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[upbeat music]
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♪ ♪
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Oh.
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Oh, thank God
you guys are on time.
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I gotta pick up my car
before the mechanic closes.
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Uh, the kids are alive.
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Uh, the hallway toilet
is clogged,
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but I had nothing
to do with it.
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Please stand aside.
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Can we ask you a quick
question before you go?
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Asking me
if you can ask me
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is already less quick
than just asking me.
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OK, but saying
all of that
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is less quick
than just saying yes.
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Please, just ask me
the quick question.
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Are Trey and I
right for each other?
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[sighs]
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{\an8}- * It's true ♪
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{\an8}♪ The marriage that we once
had now is through ♪
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{\an8}♪ And now we're doing
all that we can do ♪
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{\an8}♪ To keep us all together
as a crew ♪
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{\an8}♪ Just do as we say,
not as we do ♪
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♪ We really thought
that we were done ♪
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♪ But we've just begun ♪
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What do you mean,
are you right for each other?
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It just seems
like a good thing to know
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before we get married,
you know?
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Or maybe even
before you got engaged.
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Well, obviously
we wholeheartedly believe
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we are right for each other.
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We just--we want to be sure.
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{\an8}"Wholeheartedly" means sure.
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{\an8}Whole heart.
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{\an8}No heart remaining for unsure.
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{\an8}- We want to do a pre-Cana.
- Yeah.
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{\an8}Julia explained to me
what a pre-Cana is.
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{\an8}It's the Catholic Church's
version
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{\an8}of premarital counseling.
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{\an8}Mm.
Lifetime Catholic, Trey.
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{\an8}No explanation necessary.
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{\an8}If a pre-Cana is what you want,
then good for you.
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{\an8}Knock yourselves out.
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{\an8}Go get 'em.
Break a leg.
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{\an8}Or as Catholics rarely say,
mazel tov.
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{\an8}Well, uh, we can't do
an official pre-Cana
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{\an8}because we can't have
a church wedding
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{\an8}because as you know,
the church
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{\an8}doesn't recognize divorce.
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{\an8}Mm.
Well, what can I say?
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{\an8}You should have read
the fine print.
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{\an8}Well, uh, we want
someone to give us
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{\an8}an unofficial pre-Cana
that's just as effective
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{\an8}as the real thing.
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{\an8}Pfft, what poor bastard
would agree to that?
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{\an8}N-no. No.
No.
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{\an8}Are you kid--no!
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{\an8}Don't you want us
to have the best chance
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{\an8}for a happy marriage?
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{\an8}Mm, absolutely.
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{\an8}But just in case, I will be
in a fortified bunker.
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{\an8}Jim, what about the children?
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{\an8}There's room in the bunker
for them too.
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{\an8}Look, this marriage
has to stick for their sake.
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{\an8}That's right,
one divorce can play havoc
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{\an8}on the next generation's
psyche, but two?
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{\an8}That's like growing up
in an Adele song.
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{\an8}Look, you are the perfect
person to do this.
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{\an8}Nobody knows better than you
what it's like
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{\an8}to be married to me.
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{\an8}But I think it's better
if I take that information
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{\an8}to my grave.
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{\an8}Nobody knows what better
questions to ask,
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{\an8}what the surprises might be,
what irritants could be hiding
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{\an8}in unlabeled containers.
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{\an8}Uh, yeah.
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I mean,
haven't you ever wondered
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what might have happened if
you and I had done a pre-Cana?
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I have not.
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I have always told myself
that our divorce
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was as inevitable
as the sunrise,
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and my self has never argued.
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Wait a minute, you guys
never did a pre-Cana?
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You didn't know that?
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Well, there's a lot
we don't know,
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which is why
we gotta do a pre-Cana.
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We skipped our pre-Cana.
We signed up, but we didn't go.
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We didn't think we needed it.
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We thought
we knew everything.
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- We were wrong.
- So wrong.
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- We knew nothing.
- Nothing.
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That's blood under the bridge.
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And some lymph.
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But I must admit
that a pre-Cana
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might have been a good idea.
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Is that a yes?
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- Not yet.
- [groans]
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If I were to do this, if I were
to go violently and stupidly
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against my better judgment,
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I would need a few days
to do thorough research.
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By all means.
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- Is that a yes?
- Not yet.
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We would all have to agree
to take this very seriously.
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Absolutely.
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We're all stakeholders
in this outcome.
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- Is that a yes?
- Not yet.
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I will pull no punches,
and you two must promise
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to be scrupulously honest.
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- We will be.
- This can't be just a gloss.
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Your pre-Cana
cannot be pro forma.
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Just say it's a yes, Jim.
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It is the absence...
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of a no.
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I can't imagine
why you two ever split up.
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Let me just say, I think
this pre-Cana is a great idea.
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One train wreck per lifetime
should be everyone's limit.
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Mm.
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Our marriage was not
a train wreck, Dad.
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We simply chose to change
trains at "Oh, my God,
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we made a terrible mistake"
station.
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You guys
are gonna crush this.
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And make sure you do,
because we don't want
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to have to break in a new guy.
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That's a joke.
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My God, you guys act
like I wasn't raised by you.
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If it snows,
put on your hats, please.
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Oh,
that's what those are for.
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A wedding is a day,
but a marriage is a lifetime.
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Theoretically.
Not in our case.
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Welcome, Julia and Trey,
to your bootleg,
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discount pre-Cana.
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Speaking as your friend,
it is my fervent hope
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that you will sail through
with flying colors.
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But speaking as your
pre-Cana proctor,
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I must now drill down
and probe deeply
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into the recesses
of your compatibility,
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becoming, if you will,
your "proctorologist."
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Before we begin, let us
bow our heads and pray.
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OK. yes.
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Dear God, get us
through this in one piece.
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OK.
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Now, we are going to divide
our exercises today
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into three segments: the past,
the present, and the future.
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First up, the past.
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Please stand back-to-back.
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- Oh, gladly.
- Yes.
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Now, each time you discover
something you did not know,
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please take a big, healthy
step away from your betrothed.
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- Roger.
- Got it.
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- Julia...
- Mm-hmm.
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Where did Trey
go to college?
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MIT.
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Sorry.
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Trey, how old was Julia
when she spoke her first words?
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2 1/2.
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Which was late, but she
more than made up for it.
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- So far, so good.
- Yeah, we're doing great.
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Mm, uh-huh.
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Julia, did you know
that Trey played
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the role of Mary Poppins
in his prep school's
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production of the musical?
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No.
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Well, it was an all-boys
school, and I was 11,
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so the songs were
in my vocal range.
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Wow, you did your research.
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Strap in, Mary, 'cause
we're just getting started.
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Actually, it was Marty.
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Marty Poppins?
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Mm.
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Uh, Julia?
- Oh, sorry, yeah.
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Um, Trey, did you know
that there was once
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a bench warrant out
for Julia's arrest?
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- No.
- Skinny-dipping.
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Sue me.
- Yes, you got it.
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Julia, did you know that
Trey's nickname growing up
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was Smarty Pants
Punch Him in the Face?
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[laughs] I did not.
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Mm, perhaps
the least surprising
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of today's revelations.
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Trey, did you know
that Julia once
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egged her neighbor's house
the night before Halloween?
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Well, teenagers
do stupid things.
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She was 35.
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- I was 34.
- Mm.
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Julia, did you know
that Trey lost
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the National Spelling Bee
on a two-syllable word?
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The word was "fuchsia,"
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and that little sucker's
full of surprises.
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Trey, did you know that once,
while on holiday
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in the South of France,
Julia--
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Jim, no!
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Julia pooped her pants
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and abandoned them
in a field of cabbage?
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Oh, you promised me that you
would take that to your grave.
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Oh, I will.
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I will that all the way
to the glorious hereafter.
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I will never not be able
to take that.
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Cut me some slack.
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It's all day long with
the cheese in that country.
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Babe, I love you.
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I'ma take three steps
on that one, though.
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Which puts you in the hallway
and Julia in the kitchen.
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And what does that tell us?
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00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:37,624
These things that we've
uncovered so far,
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they may seem inconsequential,
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but when taken
in the aggregate, uh,
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they are a canary
in a coal mine,
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00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:46,383
a canary that is saying, awk,
you may not know each other
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as well as you think.
209
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:48,718
Brack!
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00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,178
That sounds like a parrot.
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00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,933
I don't know, Jim.
This is kind of fun.
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00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,726
Why do people say
this is so hard?
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Ah, a couple that is
confident and curious.
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00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:02,440
Pre-Cana has you
just where it wants you.
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00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,484
Can I come back
in the apartment now?
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00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,777
Yes.
217
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:16,121
And now...
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00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:18,289
[laughter]
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00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:21,167
Pre-Cana segment 2,
the present,
220
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,794
in which we will play
221
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:25,588
"The Prospective Newlywed
Game."
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00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,425
[trumpet playing
Mendelssohn's "Wedding March"]
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00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:32,846
♪ ♪
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00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,807
I've asked you each to predict
your fiancé's answer
225
00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,684
to a series of questions,
and then I've written
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00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:40,311
those predictions down on
the cards you hold in your lap.
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00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:43,940
Every time your predictions
match your beloved's answers,
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00:08:43,940 --> 00:08:45,108
you'll score points.
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Should we answer
in question form, Jim?
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00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:49,070
No, Trey.
That's "Jeopardy!"
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You may be in jeopardy,
but you're not on it.
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[laughs]
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00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:56,286
We understand, and we
are loving this experience.
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00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:57,328
- Yes.
- Good.
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00:08:57,328 --> 00:08:58,413
Now, let's begin, please,
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because polyester suits
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don't so much breathe
as asphyxiate.
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00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:06,588
Julia, how many times a day did
Trey say he thinks about sex?
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00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:10,091
Was it: A, 5 to 10 times a day;
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00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:12,427
B, more than 10 times a day;
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00:09:12,427 --> 00:09:14,971
or, C, way more
than 10 times a day?
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00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,640
I will say
that he thinks about sex
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00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,476
5 to 10 times a day, Jim.
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Trey, hold up
your card, please.
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00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:22,395
[gasps]
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00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:26,941
250 times a day.
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00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,111
That wasn't even
one of the choices.
248
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:32,072
How did you come up
with that number?
249
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:34,240
Uh, two days ago, I gave him
one of those click counters.
250
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,619
Yeah, and, uh, every time
I think about sex, I click it.
251
00:09:37,619 --> 00:09:38,912
[counter clicks]
252
00:09:38,912 --> 00:09:40,246
Did you just think about sex?
253
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:41,790
I sure did.
[counter clicks]
254
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:44,250
Why don't you read a book?
255
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,169
Read a great one last night.
256
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,545
[counter clicks]
257
00:09:48,672 --> 00:09:49,714
Next question.
258
00:09:49,714 --> 00:09:51,049
Julia, which of the two of you
259
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:53,468
did Trey say
was more romantic?
260
00:09:53,468 --> 00:09:55,553
Oh, that's easy.
He said Julia.
261
00:09:55,553 --> 00:09:57,013
Trey?
262
00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,556
He said Trey.
263
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:00,600
- Really?
- Yeah.
264
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,395
OK, if you are
the more romantic,
265
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:06,981
make up a love song about me
right now and sing it.
266
00:10:06,981 --> 00:10:09,609
No problem.
267
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,069
Right now?
- Yeah.
268
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:12,862
[clears throat]
269
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,489
[chuckles]
270
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,370
♪ Trey ♪
271
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:22,956
♪ I really gotta say ♪
272
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:29,462
♪ That I am way ♪
273
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,172
♪ More romantic ♪
274
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:34,384
That's terrible.
275
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:35,760
Well, look, it's--it's hard.
It's hard.
276
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,220
Is it? Really?
[clears throat]
277
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:42,976
[snapping rhythmically]
278
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:47,564
♪ You are
the perfect person for me ♪
279
00:10:47,564 --> 00:10:50,150
♪ The only one I can see ♪
280
00:10:50,150 --> 00:10:53,236
♪ You're where
I wanna be, Julia ♪
281
00:10:53,236 --> 00:10:54,154
All right, all right.
282
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,488
- * I am ♪
- * Uh-huh ♪
283
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,115
♪ The perfect person
for you ♪
284
00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:59,868
- * Uh-huh ♪
- * If you were ever untrue ♪
285
00:10:59,868 --> 00:11:01,870
♪ I don't know
what I would do ♪
286
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:04,164
♪ Julia ♪
- * Wah-wah ♪
287
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,249
- ♪ Julia-a-a ♪
- * Wah-wah ♪
288
00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:08,501
- * Oh, yeah, Julia ♪
- [laughs]
289
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,170
Just saying.
290
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,714
[laughs]
291
00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:17,594
And we are cooking with gas.
292
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:19,179
Next question.
293
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,222
Trey, what did Julia say
294
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,850
was her most repulsive
personal habit?
295
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,061
Well, that's a layup,
because Julia said
296
00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:29,981
she has no repulsive personal
habits because she doesn't.
297
00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:31,733
How do you feel about
a terrible
298
00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:34,194
eustachian tube
hocking noise?
299
00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,781
- A what, now?
- Oh. [clears throat]
300
00:11:37,781 --> 00:11:40,116
I have a small hole
in my Eustachian tube
301
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,951
that sometimes itches
really badly,
302
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:45,538
and I can only relieve it
by making a certain,
303
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,248
uh, small--a noise.
304
00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,376
- What kind of noise?
- Oh, it's nothing.
305
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:52,253
Julia, would you
make the noise, please?
306
00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:01,012
- [hocking raspingly]
- Mm.
307
00:12:01,012 --> 00:12:02,681
Mm.
308
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,938
[hocking continues]
309
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,983
- Oh, my God.
- Well, look, I only do it
310
00:12:13,983 --> 00:12:15,276
when no one else is around.
311
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:17,404
When she thinks
no one else is around.
312
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,738
Have you been to a doctor?
313
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,031
I think you need
to see a doctor.
314
00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,491
Doctors say
nothing can be done.
315
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:22,951
How about an exorcist?
316
00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:26,913
They won't see me
because I'm divorced.
317
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:28,081
Quick check
of the scoreboard.
318
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:29,833
Uh, you are
the only competitors,
319
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,710
and yet you are losing.
320
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:33,420
Next question.
321
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:35,922
Julia, what fictional character
did Trey say
322
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:38,091
he'd most like
to make whoopee with?
323
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,593
Oh, oh, this one I know
because he told me.
324
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:41,970
- I did?
- Yes.
325
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,847
On our first date,
I said mine was Sir Lancelot,
326
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:44,973
and you said,
oh, what a coincidence
327
00:12:44,973 --> 00:12:47,767
because yours
was Lady Guinevere.
328
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,894
- I said Lady Guinevere?
- Yes.
329
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,813
Yes, and--and that was
the moment I thought,
330
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:53,106
this is meant to be.
331
00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:55,942
I mean, this is a man
that I could love.
332
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:58,361
Trey, turn over
your card, please.
333
00:12:58,361 --> 00:12:59,404
I'd really rather not.
334
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:00,697
Trey.
335
00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:05,660
Lola Bunny...
336
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:10,373
From "Space Jam."
337
00:13:12,667 --> 00:13:14,169
What? She's hot.
[counter clicks]
338
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:17,589
I can't believe
you said Guinevere
339
00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:18,965
when you didn't mean Guinevere.
340
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,175
I can't believe
you're fixated
341
00:13:20,175 --> 00:13:22,052
on some stupid thing
I said on our first date
342
00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:23,636
when I was trying
to get into...
343
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:26,598
your life.
344
00:13:26,598 --> 00:13:28,141
Well, I can't believe you
thought there would have been
345
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,476
a second date if
it didn't matter, the things
346
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:31,353
we said on our first date.
- Are you kidding me?
347
00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:33,813
You told me you loved
basketball on our first date.
348
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:37,317
I do love... elements of it.
349
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:40,570
I--I love the songs that
they play during the time-outs.
350
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:42,447
I--I love the T-shirt cannons.
I love the kiss cam.
351
00:13:42,447 --> 00:13:44,574
I love the halftime show
with the cheerleaders
352
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:46,034
dancing in their
cute little outfits.
353
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:48,161
So help me,
if you click that thing again.
354
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:51,790
Are we having a fight?
355
00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,583
Yeah, I think we are.
356
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:54,834
[trumpet playing
Mendelssohn's "Wedding March"]
357
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,128
Friends, that's all
we have time for.
358
00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:59,381
I hope you'll join us again
in a few minutes
359
00:13:59,381 --> 00:14:00,840
for segment 3, the future.
360
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:10,767
Steady as she goes, Julia.
361
00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,396
Here in segment 3,
the future,
362
00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:18,733
this "Jenga" tower is
a metaphor for your marriage.
363
00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:20,777
Each time either one of you
answer false
364
00:14:20,777 --> 00:14:21,986
to any of my questions,
365
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,321
you'll have to remove
another block.
366
00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:25,073
I know.
I know.
367
00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:28,410
Ha-ha.
368
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:29,953
True or false?
369
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:33,081
I have no problem
with the idea that my spouse
370
00:14:33,081 --> 00:14:35,625
is the very last person
with whom
371
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:39,671
I will ever,
ever, ever have sex.
372
00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,297
I am just fine with that.
373
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:44,300
I'll enjoy having sex with
my spouse and only my spouse
374
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:47,429
over and over and over
and over and over again
375
00:14:47,429 --> 00:14:50,724
until everything else
in the universe is dead.
376
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,518
both: True.
377
00:14:53,518 --> 00:14:54,853
Over and over...
378
00:14:54,853 --> 00:14:57,230
- I got it.
- And over--OK.
379
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:58,398
True or false?
380
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,942
I am willing to move
far away from Boston
381
00:15:00,942 --> 00:15:03,069
for my spouse's sake.
382
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:04,154
True.
383
00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:05,822
Wha--would that
be after the kids
384
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:07,323
have grown and left the nest?
385
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:10,577
Mm, sorry, but as
a responsible pre-Cana proctor,
386
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:13,204
I can only reread the question,
which is, again--
387
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:14,205
False.
388
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,751
Please take another piece
out of your marriage.
389
00:15:20,003 --> 00:15:22,088
Absolutely no pressure.
390
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:27,052
Now, true or false?
391
00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:29,346
If my spouse
were rendered brain-dead,
392
00:15:29,346 --> 00:15:32,515
I would unplug him or her
without their previous consent.
393
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:34,267
Who would answer that
question without more detail?
394
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:35,643
Who would answer
the question
395
00:15:35,643 --> 00:15:37,437
"Do you take this woman
for your wedded wife?"
396
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,938
without more detail?
397
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,983
For example, uh,
would she kill you
398
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,234
just because
you couldn't blink?
399
00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:45,445
False.
Fine, false. False.
400
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,404
False.
401
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:48,948
Trey--or, if I may,
Godzilla,
402
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:50,909
Tokyo awaits.
403
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,245
[grunts]
404
00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:55,413
Oh.
405
00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:57,665
Oh, oh, a little tremor
there, I thought.
406
00:15:57,665 --> 00:16:01,920
Uh, but, you know, somehow the,
uh--the tower clings to life.
407
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:03,296
True or false?
408
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,174
I would like to have children
with my spouse.
409
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:07,467
True.
410
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:12,972
Don't you?
411
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,766
Oh.
Oh, wait a minute.
412
00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:17,102
You--you guys
never discussed this?
413
00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:20,188
You covered the Knights of
the Round Table but not this?
414
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:22,524
I guess I always assumed
we'd try, at least.
415
00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:24,401
And I guess I assumed
you understood
416
00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:26,820
that I was done with people
plopping out of me.
417
00:16:29,948 --> 00:16:34,035
This is a thing.
418
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:35,620
Uh, Julia, um...
419
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:37,247
I know, Jim.
420
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:45,630
[blocks clatter]
421
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,173
Oh, the humanity.
422
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:48,341
You're loving this,
aren't you?
423
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:49,718
What?
424
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:50,969
You've taken obvious glee
in it from the start.
425
00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:52,470
Obvious Schadenfreude.
426
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,305
Oh, oh, we're breaking out
the German now?
427
00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:55,640
Because it's the perfect word
428
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,976
for someone who enjoys
other people's pain.
429
00:16:57,976 --> 00:17:00,478
Well, I know
a little German myself, pal.
430
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:01,604
I know "good morning"
431
00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:03,314
and "Frederick Street
train station."
432
00:17:03,314 --> 00:17:05,025
Schadenfreude,
Schadenfreude, Schadenfreude.
433
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,484
Guten Morgen.
434
00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:07,777
Bahnhof Friedrichstrasse.
435
00:17:07,777 --> 00:17:09,904
Why do I even bother
with you?
436
00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:11,823
You picked me for this.
437
00:17:11,823 --> 00:17:13,366
I did what you asked me.
438
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:15,910
I--I--I put your relationship
to a stress test.
439
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,245
You know, like they do
with airplanes
440
00:17:17,245 --> 00:17:19,039
before they make them fly?
441
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:20,582
But it's not my fault
that the wings snapped off,
442
00:17:20,582 --> 00:17:21,958
the engine caught fire,
and the rest of it
443
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,501
slammed into a mountain.
444
00:17:25,045 --> 00:17:26,671
Well, where does that
leave us?
445
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,548
Dead but wiser?
446
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:30,592
I take it back.
I take back what I said.
447
00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:32,719
I can see exactly
why you two broke up.
448
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,929
Because Jim is so Jim.
449
00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:36,431
No, that's not
why we broke up.
450
00:17:36,431 --> 00:17:38,183
- Thank you.
- I mean, it didn't help,
451
00:17:38,183 --> 00:17:40,352
but it's--it's not the reason.
452
00:17:40,352 --> 00:17:42,520
You know, we broke up
because we weren't prepared.
453
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:43,938
For what?
454
00:17:43,938 --> 00:17:46,066
For what happens in
the natural course of things.
455
00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:48,693
Believe it or not, Jim and I
were once in love too.
456
00:17:48,693 --> 00:17:51,654
You don't have to make it
sound like science fiction.
457
00:17:51,654 --> 00:17:53,198
But we didn't know
how to keep our marriage
458
00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:55,408
thriving when, you know--
459
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:59,537
When the--the blissful fog
of early love gave way
460
00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:02,749
to the spirit-sucking,
mind-numbing sameness of, uh,
461
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,085
actual married life.
462
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:08,046
Let's just say things
changed, and we panicked.
463
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:09,547
And then we thought
that getting married
464
00:18:09,547 --> 00:18:10,924
must have been a mistake.
465
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:12,634
And then you start
treating each other that way,
466
00:18:12,634 --> 00:18:14,135
and then it's too late.
467
00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:16,554
Uh, the truth is,
most of the little things
468
00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:19,057
that came out today,
the--the eustachian tubes
469
00:18:19,057 --> 00:18:22,018
and the Lola Bunnies,
they're not the problem.
470
00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:23,937
Although they're strange
and disturbing.
471
00:18:25,105 --> 00:18:27,107
Uh, I mean, I didn't have
a--a Lola Bunny.
472
00:18:27,107 --> 00:18:29,192
I was more
of a Heather Locklear guy.
473
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:33,446
She had that hair that kind of
framed her face
474
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:36,282
and those, uh,
one-piece bathing suits.
475
00:18:40,745 --> 00:18:42,706
Trey, where did you put
that clicker?
476
00:18:49,045 --> 00:18:51,423
When Jim first heard
the throat noise,
477
00:18:51,423 --> 00:18:53,633
it was early days,
and he liked it.
478
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,176
"Liked" is a strong word.
479
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,595
He thought it was
all part of the charm.
480
00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,055
Yeah.
I--I did.
481
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,640
But later on, that's the kind
of thing you point to.
482
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,476
Over your shoulder, as you're
running away at top speed.
483
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:07,272
The narcotic haze
falls away for everybody.
484
00:19:07,272 --> 00:19:08,732
I mean, believe it or not,
at some point,
485
00:19:08,732 --> 00:19:11,026
there will come a day
when the only time you and I
486
00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:12,277
are gonna want
to see each other naked
487
00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:14,070
is to check for melanomas.
488
00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:16,948
Well, what happens then?
489
00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:20,493
Well, first of all,
you check for melanomas.
490
00:19:22,037 --> 00:19:24,122
What happens
is that this time,
491
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:26,499
I'll know that it's normal.
492
00:19:27,417 --> 00:19:28,918
Do you trust me to know
what to do when that day comes,
493
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:32,213
to--to know that it's just
the end of the beginning,
494
00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:33,715
not the beginning of the end?
495
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:36,760
Julia, I trust you
with everything.
496
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:40,930
If it turned out
that we didn't have kids,
497
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:43,141
would that be a deal-breaker?
498
00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:45,018
[cell phone ringing]
- Oh.
499
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:46,144
Sorry, sorry.
That's me.
500
00:19:46,144 --> 00:19:48,021
Sorry. Mm.
Sorry.
501
00:19:48,021 --> 00:19:49,356
[groans]
502
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:53,568
Um, sorry, uh, comma, uh,
I'm in a meeting, comma.
503
00:19:53,568 --> 00:19:56,363
uh, I'll call you later, period.
504
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:59,657
Oh, uh, regards to Trisha,
exclamation point.
505
00:19:59,657 --> 00:20:00,784
Send.
506
00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:04,412
Hey.
507
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:06,539
There are no deal-breakers.
508
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:10,710
I'm marrying you.
509
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,557
- Jim?
- Um, do you need the room?
510
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:28,019
[chuckles]
No, I just--
511
00:20:28,019 --> 00:20:29,854
I want to say thank you.
512
00:20:29,854 --> 00:20:31,564
- Yeah, danke, Jim.
- Oh.
513
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:32,607
Schniedelwutz.
514
00:20:32,607 --> 00:20:33,775
What does--
what does that mean?
515
00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:36,319
I don't know.
Somebody yelled it at me.
516
00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:38,780
But I--I just want to say
that, uh,
517
00:20:38,780 --> 00:20:40,448
I think it's really gutsy,
what you guys did,
518
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:41,991
and I'm really happy for you.
519
00:20:41,991 --> 00:20:44,953
And I think it's--it's given me
hope for myself, you know,
520
00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:46,955
that maybe someday I might--
521
00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:49,082
- [hocking raspingly]
- Oh, my.
522
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,336
[hocking continues]
523
00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:55,714
Oh, wait, uh,
I almost forgot.
524
00:20:55,714 --> 00:20:59,426
{\an8}Uh, in lieu of your official
pre-Cana certificate,
525
00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:04,014
{\an8}a grand prize,
chosen especially for you.
526
00:21:04,014 --> 00:21:05,682
{\an8}You can put it
on a mantelpiece...
527
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:07,976
{\an8}- [gasps]
- Or on an adult cake.
528
00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:10,937
{\an8}[laughs] Oh, Jim.
529
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,731
{\an8}They got my complexion right.
530
00:21:12,731 --> 00:21:14,315
{\an8}[laughs]
531
00:21:14,315 --> 00:21:15,734
{\an8}- Come here.
- Aw.
532
00:21:15,734 --> 00:21:17,235
{\an8}[moans]
533
00:21:17,235 --> 00:21:18,903
{\an8}Aw.
OK.
534
00:21:18,903 --> 00:21:20,030
{\an8}Mm-hmm.
535
00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:21,072
{\an8}Very nice.
536
00:21:21,072 --> 00:21:22,407
{\an8}Yes, it is.
537
00:21:24,159 --> 00:21:26,911
{\an8}- Weird now.
- Oh.
538
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,663
{\an8}[chuckles]