 --> 00:10:18,293
‪-你們一定是藍道和凱特
‪-對，嗨

127
00:10:18,376 --> 00:10:20,626
‪我是奧格索普博士，叫我泰迪吧

128
00:10:20,709 --> 00:10:22,209
‪抱歉，你說你是…

129
00:10:22,293 --> 00:10:23,876
‪-我應該叫你“泰迪”？
‪-泰迪

130
00:10:23,959 --> 00:10:25,376
‪-泰迪
‪-對

131
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:28,126
‪對，我們叫他泰迪
‪因為他不是泰迪熊

132
00:10:29,043 --> 00:10:31,459
‪我是席姆將軍，代表國防部

133
00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:33,418
‪關注這件事的發展

134
00:10:33,501 --> 00:10:37,918
‪總統是遲到大王
‪你們又大老遠飛來，所以…

135
00:10:41,418 --> 00:10:43,584
‪密西根州立大學斯巴達人隊

136
00:10:48,959 --> 00:10:52,626
‪-那是總統辦公室嗎？
‪-沒錯，是總統辦公室

137
00:10:53,626 --> 00:10:55,584
‪比照片上看起來小多了

138
00:10:55,668 --> 00:10:58,918
‪總統應該快到了，她已經聽取簡報

139
00:10:59,001 --> 00:11:00,501
‪史考特，對嗎？

140
00:11:02,251 --> 00:11:03,209
‪沒錯

141
00:11:03,293 --> 00:11:05,584
‪我們待會真的要告訴美國總統

142
00:11:05,668 --> 00:11:07,251
‪再過六個多月

143
00:11:07,876 --> 00:11:12,209
‪人類、所有物種會完全滅絕？

144
00:11:12,293 --> 00:11:16,334
‪對，那就是我們要做的事，沒錯

145
00:11:21,959 --> 00:11:23,959
‪哎呀，天啊

146
00:12:13,584 --> 00:12:15,459
‪對，我說執法人員

147
00:12:15,543 --> 00:12:18,751
‪可是我沒…你說他沒有前科

148
00:12:20,959 --> 00:12:23,709
‪-您好，總統女士，奧格索普博士
‪-請退後

149
00:12:23,793 --> 00:12:26,043
‪這是他人生這40年來的名譽

150
00:12:26,126 --> 00:12:30,251
‪總統女士，我是奧格索普博士
‪喬瑟琳應該已經向您呈報…

151
00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:33,043
‪-嗨，傑森
‪-怎樣？你們好

152
00:12:33,126 --> 00:12:35,209
‪拜託，搞什麼鬼？這是現實世界

153
00:12:35,293 --> 00:12:36,918
‪我知道，我們需要五分鐘

154
00:12:37,001 --> 00:12:40,668
‪大法官提名出了狀況
‪稍候五分鐘，謝謝

155
00:12:53,376 --> 00:12:57,584
‪祝妳生日快樂

156
00:12:57,668 --> 00:13:02,001
‪祝妳生日快樂

157
00:13:02,084 --> 00:13:06,584
‪祝妳生日快樂，親愛的派蒂

158
00:13:08,543 --> 00:13:11,793
‪只是留個言，然後就出這種包

159
00:13:11,876 --> 00:13:13,543
‪我不知道怎麼搞的

160
00:13:14,876 --> 00:13:17,584
‪到底要跟你再講幾遍…

161
00:13:17,668 --> 00:13:21,543
‪有一堆他們的提名人不適任的報導

162
00:13:22,834 --> 00:13:25,918
‪但是沒看到有文章寫到我們的事

163
00:13:26,001 --> 00:13:28,334
‪社群媒體一直在瘋傳

164
00:13:28,418 --> 00:13:32,293
‪歌手蕾莉比納和DJ切羅分手的事

165
00:13:33,501 --> 00:13:35,209
‪太慘了

166
00:13:36,126 --> 00:13:37,334
‪就很像貼心的孩子

167
00:13:38,084 --> 00:13:39,584
‪我不認識他們

168
00:13:41,751 --> 00:13:42,626
‪不過…

169
00:13:42,709 --> 00:13:44,418
‪-很令人遺憾
‪-對

170
00:13:44,501 --> 00:13:46,543
‪-凱特，妳認識他們嗎？
‪-認識

171
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,918
‪但我現在實在懶得鳥

172
00:13:51,251 --> 00:13:53,251
‪這裡吃的貴得要命

173
00:13:53,334 --> 00:13:54,668
‪每個人十元就夠了

174
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,668
‪-來，拿瓶水
‪-謝謝

175
00:13:56,751 --> 00:13:58,126
‪我也幫凱特付錢

176
00:13:58,209 --> 00:13:59,293
‪-太好了，好
‪-謝謝

177
00:13:59,376 --> 00:14:00,459
‪這裡有20元

178
00:14:02,459 --> 00:14:03,376
‪來

179
00:14:03,459 --> 00:14:05,376
‪-可以找零嗎？
‪-不行

180
00:14:08,418 --> 00:14:11,251
‪-我可以問陸戰隊
‪-算了…

181
00:14:13,334 --> 00:14:14,668
‪這是鎮定劑

182
00:14:14,751 --> 00:14:16,751
‪我只吃四分之一片，不然我會…

183
00:14:17,876 --> 00:14:20,001
‪-凱特
‪-謝謝

184
00:14:20,751 --> 00:14:23,126
‪妳不應該亂吃藥

185
00:14:44,043 --> 00:14:47,001
‪很抱歉，我明天2點前要到沖繩

186
00:14:47,084 --> 00:14:49,418
‪-什麼？
‪-什麼？你說真的嗎？

187
00:14:49,501 --> 00:14:52,168
‪-這件事很重要
‪-我得去安撫當地人

188
00:14:52,251 --> 00:14:53,709
‪幫我問候你女兒

189
00:14:54,459 --> 00:14:58,376
‪他應該陪我們進去吧？現在是怎樣？

190
00:15:05,543 --> 00:15:06,876
‪我要去哪結帳？

191
00:15:06,959 --> 00:15:08,001
‪不用錢

192
00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:11,834
‪真的假的？

193
00:15:11,918 --> 00:15:13,418
‪對，這裡可是白宮

194
00:15:19,751 --> 00:15:21,959
‪零嘴免費

195
00:15:22,751 --> 00:15:23,626
‪什麼？

196
00:15:24,251 --> 00:15:25,334
‪將軍

197
00:15:25,418 --> 00:15:28,084
‪他跟我們收錢，但是零嘴不用錢

198
00:15:28,168 --> 00:15:29,459
‪天啊

199
00:15:29,543 --> 00:15:31,584
‪他怎麼會幹這種事？

200
00:15:32,168 --> 00:15:35,334
‪三位，看來今晚會開不成了

201
00:15:35,418 --> 00:15:37,334
‪我覺得很自責

202
00:15:37,418 --> 00:15:39,334
‪我們會安排你們住進飯店

203
00:15:39,418 --> 00:15:41,584
‪抱歉，總統知道我們的來意嗎？

204
00:15:41,668 --> 00:15:43,959
‪你他媽的在開我玩笑吧

205
00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:47,918
‪-他們不曉得我們的來意吧？
‪-他們知道，但你們也聽到了

206
00:15:48,001 --> 00:15:50,334
‪-他們真的知道…
‪-為明天做好準備

207
00:15:50,418 --> 00:15:51,751
‪我們花了多久時間才…

208
00:15:51,834 --> 00:15:55,126
‪（莊園汽車旅館）

209
00:15:55,709 --> 00:15:57,751
‪然後他們讓我們枯等七個多鐘頭

210
00:15:57,834 --> 00:15:59,626
‪根本沒叫我們進去，真的很扯

211
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:03,584
‪那是當然的，凱特
‪妳今天有看新聞嗎？

212
00:16:03,668 --> 00:16:07,001
‪沒有，我滿腦子都是我們的…計畫

213
00:16:07,084 --> 00:16:08,543
‪馬上開電視

214
00:16:08,626 --> 00:16:11,126
‪歐林總統深陷重大爭議風暴

215
00:16:11,959 --> 00:16:15,209
‪韋德康倫警長被提名原本就引人非議

216
00:16:15,293 --> 00:16:18,834
{\an8}‪他沒有法律學位
‪還有“先開槍再盤查”的紀錄

217
00:16:18,918 --> 00:16:20,001
‪（《驗屍新聞網》）

218
00:16:20,084 --> 00:16:21,168
‪妳在看嗎？

219
00:16:21,251 --> 00:16:23,293
{\an8}‪他在大學當過人體模特兒

220
00:16:23,376 --> 00:16:25,793
{\an8}‪-這段黑歷史如今曝光
‪-對，我正在看

221
00:16:25,876 --> 00:16:28,293
{\an8}‪白宮現在危機重重

222
00:16:28,376 --> 00:16:32,168
‪聽好，我找到五個當時的學生

223
00:16:32,876 --> 00:16:37,376
‪願意作證康倫在素描課當模特兒時

224
00:16:38,001 --> 00:16:39,418
‪有明顯勃起

225
00:16:39,501 --> 00:16:40,959
{\an8}‪我不會對做過的事引以為恥

226
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:43,959
‪我該說“明顯勃起”

227
00:16:44,834 --> 00:16:46,043
‪還是“充血”？

228
00:16:46,126 --> 00:16:47,959
‪因為我不希望像在騙點閱率

229
00:16:48,043 --> 00:16:49,751
‪這是篇認真的文章

230
00:16:51,209 --> 00:16:54,334
‪我不…凱特，拜託給點意見好嗎？

231
00:16:55,418 --> 00:16:56,293
‪抱歉

232
00:16:57,126 --> 00:17:00,126
‪-今晚有點恍神
‪-能攤開來談嗎？

233
00:17:00,209 --> 00:17:02,126
‪我覺得我們在迴避這件事

234
00:17:02,209 --> 00:17:05,043
‪妳對我媽有意見嗎？是因為這樣嗎？

235
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:07,834
‪你不能說發生什麼事嗎？

236
00:17:07,918 --> 00:17:10,501
‪這只是規定，拜託別擔心

237
00:17:11,459 --> 00:17:15,251
‪馬歇爾的法學院入學考拿172分
‪我們正在慶祝

238
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:18,709
‪好厲害…馬歇爾，我以你為榮

239
00:17:18,793 --> 00:17:21,126
‪謝謝，爸，我很想你

240
00:17:21,209 --> 00:17:24,751
‪艾文覺得如何？新藥管用嗎？

241
00:17:24,834 --> 00:17:26,209
‪我很穩定

242
00:17:26,793 --> 00:17:28,126
‪他很穩定

243
00:17:28,209 --> 00:17:31,001
‪這樣是比上個月好，對吧？

244
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:34,251
‪記得明天開會時嗓門大一點

245
00:17:34,334 --> 00:17:35,793
‪-我會的
‪-你該居功時…

246
00:17:35,876 --> 00:17:38,459
‪反而會心虛，你都有點…

247
00:17:38,543 --> 00:17:43,043
‪她問妳是不是同性戀，又沒說妳是

248
00:17:43,126 --> 00:17:44,959
‪-那是個問句
‪-聽著，我…

249
00:17:45,043 --> 00:17:48,251
‪我能七個月後跟你媽吃個飯談談嗎？

250
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:54,668
‪七個…具體到很詭異
‪而且還很久，那可是我媽

251
00:18:00,251 --> 00:18:02,584
‪所以…

252
00:18:02,668 --> 00:18:06,084
‪我聽說有小行星或是彗星

253
00:18:06,584 --> 00:18:08,001
‪讓你們很擔心

254
00:18:09,918 --> 00:18:12,459
‪講完後，解釋你們為何要告訴我

255
00:18:12,543 --> 00:18:14,251
‪你們有20分鐘

256
00:18:14,334 --> 00:18:16,251
‪-20分鐘？
‪-你來說，博士

257
00:18:16,334 --> 00:18:18,418
‪說吧，現在說

258
00:18:20,168 --> 00:18:21,334
‪總統女士

259
00:18:23,834 --> 00:18:27,168
‪約36小時前

260
00:18:27,251 --> 00:18:31,834
‪這位博士候選人凱特狄比斯基發現

261
00:18:32,584 --> 00:18:34,043
‪一顆超大彗星

262
00:18:34,959 --> 00:18:36,918
‪-對
‪-真有妳的

263
00:18:37,001 --> 00:18:39,584
‪一顆約五到十公里寬的彗星

264
00:18:39,668 --> 00:18:44,293
‪我們判斷是來自歐特雲

265
00:18:44,376 --> 00:18:45,251
‪哇

266
00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:47,834
‪那是太陽系的最外層

267
00:18:48,459 --> 00:18:49,501
‪而且…

268
00:18:50,793 --> 00:18:53,459
‪運用高斯的軌道測定法

269
00:18:53,543 --> 00:18:59,584
‪平均天體測量不準度
‪為0,04弧秒，我們接著問…

270
00:18:59,668 --> 00:19:01,459
‪-什麼跟什麼啊？
‪-無聊死了

271
00:19:01,543 --> 00:19:03,043
‪直接說重點

272
00:19:03,126 --> 00:19:05,334
‪-什麼？別說什麼？
‪-說真的，別說了

273
00:19:05,418 --> 00:19:06,668
‪明迪博士想表達的是

274
00:19:06,751 --> 00:19:08,459
‪有顆彗星直接朝地球而來

275
00:19:08,543 --> 00:19:10,793
‪根據航太總署的電腦

276
00:19:10,876 --> 00:19:13,001
‪該星體會撞擊太平洋

277
00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:15,209
‪落在智利外海正西方100公里處

278
00:19:15,293 --> 00:19:17,209
‪然後會怎樣？有海浪？

279
00:19:17,293 --> 00:19:20,709
‪不，會是更加嚴重的災難

280
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:25,418
‪數公里高的海嘯會淹沒全球各地

281
00:19:26,334 --> 00:19:32,501
‪要是這顆彗星撞擊地球
‪將產生十億顆廣島原子彈的威力

282
00:19:33,584 --> 00:19:36,418
‪發生10或11級強震

283
00:19:36,501 --> 00:19:39,418
‪等等，你的怪喘氣聲讓我很不舒服

284
00:19:39,501 --> 00:19:42,043
‪抱歉，我只想陳述科學事實

285
00:19:42,126 --> 00:19:45,251
‪我懂，但壓力好大，我想認真聽…

286
00:19:45,334 --> 00:19:47,876
‪你好像不瞭解嚴重性

287
00:19:47,959 --> 00:19:49,918
‪我想盡量解釋清楚…

288
00:19:50,001 --> 00:19:54,834
‪總統女士
‪這顆彗星是所謂的行星殺手

289
00:19:54,918 --> 00:19:56,376
‪對極了

290
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:02,376
‪這件事有多確定？

291
00:20:02,459 --> 00:20:05,584
‪百分之百確定會撞到

292
00:20:05,668 --> 00:20:07,709
‪拜託，別說百分之百

293
00:20:07,793 --> 00:20:10,459
‪可以稱為潛在重大事件嗎？

294
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:11,418
‪-可以
‪-好

295
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:14,709
‪但這不是可能會發生

296
00:20:14,793 --> 00:20:15,959
‪是一定會發生

297
00:20:16,043 --> 00:20:20,126
‪沒錯，確切機率是99,78%

298
00:20:20,209 --> 00:20:22,334
‪好極了，所以不是百分之百

299
00:20:22,418 --> 00:20:25,293
‪科學家不喜歡說百分之百

300
00:20:25,376 --> 00:20:27,834
‪那就定調在70%，然後來討論別的

301
00:20:27,918 --> 00:20:29,584
‪可是跟70%差遠了

302
00:20:29,668 --> 00:20:32,001
‪不能出去跟大家說

303
00:20:32,084 --> 00:20:34,793
‪他們百分之百會丟掉小命

304
00:20:34,876 --> 00:20:37,834
‪懂嗎？那太瞎了

305
00:20:37,918 --> 00:20:41,043
‪應該找自己的科學家研究，恕我直言

306
00:20:41,126 --> 00:20:44,293
‪你們只是兩個路人走進來，跟這位…

307
00:20:44,376 --> 00:20:45,584
‪奧格索普博士

308
00:20:45,668 --> 00:20:47,209
‪奧夫…奧格維博士，好喔

309
00:20:47,293 --> 00:20:50,834
‪我在航太總署
‪擔任行星防禦處長15年

310
00:20:50,918 --> 00:20:55,376
‪明迪博士是
‪密西根州大學天文系終身教授

311
00:20:55,459 --> 00:20:58,501
‪狄比斯基小姐是該校博士候選人

312
00:20:58,584 --> 00:20:59,459
‪-很好
‪-抱歉

313
00:20:59,543 --> 00:21:01,126
‪你剛剛說“密西根州大學”嗎？

314
00:21:01,209 --> 00:21:03,793
‪沒錯，他們有一流的天文系

315
00:21:03,876 --> 00:21:05,293
‪-沒錯
‪-拜託，兄弟

316
00:21:05,376 --> 00:21:07,668
‪你說笑吧？要看我學測成績嗎？

317
00:21:07,751 --> 00:21:09,751
‪好了，講重點

318
00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:11,668
‪我要付出什麼代價？

319
00:21:11,751 --> 00:21:13,918
‪你們有何要求？

320
00:21:14,001 --> 00:21:17,084
‪政府原本就有適合的計畫

321
00:21:17,168 --> 00:21:19,584
‪我們能透過航太總署行動

322
00:21:19,668 --> 00:21:22,626
‪可以在無人機上安裝核彈

323
00:21:22,709 --> 00:21:27,126
‪希望能撞偏並改變彗星的軌道

324
00:21:27,209 --> 00:21:28,959
‪我們必須馬上行動

325
00:21:29,043 --> 00:21:31,626
‪瞭了，好啦…

326
00:21:31,709 --> 00:21:32,793
‪期中選舉什麼時候？

327
00:21:32,876 --> 00:21:34,043
‪-三週後
‪-三週後

328
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,876
‪這件事先曝光的話，我們會輸掉國會

329
00:21:36,959 --> 00:21:38,876
‪到時候我們就無能為力了

330
00:21:38,959 --> 00:21:39,876
‪巧婦難為無米之炊

331
00:21:39,959 --> 00:21:43,959
‪時間點實在…糟透了

332
00:21:45,043 --> 00:21:51,168
‪好，這種非常時期
‪我們就按兵不動，靜觀其變吧

333
00:21:51,251 --> 00:21:53,876
‪-按兵不動，靜觀其變
‪-找其他人來研究

334
00:21:53,959 --> 00:21:55,668
‪長春藤畢業生

335
00:21:55,751 --> 00:21:59,084
‪我會跟你審核航太總署計畫，好嗎？

336
00:21:59,168 --> 00:22:00,334
‪感激不盡

337
00:22:00,418 --> 00:22:03,626
‪我的理解正確嗎？

338
00:22:03,709 --> 00:22:07,459
‪妳今天聽完這些資訊後

339
00:22:08,084 --> 00:22:12,334
‪決定要“按兵不動，靜觀其變”？

340
00:22:12,418 --> 00:22:15,668
‪-抱歉，她是誰？
‪-你才哪位？你不是她兒子嗎？

341
00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:18,418
‪我是媽的幕僚長，龍紋身的男孩

342
00:22:18,501 --> 00:22:19,918
‪所以老子混得不錯

343
00:22:20,001 --> 00:22:22,584
‪我們閃人吧，這地方是馬戲團

344
00:22:22,668 --> 00:22:25,251
‪我想狄比斯基小姐想說的是

345
00:22:25,334 --> 00:22:30,418
‪按兵不動的決定實在危險至極

346
00:22:33,668 --> 00:22:35,626
‪謝謝，今天總算有好事發生

347
00:22:36,876 --> 00:22:38,084
‪好，說來有趣

348
00:22:39,043 --> 00:22:40,293
‪我選總統時

349
00:22:40,959 --> 00:22:44,001
‪競選活動第一個月我都得偷偷抽菸

350
00:22:44,084 --> 00:22:46,334
‪因為我抽菸的照片

351
00:22:46,418 --> 00:22:48,376
‪價格多少？一張十萬？

352
00:22:49,668 --> 00:22:52,543
‪所以我都偷偷抽，但是我膩了

353
00:22:53,209 --> 00:22:56,626
‪我就說：“這樣吧，老娘想抽就抽”

354
00:23:00,834 --> 00:23:01,834
‪猜猜發生什麼事？

355
00:23:02,709 --> 00:23:06,543
{\an8}‪-民調上升三個百分點
‪-他們就愛她不假掰

356
00:23:06,626 --> 00:23:08,501
{\an8}‪大家愛看火辣美魔女抽菸

357
00:23:08,584 --> 00:23:11,626
‪她是我最想在
‪《花花公子》上看到的總統

358
00:23:11,709 --> 00:23:15,043
‪知道這幾年來我們開過幾次

359
00:23:15,126 --> 00:23:16,751
‪“世界末日”會議嗎？

360
00:23:16,834 --> 00:23:20,876
‪經濟崩潰、核彈危機
‪汽車廢氣破壞大氣層

361
00:23:20,959 --> 00:23:23,709
‪-暴走的人工智慧
‪-乾旱、饑荒、瘟疫…

362
00:23:23,793 --> 00:23:25,001
‪應有盡有

363
00:23:25,084 --> 00:23:28,876
‪外星人入侵、人口成長、臭氧層破洞

364
00:23:28,959 --> 00:23:29,959
‪傑森，喂

365
00:23:30,043 --> 00:23:32,209
‪-偶爾識相一點
‪-抱歉，媽

366
00:23:32,793 --> 00:23:35,043
‪重點是，我有事要做

367
00:23:35,126 --> 00:23:37,876
‪你們真的瞭解這是末日浩劫吧

368
00:23:37,959 --> 00:23:43,293
‪一顆巨大天體朝地球而來，時速…

369
00:23:43,376 --> 00:23:45,376
‪明迪博士，我瞭解

370
00:23:46,501 --> 00:23:47,668
‪我聽進去了

371
00:23:48,834 --> 00:23:51,293
‪-你應該要引以為傲
‪-謝謝

372
00:23:51,376 --> 00:23:54,709
‪我很認真看待，而且放在心上

373
00:23:54,793 --> 00:23:57,918
‪還好聽妳這麼說，我擔心死了

374
00:23:58,001 --> 00:24:03,043
‪各位，剛剛談的內容
‪顯然是超級機密，對吧？

375
00:24:03,126 --> 00:24:04,543
‪-對
‪-很好

376
00:24:04,626 --> 00:24:05,793
‪多謝妳盛裝出席

377
00:24:14,918 --> 00:24:17,084
‪你是說我們要找媒體爆料？

378
00:24:17,168 --> 00:24:19,626
‪-這樣違法吧？
‪-沒錯，就是要爆料

379
00:24:19,709 --> 00:24:22,418
‪怕你沒發現，白宮隨便打發我們

380
00:24:22,501 --> 00:24:24,418
‪我男友菲利浦說他認識

381
00:24:24,501 --> 00:24:26,501
‪《紐約先驅報》的記者願意跟我們談

382
00:24:26,584 --> 00:24:29,293
‪-亞度葛里歐
‪-很好，他是大咖

383
00:24:29,376 --> 00:24:32,584
‪我會暗中聯絡更多科學家

384
00:24:34,209 --> 00:24:38,459
‪-我不擅此道
‪-你陳述事情就好

385
00:24:38,543 --> 00:24:39,793
‪簡明扼要

386
00:24:40,501 --> 00:24:41,626
‪別扯數學

387
00:24:42,834 --> 00:24:44,209
‪但都是數學啊

388
00:24:56,626 --> 00:24:58,543
‪一切始於一個連結

389
00:24:59,459 --> 00:25:03,084
‪一個創造浩瀚萬物的簡單手勢

390
00:25:03,918 --> 00:25:05,043
‪這麼多選擇

391
00:25:06,251 --> 00:25:08,584
‪有時候，甚至多到眼花撩亂

392
00:25:09,418 --> 00:25:10,918
‪直到現在

393
00:25:11,001 --> 00:25:13,126
‪貝許樂活機登場

394
00:25:13,209 --> 00:25:14,043
‪（一機在手，樂活在我）

395
00:25:14,126 --> 00:25:16,834
‪沒有生活壓力的樂活人生

396
00:25:17,959 --> 00:25:18,876
‪（貝許）

397
00:25:18,959 --> 00:25:21,293
‪在貝許創辦人兼執行長出場前

398
00:25:21,376 --> 00:25:23,834
‪請記得避免眼睛直視

399
00:25:23,918 --> 00:25:27,501
‪突然的動作、咳嗽或負面表情

400
00:25:27,584 --> 00:25:30,959
‪現在掌聲歡迎彼得伊許威爾爵士

401
00:25:31,043 --> 00:25:32,668
‪（創辦人 彼得伊許威爾）

402
00:25:34,043 --> 00:25:35,834
‪我們愛你，彼得

403
00:25:46,376 --> 00:25:48,168
‪我們愛你，彼得

404
00:25:48,251 --> 00:25:49,418
‪大家好

405
00:25:49,501 --> 00:25:51,876
‪本人的畢生成就

406
00:25:52,501 --> 00:25:57,459
‪就我看來，是受到朋友
‪難以表達的需求所驅使

407
00:25:58,126 --> 00:26:00,459
‪一個會瞭解和撫慰我的朋友

408
00:26:00,543 --> 00:26:05,834
‪這些年努力的成果就是貝許樂活機

409
00:26:05,918 --> 00:26:10,418
‪我們的新款貝許14,3手機

410
00:26:10,501 --> 00:26:14,793
‪跟你的感受和欲望完全合為一體

411
00:26:14,876 --> 00:26:17,376
‪你根本無須開口

412
00:26:17,459 --> 00:26:18,334
‪如果我感到…

413
00:26:19,043 --> 00:26:20,334
‪-難過
‪-害怕

414
00:26:20,418 --> 00:26:21,501
‪或孤單

415
00:26:21,584 --> 00:26:25,793
‪貝許14,3手機設成生活模式時

416
00:26:25,876 --> 00:26:29,001
‪會立刻偵測到我的心情，透過血壓

417
00:26:30,334 --> 00:26:31,584
‪心跳，還有…

418
00:26:31,668 --> 00:26:33,459
‪你的生命徵象顯示你很難過

419
00:26:33,543 --> 00:26:35,876
‪這會讓你開心起來，彼得

420
00:26:35,959 --> 00:26:40,626
‪你是我的好友…

421
00:26:40,709 --> 00:26:44,501
‪你是我的好友，你讓我開心，好友

422
00:26:44,584 --> 00:26:46,459
‪太棒了

423
00:26:46,543 --> 00:26:47,876
‪那個影片

424
00:26:48,793 --> 00:26:52,126
‪說真的，它也可以

425
00:26:52,209 --> 00:26:55,418
‪跟鄰近的專家預約診療時間

426
00:26:55,501 --> 00:27:00,251
‪確保低落的心情不會復發

427
00:27:00,334 --> 00:27:03,084
‪-伊許威爾先生，我能說句話嗎？
‪-不行

428
00:27:03,168 --> 00:27:07,584
‪為支援貝許樂活機，我要正式宣布…

429
00:27:08,501 --> 00:27:10,168
‪手機給我，不是你們的

430
00:27:12,959 --> 00:27:14,084
‪說再見

431
00:27:14,168 --> 00:27:15,168
‪再見，伊許威爾先生

432
00:27:15,251 --> 00:27:16,501
‪再見，彼得

433
00:27:17,209 --> 00:27:18,501
‪我愛你，彼得

434
00:27:18,584 --> 00:27:22,626
‪小狗騎公雞的影片確定能優化

435
00:27:22,709 --> 00:27:25,459
‪我們兒童感覺記憶的消費產業嗎？

436
00:27:25,543 --> 00:27:27,209
‪我覺得那隻鳥很嚇人

437
00:27:27,293 --> 00:27:30,334
‪我們一定會反覆核對資料

438
00:27:30,418 --> 00:27:33,001
‪伊許威爾先生，保羅迪班要給你這個

439
00:27:33,084 --> 00:27:35,834
‪墨西哥的天文學家友人寄給他的

440
00:27:38,209 --> 00:27:39,043
‪天啊

441
00:27:39,126 --> 00:27:40,501
‪（《紐約先驅報》）

442
00:27:40,584 --> 00:27:43,043
‪亞度，我們跟其他人確認過嗎？

443
00:27:43,126 --> 00:27:46,459
‪我跟華府的奧格索普博士談過
‪他證實此事及所有數據

444
00:27:46,543 --> 00:27:48,543
‪然後我拿給哥大的法蘭克斯博士看

445
00:27:48,626 --> 00:27:50,876
‪他差點從椅子上摔下來

446
00:27:50,959 --> 00:27:54,918
‪我得承認，我起初也半信半疑

447
00:27:55,001 --> 00:27:56,626
‪但是這件事非常可信

448
00:27:56,709 --> 00:27:59,126
‪計算結果很可靠

449
00:27:59,209 --> 00:28:00,209
‪老天

450
00:28:00,876 --> 00:28:02,793
‪總統真的說按兵不動？

451
00:28:02,876 --> 00:28:05,793
‪-對，沒錯
‪-“按兵不動，靜觀其變”

452
00:28:05,876 --> 00:28:07,751
‪她大概在擔心期中選舉

453
00:28:07,834 --> 00:28:09,418
‪我們動作要快

454
00:28:09,501 --> 00:28:11,376
‪調查局會說他們洩密

455
00:28:11,459 --> 00:28:13,418
‪確保這兩人有公益律師

456
00:28:13,501 --> 00:28:16,501
‪-可以用我的律師
‪-妳現在肯定請得起

457
00:28:16,584 --> 00:28:17,959
‪-我們要請律師？
‪-沒必要

458
00:28:18,043 --> 00:28:19,751
‪-我認為有必要
‪-根本沒必要

459
00:28:19,834 --> 00:28:21,834
‪抱歉，不好意思，打個岔

460
00:28:21,918 --> 00:28:23,209
‪沒這個必要

461
00:28:23,293 --> 00:28:24,626
‪我有個問題

462
00:28:24,709 --> 00:28:27,668
‪如果我們只是告訴別人

463
00:28:27,751 --> 00:28:31,043
‪告知大眾我們見到的真相也算犯法？

464
00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:34,209
‪他上節目前一定要受過媒體訓練

465
00:28:34,293 --> 00:28:35,918
‪他好像慢半拍

466
00:28:36,001 --> 00:28:38,126
‪我需要媒體訓練是什麼意思？

467
00:28:39,084 --> 00:28:41,834
‪他們要我們那天一早，在文章刊出前

468
00:28:41,918 --> 00:28:44,543
‪去上一個叫《每日爆料秀》的節目

469
00:28:44,626 --> 00:28:46,459
‪你們知道《每日爆料秀》是什麼嗎？

470
00:28:46,543 --> 00:28:49,043
‪那節目超讚，大家都想上

471
00:28:49,126 --> 00:28:50,959
‪布莉和傑克的默契一流

472
00:28:51,043 --> 00:28:52,293
‪他們曾經找我去上節目

473
00:28:52,376 --> 00:28:54,543
‪我樂到兩天睡不著覺

474
00:28:54,626 --> 00:28:55,959
‪結果因為時間關係砍通告

475
00:28:56,043 --> 00:28:57,793
‪現在想到還是很難受

476
00:28:57,876 --> 00:29:01,626
‪我知道你說的節目，我老婆很愛看

477
00:29:01,709 --> 00:29:04,501
‪妳能告訴我怎麼回事嗎？可以嗎？

478
00:29:04,584 --> 00:29:07,959
‪因為妳還沒看我那篇
‪康倫在美術課硬起來的文章

479
00:29:08,043 --> 00:29:10,834
‪亞度葛里歐還為了妳的事親自出馬

480
00:29:10,918 --> 00:29:13,668
‪妳連個暗示都不給我嗎？拜託

481
00:29:13,751 --> 00:29:16,751
‪一顆比毀滅恐龍的小行星更大的彗星

482
00:29:16,834 --> 00:29:18,126
‪朝著地球直接飛來

483
00:29:18,209 --> 00:29:20,584
‪若彗星沒有被撞離軌道，地球會滅亡

484
00:29:21,126 --> 00:29:22,668
‪等等，妳剛剛說什麼？

485
00:29:22,751 --> 00:29:24,043
‪那是電玩設定

486
00:29:27,501 --> 00:29:28,834
‪妳說真的嗎？

487
00:29:29,584 --> 00:29:30,584
‪對

488
00:29:32,834 --> 00:29:34,126
‪要死了

489
00:29:44,376 --> 00:29:47,084
‪我的媽，搞屁喔？

490
00:29:47,168 --> 00:29:49,876
‪我也愛妳，對，好

491
00:29:50,584 --> 00:29:53,001
‪兩位，我們得趕路

492
00:29:53,084 --> 00:29:54,251
‪快點

493
00:30:30,834 --> 00:30:33,501
‪-明迪博士和狄比斯基小姐？
‪-是的

494
00:30:33,584 --> 00:30:35,876
‪傑克和布莉很期待你們上節目

495
00:30:35,959 --> 00:30:37,793
‪真的假的？他們認識我們？

496
00:30:37,876 --> 00:30:40,209
‪白宮甚至否認跟他們碰過面

497
00:30:40,293 --> 00:30:43,834
‪狗改不了吃屎嘛

498
00:30:47,084 --> 00:30:48,084
‪（《每日爆料秀》）

499
00:30:52,793 --> 00:30:54,668
‪嗨，我是塔莉雅

500
00:30:54,751 --> 00:30:57,209
‪報社派我來幫忙打理造型

501
00:30:59,001 --> 00:30:59,876
‪我死也不穿那件

502
00:31:02,126 --> 00:31:05,584
‪其實你的五官相當端正

503
00:31:05,668 --> 00:31:08,376
‪我幫你鬍子修短一點

504
00:31:08,459 --> 00:31:09,876
‪我喜歡妳的髮型

505
00:31:10,668 --> 00:31:11,584
‪謝謝

506
00:31:12,418 --> 00:31:16,001
‪我們要怎麼做？我談發現彗星的事

507
00:31:16,709 --> 00:31:19,126
‪你談要迫切採取行動

508
00:31:19,209 --> 00:31:21,459
‪我們要怎麼說？我是說…

509
00:31:22,751 --> 00:31:26,168
‪-不用排練或打草稿嗎？
‪-要幫你倒水嗎？

510
00:31:26,251 --> 00:31:28,501
‪水，好啊，水不錯

511
00:31:29,668 --> 00:31:32,459
‪既來之，則安之<i>‪…</i>

512
00:31:32,543 --> 00:31:37,418
‪吃葡萄不吐葡萄皮
‪不吃葡萄倒吐葡萄皮…

513
00:31:38,168 --> 00:31:40,084
‪要吃點鎮定劑

514
00:31:41,209 --> 00:31:42,751
‪我有時候會吃，只要我…

515
00:31:44,668 --> 00:31:46,668
‪凱特，這次不行…

516
00:31:52,334 --> 00:31:56,376
‪他只要呼吸順暢和大聲說出來就好

517
00:31:56,459 --> 00:31:57,918
‪他沒問題的，我知道他行的

518
00:32:03,251 --> 00:32:04,501
‪天啊，鎮定點

519
00:32:09,084 --> 00:32:12,959
‪既來之，則安之<i>‪…</i>

520
00:32:17,584 --> 00:32:18,501
‪天啊

521
00:32:18,584 --> 00:32:20,626
‪叫妳別喝便宜酒了

522
00:32:21,793 --> 00:32:23,793
‪-才喝兩杯
‪-是兩杯半吧

523
00:32:23,876 --> 00:32:25,584
‪-倒數20秒
‪-從來沒準時過

524
00:32:25,668 --> 00:32:27,584
‪確定我們的視線

525
00:32:27,668 --> 00:32:30,293
‪不會直視傑克和布莉，有勞

526
00:32:30,376 --> 00:32:31,751
‪進片頭

527
00:32:52,084 --> 00:32:54,751
‪-咪咪挺嗎？
‪-很挺，在直播了

528
00:32:54,834 --> 00:32:58,126
‪布莉，我今天跟妳爆個料，聽好

529
00:32:58,209 --> 00:33:00,084
‪歐林總統的大法官提名人

530
00:33:00,168 --> 00:33:06,251
‪康倫警長被認出
‪曾出現在1990年代初期的

531
00:33:06,334 --> 00:33:07,834
‪-情色節目上
‪-太荒唐了

532
00:33:07,918 --> 00:33:10,876
‪叫做《春宵滾床單》

533
00:33:10,959 --> 00:33:13,793
‪-這個報導越滾越大
‪-天啊

534
00:33:13,876 --> 00:33:15,168
‪那是蕾莉比納嗎？

535
00:33:15,251 --> 00:33:17,126
‪-對，那是…
‪-是本尊？

536
00:33:19,418 --> 00:33:22,251
‪她本人嬌小多了，對吧？

537
00:33:22,834 --> 00:33:24,001
{\an8}‪騎上去，牛仔

538
00:33:26,334 --> 00:33:27,376
‪很傳神

539
00:33:27,459 --> 00:33:30,126
‪大家好，我是工作人員尚恩

540
00:33:30,209 --> 00:33:33,918
‪我們要…傑克和布莉
‪會聊大法官提名人十分鐘

541
00:33:34,001 --> 00:33:37,251
‪-蕾莉比納，妳上台就…
‪-我能談我的單曲吧？

542
00:33:37,334 --> 00:33:40,334
‪部分收益捐給海牛保育區

543
00:33:40,418 --> 00:33:42,418
‪對，但要先談分手

544
00:33:42,501 --> 00:33:45,126
‪接著是明迪博士和狄比斯基小姐

545
00:33:45,209 --> 00:33:47,626
‪你們要討論你們發現的行星

546
00:33:47,709 --> 00:33:49,501
‪是彗星，我們發現一顆彗星

547
00:33:49,584 --> 00:33:51,668
‪他們知道我們來談什麼吧？

548
00:33:51,751 --> 00:33:54,501
‪那當然，傑克和布莉喜歡聊科學新知

549
00:33:54,584 --> 00:33:56,418
‪但是記住，要輕鬆好玩

550
00:33:56,501 --> 00:33:58,418
‪他們喜歡開心的內容

551
00:33:59,001 --> 00:34:00,543
‪這下可不妙

552
00:34:00,626 --> 00:34:03,751
‪你們發現彗星？超酷的

553
00:34:03,834 --> 00:34:05,959
‪我背上有個流星刺青

554
00:34:06,918 --> 00:34:08,168
‪太棒了

555
00:34:13,418 --> 00:34:17,709
‪我們也聽說妳分手了，我們只想說…

556
00:34:18,751 --> 00:34:20,376
‪我們深表遺憾，對嗎？

557
00:34:20,459 --> 00:34:23,334
‪我們很難過，妳看起來…人很好

558
00:34:24,251 --> 00:34:26,626
‪還是少管閒事吧，死老頭

559
00:34:29,543 --> 00:34:30,668
‪好

560
00:34:33,168 --> 00:34:35,376
‪真心不騙，但我的朋友

561
00:34:35,459 --> 00:34:38,793
‪和我的轟轟粉絲團都很力挺我

562
00:34:38,876 --> 00:34:42,543
‪我非常感恩，但說真的，非常難熬

563
00:34:42,626 --> 00:34:45,334
‪-妳是個楷模，很了不起
‪-超多人崇拜妳

564
00:34:45,418 --> 00:34:47,293
‪我們都對妳的痛苦感同身受

565
00:34:47,376 --> 00:34:51,084
‪傑克，我們應該在節目上

566
00:34:51,168 --> 00:34:54,543
‪開啟某種話題，妳有沒有話

567
00:34:54,626 --> 00:34:58,793
‪想告訴前男友DJ切羅？

568
00:34:59,709 --> 00:35:00,543
‪你們知道的…

569
00:35:01,293 --> 00:35:02,668
‪如果妳有話想說，請務必

570
00:35:02,751 --> 00:35:04,334
‪-對
‪-對著這鏡頭暢所欲言

571
00:35:04,418 --> 00:35:07,709
‪告訴他，當成他說出妳的確切想法

572
00:35:07,793 --> 00:35:08,834
‪好

573
00:35:11,626 --> 00:35:12,709
‪阿切

574
00:35:14,251 --> 00:35:19,293
‪我依然愛著你，在無數失眠的夜晚後

575
00:35:20,793 --> 00:35:21,876
‪就三天

576
00:35:22,709 --> 00:35:23,918
‪我想跟你復合

577
00:35:24,001 --> 00:35:25,001
‪很抱歉

578
00:35:25,834 --> 00:35:26,918
‪-可以嗎？
‪-對

579
00:35:27,001 --> 00:35:29,918
‪-他偷吃耶
‪-天啊，你們真是的

580
00:35:30,001 --> 00:35:31,709
‪對，是的

581
00:35:31,793 --> 00:35:34,168
‪網路被洗版，粉絲團也是

582
00:35:34,251 --> 00:35:36,251
‪貝許新聞寄了八條推播通知

583
00:35:36,334 --> 00:35:38,209
‪-這件事嗎？
‪-對，妳看

584
00:35:38,293 --> 00:35:40,584
‪我手機買了DJ切羅的最新單曲

585
00:35:40,668 --> 00:35:42,918
‪怎麼搞的？沒問我就買了

586
00:35:43,001 --> 00:35:45,834
‪我剛剛得知DJ切羅正在線上

587
00:35:45,918 --> 00:35:48,876
‪-他要怎麼辯解？
‪-我愛死製作人了

588
00:35:48,959 --> 00:35:50,168
‪嗨，小寶貝，妳好

589
00:35:50,251 --> 00:35:52,126
‪-嗨，寶貝
‪-他在哭

590
00:35:52,209 --> 00:35:54,293
‪-我大錯特錯
‪-我知道

591
00:35:54,376 --> 00:35:56,709
‪巴洛克夫人那晚在夜店沒穿內褲

592
00:35:56,793 --> 00:35:58,459
‪-沒關係
‪-我精蟲衝腦

593
00:35:58,543 --> 00:36:00,459
‪我失去理智，我犯了錯

594
00:36:00,543 --> 00:36:02,418
‪但是聽好，妳才是我的真命天女

595
00:36:03,209 --> 00:36:04,834
‪我明白，沒關係

596
00:36:04,918 --> 00:36:07,626
‪我去年在音樂球典禮也跟她搞上

597
00:36:07,709 --> 00:36:10,043
‪接著我跟那個金塊隊大前鋒開溜

598
00:36:10,126 --> 00:36:12,293
‪那些都不重要了

599
00:36:12,376 --> 00:36:15,959
‪標題下“打分手炮不如直接分手”？

600
00:36:16,043 --> 00:36:17,209
‪-很有哏
‪-拜託

601
00:36:17,293 --> 00:36:20,084
‪“渣男渣女的十大翻身機會”，各位

602
00:36:20,168 --> 00:36:21,209
‪那麼明顯

603
00:36:21,293 --> 00:36:25,168
‪我一直很害怕，但說真的，我不怕了

604
00:36:25,251 --> 00:36:26,084
‪好，謝謝

605
00:36:26,168 --> 00:36:29,001
‪我的小黃蜂，妳願意嫁給我嗎？

606
00:36:29,918 --> 00:36:31,668
‪我的天，當然好

607
00:36:31,751 --> 00:36:33,251
‪-阿切，當然願意
‪-太好了

608
00:36:33,334 --> 00:36:35,001
‪-太好了
‪-酷斃了

609
00:36:35,084 --> 00:36:36,376
‪-我的天啊
‪-好耶

610
00:36:36,459 --> 00:36:38,834
‪好喔，DJ切羅

611
00:36:39,501 --> 00:36:40,709
‪怎麼回事？這是…

612
00:36:40,793 --> 00:36:41,959
‪又買一次

613
00:36:42,043 --> 00:36:44,959
‪-你們說這些人是誰？
‪-他們是超夯的…

614
00:36:46,626 --> 00:36:49,668
‪今天確實有很勁爆的發展

615
00:36:49,751 --> 00:36:50,918
‪-沒錯
‪-超讚的

616
00:36:51,001 --> 00:36:52,501
‪的確沒錯

617
00:36:52,584 --> 00:36:55,293
‪從求婚到小型科學實驗

618
00:36:55,376 --> 00:36:57,293
‪我待會要邊按摩太陽穴邊喝馬丁尼

619
00:36:57,376 --> 00:37:02,084
‪今天最後一組來賓有重大的太空發現

620
00:37:02,168 --> 00:37:04,084
‪天文學家藍道明迪博士

621
00:37:04,168 --> 00:37:07,251
‪和博士候選人凱特狄比斯基來到現場

622
00:37:07,334 --> 00:37:08,376
‪歡迎光臨本節目

623
00:37:08,459 --> 00:37:11,626
‪可以先問一件事嗎？我非知道不可

624
00:37:11,709 --> 00:37:13,876
‪真的有外星生命嗎？

625
00:37:14,459 --> 00:37:16,001
‪能告訴我們嗎？給個確切答案

626
00:37:16,084 --> 00:37:17,293
‪我們沒有資料

627
00:37:17,959 --> 00:37:20,043
‪但太空浩瀚無垠，有也不足為奇

628
00:37:20,126 --> 00:37:21,376
‪對，真的有外星人

629
00:37:21,876 --> 00:37:24,251
‪我就知道我會喜歡他
‪看吧？妳欠我50元

630
00:37:24,334 --> 00:37:27,001
‪我不是同意飛碟存在之類的

631
00:37:27,084 --> 00:37:30,251
‪-拜託別讓他得寸進尺，明迪博士
‪-那是他說的

632
00:37:30,334 --> 00:37:31,751
‪我們會收不了工

633
00:37:31,834 --> 00:37:33,584
‪傑克剛剛可開心了

634
00:37:33,668 --> 00:37:35,376
‪-爸看起來很帥
‪-他是不是…

635
00:37:35,459 --> 00:37:37,626
‪-他很帥吧？
‪-他們修過他的鬍子

636
00:37:37,709 --> 00:37:39,626
‪說到外星人…

637
00:37:39,709 --> 00:37:41,501
‪沒錯，他確實很帥

638
00:37:41,584 --> 00:37:43,584
‪-愛死了
‪-藍道博士

639
00:37:43,668 --> 00:37:45,584
‪-你會後悔莫及
‪-妳又不喜歡他

640
00:37:45,668 --> 00:37:48,918
‪外星人話題傑克聊得不亦樂乎

641
00:37:49,001 --> 00:37:53,293
‪不過《紐約先驅報》
‪剛剛刊登一篇報導談到…

642
00:37:53,376 --> 00:37:55,418
‪穩著點，你們表現很好

643
00:37:55,501 --> 00:37:57,876
‪-你們倆的發現
‪-是的，布莉

644
00:37:57,959 --> 00:38:01,001
‪凱特當時在觀察超新星

645
00:38:01,084 --> 00:38:02,626
‪那是你馬子嗎？

646
00:38:02,709 --> 00:38:05,126
‪-對
‪-還不賴

647
00:38:05,209 --> 00:38:09,668
‪一個千載難逢的驚世發現

648
00:38:09,751 --> 00:38:13,043
‪我不知道速霸陸製造望遠鏡呢

649
00:38:13,126 --> 00:38:16,209
‪一定很令人興奮
‪說說妳的發現，狄比斯基小姐

650
00:38:16,293 --> 00:38:20,293
‪我在監測爆炸星群

651
00:38:20,376 --> 00:38:26,793
‪測量宇宙的膨脹速率

652
00:38:26,876 --> 00:38:29,043
‪-為了博士學位，對吧？
‪-對

653
00:38:29,126 --> 00:38:33,293
‪我看到我不認得的物體

654
00:38:34,793 --> 00:38:36,084
‪是一顆彗星

655
00:38:37,084 --> 00:38:38,209
‪超大顆

656
00:38:40,834 --> 00:38:44,626
‪朝地球直接飛來，很可能會撞上

657
00:38:45,959 --> 00:38:47,834
‪聽起來非常刺激

658
00:38:47,918 --> 00:38:50,501
‪爆炸星群，星星真的會爆炸

659
00:38:50,584 --> 00:38:51,751
‪這玩意多大？

660
00:38:51,834 --> 00:38:54,126
‪它會毀掉屋子嗎？有可能嗎？

661
00:38:54,209 --> 00:38:57,376
‪狄比斯基彗星，會正式…

662
00:38:57,459 --> 00:38:58,876
‪-以她命名？
‪-對，沒錯

663
00:38:58,959 --> 00:39:01,626
‪-恭喜
‪-好光榮，恭喜妳

664
00:39:01,709 --> 00:39:04,209
‪大概六到九公里寬

665
00:39:04,293 --> 00:39:05,626
‪-所以…
‪-很大

666
00:39:05,709 --> 00:39:08,918
‪它會毀摧整個地球

667
00:39:09,001 --> 00:39:10,626
‪不只是一間房子，懂嗎？

668
00:39:10,709 --> 00:39:11,751
‪整個地球

669
00:39:11,834 --> 00:39:14,751
‪既然如此，它會不會專程去撞

670
00:39:14,834 --> 00:39:17,918
‪紐澤西州的某間濱海房屋？
‪那是我前妻的家，希望撞個正著

671
00:39:18,001 --> 00:39:19,251
‪可以讓這件事成真嗎？

672
00:39:19,334 --> 00:39:21,751
‪妳和雪莉的關係不錯，別亂說

673
00:39:21,834 --> 00:39:23,168
‪你要適可而止

674
00:39:23,251 --> 00:39:26,168
‪好，但說句公道話
‪其實房子是我出的錢

675
00:39:26,251 --> 00:39:27,543
‪非常抱歉

676
00:39:27,626 --> 00:39:30,709
‪對不起，我們沒說清楚嗎？

677
00:39:31,959 --> 00:39:33,834
‪我們想告訴你們

678
00:39:33,918 --> 00:39:37,334
‪整個地球即將毀滅

679
00:39:38,043 --> 00:39:40,334
‪-好吧
‪-這個嘛…

680
00:39:40,418 --> 00:39:43,668
‪這是我們的作風，輕鬆看待壞消息

681
00:39:43,751 --> 00:39:45,668
‪對，有助於消化噩耗

682
00:39:45,751 --> 00:39:47,709
‪說到這個，明天節目上有兩段…

683
00:39:47,793 --> 00:39:51,584
‪也或許整個地球毀滅

684
00:39:52,501 --> 00:39:53,876
‪不該是好玩的事

685
00:39:54,668 --> 00:39:59,376
‪應該是膽戰心驚且令人不安

686
00:39:59,459 --> 00:40:01,168
‪拜託別這樣

687
00:40:01,251 --> 00:40:03,376
‪-你們應該徹夜不眠
‪-拜託

688
00:40:03,459 --> 00:40:05,293
‪夜夜泣不成聲

689
00:40:05,376 --> 00:40:09,793
‪因為我們都百分之百他媽的死定了

690
00:40:11,626 --> 00:40:12,459
‪喂，凱特

691
00:40:12,543 --> 00:40:13,543
‪對不起

692
00:40:14,918 --> 00:40:15,751
‪喂，兄弟

693
00:40:16,418 --> 00:40:19,751
‪我弟有躁鬱症，你想找人談談的話…

694
00:40:21,168 --> 00:40:22,084
‪好喔

695
00:40:22,709 --> 00:40:25,626
‪她老是這麼失控嗎？

696
00:40:26,876 --> 00:40:28,126
‪-我…
‪-是我說了什麼嗎？

697
00:40:29,126 --> 00:40:30,126
‪是嗎？

698
00:40:30,209 --> 00:40:33,876
‪我多出來的鎮定劑應該給她吃

699
00:40:34,709 --> 00:40:38,251
‪萬一你藥不夠，我們的可以給她

700
00:40:38,334 --> 00:40:41,209
‪鎮定劑下肚更容易消化噩耗

701
00:40:41,293 --> 00:40:42,959
‪沒錯，說得好

702
00:40:44,043 --> 00:40:47,209
‪-我們要請你回鍋
‪-我就知道我會喜歡他

703
00:40:47,293 --> 00:40:48,584
‪-他是暗樁嗎？
‪-我就知道

704
00:40:49,459 --> 00:40:50,376
‪好

705
00:40:50,459 --> 00:40:52,834
‪帥氣的天文學家

706
00:40:52,918 --> 00:40:56,418
‪可以想來就來，那個潑婦就免了

707
00:40:56,501 --> 00:40:59,459
‪真的不用來，明天節目的來賓

708
00:40:59,543 --> 00:41:03,126
‪據說兩年後要挑戰歐林的總統大位

709
00:41:03,209 --> 00:41:05,209
‪傑夫勒納參議員會來到現場

710
00:41:05,293 --> 00:41:08,043
‪還有被誤判的殺人犯蜜雪兒威姆

711
00:41:08,126 --> 00:41:12,418
‪要談她在《名人舞林擂台》中
‪備受爭議的季軍事件

712
00:41:12,501 --> 00:41:15,876
‪-我以為她會拿冠軍
‪-對，我還是認為她有罪

713
00:41:15,959 --> 00:41:18,126
‪-謝謝收看本節目
‪-祝各位今天愉快

714
00:41:18,959 --> 00:41:20,626
‪-直播結束
‪-節目結束了？

715
00:41:20,709 --> 00:41:22,001
‪-我是說…
‪-對

716
00:41:22,084 --> 00:41:24,543
‪-我們想說的話播出去了嗎？
‪-對，結束了

717
00:41:24,626 --> 00:41:28,543
‪你表現很好
‪但短瀏海小姐需要媒體訓練

718
00:41:29,668 --> 00:41:31,751
‪-真的嗎？
‪-對，爛透了，老兄

719
00:41:32,584 --> 00:41:33,959
‪謝謝，謝了，寶貝

720
00:41:34,543 --> 00:41:39,543
‪我們開完5點的內部會議後
‪通常會去安德琳餐廳喝一杯

721
00:41:39,626 --> 00:41:42,084
‪很好玩，你應該來

722
00:41:42,168 --> 00:41:45,084
‪我得看看情況，多謝邀請，謝謝

723
00:41:47,959 --> 00:41:49,084
‪凱特？

724
00:41:49,168 --> 00:41:51,584
‪-凱特？
‪-嗨，你超棒

725
00:41:51,668 --> 00:41:52,501
‪謝了

726
00:41:52,584 --> 00:41:54,334
‪可以拍你的照片建檔嗎？

727
00:41:54,418 --> 00:41:57,126
‪-沒問題
‪-謝謝

728
00:41:58,043 --> 00:42:01,418
‪這個高點是
‪蕾莉比納要跟DJ切羅復合

729
00:42:01,501 --> 00:42:02,793
‪在你們上場之前

730
00:42:02,876 --> 00:42:06,084
‪所有社群媒體平台的互動率超高

731
00:42:06,918 --> 00:42:08,959
‪那我們的事呢？

732
00:42:09,043 --> 00:42:12,001
‪藍道和凱特

733
00:42:12,084 --> 00:42:15,793
{\an8}‪狄比斯基小姐發飆時，網路流量還行

734
00:42:15,876 --> 00:42:19,084
{\an8}‪可惜馬上出現反彈聲浪

735
00:42:19,168 --> 00:42:20,876
{\an8}‪很快就變成迷因圖

736
00:42:20,959 --> 00:42:22,251
‪天啊

737
00:42:22,334 --> 00:42:23,626
‪（看眼神就知道是瘋子）

738
00:42:23,709 --> 00:42:26,293
‪-好糟糕
‪-他們當我是瘋子

739
00:42:26,376 --> 00:42:29,709
‪看那個，不用這樣吧

740
00:42:30,751 --> 00:42:33,168
‪-繼續說吧，艾琳
‪-好

741
00:42:33,251 --> 00:42:36,459
‪這實在是…網路上能這樣嗎？

742
00:42:36,543 --> 00:42:37,668
‪那應該是合成圖，凱特

743
00:42:37,751 --> 00:42:40,126
‪重點是別放在心上，因為…

744
00:42:40,209 --> 00:42:44,501
{\an8}‪另一方面，明迪博士相當討喜

745
00:42:44,584 --> 00:42:49,168
‪素食寶貝寫：“喵
‪人家超哈天文猛男”

746
00:42:49,251 --> 00:42:52,251
{\an8}‪有些帳號稱他“電眼末日預言家”

747
00:42:52,334 --> 00:42:55,376
‪或是“我想撲倒的天文學家”

748
00:42:56,168 --> 00:42:58,709
‪這跟正事毫不相干，對吧？

749
00:42:59,418 --> 00:43:01,376
‪就這些了

750
00:43:01,459 --> 00:43:02,543
‪（《紐約先驅報》簡報結束）

751
00:43:02,626 --> 00:43:05,709
‪沒有網站介紹或推播我們的事

752
00:43:05,793 --> 00:43:09,668
‪總點閱數低於一般氣象和交通報導

753
00:43:10,543 --> 00:43:12,543
‪所以結束了？

754
00:43:12,626 --> 00:43:14,376
‪-我就知道
‪-結束了

755
00:43:15,293 --> 00:43:17,876
‪-謝謝妳，艾琳
‪-不客氣

756
00:43:18,751 --> 00:43:20,793
‪我不懂

757
00:43:20,876 --> 00:43:22,709
‪我不懂，沒有回響

758
00:43:22,793 --> 00:43:27,418
‪完全沒有回…為什麼大家不怕？

759
00:43:27,501 --> 00:43:29,501
‪不然要怎麼說和怎麼做？

760
00:43:29,584 --> 00:43:32,959
‪墨西哥和西班牙科學家正在審閱數據

761
00:43:33,043 --> 00:43:34,751
‪南韓表達…

762
00:43:34,834 --> 00:43:36,543
‪太好了，南韓

763
00:43:36,626 --> 00:43:39,084
‪我們別糊弄對方了

764
00:43:39,168 --> 00:43:42,834
‪重點是你們說科學正確無誤

765
00:43:42,918 --> 00:43:44,668
‪結果不是，現在我們跟白痴沒兩樣

766
00:43:44,751 --> 00:43:47,334
‪-不對，誰說不是？
‪-你說什麼？

767
00:43:47,418 --> 00:43:50,001
‪我要跟這個人談，告訴我誰說科學…

768
00:43:50,084 --> 00:43:53,376
‪喬瑟琳寇德博士，航太總署署長

769
00:43:53,459 --> 00:43:56,668
‪她出來形容此事“荒腔走板”

770
00:43:56,751 --> 00:43:58,668
‪就是她叫我們別說出去

771
00:43:58,751 --> 00:44:00,126
‪“荒腔走板”

772
00:44:00,209 --> 00:44:01,834
‪她到底是不是天文學家？

773
00:44:01,918 --> 00:44:04,501
‪她是航太總署署長
‪但搞不好她在胡說八道

774
00:44:04,584 --> 00:44:05,876
‪她是署長，但是看這裡

775
00:44:05,959 --> 00:44:09,918
‪她是“前麻醉科醫師
‪兼歐林總統的超級金主”

776
00:44:10,001 --> 00:44:11,626
‪別那麼大驚小怪

777
00:44:11,709 --> 00:44:12,709
‪腐敗到極點

778
00:44:12,793 --> 00:44:16,459
‪對，但重點是亞度說得對
‪此事仍然爭論不休

779
00:44:16,543 --> 00:44:18,751
‪而現在《紐約先驅報》顏面盡失

780
00:44:18,834 --> 00:44:20,959
‪我們已經全力報導這個故事了

781
00:44:21,709 --> 00:44:25,668
‪各位，祝你們世界末日愉快

782
00:44:25,751 --> 00:44:27,751
‪那不是虛構的故事

783
00:44:30,251 --> 00:44:32,959
‪確切地說，我們還有6個月10天

784
00:44:33,043 --> 00:44:36,293
‪2小時11分鐘又41秒

785
00:44:36,376 --> 00:44:39,084
‪比希克蘇魯伯大兩倍的彗星

786
00:44:39,168 --> 00:44:41,793
‪會衝過大氣層，造成全球生命滅絕

787
00:44:42,834 --> 00:44:44,876
‪妳何時算的？

788
00:44:45,709 --> 00:44:48,293
‪我把撞擊時間輸入減肥程式

789
00:44:48,376 --> 00:44:52,001
‪彗星撞地球時，我的減肥就結束了

790
00:44:52,084 --> 00:44:56,168
‪只是我沒有在減肥，而是一天哭五次

791
00:44:56,251 --> 00:44:58,168
‪-我好怕
‪-快別難過了

792
00:44:58,876 --> 00:45:01,459
‪大家現在都應該驚慌失措

793
00:45:01,543 --> 00:45:03,459
‪-別哭，拜託
‪-我知道

794
00:45:06,876 --> 00:45:08,334
‪那個爛人

795
00:45:09,918 --> 00:45:12,793
{\an8}‪（大家知道那個認為
‪我們都死定了的瘋女人嗎？）

796
00:45:12,876 --> 00:45:14,084
{\an8}‪（其實我跟她上過床）

797
00:45:16,543 --> 00:45:17,709
‪怎麼回事？

798
00:45:17,793 --> 00:45:20,126
‪我想我男友跟我分手了

799
00:45:20,209 --> 00:45:24,543
‪天啊，今天爛透了，真是鳥日子

800
00:45:32,709 --> 00:45:36,001
‪你會死，你也會死，你會…

801
00:45:46,626 --> 00:45:49,751
‪此事源於一張照片，常被以為是腋下

802
00:45:49,834 --> 00:45:52,501
‪或是怪鬍男的下巴

803
00:45:52,584 --> 00:45:54,876
‪而如今成了一樁醜聞

804
00:45:54,959 --> 00:45:57,876
{\an8}‪歐林總統寄給大法官提名人

805
00:45:57,959 --> 00:46:00,626
{\an8}‪一張她私處的手機照片

806
00:46:00,709 --> 00:46:02,751
‪-哇靠
‪-那是騙點閱率的

807
00:46:02,834 --> 00:46:05,293
‪這是你要的國家領袖嗎？

808
00:46:05,376 --> 00:46:07,751
‪不就是她跟貧民說

809
00:46:07,834 --> 00:46:11,876
{\an8}‪挑選更好的樂透數字才能脫貧嗎？

810
00:46:11,959 --> 00:46:13,001
{\an8}‪她真的說過這句話

811
00:46:13,084 --> 00:46:14,584
{\an8}‪有消息來源向我證實

812
00:46:14,668 --> 00:46:16,793
{\an8}‪這兩人已經有染多年

813
00:46:16,876 --> 00:46:18,459
‪就在昨天…

814
00:46:18,543 --> 00:46:22,626
‪本黨目前在草擬正式譴責案

815
00:46:22,709 --> 00:46:23,668
‪針對總統

816
00:46:24,626 --> 00:46:25,543
‪潔妮歐林

817
00:46:25,626 --> 00:46:26,959
‪天啊，老婆

818
00:46:27,043 --> 00:46:29,834
‪他連日心軌道是什麼都不知道

819
00:46:29,918 --> 00:46:31,834
‪還叫我蠢貨

820
00:46:32,751 --> 00:46:33,751
‪他說

821
00:46:34,584 --> 00:46:38,209
‪“猶太富豪捏造彗星危機

822
00:46:38,293 --> 00:46:42,168
‪政府就能沒收我們的自由和槍枝”

823
00:46:42,251 --> 00:46:45,543
‪“主題標籤：別怕”，太扯了

824
00:46:46,251 --> 00:46:47,126
‪我的天

825
00:46:47,209 --> 00:46:49,084
‪你最近常掛在那個網站上

826
00:46:49,793 --> 00:46:54,876
‪對，我有25萬名訂閱者，老婆

827
00:46:54,959 --> 00:46:57,918
‪我得用我的聲音把真相公諸於世

828
00:46:58,876 --> 00:47:01,959
‪我要去散步，你想來就來

829
00:47:05,334 --> 00:47:11,709
‪這稱為科學方法，而且創造了電腦

830
00:47:11,793 --> 00:47:16,709
‪你正在用電腦寫這些智障陰謀論

831
00:47:18,168 --> 00:47:19,751
‪想通了沒？

832
00:47:20,793 --> 00:47:22,001
‪藍道？

833
00:47:22,793 --> 00:47:25,293
‪-老婆，怎麼了？
‪-有人來找你

834
00:47:25,959 --> 00:47:28,126
‪誰？煩耶

835
00:47:31,459 --> 00:47:32,543
‪我靠

836
00:47:33,584 --> 00:47:35,501
‪天啊，好，好吧

837
00:47:36,459 --> 00:47:37,293
‪好的

838
00:47:38,001 --> 00:47:39,209
‪你是藍道明迪博士嗎？

839
00:47:39,293 --> 00:47:40,293
‪是，探員，我是

840
00:47:41,751 --> 00:47:43,293
‪“我們都死定了”

841
00:47:43,959 --> 00:47:45,751
‪麻煩滾蛋

842
00:47:48,793 --> 00:47:52,001
‪調查局，別動，馬上跪下，跪下

843
00:47:52,751 --> 00:47:55,543
‪妳洩露國家安全機密被捕了

844
00:47:55,626 --> 00:47:56,501
‪你們嘛幫幫忙

845
00:47:56,584 --> 00:48:00,168
‪你們大可打電話給我，或是去我家

846
00:48:01,251 --> 00:48:03,251
‪你還特別扮成盲人？

847
00:48:05,709 --> 00:48:08,626
‪-趴下
‪-好，別激動

848
00:48:09,709 --> 00:48:12,126
‪我只是膚色比你們深

849
00:48:12,209 --> 00:48:15,126
‪因為你們的祖先遷徙到北歐

850
00:48:15,209 --> 00:48:17,293
‪演化成淺膚色，才不會得…

851
00:48:19,543 --> 00:48:23,001
{\an8}‪除非你們這些混蛋
‪要帶我去蝙蝠俠基地

852
00:48:23,084 --> 00:48:24,709
‪否則媽的別蓋住我的頭

853
00:48:27,209 --> 00:48:29,459
‪小心點，他會拿免費食物跟你收錢

854
00:48:30,293 --> 00:48:32,543
‪他來做什麼？他要陪我們嗎？

855
00:48:33,293 --> 00:48:34,459
‪各位，可以進來了

856
00:48:39,376 --> 00:48:41,584
‪我想是邱吉爾…

857
00:48:41,668 --> 00:48:47,543
‪或是傳奇教頭巴比奈特說過
‪“偉大的領導工作

858
00:48:47,626 --> 00:48:51,126
‪就是要放下自尊的枷鎖

859
00:48:51,876 --> 00:48:54,834
‪並承認犯下的錯誤”

860
00:48:54,918 --> 00:48:56,459
‪你們跟我一樣被騙了

861
00:48:56,543 --> 00:48:59,251
‪但最終結果是我們自己找了科學家

862
00:48:59,334 --> 00:49:02,793
‪哈佛、普林斯頓等名校畢業生

863
00:49:03,668 --> 00:49:04,543
‪他們確認了數據

864
00:49:04,626 --> 00:49:08,459
‪所以我們想跟你們致上

865
00:49:10,043 --> 00:49:12,043
‪總統級的歉意

866
00:49:12,126 --> 00:49:13,751
‪-真的嗎？
‪-聽到了嗎？

867
00:49:13,834 --> 00:49:16,668
‪我們做好充分準備

868
00:49:16,751 --> 00:49:19,626
‪要史無前例地全面動員以拯救地球

869
00:49:21,709 --> 00:49:23,793
‪總算聽到大好消息了

870
00:49:23,876 --> 00:49:30,418
‪言下之意是你們快輸掉期中選舉

871
00:49:30,501 --> 00:49:33,043
‪因為妳被抓到寄鮑魚照

872
00:49:33,126 --> 00:49:35,751
‪給妳的脫星警長男友

873
00:49:35,834 --> 00:49:39,834
‪所以現在對付彗星對妳有利？

874
00:49:41,626 --> 00:49:42,793
‪沒錯

875
00:49:42,876 --> 00:49:44,043
‪好

876
00:49:44,751 --> 00:49:46,043
‪好，我只是…

877
00:49:47,834 --> 00:49:51,084
{\an8}‪天啊，你們要展開行動
‪讓我鬆了一口氣

878
00:49:51,168 --> 00:49:54,751
‪-別激動
‪-這件事實在…

879
00:49:54,834 --> 00:49:57,001
‪-讓人很難熬
‪-過來

880
00:49:57,084 --> 00:50:00,209
‪這件事的確讓我們都心力交瘁

881
00:50:00,293 --> 00:50:01,334
‪對，我同意

882
00:50:01,418 --> 00:50:03,626
‪我們會稍微放下心中的大石…

883
00:50:03,709 --> 00:50:06,626
‪抱歉，妳哭相真的醜爆

884
00:50:06,709 --> 00:50:08,501
{\an8}‪大概吧

885
00:50:08,584 --> 00:50:10,501
{\an8}‪大家會質疑為何不早點行動

886
00:50:10,584 --> 00:50:13,001
‪所以這件事得由妳背黑鍋

887
00:50:13,084 --> 00:50:16,126
‪對，但我們以後會罩妳，喬瑟琳

888
00:50:16,793 --> 00:50:18,418
‪-真的
‪-沒問題，潔妮

889
00:50:19,043 --> 00:50:21,543
‪我明天一早就引咎辭職

890
00:50:21,626 --> 00:50:24,293
‪-很好，非常好
‪-超詭異

891
00:50:24,376 --> 00:50:26,501
‪她是麻醉科醫生

892
00:50:26,584 --> 00:50:29,584
‪我會發表一項聲明

893
00:50:29,668 --> 00:50:32,209
‪向美國人民發表總統聲明

894
00:50:32,293 --> 00:50:35,084
‪我們不會事前告知媒體

895
00:50:35,168 --> 00:50:37,959
‪因為這樣一來會像是

896
00:50:38,043 --> 00:50:39,709
‪某種突發緊急事件

897
00:50:39,793 --> 00:50:41,626
‪耐心等候的人有福了

898
00:50:43,459 --> 00:50:44,459
‪看吧？

899
00:50:45,501 --> 00:50:47,168
‪我的天

900
00:50:48,793 --> 00:50:50,084
‪（緊急廣播系統）

901
00:50:50,168 --> 00:50:53,209
‪本台中斷《億萬未婚夫》的播出

902
00:50:53,293 --> 00:50:56,709
‪因為美國總統要宣布緊急訊息

903
00:50:59,959 --> 00:51:02,918
‪美國人民和全球民眾

904
00:51:03,501 --> 00:51:04,834
‪我剛剛收到

905
00:51:04,918 --> 00:51:09,043
‪證實一項最壞情況的科學發現

906
00:51:10,668 --> 00:51:14,876
‪一顆空前絕後的九公里寬彗星

907
00:51:14,959 --> 00:51:20,709
‪正在朝我們摯愛的地球家園飛來

908
00:51:20,793 --> 00:51:24,709
{\an8}‪預計抵達時間約在五個月後

909
00:51:24,793 --> 00:51:25,709
{\an8}‪所以我們有…

910
00:51:25,793 --> 00:51:28,001
‪我已經擬好一項巨額國會支出法案

911
00:51:28,084 --> 00:51:31,834
‪我已經準備要提交國會
‪一項緊急支出法案

912
00:51:31,918 --> 00:51:34,126
‪參眾議院都通過了

913
00:51:34,209 --> 00:51:35,043
‪很好

914
00:51:35,126 --> 00:51:39,209
‪能夠讓航太總署和我國強大軍力

915
00:51:39,293 --> 00:51:41,126
‪發動先制攻擊

916
00:51:42,584 --> 00:51:46,293
‪將除役的太空船和衛星

917
00:51:46,376 --> 00:51:49,084
‪裝滿核子彈

918
00:51:49,168 --> 00:51:53,376
‪我們會將狄比斯基彗星炸離原軌道

919
00:51:53,459 --> 00:51:55,501
‪但是我們需要一個英雄

920
00:51:55,584 --> 00:51:58,834
‪我們需要駕駛員，真槍實彈和…

921
00:51:58,918 --> 00:52:02,293
‪應該用遠端科技完成這項任務吧？

922
00:52:02,376 --> 00:52:04,584
‪華府永遠都需要一個英雄

923
00:52:04,668 --> 00:52:06,168
‪我已經徵詢過

924
00:52:07,084 --> 00:52:13,043
‪自由勳章得主與激昂的愛國分子
‪班尼狄克崔斯克

925
00:52:13,126 --> 00:52:16,293
‪接受這項艱難且…

926
00:52:16,376 --> 00:52:19,584
‪抱歉，他不就是在白宮草坪上

927
00:52:19,668 --> 00:52:22,459
‪臭罵小孩的那個傭兵嗎？

928
00:52:22,543 --> 00:52:25,959
‪對，他獲得殊榮

929
00:52:26,043 --> 00:52:29,376
‪領導總統提倡的兒童運動計畫

930
00:52:29,459 --> 00:52:31,293
‪跳高一點，死胖子

931
00:52:32,043 --> 00:52:34,376
‪你們像一群該死的孬種

932
00:52:34,459 --> 00:52:36,709
‪-對不起
‪-他是不同世代的人吧

933
00:52:36,793 --> 00:52:38,126
‪我跟他交往過

934
00:52:38,209 --> 00:52:40,543
‪知道跟我並肩作戰的孬種怎麼了嗎？

935
00:52:41,501 --> 00:52:43,293
‪看過人被開腸剖肚嗎？

936
00:52:47,459 --> 00:52:49,584
‪班尼狄克崔斯克報到

937
00:52:51,751 --> 00:52:53,834
‪-謝謝您…
‪-他一定會表現傑出

938
00:52:53,918 --> 00:52:55,501
{\an8}‪他的聲音充滿磁性

939
00:52:55,584 --> 00:52:58,209
{\an8}‪-我們要讓他發言
‪-有人說這是…

940
00:52:58,293 --> 00:52:59,668
‪他也是個猛男

941
00:52:59,751 --> 00:53:01,084
‪-真的
‪-對

942
00:53:01,168 --> 00:53:02,126
‪…自殺任務

943
00:53:02,209 --> 00:53:04,501
‪我只求一件事

944
00:53:05,584 --> 00:53:06,918
‪萬一我掛了

945
00:53:08,084 --> 00:53:11,501
‪我的犧牲會讓你們活得更久

946
00:53:11,584 --> 00:53:14,043
‪我的犧牲會讓你們活得更久

947
00:53:14,668 --> 00:53:16,543
{\an8}‪-對嗎？
‪-我寫的

948
00:53:16,626 --> 00:53:18,751
‪那不是《搶救雷恩大兵》的台詞嗎？

949
00:53:18,834 --> 00:53:21,751
‪-沒錯
‪-才怪，差很多

950
00:53:21,834 --> 00:53:25,459
‪還要特別感謝我後面的科學團隊

951
00:53:26,001 --> 00:53:28,293
‪這次任務需要每個人的協助

952
00:53:28,376 --> 00:53:30,209
‪集眾人之力…

953
00:53:30,293 --> 00:53:33,959
‪人人都要出力將這個訊息散播出去

954
00:53:34,043 --> 00:53:35,501
‪非裔美國人科學家

955
00:53:35,584 --> 00:53:37,168
‪狄比斯基小姐，她…

956
00:53:37,251 --> 00:53:40,626
‪還有凱特狄比斯基
‪彗星是以她的姓氏命名

957
00:53:40,709 --> 00:53:42,501
‪但千萬別怪罪她

958
00:53:42,584 --> 00:53:46,209
{\an8}‪她跟那些憤青、精神病患

959
00:53:46,293 --> 00:53:48,168
{\an8}‪-和其他邊緣團體一起混
‪-謝謝妳喔

960
00:53:48,251 --> 00:53:51,543
{\an8}‪-我們會竭盡所能
‪-只要做正確的事就好了

961
00:53:51,626 --> 00:53:52,959
‪-我們會力挺你們
‪-對

962
00:53:53,043 --> 00:53:56,293
‪尤其是你，明迪博士
‪因為你的民調比同儕

963
00:53:56,376 --> 00:53:58,709
‪高太多了，超誇張的

964
00:53:58,793 --> 00:54:04,293
‪他會幫我們消滅共同的敵人狄比斯基

965
00:54:04,918 --> 00:54:07,084
‪太好了，開完會了

966
00:54:07,168 --> 00:54:08,709
‪對，我們走吧

967
00:54:08,793 --> 00:54:10,584
‪-我可以說一句話嗎？
‪-凱特…

968
00:54:10,668 --> 00:54:12,043
‪我們都超想聽妳的意見

969
00:54:13,293 --> 00:54:14,418
‪我沒有投票給妳

970
00:54:16,584 --> 00:54:22,751
‪但這件事比我個人的疑慮重要太多了

971
00:54:22,834 --> 00:54:27,168
‪所以我會毫無保留支持這項行動

972
00:54:28,043 --> 00:54:31,834
‪我會把對妳的厭惡擺一邊

973
00:54:32,501 --> 00:54:34,418
‪哇，好極了

974
00:54:34,501 --> 00:54:36,209
‪對，說得很好

975
00:54:36,709 --> 00:54:39,168
‪是我要調查局把袋子套在妳頭上

976
00:54:39,251 --> 00:54:42,293
‪那不是他們的做法
‪中情局才會，但我逼他們做

977
00:54:42,376 --> 00:54:45,126
‪我早有預感，真的有

978
00:54:46,001 --> 00:54:48,459
‪預感很準，因為就是我幹的

979
00:54:48,543 --> 00:54:51,334
‪-很搞笑，也很酷
‪-好

980
00:54:51,418 --> 00:54:55,501
‪願主耶穌基督保佑諸位

981
00:54:56,251 --> 00:54:59,376
‪特別是本黨的尊貴黨員

982
00:55:00,043 --> 00:55:01,168
‪我們一定會獲勝

983
00:55:31,751 --> 00:55:34,168
‪我們都死定了

984
00:55:35,334 --> 00:55:38,126
‪各位，這顆彗星讓我壓力好大

985
00:55:38,209 --> 00:55:40,293
‪彗星要來了，快挖壕溝

986
00:55:40,376 --> 00:55:42,751
‪我已經有很多買家上電子市集買鏟子

987
00:55:42,834 --> 00:55:45,709
‪歐林總統在期中選舉獲得壓倒性勝利

988
00:55:45,793 --> 00:55:46,876
‪（歐林支持率：99,1%）

989
00:55:46,959 --> 00:55:49,251
{\an8}‪-他性感撩人
‪-鏟子每把一千塊

990
00:55:49,334 --> 00:55:50,959
{\an8}‪（主題標籤：天文巫婆、譴責凱特）

991
00:55:51,043 --> 00:55:52,168
‪（彗星是騙局嗎？）

992
00:55:52,876 --> 00:55:56,959
‪-我們應該很快來一炮
‪-“我將恪守職責”

993
00:55:57,043 --> 00:55:58,126
‪“願神協助你”

994
00:55:58,209 --> 00:56:00,459
‪-“願神協助我”
‪-恭喜你

995
00:56:00,543 --> 00:56:01,668
‪（股市狂飆，一飛衝天）

996
00:56:01,751 --> 00:56:05,501
{\an8}‪我們討論了不久後的諾貝爾和平獎

997
00:56:08,959 --> 00:56:10,543
‪（股市狂瀉，創史上單日新低）

998
00:56:16,959 --> 00:56:18,668
{\an8}‪（末日將至，還會有超級盃嗎？）

999
00:56:23,793 --> 00:56:25,084
{\an8}‪哈囉，珊美

1000
00:56:25,793 --> 00:56:28,459
{\an8}‪你真的是博士嗎？

1001
00:56:28,543 --> 00:56:31,709
{\an8}‪算吧，我是天文學家

1002
00:56:32,793 --> 00:56:35,876
{\an8}‪天文學家是什麼？

1003
00:56:35,959 --> 00:56:38,751
‪明迪博士，美國和世界各地

1004
00:56:38,834 --> 00:56:40,584
‪到處都人心惶惶

1005
00:56:40,668 --> 00:56:42,751
‪父母不知道該怎麼跟孩子解釋

1006
00:56:42,834 --> 00:56:45,251
‪你會說什麼幫助他們理解？

1007
00:56:45,793 --> 00:56:48,834
‪我確定許多人現在都很害怕

1008
00:56:49,501 --> 00:56:55,751
‪但我保證最聰明絕頂的人都投身其中

1009
00:56:56,293 --> 00:57:00,501
‪這次計畫的科學細節精確可靠

1010
00:57:00,584 --> 00:57:05,251
‪藍道博士，你這番話
‪為節目觀眾帶來莫大撫慰

1011
00:57:05,334 --> 00:57:09,459
‪感謝你英勇為世人效力

1012
00:57:09,543 --> 00:57:11,209
‪我想說

1013
00:57:11,793 --> 00:57:16,334
‪只要我感到害怕或孤單，我…

1014
00:57:17,876 --> 00:57:22,293
‪想到你就安心多了，所以謝謝

1015
00:57:23,043 --> 00:57:24,418
‪這是我的本分

1016
00:57:35,501 --> 00:57:37,626
‪-說我們都死定了
‪-什麼？

1017
00:57:40,043 --> 00:57:42,834
‪-說我們都死定了，說啊
‪-我們都死定了

1018
00:57:42,918 --> 00:57:43,751
‪受不了了

1019
00:57:43,834 --> 00:57:47,418
‪這兩名馬克思主義者
‪揮舞著“科學”這個字眼

1020
00:57:47,501 --> 00:57:49,626
‪我們就該對他們唯命是從嗎？

1021
00:57:49,709 --> 00:57:52,334
‪對，我們怎麼知道真有彗星？

1022
00:57:52,418 --> 00:57:56,168
‪包凱堤先生、眾議員
‪這份數據已經證明屬實

1023
00:57:56,251 --> 00:58:00,501
‪也經過數百名
‪世界知名科學家的同儕審查

1024
00:58:00,584 --> 00:58:04,584
‪我們應該相信妳嗎？彗星跟妳同名耶

1025
00:58:06,001 --> 00:58:08,043
‪我看不出兩者的關聯性

1026
00:58:08,126 --> 00:58:09,834
‪那妳怎麼不回答問題？

1027
00:58:09,918 --> 00:58:11,959
‪-回答問題
‪-什麼問題？

1028
00:58:12,043 --> 00:58:13,168
‪成熟一點，好嗎？

1029
00:58:13,251 --> 00:58:14,709
‪這太可笑了

1030
00:58:16,459 --> 00:58:20,459
‪我剛剛想到我們算素昧平生，對吧？

1031
00:58:22,168 --> 00:58:23,126
‪沒錯

1032
00:58:24,334 --> 00:58:27,709
‪每次我想問妳私事時

1033
00:58:27,793 --> 00:58:31,459
‪妳好像只說妳愛去的餐廳

1034
00:58:32,418 --> 00:58:33,584
‪這個嘛，我呢…

1035
00:58:34,293 --> 00:58:36,084
‪我只是很厭惡

1036
00:58:36,168 --> 00:58:38,334
‪交往時瞭解對方的部分

1037
00:58:39,418 --> 00:58:41,043
‪好，我懂

1038
00:58:43,043 --> 00:58:45,251
‪好吧，趕快談完一了百了

1039
00:58:47,751 --> 00:58:48,834
‪好

1040
00:58:50,001 --> 00:58:51,584
‪好，所以…

1041
00:58:52,418 --> 00:58:56,876
‪我爺爺發明了急速冷凍過程

1042
00:58:56,959 --> 00:58:59,209
‪所以我家超有錢

1043
00:58:59,293 --> 00:59:03,543
‪但是我靠拿到三個碩士學位自力更生

1044
00:59:04,709 --> 00:59:07,376
‪我離婚過兩次

1045
00:59:07,459 --> 00:59:13,793
‪一次是國務卿，另一次是遊釣者

1046
00:59:15,126 --> 00:59:19,709
‪我跟兩任前總統上床過

1047
00:59:19,793 --> 00:59:24,626
‪我會說四種語言，擁有兩幅莫內真跡

1048
00:59:26,334 --> 00:59:27,168
‪哇塞

1049
00:59:27,793 --> 00:59:30,001
‪兩任前總統，好強

1050
00:59:32,001 --> 00:59:33,918
‪-怎麼，輪到我了？
‪-對

1051
00:59:34,626 --> 00:59:40,293
‪好，我爸是中學地理老師

1052
00:59:40,376 --> 00:59:43,626
‪我媽在廚房裡幫人理髮

1053
00:59:44,543 --> 00:59:47,543
‪大概兩年前，我們的家犬喬喬死了

1054
00:59:47,626 --> 00:59:49,626
‪非常令人難過

1055
00:59:49,709 --> 00:59:53,084
‪我沒有印象那樣狂哭過

1056
00:59:54,626 --> 00:59:55,584
‪還有…

1057
00:59:57,376 --> 01:00:02,584
‪我總算讓馬克漢米爾
‪在我的《星際大戰》海報上簽名

1058
01:00:02,668 --> 01:00:04,751
‪放在車庫裡，非常…就是這樣

1059
01:00:05,626 --> 01:00:07,709
‪瞭解，很好

1060
01:00:10,043 --> 01:00:11,168
‪談完了

1061
01:00:15,751 --> 01:00:18,001
‪晚上要去哪吃飯？

1062
01:00:22,959 --> 01:00:26,293
‪（發射日）

1063
01:00:26,376 --> 01:00:28,959
‪耶和華是我的牧者．我必不至缺乏

1064
01:00:29,043 --> 01:00:31,168
{\an8}‪祂使我躺臥在青草地上

1065
01:00:31,251 --> 01:00:32,209
{\an8}‪（美東時間，中午12點23分）

1066
01:00:32,293 --> 01:00:36,126
{\an8}‪領我在可安歇的水邊
‪祂使我的靈魂甦醒

1067
01:00:36,209 --> 01:00:39,501
{\an8}‪這次動員規模之大
‪是諾曼地登陸後所僅見

1068
01:00:39,584 --> 01:00:43,459
‪傾各單位和資源之力
‪執行這項崇高的任務

1069
01:00:44,084 --> 01:00:46,959
‪我們對此展現的英勇、真誠

1070
01:00:47,043 --> 01:00:49,876
‪和犧牲不禁感到動容

1071
01:01:09,584 --> 01:01:12,168
‪來吧，各位，保持警覺

1072
01:01:14,084 --> 01:01:17,459
‪我要你知道，這是我這輩子

1073
01:01:17,543 --> 01:01:20,084
‪碰過最來勁的事，謝謝

1074
01:01:33,376 --> 01:01:36,584
‪你們在磨蹭什麼？還在等什麼？

1075
01:01:37,543 --> 01:01:40,668
‪快點，王八蛋，點火發射了

1076
01:01:41,209 --> 01:01:42,584
‪當老子很閒嗎？

1077
01:01:42,668 --> 01:01:47,251
‪崔斯克指揮官，我是總統

1078
01:01:48,501 --> 01:01:50,376
‪你的國家感謝你

1079
01:01:51,126 --> 01:01:52,751
‪你的星球感謝你

1080
01:01:53,459 --> 01:01:55,918
‪我跟神都感謝你

1081
01:01:56,626 --> 01:01:59,251
‪要謝我只要給我一杯威士忌

1082
01:02:00,126 --> 01:02:03,251
‪和讓我的酒駕罰單神奇消失就好了

1083
01:02:05,126 --> 01:02:08,959
{\an8}‪這是任務控制中心，各指標都沒問題

1084
01:02:09,043 --> 01:02:11,459
‪最後警告控制發射台

1085
01:02:11,543 --> 01:02:17,251
‪你的發現促成這次任務
‪和我們拯救地球的機會

1086
01:02:18,418 --> 01:02:19,709
‪我要讓你…

1087
01:02:22,084 --> 01:02:22,918
‪下令發射

1088
01:02:28,501 --> 01:02:29,501
‪謝謝

1089
01:02:32,293 --> 01:02:35,168
‪謝謝，總統女士

1090
01:02:36,418 --> 01:02:38,876
‪地球的民眾

1091
01:02:40,418 --> 01:02:43,084
‪理論上都不可能成真

1092
01:02:43,751 --> 01:02:45,168
‪除非任務完成

1093
01:02:46,293 --> 01:02:49,793
‪因此我們準備要發射了

1094
01:02:49,876 --> 01:02:50,751
‪沒錯

1095
01:02:50,834 --> 01:02:52,584
‪-好極了
‪-謝謝

1096
01:02:52,668 --> 01:02:53,584
‪說得好

1097
01:02:55,876 --> 01:02:57,751
‪我可以加入嗎？

1098
01:02:59,168 --> 01:03:01,043
‪-大家好
‪-你好，彼得，嗨

1099
01:03:01,126 --> 01:03:05,751
‪嗨，布莉，妳總是閃閃動人

1100
01:03:07,001 --> 01:03:08,293
‪他可以進來嗎？

1101
01:03:08,376 --> 01:03:12,334
‪可以，他是競選的白金鷹級金主
‪去哪都暢行無阻

1102
01:03:12,418 --> 01:03:14,043
‪發射任務就緒

1103
01:03:14,793 --> 01:03:17,668
‪搖頭丸發作了，來得正是時候

1104
01:03:17,751 --> 01:03:24,168
‪十、九、八、七、六、五、四…

1105
01:03:24,918 --> 01:03:26,168
‪三…

1106
01:03:40,584 --> 01:03:41,793
‪感謝神

1107
01:04:09,668 --> 01:04:11,626
‪我們沒有損失任何一顆衛星

1108
01:04:11,709 --> 01:04:14,959
‪誤差範圍是兩顆故障

1109
01:04:15,043 --> 01:04:19,209
‪總統女士，能跟您到外面談談嗎？

1110
01:04:19,834 --> 01:04:20,959
‪我的天

1111
01:04:21,043 --> 01:04:23,834
‪任務成功機率已經提高到81%

1112
01:04:23,918 --> 01:04:25,918
‪了不起

1113
01:04:26,626 --> 01:04:27,793
‪潔妮，馬上來

1114
01:04:27,876 --> 01:04:30,626
‪不好意思…

1115
01:04:30,709 --> 01:04:32,293
‪彼得，我不是有意…

1116
01:04:36,543 --> 01:04:41,793
{\an8}‪我要問候這個美麗的藍色星球家園

1117
01:04:42,293 --> 01:04:45,501
{\an8}‪所有努力工作的自豪白人…

1118
01:04:46,168 --> 01:04:47,126
‪願神保佑你們

1119
01:04:47,918 --> 01:04:50,168
‪他跟我們不同世代，真的

1120
01:04:50,834 --> 01:04:53,709
‪我也要跟所有印度人問好

1121
01:04:53,793 --> 01:04:59,084
‪除了騎大象的印度人
‪還有拿弓箭的印地安人

1122
01:04:59,751 --> 01:05:03,001
‪你們怎麼不聯手合作？一定酷斃了

1123
01:05:03,668 --> 01:05:05,501
‪我想向所有的同性戀問好

1124
01:05:05,584 --> 01:05:07,918
‪指揮官，即將射出推進器

1125
01:05:08,001 --> 01:05:09,126
‪任務中保持通訊

1126
01:05:09,209 --> 01:05:10,668
‪收到

1127
01:05:20,793 --> 01:05:23,459
‪確認分離…

1128
01:05:23,543 --> 01:05:24,543
‪好的

1129
01:05:29,126 --> 01:05:30,209
‪那是法語嗎？

1130
01:05:31,668 --> 01:05:37,043
‪沒錯，意思是“天使飛向天堂”

1131
01:05:38,376 --> 01:05:42,501
‪這是我就讀達特茅斯學院時
‪念過的一首14世紀的詩

1132
01:05:42,584 --> 01:05:45,918
‪目睹這情景，讓我聯想到那首詩

1133
01:05:47,043 --> 01:05:48,459
‪還有想到你

1134
01:05:49,543 --> 01:05:50,543
‪天啊，我不能…

1135
01:05:51,418 --> 01:05:52,376
‪不能…

1136
01:06:02,126 --> 01:06:04,793
{\an8}‪（主題標籤：發射挑戰賽）

1137
01:06:05,834 --> 01:06:08,709
{\an8}‪我可能該去醫院探望他們…

1138
01:06:08,793 --> 01:06:10,751
{\an8}‪一起來

1139
01:06:10,834 --> 01:06:13,709
{\an8}‪上啊…

1140
01:06:17,501 --> 01:06:19,626
‪各位，我剛剛得知

1141
01:06:19,709 --> 01:06:23,459
‪跟任務相關的關鍵資訊

1142
01:06:32,668 --> 01:06:34,334
‪看起來好像在掉頭

1143
01:06:37,168 --> 01:06:40,293
‪不是，那是軌道修正

1144
01:06:40,376 --> 01:06:41,918
‪這很正常

1145
01:06:42,001 --> 01:06:43,459
‪我當過海軍

1146
01:06:45,126 --> 01:06:47,418
‪不對，它繞回去了

1147
01:06:47,501 --> 01:06:51,209
‪民眾似乎感到困惑

1148
01:06:51,293 --> 01:06:52,918
‪但是老實說

1149
01:06:53,001 --> 01:06:55,959
‪我現在還真不知道作何解釋

1150
01:06:56,043 --> 01:06:59,251
‪它確實是要掉頭返回

1151
01:06:59,334 --> 01:07:01,709
‪我正眼睜睜看著它

1152
01:07:01,793 --> 01:07:05,543
‪崔斯克的太空船肯定在掉頭返回

1153
01:07:07,959 --> 01:07:10,334
‪有人知道這在演哪一齣嗎？

1154
01:07:16,251 --> 01:07:17,626
‪門還是鎖著

1155
01:07:17,709 --> 01:07:20,459
‪我不懂能發生什麼事

1156
01:07:20,543 --> 01:07:23,293
‪任務成功了，對吧？一切都很順利

1157
01:07:23,376 --> 01:07:25,584
‪對，可能是任何事

1158
01:07:26,293 --> 01:07:32,001
‪可能是導航系統故障
‪核彈不穩定，原因很多

1159
01:07:32,626 --> 01:07:34,751
‪走進戰情室那個人是誰？

1160
01:07:34,834 --> 01:07:35,668
‪他很眼熟

1161
01:07:35,751 --> 01:07:42,126
‪那是貝許執行長彼得伊許威爾
‪史上第三富有的人

1162
01:07:42,209 --> 01:07:46,168
‪就是他買了《古騰堡聖經》又搞丟

1163
01:07:47,459 --> 01:07:48,959
‪抱歉久等了

1164
01:07:49,043 --> 01:07:51,876
‪計畫極可能生變

1165
01:07:53,334 --> 01:07:54,584
‪藍道博士

1166
01:07:54,668 --> 01:07:56,959
‪你現在是白宮首席科學官

1167
01:07:57,043 --> 01:07:57,876
‪什麼？

1168
01:07:57,959 --> 01:08:00,709
‪你需要出席緊急內閣會議

1169
01:08:00,793 --> 01:08:02,043
‪有人會向你做完整簡報

1170
01:08:02,126 --> 01:08:02,959
‪那我們呢？

1171
01:08:03,709 --> 01:08:06,209
‪妳沒有權限，親愛的，別抓狂

1172
01:08:06,293 --> 01:08:09,209
‪幫妳拿了餅乾和水

1173
01:08:09,293 --> 01:08:10,793
‪不用扔地上吧

1174
01:08:10,876 --> 01:08:12,418
‪頂多三、四個小時

1175
01:08:12,501 --> 01:08:15,626
‪拿著，凱特
‪不知道他幹嘛丟地上，來

1176
01:08:15,709 --> 01:08:17,959
‪萬一我們得上廁所呢？

1177
01:08:18,043 --> 01:08:19,793
‪我們會幫你們鋪報紙

1178
01:08:19,876 --> 01:08:21,626
‪給你們芳香劑

1179
01:08:21,709 --> 01:08:24,043
‪-簡單明瞭的科學，沒錯
‪-我會回來的

1180
01:08:24,126 --> 01:08:25,001
‪好，快走

1181
01:08:25,084 --> 01:08:27,126
‪科學會說明真相，藍道

1182
01:08:28,918 --> 01:08:30,543
‪媽的，妳要去嗎？

1183
01:08:30,626 --> 01:08:31,543
‪要

1184
01:08:33,668 --> 01:08:35,668
‪各位，我們認為

1185
01:08:35,751 --> 01:08:40,751
‪這場世人視為迫在眉睫的駭人危機

1186
01:08:41,959 --> 01:08:44,668
‪結果是一次出乎意料的良機

1187
01:08:44,751 --> 01:08:47,209
‪我國盟友相當困惑，要求解釋

1188
01:08:47,293 --> 01:08:48,584
‪叫他們等

1189
01:08:49,626 --> 01:08:54,876
‪根據最新的狄比斯基彗星的光譜數據

1190
01:08:54,959 --> 01:08:57,876
‪由貝許手機的天體地質學家所計算的

1191
01:08:59,626 --> 01:09:01,334
‪我們發現一件事

1192
01:09:02,293 --> 01:09:05,043
‪非常神奇的事

1193
01:09:06,501 --> 01:09:08,168
‪彼得，彼得？

1194
01:09:08,834 --> 01:09:10,043
‪謝謝妳，潔妮

1195
01:09:12,251 --> 01:09:14,751
‪你們有人可能知道

1196
01:09:14,834 --> 01:09:17,584
‪世界上最貴重的礦物

1197
01:09:17,668 --> 01:09:19,793
‪正迅速成為

1198
01:09:19,876 --> 01:09:24,043
‪製造手機和電腦的原物料

1199
01:09:24,126 --> 01:09:27,626
‪釔、鋱、鋨、鏑之類的

1200
01:09:27,709 --> 01:09:29,043
‪我們即將耗盡資源

1201
01:09:29,126 --> 01:09:31,959
‪雪上加霜的是

1202
01:09:32,043 --> 01:09:37,959
‪因為中國有力掌控了幾乎所有

1203
01:09:38,043 --> 01:09:41,543
‪出產這些貴重稀土資產的礦場

1204
01:09:41,626 --> 01:09:43,043
‪所以你們不難想像

1205
01:09:43,751 --> 01:09:44,709
‪哇

1206
01:09:44,793 --> 01:09:48,584
‪我們在貝許雀躍不已

1207
01:09:48,668 --> 01:09:52,293
‪當我們的天體地質學家發現

1208
01:09:52,376 --> 01:09:57,043
‪並確認這顆從深太空來勢洶洶的彗星

1209
01:09:57,126 --> 01:10:02,876
‪含有價值至少32兆的關鍵性原料

1210
01:10:02,959 --> 01:10:04,626
‪對科技至關緊要

1211
01:10:04,709 --> 01:10:06,001
‪-如果我們繼續…
‪-打岔一下

1212
01:10:06,084 --> 01:10:08,584
‪所以你們中止整項任務

1213
01:10:08,668 --> 01:10:11,584
‪-是因為想挖掘彗星的稀土礦物？
‪-明迪博士

1214
01:10:11,668 --> 01:10:16,501
‪我們應該等他說完再發問

1215
01:10:16,584 --> 01:10:20,168
‪你可能會發現問題會得到解答

1216
01:10:20,709 --> 01:10:21,751
‪是，總統女士

1217
01:10:21,834 --> 01:10:22,918
‪把其他…

1218
01:10:23,001 --> 01:10:27,376
‪把其他金屬考慮進去時
‪其實這顆彗星相當於

1219
01:10:27,459 --> 01:10:31,584
‪價值近140兆的資產

1220
01:10:31,668 --> 01:10:32,918
‪140兆

1221
01:10:33,459 --> 01:10:34,459
‪對

1222
01:10:35,418 --> 01:10:40,043
‪要是我們都會死，再多兆根本沒差…

1223
01:10:40,126 --> 01:10:42,501
‪我正要問同一個問題，潔妮

1224
01:10:42,584 --> 01:10:43,709
‪為何沒找我們商量？

1225
01:10:43,793 --> 01:10:45,543
‪-恕我直言，總統女士…
‪-別死腦筋

1226
01:10:45,626 --> 01:10:47,876
‪-這樣危險至極
‪-如果能發財又沒事呢？

1227
01:10:49,209 --> 01:10:53,168
‪我在腦中想過一遍又一遍

1228
01:10:54,918 --> 01:10:56,834
‪我還是搞不懂

1229
01:10:58,793 --> 01:11:03,834
‪他是三星將軍，在國防部工作

1230
01:11:05,959 --> 01:11:09,043
‪為什麼要跟我們拿免費零嘴的錢？

1231
01:11:09,126 --> 01:11:12,793
‪有一次，我碰見史汀

1232
01:11:13,751 --> 01:11:18,334
‪我對天發誓，他在我面前放屁

1233
01:11:19,376 --> 01:11:24,501
‪眼神沒有閃避，甚至沒道歉

1234
01:11:27,543 --> 01:11:30,168
‪重點是，他真的辦到了

1235
01:11:32,418 --> 01:11:34,918
‪因為我還是覺得他很迷人

1236
01:11:35,959 --> 01:11:40,376
‪兩位，我們得談談
‪快點，走吧，事不宜遲

1237
01:11:41,459 --> 01:11:44,668
‪太扯了，扯到極點了

1238
01:11:44,751 --> 01:11:46,084
‪不可能成功的

1239
01:11:46,168 --> 01:11:48,334
‪跟我的反應一模一樣

1240
01:11:48,418 --> 01:11:51,418
‪這可是九公里寬的行星殺手

1241
01:11:51,501 --> 01:11:53,084
‪不是漫遊費

1242
01:11:53,168 --> 01:11:59,084
‪我也對他們改變任務感到氣憤不解

1243
01:11:59,168 --> 01:12:01,751
‪但他們的團隊有
‪史丹佛大學的蓋瑞泰卡蒙

1244
01:12:01,834 --> 01:12:04,001
‪和普林斯頓大學的麗莎伊尼茲

1245
01:12:04,084 --> 01:12:07,793
‪我是說，這是次世代尖端科技

1246
01:12:07,876 --> 01:12:14,668
‪顯然一顆超大彗星
‪會對地球的存在造成重大威脅

1247
01:12:14,751 --> 01:12:20,043
‪但30顆小流星體，我們就能應付

1248
01:12:20,959 --> 01:12:26,668
‪我們的必得機
‪也就是貝許勢在必得無人機

1249
01:12:26,751 --> 01:12:28,126
‪就在各位的眼前

1250
01:12:28,209 --> 01:12:30,876
‪可以附著在彗星上

1251
01:12:30,959 --> 01:12:33,418
‪運用奈米科技掃描

1252
01:12:33,501 --> 01:12:36,626
‪研發的是諾貝爾獎科學家

1253
01:12:36,709 --> 01:12:37,709
‪蓋瑞泰卡蒙博士

1254
01:12:37,793 --> 01:12:40,543
‪然後我們會立刻部署，對吧？

1255
01:12:40,626 --> 01:12:42,876
‪諾貝爾獎和波隆斯基獎科學家

1256
01:12:42,959 --> 01:12:48,293
‪伊尼茲博士的微定位量子分裂彈

1257
01:12:48,376 --> 01:12:51,751
‪鑽進彗星深處後…

1258
01:12:51,834 --> 01:12:54,001
‪伊尼茲博士，妳要解釋過程嗎？

1259
01:12:54,084 --> 01:12:55,459
‪謝謝你，彼得

1260
01:12:55,543 --> 01:12:58,293
‪我們一直在研發歐核粒子加速器中的

1261
01:12:58,376 --> 01:13:00,418
‪階段性裂變反應

1262
01:13:00,501 --> 01:13:03,168
‪能夠以驚人準確率

1263
01:13:03,251 --> 01:13:05,376
‪將彗星炸裂成多個小碎塊

1264
01:13:05,459 --> 01:13:08,834
‪接著每架必得機會引導碎塊降速

1265
01:13:08,918 --> 01:13:13,668
‪落入太平洋中
‪待命的美國海軍艦艇會進行回收

1266
01:13:13,751 --> 01:13:15,709
‪拿到這些…謝謝

1267
01:13:15,793 --> 01:13:19,918
‪拿到這些天上掉下來的寶物時

1268
01:13:20,001 --> 01:13:24,043
‪如我們所知，貧窮
‪社會不公、生物多樣性喪失

1269
01:13:24,126 --> 01:13:26,751
‪種種這些問題

1270
01:13:26,834 --> 01:13:30,168
‪將成為過去的遺跡

1271
01:13:30,251 --> 01:13:35,668
‪人類將能赤裸邁進所羅門聖殿

1272
01:13:35,751 --> 01:13:38,293
‪進入黃金時代的榮光

1273
01:13:38,376 --> 01:13:41,543
‪這項奈米科技裝置
‪有經過同儕審查嗎？

1274
01:13:41,626 --> 01:13:45,209
‪我還沒看過資料，但是模型建好了

1275
01:13:45,293 --> 01:13:47,168
‪有任何內容經過同儕審查嗎？

1276
01:13:48,043 --> 01:13:48,876
‪沒有

1277
01:13:48,959 --> 01:13:51,293
‪讓人類在行星間、星際間

1278
01:13:51,376 --> 01:13:56,168
‪銀河系間繁衍生存

1279
01:13:59,168 --> 01:14:01,418
‪-希望能成真
‪-算我一個

1280
01:14:01,501 --> 01:14:05,084
‪我知道他們從彗星採出的財富

1281
01:14:05,168 --> 01:14:06,501
‪可以終止全球饑荒

1282
01:14:06,584 --> 01:14:08,209
‪我懂了

1283
01:14:08,293 --> 01:14:10,876
‪-你們在笑什麼？
‪-沒錯，不，我懂

1284
01:14:10,959 --> 01:14:15,376
‪那是他們在粉飾這些狗屁不通的話

1285
01:14:15,459 --> 01:14:17,293
‪他們一定也會爭取狗狗的自由權

1286
01:14:17,376 --> 01:14:18,209
‪-對
‪-好吧

1287
01:14:18,293 --> 01:14:21,959
‪你們要我退出任務嗎？
‪我會退出，無所謂

1288
01:14:22,459 --> 01:14:25,793
‪但你們要瞭解這超出我們的控制範圍

1289
01:14:25,876 --> 01:14:27,251
‪權力都在他們手上

1290
01:14:27,334 --> 01:14:30,001
‪你們希望誰在決策現場

1291
01:14:30,084 --> 01:14:33,043
‪確保整件事不會變成徹底的災難？

1292
01:14:33,126 --> 01:14:35,751
‪傑森歐林？妳要他在場嗎？

1293
01:14:35,834 --> 01:14:40,168
‪聽好了，這早就是徹底的災難

1294
01:14:40,251 --> 01:14:43,793
‪他們在討論讓一顆跟山一樣大的彗星

1295
01:14:43,876 --> 01:14:46,668
‪撞上地球，讓手機公司股價大漲

1296
01:14:46,751 --> 01:14:49,959
‪妳還是小聲一點

1297
01:14:50,043 --> 01:14:52,168
‪妳剛剛在叫說
‪他們改變任務的原因嗎？

1298
01:14:52,251 --> 01:14:53,668
‪妳為何提到手機？

1299
01:14:53,751 --> 01:14:56,793
‪我朋友只是在推測發生什麼事

1300
01:14:56,876 --> 01:14:58,334
‪我們也搞不懂

1301
01:14:58,418 --> 01:15:01,501
‪你的白宮識別證超像真的

1302
01:15:01,584 --> 01:15:03,334
‪我不知道我怎麼會戴著，我不知道

1303
01:15:03,418 --> 01:15:05,168
‪告訴我們怎麼回事

1304
01:15:05,251 --> 01:15:07,668
‪我家有三個嚇壞的小孩
‪透露點什麼消息吧

1305
01:15:07,751 --> 01:15:10,376
‪我懂，但願我能分享資訊，可是…

1306
01:15:10,459 --> 01:15:13,001
‪我們跟你們沒兩樣，我們有權知道

1307
01:15:13,084 --> 01:15:16,043
‪他們說得沒錯，他們有權知道

1308
01:15:17,084 --> 01:15:18,876
‪你們真的想知道發生什麼事？

1309
01:15:18,959 --> 01:15:19,793
‪-對
‪-拜託說吧

1310
01:15:19,876 --> 01:15:22,334
‪-凱特，不行，別說
‪-凱特

1311
01:15:23,626 --> 01:15:29,418
‪他們在彗星上發現
‪大量黃金、鑽石和稀土礦物

1312
01:15:30,001 --> 01:15:32,209
‪所以他們要讓彗星撞上地球

1313
01:15:32,293 --> 01:15:36,459
‪讓一堆有錢人變得更他媽的有錢

1314
01:15:54,751 --> 01:15:56,001
‪不准拍

1315
01:15:56,626 --> 01:15:58,668
‪我盡力了，他們聽不進去

1316
01:15:58,751 --> 01:16:00,001
‪好驚訝喔

1317
01:16:00,084 --> 01:16:02,918
‪我開始認為妳只是喜歡激怒他人

1318
01:16:03,001 --> 01:16:05,001
‪很遺憾，凱特，我說真的

1319
01:16:05,084 --> 01:16:07,084
‪藍道，天啊

1320
01:16:07,876 --> 01:16:10,001
‪布莉埃文提在哪裡？

1321
01:16:10,084 --> 01:16:11,709
‪你們不是應該在

1322
01:16:11,793 --> 01:16:14,793
‪假掰餐廳內的桌下用腳互蹭嗎？

1323
01:16:14,876 --> 01:16:18,126
‪她說得沒錯，你確實很搞不清楚狀況

1324
01:16:18,209 --> 01:16:21,418
‪你們建議怎麼做？線上連署？

1325
01:16:21,501 --> 01:16:24,459
‪你們想拿…找個混混舉告示牌嗎？

1326
01:16:24,543 --> 01:16:27,001
‪想推翻政府嗎？看看這景象

1327
01:16:27,084 --> 01:16:28,918
‪看不到，我頭被袋子套住

1328
01:16:29,001 --> 01:16:31,626
‪抱歉，明迪博士，白宮要她神隱

1329
01:16:31,709 --> 01:16:33,209
‪-拜託，聽著
‪-馬上

1330
01:16:33,293 --> 01:16:36,001
‪等等，什麼意思？
‪那到底是什麼意思？

1331
01:16:36,084 --> 01:16:37,876
‪-“神隱”是什麼意思？
‪-凱特…

1332
01:16:39,418 --> 01:16:42,251
‪天啊，凱特，妳還好嗎？

1333
01:16:45,584 --> 01:16:48,876
‪泰迪，別這樣，我有選擇嗎？

1334
01:16:51,209 --> 01:16:53,584
‪人總是有選擇的，藍道

1335
01:16:53,668 --> 01:16:56,501
‪有時你得做出好選擇

1336
01:17:03,126 --> 01:17:04,543
‪凱特琳狄比斯基小姐

1337
01:17:04,626 --> 01:17:08,251
‪妳的罪名是洩漏國家安全機密

1338
01:17:08,334 --> 01:17:11,126
‪煽動群眾暴動，和破壞私人財產

1339
01:17:11,209 --> 01:17:13,709
‪物主是寶喬曼波蝦業公司

1340
01:17:13,793 --> 01:17:14,626
‪什麼？我沒有…

1341
01:17:14,709 --> 01:17:17,626
‪不過司法部長願意不追究

1342
01:17:17,709 --> 01:17:19,251
‪只要妳同意以下條件

1343
01:17:19,334 --> 01:17:22,001
‪“停止在所有公共媒體露面

1344
01:17:22,084 --> 01:17:26,751
‪以及針對狄比斯基彗星
‪和貝許手機發表煽動性言論”

1345
01:17:28,959 --> 01:17:32,376
‪好，拿來，老娘不在乎了

1346
01:17:47,918 --> 01:17:52,209
‪媽，爸，真高興能回家

1347
01:17:54,918 --> 01:17:55,918
‪開門

1348
01:17:56,001 --> 01:17:57,793
‪別扯政治，不要

1349
01:17:58,293 --> 01:17:59,501
‪你在說什麼？

1350
01:18:00,084 --> 01:18:02,793
‪我和妳爸要應徵彗星提供的工作

1351
01:18:05,751 --> 01:18:07,959
‪這個國家分裂夠嚴重了

1352
01:18:08,709 --> 01:18:10,334
‪我們不希望家裡也四分五裂

1353
01:18:14,334 --> 01:18:16,168
‪-慢點，孩子
‪-抱歉，媽

1354
01:18:17,334 --> 01:18:19,376
‪我為孩子和未來感到憂心

1355
01:18:19,918 --> 01:18:22,543
‪當然，彗星創造的工作感覺很棒

1356
01:18:23,126 --> 01:18:24,334
‪萬一不安全呢？

1357
01:18:24,918 --> 01:18:28,293
{\an8}‪現在有成千上百萬人對逼近的彗星…

1358
01:18:28,376 --> 01:18:29,376
{\an8}‪（藍道明迪博士）

1359
01:18:29,459 --> 01:18:31,251
{\an8}‪…有相同的疑慮和問題

1360
01:18:31,334 --> 01:18:32,751
{\an8}‪所以貝許手機

1361
01:18:32,834 --> 01:18:35,168
‪跟美國政府攜手協力

1362
01:18:35,251 --> 01:18:40,084
‪打造一條免費新熱線
‪為你們解答所有的疑惑

1363
01:18:40,793 --> 01:18:46,168
‪而且誰知道？也許我們某個科學家…

1364
01:18:46,251 --> 01:18:49,584
‪謝謝，雪倫，我放心多了

1365
01:18:49,668 --> 01:18:53,876
‪在不安的時代中
‪可能是我們都需要依靠的朋友

1366
01:18:54,751 --> 01:18:59,918
{\an8}‪請撥打安心專線
‪1-800-532-4500

1367
01:19:00,001 --> 01:19:01,334
{\an8}‪本服務僅限貝許公司的顧客

1368
01:19:01,418 --> 01:19:03,293
{\an8}‪通話內容可能會與子公司共用

1369
01:19:03,376 --> 01:19:04,709
{\an8}‪加強未來的顧客體驗

1370
01:19:04,793 --> 01:19:05,959
{\an8}‪需要收取數據漫遊費

1371
01:19:06,043 --> 01:19:09,251
‪我以為他是外交官，只是拍他馬屁

1372
01:19:09,334 --> 01:19:13,584
‪他是服務生，這下跩得二五八萬了

1373
01:19:16,959 --> 01:19:18,168
‪我的天

1374
01:19:19,293 --> 01:19:22,918
‪茱恩，老婆，妳在這裡做什麼？

1375
01:19:24,751 --> 01:19:27,501
‪我有預感出了什麼事…

1376
01:19:28,376 --> 01:19:32,001
‪我們在討論重要公事

1377
01:19:32,084 --> 01:19:35,501
‪-沒別的了
‪-對，真的很重要

1378
01:19:35,584 --> 01:19:39,543
‪拜託跳過這部分好嗎？
‪就是妳得理不饒人

1379
01:19:39,626 --> 01:19:43,084
‪我們想挖個洞往下鑽，實在無聊透頂

1380
01:19:43,793 --> 01:19:44,834
‪這樣“無聊透頂”？

1381
01:19:44,918 --> 01:19:49,334
‪妳想跳過妳跟我老公亂搞
‪感到內疚的部分？

1382
01:19:50,959 --> 01:19:52,626
‪我不覺得內疚

1383
01:19:52,709 --> 01:19:56,459
‪我和藍道可快活了，所以問題應該是

1384
01:19:56,543 --> 01:20:01,834
‪我們要繼續找樂子
‪或是他跟妳回去威斯康辛州？

1385
01:20:01,918 --> 01:20:02,793
‪或是蒙大拿州

1386
01:20:02,876 --> 01:20:04,918
‪-密西根州？
‪-是密西根州

1387
01:20:08,293 --> 01:20:12,543
‪其實她說得有道理

1388
01:20:13,334 --> 01:20:16,376
‪那是唯一的問題，所以…

1389
01:20:19,043 --> 01:20:20,001
‪茱恩，老婆

1390
01:20:21,293 --> 01:20:26,501
‪有時候人生很複雜，就是…

1391
01:20:26,584 --> 01:20:27,584
‪瞭解

1392
01:20:30,043 --> 01:20:31,251
‪真是當機立斷

1393
01:20:35,293 --> 01:20:37,501
‪我離開之前

1394
01:20:38,501 --> 01:20:41,418
‪讓我指點妳一下

1395
01:20:42,376 --> 01:20:45,501
‪-怎麼照顧藍道
‪-對不起

1396
01:20:47,168 --> 01:20:50,584
‪對，這是治療他恐慌發作的鎮定劑

1397
01:20:50,668 --> 01:20:51,501
‪天啊

1398
01:20:51,584 --> 01:20:54,501
‪這是他鬱卒時的抗憂鬱劑

1399
01:20:54,584 --> 01:20:57,126
‪最近比較少，妳知道的

1400
01:20:57,209 --> 01:20:58,293
‪真替你高興，太好了

1401
01:20:58,376 --> 01:21:01,251
‪這是血壓藥

1402
01:21:02,126 --> 01:21:04,751
‪-不寧腿症候群，這病很有意思
‪-天啊

1403
01:21:07,293 --> 01:21:10,918
‪抑制食慾劑可抵消
‪其他藥物導致的肥胖問題

1404
01:21:11,001 --> 01:21:16,334
‪還有給美國最性感的科學家
‪一罐該死的壯陽藥

1405
01:21:16,418 --> 01:21:17,418
‪唉唷

1406
01:21:26,626 --> 01:21:28,084
‪再見，再會了，藍道

1407
01:21:28,168 --> 01:21:29,959
‪我只好跟你兩個兒子說

1408
01:21:30,043 --> 01:21:32,418
‪老爸搞上那個電視女明星

1409
01:21:33,459 --> 01:21:34,834
‪茱恩，我…

1410
01:21:36,293 --> 01:21:38,501
‪我剛剛一度以為行得通

1411
01:21:40,376 --> 01:21:43,709
‪各位觀眾，他們想掌控彗星創造工作

1412
01:21:43,793 --> 01:21:45,834
‪三成七的民眾完全不希望彗星撞地球

1413
01:21:45,918 --> 01:21:47,626
‪其實降低了三個百分點

1414
01:21:47,709 --> 01:21:50,834
‪兩成三認為根本沒有彗星

1415
01:21:50,918 --> 01:21:52,709
‪這個數字高很多

1416
01:21:53,543 --> 01:21:55,501
‪怎麼不買比特幣？拉特幣？

1417
01:21:56,084 --> 01:21:56,959
‪拉特幣

1418
01:21:57,043 --> 01:21:59,584
‪只要你細看當中的數字…

1419
01:21:59,668 --> 01:22:01,876
‪我要買這副太陽眼鏡

1420
01:22:10,293 --> 01:22:12,418
‪妳是在直播節目上說
‪我們都死定了的女生？

1421
01:22:13,084 --> 01:22:15,001
‪不是，怎麼付款？

1422
01:22:19,334 --> 01:22:20,293
‪搞屁喔？

1423
01:22:20,376 --> 01:22:23,084
‪-就是妳，肯定是妳
‪-對，是我

1424
01:22:23,168 --> 01:22:26,876
‪哇靠，妳是傳奇人物，妳說的是實話

1425
01:22:28,168 --> 01:22:29,626
‪我滑板上有妳的圖案

1426
01:22:29,709 --> 01:22:31,084
‪他滑板上有妳的圖案

1427
01:22:31,168 --> 01:22:33,168
‪好極了，你要怎麼付款？

1428
01:22:33,251 --> 01:22:35,126
‪不付的話，請離開隊伍

1429
01:22:35,209 --> 01:22:36,459
‪讓位給其他顧客

1430
01:22:36,543 --> 01:22:38,834
‪可以用不下流的方式碰妳頭髮嗎？

1431
01:22:38,918 --> 01:22:41,001
‪-離我遠一點
‪-兄弟，放尊重…

1432
01:22:42,626 --> 01:22:45,084
‪打給迪奧戈，他一定超爽
‪能跟我朋友打聲招呼嗎？

1433
01:22:45,168 --> 01:22:47,793
‪他超迷妳的，我們好愛妳，不喜歡…

1434
01:22:47,876 --> 01:22:49,293
‪我們也受不了歐林

1435
01:22:53,543 --> 01:22:54,626
‪你好，看過來

1436
01:22:54,709 --> 01:22:57,126
‪閉上狗嘴，看我們跟誰在一起

1437
01:22:57,209 --> 01:22:59,876
‪-兄弟，怎麼樣？
‪-屌吧？

1438
01:23:01,293 --> 01:23:04,001
‪我們有支付方式，但沒有用來付錢

1439
01:23:04,084 --> 01:23:05,626
‪這是在比喻…

1440
01:23:07,251 --> 01:23:09,334
‪-現金？
‪-菲利浦，我還聽說…

1441
01:23:09,418 --> 01:23:10,709
‪-對
‪-你寫了一本書

1442
01:23:10,793 --> 01:23:13,501
‪描述你跟凱特狄比斯基的交往過程

1443
01:23:13,584 --> 01:23:16,001
‪我正想提這件事，其實我現在正在寫

1444
01:23:16,084 --> 01:23:18,626
‪書名會叫《跟惡魔擦肩而過》

1445
01:23:18,709 --> 01:23:20,834
‪妳正在使眼色叫警衛來嗎？

1446
01:23:20,918 --> 01:23:22,168
‪沒有，你們可以走了

1447
01:23:22,251 --> 01:23:24,376
‪-聽起來很糟
‪-就這樣？

1448
01:23:25,668 --> 01:23:27,168
‪妳不在乎，對吧？

1449
01:23:29,001 --> 01:23:30,001
‪我當然在乎

1450
01:23:30,084 --> 01:23:33,084
‪我在乎本超市保證的優質服務

1451
01:23:33,709 --> 01:23:35,543
‪我們也不在乎

1452
01:23:35,626 --> 01:23:37,251
‪一點都不在乎

1453
01:23:37,334 --> 01:23:39,376
‪我們會在
‪荒廢的漢堡店後面打屁玩滑板

1454
01:23:39,459 --> 01:23:40,334
‪從7點玩到爽

1455
01:23:40,418 --> 01:23:41,251
‪沒錯

1456
01:23:41,334 --> 01:23:43,793
‪想來的話就來，希望妳不怕

1457
01:23:46,918 --> 01:23:48,376
‪那是我和…

1458
01:23:48,459 --> 01:23:51,001
‪-幹，好，謝謝
‪-和一瓶蘇格蘭威士忌

1459
01:23:52,001 --> 01:23:54,543
‪那是玩笑，還有…

1460
01:23:55,043 --> 01:23:59,251
{\an8}‪（貝許）

1461
01:24:06,334 --> 01:24:07,543
‪好的

1462
01:24:07,626 --> 01:24:09,126
‪讓我介紹你們認識

1463
01:24:10,543 --> 01:24:16,376
‪人類的救星，貝許勢在必得無人機

1464
01:24:16,459 --> 01:24:17,543
‪真是壯觀

1465
01:24:17,626 --> 01:24:19,168
‪很壯觀吧？

1466
01:24:19,251 --> 01:24:21,668
‪我稱這架是原型機，第一架

1467
01:24:22,959 --> 01:24:24,459
‪就像我的第一個小孩

1468
01:24:25,126 --> 01:24:30,209
‪原型機，孩子，我是爸爸克羅諾斯

1469
01:24:31,418 --> 01:24:35,209
‪別害臊，快點，你會笑傲天際

1470
01:24:41,459 --> 01:24:46,626
‪你會擔心必得機
‪爆破裝置的同步系統嗎？

1471
01:24:46,709 --> 01:24:50,626
‪博士啊，你有層出不窮的疑問和恐懼

1472
01:24:51,293 --> 01:24:54,543
‪我這裡有伊尼茲博士的一份報告

1473
01:24:54,626 --> 01:24:57,084
‪-你該看看這份研究
‪-謝了

1474
01:24:57,168 --> 01:24:59,376
‪聽著，我有許多同事

1475
01:24:59,459 --> 01:25:01,918
‪他們都被這個計畫開除或辭退

1476
01:25:02,001 --> 01:25:06,126
‪顯然是對這項任務的問題太多了

1477
01:25:06,209 --> 01:25:08,793
‪我只想確認你會…

1478
01:25:09,459 --> 01:25:12,001
‪你會開放科學同儕審查過程

1479
01:25:12,084 --> 01:25:14,626
‪不會像個生意人看待整個任務

1480
01:25:14,709 --> 01:25:16,376
‪-懂嗎？就是…
‪-你說什麼？

1481
01:25:16,959 --> 01:25:20,251
‪-我想知道你是否…
‪-你說我是生意人？

1482
01:25:21,001 --> 01:25:23,959
‪-你確實是企業老闆…
‪-你當我只是個生意人？

1483
01:25:25,543 --> 01:25:27,834
‪博士，你自以為很瞭解我？

1484
01:25:29,418 --> 01:25:30,334
‪生意？

1485
01:25:31,293 --> 01:25:35,168
‪這是演化，這是人類種族的演化

1486
01:25:36,168 --> 01:25:38,168
‪-妳幹嘛帶這個…
‪-嗯…

1487
01:25:38,251 --> 01:25:41,418
‪貝許在你身上裝有四千多萬個資料點

1488
01:25:41,501 --> 01:25:45,501
‪1994年起
‪你做的每個決定都有，博士

1489
01:25:45,584 --> 01:25:51,876
‪我比你的醫生
‪早幾個月知道你有大腸息肉

1490
01:25:51,959 --> 01:25:53,793
‪其實你現在身上有四、五顆

1491
01:25:53,876 --> 01:25:57,418
‪沒什麼好擔心
‪但我勸你盡快去做檢查

1492
01:25:57,501 --> 01:26:01,959
‪但更重要的是
‪我對你這個人瞭若指掌

1493
01:26:02,043 --> 01:26:07,126
‪我的演算法測出
‪八種基本消費者特性類型

1494
01:26:07,209 --> 01:26:10,834
‪你是生活型的理想主義者

1495
01:26:10,918 --> 01:26:15,168
‪你認為你的動力是信念，高道德信念

1496
01:26:15,251 --> 01:26:20,168
‪但你只是追求愉悅，逃離痛苦

1497
01:26:22,418 --> 01:26:25,043
‪跟田鼠沒兩樣

1498
01:26:27,168 --> 01:26:28,543
‪我只是要…

1499
01:26:29,959 --> 01:26:32,834
‪我只想確認計畫的科學細節精確可靠

1500
01:26:32,918 --> 01:26:34,084
‪希望你瞭解，我的用意…

1501
01:26:34,168 --> 01:26:38,293
‪我們的演算法甚至能預測你的死法

1502
01:26:39,168 --> 01:26:44,418
‪正確率高達96,5%

1503
01:26:44,501 --> 01:26:46,376
‪我們見面後，我查過你

1504
01:26:47,751 --> 01:26:52,043
‪你的死法平淡無奇又乏味

1505
01:26:52,709 --> 01:26:56,793
‪我對細節沒印象了，只記得一件事

1506
01:26:59,043 --> 01:27:00,793
‪你會孤獨死去

1507
01:27:03,793 --> 01:27:04,834
‪孤伶伶地

1508
01:27:05,709 --> 01:27:10,001
‪失陪了，總統女士
‪我還有事，我會跟他談談

1509
01:27:10,084 --> 01:27:13,376
‪你到底在做什麼？天啊

1510
01:27:13,459 --> 01:27:14,376
‪我在盡本分

1511
01:27:14,459 --> 01:27:17,751
‪算你走運，彼得很敬重你

1512
01:27:21,001 --> 01:27:25,043
‪（易燃物）

1513
01:27:25,126 --> 01:27:26,959
‪你在跟成年人共事，藍道

1514
01:27:27,501 --> 01:27:29,126
‪這我根本跟不上

1515
01:27:30,418 --> 01:27:33,709
‪-肥仔…
‪-肥仔…

1516
01:27:33,793 --> 01:27:35,126
‪我看到他在逛大街

1517
01:27:35,209 --> 01:27:40,418
‪沒記錯的話
‪貝許要歐林支付智利政府

1518
01:27:40,501 --> 01:27:44,751
‪九百億讓海嘯撞上智利海岸

1519
01:27:44,834 --> 01:27:45,709
‪這樣對嗎？

1520
01:27:45,793 --> 01:27:46,793
{\an8}‪（我們都他媽的死定了）

1521
01:27:46,876 --> 01:27:49,376
{\an8}‪伊許威爾幫他和幹部蓋了地下碉堡

1522
01:27:49,459 --> 01:27:51,834
‪不對，我聽說他們造了一艘逃生船

1523
01:27:51,918 --> 01:27:55,293
‪各位，真相更令人沮喪

1524
01:27:56,334 --> 01:27:57,876
‪他們沒有你們以為那麼聰明

1525
01:27:57,959 --> 01:28:00,251
‪想得出那些邪惡的計畫

1526
01:28:06,959 --> 01:28:08,584
‪-怎樣？
‪-不要

1527
01:28:13,459 --> 01:28:15,584
‪靠，妳要把我逼瘋了，凱特

1528
01:28:16,251 --> 01:28:17,876
‪管他的，我們都死定了

1529
01:28:30,293 --> 01:28:34,126
‪（減肥倒數：25天）

1530
01:28:35,376 --> 01:28:36,626
‪這部片即將在

1531
01:28:36,709 --> 01:28:40,209
‪某些人相信彗星撞地球的那天上映

1532
01:28:40,293 --> 01:28:42,793
‪布莉，初期評價說是部當代經典

1533
01:28:42,876 --> 01:28:45,543
‪對，卡司陣容堅強

1534
01:28:45,626 --> 01:28:48,084
‪-戴文
‪-我超愛戴文彼得斯

1535
01:28:48,168 --> 01:28:49,834
‪-對
‪-超讚，拍什麼都好看

1536
01:28:49,918 --> 01:28:52,209
‪-你說片名叫什麼？
‪-叫《全面毀滅》

1537
01:28:52,293 --> 01:28:56,251
‪耗資三億美元打造

1538
01:28:56,334 --> 01:28:59,376
‪-這些電影…
‪-比你賺的還多

1539
01:28:59,459 --> 01:29:01,834
‪就是說啊，我朋友法利看過了

1540
01:29:01,918 --> 01:29:04,668
‪-他說絕無冷場，沒錯
‪-法利很喜歡

1541
01:29:04,751 --> 01:29:07,293
‪好，法利說了算

1542
01:29:07,376 --> 01:29:08,626
‪但是首先

1543
01:29:09,459 --> 01:29:12,501
‪沒錯，從我的笑容就看得出來

1544
01:29:12,584 --> 01:29:13,876
‪別鬧了

1545
01:29:13,959 --> 01:29:18,959
‪美國最性感的科學家在現場
‪藍道博士，歡迎你

1546
01:29:19,709 --> 01:29:21,418
‪藍道博士，你好嗎？

1547
01:29:21,501 --> 01:29:24,251
‪我很好，好上加好

1548
01:29:25,709 --> 01:29:31,001
‪好的，藍道，我們聽說沒有彗星

1549
01:29:31,084 --> 01:29:34,418
‪或是有彗星
‪但其實是好事，也可能是壞事

1550
01:29:34,501 --> 01:29:36,793
‪我們覺得很錯亂

1551
01:29:36,876 --> 01:29:41,209
‪睿智的科學家，能幫我們解惑嗎？

1552
01:29:42,626 --> 01:29:47,918
‪首先，布莉，絕對有彗星

1553
01:29:48,001 --> 01:29:48,834
‪好的

1554
01:29:48,918 --> 01:29:52,168
‪我們有數據，所以確知有彗星

1555
01:29:54,501 --> 01:29:58,709
‪最近科學界越來越憂心忡忡

1556
01:29:59,376 --> 01:30:02,918
‪同儕審查過程絕對是基本要求

1557
01:30:03,001 --> 01:30:05,751
‪-如果貝許的股票…
‪-我們藉此得知事實…你說什麼？

1558
01:30:05,834 --> 01:30:07,501
‪如果貝許股票算是某種指標

1559
01:30:07,584 --> 01:30:09,126
‪那就不用擔心同儕審查了

1560
01:30:09,209 --> 01:30:10,626
‪一定會空前成功

1561
01:30:10,709 --> 01:30:13,168
‪聽好了，來個大爆料
‪我自己能買多少就買了多少

1562
01:30:13,251 --> 01:30:14,543
‪我會建議你們效法我

1563
01:30:14,626 --> 01:30:16,376
‪你真是資本主義的走狗

1564
01:30:16,459 --> 01:30:19,501
‪等我股票賺大錢，妳會在我家後院

1565
01:30:19,584 --> 01:30:22,126
‪-全新的按摩浴缸中泡澡
‪-太瞭解我了吧

1566
01:30:22,209 --> 01:30:23,418
‪沒錯

1567
01:30:23,501 --> 01:30:25,918
‪藍道博士，你確定沒事嗎？
‪要來杯水或是…

1568
01:30:26,001 --> 01:30:27,209
‪我覺得很不舒服

1569
01:30:27,293 --> 01:30:29,668
‪好，那麼我們先進廣告…

1570
01:30:29,751 --> 01:30:33,334
‪拜託不要，布莉
‪別進廣告，讓我講件事

1571
01:30:33,418 --> 01:30:34,959
‪-好
‪-你來對地方了

1572
01:30:35,043 --> 01:30:36,376
‪我們這節目就愛講事情

1573
01:30:36,459 --> 01:30:40,459
‪可以請你別這麼…開心嗎？

1574
01:30:41,876 --> 01:30:44,834
‪抱歉，不一定隨時都要妙語如珠

1575
01:30:44,918 --> 01:30:47,126
‪充滿魅力或討好大家

1576
01:30:47,209 --> 01:30:50,626
‪有時候，我們需要能夠對彼此談正事

1577
01:30:50,709 --> 01:30:52,126
‪我們需要傾聽

1578
01:30:53,876 --> 01:30:57,168
‪我們重申一次

1579
01:30:57,834 --> 01:31:01,959
‪有顆巨大彗星朝地球飛來

1580
01:31:02,709 --> 01:31:05,334
‪我們知道彗星存在的理由

1581
01:31:05,418 --> 01:31:06,876
‪是因為我們看到了

1582
01:31:06,959 --> 01:31:10,251
‪我們用望遠鏡親眼所見

1583
01:31:10,334 --> 01:31:13,543
‪拜託，我們他媽的還拍了張照片

1584
01:31:13,626 --> 01:31:15,334
‪還需要其他證據嗎？

1585
01:31:15,834 --> 01:31:18,418
‪如果我們連這一丁點共識都沒有

1586
01:31:18,501 --> 01:31:22,918
‪一顆聖母峰大小的超大彗星

1587
01:31:23,001 --> 01:31:29,084
‪朝地球飛來不是一件他媽的好事

1588
01:31:29,876 --> 01:31:32,168
‪那我們到底怎麼了？

1589
01:31:33,043 --> 01:31:37,376
‪我的天，我們怎麼還聊得下去？

1590
01:31:37,459 --> 01:31:41,251
‪我們對自己做了什麼？
‪又要如何彌補？

1591
01:31:41,334 --> 01:31:44,834
‪我們應該趁早將這顆彗星撞離軌道

1592
01:31:44,918 --> 01:31:48,126
‪但是我們沒這麼做，我想不透為什麼

1593
01:31:48,209 --> 01:31:52,084
‪現在他們要開除我這種科學家

1594
01:31:52,168 --> 01:31:54,709
‪因為我們據理力爭，跟他們唱反調

1595
01:31:55,459 --> 01:31:57,918
‪我很確定外面有許多人

1596
01:31:58,001 --> 01:32:00,001
‪根本沒把我說的話聽進去

1597
01:32:00,084 --> 01:32:02,876
‪因為他們有自己的政治意識形態

1598
01:32:03,543 --> 01:32:05,959
‪但是我…向你們保證

1599
01:32:06,626 --> 01:32:08,626
‪我沒有特定立場

1600
01:32:08,709 --> 01:32:10,959
‪我在告訴你們醜陋的真相

1601
01:32:11,043 --> 01:32:12,668
‪我想現在很適合重申

1602
01:32:12,751 --> 01:32:15,293
‪伊許威爾和總統兩人所說的

1603
01:32:15,376 --> 01:32:17,001
‪這麼做的好處…

1604
01:32:17,084 --> 01:32:21,793
‪對，美國總統滿口謊言

1605
01:32:23,251 --> 01:32:24,751
‪聽著，我跟你們大家沒兩樣

1606
01:32:24,834 --> 01:32:29,876
‪我希望這個總統知道自己在做什麼

1607
01:32:29,959 --> 01:32:33,793
‪希望她讓我們無後顧之憂，但事實是

1608
01:32:33,876 --> 01:32:36,918
‪我認為這整個政府

1609
01:32:37,001 --> 01:32:41,543
‪已經完全喪失理智

1610
01:32:41,626 --> 01:32:45,168
‪我認為我們都死定了

1611
01:32:49,418 --> 01:32:51,043
‪聽著，我想回家

1612
01:32:52,543 --> 01:32:56,168
‪我只想回家，我現在只想要回家

1613
01:33:00,918 --> 01:33:02,626
‪但是可以的話

1614
01:33:03,251 --> 01:33:09,709
‪我懇求聽到我剛才那番話的人

1615
01:33:10,709 --> 01:33:13,626
‪我們每個人，大家要…

1616
01:33:22,126 --> 01:33:23,668
‪你這是何苦？

1617
01:33:24,793 --> 01:33:28,293
‪我很喜歡你，而且厭惡多數人

1618
01:33:29,834 --> 01:33:33,043
‪我真的以為我愛妳

1619
01:33:35,834 --> 01:33:37,001
‪是喔？

1620
01:33:37,918 --> 01:33:38,793
‪哇

1621
01:33:40,668 --> 01:33:41,876
‪太扯了

1622
01:33:43,043 --> 01:33:43,876
‪是啊

1623
01:33:44,751 --> 01:33:47,293
‪女士，請下車，我們要讓他神隱

1624
01:33:49,584 --> 01:33:50,543
‪妳還在嗎？

1625
01:33:53,793 --> 01:33:54,834
‪不在

1626
01:33:57,334 --> 01:34:01,084
‪也許權力讓他有快感

1627
01:34:01,168 --> 01:34:02,834
‪任何權力都會

1628
01:34:02,918 --> 01:34:07,834
‪彷彿他知道我終究會發現零食不用錢

1629
01:34:07,918 --> 01:34:08,751
‪對

1630
01:34:08,834 --> 01:34:09,709
‪-懂嗎？
‪-懂

1631
01:34:09,793 --> 01:34:11,876
‪像一種權力遊戲

1632
01:34:12,668 --> 01:34:13,668
‪是啊，人類很奇怪

1633
01:34:16,293 --> 01:34:20,043
‪我開始覺得世界末日是胡扯

1634
01:34:21,668 --> 01:34:22,876
‪並不是

1635
01:34:22,959 --> 01:34:26,876
‪一定會發生，我看到了

1636
01:34:27,584 --> 01:34:29,918
‪我不確定，我覺得神想毀滅地球

1637
01:34:30,001 --> 01:34:31,084
‪就會毀滅地球

1638
01:34:33,376 --> 01:34:34,626
‪你相信神？

1639
01:34:36,584 --> 01:34:39,209
‪對，我父母把我養成福音派教徒

1640
01:34:39,293 --> 01:34:41,626
‪我討厭他們，但是我自己找到信仰

1641
01:34:41,709 --> 01:34:42,959
‪我自己跟神的關係

1642
01:34:46,459 --> 01:34:48,543
‪我會很感謝妳不說出去

1643
01:34:52,084 --> 01:34:55,209
‪我會保密，我覺得很動人

1644
01:34:58,793 --> 01:35:01,376
‪-要親熱嗎？
‪-好，有何不可？

1645
01:35:02,501 --> 01:35:05,501
‪妳不能說“有何不可”
‪會讓我覺得妳不想

1646
01:35:06,418 --> 01:35:07,418
‪感覺很差

1647
01:35:09,584 --> 01:35:12,209
‪-好，隨便啦
‪-好多了

1648
01:35:42,751 --> 01:35:44,876
‪-天啊，就是它
‪-什麼？

1649
01:35:44,959 --> 01:35:47,418
‪-就是那顆彗星
‪-什麼？在哪裡？

1650
01:35:49,043 --> 01:35:51,459
‪-在哪？
‪-那是北斗七星

1651
01:35:52,043 --> 01:35:54,959
‪那是金星，那是北極星

1652
01:35:55,543 --> 01:35:58,001
‪-那顆是什麼？
‪-哇靠

1653
01:36:06,501 --> 01:36:07,709
‪什麼鬼？

1654
01:36:10,543 --> 01:36:11,543
‪什麼？

1655
01:36:22,251 --> 01:36:23,251
‪出現了

1656
01:36:26,084 --> 01:36:27,168
‪你來了

1657
01:36:30,209 --> 01:36:31,209
‪你來了

1658
01:36:32,126 --> 01:36:34,293
‪還有人看到嗎？就是它

1659
01:36:35,084 --> 01:36:38,876
‪就是它，那就是彗星，瞧，就在那裡

1660
01:37:16,376 --> 01:37:19,334
‪-我…有點害怕
‪-怕就對了

1661
01:37:23,834 --> 01:37:25,668
‪-明迪博士
‪-凱特

1662
01:37:25,751 --> 01:37:27,918
‪博士，看得到了

1663
01:37:28,001 --> 01:37:32,209
‪我也正在看，真不可思議

1664
01:37:32,709 --> 01:37:36,293
‪集可怕與美麗於一身

1665
01:37:36,376 --> 01:37:37,501
‪我的天

1666
01:37:43,251 --> 01:37:45,168
‪我們一直想告訴你們

1667
01:37:45,793 --> 01:37:49,084
‪我們一直都想告訴你們，它在那裡

1668
01:37:49,918 --> 01:37:51,501
‪它在那裡，凱特

1669
01:37:54,334 --> 01:37:55,418
‪你在哪裡？

1670
01:37:55,501 --> 01:37:56,918
‪我在密西根州蘭辛

1671
01:37:57,001 --> 01:38:00,168
‪想跟茱恩和好，但她不會理我

1672
01:38:00,251 --> 01:38:01,959
‪-妳在哪裡？
‪-搞屁喔？

1673
01:38:03,084 --> 01:38:04,209
‪我…

1674
01:38:04,793 --> 01:38:06,293
‪我會去找妳，好嗎？

1675
01:38:07,418 --> 01:38:10,751
‪我在伊利諾州，明天就能準備好

1676
01:38:12,334 --> 01:38:13,418
‪-親愛的天父
‪-對，我…

1677
01:38:13,501 --> 01:38:16,001
‪我有罪，求祢開恩與指引

1678
01:38:16,084 --> 01:38:17,501
‪他們總算見到了

1679
01:38:18,751 --> 01:38:20,084
‪他們總算見到了

1680
01:38:26,126 --> 01:38:27,626
‪它來了

1681
01:38:41,668 --> 01:38:45,251
‪去你家院子，上頂樓，到人行道

1682
01:38:45,334 --> 01:38:46,751
‪抬頭看天空

1683
01:38:46,834 --> 01:38:48,376
‪星星看起來會糊糊的

1684
01:38:48,459 --> 01:38:50,168
‪但它散發出一道長光

1685
01:38:50,251 --> 01:38:51,751
‪那是彗星的尾巴

1686
01:38:51,834 --> 01:38:53,418
‪它是真的，而且要來了

1687
01:38:53,501 --> 01:38:56,084
‪如果有人否認，那他們在鬼扯

1688
01:38:56,168 --> 01:38:57,668
‪抬頭看天空

1689
01:38:59,293 --> 01:39:00,751
{\an8}‪-我們有證據
‪-抬頭看

1690
01:39:00,834 --> 01:39:04,459
‪拜託大家抬頭看好嗎？
‪別管海牛了，抬頭看

1691
01:39:04,543 --> 01:39:05,501
‪抬頭看

1692
01:39:05,584 --> 01:39:07,668
‪-抬頭看
‪-抬頭看…

1693
01:39:07,751 --> 01:39:08,751
‪抬頭看

1694
01:39:08,834 --> 01:39:13,126
{\an8}‪明迪博士，總統拯救地球

1695
01:39:13,209 --> 01:39:18,168
{\an8}‪讓我們都有家可歸的計畫
‪一定會成功，對吧？

1696
01:39:18,251 --> 01:39:22,459
{\an8}‪地球上的每個男女老少都會死

1697
01:39:22,543 --> 01:39:25,751
{\an8}‪-我不喜歡他，他害我心情很差
‪-很抱歉

1698
01:39:25,834 --> 01:39:27,668
{\an8}‪-跟排練的不同
‪-小朋友們，聽我說

1699
01:39:27,751 --> 01:39:30,918
‪跟爸媽說歐林總統和伊許威爾

1700
01:39:31,001 --> 01:39:32,668
‪是精神變態兼法西斯主義者

1701
01:39:39,834 --> 01:39:42,751
‪知道他們為何要你們抬頭看嗎？

1702
01:39:43,709 --> 01:39:45,543
‪知道原因嗎？

1703
01:39:45,626 --> 01:39:48,084
‪因為他們要你們感到害怕

1704
01:39:49,543 --> 01:39:52,001
‪他們要你們抬頭看

1705
01:39:52,084 --> 01:39:54,751
‪因為他們看不起你們

1706
01:39:56,084 --> 01:39:57,959
‪他們認為比你們高人一等

1707
01:39:58,043 --> 01:40:00,543
‪孩子們，別抬頭，千萬別抬頭

1708
01:40:00,626 --> 01:40:02,876
‪他們要奪走你們的自由，這是事實

1709
01:40:02,959 --> 01:40:05,043
{\an8}‪別抬頭

1710
01:40:05,126 --> 01:40:06,876
‪美國總統歐林…

1711
01:40:06,959 --> 01:40:08,459
‪小心

1712
01:40:09,376 --> 01:40:12,668
‪沒有找印度或世界其他國家

1713
01:40:12,751 --> 01:40:14,084
‪參加這次任務

1714
01:40:14,793 --> 01:40:17,418
{\an8}‪這傢伙是知名色情片業者吉普

1715
01:40:17,501 --> 01:40:18,751
‪別聽信那個腦殘的話

1716
01:40:18,834 --> 01:40:24,834
‪聯合國一直在考慮自己進行改道任務

1717
01:40:25,543 --> 01:40:27,168
‪抬頭看，拜託

1718
01:40:27,251 --> 01:40:31,001
‪我知道好萊塢很多人支持抬頭看運動

1719
01:40:31,084 --> 01:40:32,918
‪但是我沒見過這種胸針

1720
01:40:33,001 --> 01:40:34,459
‪（戴文彼得斯，《全面毀滅》）

1721
01:40:34,543 --> 01:40:37,751
‪對，這標誌朝上又朝下

1722
01:40:38,334 --> 01:40:42,959
‪因為我覺得國內必須停止爭論

1723
01:40:43,043 --> 01:40:45,543
‪和道德魔人的行為，與異己交好吧

1724
01:40:46,168 --> 01:40:48,543
‪真是令人耳目一新的看法

1725
01:40:48,626 --> 01:40:51,251
‪我想我們對政治都感到厭煩了

1726
01:40:51,334 --> 01:40:53,501
‪對，沒錯

1727
01:40:54,501 --> 01:40:56,126
‪所以我們拍了《全面毀滅》

1728
01:40:56,209 --> 01:40:58,334
‪老少咸宜，是爆米花電影

1729
01:40:58,418 --> 01:41:02,126
‪盯著前方的路，而且要低頭

1730
01:41:02,209 --> 01:41:04,626
‪然後往前走一步

1731
01:41:04,709 --> 01:41:05,751
‪一步又一步

1732
01:41:07,043 --> 01:41:08,126
‪一天又一天

1733
01:41:08,209 --> 01:41:11,418
‪-別抬頭
‪-別抬頭

1734
01:41:11,501 --> 01:41:12,584
‪（現在就買）

1735
01:41:12,668 --> 01:41:13,501
‪（已購買）

1736
01:41:13,584 --> 01:41:14,543
‪（影片延遲）

1737
01:41:16,918 --> 01:41:18,126
‪（救世最終真演唱會）

1738
01:41:18,209 --> 01:41:20,543
‪我們要大聲說一件事

1739
01:41:20,626 --> 01:41:24,251
‪沒有方法能把彗星安全帶回地球

1740
01:41:24,334 --> 01:41:27,043
‪並從中獲利，不可能

1741
01:41:27,626 --> 01:41:31,501
‪世界各國，對抗歐林和貝許

1742
01:41:31,584 --> 01:41:34,501
‪立刻啟動你們的核彈改道任務

1743
01:41:34,584 --> 01:41:36,126
‪搶救這個星球

1744
01:41:37,584 --> 01:41:43,418
‪現在歡迎蕾莉比納和她的特別來賓

1745
01:41:44,043 --> 01:41:45,751
‪我忘了他的名字，謝謝

1746
01:41:48,834 --> 01:41:51,168
{\an8}‪（蕾莉，妳超正，我們愛妳）

1747
01:41:51,251 --> 01:41:54,043
{\an8}‪（我願意付五千元買鏟子
‪彗星真的會把人化成水嗎？）

1748
01:41:54,126 --> 01:41:56,126
{\an8}‪（別抬頭，馬克思主義混蛋
‪蕾莉是英雄）

1749
01:41:56,209 --> 01:41:59,459
{\an8}‪（被彗星撞死前看蕾莉表演
‪我馬子比她更會唱）

1750
01:41:59,543 --> 01:42:02,084
{\an8}‪（我一人在家性致勃勃
‪美國粉絲3,99元）

1751
01:42:02,168 --> 01:42:08,459
‪我們有無限可能，只不過才一瞬間

1752
01:42:08,543 --> 01:42:14,459
‪我們跟人生作對，又跟自己作對

1753
01:42:16,418 --> 01:42:20,376
‪你每個揮之不去的回憶

1754
01:42:20,459 --> 01:42:24,168
‪沒有向我道別

1755
01:42:24,251 --> 01:42:30,251
‪你的自大撲滅了我們的愛火

1756
01:42:31,293 --> 01:42:34,793
‪然後只要一個眼神

1757
01:42:34,876 --> 01:42:40,501
‪我感受到你將我盡收眼底

1758
01:42:40,584 --> 01:42:45,334
‪然後我愚笨的心說

1759
01:42:45,418 --> 01:42:49,501
‪抬頭看

1760
01:42:49,584 --> 01:42:53,209
‪無處可躲

1761
01:42:53,293 --> 01:42:55,126
‪真愛不死

1762
01:42:55,209 --> 01:42:59,959
‪緊緊抓住，不讓你走

1763
01:43:00,043 --> 01:43:03,709
‪那個總統美得冒泡、辣到噴火吧？

1764
01:43:04,793 --> 01:43:06,626
‪要不是她是我媽…

1765
01:43:08,334 --> 01:43:10,084
‪有三種美國人

1766
01:43:11,043 --> 01:43:13,209
‪有你們，勞工階級

1767
01:43:13,293 --> 01:43:17,126
‪我們，超酷的有錢人，接著是他們

1768
01:43:19,626 --> 01:43:21,668
‪很抱歉，但是我們需要他們

1769
01:43:22,209 --> 01:43:26,334
‪我們需要他們
‪因為你們挺我們出來對抗他們

1770
01:43:26,418 --> 01:43:28,584
‪勞工階級，低端人口

1771
01:43:28,668 --> 01:43:30,793
‪-懂嗎？
‪-我不懂

1772
01:43:30,876 --> 01:43:35,043
‪懂嗎？我說的是營養學家

1773
01:43:35,584 --> 01:43:37,709
‪我說的是私人教練

1774
01:43:38,543 --> 01:43:40,168
‪精油按摩院的員工

1775
01:43:40,251 --> 01:43:43,168
‪不是櫃台人員，也不是按摩師

1776
01:43:43,251 --> 01:43:45,793
‪但是他們會帶你們走去包廂

1777
01:43:45,876 --> 01:43:46,793
‪他們在那裡…

1778
01:43:46,876 --> 01:43:49,376
‪我讓妳大失所望，我不否認

1779
01:43:50,584 --> 01:43:53,209
‪我們失去那麼多，就是這麼重要

1780
01:43:53,293 --> 01:43:56,584
‪我在壓抑怒氣，那不是妳要的男人

1781
01:43:57,293 --> 01:44:00,543
‪妳在壓抑傷心，其實都是我的錯

1782
01:44:01,334 --> 01:44:04,126
‪-何時要撤資貝許？
‪-現在

1783
01:44:04,209 --> 01:44:05,876
‪何時要撤資貝許？

1784
01:44:07,834 --> 01:44:08,918
‪時間寶貴

1785
01:44:09,001 --> 01:44:10,584
‪我們不會保持沉默

1786
01:44:11,626 --> 01:44:15,001
‪牽我的手，寶貝
‪我永不離開妳，蕾莉

1787
01:44:15,084 --> 01:44:19,418
‪其實他想說的是

1788
01:44:19,501 --> 01:44:23,126
‪別漠視身邊的問題

1789
01:44:23,209 --> 01:44:29,959
‪聽正牌科學家的話

1790
01:44:30,043 --> 01:44:33,459
‪我們真的搞砸了，這次搞砸了

1791
01:44:33,543 --> 01:44:37,376
‪它這麼近，我都感受到高溫了

1792
01:44:37,459 --> 01:44:41,043
‪你們可以假裝一切都沒事

1793
01:44:41,126 --> 01:44:44,834
‪但這件事可能會很快發生

1794
01:44:44,918 --> 01:44:47,834
‪慶祝、哭泣或禱告

1795
01:44:47,918 --> 01:44:53,209
‪只要能渡過我們一手造成的災難

1796
01:44:53,293 --> 01:44:58,251
‪因為可能沒有明天

1797
01:44:58,334 --> 01:45:02,668
‪抬頭看

1798
01:45:02,751 --> 01:45:06,334
‪關掉爛電視新聞

1799
01:45:06,418 --> 01:45:09,376
‪因為各位，你們都快死了

1800
01:45:13,334 --> 01:45:15,043
‪抬頭看

1801
01:45:20,626 --> 01:45:23,626
‪午安，亞當，怎麼有空打電話給我？

1802
01:45:30,084 --> 01:45:31,084
‪何時的事？

1803
01:45:38,834 --> 01:45:41,751
‪謝謝你來電告知

1804
01:45:44,168 --> 01:45:45,168
‪好

1805
01:46:01,626 --> 01:46:02,584
‪怎麼了？

1806
01:46:06,001 --> 01:46:07,001
‪什麼事？

1807
01:46:09,959 --> 01:46:14,751
‪歐林和貝許取消俄羅斯、印度和中國

1808
01:46:16,001 --> 01:46:17,418
‪開採礦物的權利

1809
01:46:17,501 --> 01:46:20,959
‪所以他們另外進行聯合改道任務

1810
01:46:21,043 --> 01:46:25,751
‪可是…大概40分鐘前

1811
01:46:26,626 --> 01:46:33,043
‪偵測到俄羅斯的拜科努爾發射場
‪發生大規模爆炸

1812
01:46:35,626 --> 01:46:37,709
‪看來任務失敗了

1813
01:46:42,834 --> 01:46:44,043
‪就這樣？

1814
01:46:47,209 --> 01:46:48,709
‪你這話什麼意思？

1815
01:46:52,168 --> 01:46:53,168
‪泰迪？

1816
01:46:56,501 --> 01:46:57,376
‪是嗎？

1817
01:47:03,209 --> 01:47:06,959
‪還有貝許任務，別無選擇了

1818
01:47:14,126 --> 01:47:15,126
‪幹

1819
01:47:27,334 --> 01:47:30,126
‪這些抬頭看煽動者

1820
01:47:30,209 --> 01:47:35,918
‪希望數百萬非法智利人穿越邊境

1821
01:47:36,918 --> 01:47:40,334
‪別抬頭…

1822
01:47:42,543 --> 01:47:43,418
{\an8}‪（歐林）

1823
01:47:43,501 --> 01:47:44,501
{\an8}‪（開採彗星）

1824
01:47:44,584 --> 01:47:46,334
{\an8}‪那是什麼鬼？

1825
01:47:52,459 --> 01:47:54,626
‪媽的我們被騙了

1826
01:47:56,168 --> 01:48:02,626
‪總統傳訊息給我說
‪“別抓狂，沒事，別抓狂”

1827
01:48:02,709 --> 01:48:04,418
‪（別抬頭）

1828
01:48:05,043 --> 01:48:06,043
‪好，現在

1829
01:48:06,626 --> 01:48:09,293
‪你害我破相，死鄉巴佬

1830
01:48:22,084 --> 01:48:24,043
‪這一小時連輛車都沒有

1831
01:48:26,001 --> 01:48:28,584
‪對，大家都在看貝許發射場轉播

1832
01:48:31,084 --> 01:48:32,376
‪你說我們要做什麼？

1833
01:48:35,043 --> 01:48:39,459
‪我說了，我們要去買菜

1834
01:48:48,084 --> 01:48:53,293
‪米爾斯兄弟，一流樂團
‪是艾靈頓公爵發掘的

1835
01:48:56,001 --> 01:49:00,043
‪他們的舊團名是和諧四王

1836
01:49:05,793 --> 01:49:07,209
‪這首歌《到了那時》

1837
01:49:07,293 --> 01:49:11,501
‪描述士兵出征去打二戰

1838
01:49:11,584 --> 01:49:13,418
‪對家鄉思念不已

1839
01:49:16,543 --> 01:49:17,751
‪聽聽這段

1840
01:49:21,084 --> 01:49:27,084
‪“儘管我們得走過千山，越過萬水

1841
01:49:31,668 --> 01:49:34,751
‪我知道凡事有得必有失

1842
01:49:36,751 --> 01:49:40,751
‪所以祈禱失去的只有時間”

1843
01:49:46,584 --> 01:49:49,126
‪-我得問妳一件事
‪-什麼事？

1844
01:49:51,709 --> 01:49:53,709
‪明迪博士，能在你車上真情流露嗎？

1845
01:49:53,793 --> 01:49:54,959
‪可以，請便

1846
01:49:57,209 --> 01:49:59,001
‪我認識很多人
‪但從沒認識過妳這種人

1847
01:49:59,084 --> 01:50:01,209
‪我覺得跟妳心有靈犀

1848
01:50:04,376 --> 01:50:06,293
‪我不知道，我不曾對其他人心動過

1849
01:50:06,376 --> 01:50:08,418
‪豁出去了

1850
01:50:08,501 --> 01:50:10,501
‪妳想要更常跟我在一起嗎？

1851
01:50:11,084 --> 01:50:15,001
‪就算要訂婚也行？

1852
01:50:16,209 --> 01:50:18,043
‪-哇
‪-妳在笑我嗎？

1853
01:50:18,918 --> 01:50:20,168
‪-好嗎？
‪-我是會心一笑

1854
01:50:21,709 --> 01:50:23,584
‪-當然好
‪-好感人

1855
01:50:23,668 --> 01:50:26,918
‪-有何不可？
‪-太感人了

1856
01:50:37,334 --> 01:50:41,834
‪然後你…你幫明迪博士算命

1857
01:50:41,918 --> 01:50:43,918
‪-讓他見識演算法的厲害
‪-對

1858
01:50:44,001 --> 01:50:46,084
‪用那個資訊刷新他三觀

1859
01:50:46,168 --> 01:50:48,959
‪-他的死法
‪-對，是很嚇人

1860
01:50:49,668 --> 01:50:51,959
‪讓我很想知道自己的死法

1861
01:50:54,626 --> 01:50:57,251
‪我不想知道，才怪，人家想知道

1862
01:50:57,334 --> 01:51:01,584
‪妳會被一隻布朗特羅吃掉
‪我們搞不懂是什麼意思

1863
01:51:01,668 --> 01:51:03,626
‪-一隻什麼？
‪-布朗特羅

1864
01:51:05,668 --> 01:51:07,751
‪好，各位，現在晴空萬里

1865
01:51:09,584 --> 01:51:12,876
‪我們準備發射必得機

1866
01:51:12,959 --> 01:51:14,001
‪總統女士？

1867
01:51:14,084 --> 01:51:18,626
‪地球的民眾，現在…

1868
01:51:19,584 --> 01:51:23,293
‪看這個，凱特，有野鮭魚

1869
01:51:23,376 --> 01:51:26,459
‪看看野生和養殖的差異

1870
01:51:26,543 --> 01:51:29,751
‪那看起來很…怎麼說？假假的吧？

1871
01:51:30,876 --> 01:51:33,418
‪喂，你去找一些…

1872
01:51:33,501 --> 01:51:36,001
‪那種小馬鈴薯叫什麼，超小顆那種？

1873
01:51:36,084 --> 01:51:37,209
‪-拇指馬鈴薯？
‪-對

1874
01:51:37,293 --> 01:51:39,793
‪-我愛死拇指馬鈴薯了
‪-那去拿拇指…

1875
01:51:39,876 --> 01:51:41,376
‪你也想說什麼嗎？

1876
01:51:41,459 --> 01:51:42,751
‪妳說得很感人，好

1877
01:51:43,709 --> 01:51:47,834
‪全球民眾好
‪我是美國的幕僚長傑森歐林

1878
01:51:49,918 --> 01:51:53,501
‪我注意到這段期間
‪很多人近來會為他人禱告

1879
01:51:54,334 --> 01:51:55,793
‪我要嘉許這件事

1880
01:51:55,876 --> 01:52:02,168
‪但我也有些事想祈求

1881
01:52:03,668 --> 01:52:08,959
‪有些很屌的東西，像酷公寓和手錶…

1882
01:52:09,043 --> 01:52:10,876
{\an8}‪（必得機準備發射）

1883
01:52:10,959 --> 01:52:14,876
{\an8}‪車子和衣服什麼的可能都會消失

1884
01:52:14,959 --> 01:52:16,543
‪我不想看到那些東西消失

1885
01:52:16,626 --> 01:52:18,668
‪所以我要為那些事物禱告，阿們

1886
01:52:22,001 --> 01:52:25,334
‪群眾少了很多人
‪瀰漫著一股無聲的恐懼

1887
01:52:25,418 --> 01:52:27,043
‪我可以聽見禱告聲

1888
01:52:27,126 --> 01:52:29,209
‪好，安德森，咱們上

1889
01:52:29,293 --> 01:52:34,168
‪是，爵士，各位來吧，十

1890
01:52:34,251 --> 01:52:41,168
‪十、九、八、七、六

1891
01:52:41,876 --> 01:52:43,918
‪五、四…

1892
01:53:02,709 --> 01:53:03,543
‪嗨

1893
01:53:05,001 --> 01:53:05,834
‪嗨

1894
01:53:16,626 --> 01:53:19,584
‪我們買了些菜

1895
01:53:28,959 --> 01:53:30,334
‪怎麼回事？

1896
01:53:30,418 --> 01:53:31,793
‪我們失去必得機12號

1897
01:53:32,293 --> 01:53:34,209
‪（警告）

1898
01:53:35,251 --> 01:53:36,876
‪22號發射失敗

1899
01:53:37,751 --> 01:53:38,751
‪沒關係

1900
01:53:38,834 --> 01:53:40,584
‪（必得無人機遙測器）

1901
01:53:40,668 --> 01:53:46,293
‪這在預期的誤差範圍內，沒事的

1902
01:53:46,376 --> 01:53:50,876
‪我希望我們能共進家庭晚餐

1903
01:53:50,959 --> 01:53:52,209
‪-嗨，爸
‪-嗨，爸

1904
01:53:52,293 --> 01:53:54,584
‪-嗨，你們好，嗨
‪-嗨

1905
01:54:00,876 --> 01:54:01,793
‪妳說呢？

1906
01:54:04,209 --> 01:54:05,043
‪好

1907
01:54:05,959 --> 01:54:07,334
‪-謝謝
‪-不客氣

1908
01:54:07,834 --> 01:54:10,043
‪-這是凱特
‪-嗨

1909
01:54:10,126 --> 01:54:11,959
‪-哈囉，嗨，凱特
‪-讓我拿袋子

1910
01:54:12,043 --> 01:54:13,793
‪-幸會，我是尤爾
‪-尤爾

1911
01:54:13,876 --> 01:54:15,876
‪我的線上暱稱是火獅142
‪妳玩什麼遊戲？

1912
01:54:16,668 --> 01:54:18,168
‪她知道才有鬼

1913
01:54:18,251 --> 01:54:19,876
‪誰說我打電玩？

1914
01:54:22,126 --> 01:54:23,334
‪這是送妳的

1915
01:54:25,251 --> 01:54:27,084
‪謝謝，非常貼心，老公

1916
01:54:33,543 --> 01:54:35,418
‪妳不知道我有多抱歉

1917
01:54:37,251 --> 01:54:39,959
‪-我真的很抱歉
‪-我知道…

1918
01:54:40,793 --> 01:54:43,918
‪-我好想你
‪-我非常想妳

1919
01:54:50,918 --> 01:54:53,668
‪我們在大學交往時
‪我跟亞倫特倫上過床

1920
01:54:57,459 --> 01:54:58,501
‪對，所以…

1921
01:55:09,501 --> 01:55:10,334
‪吃吃看

1922
01:55:12,251 --> 01:55:13,501
‪嚐嚐看

1923
01:55:14,584 --> 01:55:15,584
‪有夠好吃的

1924
01:55:15,668 --> 01:55:16,876
‪很好吃吧？

1925
01:55:27,751 --> 01:55:29,834
‪-大家好
‪-嗨

1926
01:55:29,918 --> 01:55:31,793
‪抱歉遲到，但我沒有空手到

1927
01:55:33,918 --> 01:55:38,293
‪艾文、馬歇爾、茱恩
‪這是奧格索普博士

1928
01:55:52,043 --> 01:55:54,918
‪必得機即將達到最佳逃逸速度

1929
01:55:55,001 --> 01:55:59,668
‪接近狄比斯基彗星
‪準備啟動附著模式

1930
01:56:15,543 --> 01:56:17,793
‪好，好的

1931
01:56:17,876 --> 01:56:20,876
‪橫向控制失靈，8號和27號陣亡

1932
01:56:21,793 --> 01:56:24,793
‪好，現在，彼得…

1933
01:56:24,876 --> 01:56:29,001
‪彼得，我們失去六架無人機
‪這任務還會成功嗎？

1934
01:56:29,084 --> 01:56:34,918
‪工程師保證24架無人機就夠了

1935
01:56:36,001 --> 01:56:39,001
‪那能失去幾架？

1936
01:56:42,126 --> 01:56:43,126
‪還有幾架？

1937
01:56:46,668 --> 01:56:50,418
{\an8}‪聽說好幾架必得機在發射時爆炸

1938
01:56:51,334 --> 01:56:53,251
‪你坐主位，好嗎？

1939
01:56:54,251 --> 01:56:56,834
‪你人真好，藍道，謝謝

1940
01:56:56,918 --> 01:56:57,918
‪博士大大

1941
01:56:58,001 --> 01:56:59,209
‪還要酒嗎？

1942
01:57:00,334 --> 01:57:02,334
‪-大家敬個酒
‪-乾杯

1943
01:57:02,418 --> 01:57:03,459
‪-乾杯
‪-我愛妳，寶貝

1944
01:57:03,543 --> 01:57:05,293
‪-我愛你
‪-謝謝妳招待我們

1945
01:57:05,376 --> 01:57:07,334
‪多謝光臨，好難得

1946
01:57:07,418 --> 01:57:08,251
‪謝謝

1947
01:57:21,001 --> 01:57:24,209
‪啟動同時爆炸分離階段

1948
01:57:28,876 --> 01:57:29,751
‪媽

1949
01:57:39,876 --> 01:57:40,793
‪好感人

1950
01:57:41,376 --> 01:57:43,293
‪-謝謝你
‪-不會

1951
01:57:43,376 --> 01:57:48,126
‪真的，好高興你回家了

1952
01:57:49,834 --> 01:57:51,459
‪明迪博士變得赫赫有名呢

1953
01:57:52,293 --> 01:57:55,834
‪對，我忘了，沒錯，好喔

1954
01:57:56,751 --> 01:58:00,668
‪我上過雜誌封面有的沒的，我知道

1955
01:58:01,418 --> 01:58:03,334
‪-你帥死了
‪-儘管損我吧

1956
01:58:08,376 --> 01:58:09,501
‪-我愛你
‪-我也愛妳

1957
01:58:10,918 --> 01:58:11,959
‪（系統故障）

1958
01:58:12,043 --> 01:58:13,543
‪好，我們需要一份報告

1959
01:58:13,626 --> 01:58:16,209
‪我要爆破裝置的完整狀態報告

1960
01:58:16,293 --> 01:58:19,459
‪馬上辦，我還在等完整狀態報告

1961
01:58:21,459 --> 01:58:22,501
‪好的

1962
01:58:23,168 --> 01:58:27,668
‪中國的習主席說彗星還是完好無缺

1963
01:58:27,751 --> 01:58:29,834
‪有四架點火異常，而且停止同步化

1964
01:58:30,668 --> 01:58:31,668
‪還是完好無缺

1965
01:58:31,751 --> 01:58:32,918
‪怎麼回事？

1966
01:58:33,584 --> 01:58:36,001
‪有四架點火異常，而且停止同步化

1967
01:58:36,834 --> 01:58:41,001
‪好，我們都沒事，放心吧

1968
01:58:41,751 --> 01:58:44,084
‪一定會順利的，我失陪一下

1969
01:58:44,918 --> 01:58:46,168
‪我尿急

1970
01:58:46,251 --> 01:58:49,251
‪我要去洗手間一下

1971
01:58:52,709 --> 01:58:57,376
‪我想我也該去洗手間一下

1972
01:59:03,626 --> 01:59:05,626
‪-我要不要…
‪-我自己去就行了

1973
01:59:06,668 --> 01:59:08,168
‪爵士，總統

1974
01:59:08,918 --> 01:59:11,043
‪我們需要知道現在的任務狀態

1975
01:59:13,334 --> 01:59:14,793
‪她馬上就回來

1976
01:59:15,459 --> 01:59:18,084
‪不管了，我要去找我老公

1977
01:59:21,376 --> 01:59:23,168
‪對不起，我有個20歲的女兒

1978
01:59:23,251 --> 01:59:24,668
‪我要去找她

1979
01:59:25,334 --> 01:59:26,418
‪我嗑到超鏘

1980
01:59:27,834 --> 01:59:28,876
‪慘了

1981
01:59:28,959 --> 01:59:30,668
‪她來了，她快回來了

1982
01:59:37,084 --> 01:59:39,293
‪喂，有一艘逃生船

1983
01:59:39,834 --> 01:59:43,959
‪以防我們誤判，顯然我們是錯了

1984
01:59:44,043 --> 01:59:46,501
‪妳當然準備了逃生船

1985
01:59:46,584 --> 01:59:48,168
‪可以容納兩千人

1986
01:59:48,251 --> 01:59:51,501
‪有最先進的低溫艙，目標是尋找

1987
01:59:51,584 --> 01:59:54,709
‪適居帶上距離最近的類地行星

1988
01:59:55,501 --> 02:00:00,584
‪有空間給你和另外一個人
‪布莉、你太太，由你決定

1989
02:00:02,751 --> 02:00:09,543
‪不用了，但多謝您的提議
‪祝您跟傑森玩得開心

1990
02:00:11,584 --> 02:00:12,543
‪傑森？

1991
02:00:15,293 --> 02:00:16,418
‪我靠

1992
02:00:20,126 --> 02:00:21,126
‪她快回來了

1993
02:00:30,168 --> 02:00:33,084
‪我要感謝那晚我在後院睡著

1994
02:00:33,834 --> 02:00:36,209
‪-醒來時跟一隻小鹿臉貼臉
‪-我有印象

1995
02:00:36,293 --> 02:00:38,751
‪-對
‪-那是我人生最棒的一天

1996
02:00:50,209 --> 02:00:51,418
‪我要感謝…

1997
02:00:58,793 --> 02:01:00,543
‪我要感謝我們盡力了

1998
02:01:03,584 --> 02:01:06,043
‪老天爺，用盡洪荒之力了

1999
02:01:08,501 --> 02:01:13,834
‪我們明迪家不是什麼虔誠的信徒

2000
02:01:13,918 --> 02:01:17,876
‪但是不是要說“阿們”？該說嗎？

2001
02:01:17,959 --> 02:01:19,084
‪別看我

2002
02:01:19,918 --> 02:01:23,876
‪我不知道怎麼…
‪直接說“阿們”嗎？我不知道…

2003
02:01:24,584 --> 02:01:25,793
‪-交給我
‪-…怎麼收尾？

2004
02:01:26,459 --> 02:01:27,293
‪我會

2005
02:01:38,793 --> 02:01:41,043
‪親愛的天父和全能的造物者

2006
02:01:44,918 --> 02:01:48,751
‪求祢今晚開恩，赦免我們的自大

2007
02:01:50,459 --> 02:01:54,334
‪求祢恕罪，赦免我們的懷疑

2008
02:01:57,668 --> 02:01:59,168
‪天主，最重要的是

2009
02:02:01,168 --> 02:02:05,834
‪祈求祢的愛讓我們安心渡過黑暗時刻

2010
02:02:08,334 --> 02:02:10,543
‪願我們無懼面對一切

2011
02:02:12,834 --> 02:02:18,626
‪在祢的神聖旨意下
‪我們會懷著勇氣與開明的心

2012
02:02:21,876 --> 02:02:24,334
‪-阿們
‪-阿們

2013
02:02:25,584 --> 02:02:27,751
‪不錯喔，你挺會禱告的嘛

2014
02:02:29,668 --> 02:02:30,793
‪很感人

2015
02:02:34,209 --> 02:02:36,168
{\an8}‪彗星還是完好無缺

2016
02:02:36,251 --> 02:02:42,168
{\an8}‪（新聞快報
‪彗星完好無缺：貝許任務失敗）

2017
02:02:42,918 --> 02:02:44,043
‪我們從來沒有…

2018
02:02:46,793 --> 02:02:50,251
‪今晚大家當然只會聊一件事

2019
02:02:50,834 --> 02:02:52,834
‪緊急護理中心的上空護士

2020
02:03:03,543 --> 02:03:04,501
‪坐

2021
02:03:06,501 --> 02:03:10,834
‪或者…我們可以幹炮

2022
02:03:12,876 --> 02:03:14,709
‪禱告，或是…

2023
02:03:18,834 --> 02:03:22,334
‪老實說，我寧可邊喝酒…

2024
02:03:24,293 --> 02:03:25,959
‪邊講別人的壞話

2025
02:03:32,251 --> 02:03:33,876
‪你休想活捉我

2026
02:03:37,084 --> 02:03:38,001
‪小心

2027
02:04:30,126 --> 02:04:32,959
‪我要再吃蘋果派，太好吃了

2028
02:04:33,043 --> 02:04:35,834
‪其實是買現成的，但吃不出差別

2029
02:04:37,709 --> 02:04:42,251
‪如果現在要說真心話，我可沒在怕

2030
02:04:43,251 --> 02:04:46,959
‪其實比起家裡做的
‪我更喜歡現成的廉價味

2031
02:04:47,709 --> 02:04:48,709
‪你在說笑吧

2032
02:04:48,793 --> 02:04:52,209
‪不，我沒有

2033
02:04:53,501 --> 02:04:56,709
‪其實我懂他意思，像童年回憶的味道

2034
02:05:31,251 --> 02:05:33,626
‪家裡做的最美味，對吧？

2035
02:05:33,709 --> 02:05:37,251
‪這咖啡不像外面買的，這是嗎？

2036
02:05:37,334 --> 02:05:39,709
‪我自己磨咖啡豆，沒錯

2037
02:05:39,793 --> 02:05:41,418
‪對，爸算是咖啡狂

2038
02:05:41,501 --> 02:05:43,751
‪所以你每次喝咖啡都要磨豆子？

2039
02:05:44,751 --> 02:05:48,709
‪藍道喝咖啡很龜毛

2040
02:05:48,793 --> 02:05:50,418
‪我是喝茶比較講究

2041
02:05:53,251 --> 02:05:55,584
‪重點是，我們確實…

2042
02:05:57,668 --> 02:05:59,876
‪我們確實擁有一切，對吧？

2043
02:06:02,126 --> 02:06:04,543
‪想一下就知道了

2044
02:06:47,584 --> 02:06:51,584
‪（可喜可賀，減肥結束了）

2045
02:08:20,293 --> 02:08:25,418
{\an8}‪（22740年後）

2046
02:08:58,876 --> 02:09:03,209
{\an8}‪（印特銀行：吉兒阿諾）

2047
02:09:06,168 --> 02:09:07,918
{\an8}‪（特西康石油：泰德拜爾斯）

2048
02:09:13,293 --> 02:09:15,001
{\an8}‪（泛多遊說公司：路易斯葛蘭第）

2049
02:09:36,793 --> 02:09:39,959
‪這裡氧氣濃度比地球

2050
02:09:40,043 --> 02:09:41,334
‪還高了9%

2051
02:09:41,418 --> 02:09:43,876
‪所以可能會覺得頭有點暈

2052
02:09:44,709 --> 02:09:48,209
‪低溫艙成功率是58%

2053
02:09:48,293 --> 02:09:50,626
‪比預期高出很多

2054
02:09:50,709 --> 02:09:53,834
‪對，我們那區只死了47人

2055
02:09:54,709 --> 02:09:59,043
‪我想肯定會成功，一定會的

2056
02:09:59,126 --> 02:09:59,959
‪老天

2057
02:10:00,918 --> 02:10:04,959
‪看看那隻美麗的動物

2058
02:10:05,584 --> 02:10:09,959
‪不知道那是羽毛還是鱗片…

2059
02:10:12,751 --> 02:10:15,001
‪-真噁心
‪-那是什麼東西？

2060
02:10:15,709 --> 02:10:18,168
‪我想那叫布朗特羅

2061
02:10:21,876 --> 02:10:24,168
‪無論如何，千萬別拍打牠們

2062
02:16:51,168 --> 02:16:54,168
‪（紀念哈爾威爾納
‪1956-2020年）

2063
02:17:28,209 --> 02:17:29,209
‪靠

2064
02:17:43,668 --> 02:17:44,709
‪媽？

2065
02:17:47,584 --> 02:17:48,751
‪媽

2066
02:17:54,251 --> 02:17:55,501
‪大家好

2067
02:17:56,043 --> 02:17:57,501
‪我是地球唯一的倖存者

2068
02:17:58,793 --> 02:18:00,168
‪現場慘不忍睹

2069
02:18:01,001 --> 02:18:02,709
‪別忘了按讚和訂閱

2070
02:18:03,501 --> 02:18:04,418
‪我不會走喔

2071
02:18:07,293 --> 02:18:08,251
‪媽

2072
02:18:08,334 --> 02:18:09,793
‪字幕翻譯： 李建華