1 00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:05,088 . 2 00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:05,588 [upbeat music] 3 00:00:07,882 --> 00:00:09,634 * * 4 00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:10,885 [door clicks] 5 00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:13,888 - Hey. Sorry I'm late. 6 00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:16,224 Just give me two seconds to get out 7 00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:18,101 my notebook for the handoff status report, 8 00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,644 and I'll get you on your way. 9 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,438 - Julia, you may keep your notebook 10 00:00:21,479 --> 00:00:25,358 very deep in that body bag of a satchel you have there. 11 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:26,776 My update is short. 12 00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:29,279 Right now, your daughter is in her room on her phone. 13 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,531 Her brother is in his room on his phone, 14 00:00:31,573 --> 00:00:35,201 as they have been for 96% of my week with them. 15 00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:36,870 - Anything fun planned for the week? 16 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:38,455 - Father and son fishing trip. 17 00:00:38,496 --> 00:00:40,498 - So no. 18 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,751 - Well, I don't want to keep you from fishing or leaving, 19 00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,753 so I'll see you next week. 20 00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:48,048 - Hey. Guys, how's it going? 21 00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:49,591 - Hey. - Hey, Trey. 22 00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:50,842 What do you say? 23 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,052 [chuckles] 24 00:00:52,093 --> 00:00:53,386 Fancy looking luggage. 25 00:00:53,428 --> 00:00:54,763 What'd something like that run you? 26 00:00:54,804 --> 00:00:56,514 - About $3,300. 27 00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:59,059 - Did it come with $3,200 inside it? 28 00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,894 - Practicing your dad jokes, Jim? 29 00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,937 - Yes, I am. 30 00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:05,273 - Keep practicing. 31 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:11,237 - Trey's rolling luggage in. 32 00:01:11,279 --> 00:01:13,239 I didn't even realize he was sleeping here now. 33 00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:15,367 Big development. 34 00:01:15,408 --> 00:01:18,411 Very peaceful and easy-going of you, son. 35 00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:20,789 You're like Gandhi. 36 00:01:20,830 --> 00:01:24,125 - Yeah, if Gandhi's ex-wife had her boyfriend 37 00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:25,877 stay over with her and Gandhi's kids 38 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,505 without asking Gandhi first. 39 00:01:28,546 --> 00:01:30,924 - So you didn't know about this. 40 00:01:30,965 --> 00:01:33,760 You're simmering. 41 00:01:33,802 --> 00:01:36,471 This is what it was like when Gandhi realized what 42 00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:39,224 the English were really up to. 43 00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:41,685 He got mad. 44 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:43,937 How long do you think this fight with Julia's gonna take? 45 00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:45,021 - There's not gonna be a fight. 46 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,022 - Want me to order something for you? 47 00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:47,023 - There's not gonna be a fight. 48 00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:48,858 - Turkey burger? No onions? 49 00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,819 Diet Coke? 50 00:01:50,860 --> 00:01:52,487 - Regular Coke. 51 00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:55,156 - * It's true * 52 00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:58,785 * The marriage that we once had now is through * 53 00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:03,498 * And now we're doing all that we can do * 54 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:07,627 * To keep us all together as a crew * 55 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:11,631 * Trust, do as we say, not as we do * 56 00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:15,218 * We really thought that we were done * 57 00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:18,346 * But we've just begun * 58 00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:23,810 - Don't think I don't know what you think I don't know. 59 00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:29,024 - I don't know what you think you know that I know. 60 00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,985 - I'm talking about you trying to sneak Trey in here 61 00:02:32,027 --> 00:02:33,528 to spend the night. - Sneak? 62 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:34,821 He just walked through the front door 63 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:38,783 with a gigantic titanium suitcase. 64 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,327 - Hiding in plain sight. 65 00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:43,163 - Dude, come on. He's my fiancé now. 66 00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:44,330 We're more or less married. 67 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:46,750 - Yeah, you're less married. 68 00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:48,335 You know when you'll be more married? 69 00:02:48,376 --> 00:02:50,337 When you're married. 70 00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:51,671 And when you're married, he can stay over. 71 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,340 That's the rule we agreed to. - Come on. 72 00:02:53,381 --> 00:02:54,799 Stop being such a prude. 73 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,551 You slept over at my apartment before we got married. 74 00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:57,969 - Yeah, because we didn't have children. 75 00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,888 The only people we were corrupting was us. 76 00:02:59,929 --> 00:03:02,390 Look, when we started this whole nest thing, 77 00:03:02,432 --> 00:03:03,725 we were deliberate. 78 00:03:03,767 --> 00:03:04,851 We wrote at a constitution-- at your insistence, 79 00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:06,811 by the way-- article nine of which is, 80 00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,855 no romantic interest may spend the night 81 00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:11,232 without a full family vote and written consent. 82 00:03:11,274 --> 00:03:12,442 - Trey is not a romantic interest. 83 00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:13,693 He's my fiancé. 84 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,363 - For your sake, I hope that came out wrong. 85 00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:17,781 And for the sake of all the time 86 00:03:17,822 --> 00:03:19,991 we spent debating and deliberating and mutually 87 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:23,119 concluding, I must lower my foot down as one 88 00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,913 does in such a circumstance. 89 00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:28,541 - What's the problem? 90 00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:29,793 - Why do you always assume there's a problem? 91 00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,878 - Because there's always a problem. 92 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,380 - There's no problem. 93 00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:35,340 - I stand corrected. 94 00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:39,552 - The problem is when two people 95 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,930 have kids, get divorced, you can't 96 00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:43,223 just do whatever you want. 97 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:44,599 Because feelings get hurt. 98 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,601 You have to foresee potential pitfalls 99 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,145 and agree on certain guardrails and document it 100 00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:51,981 and ratify it and notarize 101 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,983 what has been agreed upon. 102 00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:57,904 - What's he waving? 103 00:03:57,946 --> 00:03:59,656 - He's miming waving a document. 104 00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:00,865 - Ah. 105 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,409 - I don't have to mime it because I have it. 106 00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,411 Follow me, please. 107 00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,496 - Do we have to follow him? 108 00:04:06,538 --> 00:04:08,873 - Yes, you have to follow me. 109 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,253 Behold. 110 00:04:13,294 --> 00:04:15,922 The Kearney Family Constitution, 111 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:18,591 which codifies the fundamental laws of the nest, 112 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,593 itemized and laminated, not unlike what 113 00:04:20,635 --> 00:04:23,763 Moses did with Yahweh's Ten Commandments. 114 00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:25,765 - Why am I just finding out about this now? 115 00:04:25,807 --> 00:04:27,142 - You don't know about Moses? 116 00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:29,185 Ah, where to begin. 117 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:32,522 As a baby, he was placed in a basket in the river Euphrates. 118 00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:33,606 - I think you mean the Nile. 119 00:04:33,648 --> 00:04:36,359 - If you knew, why'd you ask me? 120 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,694 - The agreement's been in the drawer 121 00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:39,195 since the day we wrote it. 122 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:40,613 And everything's been working fine. 123 00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,366 - Because our laws have been observed and not flouted. 124 00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:45,618 Julia, would you please read article nine 125 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,620 aloud to your lover? 126 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:56,087 - "Neither parent shall have a third party stay overnight 127 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,088 in the nest while the--" 128 00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,840 - Whilst. 129 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,427 Whilst. 130 00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,972 - "Whilst the children are present 131 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:08,850 without express written consent from the other parent." 132 00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:14,647 - I am looking high and low for my express written consent, 133 00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:16,983 and I am finding no expression, no writing, 134 00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:19,444 and certainly no consent. 135 00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:21,404 - I don't get it. What's the big deal? 136 00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:22,947 Julia and I sleep at my place all the time. 137 00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,950 - Yeah, because your place is hopefully a den 138 00:05:25,992 --> 00:05:27,827 of premarital sin. 139 00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:30,330 But the nest is a place where, since our divorce, 140 00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:33,166 Julia and I have tried to give our kids the false impression 141 00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:35,627 that nothing has changed. 142 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,754 And whilst you mock our constitution, 143 00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:40,256 it was Julia who fought especially hard 144 00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:41,675 for the permission clause. 145 00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:43,176 - Because I wanted to protect the kids 146 00:05:43,218 --> 00:05:46,096 from anyone who would, if I'm being truthful, 147 00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:47,889 sleep with you. 148 00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,435 - Shows what you know. 149 00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:53,937 I haven't slept with anybody. Ha! 150 00:05:55,730 --> 00:05:57,357 Bottom line, it's up to the kids. 151 00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,900 Hey, kids, we need you. 152 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:00,110 - OK. OK. 153 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:01,611 You're right, you're right. I know, Trey. 154 00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,363 It's a lot to absorb. 155 00:06:03,405 --> 00:06:05,115 - Phones down. 156 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,994 That is technically down. 157 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,830 - Kids, we are thinking of having 158 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:13,540 Trey stay over on my weeks. 159 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,125 Would that be OK with you? 160 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:16,418 - I'm cool with it. 161 00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:17,585 But how do you feel about it, Dad? 162 00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,587 - I mean, I like Trey. 163 00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,756 I want him to feel welcome in this family, 164 00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,591 but not at the expense of your feelings. 165 00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:25,385 - Wait a second. You're fine with this? 166 00:06:25,427 --> 00:06:27,595 What are we even doing here? 167 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,597 - It is not about my feelings. 168 00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:30,932 It is about a process that takes 169 00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,350 into account all of our feelings 170 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,102 for the sake of the children. 171 00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:37,522 Jimmy, how do you feel? 172 00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,899 - I thought he did sleep over sometimes. 173 00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:45,697 - On the couch, only once. 174 00:06:47,157 --> 00:06:48,700 - I'll allow it. Jimmy? 175 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,744 - I'm cool with Trey. - Then it's unanimous. 176 00:06:50,785 --> 00:06:52,871 Where's my gavel? - Oh, do we really-- 177 00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:55,331 - Yes, we really need the gavel! 178 00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,334 Article nine has been amended to add Trey Taylor 179 00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:58,752 as a permanent guest. 180 00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:00,754 - Yes! - Congratulations. 181 00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:02,505 - Constitutional crisis averted. 182 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:04,049 - Great. Can I use the bathroom now? 183 00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:07,052 - Ah, permanent bathroom rights are included. 184 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:10,263 Out that window is the city of Boston, the birthplace 185 00:07:10,305 --> 00:07:12,432 of America, democracy. 186 00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:13,767 Is it perfect? No! 187 00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:15,310 Does it fall into the wrong hands? 188 00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:16,603 All the time. 189 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,104 But is that a reason to throw it out? 190 00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,314 No, no, my friends. 191 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:21,024 That is a reason to fight for it. 192 00:07:21,066 --> 00:07:24,569 Democracy-- if there's a better system, I haven't found it. 193 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:34,913 . 194 00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:35,580 - Can you believe it? 195 00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,166 Our first official night sleeping in the nest. 196 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,635 - Kind of sunken in down here. 197 00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:50,762 - [laughs] 198 00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:52,931 The kids call it Daddy's Divot, 199 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,891 created by Jim sleeping in the exact 200 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,476 same position every night. 201 00:07:56,518 --> 00:08:00,105 He'd take off all his clothes, curl up, like knees to chest, 202 00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:02,816 boom, out like a light and looking like a 150-pound fetus 203 00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:04,693 with a beard. 204 00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,529 - [chuckles nervously] Oh, boy. 205 00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:08,947 Oh, no, I can't! - What? 206 00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:10,115 What? - I can't I can't. 207 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,324 I'm sorry. - What's wrong? 208 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,367 - I can't. I can't. 209 00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:13,702 I can't. I-- I shouldn't. 210 00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:14,786 I shouldn't have to think of Jim nude while resting 211 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:15,995 in Jim's nude fetus divot. 212 00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,080 - Why didn't you say something? 213 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,665 - It was seven seconds ago. 214 00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:20,417 I'm saying something. 215 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:22,460 - How about we switch sides? 216 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,170 - OK. - OK. 217 00:08:36,683 --> 00:08:37,851 - It's a nightmare, right? 218 00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,728 - It's awful. - Yeah. 219 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,271 I have another idea. 220 00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:43,440 We can replace this mattress with the same kind 221 00:08:43,481 --> 00:08:46,985 we have in my place, the Royal Luxe Smart Mattress. 222 00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:48,486 Remember your first time on it? 223 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,406 You said it was like sleeping on a cloud made of clouds. 224 00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,700 It made no sense, but I got what you were saying. 225 00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:55,493 - OK, you win. Get me out of here. 226 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,328 I'll call Jim first thing in the morning. 227 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,705 Wha-- 228 00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,832 - Why? 229 00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:04,002 - [sighs] Article 15. 230 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,670 "Any new furniture or appliances 231 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:08,006 bigger than a toaster must be approved by both parties." 232 00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,091 - The constitution covers beds. 233 00:09:10,133 --> 00:09:11,676 - This is what happens when I watch the "Today Show." 234 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:12,969 They put ideas in my head. 235 00:09:13,011 --> 00:09:15,430 Thanks a lot, Hoda. 236 00:09:15,472 --> 00:09:18,933 [upbeat music] 237 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:20,727 - Hey. I am here. 238 00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,437 Heard there was a constitutional issue. 239 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:27,359 - More like constitutional bonus. 240 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:31,279 Trey wants to gift us with an ultra-fancy high-end 241 00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:32,572 smart mattress. 242 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,282 And because a mattress is bigger than a toaster, 243 00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:36,576 I am respecting you and following protocol. 244 00:09:36,618 --> 00:09:37,994 Congratulations. 245 00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:41,081 We're the winners of a brand-new mattress. 246 00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:44,209 - So this is what our life is gonna be like now. 247 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,920 Trey wants to sleep over, Trey sleeps over. 248 00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,339 Trey wants a new mattress, we get a new mattress. 249 00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:53,551 All hail King Trey, the mattress king. 250 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,638 I say king, because clearly the nest is a monarchy now. 251 00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:59,641 Democracy is just a facade. 252 00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,351 - I am asking you first. 253 00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:04,521 Now grab the gavel and bang this into law. 254 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:07,107 - Well, I do appreciate that you asked me first. 255 00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:10,193 And I do love my gavel. 256 00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:12,112 Motion approved. 257 00:10:12,153 --> 00:10:14,781 Feel free to let Trey know that the gavel has fallen 258 00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:17,575 and he may order his new mattress anon. 259 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:20,620 - [grunting] 260 00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,038 - To the right. Going right. 261 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,331 Watch it. Watch it. 262 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,375 Watch it. 263 00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:27,460 How you doing, Jimbo? 264 00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,090 - Treason! 265 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,551 Ruling rescinded due to egregiously 266 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,345 premature expectation of affirmative vote. 267 00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,222 - I didn't know that Trey had already ordered the mattress. 268 00:10:39,264 --> 00:10:41,266 But now that it's here, at least lie down on it. 269 00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,143 It is the best mattress in the world. 270 00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:44,561 - It's not about the mattress. 271 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:47,188 It is about how, in divorce, we must conduct our lives 272 00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:50,191 with some level of grace so that our selfishness does not 273 00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,277 cause us to make decisions that divide us. 274 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,946 - The Royal Luxe is about Trey being a delicate sleeper. 275 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,991 He's not trying to divide us with a mattress. 276 00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:10,378 . 277 00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:10,879 [upbeat music] 278 00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,425 - Jimbo, I know I jumped the gun, but hear me out. 279 00:11:15,467 --> 00:11:17,761 There's usually a six-month waiting list. 280 00:11:17,802 --> 00:11:19,095 But I got lucky. 281 00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:21,014 Turns out Taylor Swift's cats prefer hammocks. 282 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,267 Try it out. 283 00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:27,354 - King Trey is now ordering me to bed. 284 00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:29,105 - Try the mattress, Jimbo. 285 00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:30,523 You won't be sorry. 286 00:11:30,565 --> 00:11:32,233 - I don't care how great the mattress is. 287 00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:33,401 It's never gonna make any difference. 288 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,195 I don't-- 289 00:11:35,236 --> 00:11:39,449 oh, oh, my God. 290 00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:44,037 I can't tell where my body stops and the bed begins. 291 00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:47,290 I wish I could take my clothes off. 292 00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:50,001 - I'm so glad you have them on. 293 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,505 - Jim? - We can keep it. 294 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,343 - Once again, thank you for being so 295 00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,969 accommodating and agreeable. 296 00:12:00,011 --> 00:12:03,306 - Well, it is my nature. 297 00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:05,266 As James Madison said, compromise 298 00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:07,143 is the key to democracy. 299 00:12:07,185 --> 00:12:08,478 - You know, that's funny. 300 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,313 It's often attributed to James Madison. 301 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:12,357 But the quote's actually Ben Franklin's. 302 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,817 - And this quote is mine. 303 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,610 [blows raspberry] 304 00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:21,908 - What's that? 305 00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,702 It looks like footprints. 306 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:27,080 - Oh, I totally forgot about those. 307 00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:29,791 Um, that was when we first moved in. 308 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,209 We didn't have any furniture. 309 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,961 We just had the mattress, remember. 310 00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:34,671 Bella, bella. - Oh, yeah. 311 00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:36,214 [laughs] Oh, bella. 312 00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,091 That was a night. I forgot about those too. 313 00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:39,718 [laughs] 314 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,056 - Can somebody explain what's so funny? 315 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:48,977 - Oh, well, years ago, we went to the San Gennaro Festival 316 00:12:49,019 --> 00:12:50,270 and stomped grapes. 317 00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:51,521 My feet were still red when we got home. 318 00:12:51,563 --> 00:12:53,064 And we kept calling each other-- 319 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,025 - Bella, bella, what a fella. 320 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,360 [laughter] 321 00:12:57,402 --> 00:13:01,239 - Yeah, but-- yeah, but how'd the footprints 322 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,867 get on the wall? 323 00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:05,577 - Uh-- 324 00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:10,498 - Uh-- well, if we were to do a forensic analysis-- 325 00:13:10,540 --> 00:13:13,335 I mean, you know, it was a long time ago, 326 00:13:13,376 --> 00:13:18,840 before my hip issues, when my bursa was robust. 327 00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:22,260 I was the catcher on my high school baseball team, 328 00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,596 so I could hold a stance for at least nine innings. 329 00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,223 Again, my memory's not perfect. 330 00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:31,728 So I guess I was roughly here with her legs 331 00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:36,816 wrapped around here and the feet kind of-- 332 00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:39,069 kind of braced here. 333 00:13:39,110 --> 00:13:41,196 And then-- 334 00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:44,657 Bella, bella! 335 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,623 - You're upset about the footprints. 336 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:52,832 - I'm not upset. 337 00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:54,501 - OK, OK, I can't lie. 338 00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:57,629 When Jim and I were married, we hooked up. 339 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:02,092 Grace and Jimmy were not conceived immaculately. 340 00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:03,426 - No, I get that. 341 00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:04,761 It's just I don't understand why 342 00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:06,262 I got to stare at the sexy evidence 343 00:14:06,304 --> 00:14:08,306 on the wall behind the bed where the hooking up happened. 344 00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:11,559 But I'm not upset. 345 00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:13,770 - You are, and you have every right to be. 346 00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:15,146 But here's the thing. 347 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:17,691 You can't see the footprints through the headboard. 348 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:23,113 - Once again, I'm not upset. 349 00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:24,406 But I'll still know they're there. 350 00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:27,283 So good news, I got a solution. 351 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:28,827 We're gonna paint-- 352 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:32,414 2, 3, 40 coats. 353 00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:34,290 - Great idea. 354 00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:36,292 And surely, the room needs it. 355 00:14:36,334 --> 00:14:37,794 But the constitution does say-- 356 00:14:37,836 --> 00:14:39,295 - Stop with the fricking constitution, 357 00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:42,132 I'm becoming an anarchist. 358 00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:44,634 - I just don't want you to be upset. 359 00:14:44,676 --> 00:14:45,927 - I'm not upset. 360 00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:50,682 You know what's great about having a place on Nantucket? 361 00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:53,018 You can send your fiancée and her kids 362 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:56,438 to Nantucket so you can paint over her Italian sex 363 00:15:02,944 --> 00:15:03,153 . 364 00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:03,445 - I-- 365 00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:06,823 smell-- 366 00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:08,450 paint. 367 00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,326 You painted. 368 00:15:10,368 --> 00:15:11,453 - You're here. Why? 369 00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:12,454 It's not your week. 370 00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:13,955 - Never mind why I'm here, 371 00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:15,457 which is to return my fishing rod, which lives here, 372 00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:17,459 where I live sometimes. 373 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:18,918 But let's talk about how you painted. 374 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,337 - I can explain. 375 00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:22,505 - [chuckles] And you scolded me for lying 376 00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:24,215 about a dead goldfish, but here you are 377 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,508 ready to lie to me about this. 378 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:26,843 - I didn't lie. 379 00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:28,094 I just didn't tell you. Ask me if I painted. 380 00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,137 - Did you paint? - Yep. 381 00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:30,805 - Oh! Unbelievable! 382 00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:33,641 You are incapable of living under anyone else's rules. 383 00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,393 Article 22, "No repainting--" 384 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,020 - I know! I know! 385 00:15:37,062 --> 00:15:38,271 - You knew? - I knew. 386 00:15:38,313 --> 00:15:40,190 - [yelps] 387 00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:41,983 - It's the exact same color. 388 00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:44,235 It would have been dry by the time it was your week. 389 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,570 I was hoping you wouldn't notice. 390 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:46,654 It would have been like I never painted at all. 391 00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:48,740 - Except you painted. 392 00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:50,200 - OK, fine. You know what? 393 00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:51,451 I don't say this often. 394 00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:52,952 My bad. 395 00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:55,580 - You knowingly spit in the face 396 00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:59,584 of the bedrock, the foundation, the core values 397 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,461 of this family. 398 00:16:01,503 --> 00:16:03,463 [chuckles] 399 00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:11,262 - What's going on? - [laughing] 400 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:13,098 - Why are you laughing? 401 00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,018 Why am I more scared of the laughing 402 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,103 than I am the yelling? 403 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,688 - You should be scared. 404 00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:21,940 Because Julia's gonna kill you. 405 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:24,150 - For painting? I don't think so. 406 00:16:24,192 --> 00:16:25,402 - Not for painting. 407 00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:26,986 For erasing our cherished memories. 408 00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:29,364 Your painters painted over our height chart. 409 00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:30,907 - Height chart? 410 00:16:30,949 --> 00:16:33,576 - Yes, the height chart that was here on this door 411 00:16:33,618 --> 00:16:35,829 where, for 14 years, we measured 412 00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:38,206 our beloved children's height. 413 00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:40,458 - I didn't know there was a height chart there. 414 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,043 - And how could you? Oh, wait. 415 00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:43,878 Maybe if you'd followed protocol, 416 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,380 you would have been made aware of the height chart 417 00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:47,048 during one of my many filibusters. 418 00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:50,385 But no, you went rogue, your own little January 7th. 419 00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:51,720 - You mean January 6th. 420 00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:54,389 - No, January 7th, the day they repainted. 421 00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:55,849 - Come on, man. 422 00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:57,308 This is a bit of an overreaction. 423 00:16:57,350 --> 00:17:00,395 - So many memories-- oh, now painted over memories. 424 00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:03,606 Oh, little Jimmy Junior would always say, one day, Dad, 425 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,234 I'll be taller and older than you. 426 00:17:06,276 --> 00:17:08,486 Adorable. Right? 427 00:17:08,528 --> 00:17:10,613 And, oh, how we laughed. 428 00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,032 But not anymore. 429 00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:13,616 No more laughter. 430 00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,368 All we have now is the memory of our memories. 431 00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:18,621 That's what Julie will say-- or try to say, in between sobs. 432 00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:20,040 - Come on, man, it was a mistake! 433 00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:23,376 - So was Jimmy Junior, but we never painted over him. 434 00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:24,919 And it wasn't a mistake. 435 00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,880 You didn't just accidentally call some painters. 436 00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:28,923 This is a way of saying, hey, Jim Kearney. 437 00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:31,384 I'm Trey Taylor, owner of the Boston Celtics. 438 00:17:31,426 --> 00:17:32,802 And I am in charge here. 439 00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,220 All you had to do was play by the rules. 440 00:17:34,262 --> 00:17:36,014 - Not the rules, your rules. 441 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:37,390 - Every article has to be ratified. 442 00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:39,059 - Ratify this. 443 00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,602 - Hey, hey, hey, hey! 444 00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:43,063 What are you guys doing, for crying out loud? 445 00:17:43,104 --> 00:17:45,106 Throw a punch or shut up. 446 00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:47,275 - Trey painted over the height chart. 447 00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:49,736 - You two are acting like Gus and Charlie. 448 00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,321 - Who are Gus and Charlie? 449 00:17:51,363 --> 00:17:52,697 - They're our Basset hounds. 450 00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:54,282 We got Charlie when he was a puppy. 451 00:17:54,324 --> 00:17:57,202 He peed on everything to mark his territory, like Jim. 452 00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,163 And then we got another Basset hound. 453 00:18:00,205 --> 00:18:01,915 - Gus? 454 00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:03,958 - Look how you worked that out. 455 00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:06,127 - Gus started peeing on everything. 456 00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:08,546 Then Charlie peed on everything Gus peed on. 457 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,840 Gentlemen, what you have here is 458 00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:12,801 a Basset hound peeing contest. 459 00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:16,971 Charlie, things are changing, and you have to adapt. 460 00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:20,183 And, Gus, you may be the king in your own kingdom, 461 00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:23,186 but you just entered into another dog's yard. 462 00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:26,314 So drop it, both of you. 463 00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:27,649 - OK. 464 00:18:27,691 --> 00:18:30,860 I will admit, I've been a little Charlie. 465 00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:34,155 - And I haven't been respecting your rules, 466 00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:35,824 which I guess is a little Gus-like, even 467 00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:37,659 though I've never met the dog. 468 00:18:37,701 --> 00:18:39,285 - I got to get out of here before you 469 00:18:39,327 --> 00:18:42,622 guys start sniffing, licking, and humping each other. 470 00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:45,125 - Gus and Charlie became very close. 471 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,501 - Well, what are we gonna do about the height 472 00:18:46,543 --> 00:18:47,961 chart Gus painted over? 473 00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:49,879 - Oh, I can take care of that. 474 00:18:49,921 --> 00:18:53,383 A little turpentine and lye so you can see the indentations. 475 00:18:53,425 --> 00:18:55,510 Julia will never know. 476 00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,846 Charlie, get me some turpentine, 477 00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:00,181 a bucket, rags, and a mask. 478 00:19:00,223 --> 00:19:03,184 Gus, get me four cold beers and a bag of chips. 479 00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:06,688 There's a 50/50 chance this won't work. 480 00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,565 - I'll take those odds. 481 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,819 - There wasn't a chance it wasn't gonna work. 482 00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:16,406 I just wanted some beer and chips. 483 00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:18,199 - Trey? We're back. 484 00:19:18,241 --> 00:19:19,951 - Oh, they're back, they're back, hurry up. 485 00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:21,161 Hurry up. - All done. 486 00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:22,871 She'll never know the difference. 487 00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:27,000 Operation Height Chart completed. 488 00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:30,295 - Jim, Bobby, what are you-- 489 00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:32,380 do I smell paint? 490 00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:33,882 Did you paint? 491 00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,800 - No, I talked to Trey, and we agreed that we should 492 00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,385 paint the room together. 493 00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:38,720 - Let me understand. 494 00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:40,388 You and Trey talked. 495 00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:44,392 You had a bipartisan meeting across the aisle? 496 00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:46,019 both: Yup. 497 00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:49,898 - The arc of the moral universe bends 498 00:19:49,939 --> 00:19:52,734 towards you two getting along. 499 00:19:52,776 --> 00:19:54,402 - This is the new mattress? 500 00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:56,154 - Can we jump on it? 501 00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:57,572 - Let's check your height first. 502 00:19:57,614 --> 00:19:58,573 - Oh, no, no, no. 503 00:19:58,615 --> 00:19:59,908 He's tall enough. 504 00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,201 No, no, just bounce your little heart out. 505 00:20:01,242 --> 00:20:02,369 - Measure me, Mom. 506 00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:03,453 - OK. 507 00:20:03,495 --> 00:20:04,829 All right. 508 00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,581 Up 1/2 inch for Jimmy. 509 00:20:06,623 --> 00:20:09,918 Grace, now you. 510 00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,252 Ooh. 511 00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:13,088 An inch for Grace. 512 00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:14,339 Now me. 513 00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:15,423 Thank you. 514 00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:16,716 - Whoa. 515 00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,176 Growth spurt for Mom, up 3 inches. 516 00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:20,136 - Mom. 517 00:20:21,638 --> 00:20:23,181 - Ah. OK. 518 00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:24,474 - OK. 519 00:20:24,516 --> 00:20:25,600 All right. 520 00:20:25,642 --> 00:20:27,769 Uh-- same. 521 00:20:27,811 --> 00:20:29,562 - Well, you're not shrinking yet. 522 00:20:29,604 --> 00:20:31,815 That's good. 523 00:20:33,692 --> 00:20:35,860 - Trey. 524 00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:46,371 I'm taller. 525 00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:47,706 - [laughs] 526 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:50,750 [upbeat music] 527 00:20:50,792 --> 00:20:54,087 Look at you, keeping magazines alive. 528 00:20:54,129 --> 00:20:56,006 - [chuckles] 529 00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:57,590 - Uh-oh. 530 00:20:57,632 --> 00:21:00,510 Just got a notification from the Royal Luxe Smart Mattress. 531 00:21:00,552 --> 00:21:02,637 Jim just got naked. 532 00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:05,265 - How does the mattress know? 533 00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:07,225 - It's smart. 534 00:21:09,185 --> 00:21:10,687 [chuckles] 535 00:21:10,729 --> 00:21:12,147 - What are you doing? 536 00:21:12,188 --> 00:21:14,566 - Remote temperature control. 537 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,609 I'm gonna make it colder-- 538 00:21:16,651 --> 00:21:19,362 much, much colder. 539 00:21:21,239 --> 00:21:24,159 - [shivering] 540 00:21:29,247 --> 00:21:32,292 * *