1
00:00:39,918 --> 00:00:42,418
Ugh... God damn it.

2
00:01:11,084 --> 00:01:14,834
<i>♪ Inside the room
Dr. Doom, prepare for the boom, bam! ♪</i>

3
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:17,709
<i>♪ I slam ♪</i>

4
00:01:21,709 --> 00:01:22,834
<i>♪ Scream like Tarzan ♪</i>

5
00:01:22,918 --> 00:01:25,501
<i>♪ I be tossin' and flossin'
My style is awesome ♪</i>

6
00:01:25,584 --> 00:01:28,376
<i>♪ I'm causing more family feuds
Than Richard Dawson ♪</i>

7
00:01:28,459 --> 00:01:30,334
<i>♪ And the survey said, you're dead ♪</i>

8
00:01:30,418 --> 00:01:33,126
<i>♪ Fatal Flying Guillotine
Chops off your fucking head ♪</i>

9
00:01:33,209 --> 00:01:35,293
<i>♪ Mister, who is that?
Ayo, the Wu is back ♪</i>

10
00:01:35,376 --> 00:01:37,876
<i>♪ Making-- go Bo! Bo!
Like I'm Super Cat ♪</i>

11
00:01:38,918 --> 00:01:41,209
<i>♪ Oh, no, here come
The Wu-Tang shogun ♪</i>

12
00:01:41,293 --> 00:01:43,418
<i>♪ Killer to my eardrum
Put the needle to the groove ♪</i>

13
00:01:43,501 --> 00:01:45,709
<i>♪ I gets rude and I'm forced
To fuck it up, my style-- ♪</i>

14
00:02:02,626 --> 00:02:04,834
<i>♪ More Afro than Rollo
Coming to a fork in the road ♪</i>

15
00:02:04,918 --> 00:02:06,293
<i>♪ Which way to go, just follow... ♪</i>

16
00:03:05,751 --> 00:03:08,584
This is nuts! This is so crazy!

17
00:03:08,668 --> 00:03:11,834
I've got a hard cider
and a bag of Crossbone Crunch.

18
00:03:11,918 --> 00:03:12,834
It's a party.

19
00:03:12,918 --> 00:03:15,834
I'm-- I'm just so,
so thrilled for you, Kate.

20
00:03:15,918 --> 00:03:19,459
To Comet Dibiasky, right? Cheers!

21
00:03:20,209 --> 00:03:22,959
It's gotta be, look...
It's gotta be an Oort cloud comet

22
00:03:23,043 --> 00:03:24,876
just based on where you saw it.

23
00:03:24,959 --> 00:03:27,126
Probably the last time
it was this close to the Sun

24
00:03:27,209 --> 00:03:29,418
was long before human civilization.

25
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:31,584
Look at the arc on that thing.
God, it's amazing.

26
00:03:31,668 --> 00:03:35,126
How would we find out the comet's
velocity in orbit, Professor Mindy?

27
00:03:35,209 --> 00:03:37,293
That is a good question.

28
00:03:37,376 --> 00:03:40,209
This will be fun. I haven't done
orbital dynamics since grad school.

29
00:03:40,834 --> 00:03:42,043
Question is, what...

30
00:03:42,959 --> 00:03:45,418
What would Carl Sagan do?

31
00:03:45,501 --> 00:03:48,918
He would take it back to first principles.

32
00:03:49,501 --> 00:03:52,709
The topocentric vector is rho.

33
00:03:54,584 --> 00:03:56,543
Kate, what are the initial coordinates?

34
00:03:57,126 --> 00:03:58,043
Twenty-one.

35
00:03:59,709 --> 00:04:00,918
Twenty-four.

36
00:04:01,584 --> 00:04:02,543
Thirteen.

37
00:04:02,626 --> 00:04:04,293
This is fun, huh, guys?

38
00:04:04,376 --> 00:04:07,501
- Sixty-seven.
- Wow. Now you got me pumped.

39
00:04:07,584 --> 00:04:08,834
Dr. Mindy.
- All right...

40
00:04:08,918 --> 00:04:10,626
How many terms do you have to calibrate...

41
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:13,501
Approximation of coordinates in Marsden, '85.

42
00:04:14,168 --> 00:04:18,001
Now that we have the comet's orbit,
we will check the ephemeris

43
00:04:18,084 --> 00:04:22,501
and that will give us the distance
between the comet and planet Earth.

44
00:04:25,668 --> 00:04:28,126
Why does the ephemeris
keep getting lower and lower?

45
00:04:42,751 --> 00:04:43,876
Professor Mindy?

46
00:04:49,459 --> 00:04:50,668
Professor Mindy?

47
00:04:56,293 --> 00:04:58,084
You know what, guys? Let's...

48
00:04:58,918 --> 00:05:00,501
Let's call it a night, huh?

49
00:05:02,876 --> 00:05:04,959
But what about
the relative position?

50
00:05:05,459 --> 00:05:08,543
I can't figure this one out.
Not tonight, guys. Sorry.

51
00:05:09,334 --> 00:05:11,918
Let's hit it, man. I'm beat.
Me too.

52
00:05:12,543 --> 00:05:15,418
Kate, this was amazing.
Congratulations.

53
00:05:16,043 --> 00:05:17,001
Hey, Kate.

54
00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:19,709
You stay.

55
00:05:30,126 --> 00:05:31,751
Yeah, uh, Dr. Calder,

56
00:05:31,834 --> 00:05:33,959
a Michigan State professor
and his grad students--

57
00:05:34,043 --> 00:05:36,418
This is Dr. Calder.
You pulled me out of a meeting

58
00:05:36,501 --> 00:05:39,334
where I had to tell my team
we lost eight billion in funding.

59
00:05:39,418 --> 00:05:42,251
I am so sorry, Dr. Calder,

60
00:05:42,334 --> 00:05:45,168
but we are seeing some
awfully strange orbital numbers

61
00:05:45,251 --> 00:05:47,084
on this comet we just found.

62
00:05:47,168 --> 00:05:49,001
They should be in your inbox, right?

63
00:05:49,084 --> 00:05:50,959
Is this it?
- Yeah. This is it.

64
00:05:51,043 --> 00:05:53,418
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let me get
Dr. Oglethorpe on the line.

65
00:05:53,501 --> 00:05:54,834
<i>Please hold.</i>

66
00:05:54,918 --> 00:05:57,293
Uh... Uh, I'm on hold.

67
00:05:57,376 --> 00:06:00,543
She's calling a Dr. Oglethorpe.
Who is that?

68
00:06:01,376 --> 00:06:04,126
Jesus Christ.
I'm gonna put them on speaker.

69
00:06:06,084 --> 00:06:07,209
"Dr. Oglethorpe,

70
00:06:07,293 --> 00:06:10,709
head of the Planetary
Defense Coordination Office."

71
00:06:10,793 --> 00:06:12,668
- Is that a real place?
- I have no idea.

72
00:06:21,001 --> 00:06:22,668
<i>This is Dr. Oglethorpe.</i>

73
00:06:22,751 --> 00:06:24,251
<i>Yes, this is Jocelyn Calder</i>

74
00:06:24,334 --> 00:06:25,418
from Kennedy Space Center.

75
00:06:25,501 --> 00:06:27,043
Hey, Jocelyn.

76
00:06:27,126 --> 00:06:29,168
<i>Listen, we got a sighting</i>

77
00:06:29,251 --> 00:06:31,543
of an NEO from Subaru telescope.

78
00:06:31,626 --> 00:06:32,959
<i>Okay. Uh...</i>

79
00:06:33,043 --> 00:06:35,501
Why you just didn't report it
to the Minor Planet Center?

80
00:06:35,584 --> 00:06:38,376
<i>It's a professor
and a bunch of Michigan State students</i>

81
00:06:38,459 --> 00:06:40,376
<i>who identified something big.</i>

82
00:06:40,459 --> 00:06:41,876
Really? How large?

83
00:06:41,959 --> 00:06:43,334
<i>How big we talking?</i>

84
00:06:43,418 --> 00:06:45,709
<i>We clocked it in around
five to ten kilometers wide.</i>

85
00:06:45,793 --> 00:06:47,293
About five to ten kilometers wide.

86
00:06:48,293 --> 00:06:49,793
Uh... That's a big boy.

87
00:06:51,084 --> 00:06:55,334
And, uh, was this professor the one
who first made the observations?

88
00:06:55,418 --> 00:06:57,668
Hi, yes. Uh, Dr. Mindy.

89
00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:01,126
And-- And no,
PhD candidate Kate Dibiasky found it.

90
00:07:01,209 --> 00:07:02,959
I did the orbital calculations.

91
00:07:03,668 --> 00:07:07,293
I, uh... I study trace gasses
in dead galaxies.

92
00:07:07,376 --> 00:07:10,793
I haven't published in a while
so you probably haven't heard of me.

93
00:07:10,876 --> 00:07:11,959
But anyway, that doesn't matter.

94
00:07:12,043 --> 00:07:14,376
<i>Sorry. What was your question?</i>

95
00:07:14,459 --> 00:07:17,418
What are the most updated estimates
on its trajectory?

96
00:07:17,501 --> 00:07:18,501
Kate?

97
00:07:20,668 --> 00:07:21,668
Um...

98
00:07:23,001 --> 00:07:27,084
I've been running it all day.
I keep getting the same result.

99
00:07:27,834 --> 00:07:30,918
A direct hit of Earth
in six months and 14 days.

100
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:33,043
Me too.

101
00:07:33,126 --> 00:07:35,376
<i>Matthew,
what are your calculations?</i>

102
00:07:35,459 --> 00:07:40,543
<i>Um, Scout program
is saying six months, 14 days.</i>

103
00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,834
<i>We got six months and 14 days.</i>

104
00:07:42,918 --> 00:07:48,959
And it's roughly five
to ten kilometers wide.

105
00:07:49,043 --> 00:07:51,168
Which... Which, uh...

106
00:07:52,293 --> 00:07:53,668
<i>Isn't that...</i>

107
00:07:54,668 --> 00:07:56,126
an extinction-level event?

108
00:07:57,251 --> 00:07:59,376
Well, let's not be dramatic here.

109
00:08:01,543 --> 00:08:02,584
Okay, uh...

110
00:08:03,293 --> 00:08:07,334
First move is to get
the school field trip out here to DC.

111
00:08:07,418 --> 00:08:08,876
<i>Let's all calm down.</i>

112
00:08:08,959 --> 00:08:11,209
<i>I need the person who first had eyes
on the comet</i>

113
00:08:11,293 --> 00:08:12,793
and the person in charge.

114
00:08:12,876 --> 00:08:13,876
What?

115
00:08:16,959 --> 00:08:21,251
...share this data immediately
with Cambridge, Caltech and IAU.

116
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,334
Wait a minute.
This is classified information.

117
00:08:23,418 --> 00:08:24,751
What's happening?

118
00:08:24,834 --> 00:08:26,876
<i>I serve
at the discretion of the president.</i>

119
00:08:26,959 --> 00:08:28,209
Is this really happening?

120
00:08:28,293 --> 00:08:30,709
...and the dead galaxy professor
to Hickam Air Force base.

121
00:08:33,418 --> 00:08:35,334
<i>This isn't happening, right?</i>

122
00:08:35,418 --> 00:08:38,584
Kate, this isn't real, right? This is, uh...

123
00:08:38,668 --> 00:08:41,168
This is just some sort
of alternate reality, right?

124
00:08:41,251 --> 00:08:42,084
<i>Say something.</i>

125
00:08:42,168 --> 00:08:43,793
I gotta go get high.

126
00:08:43,876 --> 00:08:48,084
Word is that I need you both in DC fast.
Only plane I got going there is that one.

127
00:08:48,168 --> 00:08:50,418
Anyway, I am Dr. Mindy. This is--

128
00:08:50,501 --> 00:08:52,251
- Hi! Oh.
Go, go, go!

129
00:08:54,876 --> 00:08:57,751
Where do we sit, Kate?
- I have no idea.

130
00:08:57,834 --> 00:08:59,668
Is there
any customary seating for...

131
00:09:06,751 --> 00:09:10,668
What the fuck? Is this real?
Is this a goddamn joke?

132
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:11,876
Holy shit.

133
00:09:18,501 --> 00:09:21,043
This can't be happening. No.

134
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:11,168
- Brendon. You mean Brendon?
- Yeah, Brendon.

135
00:10:11,251 --> 00:10:15,084
You know, he didn't keep his head down.
It's all politics, Teddy. You know that.

136
00:10:15,168 --> 00:10:17,126
You must be Randall and Kate.

137
00:10:17,209 --> 00:10:18,293
Yes. Yes, hi.

138
00:10:18,376 --> 00:10:20,626
I'm Dr. Oglethorpe,
but you can call me Teddy.

139
00:10:20,709 --> 00:10:22,209
I'm sorry. Did you say your name...

140
00:10:22,293 --> 00:10:25,376
- I should call you "Teddy"? Teddy.
Teddy. Yeah.

141
00:10:25,459 --> 00:10:28,126
Yeah, we call him Teddy
because he ain't no teddy bear.

142
00:10:29,043 --> 00:10:31,459
General Themes.
I'm the Pentagon's eyes on, uh,

143
00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:33,418
you know, whatever this turns out to be.

144
00:10:33,501 --> 00:10:37,918
The president is famously late,
and you've had a long flight, so...

145
00:10:40,668 --> 00:10:44,293
Michigan State Spartans.
Mmm.

146
00:10:48,959 --> 00:10:52,626
- Is that the Oval Office?
- Yeah, that's the Oval Office, yeah.

147
00:10:53,501 --> 00:10:55,584
It's a lot smaller
than in the photographs.

148
00:10:55,668 --> 00:10:57,668
The president
should be here shortly.

149
00:10:57,751 --> 00:10:58,918
She's already been briefed.

150
00:10:59,001 --> 00:11:00,501
Correct, Scott?

151
00:11:02,084 --> 00:11:03,209
That is correct.

152
00:11:03,293 --> 00:11:05,793
Are we really about to tell
the president of the United States

153
00:11:05,876 --> 00:11:07,626
that we have just over six months

154
00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:12,209
until humankind, basically every species,
is completely extinct?

155
00:11:12,293 --> 00:11:16,334
Yeah. That's exactly
what we're about to do. Yeah.

156
00:11:21,959 --> 00:11:23,959
Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh.

157
00:12:13,584 --> 00:12:15,459
Yes, I said law enforcement.

158
00:12:15,543 --> 00:12:18,751
But I didn't want... I mean,
you told me that he was clean.

159
00:12:20,959 --> 00:12:24,209
- Hello, Madam President. Dr. Oglethorpe.
Step back, please.

160
00:12:24,293 --> 00:12:25,709
Hello.

161
00:12:25,793 --> 00:12:30,251
Madam President, I'm Dr. Oglethorpe.
I believe Jocelyn briefed you to...

162
00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:32,876
- Hey, Jason.
Yeah? What up, yo?

163
00:12:32,959 --> 00:12:35,209
Come on, man. What the hell?
This is real world.

164
00:12:35,293 --> 00:12:36,918
Yeah. I know. We need five minutes.

165
00:12:37,001 --> 00:12:40,668
We have a problem with our Supreme Court
nominee. Five minutes. Thank you.

166
00:12:53,376 --> 00:12:57,584
<i>♪ Happy birthday to you ♪</i>

167
00:12:57,668 --> 00:13:02,001
<i>♪ Happy birthday to you ♪</i>

168
00:13:02,084 --> 00:13:06,584
<i>♪ Happy birthday, dear Patty... ♪</i>

169
00:13:08,543 --> 00:13:11,793
Just take a message,
and then, stuff like this happens,

170
00:13:11,876 --> 00:13:13,543
and I don't know what's going on.

171
00:13:14,876 --> 00:13:17,584
I don't understand
how many more times I need to tell you...

172
00:13:17,668 --> 00:13:21,543
Well, there's a bunch of stuff about
their nominee not being qualified,

173
00:13:22,834 --> 00:13:25,918
but I don't see
any articles about our thing.

174
00:13:26,001 --> 00:13:28,334
Social media is just going on and on

175
00:13:28,418 --> 00:13:32,293
about that singer Riley Bina
and DJ Chello breaking up.

176
00:13:33,501 --> 00:13:35,209
That's just too bad.

177
00:13:36,126 --> 00:13:37,334
They seem like sweet kids.

178
00:13:37,418 --> 00:13:39,584
Hmm. I don't... I don't know them.

179
00:13:41,751 --> 00:13:42,626
Which is...

180
00:13:42,709 --> 00:13:44,418
- It's a shame though.
- Yeah.

181
00:13:44,501 --> 00:13:46,668
- Do you know them, Kate?
- Yes.

182
00:13:46,751 --> 00:13:49,459
- But I don't really give a shit right now.
- Oh.

183
00:13:51,251 --> 00:13:53,251
They charge
an arm and a leg for this stuff.

184
00:13:53,334 --> 00:13:55,084
- Ten apiece ought to do it.
Oh.

185
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,668
Grab a water.
- Thank you.

186
00:13:56,751 --> 00:13:57,959
I've got Kate as well.

187
00:13:58,043 --> 00:13:59,293
- Perfect.
Thank you.

188
00:13:59,376 --> 00:14:01,043
- Here's a 20.
Oh.

189
00:14:03,459 --> 00:14:05,376
- You got change?
- No.

190
00:14:08,418 --> 00:14:11,251
- I mean, I could ask the Marine.
- Yeah...

191
00:14:12,959 --> 00:14:14,668
Uh, it's a Xanax.

192
00:14:14,751 --> 00:14:17,793
- I only take a quarter. Otherwise I get...
Ah...

193
00:14:17,876 --> 00:14:20,001
- Kate.
- Thank you.

194
00:14:20,751 --> 00:14:23,126
You know, you should be
careful with that much.

195
00:14:34,084 --> 00:14:36,751
<i>♪This eagle's place is in the sky ♪</i>

196
00:14:42,376 --> 00:14:43,251
Oh!

197
00:14:44,001 --> 00:14:47,001
I'm very sorry. I have to be
in Okinawa by two o'clock tomorrow.

198
00:14:47,084 --> 00:14:49,418
What?
- What? Are you serious?

199
00:14:49,501 --> 00:14:52,209
- This is very important.
- I have to go quell the natives.

200
00:14:52,293 --> 00:14:53,918
Tell your daughter I said hello.

201
00:14:54,459 --> 00:14:58,376
Isn't it important that he was
in the room with us? I mean, what...

202
00:15:05,543 --> 00:15:06,876
Where do I pay for these?

203
00:15:06,959 --> 00:15:08,001
It's free.

204
00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:11,834
Really?

205
00:15:11,918 --> 00:15:13,418
Yes, it's the White House.

206
00:15:19,751 --> 00:15:21,959
The snacks are free.

207
00:15:22,751 --> 00:15:23,626
What?

208
00:15:24,251 --> 00:15:25,334
The general.

209
00:15:25,418 --> 00:15:28,209
He charged us
for the snacks, but they're free.

210
00:15:28,293 --> 00:15:29,459
Oh, gosh.

211
00:15:29,543 --> 00:15:31,584
Why on earth would he do that?

212
00:15:32,168 --> 00:15:35,334
Hey, peeps, uh, it's not looking
like it's gonna happen tonight,

213
00:15:35,418 --> 00:15:37,334
and I feel horrible.

214
00:15:37,418 --> 00:15:39,334
We're gonna put you up
in a hotel somewhere.

215
00:15:39,418 --> 00:15:41,584
Excuse me, does the president
know why we're here?

216
00:15:41,668 --> 00:15:43,959
You gotta be fucking kidding me.

217
00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:46,209
They must not know
why we're here, right?

218
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:47,918
They know. Uh, but you heard 'em.

219
00:15:48,001 --> 00:15:50,334
- Do they even realize...
Be ready for tomorrow.

220
00:15:50,418 --> 00:15:51,751
...how long it took for us to get...

221
00:15:55,209 --> 00:15:57,751
And then they made us wait
for over seven hours,

222
00:15:57,834 --> 00:15:59,959
but they never called us in.
I couldn't believe it.

223
00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:03,543
Of course they didn't call you in.
Kate, have you watched any news today?

224
00:16:03,626 --> 00:16:07,001
No, I've been pretty wrapped up
in our... project.

225
00:16:07,084 --> 00:16:08,543
Turn on your TV right now.

226
00:16:08,626 --> 00:16:11,293
President Orlean is in
the middle of an all-time shit storm.

227
00:16:11,918 --> 00:16:15,209
<i>Sheriff Wade Conlon
was already a controversial nominee,</i>

228
00:16:15,293 --> 00:16:20,001
<i>with no law degree and a record
of "shoot first and ask questions later."</i>

229
00:16:20,084 --> 00:16:21,168
You watching?

230
00:16:21,251 --> 00:16:23,293
<i>With his background as a nude life model...</i>

231
00:16:23,376 --> 00:16:25,793
Yeah, I'm watching it right now.

232
00:16:25,876 --> 00:16:28,293
<i>...the White House is in full crisis mode.</i>

233
00:16:28,376 --> 00:16:29,543
<i>And, get this.</i>

234
00:16:29,626 --> 00:16:32,793
I found five former students

235
00:16:32,876 --> 00:16:37,709
who are willing to go on record
that Conlon got noticeably aroused

236
00:16:37,793 --> 00:16:39,418
when he posed for their drawing class.

237
00:16:39,501 --> 00:16:40,959
<i>I have no shame in what I did.</i>

238
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:43,959
Now, should I say "noticeably aroused"?

239
00:16:44,709 --> 00:16:47,959
Or "engorged"? Because
I don't want this to read like clickbait.

240
00:16:48,043 --> 00:16:49,751
<i>You know, this is a real article.</i>

241
00:16:51,043 --> 00:16:54,334
I just... Kate, can I get
something from you, please?

242
00:16:55,126 --> 00:16:56,293
Sorry.

243
00:16:57,126 --> 00:17:00,126
- Out of sorts tonight.
<i>-Can we have this conversation?</i>

244
00:17:00,209 --> 00:17:02,126
I feel like we're skirting around this.

245
00:17:02,209 --> 00:17:05,043
Do you have an issue with my mom?
Is that what this is all about?

246
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:07,834
<i>You can't tell me what's going on?</i>

247
00:17:07,918 --> 00:17:10,501
It's just the protocol.
Please, don't worry.

248
00:17:10,584 --> 00:17:15,251
Oh, Marshall got a 172
on his LSATs and we're celebrating.

249
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:18,709
Way to go, Marshall.
I'm proud of you, buddy.

250
00:17:18,793 --> 00:17:21,126
- Whoo! Thank you, Dad. Miss you.

251
00:17:21,209 --> 00:17:24,751
Hey, how's Evan feeling?
Are the new meds working out?

252
00:17:24,834 --> 00:17:26,709
- I'm a solid four.
Ooh!

253
00:17:26,793 --> 00:17:28,126
<i>He's a solid four.</i>

254
00:17:28,209 --> 00:17:30,793
Well, that's better
than last month, right?

255
00:17:30,876 --> 00:17:34,126
You know, just remember to speak up
in the meeting tomorrow. Okay?

256
00:17:34,209 --> 00:17:35,793
- Yeah. I will.
<i>-You get so quiet.</i>

257
00:17:35,876 --> 00:17:38,459
When it's time to take credit,
you kind of...

258
00:17:38,543 --> 00:17:43,043
She <i>asked</i> you if you were a lesbian.
She did not say that you <i>were</i> a lesbian.

259
00:17:43,126 --> 00:17:44,959
- It was a question.
- Hey, look, I'm...

260
00:17:45,043 --> 00:17:48,251
Can I sit down with your mom
to have lunch in, like, seven months?

261
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:52,626
Seven... That's weirdly
specific and distant.

262
00:17:53,126 --> 00:17:54,668
<i>What is... This is my mom.</i>

263
00:18:00,251 --> 00:18:02,584
So... Oh!

264
00:18:02,668 --> 00:18:06,084
I heard there's an asteroid
or a comet or something

265
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:08,001
that you don't like the looks of.

266
00:18:08,834 --> 00:18:12,459
Tell me about it and then
tell me why you're telling me about it.

267
00:18:12,543 --> 00:18:14,251
You got 20 minutes.

268
00:18:14,334 --> 00:18:16,251
- Twenty minutes?
- That's you, Doc.

269
00:18:16,334 --> 00:18:18,418
Go. Now. Go.

270
00:18:18,501 --> 00:18:20,043
Uh...

271
00:18:20,126 --> 00:18:22,168
Madam President.

272
00:18:22,251 --> 00:18:23,709
Uh...

273
00:18:23,793 --> 00:18:27,168
Approximately 36 hours ago,

274
00:18:27,251 --> 00:18:31,834
uh, PhD candidate
Kate Dibiasky here discovered

275
00:18:32,501 --> 00:18:34,043
a very large comet.

276
00:18:34,126 --> 00:18:34,959
Oh.

277
00:18:35,043 --> 00:18:36,834
Yeah.
- Good for you.

278
00:18:36,918 --> 00:18:39,584
A comet between
five to ten kilometers across,

279
00:18:39,668 --> 00:18:41,918
that we estimate came from the, uh...

280
00:18:42,001 --> 00:18:44,293
from the... from the Oort cloud.

281
00:18:44,376 --> 00:18:45,251
Wow.

282
00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:47,834
Which is the outermost part
of the solar system.

283
00:18:48,459 --> 00:18:49,501
And, um...

284
00:18:50,751 --> 00:18:53,459
And using Gauss's method
of orbital determination

285
00:18:53,543 --> 00:18:58,668
and the average astrometric uncertainty
of 0.04 arcseconds, we then asked--

286
00:18:58,751 --> 00:19:03,043
Whoa! What the hell is... What?
- I'm so bored. Just tell us what it is.

287
00:19:03,126 --> 00:19:05,334
- What? Stop what?
Seriously, stop.

288
00:19:05,418 --> 00:19:08,459
What Dr. Mindy is trying to say is
there's a comet headed towards Earth,

289
00:19:08,543 --> 00:19:10,751
and according to NASA's computers,

290
00:19:10,834 --> 00:19:12,959
that object is gonna hit the Pacific Ocean

291
00:19:13,043 --> 00:19:15,209
at 62 miles due west
off the coast of Chile.

292
00:19:15,293 --> 00:19:17,209
Then what happens? Like, a tidal wave?

293
00:19:17,293 --> 00:19:20,709
No. It will be far more catastrophic.

294
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:25,293
There'll be mile-high tsunamis
fanning out all across the globe.

295
00:19:26,334 --> 00:19:32,376
If this comet makes impact, it will have
the power of a billion Hiroshima bombs.

296
00:19:33,001 --> 00:19:36,418
There'll be
magnitude 10 or 11 earthquakes--

297
00:19:36,501 --> 00:19:39,418
You're breathing weird.
It's, uh, making me uncomfortable.

298
00:19:39,501 --> 00:19:42,043
I'm sorry, I'm just trying
to articulate the science.

299
00:19:42,126 --> 00:19:45,168
I know. But it's so stressful.
I'm trying to, like, listen--

300
00:19:45,251 --> 00:19:47,959
I don't think you understand
the gravity of the situation.

301
00:19:48,043 --> 00:19:49,918
I'm trying to articulate it
the best I can--

302
00:19:50,001 --> 00:19:54,834
Madam President, this comet
is what we call a planet-killer.

303
00:19:54,918 --> 00:19:56,376
That is correct.

304
00:19:58,834 --> 00:19:59,918
Mmm-hmm.

305
00:20:00,834 --> 00:20:02,376
So how certain is this?

306
00:20:02,459 --> 00:20:05,584
There's 100% certainty of impact.

307
00:20:05,668 --> 00:20:07,709
Please, don't say 100%.

308
00:20:07,793 --> 00:20:10,376
Can we just call it
a potentially significant event?

309
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:11,501
Yeah.
- Yes.

310
00:20:11,584 --> 00:20:14,293
But it isn't <i>potentially</i> going to happen.

311
00:20:14,834 --> 00:20:16,543
It <i>is</i> going to happen.

312
00:20:16,626 --> 00:20:20,126
Exactly. 99.78% to be exact.

313
00:20:20,209 --> 00:20:22,334
Oh, great. Okay, so it's not 100%.

314
00:20:22,418 --> 00:20:25,293
Well, scientists never like to say 100%.

315
00:20:25,376 --> 00:20:27,834
Call it 70% and let's just move on.

316
00:20:27,918 --> 00:20:29,584
But it's not even close to 70%.

317
00:20:29,668 --> 00:20:32,001
You cannot go around saying to people

318
00:20:32,084 --> 00:20:34,834
that there's 100% chance
that they're gonna die.

319
00:20:34,918 --> 00:20:37,834
You know? It's just nuts.

320
00:20:37,918 --> 00:20:40,501
We should get some of
our scientists on this, you know.

321
00:20:40,584 --> 00:20:44,293
No offense, but you're just two people
that walked in here with--

322
00:20:44,376 --> 00:20:45,584
Dr. Oglethorpe.

323
00:20:45,668 --> 00:20:47,209
Dr. Ov... Ogilvy. Yeah.

324
00:20:47,293 --> 00:20:50,834
I've been head of planetary defense
at NASA for 15 years.

325
00:20:50,918 --> 00:20:55,376
And Dr. Mindy is a tenured professor
of astronomy at Michigan State,

326
00:20:55,459 --> 00:20:58,418
where Miss Dibiasky
is a doctoral candidate.

327
00:20:58,501 --> 00:21:01,126
Good.
- I'm sorry. Did you say Michigan State?

328
00:21:01,209 --> 00:21:03,793
Exactly. They have
an excellent astronomy department.

329
00:21:03,876 --> 00:21:05,293
Yes.
- Come on, bro.

330
00:21:05,376 --> 00:21:07,668
You kidding?
You wanna see my fucking SAT scores?

331
00:21:07,751 --> 00:21:09,751
Okay, let's bottom line this.

332
00:21:09,834 --> 00:21:11,709
What is this gonna cost me?

333
00:21:11,793 --> 00:21:13,918
You know, what's the ask here?

334
00:21:14,001 --> 00:21:17,084
There are government plans in place.

335
00:21:17,168 --> 00:21:19,584
Um, actions we can take through NASA.

336
00:21:19,668 --> 00:21:22,626
- Drones that can be outfitted with nukes

337
00:21:22,709 --> 00:21:27,126
to deflect and hopefully
change the orbit of this comet.

338
00:21:27,209 --> 00:21:28,959
We must act now.

339
00:21:29,043 --> 00:21:31,626
Oh, hey.
All right, all right, all right.

340
00:21:31,709 --> 00:21:34,043
- When are the midterms? Three weeks.
- Three weeks.

341
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,834
So, if this breaks before then,
we lose Congress.

342
00:21:36,918 --> 00:21:38,876
Then there's nothing we can do about it.

343
00:21:38,959 --> 00:21:39,876
It'll be gridlocked.

344
00:21:39,959 --> 00:21:43,959
- The timing is just... It's atrocious.

345
00:21:45,043 --> 00:21:51,168
Okay, at this very moment,
I say we sit tight and assess.

346
00:21:51,251 --> 00:21:52,501
Sit tight and assess.

347
00:21:52,584 --> 00:21:55,668
Let's get some other people
on this. Some Ivy Leaguers.

348
00:21:55,751 --> 00:21:58,501
And you and I will review the NASA plans.

349
00:21:58,584 --> 00:22:00,334
- Okay?
- I'd greatly appreciate that.

350
00:22:00,418 --> 00:22:03,626
Am I to understand correctly that,

351
00:22:03,709 --> 00:22:07,376
after all of the information
you've received today,

352
00:22:08,084 --> 00:22:12,334
the decision you're making
is to "sit tight and assess"?

353
00:22:12,418 --> 00:22:15,668
- I'm sorry, who is she?
- Who the fuck are you? Aren't you her son?

354
00:22:15,751 --> 00:22:18,459
I'm the fucking Chief of Staff,
Boy with the Dragon Tattoo.

355
00:22:18,543 --> 00:22:19,834
So I'm doing fine.

356
00:22:19,918 --> 00:22:22,584
We gotta get out of here.
This place is a freak show.

357
00:22:22,668 --> 00:22:25,251
I think what Miss Dibiasky
is trying to say

358
00:22:25,334 --> 00:22:30,418
is that the idea of sitting tight
is an extremely, extremely dangerous--

359
00:22:30,501 --> 00:22:32,168
Oh, oh!

360
00:22:33,543 --> 00:22:36,793
Thank you.
One good thing happened today.

361
00:22:36,876 --> 00:22:38,959
Okay, funny story.

362
00:22:39,043 --> 00:22:40,709
When I was running for president,

363
00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:44,001
I had to sneak cigarettes for
the whole first month of the campaign

364
00:22:44,084 --> 00:22:46,334
because, you know,
photographs of me smoking

365
00:22:46,418 --> 00:22:48,376
went for, what, a hundred grand a pop?

366
00:22:49,626 --> 00:22:52,584
So, I'm always hiding, but,
you know, I just got sick of it.

367
00:22:53,209 --> 00:22:56,251
And I just said, "You know what,
I'm gonna smoke whenever I want to."

368
00:22:56,334 --> 00:22:58,459
Mmm...

369
00:23:00,709 --> 00:23:01,834
Guess what happened?

370
00:23:02,709 --> 00:23:06,543
- I went up three points in the polls.
They loved that she kept it real.

371
00:23:06,626 --> 00:23:08,501
They love watching a smokeshow smoke.

372
00:23:08,584 --> 00:23:11,626
I can't think of another president
that I'd ever wanna see in <i>Playboy.</i>

373
00:23:11,709 --> 00:23:15,043
Do you know how many, uh,
"the world is ending" meetings

374
00:23:15,126 --> 00:23:16,751
that we've had over the years?

375
00:23:16,834 --> 00:23:20,876
Economic collapse, loose nukes,
car exhaust killing the atmosphere.

376
00:23:20,959 --> 00:23:23,709
- Rogue AI.
- Drought, famine, plague...

377
00:23:23,793 --> 00:23:25,001
- Uh...
Everything.

378
00:23:25,084 --> 00:23:28,876
Alien invasion,
population growth, hole in the ozone--

379
00:23:28,959 --> 00:23:29,959
Jason, hey.

380
00:23:30,043 --> 00:23:32,209
- Read the room for once in your life.
- Sorry, Mom.

381
00:23:32,793 --> 00:23:35,043
Point is, I have a job to do.

382
00:23:35,126 --> 00:23:37,876
You do understand
that this is an apocalyptic event.

383
00:23:37,959 --> 00:23:43,293
This is a large celestial body
heading towards our planet at speeds--

384
00:23:43,376 --> 00:23:45,376
Dr. Mindy, I hear you.

385
00:23:46,501 --> 00:23:47,668
I hear you.

386
00:23:48,668 --> 00:23:51,251
- You should be proud.
Thank you.

387
00:23:51,334 --> 00:23:54,709
I'm taking it very seriously.
I'm taking it straight in the heart.

388
00:23:54,793 --> 00:23:57,918
I'm so glad to hear that.
You have no idea.

389
00:23:58,001 --> 00:24:03,043
Hey, gang, obviously everything we talked
about in here, super classified, right?

390
00:24:03,126 --> 00:24:04,543
Yeah.
- Cool.

391
00:24:04,626 --> 00:24:05,793
Thanks for dressing up.

392
00:24:14,418 --> 00:24:17,084
You're saying
we're just gonna leak it to the press?

393
00:24:17,168 --> 00:24:19,668
- Isn't that illegal?
- Hell yeah, we're going to leak it.

394
00:24:19,751 --> 00:24:22,376
In case you didn't notice,
the White House just blew us off.

395
00:24:22,459 --> 00:24:24,418
My boyfriend, Phillip,
says he knows a reporter

396
00:24:24,501 --> 00:24:26,501
from the <i>New York Herald</i>
who will talk to us.

397
00:24:26,584 --> 00:24:29,293
- Adul Grelio.
- Good. He's a heavy hitter.

398
00:24:29,376 --> 00:24:32,584
And I'll reach out to more of
the scientific community on the down-low.

399
00:24:33,918 --> 00:24:38,459
- I just feel like this isn't what I do.
- You're just telling a story.

400
00:24:38,543 --> 00:24:39,793
Keep it simple.

401
00:24:40,501 --> 00:24:41,626
No math.

402
00:24:42,834 --> 00:24:44,209
But it's <i>all</i> math.

403
00:24:56,626 --> 00:24:59,376
<i>It all started
with a connection.</i>

404
00:24:59,459 --> 00:25:03,084
<i>A simple gesture that created so much.</i>

405
00:25:03,918 --> 00:25:05,043
<i>So many choices.</i>

406
00:25:06,251 --> 00:25:08,584
<i>Sometimes, it can even feel like too much.</i>

407
00:25:09,418 --> 00:25:10,918
<i>Until now.</i>

408
00:25:11,001 --> 00:25:13,334
<i>Introducing BASH LiiF.</i>

409
00:25:14,126 --> 00:25:16,834
<i>Life, without the stress of living.</i>

410
00:25:18,626 --> 00:25:21,459
<i>Before we introduce
the founder and CEO of BASH,</i>

411
00:25:21,543 --> 00:25:23,834
<i>please remember
to avoid direct eye contact,</i>

412
00:25:23,918 --> 00:25:27,501
<i>sudden movements,
coughing or negative facial expressions.</i>

413
00:25:27,584 --> 00:25:30,959
<i>And now, please welcome
Sir Peter Isherwell.</i>

414
00:25:34,043 --> 00:25:35,834
We love you, Peter!

415
00:25:46,126 --> 00:25:48,168
We love you, Peter!

416
00:25:48,251 --> 00:25:49,418
Hello, everyone.

417
00:25:49,501 --> 00:25:51,876
All of my life's work,

418
00:25:52,501 --> 00:25:57,459
really, I see has been driven
by an inexpressible need for a friend

419
00:25:58,043 --> 00:26:00,459
who would understand and soothe me.

420
00:26:00,543 --> 00:26:05,834
And you know, now all those years of work
have come to fruition with BASH LiiF,

421
00:26:05,918 --> 00:26:10,418
our new BASH 14.3, uh, phone

422
00:26:10,501 --> 00:26:14,793
is fully integrated
into your every feeling and desire

423
00:26:14,876 --> 00:26:17,376
without you needing
to say one single word.

424
00:26:17,459 --> 00:26:18,334
If I feel...

425
00:26:19,043 --> 00:26:20,334
- Sad.
Afraid.

426
00:26:20,418 --> 00:26:21,501
Or alone.

427
00:26:21,584 --> 00:26:25,793
The BASH 14.3 phone,
when set to the life setting,

428
00:26:25,876 --> 00:26:29,001
instantly senses my mood
through blood pressure...

429
00:26:29,084 --> 00:26:31,584
- Uh, heartbeats and--

430
00:26:31,668 --> 00:26:34,043
<i>Your vitals
show that you are sad.</i>

431
00:26:34,126 --> 00:26:35,876
<i>This will cheer you up, Peter.</i>

432
00:26:35,959 --> 00:26:40,626
<i>♪ You are my best friend
You are my best friend ♪</i>

433
00:26:40,709 --> 00:26:43,584
<i>♪ You make me happy... ♪</i>

434
00:26:43,668 --> 00:26:46,459
Oh, that's wonderful.

435
00:26:46,543 --> 00:26:48,709
That video. Um...

436
00:26:48,793 --> 00:26:52,126
It also, seriously, uh, schedules

437
00:26:52,209 --> 00:26:55,418
a therapy session
with a nearby professional,

438
00:26:55,501 --> 00:27:00,251
so we can make sure that
these sad feelings never ever ever return.

439
00:27:00,334 --> 00:27:03,001
- May I say something, Mr. Isherwell?
No.

440
00:27:03,084 --> 00:27:07,584
And to support, uh, BASH LiiF,
uh, I wanna officially announce...

441
00:27:07,668 --> 00:27:10,084
Oh, give me the phones. They're not yours.

442
00:27:12,959 --> 00:27:15,168
Say bye.
- Bye, Mr. Isherwell.

443
00:27:15,251 --> 00:27:16,501
Bye, Peter.

444
00:27:16,584 --> 00:27:18,501
Um, I love you, Peter.

445
00:27:18,584 --> 00:27:21,376
Are you sure the video
of the puppy on the rooster

446
00:27:21,459 --> 00:27:25,459
is optimizing our prepubescent
sense memory consumer sector?

447
00:27:25,543 --> 00:27:27,209
I find the bird quite threatening.

448
00:27:27,293 --> 00:27:30,334
We will cross-check
the data on that, for sure.

449
00:27:30,418 --> 00:27:33,001
Mr. Isherwell, Paul Debent
wanted me to give this to you.

450
00:27:33,084 --> 00:27:35,834
He got it from
an astronomer friend of his in Mexico.

451
00:27:38,209 --> 00:27:39,043
Oh, my.

452
00:27:40,418 --> 00:27:43,043
What other confirmation
do we have on this, Adul?

453
00:27:43,126 --> 00:27:46,459
I've spoken to Dr. Oglethorpe in DC
and he confirmed it and all the math.

454
00:27:46,543 --> 00:27:48,543
Then I showed it
to Dr. Franks at Columbia,

455
00:27:48,626 --> 00:27:50,876
and he almost fell out of his chair.

456
00:27:50,959 --> 00:27:54,918
So, look, I have to admit.
I was very skeptical at first,

457
00:27:55,001 --> 00:27:56,626
but this is all quite credible.

458
00:27:56,709 --> 00:27:58,959
The calculations are credible.

459
00:27:59,459 --> 00:28:00,293
Jesus.

460
00:28:00,793 --> 00:28:02,793
And the president
really said to sit tight?

461
00:28:02,876 --> 00:28:05,626
Yes. That's correct.
-"Sit tight and assess."

462
00:28:05,709 --> 00:28:07,751
She's probably worried about the midterms.

463
00:28:07,834 --> 00:28:09,418
We need to move fast.

464
00:28:09,501 --> 00:28:11,376
The feds will claim breach of security,

465
00:28:11,459 --> 00:28:13,418
so make sure these two
get a pro bono attorney.

466
00:28:13,501 --> 00:28:16,501
You can use my attorney.
- You can certainly afford it now.

467
00:28:16,584 --> 00:28:17,876
We're gonna hire a lawyer?

468
00:28:17,959 --> 00:28:20,209
That wasn't necessary.
It was.

469
00:28:20,293 --> 00:28:21,834
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry.

470
00:28:21,918 --> 00:28:23,209
That was not called for.

471
00:28:23,293 --> 00:28:25,126
I just have a question here.

472
00:28:25,209 --> 00:28:27,668
How is it criminal if we just tell people,

473
00:28:27,751 --> 00:28:31,043
like the public, you know,
what we saw, and tell them the truth?

474
00:28:31,126 --> 00:28:34,209
Make sure this one gets media training
before he hits the shows.

475
00:28:34,293 --> 00:28:35,918
He seems a step slow.

476
00:28:36,001 --> 00:28:38,126
What does that mean,
I need media training?

477
00:28:39,084 --> 00:28:41,834
They want us on a show
called <i>The Daily Rip</i>

478
00:28:41,918 --> 00:28:44,543
first thing in the morning
before the article comes out.

479
00:28:44,626 --> 00:28:46,459
You guys know what <i>The Daily Rip</i> is?

480
00:28:46,543 --> 00:28:49,043
It's like the best show.
Everyone wants to be on it.

481
00:28:49,126 --> 00:28:50,959
Brie and Jack have legendary chemistry.

482
00:28:51,043 --> 00:28:52,293
They asked me to go on once.

483
00:28:52,376 --> 00:28:54,543
I was so excited
I couldn't sleep for two nights,

484
00:28:54,626 --> 00:28:55,959
but then they cut me for time.

485
00:28:56,043 --> 00:28:57,793
Still hurts me to think about that.

486
00:28:57,876 --> 00:29:01,626
I know what show you're talking about.
My wife loves that show.

487
00:29:01,709 --> 00:29:04,501
Okay, can you just tell me
what this is all about? Okay?

488
00:29:04,584 --> 00:29:07,959
'Cause you haven't read my article
on Conlon getting hard in the art class.

489
00:29:08,043 --> 00:29:10,834
Now Adul Grelio has come down
from his mountaintop for your thing.

490
00:29:10,918 --> 00:29:13,668
You won't even give me
a lousy pronoun? Come on.

491
00:29:13,751 --> 00:29:16,751
A comet, bigger than the asteroid
that destroyed the dinosaurs,

492
00:29:16,834 --> 00:29:18,209
is headed directly at Earth.

493
00:29:18,293 --> 00:29:20,584
If it isn't deflected,
the entire planet dies.

494
00:29:21,126 --> 00:29:22,668
Wait, what did you just say?

495
00:29:22,751 --> 00:29:24,043
It's for a video game.

496
00:29:27,501 --> 00:29:28,834
Are you being serious?

497
00:29:29,584 --> 00:29:30,584
Yes.

498
00:29:32,834 --> 00:29:34,126
Oh, my God.

499
00:29:44,376 --> 00:29:47,084
Oh, my God! What the fuck, man?

500
00:29:47,168 --> 00:29:49,959
I love you too. All right. Yeah.

501
00:29:50,584 --> 00:29:53,001
Hey, guys,
we gotta keep walking, all right?

502
00:29:53,084 --> 00:29:54,251
Come on.

503
00:30:30,834 --> 00:30:33,501
- You must be Dr. Mindy and Miss Dibiasky?
- Yes.

504
00:30:33,584 --> 00:30:35,876
Jack and Brie are so excited
to have you on the show.

505
00:30:35,959 --> 00:30:37,793
Really? They know who we are?

506
00:30:37,876 --> 00:30:40,209
White House is denying
they even met with them.

507
00:30:40,293 --> 00:30:43,834
Well, assholes will always be assholes.

508
00:30:52,793 --> 00:30:54,668
Hi, I'm Thalia.

509
00:30:54,751 --> 00:30:57,043
The <i>Herald</i> sent me
to help with your wardrobe.

510
00:30:58,459 --> 00:30:59,876
Oh, I'm not wearing that.

511
00:31:01,626 --> 00:31:05,459
Yeah, you actually have
really great facial structure.

512
00:31:05,543 --> 00:31:08,376
How 'bout if we trim
this beard down a little bit and--

513
00:31:08,459 --> 00:31:09,876
I love your hair.

514
00:31:10,668 --> 00:31:11,584
Thank you.

515
00:31:12,418 --> 00:31:16,001
How are we gonna do this?
I talk about the discovery and you...

516
00:31:16,709 --> 00:31:19,126
talk about how urgent it is
that we take action.

517
00:31:19,209 --> 00:31:21,459
How do we say it? I mean...

518
00:31:22,751 --> 00:31:26,168
- Shouldn't we practice it or write it out?
Can I get you some water?

519
00:31:26,251 --> 00:31:28,501
Yeah, water. Yeah, water would be nice.

520
00:31:29,668 --> 00:31:32,459
You are here now.
You are here now. You are here now.

521
00:31:32,543 --> 00:31:37,418
Eleven benevolent elephants.
Eleven benevolent elephants.

522
00:31:38,168 --> 00:31:40,084
- Just gonna take some Xanax.
- Hmm.

523
00:31:41,168 --> 00:31:42,876
I take it sometimes when I...

524
00:31:44,501 --> 00:31:46,668
Kate, not this time. Not this time.

525
00:31:51,459 --> 00:31:56,334
He just needs to breathe
and speak up. You know?

526
00:31:56,418 --> 00:31:57,918
He's got this. I know he does.

527
00:32:03,251 --> 00:32:04,501
Oh, God. Come on.

528
00:32:09,084 --> 00:32:12,251
You are here now.
You are here now. You are here now.

529
00:32:12,334 --> 00:32:13,376
You're here now.

530
00:32:17,584 --> 00:32:18,501
Oh, God!

531
00:32:18,584 --> 00:32:20,418
You gotta
stop drinking the cheap shit.

532
00:32:21,793 --> 00:32:23,793
- It's only two glasses.
- Yeah, two and a half.

533
00:32:23,876 --> 00:32:25,584
We're 20 out.
- Always running late.

534
00:32:25,668 --> 00:32:27,584
Let's make sure that our eye lines,

535
00:32:27,668 --> 00:32:30,293
that we're not looking
at Jack and Brie, please, all right?

536
00:32:30,376 --> 00:32:31,751
And cue the package.

537
00:32:31,834 --> 00:32:33,376
Two glasses. Here we go again.

538
00:32:52,084 --> 00:32:54,751
- Ladies okay?
- Yes. And we're live.

539
00:32:54,834 --> 00:32:58,126
<i>Brie, I've got something for you today.
Listen to this.</i>

540
00:32:58,209 --> 00:33:01,084
<i>President Orlean's Supreme Court nominee,
Sheriff Conlon,</i>

541
00:33:01,168 --> 00:33:06,251
<i>has now been identified
as appearing in a softcore porn cable show</i>

542
00:33:06,334 --> 00:33:07,834
<i>-from the early '90s...</i>
- Ridiculous.

543
00:33:07,918 --> 00:33:10,876
<i>-...called</i> Satin Sheet Nights.

544
00:33:10,959 --> 00:33:13,793
<i>-This story just keeps going and going...
Oh, my gosh.</i>

545
00:33:13,876 --> 00:33:15,168
Is that Riley Bina?

546
00:33:15,251 --> 00:33:17,209
<i>Yes, well, it's a...</i>
Really?

547
00:33:19,418 --> 00:33:22,251
She looks a lot smaller
in person, doesn't she?

548
00:33:26,043 --> 00:33:27,376
<i>Good.
Hee-haw!</i>

549
00:33:27,459 --> 00:33:30,126
Hey, everyone. I'm Sean from the show.

550
00:33:30,209 --> 00:33:33,918
Uh, we're gonna do... Jack and Brie
are gonna do ten on the SCOTUS nominee.

551
00:33:34,001 --> 00:33:37,293
- Riley Bina, you'll come on and--
- I get to talk about my single, right?

552
00:33:37,376 --> 00:33:40,334
A portion of the profits
goes to the manatee sanctuaries.

553
00:33:40,418 --> 00:33:42,418
Yes, but the, uh, breakup first.

554
00:33:42,501 --> 00:33:45,126
And then Dr. Mindy and Miss Dibiasky,

555
00:33:45,209 --> 00:33:47,626
you'll come on and talk about
that planet you discovered.

556
00:33:47,709 --> 00:33:49,501
Uh... Comet. We found a comet.

557
00:33:49,584 --> 00:33:51,709
They know what we're here
to talk about, right?

558
00:33:51,793 --> 00:33:54,501
Of course. Jack and Brie
love doing science segments.

559
00:33:54,584 --> 00:33:56,418
Just remember, keep it light, fun.

560
00:33:56,501 --> 00:33:58,918
- Jack and Brie love having a good time.

561
00:33:59,001 --> 00:34:00,543
That's not promising.

562
00:34:00,626 --> 00:34:03,751
You guys discovered a comet?
That's so dope.

563
00:34:03,834 --> 00:34:05,959
I have a tattoo
of a shooting star on my back.

564
00:34:06,043 --> 00:34:07,876
- Oh.
- That's terrific.

565
00:34:13,418 --> 00:34:17,793
We heard about your breakup too,
so we just wanna say...

566
00:34:18,751 --> 00:34:20,376
We're very sorry, right?

567
00:34:20,459 --> 00:34:23,334
We're real sorry.
You seem like a... great person.

568
00:34:24,126 --> 00:34:26,626
Why don't you mind
your own business, you old fuck?

569
00:34:29,543 --> 00:34:30,543
Okay.

570
00:34:33,168 --> 00:34:35,334
Not gonna lie, but, um, my friends

571
00:34:35,418 --> 00:34:38,793
and my Vroom Vroom Army
have been so amazing.

572
00:34:38,876 --> 00:34:42,543
So, I'm really grateful for that.
But, yeah, I can't lie. It's been hard.

573
00:34:42,626 --> 00:34:45,334
- You're an inspiration. It's incredible.
- To so many.

574
00:34:45,418 --> 00:34:47,293
You're really owning that pain.

575
00:34:47,376 --> 00:34:51,084
You know, Jack, I feel like
there's some kind of conversation

576
00:34:51,168 --> 00:34:54,543
that we need to be having here.
Is there any message

577
00:34:54,626 --> 00:34:58,793
that you would like
to send to your, uh, ex, DJ Chello?

578
00:34:59,834 --> 00:35:01,126
You know, um...

579
00:35:01,209 --> 00:35:02,668
If there's something--

580
00:35:02,751 --> 00:35:04,334
- Yeah.
- Right here in this camera.

581
00:35:04,418 --> 00:35:07,709
Tell him. As if that was him.
You tell him exactly what you're thinking.

582
00:35:07,793 --> 00:35:09,251
Okay, um...

583
00:35:11,626 --> 00:35:12,709
Chell.

584
00:35:13,543 --> 00:35:19,293
I still love you,
and, um, after many sleepless nights,

585
00:35:20,793 --> 00:35:21,876
three,

586
00:35:22,584 --> 00:35:23,918
I wanna take you back.

587
00:35:24,001 --> 00:35:25,751
I'm sorry. Whoa, uh...

588
00:35:25,834 --> 00:35:26,918
- Is that okay?
- Yeah.

589
00:35:27,001 --> 00:35:29,918
<i>He cheated on you.</i>
- Oh, my God. You guys...

590
00:35:30,001 --> 00:35:31,709
Yeah. I do.

591
00:35:31,793 --> 00:35:34,043
- Diddly just exploded.
- So did Vroom Vroom.

592
00:35:34,126 --> 00:35:36,293
BASH News just sent me
eight push notifications.

593
00:35:36,376 --> 00:35:38,209
- About this?
- Yeah, look.

594
00:35:38,293 --> 00:35:40,751
My phone just purchased
DJ Chello's latest single.

595
00:35:40,834 --> 00:35:42,918
What the... It just did that without asking.

596
00:35:43,001 --> 00:35:45,834
I'm being told that
we have DJ Chello live on a Mugg link.

597
00:35:45,918 --> 00:35:48,834
- What's he got to say for himself?
- I love the producers here.

598
00:35:48,918 --> 00:35:50,168
<i>Hey, baby doll. Hey.</i>

599
00:35:50,251 --> 00:35:52,126
- Hi. Hi, baby.
He's in tears.

600
00:35:52,209 --> 00:35:54,126
<i>-Your kid messed up bad.</i>
- I know.

601
00:35:54,209 --> 00:35:56,709
<i>Lady Baroque wasn't wearing
any panties in the club that night.</i>

602
00:35:56,793 --> 00:35:58,459
- It's fine.
<i>-I just got all crazy.</i>

603
00:35:58,543 --> 00:36:00,459
<i>I wasn't thinking straight.
I made a mistake.</i>

604
00:36:00,543 --> 00:36:02,418
<i>But, look, it's always been you.</i>

605
00:36:02,501 --> 00:36:04,834
Oh! I get it. It's okay.

606
00:36:04,918 --> 00:36:07,626
<i>I hooked up with her too,
last year at the Music Globes</i>

607
00:36:07,709 --> 00:36:10,043
<i>right before I ran off
with that power forward from the Nuggets,</i>

608
00:36:10,126 --> 00:36:12,293
and none of that matters.

609
00:36:12,376 --> 00:36:15,959
What about "Forget breakup sex.
Try breakup relationship"?

610
00:36:16,043 --> 00:36:17,209
- That's good.
- Come on.

611
00:36:17,293 --> 00:36:20,209
"Ten famous second chances
for two-timers," guys.

612
00:36:20,293 --> 00:36:21,209
It's on a plate.

613
00:36:21,293 --> 00:36:25,168
<i>I've been scared, but, honestly,
I'm not scared anymore.</i>

614
00:36:25,251 --> 00:36:26,084
Okay.

615
00:36:26,168 --> 00:36:29,001
<i>My little bumblebee, will you marry me?</i>

616
00:36:29,084 --> 00:36:31,668
Oh, my God. Of course.
Oh, wow.

617
00:36:31,751 --> 00:36:33,251
<i>-Chell, of course.
Yes!</i>

618
00:36:33,334 --> 00:36:35,459
<i>-Yes!</i>
- That's sick.

619
00:36:35,543 --> 00:36:36,376
<i>Yes!</i>

620
00:36:36,459 --> 00:36:38,834
All right, DJ Chello.

621
00:36:38,918 --> 00:36:40,918
- What is happening?

622
00:36:41,001 --> 00:36:41,959
Just bought another.

623
00:36:42,043 --> 00:36:44,959
- Who are these people again?
- They're like the biggest names...

624
00:36:46,626 --> 00:36:49,668
Well, the fireworks
have certainly gone off today.

625
00:36:49,751 --> 00:36:50,918
- They have.
- What a zinger!

626
00:36:51,001 --> 00:36:52,501
Yes, they have.

627
00:36:52,584 --> 00:36:55,293
From a wedding proposal
to a little science experiment.

628
00:36:55,376 --> 00:36:57,293
I'll need a temple rub
and a martini later on.

629
00:36:57,376 --> 00:37:02,084
Our last guests today have made
a pretty big discovery in space.

630
00:37:02,168 --> 00:37:04,084
Astronomer Dr. Randall Mindy

631
00:37:04,168 --> 00:37:07,251
and PhD candidate
Miss Kate Dibiasky are here.

632
00:37:07,334 --> 00:37:08,376
Welcome to the show.

633
00:37:08,459 --> 00:37:11,626
Can I ask you one thing before we go
any further? I have to know this.

634
00:37:11,709 --> 00:37:14,251
Is there life out there?

635
00:37:14,334 --> 00:37:17,751
- Can you tell us? Yes or no, final answer.
- We don't have the data.

636
00:37:17,834 --> 00:37:20,001
But sure, in the vastness
of space, why not?

637
00:37:20,084 --> 00:37:21,584
Yes, aliens are real.

638
00:37:21,668 --> 00:37:24,209
I knew I'd like this guy.
Didn't I tell? You owe me 50 bucks.

639
00:37:24,293 --> 00:37:27,043
I'm not saying there's
little green men in flying saucers--

640
00:37:27,126 --> 00:37:30,251
- Please don't encourage him, Dr. Mindy.
- That's what he's saying.

641
00:37:30,334 --> 00:37:31,751
We'll never get out of here.

642
00:37:31,834 --> 00:37:33,584
Now, Jack was having some fun here.

643
00:37:33,668 --> 00:37:35,209
- Dad looks great.
- What did...

644
00:37:35,293 --> 00:37:37,626
- Doesn't he look good?
- They did something with his beard.

645
00:37:37,709 --> 00:37:39,626
With the aliens...

646
00:37:39,709 --> 00:37:41,501
Really... He really does.

647
00:37:41,584 --> 00:37:43,668
So much.
Dr. Randall...

648
00:37:43,751 --> 00:37:47,168
You'll regret it. Now, look,
Jack's just having some fun here

649
00:37:47,251 --> 00:37:48,918
with the aliens or whatever,

650
00:37:49,001 --> 00:37:53,293
but there's a <i>New York Herald</i> story
that's just come out that talks about...

651
00:37:53,376 --> 00:37:55,418
Keep it right there. You're doing good.

652
00:37:55,501 --> 00:37:57,876
-...the two of you have made.
That's right, Brie.

653
00:37:57,959 --> 00:38:01,001
Kate was, um, observing supernovas...

654
00:38:01,084 --> 00:38:02,626
Yo, that's your girl?

655
00:38:02,709 --> 00:38:05,126
- Yeah.
- Not bad.

656
00:38:05,209 --> 00:38:09,668
...an absolutely shocking
and once-in-a-lifetime discovery.

657
00:38:09,751 --> 00:38:13,043
I had no idea that Subaru made telescopes.

658
00:38:13,126 --> 00:38:16,209
This has to be exciting.
Tell us what you found, Miss Diabasky.

659
00:38:16,293 --> 00:38:20,293
Um, I was monitoring exploding stars

660
00:38:20,376 --> 00:38:26,793
to help measure
the expansion of the universe and--

661
00:38:26,876 --> 00:38:28,918
- For your PhD, right?
- Yeah.

662
00:38:29,001 --> 00:38:33,168
I saw something I didn't recognize.

663
00:38:34,584 --> 00:38:36,084
<i>It was a comet.</i>

664
00:38:37,084 --> 00:38:38,209
<i>A big one.</i>

665
00:38:40,751 --> 00:38:44,626
It's headed directly at Earth,
and it really likely will hit.

666
00:38:45,959 --> 00:38:47,834
This sounds very, very exciting.

667
00:38:47,918 --> 00:38:50,501
Exploding stars, like,
stars actually explode.

668
00:38:50,584 --> 00:38:51,751
Um, how big is this thing?

669
00:38:51,834 --> 00:38:54,126
Can it destroy someone's house?
Is that possible?

670
00:38:54,209 --> 00:38:57,376
Well, Comet Dibiasky, which is
what it will officially be named--

671
00:38:57,459 --> 00:38:58,876
After her?
- Yeah, after her.

672
00:38:58,959 --> 00:39:01,626
Congratulations.
What an honor. Congratulations.

673
00:39:01,709 --> 00:39:04,209
It's somewhere between
six and nine kilometers across.

674
00:39:04,293 --> 00:39:05,626
- So--
- It's big.

675
00:39:05,709 --> 00:39:08,918
It would damage the entire planet.

676
00:39:09,001 --> 00:39:10,626
Not just a house, you know?

677
00:39:10,709 --> 00:39:11,751
The entire planet.

678
00:39:11,834 --> 00:39:14,751
Okay, as it's damaging,
will it hit this one house in particular

679
00:39:14,834 --> 00:39:17,918
that's right on the coast of New Jersey?
It's my ex-wife's house.

680
00:39:18,001 --> 00:39:19,251
Can we make that happen?

681
00:39:19,334 --> 00:39:21,751
You and Shelly have
a great relationship. Stop.

682
00:39:21,834 --> 00:39:23,168
You need to stop.

683
00:39:23,251 --> 00:39:26,168
I will, but in all fairness,
I actually paid for the house.

684
00:39:26,251 --> 00:39:27,543
I'm so sorry.

685
00:39:27,626 --> 00:39:30,626
I'm sorry, are we not being clear?

686
00:39:31,959 --> 00:39:33,834
We're trying to tell you

687
00:39:33,918 --> 00:39:37,334
that the entire planet
is about to be destroyed.

688
00:39:38,001 --> 00:39:40,334
Okay, um...
Well, it's, you know...

689
00:39:40,418 --> 00:39:43,668
It's something we do around here.
We just keep the bad news light.

690
00:39:43,751 --> 00:39:45,668
Right. It helps the medicine go down.

691
00:39:45,751 --> 00:39:47,709
Speaking of medicine, tomorrow we've got--

692
00:39:47,793 --> 00:39:51,584
Well, maybe the destruction
of the entire planet

693
00:39:52,501 --> 00:39:53,876
isn't supposed to be fun.

694
00:39:54,668 --> 00:39:58,293
Maybe it's supposed to be terrifying.

695
00:39:58,376 --> 00:39:59,376
<i>And unsettling.</i>

696
00:39:59,459 --> 00:40:01,168
No, please don't do that.

697
00:40:01,251 --> 00:40:03,376
<i>-And you should stay up all night...</i>
Please.

698
00:40:03,459 --> 00:40:05,293
...every night crying,

699
00:40:05,376 --> 00:40:09,793
when we're all 100%
for sure gonna fucking die!

700
00:40:10,543 --> 00:40:12,459
- Hey, Kate.

701
00:40:12,543 --> 00:40:13,543
<i>I'm sorry.</i>

702
00:40:14,918 --> 00:40:15,751
Hey, man.

703
00:40:16,418 --> 00:40:19,751
My brother has bipolar disorder.
So if you ever need anyone to talk...

704
00:40:20,751 --> 00:40:22,626
- Uh...
- Okay.

705
00:40:22,709 --> 00:40:25,626
Is she always like that?

706
00:40:26,334 --> 00:40:28,126
- I--
Something I said?

707
00:40:28,209 --> 00:40:30,126
Right?

708
00:40:30,209 --> 00:40:33,668
Maybe I should have given her
that extra Xanax that I had.

709
00:40:34,834 --> 00:40:38,251
Listen, if you don't have enough,
we all have enough around here for her.

710
00:40:38,334 --> 00:40:41,209
A spoonful of Xanax
makes the medicine go down, right?

711
00:40:41,293 --> 00:40:42,959
That's right. That's good.

712
00:40:43,959 --> 00:40:47,209
- We're gonna have to get you back.
I knew I'd like this guy.

713
00:40:47,293 --> 00:40:49,376
- Is he a plant?
I knew it.

714
00:40:49,459 --> 00:40:50,376
Okay.

715
00:40:50,459 --> 00:40:52,834
Well, the handsome astronomer

716
00:40:52,918 --> 00:40:56,418
can come back anytime,
but the yelling lady, not so much.

717
00:40:56,501 --> 00:40:59,459
Not so much. Join us tomorrow
when our guest will be the man

718
00:40:59,543 --> 00:41:03,126
that many say will challenge
President Orlean in two years.

719
00:41:03,209 --> 00:41:05,209
Senator Jeff Lerner will be here.

720
00:41:05,293 --> 00:41:08,043
And wrongly-convicted murderer,
Michelle Weems,

721
00:41:08,126 --> 00:41:12,418
talks to us about her controversial
third-place finish on <i>Celebrity Dance Off.</i>

722
00:41:12,501 --> 00:41:15,876
- I thought she would've won.
- Yes. I still think she's guilty.

723
00:41:15,959 --> 00:41:18,126
- That's <i>The Daily Rip,</i> guys.
Have a great day.

724
00:41:18,709 --> 00:41:20,626
And we're out!
- The show's over?

725
00:41:20,709 --> 00:41:22,001
- I mean, didn't...
Yeah.

726
00:41:22,084 --> 00:41:24,543
- Did what we wanted to say come across?
- No, it's over.

727
00:41:24,626 --> 00:41:28,543
You were great, but I think mullet girl,
she probably needs some media training.

728
00:41:29,668 --> 00:41:31,334
- Really?
- Yeah, no, terrible, buddy.

729
00:41:31,418 --> 00:41:33,959
Oh... Thanks. Thanks, Billy.

730
00:41:34,043 --> 00:41:39,543
Uh, we usually get drinks at Aundrine's
after our five o'clock staff meeting.

731
00:41:39,626 --> 00:41:42,084
You know, it's fun. You should come.

732
00:41:42,168 --> 00:41:45,084
Oh, I'll have to see.
Thank you for the invitation. Thank you.

733
00:41:45,626 --> 00:41:46,626
Mmm-hmm.

734
00:41:47,959 --> 00:41:49,334
Kate? Kate?

735
00:41:49,418 --> 00:41:52,293
- Hey. You were awesome.
- Oh, thanks.

736
00:41:52,376 --> 00:41:54,334
Can I get a photo of you for my portfolio?

737
00:41:54,418 --> 00:41:55,709
- Yeah, sure.
- Thanks.

738
00:41:55,793 --> 00:41:57,126
- Thank you.

739
00:41:57,709 --> 00:41:59,209
You can see this spike here

740
00:41:59,293 --> 00:42:01,418
is when Riley Bina
asked to take DJ Chello back

741
00:42:01,501 --> 00:42:02,793
on the segment before you.

742
00:42:02,876 --> 00:42:06,084
We saw engagement across
all social media platforms.

743
00:42:06,168 --> 00:42:08,959
Hmm. And what about our story?

744
00:42:09,043 --> 00:42:12,001
Randall and Kate,

745
00:42:12,084 --> 00:42:15,793
your TV appearance got some nice traffic
when Miss Dibiasky cursed.

746
00:42:15,876 --> 00:42:19,084
But, unfortunately,
there was an immediate backlash

747
00:42:19,168 --> 00:42:20,876
- that quickly became a meme.

748
00:42:20,959 --> 00:42:22,251
Oh, Jesus.

749
00:42:22,918 --> 00:42:26,293
- Oh, that's terrible.
- They just think I'm crazy.

750
00:42:26,376 --> 00:42:29,376
I mean, look at that.
That's so unnecessary.

751
00:42:30,751 --> 00:42:33,168
- You can move on, Erin.
- Yeah.

752
00:42:33,251 --> 00:42:35,959
That is just so...
Is that even allowed on the Internet or...

753
00:42:36,043 --> 00:42:37,668
I think that's Photoshop, Kate.

754
00:42:37,751 --> 00:42:40,126
The trick is
to not take it personal...

755
00:42:40,209 --> 00:42:44,501
Dr. Mindy, on the other hand,
had some very high favorables.

756
00:42:44,584 --> 00:42:49,168
Vegan*Babe wrote,
"Meow! Me likey hunky Star Man."

757
00:42:49,251 --> 00:42:52,251
Uh, some accounts called him
"The Bedroom Eyes Doomsday Prophet"

758
00:42:52,334 --> 00:42:55,126
or A-I-L-F, which means
"astronomer I'd like to fuck."

759
00:42:55,209 --> 00:42:56,084
Oh...

760
00:42:56,168 --> 00:42:58,709
I don't see what that has
to do with anything, do you?

761
00:42:59,418 --> 00:43:02,543
And that's everything.

762
00:43:02,626 --> 00:43:05,709
We did not feature or push on any sites,

763
00:43:05,793 --> 00:43:09,126
and clicks overall were below
basic weather and traffic stories.

764
00:43:10,543 --> 00:43:12,543
So that... That... That's it?

765
00:43:12,626 --> 00:43:14,376
I knew it.
- That's it.

766
00:43:15,293 --> 00:43:17,876
- Thank you, Erin.
Yeah, no problem.

767
00:43:18,543 --> 00:43:20,793
I don't... I don't understand.

768
00:43:20,876 --> 00:43:22,709
I don't understand. There's no response.

769
00:43:22,793 --> 00:43:27,418
There's absolutely no...
Why aren't people terrified?

770
00:43:27,501 --> 00:43:29,501
What do we have to say?
What do we have to do?

771
00:43:29,584 --> 00:43:32,959
There are scientists in Mexico and Spain
who are currently going through the data,

772
00:43:33,043 --> 00:43:34,751
and, uh, South Korea has expressed--

773
00:43:34,834 --> 00:43:36,543
- That's great. South Korea.
- Hey.

774
00:43:36,626 --> 00:43:39,084
Let us not bullshit each other.

775
00:43:39,168 --> 00:43:42,834
The bottom line is,
you guys told us the science was 100%.

776
00:43:42,918 --> 00:43:44,668
It's not. Now we look like idiots.

777
00:43:44,751 --> 00:43:47,334
- No. Who said the science is not 100%?
- Excuse me?

778
00:43:47,418 --> 00:43:50,293
I wanna talk to this person.
You tell me who said the science--

779
00:43:50,376 --> 00:43:53,376
Dr. Jocelyn Calder, the head of NASA,

780
00:43:53,459 --> 00:43:56,668
just came out calling it
"more near-miss hysteria."

781
00:43:56,751 --> 00:43:58,668
She's the one
who told us not to say anything.

782
00:43:58,751 --> 00:44:00,126
"More near-miss hysteria."

783
00:44:00,209 --> 00:44:01,334
Is she even an astronomer?

784
00:44:01,418 --> 00:44:04,501
She's the head of NASA, but maybe
she doesn't know what she's talking about.

785
00:44:04,584 --> 00:44:06,001
She's the head of NASA, but look,

786
00:44:06,084 --> 00:44:09,918
she's a "former anesthesiologist
and a President Orlean super donor."

787
00:44:10,001 --> 00:44:11,626
Let's not be dramatic here.

788
00:44:11,709 --> 00:44:12,709
It's all corrupt.

789
00:44:12,793 --> 00:44:16,459
Yes, but the point is that Adul's right.
There's still serious debate.

790
00:44:16,543 --> 00:44:18,751
And now the <i>Herald</i> has egg on its face.

791
00:44:18,834 --> 00:44:20,959
We've taken that story as far as it goes.

792
00:44:21,709 --> 00:44:25,668
Ladies, gentlemen,
I wish you a very pleasant end of times.

793
00:44:25,751 --> 00:44:27,751
It's not a goddamn story, okay?

794
00:44:30,251 --> 00:44:32,959
We have precisely six months, ten days,

795
00:44:33,043 --> 00:44:36,293
two hours, 11 minutes and 41 seconds,

796
00:44:36,376 --> 00:44:39,043
until a comet twice the size of Chicxulub

797
00:44:39,126 --> 00:44:41,876
tears through our atmosphere
and extincts all life on Earth.

798
00:44:41,959 --> 00:44:44,876
When did you
do those calculations?

799
00:44:45,709 --> 00:44:48,293
I put the moment of impact on a diet app.

800
00:44:48,376 --> 00:44:52,001
So, impact is when my diet ends.

801
00:44:52,084 --> 00:44:56,168
Only I'm not on a diet.
I'm just crying five times a day.

802
00:44:56,251 --> 00:44:58,168
- I'm scared.
- Hey, come on. Come on.

803
00:44:58,876 --> 00:45:01,459
Everyone should be
panicking right now, okay?

804
00:45:01,543 --> 00:45:03,459
- Don't cry. Come on.
I know.

805
00:45:06,876 --> 00:45:08,334
That prick!

806
00:45:16,543 --> 00:45:17,709
What happened?

807
00:45:17,793 --> 00:45:20,126
Guess my boyfriend just broke up with me.

808
00:45:20,209 --> 00:45:24,543
- God, what a day. What a day...

809
00:45:32,709 --> 00:45:36,001
You're gonna die!
You're gonna die! You're...

810
00:45:46,334 --> 00:45:49,751
<i>It started with
a photo many thought was an armpit</i>

811
00:45:49,834 --> 00:45:52,501
<i>or the chin of a man with a strange beard.</i>

812
00:45:52,584 --> 00:45:54,876
<i>But what's emerging now is a scandal...</i>

813
00:45:54,959 --> 00:45:57,876
<i>President Orlean sent
her Supreme Court nominee</i>

814
00:45:57,959 --> 00:46:00,626
<i>a cell phone picture of her private parts.</i>

815
00:46:00,709 --> 00:46:02,751
<i>-Holy crap!
It's clickbait material.</i>

816
00:46:02,834 --> 00:46:05,293
<i>Is this what you want
in your country as a leader?</i>

817
00:46:05,376 --> 00:46:07,751
<i>Isn't she the same person
who told poor people</i>

818
00:46:07,834 --> 00:46:11,876
<i>that if they don't wanna be poor,
they should pick better lottery numbers?</i>

819
00:46:11,959 --> 00:46:13,001
<i>She actually said that.</i>

820
00:46:13,084 --> 00:46:14,584
<i>A source also confirmed to me that</i>

821
00:46:14,668 --> 00:46:16,793
<i>the two have been
having an affair for years.</i>

822
00:46:16,876 --> 00:46:18,459
<i>And as recently as yesterday...</i>

823
00:46:18,543 --> 00:46:22,626
Members of my party
are currently drawing up a formal censure

824
00:46:22,709 --> 00:46:23,668
<i>of the president,</i>

825
00:46:24,626 --> 00:46:25,543
<i>Janie Orlean...</i>

826
00:46:25,626 --> 00:46:26,959
Oh, my God, honey.

827
00:46:27,043 --> 00:46:29,834
This guy doesn't even know
what a heliocentric orbit is,

828
00:46:29,918 --> 00:46:32,668
and he's calling me a crackpot.

829
00:46:32,751 --> 00:46:33,751
He says that,

830
00:46:34,584 --> 00:46:38,209
"Jewish billionaires
invented this comet threat

831
00:46:38,293 --> 00:46:42,168
so the government
can confiscate our liberty and our guns."

832
00:46:42,251 --> 00:46:45,543
"#DontBeScared." Unbelievable.

833
00:46:46,251 --> 00:46:47,084
My God.

834
00:46:47,168 --> 00:46:49,084
You've been on that site a lot lately.

835
00:46:49,668 --> 00:46:54,876
Yeah. I mean, I... I have, like,
a quarter million subscribers, honey.

836
00:46:54,959 --> 00:46:57,918
I gotta use my voice
to get the truth out there, right?

837
00:46:58,876 --> 00:47:01,959
I'm, uh, going for a walk
if you wanna come.

838
00:47:05,251 --> 00:47:07,793
It is called
the scientific method...

839
00:47:08,793 --> 00:47:11,709
...and it is what created the computer

840
00:47:11,793 --> 00:47:16,709
that you are typing
your half-witted conspiracy theories on.

841
00:47:18,168 --> 00:47:19,751
What do you think about that?

842
00:47:20,793 --> 00:47:22,001
Randall?

843
00:47:22,793 --> 00:47:25,293
- Yeah, honey?
- Someone's here to see you.

844
00:47:25,959 --> 00:47:28,126
Who? Oh, boy.

845
00:47:31,459 --> 00:47:32,543
Oh, my gosh.

846
00:47:33,584 --> 00:47:35,501
Oh, God, right. Okay.

847
00:47:36,584 --> 00:47:37,418
Right.

848
00:47:37,918 --> 00:47:39,209
Are you Dr. Randall Mindy?

849
00:47:39,293 --> 00:47:40,459
<i>Yes, sir. I am.</i>

850
00:47:41,834 --> 00:47:43,876
"We're all gonna die."

851
00:47:43,959 --> 00:47:45,751
Fuck off, please.

852
00:47:48,793 --> 00:47:52,001
FBI! Freeze! Get on your knees right now!
Get on your knees!

853
00:47:52,751 --> 00:47:55,543
You're under arrest
for breach of national security secrets.

854
00:47:55,626 --> 00:47:56,501
Jesus Christ!

855
00:47:56,584 --> 00:48:00,168
You could've just called me
or showed up to my apartment.

856
00:48:01,251 --> 00:48:03,251
What are you, dressed up as a blind guy?

857
00:48:05,709 --> 00:48:08,626
Get on the ground!
- Okay. Now be cool.

858
00:48:09,584 --> 00:48:12,126
I just have
more skin pigmentation than you.

859
00:48:12,209 --> 00:48:15,126
'Cause your ancestors
migrated to Northern Europe

860
00:48:15,209 --> 00:48:17,293
and developed lighter skin
so as to not get...

861
00:48:19,543 --> 00:48:23,001
Unless you assholes
are taking me to the Batcave,

862
00:48:23,084 --> 00:48:24,834
fuck you for putting this hood on me.

863
00:48:27,043 --> 00:48:29,584
Watch out for him.
He'll charge you for free shit.

864
00:48:30,251 --> 00:48:32,626
What's he doing here?
Is he here for us?

865
00:48:33,293 --> 00:48:34,668
Gentlemen, you can come in.

866
00:48:39,251 --> 00:48:41,584
I think
it was Winston Churchill who...

867
00:48:41,668 --> 00:48:47,543
Or maybe it was Bobby Knight
who said, "The great labor of leadership

868
00:48:47,626 --> 00:48:51,126
is to lay down one's yoke of pride

869
00:48:51,876 --> 00:48:54,834
and admit that mistakes were made."

870
00:48:54,918 --> 00:48:58,084
You were deceived,
as was I, but the end result was,

871
00:48:58,168 --> 00:49:01,834
we had our scientists who went to,
uh, the prestigious schools of Harvard,

872
00:49:01,918 --> 00:49:03,043
Princeton, et cetera.

873
00:49:03,543 --> 00:49:08,459
They confirmed the data.
So we would like to offer you a...

874
00:49:09,959 --> 00:49:12,043
presidential apology.

875
00:49:12,126 --> 00:49:13,043
Really?

876
00:49:13,793 --> 00:49:16,668
And we are fully prepared to mobilize

877
00:49:16,751 --> 00:49:19,626
in historic fashion
in order to save this planet.

878
00:49:21,709 --> 00:49:23,918
The best news
we've heard in a long time.

879
00:49:24,001 --> 00:49:27,584
So, basically, what you're saying is

880
00:49:27,668 --> 00:49:31,501
you're about to lose the midterms
'cause you got caught

881
00:49:31,584 --> 00:49:35,668
sending pictures of your cooch
to your porn-star sheriff boyfriend.

882
00:49:35,751 --> 00:49:39,668
So now it's to your advantage
to act on the comet?

883
00:49:41,584 --> 00:49:42,751
Right.

884
00:49:42,834 --> 00:49:44,084
Okay.

885
00:49:44,709 --> 00:49:46,043
Okay. I'm just...

886
00:49:47,834 --> 00:49:51,084
God, I'm so relieved
that you guys are doing something.

887
00:49:51,168 --> 00:49:54,751
- Hey, come on. Hey.
- This has been really...

888
00:49:54,834 --> 00:49:57,001
Really, really hard.
- Come here.

889
00:49:57,084 --> 00:50:00,209
This has been really, really,
really stressful on all of us.

890
00:50:00,293 --> 00:50:01,334
Yes, I will agree.

891
00:50:01,418 --> 00:50:03,626
This will take some
heavy weight off all of us--

892
00:50:03,709 --> 00:50:06,626
Sorry, you just look
so bad when you cry.

893
00:50:06,709 --> 00:50:08,501
Maybe, possibly.

894
00:50:08,584 --> 00:50:10,501
People are gonna ask
why we didn't act earlier.

895
00:50:10,584 --> 00:50:13,001
So you're gonna have
to take the hit on this one.

896
00:50:13,084 --> 00:50:16,126
Yeah, but we'll take care
of you down the road, Jocelyn.

897
00:50:16,793 --> 00:50:18,418
- We will.
- Of course, Janie.

898
00:50:19,043 --> 00:50:21,543
I will resign in disgrace
first thing tomorrow.

899
00:50:21,626 --> 00:50:24,334
Good. Yeah, good.
- That's weird as hell.

900
00:50:24,418 --> 00:50:26,501
She's an anesthesiologist.

901
00:50:26,584 --> 00:50:29,584
I'm going to make a statement,

902
00:50:29,668 --> 00:50:32,209
presidential statement
to the American people.

903
00:50:32,293 --> 00:50:35,084
And we're not gonna tell
the press about it ahead of time

904
00:50:35,168 --> 00:50:37,959
because that way
it will have the appearance

905
00:50:38,043 --> 00:50:39,709
of a breaking emergency sort of...

906
00:50:39,793 --> 00:50:42,209
<i>Good things
come to those who wait.</i>

907
00:50:42,293 --> 00:50:44,209
<i>See?</i>

908
00:50:44,293 --> 00:50:45,418
<i>Whoo!</i>

909
00:50:45,501 --> 00:50:47,168
<i>Oh, my God!</i>

910
00:50:50,168 --> 00:50:53,209
<i>We interrupt this broadcast
of</i> Jackpot Fiancé

911
00:50:53,293 --> 00:50:56,543
<i>for an emergency message
from the president of the United States.</i>

912
00:50:59,959 --> 00:51:02,918
<i>Citizens of the United States
and peoples of the world,</i>

913
00:51:03,501 --> 00:51:04,834
<i>I have just been handed</i>

914
00:51:04,918 --> 00:51:09,043
scientific findings that
confirm a worst-case scenario.

915
00:51:10,668 --> 00:51:14,876
An unprecedented comet,
nine kilometers wide,

916
00:51:14,959 --> 00:51:21,376
is now on a direct collision course
with our cherished home, planet Earth.

917
00:51:21,459 --> 00:51:24,709
<i>Estimated time of arrival
is approximately five months from now.</i>

918
00:51:24,793 --> 00:51:25,709
<i>So we have...</i>

919
00:51:25,793 --> 00:51:28,001
We've drawn up a massive
Congressional spending bill...

920
00:51:28,084 --> 00:51:31,834
I have already put together an emergency
spending package for Congress...

921
00:51:31,918 --> 00:51:34,126
...that the Senate
and the House have agreed upon.

922
00:51:34,209 --> 00:51:35,043
That's good to hear.

923
00:51:35,126 --> 00:51:39,209
<i>And that will enable NASA
and our great military</i>

924
00:51:39,293 --> 00:51:41,126
<i>to launch a preemptive strike,</i>

925
00:51:42,584 --> 00:51:46,293
using decommissioned
space shuttles and satellites

926
00:51:46,376 --> 00:51:49,084
loaded with nuclear explosives.

927
00:51:49,168 --> 00:51:53,376
We will blow Comet Dibiasky
off her course...

928
00:51:53,459 --> 00:51:55,501
But we're gonna need a hero.

929
00:51:55,584 --> 00:51:58,834
We're gonna need a pilot, real guns and...

930
00:51:58,918 --> 00:52:02,293
Shouldn't this mission be accomplished
using remote technology?

931
00:52:02,376 --> 00:52:04,584
Washington's always gotta have a hero.

932
00:52:04,668 --> 00:52:06,043
I have asked

933
00:52:07,043 --> 00:52:13,043
Medal of Freedom recipient
and outspoken patriot, Benedict Drask,

934
00:52:13,126 --> 00:52:16,293
<i>to undertake this difficult and...</i>

935
00:52:16,376 --> 00:52:19,001
I'm sorry.
Isn't he the mercenary gentleman

936
00:52:19,084 --> 00:52:22,459
that was screaming at all those children
on the White House lawn?

937
00:52:22,543 --> 00:52:25,959
Yeah.
He was given the honor of leading

938
00:52:26,043 --> 00:52:29,376
the presidential initiative
in getting kids to exercise.

939
00:52:29,459 --> 00:52:31,293
Get a little air into it, you lard-ass...

940
00:52:32,043 --> 00:52:34,376
You look like a goddamn bunch of pussies.

941
00:52:34,459 --> 00:52:36,709
I'm sorry.
- He's just of another generation.

942
00:52:36,793 --> 00:52:38,126
You know, I used to date him.

943
00:52:38,209 --> 00:52:41,418
Know what happened to the last pussy
I worked with in combat?

944
00:52:41,501 --> 00:52:43,293
You ever see inside a man's torso?

945
00:52:47,459 --> 00:52:49,584
Benedict Drask reporting for duty.

946
00:52:51,751 --> 00:52:53,834
<i>-Thank you for the...</i>
- He's gonna be fantastic.

947
00:52:53,918 --> 00:52:55,501
He's got a great voice.

948
00:52:55,584 --> 00:52:58,209
- We're gonna let him make a statement.
<i>-Some are saying this is a...</i>

949
00:52:58,293 --> 00:52:59,668
He's got a great body too.

950
00:52:59,751 --> 00:53:01,293
<i>He does.
Yeah.</i>

951
00:53:01,376 --> 00:53:03,001
<i>...suicide mission.</i>

952
00:53:03,084 --> 00:53:04,501
Well, all I ask is,

953
00:53:05,584 --> 00:53:06,918
if I get snuffed,

954
00:53:08,084 --> 00:53:11,501
that you all earn
the extra living my sacrifice gives you.

955
00:53:11,584 --> 00:53:14,043
The extra living
my sacrifice gives them.

956
00:53:14,668 --> 00:53:16,543
- Right?
- I wrote that.

957
00:53:16,626 --> 00:53:18,751
Isn't that from <i>Saving Private Ryan?</i>

958
00:53:18,834 --> 00:53:21,751
- Yes.
- No, that's something totally different.

959
00:53:21,834 --> 00:53:25,543
And special thanks should also go
to this team of scientists behind me...

960
00:53:25,626 --> 00:53:28,293
<i>We're gonna need
everybody's help on this.</i>

961
00:53:28,376 --> 00:53:30,251
Everybody.

962
00:53:30,334 --> 00:53:33,959
All have to pitch in
and push out this message.

963
00:53:34,043 --> 00:53:35,501
...African-American scientist.

964
00:53:35,584 --> 00:53:37,168
Miss Dibiasky, she...

965
00:53:37,251 --> 00:53:40,626
And we have Kate Dibiasky,
who the comet is named after,

966
00:53:40,709 --> 00:53:42,501
but don't blame her.

967
00:53:42,584 --> 00:53:46,209
...connects with the disaffected youth
and the mentally ill.

968
00:53:46,293 --> 00:53:48,168
- And other marginal groups.
- Thank you.

969
00:53:48,251 --> 00:53:51,543
We'll do whatever we can.
- As long as you do the right thing.

970
00:53:51,626 --> 00:53:52,959
We're there for you.

971
00:53:53,043 --> 00:53:56,293
Especially you, Dr. Mindy,
because you poll so much higher

972
00:53:56,376 --> 00:53:58,709
than your colleagues.
It's wild.

973
00:53:58,793 --> 00:54:04,293
He will help us destroy
our common enemy, Dibiasky.

974
00:54:04,918 --> 00:54:07,084
Wonderful. Well, I think we're done.

975
00:54:07,168 --> 00:54:08,709
Yep, okay. Let's go.

976
00:54:08,793 --> 00:54:10,334
Can I say something?

977
00:54:10,418 --> 00:54:12,626
We've been dying to hear
what you gotta say.

978
00:54:13,293 --> 00:54:14,418
I didn't vote for you.

979
00:54:16,584 --> 00:54:22,751
But this is obviously
much bigger than my misgivings.

980
00:54:22,834 --> 00:54:27,168
So I will be 100% behind this effort.

981
00:54:28,043 --> 00:54:31,834
No matter how offensive I may find you.

982
00:54:31,918 --> 00:54:34,418
Hmm. Wow. That's great.

983
00:54:34,501 --> 00:54:36,334
Yeah. That's really nice.

984
00:54:36,418 --> 00:54:39,251
You know, I did have the FBI
put that bag over your head.

985
00:54:39,334 --> 00:54:42,334
They don't do that.
The CIA does, but I made them do it.

986
00:54:42,418 --> 00:54:45,126
You know, I had a feeling. I really did.

987
00:54:46,001 --> 00:54:48,459
It's a good feeling
'cause that is what I did.

988
00:54:48,543 --> 00:54:51,334
- And it was very funny and cool.
Okay.

989
00:54:51,418 --> 00:54:55,501
May Jesus Christ
bless every single one of you,

990
00:54:56,251 --> 00:54:59,376
especially the honorable members
of my own party.

991
00:55:00,043 --> 00:55:01,168
We will prevail.

992
00:55:31,751 --> 00:55:35,251
<i>-We're all gonna die!</i>

993
00:55:35,334 --> 00:55:38,126
<i>Guys, this comet
is seriously stressing me out.</i>

994
00:55:38,209 --> 00:55:40,293
<i>Well, it's coming. People gotta dig in.</i>

995
00:55:40,376 --> 00:55:42,751
<i>I already got buyers
for these shovels on e-market.</i>

996
00:55:42,834 --> 00:55:46,876
<i>Clean sweep for President Orlean
in these midterm elections.</i>

997
00:55:46,959 --> 00:55:49,293
<i>...how hot he is.
- Thousand bucks a pop.</i>

998
00:55:53,418 --> 00:55:56,959
...discharge the duties
on which I am about to enter.

999
00:55:57,043 --> 00:55:58,126
"So help you God."

1000
00:55:58,209 --> 00:56:00,459
- So help me God.
- Congratulations.

1001
00:56:01,751 --> 00:56:05,501
<i>We have talk of
a Nobel Peace Prize in the offing.</i>

1002
00:56:23,793 --> 00:56:25,084
<i>Hello, Sammy.</i>

1003
00:56:25,168 --> 00:56:28,459
<i>Are you really a doctor?</i>

1004
00:56:28,543 --> 00:56:31,793
<i>Well, sort of. I'm an astronomer.</i>

1005
00:56:31,876 --> 00:56:35,876
<i>Oh. What is an astronomer?</i>

1006
00:56:35,959 --> 00:56:38,751
Dr. Mindy, there is
a lot of fear out there,

1007
00:56:38,834 --> 00:56:40,584
uh, in America, around the world.

1008
00:56:40,668 --> 00:56:42,751
Parents don't know
what to say to their kids.

1009
00:56:42,834 --> 00:56:45,334
What would you say to them
to help them understand?

1010
00:56:45,418 --> 00:56:48,834
Well, I'm sure many of us
are frightened right now.

1011
00:56:49,501 --> 00:56:55,751
But I can assure you, our best
and our brightest, they're on the job.

1012
00:56:56,293 --> 00:57:00,501
I've seen the science
on this plan and it is sound.

1013
00:57:00,584 --> 00:57:05,251
I know your words are a great comfort
to all our viewers, Dr. Randall,

1014
00:57:05,334 --> 00:57:09,459
<i>and we thank you
for your courage and your service.</i>

1015
00:57:09,543 --> 00:57:11,209
<i>I'd just like to say</i>

1016
00:57:11,834 --> 00:57:16,584
that whenever
I feel afraid or alone in this, I...

1017
00:57:17,876 --> 00:57:21,043
<i>I think of you and I just... I feel better.</i>

1018
00:57:21,126 --> 00:57:22,418
<i>So thank you.</i>

1019
00:57:23,043 --> 00:57:24,418
<i>That's my job.</i>

1020
00:57:35,501 --> 00:57:37,626
- Tell me we're all gonna die.
- What?

1021
00:57:40,043 --> 00:57:42,543
- Tell me we're all gonna die, do it.
- We're all gonna die.

1022
00:57:42,626 --> 00:57:43,751
- Oh, boy.

1023
00:57:43,834 --> 00:57:47,418
<i>So, these two Marxists
wave around the word "science"</i>

1024
00:57:47,501 --> 00:57:49,626
<i>and we're all supposed
to do whatever they say?</i>

1025
00:57:49,709 --> 00:57:52,334
<i>Yeah, how do we know
there even is a comet?</i>

1026
00:57:52,418 --> 00:57:56,168
Mr. Pawketty, Congressman,
this data has been proven

1027
00:57:56,251 --> 00:58:00,501
and has been peer-reviewed
by hundreds of world-renowned scientists.

1028
00:58:00,584 --> 00:58:04,584
And we're supposed to trust you?
The comet's got your name.

1029
00:58:06,001 --> 00:58:07,959
I don't... I don't see the relevancy.

1030
00:58:08,043 --> 00:58:09,834
Why won't you
answer the question?

1031
00:58:09,918 --> 00:58:11,959
- Answer the question.
- What's the question?

1032
00:58:12,043 --> 00:58:13,168
Grow up here, okay?

1033
00:58:13,251 --> 00:58:14,459
<i>This is ridiculous.</i>

1034
00:58:16,459 --> 00:58:20,459
I've just realized, we don't really know
anything about each other. Do we?

1035
00:58:22,168 --> 00:58:23,126
True.

1036
00:58:24,334 --> 00:58:27,709
Well, every time I try
to ask you about your life,

1037
00:58:27,793 --> 00:58:31,459
you seem to just tell me
about your favorite restaurants.

1038
00:58:32,418 --> 00:58:33,584
Well, I... You know...

1039
00:58:34,293 --> 00:58:36,084
I just despise the, you know,

1040
00:58:36,168 --> 00:58:38,334
getting-to-know-you part
of relationships, so...

1041
00:58:39,001 --> 00:58:41,043
Oh, okay. I understand.

1042
00:58:43,043 --> 00:58:45,251
Okay, let's just
get it over and done with.

1043
00:58:47,751 --> 00:58:48,959
Okay, uh...

1044
00:58:50,001 --> 00:58:51,751
Right, so, uh...

1045
00:58:52,418 --> 00:58:56,876
My grandfather invented
the flash-freezing process.

1046
00:58:56,959 --> 00:58:59,209
So I come from grotesque money,

1047
00:58:59,293 --> 00:59:03,543
but I got away from it
by getting three masters degrees.

1048
00:59:04,334 --> 00:59:07,168
Uh, I've been divorced twice.

1049
00:59:07,251 --> 00:59:13,751
Uh, one was a Secretary of State,
and the other one was a sport fisherman.

1050
00:59:13,834 --> 00:59:19,709
Uh, I have slept
with two former presidents.

1051
00:59:19,793 --> 00:59:24,626
I speak four languages,
and I own two Monets.

1052
00:59:26,334 --> 00:59:27,168
Wow.

1053
00:59:27,793 --> 00:59:30,001
Two former presidents. Wow.

1054
00:59:32,001 --> 00:59:33,918
- What, my turn?
Yeah.

1055
00:59:34,001 --> 00:59:40,293
Oh. All right. My father was
a middle school geography teacher.

1056
00:59:40,376 --> 00:59:43,626
My mother,
she cut hair out of the kitchen.

1057
00:59:43,709 --> 00:59:47,543
Uh, about two years ago,
our family dog, JoJo, died,

1058
00:59:47,626 --> 00:59:49,626
which was really, really emotional.

1059
00:59:49,709 --> 00:59:53,084
I can't remember crying that much ever.

1060
00:59:54,626 --> 00:59:55,584
And, um...

1061
00:59:57,293 --> 01:00:02,584
I finally got my, uh, <i>Star Wars</i> poster
signed by Mark Hamill.

1062
01:00:02,668 --> 01:00:04,751
It's in the garage. It's... So, yeah.

1063
01:00:05,626 --> 01:00:07,709
Okay, good.

1064
01:00:10,001 --> 01:00:11,001
That's done.

1065
01:00:11,501 --> 01:00:12,459
Ah...

1066
01:00:15,709 --> 01:00:18,001
Where are we gonna go for dinner tonight?

1067
01:00:26,376 --> 01:00:28,959
<i>The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.</i>

1068
01:00:29,043 --> 01:00:31,793
<i>He makes me to lie down in green pastures.</i>

1069
01:00:31,876 --> 01:00:36,126
<i>He leads me beside the quiet waters.
He restores my soul.</i>

1070
01:00:36,209 --> 01:00:39,626
Not since D-Day have we seen
such a mass mobilization

1071
01:00:39,709 --> 01:00:43,459
of unions and resources
for such a noble task.

1072
01:00:44,084 --> 01:00:46,959
One cannot help but be moved
by the bravery, ingenuity,

1073
01:00:47,043 --> 01:00:49,126
and sacrifice on display here.

1074
01:01:09,584 --> 01:01:12,168
Okay, here we go, everyone.
Let's stay sharp.

1075
01:01:14,084 --> 01:01:17,459
I just want you to know,
this is the most propulsive thing

1076
01:01:17,543 --> 01:01:20,084
that's ever happened to me. Thank you.

1077
01:01:33,376 --> 01:01:36,584
<i>What's the holdup, you guys?
What are you waiting on?</i>

1078
01:01:37,543 --> 01:01:40,668
<i>Come on, motherfuckers,
let's light this fucking firecracker, huh?</i>

1079
01:01:41,209 --> 01:01:42,584
<i>Think I got all day?</i>

1080
01:01:42,668 --> 01:01:47,251
Commander Drask,
this is your president speaking.

1081
01:01:48,501 --> 01:01:50,376
Your nation thanks you.

1082
01:01:51,126 --> 01:01:52,751
Your planet thanks you.

1083
01:01:53,459 --> 01:01:55,918
And God and I thank you.

1084
01:01:56,626 --> 01:01:59,251
<i>Listen, the only thanks I need
is a shot of Jack Daniels</i>.

1085
01:01:59,334 --> 01:02:03,251
<i>-And a couple DUIs to magically go away.</i>

1086
01:02:05,126 --> 01:02:08,959
This is Mission Control.
All indicators are coming up green.

1087
01:02:09,043 --> 01:02:11,459
<i>This is a final warning
to control the launchpad.</i>

1088
01:02:11,543 --> 01:02:17,251
Your discovery led to this mission
and our chance to save Earth.

1089
01:02:18,418 --> 01:02:19,709
I give you...

1090
01:02:22,084 --> 01:02:23,084
the honor.

1091
01:02:28,501 --> 01:02:29,501
Thank you.

1092
01:02:31,709 --> 01:02:35,001
Thank you,
Madam President.

1093
01:02:36,501 --> 01:02:38,876
Citizens of planet Earth,

1094
01:02:39,918 --> 01:02:43,084
<i>everything is theoretically impossible</i>

1095
01:02:43,751 --> 01:02:45,168
<i>until it is done.</i>

1096
01:02:46,293 --> 01:02:47,584
<i>And with that,</i>

1097
01:02:47,668 --> 01:02:49,793
we are go for launch.

1098
01:02:49,876 --> 01:02:50,751
Yes.

1099
01:02:50,834 --> 01:02:52,501
That's fire.
- Thank you.

1100
01:02:52,584 --> 01:02:53,584
It was lit.

1101
01:02:55,876 --> 01:02:58,126
Hey, everyone, mind if I join?

1102
01:02:59,168 --> 01:03:01,043
- Hello.
Hello, Peter. Hi.

1103
01:03:01,126 --> 01:03:04,751
Hi. Oh, Brie, you look fabulous.

1104
01:03:04,834 --> 01:03:05,834
As always.

1105
01:03:07,001 --> 01:03:08,376
Is he allowed to be in here?

1106
01:03:08,459 --> 01:03:12,334
Yeah, he's a Platinum Eagle level donor
to the campaign. He has full clearance.

1107
01:03:12,418 --> 01:03:14,043
<i>Launch mission array.</i>

1108
01:03:14,126 --> 01:03:17,668
Molly kicking in right now.
Timed that shit perfect.

1109
01:03:17,751 --> 01:03:20,709
Ten, nine, eight...

1110
01:03:20,793 --> 01:03:24,834
<i>-seven, six, five, four...</i>

1111
01:03:24,918 --> 01:03:26,168
Three...

1112
01:03:26,251 --> 01:03:27,626
- Ah...

1113
01:03:40,584 --> 01:03:41,793
Thank God!

1114
01:04:00,126 --> 01:04:03,584
<i>♪ Oh, Susannah
Don't you cry for me ♪</i>

1115
01:04:03,668 --> 01:04:08,001
<i>♪ I come from Alabama
With a banjo on my knee, hey! ♪</i>

1116
01:04:09,668 --> 01:04:11,626
We didn't lose
any satellites.

1117
01:04:11,709 --> 01:04:14,959
Margin of error
was for two to malfunction.

1118
01:04:15,043 --> 01:04:19,209
Hey, Madam President, may I have a word
with you outside for a moment, please?

1119
01:04:19,834 --> 01:04:20,959
Oh, my God.

1120
01:04:21,043 --> 01:04:23,834
Mission success probability
is already increased to 81%.

1121
01:04:23,918 --> 01:04:25,918
Outstanding.

1122
01:04:27,876 --> 01:04:30,626
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

1123
01:04:30,709 --> 01:04:32,293
Peter, I didn't mean...

1124
01:04:36,543 --> 01:04:41,751
<i>And a big hello to that beautiful
blue ball down there we all call home.</i>

1125
01:04:42,251 --> 01:04:45,668
<i>All those proud white folks working hard.</i>

1126
01:04:46,168 --> 01:04:47,126
<i>God bless you.</i>

1127
01:04:47,918 --> 01:04:50,168
Just a different generation. Yeah.

1128
01:04:50,834 --> 01:04:53,709
I also wanna say hello
to all the Indians out there.

1129
01:04:53,793 --> 01:04:54,876
Both kinds.

1130
01:04:54,959 --> 01:04:59,084
<i>You know, the ones with the elephants
and the ones with the bow and arrows.</i>

1131
01:04:59,751 --> 01:05:01,543
<i>Hey, why haven't you guys ever teamed up?</i>

1132
01:05:01,626 --> 01:05:03,501
<i>How cool would that be, huh?</i>

1133
01:05:03,584 --> 01:05:05,501
<i>I wanna say hello
to all the gays out there.</i>

1134
01:05:05,584 --> 01:05:07,918
- Commander, booster ejection is imminent.
<i>-Huh?</i>

1135
01:05:08,001 --> 01:05:10,251
- Let's keep comm on mission.
<i>-Oh. Roger that.</i>

1136
01:05:20,793 --> 01:05:22,709
<i>Separation confirmed.</i>

1137
01:05:22,793 --> 01:05:24,543
<i>-Separation confirmed.</i>
- Whoo!

1138
01:05:29,126 --> 01:05:30,209
Was that French?

1139
01:05:31,501 --> 01:05:37,043
Yes, it is. It means, "the angels soar
to the heavens." It's, um...

1140
01:05:38,376 --> 01:05:42,501
It's from a 14th-century poem
I studied in Dartmouth.

1141
01:05:42,584 --> 01:05:45,918
And just watching this,
it just made me think of it,

1142
01:05:47,043 --> 01:05:48,459
and think of you.

1143
01:05:49,543 --> 01:05:50,543
God, I can't...

1144
01:05:51,418 --> 01:05:52,376
Can't...

1145
01:06:01,626 --> 01:06:04,168
<i>Go! Go! Go!</i>

1146
01:06:05,834 --> 01:06:08,709
<i>I think I probably should go
to the</i> <i>hospital and see what they...</i>

1147
01:06:08,793 --> 01:06:10,751
<i>Launch challenge!</i>

1148
01:06:10,834 --> 01:06:13,709
<i>Go! Go! Go!</i>

1149
01:06:17,501 --> 01:06:19,626
Everyone, I have just received

1150
01:06:19,709 --> 01:06:23,459
some critical information
concerning our mission.

1151
01:06:32,668 --> 01:06:34,334
Looks like it's turning around.

1152
01:06:37,168 --> 01:06:40,293
No, it's not. It's a course correction.

1153
01:06:40,376 --> 01:06:41,918
It's pretty standard.

1154
01:06:42,001 --> 01:06:43,459
I was in the Navy.

1155
01:06:45,126 --> 01:06:47,418
Nope. It's turning around.

1156
01:06:47,501 --> 01:06:51,209
Seems to be
some confusion here amongst the crowd,

1157
01:06:51,293 --> 01:06:52,918
but I'm not gonna lie to you.

1158
01:06:53,001 --> 01:06:55,959
This reporter
is at a loss for words right now.

1159
01:06:56,043 --> 01:06:59,251
It's definitely turning around.

1160
01:06:59,334 --> 01:07:01,459
I'm looking straight at it.

1161
01:07:01,543 --> 01:07:05,543
Drask's ship is definitely turning around.

1162
01:07:07,959 --> 01:07:10,334
Does anyone know
what the fuck just happened?

1163
01:07:16,251 --> 01:07:17,626
It's still locked.

1164
01:07:17,709 --> 01:07:20,418
I just don't... I don't understand
what could've happened.

1165
01:07:20,501 --> 01:07:23,293
I mean, the mission was working, right?
Everything was on track.

1166
01:07:23,376 --> 01:07:26,209
Yeah. I mean,
it could've been anything, uh...

1167
01:07:26,293 --> 01:07:32,001
Guidance system could've malfunctioned,
uh, nuke destabilized, myriad of things.

1168
01:07:32,626 --> 01:07:35,668
Who was that guy that walked into
the Situation Room? He looked familiar.

1169
01:07:35,751 --> 01:07:42,126
That was Peter Isherwell, CEO of BASH,
and the third richest human ever.

1170
01:07:42,209 --> 01:07:46,168
He's the guy that, uh, bought
the Gutenberg Bible and lost it.

1171
01:07:47,459 --> 01:07:48,959
Sorry to keep you waiting.

1172
01:07:49,043 --> 01:07:51,876
Things are, uh, extremely fluid.

1173
01:07:53,334 --> 01:07:56,959
Dr. Randall, you are now the Chief
Science Advisor to the White House.

1174
01:07:57,043 --> 01:07:57,876
What?

1175
01:07:57,959 --> 01:08:00,709
As such, you need to attend
an emergency Cabinet meeting

1176
01:08:00,793 --> 01:08:02,043
where you will be debriefed.

1177
01:08:02,126 --> 01:08:03,126
What about us?

1178
01:08:03,709 --> 01:08:06,209
You do not have clearance
for this, sweetheart. Don't trip.

1179
01:08:06,293 --> 01:08:09,043
Got you some crackers, some waters.

1180
01:08:09,126 --> 01:08:10,793
You don't need to throw it on the floor.

1181
01:08:10,876 --> 01:08:12,418
Gonna be three, four hours, tops.

1182
01:08:12,501 --> 01:08:15,626
Here, Kate. I don't know
why he threw 'em down. Here.

1183
01:08:15,709 --> 01:08:17,793
What if we have to go to the bathroom?

1184
01:08:17,876 --> 01:08:21,293
We'll lay out some newspaper for you.
Grab you a can of Febreze.

1185
01:08:21,376 --> 01:08:23,251
Short, sweet
and simple science.

1186
01:08:23,334 --> 01:08:25,001
I'll be back. All right. Come on.

1187
01:08:25,084 --> 01:08:27,126
Science tells the truth, Randall.

1188
01:08:28,918 --> 01:08:30,543
Fuck. Do you wanna come?

1189
01:08:30,626 --> 01:08:31,543
Yeah.

1190
01:08:33,668 --> 01:08:35,668
Ladies and gentlemen,
what we thought,

1191
01:08:35,751 --> 01:08:40,751
what the world thought
was an impending and terrifying danger,

1192
01:08:41,959 --> 01:08:44,668
turns out to be
an astonishing opportunity.

1193
01:08:44,751 --> 01:08:47,209
Our allies are very confused
and demanding answers--

1194
01:08:47,293 --> 01:08:48,584
Well, tell 'em to wait.

1195
01:08:49,626 --> 01:08:54,709
According to the most recent
spectrometer readings of Comet Dibiasky,

1196
01:08:54,793 --> 01:08:57,876
made by the astrogeologists
at BASH Cellular,

1197
01:08:59,626 --> 01:09:01,334
we've discovered something.

1198
01:09:02,293 --> 01:09:05,043
Something truly miraculous.

1199
01:09:06,501 --> 01:09:08,168
Peter. Peter?

1200
01:09:08,251 --> 01:09:10,043
- Oh, thank you, Janie.

1201
01:09:12,251 --> 01:09:14,751
As, uh... As some of you may know,

1202
01:09:14,834 --> 01:09:17,584
the most valuable minerals in the world

1203
01:09:17,668 --> 01:09:19,793
are fast becoming those that are deployed

1204
01:09:19,876 --> 01:09:24,043
in the manufacture
of cell phones and, uh, computers.

1205
01:09:24,126 --> 01:09:27,626
Yttrium, terbium, osmium, dysprosium,
on and on and on.

1206
01:09:27,709 --> 01:09:29,043
We're running short.

1207
01:09:29,126 --> 01:09:31,959
Uh, and the problem
is exacerbated, of course,

1208
01:09:32,043 --> 01:09:37,959
because China has her big panda paw
firmly on almost all the mines

1209
01:09:38,043 --> 01:09:41,543
that produce
these valuable rare Earth assets.

1210
01:09:41,626 --> 01:09:43,668
So you can imagine.

1211
01:09:43,751 --> 01:09:44,709
Wow!

1212
01:09:44,793 --> 01:09:48,584
Just how happy we were at BASH

1213
01:09:48,668 --> 01:09:52,293
when our astrogeologists discovered

1214
01:09:52,376 --> 01:09:57,043
and then determined that this comet,
hurtling towards us from deep space,

1215
01:09:57,126 --> 01:10:02,876
actually contains at least $32 trillion
of these critical materials.

1216
01:10:02,959 --> 01:10:04,709
Critical to technology.

1217
01:10:04,793 --> 01:10:06,001
If we're to proceed--

1218
01:10:06,084 --> 01:10:08,584
I'm sorry. Is that why
you aborted this entire mission,

1219
01:10:08,668 --> 01:10:11,584
is because you're trying to mine
the comet for rare minerals?

1220
01:10:11,668 --> 01:10:13,751
I think
we should hold all questions

1221
01:10:13,834 --> 01:10:16,501
until the end of the presentation,

1222
01:10:16,584 --> 01:10:20,168
and you might find
that your questions are answered.

1223
01:10:20,709 --> 01:10:21,793
Yes, Madam President.

1224
01:10:21,876 --> 01:10:24,918
When you...
When the other metals are factored in,

1225
01:10:25,001 --> 01:10:27,376
the comet actually contains

1226
01:10:27,459 --> 01:10:31,584
almost $140 trillion worth of assets.

1227
01:10:31,668 --> 01:10:32,959
Buck-forty trilli.

1228
01:10:35,418 --> 01:10:40,043
What do these trillions of dollars
even matter if we're all gonna die--

1229
01:10:40,126 --> 01:10:42,501
I was about to ask
the same question, Janie.

1230
01:10:42,584 --> 01:10:43,709
Why weren't we consulted?

1231
01:10:43,793 --> 01:10:45,293
All due respect, Madam President...

1232
01:10:45,376 --> 01:10:47,876
Oh, no! What if we're rich and we're safe?

1233
01:10:49,043 --> 01:10:53,168
I've gone over it
again and again and again in my head

1234
01:10:54,918 --> 01:10:56,834
and I still can't make sense of it.

1235
01:10:58,793 --> 01:11:03,834
He's a three-star general.
He works at the Pentagon.

1236
01:11:05,959 --> 01:11:09,043
Why would he charge us for free snacks?

1237
01:11:09,126 --> 01:11:12,793
One time, I met Sting,

1238
01:11:13,751 --> 01:11:18,334
and I swear to God,
he farted right in front of me.

1239
01:11:19,376 --> 01:11:24,501
Didn't break eye contact
and didn't even say "excuse me."

1240
01:11:27,543 --> 01:11:31,126
And the thing is,
he actually pulled it off.

1241
01:11:32,418 --> 01:11:34,918
'Cause I still found him
to be quite charming.

1242
01:11:35,959 --> 01:11:40,376
Guys, we have to talk.
Come on, let's go. Come on, now.

1243
01:11:41,459 --> 01:11:44,668
It's insane. Like, completely insane.

1244
01:11:44,751 --> 01:11:46,084
It will never work.

1245
01:11:46,168 --> 01:11:48,334
I had the exact same reaction.

1246
01:11:48,418 --> 01:11:51,543
This is a nine-kilometer-wide
planet-killer we're talking about,

1247
01:11:51,626 --> 01:11:53,084
not roaming charges.

1248
01:11:53,168 --> 01:11:59,084
Look, I... I was confused and outraged
that they turned this mission around too,

1249
01:11:59,168 --> 01:12:01,751
but they've got
Gary Talcamont from Stanford

1250
01:12:01,834 --> 01:12:04,001
and Lisa Inez from Princeton
on their team.

1251
01:12:04,084 --> 01:12:07,793
I mean, this is next-generation
cutting-edge technology.

1252
01:12:07,876 --> 01:12:14,668
Obviously, one giant comet is a major
and existential, uh, threat to our planet,

1253
01:12:14,751 --> 01:12:20,043
but 30 smaller meteoroids, we can handle.

1254
01:12:20,959 --> 01:12:26,668
Our BEADS, that stands for
BASH, uh, Explore and Acquire Drones,

1255
01:12:26,751 --> 01:12:28,126
that you see here,

1256
01:12:28,209 --> 01:12:30,876
attach themselves to the comet

1257
01:12:30,959 --> 01:12:33,418
and scan it with nanotechnology

1258
01:12:33,501 --> 01:12:36,626
developed by
Nobel Prize-winning scientist,

1259
01:12:36,709 --> 01:12:37,709
Dr. Gary Talcamont.

1260
01:12:37,793 --> 01:12:40,543
And then we immediately deploy, don't we?

1261
01:12:40,626 --> 01:12:42,876
Nobel and Polonsky prize-winning scientist

1262
01:12:42,959 --> 01:12:48,293
Dr. Inez's micro-targeted,
quantum fission, uh, explosives.

1263
01:12:48,376 --> 01:12:51,668
You see, deep into the object...

1264
01:12:51,751 --> 01:12:54,501
Dr. Inez, would you like
to explain what's happening?

1265
01:12:54,584 --> 01:12:55,459
Thank you, Peter.

1266
01:12:55,543 --> 01:12:58,293
We've been developing
phase-fission reactions

1267
01:12:58,376 --> 01:13:00,418
in the CERN particle accelerator

1268
01:13:00,501 --> 01:13:03,168
that can splinter the comet
into smaller pieces

1269
01:13:03,251 --> 01:13:05,376
with breathtaking accuracy.

1270
01:13:05,459 --> 01:13:08,834
These segments are then steered
and decelerated by each BEAD

1271
01:13:08,918 --> 01:13:13,668
into the Pacific Ocean for reclamation
by waiting US Navy ships.

1272
01:13:13,751 --> 01:13:15,709
And when these... Thank you.

1273
01:13:15,793 --> 01:13:19,918
And when these treasures
from heaven are claimed,

1274
01:13:20,001 --> 01:13:23,959
poverty as we know it,
social injustice, loss of biodiversity,

1275
01:13:24,043 --> 01:13:26,751
all these multitudes of problems

1276
01:13:26,834 --> 01:13:30,168
are just gonna become relics of the past

1277
01:13:30,251 --> 01:13:35,668
and humanity is gonna stride through
the Pillars of Boaz and Jachin naked

1278
01:13:35,751 --> 01:13:38,293
into the the glory of a golden age...

1279
01:13:38,376 --> 01:13:41,543
And is this nanotech work peer-reviewed?

1280
01:13:41,626 --> 01:13:45,209
Well, I haven't reviewed the data,
but it's been modeled.

1281
01:13:45,293 --> 01:13:47,168
Has any of this been peer-reviewed?

1282
01:13:48,043 --> 01:13:48,876
Nope.

1283
01:13:48,959 --> 01:13:51,293
Interplanetary, interstellar,

1284
01:13:51,376 --> 01:13:56,168
intergalactic existence
for the human race.

1285
01:13:59,168 --> 01:14:00,959
Your mouth to God's ear.

1286
01:14:01,501 --> 01:14:05,084
I understand the wealth
that they can extract from this comet,

1287
01:14:05,168 --> 01:14:06,334
it can end world hunger.

1288
01:14:08,293 --> 01:14:10,876
- Why are you laughing?
That's true. No, I see.

1289
01:14:10,959 --> 01:14:15,376
So that's the pretty little bow they're
putting around this line of bullshit.

1290
01:14:15,459 --> 01:14:17,293
I bet they'll say freedom and puppies too.

1291
01:14:17,376 --> 01:14:18,209
- All right.
- Yeah.

1292
01:14:18,293 --> 01:14:21,959
You want me to quit the mission?
I'll quit the mission. That's fine.

1293
01:14:22,459 --> 01:14:25,751
But you have to understand,
this is now beyond our control.

1294
01:14:25,834 --> 01:14:27,251
They have all the power.

1295
01:14:27,334 --> 01:14:30,001
So who do you want
in the actual room to make sure

1296
01:14:30,084 --> 01:14:33,043
this whole thing doesn't turn out to be
a complete goddamn disaster?

1297
01:14:33,126 --> 01:14:35,751
Jason Orlean?
You want Jason Orlean in that room? Huh?

1298
01:14:35,834 --> 01:14:40,168
I have news for you.
It's already a complete disaster.

1299
01:14:40,251 --> 01:14:43,793
They're talking about letting
a comet the size of a mountain

1300
01:14:43,876 --> 01:14:46,668
hit the planet to jack up
a cell phone company's stock!

1301
01:14:46,751 --> 01:14:49,959
You better take that down
about four or five notches now.

1302
01:14:50,043 --> 01:14:53,668
Were you yelling about that mission?
Why were you talking about cell phones?

1303
01:14:53,751 --> 01:14:56,793
My friend was just theorizing
as to what's going on.

1304
01:14:56,876 --> 01:14:58,334
We're confused too.

1305
01:14:58,418 --> 01:15:01,501
That's an awfully official-looking
White House badge you got there.

1306
01:15:01,584 --> 01:15:03,334
I don't know why I have this on.

1307
01:15:03,418 --> 01:15:05,168
Listen, just tell us what's going on.

1308
01:15:05,251 --> 01:15:07,668
I got three scared kids at home.
Just tell us something.

1309
01:15:07,751 --> 01:15:10,376
I understand.
I wish I could share information, but--

1310
01:15:10,459 --> 01:15:13,001
We're people just like you.
We deserve to know!

1311
01:15:13,084 --> 01:15:13,959
They're right.

1312
01:15:15,001 --> 01:15:16,126
They deserve to know.

1313
01:15:17,043 --> 01:15:18,876
Do you really wanna know what's going on?

1314
01:15:18,959 --> 01:15:20,084
Yeah.
Please.

1315
01:15:20,168 --> 01:15:22,626
Kate, don't. Kate.
Kate.

1316
01:15:23,584 --> 01:15:29,001
They found a bunch of gold and diamonds
and rare shit on the comet.

1317
01:15:30,001 --> 01:15:32,209
So they're gonna let it hit the planet

1318
01:15:32,293 --> 01:15:36,459
to make a bunch of rich people
even more disgustingly rich!

1319
01:15:42,959 --> 01:15:44,043
Fuck you!

1320
01:15:54,751 --> 01:15:56,543
No camera!

1321
01:15:56,626 --> 01:15:58,584
...everything I could, they won't listen.

1322
01:15:58,668 --> 01:16:00,001
Surprise, surprise.

1323
01:16:00,084 --> 01:16:02,959
Now, I'm starting to think
you just like riling people up.

1324
01:16:03,043 --> 01:16:05,001
I'm so sorry, Kate. Really, I am.

1325
01:16:05,084 --> 01:16:07,084
Oh, Randall. God.

1326
01:16:07,918 --> 01:16:09,918
Where's Brie Evantee?

1327
01:16:10,001 --> 01:16:12,418
Shouldn't you two
be playing footsie in a restaurant

1328
01:16:12,501 --> 01:16:14,626
that only serves cubes and foam?

1329
01:16:14,709 --> 01:16:18,126
Well, she ain't wrong.
You did lose the thread in a big way.

1330
01:16:18,209 --> 01:16:21,418
And what do you suggest we do?
An online petition, huh?

1331
01:16:21,501 --> 01:16:24,459
You want to hold...
Get a mob and hold up picket signs?

1332
01:16:24,543 --> 01:16:27,001
You wanna overthrow the government?
I mean, look at this.

1333
01:16:27,084 --> 01:16:28,918
I can't! My head is in a bag!

1334
01:16:29,001 --> 01:16:31,626
Sorry, Dr. Mindy.
White House wants her off the grid.

1335
01:16:31,709 --> 01:16:33,209
- Come on, now. Look--
Now.

1336
01:16:33,293 --> 01:16:36,001
Wait. What does that mean?
What the hell does that mean?

1337
01:16:36,084 --> 01:16:38,459
- What does "off the grid" mean?
Hey, Kate.

1338
01:16:39,334 --> 01:16:42,459
Oh, gosh. Kate! Are you okay?

1339
01:16:45,584 --> 01:16:48,876
Teddy, come on!
What choice do I have here?

1340
01:16:51,209 --> 01:16:53,584
A man's always got choices, Randall!

1341
01:16:53,668 --> 01:16:56,501
Sometimes you just gotta
choose the good one!

1342
01:17:03,126 --> 01:17:04,751
Miss Katelyn Dibiasky,

1343
01:17:04,834 --> 01:17:08,251
the charges against you are
violation of national security secrets,

1344
01:17:08,334 --> 01:17:11,126
inciting a riot,
and destruction of private property

1345
01:17:11,209 --> 01:17:13,709
owned by Bojo Mambo's Shrimp LLC.

1346
01:17:13,793 --> 01:17:14,626
What? I didn't--

1347
01:17:14,709 --> 01:17:17,626
However, the Attorney General
is willing to not pursue prosecution

1348
01:17:19,334 --> 01:17:22,001
"The suspension
of all public media appearances

1349
01:17:22,084 --> 01:17:26,751
and incendiary language relating to
Comet Dibiasky and BASH Cellular."

1350
01:17:28,959 --> 01:17:32,376
Fine. Give it to me.
I don't give a shit anymore.

1351
01:17:47,918 --> 01:17:49,459
Mom. Dad.

1352
01:17:49,959 --> 01:17:52,209
I'm so glad to be home.

1353
01:17:54,918 --> 01:17:55,918
Unlock the door.

1354
01:17:56,001 --> 01:17:57,793
No politics. None.

1355
01:17:58,251 --> 01:17:59,626
What are you talking about?

1356
01:18:00,126 --> 01:18:02,834
Your dad and I are for the jobs
the comet will provide.

1357
01:18:05,751 --> 01:18:07,959
The divisions in this country
are bad enough.

1358
01:18:08,668 --> 01:18:10,501
We don't want more of that in our house.

1359
01:18:11,959 --> 01:18:14,251
<i>Whoa!</i>

1360
01:18:14,334 --> 01:18:16,168
<i>-Slow down, kids.
Sorry, Mom.</i>

1361
01:18:17,334 --> 01:18:19,376
<i>I worry about my kids and their future.</i>

1362
01:18:19,918 --> 01:18:22,543
<i>Sure, the jobs
the comet's gonna create sound great.</i>

1363
01:18:23,084 --> 01:18:24,334
<i>What if it's not safe?</i>

1364
01:18:24,918 --> 01:18:29,293
<i>Right now, millions of you are having
these same doubts and questions</i>

1365
01:18:29,376 --> 01:18:31,251
<i>about the approaching comet.</i>

1366
01:18:31,334 --> 01:18:32,751
<i>That is why BASH Cellular</i>

1367
01:18:32,834 --> 01:18:35,209
<i>in conjunction with
the United States Government</i>

1368
01:18:35,293 --> 01:18:40,084
<i>is creating a new hotline, free of charge,
to answer all of your questions.</i>

1369
01:18:40,793 --> 01:18:46,168
<i>And who knows? Maybe,
just maybe, one of our scientists...</i>

1370
01:18:46,251 --> 01:18:49,584
<i>Thank you, Sharon.
Makes me feel so much better.</i>

1371
01:18:49,668 --> 01:18:53,876
<i>...can be that friend we all need
to lean on during uncertain times.</i>

1372
01:18:55,251 --> 01:18:58,793
<i>Call 1-800-532-4500 for peace of mind.</i>

1373
01:18:58,876 --> 01:19:00,501
<i>Offer only available to BASH customers.</i>

1374
01:19:00,584 --> 01:19:02,959
<i>Details of your call may be shared
with other subsidiaries</i>

1375
01:19:03,043 --> 01:19:05,959
<i>to enhance your customer experience.
Data and roaming charges apply.</i>

1376
01:19:06,043 --> 01:19:09,459
So, I thought he was
the ambassador. I was just flattering him.

1377
01:19:09,543 --> 01:19:13,584
Well, he was a waiter.
Now he's got an ego the size of Texas.

1378
01:19:16,959 --> 01:19:18,168
Oh, my God.

1379
01:19:19,293 --> 01:19:22,918
June, what, uh...
What are you doing here, sweetie?

1380
01:19:24,751 --> 01:19:27,501
Had a feeling
something was going on and just...

1381
01:19:28,376 --> 01:19:32,001
Well, you know,
we're discussing important business.

1382
01:19:32,084 --> 01:19:35,501
- That's what we're doing.
- Oh, yeah, that's really very important.

1383
01:19:35,584 --> 01:19:37,793
Oh, can we just
skip past this part, please?

1384
01:19:37,876 --> 01:19:39,543
Where you get to feel self-righteous

1385
01:19:39,626 --> 01:19:43,084
and we put our tails between our legs.
It is just so boring.

1386
01:19:43,168 --> 01:19:44,834
Oh, it's "so boring"?

1387
01:19:44,918 --> 01:19:49,334
You wanna skip the part where
you feel bad for screwing my husband?

1388
01:19:49,918 --> 01:19:52,626
Oh... No, I don't feel bad.

1389
01:19:52,709 --> 01:19:56,459
Randall and I are having a wonderful time.
So, I think the question is,

1390
01:19:56,543 --> 01:20:01,834
do we keep having a wonderful time
or does he go back with you to Wisconsin?

1391
01:20:01,918 --> 01:20:02,793
Or Montana.

1392
01:20:02,876 --> 01:20:04,918
- Michigan?
- Michigan.

1393
01:20:08,168 --> 01:20:12,543
You know, um... she is actually right.

1394
01:20:13,334 --> 01:20:16,376
That's the only question. So...

1395
01:20:19,001 --> 01:20:20,793
Well, June, sweetie...

1396
01:20:20,876 --> 01:20:23,918
Sometimes in life things are, you know,

1397
01:20:24,001 --> 01:20:26,501
they're complicated and they just--

1398
01:20:26,584 --> 01:20:27,709
Oh, okay.

1399
01:20:30,001 --> 01:20:31,709
Oh, that was fast, um...

1400
01:20:35,293 --> 01:20:38,418
Well, before I go, um,

1401
01:20:38,501 --> 01:20:41,418
let me just give you some instructions

1402
01:20:42,376 --> 01:20:45,501
on how to take care of Randall.

1403
01:20:46,126 --> 01:20:47,084
Uh...

1404
01:20:47,168 --> 01:20:50,584
Yeah, here's the Xanax
he takes for his panic attacks.

1405
01:20:50,668 --> 01:20:51,501
Oh, gosh.

1406
01:20:51,584 --> 01:20:54,501
Here's the Zoloft he takes
for the crashing depressions.

1407
01:20:54,584 --> 01:20:58,293
- Not so much recently. Okay, you know--
- Oh! Oh, good for you. Great.

1408
01:20:58,376 --> 01:21:02,043
- Uh, this is for his blood pressure.
- Ow.

1409
01:21:02,126 --> 01:21:04,751
- Restless leg syndrome, that's a fun one.
- God.

1410
01:21:06,751 --> 01:21:10,918
Oh. Appetite suppressant to counteract
the weight gain from his other meds.

1411
01:21:11,001 --> 01:21:15,918
And, uh, for America's sexiest scientist,
a bottle of goddamn Cialis!

1412
01:21:16,001 --> 01:21:17,418
Ow! Gosh.

1413
01:21:26,626 --> 01:21:28,084
Goodbye. Goodbye, Randall.

1414
01:21:28,168 --> 01:21:29,959
I guess I'll just tell your sons

1415
01:21:30,043 --> 01:21:32,418
that Dad's fucking
the lady on our television.

1416
01:21:33,459 --> 01:21:34,834
June, I...

1417
01:21:36,293 --> 01:21:38,501
I really thought for a second
that was gonna work out.

1418
01:21:40,376 --> 01:21:43,709
<i>People, they wanna
manage the comet to create jobs.</i>

1419
01:21:43,793 --> 01:21:45,834
<i>Thirty-seven percent
don't want the comet to hit.</i>

1420
01:21:45,918 --> 01:21:47,626
<i>That's actually down by three points.</i>

1421
01:21:47,709 --> 01:21:50,834
<i>And 23%, they don't think
there's a comet at all</i>,

1422
01:21:50,918 --> 01:21:52,709
<i>and that number is way up.</i>

1423
01:21:53,543 --> 01:21:56,834
Not Bitcoin, RatCoin. RatCoin.

1424
01:21:59,626 --> 01:22:01,876
I'd like to buy these sunglasses.

1425
01:22:10,209 --> 01:22:12,501
You that girl from live TV
who said we're all gonna die?

1426
01:22:13,084 --> 01:22:15,001
No. What's your purchase?

1427
01:22:19,334 --> 01:22:20,293
What the fuck?

1428
01:22:20,376 --> 01:22:23,084
- Yeah, that's you. It's definitely you.
- Yep, that's me.

1429
01:22:23,168 --> 01:22:26,876
Holy shit. You're a stone-cold legend.
Word is bond.

1430
01:22:28,168 --> 01:22:29,626
I got a picture of you on my board.

1431
01:22:29,709 --> 01:22:31,084
Picture on his fucking board.

1432
01:22:31,168 --> 01:22:33,168
That's great. What's your purchase?

1433
01:22:33,251 --> 01:22:36,459
If you don't have one, get out of line
and make room for other customers.

1434
01:22:36,543 --> 01:22:38,834
Can I touch your hair in a non-sexual way?

1435
01:22:38,918 --> 01:22:41,584
- Get the fuck away from me.
- Oh, dude, have some... Um...

1436
01:22:42,626 --> 01:22:45,084
Call Diogo, he'll freak out.
Will you say hi to my friend?

1437
01:22:45,168 --> 01:22:47,793
Dude, he's obsessed with you.
We love you. We don't like...

1438
01:22:47,876 --> 01:22:49,293
Can't stand Orlean, either.

1439
01:22:49,376 --> 01:22:53,459
- Yo, yo, yo!
<i>Yo!</i>

1440
01:22:53,543 --> 01:22:54,626
What's up? Yo, check out...

1441
01:22:54,709 --> 01:22:57,126
Yo, shut the fuck up.
Check out who we're with.

1442
01:22:57,209 --> 01:22:59,876
- Yo, bro! What up?
<i>-What up?</i>

1443
01:23:01,293 --> 01:23:04,001
I mean, we have a purchase,
but we don't have payment,

1444
01:23:04,084 --> 01:23:05,626
which is a metaphor on...

1445
01:23:07,251 --> 01:23:09,334
- Cash?
<i>Also, Phillip, I've been told...</i>

1446
01:23:09,418 --> 01:23:10,709
- Right.
<i>-...that you wrote a book</i>

1447
01:23:10,793 --> 01:23:13,501
<i>about your past relationship
with Kate Dibiasky.</i>

1448
01:23:13,584 --> 01:23:16,001
<i>Funny you should say that,
I'm working on that now.</i>

1449
01:23:16,084 --> 01:23:18,626
<i>It's gonna be called</i>
A Brush With The Devil, <i>and it's, uh...</i>

1450
01:23:18,709 --> 01:23:20,834
You calling security
or something, with your eyes?

1451
01:23:20,918 --> 01:23:22,168
No. You're free to go.

1452
01:23:22,251 --> 01:23:24,376
<i>That sounds terrible.</i>
- Just like that?

1453
01:23:25,668 --> 01:23:27,168
You don't give a shit, do you?

1454
01:23:29,001 --> 01:23:30,001
Sure, I do.

1455
01:23:30,084 --> 01:23:33,084
I care about DrinkMo's guarantee
of quality service.

1456
01:23:33,709 --> 01:23:35,543
Well, we don't give a shit either.

1457
01:23:35,626 --> 01:23:37,251
Not one single shit.

1458
01:23:37,334 --> 01:23:40,334
We hang and board behind the abandoned
Burger Crown from 7:00 to whenever.

1459
01:23:40,418 --> 01:23:41,251
Yeah, we do.

1460
01:23:41,334 --> 01:23:43,793
You should come hang.
If you're not a fucking pussy.

1461
01:23:46,709 --> 01:23:48,376
<i>Oh, you know, it's me...</i>

1462
01:23:48,459 --> 01:23:51,001
- Fuck. Okay. Thanks.
<i>-...and a bottle of scotch.</i>

1463
01:23:52,001 --> 01:23:54,543
<i>It's a joke. But also...</i>

1464
01:24:06,584 --> 01:24:09,126
Okay, let me introduce you

1465
01:24:10,001 --> 01:24:16,376
uh, to mankind's savior,
BASH Explore and Acquire Drone.

1466
01:24:16,459 --> 01:24:17,543
It's incredible.

1467
01:24:17,626 --> 01:24:19,168
It's incredible, isn't it?

1468
01:24:19,251 --> 01:24:22,876
I call this one Primo,
the first.

1469
01:24:22,959 --> 01:24:24,459
It's like my first child.

1470
01:24:25,126 --> 01:24:31,334
Primo, my boy.
It's your father, Cronos.

1471
01:24:31,418 --> 01:24:35,084
Don't be shy. Come on.
You're gonna be a god in the sky.

1472
01:24:41,459 --> 01:24:46,626
Are you at all concerned about
the sync on the BEAD explosions?

1473
01:24:46,709 --> 01:24:50,626
Oh, Doctor.
There are always questions and fears, and...

1474
01:24:51,293 --> 01:24:54,543
I have a report here from a Dr. Inez.

1475
01:24:54,626 --> 01:24:57,084
- If you'd just take a look at this study.
- Oh, thanks.

1476
01:24:57,168 --> 01:24:59,376
Listen, a lot of my colleagues,

1477
01:24:59,459 --> 01:25:01,918
they've either been removed
or resigned from this project,

1478
01:25:02,001 --> 01:25:06,126
apparently for asking too many questions
about this mission here.

1479
01:25:06,209 --> 01:25:08,793
So I just wanna make sure that you're...

1480
01:25:09,376 --> 01:25:11,918
That you're open
to the scientific peer-review process

1481
01:25:12,001 --> 01:25:14,626
and you're not approaching
this mission like a businessman.

1482
01:25:14,709 --> 01:25:16,459
- You know? That--
- What did you say?

1483
01:25:16,959 --> 01:25:20,251
- I wanna know if you're--
- Did you call me a businessman?

1484
01:25:20,918 --> 01:25:23,959
- You do own a corporate--
- You think I'm just a businessman?

1485
01:25:25,543 --> 01:25:27,834
Do you think you know me, Doctor?

1486
01:25:29,418 --> 01:25:30,334
Business?

1487
01:25:31,293 --> 01:25:35,168
This is evolution.
This is evolution of the human species.

1488
01:25:36,168 --> 01:25:38,168
- What are you doing bringing this...
Well--

1489
01:25:38,251 --> 01:25:41,418
You know that BASH has
over 40 million data points on you,

1490
01:25:41,501 --> 01:25:45,501
on every decision you have made
since 1994, Doctor?

1491
01:25:45,584 --> 01:25:50,084
I... I know when you have colon polyps

1492
01:25:50,168 --> 01:25:51,876
months before your doctor does.

1493
01:25:51,959 --> 01:25:53,793
You got four or five
at the moment actually.

1494
01:25:53,876 --> 01:25:57,418
You know, they're not of concern,
but I'd have a checkup as soon as you can.

1495
01:25:57,501 --> 01:26:01,959
But much more importantly than that,
I know what <i>you</i> are. I know who you are.

1496
01:26:02,043 --> 01:26:07,043
My algorithms have determined
eight fundamental consumer profile types.

1497
01:26:07,126 --> 01:26:10,834
You are a lifestyle idealist.

1498
01:26:10,918 --> 01:26:15,168
You think you're motivated
by beliefs, high ethical beliefs.

1499
01:26:15,251 --> 01:26:20,168
But you just run towards pleasure
and away from pain.

1500
01:26:22,418 --> 01:26:25,043
Like a... Like a field mouse.

1501
01:26:27,168 --> 01:26:28,543
I'm just trying to...

1502
01:26:29,959 --> 01:26:32,918
I just wanna make sure
that the science is sound on this project.

1503
01:26:33,001 --> 01:26:34,084
I hope you understand--

1504
01:26:34,168 --> 01:26:38,293
Our algorithms
can even predict how you'll die.

1505
01:26:39,168 --> 01:26:44,418
To 96... 96.5% accuracy.

1506
01:26:44,501 --> 01:26:46,376
I looked you up after we met.

1507
01:26:47,584 --> 01:26:52,043
Your death was so unremarkable and boring.

1508
01:26:52,709 --> 01:26:56,793
I can't remember the details,
apart from one thing.

1509
01:26:59,043 --> 01:27:00,793
You're gonna die alone.

1510
01:27:03,793 --> 01:27:04,834
Alone.

1511
01:27:05,334 --> 01:27:10,001
If you'll excuse me, Madam President.
I've got some work to do.

1512
01:27:10,084 --> 01:27:11,751
What the hell are you doing?

1513
01:27:11,834 --> 01:27:14,376
- My God.
- I was trying to do my job.

1514
01:27:14,459 --> 01:27:17,751
You are just so lucky
that Peter adores you.

1515
01:27:25,126 --> 01:27:27,418
You're with the grown-ups now, Randall.

1516
01:27:27,501 --> 01:27:29,126
I can't even follow this shit anymore!

1517
01:27:35,209 --> 01:27:40,418
BASH got Orlean to pay
the Chilean government, if I'm correct,

1518
01:27:40,501 --> 01:27:44,626
$90 billion to let the tsunami
hit off the coast of the country.

1519
01:27:44,709 --> 01:27:45,709
That sound right to you?

1520
01:27:45,793 --> 01:27:47,709
Isherwell built
an underground bunker

1521
01:27:47,793 --> 01:27:49,376
for him and all his executives.

1522
01:27:49,459 --> 01:27:51,834
No, I heard that
they built an escape ship.

1523
01:27:51,918 --> 01:27:55,293
You guys,
the truth is way more depressing.

1524
01:27:56,334 --> 01:28:00,251
They're not even smart enough to be
as evil as you're giving them credit for.

1525
01:28:06,001 --> 01:28:06,876
Ugh!

1526
01:28:06,959 --> 01:28:08,584
- What?
- No.

1527
01:28:12,959 --> 01:28:16,168
Fuck! You're driving me fucking
crazy, Kate.

1528
01:28:16,251 --> 01:28:17,876
Fuck it. We're all gonna die.

1529
01:28:17,959 --> 01:28:19,209
<i>♪ ...sun, ice cream ♪</i>

1530
01:28:19,293 --> 01:28:21,626
<i>♪ You smooth like felt
Soft to the touch ♪</i>

1531
01:28:21,709 --> 01:28:25,001
<i>♪ You wear repellent
Smell your scent from up above ♪</i>

1532
01:28:25,084 --> 01:28:27,543
<i>♪ Angel getting carried out the club ♪</i>

1533
01:28:27,626 --> 01:28:30,209
<i>♪ For slapping Harry
Harry's just a mug ♪</i>

1534
01:28:30,293 --> 01:28:32,793
<i>♪ I'm stood outside waiting
Where you gone? ♪</i>

1535
01:28:32,876 --> 01:28:35,293
<i>♪ Cubicle lines
Catch a cold, Jack Frost ♪</i>

1536
01:28:35,376 --> 01:28:36,793
<i>...movie will be released</i>

1537
01:28:36,876 --> 01:28:40,209
<i>the day that some believe
Comet Dibiasky will impact the planet.</i>

1538
01:28:40,293 --> 01:28:42,793
<i>And the early word is
it's already a classic, Brie.</i>

1539
01:28:42,876 --> 01:28:45,543
<i>Oh, yes.
Well, and what a stellar cast.</i>

1540
01:28:45,626 --> 01:28:48,084
- Devin. Yeah.
- I love Devin Peters.

1541
01:28:48,168 --> 01:28:49,668
<i>He's great. Everything he does.</i>

1542
01:28:49,751 --> 01:28:52,751
<i>-What's it called again?
It's called</i> Total Devastation.

1543
01:28:52,834 --> 01:28:56,251
- It cost $300 million to make.
Whoo!

1544
01:28:56,334 --> 01:28:59,376
- I mean, these movies--
It's more than you earn.

1545
01:28:59,459 --> 01:29:01,834
Tell me about it.
And my friend Farley, he saw it.

1546
01:29:01,918 --> 01:29:04,668
- He said it's a ton of fun. That's right.
- Well, Farley likes it.

1547
01:29:04,751 --> 01:29:07,293
All right, well, what Farley says goes.

1548
01:29:07,376 --> 01:29:08,626
<i>But, uh, first,</i>

1549
01:29:09,459 --> 01:29:12,501
and yes, you can tell from my smile...

1550
01:29:12,584 --> 01:29:13,876
Stop it.

1551
01:29:13,959 --> 01:29:18,959
That America's sexiest scientist is here.
Dr. Randall. Welcome.

1552
01:29:19,709 --> 01:29:21,418
Dr. Randall, how are you, sir?

1553
01:29:21,501 --> 01:29:24,251
I'm-- I'm good.
I'm gooder than good.

1554
01:29:25,709 --> 01:29:30,876
All right. So, Randall, we're hearing
that there is no comet,

1555
01:29:30,959 --> 01:29:34,418
or that there is a comet but it's
a good thing or maybe it's a bad thing.

1556
01:29:34,501 --> 01:29:36,793
<i>We are so confused.</i>

1557
01:29:36,876 --> 01:29:41,209
So, could you please help us out here,
you know, oh, wise scientist?

1558
01:29:42,584 --> 01:29:45,459
Well, first and foremost, Brie, um...

1559
01:29:45,543 --> 01:29:47,876
...there most certainly
is a comet.

1560
01:29:47,959 --> 01:29:48,834
All right.

1561
01:29:48,918 --> 01:29:52,168
And we know that there is a comet
because we have the data.

1562
01:29:53,168 --> 01:29:54,459
Um...

1563
01:29:54,543 --> 01:29:58,709
There has been growing concern within
the scientific community as of late.

1564
01:29:59,376 --> 01:30:02,918
You see, the peer-review process
is absolutely essential...

1565
01:30:03,001 --> 01:30:05,626
- If BASH's stock...
-...for us to get to the facts of... Yes?

1566
01:30:05,709 --> 01:30:07,376
If BASH's stock is any indicator,

1567
01:30:07,459 --> 01:30:09,376
we don't have to worry
about the peer review.

1568
01:30:09,459 --> 01:30:10,626
It is going gangbusters.

1569
01:30:10,709 --> 01:30:13,168
And full disclosure.
I bought as many shares as I could.

1570
01:30:13,251 --> 01:30:14,543
I advise you to do the same.

1571
01:30:14,626 --> 01:30:16,376
You are such a shameless capitalist.

1572
01:30:16,459 --> 01:30:19,501
Said the woman who will be
in the brand-new hot tub on my back deck

1573
01:30:19,584 --> 01:30:22,126
- when I put it in from the stock.
- You know me too well.

1574
01:30:22,209 --> 01:30:23,251
That's right.

1575
01:30:23,334 --> 01:30:25,918
Dr. Randall, you sure you're okay?
You want a glass of water...

1576
01:30:26,001 --> 01:30:27,209
I don't feel so good.

1577
01:30:27,293 --> 01:30:29,668
So I think we'll go
to commercial break--

1578
01:30:29,751 --> 01:30:33,334
No, Please, Brie. Don't cut away.
Let me say something.

1579
01:30:33,418 --> 01:30:34,959
- Okay.
- You came to the right place.

1580
01:30:35,043 --> 01:30:36,418
We like to say things.

1581
01:30:36,501 --> 01:30:40,459
Would you please
just stop being so pleasant?

1582
01:30:41,876 --> 01:30:44,834
I'm sorry, but not everything
needs to sound so goddamn clever

1583
01:30:44,918 --> 01:30:47,126
or charming or likeable all the time.

1584
01:30:47,209 --> 01:30:50,626
Sometimes we need to just be able
to say things to one another.

1585
01:30:50,709 --> 01:30:52,126
We need to hear things.

1586
01:30:53,876 --> 01:30:57,168
Look, let's establish, once again,

1587
01:30:57,834 --> 01:31:01,959
that there is a huge comet
headed towards Earth.

1588
01:31:02,709 --> 01:31:05,334
And the reason we know
that there is a comet

1589
01:31:05,418 --> 01:31:06,876
is because we saw it.

1590
01:31:06,959 --> 01:31:10,251
We saw it with our own eyes
using a telescope.

1591
01:31:10,334 --> 01:31:13,543
I mean, for God's sake,
we took a fucking picture of it!

1592
01:31:13,626 --> 01:31:15,334
What other proof do we need?

1593
01:31:15,834 --> 01:31:18,418
And if we can't all agree
at the bare minimum

1594
01:31:18,501 --> 01:31:22,918
that a giant comet
the size of Mount Everest

1595
01:31:23,001 --> 01:31:29,084
hurtling its way towards planet Earth
is not a fucking good thing,

1596
01:31:29,876 --> 01:31:32,168
then what the hell happened to us?

1597
01:31:33,043 --> 01:31:37,376
I mean, my God, how do--
How do we even talk to each other?

1598
01:31:37,459 --> 01:31:41,251
What've we... What've we done to ourselves?
How do we fix it?

1599
01:31:41,334 --> 01:31:44,834
We should have deflected this comet
when we had the fucking chance,

1600
01:31:44,918 --> 01:31:48,126
but we didn't do it.
I don't know why we didn't do it.

1601
01:31:48,209 --> 01:31:52,001
And now they're
actually firing scientists like me

1602
01:31:52,084 --> 01:31:54,709
for speaking out, for opposing them.

1603
01:31:55,459 --> 01:31:57,918
And I'm sure many of the people out there

1604
01:31:58,001 --> 01:32:00,001
aren't even
gonna listen to what I just said

1605
01:32:00,084 --> 01:32:02,876
'cause they have
their own political ideology,

1606
01:32:03,543 --> 01:32:05,959
but I... assure you,

1607
01:32:06,626 --> 01:32:08,626
I am not on one side or the other.

1608
01:32:08,709 --> 01:32:10,959
I'm just telling you the fucking truth.

1609
01:32:11,043 --> 01:32:12,668
This would be a good time to establish

1610
01:32:12,751 --> 01:32:15,293
that Isherwell and the president
have both said

1611
01:32:15,376 --> 01:32:17,001
that there's benefits to be--

1612
01:32:17,084 --> 01:32:21,793
Right, well, the president
of the United States is fucking lying!

1613
01:32:23,168 --> 01:32:24,751
Look, I'm just like all of you.

1614
01:32:24,834 --> 01:32:29,876
I hope to God, I hope to <i>God</i> that
this president knows what she's doing.

1615
01:32:29,959 --> 01:32:33,793
I hope she's got us all taken care of,
but the truth is,

1616
01:32:33,876 --> 01:32:36,918
I think this whole administration

1617
01:32:37,001 --> 01:32:41,543
has completely lost their fucking mind!

1618
01:32:41,626 --> 01:32:45,168
And I think we're all gonna die!

1619
01:32:49,334 --> 01:32:51,168
Look, I just wanna go home.

1620
01:32:51,834 --> 01:32:54,168
I just wanna go home.

1621
01:32:54,251 --> 01:32:56,168
I just wanna go home more than anything.

1622
01:33:00,918 --> 01:33:02,626
But if there is one thing,

1623
01:33:03,251 --> 01:33:05,334
one thing that I pray...

1624
01:33:05,418 --> 01:33:09,876
that I pray that all of you hear
from what I have just said,

1625
01:33:10,668 --> 01:33:13,626
is that all of us, all of us...

1626
01:33:22,126 --> 01:33:23,668
Why'd you do that?

1627
01:33:24,793 --> 01:33:28,293
I really liked you
and I despise most people.

1628
01:33:29,834 --> 01:33:33,043
You know, I...
I really thought I loved you.

1629
01:33:35,834 --> 01:33:37,001
Really?

1630
01:33:37,918 --> 01:33:38,793
Wow.

1631
01:33:40,418 --> 01:33:41,876
That's wild.

1632
01:33:43,043 --> 01:33:44,668
- Yeah.

1633
01:33:44,751 --> 01:33:47,459
Ma'am, you need to go.
We gotta get this man off the grid.

1634
01:33:49,543 --> 01:33:50,751
You still there?

1635
01:33:53,793 --> 01:33:54,834
No.

1636
01:33:57,334 --> 01:34:01,084
Well, maybe he just gets off
on the power, you know,

1637
01:34:01,168 --> 01:34:02,834
like any kind of power.

1638
01:34:02,918 --> 01:34:07,793
It's like he knew eventually that I was
gonna find out that the snacks were free.

1639
01:34:07,876 --> 01:34:09,334
- Right.
- You know what I mean?

1640
01:34:09,418 --> 01:34:11,876
- Yeah.
- So it was just like a power play.

1641
01:34:12,584 --> 01:34:13,668
Yeah, guys are weird.

1642
01:34:16,293 --> 01:34:20,043
I'm starting to think that all this
"end of the world" stuff is bullshit.

1643
01:34:21,668 --> 01:34:22,876
It's not.

1644
01:34:22,959 --> 01:34:26,876
It's definitely happening. I've seen it.

1645
01:34:27,459 --> 01:34:31,084
I feel like if God wanted to destroy
the Earth, He would destroy the Earth.

1646
01:34:33,376 --> 01:34:34,626
You believe in God?

1647
01:34:36,584 --> 01:34:39,209
Yeah, I mean,
my parents raised me Evangelical,

1648
01:34:39,293 --> 01:34:41,626
and I hate them,
but I found my own way to it.

1649
01:34:41,709 --> 01:34:42,959
My own relationship.

1650
01:34:44,376 --> 01:34:45,501
Hmm.

1651
01:34:46,459 --> 01:34:48,751
I'd appreciate it
if you didn't advertise it, though.

1652
01:34:52,084 --> 01:34:55,209
I won't tell anybody.
I think it's kind of sweet.

1653
01:34:58,793 --> 01:35:01,376
- Wanna make out?
- Yeah, why not?

1654
01:35:02,501 --> 01:35:05,501
Can you not say "why not"?
It makes me feel like you don't want it.

1655
01:35:06,501 --> 01:35:07,501
It's shitty.

1656
01:35:09,584 --> 01:35:12,209
- Sure, whatever.
- That's better.

1657
01:35:17,584 --> 01:35:23,918
<i>♪ I still feel 25
Most of the time ♪</i>

1658
01:35:24,543 --> 01:35:29,293
<i>♪ I still raise a little Cain
With the boys ♪</i>

1659
01:35:31,709 --> 01:35:33,459
<i>♪ Honky tonks and pretty... ♪</i>

1660
01:35:42,751 --> 01:35:44,876
- Oh, my God, that's it.
- What? What?

1661
01:35:44,959 --> 01:35:47,209
- That's the comet.
- What? Where?

1662
01:35:48,876 --> 01:35:51,959
Where? Uh-huh.
- Well, that's the Big Dipper.

1663
01:35:52,043 --> 01:35:54,959
- That's Venus. That's the North Star.
- Uh-huh.

1664
01:35:55,543 --> 01:35:58,001
- Well, what is that?
- Oh, shit.

1665
01:35:59,209 --> 01:36:05,918
<i>♪ Sometimes I feel like Jesse James
Still trying to make a name ♪</i>

1666
01:36:06,501 --> 01:36:07,751
What the hell?

1667
01:36:07,834 --> 01:36:10,459
<i>♪ Knowing nothing's gonna change
What I am ♪</i>

1668
01:36:10,543 --> 01:36:11,543
What?

1669
01:36:13,793 --> 01:36:14,626
Come on.

1670
01:36:22,251 --> 01:36:23,251
There it is.

1671
01:36:26,001 --> 01:36:27,168
There you are.

1672
01:36:30,209 --> 01:36:31,209
There you are.

1673
01:36:32,126 --> 01:36:34,293
Is anyone else seeing this? That's it.

1674
01:36:35,084 --> 01:36:38,876
That's it. That's the comet.
Look! It's right there.

1675
01:37:16,376 --> 01:37:19,334
- That's, you know, kinda scary.
- Oh! Exactly.

1676
01:37:23,834 --> 01:37:25,668
- Dr. Mindy.
<i>Kate.</i>

1677
01:37:25,751 --> 01:37:27,918
Doc, you can see it.

1678
01:37:28,001 --> 01:37:32,209
I... I'm looking at it right now too.
It's unbelievable. It's...

1679
01:37:32,709 --> 01:37:36,293
It's horrific and it's...
And it's beautiful at the same time.

1680
01:37:36,376 --> 01:37:38,084
- Oh, my God.

1681
01:37:43,251 --> 01:37:45,168
We've been trying to tell you.

1682
01:37:45,793 --> 01:37:49,084
We tried to tell you this whole time.
It's right there. It's...

1683
01:37:49,918 --> 01:37:51,501
It's right there, Kate.

1684
01:37:54,334 --> 01:37:55,418
<i>Where are you?</i>

1685
01:37:55,501 --> 01:37:56,918
I'm in Lansing, Michigan

1686
01:37:57,001 --> 01:38:00,168
<i>trying to fix things with June,
but she won't talk to me.</i>

1687
01:38:00,251 --> 01:38:02,126
<i>-Where are you?</i>
What the fuck?

1688
01:38:03,084 --> 01:38:04,209
I...

1689
01:38:04,293 --> 01:38:06,334
<i>I'm gonna come find you, okay?</i>

1690
01:38:07,418 --> 01:38:10,751
Well, I'm in Illinois.
I could be ready by tomorrow.

1691
01:38:12,126 --> 01:38:13,418
- Dearest Father...
- Yeah, I'm--

1692
01:38:13,501 --> 01:38:16,043
...as a sinner I come to You
for Your grace and guidance...

1693
01:38:16,126 --> 01:38:18,168
<i>They're finally seeing it.</i>

1694
01:38:18,751 --> 01:38:20,293
They're finally seeing it.

1695
01:38:26,126 --> 01:38:27,626
There it is!

1696
01:38:41,668 --> 01:38:45,251
Go outside into your yard,
onto a roof, onto your sidewalk,

1697
01:38:45,334 --> 01:38:46,751
and just look up into the sky.

1698
01:38:46,834 --> 01:38:50,168
The star's gonna appear fuzzy.
It's got a long streak coming off of it.

1699
01:38:50,251 --> 01:38:51,751
That's the comet's tail.

1700
01:38:51,834 --> 01:38:53,418
<i>It's real and it's coming.</i>

1701
01:38:53,501 --> 01:38:56,084
<i>If anyone tells you any different,
they're full of shit.</i>

1702
01:38:56,168 --> 01:38:57,668
<i>Just look up into the sky.</i>

1703
01:38:57,751 --> 01:38:59,209
<i>It's a fucking fact.</i>

1704
01:38:59,293 --> 01:39:00,751
<i>-We have proof.
- Just look up.</i>

1705
01:39:00,834 --> 01:39:04,459
<i>Guys, please just look up, okay?
Screw the manatees and just look up.</i>

1706
01:39:04,543 --> 01:39:05,501
<i>Just look up.</i>

1707
01:39:05,584 --> 01:39:07,668
<i>Just look up!
- Just look up! Just look up!</i>

1708
01:39:07,751 --> 01:39:08,751
<i>Just look up!</i>

1709
01:39:08,834 --> 01:39:13,126
<i>Dr. Mindy, the president's
plan to save Earth</i>

1710
01:39:13,209 --> 01:39:18,168
<i>and make it so we can all have a home
is going to work, right?</i>

1711
01:39:18,251 --> 01:39:22,293
<i>Every single man, woman and child
on this planet is going to die.</i>

1712
01:39:22,376 --> 01:39:25,584
<i>-I don't like him. He makes me sad.
- I'm sorry about that.</i>

1713
01:39:25,668 --> 01:39:27,668
<i>-This is not what we rehearsed.
- Kids, listen.</i>

1714
01:39:27,751 --> 01:39:30,918
You tell your parents
that President Orlean and Isherwell

1715
01:39:31,001 --> 01:39:32,668
are sociopaths and fascists!

1716
01:39:39,834 --> 01:39:42,751
And do you know why
they want you to look up?

1717
01:39:43,709 --> 01:39:45,459
Do you know why?

1718
01:39:45,543 --> 01:39:48,084
'Cause they want you to be afraid.

1719
01:39:49,543 --> 01:39:52,001
They want you to look up

1720
01:39:52,084 --> 01:39:54,751
because they are
looking down their noses at you.

1721
01:39:56,084 --> 01:39:57,959
<i>They think they're better than you.</i>

1722
01:39:58,043 --> 01:40:00,543
<i>Don't look up!</i>

1723
01:40:00,626 --> 01:40:02,876
<i>They wanna rob you of your freedom,
and that's a fact!</i>

1724
01:40:02,959 --> 01:40:05,043
<i>Don't look up!</i>

1725
01:40:05,126 --> 01:40:06,876
<i>The US president, Orlean...</i>

1726
01:40:06,959 --> 01:40:09,293
<i>Just look up!</i>

1727
01:40:09,376 --> 01:40:12,668
<i>...has not included India
or any other nation in the world</i>

1728
01:40:12,751 --> 01:40:14,084
<i>to be a part of this mission.</i>

1729
01:40:14,793 --> 01:40:17,418
<i>This dude is a known pornographer
named Kip...</i>

1730
01:40:17,501 --> 01:40:18,751
<i>Don't listen to that dumbfuck.</i>

1731
01:40:18,834 --> 01:40:24,834
<i>The United Nations have been
considering its own deflective mission.</i>

1732
01:40:24,918 --> 01:40:27,168
<i>-Just look up, for fuck's sake!</i>

1733
01:40:27,251 --> 01:40:31,001
Now I know a lot of Hollywood
is supporting the Just Look Up movement,

1734
01:40:31,084 --> 01:40:32,918
but I haven't seen a pin like that.

1735
01:40:33,001 --> 01:40:37,751
Yeah, this pin points both up and down.

1736
01:40:38,334 --> 01:40:42,959
Because I think, as a country,
we need to stop arguing

1737
01:40:43,043 --> 01:40:45,543
and virtue signaling. Just get along.

1738
01:40:46,168 --> 01:40:48,543
That is so refreshing.
- Hmm.

1739
01:40:48,626 --> 01:40:51,251
I think
we're all tired of the politics.

1740
01:40:51,334 --> 01:40:53,501
Yeah, yeah. Well...

1741
01:40:54,501 --> 01:40:56,126
That's why we made <i>Total Devastation.</i>

1742
01:40:56,209 --> 01:40:58,334
It's for everyone. You know?
It's a popcorn movie.

1743
01:40:58,418 --> 01:41:02,126
You keep your eye on the road ahead,
you put your head down.

1744
01:41:02,209 --> 01:41:04,626
And you put
one foot in front of the other,

1745
01:41:04,709 --> 01:41:05,751
step by step.

1746
01:41:07,043 --> 01:41:08,126
<i>Day by day.</i>

1747
01:41:08,209 --> 01:41:11,418
Don't look up!
- Don't!

1748
01:41:17,501 --> 01:41:20,543
So we wanna say something loud and clear.

1749
01:41:20,626 --> 01:41:24,251
There is no safe way
to bring this comet back to Earth

1750
01:41:24,334 --> 01:41:27,043
and exploit it for profit.
It cannot be done!

1751
01:41:27,626 --> 01:41:31,501
Nations of the world,
defy Orlean and BASH!

1752
01:41:31,584 --> 01:41:36,126
Launch your own nuclear deflection mission
now and save this planet!

1753
01:41:37,584 --> 01:41:43,418
And now, uh, there's Riley Bina
with her special guest.

1754
01:41:43,501 --> 01:41:45,751
- I forgot the name. Thank you.

1755
01:42:02,168 --> 01:42:08,459
<i>♪ We knew no bounds
Fell at the speed of sound ♪</i>

1756
01:42:08,543 --> 01:42:14,459
<i>♪ Riding against all odds but soon
Against ourselves ♪</i>

1757
01:42:16,418 --> 01:42:20,376
<i>♪ You haunted every memory ♪</i>

1758
01:42:20,459 --> 01:42:24,168
<i>♪ With no goodbyes out there for me ♪</i>

1759
01:42:24,251 --> 01:42:30,251
<i>♪ Your pride put out the fire
In our flame ♪</i>

1760
01:42:31,293 --> 01:42:34,793
<i>♪ Then just one look is all it takes ♪</i>

1761
01:42:34,876 --> 01:42:40,501
<i>♪ I feel your eyes
They're locked on every part of me ♪</i>

1762
01:42:40,584 --> 01:42:45,334
<i>♪ And then my dumb heart says ♪</i>

1763
01:42:45,418 --> 01:42:49,501
<i>♪ Just look up ♪</i>

1764
01:42:49,584 --> 01:42:53,209
<i>♪ There is no place to hide ♪</i>

1765
01:42:53,293 --> 01:42:55,126
<i>♪ True love doesn't die ♪</i>

1766
01:42:55,209 --> 01:42:59,959
<i>♪ It holds on tight
And never lets you go... ♪</i>

1767
01:43:00,043 --> 01:43:03,709
Is that a rock-solid ten smokeshow
of a president or what?

1768
01:43:04,793 --> 01:43:06,626
If she wasn't my mother...

1769
01:43:08,334 --> 01:43:10,084
There's three types of American people.

1770
01:43:11,043 --> 01:43:13,209
There are you, the working class.

1771
01:43:13,293 --> 01:43:17,126
Us, the cool rich, and then them.

1772
01:43:19,626 --> 01:43:21,668
I'm sorry, but we need them.

1773
01:43:22,209 --> 01:43:26,334
We need them because
you build us up to fight them.

1774
01:43:26,418 --> 01:43:28,584
The working class, the lower.

1775
01:43:28,668 --> 01:43:30,793
- You understand?
- No, I don't get it.

1776
01:43:30,876 --> 01:43:33,084
Do you understand? I'm talking about...

1777
01:43:33,168 --> 01:43:35,043
I'm talking about nutritionists.

1778
01:43:35,584 --> 01:43:37,709
I'm talking about personal trainers,

1779
01:43:38,543 --> 01:43:40,168
people at the spa,

1780
01:43:40,251 --> 01:43:43,168
but not the ones that check you in
and they're not the masseuses,

1781
01:43:43,251 --> 01:43:45,793
but they walk you down the corridor.

1782
01:43:45,876 --> 01:43:46,793
They're there...

1783
01:43:46,876 --> 01:43:49,376
<i>♪ Know I let you down
A nigga can't deny it ♪</i>

1784
01:43:50,584 --> 01:43:53,209
<i>♪ And there's so much that we're losin'
Yes, that matters ♪</i>

1785
01:43:53,293 --> 01:43:56,584
<i>♪ I've been dealin' with madness
Wasn't the man you needed ♪</i>

1786
01:43:57,293 --> 01:44:00,543
<i>♪ You dealin' with sadness
Truthfully, it's all on me... ♪</i>

1787
01:44:01,334 --> 01:44:04,126
Divest from BASH when?
Divest now!

1788
01:44:04,209 --> 01:44:05,876
Divest from BASH when?

1789
01:44:07,834 --> 01:44:08,918
<i>♪ Time is oh so precious... ♪</i>

1790
01:44:09,001 --> 01:44:10,584
We will not be quiet!

1791
01:44:11,626 --> 01:44:15,001
<i>♪ Take my hand, baby
I'll never leave you, Riley ♪</i>

1792
01:44:15,084 --> 01:44:19,418
<i>♪ Though what he's really trying to say ♪</i>

1793
01:44:19,501 --> 01:44:23,126
<i>♪ Is get your head out of your ass ♪</i>

1794
01:44:23,209 --> 01:44:29,959
<i>♪ Listen to the goddamn
Qualified scientists ♪</i>

1795
01:44:30,043 --> 01:44:33,459
<i>♪ We really fucked it up
Fucked it up this time ♪</i>

1796
01:44:33,543 --> 01:44:37,376
<i>♪ It's so close
I can feel the heat big-time ♪</i>

1797
01:44:37,459 --> 01:44:41,043
<i>♪ And you can act
Like everything is all right ♪</i>

1798
01:44:41,126 --> 01:44:44,834
<i>♪ But this is probably
Happening in real time ♪</i>

1799
01:44:44,918 --> 01:44:47,834
<i>♪ Celebrate or cry or pray ♪</i>

1800
01:44:47,918 --> 01:44:53,209
<i>♪ Whatever it takes
To get you through the mess that we made ♪</i>

1801
01:44:53,293 --> 01:44:58,251
<i>♪ 'Cause tomorrow may never come ♪</i>

1802
01:44:58,334 --> 01:45:02,668
<i>♪ Just look up ♪</i>

1803
01:45:02,751 --> 01:45:06,334
<i>♪ Turn off the shitbox news ♪</i>

1804
01:45:06,418 --> 01:45:09,376
<i>♪ 'Cause you're about to die soon
Everybody ♪</i>

1805
01:45:13,334 --> 01:45:15,043
<i>♪ Look up... ♪</i>

1806
01:45:18,543 --> 01:45:19,626
Oh.

1807
01:45:20,584 --> 01:45:23,876
Hey, good afternoon, Adam.
What do I owe the pleasure of this call?

1808
01:45:30,084 --> 01:45:31,084
What time?

1809
01:45:38,834 --> 01:45:41,751
Well, uh... Well, thank you for calling.

1810
01:45:41,834 --> 01:45:42,751
Um...

1811
01:45:44,168 --> 01:45:45,168
Yeah.

1812
01:46:01,626 --> 01:46:02,584
What?

1813
01:46:06,001 --> 01:46:07,001
What?

1814
01:46:09,959 --> 01:46:14,751
Orlean and BASH
cut Russia, India, and China

1815
01:46:16,001 --> 01:46:17,418
out of the rights for the minerals.

1816
01:46:17,501 --> 01:46:20,959
So they tried their own
joint deflection mission,

1817
01:46:21,043 --> 01:46:25,751
but, uh... approximately 40 minutes ago,

1818
01:46:26,626 --> 01:46:33,043
there was a massive explosion detected
at the Russian's Baikonur launch complex.

1819
01:46:35,501 --> 01:46:37,709
So it looks like the mission failed.

1820
01:46:42,834 --> 01:46:44,043
That's it?

1821
01:46:47,126 --> 01:46:48,709
What do you mean, "that's it?"

1822
01:46:52,126 --> 01:46:53,168
Teddy?

1823
01:46:56,501 --> 01:46:57,376
Right?

1824
01:47:03,209 --> 01:47:07,043
There is still the BASH mission.
It's all we have now.

1825
01:47:14,126 --> 01:47:15,126
Fuck!

1826
01:47:27,334 --> 01:47:30,126
These Just Look Uppers

1827
01:47:30,209 --> 01:47:35,876
want millions of illegal Chileans
to come across the border.

1828
01:47:36,918 --> 01:47:40,334
Don't look up.

1829
01:47:44,584 --> 01:47:46,334
The hell is that?

1830
01:47:52,459 --> 01:47:54,626
Fucking lied to us.

1831
01:47:56,168 --> 01:47:59,084
- The president just texted me.

1832
01:47:59,168 --> 01:48:02,626
-"Don't trip. It's all good. Don't trip."

1833
01:48:05,043 --> 01:48:06,043
Hey, now.

1834
01:48:06,626 --> 01:48:09,293
You cut my face, you fucking rednecks!

1835
01:48:22,084 --> 01:48:24,418
Man, there hasn't been
a car in, like, an hour.

1836
01:48:25,918 --> 01:48:28,584
Yep.
Everyone's watching the BASH launch.

1837
01:48:31,084 --> 01:48:32,376
What are we doing again?

1838
01:48:35,043 --> 01:48:39,459
I told you. We're, uh...
We're gonna go buy some groceries.

1839
01:48:48,084 --> 01:48:53,293
The Mills Brothers. Great band.
You know, Duke Ellington found this band.

1840
01:48:56,001 --> 01:49:00,043
I think they were originally called
the Four Kings of Harmony.

1841
01:49:01,584 --> 01:49:05,709
<i>♪ We'll call on each memory
Till then... ♪</i>

1842
01:49:05,793 --> 01:49:08,251
"Till Then," this is the song.
It's about, uh...

1843
01:49:09,251 --> 01:49:11,501
It's about soldiers
going off to World War II

1844
01:49:11,584 --> 01:49:13,418
and thinking about home.

1845
01:49:16,668 --> 01:49:17,751
Listen to this part.

1846
01:49:17,834 --> 01:49:21,001
<i>♪ Although there are oceans... ♪</i>

1847
01:49:21,084 --> 01:49:27,084
"Although there are oceans we must cross
and mountains that we must climb..."

1848
01:49:28,584 --> 01:49:31,584
<i>♪ I know every gain... ♪</i>

1849
01:49:31,668 --> 01:49:34,751
"I know that every gain must have a loss."

1850
01:49:34,834 --> 01:49:36,668
<i>♪ So pray that our loss... ♪</i>

1851
01:49:36,751 --> 01:49:40,751
"So pray that our loss
is nothing but time."

1852
01:49:40,834 --> 01:49:46,501
<i>♪ Till then, let's dream
Of what there will be ♪</i>

1853
01:49:46,584 --> 01:49:49,126
Okay, I gotta ask you something.
- What?

1854
01:49:51,709 --> 01:49:53,709
Dr. Mindy, can I be vulnerable
in your car?

1855
01:49:53,793 --> 01:49:55,168
Yeah, go ahead.

1856
01:49:57,126 --> 01:49:58,918
I've never met anyone like you

1857
01:49:59,001 --> 01:50:01,209
and I feel a connection to you
on a level that...

1858
01:50:04,376 --> 01:50:06,293
I don't know,
I haven't felt with anyone else,

1859
01:50:06,376 --> 01:50:08,418
and going out on a limb,

1860
01:50:08,501 --> 01:50:10,501
but would you want to spend
more time together?

1861
01:50:10,584 --> 01:50:15,001
- Maybe even get engaged or something?

1862
01:50:16,209 --> 01:50:18,043
- Wow.
Are you laughing?

1863
01:50:18,918 --> 01:50:20,168
- No?
I'm smiling.

1864
01:50:21,584 --> 01:50:23,584
- Well, sure.
This is sweet.

1865
01:50:23,668 --> 01:50:26,918
- Why not?
- This is pretty sweet.

1866
01:50:37,334 --> 01:50:41,834
And you read
the tea leaves for Dr. Mindy.

1867
01:50:41,918 --> 01:50:43,918
- You showed him the algorithm.
Oh, yeah.

1868
01:50:44,001 --> 01:50:46,084
You really shook him
with that information.

1869
01:50:46,168 --> 01:50:48,959
- How he was gonna die.
Yeah, it is shaking.

1870
01:50:49,668 --> 01:50:51,959
It got me so excited
to know about my own death.

1871
01:50:54,626 --> 01:50:57,251
I don't think I wanna know.
Yes, I do. I wanna to know.

1872
01:50:57,334 --> 01:51:01,584
You're gonna be eaten by a Bronteroc.
We don't know what it means.

1873
01:51:01,668 --> 01:51:03,626
- A what?
- A Bronteroc.

1874
01:51:05,251 --> 01:51:07,751
- Oh.
- Okay, people, we have clear skies.

1875
01:51:09,584 --> 01:51:12,793
And we are a go for the BEAD launch.

1876
01:51:12,876 --> 01:51:14,001
Madam President?

1877
01:51:14,084 --> 01:51:18,626
Citizens of planet Earth. Now...

1878
01:51:19,584 --> 01:51:23,293
Look at this, Kate. They have wild salmon.

1879
01:51:23,376 --> 01:51:26,459
Look at the difference between that
and the farm-raised stuff.

1880
01:51:26,543 --> 01:51:29,751
You see how that looks just...
I don't know. Looks fake, right?

1881
01:51:30,876 --> 01:51:33,418
Hey, why don't you go find some, uh...

1882
01:51:33,501 --> 01:51:36,001
What are the little potatoes called,
the tiny ones?

1883
01:51:36,084 --> 01:51:37,209
- Fingerling potatoes?
- Yeah.

1884
01:51:37,293 --> 01:51:39,793
- I fucking love fingerling potatoes.
- Let's get finger...

1885
01:51:39,876 --> 01:51:41,376
Do you wanna say something too?

1886
01:51:41,459 --> 01:51:42,751
That was beautiful. Yeah.

1887
01:51:43,709 --> 01:51:47,834
What up, world? Jason Orlean,
uh, Chief of Staff, United States.

1888
01:51:47,918 --> 01:51:48,876
Um...

1889
01:51:49,918 --> 01:51:53,501
I've been noticing a lot of prayers
recently for people during this time

1890
01:51:54,334 --> 01:51:55,793
and I commend that, um,

1891
01:51:55,876 --> 01:52:02,168
but I also wanna give a prayer for stuff.

1892
01:52:03,668 --> 01:52:08,959
There's dope stuff, like material stuff,
like sick apartments and watches,

1893
01:52:09,043 --> 01:52:11,793
<i>and cars, um, and clothes and shit</i>

1894
01:52:11,876 --> 01:52:16,459
<i>that could all go away
and I don't wanna see that stuff go away.</i>

1895
01:52:16,543 --> 01:52:18,876
So I'm gonna say a prayer
for that stuff. Amen.

1896
01:52:22,001 --> 01:52:25,084
<i>Just a quiet trepidation
among this much smaller crowd.</i>

1897
01:52:25,168 --> 01:52:27,043
<i>I can hear the sounds
of some people praying.</i>

1898
01:52:27,126 --> 01:52:29,209
Okay, Anderson, let's go get it.

1899
01:52:29,293 --> 01:52:32,543
Yes, sir. Here we go, people.

1900
01:52:33,334 --> 01:52:34,168
Ten.

1901
01:52:34,251 --> 01:52:41,168
<i>Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,</i>

1902
01:52:41,876 --> 01:52:43,918
<i>five, four...</i>

1903
01:53:02,709 --> 01:53:03,543
Hey.

1904
01:53:05,001 --> 01:53:05,834
Hi.

1905
01:53:16,626 --> 01:53:19,584
We, uh, got some groceries.

1906
01:53:28,959 --> 01:53:30,334
Yo, what was that?

1907
01:53:30,418 --> 01:53:32,334
- We lost BEAD number 12.

1908
01:53:35,251 --> 01:53:36,876
BEAD number 22 failed to launch.

1909
01:53:37,751 --> 01:53:40,584
It's fine. It's fine.

1910
01:53:40,668 --> 01:53:44,709
We had anticipated a margin for error.

1911
01:53:44,793 --> 01:53:46,293
Everything is fine.

1912
01:53:46,376 --> 01:53:50,876
I was hoping
we could, um, have a family dinner.

1913
01:53:50,959 --> 01:53:52,334
Hey, Dad.

1914
01:53:52,418 --> 01:53:54,501
- Hey, guys. Hey.
- Hey.

1915
01:54:00,876 --> 01:54:01,793
What do you say?

1916
01:54:04,209 --> 01:54:05,043
Yeah.

1917
01:54:05,959 --> 01:54:07,334
Thank you.
- Yeah.

1918
01:54:07,834 --> 01:54:10,043
- This is, uh... This is Kate.
- Oh, hi.

1919
01:54:10,126 --> 01:54:11,959
- Hello. Hi, Kate.
- Let me grab those bags.

1920
01:54:12,043 --> 01:54:13,793
- Nice to meet you. I'm Yule.
- Yule.

1921
01:54:13,876 --> 01:54:16,043
I'm FirePuma142 on Twitch. You game?

1922
01:54:16,668 --> 01:54:18,168
It's really doubtful she knows.

1923
01:54:18,251 --> 01:54:19,876
- You're right.
- Who said I game?

1924
01:54:21,043 --> 01:54:23,376
I... I got these for you.

1925
01:54:25,251 --> 01:54:27,209
Thank you. That's really sweet, honey.

1926
01:54:33,418 --> 01:54:35,418
I'm so sorry. You have no idea.

1927
01:54:37,251 --> 01:54:39,959
- I really am.
I know. I know.

1928
01:54:40,793 --> 01:54:43,918
- I've missed you.
- I missed you so much.

1929
01:54:50,918 --> 01:54:53,668
When we dated in college,
I fucked Aaron Tran.

1930
01:54:55,918 --> 01:54:56,751
Oh?

1931
01:54:57,376 --> 01:54:58,751
Yeah, so, uh...

1932
01:55:14,584 --> 01:55:16,876
- That is really good.
- Really good, right?

1933
01:55:27,751 --> 01:55:30,043
- Hey, everybody.
- Hey!

1934
01:55:30,126 --> 01:55:32,834
- Sorry I'm late, but not empty-handed.
- Hey, my friend.

1935
01:55:33,918 --> 01:55:37,418
Evan, Marshall, June,
this is Dr. Oglethorpe.

1936
01:55:52,043 --> 01:55:54,918
BEADs have approached
optimal escape velocity

1937
01:55:55,001 --> 01:55:59,668
and now approaching Comet Dibiasky
and are ready for attachment mode.

1938
01:56:15,043 --> 01:56:17,668
- Uh... Okay. All right.

1939
01:56:17,751 --> 01:56:20,876
Eight and 27 are lost
due to lateral control malfunction.

1940
01:56:21,793 --> 01:56:24,709
Okay, so, now... Now, Peter...

1941
01:56:24,793 --> 01:56:29,001
Peter, we're six drones down.
Is this thing still gonna work?

1942
01:56:29,084 --> 01:56:34,918
Well, the engineer's assured me
that yes, 24 drones is enough.

1943
01:56:36,001 --> 01:56:39,001
Well, how many can we lose?

1944
01:56:41,626 --> 01:56:43,126
How many more?

1945
01:56:46,668 --> 01:56:50,293
<i>We're being told that several
of the BEADS have exploded on launch.</i>

1946
01:56:51,334 --> 01:56:54,168
- Got the head seat right there.

1947
01:56:54,251 --> 01:56:56,834
You're way too kind, Randall. Thank you.

1948
01:56:56,918 --> 01:56:57,918
Big Doctor.

1949
01:56:58,001 --> 01:56:59,209
Do you want more wine?

1950
01:57:00,334 --> 01:57:02,334
- Hey, cheers, everyone. Huh?
Cheers.

1951
01:57:02,418 --> 01:57:03,459
- Cheers.
Love you.

1952
01:57:03,543 --> 01:57:05,293
- Love you.
- Thank you so much for having us.

1953
01:57:05,376 --> 01:57:06,626
Thank you for being here.

1954
01:57:06,709 --> 01:57:08,251
- It's so special.
<i>-</i> Thank you.

1955
01:57:21,001 --> 01:57:24,209
Commence simultaneous
explosive separation stage now.

1956
01:57:27,584 --> 01:57:29,751
Yo. Yo. Mom.

1957
01:57:39,751 --> 01:57:40,793
Beautiful.

1958
01:57:41,376 --> 01:57:43,293
Thank you, pal.
- Yeah.

1959
01:57:43,376 --> 01:57:48,126
Yeah, it really is.
And it's really good to have you home.

1960
01:57:49,793 --> 01:57:51,543
Dr. Mindy got really famous.

1961
01:57:51,626 --> 01:57:54,168
Oh. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

1962
01:57:54,251 --> 01:57:55,834
- That's right. Okay.

1963
01:57:56,751 --> 01:58:00,668
Yep, I was on, uh, magazine covers
and everything. I know.

1964
01:58:01,334 --> 01:58:03,418
You looked great.
- I'll take your shots.

1965
01:58:07,876 --> 01:58:09,501
I love you.
- Love you too.

1966
01:58:10,918 --> 01:58:13,543
- All right. We need a report.

1967
01:58:13,626 --> 01:58:16,209
Need a full status report
on the explosive devices.

1968
01:58:16,293 --> 01:58:19,459
Get on it.
Still waiting for a full status report.

1969
01:58:21,459 --> 01:58:22,501
All right.

1970
01:58:22,584 --> 01:58:27,668
President Qi of China
says that the comet is still whole.

1971
01:58:27,751 --> 01:58:29,834
We got four misfires and sync was off.

1972
01:58:30,668 --> 01:58:31,668
It's still intact.

1973
01:58:31,751 --> 01:58:32,918
What was that?

1974
01:58:33,584 --> 01:58:36,001
We've got four misfires
and the sync was off.

1975
01:58:36,834 --> 01:58:41,001
Okay. We're all fine. Everyone's fine.

1976
01:58:41,751 --> 01:58:44,834
It's gonna be all right.
If you'll excuse me.

1977
01:58:44,918 --> 01:58:46,168
Nature calls.

1978
01:58:46,251 --> 01:58:49,251
I'm just gonna go to the restroom
for a moment.

1979
01:58:52,709 --> 01:58:55,584
Yes, uh, I think
that I should also step out

1980
01:58:55,668 --> 01:58:57,376
to the restroom for a moment.

1981
01:59:03,626 --> 01:59:05,626
Should I...
- No, I'll be fine.

1982
01:59:06,668 --> 01:59:08,168
Sir, the president.

1983
01:59:08,918 --> 01:59:11,043
We need to know
what the mission status is.

1984
01:59:13,209 --> 01:59:14,793
She's coming right back.

1985
01:59:15,459 --> 01:59:18,084
Screw this. I'm going to see my husband.

1986
01:59:21,376 --> 01:59:24,668
I'm sorry. I've got a 20-year-old
daughter. I've got to go see her.

1987
01:59:25,334 --> 01:59:26,668
I'm doin' an 8-ball.

1988
01:59:27,834 --> 01:59:28,876
Oh, shit!

1989
01:59:28,959 --> 01:59:30,668
She's coming. She's coming back.

1990
01:59:37,084 --> 01:59:39,293
Hello, there's a ship.

1991
01:59:39,834 --> 01:59:43,959
In case we were wrong,
and clearly, we were wrong.

1992
01:59:44,043 --> 01:59:46,501
Of course you've got a ship.

1993
01:59:46,584 --> 01:59:48,168
<i>It holds 2,000.</i>

1994
01:59:48,251 --> 01:59:51,501
It's state-of-the-art cryo-chambers,
and it's set to find

1995
01:59:51,584 --> 01:59:54,709
the nearest Earth-like planet
in a Goldilocks Zone so...

1996
01:59:54,793 --> 01:59:55,668
Hmm.

1997
01:59:55,751 --> 01:59:57,168
<i>There's room for you and one other.</i>

1998
01:59:58,209 --> 02:00:00,293
Brie, your wife, your call.

1999
02:00:02,751 --> 02:00:09,543
I'm good, but thank you for the offer.
You, uh... You have fun with Jason.

2000
02:00:11,584 --> 02:00:12,543
Jason?

2001
02:00:15,293 --> 02:00:16,418
Oh, shit.

2002
02:00:20,126 --> 02:00:21,126
She's coming back.

2003
02:00:30,168 --> 02:00:33,084
I'm thankful for that night
I fell asleep out in the backyard.

2004
02:00:33,834 --> 02:00:36,209
- Woke up face-to-face with a baby deer.
- I remember that.

2005
02:00:36,293 --> 02:00:38,751
- Yeah.
- Yep. It was the best day of my life.

2006
02:00:50,209 --> 02:00:51,418
I'm grateful...

2007
02:00:58,793 --> 02:01:00,709
I'm grateful we tried.

2008
02:01:03,584 --> 02:01:06,043
Man, oh, man, did we try.

2009
02:01:08,501 --> 02:01:13,834
Well, we're not the most religious here
in the Mindy household,

2010
02:01:13,918 --> 02:01:17,543
but, um, maybe we should say "amen"?
Should we do that?

2011
02:01:17,626 --> 02:01:19,084
Don't look at me.

2012
02:01:19,918 --> 02:01:23,876
I don't know how to...
What, you just say, "Amen"? I don't...

2013
02:01:24,584 --> 02:01:25,793
- I got this.
- Wrap it up?

2014
02:01:26,459 --> 02:01:27,293
I got it.

2015
02:01:38,793 --> 02:01:41,043
Dearest Father and Almighty Creator...

2016
02:01:44,918 --> 02:01:48,751
...we ask for Your grace tonight,
despite our pride.

2017
02:01:50,459 --> 02:01:54,334
Your forgiveness, despite our doubt.

2018
02:01:57,668 --> 02:01:59,168
Most of all, Lord...

2019
02:02:01,168 --> 02:02:05,834
we ask for Your love
to soothe us through these dark times.

2020
02:02:08,334 --> 02:02:10,543
May we face whatever is to come...

2021
02:02:12,834 --> 02:02:18,626
<i>...in Your divine will with courage
and open hearts of acceptance.</i>

2022
02:02:21,876 --> 02:02:24,334
- Amen.
Amen.

2023
02:02:25,584 --> 02:02:27,751
Wow. Youse got some church game.

2024
02:02:29,668 --> 02:02:30,793
That was beautiful.

2025
02:02:34,209 --> 02:02:36,168
The comet remains intact.

2026
02:02:42,918 --> 02:02:44,584
We just never...

2027
02:02:46,793 --> 02:02:50,251
Of course, there's only one story
everyone's talking about tonight.

2028
02:02:50,834 --> 02:02:52,834
<i>Topless urgent care centers.</i>

2029
02:03:03,043 --> 02:03:04,501
Sit.

2030
02:03:06,501 --> 02:03:10,834
Or... we can fuck...

2031
02:03:12,876 --> 02:03:14,709
...or pray, or...

2032
02:03:18,834 --> 02:03:22,334
Honestly, I think
I'd just rather drink and...

2033
02:03:24,293 --> 02:03:25,959
talk shit about people.

2034
02:03:32,251 --> 02:03:33,876
You'll never take me alive!

2035
02:03:37,084 --> 02:03:38,001
Look out!

2036
02:04:30,126 --> 02:04:32,959
I'm definitely gonna have
some more of this apple pie. It's so good.

2037
02:04:33,043 --> 02:04:35,834
It's actually store-bought,
but you really can't tell.

2038
02:04:37,709 --> 02:04:42,251
If I'm to be completely honest,
which at this moment, why not?

2039
02:04:43,251 --> 02:04:46,959
I actually like the junky taste
of store-bought better than homemade.

2040
02:04:47,709 --> 02:04:48,709
You gotta be kidding me.

2041
02:04:48,793 --> 02:04:52,209
No, I'm not kidding.

2042
02:04:53,501 --> 02:04:56,709
You know what? I know what he means.
It's like a childhood memory thing.

2043
02:05:31,709 --> 02:05:33,626
Nothing is better than homemade, right?

2044
02:05:33,709 --> 02:05:37,251
This coffee doesn't taste
store-bought. Is it?

2045
02:05:37,334 --> 02:05:39,709
I grind my own beans. Yeah.

2046
02:05:39,793 --> 02:05:41,418
Yeah, Dad's kind of a coffee nut.

2047
02:05:41,501 --> 02:05:43,751
Every time you have coffee,
you have to grind your beans?

2048
02:05:44,751 --> 02:05:48,709
Randall is very particular
about his coffee.

2049
02:05:48,793 --> 02:05:50,418
I can get that way about tea.

2050
02:05:53,251 --> 02:05:55,584
Thing of it is, we really...

2051
02:05:57,668 --> 02:05:59,876
We really did have everything, didn't we?

2052
02:06:02,126 --> 02:06:04,543
I mean, when you think about it.

2053
02:06:41,501 --> 02:06:43,709
<i>♪ Is this our first? ♪</i>

2054
02:06:45,334 --> 02:06:47,293
<i>♪ Or second nature? ♪</i>

2055
02:06:49,584 --> 02:06:52,626
<i>♪ When's that Rapture? ♪</i>

2056
02:06:52,709 --> 02:06:55,084
<i>♪ Will there be merch? ♪</i>

2057
02:06:57,043 --> 02:07:00,876
<i>♪ Where is Mother?
She was a stunner</i> ♪

2058
02:07:00,959 --> 02:07:02,584
<i>♪ Can we page her? ♪</i>

2059
02:07:04,793 --> 02:07:10,168
<i>♪ What mine eyes have seen
Could really take the purse ♪</i>

2060
02:07:12,334 --> 02:07:14,459
<i>♪ Are we chumps now? ♪</i>

2061
02:07:15,668 --> 02:07:17,793
<i>♪ Or are we fakers? ♪</i>

2062
02:07:20,501 --> 02:07:24,584
<i>♪ Parade around or get in work? ♪</i>

2063
02:07:26,334 --> 02:07:28,376
<i>♪ Or just deserve? ♪</i>

2064
02:07:30,001 --> 02:07:32,793
<i>♪ We will see you next time ♪</i>

2065
02:07:34,001 --> 02:07:36,501
<i>♪ There'll be water in the rain ♪</i>

2066
02:07:37,584 --> 02:07:40,709
<i>♪ Territories pay fines ♪</i>

2067
02:07:41,501 --> 02:07:43,668
<i>♪ All long day ♪</i>

2068
02:07:45,126 --> 02:07:47,126
<i>♪ All may not be just fine ♪</i>

2069
02:07:49,543 --> 02:07:52,793
<i>♪ There is another fate, a way ♪</i>

2070
02:07:52,876 --> 02:07:55,293
<i>♪ To not be too late ♪</i>

2071
02:07:55,918 --> 02:07:58,168
<i>♪ All obfuscate ♪</i>

2072
02:09:36,793 --> 02:09:39,959
Hey, oxygen is
actually higher than on Earth

2073
02:09:40,043 --> 02:09:41,209
by nine percent,

2074
02:09:41,293 --> 02:09:43,876
so you might feel a bit light-headed.

2075
02:09:44,709 --> 02:09:48,251
And cryo-chambers were 58% successful,

2076
02:09:48,334 --> 02:09:50,626
which is much better than anticipated.

2077
02:09:50,709 --> 02:09:53,834
Yeah, we only had 47 dead
in our section, so...

2078
02:09:54,626 --> 02:09:59,043
I think this is gonna work out quite well.
Quite well, indeed.

2079
02:09:59,126 --> 02:09:59,959
Goodness.

2080
02:10:05,751 --> 02:10:09,751
I wonder, are those feathers
or are they scale--

2081
02:10:12,751 --> 02:10:15,001
- That's disgusting.
- What is that thing?

2082
02:10:15,709 --> 02:10:18,168
I believe that's called a Bronteroc.

2083
02:10:20,959 --> 02:10:24,168
Uh... Whatever you do, don't pet them.

2084
02:10:24,918 --> 02:10:27,168
<i>We will see you next time ♪</i>

2085
02:10:29,043 --> 02:10:31,668
<i>♪ There'll be water in the rain ♪</i>

2086
02:10:32,501 --> 02:10:35,209
<i>♪ Territories pay fines ♪</i>

2087
02:10:36,001 --> 02:10:38,918
<i>♪ All long day ♪</i>

2088
02:10:40,001 --> 02:10:41,918
<i>♪ All may not be just fine ♪</i>

2089
02:10:44,459 --> 02:10:47,918
<i>♪ There is another fate, a way ♪</i>

2090
02:10:48,001 --> 02:10:50,251
<i>♪ To not be too late ♪</i>

2091
02:10:51,334 --> 02:10:54,084
<i>♪ We will see you next time ♪</i>

2092
02:10:55,418 --> 02:10:58,084
<i>♪ There'll be water in the rain ♪</i>

2093
02:10:58,834 --> 02:11:01,209
<i>♪ Territories pay fines ♪</i>

2094
02:11:02,709 --> 02:11:04,709
<i>♪ All long day ♪</i>

2095
02:11:05,543 --> 02:11:08,626
<i>-♪ Say it with me ♪
-♪ All may not be just fine ♪</i>

2096
02:11:08,709 --> 02:11:10,959
<i>♪ All long day ♪</i>

2097
02:11:11,043 --> 02:11:14,209
<i>♪ There is another fate, a way ♪</i>

2098
02:11:14,293 --> 02:11:16,584
<i>♪ To not be too late ♪</i>

2099
02:11:17,251 --> 02:11:19,751
<i>♪ All obfuscate ♪</i>

2100
02:17:28,209 --> 02:17:29,209
Fuck.

2101
02:17:43,543 --> 02:17:44,501
Mom?

2102
02:17:47,501 --> 02:17:48,584
Mom!

2103
02:17:54,168 --> 02:17:55,376
What's up, y'all?

2104
02:17:56,043 --> 02:17:57,501
I'm the last man on Earth.

2105
02:17:58,793 --> 02:18:00,168
Shit's all fucked up.

2106
02:18:00,918 --> 02:18:02,709
Don't forget to like and subscribe.

2107
02:18:03,501 --> 02:18:04,418
We out here.

2108
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Mom!